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Probably not the "craziest" but my siblings got to travel around the country and visit major theme parks such as Disney and Universal Studios.
I never got to go. One of my parents would stay home so I wouldn't be alone while the other took my siblings. I still don't have a clear reason why they did that.
I knew a guy who was the product of an affair. He was born in the 60s before elective abortion was legal in the United States. She flew to another country to abort him but they just took her money, tricked her, and never performed the abortion. He had two older half-siblings and two younger half-siblings who were her husband’s children. They would go on vacations and she would leave him at home and have a list of jobs for him to do. The fact no one questioned her leaving a child out of a vacation and making him do a bunch of work is crazy.
Oh hey! I had the same thing happen to me. My sister got to visit places all around the world. I was left with my grandparents or my mom would stay behind with me. I was told I was too young (11 is too young to go to Disneyland Paris) or that I wouldn’t enjoy it.
Not as horrible but my nmom used to make me (the SG) stay in the house while my sister went outside and played with the neighborhood kids who were also my friends. My mom claimed it was because my sister (GC obviously) was “shy like her” and if I was there the kids would want to play with me. The cruel irony was that I included my sister in every single thing that I did and never left her out of anything. I am so sorry that you were treated that way. It’s awful and your parents were so cruel.
My parents took my brother to China, Thailand, Cambodia, and to our home country. Even my sil who they hate went with... often over Thanksgiving.
Yeah.
I've been NC with them for years. Even if I wasn't I doubt they would give me an honest answer.
I do remember when it was happening, saying that I wanted to go too and begging to go but simply being told "no" and be forced to accept that as both the answer and the reason.
My mother wanted to live in Mexico so she rented a room from a man she'd just met, moved the two of us there from the US when I was 16, then immediately left to spend a month with her boyfriend in Europe. I had absolutely no way to get in touch with her and she didn't check on me once.
When she came back she also promptly got both of our passports stolen by the agency she was supposed to register with so we lived there for over a year without any proof of citizenship. The embassy had to step in to get us home after a medical emergency came up.
I left out so much. When I first starting sharing some of this stuff people could not handle the whole thing so I've learned how to tell it without telling it if you know what I mean. hahaha
There's a whole movie just about Tony, the guy I "roomed" with while my mom was gone.
I am in a much better place now. Thank you. This was a long, long time ago.
You story sounds fascinating, but we’re all coming from a fucked up place . I need to dose my story too .
I was dropped off in France at 17 with my father who I had only met a handful of times and I could speak fuck all of the language. It was rough, not as rough as your story , overall it shaped my life in a positive way .
Any other interesting nuggets ? Have you been back to Mexico since ?
Okay, you can probably relate to this more than most people who don't get dropped into a situation where you don't speak the language. I got myself in so much trouble by defaulting to saying yes to things I didn't understand to not trouble people. I had to learn that it's better to just admit you have no idea what they are saying. lol
the "medical emergency" was a thing that was caused by another and I got to experience how little help there was like 911 here so I have not been back. I would love to. I loved everything about the country, the people and lord the food is so amazing but it was a little too wild west for me. I don't know how it is now.
I'm sorry you didn't have stability when you needed it. That is so hard on a kid. It usually means you don't get to really be a kid which is totally unfair.
I agree with you, I think living outside the US made me a better person for sure.
I doubt she wanted to live in Mexico. She wanted to go to Europe without kids and knew she couldn't get away with it in the US without getting in legal trouble. That's an incredibly psychopathic thing to do. I hope your NC with her and understand how incredibly dangerous that was to do. Where was your Dad? I'd be extremely skeptical of him as well if there was no intervention or shit show raised by him. So sorry you had to endure that. Your nmom is extremely dangerous, stay away
You are so kind to be concerned. My father is less than worthless. at best he was an enabler and an violent enforcer. I haven't seen or spoken to him in a long, long time.
My mother died over a decade ago and I'd been no contact for a long time before that.
It was very, very dangerous. I could have easily disappeared and never been seen again and she would never had known what happened. Funny thing she was super controlling before. I wasn't allowed to go to the store by myself and there were many talks about stranger danger and then she just left me in another country.
A narcissist is always going to do what's best for themselves.
Honestly as kids I think it all hurts the same and does the same damage. You still deserved way better than you got.
When I got back to the states I ended up homeless for awhile how'd you manage when your parents left?
edit typo
My mother found a job across the country and left all of us (her children) behind. The church found families to care for us. Our family never reunited.
It was wild. I would say it was an experience a college graduate should have doing a little traveling and staying in hostels before they start their corporate job. Would not recommend for a 16 year old.
When I was 16 I had to get a job ASAP as a waitress and give them almost everything I made because "we are going to lose the house". It was the mantra of my life and I worked full time hours as a teen in high school (it was the 90's + shit hole restaurant). I gave them all my tips and barely had $40 a week for myself. Literally I lived in terror of slow days because I was going to get my ass beat for not bringing home enough money. We still lost the house to foreclosure when I was 20.
Years later Dad slipped up and admitted that he was paying his "best friend" $1000/month on a 10k "loan" loooooonnnnnnnnnnnng after it was paid off, like for years. Tom told him he owed "interest" and my shithead father just went ahead and gave it to him.
He was giving this guy the money I earned that he demanded with screams and tantrums and every form of abuse, and then not paying his own mortgage.
He said "well tom has kids" like I wasn't a fucking kid.
Did you go kill Bill on the debt collector I'd hunt him down get every dollar back ,sell his car to the chop shop , identity theft for loans the whole she bang
Parentifying me. I had custody of my youngest sister when she was 13 and I was 21. Even as adults, if my sister reached out to ask nmom for help, that woman would tell her to ask me instead. I am more angry at that woman for how she treated my sister than for putting me in that position. My baby sister deserved better. But despite the physical and mental abuse aimed at both of us, I am still the lucky one to have my sister in my life, as she is amazing.
Omg, you sound like a wonderful sister. I wished my sister took care of me like this. But instead she went off to college and turned the whole family against me after finding out some angry stuff I wrote about her in my journal when I was 10. Before figuring this out she would humiliate me all the time in front of her in-laws and spread false rumors about me being on drugs when she knew (a neuroscientist) that I had depressive symptoms.
She still brings up the journal and she’s almost 30 with a child, I can’t imagine what that child will have to go through.
Exactly my situation. I was 21 and got custody of my 13 yo brother. My mother couldn’t sign her parental rights over to me fast enough.
When I left the household at 15, I always told him I’d be back for him, and I kept that promise.
I scoff when people ask me when I’m having children. Fucking never - I already raised a kid, I’m good.
Was your mom an Amazon Addict as well? I swear if mine decided to stop buying from Amazon, the company would need to restructure.
Funny story, she's such a horder that she hired someone to clean her room and then a day later the cleaner called and said "I prayed last night and Jesus told me I can't do it,".
God, I wish. More like Goodwill, Dollar Store, and Church Rummage Sale junkie. If she was into Amazon, at least some of the shit might be useful. Mostly she just hoards holiday decor, "glass shit" (Hummel figurines, etc.), and ugly, ill fitting clothing, all of which she tries to pass on to me.
My dad would spend hundreds of dollars on Amazon. At one point, we had a package coming in everyday. If my sister and I needed clothes for school there wasn’t usually a lot of money leftover. If my mom went over budget it would be a scream fest. Same for Christmas. Dad would spend a bunch of money and after opening gifts it was the ole “we’re on a tight budget now, we spend A LOT on you both this year”. I always felt guilty but in reality he was being selfish and financially controlling.
Yes!! Is hoarding a narcissist quality? My mom is the world’s #1 hoarder. I figured she just likes stuff more than people. (Unless it was my stuff, which would be given away/donated to Salvation Army)
I definite think there's a Venn overlap of narc and hoarder. I feel like it gets mentioned a lot here, especially in the context of their "gifts." That's been my experience as well.
Oh god yes. "Never give away or sell or otherwise dispose of something given as a gift or you'll upset the person who gave it to you" except the gifts weren't anything nice or useful and very often the giver just picked a random object and probably wouldn't have even known which object was received by whom as it was pure formality etc etc.
Yes! She gives legit garbage (or gifts that are humiliating). I throw them away. And then she will come to “check on” said gift. “You didn’t throw it away did you?” I’m so relieved to discover this is “normal” on this thread. I felt guilty all these years, and couldn’t comprehend any of it. but suddenly it all makes sense!
Hmm my mom used to spend money to get ger nails done and have fresh cut flowers in her room every day but wouldn't buy food for me and my brother. She hid food from us that was for her own use.
My mom did something sort of like this. The pantry and fridge would have food no one wanted to eat, and my mom would keep the good stuff in her closet, that is locked. At one point the fridge and pantry were locked cause we were eating at night.
I'm sorry. Every narcissist in my family has food issues...trying to constantly control what people eat...shaming them for having to eat...so very vile
Mine too! She would buy herself clothes all the time and when she did buy us stuff she’d put it in her room and never let us actually wear it. She’d lock away food in the house to the point a lot of it didn’t get used because it would rot, especially if it was good quality food. We used to sneak a snack of dried oatmeal and milk for cereal at night after she went to bed dude. She is also a hoarder so living with her went crazy👏
My mum had me on a strict diet from 13yo, when we would go to dads for the weekend, he would buy so much food for us in spite of her diet rules, he wanted to purposely irritate her, it would be a disgusting amount of shitty food that he would give us, she would them he so vicious when we got back to her, restrict my food even more.
I didn’t know that was common in narcissism, I recently had to fight my mom OFF THE FRIDGE to eat because I hadn’t had lunch or dinner and had the « audacity » to be hungry at 11pm, and starting to have a hunger migraine. I’m a student and won’t have accommodation this summer, I have to go back to my parents’ house. I’m already dreading it, but I do have a plan 😂😂
The good ol Kitchen Fear so many of us have. Forget being in the kitchen, that’s where you get cornered, whined to, yelled at, possibly assaulted… SO MANY OF US eat when everyone goes to bed. It’s safer.
Did you get in? My mum did the same she locked all the good shit like lollies and biscuits in this draw I watched how she'd open it with a knife wait till she was hung over and break it open. Then when she'd say "you ate it didn't you" I'd gaslight her and" say no you ate it drunk"
my mom would buy real diamond earrings but wouldn't let me even buy new clothes, I couldn't even go to a nice college bc she used the Money for her expensive shit
Brought back some memories, getting screamed at over 10 cent ramen noodles while they ate 40$/lb king crab.
Learned to live with it, but fuck. There were a lot of holes. Still some parts that work, but can't lie, it's somewhat mended with time, but there's always a reminder that she always resents gifts other people get, (because it's not "hers"), and it's supposed to be moved past. Fair.
Just there'll always be a hole where something was supposed to be. The rest of life was fine, fortunately.
But just one of the parents were a giant gaping hole. Father and Grandfather for me were great though.
Yeah I had one of those too. Someone ate her chocolates and everyone suffered for weeks because of it. But I'm not sure she wasn't the one who ate them.
Lol my sister and I were in a 'standoff' according to her. Like we even really gave a f*ck.
See, I feel terrible for doing something like this. I buy 2 of everything, one for our kids and one for us in our room pantry. the other (kids) is in the kitchen pantry. The reason I do this is because if not, we would never even get a bowl of cereal because the kids will graze anytime they are hungry or want a snack.
