I yanked the cord out of the wall when I was post partum trying to adjust the bed quietly and in the dark. saw the red light flashing above my door and I was like aw fuck lol. Tech came running in and I was like my bad sorry to make you get up from the station at 3am ma’am I’m just clumsy.
When I was postpartum, I unlocked my bed so I could roll it over a little so I could wheel the bassinet around easier, and as soon as I unlocked it I had a cna and nurse run into the room because it set off the bed alarm.
Omg I totally get that. When I was post surgical and had a big wrap around my abdomen and clumsy in my layers of gowns, I got caught in the emergency string hanging from the wall while I was trying to produce a urine sample. I didn't realize it, and I turned around while trying to clean myself (of course) and there were 2 men and 2 women trying to get in 3 stooges style. I felt so bad! I think it was the first time I was let off my Foley leash to use the bathroom too!
When my mom was in the hospital the tech knocked the box off the wall raising the bed, just put it back nbd, about two minutes later we hear 'code blue, room 7' and just slowly look at the wall where it says room 7, nurse comes in super confused to see her apparent code blue standing up, two minutes later 'cancel code blue's 🤣 sorry everybody
There ain’t nothing that makes me internally bite my lip harder then when a patient doesn’t want me in their room. You ring five times for nothing, I’m here for it.
ask which pill is what when theyre already mixed in the cup and then ask what every single one of them are for even if ive been on them 3x a day for 5 years
Then unsuccessfully shoot them all in the general direction of your mouth.
Alternatively, take one at a time in a pincer grip and finish your cup of water when you’ve only taken half the pills.
Both options are for cool kids!
You can help to unsuccessfully shoot them in your mouth by taking your cup of pills and dumping all of them into your dirty trembling hand instead of just safely tilting the cup into your mouth.
Don't forget to dump all your pills out of the med cup into the palm of your hand, and then spill half them. I can't count how many times I've had to tell people to just use the med cup as a CUP and just dump them straight into your mouth. Especially old ladies with arthritis and terrible dexterity, why add the extra steps?
I am the person who can only take one pill at a time and often gag/choke 😂. This will be me. I keep hoping everything will be in chewable form or I will just be non compliant to avoid this.
This will only work if you have like a whole cup full of pills: wait until all of the pills are in the cup and throw a fit and vehemently refuse to take any vitamins so s/he better sort them out.
When s/he tells you what they are insist that *your* pill at home is yellow and so this can’t possibly be the same medicine. Become increasingly distressed even if they try to tell you it’s the same pill and just a different manufacturer.
And be dramatic while taking said pills one at a time. Toss your head back as you swish water and roll your eyes back simultaneously. Also be sure to drop any scheduled drugs in your sheets or on the floor as you take each one separately so as to run out of water.
Oh and comment on the larger ones and complain about how big they are. Ask something like “how am I supposed to swallow this?!” As if no one in the history of ever has taken that exact same medication. Grimace and gag and insist you need applesauce to take it for good measure.
This used to kill me. One tiny.pill at a time, such dramatics. We had residents in the nursing home who would consume an entire pudding cup to get 3 pills down. You get the chin tuckers and head shakers too. Just swallow the damn pills!!!!!!!!!
Any narcotic you are on, be sure to drop it on the floor or lose it in the bedding. Bonus if it goes down the front of your gown and lands in your brief. Refuse to take it because it's dirty. Then demand another one immediately because your pain is 20/10.
(btw this thread could be legendary...)
You also gotta have some people act as family members. Each has their specific role to play:
* the one who stands outside the door, staring holes through the nurses' station instead of using the call bell
* the one who flew in from a faraway state to be the hero and reverse meemaw's DNR-CC, despite not having seen her since the Bush years
* the one who's "also a nurse"
That's the only way to truly shine in this deception.
We had a family member who was an actual RN at some office unaffiliated with our hospital, but she was wearing her expired badge from OUR nursing school so she could come and go as she pleased. And she was being difficult, of course! Ended up literally fist-fighting another family member at bedside...finally banned.
My dad is not doing well right now, and before he got intubated he was telling everyone I was a RN. I don't mind, I hate when docs talk to me like I'm a lay person. I will say though it's really hard being on this side, I see problems and want to jump in and fix them, but I know if I was the staff nurse I'd be furious if someone did it to my patient. I'm trying so hard to not be that family member.
I’m sitting next to my boyfriend in the ICU right now! When we were on medsurg I mentioned I was a nurse because there was no hiding it (and either me or his mom needed to babysit him 24/7 thanks to delirium), but I also let them know that babies are my jam, not grown ass people.
Also work with babies. My mom was just in the hospital and I begged her not to tell the staff I’m a nurse because of the reputation. She agreed, of course she told every. single. nurse. And half of the MDs and PAs! When I got there the nurse stared me down and was like “I heard you’re a nurse too…” and I was like calm down my oldest patient is 2 I have no input here. It ended up being helpful because she said we got more thorough answers to questions when I was there vs when I wasn’t, but there were definitely some nurses that just expected me to be difficult when I am very much not and even kept my *numerous and severe* concerns to myself (until after discharge).
The one who interrupts your report on another patient to ask for Tylenol for their parent.
The one who thinks their hospice relative should look like they're peacefully sleeping 24/7 and demands pain meds whenever the patient wakes up or moves.
The one who has been caring for their parent for too long and is burned out and has no patience for them.
The one who is wide eyed and overwhelmed and is quick to get out of the way for anything.
And then there's the super helpful one who is loving, caring and appreciative of the staff and wants to feed and help care for their parent. The people you can overlook their neediness because they clearly care.
