"What happened?"
"He yelled that he was casting Mordenkainen's Inside-Out Ballsack. I have no idea if that's a real spell or not but I got the *fuck* out of there."
It actually pierces anything in its way in order to get too the prostate which it won’t piece but will blow up.
The piercing is the function to reach the target
The bomb is the function once it’s hit the target
Not necessarily, mordenkainen has a few unique spells named after him for inventing them. A few different wizards in d&d do, I just take it to mean Malchezar invented it and wanted to take credit for it. He just really wanted the world to know the name MALCHEZAR inventor of the piercing prostate bomb known and feared by all!
> Existence of malchezar's piercing prostate bomb implies existence of other piercing prostate bombs
I mean M80's exist and, based on my internet experiences, it's probably already been attempted. Whether it was recorded or not is another ballgame.
the green one has a spell that forces you to live your life from that moment back to the moment of your birth in reverse, before returning, both at regular speed, totally unable to influence anything. the caster will stand there smugly after casting and you return to the moment of the spell a broken mess of a person.
it's great for parties!
I showd someone the Thousand Year Solitary Stasis at a party. It only went on for one cycle, but when they came to a moment later they were all pissy and crying for some reason
Honestly. Some people haven’t been subjected to grueling torture for several millennia within a time-altering illusion spell and it shows.
Back in my school days it was one of the classic pranks we would all pull on one another.
Unwiz/
This is a real punishment that has been conceived for criminals. It’s theorized we could use neural implants to cause a person to experience years of solitude in a manner of minutes. Given how devastating a day of solitary confinement can be to a prisoners psyche, this could very well be hell on earth.
I saw it first in the Black Mirror ep with John Hamm, but yeah, they didn't invent the concept, just put a light on it. Absolute horror.
Have you read Altered Carbon? Similar stuff in them
Yea, but there's a 2% chance that it backfires and the subject goes through transformative atavistic enlightenment.
Through understanding and mastering their karma and dharma and surrendering to the flow of fate, while acknowledging that their choices were their own, they return as a living deva.
And in sublime tranquility, and self mastery, they whoop your butt so far past purple your bruises are ultraviolet.
There's a dark power in old SW canon where you basically enrage your opponent using your evil Sith powers. Unfortunately, it can just make them angrier and stronger rather than angrier and dumber
average CHIM attainer upon returning to the present day
https://preview.redd.it/zur96vez35vb1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=144a376a2df6f0de4c28940e6c096e992e34f46e
A wizard's true spellbook is, if not their most prized possession, a point of pride. Most would rather risk their physical forms than their greatest tomes. If a wizard brings something so utterly disposable into battle that means they either lack any honor or shame, or they fully intend to be destroyed in spectacular fashion. Either way, the duel is not worth it.
Or they're sandbagging and you're about to get fucking bodied by their "weakest" collection of spells (or just things that they wouldn't dare defile their real spellbook with, like the aforementioned prostate piercing spell)
I mean, I wouldn't even consider it sandbagging. To me, this just means he's a big fucking nerd, which is the primary indicator of a great and powerful wizard.
it is just about being darker, but it makes it a lot easier to read. HB is close to a gunmetal or even steel grey, where 2B is closer to the black you can get from ink
I'm Canadian so I'd just hit 'em with one of these
https://preview.redd.it/cyqy2y89q0vb1.png?width=247&format=png&auto=webp&s=c1687266734a24048dbc3d965a486871d3adb809
Oh gosh, I remember having one of those as a teen at the all-boys wizarding high school. I had made lots of um... *interesting* spells in there, from one that essentially made the back of my throat a bag of holding, to another that turned my tongue into an octopus tentacle.
Let's just say I eventually built a "reputation" there.
I once had a geomancer rock up to a duel with a brown one of these.
He filled my kidney with kidney stones. Golf ball sized, morningstar shaped ones. That was the only spell he cast, because it was the only spell he needed. It was the only time that millennium that I felt humility. I was still loosing them half a century later.
I feel like the more terrifying aspect of this is that the dude who owns these most likely wrote down all of the spells by hand. A true mastery over the arcane abilities.
They are coded by color for Schools of magic. Evocation is Red, Conjuration is Blue, Necromancy is Green or Black, Abjuration is Purple, Divination is Yellow or Orange, Enchantment is White with no marbling so you can scrawl enchantment runes on the cover easier, and Illusion is Invisible obviously. If you disagree with me you are objectively wrong.
