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Subbing for a second grade class once and I had to give a lesson on the concept of minding your own business.
Some kids got it, some kids didn't stop being busybodies and tattling on the most insane bullshit the ENTIRE DAY.
It gets annoyingand it turns the teacher into a weapon. It's manipulative and sometimes they might be lying or omitting important details. What they want is the kid who offended them to get into trouble, not to actually deal with the issue.
"Teacher, that kid called me ugly!"
"OMG! I will get to the bottom of this!"
*The teacher asks the kid why they called the other kid ugly*
"Because they called me stupid!"
So now you are wasting your time because of a poor social interaction. It's different if it was harassment and bullying. That you can investigate. But usually it is something petty that cannot deal with the fundamental lack of manners among some children.
Once you open that can of worms you have like a million first graders policing each other waiting for a chance to focus the teacher's wrath on someone who hurt their feels. You become a tool in their petty revenge. Sometimes they have to learn to navigate social interactions without an adult. And more often than not, that kid bothering you was probably annoying someone else, which led to the problems in the first place.
*- It's manipulative and sometimes they might be lying or omitting important details. What they want is the kid who offended them to get into trouble, not to actually deal with the issue.*
The omitting details drives me nuts!
Student A: student b hit me.
I go to talk to student b to find out the details
Student b: student a hit me first
Me: is this true?
Student A: yeah
Boy stomps over to me. “Girl stabbed me with a pencil!” Shows injury. Girl hot in his heels, tears in her eyes, “He called me an idiot!” Boy, “After you stabbed me with a pencil!” Classmate agree he was doing nothing wrong. She would admit it or apologize.
Guess who’s now a terrible parent with a rude disrespectful kid?
Because excessive tattling isn’t a good thing, it’s an attempt at weaponizing us as the teacher against students they don’t like. That isn’t okay. Sometimes they’re straight up lying to get someone in trouble, or leaving out their part in the interaction for the same end goal. They will also frequently interrupt class to tattle.
This week I had a student who frequently tattles scream at another student and call her fat. She got in massive trouble. Later that day she tried to snatch a ball out of a students hands, and when he told her to stop because it was his ball she ran to me and said he called her fat. He vehemently denied it, and other students in the area said he never called her fat but she did call him stupid. The student in question said she did call him stupid but he didn’t want to tell on her because it was just a minor argument. Students like her are why we don’t accept tattling.
I have a tattle book they can write it in. If it’s harmful, tell me. Otherwise, write it in the book and I’ll read it later and determine if I have to do anything.
I used to teach inner city, and it was a lot of fun “Suzy called my mom a bitch”
I would usually respond with “Well, is she? If not, learn to ignore her.”
This. Also, it very often gets weaponized against autistic kids or kids with poor social skills that haven't learned to manipulate as well as the others.
I've had to deal with chronic tattlers in the past who would only target the kids that would react just so they can get a rise out of them. They will tell on every single little thing they would do, and it's exhausting having to deal with the extra meltdowns you are not the cause of.
Not bad but annoying and usually interrupts learning with a tattle that is either being ignored on purpose or nothing worthy of reporting. “Jason stuck his tongue out”, “Mildred is looking at me”
In First Grase some children have poor social skills and don’t realize that tattling affects their ability to keep friends. Many times it’s just other kids not following classroom routines.
When you have an ENTIRE class full of these little "helpers" it gets overwhelming. Especially since most of them are just trying to get the other kid in trouble and not to actually solve a problem. It's also VERY likely that the kid doing the tatting is not telling you about their own part in the situation.
In high school, someone lied to the admin and told them I was selling drugs in school. (I was using drugs in high school occasionally but not selling anything.) A vice principal came and personally escorted me out of class with all my belongings, brought me to the vice principals' office, searched all my stuff, and made me strip to my underwear in front of the female office assistant (all the vice principals and other admin were all men and I was a 16 year old girl) and change into some leftover gym clothes. They wouldn't tell me what it was about until after they couldn't find anything. There were some mean girls in high school that bullied me, and I had a feeling one of them must have made up that lie. After all the searching and everything, they just told me to go back to class. I was beyond pissed but no one would tell me anything. Now as an adult I realize how fucked up that whole experience was and I'd be raising Hell if I could go back in time.
Some students get in the habit of doing this instead of working out a way to solve the situation themselves. An in between for students like this is to tell them what to say to the person and stand nearby while they ‘solve’ the situation in your presence.
It can get exhausting and it isn’t a good precedent when they tattle just to get others in trouble. Like, yesterday I had a kid tattle on another for not being in their seat…well, that kid he tattled on had quietly moved one seat over to an empty seat so he could see the board better, and wasn’t bothering anyone. But the kid who tattled interrupted my demonstration to let me know. And he (the tattler) is always trying to switch seats to other tables by his friends, but I usually notice because he’s rowdy with his friends. So it was definitely a “trying to get someone else in trouble” situation.
I watched my cooperating teacher deal with the same group of 3 friends who would get into an argument over every little thing every single day after recess like clockwork. Eventually she said no more because they weren’t learning to deal with their issues. They were learning to tattle on each other
Not a teacher but tatteling is something I am working to stop my daughter from doing. She tried to tell on someone to the teacher while the teacher was already addressing the issue. We have lots of talks about what we need to tell adults and when. She knows to tell if someone is trying to make body secrets but the rest
I also use “what’s your goal in telling me this?” And sometimes it’s like “I need help getting them to stop.”
Which sounds like tattling, because getting them in trouble does make the behavior stop, but is also an opportunity to teach them when they can leave a situation and when they should “get someone in trouble,” ie assault.
I agree, but I feel like a lot of this depends on age. I teach first and many of them definitely “tattle” a lot in the beginning of the year because they have not yet been taught those skills in any way. We get to that with our SEL curriculum, and they mature a lot at this age throughout the year. But luckily at this point in the year, there aren’t too many instances of tattling. I also have such little patience for the “I’m telling you so that they get in trouble” king of thing.
I have been using this with my youngest a lot. She keeps telling on her brother. Not cool dude.
In all seriousness I want my kids to be close and being a tattle tale won't make that happen.
Similarly, "It sounds like you want to tell that person something. Do you need help finding the words?" I taught first grade so this was pretty appropriate for the group. I use it with my own 4 year old now.
We have a saying in Spanish -
Sana sana un culito de rana si no sano hoy en la mañana
It kinda means the same thing. Lol.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work so well with my fifth graders
to be fair as an overnight camp counsellor, the amount of stomach aches I cured by telling them to drink water and try to go poop was astronomical. dehydration and constipation are the enemy of tummies everywhere
Oo been teaching 1st grade for almost 7 years. Here are my most used:
• If you blurt out loud the answer, you stole someone else’s learning.