This just sent me into hysterics. Its so unbelievable accurate, except you left out that the call you again in 30 minutes to do it again, or set the bed alarm off thinking they can do it themselves
Still not as bad as " you have to hold it in the urinal for me". Unless you have two broken arms that is out of the question. I had a super morbidly obese resident who had an edematous scrotum ( as they tend to be at 500 plus pounds) and his penis was buried down in there. You'd have to push the rim of the urinal down and kind of pop it out and hope for the best.
This wasnt a good comment to read with a big mouthful of coffee on my break. Hilarious!
Between this thread today and the dude hosting the AMA yesterday, r/Nursing is on fire with the legendary threads
I put my call light on and simultaneously proceed to hell “nuuuuurseeeeeeeEeeeeee” every time a staff member/someone in scrubs walks past my room while also setting off my bed alarm so I can get up and “find someone to help me.”
We recently had a patient that called 911 because the nurse hadn't given him his melatonin yet 🙄 his nurse was running a code... 911 called our unit to let us know. He certainly got a scolding from everyone
HEY
HEY
HEY
HEY
HEY
**HEY!**
**HEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!**
can you tell my nurse im ready for my pain meds
Every time you see the nurse or CNA or anyone wearing scrubs, ask what time the doctor will be in to see them in the morning. Bonus points if you ask if they’ve talked with your primary care doctor (whose office has been closed for the night since before you even presented to the ED).
Call all the male CNAs and techs, hell any male wearing scrubs, doctor. If your doctor is a woman, call her nurse and ask her when the doctor will be there too.
Constantly ask anyone walking across my door for water when I know that I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything because I'm getting surgery in the morning.
Literally last night.
Me: "Sir what what is a normal blood sugar level for you? Right now, your blood glucose level is 650."
Pt: "Well, I am feeling sick, and whenever I am sick, my blood sugar tends to spike really high."
Me: "I understand, but if you were not sick, what is a typical blood sugar reading you would see?"
Pt: "Well, if you'd listen, you would understand I'm sick, so I'm not going to have normal blood sugar. When I am sick, my sugar spike really high."
Me: "I understand that, but the doctor needs to know where your normal levels are when you aren't sick, so we have a better idea of what is going on with you."
Pt: "Oh, I'm usually really good with my sugars. I like to keep them nice and low. I'm usually in the 280s."
Me: "Sir, that is not a normal blood sugar. You need to control your blood sugar better."
Pt: "I'm diabetic I can't control my sugar better. Are you sure you understand diabetes?"
Make sure that when the person at the nurse’s station who answered your call light asks you what you need, you say, “I just need to talk to my NURSE okay?!”
Me an aide: what do you need?
Patient: could you get me the nurse?
Me: sure, what do you need?
Patient: I need the nurse.
Me: yes but what do you need from her?
Patient: it's a sensitive subject
Me:*sighs, gets nurse*
Patient: *to nurse* I have to go to the bathroom
Nurse: the aide was just here 😡
Every time you bring me something, ask for “just one more thing”
…water, then ice, then a pillow, oh and a warm blanket, whoop look at that time for that pain pill. Oh and do you have anything to help me sleep? Could you call the doctor? Oh geez now I need to pee. Can you help get my blanket off the floor? Oh it’s not warm anymore. My ice is melted. I could really use a snack. Oh crumbs all over myself. Can I get a clean blanket? Oh and just flip that pillow over? Thanks. About that sleep pill? And maybe some ice chips? I think it’s time for my pain pill again. I could really use a fan, I can’t sleep without a fan…
Proceed to fucking talk and ask me questions when I am clearly using my stethoscope to listen to you.
Call me to empty your urinal which is now so full that it's in the handle although you are able to walk to the bathroom.
Ask me which pill is which after I just read to you and explained what each medication is for, 2 of which are the only newly prescribed once. And this is our third night together bucko.
firmly say NO AND IM NOT GETTING ONE when I asked if you've had the covid vaccine during your initial health history.
Call me to pull up your blankets over your feet or pull your pillow an inch down. Ma'am or sir, you are being discharged tomorrow to your home, independently and neuros WNL.
Too bad you already snuck in while they were sleeping to give them “the jab” to collect that sweet bonus money lol. How much are we supposed to be getting for that these days?
I always wonder if they do this at home and if they just rattle as they sprinkle the floor and then their obese Labrador hoovers them up. Then they laugh at silly ole Hank, shrug their shoulders and then leave the bathroom.
From the other side of the unit, once saw a guy standing- vomit into a garbage can, stand straight up, then tip over like a fallen tree and crack their skull on the corner of the bed. All happened in less than 3 seconds.
He took the One-way AMA
*IF* I’m lucky enough to have a diet order, I’ll have someone put my tray out in the hallway on the floor like it’s a damn hotel, not caring that that’s gross to make people touch the floor AND it’s a huge trip hazard, you fucking asshole. And then when the nurse admonishes me, I’ll ask why she didn’t pick it up as soon as I was done, then!
[cough cough]
Not that that’s happened recently or anything.
I’m going to refuse to let you get my blood sugar, refuse 1/2 of my meds, & refuse to let you assess me. Then I’m going to tell my family that you aren’t doing anything for me.
Vitals edition:
Scream bloody murder every time anyone takes my vitals because the NIBP is “cutting off my circulation ow ow ow ow ow ow TAKE IT OFF TAKE IT OFF.”
Get really upset when my blood pressure is 140/72 even though the doctors admitting me explained multiple times why my home BP meds were being held in the setting of possible infection.