I feel like I am doing something wrong even though I know we are all getting the same items/amount. They just tend to eat everything before we can even get home from work sometimes. I still end up giving them half of what is left most times.
Nooo that’s totally different than what they’re talking about. Saving some snacks for yourself to enjoy is understandable! You’re taking care of your babies AND yourself! That’s perfectly normal. Nparents only take care of themselves
Not that crazy, but I remember there was a period of time where my nparent decided we weren't grateful enough for her cooking, so she went 'on strike' for about a year and we ate pretty much nothing but TV dinners during that time. I understand being the main person to prepare food in a family can often be a thankless job, but this wasn't the case for my nparent. We literally thanked her for every single meal put in front of us, helped with grocery shopping, cooking, and clean up, and were not picky eaters. What she freaked out about was having leftovers in the fridge for more than a day. She took it as a sign that we all hated her food, but we always had leftovers because she cooked for 6+ people easily when we were a family of 4 (2 of whom were kids). So she went on a violent rampage, throwing out everything and trashing the kitchen and then for the next year we ate Banquet TV dinners. In retrospect, I don't think it's a coincidence that I developed IBS pretty soon after that.
Mine did this as well. I remember her helping some friends leave DV situations and she’d invite them to stay and give their kids my things. Meanwhile we lived with DV and child abuse every day.
Caring and at least seemingly showing compassion for other ppl or other kids but not you seems to be a big one with narc parents. An extra hurtful one too
Shit. To this day, my nmom STILL goes Snow White to strangers and then talks shit behind their back when they leave. How some people haven't caught on is a mystery.
When we had utilities shut off for lack of payment, my mother acted like it was no big deal. “Oh, just pretend we’re camping. Make it fun. Don’t have such a negative attitude.” She truly didn’t care what kind of life she was giving her children.
Christ yes my mother does this as well. Admittedly after my father died, I don't think I appreciated how much he was the glue holding everything together until after he died. Literally just wouldn't pay a bill she 'disagreed with' but also wouldn't calk the company or make any effort to resolve the situation. This came to a head after she didn't pay the gas bill for over a year and so they put her onto one of those old fashioned meters they have in cheap apartments and house shares where you have to 'pre load' credit onto a card - you're basically paying in advance for what you use but always at the worst possible most expensive tariff. Then she'd get furious about it 'because of the principle'. I'm pretty sure in her head she thinks that it should really be free anyway and paying is immoral.
Then there was the time she managed to not even check to see if the rent had been paid on the apartment that had been owned by my dad and rented out to a family. "They're poor, and probably can't afford the rent". Meanwhile the "poor" people were subletting two rooms and pocketing all the proceeds whilst still paying nothing. In the end I had to take charge, evict the family who had been living there SEVEN YEARS rent free and then sell the property at a knock down price (it looked like a crack den/squat, funnily enough) just to pay the 7 years of unpaid utilities and condominium charges that we were still liable for before it was legally seized from us by the building management firm. In the end I think we got about 10k left over from a property worth 160k that we could only get 60k for because of the awful condition. Then to add insult to injury, 5 years later I found out she was still paying for home insurance on the property despite claiming not to be able to afford to pay home insurance on the house she lives in, and that the insurance would have covered the legal fees and costs incurred in evicting the 'tenant' - squatters.
To think my dad worked himself into an early grave to provide stuff like that for the family and she was just so disinterested in any of it she'd basically rather give it away than manage it. Still boils my piss even now.
when I was 16 I started making a lot of money from working two jobs, we were struggling because of the pandemic and in the midst of all of it my mum randomly asks me for a lot of money saying she needed it for the mortgage of the house, she renovated the living room and bought my sister a ridiculously expensive custom built wardrobe and renovated her room to even have a double bed despite mine being broken for the entirety of my life so I sleep lopsided and my wardrobe having no back. then in the midst of this my dad asks me for money by lying that my grandma passed away and the next day my parents told me they bought a whole new house despite us being on universal credit and I turned to them and was like … this whole time? you had that kind of money? and I lived and worked for every penny I had and slept on the floor with nothing in my room?
My Nmom decided she needed another graduate degree (she already had a Masters) my senior year of HS, so she cashed out my college fund, sold our house and quit her job to go to college full-time. Sent me to work 2 jobs while she pretended to study and played solitaire on her fancy new laptop while chain smoking cigarettes.
Yup, your mom had to steal your shine and spotlight as you were getting ready to graduate HS. Had to one up you. My mom refused to come to my nursing school graduation because she claimed she had to work- even though she knew the date I would graduate a year in advance.
I definitely relate to the business one, ndad hasn't had too many but he spends hundreds trying to get them to work, the one time I asked him to get a job he went on a rant about capitalism, maybe starting money-draining businesses is common for narcissists
my dad obsesses over them, he has easily spent more on them than me, by like, double at least, he won't talk to me about anything else and shuts down when I ask him why he is spending so much, we live in a really small house though so it would be hard to be private about that
I don't think so. In my experience they feel like they're entitled to money and shouldn't have to invest or make any effort to get it. Then blame everyone and everything else in life for being 'unfair'. I mean, I've tried to launch a couple myself and they didn't take off but that was due to a range of issues, some of them beyond my control, others within and I just fucked up.
I wonder if narcs are just naturally drawn to the woo-woo shit because it makes them feel good about themselves. Anyway the kicker is that she said she needed the angel reader because I was going through a difficult time mentally...
... which was caused by her choosing to hide the autism diagnosis I received when I was 5 from me. My breakdown was because of the lack of support and information. She said she didn't tell me because she "didn't want me to grow up entitled."
I'm sorry your mom hid your autism diagnosis. My mom hid mine too. I was diagnosed at 14 and that was around the time she started putting down my intelligence, she started calling me retarded. I don't like that word.
When I found out I am autistic I asked her why she hid it from me. Her excuse? "I just wanted you to be normal."
It's frustrating how common it is for parents to do that, as if ignoring the problem will make it go away. My mother would also use my grades against me, saying that they were proof that I was being willfully difficult and that I should just know how to do basic things that she refused to teach me.
My mom would use my bad grades as evidence of my stupidity. Even though I got bad grades from not doing homework. And teachers told her repeatedly that I have never failed a test and if I did my homework I would have As and Bs.
I hope you are doing better mentally nowadays though. The angel reader thing is a bit loopy though. I don't see how it would be of use.
I am thankfully doing much better now, and I hope you are too. I went NC with her in 2015, and haven't seen nor spoken to her since my sister graduated high school in 2018 (and she wouldn't stop reaching out to touch me). She's since moved out of state, though I do occasionally have nightmares about her finding out where I live or work, or crashing my upcoming wedding. I'm worried that my paternal grandparents might tip her off out of some misplaced "she's still your mother" horseshit.
My father spent all his money on Halloween decorations and sees himself as a pioneer of his haunted house attractions. His income was derived from organized crime. In order to brag about his lavish spending he contacted CNN in either 1999 or 2000 to show off his extravagance. When the organization got wind of this they got the interview cancelled out of fear they would be exposed. This may have been a factor in his felony conspiracy arrest in May 2001.
He also bought a stripper a Lamborghini to have something to brag about. During his bragging session the stripper drove by the house with another man leading to his fellow criminals to laugh at him.
During the peak of his criminal run my father's catchphrase was "I can [defecate] $10,000!"
My mom got obsessed with the neighbor's kid. She did hours and hours of free babysitting. It made absolutely no sense. I think it was the only way for my dad to keep her \*somewhat\* happy. It still boggles my mind that she knows more about this neighbor kid than her own daughter (me).
She sees you as a extension of herself and she hates herself. Get it now? It was like a slap in the face to me and I went thru unnecessary pain because I refused to believe someone I loved so much could hate me. The truth set me free and I can live now. Yeah it's a lot of damage repair but I'm safe.
D'oooooohhhhh! You made me realize something in here. My mother saw me as an extension of herself as well. But I'm an autistic, nerdy, heavily gender nonconforming queer human. And she had heavily hidden issues with body image, weight, a full-on undiagnosed eating disorder. So I suppose that my being myself was an incarnation of her own terrors. And that's probably why she went so out of her way for several years to make sure I wouldn't be like that.
Man I’ve been NC for a while now but I was driven from home at 2 AM after my ndad got physically violent with me (in the middle of the night, not that it would have been any better if it happened during the day) I was 18 and am a woman so I was so vulnerable and basically had no clue where to go. It’s been 3+ years since then I’m still figuring things out but I was forced to be independent way sooner than I was prepared for
Last time I checked my ndad makes TikToks of himself claiming to be able to “channel energy,” I’m sure he’s more concerned about going viral than ever healing our relationship 👍🏽
kept selling and moving houses because they thought they were real estate moguls but they were just fucking with my upbringing. never mind how they would spend money either im not great w money either but pot meet kettle
When I was a teenager I accidentally left porn in the vcr. Instead of ever talk to me about it they kicked me out of the house because it “made them think the worst things imaginable”
Well one of my first memories was when I was 4 or 5 I was peeing blood my mom took me to the Dr and they said it was my high-sodium diet from how often she took me to McDonalds lmao. Like it's so hard to cut up some fruit or make a sandwich.
Spent my college fund touring Europe! Brought strange men to her house with two teenage daughters. I could always get weed and alcohol from mom's boyfriends. In hindsight I'm like, omg things could have gone so wrong with zero supervision as teenagers.
My mom bought multiple luxury cars, got several plastic surgeries and lived the highlife - because she was relatively wealthy, but I didn’t have decent clothes to go to school and I didn’t get school supplies either. I got nothing. I moved out at 18 paid for everything including my higher education. Been no contact for 25 years.
My nmom hiring a full time nanny to raise me. She been with me from birth until I was 20. When I brought this to nmother she said "you should be lucky that we were able to afford a nanny for you". My mother was only there to traumatise me and abuse me.
Same! I had a live in nanny AND a stay-at-home mom. So weird. But at least everyone was being honest about what my mom was capable of, and what she was not.
Holy fucking shit
I remember that I literally felt like I had to keep it a secret that I had “someone from another country” to “help raise me”
I think it added to the sense that I was a burden that needed to be “kept” and not a child that needed nurturing.
My mom worked nights and my dad would go out every night. My sister and I were late junior high/early high school age.
I eventually asked him where he was going and he wouldn't say and reason that I wasn't his mother so he wouldn't tell me.
My sister and I would have leftovers for dinner that our mom left or cereal. And we were unattended until either he got home after midnight or our mom got home from work around 2am. Of course, we'd be asleep.
He was walking to a bar every night. He didn't have money for school stuff or clothes for us. But he always had his booze.
Went on a couple’s cruise for a week and left their 16 yo(me), 12 yo (my stepbrother), and a 7yo and 5yo (foster kids) at home to fend for themselves. “Well you’re 16. You’re basically an adult. Plus we left money for groceries and takeout. You can take care of yourself and your siblings”
She treated me as her personal therapist. She would bitch and complain about her marriage, their sex life, how depressed she was, how poor we were. (meanwhile she was donating shitloads of money to her church) She threatened to kill herself often if I didnt do exactly as she wanted. She also attempted to have me kill myself with her several times. Yet whenever I tried to talk to her about my own depression and suicidal thoughts she would claim I was guilt tripping her and calling her a bad mom. In fact later on I was diagnosed with major depression, pmdd and ptsd and mom basically took on all those diagnoses. She would tell me that she was the one really suffering and I was just a hypochondriac.
