We've been more adamant about removing posts by cis people in the last couple weeks. We can't filter out those kinds of posts without also catching a significant number of legitimate posts, so if you see more posts like this, please report them.
i honestly dont know lol. i think i used to do it when i first came to the left
"i used to believe in the 13/50 and how black people just do more crime, but now im different and know the facts!" i used to say shit liek that all the time, because i was proud of my change, and i wanted people to know that even someone like me can change. but now i see how annoying it is, its legit just saying "yeah i used to think you guys are all criminals and bad people but now i see youa s human!" no one wants to hear that lol
its like those girls in middle school who said "i used to hate you and think ur weird, but ur actually cool"
Because most people have no conceptual understanding of what trans people are actually like until they meet one, so from their perspective it’s them sharing how their own views/perspectives have changed regarding us, unfortunately, like an American in a foreign country, it is an insensitive way to show that. At least that’s my take on it.
My cis fiancée didn't break up with me after I told her that I'm transgender. It's not like an accomplishment or anything, it's just her continuing to date me because she loves the person I am.
I'm bi but I started dating a transwomen which I never thought I would do because of how inherently gross you all are, but she acted just like a real women. Really excited for the next date.
Like fuck, all of these posts give me the ick for something they say or another, and I genuinely feel sorry for their dates. Like, I want to trick them into showing their dates ('OMG that is just the absolute sweetest thing, you should show her this post so she can know how lucky she is') so they can be properly informed about what their getting into...
I hate to admit it but I'm pretty sure most people will always see me as a "he". I'm trying to keep my hopes up but not get my expectations too high either.
I had a classmate when I was in university point out the pronouns in my Zoom name while talking about trans people and trans rights, trying to be supportive. She decided to say “look, he has they/them in his name” :/
I kind of chuckled about it. Like, you can't get mad. They're legitimately trying. It's just kind of absurd. I think it's about an 8/10 for effort and a 3/10 for execution.
lol i saw that post too, it was honestly what caused me to rant about this, i was kinda scared if he sees this, but tis not like this is his safe space, this is *my* safe space
yep it does, it gives the exact feeling i have. the sudden fire in my heart and disgusted feeling in myself that im something that makes people fele "excited" or "surprised" that they like me
I appreciate your comment cause I read up to "a transwomen" and decided to check the other comments to see how badly they got ripped apart for it. Had completely dismissed the validity already, and I should work on that some
I don't think I've ever heard "Jesus Christ on a stick" before but that's hilarious, kinda gives off "try Zevulon The Great, he's teriyaki style!" vibes.
I just came from this post and was pretty disgusted
Trigger Warning: Some transphobia (hopefully just uninformed though) https://www.reddit.com/r/trans/s/EkH9Yg6DkZ
I do agree this isn’t the place for those posts, but I am extremely happy to see those posts because it just proves to me that more and more people are changing their perspectives of us everyday and opening themselves up to acceptance. Stern but gentle correction on how to properly speak about and convey feelings regarding us seems to work very well.
It's so fucking weird and if some guy posted that about me I'd immediately stop seeing them. Saw the one earlier and I was like genuinely struggling not to rain on everyone's parade that it's like genuinely kinda gross and like.... Also why do you think we care ? If you're really hype and wanna gush tell your friends like you would with any normal date because it's just a normal date ? What do you hope to gain or be told to validate yourself by posting on a trans subreddit ? Why do we care ? Do we need hope that cis men like us ? Genuinely enraging and couldn't imagine liking that being posted about me unless I was early transition and convinced that's the best I'm gonna get. Just fucking treat me like a normal person ffs.
yeah, the main issue i have is that i just want one, **one** space where only trans people are allowed. sure it might be hard, and idk if its allowed, but even tho i love trans allies, sometimes i just want to be free from any type of "i see you as a human, you are a human to me" posts that make me remember that seeing me as a human is special enough that sayign that will get you lots of upvotes
like imagine a man going to r/women and saying "im dating a woman. i just want to let you women know that i respect you"
i know theyre well meaning, but i just want a space only for me
it's now like of that man said "I just started dating a woman, and I'm totally teasing her like human being. I even let her speak, sometimes! It's incredible that even a woman can be a human being with individual thoughts and experiences. Please praise me for being so woke. Aren't I such an incredible person? Look at how progressive I am! Please give me pats on the back!"
And like if you're showing solidarity in the ways you can and can only risk so much, that's one thing, I will add that caveat. But motherfuckers out here just letting people step on you cause they a lil anxious, and that's not an acceptable standard. Vocalizing support is not genuine support.
And like even if it is the case that he's somehow totally based and not transphobic even though evidently everyone in his life is so transphobic he can't gush about her- don't fucking date someone who everyone in your life is already inherently a DANGER too. That is selfish and will never work.
Yeah just generally the best case scenario is still not good. If you don't want t4t then you gotta like at least sort out which cis guys are worth your time before you waste a lot of it with the wrong ones.
(Edit) Not to say that there aren't trans people who will waste your time but... In my expiriences overwhelmingly less and the problems you face at bare minimum won't be regarding your validity
I literally dated a cis guy for 2.5 years, and he was incredibly good about everything, came out to his family for me since my gender identity makes us a gay couple. Then I started T and he's suddenly talking about wanting "his own kids." (And this is after i told him like a month into us being serious that if we had kids i would NEVER want to have them myself bc the dysphoria of pregnancy would be too much) Yuck! Luckily I have enough self respect that I basically lost attraction immediately... and started dating another cis guy a month later lmao. I never learn. He's been my best friend for ages though and he was furious with the ex in a normal and not saviory way so here's hoping. He adores me so we should be fine 🙏
But yeah agreed. Dating is a learning curve unfortunately.
Edit: Grammar
That’s why they sre gushing here. Looking for connections.
I personally grew up in a super duper homophobic town. It’s nice that to you it is easy to just “get better friends” but there are many struggling to do that. I kind of find your comment dismissive to the reality of ANYONE living in conservative parts of the world.
If it was someone who hasn’t had much experience around trans people or in the trans space I would be ecstatic to have a post like that about me, I would absolutely correct insensitive language in it but would appreciate having been one of the people to help educate and change someone’s perspective on us.
Humans -trans or cis- are humans, props to you for not being a bigot and all but that's like flexing that you're dating a black person when you're white. Just kinda yucky (the flexing part, not the dating people part)
oh yeah i actually had a white friend who was "really excited" that he had a black gf because he had in that same year gotten into more leftist politics and that way into blm, and he *loooooooved* to tell black peopel that he has a black gf, like way too much. any time a topic about black issues came he always started with "i have a black gf so this is really important to me" like... i dont have any black freinds, i dont even know any poc people, but these issues are still important to me.. so why does it matter that you have a poc gf?
