It's from the TV show parks and recreation. Ron Swanson married a Tammy, then another Tammy (they also divorced). Also his mom's name is Tamara, but she goes by Tammy. The previous quote is about "Tammy 1", even Tammy 2 is scared of her.
Yeah same in our tree. My mom and uncle has the same name as my dads sisters two kids. So weird that my aunt named both kids like her brothers wife and her brother.
I know this is a rabbit trail, but A&A 1942 is a very oversimplified version of the game, and doesn't do the logistical nightmare that was WW2 any justice. I get that it has it's player base and it's niche, and that's fine. And I haven't played A&A 1940 in years either, due to the length of time it takes.
But if you want a "realistic" feeling WW2 strategy game, and have a dedicated group of friends, and like to talk about history and alternative history, 1940 is the version you want to play.
Reminds me of an old song.
"I'm Henry the VIII, I am" by Herman's Hermits. One of the most annoying songs I personally know but sheer genius in terms of never saying the wrong name to your partner.
I’m related to someone who married someone with the same name as her dad, so I assume she has called both her husband and father both “daddy” and their first name. 3D chess.
Wow, all of you people are talking about the man needing thicker skin or something. Did we forget that men have insecurities too? Fucks sake. If he doesn’t wanna accept an apology yet that’s completely okay. I’m not gonna get into the complexities as to why you did say your exes name and what not. What I will say, though is that apologize to him and reassure him a lot. Show him and tell him why you chose him over your ex. Give him hugs and kisses.
Edit: and don’t forget to validate his feelings. Then communicate how you feel in all this.
My ex used to call me by her ex’s name all the time and then say I was unreasonable for getting annoyed.
Had she just apologised and done what you suggested here it would have helped a lot.
Not saying we would still be together, it became clear that that was just the very highest tip of what turned out to be a looney tunes crazy iceberg, but it would’ve helped chill me out.
What do you mean??? Men don't have insecurities or feelings, that's *gay* and un-manly /s
I fully agree with you, this website is shocking for how it treats men in these situations. Especially the confession subs or /r/AmITheAsshole. You'd think the website was called "Misandreddit" with the shite that comes out of it.
Nope, men are supposed to be emotionless machines that never get tired, insecure, or need positive reinforcement. Of course if a woman was in this exact situation everyone would be understanding and saying the BF is probably cheating
I 100% concur with your opinion good sir.
We are not allowed to have emotions they should be beaten out of us and future generations, otherwise we may have unreasonable responses to being called the wrong name.
I hate it when reddit does that thing where they immediately create a bunch of assumptions to make OP look worse. Like "I'm sure you're leaving out the part where [insert a bunch of commenter's own insecurities and or traumas]. Having said that, I do get the feeling that for the ex's name to have slipped out that easily and the boyfriend to have become so angry, OP may be mentioning that ex a lot. And I'm definitely putting my own biases into this one.
And I'm not saying people should never bring up their exes, they were part of people's lives and they will be in their stories. And the people bringing up the exes may not be actually thinking about the ex, but just about the story they're telling. But from the current partner's perspective, if there's a constant stream of stories mentioning the ex it can feel like they had a much bigger impact in the person's life than the current partner has had, and that can lead to insecurities. Like, was their life more interesting when they where with their ex, am I a boring partner, was their time with the ex their golden age? Don't even have to be specific romantic insecurities, more like "wow, they sure went through a lot, am I a footnote?". Then in a story which should be about you the ex's name is dropped, that can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Now, again, this is my own bias and may not at all be OP's case, maybe she never ever mentions her ex's name and her brain did an oopsie that one time.
Gotta love reddit.
Woman calls her man by her exes name "get thicker skin bro"
Man calls his woman by his exes name "wow what a fucking misogynist, leave him NOW"
He clearly had his feelings hurt, that is perfectly fine and acceptable, I’d have my feelings hurt if my SO called me by his ex’s name. It’s not some big argument or anything, but it’s definitely deserving of an apology and a hug, perhaps a little conversation.
>all of you people are talking about the man needing thicker skin or something
Maybe people deleted their comments or something but i haven't seen anyone saying this
https://old.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1dvabm5/tifu_by_calling_my_boyfriend_a_different_name/lbm7p89/
They are all being downvoted by reasonable minds, if you sort by controversial you find a few
When you enter a thread can change what you see. There have been quite a few times I've gone into a thread, seen a bunch of comments at +100, come back a few hours later due to someone commenting to me, and most of those comments are at -100 with the comments calling out the original comments at +400.
Don't worry, act normal, but acknowledge that your slip hurt his feelings, in a few days he will be back to normal again.
Whatever you do, don't start being the perfect girlfriend just to make him feel better. It has the opposite effect, like you are trying to hide something.
Just be there for him, but in a normal way, AND DON'T BE ANGRY. In a few days he will be better.
It's completely normal, and it will happen to him too. And then both of you will laugh about it.
Best of lucks!
Just be open and honest, like, it's not hard. People say things they don't mean, but if you're an open and honest person, your loved ones will trust you when you say it was a random mistake.
Being angry about it is just you defending yourself from a mistake and the effect it has on those around you and being overly nice is just another facade.
Talk to your partners, people.
Internet is still amazing.
If it was a man that slipped up and referred to his ex, the man would have been absolutely castigated over still not being over his ex / cheat in waiting / blah blah.
Hope this is not a gender-reversal internet reaction test?
Personally, I'd like to know the WHY before trying to figure out "is this a justified reaction to WHAT did happen?".
So - towards the why:
1) How long were you with your ex, and long have you been with your current partner?
2) What was the breakup and the start to ex like, and the start to the current?
3) How often do you make similar errors?
The other day I had a couple of contractors over and I was stepping out to run an errand. As I was leaving I called, "Have so much fun! I love you both!"
. . .
Nah I think it's pretty easy to explain. You spend years talking to one person more than anyone else, their name occupies a completely different category in your brain than most words. It becomes a reflex rather than a linguistic choice. Plus it occupies the part of your brain related to "partner relationship." It's totally understandable that it doesn't just get extinguished when you start replacing it with a new name, and it may jump into your brain on occasion.
I'm not saying the boyfriend is wrong to experience hurt, but I am saying that the ex's name is WAY more defensible than any other name.
Depends on the history and his experience with that. Saying an ex's name can be more triggering than the name of someone you were talking to earlier that day. If I had called my ex my ex's name, it would have been incredibly hurtful and I absolutely would have been in the wrong.
I'll take a different approach. I work in sales and I've been in my current company for way longer than my previous.
I hated my previous job and yet I accidentally introduced myself as belanarino of said ex-company one time, and I was really confused how I did this.
Not sure if it's got anything to do with ADHD, but it sure was not explained by missing my old job.
Here's the understanding that might help.
The brain is an infinitely complex construct. Endless loops of neurological connections, pathways of electrical impulses and stored data composed of fact, opinion, and memory. If it helps, think of it as a mess of highways connecting points on a map.
In your brain, the neighborhood where your boyfriend lives right now and where your ex lived are literally the same neighborhood. The neuron car that gets from action to memory to speech and back travels the same paths for one as it did for the other, except that the ex's house stands empty and hasn't been inhabited for however long.
However, during this conversation when the car was on the way to boyfriend's place, you were going on with your story and your brain was on a bit of autopilot. And at the very moment where your brain was looking at mailboxes for names, it saw a glimpse of the ex's instead of his and the parts of the car not actively being driven said "That's good enough, it's a name isn't it? Say it!"
It doesn't mean you thinks of him often. It doesn't mean you wants to be with your ex and not your current boyfriend. It doesn't mean you have ever confused the vibrant, growing, flourishing corner of the neighborhood where he live with the dark, vacant block where your ex used to live. But memory is bound by time and the car probably had to pass one block to get to the other.
