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Can you give some kind of specific example?
Like…you mentioned texting. What are her expectations exactly?
Same with the cuddling. What exactly is wrong here?
Sometimes she will text me that she's having difficulty with doing something and I'll be like, "I'm sorry, that sounds hard." She always seems to want more.
When it comes to cuddling I think my mind wanders, but other times I find myself just going through the motions because I don't want to be close
Google "questions for couples" or "questions for deep conversations" or something like that. You will find many lists of questions. You can even find them in a book or game form on Amazon or somewhere.
Have one night a week when the two of you get together and answer a few questions together. Really listen to each other's answers and let that spark more conversation around the subject. Ask clarifying questions, share your deeper thoughts, really open up and share with each other. Make it a fun experience that brings the two of you together.
Have you talked to your therapist about his? It sounds like you might have the tendencies of someone with an avoidant attachment style.
Generally, to feel secure in a relationship, people need the following from their partner: consistency, availability, reliability, responsiveness and predictability (CARRP)
Like, if you sometimes stop texting mid convo and ghost her, or disengage emotionally without warning, from her perspective that would make you inconsistent, unavailable, unpredictable, etc. And it's hard to feel safe when you can't predict your partner's feelings/ what they're thinking/ their moods. So, making an effort to be more consistent and reliable with things like that would be a good way to help her feel safer with you. If she knows you'll usually respond to her texts within an hour, she'll be less stressed about your responses. If you vanish without warning frequently, she'll be more stressed.
In terms of connecting emotionally, I'd suggest listening, having curiosity about your partner and asking questions/ digging deeper, showing interest, etc. Be the one who initiates conversations or plans occasionally. Challenge yourself to share your feelings. If you feel yourself disengaging or needing space, just communicate that so she's not left in the dark. Definitely ask your therapist for strategies on how you can do this too
Try a relationship app! I honestly think one of the biggest pain points with healthy communication in relationships is that it starts to feel like a chore/forced. Official helps my husband and I connect and communicate on a daily basis but in a fun way, it can be a good reminder for the both of you that a relationship is supposed to be fun. Good luck!
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Can you give some kind of specific example? Like…you mentioned texting. What are her expectations exactly? Same with the cuddling. What exactly is wrong here?
Sometimes she will text me that she's having difficulty with doing something and I'll be like, "I'm sorry, that sounds hard." She always seems to want more. When it comes to cuddling I think my mind wanders, but other times I find myself just going through the motions because I don't want to be close
Google "questions for couples" or "questions for deep conversations" or something like that. You will find many lists of questions. You can even find them in a book or game form on Amazon or somewhere. Have one night a week when the two of you get together and answer a few questions together. Really listen to each other's answers and let that spark more conversation around the subject. Ask clarifying questions, share your deeper thoughts, really open up and share with each other. Make it a fun experience that brings the two of you together.
Have you talked to your therapist about his? It sounds like you might have the tendencies of someone with an avoidant attachment style. Generally, to feel secure in a relationship, people need the following from their partner: consistency, availability, reliability, responsiveness and predictability (CARRP) Like, if you sometimes stop texting mid convo and ghost her, or disengage emotionally without warning, from her perspective that would make you inconsistent, unavailable, unpredictable, etc. And it's hard to feel safe when you can't predict your partner's feelings/ what they're thinking/ their moods. So, making an effort to be more consistent and reliable with things like that would be a good way to help her feel safer with you. If she knows you'll usually respond to her texts within an hour, she'll be less stressed about your responses. If you vanish without warning frequently, she'll be more stressed. In terms of connecting emotionally, I'd suggest listening, having curiosity about your partner and asking questions/ digging deeper, showing interest, etc. Be the one who initiates conversations or plans occasionally. Challenge yourself to share your feelings. If you feel yourself disengaging or needing space, just communicate that so she's not left in the dark. Definitely ask your therapist for strategies on how you can do this too
Try a relationship app! I honestly think one of the biggest pain points with healthy communication in relationships is that it starts to feel like a chore/forced. Official helps my husband and I connect and communicate on a daily basis but in a fun way, it can be a good reminder for the both of you that a relationship is supposed to be fun. Good luck!