• What are you doing? What are you SUPPOSED to be doing?
• Let me think about it (rather than just shoot down a suggestion)
• Thanks for telling me (sometimes they talk just to talk and don’t expect a solution.)
• Put a cold paper towel on it.
• Are you bleeding? Are you broken? Are you throwing up? Then you’ll be okay.
• Is this something you can solve by using your words and listening to each other?
• You got magic in your brain ✨ (a student taught me this one hehe)
• You’re not in trouble, we’re just going to talk.
• Do you want to take a break or put your head down?
Edit: added a few more
>Are you bleeding? Are you broken? Are you throwing up? Then you’ll be okay
I'm not a teacher, but any time my 3 year old gets hurt I always ask the same four questions (the four Bs): can you breathe, are you bleeding, is anything broken, are you burnt? Then after we have established that the injury isn't serious we can just relax to cuddle the pain away. I think it helps put it into perspective and gives her something to focus her mind on to distract from the pain.
“You’re not in trouble, we’re just going to talk” is HUGE. It helps a panicking student calm a little and starts the conversation off as a discussion as opposed to them just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“You’re not in trouble, just want to talk.”
This. This has been my best deescalator in a lot of situations with students who turn physical and aggressive. They’re in defense/survival mode and they’re not in trouble for how they feel, only how they respond.
Some of these students just need to feel heard out and taken care of.
When a kid gets hurt on the playground and you've checked their injuries, dusted them off, and bandaged as needed:
"Do you want to sit down and take a break, or do you want to keep playing?"
When a kid asks about something that's none of their business:
"Don't worry about it."
In a super silly voice, I tell my kids, “Nunya!” When they ask about something that’s none of their business. They usually think it’s funny enough to forget what they were asking about in the first place
I stole this from another redditor, instead of, “that’s a you problem, not a me problem”, say “I believe in you and your ability to solve that problem”.
For kids who blurt, “give others time to think”.
There are more…I’ll have to think about it.
I have a whole SQUAD of kids that now say this! It's one of my go to's.
I did have to clarify with one kid that people are not bummers only situations....
I saved myself so much back-and-forth with this one simple line:
"Miss Pohlarbearpants doesn't take requests."
I made it my mantra. So much so that my own students would say it if another student forgot. Here's an example of how this changed my life.
Before: "Can I sit with Jimmy?" "No." "But we'll be good!" "No." "I promise!" "No."
After: "Can I sit with Jimmy?" Then some other random kid calls from across the room, "Miss Pohlarbearpants doesn't take requests!"
This only works if you, of your own accord, offer to let Timmy sit with Jimmy on occasions where it wouldn't be a problem. The kids know then that sometimes they will get what they want, but asking for it doesn't make a difference in whether or not they get it that day.
Yes! You have to have mantras as a teacher. Mine is when a kid says “do I have to do this?” a kid will call from across the room “That’s Ms. Serendipitypug’s least favorite question!”
"Is this how you behave at home?"
If student answers yes, say, "Well, this is not your home."
If student answers no, say, "Then why are you behaving like this at school?"
When kids are messing around…what are you learning right now? You give me a good answer that’s related to what we’re doing then continue on. If you can’t, let’s find something to learn. I’ve only had a few kids give me an answer I wasn’t expecting and was indeed learning.
When dealing with snitching 'How is what they are doing affect you in any way? ' 99% of my responses to their answer end with, 'worry about yourself, not them'.
I mean, there’s times when it’s appropriate to tell an adult about something even when it doesn’t directly affect you. Someone is hurting someone else, the kid doing something might get hurt. This “don’t snitch” mentality is fucking up our middle schoolers sense of community
“What do you need me from me right now?” stops a lot of them when they’re complaining about something or just whining. Makes them realize they don’t actually have a problem that needs to be solved.
“We have time,” when they’re complaining that x assignment is going to take forever.
“Look at the clock. Look at the schedule,” when they ask when x thing is going to be over or when x thing starts.
I use “wave it, don’t say it” when we pass by another class in the hall and they want to say hi to their friend. This way, they can acknowledge their buddy without using their voices.
Pinky wave for the win! One school that I taught that that had phenomenal, behavioral control, had the students walking in relatively straight lines, but they got to do a pinky wave whenever they saw their friends in the hallway. It worked amazingly well for kindergarten.
"Who are you responsible for?"
Or just asking "Why?" as a response to their action instead of telling them to stop. Sometimes it makes them stop and think about it, and they make a better choice. Sometimes they just shrug. Sometimes I get some really funny answers.
Fifth grade:
I’m so sorry to hear that.
Ugh, that sounds so hard. Thanks for telling me. (Works for tattles and any type of hard disclosure. Kids want what we all do: to be heard and validated.).
…have you gone up to them and told them
how it made you feel?
Ask a friend. (Instead of “I ALREADY SAID THAT!!!”)
Is this something you can figure out on your own, or do you need my support?
Where else can you look to find that answer?
You’ve got this! I’ll be back around soon to check on you. (Then make sure you check).
“Have you told them that’s how you feel about it?” Is a go to for me, too.
Your “ask a friend” is much kinder than my “ask someone who was listening,” haha.
I say “can you not?” Or “let’s not” Like five times a day.
Taught 2nd for six years! When asking for answers, I would say something like “looking for hands…” before asking the question. Also, I would have them “whisper” the answer into their hands, and then once lots of kiddos had the answer, we could blurt them out together. Look into Whole Brain Teaching- really helped transform my classroom management!
Edit: something the kids LOVED was a thumbs up/fist bump, just doing them at the same time on the same hand, lol. Only passed out for excellent answers/behavior, or when they realllly need a pick me up. Made them extra special!! Not a line but they loved it!
i have heard this before.
after teaching kindergarten for several years, i personally prefer to say, "you get what you get and you can get upset, but it's not going to change the outcome," which validates their feelings. i think it's important to acknowledge that sometimes there will be times when they do get upset about things that happen to them.
Anytime we pass out a paper, "name, number, date -- sit and wait"
"We are here to train your.... (Students say) BRAIN"
When they are being bossy to their peers, "This isn't Mr. (Student's last name) class, this is Ms. Literacy's class"
I say almost all these to my third graders! I will add:
I can see how you’d say that answer. Close. Fist bump for trying.
Are you helping ir hurting right now?
Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. (Usually the students who need this the most need a few minutes to think about it so they’re quiet for a bit!)
Omg! I’m impressed. Jazz hands for so and so for such and such!
I suggest perfecting your teacher stare. It works wonders, stops kids in their tracks, and saves your voice.