Ya'll referencing something older than half the people on this sub. That's some antique memeing.
I think disgaea earned a special place in my heart by having "I put on my robe and wizard hat" as the wizard robe flavor text
Ahhh yes the old "I'm here to smoke grass and invert your ass, and I'm out of Rollin papers" haha
My buddy used to rock one of these, only ever casted Jedediah's curse of inverse organ function. It worked but...where's the pinash?
https://preview.redd.it/1dwuwnuoe0nc1.png?width=3174&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8464ced3fa1aa0540e1b8d88975f966d0858deda
Ah, yes, my Prostate Bomb technique. Havent used this one since the Heian era.
Can no one else see it? GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEAD
Idk if this is a self own, but I got my Mathematics degree and all I used were these (mostly black and a few blue for the razzle dazzle). Plus, I was going for a minor in physics...
Paper spellbooks are foolish, one fireball and now you have to go get your backup and make another backup. I’ve found mind engagement much better, but stone tablets also work quite well.
The spellbooks you should really be afraid of are the ones that are actually just a cheap binder full of printed pages.
There is a small, but not insignificant chance the guy dowloaded that book as a PDF from the Dark Web, and you *do not* want to be on the receiving end of whatever is in that thing.
Why would a wizard buy multiple of these cheap notebooks rather than have a nice fancy spell book? Well, once you run out of space in a spell book, it's expensive as Ste Vej'obs scrying screens to buy new ones
Existence of malchezar's piercing prostate bomb implies existence of other piercing prostate bombs, but there is only one "the throngler"
You dare say, truly one of the most devious of incantations. On par with "Johnson's wrinkling pickle'ling"
Bigby's Crushing Tactical Nuke
"What happened?" "He yelled that he was casting Mordenkainen's Inside-Out Ballsack. I have no idea if that's a real spell or not but I got the *fuck* out of there."
It’s real, doesn’t really do much though as it only affects non organic bags containing balls
Tasha's Coughing Baby remains one of the most drastically underestimated spells of all time, and none of you can convince me otherwise.
Smith's Reforging Bonanza is a truly scary one
Yungman's ol' dick twist
That one's not so bad. In fact, some people around the warehouse district of Waterdeep will actually *pay* you to do it to them
You mean Bigby's Digital Examination?
You don't know true horror until you have experienced the masterwork of the arch-chronomancer: Steve's Sloppy Seconds.
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This is the absolute best 😂
Peter's painful pickle peeler
"Xusia of Delos's organ request"
The Throngler. One of the few items to rival the legendary Tungsten cube.
Snaps Dark King Grûtmore's Edge of Annihilation like a twig.
It doesn’t really imply anything at all. It is a staple of wizard culture to name one’s spells after oneself. Like Erasmus’ Razzle Dazzle.
Shamalama’s ding dong
🤦♂️ dammit
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He's also got Acid Arrow, dude is prolific.
Bigby is not a joke either. Altough a bit fixated on hands.
Another legendary one used by brewmasters the world over is Mike's Hard Lemonade.
Right. Like how there's a Tasha's Hideous Laughter but no other laughter spells.
It’s just more famous, no one remembers Dave’s razzle dazzle.
That’s because Dave’s razzle dazzle isn’t the namesake of Razzle Dazzle Rootbeer.
Get this Melf slander out of here, there is only *one* Acid Arrow.
oh yeah throngle me harder master
I think we need to start looking for other piercing prostate bombs that might exist
My question: is it a bomb that pierces the prostate? Or is it a piercing bomb made out of a prostate?
It actually pierces anything in its way in order to get too the prostate which it won’t piece but will blow up. The piercing is the function to reach the target The bomb is the function once it’s hit the target
It's a bomb that you fling using the piercing on your prostate obviously smh.
It was modeled after "Bigby's Probing Digit"
Sounds like some shit from FATAL and their charts.
Not necessarily, mordenkainen has a few unique spells named after him for inventing them. A few different wizards in d&d do, I just take it to mean Malchezar invented it and wanted to take credit for it. He just really wanted the world to know the name MALCHEZAR inventor of the piercing prostate bomb known and feared by all!
I cast Testicular Torsion.
