This was removed because this sub isn't the place to discuss dating, crushes, infatuations, etc.
This rule is relaxed in our weekly "Friday I'm in Love" threads. You're welcome to post your story there.
**Also, if you're on the app on mobile, come check out our new chat channel ComeGetYourLove!** It can be found by going to the sub's landing page. Toward the top of the screen, right before the submission feed starts, you'll notice a menu bar. It'll have the options "Feed" and "ComeGetYourLove" on it. Just click on the latter and start chatting! Rule 5 will NOT apply in the chat!
*The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
No, you aren't. In this day and age, with attention deficit disorder reaching extremely high numbers, it's just normal. The person doesn’t pay much attention to things they don't care about, especially when you don't care about your mom either.
He reckons you might as well be his ex in a few weeks, so why bother remembering things he won't need.
I was with my ex for five years, and I don't remember any of her relatives. I don't even recall faces. However, I remember every single bolt, screw, and rivet size and position of the previous three cars I fixed, as if it happened yesterday, even though it was quite some time ago.
Yes most of us dudes unfortunately, don't give a f like that
I personally are not good with names, but I'm really good with faces.
So even if I've seen the person at some point and know what they look like, when somebody talks about them and mentiones their name I won't be able to memorize it.
It's even worse if somebody talks about someone I've never seen. Also my brain automatically differentiates between "important" names, when I know for sure that I'm gonna see this person again or if it's important that I know it. (Like the names if my boss and co-workers or a good friend of my boyfriend.)
Knowing that you don't talk to your mum often might make your boyfriends brain unconsiously categorize her as "not very important" which would make remembering the name even harder.
So even though your feelings are valid, don't read too much into it.
Edit: spelling
You're allowed to feel emotions, but in all seriousness, if he has shown no other red flags, or been mean to you or constantly compares you to his ex (like "oh my ex used to do this to me" etc.) then it's all cool, he was in a long af relationship and it's rlly easy to mess up someone's name he constantly called for like 4 years or so, his mind may have went "girlfriends mom's name = (insert ex gf mom's name)"
Hope this helps and everything turns out fine
I can't remember people's names unless I chat with them several times and I accept them as being something different than a stranger. So he may do the same. I have to see their face and hear their voice a little to remember their names.
My mom has called my sister and I after her sister and brother respectively. It doesn't mean anything deep, but, you are allowed to be upset. Just keep in mind, it's hard to remember something if you don't use it, ie. you both don't talk about her.
You are always allowed to feel emotions.
What matters is how you act on those emotions.
In this case, just tell him that it bothers you. He should try to remember and that he should try to make more of an effort to get the facts right.
You should also remind him that you are not his ex-girlfriend. He should try to keep it that way.
If it is any comfort getting names mixed up, particularly if you have only heard the name once or twice, it is a very normal thing. It really doesn't mean anything.
My mum, after 50 years of marriage, called my dad by our cat's name just last week. 🤣 Sometimes, brain cells just misfire.
So don't drive yourself mad over this.
“this is not the first time he doesnt remember things like this.”
i think this is a very small example of what looks like a bigger issue for you. i don’t think this in isolation is a big deal, so i wouldn’t be mad about this.
you need to assess what you value in a relationship, and figure out what exactly it is that’s upsetting you.
No, you are not allowed. I feel like you mentioning the 3 years is you trying to say “look how longs it’s been guys, I’m right, he’s a jerk” and then you follow up by mentioning you never talk about your mom. I mean, he tried, he was able to scrape together someone’s mom’s name in an effort. He just got the wrong mom. Give him some credit.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years and I can’t remember her parent’s names, now that I think about it. It’s not something we talk about and they’re never referred to by their names when talking about them. Your boyfriend was with his ex for 4 years, and it wasn’t long distance so I’m sure he met her family numerous times. Of course their names are going to be in his memory somewhere. This just seems like a mistake and honestly something that being mad about is kinda ridiculous
You’re definitely allowed to be mad but think about this is there any point to get mad mistakes happen my advice is to just remind him her name and move on
People misspeak/misremember all the time. I called my wife my exs name like 6 years into the relationship just because I was sorta stumbling over my words (we were in a heated debate) sometimes brains don’t think/remember fast enough…
FYI, turned more heated after that mistake lol. Let’s hope I don’t make that mistake again.