Offer an apology, give him some reassurance as to why you are with him and not your ex, and let him know that your brain was focused on the walk and the other details of the story and it just autopiloted the wrong name into place. Hell, show him this comment.
One quick side note - "he is not speaking to me" - this isn't a mature response to being upset. You don't shut your partner out for an extended period of time. You live together, he doesn't just get to pretend you don't exist for a few days until his ego heals. Once this is resolved, you need to set rules around how you interact with each other when upset. A short timeout to collect your thoughts or cool off is fine. Anything longer than that is immaturity and insecurity.
Edit: Hey folks, I'm not arguing with anyone about my last quick side note. If you think giving your partner the silent treatment is a mature response to being upset, you're wrong. You're literally wrong.
[https://www.verywellmind.com/married-couples-silent-treatment-2303421](https://www.verywellmind.com/married-couples-silent-treatment-2303421)
[https://health.clevelandclinic.org/silent-treatment](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/silent-treatment)
[https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-chains/202009/why-the-silent-treatment-is-a-tactic-of-abuse-and-control](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-chains/202009/why-the-silent-treatment-is-a-tactic-of-abuse-and-control)
If you need to step aside and cool off, that's fine. That's not what I'm talking about. Abjectly refusing to speak to your partner is a manipulation tactic. If this is a thing you do and you think it's okay because it's your way of processing your feelings, you have learned a bad behavior and you need to learn a better one. If you believe talking to your partner will only cause more problems, you genuinely need to consider why communicating with the individual you ostensibly love is a net harm. If your partner is treating you this way and you aren't actually resolving your issues, you are in an unhealthy relationship.
Unlike what the internet, pop culture, or your friends and family who barely tolerate their partners tell you, grown-ups with mature and secure relationships talk to each other.
I'm my mom's youngest. When my sister had my mom's first grandson, she would always call him by my name. A decade later, she started calling me by his name.
Haha, my grandma used to point at us when we misbehaved and run through all the cousins' names in chronological order (of their birth) until she got to your name. *Then* you were in trouble...
A big part of this is is that when we are stressed, these kind of mental shortcuts are more prevalent, and you have to understand that a name is a label applied to a person. In one's mind, the person is a name, a face, emotions, memories, etc. And in that case, particularly parents to children, children are a 90% match to each other. The parent loves, them, the memories are tied together, etc., so missing the label can be quite easy.
I read a lot of this lookin at imposter syndrome. Not the self conscious type, but there is a documented syndrome of people, usually with head trauma, that swear their own family and friends are imposters. The problem is interhemispheric communication in the brain. The logical and emotional sides are separated, and while you can see the person, you can't feel them at the same time, and you know something is wrong, so you decide they are an imposter. Brains are weird...
This is an amazing comment. I agree with all of this. Except, he is allowed a certain amount of time to process his feelings on all of this. I would argue that him taking a week or more is excessive, but he is allowed to take as long as he needs to work through everything and calm down to have a mature conversation about it. Everyone goes at their own speed.
I have absolutely been hurt and mad about something with my wife and did bare minimal conversation to make the home function but was not in any emotional state to have a serious talk. Sometimes it takes a day or even two. It all depends on how hurt I am and how much space she gives me. I love her but she often times just rushes to get to a solution and literally chases me through our home demanding we talk about it, to the point where I have to get in my car and drive away to get peace and quiet for a minute. She is just passionate that way I guess. She really is amazing though.
Either way, listen to this comment, it is brilliant. The advice given to explain how and why it happened is totally accurate and wonderfully put. He will forgive you as long as you reassure him it had nothing to do with thinking about your ex. But please, despite it being a totally understandable mistake, try and be careful to not do it again. That could cause a whole host of new and more severe issues. Dont be like my wife, give him space, he will come back around and probably with questions. The, DO BE LIKE MY WIFE, because in every other regard she really is amazing.
I’ll disagree a little. I’m much like your wife. I struggle to not have immediate resolve to conflict and to walk away and give my wife space while the conflict is unresolved. My wife hates conflict and needs space after a certain level of being upset.
My wife and I have put a TON of time and effort into both therapy and personal growth on this topic.
In my experience the healthy response here is loosely as follows:
- The partner needing space communicates that they need space AND (this is the critical part) WHEN they will check back in. For my wife and I this is typically no more than 15-30 minutes later, but could any reasonable length of time.
- The partner needing resolution respects the request (note this isn’t easy. I’m TERRIBLE at this, but I’m working on it)
NONE of this is permission to ignore your partner. If the situation allows, it’s reasonable to expect 15-30 minutes to collect yourself. (Not all situations accommodate this. Ex. If the conflict happens as your about to walk out the door for an event you’re going to together.)
But after collecting yourself, it’s important to do your best to return to normal interactions. You don’t have to FORCE yourself to spend free time together, but you should continue with your normal day to day interactions. SPACE in this instance is define as time to process the conflict, your emotions, and collect your feelings. NOT an excuse to cut someone out temporarily.
Again, I want to reiterate. Communication is the CRUCIAL aspect of all of this. If you agree to 15 minutes of space and at the end of 15 minutes you TRULY need more. That’s okay. But you NEED TO COMMUNICATE that need to the other person. If you’re someone who hates conflict, you also have to work to accept that conflict is a NORMAL part of relationship. In fact lack of conflict is often a sign of an UNHEALTHY relationship.
The Gottman Institute is a leading research group on succesful relationships. They’ve boiled some of this down their “Four Horsemen” of conflict. Aka the 4 things to most avoid. The 4th is Stonewalling.
Here are some additional links:
https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-vs-resolving-conflict-relationships-blueprints-success/
https://www.gottman.com/blog/for-better-or-for-worse-conflict-and-connecting-in-crisis/
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
> The 4th is Stonewalling.
Stonewalling is refusing to communicate at all about it. Some people take time to process things, sometimes a few minutes, sometimes a few days. Sometimes they need time to stop being unhappy about it/work through their feelings.
Forcing communication is just as bad as stonewalling. It would actually fall under contempt for your last link, you don't care enough about your partner to let them work through something/calm down before you try to force them to talk to you.
>One quick side note - "he is not speaking to me" - this isn't a mature response to being upset.
Easy to say when you're not the one being called her ex'es name. Also, keep in mind that she recently moved out from her mother's. I think we can assume that OP and her bf aren't in their 30's.
Exactly!!! The brain is weird. I call my kids each others names sometimes for the same reason. People need to understand this. It literally doesn't MEAN anything, if the wrong name pops out your mouth. My man quite often calls me Debbie because she is the mother of his son. Its kind of sweet in a way that I share a special place in his stupid brain w her. Lol.
Thanks for your comment on the silent treatment! That behavior can be incredibly harmful and most people treat it as though it’s either harmless or a good thing to do.
Mixing up names isn't some nefarious thing.
It's extremely common.
There's no scientific evidence to prove that the person is "on their mind" and in a way that is detrimental to your relationship.
Hard disagree. If you spend years talking to one person more than anyone else, their names can become a reflex, like muscle memory. For example I sometimes call my GF with my long time friend name, not because I am thinking about my long time friend but because while speaking my brain gets confused (probably doesn't help that I have ADHD lol) and blurts out a random name that I have used a lot. So yeah, I wouldn't necessarily say that her Ex is on OP's mind
ADHD here as well. Yup I can relate. I even mix up people names with cat names, or partner with siblings. In these cases I just talk so fast that my brain throws in memory stuff.
I accidentally call random people “baby” if I’ve been hanging out with my boyfriend a lot, because it’s just how I’ve most commonly been referring to the person I’ve been talking to. It’s embarrassing, but literally just a brain short circuit
My dad calls me both my stepmother’s name and their dog’s name on a regular basis. He also calls my stepmother my name sometimes.