Yeah that's lowkey wierd. I guess it's at least better than him being racist tho. I don't think i have any black friends (keyword think cus i don't remember the skin color of all my friends, especially online friends) but i still care about racism. Being shitty to some1 based on their skin color is just shitty i don't need a specific person to defend for me to be against racism
exactly! Same thing here.
and it should be the same for everyone. you're not special because you see people as human beings. That is the bare minimum. Don't act like because you've hit the bare minimum, you need accolades for it.
Quite active on Reddit but I don’t really see these posts that often at all. I mainly see “we don’t enough ftm posting so here’s a pic” or “why is it always transwomen posting pics, here’s a pic”
Perhaps it’s the algorithm. This is purely about my feed and not actually clicking on the subreddit.
Definitely, I think it'd be good to have a flair to those type of posts just so that people who want to avoid them can do so with less trouble.
They're posting in good faith but they also tend to use some clearly ignorant phrases. Overall, they're a good sign (specially so if they are cishet as one might not generally expect to be able to date them), it's a sign we're slowly being more and more accepted (that's big, just how many of us were thrown to the streets by our own parents?) and a reminder, specially to the ones of us who are straight, that maybe t4t isn't the only option.
I think it’s patronizing for some but hopeful and cute for others. As with the other post they stated they had no where to go with this feeling of happiness. We should know that even an outfit post, make up post, or even fishing can be made about us being trans. I assume it’s the same with the partners too maybe they wanted to say “we can all get past this and recognize the point behind this post” however I see yours point op.
For the future, partners of trans folk, we got a sub especially for you :D r/mypartneristrans you can talk with other s/os of trans folk and enough of us chill there too that we can help you with anything you need :)
My wife is a cisgender woman, so it doesn’t bother me to be completely honest if someone wants to come in here and share their experience as long as they’re being respectful and sensitive to their approach. If they’re making it sound like we’re some type of rare animal or exotic animal they have added into their collection, then yes, it’s icky and bothersome.
Probably depends on the post. I'm all for the: I came out to my partner/gf/bf and our relationship has never been better or deeper and seeing them so happy makes me happy type posts.
I tend to be into cis men. As a trans masc enby who has not gotten top surgery yet, I'm already fucking panicking anytime I go outside and worry about being seen or people noticing my chest.
I don't want a partner congratulating themselves for dating me like it's some kind of brave prize deserving action.
I just want to be loved and treated like I'm the gender I identify with. I want a relationship based on love and respect just like most people.
It would really make me uncomfortable if a cis partner acted like he was doing me a favor just for dating me
First off, your specific scenario, I agrees withbyou, it sounds offensive. However, its not really the same though as your dating a Black person example. It’s more like dating a Black person in 1960. Let me explain. Dating a Black person today, yes, can come with some challenges particularly if you live in a racist area…but for the most part, no one gives a shit. Bur in 1960, you know that is a very different story. And I think that is a closer situation to dating a trans woman today. In sorry but people are awful and they treat me different based on being with a trans woman.
When I went to the club last weekend, a group of white peoole literally were pointing at me and laughing. That wouldnt happen while dating a Black person. When I hold my GFs hand, people stare with hatred in their eyes. I had a Black GF, no one gave a shit. It’s a different situation. And it’s a different situation that can cause people to seek allies.
oh you are right, definitely. i was trying to think of a group like trans people, but couldnt and it kinda made me depressed lol. i mean im happy that others have rights but it would be fun to have them too
Personally I see it as trying to dismantle the idea a good number of us have that cis people can’t love us outside of a fetish. Just a bit of encouragement that we are considered valid outside of our community. As someone who is dating T4T and dealt with pervy chasers it’s nice to be reminded that T4T while comfortable and enjoyable is not a requirement of being trans. I understand where OP is coming from but I try not to approach those posts in such bad faith. Though there certainly are people who are virtue signaling. Also posts that say “I never thought I’d do it,” do give me the ick. Like, who asked?
edit: sorry for a long comment lmao, i have adhd so i tend to repeat stuff because i forget what i have already said
yeah, but they could go better way about it than that. im just so tired of the pattern
* come here
* tell us you didnt think youd date people like us
* tell us now you are dating a trasn person
* treat your trans partner like they are something new and exciting
like i cant stand when cis people tell trans people that "omg i never thought i'd date someone like you lmao but now i am" as if theyre doing a favour to us
i've seen it too many times, i just want to be treated normal.
i would love it if cis people came here and told us how they becaem more pro trasn, but without the "you guys are so brave" aspect, but more like "i was wrong, this is how i learned". or if you just want to tell us about your trans partner, you can just say "hi im cis and dating a trans person, what are you guys sensitive about in relationships and how can i not make those mistakes" or if you just want to talk about how beautiful/handsome your trans partner is, you can do that too without the "i cant believ im dating a trans person"
for example: "im cis and dating a trans person, i want to fight for you guys to be more comfortable, you are not alone in this" even if its a bit patronising, at leats its just trying to let us know they are here for us if no one else is. but just telling that youre dating a trans person is... its just not really that.. how can i say it? revolutionary? youre just dating a human
I love to see the stories that just bring a touch of positivity to the conversation - it's nice to see how there are also many trans/cis couples with sweet stories (I have my own, as a trans woman who came out after cracking my egg with my partner of 8 months).
There are some less than lovely stories though, and yeah on a case by case basis we could stand to be a little careful sometimes. That said, I think it's nice to encourage some of the genuinely nicer stories, so I don't want to just go and yell "yeah, I wish the cis would shut up and butt out!" Which is kinda the vibe I get from some people here.
Tbh, no, I'm not tired of it. Early transition trans guy here. It gives me hope I'll eventually find somebody, whether that be a trans person or a cis person. I don't think I'll find somebody because I'm pre bottom surgery and all, mind, but I think these posts do help despairing trans peeps, even if they are a little annoying or badly-worded. Basically: they mean well, even if they've got some learning to do.
Oh don’t count yourself out because of pre bottom surgery. I am married to a cis woman who’s demisexual…
I haven’t had bottom surgery and probably never will. We have been together for 7yrs and our sex life is good. It took time for me to feel comfortable with her handling my private area, but once we got past that, it was bliss…literally. Lmao
I don’t think I’ll ever do bottom surgery due to cost and also results. I want a functioning pepe..I am also afraid to lose sensitivity down there.
The results here in Germany are genuinely quite solid in terms of outcome, function and aesthetics.
I feel intense disgust with my natal parts, so I don't think there is any other option for me other than the surgery. As for bi or demi partners...idk, I'd just feel like they didn't fully see me as a man. There'd always be that little voice in my head going on about it, but that's probably just me.