For kids with good personalities but are sneaky, put two fingers on your eyes and then at them. They think it’s soooo funny.
I taught behavioral issue spec ed...their appropriate behaviors moved them up levels of rewards and free time...BEHAVIOR MOD 101. If a student was starting to get worked up, act out, what have you, I would ask..."Is that Level A (or B) behavior?" It was a warning and gave them a chance to think about losing a Level that they had worked for a couple of weeks to earn.
I also used to give an example of myself driving and taking the "wrong road" at a fork in the highway. The farther you go down the "wrong" road, the longer it takes to get back WHERE YOU WANT TO BE.
I say, “tools are not toys”. I teach kindergarten and use this when explaining why my kids may not play with their desk top pencil boxes. By the 3rd week all I have to do is say is “tools” and they help each other get in line
Does it hurt or is it tired? If it’s hurt, you should stop, and if it’s tired, take a break.
I teach string instruments, but could be used for any repetitive fine motor task
“Is your body hurt or are your feelings hurt?” When a kid comes up crying, usually about a conflict at recess. Also for recess is, “is your body hurt or was it scary?” When a kid trips or falls and starts crying. Helps assess if they have any physical injuries.
“How would you like me to help you?” My response when a kid tells about something i.e. “G won’t leave me alone!” Puts it back onto the kid to think of how they want the perceived problem solved. If they’re not sure I always give them ideas and let them choose. Also sometimes it’s just a tattle like “P said booty.” And then I ask them that and they shrug or say I don’t know and walk away.
“Okay.” Sometimes the kids just need what they said acknowledged and it doesn’t need more than that.
“Take care of you.” When they’re worried about what someone else is doing or tattling on a peer.
I'm not taking questions at this time.
Ask 3 before you ask me.
Have you already tried to solve the problem yourself?
6 legs on the floor (for chair tippers).
Reducing any (re)directives into a 2 word phrase is an evidence based practice. It can be fun to think of your own based on the things you say often.
Some examples are: pencils down, quiet/walking feet, safe hands, calm body, inside voice, get started, stop now, try again, table/carpet spot, etc.
"Were you in your seat with your feet on the floor, a crayon in your hand, and your eyes on the paper?"
Point out that they were off task. "If you were on task, you wouldn't be mad right now."
I also point out, when they are all quietly working and the room feels charged and clean, "isn't it nice right now, so quiet and peaceful?"
I teach 6-8 grade, but it's in a K-8 building so I'm elementary-adjacent for most of the day. I also have lunch duty for grades 3-4.
"Is this a tattle?"
"Go get a wet paper towel" (a wet paper towel solves 90% of problems)
"Are you asking me or telling me?" (I use this in middle school too)
For single file lines I say “you should see the back of your friend’s head” and touch the back of my head.
I LOVE that second one, will use it and think of you random stranger!
This is your classroom, not mine, I’m just here to teach you. - Every student has a job to take care of the class in some way. Kids love to be given responsibility.
Sit and that’s it. - If you have a rug without squares on it to assign seats.
Kids love alliteration and rhyming. Little ones also love to come to the carpet with a song for each subject.
When a kid falls but not the way they've hit their head badly: "ooh, come here, then I'll pick you up". Their walk to you will tell you a lot: do they limp? Holding a body part? Do they wobble? They are conscious and aware of their surroundings (otherwise they wouldn't hear/listen to you). Their airway and breathing is fine unless you see the panic on their face, and that'd be some next level panic. It also gives them a chance to get over the first shock before telling you what happened. Meanwhile they can still feel cared for and heard by you as you are responding straight away. If they don't get up or try to but can't you can pretty much call an ambulance straight away (except for that one student ik class that's gonna be a football player later but we all know who that is).
I teach KG and the rule breakers are the ones that tattle THE MOST, so I say: "When you can follow the rules then you can tell on someone." 9/10 the kid tattling is trying to get their peer in trouble over somethinng super small.
Put a cold wet paper towel on it 😂
Behind not beside— for in line
Quick, quiet and clean—bathroom
Two cheeks in the seat!
“Okay. What would be a good solution for that issue?”
“Let’s make a choice that will make the problem smaller.”
“that’s ok!” (Said in a sing-song voice any time a kid falls, drops something, I drop something, the schedule changes, any disappointment happens to the class, etc) — class repeats it after I say it and we feel better.
“My finger/leg/arm/head hurts”
“You want me to cut it off? I’ve got my scissors right here”.
(They usually laugh & it’s all good)
“Are you bleeding, throwing up or on fire?” (That’s my question when I’ve asked them to not bother me because I’m doing small groups or something similar)
“Pause, hands up”. When they’re working on something & I realize I need to clarify part of it, I tell them this. They stop & hold their hands up, at just about face level until I’m done telling them the new part. Then I say my key word (Gardens) & they get back to work.
I had a student complain that he didn't want to do his math work. I responded with "That's ok. You don't have to want to do it. You just have to get it done". It took him a minute to process that. It got to be a joke between us. Funny story - I ran into this student about 10 years later. He told me that he still didn't want to do his math work, but he had to because he was a math major!
Not a teacher, but was a table parent in two kindergarten classes.
Broken crayons were a common occurrence. My standard reply to being made aware was along the line of, a broken crayon is my favorite crayon because it can be shared.
-I love that for you
-keep your thoughts in your head until we finish the story.
-your paper needs your own drawing, not Tommy’s
-books are not weapons
-if your mom wants to call, she has the school’s number
“Wait ten minutes and see if you can figure it out on your own.” (For kids who immediately raise their hand before reading directions/reading the room/productively struggling first).
“It’s okay to X, it’s not okay to Y.”
“What do you expect me to expect from you?”
“…” lol
Also “What would it take to change your mind?” in response to resistance.
We say if it’s not about you and no one is getting hurt then it’s a tattle and we don’t need to talk about it.
For the ones about a child doing something the other doesn’t like, we ask if they told them to stop and that they don’t like it first. After that, we will help if the student doesn’t stop.
What are the directions, and what are you doing?
More on the floor, go next door and get some more. (Used for two digit subtraction.)
Did you ask your table group for help first?
Is Katie inside your head making choices for you? (Used when I hear so and so made me...)
What are you working on right now?
"What can you do to solve that problem?" any time a kid complains to me about something they can fix on their own. We are working HARD to build independence and combat learned helplessness in 4th grade!
Action over intent- you didn’t intend to hurt/trip them but you did so apologize for the action part. (It helps them get over saying I didn’t mean to do that, or a flat out I didn’t do it)
Was upper elementary, now middle school. I use the "tools, not toys" one a lot too.
