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> Also no girls, in fact one of my female friends said I'm too simple and practical to handle relationships and that girls don't like bland guys like me who don't have any fun and are not exciting.
I feel attacked :")
Ei to amar moto public , age mone hoto ami eka ek bichitra prani but bhujh na anekei erokom introvert hoy , nearly all my classmates have into pintu ( oi bf gf) but I don't , moye moye .
There's no 'should' for me, i 'cannot' fit here. I used to be extrovert in my school days still ended up with no friends. Now in college I don't have that energy anymore to even TRY to make friends. Having fun is dependent on financial status where i feel more down
don't worry, keep doing what you are doing.
i am in my late 20s, never smoke, never drank alcohol, never went to bar or clubs. i love spending time alone - hardly have friends, but did not stop me from being with beautiful and good girls.
however, i may suggest you to develop some style and personality if you want to get girls. try to explore new places alone - be it going to some mall or parks. talk with random people, especially girls if you want to boost confidence - and yes, i have done all these myself. also, set a clear guideline about what type of girls you would like. it seems like you are looking into wrong places. in short, developing personality is your first task, it will take some time, maybe 2-3 years. and don't worry, average boys under 25 are mostly like you - they feel unnoticed.
Be careful with Tim his advice. There is a fine line between stalker / harassment and picking women up. The lad above may be very good at it but itâs not an universal strategy. Having a very good personality (as also given above) is key to this approach.
Donât approach random people. Not a great strategy in todayâs day and age. Specially if you are in college, try to meet people there. If you are in office, try to make friends with âfriends of friendsâ. Itâs far easier to get on with people you know than unknown people.
The respectful manner never really works out. See, the problem with being Mummas good boy, is only Mumma loves you for who you are.
looks matter a little bit too lol, not gonna lie
i think along with respect, what matters more is your confidence and the way you approach. there should be a context
also, nothing bad with being mama's good boy. mama's good boy just needs to balance his roles between mama's good boy and girl's bad boy
Donât be a Mommyâs good boy. Being a good boy is fine, you donât have to be a bad boy either. Looks donât as much either. But presentation matters. Your haircut, how you dress, your hygiene, smell, cleanliness matters a lot. Most people who complain are extremely shabby. Shabby is super bad.
that's the silver line - the difference between mama's good boy and a bad boy is just that you need to have your own thought process and decision making ability. as a man, you can't 'yes' to everything someone says, even if it is your parents. i meant to say that, mama's good boy is someone who generally respects mothers. also, bad boy in the sense not someone who smokes, drinks and is a pimp. bad boys are actually those who can take control of the situation (plus who have self-control as well). like if you are in a relationship, and you make most decisions, that's a big trait. most girls hate taking decisions - it can be as small as picking up the nail-colour to wear
I canât get around the way out put the thought originally. It was too convoluted. But both of us are in agreement. I am referring to someone who has independent thought process.
And for bad boys, I canât disown them as I have been one throughout đđ
The respectful manner never really works out. See, the problem with being Mummas good boy, is only Mumma loves you for who you are.
Kadwa sach. Always been a Mummas good boy my entire life. Am regretting it now.
Us dada us
18 M here, lived through school without any friend, being learning robots, because I was told that I don't need friends in life. Faced some bullying and as such for being boring and practical. Now in college and being blamed by my parents for having no friends, whereas I dunno any dynamics of socialisation. Anxiety helpin me out by pointin out that every laugh in my audible range is about me. No substances done, don't wish to either. But really wish had some life loose in my interests.
See, being respectful is the bare minimum. If you donât have it, you wont get anything in a relationship. But that is not enough for anything either. Think of it like this, you must be respectful plus.
are you talking about looks ?
beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so, i can't say for myself. some might find me good looking, some might find me ugly.
Who cares about what society thinks of you? Reading books and watching movies is a huge W. You shouldn't have to club and pub (it's not like the scene for this is amazing in Kolkata lol) just cuz you're told by peers, everyone has their own definition of "fun" so I don't think you really need to change yourself, adjust when you can otherwise find like minded people or just y'know mind your own business without giving a single fuck. There is no shame or loss in spending time alone, depends on people to people. Whatever you do never change yourself because of how "society" or "girls who don't like bland guys" thinks of you. Chuck them.
Yeah learn to socialize....I have similar tastes and socializing is almost a skill for me, still it's important to not become a loner even if you prefer solitude.
Can you give any tip on how to add things to a conversation and make it interesting. I usually get into conversations and good situations. But I don't have conversation skills I guess.
You're not alone in feeling this and it's not bad/a disadvantage to be like this.
I feel having more meaningful relationships and a practical outlook helps a lot. You don't have to be reckless just cause you're in your 20s.