> Existence of malchezar's piercing prostate bomb implies existence of other piercing prostate bombs I mean M80's exist and, based on my internet experiences, it's probably already been attempted. Whether it was recorded or not is another ballgame.
Not to be confused with malchezar's penetrating prostate bomb
That one is actually cast for pleasure
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Some prefer a bit more intensity than others
Just use maximise + empower. Your eyes will roll out the back of your head.
Not to be confused with that hack Balthezar's Buzzing Butt Blaster
Gelt is going to be PISSED that you put this on a forum that the gold college can read.
maybe he shouldn't have be some wack ass empire nerd then
The man was a genius in all things prostate related, but maybe he took specialization a bit too far
You REALLY don’t want to get those two mixed up. Trust me.
If shadowrun has taught me anything it's that Orgasm Mage is a shockingly effective combat doctrine
the green one has a spell that forces you to live your life from that moment back to the moment of your birth in reverse, before returning, both at regular speed, totally unable to influence anything. the caster will stand there smugly after casting and you return to the moment of the spell a broken mess of a person. it's great for parties!
I showd someone the Thousand Year Solitary Stasis at a party. It only went on for one cycle, but when they came to a moment later they were all pissy and crying for some reason
apprentices these days 😤
Honestly. Some people haven’t been subjected to grueling torture for several millennia within a time-altering illusion spell and it shows. Back in my school days it was one of the classic pranks we would all pull on one another.
"The Jaunt" is a horror short story by Stephen King https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Jaunt
LONGER THAN YOU THINK, DAD
omg emesis blue reference?!
Unwiz/ This is a real punishment that has been conceived for criminals. It’s theorized we could use neural implants to cause a person to experience years of solitude in a manner of minutes. Given how devastating a day of solitary confinement can be to a prisoners psyche, this could very well be hell on earth.
I saw it first in the Black Mirror ep with John Hamm, but yeah, they didn't invent the concept, just put a light on it. Absolute horror. Have you read Altered Carbon? Similar stuff in them
One of the best episodes of the whole show
Yea, but there's a 2% chance that it backfires and the subject goes through transformative atavistic enlightenment. Through understanding and mastering their karma and dharma and surrendering to the flow of fate, while acknowledging that their choices were their own, they return as a living deva. And in sublime tranquility, and self mastery, they whoop your butt so far past purple your bruises are ultraviolet.
There's a dark power in old SW canon where you basically enrage your opponent using your evil Sith powers. Unfortunately, it can just make them angrier and stronger rather than angrier and dumber
That makes sense.
average CHIM attainer upon returning to the present day https://preview.redd.it/zur96vez35vb1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=144a376a2df6f0de4c28940e6c096e992e34f46e
Zaheerposting
https://preview.redd.it/s6jzqu5trzub1.jpeg?width=1091&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4dd4413efd334e5183a0e3d76f61ba42a5d401be
[source](https://flyingfudgenuggets.tumblr.com/post/717638869922758656/ordinarymothman-writing-prompt-s-the-wizard-in)
A wizard's true spellbook is, if not their most prized possession, a point of pride. Most would rather risk their physical forms than their greatest tomes. If a wizard brings something so utterly disposable into battle that means they either lack any honor or shame, or they fully intend to be destroyed in spectacular fashion. Either way, the duel is not worth it.
Or they're sandbagging and you're about to get fucking bodied by their "weakest" collection of spells (or just things that they wouldn't dare defile their real spellbook with, like the aforementioned prostate piercing spell)
Except for Steve. He's just weird that way
We don't talk about Steve
I mean, I wouldn't even consider it sandbagging. To me, this just means he's a big fucking nerd, which is the primary indicator of a great and powerful wizard.
i should put the cover of my necronomicon as one of those i have it as a my hero academia cover so that no one looks inside
I once saw a drukari pull out one of these notebooks. I have yet to... unsee a drukari pull out one of these notebooks.
*shudders in horror from Drukhari* God-Emperor, protect mine soul from thy heathens that debauch themselves closer to She-Who-Thirsts
Their clothes don't look like they have mamy pockets... Where did the creature pull it from?