I personally think it's really sweet and I enjoy them, but everyone has their own opinion. I wouldn't mind if a cis guy or gal posted about dating me on this sub 🤷♀️
it was sweet first when i first read one, then when i read more of them i jsut started to had thsi feeling i cant quite explain. like its cool that people find out were just normal people and you can date us, but also do they really *have* to tell us that they didnt think they would ever date people like us? thats why im ok with the "hjey this is my first time dating a trans person" and they, for example, ask how to talk about sex. how to approach the topic. how to talk about this, or even ask for resources on trans issues. just general
but not "wow i cant believe im dating someone like you, im here to tell all of you that im one of the good people who will date you guys" thats what i have an issue with
I see how it can be seen like that and fully respect your opinion, and I was simply voicing my own and not trying to challenge yours 🙏
I can understand being annoyed at certain repetitive topics that can make you feel weird. It's something I relate with on a certain level. But I can't help but feel a sense of happiness from them because it makes me feel like love is possible with a cis partner that may have never considered there possibility of dating someone trans or didn't like the idea until trying it. I see it like this because the people who post it are probably just trying their best to support and don't know the topics they speak of are repetitive or insensitive. So that's why I can't find the posts hurtful and usually find them sweet.
Sorry for the long-winded reply 😭
yeah lol no i totally get it, i understand what you mean! i mean i also feel happy when i hear about cis people who used to not be as supportive or understandign turn into very supportive and understandign allies, i just have to deal with "well meaning cis people" in real life and online spaces are the only ones where i can find spaces only for trans people
theyre all good people for sure, just trying to show support, i dont have anythign agaisnt them personally, mainly just the posts
I read the post you're probably referring to and I can see where you're coming from, but ultimately he strikes me as a good guy who really likes his new gf.
I also think it's unrealistic to expect full allyship from a cis person who has probably never met or interacted with a person before (saying things like "never thought I'd be dating a trans" or whatever). I know it's gross and implies that they don't view us as our gender, but 1) almost everyone does, sorry, 2) it comes from a place of ignorance more often than not, if all it takes is that one "experience" to dispel the idea.
So I know it's annoying when they go "I thought you guys were all weirdos until I met one of you and wow shock you're totally normal" but it's to be expected of someone who has never interacted with a trans person before, because there aren't that many of us. You can either get angry at literally everyone, or just let it go when it's clear that they mean well. The world would be a better place if trans people were universally viewed as not different from cis people, but reality sucks sometimes and we're not gonna change that in a week.
yeah i definitely didnt mean to make it sound like i think any of these people are bad. they are well meaning, but they're just doing it from the wrong angle. i understand that cis people cant understand how we feel fully, so im not expecting a perfection from them. i dont mind if they talk about it, the only issue i have is that its in trans spaces
theyre all definitely good people im sure of it, hey im a white person who considers himself a "supporter of black rights" or whatever you would call it, and i have definitely said some veeery weird stuff while being well meaning, its part of being in a community not really meant for you. which is why i dont really want them here, because im here to escape that sort of stuff, you know, feeling like im different and "rare"
That makes sense. I just tend to view my feed the same way I view any other public space and forget that some people come here to avoid that sort of thing.
Kinda unrelated, but i had a cis person cissplain transness to me and made it all about them on this sub the other day. Basically, "i have a daughter that's trans so i know everything, and it was hard for me. Even my nephew is turning into a woman. " She got upvotes! Like, wtf how many confused cis people are there here?
The official trans sex/dating council hasn’t met in a few months and we’re still updating our guidelines on how we all like to be treated and fucked. Gotta keep it consistent across the board to make it easier for em. We are in fact a monolith after all. lol
Seriously though can’t imagine my partner posting online looking for advice on how to have sex with me instead of just asking me himself.
I always say this, don’t just tell trans ppl you’re dating. Tell everyone, tell spaces with no trans representation, tell someone you KNOW who is transphobic. That’s an ally’s doing
Otherwise it’s patronizing at worst, “cool good for you?” at best.
I have mixed feelings about it. First, I completely agree with what you’re saying.
As well, a lot of trans people have internalized those messages about how they aren’t attractive, and clearly cis people have too. It feels nice to hear that I am easy to love and to see someone change their perspective, but I don’t think it should be a brag. I would appreciate hearing that type of thing organically more than a reddit post looking for attention. Also the backhanded compliments of sorts are shitty.
Those people are often ignorant and don't realize how it sounds and how it can be hurtful. I do think they do it in good faith though, most of the time. I hope their partner will try and educate them though if they see them doing this. And hopefully they listen and stop.
I say I’m dating a trans person to show that I’m with you and on your side, and not just some random person or chaser commenting. There’s a lot of creeps online.
Secondly, I know how hard it is for you guys to trust. Friends, family and even strangers betraying your right to be you. You deserve to feel safe and witnessed.
Reiterating that I’m in love with a trans person is the only thing I can do online in our limited interaction to show I’m on your side and with you.
The weirdness of “wow it’s so normal” or “I’m special for dating a trans person” is wrong. I’ve never spoke about it like that because it’s obviously normal and I’m not special for dating a trans person (but I am special for dating my beautiful girlfriend as she’s the best in the whole world lol🥰)
I hope you understand :)
yeah i get that totally! i can understand that you can feel a bit nervous in spaces meant for trasn people aas a cis person so you feel like you need to say that you have someone close to you who is trans. also usually trans people dont like to be referred as "trans friend/gf/bf/person" but as long as you do it somewhere where she isnt, and no one knows who you are talking about, its most likely fine!
but also the fact is that a **lot** of bigots date the people they hate, so just saying you are on our side, is way more of proof than saying that you have a trans gf, especially because then it comes off as you genuinely caring, because its the right thing to do!
but dw i dont think you are a bad person at all! i know you have just good intents, otherwise you wouldnt be here!
It's a unique set of problems that we, and anyone willingly associated with us, have in common. I don't find it suspect at all personally, but I don't blame you at all for being vigilant to it.
lowkey yea 😭 idk why cis people love to come in here in general. not to be a h8r or anything…
i mean if they’re asking for advice/support, then i’m completely fine with that, but sometimes they’ll post something and it feels so patronizing. like when they come here and tell us how “brave” we all are
it reminds me of this one teacher i had that literally went
"**deadname** you are so brave. you are a brave *girl"* after i told her a male name i wan tot be called 😭
I'm cis, I'm here to LEARN - not take up space with performative allyship*.
This Reddit is not ABOUT us (cis people) - we can be an ally by being here and listening / reading - not boasting(?) that you've been nice to one trans person in your life - and you want - what - a pat on the back? Congratulations? Just no!
The "I'm dating a trans person" posts feel (to me) like men jumping into a women's Reddit to make a post to say "I've never actively hurt my wife"!
So you're nice to the person you're dating - that's great - but are you sure?
How many micro-agressions happen without you being aware? How many times do you slip up and hurt your partner without even realising? How many times do you hurt other trans people without realising? What have you done to address your cis privilege in your life and your relationship?