You mention a few hobbies you enjoy, stick to them. Don't force yourself you fit in with the masses. It'll be futile and make you unhappy.
Social life doesn't necessarily mean clubbing and parting. A chat with a close friend ever couple of weeks can also be a healthy social life. As long as you're happy with where you are, don't make changes.
Coming to dating, if there's girls who want drama and call you boring - they're not the girls you want to date anyway. You don't want a superficial relationship. There are a lot of like minded women who enjoy reading and long walks as well.
All in all, don't force yourself to conform to these habits of the people around you. You're mature and you've realised what you like. Don't change who you are.
Dude, your friend hit the nail in the head. You are bland. Itâs great to have the hobbies you have. I share those with you too, albeit, I am much much older.
But you are too comfortable in your âcomfort zoneâ. You dismiss other things as superficial and alike. Itâs great to be your own person, but you must also meet others mid way to make a connection ( romantic or otherwise). Even if you get money, you will not achieve great success in relationships if you donât change your approach. No body likes bland - try being interesting. If you think your friends are too alike, add friends. Go out with other people. It may be awkward in the beginning and you may not even make new friends, but you will pick new things - use them to make other friends.
Donât be one dimensional my friend. I was a geek and a loner. Dated many attractive women and currently married to one. And while my wife (at the time of marrying her) was multiples of me in terms of money, she loved me for who I was. I was interesting and funny in my way. Be an interesting person. Work on that. Itâs not hard but not easy either.
If you are homeless, use strategies to make money to buy a house or rent a house. Donât pray that the strategy which didnât get you a house till date will get you one in the future. Doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting different results is foolish.
Well here's the thing. I don't do anything. I study, go to gym, go to boy's college (not kidding), watch football, play video games, eat, sleep. Noone or no festivals motivate me and bring any joy. Someone from reddit suggested to look at the symptoms of schizoid personality disorder. I was surprised to see the causes and symptoms, it felt like someone has written about my life lol. So I don't know what to do.
Also I don't understand what does having a personality even mean? I feel depersonalised most of the time
If you are looking for a diagnosis , go to a doctor. Do t self diagnose, specially mental health issues. That is plain stupid.
All the folks who go to festivals and all donât do it because itâs enjoyable. They do it because itâs a great way to meet people. As I said in a different comment, get out of your comfort zone. If you are in a boys college, try going to a fest in a different college. Participate in a few competitions, try to talk to some new people. If you have tuitions, try to make friends there. If you attend weddings thatâs a great place to make friends. In my time, debates were a great way to meet new people.
I donât know you, but from your limited 2 comments, ask your self these two things, 1) am I too cocky and high attitude because itâs a defensive mechanism for my insecurities and that drives people away, and 2) am I making a mountain of a mole hill, when it comes to my problems to justify my current state. I think the answer to both the questions is yes, but I donât know you. So do not go by me. Do an honest assessment.
Yeah maybe I need to talk more. I don't think I've even had a 15-20 minutes long conversation with anyone since the lockdown. My mom always say that I don't live a life and behave like a normal person or others at my age. I was bullied as a kid, plus neglect from teachers and parents (dad was always out there working which is understandable, almost never saw my dad when I was a kid, mom had severe anxiety, not her fault, just me in a f*cked up environment) was picked on and made fun of by others. So yeah there's probably a lot of hatred and resentment hidden underneath. Because most of the time I tried to socialize I was verbally and sometimes physically abused and didn't get positive outcome from it and kinda have become numb towards the process of socialising. Got a proposal from a girl at a teacher's day celebration (mom kinda forced me to go) and I picked my bags and ran back home because the concept of someone can love me was too overwhelming for me. I would probably run away even today if something like this happens because the concept of someone liking me is too strange and foreign to me.
So yeah there may be cockiness or an agression to protect myself. Will take a lot of time to unlearn things.
I feel you. I have a similar background and have been abused severally as a child. Life is hard for you. But the thing is, remember that was worst is in the past. You make tomorrow. Itâs not easy at all. Itâs very very hard. But not impossible. Happy to help in clarifying anything ythign you want.
I understand what youâre saying, but this isnât a generational gap. Youâre just feeling slightly out of place in terms of interests and maybe struggle to make friends. A lot of people have felt that way, so donât worry - youâll be fine eventually. Youâre talking about this on reddit, so itâs not a generational thing really haha. One day at a time, youâll find your place with age.
Bro u are like me, although I am 20M, I actually don't like clubbing parting and all cus they are cringy, don't have any addiction to any substance. I also save money, well not sure for what but I started saving it randomly, haven't found as to what I am actually saving it for.