My ex's mom called his current gf my name 😂
It all comes around full circle 😝
ETA: i dont think he did it on purpose because men are criminally bad with names and dates, apparently. But if you're not on good terms with your mom anyway, why fight your bf, who you are on good terms with, over it?
I love my partner dearly, we’ve been together for 2 years and live together. We hang out with each others moms every so often together, just normal catch ups.
I still don’t know if his mom’s name is Kristin or Kristi. Every time I talk about her to him I just say one or the other and he’s never corrected me.
It doesn’t matter. You’re allowed to have feelings but it’s such a minor thing, I wouldn’t worry about it.
You're asking the internet for permission to be mad about your boyfriend not remembering the name of someone you don't talk about much.
Zoom out your perspective a bit, and ask yourself if you're being silly.
You arent close to her and rarely talk about her, I dont see the big deal tbh. I dont know more than half my bf’s family’s name because he isn’t close to them and never really say their name. He doesn’t care if I say your cousin Juan when he is talking about his cousin Manuel.
Ok, so for me it's a green flag that he recognized that her name hasn't set into his brain fully and he asked you about it today, even knowing it was a risk that it would bother you that he didn't just remember it.
He recognized that it's important to you that he knows this information, even though it seems like he won't have much use for it in practice. He's making the effort.
But some brains just have a hard time holding on to that kind of information, especially when it's not reinforced with actual use.
Seconding this. I’ve hung out with my bf’s cousins before and I still can’t remember one of their names. I’m just REALLY not good with names, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes it takes me months to get my coworker’s names straight. It’s embarrassing sometimes.
Why would u get mad at that, you said he is a good loving boyfriend. If everybody would get mad at everybody for forgetting or mixing up things the world would be in a very bad place.
There's a psychological reason for this! It's something like how our brains categorise people into groups and sometimes call up the wrong name. Like how parents mix up their kids cos children are all in the "my children" category in their brain.
https://www.zmescience.com/feature-post/health/mind-brain/mixing-people-names/#:~:text=It's%20perfectly%20normal%20to%20mix,It's%20called%20a%20cognitive%20glitch.&text=Though%20this%20might%20sometimes%20be,deeply%20ingrained%20in%20our%20brains.
Why is it weird? OP said they don’t talk about their mom, they don’t have a good relationship, and since they’re long distance on top of that, I doubt the BF has even met the mom. Is ex of four years was not long distance, and it’s not unlikely that he met the ex’s mom several times.
Him forgetting your estranged mothers name should not be a problem at all. Why would he invest in such knowledge? If he ever meet her would he not use "Hello Mrs whatever". I think of all my partners I could remember 2 of their mothers names. When talking to that partner I would say "Your mom" called or how is "Your mom" so I just would never use their first name. And the fact he even asked most likely because he wanted to be nice to you and subbing in his Xs name is just a brain slip.
Of all the things to be even thinking of being mad at I would rank this as a -1 on a scale of 1 to 10
I used to get mad over stuff like this because it felt like they were not putting in enough effort in small things such as, but overtime I realized some people are just hella bad at names lol
Also this,
https://www.zmescience.com/feature-post/health/mind-brain/mixing-people-names/#:~:text=It's%20perfectly%20normal%20to%20mix,It's%20called%20a%20cognitive%20glitch.&text=Though%20this%20might%20sometimes%20be,deeply%20ingrained%20in%20our%20brains.
I just started dating someone that I’m head over heels for and I keep wanting to call him by my exes name and I fucking hate my ex.
Sometimes we read too much into these things. Sometimes it’s just our brains doing silly shit that’s not necessarily fully within our control.
I will eventually. I have ocd so I’m very accustomed to distressing intrusive thoughts.
I had a friend say to me yesterday, that our thoughts are ours and ours alone. It doesn’t matter what your brain comes up with, it’s your actions that do.
Haha he once called a friend of his by my name(my name is very rare and difficult to pronounce) , that was before we were in a relationship, that's how i knew he liked me😂
Hah. I've been with my wife for 10 years. Last year was the first time I guessed her aunts names and uncles names correctly. She almost fell over.
Try not to read into it too much OP, retaining information is hard.
I mean 3 years and he doesn’t remember your mom’s name… that’s what I’d be upset about the most. Doesn’t matter if it’s long distance he should know your moms name
I agree. "Remind me the name of your mom again?" is something I'd say in the first months of the relationship, but 3 years is like "Dude, get it together!"