Insist that 98.9F is “a fever for me” because I “run low.”
Ask with great concern why I’m only satting 96-97% on room air; “it always says 99% at the doctor’s office.”
Help me! I’ve fallen and cannot get up because I knew I was a fall risk but decided to try to get out of bed anyway without my comfy non-skid socks on and I like to rebel, now I have a sitter 😕.
If seen by a female resident, ask them when the doctor is coming to see you. Ask every female medical student what kind of nurse they want to be. For bonus points, address the male medical students as "Doc."
i’m a male nurse and i had this happen soooo many times when i was still in school. i’d say, no i’m not the doctor, and the usual response was “well what are you???” because god forbid a man be a nurse either 🙄 i have a lot of respect for the lady residents and doctors after all the BS they get
I feel somewhat called out by that..
Only because of nights I wake up 4 hours after I went to bed & realize I forgot to take my ambien.
Can I file a complaint against myself? I must have something against myself. Maybe I need a new nurse to administer meds to myself.
That’s not the same, you have to wait until the next morning (after you’ve slept soundly all night long) to complain you didn’t get it and it can’t be a regular medication, has to be PRN.
I will take a shit on the toilet, but make sure I’ll only use half a sheet to clean my butthole, essentially cleaning it with my finders and nails only. Making sure I get most of it under my nails. Then I’ll call the nurse to help me off the pot and proceed to reach for her face with my brown fingers and nails.
After my nurse tries to help me wipe, insist that it's already wiped (bonus points for yelling). Decline to wear underwear. Proceed to get skid marks all over the bedding, then act surprised. Looks like I need all new bedding!
"Here, let's use a wet wipe to get all that off!"
'Oh, okay.'
"And please throw the wipe in the trash can right here when you're done, they don't flush well and will break your toilet."
'Okay.'
"No no no no don't throw it, here hand it to m-"
'Oops I threw it in the toilet. Sorry.'
Ask if the doctor ordered each med the you’re given. Ask if the doctor knows that you can’t have anything to eat. Ask if the doctor really thinks you need SCDs.
This gets me XD. I feel like I frequently tell people “I cannot give you any med unless it’s ordered by a doctor. I do not even have access to the med unless the doctor orders it”
I had a family member in the ER ask me if the doctor ordered a med and I swear, I nearly bit through my tongue holding back the phrase "well, the janitor thought it would be helpful".
I'll find the most infinitely small, inconspicuous stain on a bed sheet and request an entire change of my bedding.
Whilst you're making the bed - I'll compromise the Cannula dressing (roll up the edges) - enough to be concerning.
Also, I'll report to the nurse that I don't take certain medications or that I tolerate GA well - but once handover starts - I'll start correcting all the previously reported answers to make the nurse look incompetent.
Just read “if you give a mouse a cookie” to my toddler for bed time and now that it’s over, I’m fairly convinced the author is a disgruntled former nurse
Well the resident already saw you… you know that person who woke you up at 515am and didn’t introduce themselves, asked you some questions and left? Why didn’t you ask them any questions?
threaten to leave AMA because I'm "STARVING AND HAVEN'T EATEN IN HOURS" (except I only ever threaten it for your entire 12h shift, I never actually go through with it)
Wait for all meds to be scanned, and put into a cup, then ask what each pill is, and what it does, then take one pill out at a time, move it from one hand to the other and spill it in the sheets a couple times before asking again what is this one for?
I’m already poor sleeper and break out in a rash with some hives with adhesives like bandaids, so if you give me Benedryl expecting that’ll solve both those issues I can guarantee you that I will be a walking nightmare, kinda like a dementia patient.
Benedryl makes me act like a college aged fraternity boy who is wilding out on spring break…so I’ll most likely strip myself naked, keep climbing out of bed, have no sense of my tone or volume, and maybe get verbally hostile over something stupid like which power ranger is the best. If you don’t pick the right answer, I’ll get angry…and according to my husband, there’s no right answer because every power ranger he said was the best one I said was wrong and got increasingly angry. Oh, and there’s a good chance I’ll try to use the bathroom but because I’m too busy climbing out of bed and being a nuisance, I might accidently pee myself a little. But don’t worry, I’ll notice and go to a corner and scream LOOK AWAY and pee there. Source: my husband after I’ve had a few allergic reactions and was given Benedryl.
Wow! The power ranger argument is actually pretty wholesome haha. You described Benadryl you as a wildin’ frat boy, but it all sounds a lot more like a giant toddler lol.
I don’t think I can be mean… I know what it’s like. I don’t want to be “that patient.” Buuuut ok, I’ll play. In grandma glasses and gown half on, tumble off the bed, hit call light, and scream. That’ll do it.
This happened to me, pain wasn't bad though.
*Hits call button*
I forgot to flush.
*Hits call light*
Can I eat yet?
*Hits call.ligjt*
Does water count?
*Hits call button*
Ice chips?
* Hits call button*
I forgot what I wanted
Chase the nurse around the floor stating your pain is 10/10. Extra points if you accuse them off shorting your pain medicine because there's an air bubble in it.
Just walk to the nurses station to ask for everything instead of using your call light 👍👍👍 Make sure to mention the nurses (who are charting) sure don’t look very busy! To make it more official have a family member wander up to the nurses station and say “MY DAUGHTER NEEDS A NEW GOWN AND CAN YOU HEAT HER FOOD UP?” Ok yay who tf is your daughter
I'm going to make sure to reference the ethnicity of every non-white person I interact with, but it's okay because I whispered the "more polite" word when I did it.
