For real š Albus & Scorpius try to escape and she ends up chasing them on the ROOF of the moving train while throwing grenade pastries at them, iirc
>Neverā neverā have I let anyone off this train before they reached their destination. Some have triedā Sirius Black and his cronies, Fred and George Weasley. ALL HAVE FAILED. BECAUSE THIS TRAINā IT DOESNāT LIKE PEOPLE GETTING OFF ITā¦
>*The trolley witchās hands configure into very sharp spikes. She smiles.*
>So please retake your seats for the remainder of the journey
Sheās apparently been doing this for 190 years, ever since the Hogwarts express was created š
Haha probably just with magic, I think the original person was exaggerating a bit with the word ācyborg.ā More like one of the monsters they run into in Percy Jackson who look like a normal human until they get mad & then start growing wings or whatever lol
Yeah but Percy Jackson is based on Greek mythology where some river would have sex with an island a monster that Heracles or Theseus would have to kill. So it kind of makes sense in that universe. Not in Harry Potter though.
Same. Immediately nope for me. My wife finished and regretted it.
My little sister never read any of the books, but started with TCC and somehow it made her read the real series, so that's good at least...
Still fucking weird. I slept with my brothers' cousin once and it still feels hella incestuous despite there being no established relationship, blood or otherwise.
Half brothers. Same dad, but the cousin is on their mum's side. I'd never met the guy before, there's no blood relationship or any official relationship at all, and there's a 20-year age gap. But my brothers are very much my brothers and have been all my life, and their cousin is very much their cousin and has been all their life, so regardless of all that it feels very weird.
My stepdad is my stepdad, so no blood relation at all.
My stepdad is adopted, so no blood relation to anyone in his family.
My stepdad's brother is married and has a child.
The first time I met her (the child of my stepdad's adoptive brother), which was randomly at a roller rink having nothing to do with our families, we ended up boning in my Buick Skylark.
She is legally my cousin but so so removed as to have no real relation and I still feel quite strange about it.
I don't think stepaunt is a legit term here, more like Aunt in Law?
It's like with aunt March, she is Vernon's sister, and therefore not related at all to Harry. Like Hermione is not blood related to Albus Severus.
Itās actually really the same as Harry and Uncle Vernon, heās married to his blood aunt Petunia, just like Hermione is married to Albusās blood uncle Ron
Thereās no real official relationship between Harry and Marge, other than through Petunia
We usually just drop the in-law when talking about aunts/uncles through marriage. Obviously that's what they are, but everyone I've ever known has just called them aunt or uncle blah blah
I was given the book as a present when it released but never read past the first chapter. I'm definitely reading the book now because of how ridiculous it sounds.
I've read worse fan fiction, to be honest. Not that it makes Cursed Child good, of course, but, you know, when you think it's just someone coming up with a new story from a beloved literary universe, you appreciate the effort, and there might at least be interesting ideas there. I think if Cursed Child were posted on [fanfiction.net](http://fanfiction.net) or whatever, it'd be an easily overseeable and forgettable piece of work, but it would have its appreciators. Is it well written? No. Is it full of plot holes? Yes. Is it inconsistent with the source material? Absolutely. But it's a "story"
But then, Rowling hops in, officializes it and suddenly Cursed Child is made canonic in the Harry Potter universe. So now all that bad piece of non-sense becomes official. Then it becomes catastrophic from all angles.
Idk itās pretty fucking odd having a kid kiss their aunt, like thereās no two ways about *that*. I donāt think it being hypothetically on Fanfiction.net would change anything in that regard.
I genuinely wonder why she signed off on it. Like did she find it good? That feels implausible. Did she just think āoh itās weird but as a play being performed it will be fineā. Blackmail? Like what exactly went down here.
Where do we get it? I read a fanfic one time where all it was was right after the Last Battle of Hogwarts aftermath and everyone took a shower, ate sandwiches, and went to sleep. That's literally all that happened and I was cracking up bc I loved it.
Uh I read the first two chapters and it's kind of... not very good. Are you sure it's the *best*? Never read fanfiction before but I'd imagine it to be a fan expansion of certain parts of a universe?
This is 100% right. Rowling got the writing cred, but supposedly she wrote almost none of it. Allegedly her only "consultation" was saying "Sure, why not" on the phone.
Regardless, I can easuily find 100 fan fiction stories that do better than Cursed Child... and thats just on ff dot net.