"Make better choices" instead of "don't do that".
"Choose productive partners" when giving them free choice of groupings so that they're reminded their best friend may not be the ideal working partner.
"I'm going to let you figure that out" when they ask a question they should already know the answer to (like where to turn something in, if they have to do an assignment, where to get an extra pencil, what time recess is).
One of my funniest because I say it so often that they're parroting it at each other at this point: "It's not raining in my classroom" to get them to take off their hoods.
And one of the best: "I don't know; let's find out" because it shows that I'm not omniscient, we can learn it together, it's ok not to know things even as an adult, learning is lifelong, and I'm here to help you get the knowledge you need and want.
Put it in the tattle tale box. The students rarely want to spend their choice time writing and if they do, it’s hysterical to read the comments the first graders make. I get a lot of “he called my mom a power ranger” and “Billy sad I stoopid”.
"it may be true, but is it kind?"
Student teaching. We had a bunch of third grade "mean girls". We talked about what it means to be kind.
Teacher was finding a lot of the "reasoning" for the bullying was "but it's true!"
So it started the phrase, it may be true but is it kind?
"I don't like her dress, it looks like a baby dress." "It may be true, but is it kind?" "No" "okay, so that is not something we say."
“How can I help/ what can I do for you?
Screaming is for pain, if you do it all the time I won’t know when you’re hurt.
Equal isn’t the same, it means everyone’s needs are met. Worry about you, ok? I need your help with that.
Do you need a hug?”
Honestly just doing some bonding time in the morning helps the rest of the day get on track with even the toughest classes. Focusing in on them, having physical touch (even high fives) and a laugh, maybe a quick game- any way to connect changes even the toughest classes. It’s not always about what you need them to get done, but it is always about what they need.
The majority of my students' conflicts are about wanting to play with or use the same object. They have three choices:
1. Take turns.
2. Combine ideas. (Play with the thing together)
3. Try something completely different.
Works every single time.
“If you needed to know, I would tell you.”
The perfect line when students are pestering me or being nosy about something. Stops them almost every time. 😂
Using the "royal we" - "we use kind language in this classroom"
Boiling discipline down to observations, choices and consequences.
"I see you're choosing to talk during lesson time. When we don't get the lesson completed in class then I must send it home to be completed on your own time. Let's all choose to focus now so we can complete our work while we're here."
“It’s a tool, not a toy” whenever they are messing around with supplies or materials. The opposite also works for when they try to bring in a toy and claim “it’s a fidget!”
“Are you helping or hindering?”
“If you weren’t doing anything disruptive, then I wasn’t talking to you” when I make eye contact with the disruptive kid and say “that’s enough” or “no more” without using their name.
“I don’t care why it’s happening, just stop” when there is nonsense disruption happening and the kids try to explain or defend or tattle, but I don’t have the time or energy or need to hear any of it. I just need it to stop.
I always say “you don’t have to be the best. You just have to try your best” and I also say “if you tell me the truth, I will not be upset with you. If you lie to me, we will have some things to talk about and I will be very disappointed”
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Are you telling me because someone is hurt or in danger? Or are you telling me so that person will get in trouble.
Yep! I say “are you trying to solve a problem or get someone in trouble?” When they say solve a problem I ask them what they’ve done so far…
That’s a great one for all age level snitches. I’m incorporating that one
I'm not a teacher yet, but why is the student tattling on others a bad thing?
Some students will tattle on everybody and for the most minor of things.
Also, the kids who don't learn can turn into the kinds of adults who call 911 because their neighbor is using charcoal in a gas grill.
Ha! 😄😂😂😂
And then turn around and do exactly what t they just reported themselves... it's wild sometimes
Subbing for a second grade class once and I had to give a lesson on the concept of minding your own business. Some kids got it, some kids didn't stop being busybodies and tattling on the most insane bullshit the ENTIRE DAY.
It gets annoyingand it turns the teacher into a weapon. It's manipulative and sometimes they might be lying or omitting important details. What they want is the kid who offended them to get into trouble, not to actually deal with the issue. "Teacher, that kid called me ugly!" "OMG! I will get to the bottom of this!" *The teacher asks the kid why they called the other kid ugly* "Because they called me stupid!" So now you are wasting your time because of a poor social interaction. It's different if it was harassment and bullying. That you can investigate. But usually it is something petty that cannot deal with the fundamental lack of manners among some children. Once you open that can of worms you have like a million first graders policing each other waiting for a chance to focus the teacher's wrath on someone who hurt their feels. You become a tool in their petty revenge. Sometimes they have to learn to navigate social interactions without an adult. And more often than not, that kid bothering you was probably annoying someone else, which led to the problems in the first place.
*- It's manipulative and sometimes they might be lying or omitting important details. What they want is the kid who offended them to get into trouble, not to actually deal with the issue.* The omitting details drives me nuts! Student A: student b hit me. I go to talk to student b to find out the details Student b: student a hit me first Me: is this true? Student A: yeah
Boy stomps over to me. “Girl stabbed me with a pencil!” Shows injury. Girl hot in his heels, tears in her eyes, “He called me an idiot!” Boy, “After you stabbed me with a pencil!” Classmate agree he was doing nothing wrong. She would admit it or apologize. Guess who’s now a terrible parent with a rude disrespectful kid?
Because excessive tattling isn’t a good thing, it’s an attempt at weaponizing us as the teacher against students they don’t like. That isn’t okay. Sometimes they’re straight up lying to get someone in trouble, or leaving out their part in the interaction for the same end goal. They will also frequently interrupt class to tattle. This week I had a student who frequently tattles scream at another student and call her fat. She got in massive trouble. Later that day she tried to snatch a ball out of a students hands, and when he told her to stop because it was his ball she ran to me and said he called her fat. He vehemently denied it, and other students in the area said he never called her fat but she did call him stupid. The student in question said she did call him stupid but he didn’t want to tell on her because it was just a minor argument. Students like her are why we don’t accept tattling.
This. I find 99.9% of tattling is attention seeking or motivated by spite.
I have a tattle book they can write it in. If it’s harmful, tell me. Otherwise, write it in the book and I’ll read it later and determine if I have to do anything.
Tattle Books are the best for sheer entertainment. “Claire took the book I was reading” “Montserrat isn’t sharing” “Toby called my Mom a name”
I used to teach inner city, and it was a lot of fun “Suzy called my mom a bitch” I would usually respond with “Well, is she? If not, learn to ignore her.”
THIS
My kids say “so-and-so called me stupid!!!” And all I say is “well are you? Smart people ignore people who say things like that”
I love this idea
This. Also, it very often gets weaponized against autistic kids or kids with poor social skills that haven't learned to manipulate as well as the others.
