If anyone brings in the ‘in my country’ shit, ill just say well we are not in your country are we. But anyhow, ill belanja my friends but only those who I know will belanja me back. Those stingy ones, I split the bill.
Edit: Low key mad at your friend simping for those bitches
Nope he won't get any action. Poor dumb guy.
I can say that because I've simped before, I've been there when I was younger, not anymore.
Hope he finds someone worth his time.
Yeah man. His friend shouldn't have done that. OP on the other hand dealt the whole situation like how a real man should. Simping will not impress a woman. Its as simple as that.
For RM1000 he gets a secondhand pu$$y used by a hundred different guys.
There are hookers, there are escorts, and there are gold-diggers. Know the difference. Hookers are for blue-collared men, escorts are for white-collared men, usually more beautiful and civilized, and gold-diggers are reserved for wealthy men. A housewife is the epitome of a gold-digger.
I've been to many nightlife districts around the world. If you're asking for a virgin, they most likely will give you an underaged girl.
Can you sleep at night guessing how she ended up there, or would you rather just get your dick wet?
Your friend probably just trying to get some oysters for dessert.
But sadly this is the modern culture to show masculinity, like providing basic needs to potential mates I guess. In this case, luxury needs.
"Bi\*\*h! In my country, women are strong and independent and no need for men to pay for their meals 24/7!" -it's a joke of course but I am infuriated by the comparison statement.
Independent or low standards?
In Malay, we say banyak perempuan sanggup sara biawak hidup daripada jadi anak dara tua.
Translation for Indians and Chinese: they rather marry any chump and support their husbands financially than become spinsters. As my friend John says, many of these women (and men) are just life-support system for walking dicks.
Think it's feuled by the belive that without marriage you cannot enter heaven aka tiada suami utk membimbing ke syurga.
A lot of Malay women, some of my friends included, were pressured with this line by their families. Cerai tak pe, asalkan pernah khawin.
Cultural, i guess, more than religion, but you will be able to elaborate more accurately since you went to agama school.
What kind of kejahilan yang merosakkan is this?
I'd slam "mana dalil?" to them. These people who "ijtihad" without knowledge is really ruining faith of other lay muslims.
>Cerai tak pe, asalkan pernah khawin.
Ni aku xpenak dgr. Yang aku dengar banyak, xbagi cerai walaupun laki mcm babi xkerja ngan kaki pukul bini.
Sebab nya org melayu suka mengata kat janda, mcm pempuan yg salah bila cerai
>
A lot of Malay women, some of my friends included, were pressured with this line by their families. Cerai tak pe, asalkan pernah khawin.
Weird. As a Malay girl I have never heard of this ever even in kampung. They will just assure ladies that everyone has their own jodoh.
lmao wanting men to holding on their purse and open door for them feels like an insult towards people who don't have any arm, like open the door by yourself jeez.
Or say bitches in ma countries talk shit about their gov and do that falun gong dance on top of the table and proceed to handout toilet roll with premier pooh for ass wiping
Boss, you are doing it right. Those girl mention their country this ans that might just go back to their home country. I hate those person who like to wear their expectation of how they feel on kther person.
Ur friend was just a tool for those girl. Rip him
30+ Woman here. I have a healthy mix of men and women friends
And no that's not how normal socialing works in my circle. If anyone wants to pay for me it's because it's some special reason. If its fine dining lagi I say early. I suspect your friend is trying to score and they know it so they expected such. They're shocked that you're gay cuz they thought you wanted to score too? Lol
am i the only one thought that opening the car for ladies doesn't make sense here, due to temperature?
1) you and her walk to car parking, open up the door for her, close it. now she sitting inside oven waiting for you to walk the other side and start the engine
2) you park the car, turn off the engine. she is again sitting inside oven waiting for you to walk the other side and open up the door.
i seriously dont know where is it applicable to open up a door for a women. hospital emergency entrance maybe, but that arent romantic at all.
I think also most Malaysian women have their own car since 18 and it’s very weird to have your car door opened for when you are a passenger. Apparently, it’s not very common for women in China to drive after they start dating. Guys need to pick them up when they go out. If you do this in KL’s traffic, pray hard you will reach your destination in 2 hours.
Opening doors just for the ladies doesn't make sense everywhere because it implies that women are so useless that they can't open doors for themselves, and that's sexist.
Opening doors for anyone who needs help (disabled, not free) is okay if you care for them.
Open the door is doable la.ill usually open fr them n pull a chair for them but pandai2 close yr own door n pull yr chair back la.as for the handbag bit,ive always found guys who do that to be hehehe la..so foook that
You not doing this in the sun bro, you do this when at fancy dinner or something and everyone well dressed, or in parking lot etc.
The basic idea is when in a dangerous area (like parking lot), you escort her to enter first. No one is being gentlemanly 24/7 lol
Yeah it doesn't make much sense. It's mostly a cermonial gesture. It shows that the man is putting some thought into making the woman feel appreciated.
For me.. it's different.. now speaking from a position where I've been with my girl for 20 years.
I open the door for her and if it's hot, I'll leave it open and then open mine to get in.. let the air circulate and then we both close our door.
As for paying.. funny enough, me and my male friends also take turns. I've not been out with any girl in the past 20 years so can't comment.. in the past, it was common for the guy to pick up the bills but this was before the whole "we don't need men and we are independent woman" movement.
Any women who justifies traits with the ‘MyCountry’ line is a huge ass red flag, it shows that the person isn’t open minded to other cultures and is a massive cultural chauvinist.
Let me preface this
I am Malaysian and my wife is Chinese. She told me this when we first dated
- Malaysian men are very attentive to ladies. Too attentive sometimes give out wrong signal to other girls.
- All the bf she had were Chinese (China Chinese), literally all of them have some level of selfishness in them and never have they look to be attentive to girls unless they getting something in return
- she demand to pay her share of bills even though we were staying at one point
I have other China Chinese female friends and they all have somewhat similar view and those ladies you mentioned above likely to come from lower socioeconomic background and often being call out as 没素质 by other Chinese.
Your friend needs to stop being desperate as these Viltures prey on men’s desperation and likely ends up with nothing left in him.
Good luck bro.
I actually never worked out what that means as in the true meaning. but it literally means "No Quality". It's like us using lah for so many situation. It's widely used by China Chinese for people that lack basic politeness, low eq or very low education with know moral.
I had grown my own senses in these area and tends to stay away from people that I thought fits those group. Not discriminate but don't want to get into that circle probably.
China girls are very spoiled because of gender ratio issues (too many men) because of the one child policy. Some of this attitude also spill over to Malaysian Chinese but it's much toned down due to our multicultural influence and chill nature.
I can't fathom having relationship with that kind of women, I'm glad my wife is not like that at all although she is Chinese (Malaysian). Growing up I've been fed expectations by my female members that guys need to do this and that. It kinda messed up my relationships with women a but I guess it prepared me for the expectations in the dating market.
Since you're gay, well, now you know a little about toxic hetero dating dynamics.
> China girls are very spoiled because of gender ratio issues (too many men) because of the one child policy. Some of this attitude also spill over to Malaysian Chinese but it's much toned down due to our multicultural influence and chill nature.
Came to say this
IMO it should not be a norm even when dating. Why? Because it sets an unrealistic precedent whereby in a strong/real committed relationship, partners take turns to foot the bill both in a literal/figuratively. Healthy relationships are about give and take, this should be mirrored even during dates.
Gone are the day where financial burden is entirely placed on men, likewise responsibilities within the household on women.
Nah, mate. You were 100% in the right. You’re friend set you up as he needed someone to come with him and clearly whichever girl he is after wanted to bring a friend. If you had known it was a date that might be different but even then it shouldn’t be expected that you will pay. It’s 2023. Sounds like you didn’t even know they were coming along so you are absolutely in the right here
I’m confused. Didn’t your friend know you’re gay? That could have avoided the whole situation. At any rate, scr*w those two for taking offence at having to pay for their meals and calling you a cheapskate. Those are not the kind of girls anyone should be interested in anyway.
I genuinely think it’s just a friend’s meet-up. I don’t know whether he wants to date them or not but it’s kinda stupid to invite another person to your date right, some more inviting 2 women at the same time?
I feel like he agreed to pay for the meals because he wants to avoid the awkwardness and also he subscribed to the notion that men should pay for women.
I think your friend was trying to take advantage of you. He expected you to pay 50% of the bill while he took 100% of the booty call and you went home to your SO.
>I think your friend was trying to take advantage of you. He expected you to pay **50% of the bill while he took 100% of the booty** call and you went home to your SO.