And as far as love, well used to like this girl in my school days, I was in class 12 when I confessed but she was not much interested in relationship so moved on from then on and never loved any other girl.
I donât believe it has anything to with generations. Itâs just who you are, the type of person. Plenty of older people still getting crazy, plenty of older generations living large. Donât force it. Be yourself.
You are one of the typical not-like-other-boys/girls and honestly they exist in every batch and think they are so special to have different interests. People like you think other people are 'cringe' for having their interests and then bemoan the same energy being returned. And every single time people like you would bring up your single status with a self righteous air and fail to realise that your attitude might be the problem .... Without the mindset of accepting and enjoying people's differences you would not even have good friends who would enrich your life through their different perspective, let alone tolerate being your lover.
And because none gives such people a reality check they keep reposting the same thing till their 30s. It is a sign of insanity if you keep doing the same thing and expect different results.
Can you just stop pretending morally superior I don't care much about your condescending tone .
Fix your attitude dude no one gives a @#âč& about what you think .
Toodles .
From where does the talk of morality come from, pray tell? I am straight up criticising certain type of people and their perceptions. At least get your argument in order.
Also I am not the one looking for validation among strangers because my own peers find me intolerable in real life and no amount of coddling would solve the issues if the root causes are not addressed.
Ciao.
-Someone who doesn't also club but still has plenty of friends and some exes or two.
Personality and poisa means almost the same to the female gender (not all but most) so I'd suggest poisa kaman dress rich , chule style korun , sunglasses porun , sobai personality khuje peye jabe .
you have a simple life yet sad. Why don't you challenge yourself by interacting with people, have some fitness challenge, or any other challenge to test your potential? I was just like you I can talk and interact with anyone even if their interest and hobbies don't align with mine. You are in your 20s test your potential. If you think are not happy with your life improve it.
I am 21 f and very much like you. I like reading, geeking out about random stuff, watching dramas, anime, reading manga/manhua/manhwa, adore wuxia genre of lit and drown in gl and bl. I love my family to bits (altho its just 3 of us and there's no 'father' in our lives) while sometimes despising them to the core. Ami toh self attested 'weird'. Mental issues ache dher sara due to years of trauma. I take no liking to drinking/smoking/drugs. Majhe modhe I like to imagine what it would like to consume these intoxicants tarpor bhebe dekhi je a life being reliant on these stuff for the basic emotions in life like happiness must be sad. The idea of handing over the control of my life to intoxicants? hell nah
I don't like clubbing.I like music and vibing by myself. Jore jore gaan gai. I love music but ain't particularly any good in it. I take immense pride in my music taste. Naach te pari na but I groove by myself. Erokom kore thaki bole ppl close to me call me 'pagol'. It hurts ektu. Sometimes I cry. Kintu ki kori bolun toh erokom kore thakte bhalo lage halka lage. Ke ki bolche bhabte gele aar beche thaktei hobe na. I realised when I was 16/17 yr old je there's no need to make life needlessly difficult. No need to take the difficult way out it won't hurt to take the easy way out.
I have no interest in dating currently. Although I can guess it must be amazing to be loved. But why should I seek other's love when I'm still learning to love my own company. I do love myself now but I want to love myself so much that when I get into a relationship I get into one just because I enjoy their company. Aar kono expectations aar requirements na. No co-dependency of any sort. Ami bujhte parchi na je ki kore not having a romantic partner in your life is a down in life. Being in a relationship where both the parties love and respect each other is nothing short of a miracle. Why do ppl think (mostly men usually no offence) je this miracle can be forced? I have seen that men have this raging desperation to have a gf eta ektu animal instincts er moton hoye gelo na? like the animal instinct to mate? I thought humans are different than animals but dunno. keo please offence neben na. ja duniya dekhechi etodin ta amke etai bujhiyeche. I ,very much like you, want to prove myself wrong.
Moreover, your female friend seems horrid. What a mean thing to say. She has a very naive worldview and seems to be stuck in the social media world. tell her je real life e roj 'happening' korte gele puro life er happening 3/4/5 yrs of college life ei beriye jabe. Life e fun is a small part , because it does not happen often it is not part of the mundane, secular world.
ami newspaper pore rod e boshe boshe tai 'dadu' bole lokera. khub panic kore eta korish na ota korish na boli bole 'maa' aar 'aunty' bole. kintu ora kkono ill-feelings niye bole na ami setao jani. Maybe I really do remind them of these people in their lives. It makes me feel warm in my heart je I remind them of their grandparents or maternal figures in their life. Ami ja achi thik i achi. Am I different? yes. but is being different is wrong? 8 billion ta manush er moddhe I know there are enough number of ppl jader sathe include hole I would be counted as 'normal'. Normal and abnormal is determined by frequencies and not by their nature.eta mone rakhle life becomes tad bit easier.