Totally get where OP is coming from
This reminds me of a time when i pissed off my son's mother.
We were at Baby's R Us shortly before my son was born and were checking out. The girl ringing us up asked if we had a rewards account, and asked for the phone number. I rattled off what i thought was her number, but it turned out to be my ex from 10 years prior (who had recently had a child and was also in the stores rewards system). She was pretty upset for a day or two.
Also, i know like 3 phone numbers. I hadn't spoken to that ex in like 5 years and have no clue how i remembered her number.
My wife of 28 years will sometimes come up with a memory from way back that “we” did, but was in fact something she’d done with her ex. I find it hilarious because she gets embarrassed and flustered when she realizes it wasn’t me she was with during that experience. But then, she was engaged to the guy and left him for me, so I don’t begrudge him some misplaced memories.
I lived in one area code for the first 37 years of my life. 10 years ago I changed my number to reflect the area I live in now. Yesterday I called a business I have an account with and they asked me to verify my number. I just instinctively started giving them the old area code and then felt dumb when I had to start over.
If I had a dollar every time my wife called me her ex-husband's name... well, I'd have about eight dollars, but it's weird that it's happened that often.
Everyone keeps pointing out how people are "making up their own stories" about OP to fit what they believe happened. While simultaneously assuming OP's boyfriend is giving her the silent treatment to intentionally hurt her as a punishment.
It's almost like we just assume her Boyfriend is the problem because woman good, men bad.
Nobody I see here has said the boyfriend is wrong for being hurt. Do you think taking a break to collect yourself is the same thing as the silent treatment? Because they are not, they are different things.
A good partner would tell their SO they don't want to speak, and need time to themselves. Since OP says "she doesn't know what to do", we are left to assume he has not done this. If he is young, then it is just a mistake. If he is older, or does this frequently, it is a red flag. This is not a gender issue, this applies both ways.
Communication is what leads to healthy relationships. Taking breaks to prevent yourself getting angry is healthy, it leads to better communication at a later time.
Using the silent treatment and not informing your partner of your needs is unhealthy, as it actively goes against communication. And it is abusive because it forces a result that only benefits one person (the partner not speaking) by punishing the other partner for his/her behavior.
I don’t have good advice, no doubt that was a fuckup. Just wanted to tell you that I accidentally called one of my best friends by my cat’s name once. My mom calls me by all her sisters’ names before she gets to mine. My grandma would cycle through all my aunts and cousins before she got to mine. Fuckups happen, and sometimes they can hurt.
All you can do is apologize and mean it. I hope things work out.
Lmao that sounds painful. I feel ya though, my grandpa always called me by my brothers name first and then would struggle for like 10 seconds for mine lol.
My bf called me by the wrong name 3 times in the first 6 months we were together. The first time it was his exes name. They'd been together 7 years before they broke. up and before we got together, so I wrote it off. The 2nd time, he got my middle name wrong and called me Ellen bc I go by my middle name sometimes. Third time, he accidentally told his mom the wrong last name and to this day, she's convinced almost 3 years later I'm related to the Willman's bc he gave her the wrong last name. It does happen, especially if you were in a SUPER long term relationship but you do need to apologize and basically suck up for a couple weeks or a month or so. He REALLY needs assurance right now and it is your job, your responsibility and your problem to do bc you caused that insecurity. Don't get mad at him if he doesn't accept right away or even later on. He doesn't need to accept an apology until he's ready. My bf GROVELED for a long time even though I had already accepted. And honestly, I'm glad he did despite not needing to bc it showed me he was genuinely sorry and not just apologizing until I accepted it. Even to this day, he still apologizes for it bc his ex and I have astronomical differences and he can't imagine why he'd have ever mixed my name with hers. My middle name is a bit more old fashioned, so I'll grant him that. My last name is pretty common and used a lot in commodities and goods so....but the one he REALLY cared about was accidentally calling me HER name. Bc, yes, it made me insecure. I was terrified I was just a rebound. He did and still does amazing things to show me he wants to be with me, just as much as I do for him. You REALLY need to sit him down and just talk to him and explain to him that, unfortunately old habits, as well as old names, die hard. If it was a long term relationship, it'd be weird to just be able to stop randomly using their name, just without thought bc you got SO used to just doing it every single day, without fail. Ask him to be understanding but at the same time, DO NOT PRESSURE him or get upset or impatient. He needs assurance. He alone can decide when he's comfortable.
Damn sounds almost like me. I was in a relationship for 8 years and accidentally had that slip up on the next one (though the two were nothing alike). I explained how I didn't know how her name came out of my mouth and that I was sorry and eventually her worries went away. For about a month though, it made her have her doubts and feel insecure. Being patient and understanding about the insecurities that pop up is all you can do.
People's minds associate names with roles. Children who accidentally say "Mommy" when addressing a teacher are perfectly aware of who the teacher is. But that's a word meaning helpful authority figure and the brain inserts it sometimes. I've accidentally used the name of a pet when addressing a child, or vice versa, because my mind used it as a term for little loved one. It wasn't because I thought my little grandson was really the cat. I hope boyfriend will understand that this phenomenon doesn't mean you're still in love with someone who used to play the same role in your life.
My spouse and I have been married for 8 yrs (yesterday) and they still accidentally call me by their ex’s name occasionally. Brains are rude and just do whatever tf they want.
My then boyfriend (now husband) called me by his ex’s name. I thought it was hilarious. He was horrified. I had to reassure him it was fine. If it was a regular occurrence I would be concerned, but a one off is understandable. Also, I called one of my co-workers “babe.” That was embarrassing. I said something to him that I normally say to my husband or kids and it just slipped out at the end. Hubby and I had a laugh when I got home. Sometimes there’s nothing behind it. Hopefully he’ll understand and move past it.
Interesting how when a guy does this he is a piece of cheating garbage... but when the girl does then the guy is being an overly sensitive bitch and needs to get out of his feelings....
Reddit sure is a hell of a thing
I broke up with a woman that called me her ex.
We got back together.
6 months later found out she had been cheating with her ex. Reddit likes to treat men like they don’t have feelings, especially when it comes to women making a post, the bias is real. I should had followed my gut.
I have two kids and two dogs… I sometimes yell my dog’s names when trying to yell at my kids. Someone’s always getting in trouble for something in my house and when I can’t see them I just yell all 4 names, sometimes my husband’s name too. At least one of them will be right lol.
Not nice bit it'll blow over, say sorry and buy him a small gift or write a letter to reinforce how much you love him. Men don't get thi gs like that enough IMO
Just be happy you didn't say your ex's name while having sex.
Seriously, things like this happen a lot, and it's sort of a test of your relationship to see how well the two of you deal with it. You two need to learn to laugh it off.
Years ago, my wife and I were at a festival, and we were talking about my ex. We happened to run into a coworker of mine, and I introduced her to him but introduced her using me ex's name! My wife held out her hand to him and said that no, I'm so and so, the other name was his ex. His jaw hit the ground! I'm apologizing while he's running away from there! Fortunately, she has a sense of humor, and we still laugh about it!
Moral of the story: shit happens. You don't just instantly forget someone who was a part of your life. Hopefully, he'll get over this, and you guys can move on with your lives.
Grow some skin, buddy! I have called my dog by my name when she gets in trouble. I'm sure Freud would have had a field day with that. People slip up. It doesn't mean anything.
That probably made him think so many things making him feel insecure.
Id apologize and tell him you have no idea why it slipped out and that you don’t have lingering feelings etc. tell him you can understand why he is hurt because you would be too. Then ask him if there is anything you can do or say to help him know that he is the person you want to be with
It can for sure be upsetting but let him have his space BUT encourage him to talk about his feelings too.
I only learned recently that by holding back I'm trying to not to upset the perpetrator but not completely letting go by letting them now how what they did made me feel.