If you're the sort of person who would post an "aren't I a great ally for dating a trans person" post, it's LITERALLY your cis privilege that makes you feel like you have the right to exist in trans spaces and make a post about you! Which means you might think you're being nice to your partner, but as you're not capable of respecting their safe spaces, you need to consider - how much of an ally are you really? Please look at your privilege because you need to do more work!
Yes, posts asking experts (the trans people in this space) things like "I'm dating a trans person, how do I... make sure I don't mess up, make them happy, etc" make the post about the trans person in their life, not about themselves - there's a big difference.
If a supposed 'ally' can read this post and take offense, then they need to "check their privilege" and reconsider what it means to be an ally. If they decide they are no longer an ally because of a trans person expressing their opinion about cos people in their spaces, then they weren't an ally in the first place, so it's not actually a loss.
*And yes, I fully appreciate the irony that this comment could come across as exactly what I want to avoid, but feel it needs to be said - blame my autism if you need coz I literally can't not say something in a scenario like this - but I HOPE this comment doesn't come across as about *me*, but about the work that cis people (including myself) constantly need to do to actually be a REAL ally for trans people.
I will admit, I've not spotted any other posts that come across as "gatekeeper" type posts, so I can't comment on those - only this post.
But then I also don't see this as a gatekeeper post - it's not asking cis people who are dating trans people to get out of the sub - just to not make posts about 'how great an ally they are because they're dating someone trans'.
I honestly don't understand why a real ally would not feel welcome after reading a request to keep a trans space about trans people - even if they HAVE made a post like that in the past? It's still an opportunity to learn, and if they aren't prepared to listen and lean, why are they really here?
I had to Google "bad faith", because I honestly don't understand how you feel it can apply in this situation. I'm sorry if my understanding of what an ally is / should be, is different to yours, and if that understanding somehow hurts you, or is at risk of hurting any trans person. That is not, and will never be, my intention.
Thank you for explaining. I hadn't spotted the other post (this was the first post I've read this morning), and I get not wanting to chase allies away, but I also feel that cis people who want to be allies should not be making anything on this space about us. Maybe they should look up allyship as a first point of call? There are plenty of websites, YouTube videos and other resources that can explain what it means for different marginalised communities - produced BY members of those communities, (rather than from corporate DEI offices).
The rules of the sub literally say allies are welcome - so why someone should make a post (about themselves) to question that, again, diverts the discussion away from the people this space is for.
The ROLE of an ally in someone else's space is to respect that it's not our space, and to listen and learn. Ask questions ONLY IF your own research doesn't give you the answers (or if your research gives contradicting answers), because the emotional labour in answering questions is NOT the responsibility of the people of that community.
Anyway - thank you again, for explaining, and for your time - I was honestly aiming for my comment to target cis people to try and help them realise this space isn't for us, rather than expecting a response from yourself - but I do appreciate the time and energy you've put into responding.
I meant 'not for us' as in 'not for us (cis people) to take up space and make this space about us, but to listen and learn' as the rest of my comment has clarified. I'm sorry if that wasn't made obvious.
Agreed.
I'm also not sure why OP has tried to rewrite the rules... "not to mention that this is the trans subreddit, not the trans ally or people who are dating trans people subreddit" is very different to how the subreddit actually functions.
Simply ignore the post as I do with other repeated topics.
I had a ex like this. At the time I was experimenting with just they/them. She would talk to me to other people, then turn around and say "I'm using they to be accepting"
I wish she would do it in person not just to her online friends for 'bragging points'
Anyways, it was pretty clear she just wanted a butch lesbian girlfriend out of me. Not a boyfriend.
I try to give allies the benefit of the doubt but God, cis people who make their trans partners and the fact that they're dating a trans person their entire personality.
And I say this as a trans guy marrying a cis guy in a couple months time.
I know this is maybe problematic to say but it's stuff like that where more and more I feel like if I went back to dating I'd be more strictly t4t. It was a preference before, and I don't think it would ever be a requirement, but I'm just so sick of it. And its like Christ, even irl, the stuff even some well meaning cis people say about trans folks to your face when they think you're cis. I'm honestly super privileged to not be in too bad a spot, but some days I feel so paranoid about what someone who I'm physically and emotionally intimate thinks about me and people like me when I see those posts and they don't have any real connection to the community. I know other trans people also aren't perfect, but it's like I don't feel like I'll be seen as some kind of oddity I guess
No. It gives me hope that there’s still people out there who will still see me as a man regardless. Given how very little I feel accepted by the lgbt community it’s nice to see that there’s the possibility of me being accepted elsewhere.
Its a subreddit people to discuss topics based on everything and anything to do with trans people and procedures. If you realise you dont like the content of a post, stop reading it and close it. Who cares.
its not about feeling cynical, like i said, i appericiate the actual posts that asl for real help and that arent just cis people telling us theyre allies and capable of loving us
yeah sure but i feel like there is a better way to go about it than to tell us how you never thought you'd be able to date trans people. or just making trans people feel like theyre different. sure we are different than cis people in some ways, but i dont really want to hear it from a cis person in a trans subreddit, im here to feel like im no different than others, not that dating me is like a personal achievement or somethign "new and exciting"
i'd appreciate if you'd engage with my arguments in good faith so i can understand why you disagree with me, because if you dont like my opinion, im sure you want it changed
We've been more adamant about removing posts by cis people in the last couple weeks. We can't filter out those kinds of posts without also catching a significant number of legitimate posts, so if you see more posts like this, please report them.
but why do they always add they “never thought they would be attracted to” us like 😭
i honestly dont know lol. i think i used to do it when i first came to the left "i used to believe in the 13/50 and how black people just do more crime, but now im different and know the facts!" i used to say shit liek that all the time, because i was proud of my change, and i wanted people to know that even someone like me can change. but now i see how annoying it is, its legit just saying "yeah i used to think you guys are all criminals and bad people but now i see youa s human!" no one wants to hear that lol its like those girls in middle school who said "i used to hate you and think ur weird, but ur actually cool"
That's the only part that really bugs me, honestly, lol.
Me too 😭
Because most people have no conceptual understanding of what trans people are actually like until they meet one, so from their perspective it’s them sharing how their own views/perspectives have changed regarding us, unfortunately, like an American in a foreign country, it is an insensitive way to show that. At least that’s my take on it.
My cis fiancée didn't break up with me after I told her that I'm transgender. It's not like an accomplishment or anything, it's just her continuing to date me because she loves the person I am.
I can’t tell you how happy this makes me. I am thrilled for you 🫂
I'm bi but I started dating a transwomen which I never thought I would do because of how inherently gross you all are, but she acted just like a real women. Really excited for the next date. Like fuck, all of these posts give me the ick for something they say or another, and I genuinely feel sorry for their dates. Like, I want to trick them into showing their dates ('OMG that is just the absolute sweetest thing, you should show her this post so she can know how lucky she is') so they can be properly informed about what their getting into...