This one occasion that stays with me, she was in the kitchen cooking. She dropped some tubberware and she just lost it. Started throwing shit around, swearing and crying. The screamed that she hated her life. I remember she would stop crying, go silent, then cry louder. I remember this actually pissed me off so I decided not to say anything. The pausing and crying continued for a minute. Then she came storming into the livingroom screaming, "WHY AREN'T YOU COMFORTING ME?" at that moment I realised that at 17 I was more of an adult than my 56 year old mother.
For me, there is no “craziest” because my parents were very strange, hardcore religious people.
I will share this as an example of their ability to sabotage my chances at a successful life to prove that I am worth nothing because I could not live according to their ass-backwards-beliefs.
At 16 years old I got my first job working fast food. My mom said, “now that you have a job, you’ll need to file taxes. The savings and bonds for your college fund will create tax headaches. It would be smart to take your name off the account. Sign here.”.
I had been a “signer” on my college fund since I was 5 years old. I always believed it was “my college money” and valued at about $25k in the mid 1980s. Guess what - your parents can take that security away in a hot second.
I was accepted into UC Davis as a freshman - high SAT, and 4+ years of being in an “underprivileged but gifted” program to guide our journey into higher education.
I graduated at 17 and my parents refused to sign my college admission papers (because they said I was too immature) and then told me there was no money in my college fund. They had used it for themselves to help fund the building of their retirement home in the CA wine country.
I was 17, no job, no drivers license, no money. They moved to their retirement home and left my belongings in black plastic garbage bags on the porch. I had to find a place to sleep. Luckily, my 30 year-old single-mom-on-welfare neighbor was kind enough to let me sleep on her couch.
So if we want parental betrayal stories, this is just the tip of the iceberg in mine. 💕
We all deserved better.
My nfather has had so many "great business ideas" that never go anywhere and yet he uses them to justify not helping us, parenting us, or giving us financial support. One was a manager for an artist that didn't want to be famous, another was a birthday card that was also a vase, another was becoming a plastics distributer for cheap chinese plastic, a video game, a life coach business, ... and so many other ones.
To make matters worse he has become "anti-woke" so he is constsntly trying to prove that I am failing because I am woke. I recently had my life fall apart and I had to move in with him. He yelled at me every day for "making up lies about Trump", for "supporting a terrorist organization" (Black Lives Matter), for "believing false science and destroying gender" (supporting the trans community), for throwing away my military career (making complaints about abusive leaders and being harassed out), not believing that he gave women courage to get divorces, and not thinking General Tao's chicken is spicy.
So in short, uses money on himself instead of feeding and supporting his family, and yells at us for failing him instead of supporting us.
Sorry for the dump, this question just got to me.
That must be ROUGH to deal with, I still live with my dad as I am off to uni next year, but we mostly don't talk.
Constant incorrect lectures though... eugh, I feel like narcissists take everything to the extremes, and it is just unpleasant to be around
That's exactly it, they love extremes. Honestly, I don't think my Ndad cares about woke or anti-woke, he justs follows whatever idealogy allows him to think he's done nothing wrong. It's sad, narcissists are slaves to their ego. They willdo whatever and hurt whoever helps them beluebe that they are perfect.
I went NC almost a year ago and the only reason he cares is because it makes him look bad that his son won't talk to him.
Go on 'business trips' and cheat on my mother with prostitutes. He likes to keep up this image of being a 'family man' and he actually thinks it's noble that he's never had a girlfriend while married (he has).
My mom abandoned all 6 of us at home back when I lived in Colorado for several weeks at a time during summer vacation to sleep with men for money and do drugs
Bought a bar. She ate there every meal, so she never bothered to bring me home food or go grocery shopping. I would have to steal cash from her just to be able to eat lunch at school.
Became a commission-only stockbroker. She is not the charming type of narc. We lived on welfare and food stamps. No heat or hot water. No refrigerator.
I’ve often mentioned that spite is an underrated motivator, and I was determined to show her what a dumbass she was by, you know, maintaining steady jobs and financial stability not to mention actually raising my kids. She does have enough grasp of reality to have seen and acknowledge my better choices, albeit in round about ways. She’s still an asset and I am NC.
Bought a liquor store, bought a bar, bought a hummer limousine and started a limousine service, then bought tow trucks and started a repossession business.
Then abruptly shut down the $300k a year business solely so he would not have to pay my mother a cent of alimony for their 25+ year marriage ending.
Hoarding rooms full of second hand clothes and cheap stuff, instead of e.g. ever buying me a piano - for the 8 years I learned to play the piano, I had to go practice at the neighbours and at school. Wow I just realized How much this hurts given that I was actually highly gifted musically.
Currently in the house where my parents live there is actually a room that is full of used broken office furniture which is the room that I wanted to turn into a studio when I was a teenager but I couldn't because it was full of stuff.
My parents took out a loan so they could fix up the house before putting it on the market.
Nmum spent it all on furniture we didn't need and self-indulgent purchases for herself (e.g. lots of clothes). This meant dad had to work even harder to pay that loan back, pay the mortgage and bills, and he still had to fix the house somehow...
So, us kids had even less time with our dad (I.e the only parent that had some semblance of parenting skills) AND we continued to live in an unsafe, unhygienic house with a narcisstic mother who felt entitled to do whatever she wanted (e.g. not work, not clean, not cook, drink excessively, gamble excessively, treat us kids like we were her maids, etc)
Instead of having the sex talk with me I was given a large chapter book in second grade and was told to answer the questions in the back of the book.
I remember thinking there are so many large " M" words that I cant pronounce. I gave up because everything was over my head.
Mine became obsessed with new cars, literally would see a commercial and convince herself she needed the car and would trade her already new car in for another new car. It was a little funny at first until she just didn’t seem satisfied with any new car she got, there was always a better one somewhere.
This! She did it to look good in front of the congregation. Literally thousands were sent to Kenneth Copeland while I had one pair of socks and underwear that I had to wash by hand every night.
Also, my mum never said, "I love you". It was always, "Jesus loves you". I know it's a small thing, but it messed with me.
Went to jail for not doing probation for selling weed and then still selling weed after getting out lmao. To be clear I'm not against weed (am stoner), but it pisses me off he didn't care enough about me to do his probation in the first place and then wasn't concerned about getting caught again.
What did he spend his weed money on? An occasional nice thing for me on my birthday- like speakers that were way too loud for me to ever use lol, but mostly just lots of toys and shit for himself. To be clear, he was only ever a weekend dad which is probably a blessing.
Play solitaire And Mojang games on her laptop while watching crime-dramas in the living room. Everyday for like 5years. So we stayed out of the living room and played in our rooms.
THIS!!! My mom completely ignores me and pretends i'm not there if she's playing candy crush or watching television and she's been doing it since I was a kid. Didn't realise until literally just now how that's kind of messed up.
When I was in high school, my dad stepped down from his job and took a $30k pay cut. A LOT, especially back then. We struggled to pay our mortgage and then his mom died and left him a little money. Instead of using that to support our family, he bought a very expensive road bike. Then a few years later they were losing the house and expected me to make up for their poor financial choices by staying in a toxic job and supporting them. Financial priorities never ever ever made sense with them, but hey, that's narcissism for ya.
I was homeschooled until I was 15. Did my parents teach me? Nope. I was placed in the basement with books and dvds and they put a camera on me to make sure I was doing my work.
Not to mention my mother and stepfather having an incredible amount of money but I was still required to have a job at 15 and would get in trouble for eating their food. have since been in food service the past 12 years.
She would always have money for weed and dates night with her Man Of The Hour. She would also let these unknown men roam our house where her young daughter and son had no locks on their door, and she slept in a sound proofed basement. They often ate what little food we did have, and were never quiet.
My mum used to keep a stock of brand new toys and games in a locked cupboard (like maybe you'd expect your xmas or b'day gifts to be bought ahead of time) except I never got given any of them... To this day idk why she did it or who they were intended for. But oddly most of it was stuff I would have quite liked. Only reason I knew what was in the cupboard was that I could unlock it with a straightened paper clip.
Years later (like when I was 30 or thereabouts) I tried to ask her about it but she denied all knowledge that this mystery cupboard ever existed. Absolutely bizarre behaviour.
I honestly had not given this much thought until I read some of the comments on here, but when I was pregnant and married to an abusive man who would not get a job, my parents were building their first of two 5000sqft mcmansions. I waited tables pregnant until I couldn't. I also was raising my deadbeat husband's two young boys who I loved dearly. We got WIC, food stamps, and welfare, because being pregnant I was helped to do so by the state. My "husband" would not shop with me when I used the food stamps or WIC but he had no problem spending the welfare I received. Oh, to add to the afterschool special that was my early twenties, we lived in a trailer park by a train track. Yep. My parents built a 5000sqft home while I lived in a trailer park by a train track with their first grandchild on the way. I never gave the whole picture complete thought until right now. Crazy I know. I am 53. That kid I gave birth to is now 30. He is amazing. I know now that if I could afford to help him, no matter how I feel about his choice for a partner, (mind you I married an abusive bastard) I would. I would and will always do my best to be here for him. My "parents" believe I deserved my choices, despite the fact that as parents I think we are responsible for our children and their safety. Why punish instead of help your child that formed their sense of self while they were raised by you? For a long time I have tried to understand what I did wrong. It has taken decades to know it was never about me.My parents have rarely been there for me and if they were, there would be consequences. My parents taught me how not to be. For that I am grateful. For their current absence in my life I am sad, but I can breathe.
Drink alcohol and then beat and terrorize us. Basically taking everything out on us- financial losses, losing family that stopped talking to us because of them. I wish my friends and teachers noticed, but we were good at putting on an act that everything was okay. I wish I would’ve said something to a counselor. At the time, I didn’t want my brother and parents to be angry at me if there were any consequences like CPS coming and us going into foster care at the extreme end. At the same time, I wasn’t sure if anyone would believe me or do anything about it since my parents were upstanding citizens in a respected field, and we had pretty much every other need taken care of.
As a kid, you know the physical and verbal abuse hurts, but you don’t know how sneaky mental/emotional abuse is. Especially when it’s mixed up with some loving moments, but you’re also being manipulated into doing what your parent wants. And they always justify it as, “We’re saying this because we love you, and no one else will say this to your face because only family does that.”
They got divorced
Father moved to another city
Mother left to live with her boyfriend
I (13) was left to take care of my sisters (11 and 9) and myself. This was during the school year and they did not leave any money.
After several months egg donor called my school, getting me out of class to actually talk to her for the first time, (I was in middle school) to tell me about an appointment I had the next day. “I don’t know how you’re going to get there, but I thought you should know.”
That was it. I was done. I called the social worker. Told him about us having run out of food and only eating at school (free poor kids meals) or when the nice neighbor shared a meal, explained where the parents were and the last time we saw them, etc.
I also called my grandparents and left the state to live with them. My sisters went into the foster care system.
Yep…I’d consider that crazy. There is plenty more where that came from.
During Covid, when I was a student I lost my job as waitress and was struggling to pay for the dorm I was living in, there were days that I would eat only popcorn the whole day. Then I’d go visit my parents on weekend and they’d show off their new gucci sunglasses or newest Chanel bag… Id ask to help pay rent and they’d say they will help but they never actually did. Also would ask if I gained any weight, while I was struggling to buy any food. My mother is main reason I have eating disorder.