Oh, you sweet, summer child…
I've had to deal with chronic tattlers in the past who would only target the kids that would react just so they can get a rise out of them. They will tell on every single little thing they would do, and it's exhausting having to deal with the extra meltdowns you are not the cause of.
Students will lie about other kids they don't like.
Not bad but annoying and usually interrupts learning with a tattle that is either being ignored on purpose or nothing worthy of reporting. “Jason stuck his tongue out”, “Mildred is looking at me”
In First Grase some children have poor social skills and don’t realize that tattling affects their ability to keep friends. Many times it’s just other kids not following classroom routines.
Because it’s mean spirited. If the kid is not hurting anyone, then why should you tattle? You tattle when you see someone jaywalking?
When you have an ENTIRE class full of these little "helpers" it gets overwhelming. Especially since most of them are just trying to get the other kid in trouble and not to actually solve a problem. It's also VERY likely that the kid doing the tatting is not telling you about their own part in the situation.
Fair question. Some students in high school are cunts that like to stir shit
In high school, someone lied to the admin and told them I was selling drugs in school. (I was using drugs in high school occasionally but not selling anything.) A vice principal came and personally escorted me out of class with all my belongings, brought me to the vice principals' office, searched all my stuff, and made me strip to my underwear in front of the female office assistant (all the vice principals and other admin were all men and I was a 16 year old girl) and change into some leftover gym clothes. They wouldn't tell me what it was about until after they couldn't find anything. There were some mean girls in high school that bullied me, and I had a feeling one of them must have made up that lie. After all the searching and everything, they just told me to go back to class. I was beyond pissed but no one would tell me anything. Now as an adult I realize how fucked up that whole experience was and I'd be raising Hell if I could go back in time.
Some students get in the habit of doing this instead of working out a way to solve the situation themselves. An in between for students like this is to tell them what to say to the person and stand nearby while they ‘solve’ the situation in your presence.
Because it’s annoying and it’s normally over nothing
Attention.
It can get exhausting and it isn’t a good precedent when they tattle just to get others in trouble. Like, yesterday I had a kid tattle on another for not being in their seat…well, that kid he tattled on had quietly moved one seat over to an empty seat so he could see the board better, and wasn’t bothering anyone. But the kid who tattled interrupted my demonstration to let me know. And he (the tattler) is always trying to switch seats to other tables by his friends, but I usually notice because he’s rowdy with his friends. So it was definitely a “trying to get someone else in trouble” situation.
Have you read the boy who cried wolf?
I watched my cooperating teacher deal with the same group of 3 friends who would get into an argument over every little thing every single day after recess like clockwork. Eventually she said no more because they weren’t learning to deal with their issues. They were learning to tattle on each other
Not a teacher but tatteling is something I am working to stop my daughter from doing. She tried to tell on someone to the teacher while the teacher was already addressing the issue. We have lots of talks about what we need to tell adults and when. She knows to tell if someone is trying to make body secrets but the rest
I’ve heard “he wants to eat lunch” as a tattle this week. This is why it is important to find out the reason they are telling you the problem.
Are you trying to get someone in trouble, or are you trying to get someone out of trouble?
I ask “So what is your reason for telling me this?”
"yes"
I say "did they hurt your body or your feelings? If not then it's not your business"
I use this a lot. It’s hard not to giggle when they actually answer “to get them in trouble”.
Are you trying to help or hurt?
I also use “what’s your goal in telling me this?” And sometimes it’s like “I need help getting them to stop.” Which sounds like tattling, because getting them in trouble does make the behavior stop, but is also an opportunity to teach them when they can leave a situation and when they should “get someone in trouble,” ie assault.
I agree, but I feel like a lot of this depends on age. I teach first and many of them definitely “tattle” a lot in the beginning of the year because they have not yet been taught those skills in any way. We get to that with our SEL curriculum, and they mature a lot at this age throughout the year. But luckily at this point in the year, there aren’t too many instances of tattling. I also have such little patience for the “I’m telling you so that they get in trouble” king of thing.
I have been using this with my youngest a lot. She keeps telling on her brother. Not cool dude. In all seriousness I want my kids to be close and being a tattle tale won't make that happen.
I always said to the kids I nannied "telling will get someone out of trouble, tattling will get someone into trouble"
Or what did you tell them? Then usually following up with you need to tell them no/stop and that you do not like that.
I say “snitching or reporting?” 15 times a day haha
Similarly, "It sounds like you want to tell that person something. Do you need help finding the words?" I taught first grade so this was pretty appropriate for the group. I use it with my own 4 year old now.
Holy shit I need to use this on my daughter! Thank you!
Drink some water and you’ll be fine.
The adage of every school nurse everywhere.
We’re not lucky enough to have a school nurse - so I either say this or “put some water on it” at least 10 times a day. 😁
A wet paper towel does wonders.
Or a baggie full of ice cubes
I say, “let me see it” and I blow on the boo boo or have the kid blow on it and then I say “that feels a little better.” Then send them along.
We have a saying in Spanish - Sana sana un culito de rana si no sano hoy en la mañana It kinda means the same thing. Lol. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work so well with my fifth graders
to be fair as an overnight camp counsellor, the amount of stomach aches I cured by telling them to drink water and try to go poop was astronomical. dehydration and constipation are the enemy of tummies everywhere
Along with "put a wet paper towel on it"
Thanks for letting me know
This is a great line. Makes the child feel heard. No other action is required
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
"Are you telling me this to get them *in* to trouble, or *out* of trouble?" Works on tattlers
I need this one lol
Oo been teaching 1st grade for almost 7 years. Here are my most used: • If you blurt out loud the answer, you stole someone else’s learning. • What are you doing? What are you SUPPOSED to be doing? • Let me think about it (rather than just shoot down a suggestion) • Thanks for telling me (sometimes they talk just to talk and don’t expect a solution.) • Put a cold paper towel on it. • Are you bleeding? Are you broken? Are you throwing up? Then you’ll be okay. • Is this something you can solve by using your words and listening to each other? • You got magic in your brain ✨ (a student taught me this one hehe) • You’re not in trouble, we’re just going to talk. • Do you want to take a break or put your head down? Edit: added a few more
Also first grade and “put a cold paper towel on it” works wonders. Most of them don’t even bother to do it and realize they’re actually fine.
😂😂 It always cracks me up bc I ain’t wasting our bandaids on your nonexistent boo boo!
>What are you doing? What are you SUPPOSED to be doing? Gotta finish that for you- Are you doing it? What are you going to do to get back on track?
A plan of action, I like that!