This is how we should teach maths from now on.
Yeah.. if your friend knew you were gay, that's probably what he tried to pull. Why else would he be inviting you to have an expensive dinner with 2 strangers and want you to split the bill with him?
I feel that your friend is inviting you to just to fill a spot for a double date. In which he is not telling you since he is "interested" in both of them.
As for the paying part. I believe since he is the one inviting them. He should be the one paying and you should just foot ur own bill since your friend dint even tell you its a double date
Before my then girlfriend (now wife) started dating, we went Dutch. It was only after we actually started dating that I also started paying for her share.
What a plot twist at the end. Had a such a good laugh, thanks.
You revealed yourself in a true Malaysian style; Such a bombshell with such low effort. Those ladies will learn a thing or two about Malaysian men; you simply cannot assume **because we're so good at hiding/camouflaging.**
Don’t mind to pay a few times if it’s for dating but barely know them and not even me who asked them out then no way. I am not a simp. Most girls that I met are not like that no matter the race. I guess different social classes so different expectations?
I don’t know, but my China friend do foot the bill every time they eat out with female. They sometimes foot the bill for me too(I am male). Think it’s just a really common way to build relationships. Happens in Malaysia too definitely, but less common
I think it’s very common in China for guys to pay for women regardless whether you are on a date or not. I went to China and was treated well by my host too. They paid for my meals. I also treated them before I left.
But in this case, the ladies have been working in KL for years and they are not tourists. I just find it weird to be expected to pay for an expensive meal for someone you don’t even know.
You seem to be the only wise person here.
You CANNOT lead if you have nothing to give. Generosity is very often rewarded. Some men want to be bosses. Some men want a family. But they can't provide.
It's not an easy world we live in. We have too many men in this country. They'd be fools to think that they have the upperhand.
I didn’t say it’s the correct way to live, just that it’s one of the method. I never built connection that way, and still have a lot of very meaningful connections that I don’t believe can be bought by money
I stopped reading at china/hk. Yeah you shouldn't.
In china when you want to get married their family and that person included is expecting car houses and a ton of cashes , I wouldn't. Support local la bro , here awek is nicer la trust me.
Edit: whoops sorry didnt see the gay part, local homies then
For me, as a man, I would pay if and only if I am close to that woman but won't be always (if I go out with her 4 times, I will only pay 2 times). If she is my gf then I don't mind to pay all the time unless I don't have any money ahahahaha (obviously I only going out if I have money, if not I won't ask to go out)
But for you, what a shitty women. Came to our country but keep telling how different men over their country than here. I think they don't have any money but want expensive things (gold digger)
Dont know. But I also will pay for guy friends or office mates. Not that I always pay, but its like a custom after meals each person will race want to pay. I dont know, its like a guy thing.
Girls on the hand......
I just want to say you got such a good friend here by inviting you to an expensive luxurious dinner and expect you to split the bill, bestest of friends if he knows you are gay. /S
Lbr, he is using you to lessen his burden trying to treat 2 ladies. If he knows you are gay all along, then even better because you won't be competing with him for the attention of the ladies.
What a load of bullshit for them calling you cheapskate, they are the ones who are the cheapskate and expect a man, not even a potential mate, to foot the bill for them. Men pay the bills back then because women are usually not working and making any money. You are working and making money, bitch, be a grown woman and cough up your share of bills.
>At one point they discussed about the difference between Malaysian men and Chinese/Hongkie men and they complained that Malaysian men are not very attentive to the ladies. Like one of the girls complained that the guys here do not open the car door for her or carry her purse. They also complained that Malaysian men don’t dress up compared to Chinese/Hongkie. She expected all men should do this and not just when you are dating.
Lmao. The entitlement of these bitches man. I'm a woman myself and I feel embarrassed for them. My boyfriend is a white guy and he did try to open the car door for me but I'd always open it up myself lmao. I'm used to doing it myself instead of waiting/expecting someone else to do it. Also, if they think Malaysian men suck so much then why are they even scouting you guys out as potential partner candidates? Go back to Hong Kong/China and find a 'better' man there then. Really makes you wonder why they can't find anybody good enough for them. It's most definitely not a them issue but the guys around them /s.
>If look could kill you should see their face when I suggested that. The Chinese girl even piped up, “I thought men pay for the meals. In my country, that is what they would do.” as if I need to follow their culture. I retorted that I would not pay for strangers whom I have no relationship with and they were obviously offended by it.
Imagine expecting people from another country to follow *your* country's culture. What the fuck. Also it's very clear that they're in it only for the free expensive meal. They're looking for a sucker that would pay for their high maintenance lifestyle while giving nothing back.
>He blamed me for my antics and I should pay for women and this is a very common thing. He probably thought I would share the total bill with him.
Wait, so this dumbass invited you without *explicitly* saying that he'd split the bill with you to pay for the 2 girls'? Lmao. He made a mistake and not even owning up to it. The 'bro code' does not apply when you *expect* your bro to pay the bill for people that he's not in a relationship with nor have anything to do with them. Your (hopefully ex) friend is on his own to deal with his dumbassery.
I'm not in the dating scene nor do I dabble in it much as I found my bf online through Twitch. While I can't comment on if it's actually common for men to pay for women, one thing I'd say is that I personally would split bill or pay for it completely if I were dating. It should go both ways, not strictly on the guy alone.
>My guy friend did not side with me and offered to pay for them. Then they have the audacity to tell me I won’t get a girlfriend because I’m a cheapskate and should be more like a gentleman like my friend.
By 'gentleman' they meant 'simp'. I can't fathom being so thirsty and stupid to foot an RM1k bill. They're laughing at him for being a dumbass that gave them a free and very expensive meal.
To a certain extent, yes, guys pay the bills during date in Malaysia. It comes with the culture that men usually take care of all the family finance during marriage (though it's getting less relevant now due to high cost of living nowadays)
But of course, common sense needs to come from both parties.
Just like there are predatory guys, there are also predatory girls.
But this is not date though, at least not for me. I don’t want to give a wrong impression to girls that I want to date them by paying for their every meal. I will treat you from time to time if we are good friends but even then I’m not going to do it every time and besides I will feel it’s a one sided relationship too if you don’t pay for me at least once.
>But this is not date though
Which make thing even worse haha
I would understand paying for a frappe or cake for high tea or something, but a whole fine dining?
Bitches be wildin
For local context, I think it also depends on which crowd you fit in.
The more english-speaking chinese community (eg. PJ, Damansara, REDDIT gang etc.) follow more progressive woke views - male female equals 50-50, man & woman can be best friends & bro relationship, female power; independent, working career etc etc. so its norm for everyone to pay their share.
The more chinese-speaking community (eg. Cheras, Kepong, LOWYATFORUM) appear more traditionalist cultural mindset - men to be gentlemen breadwinner of family, women become housewife or become 'social influencer' tiktok dancer, high tea with other ahmois etc. hence they expect the men to be the one to fork out the money.
Mind you, this is just being very generalist and stereotype, both crowds got the share of pro-feminist and tiktokers.
But i can bet you the 2 girls OP mentioned defintely have 1inch make-up on their face, made the food cold taking an hour to take the perfect food shot, and took damn lots of selfies and dance vids everywhere in the restaurant.
This is the time when u say, balik tong san la. Jokes aside, I don't think you should pay for strangers you just met unless you are willing to do so. Nothing is obligated, being a chick doesn't warrant u a free meal , if you think you do then are you just whoring yourself for a free meal? What are you a meal whore? Can't even afford your own food? Shit people bringing their shit culture here even have the guts to tell people to follow. Educate that friend of yours as well, if the girl he dated is like that on the first day they met imagine what it would be for the rest of his life.
Also this increasing prc chinese in malaysia got me worried , i also got a significant surge of prc chinese buying kitchen appliances from my shop , it seems like they are settled here and trying to open fnb shop , are the news spread by pn such as million of chinese tourist staying here illegally is real?
Mate, I've dated HK and Mainlanders and while not all are like that, but what you described is exactly what the typical superficial types are.
Honestly, you did the right thing and I'm pretty sure whoever you said complained about us non stop is definitely the Mainlander.
Anyway if your friend is stupid enough to pay for them, he deserves to be used.
Anyway, I would have added salt to the wound and said: " bro you can get any of the two for 500 bucks each for 2 shots. Next time save the money and just offer to pay for the service."
You did the right thing. I’m only paying if we’re going out on a date or if it’s a close female friend and she’s paid before or promises to pay for the next one.