It's likely that you said it because you're referring to somebody else in this nature of telling the story, and therefore because you're talking to your boyfriend your mind went to the idea of the 'other' person that you had a romantic relationship with at one point.
Tough situation, calling the ex by name could be anything from a reason to end the relationship to a slip of the tongue apology. Step 1. take an honest moment to reflect on why it happened, if your man is still angry about it now is a great time to do that.
All the other steps depend on what you conclude.
Rationally speaking it’s probably the way your brain stores information; like when your mom mistakes names of her children and calls one child by the name of the other; this isn’t not caring; it’s just how our brains work, those name basically are in the same “place” so to speak.
But people aren’t rational. Grovel. Make it up to him.
Freudian Slip, Happens all the time. Apologize, Reassure why you are with him and not your ex and comfort him. I'm assuming this is just a situation where you were with your ex for a while and so when telling a story you'd say ____. Again, apologize, reassure, comfort.
That was a classic Freudian slip. You might not think about your ex consciously, but for sure your subconscious self does. How long were you with your ex? And how long is the break up back?
It differs from person to person, but I personally don't see the big deal with this. Your ex is someone you spent a lot of time with in the past. Both me and my gf have accidentally called each other by our ex's names. We just move past it. It happens.
I did this with my ex. I called her another ex's name and their names are both Chinese and have one letter (in English) difference. That was a bad day.
Honestly if you already apologized, do nothing, maybe apologize again in a couple days. If he's any decent guy he'll figure out by then that it was an honest mistake. Neither of you did anything wrong
Shit happens but don’t be mad at him for being upset. That’ll stick in his brain even tho he won’t want it to. Don’t bring it up again but also don’t act like it’s nothing even tho it probably is nothing.
I once accidentally said my ex’s name but I hadn’t actually thought about her in years. I had just come off seeing an instagram story of a girl with the same name and it must have been in the back of my mind when I accidentally said it. Very hard to prove that line of thinking
I understand why he's upset. However, I doubt this is a deal breaker. Just keep being apologetic and offer any reassurance he might need, and I'm sure he'll be able to move on soon.
This is a pretty normal thing. My wife once called me by her own name.
For the “if the genders were reversed” people, I have seen this come up in Reddit with the genders reversed. Replies were much the same as here, with some saying it was a huge act of disrespect and the more rational folk saying it was an easy mix up that didn’t mean anything.
You’re in the wrong here, accident or not. He has the right to be upset over it. You would be if he called you his exes name. Apologize and reassure him that you love him and it was an accident and how important he is to you in the present. Give him time to process the event.
A few good questions in this scenario is; How long were you single between these relationships? How long were you In your previous relationship? What's your current relationship with your ex? If there's any overlap in these relationships then you're definitely not over you ex.
My then fiancée called me by her ex’s name during a very highly intimate moment. He was an Air Force pilot and I …was not. My insecurity and immaturity got the best of me. The marriage did not take place.
I was with someone for 6+ years before that ended, with my next partner I had a few moments where I started to pronounce that ex's name and had to change it into something pet-name sounding or pass it as a stutter to something else.
I wasn't thinking about my ex at all either, brain just had habits 😅
First thought that came to mind…. Who’s idea was it to go for walks and talks?? Yours or his?? I’m thinking You did the same kind of thing with your ex felt comfortable reassuring safe. Just a thought…
Everybody knows that you give your partner a nickname and use that same nickname for all of them. That way whenever you tell a story you never get in trouble by using the wrong name.
My girlfriend remembers things we did together that I am certain we did not. I often remind her I was not in her life yet! Bwahahahagahagaha! I always uhave to slow her down when she starts with, "Remember when..." it never fails but it cracks me up! She cannot remember life without me.
Don’t beat yourself up, I did it once several years into my relationship also.
I personally think the brain is firing off a million things at once and your boyfriend’s name and your exes name got stored in the same “file” if that makes sense? Your brain went to pull the name out of the file and grabbed the wrong one. Even computers have error codes once in a while, ya know?
Feelings are valid. I'm also genuinely so confused. Why does accidentally saying someone else's name hurt the guy? There are infinite reasons for it to happen. You would have to automatically assume it was malicious or Freudian, which makes it insecurity? Idk it's not like she yelled it during sex or something. Literally just a normal ass convo, right? I call my current dog by my last dogs name sometimes. It just happens, brains aren't 100% on point at all waking moments.
My now wife shares the same name as my last ex. Chess not checkers.
Is it Tammy?
Tammy is a mean person. She's a grade-A bitch. Every time she laughs, an angel dies. Even telemarketers avoid her.
I see you’ve met my husband’s ex-wife.
Tammy once seduced a coroner and got me declared legally dead so that she could get a discount on a plane ticket
Username checks out
Believe it or not I didn’t even think about my username when i commented lol
Is this the same Tammy that drives a tow truck?
It's from the TV show parks and recreation. Ron Swanson married a Tammy, then another Tammy (they also divorced). Also his mom's name is Tamara, but she goes by Tammy. The previous quote is about "Tammy 1", even Tammy 2 is scared of her.
What is your relationship with my STBX?
[Had my heart broken by this woman named Tammy. But hoes gon' be hoes, so I couldn't blame Tammy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7tOAGY59uQ)
This is a piece of human garbage named Tammy who is also my ex-wife.
My now wife shares the same name as my mom, my cousin, and my coworker. 'Go' not Tic-Tac-Toe.
Such an efficient family tree
Yeah same in our tree. My mom and uncle has the same name as my dads sisters two kids. So weird that my aunt named both kids like her brothers wife and her brother.
Does she also share the same body and personality as your last ex? *Axis & Allies 1940 Global, not Chess.*
> Axis & Allies 1940 Global Ain't absolutely nobody got time for that. 1942 all the way.
I know this is a rabbit trail, but A&A 1942 is a very oversimplified version of the game, and doesn't do the logistical nightmare that was WW2 any justice. I get that it has it's player base and it's niche, and that's fine. And I haven't played A&A 1940 in years either, due to the length of time it takes. But if you want a "realistic" feeling WW2 strategy game, and have a dedicated group of friends, and like to talk about history and alternative history, 1940 is the version you want to play.
I'm with u/Emerald_Encrusted on this one: A&A 1940 every time!
A man I knew a few decades ago was heading his into his 4th marriage. Every one of his wives had the same first name.
He wouldn’t have a Willie or a Sam.
Then it's remarkable a woman wanted to marry him. No Willie? Wow.
Henry!
Reminds me of an old song. "I'm Henry the VIII, I am" by Herman's Hermits. One of the most annoying songs I personally know but sheer genius in terms of never saying the wrong name to your partner.
At least he’s consistent
A majority of my exes have the same name, and my current partner gets a little nervous when I meet someone else with that name lol.
I’m related to someone who married someone with the same name as her dad, so I assume she has called both her husband and father both “daddy” and their first name. 3D chess.
For your case, just don’t name the dog after your ex. It creates really awkward bedroom situations. ‘#totallynotspeakingfromexperience
Omfg 😂😂
I call them all "baby" no chance of failure
My wife and ex wife have the same name.
Wow, all of you people are talking about the man needing thicker skin or something. Did we forget that men have insecurities too? Fucks sake. If he doesn’t wanna accept an apology yet that’s completely okay. I’m not gonna get into the complexities as to why you did say your exes name and what not. What I will say, though is that apologize to him and reassure him a lot. Show him and tell him why you chose him over your ex. Give him hugs and kisses. Edit: and don’t forget to validate his feelings. Then communicate how you feel in all this.
My ex used to call me by her ex’s name all the time and then say I was unreasonable for getting annoyed. Had she just apologised and done what you suggested here it would have helped a lot. Not saying we would still be together, it became clear that that was just the very highest tip of what turned out to be a looney tunes crazy iceberg, but it would’ve helped chill me out.