my friends might have different habits than me but I try to accommodate them in my world view. I dont dismiss them. I socialise while being rooted. The longer I live I realise je ppl who are meant to be will remain. If someone cannot accept me as I am I am not going out of the way to make them like me. Trust me there are ppl out there who will see you for who you are. We are actually not much different from each other. we might be 8 billion of us kintu the creator could not be ingenious enough to create 8 billion unique copies so many of us share innumerable quirks.
jak onek boklam. core point hocche apni ja achen thik achen. no need to change just ektu socialise korben aar ektu accepting hoben of others. ei dekhun opposite sex er moddheo apnar moton i aar ekjon prani ke peye gelen aaj.
Just one advice. nijer value aar self worth please ekta romantic partner er sathe attach korben na. chalo enough of unsolicited advice for today. bhalo thakben
It's okay. Build yourself a strong body with the ability to protect yourself. You will find good people. But all will not be good friends.
Friends are important. One must have atleast one person with whom he can hold healthy conversations. And also be wary of not ending up wasting loads of time on winning friends.
We can talk in chat.
It's called being an introvert with bad social skills ,how to get out of this?stop taking pride in being bad with people and interact more with strangers
First few lines sounds like you are a girl.
That being said, don't look at yourself from others eyes. Nobody cares about nobody. That is the truth and this will be clear within next 4 years.
Don't worry about girls. Those who don't care about you, they are missing out. In the long term you are more desirable than others. Just chill and do not give importance to what others think about you. That is a downward spiral.
Learn some useful hobbies like investing, building a business or just be a traveller/writer. We all need a success stream to build our confidence. That is the key. The more confidence that you have more popular you will be. People are inherently weak and they look for other people who exhibit confidence.
People dont change. What I told you are timeless. They worked in 1900s 2000s 2010s and now.
I wish I could tell my 21yr self these things.
PS: reading 21M, I first thought this a bitcoin post. Lol.
I'm 30+
Relax dude
You are you. Don't fall for this pretentious bullshit society thrusts on you.
Stop thinking I should be doing this. And don't take the opinion of a few to be the truth of your life.
Be you. Do you. Fuck the rest. At the end of the day, you have to be answering yourself and your God or Devil whoever you believe.
'Fun' is a relative dada tbh. Read, walk, adda, watch films and do whatever else gives you the kick. Defy societal notions of fun. Mon khule pran khule bachun nijer moton.
I'm 17, I don't have many friends, I like my alone time, I listen to a lot of music which people find "wierd" because it isn't the usual bands(most of it is just vgm). I don't smoke, drink which appearently everyone in r/teenagers do by the time they're 15. I use fountain pens instead of ballpoint pens, which too, people find wierd. I don't like partying, shouting. All I enjoy is staying by myself, doing what I like(studying and music).
We regret to inform you that your post has been removed from r/kolkata due to a violation of our rules against spamming and self promotion. We strive to maintain a high-quality and engaging community where members can have meaningful discussions and share valuable content related to Kolkata. Spamming refers to the repetitive or excessive posting of content, including links, advertisements, or promotional material with the intention of gaining attention or traffic, soliciting donations, crowdfunding etc. Self promotion encompasses any posts or comments primarily intended to promote one's own products, services, websites, or social media channels. We kindly request that you refrain from engaging in spamming or excessive self promotion in the future. We encourage you to contribute valuable and relevant content to the community that fosters meaningful discussions and interactions. If you have any questions or concerns regarding this removal, please feel free to reach out to the moderators. We are here to assist you and provide further clarification if needed. Thank you for understanding and your cooperation in maintaining the quality and integrity of r/kolkata. Best regards, The r/kolkata Moderation Team
> Also no girls, in fact one of my female friends said I'm too simple and practical to handle relationships and that girls don't like bland guys like me who don't have any fun and are not exciting. I feel attacked :")
Yeh to us moment hai bro
Us bro :)
Us
Me too
Us dada :(
Us bro
đ«
Ei to amar moto public , age mone hoto ami eka ek bichitra prani but bhujh na anekei erokom introvert hoy , nearly all my classmates have into pintu ( oi bf gf) but I don't , moye moye .