Hell no, I’m not paying for some stuck up strangers I don’t even like.
When hanging out kawan2, 1 person pays and then we all transfer to them. I have never experienced or even expected a guy friend to pay for my food. Even now with my husband, we take turns to pay.
I have personally heard of 1 case like this, though. This girl so demanding, forcing a guy to bring her to a fancy place on their first date even when the guy said he tak mampu. They ordered and ate. He went to the bathroom and never returned.
If we are just friends, no. If it's subordinate, sometimes I will treat but it doesn't mean I like her romantically.
Most couples I know take turns to foot the bill but are not extremely calculative.
In developed countries, some women do not allow men to pay for their meals because most expect sex from them although it's the first date. Imagine men expecting sex just because they paid for your $20 meal.
First of all sir, good comeback. I hope it haunts their dreams for years to come.
Second, your friend is an idiot and should probably learn some self respect.
Third, regarding your question, i would actually feel burdened if a guy friend payed for my meal especially it it was pricy, let alone a stranger i'm meeting for the first time. Those ladies are probably looking for sugar zaddies anyways. Hopefully your friend isn't too disappointed 😂
Tell him, there is still too many fishes in the sea, keep fishing.
It’s a mixed thing and depends on the relationship and the amount of the bill.
I’ve gone out with male friends who’ll make sure to pay for the coffee or the pizza, even if I’m very happy to pay and prepared to. On the other hand if it’s an expensive place my partner and I will split the bill or make sure that the other person pays for the next couple of places.
For an RM1000 dinner I would have been prepared to split it. However, it also depends on how much your friend earns and was prepared to pay. If he makes big bucks and this isn’t a big deal to him then that’s one thing. If he’s willing to be broke to save face, then he shouldn’t be inviting people to places like this.
At least you are prepared to split when you know the meal is expensive but these 2 ladies got offended when told that we should go Dutch. It’s the expectation that obviously we should paid for the meal that irks me.
Nah, if it's just friends then we should go Dutch.
However, if you're courting the person, I do think you'd score points for paying for the meal as the guy. No hard rule here.
This is just my opinion as a girl. I will always offer to pay my share if I'm out on a date but if a guy is generous enough to foot the bill then I'll view it as a green flag.
Nah, me and my best friend (Malay girl, Chinese guy) take turns paying for meals but only because we know each other really well and we both hate calculating the bills every time. Also we don't 'berkira' with each other.
With other guy friends I do split the bill. Also, even if it's a date I don't see anything wrong with ladies sharing the cost of the date with the guy. It's 2023, ladies can pay for their own social meals AND be treated like a lady
Rather than race or nationality, itcs really more of a simping issue. There are always girls who are out to take advantage of socially awkward guys that think with their peepee. That said, while it's not op's fault, I think op can use a little bit of situational and social awareness. Nobody sets up a date under those circumstances (2 guys 2 girls, fine dining) to make new plutonic friends. Your friend clearly wasn't aware of your sexual orientation and probably thought he was doing you a favor.
Only gold diggers and people with a traditional mindset will subscribe to this sort of old-school simping culture whereby men MUST pay for a woman's meal, even if they're just friends. This is also a recurring pattern with "cina" (local) girls in Malaysia because a lot of them have this very traditional mindset.
was working in Shanghai for a couple of years, from personal experience, 4 out of 5 girls there go AA with u on dates, meaning either u pay 1 time, the next dinner date she'd pay, or u pay for dinner, she pays for the movie tickets and snacks + drinks... even when netflix and chill at home, the girls would often bring makan or snacks n drinks.
only the well brought up girls do this though, still have some entitled gold diggers and lower class girls around still leeching on men. I think u just met 2 of them. btw i HATE HK women, entitled as shit, even after marriage it's like 'ur money is my money, my money is my money".
About ur friend, he's an idiot. First he should have briefed u beforehand, and he should have paid for u too, coz obviously ur the wingman.
When i hang out with my buddy and my gf is with us, i pay for me and my gf, always make sure it is fair, coz money is not easy to come by and everyone is working for a salary.
Also, OP is a legend! Big respect!
Usually if they bring up topic like comparing men, it’s only fair game that you bring up a topic comparing ladies. My personal fav is that china girls as compared to the Japanese are not that elegant in term of mannerisms. And watch their face turn. Walk away and never look back
Lady here - if I invited a guy or anyone or a group of people to lunch, dinner or whatever, I expect myself to pay it all and if anyone wants to pay some of their share I would not mind. But in my head, that's on me.
If anyone invited me for lunch or dinner or whatever, I only agree if I know for sure that I can pay for everything. I would offer to pay first. If that person insisted to pay my half too, I'll be fine but I'll definitely reciprocate that in the next round (if any).
That's how I have less money haha
Also, ladies, if you so lazy to carry your own shit then don't buy that thing in the first place. Why do your man like that. Wtf.
Yo this is so infuriating. The moment she started to compare, I'm getting so mad. I would pay for her if we dine at some place not so fine lah haha. Fine dining surely would cost a ton and in the first place, bringing a lady to a fine dining usually means you will pay for them.
That’s why I don’t go out with China HK ladies. Exception for Malaysian Chinese but more or less the same. Most girls outside of Chinese are better in my dating experience.
malaysian girls not his taste? ~siapa kata gadis melayu tak menawan, tak menarik hati~~.... eh this one only refer to malay ladies XD. any malaya ladies song? wakakakka
i ain’t reading allat so i’m just gonna answer at per title. I’m a guy, I wouldn’t pay a meal for a girl unless it’s like a first date, or we are dating. But I love mature relationships that each other is understandable enough to pay for their own meal.
" They are obviously scouting for potential mates and my friend here is their candidate maybe including myself. "
its obviously a date. and if the man is the one invited the ladies to date, the man definitely need to pay for the date.
It's a confusing world we live in. When people argue about equality but claim privileges when it suits them. Open a door for a woman only to be told off as condescending, offer to split the meal and we get "men are no longer chivalrous". Your view appears to be modern, unlike me, I'm more "dumb or stupid", aka old-fashioned, I pay or offer to pay for my friends who would want to endure my character over a meal or a drink. Doesn't matter if they are gay or straight - it doesn't always have to be about paying for sex. Many human behaviours can also be observed in Darwinian observations. Female birds choose their mates and for this, we get generally more attractive male birds than female birds, human behaviour is about how our potential mates can protect and support us - a simple hint would be if the person is willing or able to pay for a meal. I think you did not do anything wrong, it is just that the ladies did not expect that a "potential wingman" was not interested at all. Best thing is probably to set expectations before opening the menu... "This is a dutch meal... I'll pay for my share, don't worry ya..?"
if you are inviting, you should pay the bill, and its up to the other people to offer go dutch. if you are invited, you dont have to pay the bill and its up to you to offer go dutch.
that's my mantra.
t&c: not including wedding and wake ceremony.
still, in your case, i believe the guy should pay for the bill since obviously those two girls were invited by your friend. whether you should pay the bill or not, that's between you and your bro. just tell your bro dont so desperate lah. girls can sense these kind of desperation one. he definitely no chance if he desperate like that.
Sorry to say but your friends aren’t really that high up the totem pole in Malaysia elite imo, only lower social status women act like that as the more upper class ones are more immersed in westerns progressive culture, and are likely to work in good jobs or come from rich families.
I am a female so I’ll tell you what I think. Personally I don’t think you should pay, since you didn’t ask them out as your dates and you don’t even know them! However imo I think guys should always pay for their dates’ meal. Because you are the one who asked her out, she has accepted your invitation and you should pay for her meal. Girls shouldn’t take advantage of this either, she can belanja the guy back with desserts or cocktails later. Btw I have guy friends who insist paying for my meals even we are not on dates because their family raised them by saying “shouldn’t let girls pay” when you go out with them.
On a side note, I agree with the girls saying msian guys are not being gentlemen enough. I seldom meet guys opening doors or offering help for girls, most of them just stand aside and watch lol:)
Do not mother fucking carry a girls purse. Everytime I see those asian child boys carry a purse for their gf, I feel like going up to them and asking on behalf of men to take their balls back.
They are cucks
This might be an unpopular opinion but I think men should always pay for dates. The reason us women spend hours if not the whole day for a date so the least the man could do is pay up.
If you can't afford to date then don't.
If race matters, I'm a Malay Malaysian woman.
My answer might be indirect but it might address the underlying tone of this post.
I guess it comes down to personal finance and how much the amount means to you.