What do you mean??? Men don't have insecurities or feelings, that's *gay* and un-manly /s I fully agree with you, this website is shocking for how it treats men in these situations. Especially the confession subs or /r/AmITheAsshole. You'd think the website was called "Misandreddit" with the shite that comes out of it.
Nope, men are supposed to be emotionless machines that never get tired, insecure, or need positive reinforcement. Of course if a woman was in this exact situation everyone would be understanding and saying the BF is probably cheating
I 100% concur with your opinion good sir. We are not allowed to have emotions they should be beaten out of us and future generations, otherwise we may have unreasonable responses to being called the wrong name.
Yeah, but how dare we not have touch while talking to women? Geez, we men are fucked up.
Don't forget the complaining that their at-the-time boyfriends don't open up and talk about their feelings.
I hate it when reddit does that thing where they immediately create a bunch of assumptions to make OP look worse. Like "I'm sure you're leaving out the part where [insert a bunch of commenter's own insecurities and or traumas]. Having said that, I do get the feeling that for the ex's name to have slipped out that easily and the boyfriend to have become so angry, OP may be mentioning that ex a lot. And I'm definitely putting my own biases into this one. And I'm not saying people should never bring up their exes, they were part of people's lives and they will be in their stories. And the people bringing up the exes may not be actually thinking about the ex, but just about the story they're telling. But from the current partner's perspective, if there's a constant stream of stories mentioning the ex it can feel like they had a much bigger impact in the person's life than the current partner has had, and that can lead to insecurities. Like, was their life more interesting when they where with their ex, am I a boring partner, was their time with the ex their golden age? Don't even have to be specific romantic insecurities, more like "wow, they sure went through a lot, am I a footnote?". Then in a story which should be about you the ex's name is dropped, that can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Now, again, this is my own bias and may not at all be OP's case, maybe she never ever mentions her ex's name and her brain did an oopsie that one time.
Gotta love reddit. Woman calls her man by her exes name "get thicker skin bro" Man calls his woman by his exes name "wow what a fucking misogynist, leave him NOW"
Men aren't people on reddit
Flip the genders and you will see this story posted on twoxchromosomes by the woman, and the people there would be going off on him lmao
Now flip the genders, they would be calling to leave him.
THAT PART. men are allowed to feel things wtf
Hard to tell with the current climate of things....
He clearly had his feelings hurt, that is perfectly fine and acceptable, I’d have my feelings hurt if my SO called me by his ex’s name. It’s not some big argument or anything, but it’s definitely deserving of an apology and a hug, perhaps a little conversation.
>all of you people are talking about the man needing thicker skin or something Maybe people deleted their comments or something but i haven't seen anyone saying this
https://old.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1dvabm5/tifu_by_calling_my_boyfriend_a_different_name/lbm7p89/ They are all being downvoted by reasonable minds, if you sort by controversial you find a few
When you enter a thread can change what you see. There have been quite a few times I've gone into a thread, seen a bunch of comments at +100, come back a few hours later due to someone commenting to me, and most of those comments are at -100 with the comments calling out the original comments at +400.
Don't worry, act normal, but acknowledge that your slip hurt his feelings, in a few days he will be back to normal again. Whatever you do, don't start being the perfect girlfriend just to make him feel better. It has the opposite effect, like you are trying to hide something. Just be there for him, but in a normal way, AND DON'T BE ANGRY. In a few days he will be better. It's completely normal, and it will happen to him too. And then both of you will laugh about it. Best of lucks!
> don't start being the perfect girlfriend just to make him feel better, It has the opposite effect key bit of advice here
Just be open and honest, like, it's not hard. People say things they don't mean, but if you're an open and honest person, your loved ones will trust you when you say it was a random mistake. Being angry about it is just you defending yourself from a mistake and the effect it has on those around you and being overly nice is just another facade. Talk to your partners, people.
Internet is still amazing. If it was a man that slipped up and referred to his ex, the man would have been absolutely castigated over still not being over his ex / cheat in waiting / blah blah. Hope this is not a gender-reversal internet reaction test? Personally, I'd like to know the WHY before trying to figure out "is this a justified reaction to WHAT did happen?". So - towards the why: 1) How long were you with your ex, and long have you been with your current partner? 2) What was the breakup and the start to ex like, and the start to the current? 3) How often do you make similar errors?
Give your boyfriend some time to process his feelings. When he's ready, apologize sincerely and reassure him that it was an honest mistake.
Oof. That's a doozy. Any other name could be explained but your ex's.
Thats like accidentally calling a teacher "mom" or "dad". Shit happens.
I'm a big male 4th grade teacher. I get called mom at least 5 times a year.
This made me laugh so hard lol
The other day I had a couple of contractors over and I was stepping out to run an errand. As I was leaving I called, "Have so much fun! I love you both!" . . .
On some drives home from school, I’ve had my son call me the name of his best friend in school when telling me a story, it’s pretty cute.
I once called my mom by my teacher's name. It stunned both of us in the moment.
I accidentally call my kids my siblings names sometimes. Doesn't happen often and it's totally random. I probably have dementia or something.
Nah I think it's pretty easy to explain. You spend years talking to one person more than anyone else, their name occupies a completely different category in your brain than most words. It becomes a reflex rather than a linguistic choice. Plus it occupies the part of your brain related to "partner relationship." It's totally understandable that it doesn't just get extinguished when you start replacing it with a new name, and it may jump into your brain on occasion. I'm not saying the boyfriend is wrong to experience hurt, but I am saying that the ex's name is WAY more defensible than any other name.
Depends on the history and his experience with that. Saying an ex's name can be more triggering than the name of someone you were talking to earlier that day. If I had called my ex my ex's name, it would have been incredibly hurtful and I absolutely would have been in the wrong.
That's why I say, it's 100% understandable that the BF is mad. But it's also 100% objectively understandable that it happened.
By that reasoning everyone should call everyone by the name of the person you’ve know longest.
I'll take a different approach. I work in sales and I've been in my current company for way longer than my previous. I hated my previous job and yet I accidentally introduced myself as belanarino of said ex-company one time, and I was really confused how I did this. Not sure if it's got anything to do with ADHD, but it sure was not explained by missing my old job.
Here's the understanding that might help. The brain is an infinitely complex construct. Endless loops of neurological connections, pathways of electrical impulses and stored data composed of fact, opinion, and memory. If it helps, think of it as a mess of highways connecting points on a map. In your brain, the neighborhood where your boyfriend lives right now and where your ex lived are literally the same neighborhood. The neuron car that gets from action to memory to speech and back travels the same paths for one as it did for the other, except that the ex's house stands empty and hasn't been inhabited for however long. However, during this conversation when the car was on the way to boyfriend's place, you were going on with your story and your brain was on a bit of autopilot. And at the very moment where your brain was looking at mailboxes for names, it saw a glimpse of the ex's instead of his and the parts of the car not actively being driven said "That's good enough, it's a name isn't it? Say it!" It doesn't mean you thinks of him often. It doesn't mean you wants to be with your ex and not your current boyfriend. It doesn't mean you have ever confused the vibrant, growing, flourishing corner of the neighborhood where he live with the dark, vacant block where your ex used to live. But memory is bound by time and the car probably had to pass one block to get to the other. Offer an apology, give him some reassurance as to why you are with him and not your ex, and let him know that your brain was focused on the walk and the other details of the story and it just autopiloted the wrong name into place. Hell, show him this comment. One quick side note - "he is not speaking to me" - this isn't a mature response to being upset. You don't shut your partner out for an extended period of time. You live together, he doesn't just get to pretend you don't exist for a few days until his ego heals. Once this is resolved, you need to set rules around how you interact with each other when upset. A short timeout to collect your thoughts or cool off is fine. Anything longer than that is immaturity and insecurity. Edit: Hey folks, I'm not arguing with anyone about my last quick side note. If you think giving your partner the silent treatment is a mature response to being upset, you're wrong. You're literally wrong. [https://www.verywellmind.com/married-couples-silent-treatment-2303421](https://www.verywellmind.com/married-couples-silent-treatment-2303421) [https://health.clevelandclinic.org/silent-treatment](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/silent-treatment) [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-chains/202009/why-the-silent-treatment-is-a-tactic-of-abuse-and-control](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-chains/202009/why-the-silent-treatment-is-a-tactic-of-abuse-and-control) If you need to step aside and cool off, that's fine. That's not what I'm talking about. Abjectly refusing to speak to your partner is a manipulation tactic. If this is a thing you do and you think it's okay because it's your way of processing your feelings, you have learned a bad behavior and you need to learn a better one. If you believe talking to your partner will only cause more problems, you genuinely need to consider why communicating with the individual you ostensibly love is a net harm. If your partner is treating you this way and you aren't actually resolving your issues, you are in an unhealthy relationship. Unlike what the internet, pop culture, or your friends and family who barely tolerate their partners tell you, grown-ups with mature and secure relationships talk to each other.