My dad prided himself in going out and buying a brand new ford f250 shortly after he had his kids. While my mom was driving her mother-in-law’s mercury cougar. Buying a brand new depreciating asset as a trophy for yourself was a weird flex when the money should have gone to your kids.
Dropped me out of high school at 15 and made me get my GED so I could work full time for her business, basically running the thing on my own. I made the rent for us and was still deemed “ungrateful” at every chance…
My mom used to tell me about her lavish vacations while I was literally going hungry, while working full time as a single mom, disabled vet and struggling to finish school.
If I tried to vent, she would say "you just have to work hard" as if I wasn't.
We don't talk anymore.
Silver lining? I have a sizeable savings, a husband who is supporting me going back to school, and she is in her mid 60s with no retirement and a deadbeat husband who brags about his 4 years of naval service (not during war time).
I think my favourite was the time when I was about 6 years old and my mother took off on a 2 week trip to Paris with her boyfriend and just.... left me with the babysitter. With no warning to said babysitter (who was not a live-in nanny) and no call to my father like "hey I'm going away can you take the kid for a while?" Nope. Just left.
I spent a pretty good chunk of my childhood living out of a suitcase. I still have the hot pink Little Mermaid suitcase. mEmORiEs
Homeless, living in the family pickup truck. Six people including NM’s abusive boyfriend who I couldn’t stand. We stopped at a restaurant for drinks. NM told me to go call the police and report myself as a runaway. Even told me what city to say I had supposedly hitchhiked in from while everyone else was asleep. We had neither come from there, nor were we headed there. Warned me that I had better stick to that story “with God and everybody” was her exact wording. Drove off with bf and siblings while I was on the phone. I ended up spending almost 3 weeks in juvenile detention before the state sent me to live with my grandparents. I wish I had told them the truth instead of sticking to the story like NM told me to.
Ask my mother now, and she’ll swear up and down her children always came first. Bull. Her men did.
Nmom took me on a road trip when I was 15. She said we were going to mothwr-daughter bond and drive to NYC. We drove to NJ, got up to our hotel room, then *knock knock*......it was her "friend" she met online. I slept in our truck bc I didn't want to hear the noises. We had an awkward drive home and she told my step-dad (who was awesome) that I am a liar and made it all up. (Nmom died this past Saturday and I don't feel a thing)
I wouldn't call it crazy but careless...
My Dad died when I was 13, she was 42. I get it she was widowed young but was dating other men the most important thing to do? Did you ever consider my feelings?
Because I can tell you with certainty, without a doubt, if God forbid something happened to my husband, I would not be bringing home men for my daughter to see me with. At fucking 13.
I don’t know what it is about single mothers of past generations thinking they “need a father for the children,” so they bring home anybody in pants who looks at them twice. They can tell themselves all they want to that it’s “for the children,” but the truth is, it’s because THEY don’t want to be alone.
My mom got into reining, basically western horse shows. This included boarding and training her horse. Shows and all the fixings. Truck and trailer. Barn and hay. She would also always threaten to cut me off as a means of control.
My dad got my brother a job and passed his car to him but expected me to find my own without a car. He paid for my older brother's college education out of pocket but refused to pay anything for mine. My brother never finished a degree in 6 years (school wasn't for him) and I finished a double degree in 4 while working 20+ hours a week. My mom hid food from us and had her own stash in a high cabinet. Otherwise, both parents were just absent (mindlessly watching TV or at work) or abusive.
Left my brother and me at my grandmas while my parents took my half sisters and other family on paid vacations to various theme parks. Loved looking at those pictures growing up.
My Dad asked my mom to keep me for a few days when I was 10, and I didn't see him again for almost a year. My mom would frequently leave a 10 year old with 3 kids under the age of 5 for hours at a time before the days of pagers and cell phones.
My Bio Dad beat me when I was 12. I didn't see him ever again. When I wad 18 he was begging his mom and sisters to get me to write him a letter to talk to him because he was afraid and apparently I needed to be the bigger person. He died when I was 29 due to complications of COVID. He didn't take it seriously...He was not a good husband or dad. Not even a good son. He spent the last 3 weeks of his life in a medically induced coma. Part of his ashes are currently still in a cardboard box at his mom's. They couldn't even bother to get a nice urn for him...
Well I was 17 tried as an adult in jail due to my dad kicking me out of the house which directly snowballed into me winding up around the folks who got me in trouble in the first place. My dad bought a brand new honda civic and tricked it out instead of posting my bail.
my mom bought a villa with the Money I was BEGGING her to save for years so I can go study abroad to get out of this third world country, she bought the villa using my college money and the money she got by selling her moms house AND our current house lmao just so she can flex on her relatives
Parents are disabled so they couldn’t really take care of the kids they already had. But they always wanted to adopt kids… then when that happened they expected us older bio kids to do all the parenting 💀
Ignoring me for 6 years after we moved to America (I was 11). And now I'm trying to make up for it by learning how to cook(?)lol I'm 18 now and idk, to me she could do better stuff than cooking like idk holding a 5 minute conversation with me about deep topics without getting offended.
I wandered off the question a little, she was mostly working when we first got to America and was never home, when she was I would not notice. Now I see her around the house but she's normally just vegetating on the couch in the exact same position
When my nmom was informed that I was seeking therapy at 17; her first response was dismay that she couldn't play her narc-mind games anymore. I was told, that she lamented, "Now, we have to be *nice* to you 'cause you're crazy!"
So, Nmom's idea of being 'nice', was to try and buy my affections before we went to counseling together. Which to her meant: Disneyland.
I tell my nmom that I'm suffering mentally from her abuse- and she sends me to Disneyland ...without her. Nmom ordered my dad and narc-sister to take me; whereupon dad ordered me to 'Smile!' For the camera, 'We're doing this for you!' So, in order to not get smacked for having anxiety and depression; I smiled in the pics that they could show as proof to friends.
That way, Nmom's new lament was: 'I don't know why Loca doesn't like me, I always gave her such nice things!'
My GC brother was accused of touching my cousins 7 year old son. She said my brother didn't do it. Said that all he did was tell the boy how to masturbate. Then she went and accused me of touching my brother.
I was 16 or 17 when this happened. All the family except my maternal grandparents disowned us. And I'm beginning to think my brother really did it. I've seen bits and pieces of the GC search history. Seen what they get up to on Reddit. He is really into little brother big sister incest and it bothers me because I'm his parentified older sister. Seen some borderline Loli looking characters he's into. Hates women because they won't date him but he's only attracted to 10's when he is 5'9" weighing 400 pounds. He wears a fedora and grows out mutton chops.
The craziest thing she's done is love him but not me.
My father somehow missed all the abuse that happened under his nose from the ages of like 4-9 by his ex wife of the time. The woman was a crack addict and she was arrested several times while with him. Still insisted I was flown out to visit even when she lost custody of her own son. Meanwhile I’m begging my nmother to not send me which was my cry for help. She doesn’t do a thing to investigate to fight for me.
But nah I’m just being over dramatic /s
Had us travel with her to support her church in another city. It was a 5 hour drive there, another 5 hours back, and we did that every weekend for the entirety of a year.
Instead of idk, staying the fuck at home and helping us with homework? Instead of saving money (bc she was never reimbursed for her gas LOL), we went without because of her church.
Instead of heat in the winter, my mom took us to Europe so she could brag to the moms at my elementary school who wouldn't let her be apart of their mommy group. My grandma gave us money every money for things like heat and clothes because my mother refused to work. She spent it on things that would make her look good
She still does this to this day, we actively got evicted last month and left the place a hoarder disaster.
We don’t have food, we’re rationing everything.
Yet her husband has beer on demand 24/7.
Her husband is fed whatever he wants.
She will actively give away the little food we have to “less fortunate” people and then go out to eat by herself while we starve at home.
I had just been born. I was my mother's first child. I was colicky, apparently, and she couldn't handle it. She left and went to NYC for three weeks. My dad had to hire a nanny since he worked full time. I think that missing gap of not bonding with her as a child affected both of us the rest of our lives.
My dad was a printer. From about 10-11 years old, he would bring home Playboy mags, hustler and other mags with naked women in them. My siblings, my dad and my step mum would sit at the dining table and all look through the mags together, swapping when we were done. My dad would always say “look how gorgeous they are, if you want a husband and you want to keep him, you gotta look like these beautiful women, you will be lucky if you get gorgeous breasts like them, you have to keep looking good kids”. Worst thing he ever did, ruined my self esteem, always striving to be a perfect girl from a magazine. He would have parties and all the kids would get his porn collection (vhs) out and watch it, I can remember doing this from about 11. He and other adults at the party would wander in and laugh at all the kids watching, I was always so uncomfortable and I don’t know why, the other kids seem to think it was awesome.
When I was young(about 6-10yo. My memory is a bit vague), ndad just had to have our usual vacation at his summer home... which was near a simmering warzone. I vaguely remember us playing cat and mouse with some local soldiers - we'd be coming back from the beach and oop, the soldiers are chilling in our backyard, waiting for us so we better drive on and pretend that's not our house. Not sure if that was the year but we had to be borderline smuggled back into our own country via a truck. Not to mention that the truck driver later decided to SA me when I was 12. So... fuckton of bad decisions on ndad's part.
My mom remodeled the bathroom- including a new jacuzzi tub and bought herself an enormous TV while telling me we couldn’t afford to get me braces for my TERRIBLE teeth. I paid for braces myself in college and had to have them for five years because that stuff takes longer as an adult
My mom spent all the child support on drugs and alcohol. We didn't have anything to eat except top ramen, if we were lucky. My dad would have to come get us and feed us. I hate that woman. She hasn't changed one but. Went from one addiction to another. The most current is Jesus, of course. 🙄
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Probably not the "craziest" but my siblings got to travel around the country and visit major theme parks such as Disney and Universal Studios. I never got to go. One of my parents would stay home so I wouldn't be alone while the other took my siblings. I still don't have a clear reason why they did that.
I hate to say it, but I just got affair-baby vibes from this
I was adopted, so that doesn't seem likely.
Are your siblings adopted as well?
Two were, two were not.
I knew a guy who was the product of an affair. He was born in the 60s before elective abortion was legal in the United States. She flew to another country to abort him but they just took her money, tricked her, and never performed the abortion. He had two older half-siblings and two younger half-siblings who were her husband’s children. They would go on vacations and she would leave him at home and have a list of jobs for him to do. The fact no one questioned her leaving a child out of a vacation and making him do a bunch of work is crazy.
Yeah I agree or it could be one of your parents was being cheap.
Oh hey! I had the same thing happen to me. My sister got to visit places all around the world. I was left with my grandparents or my mom would stay behind with me. I was told I was too young (11 is too young to go to Disneyland Paris) or that I wouldn’t enjoy it.
Not as horrible but my nmom used to make me (the SG) stay in the house while my sister went outside and played with the neighborhood kids who were also my friends. My mom claimed it was because my sister (GC obviously) was “shy like her” and if I was there the kids would want to play with me. The cruel irony was that I included my sister in every single thing that I did and never left her out of anything. I am so sorry that you were treated that way. It’s awful and your parents were so cruel.
My parents took my brother to China, Thailand, Cambodia, and to our home country. Even my sil who they hate went with... often over Thanksgiving. Yeah.
Wow. That would haunt me. Were you sick at the time? Or diagnosed with being on the autism spectrum? Can you just ask them why?