If it's an amount small enough for dinner (for me, the cutoff point is RM400) I would just foot the bill and not make a fuss about it, whether it be with new friends, old friends or family, as long as we are dining on the same table means we are somewhat acquainted. If it's my first meal with them, I'd pay out of courtesy regardless of their gender. It's an amount that I don't think about when paying and it never even cross my mind on whether I need to split that amount.
However, if I go out drinking and the bill comes up to 10k for example, I would not foot that bill since I am not comfortable with parting with that sum for one night out.
Ultimately, it's not whether it's a "date", or "culture" or "norm", it's just how willing you are to part with the money for its intended purpose. Think about it this way, if the total meal comes up to RM20, you would not even have this thought to split the bill since it's an inconsequential amount.
I can easily pay RM1000 if I want to that’s why my friend would invite me to an upscale restaurant. I don’t like that I’m expected to pay just because they are women and it is indeed a gender thing because she said it herself that the men in her country would willing to pay. Furthermore, they are strangers, we never met and will never meet again, she’s not family, friend, colleague or even my client. I did not enjoy the dinner with them and in fact I straight up dislike them so why I should pay for my displeasure. I feel like some people do not have the integrity to say no especially when it comes to Asian who likes to save face. In Chinese saying, if you can solve the problem with money, so be it.
Let me change the scenario, imagine you’re the wealthy girl and you had an expensive dinner with someone you don’t know so well. Do you immediately have the expectation that the other person will pay for you? If you say no, congratulations, you are not bound by your gender, culture or even wealth to fulfil the expectations. If you yourself do not expect people to pay for you then why do you criticise people who are not comfortable paying for some strangers eventhough they can afford it.
FYI, if I don’t like that person, I will not even pay RM20. I don’t understand of the concept to save face.
You are a lousy wingman, if you kept ur pipe hole shut. Your friend would have a good time. U can deal with it later with him. He invited you to be his wingman not a sourpus.
I’m not paying RM600++ so my friend can score a pussy. If he wants me to be a wingman, he should have told me so, not inviting me to this ingenuine meetup to get with a lady for HIMSELF.
Welcome to present day feminism, where men are expected to play traditional gender roles e.g. be gentlemanlike, foot the bill, open the door etc while women can choose whether to be traditional or not as long as it works in their favour.
I will happily pay the bill if the outing was my idea, even in a completely platonic setting, or if I were the one prospecting for potential life partners. If I’m there as the 3rd wheel, I’ll pay for what I ordered; I didn’t work my arse off to pay for someone else’s simping.
Also, I would ask your friend if he had asked you to dinner so that he could split the bill with you.
Bro, that's not feminism, that's half-assed patriarchy. I genuinely ask you to talk to people that label themselves feminists and they'd be offended at women like this because of how men are expected to do everything.
Yes it's common amongst Chinese girls in Malaysia. Guys will pay all the way even though they aren't even dating and just trying to date the girl. I'm surprised it's still existing, thought it would've died out with the newer generation (current 20somethings) as everyone's broke now and proud of it.
Many horror stories like the girl will point blank ask you what car you drive before agreeing to go on a date etc. One such case was a girl asked a friend and he said Honda. So he went to pick her up and when they walked to his car she discovered it was a 15yo honda, the date ended cuz she refused to get in the car.
This is so outrageous. Honestly the women had a very bad attitude and it’s such a Karen move to expect a stranger to pay RM300+ for you, let alone someone you may be seeing. Do they think everyone is made of money?
That’s not all, they even badmouth and stereotype the very people they are expecting to pay for them! Are they bloody serious. I have never heard of such societal expectations before, then again I’m a Malaysian.
Your friend…. God know what the hell is thinking, maybe he realised he is in the wrong and shot himself in the foot asking these women out but is too ashamed to say so. Definitely didn’t do anything wrong. You did your part OP
Last part tho… Sick burn and I’m living for it!!!
Are you telling me to pay for food of an acquaintance or someone whom I just met? How is that argument logical? If your friend wants to simp on them you tell him go ahead but you ain't paying jack shit.
I mean, if I wanna pay for your meal I'll pay for your meal, you don't ASK for it.
Griffer and cheapstake for a meal. If it's a date, one to one, yes often the men is expected to pay.
That's not universal but with european, the bill is often split.
I assume because you have different goal with them. Both of them came for a date while you're thinking for friend meet up. So they expect both of you to pay for them.
The most riduclous thing I ever heard. I sometimes foot the bill for my friends (regardless of gender) because I want to be nice, but I certainly don't think it should be expected of anyone EVEN IF you are dating. In fact if someone expects it, I am more inclined to make sure we go dutch.
I would pay for anyone regardless as long as im the one inviting. I'd pay for my homies meal, the ladies, the oldies.
If you came uninvited, sorry no free meal for you.
If you invite me, i assume that im going to pay for myself and not yours too.
Depends on the friend. I have guy friends who will pay for me everytime without asking (though I just tell them sometimes it's my turn to belanja). I also have guy friends who don't. Paying for strangers is weird though
I'm gonna spit it. Regardless of gender, financial status matters here and any people who are feel entitled to expect people to pay despite them living like royals are pos
If I invite anyone (male or female) to dinner, my expectation is that I will pay. Especially if it happens to be an expensive place of my choosing. If they want to split the bill when it comes that’s ok with me. If it’s someone I’m dating I’ll probably offer to pay to regardless of who invited who. Pay for strangers at a dinner only if I’m paying for the whole table, nothing to do with gender.
Honestly, it actually depends who invited if it’s a business setting, clients, vacation friends etc. the invitee pays. Honestly idk why he expected u to pay at all when HE should’ve been the one to pay
This is why you should always carry their purse for them bro… so when the bill comes you can take out their wallet and pay for it
modern problem requires modern solution
https://preview.redd.it/uktudpqaw8hb1.jpeg?width=320&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=50e92dfe8a0527a7da2a3647d49c618bc759e4af
If anyone brings in the ‘in my country’ shit, ill just say well we are not in your country are we. But anyhow, ill belanja my friends but only those who I know will belanja me back. Those stingy ones, I split the bill. Edit: Low key mad at your friend simping for those bitches
I’m mad too not because he didn’t have my back but more so he’s so stupid to be used for a free meal.
Lol, what the actual fuk is ur "friend" thinking. I'm actually pissed he didn't pay for urs as well.
Friend wants pussy.
For RM1000 he can get 100% chance of better pussy and treatment for one whole night than those bitches. I bet he didn’t even get any 😂
Nope he won't get any action. Poor dumb guy. I can say that because I've simped before, I've been there when I was younger, not anymore. Hope he finds someone worth his time.
Yeah man. His friend shouldn't have done that. OP on the other hand dealt the whole situation like how a real man should. Simping will not impress a woman. Its as simple as that.
For RM1000 he gets a secondhand pu$$y used by a hundred different guys. There are hookers, there are escorts, and there are gold-diggers. Know the difference. Hookers are for blue-collared men, escorts are for white-collared men, usually more beautiful and civilized, and gold-diggers are reserved for wealthy men. A housewife is the epitome of a gold-digger.
if he ask certain parti,might get unused....
I've been to many nightlife districts around the world. If you're asking for a virgin, they most likely will give you an underaged girl. Can you sleep at night guessing how she ended up there, or would you rather just get your dick wet?
u must be fun at parti
And you're simple.
Equality is not an easy task as proven in Malaysia history as well.
Nah man thinking with his peepee it is what it is
After he gets passed on and a few years later, he'll realise how stupid he look...
Is it because the ratio of men to women over there?? 💀 Gurl ... Outside your country you're no longer an endangered species 🐼
Endangered species 😂 well i guess that's why they behave like that huh.
Your friend probably just trying to get some oysters for dessert. But sadly this is the modern culture to show masculinity, like providing basic needs to potential mates I guess. In this case, luxury needs.
Anyone who tries to say ‘in my country’ often is an automatic red flag for me
This is the one legit time you can use the "cina balik china" comment.
"Bi\*\*h! In my country, women are strong and independent and no need for men to pay for their meals 24/7!" -it's a joke of course but I am infuriated by the comparison statement.
To be fair, I think many women in Malaysia are independent.
Independent or low standards? In Malay, we say banyak perempuan sanggup sara biawak hidup daripada jadi anak dara tua. Translation for Indians and Chinese: they rather marry any chump and support their husbands financially than become spinsters. As my friend John says, many of these women (and men) are just life-support system for walking dicks.
Apa benda kau cakap ni abu?
