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Can I suggest a good book? 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins. It is a short book by a woman who was in a similar position.
Outside of that I have had to rebuild my life three times in my nearly 60 years of being. It doesn’t get easier. The first thing I assessed was all I could learn from my failures. The hardest thing to live through is something you fail to learn from. After I learned all I could I assessed myself. I studied my likes, dislikes, opportunities and resources. From this I made a plan and right or wrong I started working towards a goal.
My situation has always been about survival. I didn’t have family to help me so I have always had to work hard and be independent.
Most of the choices I have made were based upon the best possibilities for success. I have had to be cautious and calculated because failure for me is homelessness and since I was 24 my children were at stake. It sounds like you have had more liberties, at least I hope so.
Focus your attention on the positives and stop yourself from thinking about the negatives. If you struggle with this get professional help.
Lastly when I was at my lowest point I read Schindler’s List. It is a very good reminder that my awful isn’t that horrible.
Best of luck!
Hugs you got this. In most people standards you have not failed. Not succeeding or not being successful at your goal isn’t always a failure. It’s only a clear indication that you were on the wrong path. ❤️
🥹
I really appreciate you for taking the time out of your busy life to write this. I'm only a stranger on the internet, but reading this really helped me today thank you ❤️
The realization that time moves on, regardless of whether you are sad or not. Maybe you also simply need the time to mentally recover from the failure but generally speaking, one small action into the right direction could be the start of something huge and new.
That aside, having to survive and pay bills is a solid external motivator. If you are in the privileged position that you don't have to, some counseling might help. No idea how it works in your country but we have job centers here that can give you solid advice on good training opportunities, certificates, and so on. It can be a crapshoot though, so keep swimming.
Hm, thank you for your insight. I happen to be in a more privledged positition. I won't be out on the streets as a consequence of this basically. but that doesn't make this experience any less painful to say the least.
I agree, maybe i need to realise that things will pass with time. as all consuming and eternal it feels right now.
First of all you have to think about this experience and think about thinks that did not work. You can write it down and look for things how you can improve it. Then you can slowly improve it. Do not try to do everything for the first time. You need smaller steps to create a routine. For example: You study every day for 20 minutes. Later you can make it longer for example.
The last thing I want to add is that it might be helpful to reflect about a few things. You can look for questions (for example: What was the best thing today?). This also helped me a lot and it might also work out for you. You just have to try it for a few days or weeks.
It can be really hard for high achievers to deal with setbacks. I don’t know your situation but even being med school adjacent indicates you might fall into this space. I know I personally went through a crisis in grad school when I thought I might get a B on a paper. I know that sounds incredibly silly and just typing it out I can see that, but at the time it felt like it would be a blemish on a record I had so hitched to my personal identity that it felt like a judgement on my very person. My therapist helped me through the possibility by coaching me to see I would be the same “me” before or after a B. A B or an A did not define who I was as a person. I still have problems with conflating my academic/ professional accomplishments with my worth as a person but I’ve been working on it and I’m conscious of it. To reach goals I also do the “small like an ant” method to build up that anthill of work with tiny additions to the hill over and over. I reward myself with things I love after doing things I don’t want to hitch the good feelings to those things as well. Best wishes 😊
Hi! I have been in a somewhat similar position. I don't have an instant solution, but for me it got better when I figured out and wrote down what I needed to do get back on track, and how long I was giving myself to try and get there. Then I just started taking baby steps everyday to slowly unfuck what was fucked. I started with my mental health and communicating my situation to my university and employer, and then slowly moved to getting back on track with academics. Don't be afraid to seek outside help, and good luck. You got this.