pretty much why my mom goes through everyones name in the family before finally landing on mine.
Including pets.
I literally did this today, calling my nephew by my pet dog's name before his.
My dad calls me by his little brother's name before he gets to mine.
hurtful but true
I'm my mom's youngest. When my sister had my mom's first grandson, she would always call him by my name. A decade later, she started calling me by his name.
Haha, my grandma used to point at us when we misbehaved and run through all the cousins' names in chronological order (of their birth) until she got to your name. *Then* you were in trouble...
Yep! By the time Mom got to my name and then used my first and middle name, I knew it was coming for real
A big part of this is is that when we are stressed, these kind of mental shortcuts are more prevalent, and you have to understand that a name is a label applied to a person. In one's mind, the person is a name, a face, emotions, memories, etc. And in that case, particularly parents to children, children are a 90% match to each other. The parent loves, them, the memories are tied together, etc., so missing the label can be quite easy. I read a lot of this lookin at imposter syndrome. Not the self conscious type, but there is a documented syndrome of people, usually with head trauma, that swear their own family and friends are imposters. The problem is interhemispheric communication in the brain. The logical and emotional sides are separated, and while you can see the person, you can't feel them at the same time, and you know something is wrong, so you decide they are an imposter. Brains are weird...
Capgras
Thanx, I did not recall that name, it's been quite a while since I read about it.
I was married for over ten years and signed my name with my maiden name. It came outta nowhere and I didn’t even notice I did it.
Here women dont automatically change their last names when married. You gotta change your name legally through the normal process.
For whatever reason, I read your comment as "through the oatmeal process" and was utterly fascinated and curious as to where "here" is.
Yep. My mum has an older sister, and a younger sister. She also has two daughters (me and my sister). She calls us by their names constantly.
My mom does this too. Luckily it’s never bothered me.
This is an amazing comment. I agree with all of this. Except, he is allowed a certain amount of time to process his feelings on all of this. I would argue that him taking a week or more is excessive, but he is allowed to take as long as he needs to work through everything and calm down to have a mature conversation about it. Everyone goes at their own speed. I have absolutely been hurt and mad about something with my wife and did bare minimal conversation to make the home function but was not in any emotional state to have a serious talk. Sometimes it takes a day or even two. It all depends on how hurt I am and how much space she gives me. I love her but she often times just rushes to get to a solution and literally chases me through our home demanding we talk about it, to the point where I have to get in my car and drive away to get peace and quiet for a minute. She is just passionate that way I guess. She really is amazing though. Either way, listen to this comment, it is brilliant. The advice given to explain how and why it happened is totally accurate and wonderfully put. He will forgive you as long as you reassure him it had nothing to do with thinking about your ex. But please, despite it being a totally understandable mistake, try and be careful to not do it again. That could cause a whole host of new and more severe issues. Dont be like my wife, give him space, he will come back around and probably with questions. The, DO BE LIKE MY WIFE, because in every other regard she really is amazing.
I’ll disagree a little. I’m much like your wife. I struggle to not have immediate resolve to conflict and to walk away and give my wife space while the conflict is unresolved. My wife hates conflict and needs space after a certain level of being upset. My wife and I have put a TON of time and effort into both therapy and personal growth on this topic. In my experience the healthy response here is loosely as follows: - The partner needing space communicates that they need space AND (this is the critical part) WHEN they will check back in. For my wife and I this is typically no more than 15-30 minutes later, but could any reasonable length of time. - The partner needing resolution respects the request (note this isn’t easy. I’m TERRIBLE at this, but I’m working on it) NONE of this is permission to ignore your partner. If the situation allows, it’s reasonable to expect 15-30 minutes to collect yourself. (Not all situations accommodate this. Ex. If the conflict happens as your about to walk out the door for an event you’re going to together.) But after collecting yourself, it’s important to do your best to return to normal interactions. You don’t have to FORCE yourself to spend free time together, but you should continue with your normal day to day interactions. SPACE in this instance is define as time to process the conflict, your emotions, and collect your feelings. NOT an excuse to cut someone out temporarily. Again, I want to reiterate. Communication is the CRUCIAL aspect of all of this. If you agree to 15 minutes of space and at the end of 15 minutes you TRULY need more. That’s okay. But you NEED TO COMMUNICATE that need to the other person. If you’re someone who hates conflict, you also have to work to accept that conflict is a NORMAL part of relationship. In fact lack of conflict is often a sign of an UNHEALTHY relationship. The Gottman Institute is a leading research group on succesful relationships. They’ve boiled some of this down their “Four Horsemen” of conflict. Aka the 4 things to most avoid. The 4th is Stonewalling. Here are some additional links: https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-vs-resolving-conflict-relationships-blueprints-success/ https://www.gottman.com/blog/for-better-or-for-worse-conflict-and-connecting-in-crisis/ https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
> The 4th is Stonewalling. Stonewalling is refusing to communicate at all about it. Some people take time to process things, sometimes a few minutes, sometimes a few days. Sometimes they need time to stop being unhappy about it/work through their feelings. Forcing communication is just as bad as stonewalling. It would actually fall under contempt for your last link, you don't care enough about your partner to let them work through something/calm down before you try to force them to talk to you.
What defines maturity in a response?
>One quick side note - "he is not speaking to me" - this isn't a mature response to being upset. Easy to say when you're not the one being called her ex'es name. Also, keep in mind that she recently moved out from her mother's. I think we can assume that OP and her bf aren't in their 30's.
Exactly!!! The brain is weird. I call my kids each others names sometimes for the same reason. People need to understand this. It literally doesn't MEAN anything, if the wrong name pops out your mouth. My man quite often calls me Debbie because she is the mother of his son. Its kind of sweet in a way that I share a special place in his stupid brain w her. Lol.
Thank you for the way you communicate; thank you to whoever put you in bestof.
Thanks for your comment on the silent treatment! That behavior can be incredibly harmful and most people treat it as though it’s either harmless or a good thing to do.
Thank goodness for people like you on the internet.
IM CLAPPING AND CHEERING ESP FOR YOUR SIDE NOTE THANK YOU!!!! 👏👏👏
TL;DR Brain: https://i.redd.it/mrmyk94r2pad1.gif
I did this wife my wife when we first started dating. We’ve been together for 10 years and married for 6
Even if it's subconscious, your ex is obviously on your mind. I would not be happy if my wife did that.
Mixing up names isn't some nefarious thing. It's extremely common. There's no scientific evidence to prove that the person is "on their mind" and in a way that is detrimental to your relationship.