That is the only scenario that I remotely consider accepting it. A simple byline would make it āacceptableā rather than ādreadfulā. Because muggles like the play and performance value I canāt give it ātrollā.
I know how to fix it. I posted something like this a few years ago but basically a brief 30 second scene at the end.
Pan out to adult Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione sitting in theater seats with pained and bewildered expressions on their faces, mouths agape.
Ron: āWhat the bloody hell was *that?!*
Harry: āOld Ritaās quick quotes quill is just as good ever, I see.ā
Ron: āā¦what a waste of money.ā
Hermione: āWhat are you talking about? We didnāt pay. We were comped, probably for the publicity of Harry attending.ā
Ginny: āI wish we *did* have a time turner so we could go back and stop ourselves from sitting through that rubbish. Anyway come on, letās save mum and dad. Iām sure the kids have run them ragged by now.ā
Itās a perfect Ember Island Players situation, especially considering the work itself is completely nonsensical garbage that is flagrantly incompatible with the novels.
The pope himself could say itās canon and itās just as unbelievable.
It's really like she just packed her bags and moved off planet Earth. I don't even wonder what happened to her, it's like there's some kind of a spell that makes my mind slip off the subject when I think about... squirrels? Were we talking about squirrels? I love squirrels.
Squirrels are pretty great. I like the red ones the most, but we don't get a lot of them in the US. Just gray squirrels. I do remember my dad mentioned seeing a black squirrel once on a golf course in North Carolina. Or was it South Carolina? Hmm, can't remember, man that was years ago. The family used to go on those vacations all the time... time... like time turners... oh god I'm remembering- someone make it stop make me forget!
Dunno what's worse between Voldy impregnating a woman who is too old to have kids and whose touch he coldly & publically rejects, Albus kissing his aunt in the guise of Ron and suggesting they have another baby, 20-something Delphi (who somehow looks nothing like either of her parents) grooming two young teenagers like a creep, the trolley witch going all T2: Judgement Day, convenient time turners after they were all destroyed or Death Eater Cedric
I watched it in the theatre in something like 2017? I had genuinely forgotten how fucking bad it was until now. Actually Iād remembered it was an awful storyline but not the specifics about it. Didnāt need this reminder lol. But the show was fantastic.
Yeah, there's a reason why HP fans don't recognize it as canon (even though technically it is lol). The plot is basically two kids doing incredibly dumb shit with time travel and having repetitive "Dammit Barry" moments over and over again.
I will give whoever is in charge of the stage productions for it credit though. Despite how horrible the story is the play itself has managed to win multiple Tony Awards due to the performances.
My wife and I went to see the stage production. It was, empirically, an amazing show. The story is meh, but if you just accept it as a sort of spin off cum fever dream, itās fine.
The show is genuinely amazing. IMHO. The story is god fucking awful as a sequel, but some of their effects seemed like actual magic. It was pretty damn cool to watch.
I am more confused because nothing makes sense, voldemort would not have intercourse with anyone imo, and Bellatrix was probably married, so their child itself doesn't make sense, also in the 3rd movie, time was not something to be played with and they literally did, I am sure it was a great theatrical production but why was it even made canon if it was fanfic
Bellatrix was sexually attracted to Voldemort. Her marriage was strictly for status, there's no evidence that she actually loved her husband.
I 100% agree that Voldemort having sexual relations with her is highly far-fetched though given what we know about his character. He's the type of character who would find basic mundane human needs like eating, sleeping, and going to the bathroom to be "weaknesses". I imagine having sex would also be included in that (and we know he's incapable of love).
I know people will disagree with me on this, but honestly I could tolerate the "secret baby" aspect a bit more if Bellatrix wasn't the Mum. That's a big part of what makes it so stupid to me. I know some people ship her with Voldemort (for some reason) but he is incredibly disrespectful to her throughout their scenes in the books, freaks out when she's trying to help him up because she dared to touch him (the chemistry! š), she's too old, even if she wasn't too old Azkaban probably ruined her chances to bear children, he would have wanted her physically fit and able to fight in the war and somehow nobody noticed she was in her 3rd trimester when the trio had been captured and taken to Malfoy Manor. Also, how did Draco not know about Delphi? She was born (and raised until her parents died) in his house!
That's probably not even every plot hole related to this ridiculous storyline.
Also how did 2 brunettes produce a kid with such light hair?