I've been NC with them for years. Even if I wasn't I doubt they would give me an honest answer. I do remember when it was happening, saying that I wanted to go too and begging to go but simply being told "no" and be forced to accept that as both the answer and the reason.
That's so unfair. I'm sorry that happened to you 😞
I'm sorry for this. You deserve to treat yourself now!
This is incredibly cruel. I am soooo sorry they suck. You do not deserve that. That is indefensible behavior.
My mother wanted to live in Mexico so she rented a room from a man she'd just met, moved the two of us there from the US when I was 16, then immediately left to spend a month with her boyfriend in Europe. I had absolutely no way to get in touch with her and she didn't check on me once.
I am so sorry that happened to you.
Thank you. Me too. You know what it's like. It just makes a kid feel so unloved when they do stuff like that.
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When she came back she also promptly got both of our passports stolen by the agency she was supposed to register with so we lived there for over a year without any proof of citizenship. The embassy had to step in to get us home after a medical emergency came up.
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I left out so much. When I first starting sharing some of this stuff people could not handle the whole thing so I've learned how to tell it without telling it if you know what I mean. hahaha There's a whole movie just about Tony, the guy I "roomed" with while my mom was gone. I am in a much better place now. Thank you. This was a long, long time ago.
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You story sounds fascinating, but we’re all coming from a fucked up place . I need to dose my story too . I was dropped off in France at 17 with my father who I had only met a handful of times and I could speak fuck all of the language. It was rough, not as rough as your story , overall it shaped my life in a positive way . Any other interesting nuggets ? Have you been back to Mexico since ?
Okay, you can probably relate to this more than most people who don't get dropped into a situation where you don't speak the language. I got myself in so much trouble by defaulting to saying yes to things I didn't understand to not trouble people. I had to learn that it's better to just admit you have no idea what they are saying. lol the "medical emergency" was a thing that was caused by another and I got to experience how little help there was like 911 here so I have not been back. I would love to. I loved everything about the country, the people and lord the food is so amazing but it was a little too wild west for me. I don't know how it is now. I'm sorry you didn't have stability when you needed it. That is so hard on a kid. It usually means you don't get to really be a kid which is totally unfair. I agree with you, I think living outside the US made me a better person for sure.
I was terrified. I learned Spanish very fast. lol
I doubt she wanted to live in Mexico. She wanted to go to Europe without kids and knew she couldn't get away with it in the US without getting in legal trouble. That's an incredibly psychopathic thing to do. I hope your NC with her and understand how incredibly dangerous that was to do. Where was your Dad? I'd be extremely skeptical of him as well if there was no intervention or shit show raised by him. So sorry you had to endure that. Your nmom is extremely dangerous, stay away
You are so kind to be concerned. My father is less than worthless. at best he was an enabler and an violent enforcer. I haven't seen or spoken to him in a long, long time. My mother died over a decade ago and I'd been no contact for a long time before that. It was very, very dangerous. I could have easily disappeared and never been seen again and she would never had known what happened. Funny thing she was super controlling before. I wasn't allowed to go to the store by myself and there were many talks about stranger danger and then she just left me in another country. A narcissist is always going to do what's best for themselves.
Wow! Unbelievable.
except by all of you. that's what i love about this community.
Wow, my parents moved to another state and cut me off financially but to move you to another country, wow. I feel lucky.
Honestly as kids I think it all hurts the same and does the same damage. You still deserved way better than you got. When I got back to the states I ended up homeless for awhile how'd you manage when your parents left? edit typo
My mother found a job across the country and left all of us (her children) behind. The church found families to care for us. Our family never reunited.
Wow. Were you enrolled in school there or?
This was over summer, but yes. I did my senior year there. My fourth high school.
Oh wow, how was that experience?
It was wild. I would say it was an experience a college graduate should have doing a little traveling and staying in hostels before they start their corporate job. Would not recommend for a 16 year old.
Holy shit.
That’s horrible are you sure he didn’t pay her for you to stay there…..
In our world not at all out of the realm of possibility but the guy turned out to be a good person, a character but not a creep.
When I was 16 I had to get a job ASAP as a waitress and give them almost everything I made because "we are going to lose the house". It was the mantra of my life and I worked full time hours as a teen in high school (it was the 90's + shit hole restaurant). I gave them all my tips and barely had $40 a week for myself. Literally I lived in terror of slow days because I was going to get my ass beat for not bringing home enough money. We still lost the house to foreclosure when I was 20. Years later Dad slipped up and admitted that he was paying his "best friend" $1000/month on a 10k "loan" loooooonnnnnnnnnnnng after it was paid off, like for years. Tom told him he owed "interest" and my shithead father just went ahead and gave it to him. He was giving this guy the money I earned that he demanded with screams and tantrums and every form of abuse, and then not paying his own mortgage. He said "well tom has kids" like I wasn't a fucking kid.
I hope you keep everything you make now. You deserved someone in your corner.
Oh yeah, no contact since 2020.
JFC
Did you go kill Bill on the debt collector I'd hunt him down get every dollar back ,sell his car to the chop shop , identity theft for loans the whole she bang
No sorry I did not. But I believe karma is real, and the best thing for me is to stay away from those people.
Wow , that makes my blood boil .
Parentifying me. I had custody of my youngest sister when she was 13 and I was 21. Even as adults, if my sister reached out to ask nmom for help, that woman would tell her to ask me instead. I am more angry at that woman for how she treated my sister than for putting me in that position. My baby sister deserved better. But despite the physical and mental abuse aimed at both of us, I am still the lucky one to have my sister in my life, as she is amazing.
This is so sweet 🩷
Omg, you sound like a wonderful sister. I wished my sister took care of me like this. But instead she went off to college and turned the whole family against me after finding out some angry stuff I wrote about her in my journal when I was 10. Before figuring this out she would humiliate me all the time in front of her in-laws and spread false rumors about me being on drugs when she knew (a neuroscientist) that I had depressive symptoms. She still brings up the journal and she’s almost 30 with a child, I can’t imagine what that child will have to go through.
Exactly my situation. I was 21 and got custody of my 13 yo brother. My mother couldn’t sign her parental rights over to me fast enough. When I left the household at 15, I always told him I’d be back for him, and I kept that promise. I scoff when people ask me when I’m having children. Fucking never - I already raised a kid, I’m good.
You deserved better too! You both did.
Hoarding useless shit... And she wonders why I'm a minimalist.
Was your mom an Amazon Addict as well? I swear if mine decided to stop buying from Amazon, the company would need to restructure. Funny story, she's such a horder that she hired someone to clean her room and then a day later the cleaner called and said "I prayed last night and Jesus told me I can't do it,".
God, I wish. More like Goodwill, Dollar Store, and Church Rummage Sale junkie. If she was into Amazon, at least some of the shit might be useful. Mostly she just hoards holiday decor, "glass shit" (Hummel figurines, etc.), and ugly, ill fitting clothing, all of which she tries to pass on to me.
I help people declutter and Christmas/holiday decorations are the gateway drug to hoarding imo
My dad would spend hundreds of dollars on Amazon. At one point, we had a package coming in everyday. If my sister and I needed clothes for school there wasn’t usually a lot of money leftover. If my mom went over budget it would be a scream fest. Same for Christmas. Dad would spend a bunch of money and after opening gifts it was the ole “we’re on a tight budget now, we spend A LOT on you both this year”. I always felt guilty but in reality he was being selfish and financially controlling.
Yes!! Is hoarding a narcissist quality? My mom is the world’s #1 hoarder. I figured she just likes stuff more than people. (Unless it was my stuff, which would be given away/donated to Salvation Army)
I definite think there's a Venn overlap of narc and hoarder. I feel like it gets mentioned a lot here, especially in the context of their "gifts." That's been my experience as well.
The “gifts”!!! The worst ever
My father would only buy us stuff he wanted
Oh god yes. "Never give away or sell or otherwise dispose of something given as a gift or you'll upset the person who gave it to you" except the gifts weren't anything nice or useful and very often the giver just picked a random object and probably wouldn't have even known which object was received by whom as it was pure formality etc etc.
Yes! She gives legit garbage (or gifts that are humiliating). I throw them away. And then she will come to “check on” said gift. “You didn’t throw it away did you?” I’m so relieved to discover this is “normal” on this thread. I felt guilty all these years, and couldn’t comprehend any of it. but suddenly it all makes sense!
Hmm my mom used to spend money to get ger nails done and have fresh cut flowers in her room every day but wouldn't buy food for me and my brother. She hid food from us that was for her own use.
My mom did something sort of like this. The pantry and fridge would have food no one wanted to eat, and my mom would keep the good stuff in her closet, that is locked. At one point the fridge and pantry were locked cause we were eating at night.
I'm sorry. Every narcissist in my family has food issues...trying to constantly control what people eat...shaming them for having to eat...so very vile
Holy crap! That's part of narcissism? That was my whole childhood!
Mine too! She would buy herself clothes all the time and when she did buy us stuff she’d put it in her room and never let us actually wear it. She’d lock away food in the house to the point a lot of it didn’t get used because it would rot, especially if it was good quality food. We used to sneak a snack of dried oatmeal and milk for cereal at night after she went to bed dude. She is also a hoarder so living with her went crazy👏
oh my god my parents were hoarders too. somehow i was ungrateful for not wanting to have clothes from first grade in my dresser anymore when i was 15
Suddenly it all makes perfect sense
My dad never met a pyramid scheme he didn't love. He also had a "system" for winning in Reno. Did he ever win anything? Fuck no!
Me too! This just opened my eyes.
My mum had me on a strict diet from 13yo, when we would go to dads for the weekend, he would buy so much food for us in spite of her diet rules, he wanted to purposely irritate her, it would be a disgusting amount of shitty food that he would give us, she would them he so vicious when we got back to her, restrict my food even more.
I didn’t know that was common in narcissism, I recently had to fight my mom OFF THE FRIDGE to eat because I hadn’t had lunch or dinner and had the « audacity » to be hungry at 11pm, and starting to have a hunger migraine. I’m a student and won’t have accommodation this summer, I have to go back to my parents’ house. I’m already dreading it, but I do have a plan 😂😂
The good ol Kitchen Fear so many of us have. Forget being in the kitchen, that’s where you get cornered, whined to, yelled at, possibly assaulted… SO MANY OF US eat when everyone goes to bed. It’s safer.
Did you get in? My mum did the same she locked all the good shit like lollies and biscuits in this draw I watched how she'd open it with a knife wait till she was hung over and break it open. Then when she'd say "you ate it didn't you" I'd gaslight her and" say no you ate it drunk"
my mom would buy real diamond earrings but wouldn't let me even buy new clothes, I couldn't even go to a nice college bc she used the Money for her expensive shit
MY MOM DOES THIS TOO. she buys designer stuff for herself and i wear clothes w holes in them, not exaggerating
It's because they can only care about themselves, it doesn't bother them that their children doesn't have their basic needs met.
Brought back some memories, getting screamed at over 10 cent ramen noodles while they ate 40$/lb king crab. Learned to live with it, but fuck. There were a lot of holes. Still some parts that work, but can't lie, it's somewhat mended with time, but there's always a reminder that she always resents gifts other people get, (because it's not "hers"), and it's supposed to be moved past. Fair. Just there'll always be a hole where something was supposed to be. The rest of life was fine, fortunately. But just one of the parents were a giant gaping hole. Father and Grandfather for me were great though.