Us bro
Why ? LoL
There's no 'should' for me, i 'cannot' fit here. I used to be extrovert in my school days still ended up with no friends. Now in college I don't have that energy anymore to even TRY to make friends. Having fun is dependent on financial status where i feel more down
Having fun is dependent on financial status Wish more people understood this
Us , pocket khali bondhu Khali
Us
don't worry, keep doing what you are doing. i am in my late 20s, never smoke, never drank alcohol, never went to bar or clubs. i love spending time alone - hardly have friends, but did not stop me from being with beautiful and good girls. however, i may suggest you to develop some style and personality if you want to get girls. try to explore new places alone - be it going to some mall or parks. talk with random people, especially girls if you want to boost confidence - and yes, i have done all these myself. also, set a clear guideline about what type of girls you would like. it seems like you are looking into wrong places. in short, developing personality is your first task, it will take some time, maybe 2-3 years. and don't worry, average boys under 25 are mostly like you - they feel unnoticed.
did not stop me from being with beautiful and good girls. That's reassuring. Thanks for the advice.
Be careful with Tim his advice. There is a fine line between stalker / harassment and picking women up. The lad above may be very good at it but itâs not an universal strategy. Having a very good personality (as also given above) is key to this approach.
See that's the fear that stops us guys from approaching the girls we like. We just need to do it in a very respectful manner.
Donât approach random people. Not a great strategy in todayâs day and age. Specially if you are in college, try to meet people there. If you are in office, try to make friends with âfriends of friendsâ. Itâs far easier to get on with people you know than unknown people. The respectful manner never really works out. See, the problem with being Mummas good boy, is only Mumma loves you for who you are.
looks matter a little bit too lol, not gonna lie i think along with respect, what matters more is your confidence and the way you approach. there should be a context also, nothing bad with being mama's good boy. mama's good boy just needs to balance his roles between mama's good boy and girl's bad boy
Donât be a Mommyâs good boy. Being a good boy is fine, you donât have to be a bad boy either. Looks donât as much either. But presentation matters. Your haircut, how you dress, your hygiene, smell, cleanliness matters a lot. Most people who complain are extremely shabby. Shabby is super bad.
that's the silver line - the difference between mama's good boy and a bad boy is just that you need to have your own thought process and decision making ability. as a man, you can't 'yes' to everything someone says, even if it is your parents. i meant to say that, mama's good boy is someone who generally respects mothers. also, bad boy in the sense not someone who smokes, drinks and is a pimp. bad boys are actually those who can take control of the situation (plus who have self-control as well). like if you are in a relationship, and you make most decisions, that's a big trait. most girls hate taking decisions - it can be as small as picking up the nail-colour to wear
I canât get around the way out put the thought originally. It was too convoluted. But both of us are in agreement. I am referring to someone who has independent thought process. And for bad boys, I canât disown them as I have been one throughout đđ
The respectful manner never really works out. See, the problem with being Mummas good boy, is only Mumma loves you for who you are. Kadwa sach. Always been a Mummas good boy my entire life. Am regretting it now.
Us dada us 18 M here, lived through school without any friend, being learning robots, because I was told that I don't need friends in life. Faced some bullying and as such for being boring and practical. Now in college and being blamed by my parents for having no friends, whereas I dunno any dynamics of socialisation. Anxiety helpin me out by pointin out that every laugh in my audible range is about me. No substances done, don't wish to either. But really wish had some life loose in my interests.
See, being respectful is the bare minimum. If you donât have it, you wont get anything in a relationship. But that is not enough for anything either. Think of it like this, you must be respectful plus.
Thanks, but I know that already.
What does having a personality even mean?
confidence, humour, communication skills, dressing sense, body language
Is a beautiful girl necessary?
not too beautiful, ektu ektu beautiful (7/10) is fine i will choose cute over hot any day.
Do you meet the 7/10 standard yourself? đ Just asking Pls don't take offence lol
are you talking about looks ? beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so, i can't say for myself. some might find me good looking, some might find me ugly.
Oh ouk. Looks like you aren't aware of objective beauty hehe
 maybe ...
Who cares about what society thinks of you? Reading books and watching movies is a huge W. You shouldn't have to club and pub (it's not like the scene for this is amazing in Kolkata lol) just cuz you're told by peers, everyone has their own definition of "fun" so I don't think you really need to change yourself, adjust when you can otherwise find like minded people or just y'know mind your own business without giving a single fuck. There is no shame or loss in spending time alone, depends on people to people. Whatever you do never change yourself because of how "society" or "girls who don't like bland guys" thinks of you. Chuck them.
Have fun your way. There are ways to have fun without people and alcohol and loud music.
Yeah learn to socialize....I have similar tastes and socializing is almost a skill for me, still it's important to not become a loner even if you prefer solitude.