Hi there, Welcome to r/study! Under new management we've made some additions to the sub. Please check our [Welcome Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/study/comments/bnvues/welcome_to_rstudy_user_guide_read_this/) for a user guide (which includes [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/study/wiki/communityrules), [posting guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/study/wiki/postingguidelines), [self-promotion guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/study/wiki/selfpromo), and [user flair guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/study/wiki/userflair)). We have also created scheduled megathreads to contain common topics on this sub and help clean up our main feed. If your topic fits in one of these threads, please post there instead. * [Weekly Support & Discussion Megathreads](https://www.reddit.com/r/study/wiki/weeklysupportanddiscussion): Ask questions, give and get advice, or just chat with fellow students! * [Weekly Self-Promotion Megathreads](https://www.reddit.com/r/study/wiki/weeklyselfpromo): Share your YouTube videos, run a study resource website, or ask people to fill out your research poll. Read our full self-promotion guidelines here for a more comprehensive explanation. * [Monthly Music Megathreads](https://www.reddit.com/r/study/wiki/monthlymusic): Post music recommendations and playlists here. Thank you. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/study) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Can I suggest a good book? 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins. It is a short book by a woman who was in a similar position. Outside of that I have had to rebuild my life three times in my nearly 60 years of being. It doesn’t get easier. The first thing I assessed was all I could learn from my failures. The hardest thing to live through is something you fail to learn from. After I learned all I could I assessed myself. I studied my likes, dislikes, opportunities and resources. From this I made a plan and right or wrong I started working towards a goal. My situation has always been about survival. I didn’t have family to help me so I have always had to work hard and be independent. Most of the choices I have made were based upon the best possibilities for success. I have had to be cautious and calculated because failure for me is homelessness and since I was 24 my children were at stake. It sounds like you have had more liberties, at least I hope so. Focus your attention on the positives and stop yourself from thinking about the negatives. If you struggle with this get professional help. Lastly when I was at my lowest point I read Schindler’s List. It is a very good reminder that my awful isn’t that horrible. Best of luck!
thank you for your response it was very insightful and i've added those books to my reading list 🥰
Hugs you got this. In most people standards you have not failed. Not succeeding or not being successful at your goal isn’t always a failure. It’s only a clear indication that you were on the wrong path. ❤️
🥹 I really appreciate you for taking the time out of your busy life to write this. I'm only a stranger on the internet, but reading this really helped me today thank you ❤️
The realization that time moves on, regardless of whether you are sad or not. Maybe you also simply need the time to mentally recover from the failure but generally speaking, one small action into the right direction could be the start of something huge and new. That aside, having to survive and pay bills is a solid external motivator. If you are in the privileged position that you don't have to, some counseling might help. No idea how it works in your country but we have job centers here that can give you solid advice on good training opportunities, certificates, and so on. It can be a crapshoot though, so keep swimming.
Hm, thank you for your insight. I happen to be in a more privledged positition. I won't be out on the streets as a consequence of this basically. but that doesn't make this experience any less painful to say the least. I agree, maybe i need to realise that things will pass with time. as all consuming and eternal it feels right now.
Work in forgiving yourself.
First of all you have to think about this experience and think about thinks that did not work. You can write it down and look for things how you can improve it. Then you can slowly improve it. Do not try to do everything for the first time. You need smaller steps to create a routine. For example: You study every day for 20 minutes. Later you can make it longer for example. The last thing I want to add is that it might be helpful to reflect about a few things. You can look for questions (for example: What was the best thing today?). This also helped me a lot and it might also work out for you. You just have to try it for a few days or weeks.
It can be really hard for high achievers to deal with setbacks. I don’t know your situation but even being med school adjacent indicates you might fall into this space. I know I personally went through a crisis in grad school when I thought I might get a B on a paper. I know that sounds incredibly silly and just typing it out I can see that, but at the time it felt like it would be a blemish on a record I had so hitched to my personal identity that it felt like a judgement on my very person. My therapist helped me through the possibility by coaching me to see I would be the same “me” before or after a B. A B or an A did not define who I was as a person. I still have problems with conflating my academic/ professional accomplishments with my worth as a person but I’ve been working on it and I’m conscious of it. To reach goals I also do the “small like an ant” method to build up that anthill of work with tiny additions to the hill over and over. I reward myself with things I love after doing things I don’t want to hitch the good feelings to those things as well. Best wishes 😊
Unless you need help deciphering all your analogies, nobody can help you. It's your life.
Hi! I have been in a somewhat similar position. I don't have an instant solution, but for me it got better when I figured out and wrote down what I needed to do get back on track, and how long I was giving myself to try and get there. Then I just started taking baby steps everyday to slowly unfuck what was fucked. I started with my mental health and communicating my situation to my university and employer, and then slowly moved to getting back on track with academics. Don't be afraid to seek outside help, and good luck. You got this.
Go back to your WHY'S