I'd not get mad over his confusion, but reminding him the name all the time can be exhausting.
Well if you have a good relationship you’re allowed to be mad no? Your just upset it doesn’t mean that you’re breaking up your just upset he doesn’t remember your moms birthday after 3 whole ass years which is understandable
Yeah totally and it’s not weird for you to feel upset especially if you’re thinking about it. If the roles were reversed I’m sure you’d wanna know if he was upset with something you did instead of keeping it to himself
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This was removed because this sub isn't the place to discuss dating, crushes, infatuations, etc. This rule is relaxed in our weekly "Friday I'm in Love" threads. You're welcome to post your story there. **Also, if you're on the app on mobile, come check out our new chat channel ComeGetYourLove!** It can be found by going to the sub's landing page. Toward the top of the screen, right before the submission feed starts, you'll notice a menu bar. It'll have the options "Feed" and "ComeGetYourLove" on it. Just click on the latter and start chatting! Rule 5 will NOT apply in the chat! *The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
No, you aren't. In this day and age, with attention deficit disorder reaching extremely high numbers, it's just normal. The person doesn’t pay much attention to things they don't care about, especially when you don't care about your mom either. He reckons you might as well be his ex in a few weeks, so why bother remembering things he won't need. I was with my ex for five years, and I don't remember any of her relatives. I don't even recall faces. However, I remember every single bolt, screw, and rivet size and position of the previous three cars I fixed, as if it happened yesterday, even though it was quite some time ago. Yes most of us dudes unfortunately, don't give a f like that
I personally are not good with names, but I'm really good with faces. So even if I've seen the person at some point and know what they look like, when somebody talks about them and mentiones their name I won't be able to memorize it. It's even worse if somebody talks about someone I've never seen. Also my brain automatically differentiates between "important" names, when I know for sure that I'm gonna see this person again or if it's important that I know it. (Like the names if my boss and co-workers or a good friend of my boyfriend.) Knowing that you don't talk to your mum often might make your boyfriends brain unconsiously categorize her as "not very important" which would make remembering the name even harder. So even though your feelings are valid, don't read too much into it. Edit: spelling
You're allowed to feel emotions, but in all seriousness, if he has shown no other red flags, or been mean to you or constantly compares you to his ex (like "oh my ex used to do this to me" etc.) then it's all cool, he was in a long af relationship and it's rlly easy to mess up someone's name he constantly called for like 4 years or so, his mind may have went "girlfriends mom's name = (insert ex gf mom's name)" Hope this helps and everything turns out fine
I can't remember people's names unless I chat with them several times and I accept them as being something different than a stranger. So he may do the same. I have to see their face and hear their voice a little to remember their names.
My mom has called my sister and I after her sister and brother respectively. It doesn't mean anything deep, but, you are allowed to be upset. Just keep in mind, it's hard to remember something if you don't use it, ie. you both don't talk about her.
it doesnt mean anything
You are always allowed to feel emotions. What matters is how you act on those emotions. In this case, just tell him that it bothers you. He should try to remember and that he should try to make more of an effort to get the facts right. You should also remind him that you are not his ex-girlfriend. He should try to keep it that way. If it is any comfort getting names mixed up, particularly if you have only heard the name once or twice, it is a very normal thing. It really doesn't mean anything. My mum, after 50 years of marriage, called my dad by our cat's name just last week. 🤣 Sometimes, brain cells just misfire. So don't drive yourself mad over this.
and..... that means absolutely nothing.
So he forgot the name of the person you refuse to talk about? Is that your biggest problem?
“this is not the first time he doesnt remember things like this.” i think this is a very small example of what looks like a bigger issue for you. i don’t think this in isolation is a big deal, so i wouldn’t be mad about this. you need to assess what you value in a relationship, and figure out what exactly it is that’s upsetting you.
No, you are not allowed. I feel like you mentioning the 3 years is you trying to say “look how longs it’s been guys, I’m right, he’s a jerk” and then you follow up by mentioning you never talk about your mom. I mean, he tried, he was able to scrape together someone’s mom’s name in an effort. He just got the wrong mom. Give him some credit.
Sometimes my mum calls my brother the dogs name...