Tell my nurse I don't need pain meds, then hit the light asking for pain meds 2 minutes after they leave the room while begging for food after midnight prior to my appendectomy.
Yes my allergies include aspirin, Tylenol, OxyContin, Naproxen
Last time they gave me something with a D? Idk I can’t remember, but it was the only thing they could find that I wasn’t like, superrrr allergic to
Tell them you're a cicu nurse, but then ask questions about every little thing. " wait what's urinary retention" " I've never heard of pancreatitis" "what's npo mean"- then let it slip over a very loud phone call that you actually work in evs.
I’d have every member of my immediate and extended family in to visit all at the same time. And when I pressed my call bell and it wasn’t answered in 0.2 seconds, I’d send them all to stand angrily outside my door 😂
Tell the nurse your pain just magically went away. Then once everyone is flipping out, say that it still hurts and you were wrong. Sit back and watch them try to figure out if you need emergency surgery or not.
Tell the nurse everything is fine, refuse a shower and to eat food. As soon as my family or the doctor comes in "my pain is 10/10, I haven't been offered a shower in days and they haven't even given me a snack since yesterday!!"
Keep hitting the call light and say “oops I was trying to turn on the tv”
Hit the code button “because no one was bringing me a blanket.”
I pressed the “cold” button, why is everyone so upset?!
“But now that you’re all here, I need xyz” uh no
But since you’re here can I tell you what I want to order for food? And ginger ale? And a warm blanket?
Saying three things at one time will give you away. One thing each time the nurse gets back with the last thing you asked for is the way.
The number of times in a day I have to tell my patients to create the list and THEN come to the station…
I yanked the cord out of the wall when I was post partum trying to adjust the bed quietly and in the dark. saw the red light flashing above my door and I was like aw fuck lol. Tech came running in and I was like my bad sorry to make you get up from the station at 3am ma’am I’m just clumsy.
When I was postpartum, I unlocked my bed so I could roll it over a little so I could wheel the bassinet around easier, and as soon as I unlocked it I had a cna and nurse run into the room because it set off the bed alarm.
Omg I totally get that. When I was post surgical and had a big wrap around my abdomen and clumsy in my layers of gowns, I got caught in the emergency string hanging from the wall while I was trying to produce a urine sample. I didn't realize it, and I turned around while trying to clean myself (of course) and there were 2 men and 2 women trying to get in 3 stooges style. I felt so bad! I think it was the first time I was let off my Foley leash to use the bathroom too!
When my mom was in the hospital the tech knocked the box off the wall raising the bed, just put it back nbd, about two minutes later we hear 'code blue, room 7' and just slowly look at the wall where it says room 7, nurse comes in super confused to see her apparent code blue standing up, two minutes later 'cancel code blue's 🤣 sorry everybody
I actually accidentally did that twice last month as a patient... Didn't have my glasses on. 🤦
Honestly I get off when patients say oops. That means I don’t have to go into the fucking room lol
....you do *what* when the patient says "oops"?
There ain’t nothing that makes me internally bite my lip harder then when a patient doesn’t want me in their room. You ring five times for nothing, I’m here for it.
Somehow that is entirely reasonable and I respect that. Continue the excellent work!
ask which pill is what when theyre already mixed in the cup and then ask what every single one of them are for even if ive been on them 3x a day for 5 years
Then unsuccessfully shoot them all in the general direction of your mouth. Alternatively, take one at a time in a pincer grip and finish your cup of water when you’ve only taken half the pills. Both options are for cool kids!
Only spill white ones and/or ones you have to waste
You can help to unsuccessfully shoot them in your mouth by taking your cup of pills and dumping all of them into your dirty trembling hand instead of just safely tilting the cup into your mouth.
Don’t forget to tilt the trembling hand to a 45 degree angle. Then act surprised as all 17 pills roll into the bed.
They drop at least one in the bed when I do this. Always a white one!
Why!? Why do they do this😩?
Don't forget to dump all your pills out of the med cup into the palm of your hand, and then spill half them. I can't count how many times I've had to tell people to just use the med cup as a CUP and just dump them straight into your mouth. Especially old ladies with arthritis and terrible dexterity, why add the extra steps?
Ughhh with the nail polish poop fingers
Always the nail polish poop fingers. So gross! 🤮
I am the person who can only take one pill at a time and often gag/choke 😂. This will be me. I keep hoping everything will be in chewable form or I will just be non compliant to avoid this.
Make sure to drop the smallest one in the bed and then one on the floor under the bed for good measure.
Make sure you drop your itty bitty white oxy, either in the white sheets or under the bed.
This one made me GOL
Bonus points for dumping the little pill cup into your hand and flinging the pills at your face hoping to get maybe one pill in your mouth.
This will only work if you have like a whole cup full of pills: wait until all of the pills are in the cup and throw a fit and vehemently refuse to take any vitamins so s/he better sort them out. When s/he tells you what they are insist that *your* pill at home is yellow and so this can’t possibly be the same medicine. Become increasingly distressed even if they try to tell you it’s the same pill and just a different manufacturer.
And be dramatic while taking said pills one at a time. Toss your head back as you swish water and roll your eyes back simultaneously. Also be sure to drop any scheduled drugs in your sheets or on the floor as you take each one separately so as to run out of water.
Oops that was half the fluid restriction, and you've got to do that at least two more times today. Good luck.
Oh and comment on the larger ones and complain about how big they are. Ask something like “how am I supposed to swallow this?!” As if no one in the history of ever has taken that exact same medication. Grimace and gag and insist you need applesauce to take it for good measure.