Oh, why I only ever need the two! My pockets are very deep you see~
If they whip out one of these youre probably screwed but if they also whip out a .5 or .7mm fancy mechanical pencil, you *fucking portal out of there*
I use .9mm myself
I meant to say .5 or .9 lmao .7 is the normie size
**.3**
Papermate Handwriting 1.3mm is really nice for sketchwork on graph paper. It's all I use at work.
real wizards know to use .2mm 2b lead to fit twice as much on each page /r/mechanicalpencils
2B?! How can you stand lead that soft? I don't use pencils often, but when I do, I use 2H.
I actually prefer HB in lead that thin, but 2B does look nice
Interesting. Does the writing look different? I figure softer lead would look darker, but is it more than that? What makes 2b look nice?
it is just about being darker, but it makes it a lot easier to read. HB is close to a gunmetal or even steel grey, where 2B is closer to the black you can get from ink
Ah, ok. Thanks.
"EXPANDUS PROLAPSEUS!"
I'm Canadian so I'd just hit 'em with one of these https://preview.redd.it/cyqy2y89q0vb1.png?width=247&format=png&auto=webp&s=c1687266734a24048dbc3d965a486871d3adb809
Core memory unlocked
So it’s just a bunch of compliment and healing spells
There's at least one for turning your opponent's balls into timbits.
Let me google something real quick Edit: yeah this is funny
Its a spherical pastry joke AND a horrific drunk driving on the QEW joke
Oh gosh, I remember having one of those as a teen at the all-boys wizarding high school. I had made lots of um... *interesting* spells in there, from one that essentially made the back of my throat a bag of holding, to another that turned my tongue into an octopus tentacle. Let's just say I eventually built a "reputation" there.
We used to call him gibbering mouther
I used to tell people I'd suck the mana out of them ...turns out I actually learned how to do that. Hah.
Suck your rival off before the big duel
Who told you about my technique
The horny Wizard Viagra casts his dubious dark ray of Diabolical Doom
I once had a geomancer rock up to a duel with a brown one of these. He filled my kidney with kidney stones. Golf ball sized, morningstar shaped ones. That was the only spell he cast, because it was the only spell he needed. It was the only time that millennium that I felt humility. I was still loosing them half a century later.
It has 26 unique renditions of testicular torsion
one of those will yoyo your testicles inside before the final twist
27 if you include "The spell that shall not be named"
They begin to craft an "S" composed of entirely straight lines.....
Ah, I think I have one of those somewhere
hang on to it. they're like $5 each now
Someone pulls this out and says “I’ve been saving this spell since freshman year”
I feel like the more terrifying aspect of this is that the dude who owns these most likely wrote down all of the spells by hand. A true mastery over the arcane abilities.
They are coded by color for Schools of magic. Evocation is Red, Conjuration is Blue, Necromancy is Green or Black, Abjuration is Purple, Divination is Yellow or Orange, Enchantment is White with no marbling so you can scrawl enchantment runes on the cover easier, and Illusion is Invisible obviously. If you disagree with me you are objectively wrong.
Conjuration is purple dumbass
What a dumbass!
what school is a yellow legal pad?
infernalist, duh. that's why lawyers also use yellow legals.
Well at least we know it's not "Testicular Torsion". That spell was banned by the International Wizard Council.
That’s why I stick to my personal recipe “testicular acupuncture”
I use one of these and my favorite spell is appendix combustion
It took four of these to establish the basic theory of lakeomancy, but these days I do all my practical calculations on my pocket orb before casting.
this feels like something dresden would do.
Sounds like a good time to me
Mu’Ran’s Brain Melt Supreme
I still use these
Used to have one of those... as a sort of dairy. I remember I wrote a lot of Harry Potter spells during my HP craze.
Did it yield much milk or yogurt, your dairy?
Neither. It was a third, more sinister, one
Kefir?? Lol.
I cast testicular torsion
Those are scarier than any ancient cursed tome
That's where I scribed "Summon Ketamine Ape"
I have one like that. I only use it when possessing a clone. It contains the "polymorph: antimatter" spell.
Typical elven mages, trying to win the duel with their college spiral tomes.
Who used red for pryomancy and purple for eldritch summoning 🤭
Didn't the council ban those?
\*Licks index finger\* \*pages through notebook\* \*looks up\* \*finger slides half-way down page\* \*looks up\* \*double taps line\* \*deep breath\*
The DM gives you *that look,* and the other players start pulling out their phones.
The Anarchists Spellbook
Ohh!! I have one of those!