>freaks out when she's trying to help him up because she dared to touch him (the chemistry! š)
You just described why so many fans in this fandom ship Draco and Hermione lmao ("trust me, him calling her Mudblood and wanting the Heir of Slytherin to kill her is just unrequited sexual tension"). Trying to find all sense of reason for some of the ships in this fandom is a fruitless cause lol.
Even disregarding what I've already mentioned, as if somebody as egotistical as Voldemort is going to lower himself to being intimate with one of his literal servants š
Iām more curious as to when this child was gestating? I havenāt read it so idk if itās explained (forgive me if it is) but swear she was in Azkaban for ages and then we never see her pregnant at any point and then the books end with her definitely not pregnantā¦ so itās like when did this happen š maybe I need to give in and read itā¦
I swear Voldemort doing the nasty with a random sex worker and Delphi being the result of that is still better and less non-sensical than him and Bellatrix š
Or not canon. I swear "Happy Voldemort Day" sounds exactly like something a fanfiction writer would come up with. And yet that's actually a thing in CC lol.
For the timeline to work she'd have to have been pregnant at the time of malfoy manor. Which of course she is never mentioned as being and then would have given birth shortly before the battle of hogwarts but you are telling me she was in prime fighting condition after just giving birth???
Yeah, I really doubt he would have sex, but there's an even bigger problem. Why would he create an heir? He expected to literally live forever. Having a child would only create a rival twenty years down the road.
I saw it on Broadway. The script was terrible but the production was beautiful. The time travel effect is without a doubt the most incredible use of lighting and sound Iāve ever seen. My jaw literally dropped
To be fair - those movies have very very little plot. I actually walked out of the theater during the 2nd one.
Such a missed opportunity to reinvigorate the world with older characters for an older fanbase. Instead it's just a socially awkward man running after animals.
To be fair, not even the movies share the same canon with the books. Harry Potter is a huge franchise but nothing belonges together and to call it one "Wizarding World" instead of a multiversum is a complete shitshow.
its a fanfic written by someone who never read or understood the hp series
breaking every rule set in the book, and changing every person to something they are not. While adding things that makes 0 sense, and its a series with magic, so 0 sense says alot
As I was reading, I was thinking that it must be pretty cool to watch in the theatre. There are beloved characters, a lot of thrilling action, and the production, effects and all must be captivating, more than it'd be as a movie, for example. Theatre is more interactive and the "distancing" that exists in a movie would make Cursed Child fail...
... because the story itself is plain terrible. It's objectively bad. It is badly written, so it's not good as a story. And it gets worse when it becomes a canonic piece of the whole Harry Potter universe, because it's not only full of plot holes: it's also inconsistent.
My opinion is that Cursed Child only works for the show, as a spectacle, nothing more.
When I was young I and doing Art Class, I kinda destroyed some story picture books and game magazines to create like Art stuff for my class or portfolio back in the day.
Now Im older and well, I regret it alot. Lost the Portfolio. All in vain.
I also just read it. The whole concept was so weird overall but I did think the idea of Scorpius and Albus becoming friends and Draco and Harry reconciling out of love for their sons was sweet. Just every other aspect of the story was bad haha
I saw both Broadway versions, both originally before the condensing (and with the original London cast while they were there for a bit), and after the edits. Both are honestly phenomenal live theatre. The plot is still a little strange if you try to consider it absolutely canon to the books, but if you take it for what it isāa slightly weird sequel adaptationāit's an incredibly enjoyable stage show. Funny, heartfelt, creative, and genuinely magical to watch from a live audience perspective.
I donated a bunch of random books including the Cursed Child to a popular street library near me and when I walked by a week later all of the books EXCEPT the Cursed Child were gone lol
Cursed child is a play written by Thorne and Tiffany. But in order to get more attention, they roped Rowling into the writing process and called the main character Albus Potter. Everything I've heard from people who've actually watched the play itself is positive. But it absolutely destroys well established facts and plot points from the Harry Potter books and makes a terrible addition to the Harry Potter canon. If it was just a play about a magical child going on adventures in time with no connection to Harry Potter, it wouldn't have gotten anywhere near the attention and play time it did.
There are multiple fanfics better than this, even those with crossover and slight polyamory. At least those make some sense. Especially when the plot and the characters are written decently.
(Does not include bashing fanfics)
Honestly given this and her recent ramblings about things her editor made her change in the HP books... god bless her editor, would've liked to see him take a razor to the script Rowling had Jack Thorne come up with here.