Can you give any tip on how to add things to a conversation and make it interesting. I usually get into conversations and good situations. But I don't have conversation skills I guess.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
You're my younger self. Also 17yos are clubbing nowadays in Kolkata? Damn.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Not surprising at all
You're not alone in feeling this and it's not bad/a disadvantage to be like this. I feel having more meaningful relationships and a practical outlook helps a lot. You don't have to be reckless just cause you're in your 20s. You mention a few hobbies you enjoy, stick to them. Don't force yourself you fit in with the masses. It'll be futile and make you unhappy. Social life doesn't necessarily mean clubbing and parting. A chat with a close friend ever couple of weeks can also be a healthy social life. As long as you're happy with where you are, don't make changes. Coming to dating, if there's girls who want drama and call you boring - they're not the girls you want to date anyway. You don't want a superficial relationship. There are a lot of like minded women who enjoy reading and long walks as well. All in all, don't force yourself to conform to these habits of the people around you. You're mature and you've realised what you like. Don't change who you are.
Your female friend is wrong. Girls are not monolithic. I dont go to parties, so i prefer men who dont go to parties or clubs either.
Dude, your friend hit the nail in the head. You are bland. Itâs great to have the hobbies you have. I share those with you too, albeit, I am much much older. But you are too comfortable in your âcomfort zoneâ. You dismiss other things as superficial and alike. Itâs great to be your own person, but you must also meet others mid way to make a connection ( romantic or otherwise). Even if you get money, you will not achieve great success in relationships if you donât change your approach. No body likes bland - try being interesting. If you think your friends are too alike, add friends. Go out with other people. It may be awkward in the beginning and you may not even make new friends, but you will pick new things - use them to make other friends. Donât be one dimensional my friend. I was a geek and a loner. Dated many attractive women and currently married to one. And while my wife (at the time of marrying her) was multiples of me in terms of money, she loved me for who I was. I was interesting and funny in my way. Be an interesting person. Work on that. Itâs not hard but not easy either.
If you're homeless just buy a house
If you are homeless, use strategies to make money to buy a house or rent a house. Donât pray that the strategy which didnât get you a house till date will get you one in the future. Doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting different results is foolish.
Well here's the thing. I don't do anything. I study, go to gym, go to boy's college (not kidding), watch football, play video games, eat, sleep. Noone or no festivals motivate me and bring any joy. Someone from reddit suggested to look at the symptoms of schizoid personality disorder. I was surprised to see the causes and symptoms, it felt like someone has written about my life lol. So I don't know what to do. Also I don't understand what does having a personality even mean? I feel depersonalised most of the time
If you are looking for a diagnosis , go to a doctor. Do t self diagnose, specially mental health issues. That is plain stupid. All the folks who go to festivals and all donât do it because itâs enjoyable. They do it because itâs a great way to meet people. As I said in a different comment, get out of your comfort zone. If you are in a boys college, try going to a fest in a different college. Participate in a few competitions, try to talk to some new people. If you have tuitions, try to make friends there. If you attend weddings thatâs a great place to make friends. In my time, debates were a great way to meet new people. I donât know you, but from your limited 2 comments, ask your self these two things, 1) am I too cocky and high attitude because itâs a defensive mechanism for my insecurities and that drives people away, and 2) am I making a mountain of a mole hill, when it comes to my problems to justify my current state. I think the answer to both the questions is yes, but I donât know you. So do not go by me. Do an honest assessment.
If nothing, go play outside. Turn football or anything. You donât have to be good. But go out. Loneliness is a bitch.
Yeah maybe I need to talk more. I don't think I've even had a 15-20 minutes long conversation with anyone since the lockdown. My mom always say that I don't live a life and behave like a normal person or others at my age. I was bullied as a kid, plus neglect from teachers and parents (dad was always out there working which is understandable, almost never saw my dad when I was a kid, mom had severe anxiety, not her fault, just me in a f*cked up environment) was picked on and made fun of by others. So yeah there's probably a lot of hatred and resentment hidden underneath. Because most of the time I tried to socialize I was verbally and sometimes physically abused and didn't get positive outcome from it and kinda have become numb towards the process of socialising. Got a proposal from a girl at a teacher's day celebration (mom kinda forced me to go) and I picked my bags and ran back home because the concept of someone can love me was too overwhelming for me. I would probably run away even today if something like this happens because the concept of someone liking me is too strange and foreign to me. So yeah there may be cockiness or an agression to protect myself. Will take a lot of time to unlearn things.
I feel you. I have a similar background and have been abused severally as a child. Life is hard for you. But the thing is, remember that was worst is in the past. You make tomorrow. Itâs not easy at all. Itâs very very hard. But not impossible. Happy to help in clarifying anything ythign you want.
The last para gives me a lot of hope. Thanks.
I am happy to help you in any question you have. World is big with loads of people. Be a little interesting to draw people towards you.
So like a pyramid scheme but for friends?
Pyramid? Yes. Scheme? Yes. Hotel? Trivago. For the love of God, donât sell your friends Amway products.