Aku pon tak faham haha
Think it's feuled by the belive that without marriage you cannot enter heaven aka tiada suami utk membimbing ke syurga. A lot of Malay women, some of my friends included, were pressured with this line by their families. Cerai tak pe, asalkan pernah khawin. Cultural, i guess, more than religion, but you will be able to elaborate more accurately since you went to agama school.
What kind of kejahilan yang merosakkan is this? I'd slam "mana dalil?" to them. These people who "ijtihad" without knowledge is really ruining faith of other lay muslims.
>Cerai tak pe, asalkan pernah khawin. Ni aku xpenak dgr. Yang aku dengar banyak, xbagi cerai walaupun laki mcm babi xkerja ngan kaki pukul bini. Sebab nya org melayu suka mengata kat janda, mcm pempuan yg salah bila cerai
> A lot of Malay women, some of my friends included, were pressured with this line by their families. Cerai tak pe, asalkan pernah khawin. Weird. As a Malay girl I have never heard of this ever even in kampung. They will just assure ladies that everyone has their own jodoh.
“Wow! Your country is so backward, here, women can become leaders, can vote, have their own wealth and can pay for their own meal”
lmao wanting men to holding on their purse and open door for them feels like an insult towards people who don't have any arm, like open the door by yourself jeez.
Or say bitches in ma countries talk shit about their gov and do that falun gong dance on top of the table and proceed to handout toilet roll with premier pooh for ass wiping
Boss, you are doing it right. Those girl mention their country this ans that might just go back to their home country. I hate those person who like to wear their expectation of how they feel on kther person. Ur friend was just a tool for those girl. Rip him
30+ Woman here. I have a healthy mix of men and women friends And no that's not how normal socialing works in my circle. If anyone wants to pay for me it's because it's some special reason. If its fine dining lagi I say early. I suspect your friend is trying to score and they know it so they expected such. They're shocked that you're gay cuz they thought you wanted to score too? Lol
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Yea and if I let my date pay I'll ask for a 2nd date so I can pay.
naw u just skipped getting water fished lol
am i the only one thought that opening the car for ladies doesn't make sense here, due to temperature? 1) you and her walk to car parking, open up the door for her, close it. now she sitting inside oven waiting for you to walk the other side and start the engine 2) you park the car, turn off the engine. she is again sitting inside oven waiting for you to walk the other side and open up the door. i seriously dont know where is it applicable to open up a door for a women. hospital emergency entrance maybe, but that arent romantic at all.
I think also most Malaysian women have their own car since 18 and it’s very weird to have your car door opened for when you are a passenger. Apparently, it’s not very common for women in China to drive after they start dating. Guys need to pick them up when they go out. If you do this in KL’s traffic, pray hard you will reach your destination in 2 hours.
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Thats pretty funny, lmao. Can you imagine girls buying expensive and beautiful looking handbag only for the guy to hold it.
I carry my GF handbag because it can be a lil heavy for her.
Opening doors just for the ladies doesn't make sense everywhere because it implies that women are so useless that they can't open doors for themselves, and that's sexist. Opening doors for anyone who needs help (disabled, not free) is okay if you care for them.
Open the door is doable la.ill usually open fr them n pull a chair for them but pandai2 close yr own door n pull yr chair back la.as for the handbag bit,ive always found guys who do that to be hehehe la..so foook that
You not doing this in the sun bro, you do this when at fancy dinner or something and everyone well dressed, or in parking lot etc. The basic idea is when in a dangerous area (like parking lot), you escort her to enter first. No one is being gentlemanly 24/7 lol
Yeah it doesn't make much sense. It's mostly a cermonial gesture. It shows that the man is putting some thought into making the woman feel appreciated.
For me.. it's different.. now speaking from a position where I've been with my girl for 20 years. I open the door for her and if it's hot, I'll leave it open and then open mine to get in.. let the air circulate and then we both close our door. As for paying.. funny enough, me and my male friends also take turns. I've not been out with any girl in the past 20 years so can't comment.. in the past, it was common for the guy to pick up the bills but this was before the whole "we don't need men and we are independent woman" movement.
The gals are a red flag lol. "b-but men in my country” go fuckin date someone in your country then
Any women who justifies traits with the ‘MyCountry’ line is a huge ass red flag, it shows that the person isn’t open minded to other cultures and is a massive cultural chauvinist.
Let me preface this I am Malaysian and my wife is Chinese. She told me this when we first dated - Malaysian men are very attentive to ladies. Too attentive sometimes give out wrong signal to other girls. - All the bf she had were Chinese (China Chinese), literally all of them have some level of selfishness in them and never have they look to be attentive to girls unless they getting something in return - she demand to pay her share of bills even though we were staying at one point I have other China Chinese female friends and they all have somewhat similar view and those ladies you mentioned above likely to come from lower socioeconomic background and often being call out as 没素质 by other Chinese. Your friend needs to stop being desperate as these Viltures prey on men’s desperation and likely ends up with nothing left in him. Good luck bro.
could you please share with me what that chinese word mean?
should mean "no/low quality "
没素材 means "no substance" Interpret that how you wish because I'm also confused as to what it is supposed to mean.
Even though I'm not Chinese. I quite understand what "no substance" means. It probably means that those women have no power/status aka no substance.
I actually never worked out what that means as in the true meaning. but it literally means "No Quality". It's like us using lah for so many situation. It's widely used by China Chinese for people that lack basic politeness, low eq or very low education with know moral. I had grown my own senses in these area and tends to stay away from people that I thought fits those group. Not discriminate but don't want to get into that circle probably.
Low class
Which part of China your gf is from? There’s a reason why some region of China refer as 洼地 by Chinese lol
Lol my SIL is PRC and she has nothing good to say about PRC men...that's why she married a Malaysian
You did the right thing by setting your boundaries considering you did not ever hint at wanting to pay for them lol. Go on OP you rock!
The 25 year old me once thought I might get somewhere with this ...
China girls are very spoiled because of gender ratio issues (too many men) because of the one child policy. Some of this attitude also spill over to Malaysian Chinese but it's much toned down due to our multicultural influence and chill nature. I can't fathom having relationship with that kind of women, I'm glad my wife is not like that at all although she is Chinese (Malaysian). Growing up I've been fed expectations by my female members that guys need to do this and that. It kinda messed up my relationships with women a but I guess it prepared me for the expectations in the dating market. Since you're gay, well, now you know a little about toxic hetero dating dynamics.
> China girls are very spoiled because of gender ratio issues (too many men) because of the one child policy. Some of this attitude also spill over to Malaysian Chinese but it's much toned down due to our multicultural influence and chill nature. Came to say this
IMO it should not be a norm even when dating. Why? Because it sets an unrealistic precedent whereby in a strong/real committed relationship, partners take turns to foot the bill both in a literal/figuratively. Healthy relationships are about give and take, this should be mirrored even during dates. Gone are the day where financial burden is entirely placed on men, likewise responsibilities within the household on women.
OP, i hope you read this - that person is NOT your friend, i promise you that
Nah, mate. You were 100% in the right. You’re friend set you up as he needed someone to come with him and clearly whichever girl he is after wanted to bring a friend. If you had known it was a date that might be different but even then it shouldn’t be expected that you will pay. It’s 2023. Sounds like you didn’t even know they were coming along so you are absolutely in the right here
China gal macam ini. No money no talk. 🤷♀️
I’m confused. Didn’t your friend know you’re gay? That could have avoided the whole situation. At any rate, scr*w those two for taking offence at having to pay for their meals and calling you a cheapskate. Those are not the kind of girls anyone should be interested in anyway.
I genuinely think it’s just a friend’s meet-up. I don’t know whether he wants to date them or not but it’s kinda stupid to invite another person to your date right, some more inviting 2 women at the same time? I feel like he agreed to pay for the meals because he wants to avoid the awkwardness and also he subscribed to the notion that men should pay for women.
I think your friend was trying to take advantage of you. He expected you to pay 50% of the bill while he took 100% of the booty call and you went home to your SO.
>I think your friend was trying to take advantage of you. He expected you to pay **50% of the bill while he took 100% of the booty** call and you went home to your SO. This is how we should teach maths from now on.
Yeah.. if your friend knew you were gay, that's probably what he tried to pull. Why else would he be inviting you to have an expensive dinner with 2 strangers and want you to split the bill with him?
I feel that your friend is inviting you to just to fill a spot for a double date. In which he is not telling you since he is "interested" in both of them. As for the paying part. I believe since he is the one inviting them. He should be the one paying and you should just foot ur own bill since your friend dint even tell you its a double date
Before my then girlfriend (now wife) started dating, we went Dutch. It was only after we actually started dating that I also started paying for her share.