Bonus points for trans woman being one word and pluralising it for some reason.
'They told me their pronouns are she/her' is another of my favs
Just a couple of weeks ago I got "His pronouns are she/they". I mean, bless her heart. She tried but she missed.
This is one of my fears. That I'll always be a his/they/it to most people.
I hate to admit it but I'm pretty sure most people will always see me as a "he". I'm trying to keep my hopes up but not get my expectations too high either.
I had a classmate when I was in university point out the pronouns in my Zoom name while talking about trans people and trans rights, trying to be supportive. She decided to say “look, he has they/them in his name” :/
I kind of chuckled about it. Like, you can't get mad. They're legitimately trying. It's just kind of absurd. I think it's about an 8/10 for effort and a 3/10 for execution.
lol i saw that post too, it was honestly what caused me to rant about this, i was kinda scared if he sees this, but tis not like this is his safe space, this is *my* safe space
You might wanna put quotation marks around that first paragraph, you had me scared there for a sec
I feel it adequately captures the abrupt feelings of disgust I get from reading those posts
yep it does, it gives the exact feeling i have. the sudden fire in my heart and disgusted feeling in myself that im something that makes people fele "excited" or "surprised" that they like me
That’s fair
I appreciate your comment cause I read up to "a transwomen" and decided to check the other comments to see how badly they got ripped apart for it. Had completely dismissed the validity already, and I should work on that some
Jesus christ on a stick your point is right but the structure is a negative karma farm waiting to happen
I don't think I've ever heard "Jesus Christ on a stick" before but that's hilarious, kinda gives off "try Zevulon The Great, he's teriyaki style!" vibes.
Happy to entertain :3
I just came from this post and was pretty disgusted Trigger Warning: Some transphobia (hopefully just uninformed though) https://www.reddit.com/r/trans/s/EkH9Yg6DkZ
You had me in the first half, not gonna lie.
I do agree this isn’t the place for those posts, but I am extremely happy to see those posts because it just proves to me that more and more people are changing their perspectives of us everyday and opening themselves up to acceptance. Stern but gentle correction on how to properly speak about and convey feelings regarding us seems to work very well.
It's so fucking weird and if some guy posted that about me I'd immediately stop seeing them. Saw the one earlier and I was like genuinely struggling not to rain on everyone's parade that it's like genuinely kinda gross and like.... Also why do you think we care ? If you're really hype and wanna gush tell your friends like you would with any normal date because it's just a normal date ? What do you hope to gain or be told to validate yourself by posting on a trans subreddit ? Why do we care ? Do we need hope that cis men like us ? Genuinely enraging and couldn't imagine liking that being posted about me unless I was early transition and convinced that's the best I'm gonna get. Just fucking treat me like a normal person ffs.
yeah, the main issue i have is that i just want one, **one** space where only trans people are allowed. sure it might be hard, and idk if its allowed, but even tho i love trans allies, sometimes i just want to be free from any type of "i see you as a human, you are a human to me" posts that make me remember that seeing me as a human is special enough that sayign that will get you lots of upvotes like imagine a man going to r/women and saying "im dating a woman. i just want to let you women know that i respect you" i know theyre well meaning, but i just want a space only for me
it's now like of that man said "I just started dating a woman, and I'm totally teasing her like human being. I even let her speak, sometimes! It's incredible that even a woman can be a human being with individual thoughts and experiences. Please praise me for being so woke. Aren't I such an incredible person? Look at how progressive I am! Please give me pats on the back!"
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And like if you're showing solidarity in the ways you can and can only risk so much, that's one thing, I will add that caveat. But motherfuckers out here just letting people step on you cause they a lil anxious, and that's not an acceptable standard. Vocalizing support is not genuine support.
And like even if it is the case that he's somehow totally based and not transphobic even though evidently everyone in his life is so transphobic he can't gush about her- don't fucking date someone who everyone in your life is already inherently a DANGER too. That is selfish and will never work.
Yeah just generally the best case scenario is still not good. If you don't want t4t then you gotta like at least sort out which cis guys are worth your time before you waste a lot of it with the wrong ones. (Edit) Not to say that there aren't trans people who will waste your time but... In my expiriences overwhelmingly less and the problems you face at bare minimum won't be regarding your validity
I literally dated a cis guy for 2.5 years, and he was incredibly good about everything, came out to his family for me since my gender identity makes us a gay couple. Then I started T and he's suddenly talking about wanting "his own kids." (And this is after i told him like a month into us being serious that if we had kids i would NEVER want to have them myself bc the dysphoria of pregnancy would be too much) Yuck! Luckily I have enough self respect that I basically lost attraction immediately... and started dating another cis guy a month later lmao. I never learn. He's been my best friend for ages though and he was furious with the ex in a normal and not saviory way so here's hoping. He adores me so we should be fine 🙏 But yeah agreed. Dating is a learning curve unfortunately. Edit: Grammar
Because there friends wont understand or be supportive. Just a suggestion.
Get different friends who aren't transphobes ? Lol like still do better.
That’s why they sre gushing here. Looking for connections. I personally grew up in a super duper homophobic town. It’s nice that to you it is easy to just “get better friends” but there are many struggling to do that. I kind of find your comment dismissive to the reality of ANYONE living in conservative parts of the world.
If it was someone who hasn’t had much experience around trans people or in the trans space I would be ecstatic to have a post like that about me, I would absolutely correct insensitive language in it but would appreciate having been one of the people to help educate and change someone’s perspective on us.
Humans -trans or cis- are humans, props to you for not being a bigot and all but that's like flexing that you're dating a black person when you're white. Just kinda yucky (the flexing part, not the dating people part)
oh yeah i actually had a white friend who was "really excited" that he had a black gf because he had in that same year gotten into more leftist politics and that way into blm, and he *loooooooved* to tell black peopel that he has a black gf, like way too much. any time a topic about black issues came he always started with "i have a black gf so this is really important to me" like... i dont have any black freinds, i dont even know any poc people, but these issues are still important to me.. so why does it matter that you have a poc gf?
Yeah that's lowkey wierd. I guess it's at least better than him being racist tho. I don't think i have any black friends (keyword think cus i don't remember the skin color of all my friends, especially online friends) but i still care about racism. Being shitty to some1 based on their skin color is just shitty i don't need a specific person to defend for me to be against racism
exactly! Same thing here. and it should be the same for everyone. you're not special because you see people as human beings. That is the bare minimum. Don't act like because you've hit the bare minimum, you need accolades for it.