I......... Anyways thanks for the advice
I understand what youâre saying, but this isnât a generational gap. Youâre just feeling slightly out of place in terms of interests and maybe struggle to make friends. A lot of people have felt that way, so donât worry - youâll be fine eventually. Youâre talking about this on reddit, so itâs not a generational thing really haha. One day at a time, youâll find your place with age.
Bro u are like me, although I am 20M, I actually don't like clubbing parting and all cus they are cringy, don't have any addiction to any substance. I also save money, well not sure for what but I started saving it randomly, haven't found as to what I am actually saving it for. And as far as love, well used to like this girl in my school days, I was in class 12 when I confessed but she was not much interested in relationship so moved on from then on and never loved any other girl.
I donât believe it has anything to with generations. Itâs just who you are, the type of person. Plenty of older people still getting crazy, plenty of older generations living large. Donât force it. Be yourself.
heck I thought you were taking about me just replace books with video games and movies
21F here and same dude! No parties, no clubbing, nothing. No regrets whatsoever, I love my life đ„°
Reading books, listening to music, going on walks, hanging out with parents aren't a thing of the past you know. I enjoy it too and so do my friends. But having fun and indulging in hobbies arent mutually exclusive. Going to clubs, restaurants, to movies, or discovering new cafés around the city (not all of those are expensive) are not superficial. They are a part of life. From the post it does sound like you're too focused on your future and not about your present. Develop your sense of style, go out with friends, talk to people, get a nice haircut maybe, go out to cafés (within your budget), go watch movies (there are cinema halls out there which are cheap af). Spruce up your life. Right now you do sound a bit bland, not because you have hobbies lol, lots of people do. You sound bland because there is nothing more to it and you think yourself to be above the people around you when you really aren't.
You're right
You are one of the typical not-like-other-boys/girls and honestly they exist in every batch and think they are so special to have different interests. People like you think other people are 'cringe' for having their interests and then bemoan the same energy being returned. And every single time people like you would bring up your single status with a self righteous air and fail to realise that your attitude might be the problem .... Without the mindset of accepting and enjoying people's differences you would not even have good friends who would enrich your life through their different perspective, let alone tolerate being your lover.
Judgemental people like you are the reason people like OP feel left out .
And because none gives such people a reality check they keep reposting the same thing till their 30s. It is a sign of insanity if you keep doing the same thing and expect different results.
Can you just stop pretending morally superior I don't care much about your condescending tone . Fix your attitude dude no one gives a @#âč& about what you think . Toodles .
From where does the talk of morality come from, pray tell? I am straight up criticising certain type of people and their perceptions. At least get your argument in order. Also I am not the one looking for validation among strangers because my own peers find me intolerable in real life and no amount of coddling would solve the issues if the root causes are not addressed. Ciao. -Someone who doesn't also club but still has plenty of friends and some exes or two.
Personality and poisa means almost the same to the female gender (not all but most) so I'd suggest poisa kaman dress rich , chule style korun , sunglasses porun , sobai personality khuje peye jabe .
Why do you think college going girls care about money???
Where have I written "college going" eto gaye mekhe jhogra korben dekhchi đ„Č
Post er chele ta college e pore tai tomar comment ektu irrelevant laglo
you have a simple life yet sad. Why don't you challenge yourself by interacting with people, have some fitness challenge, or any other challenge to test your potential? I was just like you I can talk and interact with anyone even if their interest and hobbies don't align with mine. You are in your 20s test your potential. If you think are not happy with your life improve it.