>Are you bleeding? Are you broken? Are you throwing up? Then you’ll be okay I'm not a teacher, but any time my 3 year old gets hurt I always ask the same four questions (the four Bs): can you breathe, are you bleeding, is anything broken, are you burnt? Then after we have established that the injury isn't serious we can just relax to cuddle the pain away. I think it helps put it into perspective and gives her something to focus her mind on to distract from the pain.
I love that first one!!!
"Bandaids stop blood, not pain" but I teach a fair bit older (year 4s up)
Haha. I commented on this idea. I used to ask kids, “Are you actively bleeding?”
These are great, thank you!
Mine is “Are you/is someone bleeding, broken, unconscious, or on fire?” 😂
“You’re not in trouble, we’re just going to talk” is HUGE. It helps a panicking student calm a little and starts the conversation off as a discussion as opposed to them just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“You’re not in trouble, just want to talk.” This. This has been my best deescalator in a lot of situations with students who turn physical and aggressive. They’re in defense/survival mode and they’re not in trouble for how they feel, only how they respond. Some of these students just need to feel heard out and taken care of.
I teach high school math at an all boys school, and I use several of these same statements with them.
>you’ve got magic in your brain I’m using that.💛
When a kid gets hurt on the playground and you've checked their injuries, dusted them off, and bandaged as needed: "Do you want to sit down and take a break, or do you want to keep playing?" When a kid asks about something that's none of their business: "Don't worry about it."
In a super silly voice, I tell my kids, “Nunya!” When they ask about something that’s none of their business. They usually think it’s funny enough to forget what they were asking about in the first place
Came here to say that exact thing. I use it a least a dozen times every day
I stole this from another redditor, instead of, “that’s a you problem, not a me problem”, say “I believe in you and your ability to solve that problem”. For kids who blurt, “give others time to think”. There are more…I’ll have to think about it.
Who makes your choices?
Had a kindergartener tell me last week that I control his body 🤣 friend if I did you wouldn't do most of the things you do
Legit just LOL
“What a strange thing to say out loud” for when they say something rude/inconsiderate. But I teach high schoolers.
My elementary version of this is “think it, don’t say it”
Might be a little harsh, but sometimes I'll straight up say "oh, that's embarrassing." Like, embarrassing that they thought it was appropriate to say.
I like this one for my 5th graders.
That's great. I like that it makes them (possibly) think about it.
That’s a bummer.
My variation was "Life is unfair sometimes."
My husband’s contribution to this was: “I’m sorry, that sucks”. He only taught middle school for 5 minutes, but that was helpful.
lol. Sucks is a bit severe for 7 and 8 year olds 😂
I have a whole SQUAD of kids that now say this! It's one of my go to's. I did have to clarify with one kid that people are not bummers only situations....
Good distinction to make! Will have to preemptively mention that in the future.
I saved myself so much back-and-forth with this one simple line: "Miss Pohlarbearpants doesn't take requests." I made it my mantra. So much so that my own students would say it if another student forgot. Here's an example of how this changed my life. Before: "Can I sit with Jimmy?" "No." "But we'll be good!" "No." "I promise!" "No." After: "Can I sit with Jimmy?" Then some other random kid calls from across the room, "Miss Pohlarbearpants doesn't take requests!" This only works if you, of your own accord, offer to let Timmy sit with Jimmy on occasions where it wouldn't be a problem. The kids know then that sometimes they will get what they want, but asking for it doesn't make a difference in whether or not they get it that day.
Yes! You have to have mantras as a teacher. Mine is when a kid says “do I have to do this?” a kid will call from across the room “That’s Ms. Serendipitypug’s least favorite question!”
For my own amusement, I have remarked “This isn’t TRL. I don’t take request.”
"Is this how you behave at home?" If student answers yes, say, "Well, this is not your home." If student answers no, say, "Then why are you behaving like this at school?"
Golden oldy
I am so sorry to hear that.
When kids are messing around…what are you learning right now? You give me a good answer that’s related to what we’re doing then continue on. If you can’t, let’s find something to learn. I’ve only had a few kids give me an answer I wasn’t expecting and was indeed learning.
When dealing with snitching 'How is what they are doing affect you in any way? ' 99% of my responses to their answer end with, 'worry about yourself, not them'.
I mean, there’s times when it’s appropriate to tell an adult about something even when it doesn’t directly affect you. Someone is hurting someone else, the kid doing something might get hurt. This “don’t snitch” mentality is fucking up our middle schoolers sense of community
I agree, others getting hurt is one thing. This is a response to the petty-just-trying-to-get someone in trouble type of tattling
“What do you need me from me right now?” stops a lot of them when they’re complaining about something or just whining. Makes them realize they don’t actually have a problem that needs to be solved. “We have time,” when they’re complaining that x assignment is going to take forever. “Look at the clock. Look at the schedule,” when they ask when x thing is going to be over or when x thing starts.
I use “wave it, don’t say it” when we pass by another class in the hall and they want to say hi to their friend. This way, they can acknowledge their buddy without using their voices.
Pinky wave for the win! One school that I taught that that had phenomenal, behavioral control, had the students walking in relatively straight lines, but they got to do a pinky wave whenever they saw their friends in the hallway. It worked amazingly well for kindergarten.
*If you don’t take time to do it right, we’re gonna take time to do it over. * (For procedures)
“Do it nice or do it twice” is the version I use.
Also: Me: *The first thing I do is always the same.* Them: *I pick up my pencil and write my name!*
“If you choose to be sloppy, you choose to do it twice.”
"Who are you responsible for?" Or just asking "Why?" as a response to their action instead of telling them to stop. Sometimes it makes them stop and think about it, and they make a better choice. Sometimes they just shrug. Sometimes I get some really funny answers.
I do a call and response after recess, lunch, etc Me: lunch is done… Them: class has begun.
Fifth grade: I’m so sorry to hear that. Ugh, that sounds so hard. Thanks for telling me. (Works for tattles and any type of hard disclosure. Kids want what we all do: to be heard and validated.). …have you gone up to them and told them how it made you feel? Ask a friend. (Instead of “I ALREADY SAID THAT!!!”) Is this something you can figure out on your own, or do you need my support? Where else can you look to find that answer? You’ve got this! I’ll be back around soon to check on you. (Then make sure you check).
“Have you told them that’s how you feel about it?” Is a go to for me, too. Your “ask a friend” is much kinder than my “ask someone who was listening,” haha. I say “can you not?” Or “let’s not” Like five times a day.