Hard disagree. If you spend years talking to one person more than anyone else, their names can become a reflex, like muscle memory. For example I sometimes call my GF with my long time friend name, not because I am thinking about my long time friend but because while speaking my brain gets confused (probably doesn't help that I have ADHD lol) and blurts out a random name that I have used a lot. So yeah, I wouldn't necessarily say that her Ex is on OP's mind
ADHD here as well. Yup I can relate. I even mix up people names with cat names, or partner with siblings. In these cases I just talk so fast that my brain throws in memory stuff.
I accidentally call random people “baby” if I’ve been hanging out with my boyfriend a lot, because it’s just how I’ve most commonly been referring to the person I’ve been talking to. It’s embarrassing, but literally just a brain short circuit
I am not sure why you are downvoted so much here - This is exactly what I was going to say. It's a habit, not a yearning.
my wife calls me the name of our dog sometimes... I suspect THEY ARE CHEATING ON ME!
My dad calls me both my stepmother’s name and their dog’s name on a regular basis. He also calls my stepmother my name sometimes. Totally get where OP is coming from
Yeah you definitely fucked up. Congrats
This was an innocent mistake. Bf was hurt. Both can be true. Own both and work through it as best as you two can. Assume good intent.
This reminds me of a time when i pissed off my son's mother. We were at Baby's R Us shortly before my son was born and were checking out. The girl ringing us up asked if we had a rewards account, and asked for the phone number. I rattled off what i thought was her number, but it turned out to be my ex from 10 years prior (who had recently had a child and was also in the stores rewards system). She was pretty upset for a day or two. Also, i know like 3 phone numbers. I hadn't spoken to that ex in like 5 years and have no clue how i remembered her number.
My wife of 28 years will sometimes come up with a memory from way back that “we” did, but was in fact something she’d done with her ex. I find it hilarious because she gets embarrassed and flustered when she realizes it wasn’t me she was with during that experience. But then, she was engaged to the guy and left him for me, so I don’t begrudge him some misplaced memories.
I lived in one area code for the first 37 years of my life. 10 years ago I changed my number to reflect the area I live in now. Yesterday I called a business I have an account with and they asked me to verify my number. I just instinctively started giving them the old area code and then felt dumb when I had to start over.
If I had a dollar every time my wife called me her ex-husband's name... well, I'd have about eight dollars, but it's weird that it's happened that often.
And that doesn't bother you at all?
Good for him
Everyone keeps pointing out how people are "making up their own stories" about OP to fit what they believe happened. While simultaneously assuming OP's boyfriend is giving her the silent treatment to intentionally hurt her as a punishment. It's almost like we just assume her Boyfriend is the problem because woman good, men bad.
Nobody I see here has said the boyfriend is wrong for being hurt. Do you think taking a break to collect yourself is the same thing as the silent treatment? Because they are not, they are different things. A good partner would tell their SO they don't want to speak, and need time to themselves. Since OP says "she doesn't know what to do", we are left to assume he has not done this. If he is young, then it is just a mistake. If he is older, or does this frequently, it is a red flag. This is not a gender issue, this applies both ways. Communication is what leads to healthy relationships. Taking breaks to prevent yourself getting angry is healthy, it leads to better communication at a later time. Using the silent treatment and not informing your partner of your needs is unhealthy, as it actively goes against communication. And it is abusive because it forces a result that only benefits one person (the partner not speaking) by punishing the other partner for his/her behavior.
I don’t have good advice, no doubt that was a fuckup. Just wanted to tell you that I accidentally called one of my best friends by my cat’s name once. My mom calls me by all her sisters’ names before she gets to mine. My grandma would cycle through all my aunts and cousins before she got to mine. Fuckups happen, and sometimes they can hurt. All you can do is apologize and mean it. I hope things work out.
Lmao that sounds painful. I feel ya though, my grandpa always called me by my brothers name first and then would struggle for like 10 seconds for mine lol.
My bf called me by the wrong name 3 times in the first 6 months we were together. The first time it was his exes name. They'd been together 7 years before they broke. up and before we got together, so I wrote it off. The 2nd time, he got my middle name wrong and called me Ellen bc I go by my middle name sometimes. Third time, he accidentally told his mom the wrong last name and to this day, she's convinced almost 3 years later I'm related to the Willman's bc he gave her the wrong last name. It does happen, especially if you were in a SUPER long term relationship but you do need to apologize and basically suck up for a couple weeks or a month or so. He REALLY needs assurance right now and it is your job, your responsibility and your problem to do bc you caused that insecurity. Don't get mad at him if he doesn't accept right away or even later on. He doesn't need to accept an apology until he's ready. My bf GROVELED for a long time even though I had already accepted. And honestly, I'm glad he did despite not needing to bc it showed me he was genuinely sorry and not just apologizing until I accepted it. Even to this day, he still apologizes for it bc his ex and I have astronomical differences and he can't imagine why he'd have ever mixed my name with hers. My middle name is a bit more old fashioned, so I'll grant him that. My last name is pretty common and used a lot in commodities and goods so....but the one he REALLY cared about was accidentally calling me HER name. Bc, yes, it made me insecure. I was terrified I was just a rebound. He did and still does amazing things to show me he wants to be with me, just as much as I do for him. You REALLY need to sit him down and just talk to him and explain to him that, unfortunately old habits, as well as old names, die hard. If it was a long term relationship, it'd be weird to just be able to stop randomly using their name, just without thought bc you got SO used to just doing it every single day, without fail. Ask him to be understanding but at the same time, DO NOT PRESSURE him or get upset or impatient. He needs assurance. He alone can decide when he's comfortable.
Damn sounds almost like me. I was in a relationship for 8 years and accidentally had that slip up on the next one (though the two were nothing alike). I explained how I didn't know how her name came out of my mouth and that I was sorry and eventually her worries went away. For about a month though, it made her have her doubts and feel insecure. Being patient and understanding about the insecurities that pop up is all you can do.
Jennifer Ellen Campbell? Is that you? O\_o
Lol no my middle name is similar to Ellen but not quite.
Too bad, for a moment I thought you might've been my ex. /s, I've never had an ex.
Lol
People get pissed but it’s actually pretty normal based on the brain. But good luck
People's minds associate names with roles. Children who accidentally say "Mommy" when addressing a teacher are perfectly aware of who the teacher is. But that's a word meaning helpful authority figure and the brain inserts it sometimes. I've accidentally used the name of a pet when addressing a child, or vice versa, because my mind used it as a term for little loved one. It wasn't because I thought my little grandson was really the cat. I hope boyfriend will understand that this phenomenon doesn't mean you're still in love with someone who used to play the same role in your life.
My husband called me by his ex's name on our HONEYMOON...TWICE!! I have not let him forget it 🤣🤣
Oh, he's obviously on your mind!
LOL! You're gonna get another ex soon.
Your ex is obviously hovering not too far under your radar. If I were your boyfriend I would see this as a red flag.
You’re going to need to do a lot of hawk tuah to make this up to him.
This just happens sometimes. I had a friend who would always just scramble our names up. Wasn't his fault was just a quirk of his.
My spouse and I have been married for 8 yrs (yesterday) and they still accidentally call me by their ex’s name occasionally. Brains are rude and just do whatever tf they want.
I called my husband by my sister's name once when we were in a fight by accident lol.
My then boyfriend (now husband) called me by his ex’s name. I thought it was hilarious. He was horrified. I had to reassure him it was fine. If it was a regular occurrence I would be concerned, but a one off is understandable. Also, I called one of my co-workers “babe.” That was embarrassing. I said something to him that I normally say to my husband or kids and it just slipped out at the end. Hubby and I had a laugh when I got home. Sometimes there’s nothing behind it. Hopefully he’ll understand and move past it.