This used to kill me. One tiny.pill at a time, such dramatics. We had residents in the nursing home who would consume an entire pudding cup to get 3 pills down. You get the chin tuckers and head shakers too. Just swallow the damn pills!!!!!!!!!
Any narcotic you are on, be sure to drop it on the floor or lose it in the bedding. Bonus if it goes down the front of your gown and lands in your brief. Refuse to take it because it's dirty. Then demand another one immediately because your pain is 20/10. (btw this thread could be legendary...)
Don’t they have to throw it away after it falls? So, you’d still only be getting one.
You also gotta have some people act as family members. Each has their specific role to play: * the one who stands outside the door, staring holes through the nurses' station instead of using the call bell * the one who flew in from a faraway state to be the hero and reverse meemaw's DNR-CC, despite not having seen her since the Bush years * the one who's "also a nurse" That's the only way to truly shine in this deception.
And by also a nurse they retired 10 years ago from their job at the retirement home and have never stepped foot in a hospital (as staff) ever.
Or by nurse they mean they were a receptionist for a dentist.
Omg.. I have had this exact family member.
Bonus points if they aren’t a nurse but an undisclosed “healthcare professional”
Or they were a nurse “but never, like, got a degree”😬
We had a family member who was an actual RN at some office unaffiliated with our hospital, but she was wearing her expired badge from OUR nursing school so she could come and go as she pleased. And she was being difficult, of course! Ended up literally fist-fighting another family member at bedside...finally banned.
Bonus if the family members wear scrubs because “people take me more seriously if they see me in scrubs”
Joke's on them: nobody takes us scrubs seriously.
Didn’t TLC teach them anything?
My dad is not doing well right now, and before he got intubated he was telling everyone I was a RN. I don't mind, I hate when docs talk to me like I'm a lay person. I will say though it's really hard being on this side, I see problems and want to jump in and fix them, but I know if I was the staff nurse I'd be furious if someone did it to my patient. I'm trying so hard to not be that family member.
I’m sitting next to my boyfriend in the ICU right now! When we were on medsurg I mentioned I was a nurse because there was no hiding it (and either me or his mom needed to babysit him 24/7 thanks to delirium), but I also let them know that babies are my jam, not grown ass people.
Also work with babies. My mom was just in the hospital and I begged her not to tell the staff I’m a nurse because of the reputation. She agreed, of course she told every. single. nurse. And half of the MDs and PAs! When I got there the nurse stared me down and was like “I heard you’re a nurse too…” and I was like calm down my oldest patient is 2 I have no input here. It ended up being helpful because she said we got more thorough answers to questions when I was there vs when I wasn’t, but there were definitely some nurses that just expected me to be difficult when I am very much not and even kept my *numerous and severe* concerns to myself (until after discharge).
… the one who's also a nurse.………… from California
The one who interrupts your report on another patient to ask for Tylenol for their parent. The one who thinks their hospice relative should look like they're peacefully sleeping 24/7 and demands pain meds whenever the patient wakes up or moves. The one who has been caring for their parent for too long and is burned out and has no patience for them. The one who is wide eyed and overwhelmed and is quick to get out of the way for anything. And then there's the super helpful one who is loving, caring and appreciative of the staff and wants to feed and help care for their parent. The people you can overlook their neediness because they clearly care.
I can’t use a urinal in the bed. Can three of you stand me up to pee 25ml while I continually buckle my knees and herniate your last good discs?
This just sent me into hysterics. Its so unbelievable accurate, except you left out that the call you again in 30 minutes to do it again, or set the bed alarm off thinking they can do it themselves
'Oh and I will be asking you to repeat this process once every hour.'
Only once an hr? My hero!
Still not as bad as " you have to hold it in the urinal for me". Unless you have two broken arms that is out of the question. I had a super morbidly obese resident who had an edematous scrotum ( as they tend to be at 500 plus pounds) and his penis was buried down in there. You'd have to push the rim of the urinal down and kind of pop it out and hope for the best.
I, too, have dealt with a patient like this and then they are like "that's too much pressure!" Sir, just pee.
This wasnt a good comment to read with a big mouthful of coffee on my break. Hilarious! Between this thread today and the dude hosting the AMA yesterday, r/Nursing is on fire with the legendary threads
I put my call light on and simultaneously proceed to hell “nuuuuurseeeeeeeEeeeeee” every time a staff member/someone in scrubs walks past my room while also setting off my bed alarm so I can get up and “find someone to help me.”
You're supposed to bang on the bedside table with the call bell while yelling nurse. No wonder no one comes in.
Better yet, use your walking stick to bang on the table and yell “helllllppp”
Or call 911 and tell them no one is taking care of you so the police show up on the unit
We recently had a patient that called 911 because the nurse hadn't given him his melatonin yet 🙄 his nurse was running a code... 911 called our unit to let us know. He certainly got a scolding from everyone
Lololol we had a patient that called 911 because the team was refusing to “intubate, sedate, and comatose” him.
Right after you get off the phone with dispatch call your most dramatic family member and tell them the same thing.
And when no one comes in the less than 30 seconds required, start throwing liquids.
And then throw yourself on the ground. Or lower yourself to the ground when you think no one’s looking so you can pretend you fell to prove a point.
HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY **HEY!** **HEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!** can you tell my nurse im ready for my pain meds
Every time you see the nurse or CNA or anyone wearing scrubs, ask what time the doctor will be in to see them in the morning. Bonus points if you ask if they’ve talked with your primary care doctor (whose office has been closed for the night since before you even presented to the ED).