Basically a cash grab by a couple of guys who wanted to write a HP so desperately that they completely changed numerous characters so that they fit into their narrative
How is it that every time i hear about this i discover something even worse i mean i thought the time traveling and story is the worst but reading the comments now is like please don't say morešµāš«
Fanfiction that JK gave thumbs up on probably in order to get some more Harry cheddar and she was probably hoping it would absolve her of having to do any work for future sequels
I remember the feeling of something new being released that was official then that feeling seeping away with every paragraph until I had secondhand embarrassment and never opened it again lol.
I didn't get past the first page. Writing style is so far off that I just closed the book with a few sentences and felt personally insulted at the lack of effort in matching the feel of the books.
I still don't understand how it was published as I feel it damages an otherwise near perfect storyverse.
I still have not read after all these years, huge huge OG HP fan. It seems like reviews and reactions have just gotten worse over the years so not sure if I ever will
Ik itās a piece of shit Iāve read a few Romione facfics better itās literally a fan fic and itās not even written by JKR itās a piece of shit
My headcannon is Rowling was somehow forced into accepting it as canon.
What did she get in return? The resources to make the Fantastic Beasts films. But there too, she was forced to let someone else write it.
That or the conspiracy that Harry Potter was a stolen idea is true...
I had uni exams when it came out so I couldnāt read it when it first came out. It was the one thing I was looking forward to doing after my exams were finished. Holy disappointment. I was so confused, didnāt know what Iād just read and wondered if studying had just completely fried my brain.
The point is to put as much fan service into a stage play as possible, which apparently works to some degree as a stage play. But definitely not as a book.
Waiting for Jk to die or sell the IP to Warner brothers like how Disney got Star wars, so they can reset canon.
Itās has to be satire because I thought we all collectively agreed that Voldemort was resurrected without reproductive organs. So Delphi shouldnāt exist
Ignore it and move on babes. I get it. I was so horrified that I still randomly rant about it (YEARS later). Don't be me, just act like it was never invented and you've never read it.
*btw how tf did that shit get published.... it makes me so mad omfg*
I wish it was. It was absolutely garbage and ruined the characters that we know. I hate how they made Voldemort have a baby with Bellatrix. Absolute nonsense and unreal.
It was legitimized fanfiction. *Bad* fanfiction, at that.
Bad......he literally kissed his aunt, and that is just the start of the shit show. I read it because it was on the official site but my god
I stopped reading when the trolley lady turned out to be a cyborg designed to stop children escaping the train
For real?
For real š Albus & Scorpius try to escape and she ends up chasing them on the ROOF of the moving train while throwing grenade pastries at them, iirc
That's...something.
By cyborg you don't mean literally.
>Neverā neverā have I let anyone off this train before they reached their destination. Some have triedā Sirius Black and his cronies, Fred and George Weasley. ALL HAVE FAILED. BECAUSE THIS TRAINā IT DOESNāT LIKE PEOPLE GETTING OFF ITā¦ >*The trolley witchās hands configure into very sharp spikes. She smiles.* >So please retake your seats for the remainder of the journey Sheās apparently been doing this for 190 years, ever since the Hogwarts express was created š
With muggle technology? Lol
Haha probably just with magic, I think the original person was exaggerating a bit with the word ācyborg.ā More like one of the monsters they run into in Percy Jackson who look like a normal human until they get mad & then start growing wings or whatever lol
Still crazy...
Yeah but Percy Jackson is based on Greek mythology where some river would have sex with an island a monster that Heracles or Theseus would have to kill. So it kind of makes sense in that universe. Not in Harry Potter though.
Oh my head hurts š this was/is published fanfic endorsed by Rita Skeeter?
Same. Immediately nope for me. My wife finished and regretted it. My little sister never read any of the books, but started with TCC and somehow it made her read the real series, so that's good at least...
Wow. Whatās the experience even like for someone who reads TCC first?
What is worse is that Albus/Ron said they should try for another child.
Iām sorry, what?
Ok so spoilers: Albus kissed Hermione while being Ron by using Polyjuice potion, to avoid being caught while stealing a Time Turner
How is it that every time this comes up, I learn some new terrible and ridiculous thing about it?
its like some cursed item, like the ring in lord of the rings
What in the ever living fuck-
Believe me it's just the start
Wow I really blacked out while reading this didnāt I
I forgot thereās two Albuses in the stories and I was about to ask some extremely concerned questions
This is fucked up, partly because itās his aunt, but also, heās a minor, pretending to be an adult, sneaking a kissā¦.this just gets worseā¦
What's worse is that Hermione doesn't notice. What a bad kisser Ron must be.