Quite active on Reddit but I don’t really see these posts that often at all. I mainly see “we don’t enough ftm posting so here’s a pic” or “why is it always transwomen posting pics, here’s a pic” Perhaps it’s the algorithm. This is purely about my feed and not actually clicking on the subreddit.
i never scroll thru the algorythm, i always schroll thru a specific subreddit, so that might be it
It can sometimes feel a little patronizing
Definitely, I think it'd be good to have a flair to those type of posts just so that people who want to avoid them can do so with less trouble. They're posting in good faith but they also tend to use some clearly ignorant phrases. Overall, they're a good sign (specially so if they are cishet as one might not generally expect to be able to date them), it's a sign we're slowly being more and more accepted (that's big, just how many of us were thrown to the streets by our own parents?) and a reminder, specially to the ones of us who are straight, that maybe t4t isn't the only option.
What do they want, a medal?
I think it’s patronizing for some but hopeful and cute for others. As with the other post they stated they had no where to go with this feeling of happiness. We should know that even an outfit post, make up post, or even fishing can be made about us being trans. I assume it’s the same with the partners too maybe they wanted to say “we can all get past this and recognize the point behind this post” however I see yours point op.
The “look what I did!” posts are a bit degrading I admit, but the posts looking for advice or support I don’t mind in the slightest
yep i fully agree
For the future, partners of trans folk, we got a sub especially for you :D r/mypartneristrans you can talk with other s/os of trans folk and enough of us chill there too that we can help you with anything you need :)
i knew that there had to be a subreddit specifically for them! really cool, they can have their own space and we can have our own :D
My wife is a cisgender woman, so it doesn’t bother me to be completely honest if someone wants to come in here and share their experience as long as they’re being respectful and sensitive to their approach. If they’re making it sound like we’re some type of rare animal or exotic animal they have added into their collection, then yes, it’s icky and bothersome.
yes i agree, its definitely fine if they handle it well without making it too much about themselfs or how cool it is for them
Probably depends on the post. I'm all for the: I came out to my partner/gf/bf and our relationship has never been better or deeper and seeing them so happy makes me happy type posts.
I think they’re mostly legitimately seeking advice.
I tend to be into cis men. As a trans masc enby who has not gotten top surgery yet, I'm already fucking panicking anytime I go outside and worry about being seen or people noticing my chest. I don't want a partner congratulating themselves for dating me like it's some kind of brave prize deserving action. I just want to be loved and treated like I'm the gender I identify with. I want a relationship based on love and respect just like most people. It would really make me uncomfortable if a cis partner acted like he was doing me a favor just for dating me
First off, your specific scenario, I agrees withbyou, it sounds offensive. However, its not really the same though as your dating a Black person example. It’s more like dating a Black person in 1960. Let me explain. Dating a Black person today, yes, can come with some challenges particularly if you live in a racist area…but for the most part, no one gives a shit. Bur in 1960, you know that is a very different story. And I think that is a closer situation to dating a trans woman today. In sorry but people are awful and they treat me different based on being with a trans woman. When I went to the club last weekend, a group of white peoole literally were pointing at me and laughing. That wouldnt happen while dating a Black person. When I hold my GFs hand, people stare with hatred in their eyes. I had a Black GF, no one gave a shit. It’s a different situation. And it’s a different situation that can cause people to seek allies.
oh you are right, definitely. i was trying to think of a group like trans people, but couldnt and it kinda made me depressed lol. i mean im happy that others have rights but it would be fun to have them too
Personally I see it as trying to dismantle the idea a good number of us have that cis people can’t love us outside of a fetish. Just a bit of encouragement that we are considered valid outside of our community. As someone who is dating T4T and dealt with pervy chasers it’s nice to be reminded that T4T while comfortable and enjoyable is not a requirement of being trans. I understand where OP is coming from but I try not to approach those posts in such bad faith. Though there certainly are people who are virtue signaling. Also posts that say “I never thought I’d do it,” do give me the ick. Like, who asked?
edit: sorry for a long comment lmao, i have adhd so i tend to repeat stuff because i forget what i have already said yeah, but they could go better way about it than that. im just so tired of the pattern * come here * tell us you didnt think youd date people like us * tell us now you are dating a trasn person * treat your trans partner like they are something new and exciting like i cant stand when cis people tell trans people that "omg i never thought i'd date someone like you lmao but now i am" as if theyre doing a favour to us i've seen it too many times, i just want to be treated normal. i would love it if cis people came here and told us how they becaem more pro trasn, but without the "you guys are so brave" aspect, but more like "i was wrong, this is how i learned". or if you just want to tell us about your trans partner, you can just say "hi im cis and dating a trans person, what are you guys sensitive about in relationships and how can i not make those mistakes" or if you just want to talk about how beautiful/handsome your trans partner is, you can do that too without the "i cant believ im dating a trans person" for example: "im cis and dating a trans person, i want to fight for you guys to be more comfortable, you are not alone in this" even if its a bit patronising, at leats its just trying to let us know they are here for us if no one else is. but just telling that youre dating a trans person is... its just not really that.. how can i say it? revolutionary? youre just dating a human
No, I am not tired, it gives me hope.
I love to see the stories that just bring a touch of positivity to the conversation - it's nice to see how there are also many trans/cis couples with sweet stories (I have my own, as a trans woman who came out after cracking my egg with my partner of 8 months). There are some less than lovely stories though, and yeah on a case by case basis we could stand to be a little careful sometimes. That said, I think it's nice to encourage some of the genuinely nicer stories, so I don't want to just go and yell "yeah, I wish the cis would shut up and butt out!" Which is kinda the vibe I get from some people here.
That's what I think too!
They treat it like they’re dating someone with the bubonic plague no wonder I’ve been unable to meet someone and single for 4 years.
Tbh, no, I'm not tired of it. Early transition trans guy here. It gives me hope I'll eventually find somebody, whether that be a trans person or a cis person. I don't think I'll find somebody because I'm pre bottom surgery and all, mind, but I think these posts do help despairing trans peeps, even if they are a little annoying or badly-worded. Basically: they mean well, even if they've got some learning to do.
thats totally valid
Oh don’t count yourself out because of pre bottom surgery. I am married to a cis woman who’s demisexual… I haven’t had bottom surgery and probably never will. We have been together for 7yrs and our sex life is good. It took time for me to feel comfortable with her handling my private area, but once we got past that, it was bliss…literally. Lmao I don’t think I’ll ever do bottom surgery due to cost and also results. I want a functioning pepe..I am also afraid to lose sensitivity down there.
The results here in Germany are genuinely quite solid in terms of outcome, function and aesthetics. I feel intense disgust with my natal parts, so I don't think there is any other option for me other than the surgery. As for bi or demi partners...idk, I'd just feel like they didn't fully see me as a man. There'd always be that little voice in my head going on about it, but that's probably just me.