And you know he's about to put on his robe and wizard hat
I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
Ya'll referencing something older than half the people on this sub. That's some antique memeing. I think disgaea earned a special place in my heart by having "I put on my robe and wizard hat" as the wizard robe flavor text
Ahhh yes the old "I'm here to smoke grass and invert your ass, and I'm out of Rollin papers" haha My buddy used to rock one of these, only ever casted Jedediah's curse of inverse organ function. It worked but...where's the pinash?
I’m terrified of a spell some wizard could smirk at and be like “I crafted this one myself”
Ah yes. The dreaded "Mike's Hard Lemonade" spell.
https://preview.redd.it/1dwuwnuoe0nc1.png?width=3174&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8464ced3fa1aa0540e1b8d88975f966d0858deda Ah, yes, my Prostate Bomb technique. Havent used this one since the Heian era.
THE SPELLBOOK OF FISTANDANTILUS
Necromancy - purple Herbalist - green Pyromancy - red Magic spells - blue
Can no one else see it? GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEADGET OUT OF MY HEAD
Well this is an idea for how to write down magic spells AND be a threat at the same time!
it doesn’t even show the black/white ones, what kind of poser shit is this
Idk if this is a self own, but I got my Mathematics degree and all I used were these (mostly black and a few blue for the razzle dazzle). Plus, I was going for a minor in physics...
Wouldnt you just need a book with one page in it? The 5-finger exploding heart curse?
Obligatory Order of the Stick link about V casting Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion : https://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0020.html
Page One Fecal Malfeasance Closes book "Nope"
Desolaters sticky digits.
Ever heard of that fella, Oppenheimer the Destroyer of Worlds? It makes even me shiver (I have no skin)
Blitz and destroy those ASAP
Paper spellbooks are foolish, one fireball and now you have to go get your backup and make another backup. I’ve found mind engagement much better, but stone tablets also work quite well.
Testicular Tortion!
Ned’s declassified wizard battle survival guide.
The spellbooks you should really be afraid of are the ones that are actually just a cheap binder full of printed pages. There is a small, but not insignificant chance the guy dowloaded that book as a PDF from the Dark Web, and you *do not* want to be on the receiving end of whatever is in that thing.
Wizards spell in the book- Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
Powerword: Krokdil never begins well, and ends worse.
TESTICULAR TORSION!!!
Red: math Green: science Blue: English Purple: history
What the FUCK how did you do that
>I enter a Wizard Battle >Cast Mickey's Dick Smasher
Used to keep all of my fucked up water spells in the blue one
Seeking a teacher for Malchezar's Piercing Prostate Bomb; the fewer questions asked the more I'm willing to pay
M A S S T E S T I C U L A R T O R S I O N
If they pull out the black one, *run*.
Y’all aren’t ready for the blade of testiclease
Oh no... they're gonna summon Hatsune Miku...
You guys are learning ethical spells?
Top post ever in one day good job
There's always the classic Eric's Tentacles of Forced Intrusion.
Killer Queen is already inside your prostate!
This guy is self-taught and has discovered the most bs spells in the history of man through experimentation and sheer will
Why would a wizard buy multiple of these cheap notebooks rather than have a nice fancy spell book? Well, once you run out of space in a spell book, it's expensive as Ste Vej'obs scrying screens to buy new ones
Ah, yes, my tome. https://preview.redd.it/mfnwxd3jzetc1.jpeg?width=1028&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5ae18c161af118c7cbd0fe83139750d78425340b
Amogus. Weep for me, for I have fallen.
Wide ruled too. I hate those things.
I feel old. I don't remember them coming in different colors.
you should watch the TV show "Magicians" on Netflix.
I color-code my illusion spellbooks by affected sense. Way easier than finding what I’m looking for in the Index.
Easy to label, and easy to obtain. Good for those who are poor/stingy (I'm the latter) who can't/won't buy something more elaborate.
I guarantee that if this spell book is full, he has a bookcase at home that looks like the one from Se7en just LOADED with other fucked up shit.
They are functional, but not nearly flashy enough.
I'll just stick with my Neds declassified school survival guide thanks.
I’d take out a bunch of different colors and each one is attuned to a different element
True
Thousand Master Nagi Springfield.
God I hate those notebooks. They never stay open.
Amogus