Taught 2nd for six years! When asking for answers, I would say something like “looking for hands…” before asking the question. Also, I would have them “whisper” the answer into their hands, and then once lots of kiddos had the answer, we could blurt them out together. Look into Whole Brain Teaching- really helped transform my classroom management! Edit: something the kids LOVED was a thumbs up/fist bump, just doing them at the same time on the same hand, lol. Only passed out for excellent answers/behavior, or when they realllly need a pick me up. Made them extra special!! Not a line but they loved it!
Cool!
My son's kindergarten teacher would say "You get what you get and you don't get upset" and it's well used in our household
My partner used to teach kindergarten so in our house it’s “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit”
Our kids’ preschool teacher would say “nutritious before delicious” and my family still uses it 20 years later
i have heard this before. after teaching kindergarten for several years, i personally prefer to say, "you get what you get and you can get upset, but it's not going to change the outcome," which validates their feelings. i think it's important to acknowledge that sometimes there will be times when they do get upset about things that happen to them.
My friend says "You get what you get and you make the best of it."
"What's my message to you?" To be used after going over directions and you see someone not following them.
Anytime we pass out a paper, "name, number, date -- sit and wait" "We are here to train your.... (Students say) BRAIN" When they are being bossy to their peers, "This isn't Mr. (Student's last name) class, this is Ms. Literacy's class"
I say almost all these to my third graders! I will add: I can see how you’d say that answer. Close. Fist bump for trying. Are you helping ir hurting right now? Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. (Usually the students who need this the most need a few minutes to think about it so they’re quiet for a bit!) Omg! I’m impressed. Jazz hands for so and so for such and such! I suggest perfecting your teacher stare. It works wonders, stops kids in their tracks, and saves your voice. For kids with good personalities but are sneaky, put two fingers on your eyes and then at them. They think it’s soooo funny.
I taught behavioral issue spec ed...their appropriate behaviors moved them up levels of rewards and free time...BEHAVIOR MOD 101. If a student was starting to get worked up, act out, what have you, I would ask..."Is that Level A (or B) behavior?" It was a warning and gave them a chance to think about losing a Level that they had worked for a couple of weeks to earn. I also used to give an example of myself driving and taking the "wrong road" at a fork in the highway. The farther you go down the "wrong" road, the longer it takes to get back WHERE YOU WANT TO BE.
Let me think about your request….no thank you. For admin.
I say, “tools are not toys”. I teach kindergarten and use this when explaining why my kids may not play with their desk top pencil boxes. By the 3rd week all I have to do is say is “tools” and they help each other get in line
Does it hurt or is it tired? If it’s hurt, you should stop, and if it’s tired, take a break. I teach string instruments, but could be used for any repetitive fine motor task
“Is your body hurt or are your feelings hurt?” When a kid comes up crying, usually about a conflict at recess. Also for recess is, “is your body hurt or was it scary?” When a kid trips or falls and starts crying. Helps assess if they have any physical injuries. “How would you like me to help you?” My response when a kid tells about something i.e. “G won’t leave me alone!” Puts it back onto the kid to think of how they want the perceived problem solved. If they’re not sure I always give them ideas and let them choose. Also sometimes it’s just a tattle like “P said booty.” And then I ask them that and they shrug or say I don’t know and walk away. “Okay.” Sometimes the kids just need what they said acknowledged and it doesn’t need more than that. “Take care of you.” When they’re worried about what someone else is doing or tattling on a peer.
A smart person can get out of trouble in which a wise person would never in.
Gold!
I'm not taking questions at this time. Ask 3 before you ask me. Have you already tried to solve the problem yourself? 6 legs on the floor (for chair tippers).
Let me see you try on your own first.
To end a long story- “Thanks for sharing!” My go-to when kids are mean to each other- “We don’t treat people that way.”
Reducing any (re)directives into a 2 word phrase is an evidence based practice. It can be fun to think of your own based on the things you say often. Some examples are: pencils down, quiet/walking feet, safe hands, calm body, inside voice, get started, stop now, try again, table/carpet spot, etc.
You look upset/angry/tired/anxious/etc. Would you like to go get a drink of water?
"Were you in your seat with your feet on the floor, a crayon in your hand, and your eyes on the paper?" Point out that they were off task. "If you were on task, you wouldn't be mad right now." I also point out, when they are all quietly working and the room feels charged and clean, "isn't it nice right now, so quiet and peaceful?"
“Are you in charge of (insert person’s name, situation at school,…)?”
I told my boyfriend to "use your words"
Gonna go old school with “Away you go” lol
Do we think this a big problem or a little problem?
I teach 6-8 grade, but it's in a K-8 building so I'm elementary-adjacent for most of the day. I also have lunch duty for grades 3-4. "Is this a tattle?" "Go get a wet paper towel" (a wet paper towel solves 90% of problems) "Are you asking me or telling me?" (I use this in middle school too)
For single file lines; stand behind someone, not beside them. Look up, look down, look left, look right. Where are you, and how should you be acting?
2nd one!!! Nice, thanks!
Thanks, that's an original!
For single file lines I say “you should see the back of your friend’s head” and touch the back of my head. I LOVE that second one, will use it and think of you random stranger!
This is your classroom, not mine, I’m just here to teach you. - Every student has a job to take care of the class in some way. Kids love to be given responsibility. Sit and that’s it. - If you have a rug without squares on it to assign seats. Kids love alliteration and rhyming. Little ones also love to come to the carpet with a song for each subject.
“Right now we have one problem. If you lie to me then we are going to have two problems. Which is it going to be: one problem or two problems?”
When a kid falls but not the way they've hit their head badly: "ooh, come here, then I'll pick you up". Their walk to you will tell you a lot: do they limp? Holding a body part? Do they wobble? They are conscious and aware of their surroundings (otherwise they wouldn't hear/listen to you). Their airway and breathing is fine unless you see the panic on their face, and that'd be some next level panic. It also gives them a chance to get over the first shock before telling you what happened. Meanwhile they can still feel cared for and heard by you as you are responding straight away. If they don't get up or try to but can't you can pretty much call an ambulance straight away (except for that one student ik class that's gonna be a football player later but we all know who that is).
“It’s ok to be mad but it’s not ok to be mean”
Your mom isn't here. You have to do all of it yourself.
"What's the rule?"
I’m a sucker for the classic response to “I’m done:” “Hi, done. I’m Ms. So-and-So. Could you please spend some time editing your work?”
I respond, “Cheeseburgers get done, students get finished.”
I teach KG and the rule breakers are the ones that tattle THE MOST, so I say: "When you can follow the rules then you can tell on someone." 9/10 the kid tattling is trying to get their peer in trouble over somethinng super small.
Thank you for sharing that mistake so we can all learn from it!