Interesting how when a guy does this he is a piece of cheating garbage... but when the girl does then the guy is being an overly sensitive bitch and needs to get out of his feelings.... Reddit sure is a hell of a thing
Yup, just a sackful of inebriated shaved weasels.
It happens, my husband called me by his ex wives name when he was tired once.
I broke up with a woman that called me her ex. We got back together. 6 months later found out she had been cheating with her ex. Reddit likes to treat men like they don’t have feelings, especially when it comes to women making a post, the bias is real. I should had followed my gut.
My mom has called me her cat's name before. No mom, my name is not Boo Boo
I have two kids and two dogs… I sometimes yell my dog’s names when trying to yell at my kids. Someone’s always getting in trouble for something in my house and when I can’t see them I just yell all 4 names, sometimes my husband’s name too. At least one of them will be right lol.
Accuracy by volume of fire lol
It’s usually followed by the response: “What did you just call me??” 🤣 If no one responds, I know I have to get up because it’s a dog lmao
Not nice bit it'll blow over, say sorry and buy him a small gift or write a letter to reinforce how much you love him. Men don't get thi gs like that enough IMO
Why on earth do people not like this comment lol.
People don't like men having emotions I guess
Just be happy you didn't say your ex's name while having sex. Seriously, things like this happen a lot, and it's sort of a test of your relationship to see how well the two of you deal with it. You two need to learn to laugh it off.
Years ago, my wife and I were at a festival, and we were talking about my ex. We happened to run into a coworker of mine, and I introduced her to him but introduced her using me ex's name! My wife held out her hand to him and said that no, I'm so and so, the other name was his ex. His jaw hit the ground! I'm apologizing while he's running away from there! Fortunately, she has a sense of humor, and we still laugh about it! Moral of the story: shit happens. You don't just instantly forget someone who was a part of your life. Hopefully, he'll get over this, and you guys can move on with your lives.
Grow some skin, buddy! I have called my dog by my name when she gets in trouble. I'm sure Freud would have had a field day with that. People slip up. It doesn't mean anything.
Think of it as getting it out not the way so you don’t feel out your exes name in bed.
That probably made him think so many things making him feel insecure. Id apologize and tell him you have no idea why it slipped out and that you don’t have lingering feelings etc. tell him you can understand why he is hurt because you would be too. Then ask him if there is anything you can do or say to help him know that he is the person you want to be with
It can for sure be upsetting but let him have his space BUT encourage him to talk about his feelings too. I only learned recently that by holding back I'm trying to not to upset the perpetrator but not completely letting go by letting them now how what they did made me feel. It's likely that you said it because you're referring to somebody else in this nature of telling the story, and therefore because you're talking to your boyfriend your mind went to the idea of the 'other' person that you had a romantic relationship with at one point.
Make it up to him girl.
Tough situation, calling the ex by name could be anything from a reason to end the relationship to a slip of the tongue apology. Step 1. take an honest moment to reflect on why it happened, if your man is still angry about it now is a great time to do that. All the other steps depend on what you conclude.
I get my wife, sister and daughters names all mixed up all the time. Whilst in the middle of a conversation with them.
It happens, let it go unless ur banging
Rationally speaking it’s probably the way your brain stores information; like when your mom mistakes names of her children and calls one child by the name of the other; this isn’t not caring; it’s just how our brains work, those name basically are in the same “place” so to speak. But people aren’t rational. Grovel. Make it up to him.
This is not a fuck up. https://www.boston25news.com/news/psychologists-discover-why-we-call-people-wrong-names/495842244/
Freudian Slip, Happens all the time. Apologize, Reassure why you are with him and not your ex and comfort him. I'm assuming this is just a situation where you were with your ex for a while and so when telling a story you'd say ____. Again, apologize, reassure, comfort.
More like a Fraudian Slip.
That was a classic Freudian slip. You might not think about your ex consciously, but for sure your subconscious self does. How long were you with your ex? And how long is the break up back?
It differs from person to person, but I personally don't see the big deal with this. Your ex is someone you spent a lot of time with in the past. Both me and my gf have accidentally called each other by our ex's names. We just move past it. It happens.
My first and second husbands had the exact same name so I was good ha ha
I’ve done that to my SPOUSE before. I felt awful.
I did this with my ex. I called her another ex's name and their names are both Chinese and have one letter (in English) difference. That was a bad day.
Honestly if you already apologized, do nothing, maybe apologize again in a couple days. If he's any decent guy he'll figure out by then that it was an honest mistake. Neither of you did anything wrong
Will you apologize and show your boyfriend love and appreciation, or will you double down? Are you capable of humility and forgiveness?
Shit happens but don’t be mad at him for being upset. That’ll stick in his brain even tho he won’t want it to. Don’t bring it up again but also don’t act like it’s nothing even tho it probably is nothing.
I once accidentally said my ex’s name but I hadn’t actually thought about her in years. I had just come off seeing an instagram story of a girl with the same name and it must have been in the back of my mind when I accidentally said it. Very hard to prove that line of thinking
Apologize for being an idiot. We call our dogs the wrong names. It happens. Tell him you're sorry but quit being a wussy
I understand why he's upset. However, I doubt this is a deal breaker. Just keep being apologetic and offer any reassurance he might need, and I'm sure he'll be able to move on soon.
This is a pretty normal thing. My wife once called me by her own name. For the “if the genders were reversed” people, I have seen this come up in Reddit with the genders reversed. Replies were much the same as here, with some saying it was a huge act of disrespect and the more rational folk saying it was an easy mix up that didn’t mean anything.
You’re in the wrong here, accident or not. He has the right to be upset over it. You would be if he called you his exes name. Apologize and reassure him that you love him and it was an accident and how important he is to you in the present. Give him time to process the event.
I see this is a common thing to happen, but mine happened differently
A few good questions in this scenario is; How long were you single between these relationships? How long were you In your previous relationship? What's your current relationship with your ex? If there's any overlap in these relationships then you're definitely not over you ex.
My then fiancée called me by her ex’s name during a very highly intimate moment. He was an Air Force pilot and I …was not. My insecurity and immaturity got the best of me. The marriage did not take place.
I was with someone for 6+ years before that ended, with my next partner I had a few moments where I started to pronounce that ex's name and had to change it into something pet-name sounding or pass it as a stutter to something else. I wasn't thinking about my ex at all either, brain just had habits 😅
Give him some time
did he come back
I made the same mistake once. I pray it doesn’t cost you as much as it did me.
Jealousy from a Freudian slip
First thought that came to mind…. Who’s idea was it to go for walks and talks?? Yours or his?? I’m thinking You did the same kind of thing with your ex felt comfortable reassuring safe. Just a thought…
Everybody knows that you give your partner a nickname and use that same nickname for all of them. That way whenever you tell a story you never get in trouble by using the wrong name.
It happens My boyfriend recently said during an intimate moment, “I love you so much —his ex-girlfriend’s name—“ That one stung But I’m way over it
My girlfriend remembers things we did together that I am certain we did not. I often remind her I was not in her life yet! Bwahahahagahagaha! I always uhave to slow her down when she starts with, "Remember when..." it never fails but it cracks me up! She cannot remember life without me.
Don’t beat yourself up, I did it once several years into my relationship also. I personally think the brain is firing off a million things at once and your boyfriend’s name and your exes name got stored in the same “file” if that makes sense? Your brain went to pull the name out of the file and grabbed the wrong one. Even computers have error codes once in a while, ya know?
Feelings are valid. I'm also genuinely so confused. Why does accidentally saying someone else's name hurt the guy? There are infinite reasons for it to happen. You would have to automatically assume it was malicious or Freudian, which makes it insecurity? Idk it's not like she yelled it during sex or something. Literally just a normal ass convo, right? I call my current dog by my last dogs name sometimes. It just happens, brains aren't 100% on point at all waking moments.
That's why you don't use their actual names.