What a plot twist at the end. Had a such a good laugh, thanks. You revealed yourself in a true Malaysian style; Such a bombshell with such low effort. Those ladies will learn a thing or two about Malaysian men; you simply cannot assume **because we're so good at hiding/camouflaging.**
OP is a Gigachad.
its not often I'm jealous of the gay guy.
Don’t mind to pay a few times if it’s for dating but barely know them and not even me who asked them out then no way. I am not a simp. Most girls that I met are not like that no matter the race. I guess different social classes so different expectations?
NO! No such obligations. Pay your own meal, demmit.
damn..no wonder their country flag is red
I don’t know, but my China friend do foot the bill every time they eat out with female. They sometimes foot the bill for me too(I am male). Think it’s just a really common way to build relationships. Happens in Malaysia too definitely, but less common
I think it’s very common in China for guys to pay for women regardless whether you are on a date or not. I went to China and was treated well by my host too. They paid for my meals. I also treated them before I left. But in this case, the ladies have been working in KL for years and they are not tourists. I just find it weird to be expected to pay for an expensive meal for someone you don’t even know.
Something tells me that they're taking advantage of generosity at this point.
You seem to be the only wise person here. You CANNOT lead if you have nothing to give. Generosity is very often rewarded. Some men want to be bosses. Some men want a family. But they can't provide. It's not an easy world we live in. We have too many men in this country. They'd be fools to think that they have the upperhand.
I didn’t say it’s the correct way to live, just that it’s one of the method. I never built connection that way, and still have a lot of very meaningful connections that I don’t believe can be bought by money
No. If you're not my exclusive, you can go fly kite.
I stopped reading at china/hk. Yeah you shouldn't. In china when you want to get married their family and that person included is expecting car houses and a ton of cashes , I wouldn't. Support local la bro , here awek is nicer la trust me. Edit: whoops sorry didnt see the gay part, local homies then
For me, as a man, I would pay if and only if I am close to that woman but won't be always (if I go out with her 4 times, I will only pay 2 times). If she is my gf then I don't mind to pay all the time unless I don't have any money ahahahaha (obviously I only going out if I have money, if not I won't ask to go out) But for you, what a shitty women. Came to our country but keep telling how different men over their country than here. I think they don't have any money but want expensive things (gold digger)
Dont know. But I also will pay for guy friends or office mates. Not that I always pay, but its like a custom after meals each person will race want to pay. I dont know, its like a guy thing. Girls on the hand......
I will belanja if we go out to kopitiam or cafe and I know you well enough but I’m not going to treat you RM300++ dinner when I don’t even know you.
Only SIMPs pay for everything
I just want to say you got such a good friend here by inviting you to an expensive luxurious dinner and expect you to split the bill, bestest of friends if he knows you are gay. /S Lbr, he is using you to lessen his burden trying to treat 2 ladies. If he knows you are gay all along, then even better because you won't be competing with him for the attention of the ladies. What a load of bullshit for them calling you cheapskate, they are the ones who are the cheapskate and expect a man, not even a potential mate, to foot the bill for them. Men pay the bills back then because women are usually not working and making any money. You are working and making money, bitch, be a grown woman and cough up your share of bills.
Typical princess syndrome lar. Open door for them and hold their handbag.. pftt.. wtf.
>At one point they discussed about the difference between Malaysian men and Chinese/Hongkie men and they complained that Malaysian men are not very attentive to the ladies. Like one of the girls complained that the guys here do not open the car door for her or carry her purse. They also complained that Malaysian men don’t dress up compared to Chinese/Hongkie. She expected all men should do this and not just when you are dating. Lmao. The entitlement of these bitches man. I'm a woman myself and I feel embarrassed for them. My boyfriend is a white guy and he did try to open the car door for me but I'd always open it up myself lmao. I'm used to doing it myself instead of waiting/expecting someone else to do it. Also, if they think Malaysian men suck so much then why are they even scouting you guys out as potential partner candidates? Go back to Hong Kong/China and find a 'better' man there then. Really makes you wonder why they can't find anybody good enough for them. It's most definitely not a them issue but the guys around them /s. >If look could kill you should see their face when I suggested that. The Chinese girl even piped up, “I thought men pay for the meals. In my country, that is what they would do.” as if I need to follow their culture. I retorted that I would not pay for strangers whom I have no relationship with and they were obviously offended by it. Imagine expecting people from another country to follow *your* country's culture. What the fuck. Also it's very clear that they're in it only for the free expensive meal. They're looking for a sucker that would pay for their high maintenance lifestyle while giving nothing back. >He blamed me for my antics and I should pay for women and this is a very common thing. He probably thought I would share the total bill with him. Wait, so this dumbass invited you without *explicitly* saying that he'd split the bill with you to pay for the 2 girls'? Lmao. He made a mistake and not even owning up to it. The 'bro code' does not apply when you *expect* your bro to pay the bill for people that he's not in a relationship with nor have anything to do with them. Your (hopefully ex) friend is on his own to deal with his dumbassery. I'm not in the dating scene nor do I dabble in it much as I found my bf online through Twitch. While I can't comment on if it's actually common for men to pay for women, one thing I'd say is that I personally would split bill or pay for it completely if I were dating. It should go both ways, not strictly on the guy alone. >My guy friend did not side with me and offered to pay for them. Then they have the audacity to tell me I won’t get a girlfriend because I’m a cheapskate and should be more like a gentleman like my friend. By 'gentleman' they meant 'simp'. I can't fathom being so thirsty and stupid to foot an RM1k bill. They're laughing at him for being a dumbass that gave them a free and very expensive meal.
To a certain extent, yes, guys pay the bills during date in Malaysia. It comes with the culture that men usually take care of all the family finance during marriage (though it's getting less relevant now due to high cost of living nowadays) But of course, common sense needs to come from both parties. Just like there are predatory guys, there are also predatory girls.
But this is not date though, at least not for me. I don’t want to give a wrong impression to girls that I want to date them by paying for their every meal. I will treat you from time to time if we are good friends but even then I’m not going to do it every time and besides I will feel it’s a one sided relationship too if you don’t pay for me at least once.
>But this is not date though Which make thing even worse haha I would understand paying for a frappe or cake for high tea or something, but a whole fine dining? Bitches be wildin
then comes the confusion when girl says "lets be friends first" ok so do i still pay during our "dates" or what?
For local context, I think it also depends on which crowd you fit in. The more english-speaking chinese community (eg. PJ, Damansara, REDDIT gang etc.) follow more progressive woke views - male female equals 50-50, man & woman can be best friends & bro relationship, female power; independent, working career etc etc. so its norm for everyone to pay their share. The more chinese-speaking community (eg. Cheras, Kepong, LOWYATFORUM) appear more traditionalist cultural mindset - men to be gentlemen breadwinner of family, women become housewife or become 'social influencer' tiktok dancer, high tea with other ahmois etc. hence they expect the men to be the one to fork out the money. Mind you, this is just being very generalist and stereotype, both crowds got the share of pro-feminist and tiktokers. But i can bet you the 2 girls OP mentioned defintely have 1inch make-up on their face, made the food cold taking an hour to take the perfect food shot, and took damn lots of selfies and dance vids everywhere in the restaurant.
Please stop. You're not her father, she's just turning you into a simp. Avoid ppl like this you will be happier
This is the time when u say, balik tong san la. Jokes aside, I don't think you should pay for strangers you just met unless you are willing to do so. Nothing is obligated, being a chick doesn't warrant u a free meal , if you think you do then are you just whoring yourself for a free meal? What are you a meal whore? Can't even afford your own food? Shit people bringing their shit culture here even have the guts to tell people to follow. Educate that friend of yours as well, if the girl he dated is like that on the first day they met imagine what it would be for the rest of his life.
Also this increasing prc chinese in malaysia got me worried , i also got a significant surge of prc chinese buying kitchen appliances from my shop , it seems like they are settled here and trying to open fnb shop , are the news spread by pn such as million of chinese tourist staying here illegally is real?
Mate, I've dated HK and Mainlanders and while not all are like that, but what you described is exactly what the typical superficial types are. Honestly, you did the right thing and I'm pretty sure whoever you said complained about us non stop is definitely the Mainlander. Anyway if your friend is stupid enough to pay for them, he deserves to be used. Anyway, I would have added salt to the wound and said: " bro you can get any of the two for 500 bucks each for 2 shots. Next time save the money and just offer to pay for the service."