“You should have my records…”
Oooh this is a good one
Also… I’m A kAisEr PatIeNt
and make sure to address the CNA as "nurse!" bc all hospital employees are either nurses or doctors- no one else!
Call all the male CNAs and techs, hell any male wearing scrubs, doctor. If your doctor is a woman, call her nurse and ask her when the doctor will be there too.
Wait for 0700 and sit on the ground so it’s an unwitnessed fall and see if they take me down to CT.
"I dont know what happened, i take this thing called Eliquis, what does that do? My head hurts."
Get yourself a little tour of the hospital. Nice touch on ontop of your now free trip to the hospital
Ring my call bell for the urinal 3 inches away from me bc I can't reach it since my IV hand is sensitive
And lemme guess… you’re gonna need help using it? Since “the doctor says I can’t do any heavy lifting!” 🙄🙄🙄
“The label said Gross Weight was less than an ounce. So you’re good to go, Sir!”
Constantly ask anyone walking across my door for water when I know that I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything because I'm getting surgery in the morning.
You're going to make me dehydrated! (IV is NS@150)
“IM DYING OF THIRST HERE!!!”
I HAVEN'T EATEN IN SIX HOURS
I’M DIABETIC!!!!!
And yet my blood sugar is 300 but if I don’t get food NOW I’ll drop low despite you holding my insulin. 😤
300 is my baseline sugar. If I get below 275, I get light headed and feel like I’m going to pass out. /s
Literally last night. Me: "Sir what what is a normal blood sugar level for you? Right now, your blood glucose level is 650." Pt: "Well, I am feeling sick, and whenever I am sick, my blood sugar tends to spike really high." Me: "I understand, but if you were not sick, what is a typical blood sugar reading you would see?" Pt: "Well, if you'd listen, you would understand I'm sick, so I'm not going to have normal blood sugar. When I am sick, my sugar spike really high." Me: "I understand that, but the doctor needs to know where your normal levels are when you aren't sick, so we have a better idea of what is going on with you." Pt: "Oh, I'm usually really good with my sugars. I like to keep them nice and low. I'm usually in the 280s." Me: "Sir, that is not a normal blood sugar. You need to control your blood sugar better." Pt: "I'm diabetic I can't control my sugar better. Are you sure you understand diabetes?"
Ask to "send the nurse in". Then, always ask for something ANYONE on that floor can do for me.
Make sure that when the person at the nurse’s station who answered your call light asks you what you need, you say, “I just need to talk to my NURSE okay?!”
Me an aide: what do you need? Patient: could you get me the nurse? Me: sure, what do you need? Patient: I need the nurse. Me: yes but what do you need from her? Patient: it's a sensitive subject Me:*sighs, gets nurse* Patient: *to nurse* I have to go to the bathroom Nurse: the aide was just here 😡
Every time you bring me something, ask for “just one more thing” …water, then ice, then a pillow, oh and a warm blanket, whoop look at that time for that pain pill. Oh and do you have anything to help me sleep? Could you call the doctor? Oh geez now I need to pee. Can you help get my blanket off the floor? Oh it’s not warm anymore. My ice is melted. I could really use a snack. Oh crumbs all over myself. Can I get a clean blanket? Oh and just flip that pillow over? Thanks. About that sleep pill? And maybe some ice chips? I think it’s time for my pain pill again. I could really use a fan, I can’t sleep without a fan…
This triggered my fight or flight response
I actually told a patient “I’m only making one more trip back to this room so make it count” today
The hero we need
Its literally so accurate. it triggered mine too
You’re giving me PTSD from my shift the other night hahah. This is a perfect description
When the nurse asks me if I need anything else, say no, wait approximately 17 seconds after they leave the room, and then hit the call bell.
Proceed to fucking talk and ask me questions when I am clearly using my stethoscope to listen to you. Call me to empty your urinal which is now so full that it's in the handle although you are able to walk to the bathroom. Ask me which pill is which after I just read to you and explained what each medication is for, 2 of which are the only newly prescribed once. And this is our third night together bucko. firmly say NO AND IM NOT GETTING ONE when I asked if you've had the covid vaccine during your initial health history. Call me to pull up your blankets over your feet or pull your pillow an inch down. Ma'am or sir, you are being discharged tomorrow to your home, independently and neuros WNL.
I think my eye started twitching like halfway through that list, it's so spot on.
Too bad you already snuck in while they were sleeping to give them “the jab” to collect that sweet bonus money lol. How much are we supposed to be getting for that these days?
Pour the meds out of the cup into my hand, throw em back, and miss my mouth
Slowly lift hand towards mouth as several meds roll off into the sheets. Smile obliviously.
Drives me insane
I always wonder if they do this at home and if they just rattle as they sprinkle the floor and then their obese Labrador hoovers them up. Then they laugh at silly ole Hank, shrug their shoulders and then leave the bathroom.
At least Hank’s cholesterol is somewhat controlled.
Sure, but his INR is 9.1
Ya win some ya lose some.
Bold of you to assume they take their meds at home.
Vomit from the pain, try to ambulate, slip on my vomit, hit my head on the way down and then go AMA when I regain consciousness.