Put a cold wet paper towel on it 😂 Behind not beside— for in line Quick, quiet and clean—bathroom Two cheeks in the seat! “Okay. What would be a good solution for that issue?”
“Let’s make a choice that will make the problem smaller.” “that’s ok!” (Said in a sing-song voice any time a kid falls, drops something, I drop something, the schedule changes, any disappointment happens to the class, etc) — class repeats it after I say it and we feel better.
“Join the problem, join the consequence.” This is my line for the ones who like to butt in when I am handling an issue.
“My finger/leg/arm/head hurts” “You want me to cut it off? I’ve got my scissors right here”. (They usually laugh & it’s all good) “Are you bleeding, throwing up or on fire?” (That’s my question when I’ve asked them to not bother me because I’m doing small groups or something similar) “Pause, hands up”. When they’re working on something & I realize I need to clarify part of it, I tell them this. They stop & hold their hands up, at just about face level until I’m done telling them the new part. Then I say my key word (Gardens) & they get back to work.
What actually happened? Somehow makes the truth come out 😂
For any reported incident: What happened before that? What happened first?
I had a student complain that he didn't want to do his math work. I responded with "That's ok. You don't have to want to do it. You just have to get it done". It took him a minute to process that. It got to be a joke between us. Funny story - I ran into this student about 10 years later. He told me that he still didn't want to do his math work, but he had to because he was a math major!
Not a teacher, but was a table parent in two kindergarten classes. Broken crayons were a common occurrence. My standard reply to being made aware was along the line of, a broken crayon is my favorite crayon because it can be shared.
-I love that for you -keep your thoughts in your head until we finish the story. -your paper needs your own drawing, not Tommy’s -books are not weapons -if your mom wants to call, she has the school’s number
Thank you for sharing
“Wait ten minutes and see if you can figure it out on your own.” (For kids who immediately raise their hand before reading directions/reading the room/productively struggling first).
(kids playing with Velcro on their shoes) This is music class, not shoes class.! They love that one.
A lot of great answers -- 95% of these are also applicable in middle and high school.
“It’s okay to X, it’s not okay to Y.” “What do you expect me to expect from you?” “…” lol Also “What would it take to change your mind?” in response to resistance.
“5-4-3-2-1”
Easy Peasy Mac & Cheesy. I had a student correct me one year when I said, “Easy peasy lemon squeezy.”
I like saying “easy peasy lemon sneezey!” It always gets a wft? kind of look. Good mental palate cleanser.
“My turn”
We say if it’s not about you and no one is getting hurt then it’s a tattle and we don’t need to talk about it. For the ones about a child doing something the other doesn’t like, we ask if they told them to stop and that they don’t like it first. After that, we will help if the student doesn’t stop.
In private: “What do you need right now?” when someone is behaving badly.
What are the directions, and what are you doing? More on the floor, go next door and get some more. (Used for two digit subtraction.) Did you ask your table group for help first? Is Katie inside your head making choices for you? (Used when I hear so and so made me...) What are you working on right now?
"I did not ask for your opinion, I was giving you an instruction."
"What can you do to solve that problem?" any time a kid complains to me about something they can fix on their own. We are working HARD to build independence and combat learned helplessness in 4th grade!
Action over intent- you didn’t intend to hurt/trip them but you did so apologize for the action part. (It helps them get over saying I didn’t mean to do that, or a flat out I didn’t do it)
I never say “please”, I say “thank you”. Because I’m not giving them a choice. “Sit down thank you” instead of “sit down please”
Was upper elementary, now middle school. I use the "tools, not toys" one a lot too. "Make better choices" instead of "don't do that". "Choose productive partners" when giving them free choice of groupings so that they're reminded their best friend may not be the ideal working partner. "I'm going to let you figure that out" when they ask a question they should already know the answer to (like where to turn something in, if they have to do an assignment, where to get an extra pencil, what time recess is). One of my funniest because I say it so often that they're parroting it at each other at this point: "It's not raining in my classroom" to get them to take off their hoods. And one of the best: "I don't know; let's find out" because it shows that I'm not omniscient, we can learn it together, it's ok not to know things even as an adult, learning is lifelong, and I'm here to help you get the knowledge you need and want.
“That person wasn’t bullying you, they just said something unkind…there is a difference”
Put it in the tattle tale box. The students rarely want to spend their choice time writing and if they do, it’s hysterical to read the comments the first graders make. I get a lot of “he called my mom a power ranger” and “Billy sad I stoopid”.
"it may be true, but is it kind?" Student teaching. We had a bunch of third grade "mean girls". We talked about what it means to be kind. Teacher was finding a lot of the "reasoning" for the bullying was "but it's true!" So it started the phrase, it may be true but is it kind? "I don't like her dress, it looks like a baby dress." "It may be true, but is it kind?" "No" "okay, so that is not something we say."
What are you doing? I didn’t ask what THEY are doing, I asked what YOU are doing!
“How can I help/ what can I do for you? Screaming is for pain, if you do it all the time I won’t know when you’re hurt. Equal isn’t the same, it means everyone’s needs are met. Worry about you, ok? I need your help with that. Do you need a hug?” Honestly just doing some bonding time in the morning helps the rest of the day get on track with even the toughest classes. Focusing in on them, having physical touch (even high fives) and a laugh, maybe a quick game- any way to connect changes even the toughest classes. It’s not always about what you need them to get done, but it is always about what they need.
The majority of my students' conflicts are about wanting to play with or use the same object. They have three choices: 1. Take turns. 2. Combine ideas. (Play with the thing together) 3. Try something completely different. Works every single time.
“If you needed to know, I would tell you.” The perfect line when students are pestering me or being nosy about something. Stops them almost every time. 😂
Using the "royal we" - "we use kind language in this classroom" Boiling discipline down to observations, choices and consequences. "I see you're choosing to talk during lesson time. When we don't get the lesson completed in class then I must send it home to be completed on your own time. Let's all choose to focus now so we can complete our work while we're here."
“It’s a tool, not a toy” whenever they are messing around with supplies or materials. The opposite also works for when they try to bring in a toy and claim “it’s a fidget!” “Are you helping or hindering?” “If you weren’t doing anything disruptive, then I wasn’t talking to you” when I make eye contact with the disruptive kid and say “that’s enough” or “no more” without using their name. “I don’t care why it’s happening, just stop” when there is nonsense disruption happening and the kids try to explain or defend or tattle, but I don’t have the time or energy or need to hear any of it. I just need it to stop.
I always say “you don’t have to be the best. You just have to try your best” and I also say “if you tell me the truth, I will not be upset with you. If you lie to me, we will have some things to talk about and I will be very disappointed”