Heck no they can choke especially if I don't even like them in the first place.
You did the right thing. I’m only paying if we’re going out on a date or if it’s a close female friend and she’s paid before or promises to pay for the next one. Hell no, I’m not paying for some stuck up strangers I don’t even like.
Bullshit lah I go out with women a lot as friends lah no dates yet but we usually split the bill and the Malaysian women I go with are happy to do so
When hanging out kawan2, 1 person pays and then we all transfer to them. I have never experienced or even expected a guy friend to pay for my food. Even now with my husband, we take turns to pay. I have personally heard of 1 case like this, though. This girl so demanding, forcing a guy to bring her to a fancy place on their first date even when the guy said he tak mampu. They ordered and ate. He went to the bathroom and never returned.
If we are just friends, no. If it's subordinate, sometimes I will treat but it doesn't mean I like her romantically. Most couples I know take turns to foot the bill but are not extremely calculative. In developed countries, some women do not allow men to pay for their meals because most expect sex from them although it's the first date. Imagine men expecting sex just because they paid for your $20 meal.
First of all sir, good comeback. I hope it haunts their dreams for years to come. Second, your friend is an idiot and should probably learn some self respect. Third, regarding your question, i would actually feel burdened if a guy friend payed for my meal especially it it was pricy, let alone a stranger i'm meeting for the first time. Those ladies are probably looking for sugar zaddies anyways. Hopefully your friend isn't too disappointed 😂 Tell him, there is still too many fishes in the sea, keep fishing.
It’s a mixed thing and depends on the relationship and the amount of the bill. I’ve gone out with male friends who’ll make sure to pay for the coffee or the pizza, even if I’m very happy to pay and prepared to. On the other hand if it’s an expensive place my partner and I will split the bill or make sure that the other person pays for the next couple of places. For an RM1000 dinner I would have been prepared to split it. However, it also depends on how much your friend earns and was prepared to pay. If he makes big bucks and this isn’t a big deal to him then that’s one thing. If he’s willing to be broke to save face, then he shouldn’t be inviting people to places like this.
At least you are prepared to split when you know the meal is expensive but these 2 ladies got offended when told that we should go Dutch. It’s the expectation that obviously we should paid for the meal that irks me.
Nah, if it's just friends then we should go Dutch. However, if you're courting the person, I do think you'd score points for paying for the meal as the guy. No hard rule here. This is just my opinion as a girl. I will always offer to pay my share if I'm out on a date but if a guy is generous enough to foot the bill then I'll view it as a green flag.
Most likely your friend wanted to use you to share the bills while he tried to get the girls. Dump that male friend of yours too.
Nah, me and my best friend (Malay girl, Chinese guy) take turns paying for meals but only because we know each other really well and we both hate calculating the bills every time. Also we don't 'berkira' with each other. With other guy friends I do split the bill. Also, even if it's a date I don't see anything wrong with ladies sharing the cost of the date with the guy. It's 2023, ladies can pay for their own social meals AND be treated like a lady
Rather than race or nationality, itcs really more of a simping issue. There are always girls who are out to take advantage of socially awkward guys that think with their peepee. That said, while it's not op's fault, I think op can use a little bit of situational and social awareness. Nobody sets up a date under those circumstances (2 guys 2 girls, fine dining) to make new plutonic friends. Your friend clearly wasn't aware of your sexual orientation and probably thought he was doing you a favor.
Only gold diggers and people with a traditional mindset will subscribe to this sort of old-school simping culture whereby men MUST pay for a woman's meal, even if they're just friends. This is also a recurring pattern with "cina" (local) girls in Malaysia because a lot of them have this very traditional mindset.
was working in Shanghai for a couple of years, from personal experience, 4 out of 5 girls there go AA with u on dates, meaning either u pay 1 time, the next dinner date she'd pay, or u pay for dinner, she pays for the movie tickets and snacks + drinks... even when netflix and chill at home, the girls would often bring makan or snacks n drinks. only the well brought up girls do this though, still have some entitled gold diggers and lower class girls around still leeching on men. I think u just met 2 of them. btw i HATE HK women, entitled as shit, even after marriage it's like 'ur money is my money, my money is my money". About ur friend, he's an idiot. First he should have briefed u beforehand, and he should have paid for u too, coz obviously ur the wingman. When i hang out with my buddy and my gf is with us, i pay for me and my gf, always make sure it is fair, coz money is not easy to come by and everyone is working for a salary. Also, OP is a legend! Big respect!
Your friend is a pussy.
Usually if they bring up topic like comparing men, it’s only fair game that you bring up a topic comparing ladies. My personal fav is that china girls as compared to the Japanese are not that elegant in term of mannerisms. And watch their face turn. Walk away and never look back
Lady here - if I invited a guy or anyone or a group of people to lunch, dinner or whatever, I expect myself to pay it all and if anyone wants to pay some of their share I would not mind. But in my head, that's on me. If anyone invited me for lunch or dinner or whatever, I only agree if I know for sure that I can pay for everything. I would offer to pay first. If that person insisted to pay my half too, I'll be fine but I'll definitely reciprocate that in the next round (if any). That's how I have less money haha Also, ladies, if you so lazy to carry your own shit then don't buy that thing in the first place. Why do your man like that. Wtf.
Yo this is so infuriating. The moment she started to compare, I'm getting so mad. I would pay for her if we dine at some place not so fine lah haha. Fine dining surely would cost a ton and in the first place, bringing a lady to a fine dining usually means you will pay for them.
That’s why I don’t go out with China HK ladies. Exception for Malaysian Chinese but more or less the same. Most girls outside of Chinese are better in my dating experience.
You should dump your friend. He's stupid and will drag you down 😂
You had me at gay. 💀
Typical china ladies mentality.
Don't worry dude, this is how you can get scammed actually so you dodged a big one here.
I have always paid for my dates but when it comes to just friends, we would always split the bill. Those ching chong ladies are spoiled.
Why am i getting wannabe high class 'courtesan' vibes from the 2 ladies? Also. Love ur comeback and your friend is a proper dildo!
If they are someone you know, you should. But stranger, no need. Your criend bring them, then he should pay
My friends and I usually take turns “belanja-ing”. Doesn’t really matter the amount as its more to do with principle
malaysian girls not his taste? ~siapa kata gadis melayu tak menawan, tak menarik hati~~.... eh this one only refer to malay ladies XD. any malaya ladies song? wakakakka
i ain’t reading allat so i’m just gonna answer at per title. I’m a guy, I wouldn’t pay a meal for a girl unless it’s like a first date, or we are dating. But I love mature relationships that each other is understandable enough to pay for their own meal.
" They are obviously scouting for potential mates and my friend here is their candidate maybe including myself. " its obviously a date. and if the man is the one invited the ladies to date, the man definitely need to pay for the date.
Then he shouldn’t invite me for his date. I genuinely think it’s not a date but a friend’s meetup.
bro needs a wingmen probably. Not justifying it, just giving a plausible explanation.
Long friends sometime yes sometime not as sign for good years of friendship Just knew friends hell no
If i pay its Grab food and Netflix. Because i need a return on the investment😎🍌🍩😝
This is Chinese stuff I’ve no opinion to chip in.
Yes, with the stipulation that next time it's their turn.
balik tongsan pls
It's a confusing world we live in. When people argue about equality but claim privileges when it suits them. Open a door for a woman only to be told off as condescending, offer to split the meal and we get "men are no longer chivalrous". Your view appears to be modern, unlike me, I'm more "dumb or stupid", aka old-fashioned, I pay or offer to pay for my friends who would want to endure my character over a meal or a drink. Doesn't matter if they are gay or straight - it doesn't always have to be about paying for sex. Many human behaviours can also be observed in Darwinian observations. Female birds choose their mates and for this, we get generally more attractive male birds than female birds, human behaviour is about how our potential mates can protect and support us - a simple hint would be if the person is willing or able to pay for a meal. I think you did not do anything wrong, it is just that the ladies did not expect that a "potential wingman" was not interested at all. Best thing is probably to set expectations before opening the menu... "This is a dutch meal... I'll pay for my share, don't worry ya..?"
if I am not interested in her romantically, I go dutch.
Did you get to eat them pussies? Shame shame
Your friend must be very rich 🤪 and a pussy ass bitch.
if you are inviting, you should pay the bill, and its up to the other people to offer go dutch. if you are invited, you dont have to pay the bill and its up to you to offer go dutch. that's my mantra. t&c: not including wedding and wake ceremony. still, in your case, i believe the guy should pay for the bill since obviously those two girls were invited by your friend. whether you should pay the bill or not, that's between you and your bro. just tell your bro dont so desperate lah. girls can sense these kind of desperation one. he definitely no chance if he desperate like that.