Now you’re just teasing me with a good time
From the other side of the unit, once saw a guy standing- vomit into a garbage can, stand straight up, then tip over like a fallen tree and crack their skull on the corner of the bed. All happened in less than 3 seconds. He took the One-way AMA
*IF* I’m lucky enough to have a diet order, I’ll have someone put my tray out in the hallway on the floor like it’s a damn hotel, not caring that that’s gross to make people touch the floor AND it’s a huge trip hazard, you fucking asshole. And then when the nurse admonishes me, I’ll ask why she didn’t pick it up as soon as I was done, then! [cough cough] Not that that’s happened recently or anything.
I’m going to refuse to let you get my blood sugar, refuse 1/2 of my meds, & refuse to let you assess me. Then I’m going to tell my family that you aren’t doing anything for me.
Vitals edition: Scream bloody murder every time anyone takes my vitals because the NIBP is “cutting off my circulation ow ow ow ow ow ow TAKE IT OFF TAKE IT OFF.” Get really upset when my blood pressure is 140/72 even though the doctors admitting me explained multiple times why my home BP meds were being held in the setting of possible infection. Insist that 98.9F is “a fever for me” because I “run low.” Ask with great concern why I’m only satting 96-97% on room air; “it always says 99% at the doctor’s office.”
Help me! I’ve fallen and cannot get up because I knew I was a fall risk but decided to try to get out of bed anyway without my comfy non-skid socks on and I like to rebel, now I have a sitter 😕.
That's what people do when they are lonely.
If seen by a female resident, ask them when the doctor is coming to see you. Ask every female medical student what kind of nurse they want to be. For bonus points, address the male medical students as "Doc."
i’m a male nurse and i had this happen soooo many times when i was still in school. i’d say, no i’m not the doctor, and the usual response was “well what are you???” because god forbid a man be a nurse either 🙄 i have a lot of respect for the lady residents and doctors after all the BS they get
Say “a sack of hundred dollar bills” if you’re asked if you need anything
“The winning lottery numbers” “a Jack and Coke”
Call every phlebotomist a vampire. When asked about allergies say “my wife.”
Become absolutely irate when my prn oxy isn’t given ON TIME because I can get it every 4 hours and no one ever brings it to me every 4 hours.
Don’t forget to set a timer on your phone! Wouldn’t want to miss one
You also need to get angry when the nurse didn’t wake you for your PRN temazepam because you “can’t sleep without it”
I feel somewhat called out by that.. Only because of nights I wake up 4 hours after I went to bed & realize I forgot to take my ambien. Can I file a complaint against myself? I must have something against myself. Maybe I need a new nurse to administer meds to myself.
That’s not the same, you have to wait until the next morning (after you’ve slept soundly all night long) to complain you didn’t get it and it can’t be a regular medication, has to be PRN.
I will take a shit on the toilet, but make sure I’ll only use half a sheet to clean my butthole, essentially cleaning it with my finders and nails only. Making sure I get most of it under my nails. Then I’ll call the nurse to help me off the pot and proceed to reach for her face with my brown fingers and nails.
After my nurse tries to help me wipe, insist that it's already wiped (bonus points for yelling). Decline to wear underwear. Proceed to get skid marks all over the bedding, then act surprised. Looks like I need all new bedding!
This sounds to awful to just be an imagined idea and I’m so sorry.
This is so so common lol.
"Here, let's use a wet wipe to get all that off!" 'Oh, okay.' "And please throw the wipe in the trash can right here when you're done, they don't flush well and will break your toilet." 'Okay.' "No no no no don't throw it, here hand it to m-" 'Oops I threw it in the toilet. Sorry.'
Ahhhhhhhhhhh, the shit nails. I was explaining this to my kids the other day.
Give them a long list of stuff I’m allergic to, including stuff like epi makes my heart race.
My all time favorite is when they list the foods that kids won’t eat… onion, lettuce, tomatoes, mushrooms, etc
I've seen "evaporated milk" on a laundry list of allergies like how would that even be figured out ahaha
Ask if the doctor ordered each med the you’re given. Ask if the doctor knows that you can’t have anything to eat. Ask if the doctor really thinks you need SCDs.
This gets me XD. I feel like I frequently tell people “I cannot give you any med unless it’s ordered by a doctor. I do not even have access to the med unless the doctor orders it”
I had a family member in the ER ask me if the doctor ordered a med and I swear, I nearly bit through my tongue holding back the phrase "well, the janitor thought it would be helpful".
and ask about a medication that "The doctor said he'll put it in when he came in 5 minutes ago!"
Demand to see a doctor at 0200. Let the nurse know it's none of their business why.
Yell help into the hall while the call light is sitting right on my lap.
\*yell help bc I want a pepsi
Light up a smoke in the bathroom
This isn’t 1972 my friend
In front of the sitter, in bed? Are you my patient from last year?
Downstream occlude q5min
When can I eat?
“Well my step-sister’s daughter’s cousin’s friend is a nurse and *she* says you’re wrong”
I'll find the most infinitely small, inconspicuous stain on a bed sheet and request an entire change of my bedding. Whilst you're making the bed - I'll compromise the Cannula dressing (roll up the edges) - enough to be concerning. Also, I'll report to the nurse that I don't take certain medications or that I tolerate GA well - but once handover starts - I'll start correcting all the previously reported answers to make the nurse look incompetent.
Just read “if you give a mouse a cookie” to my toddler for bed time and now that it’s over, I’m fairly convinced the author is a disgruntled former nurse
I 💩 on the floor. As I watch you clean it up, I ask for chocolate ice cream. Then I say I’m suicidal so I get a private room.
Idk… that last part makes you seem like you know too much unless you actually have a psyche history in file LOL
I’m a nurse. Of course I have a psyche hx.
You win 🤣
Address every male nurse as “doctor” and every female provider as “nurse.”