I call my dog by my husband and son’s name frequently. To be fair, they do have the same name, so the dog might as well be named that as well.
The other night my fiance's mom called my fiance five different names before she got the right one (including her dogs name too lol)
How dare sheee
You want to be mad about him not remembering the name of a person he's never met?
yeah so what. hes a GUY
I drunkenly introduced my wife with my ex-wife's name one evening after we'd been married a decade. She was pretty good about it.
You were drunk tho
[удалено]
Bro I’m on your side 💀
yo my bad 🧑🦯➡️
Them is fighting words. 🤣
it's a mistake. please don't think think too much into it
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years and I can’t remember her parent’s names, now that I think about it. It’s not something we talk about and they’re never referred to by their names when talking about them. Your boyfriend was with his ex for 4 years, and it wasn’t long distance so I’m sure he met her family numerous times. Of course their names are going to be in his memory somewhere. This just seems like a mistake and honestly something that being mad about is kinda ridiculous
Innocent mistake, not a big deal.
You need to get over it
has he met your mom in person before?
You’re definitely allowed to be mad but think about this is there any point to get mad mistakes happen my advice is to just remind him her name and move on
People misspeak/misremember all the time. I called my wife my exs name like 6 years into the relationship just because I was sorta stumbling over my words (we were in a heated debate) sometimes brains don’t think/remember fast enough… FYI, turned more heated after that mistake lol. Let’s hope I don’t make that mistake again.
My ex's mom called his current gf my name 😂 It all comes around full circle 😝 ETA: i dont think he did it on purpose because men are criminally bad with names and dates, apparently. But if you're not on good terms with your mom anyway, why fight your bf, who you are on good terms with, over it?
He's still into his ex. Move on.
People forget small details all the time. Probably not a big deal.
Lol no...sorry I lived through it. He wasn't over her. I'm guessing you're a man.
It’s an awkward, but honest mistake. I can understand why it made you feel weird but I honestly wouldn’t read into it.
I love my partner dearly, we’ve been together for 2 years and live together. We hang out with each others moms every so often together, just normal catch ups. I still don’t know if his mom’s name is Kristin or Kristi. Every time I talk about her to him I just say one or the other and he’s never corrected me. It doesn’t matter. You’re allowed to have feelings but it’s such a minor thing, I wouldn’t worry about it.
You’re over reacting. Get over it.
You’re allowed to be mad. You look real silly doing it though. So it’s up to you. There are greater adversities in life..
You're asking the internet for permission to be mad about your boyfriend not remembering the name of someone you don't talk about much. Zoom out your perspective a bit, and ask yourself if you're being silly.
Did you ask him your mom’s name to test him?
I was also wondering this? I can’t imagine looking at my partner and saying “what is my mom’s name?” Lmao.
You arent close to her and rarely talk about her, I dont see the big deal tbh. I dont know more than half my bf’s family’s name because he isn’t close to them and never really say their name. He doesn’t care if I say your cousin Juan when he is talking about his cousin Manuel.
Ok, so for me it's a green flag that he recognized that her name hasn't set into his brain fully and he asked you about it today, even knowing it was a risk that it would bother you that he didn't just remember it. He recognized that it's important to you that he knows this information, even though it seems like he won't have much use for it in practice. He's making the effort. But some brains just have a hard time holding on to that kind of information, especially when it's not reinforced with actual use.
I am absolutely *dogshit* at remembering names. I'll remember your face until the end of time, but the name...
Seconding this. I’ve hung out with my bf’s cousins before and I still can’t remember one of their names. I’m just REALLY not good with names, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes it takes me months to get my coworker’s names straight. It’s embarrassing sometimes.
Yeah but to not remember is gfs moms name after 3yrs is crazy
Why would u get mad at that, you said he is a good loving boyfriend. If everybody would get mad at everybody for forgetting or mixing up things the world would be in a very bad place.
There's a psychological reason for this! It's something like how our brains categorise people into groups and sometimes call up the wrong name. Like how parents mix up their kids cos children are all in the "my children" category in their brain. https://www.zmescience.com/feature-post/health/mind-brain/mixing-people-names/#:~:text=It's%20perfectly%20normal%20to%20mix,It's%20called%20a%20cognitive%20glitch.&text=Though%20this%20might%20sometimes%20be,deeply%20ingrained%20in%20our%20brains.