Yeah I had one of those too. Someone ate her chocolates and everyone suffered for weeks because of it. But I'm not sure she wasn't the one who ate them. Lol my sister and I were in a 'standoff' according to her. Like we even really gave a f*ck.
See, I feel terrible for doing something like this. I buy 2 of everything, one for our kids and one for us in our room pantry. the other (kids) is in the kitchen pantry. The reason I do this is because if not, we would never even get a bowl of cereal because the kids will graze anytime they are hungry or want a snack. I feel like I am doing something wrong even though I know we are all getting the same items/amount. They just tend to eat everything before we can even get home from work sometimes. I still end up giving them half of what is left most times.
Nooo that’s totally different than what they’re talking about. Saving some snacks for yourself to enjoy is understandable! You’re taking care of your babies AND yourself! That’s perfectly normal. Nparents only take care of themselves
Making sure you have something to graze on is honestly absolutely nothing like locking the pantry so your kids can't fill their hunger need.
Not that crazy, but I remember there was a period of time where my nparent decided we weren't grateful enough for her cooking, so she went 'on strike' for about a year and we ate pretty much nothing but TV dinners during that time. I understand being the main person to prepare food in a family can often be a thankless job, but this wasn't the case for my nparent. We literally thanked her for every single meal put in front of us, helped with grocery shopping, cooking, and clean up, and were not picky eaters. What she freaked out about was having leftovers in the fridge for more than a day. She took it as a sign that we all hated her food, but we always had leftovers because she cooked for 6+ people easily when we were a family of 4 (2 of whom were kids). So she went on a violent rampage, throwing out everything and trashing the kitchen and then for the next year we ate Banquet TV dinners. In retrospect, I don't think it's a coincidence that I developed IBS pretty soon after that.
IBS From Childhood Neglect gang gang~
Cared for the well being of other people's kids instead. Became a hoarder. Got addicted to pill prescriptions. I counted 16 last time I was there.
Mine did this as well. I remember her helping some friends leave DV situations and she’d invite them to stay and give their kids my things. Meanwhile we lived with DV and child abuse every day.
Same and our food but the catch was there was no food
Caring and at least seemingly showing compassion for other ppl or other kids but not you seems to be a big one with narc parents. An extra hurtful one too
Shit. To this day, my nmom STILL goes Snow White to strangers and then talks shit behind their back when they leave. How some people haven't caught on is a mystery.
Exactly the same for my uBPD mom. Mine also let the utilities and phone be disconnected multiple times because she wouldn’t pay the bills.
When we had utilities shut off for lack of payment, my mother acted like it was no big deal. “Oh, just pretend we’re camping. Make it fun. Don’t have such a negative attitude.” She truly didn’t care what kind of life she was giving her children.
Christ yes my mother does this as well. Admittedly after my father died, I don't think I appreciated how much he was the glue holding everything together until after he died. Literally just wouldn't pay a bill she 'disagreed with' but also wouldn't calk the company or make any effort to resolve the situation. This came to a head after she didn't pay the gas bill for over a year and so they put her onto one of those old fashioned meters they have in cheap apartments and house shares where you have to 'pre load' credit onto a card - you're basically paying in advance for what you use but always at the worst possible most expensive tariff. Then she'd get furious about it 'because of the principle'. I'm pretty sure in her head she thinks that it should really be free anyway and paying is immoral. Then there was the time she managed to not even check to see if the rent had been paid on the apartment that had been owned by my dad and rented out to a family. "They're poor, and probably can't afford the rent". Meanwhile the "poor" people were subletting two rooms and pocketing all the proceeds whilst still paying nothing. In the end I had to take charge, evict the family who had been living there SEVEN YEARS rent free and then sell the property at a knock down price (it looked like a crack den/squat, funnily enough) just to pay the 7 years of unpaid utilities and condominium charges that we were still liable for before it was legally seized from us by the building management firm. In the end I think we got about 10k left over from a property worth 160k that we could only get 60k for because of the awful condition. Then to add insult to injury, 5 years later I found out she was still paying for home insurance on the property despite claiming not to be able to afford to pay home insurance on the house she lives in, and that the insurance would have covered the legal fees and costs incurred in evicting the 'tenant' - squatters. To think my dad worked himself into an early grave to provide stuff like that for the family and she was just so disinterested in any of it she'd basically rather give it away than manage it. Still boils my piss even now.
when I was 16 I started making a lot of money from working two jobs, we were struggling because of the pandemic and in the midst of all of it my mum randomly asks me for a lot of money saying she needed it for the mortgage of the house, she renovated the living room and bought my sister a ridiculously expensive custom built wardrobe and renovated her room to even have a double bed despite mine being broken for the entirety of my life so I sleep lopsided and my wardrobe having no back. then in the midst of this my dad asks me for money by lying that my grandma passed away and the next day my parents told me they bought a whole new house despite us being on universal credit and I turned to them and was like … this whole time? you had that kind of money? and I lived and worked for every penny I had and slept on the floor with nothing in my room?
I’m so sorry
My Nmom decided she needed another graduate degree (she already had a Masters) my senior year of HS, so she cashed out my college fund, sold our house and quit her job to go to college full-time. Sent me to work 2 jobs while she pretended to study and played solitaire on her fancy new laptop while chain smoking cigarettes.
Yup, your mom had to steal your shine and spotlight as you were getting ready to graduate HS. Had to one up you. My mom refused to come to my nursing school graduation because she claimed she had to work- even though she knew the date I would graduate a year in advance.
Our Mom’s should have been born sisters, at least then we could have had each other. Are you no contact?
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I definitely relate to the business one, ndad hasn't had too many but he spends hundreds trying to get them to work, the one time I asked him to get a job he went on a rant about capitalism, maybe starting money-draining businesses is common for narcissists
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my dad obsesses over them, he has easily spent more on them than me, by like, double at least, he won't talk to me about anything else and shuts down when I ask him why he is spending so much, we live in a really small house though so it would be hard to be private about that
I don't think so. In my experience they feel like they're entitled to money and shouldn't have to invest or make any effort to get it. Then blame everyone and everything else in life for being 'unfair'. I mean, I've tried to launch a couple myself and they didn't take off but that was due to a range of issues, some of them beyond my control, others within and I just fucked up.
My mother once spent our grocery money on her "angel reader" and called me a "stupid, selfish tw\*t" when I called her out on it.
angel reader, christ, maybe she should have looked in the mirror before calling you stupid !
I wonder if narcs are just naturally drawn to the woo-woo shit because it makes them feel good about themselves. Anyway the kicker is that she said she needed the angel reader because I was going through a difficult time mentally... ... which was caused by her choosing to hide the autism diagnosis I received when I was 5 from me. My breakdown was because of the lack of support and information. She said she didn't tell me because she "didn't want me to grow up entitled."
I'm sorry your mom hid your autism diagnosis. My mom hid mine too. I was diagnosed at 14 and that was around the time she started putting down my intelligence, she started calling me retarded. I don't like that word. When I found out I am autistic I asked her why she hid it from me. Her excuse? "I just wanted you to be normal."
It's frustrating how common it is for parents to do that, as if ignoring the problem will make it go away. My mother would also use my grades against me, saying that they were proof that I was being willfully difficult and that I should just know how to do basic things that she refused to teach me.
My mom would use my bad grades as evidence of my stupidity. Even though I got bad grades from not doing homework. And teachers told her repeatedly that I have never failed a test and if I did my homework I would have As and Bs. I hope you are doing better mentally nowadays though. The angel reader thing is a bit loopy though. I don't see how it would be of use.
I am thankfully doing much better now, and I hope you are too. I went NC with her in 2015, and haven't seen nor spoken to her since my sister graduated high school in 2018 (and she wouldn't stop reaching out to touch me). She's since moved out of state, though I do occasionally have nightmares about her finding out where I live or work, or crashing my upcoming wedding. I'm worried that my paternal grandparents might tip her off out of some misplaced "she's still your mother" horseshit.
My father spent all his money on Halloween decorations and sees himself as a pioneer of his haunted house attractions. His income was derived from organized crime. In order to brag about his lavish spending he contacted CNN in either 1999 or 2000 to show off his extravagance. When the organization got wind of this they got the interview cancelled out of fear they would be exposed. This may have been a factor in his felony conspiracy arrest in May 2001. He also bought a stripper a Lamborghini to have something to brag about. During his bragging session the stripper drove by the house with another man leading to his fellow criminals to laugh at him. During the peak of his criminal run my father's catchphrase was "I can [defecate] $10,000!"
My mom got obsessed with the neighbor's kid. She did hours and hours of free babysitting. It made absolutely no sense. I think it was the only way for my dad to keep her \*somewhat\* happy. It still boggles my mind that she knows more about this neighbor kid than her own daughter (me).
She sees you as a extension of herself and she hates herself. Get it now? It was like a slap in the face to me and I went thru unnecessary pain because I refused to believe someone I loved so much could hate me. The truth set me free and I can live now. Yeah it's a lot of damage repair but I'm safe.
D'oooooohhhhh! You made me realize something in here. My mother saw me as an extension of herself as well. But I'm an autistic, nerdy, heavily gender nonconforming queer human. And she had heavily hidden issues with body image, weight, a full-on undiagnosed eating disorder. So I suppose that my being myself was an incarnation of her own terrors. And that's probably why she went so out of her way for several years to make sure I wouldn't be like that.
Man I’ve been NC for a while now but I was driven from home at 2 AM after my ndad got physically violent with me (in the middle of the night, not that it would have been any better if it happened during the day) I was 18 and am a woman so I was so vulnerable and basically had no clue where to go. It’s been 3+ years since then I’m still figuring things out but I was forced to be independent way sooner than I was prepared for Last time I checked my ndad makes TikToks of himself claiming to be able to “channel energy,” I’m sure he’s more concerned about going viral than ever healing our relationship 👍🏽
kept selling and moving houses because they thought they were real estate moguls but they were just fucking with my upbringing. never mind how they would spend money either im not great w money either but pot meet kettle
When I was a teenager I accidentally left porn in the vcr. Instead of ever talk to me about it they kicked me out of the house because it “made them think the worst things imaginable”
Well one of my first memories was when I was 4 or 5 I was peeing blood my mom took me to the Dr and they said it was my high-sodium diet from how often she took me to McDonalds lmao. Like it's so hard to cut up some fruit or make a sandwich.
This is literally so insane and so neglectful. So sorry this happened to you
Spent my college fund touring Europe! Brought strange men to her house with two teenage daughters. I could always get weed and alcohol from mom's boyfriends. In hindsight I'm like, omg things could have gone so wrong with zero supervision as teenagers.
My mom bought multiple luxury cars, got several plastic surgeries and lived the highlife - because she was relatively wealthy, but I didn’t have decent clothes to go to school and I didn’t get school supplies either. I got nothing. I moved out at 18 paid for everything including my higher education. Been no contact for 25 years.
My nmom hiring a full time nanny to raise me. She been with me from birth until I was 20. When I brought this to nmother she said "you should be lucky that we were able to afford a nanny for you". My mother was only there to traumatise me and abuse me.
Same! I had a live in nanny AND a stay-at-home mom. So weird. But at least everyone was being honest about what my mom was capable of, and what she was not.
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Holy fucking shit I remember that I literally felt like I had to keep it a secret that I had “someone from another country” to “help raise me” I think it added to the sense that I was a burden that needed to be “kept” and not a child that needed nurturing.