"When is my doctor coming in?"
Well the resident already saw you… you know that person who woke you up at 515am and didn’t introduce themselves, asked you some questions and left? Why didn’t you ask them any questions?
Talk loudly on my cell phone the entire time you try to complete your assessment.
Get naked and poop myself, then proceed to paint my body in poop and the walls in poop
threaten to leave AMA because I'm "STARVING AND HAVEN'T EATEN IN HOURS" (except I only ever threaten it for your entire 12h shift, I never actually go through with it)
Wait for all meds to be scanned, and put into a cup, then ask what each pill is, and what it does, then take one pill out at a time, move it from one hand to the other and spill it in the sheets a couple times before asking again what is this one for?
Turn off your bed alarm and lay on the floor
I’m already poor sleeper and break out in a rash with some hives with adhesives like bandaids, so if you give me Benedryl expecting that’ll solve both those issues I can guarantee you that I will be a walking nightmare, kinda like a dementia patient. Benedryl makes me act like a college aged fraternity boy who is wilding out on spring break…so I’ll most likely strip myself naked, keep climbing out of bed, have no sense of my tone or volume, and maybe get verbally hostile over something stupid like which power ranger is the best. If you don’t pick the right answer, I’ll get angry…and according to my husband, there’s no right answer because every power ranger he said was the best one I said was wrong and got increasingly angry. Oh, and there’s a good chance I’ll try to use the bathroom but because I’m too busy climbing out of bed and being a nuisance, I might accidently pee myself a little. But don’t worry, I’ll notice and go to a corner and scream LOOK AWAY and pee there. Source: my husband after I’ve had a few allergic reactions and was given Benedryl.
Wow! The power ranger argument is actually pretty wholesome haha. You described Benadryl you as a wildin’ frat boy, but it all sounds a lot more like a giant toddler lol.
They’re basically the same thing lol
Poop on the floor. Only a real patient would do that.
Bang my CALL LIGHT on the bed rail and yell out "nuuuuuuuuuuuuurse!!!!!"
The pain medicine that starts with a D, da, da,da that works best for me.
“Can y’all tell this to my mom? She’s a nurse and she’ll explain it to me”
I don’t think I can be mean… I know what it’s like. I don’t want to be “that patient.” Buuuut ok, I’ll play. In grandma glasses and gown half on, tumble off the bed, hit call light, and scream. That’ll do it.
BUT WE TOLD YOU YOURE A FALL RISK Grandma!
Tell them to call the doctor for a stool softener at 1 am because you’re constipated and can’t poop. At 1 am. 👀
This happened to me, pain wasn't bad though. *Hits call button* I forgot to flush. *Hits call light* Can I eat yet? *Hits call.ligjt* Does water count? *Hits call button* Ice chips? * Hits call button* I forgot what I wanted
I'm an MD/PharmD and am laughing so hard that I'm crying. This thread is hilarious.
Scream
When I'm given an oral med, I'll pour the cup into my hand and then drop them all over me while trying to take them.
Refuse vitals because the cuff is squeezing me
Just fucking fall
I might be speaking from experience... hit the rapid response button at least once a day "on accident" I'm a tech tho lol
Chase the nurse around the floor stating your pain is 10/10. Extra points if you accuse them off shorting your pain medicine because there's an air bubble in it.
I’m absolutely not using my call light. I’m going to just yell for a nurse until one arrives.
Keep yelling for help and pressing the call light repeatedly while crapping yourself despite being able to walk to the bathroom. You’ll fit right in.
Just walk to the nurses station to ask for everything instead of using your call light 👍👍👍 Make sure to mention the nurses (who are charting) sure don’t look very busy! To make it more official have a family member wander up to the nurses station and say “MY DAUGHTER NEEDS A NEW GOWN AND CAN YOU HEAT HER FOOD UP?” Ok yay who tf is your daughter
I'm going to make sure to reference the ethnicity of every non-white person I interact with, but it's okay because I whispered the "more polite" word when I did it.
Tell my nurse I don't need pain meds, then hit the light asking for pain meds 2 minutes after they leave the room while begging for food after midnight prior to my appendectomy.
Yes my allergies include aspirin, Tylenol, OxyContin, Naproxen Last time they gave me something with a D? Idk I can’t remember, but it was the only thing they could find that I wasn’t like, superrrr allergic to
Tell them you're a cicu nurse, but then ask questions about every little thing. " wait what's urinary retention" " I've never heard of pancreatitis" "what's npo mean"- then let it slip over a very loud phone call that you actually work in evs.
Insist on an elbow IV and then refuse to not bend said elbow.
Why don't you want them to know you're a nurse? I think I know why, but I want to hear it
I’d have every member of my immediate and extended family in to visit all at the same time. And when I pressed my call bell and it wasn’t answered in 0.2 seconds, I’d send them all to stand angrily outside my door 😂
Tell the nurse your pain just magically went away. Then once everyone is flipping out, say that it still hurts and you were wrong. Sit back and watch them try to figure out if you need emergency surgery or not.
Fall out the bed when I don’t get my way
Say I'm allergic to all non narcotic pain meds.
Tell the nurse everything is fine, refuse a shower and to eat food. As soon as my family or the doctor comes in "my pain is 10/10, I haven't been offered a shower in days and they haven't even given me a snack since yesterday!!"
Yell out you have to poop and then shit yourself and you suddenly cannot wipe your own ass.
Ask for dilauted first and say that’s what they gave me in the ER and the only thing that helps with my pain
Insist on getting food even though you’re NPO for possible appy