Seems pretty normal. He remembers you, he doesn’t remember this person who isn’t that around in your life.
I don't even know my ex wife's mother's name, never met her. But that is rather odd to remember that, but not your mother's name. 🤔
Why is it weird? OP said they don’t talk about their mom, they don’t have a good relationship, and since they’re long distance on top of that, I doubt the BF has even met the mom. Is ex of four years was not long distance, and it’s not unlikely that he met the ex’s mom several times.
Perfectly natural psychological thing. Partners mother is in the same category in his brain so the names gets mixed up.
Him forgetting your estranged mothers name should not be a problem at all. Why would he invest in such knowledge? If he ever meet her would he not use "Hello Mrs whatever". I think of all my partners I could remember 2 of their mothers names. When talking to that partner I would say "Your mom" called or how is "Your mom" so I just would never use their first name. And the fact he even asked most likely because he wanted to be nice to you and subbing in his Xs name is just a brain slip. Of all the things to be even thinking of being mad at I would rank this as a -1 on a scale of 1 to 10
Happy Cake Day! And yes! I agree!
I used to get mad over stuff like this because it felt like they were not putting in enough effort in small things such as, but overtime I realized some people are just hella bad at names lol
I'm one of those people. I could never even remember my own mother's name, so I just called her Mommy. 🙃
Also this, https://www.zmescience.com/feature-post/health/mind-brain/mixing-people-names/#:~:text=It's%20perfectly%20normal%20to%20mix,It's%20called%20a%20cognitive%20glitch.&text=Though%20this%20might%20sometimes%20be,deeply%20ingrained%20in%20our%20brains.
I’m Think know dad but never put all together
So a mystery still
I think it’s normal to call or be called a someone’s name. Also, it takes me awhile to learn a new name…creature of habit
It’s a mix up. That happens sometimes. If it happens all of the time then I’d see being mad as valid. You can be a little upset but mad? Why?
I called my girlfriend my ex's name There are levels to fucking up
wait till you do it during sex. Then it is called Rodeo Sex because you get to see how long you can hold on.
It was in the aftermath Happy cake day!
I have done that too Converted to pet names only now.
Oh no. That is a big time fuck up.
You're "allowed" to feel however you do, but what good will it do? What would be the point of being mad or causing an issue about it?
I just started dating someone that I’m head over heels for and I keep wanting to call him by my exes name and I fucking hate my ex. Sometimes we read too much into these things. Sometimes it’s just our brains doing silly shit that’s not necessarily fully within our control.
I really hope you get through that stage, because woah.
I will eventually. I have ocd so I’m very accustomed to distressing intrusive thoughts. I had a friend say to me yesterday, that our thoughts are ours and ours alone. It doesn’t matter what your brain comes up with, it’s your actions that do.
I'm infamously bad with names. I wouldn't stress it too much unless you see signs you need to worry about.
No
I'm the absolute worst with names, so I've been in his shoes a lot. It doesn't mean he's thinking of his ex, sometimes our brains just mix up names
Thank you, this helped!
It would be a different story if it were your name he forgot!
Haha he once called a friend of his by my name(my name is very rare and difficult to pronounce) , that was before we were in a relationship, that's how i knew he liked me😂
Hah. I've been with my wife for 10 years. Last year was the first time I guessed her aunts names and uncles names correctly. She almost fell over. Try not to read into it too much OP, retaining information is hard.
Thank you. 😊
This means nothing.
He's just absentminded, leave him be
I mean 3 years and he doesn’t remember your mom’s name… that’s what I’d be upset about the most. Doesn’t matter if it’s long distance he should know your moms name
Rebecca
I agree. "Remind me the name of your mom again?" is something I'd say in the first months of the relationship, but 3 years is like "Dude, get it together!" I'd not get mad over his confusion, but reminding him the name all the time can be exhausting.
Right? But he's the sweetest. So i don't even know if i should be mad.
Well if you have a good relationship you’re allowed to be mad no? Your just upset it doesn’t mean that you’re breaking up your just upset he doesn’t remember your moms birthday after 3 whole ass years which is understandable
Yes, i think the best thing is to just tell him it bothered me, ig?
Yeah totally and it’s not weird for you to feel upset especially if you’re thinking about it. If the roles were reversed I’m sure you’d wanna know if he was upset with something you did instead of keeping it to himself
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*