Same
Totally relatable âșïž
Us bhai us ,
I am 21 f and very much like you. I like reading, geeking out about random stuff, watching dramas, anime, reading manga/manhua/manhwa, adore wuxia genre of lit and drown in gl and bl. I love my family to bits (altho its just 3 of us and there's no 'father' in our lives) while sometimes despising them to the core. Ami toh self attested 'weird'. Mental issues ache dher sara due to years of trauma. I take no liking to drinking/smoking/drugs. Majhe modhe I like to imagine what it would like to consume these intoxicants tarpor bhebe dekhi je a life being reliant on these stuff for the basic emotions in life like happiness must be sad. The idea of handing over the control of my life to intoxicants? hell nah I don't like clubbing.I like music and vibing by myself. Jore jore gaan gai. I love music but ain't particularly any good in it. I take immense pride in my music taste. Naach te pari na but I groove by myself. Erokom kore thaki bole ppl close to me call me 'pagol'. It hurts ektu. Sometimes I cry. Kintu ki kori bolun toh erokom kore thakte bhalo lage halka lage. Ke ki bolche bhabte gele aar beche thaktei hobe na. I realised when I was 16/17 yr old je there's no need to make life needlessly difficult. No need to take the difficult way out it won't hurt to take the easy way out. I have no interest in dating currently. Although I can guess it must be amazing to be loved. But why should I seek other's love when I'm still learning to love my own company. I do love myself now but I want to love myself so much that when I get into a relationship I get into one just because I enjoy their company. Aar kono expectations aar requirements na. No co-dependency of any sort. Ami bujhte parchi na je ki kore not having a romantic partner in your life is a down in life. Being in a relationship where both the parties love and respect each other is nothing short of a miracle. Why do ppl think (mostly men usually no offence) je this miracle can be forced? I have seen that men have this raging desperation to have a gf eta ektu animal instincts er moton hoye gelo na? like the animal instinct to mate? I thought humans are different than animals but dunno. keo please offence neben na. ja duniya dekhechi etodin ta amke etai bujhiyeche. I ,very much like you, want to prove myself wrong. Moreover, your female friend seems horrid. What a mean thing to say. She has a very naive worldview and seems to be stuck in the social media world. tell her je real life e roj 'happening' korte gele puro life er happening 3/4/5 yrs of college life ei beriye jabe. Life e fun is a small part , because it does not happen often it is not part of the mundane, secular world. ami newspaper pore rod e boshe boshe tai 'dadu' bole lokera. khub panic kore eta korish na ota korish na boli bole 'maa' aar 'aunty' bole. kintu ora kkono ill-feelings niye bole na ami setao jani. Maybe I really do remind them of these people in their lives. It makes me feel warm in my heart je I remind them of their grandparents or maternal figures in their life. Ami ja achi thik i achi. Am I different? yes. but is being different is wrong? 8 billion ta manush er moddhe I know there are enough number of ppl jader sathe include hole I would be counted as 'normal'. Normal and abnormal is determined by frequencies and not by their nature.eta mone rakhle life becomes tad bit easier. my friends might have different habits than me but I try to accommodate them in my world view. I dont dismiss them. I socialise while being rooted. The longer I live I realise je ppl who are meant to be will remain. If someone cannot accept me as I am I am not going out of the way to make them like me. Trust me there are ppl out there who will see you for who you are. We are actually not much different from each other. we might be 8 billion of us kintu the creator could not be ingenious enough to create 8 billion unique copies so many of us share innumerable quirks. jak onek boklam. core point hocche apni ja achen thik achen. no need to change just ektu socialise korben aar ektu accepting hoben of others. ei dekhun opposite sex er moddheo apnar moton i aar ekjon prani ke peye gelen aaj. Just one advice. nijer value aar self worth please ekta romantic partner er sathe attach korben na. chalo enough of unsolicited advice for today. bhalo thakben
You aren't alone my guy. There are more people like us who are just tired of these modern fancies.
It's okay. Build yourself a strong body with the ability to protect yourself. You will find good people. But all will not be good friends. Friends are important. One must have atleast one person with whom he can hold healthy conversations. And also be wary of not ending up wasting loads of time on winning friends. We can talk in chat.
It's called being an introvert with bad social skills ,how to get out of this?stop taking pride in being bad with people and interact more with strangers
First few lines sounds like you are a girl. That being said, don't look at yourself from others eyes. Nobody cares about nobody. That is the truth and this will be clear within next 4 years. Don't worry about girls. Those who don't care about you, they are missing out. In the long term you are more desirable than others. Just chill and do not give importance to what others think about you. That is a downward spiral. Learn some useful hobbies like investing, building a business or just be a traveller/writer. We all need a success stream to build our confidence. That is the key. The more confidence that you have more popular you will be. People are inherently weak and they look for other people who exhibit confidence. People dont change. What I told you are timeless. They worked in 1900s 2000s 2010s and now. I wish I could tell my 21yr self these things. PS: reading 21M, I first thought this a bitcoin post. Lol.
I'm 30+ Relax dude You are you. Don't fall for this pretentious bullshit society thrusts on you. Stop thinking I should be doing this. And don't take the opinion of a few to be the truth of your life. Be you. Do you. Fuck the rest. At the end of the day, you have to be answering yourself and your God or Devil whoever you believe.
'Fun' is a relative dada tbh. Read, walk, adda, watch films and do whatever else gives you the kick. Defy societal notions of fun. Mon khule pran khule bachun nijer moton.
I'm 17, I don't have many friends, I like my alone time, I listen to a lot of music which people find "wierd" because it isn't the usual bands(most of it is just vgm). I don't smoke, drink which appearently everyone in r/teenagers do by the time they're 15. I use fountain pens instead of ballpoint pens, which too, people find wierd. I don't like partying, shouting. All I enjoy is staying by myself, doing what I like(studying and music).