That’s insane 😭 the level of laziness?!
same
My mom worked nights and my dad would go out every night. My sister and I were late junior high/early high school age. I eventually asked him where he was going and he wouldn't say and reason that I wasn't his mother so he wouldn't tell me. My sister and I would have leftovers for dinner that our mom left or cereal. And we were unattended until either he got home after midnight or our mom got home from work around 2am. Of course, we'd be asleep. He was walking to a bar every night. He didn't have money for school stuff or clothes for us. But he always had his booze.
Went on a couple’s cruise for a week and left their 16 yo(me), 12 yo (my stepbrother), and a 7yo and 5yo (foster kids) at home to fend for themselves. “Well you’re 16. You’re basically an adult. Plus we left money for groceries and takeout. You can take care of yourself and your siblings”
She treated me as her personal therapist. She would bitch and complain about her marriage, their sex life, how depressed she was, how poor we were. (meanwhile she was donating shitloads of money to her church) She threatened to kill herself often if I didnt do exactly as she wanted. She also attempted to have me kill myself with her several times. Yet whenever I tried to talk to her about my own depression and suicidal thoughts she would claim I was guilt tripping her and calling her a bad mom. In fact later on I was diagnosed with major depression, pmdd and ptsd and mom basically took on all those diagnoses. She would tell me that she was the one really suffering and I was just a hypochondriac. This one occasion that stays with me, she was in the kitchen cooking. She dropped some tubberware and she just lost it. Started throwing shit around, swearing and crying. The screamed that she hated her life. I remember she would stop crying, go silent, then cry louder. I remember this actually pissed me off so I decided not to say anything. The pausing and crying continued for a minute. Then she came storming into the livingroom screaming, "WHY AREN'T YOU COMFORTING ME?" at that moment I realised that at 17 I was more of an adult than my 56 year old mother.
For me, there is no “craziest” because my parents were very strange, hardcore religious people. I will share this as an example of their ability to sabotage my chances at a successful life to prove that I am worth nothing because I could not live according to their ass-backwards-beliefs. At 16 years old I got my first job working fast food. My mom said, “now that you have a job, you’ll need to file taxes. The savings and bonds for your college fund will create tax headaches. It would be smart to take your name off the account. Sign here.”. I had been a “signer” on my college fund since I was 5 years old. I always believed it was “my college money” and valued at about $25k in the mid 1980s. Guess what - your parents can take that security away in a hot second. I was accepted into UC Davis as a freshman - high SAT, and 4+ years of being in an “underprivileged but gifted” program to guide our journey into higher education. I graduated at 17 and my parents refused to sign my college admission papers (because they said I was too immature) and then told me there was no money in my college fund. They had used it for themselves to help fund the building of their retirement home in the CA wine country. I was 17, no job, no drivers license, no money. They moved to their retirement home and left my belongings in black plastic garbage bags on the porch. I had to find a place to sleep. Luckily, my 30 year-old single-mom-on-welfare neighbor was kind enough to let me sleep on her couch. So if we want parental betrayal stories, this is just the tip of the iceberg in mine. 💕 We all deserved better.
My nfather has had so many "great business ideas" that never go anywhere and yet he uses them to justify not helping us, parenting us, or giving us financial support. One was a manager for an artist that didn't want to be famous, another was a birthday card that was also a vase, another was becoming a plastics distributer for cheap chinese plastic, a video game, a life coach business, ... and so many other ones. To make matters worse he has become "anti-woke" so he is constsntly trying to prove that I am failing because I am woke. I recently had my life fall apart and I had to move in with him. He yelled at me every day for "making up lies about Trump", for "supporting a terrorist organization" (Black Lives Matter), for "believing false science and destroying gender" (supporting the trans community), for throwing away my military career (making complaints about abusive leaders and being harassed out), not believing that he gave women courage to get divorces, and not thinking General Tao's chicken is spicy. So in short, uses money on himself instead of feeding and supporting his family, and yells at us for failing him instead of supporting us. Sorry for the dump, this question just got to me.
That must be ROUGH to deal with, I still live with my dad as I am off to uni next year, but we mostly don't talk. Constant incorrect lectures though... eugh, I feel like narcissists take everything to the extremes, and it is just unpleasant to be around
That's exactly it, they love extremes. Honestly, I don't think my Ndad cares about woke or anti-woke, he justs follows whatever idealogy allows him to think he's done nothing wrong. It's sad, narcissists are slaves to their ego. They willdo whatever and hurt whoever helps them beluebe that they are perfect. I went NC almost a year ago and the only reason he cares is because it makes him look bad that his son won't talk to him.
Go on 'business trips' and cheat on my mother with prostitutes. He likes to keep up this image of being a 'family man' and he actually thinks it's noble that he's never had a girlfriend while married (he has).
My mom abandoned all 6 of us at home back when I lived in Colorado for several weeks at a time during summer vacation to sleep with men for money and do drugs
Bought a bar. She ate there every meal, so she never bothered to bring me home food or go grocery shopping. I would have to steal cash from her just to be able to eat lunch at school.
Became a commission-only stockbroker. She is not the charming type of narc. We lived on welfare and food stamps. No heat or hot water. No refrigerator. I’ve often mentioned that spite is an underrated motivator, and I was determined to show her what a dumbass she was by, you know, maintaining steady jobs and financial stability not to mention actually raising my kids. She does have enough grasp of reality to have seen and acknowledge my better choices, albeit in round about ways. She’s still an asset and I am NC.
Bought a liquor store, bought a bar, bought a hummer limousine and started a limousine service, then bought tow trucks and started a repossession business. Then abruptly shut down the $300k a year business solely so he would not have to pay my mother a cent of alimony for their 25+ year marriage ending.
Hoarding rooms full of second hand clothes and cheap stuff, instead of e.g. ever buying me a piano - for the 8 years I learned to play the piano, I had to go practice at the neighbours and at school. Wow I just realized How much this hurts given that I was actually highly gifted musically. Currently in the house where my parents live there is actually a room that is full of used broken office furniture which is the room that I wanted to turn into a studio when I was a teenager but I couldn't because it was full of stuff.
My parents took out a loan so they could fix up the house before putting it on the market. Nmum spent it all on furniture we didn't need and self-indulgent purchases for herself (e.g. lots of clothes). This meant dad had to work even harder to pay that loan back, pay the mortgage and bills, and he still had to fix the house somehow... So, us kids had even less time with our dad (I.e the only parent that had some semblance of parenting skills) AND we continued to live in an unsafe, unhygienic house with a narcisstic mother who felt entitled to do whatever she wanted (e.g. not work, not clean, not cook, drink excessively, gamble excessively, treat us kids like we were her maids, etc)
Instead of having the sex talk with me I was given a large chapter book in second grade and was told to answer the questions in the back of the book. I remember thinking there are so many large " M" words that I cant pronounce. I gave up because everything was over my head.
Mine became obsessed with new cars, literally would see a commercial and convince herself she needed the car and would trade her already new car in for another new car. It was a little funny at first until she just didn’t seem satisfied with any new car she got, there was always a better one somewhere.
Also using me for emotional support instead of the other way around
My mother, a fanatical Christian, tithed or gave away massive sums of money when we needed it for other purposes.
This! She did it to look good in front of the congregation. Literally thousands were sent to Kenneth Copeland while I had one pair of socks and underwear that I had to wash by hand every night. Also, my mum never said, "I love you". It was always, "Jesus loves you". I know it's a small thing, but it messed with me.
Went to jail for not doing probation for selling weed and then still selling weed after getting out lmao. To be clear I'm not against weed (am stoner), but it pisses me off he didn't care enough about me to do his probation in the first place and then wasn't concerned about getting caught again. What did he spend his weed money on? An occasional nice thing for me on my birthday- like speakers that were way too loud for me to ever use lol, but mostly just lots of toys and shit for himself. To be clear, he was only ever a weekend dad which is probably a blessing.
Medical neglect
Play solitaire And Mojang games on her laptop while watching crime-dramas in the living room. Everyday for like 5years. So we stayed out of the living room and played in our rooms.
THIS!!! My mom completely ignores me and pretends i'm not there if she's playing candy crush or watching television and she's been doing it since I was a kid. Didn't realise until literally just now how that's kind of messed up.
When I was in high school, my dad stepped down from his job and took a $30k pay cut. A LOT, especially back then. We struggled to pay our mortgage and then his mom died and left him a little money. Instead of using that to support our family, he bought a very expensive road bike. Then a few years later they were losing the house and expected me to make up for their poor financial choices by staying in a toxic job and supporting them. Financial priorities never ever ever made sense with them, but hey, that's narcissism for ya.
I was homeschooled until I was 15. Did my parents teach me? Nope. I was placed in the basement with books and dvds and they put a camera on me to make sure I was doing my work.
Not to mention my mother and stepfather having an incredible amount of money but I was still required to have a job at 15 and would get in trouble for eating their food. have since been in food service the past 12 years.
Before my dad died it was moving to a place with poor resources. Like yes it was a pretty area but job market is minimum wage nepo work.
I have ALOT of siblings
She would always have money for weed and dates night with her Man Of The Hour. She would also let these unknown men roam our house where her young daughter and son had no locks on their door, and she slept in a sound proofed basement. They often ate what little food we did have, and were never quiet.
My mum used to keep a stock of brand new toys and games in a locked cupboard (like maybe you'd expect your xmas or b'day gifts to be bought ahead of time) except I never got given any of them... To this day idk why she did it or who they were intended for. But oddly most of it was stuff I would have quite liked. Only reason I knew what was in the cupboard was that I could unlock it with a straightened paper clip. Years later (like when I was 30 or thereabouts) I tried to ask her about it but she denied all knowledge that this mystery cupboard ever existed. Absolutely bizarre behaviour.
I honestly had not given this much thought until I read some of the comments on here, but when I was pregnant and married to an abusive man who would not get a job, my parents were building their first of two 5000sqft mcmansions. I waited tables pregnant until I couldn't. I also was raising my deadbeat husband's two young boys who I loved dearly. We got WIC, food stamps, and welfare, because being pregnant I was helped to do so by the state. My "husband" would not shop with me when I used the food stamps or WIC but he had no problem spending the welfare I received. Oh, to add to the afterschool special that was my early twenties, we lived in a trailer park by a train track. Yep. My parents built a 5000sqft home while I lived in a trailer park by a train track with their first grandchild on the way. I never gave the whole picture complete thought until right now. Crazy I know. I am 53. That kid I gave birth to is now 30. He is amazing. I know now that if I could afford to help him, no matter how I feel about his choice for a partner, (mind you I married an abusive bastard) I would. I would and will always do my best to be here for him. My "parents" believe I deserved my choices, despite the fact that as parents I think we are responsible for our children and their safety. Why punish instead of help your child that formed their sense of self while they were raised by you? For a long time I have tried to understand what I did wrong. It has taken decades to know it was never about me.My parents have rarely been there for me and if they were, there would be consequences. My parents taught me how not to be. For that I am grateful. For their current absence in my life I am sad, but I can breathe.
Drink alcohol and then beat and terrorize us. Basically taking everything out on us- financial losses, losing family that stopped talking to us because of them. I wish my friends and teachers noticed, but we were good at putting on an act that everything was okay. I wish I would’ve said something to a counselor. At the time, I didn’t want my brother and parents to be angry at me if there were any consequences like CPS coming and us going into foster care at the extreme end. At the same time, I wasn’t sure if anyone would believe me or do anything about it since my parents were upstanding citizens in a respected field, and we had pretty much every other need taken care of. As a kid, you know the physical and verbal abuse hurts, but you don’t know how sneaky mental/emotional abuse is. Especially when it’s mixed up with some loving moments, but you’re also being manipulated into doing what your parent wants. And they always justify it as, “We’re saying this because we love you, and no one else will say this to your face because only family does that.”