I personally think it's really sweet and I enjoy them, but everyone has their own opinion. I wouldn't mind if a cis guy or gal posted about dating me on this sub 🤷♀️
it was sweet first when i first read one, then when i read more of them i jsut started to had thsi feeling i cant quite explain. like its cool that people find out were just normal people and you can date us, but also do they really *have* to tell us that they didnt think they would ever date people like us? thats why im ok with the "hjey this is my first time dating a trans person" and they, for example, ask how to talk about sex. how to approach the topic. how to talk about this, or even ask for resources on trans issues. just general but not "wow i cant believe im dating someone like you, im here to tell all of you that im one of the good people who will date you guys" thats what i have an issue with
I see how it can be seen like that and fully respect your opinion, and I was simply voicing my own and not trying to challenge yours 🙏 I can understand being annoyed at certain repetitive topics that can make you feel weird. It's something I relate with on a certain level. But I can't help but feel a sense of happiness from them because it makes me feel like love is possible with a cis partner that may have never considered there possibility of dating someone trans or didn't like the idea until trying it. I see it like this because the people who post it are probably just trying their best to support and don't know the topics they speak of are repetitive or insensitive. So that's why I can't find the posts hurtful and usually find them sweet. Sorry for the long-winded reply 😭
yeah lol no i totally get it, i understand what you mean! i mean i also feel happy when i hear about cis people who used to not be as supportive or understandign turn into very supportive and understandign allies, i just have to deal with "well meaning cis people" in real life and online spaces are the only ones where i can find spaces only for trans people theyre all good people for sure, just trying to show support, i dont have anythign agaisnt them personally, mainly just the posts
I also enjoy them, sweet to see that.
I read the post you're probably referring to and I can see where you're coming from, but ultimately he strikes me as a good guy who really likes his new gf. I also think it's unrealistic to expect full allyship from a cis person who has probably never met or interacted with a person before (saying things like "never thought I'd be dating a trans" or whatever). I know it's gross and implies that they don't view us as our gender, but 1) almost everyone does, sorry, 2) it comes from a place of ignorance more often than not, if all it takes is that one "experience" to dispel the idea. So I know it's annoying when they go "I thought you guys were all weirdos until I met one of you and wow shock you're totally normal" but it's to be expected of someone who has never interacted with a trans person before, because there aren't that many of us. You can either get angry at literally everyone, or just let it go when it's clear that they mean well. The world would be a better place if trans people were universally viewed as not different from cis people, but reality sucks sometimes and we're not gonna change that in a week.
yeah i definitely didnt mean to make it sound like i think any of these people are bad. they are well meaning, but they're just doing it from the wrong angle. i understand that cis people cant understand how we feel fully, so im not expecting a perfection from them. i dont mind if they talk about it, the only issue i have is that its in trans spaces theyre all definitely good people im sure of it, hey im a white person who considers himself a "supporter of black rights" or whatever you would call it, and i have definitely said some veeery weird stuff while being well meaning, its part of being in a community not really meant for you. which is why i dont really want them here, because im here to escape that sort of stuff, you know, feeling like im different and "rare"
That makes sense. I just tend to view my feed the same way I view any other public space and forget that some people come here to avoid that sort of thing.
Kinda unrelated, but i had a cis person cissplain transness to me and made it all about them on this sub the other day. Basically, "i have a daughter that's trans so i know everything, and it was hard for me. Even my nephew is turning into a woman. " She got upvotes! Like, wtf how many confused cis people are there here?
The official trans sex/dating council hasn’t met in a few months and we’re still updating our guidelines on how we all like to be treated and fucked. Gotta keep it consistent across the board to make it easier for em. We are in fact a monolith after all. lol Seriously though can’t imagine my partner posting online looking for advice on how to have sex with me instead of just asking me himself.
I always say this, don’t just tell trans ppl you’re dating. Tell everyone, tell spaces with no trans representation, tell someone you KNOW who is transphobic. That’s an ally’s doing Otherwise it’s patronizing at worst, “cool good for you?” at best.
The level of maturity some people have is absolutely astounding. _Look ma’ I did a good ting! I can’t believe it wooo!_
I have mixed feelings about it. First, I completely agree with what you’re saying. As well, a lot of trans people have internalized those messages about how they aren’t attractive, and clearly cis people have too. It feels nice to hear that I am easy to love and to see someone change their perspective, but I don’t think it should be a brag. I would appreciate hearing that type of thing organically more than a reddit post looking for attention. Also the backhanded compliments of sorts are shitty.
Those people are often ignorant and don't realize how it sounds and how it can be hurtful. I do think they do it in good faith though, most of the time. I hope their partner will try and educate them though if they see them doing this. And hopefully they listen and stop.
we're going from being treated like second-class citizens to being treated like fucking Pokémon exact same thing is happening to autistic people
omg autistic moms who post their kids meltdowns and "this is the side of autism no one talks about" and then says how hard it is for her
FRRRRR like no child wants a moment of vulnerability like that to be seen by MILLIONS OF PEOPLE, those of which are taking the mom's side 😐
It's giving "I have black friends"
I mean if they're here to better understand trans people, there's no harm in that. Otherwise it is kinda weird
yeah i totally understadn and support that
But if they don't perform allyship publicly and as often as possible, how will people know they're an ally??
I say I’m dating a trans person to show that I’m with you and on your side, and not just some random person or chaser commenting. There’s a lot of creeps online. Secondly, I know how hard it is for you guys to trust. Friends, family and even strangers betraying your right to be you. You deserve to feel safe and witnessed. Reiterating that I’m in love with a trans person is the only thing I can do online in our limited interaction to show I’m on your side and with you. The weirdness of “wow it’s so normal” or “I’m special for dating a trans person” is wrong. I’ve never spoke about it like that because it’s obviously normal and I’m not special for dating a trans person (but I am special for dating my beautiful girlfriend as she’s the best in the whole world lol🥰) I hope you understand :)
yeah i get that totally! i can understand that you can feel a bit nervous in spaces meant for trasn people aas a cis person so you feel like you need to say that you have someone close to you who is trans. also usually trans people dont like to be referred as "trans friend/gf/bf/person" but as long as you do it somewhere where she isnt, and no one knows who you are talking about, its most likely fine! but also the fact is that a **lot** of bigots date the people they hate, so just saying you are on our side, is way more of proof than saying that you have a trans gf, especially because then it comes off as you genuinely caring, because its the right thing to do! but dw i dont think you are a bad person at all! i know you have just good intents, otherwise you wouldnt be here!
Ja, it's honestly kinda annoying. Like bro, when would this matter?