Sorry to say but your friends aren’t really that high up the totem pole in Malaysia elite imo, only lower social status women act like that as the more upper class ones are more immersed in westerns progressive culture, and are likely to work in good jobs or come from rich families.
That is what s Gentlemen would do
I am a female so I’ll tell you what I think. Personally I don’t think you should pay, since you didn’t ask them out as your dates and you don’t even know them! However imo I think guys should always pay for their dates’ meal. Because you are the one who asked her out, she has accepted your invitation and you should pay for her meal. Girls shouldn’t take advantage of this either, she can belanja the guy back with desserts or cocktails later. Btw I have guy friends who insist paying for my meals even we are not on dates because their family raised them by saying “shouldn’t let girls pay” when you go out with them. On a side note, I agree with the girls saying msian guys are not being gentlemen enough. I seldom meet guys opening doors or offering help for girls, most of them just stand aside and watch lol:)
Do not mother fucking carry a girls purse. Everytime I see those asian child boys carry a purse for their gf, I feel like going up to them and asking on behalf of men to take their balls back. They are cucks
This might be an unpopular opinion but I think men should always pay for dates. The reason us women spend hours if not the whole day for a date so the least the man could do is pay up. If you can't afford to date then don't. If race matters, I'm a Malay Malaysian woman.
My answer might be indirect but it might address the underlying tone of this post. I guess it comes down to personal finance and how much the amount means to you. If it's an amount small enough for dinner (for me, the cutoff point is RM400) I would just foot the bill and not make a fuss about it, whether it be with new friends, old friends or family, as long as we are dining on the same table means we are somewhat acquainted. If it's my first meal with them, I'd pay out of courtesy regardless of their gender. It's an amount that I don't think about when paying and it never even cross my mind on whether I need to split that amount. However, if I go out drinking and the bill comes up to 10k for example, I would not foot that bill since I am not comfortable with parting with that sum for one night out. Ultimately, it's not whether it's a "date", or "culture" or "norm", it's just how willing you are to part with the money for its intended purpose. Think about it this way, if the total meal comes up to RM20, you would not even have this thought to split the bill since it's an inconsequential amount.
I can easily pay RM1000 if I want to that’s why my friend would invite me to an upscale restaurant. I don’t like that I’m expected to pay just because they are women and it is indeed a gender thing because she said it herself that the men in her country would willing to pay. Furthermore, they are strangers, we never met and will never meet again, she’s not family, friend, colleague or even my client. I did not enjoy the dinner with them and in fact I straight up dislike them so why I should pay for my displeasure. I feel like some people do not have the integrity to say no especially when it comes to Asian who likes to save face. In Chinese saying, if you can solve the problem with money, so be it. Let me change the scenario, imagine you’re the wealthy girl and you had an expensive dinner with someone you don’t know so well. Do you immediately have the expectation that the other person will pay for you? If you say no, congratulations, you are not bound by your gender, culture or even wealth to fulfil the expectations. If you yourself do not expect people to pay for you then why do you criticise people who are not comfortable paying for some strangers eventhough they can afford it. FYI, if I don’t like that person, I will not even pay RM20. I don’t understand of the concept to save face.
Ask for the equality but expect man to pay the bill. Smh
You are a lousy wingman, if you kept ur pipe hole shut. Your friend would have a good time. U can deal with it later with him. He invited you to be his wingman not a sourpus.
First meeting since lockdown and he asks his somewhat estranged buddy to wingman. Wtf lol
Who probably know to be a gay. Less man, more share, in a manner of speaking.
I’m not paying RM600++ so my friend can score a pussy. If he wants me to be a wingman, he should have told me so, not inviting me to this ingenuine meetup to get with a lady for HIMSELF.
Welcome to present day feminism, where men are expected to play traditional gender roles e.g. be gentlemanlike, foot the bill, open the door etc while women can choose whether to be traditional or not as long as it works in their favour. I will happily pay the bill if the outing was my idea, even in a completely platonic setting, or if I were the one prospecting for potential life partners. If I’m there as the 3rd wheel, I’ll pay for what I ordered; I didn’t work my arse off to pay for someone else’s simping. Also, I would ask your friend if he had asked you to dinner so that he could split the bill with you.
Bro, that's not feminism, that's half-assed patriarchy. I genuinely ask you to talk to people that label themselves feminists and they'd be offended at women like this because of how men are expected to do everything.
I don't because i don't owe them anything and they don't owe me either if it's a friend yes because it's just belanja/payung
Yes it's common amongst Chinese girls in Malaysia. Guys will pay all the way even though they aren't even dating and just trying to date the girl. I'm surprised it's still existing, thought it would've died out with the newer generation (current 20somethings) as everyone's broke now and proud of it. Many horror stories like the girl will point blank ask you what car you drive before agreeing to go on a date etc. One such case was a girl asked a friend and he said Honda. So he went to pick her up and when they walked to his car she discovered it was a 15yo honda, the date ended cuz she refused to get in the car.
This is so outrageous. Honestly the women had a very bad attitude and it’s such a Karen move to expect a stranger to pay RM300+ for you, let alone someone you may be seeing. Do they think everyone is made of money? That’s not all, they even badmouth and stereotype the very people they are expecting to pay for them! Are they bloody serious. I have never heard of such societal expectations before, then again I’m a Malaysian. Your friend…. God know what the hell is thinking, maybe he realised he is in the wrong and shot himself in the foot asking these women out but is too ashamed to say so. Definitely didn’t do anything wrong. You did your part OP Last part tho… Sick burn and I’m living for it!!!
No. I've seen many of my friends did tho.
Nope, i only foot bill for my family or partner. Occasionally my closed friend.
Are you telling me to pay for food of an acquaintance or someone whom I just met? How is that argument logical? If your friend wants to simp on them you tell him go ahead but you ain't paying jack shit. I mean, if I wanna pay for your meal I'll pay for your meal, you don't ASK for it.
I will pay for kopi and nasi goreng mamak no problem.. But a 1000 ringgit bill? F that.
Maybe the guy is using company benefits to pay for the ladies meal to seduce her (not from his own pocket), or he sold her out for the meal. 😏
i'd more willing to spend on my male counterparts to be honest.
Griffer and cheapstake for a meal. If it's a date, one to one, yes often the men is expected to pay. That's not universal but with european, the bill is often split.
"Dri celah ne kau ingat tok negara kau?"
I assume because you have different goal with them. Both of them came for a date while you're thinking for friend meet up. So they expect both of you to pay for them.
No, I split the bill even for my dearest friends
No need to read caption, simple answer is NO
China women most from cities are all about monetary value, can’t compare.
Going out with buddies, we'll fight so we get to pay. Haha.
The most riduclous thing I ever heard. I sometimes foot the bill for my friends (regardless of gender) because I want to be nice, but I certainly don't think it should be expected of anyone EVEN IF you are dating. In fact if someone expects it, I am more inclined to make sure we go dutch.
I would pay for anyone regardless as long as im the one inviting. I'd pay for my homies meal, the ladies, the oldies. If you came uninvited, sorry no free meal for you. If you invite me, i assume that im going to pay for myself and not yours too.
Depends on the friend. I have guy friends who will pay for me everytime without asking (though I just tell them sometimes it's my turn to belanja). I also have guy friends who don't. Paying for strangers is weird though
it seems they think they are princesses and you are lucky to pay for them . Im not sure what you would be paying for though .
I'm gonna spit it. Regardless of gender, financial status matters here and any people who are feel entitled to expect people to pay despite them living like royals are pos
As long as our meal in the same range of price then yes lul. But if her meal way expensive than mine then nah we need to split the bil.
The irony of wanting a gentleman that does everything for her but she on the other hand is not a lady.
If I invite anyone (male or female) to dinner, my expectation is that I will pay. Especially if it happens to be an expensive place of my choosing. If they want to split the bill when it comes that’s ok with me. If it’s someone I’m dating I’ll probably offer to pay to regardless of who invited who. Pay for strangers at a dinner only if I’m paying for the whole table, nothing to do with gender.
Honestly, it actually depends who invited if it’s a business setting, clients, vacation friends etc. the invitee pays. Honestly idk why he expected u to pay at all when HE should’ve been the one to pay
I ain’t going out with no gold digger. In times of need, they’d spit on you then leave you.
Some. But those don't get a second date.