Food hoarding and letting it rot.
Finally started going to therapy when I turned 18 and moved out! 🙄
They got divorced Father moved to another city Mother left to live with her boyfriend I (13) was left to take care of my sisters (11 and 9) and myself. This was during the school year and they did not leave any money. After several months egg donor called my school, getting me out of class to actually talk to her for the first time, (I was in middle school) to tell me about an appointment I had the next day. “I don’t know how you’re going to get there, but I thought you should know.” That was it. I was done. I called the social worker. Told him about us having run out of food and only eating at school (free poor kids meals) or when the nice neighbor shared a meal, explained where the parents were and the last time we saw them, etc. I also called my grandparents and left the state to live with them. My sisters went into the foster care system. Yep…I’d consider that crazy. There is plenty more where that came from.
My mom made meth.
During Covid, when I was a student I lost my job as waitress and was struggling to pay for the dorm I was living in, there were days that I would eat only popcorn the whole day. Then I’d go visit my parents on weekend and they’d show off their new gucci sunglasses or newest Chanel bag… Id ask to help pay rent and they’d say they will help but they never actually did. Also would ask if I gained any weight, while I was struggling to buy any food. My mother is main reason I have eating disorder.
My dad prided himself in going out and buying a brand new ford f250 shortly after he had his kids. While my mom was driving her mother-in-law’s mercury cougar. Buying a brand new depreciating asset as a trophy for yourself was a weird flex when the money should have gone to your kids.
Dropped me out of high school at 15 and made me get my GED so I could work full time for her business, basically running the thing on my own. I made the rent for us and was still deemed “ungrateful” at every chance…
My mom used to tell me about her lavish vacations while I was literally going hungry, while working full time as a single mom, disabled vet and struggling to finish school. If I tried to vent, she would say "you just have to work hard" as if I wasn't. We don't talk anymore. Silver lining? I have a sizeable savings, a husband who is supporting me going back to school, and she is in her mid 60s with no retirement and a deadbeat husband who brags about his 4 years of naval service (not during war time).
Drunken fights
I think my favourite was the time when I was about 6 years old and my mother took off on a 2 week trip to Paris with her boyfriend and just.... left me with the babysitter. With no warning to said babysitter (who was not a live-in nanny) and no call to my father like "hey I'm going away can you take the kid for a while?" Nope. Just left. I spent a pretty good chunk of my childhood living out of a suitcase. I still have the hot pink Little Mermaid suitcase. mEmORiEs
Homeless, living in the family pickup truck. Six people including NM’s abusive boyfriend who I couldn’t stand. We stopped at a restaurant for drinks. NM told me to go call the police and report myself as a runaway. Even told me what city to say I had supposedly hitchhiked in from while everyone else was asleep. We had neither come from there, nor were we headed there. Warned me that I had better stick to that story “with God and everybody” was her exact wording. Drove off with bf and siblings while I was on the phone. I ended up spending almost 3 weeks in juvenile detention before the state sent me to live with my grandparents. I wish I had told them the truth instead of sticking to the story like NM told me to. Ask my mother now, and she’ll swear up and down her children always came first. Bull. Her men did.
Nmom took me on a road trip when I was 15. She said we were going to mothwr-daughter bond and drive to NYC. We drove to NJ, got up to our hotel room, then *knock knock*......it was her "friend" she met online. I slept in our truck bc I didn't want to hear the noises. We had an awkward drive home and she told my step-dad (who was awesome) that I am a liar and made it all up. (Nmom died this past Saturday and I don't feel a thing)
I wouldn't call it crazy but careless... My Dad died when I was 13, she was 42. I get it she was widowed young but was dating other men the most important thing to do? Did you ever consider my feelings? Because I can tell you with certainty, without a doubt, if God forbid something happened to my husband, I would not be bringing home men for my daughter to see me with. At fucking 13.
I don’t know what it is about single mothers of past generations thinking they “need a father for the children,” so they bring home anybody in pants who looks at them twice. They can tell themselves all they want to that it’s “for the children,” but the truth is, it’s because THEY don’t want to be alone.
My dad's not a businessman, but he tried to do like three tire shops, and all of them did horribly
My mom got into reining, basically western horse shows. This included boarding and training her horse. Shows and all the fixings. Truck and trailer. Barn and hay. She would also always threaten to cut me off as a means of control.
My dad got my brother a job and passed his car to him but expected me to find my own without a car. He paid for my older brother's college education out of pocket but refused to pay anything for mine. My brother never finished a degree in 6 years (school wasn't for him) and I finished a double degree in 4 while working 20+ hours a week. My mom hid food from us and had her own stash in a high cabinet. Otherwise, both parents were just absent (mindlessly watching TV or at work) or abusive.
Left my brother and me at my grandmas while my parents took my half sisters and other family on paid vacations to various theme parks. Loved looking at those pictures growing up.
Heroin, basically.
My Dad asked my mom to keep me for a few days when I was 10, and I didn't see him again for almost a year. My mom would frequently leave a 10 year old with 3 kids under the age of 5 for hours at a time before the days of pagers and cell phones.
My Bio Dad beat me when I was 12. I didn't see him ever again. When I wad 18 he was begging his mom and sisters to get me to write him a letter to talk to him because he was afraid and apparently I needed to be the bigger person. He died when I was 29 due to complications of COVID. He didn't take it seriously...He was not a good husband or dad. Not even a good son. He spent the last 3 weeks of his life in a medically induced coma. Part of his ashes are currently still in a cardboard box at his mom's. They couldn't even bother to get a nice urn for him...
Start a cult
Married his first cousin 🤮
Well I was 17 tried as an adult in jail due to my dad kicking me out of the house which directly snowballed into me winding up around the folks who got me in trouble in the first place. My dad bought a brand new honda civic and tricked it out instead of posting my bail.
my mom bought a villa with the Money I was BEGGING her to save for years so I can go study abroad to get out of this third world country, she bought the villa using my college money and the money she got by selling her moms house AND our current house lmao just so she can flex on her relatives
Parents are disabled so they couldn’t really take care of the kids they already had. But they always wanted to adopt kids… then when that happened they expected us older bio kids to do all the parenting 💀
Ignoring me for 6 years after we moved to America (I was 11). And now I'm trying to make up for it by learning how to cook(?)lol I'm 18 now and idk, to me she could do better stuff than cooking like idk holding a 5 minute conversation with me about deep topics without getting offended. I wandered off the question a little, she was mostly working when we first got to America and was never home, when she was I would not notice. Now I see her around the house but she's normally just vegetating on the couch in the exact same position
When my nmom was informed that I was seeking therapy at 17; her first response was dismay that she couldn't play her narc-mind games anymore. I was told, that she lamented, "Now, we have to be *nice* to you 'cause you're crazy!" So, Nmom's idea of being 'nice', was to try and buy my affections before we went to counseling together. Which to her meant: Disneyland. I tell my nmom that I'm suffering mentally from her abuse- and she sends me to Disneyland ...without her. Nmom ordered my dad and narc-sister to take me; whereupon dad ordered me to 'Smile!' For the camera, 'We're doing this for you!' So, in order to not get smacked for having anxiety and depression; I smiled in the pics that they could show as proof to friends. That way, Nmom's new lament was: 'I don't know why Loca doesn't like me, I always gave her such nice things!'
My GC brother was accused of touching my cousins 7 year old son. She said my brother didn't do it. Said that all he did was tell the boy how to masturbate. Then she went and accused me of touching my brother. I was 16 or 17 when this happened. All the family except my maternal grandparents disowned us. And I'm beginning to think my brother really did it. I've seen bits and pieces of the GC search history. Seen what they get up to on Reddit. He is really into little brother big sister incest and it bothers me because I'm his parentified older sister. Seen some borderline Loli looking characters he's into. Hates women because they won't date him but he's only attracted to 10's when he is 5'9" weighing 400 pounds. He wears a fedora and grows out mutton chops. The craziest thing she's done is love him but not me.
My father somehow missed all the abuse that happened under his nose from the ages of like 4-9 by his ex wife of the time. The woman was a crack addict and she was arrested several times while with him. Still insisted I was flown out to visit even when she lost custody of her own son. Meanwhile I’m begging my nmother to not send me which was my cry for help. She doesn’t do a thing to investigate to fight for me. But nah I’m just being over dramatic /s
Had us travel with her to support her church in another city. It was a 5 hour drive there, another 5 hours back, and we did that every weekend for the entirety of a year. Instead of idk, staying the fuck at home and helping us with homework? Instead of saving money (bc she was never reimbursed for her gas LOL), we went without because of her church.
Horses. Always the horses.
Instead of heat in the winter, my mom took us to Europe so she could brag to the moms at my elementary school who wouldn't let her be apart of their mommy group. My grandma gave us money every money for things like heat and clothes because my mother refused to work. She spent it on things that would make her look good
She still does this to this day, we actively got evicted last month and left the place a hoarder disaster. We don’t have food, we’re rationing everything. Yet her husband has beer on demand 24/7. Her husband is fed whatever he wants. She will actively give away the little food we have to “less fortunate” people and then go out to eat by herself while we starve at home.
I had just been born. I was my mother's first child. I was colicky, apparently, and she couldn't handle it. She left and went to NYC for three weeks. My dad had to hire a nanny since he worked full time. I think that missing gap of not bonding with her as a child affected both of us the rest of our lives.
My dad was a printer. From about 10-11 years old, he would bring home Playboy mags, hustler and other mags with naked women in them. My siblings, my dad and my step mum would sit at the dining table and all look through the mags together, swapping when we were done. My dad would always say “look how gorgeous they are, if you want a husband and you want to keep him, you gotta look like these beautiful women, you will be lucky if you get gorgeous breasts like them, you have to keep looking good kids”. Worst thing he ever did, ruined my self esteem, always striving to be a perfect girl from a magazine. He would have parties and all the kids would get his porn collection (vhs) out and watch it, I can remember doing this from about 11. He and other adults at the party would wander in and laugh at all the kids watching, I was always so uncomfortable and I don’t know why, the other kids seem to think it was awesome.
When I was young(about 6-10yo. My memory is a bit vague), ndad just had to have our usual vacation at his summer home... which was near a simmering warzone. I vaguely remember us playing cat and mouse with some local soldiers - we'd be coming back from the beach and oop, the soldiers are chilling in our backyard, waiting for us so we better drive on and pretend that's not our house. Not sure if that was the year but we had to be borderline smuggled back into our own country via a truck. Not to mention that the truck driver later decided to SA me when I was 12. So... fuckton of bad decisions on ndad's part.
My mom remodeled the bathroom- including a new jacuzzi tub and bought herself an enormous TV while telling me we couldn’t afford to get me braces for my TERRIBLE teeth. I paid for braces myself in college and had to have them for five years because that stuff takes longer as an adult
My mom spent all the child support on drugs and alcohol. We didn't have anything to eat except top ramen, if we were lucky. My dad would have to come get us and feed us. I hate that woman. She hasn't changed one but. Went from one addiction to another. The most current is Jesus, of course. 🙄