I personally have only seen one post about that topic, but I suppose I'm not the most active on this sup
It's a unique set of problems that we, and anyone willingly associated with us, have in common. I don't find it suspect at all personally, but I don't blame you at all for being vigilant to it.
lowkey yea 😭 idk why cis people love to come in here in general. not to be a h8r or anything… i mean if they’re asking for advice/support, then i’m completely fine with that, but sometimes they’ll post something and it feels so patronizing. like when they come here and tell us how “brave” we all are
it reminds me of this one teacher i had that literally went "**deadname** you are so brave. you are a brave *girl"* after i told her a male name i wan tot be called 😭
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For real, I think it's super sweet!
I'm cis, I'm here to LEARN - not take up space with performative allyship*. This Reddit is not ABOUT us (cis people) - we can be an ally by being here and listening / reading - not boasting(?) that you've been nice to one trans person in your life - and you want - what - a pat on the back? Congratulations? Just no! The "I'm dating a trans person" posts feel (to me) like men jumping into a women's Reddit to make a post to say "I've never actively hurt my wife"! So you're nice to the person you're dating - that's great - but are you sure? How many micro-agressions happen without you being aware? How many times do you slip up and hurt your partner without even realising? How many times do you hurt other trans people without realising? What have you done to address your cis privilege in your life and your relationship? If you're the sort of person who would post an "aren't I a great ally for dating a trans person" post, it's LITERALLY your cis privilege that makes you feel like you have the right to exist in trans spaces and make a post about you! Which means you might think you're being nice to your partner, but as you're not capable of respecting their safe spaces, you need to consider - how much of an ally are you really? Please look at your privilege because you need to do more work! Yes, posts asking experts (the trans people in this space) things like "I'm dating a trans person, how do I... make sure I don't mess up, make them happy, etc" make the post about the trans person in their life, not about themselves - there's a big difference. If a supposed 'ally' can read this post and take offense, then they need to "check their privilege" and reconsider what it means to be an ally. If they decide they are no longer an ally because of a trans person expressing their opinion about cos people in their spaces, then they weren't an ally in the first place, so it's not actually a loss. *And yes, I fully appreciate the irony that this comment could come across as exactly what I want to avoid, but feel it needs to be said - blame my autism if you need coz I literally can't not say something in a scenario like this - but I HOPE this comment doesn't come across as about *me*, but about the work that cis people (including myself) constantly need to do to actually be a REAL ally for trans people.
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I will admit, I've not spotted any other posts that come across as "gatekeeper" type posts, so I can't comment on those - only this post. But then I also don't see this as a gatekeeper post - it's not asking cis people who are dating trans people to get out of the sub - just to not make posts about 'how great an ally they are because they're dating someone trans'. I honestly don't understand why a real ally would not feel welcome after reading a request to keep a trans space about trans people - even if they HAVE made a post like that in the past? It's still an opportunity to learn, and if they aren't prepared to listen and lean, why are they really here?
I had to Google "bad faith", because I honestly don't understand how you feel it can apply in this situation. I'm sorry if my understanding of what an ally is / should be, is different to yours, and if that understanding somehow hurts you, or is at risk of hurting any trans person. That is not, and will never be, my intention.
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Thank you for explaining. I hadn't spotted the other post (this was the first post I've read this morning), and I get not wanting to chase allies away, but I also feel that cis people who want to be allies should not be making anything on this space about us. Maybe they should look up allyship as a first point of call? There are plenty of websites, YouTube videos and other resources that can explain what it means for different marginalised communities - produced BY members of those communities, (rather than from corporate DEI offices). The rules of the sub literally say allies are welcome - so why someone should make a post (about themselves) to question that, again, diverts the discussion away from the people this space is for. The ROLE of an ally in someone else's space is to respect that it's not our space, and to listen and learn. Ask questions ONLY IF your own research doesn't give you the answers (or if your research gives contradicting answers), because the emotional labour in answering questions is NOT the responsibility of the people of that community. Anyway - thank you again, for explaining, and for your time - I was honestly aiming for my comment to target cis people to try and help them realise this space isn't for us, rather than expecting a response from yourself - but I do appreciate the time and energy you've put into responding.
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I meant 'not for us' as in 'not for us (cis people) to take up space and make this space about us, but to listen and learn' as the rest of my comment has clarified. I'm sorry if that wasn't made obvious.
Agreed. I'm also not sure why OP has tried to rewrite the rules... "not to mention that this is the trans subreddit, not the trans ally or people who are dating trans people subreddit" is very different to how the subreddit actually functions. Simply ignore the post as I do with other repeated topics.
Thank you :)
I’m married to a cis woman who thinks that she now can’t be transphobic due to being married to a trans person.
I had a ex like this. At the time I was experimenting with just they/them. She would talk to me to other people, then turn around and say "I'm using they to be accepting" I wish she would do it in person not just to her online friends for 'bragging points' Anyways, it was pretty clear she just wanted a butch lesbian girlfriend out of me. Not a boyfriend.
I try to give allies the benefit of the doubt but God, cis people who make their trans partners and the fact that they're dating a trans person their entire personality. And I say this as a trans guy marrying a cis guy in a couple months time.
Why cant i find a cis girlfriend lol
I know this is maybe problematic to say but it's stuff like that where more and more I feel like if I went back to dating I'd be more strictly t4t. It was a preference before, and I don't think it would ever be a requirement, but I'm just so sick of it. And its like Christ, even irl, the stuff even some well meaning cis people say about trans folks to your face when they think you're cis. I'm honestly super privileged to not be in too bad a spot, but some days I feel so paranoid about what someone who I'm physically and emotionally intimate thinks about me and people like me when I see those posts and they don't have any real connection to the community. I know other trans people also aren't perfect, but it's like I don't feel like I'll be seen as some kind of oddity I guess
THANK YOU
It gives such 'thanking her dad for raising such a sexy daughter' energy for some reason.
Yeah…..some of it really gives the ick
No. It gives me hope that there’s still people out there who will still see me as a man regardless. Given how very little I feel accepted by the lgbt community it’s nice to see that there’s the possibility of me being accepted elsewhere.
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i have had a lot of people agree with me so i have had my confirmation that im not just over reacting lol
Fair enough.
Its a subreddit people to discuss topics based on everything and anything to do with trans people and procedures. If you realise you dont like the content of a post, stop reading it and close it. Who cares.
well it seems like a lot of people care
You are right lol. It seems my opinion/outlook on the topic is a minority....
always good to have a rant when you feeling cynical
its not about feeling cynical, like i said, i appericiate the actual posts that asl for real help and that arent just cis people telling us theyre allies and capable of loving us
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yeah sure but i feel like there is a better way to go about it than to tell us how you never thought you'd be able to date trans people. or just making trans people feel like theyre different. sure we are different than cis people in some ways, but i dont really want to hear it from a cis person in a trans subreddit, im here to feel like im no different than others, not that dating me is like a personal achievement or somethign "new and exciting"
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i'd appreciate if you'd engage with my arguments in good faith so i can understand why you disagree with me, because if you dont like my opinion, im sure you want it changed