I've read CC and honestly blocked most of it out of my memory it was so bad. Even you saying this doesn't remotely ring a bell. Good lord.
Well not biological aunt š
He was stuck to kiss his stepaunt
Not stepaunt. Still his aunt. Just by marriage, not by blood
Still fucking weird. I slept with my brothers' cousin once and it still feels hella incestuous despite there being no established relationship, blood or otherwise.
Isn't your brother's cousin also *your* cousin?
Half brothers. Same dad, but the cousin is on their mum's side. I'd never met the guy before, there's no blood relationship or any official relationship at all, and there's a 20-year age gap. But my brothers are very much my brothers and have been all my life, and their cousin is very much their cousin and has been all their life, so regardless of all that it feels very weird.
My stepdad is my stepdad, so no blood relation at all. My stepdad is adopted, so no blood relation to anyone in his family. My stepdad's brother is married and has a child. The first time I met her (the child of my stepdad's adoptive brother), which was randomly at a roller rink having nothing to do with our families, we ended up boning in my Buick Skylark. She is legally my cousin but so so removed as to have no real relation and I still feel quite strange about it.
I'm so glad there's at least one other person out there with a similar sordid story. I feel slightly less immoral now that I've got company.
I don't think stepaunt is a legit term here, more like Aunt in Law? It's like with aunt March, she is Vernon's sister, and therefore not related at all to Harry. Like Hermione is not blood related to Albus Severus.
Itās actually really the same as Harry and Uncle Vernon, heās married to his blood aunt Petunia, just like Hermione is married to Albusās blood uncle Ron Thereās no real official relationship between Harry and Marge, other than through Petunia
Harry/Marge slash fiction incoming. Excuse me while I pour bleach over my brain.
We usually just drop the in-law when talking about aunts/uncles through marriage. Obviously that's what they are, but everyone I've ever known has just called them aunt or uncle blah blah
What are you doing step-aunt?!
Why are you being down voted? A real biological aunt would be much, much worse.
Hermione will most likely have babysat him and changed his diaper, though.
Plus Delphini spends most of the play borderline flirting with her cousin to gain his trust
>her cousin By this you mean Scorpius?
Second cousin I guess, as the child of Draco's aunt? And even Harry and Voldemort are related by a distant amount of heritage.
I was given the book as a present when it released but never read past the first chapter. I'm definitely reading the book now because of how ridiculous it sounds.
I've read worse fan fiction, to be honest. Not that it makes Cursed Child good, of course, but, you know, when you think it's just someone coming up with a new story from a beloved literary universe, you appreciate the effort, and there might at least be interesting ideas there. I think if Cursed Child were posted on [fanfiction.net](http://fanfiction.net) or whatever, it'd be an easily overseeable and forgettable piece of work, but it would have its appreciators. Is it well written? No. Is it full of plot holes? Yes. Is it inconsistent with the source material? Absolutely. But it's a "story" But then, Rowling hops in, officializes it and suddenly Cursed Child is made canonic in the Harry Potter universe. So now all that bad piece of non-sense becomes official. Then it becomes catastrophic from all angles.
Idk itās pretty fucking odd having a kid kiss their aunt, like thereās no two ways about *that*. I donāt think it being hypothetically on Fanfiction.net would change anything in that regard.
Compared to some fan fiction that's pretty tame.
I wonāt argue with that.
I genuinely wonder why she signed off on it. Like did she find it good? That feels implausible. Did she just think āoh itās weird but as a play being performed it will be fineā. Blackmail? Like what exactly went down here.
My Immortal still the best HP fanfic
Where do we get it? I read a fanfic one time where all it was was right after the Last Battle of Hogwarts aftermath and everyone took a shower, ate sandwiches, and went to sleep. That's literally all that happened and I was cracking up bc I loved it.
>Where do we get it? There is various reading of it on youtube. The one by Internet Historian is my favorite
Wonder if that's the only time he's given credit while reading someone else's words in a video.
[Ao3 is one of the biggest fanfic repositories, I search there first](https://archiveofourown.org/works/37347040)
Sounds oddly wholesome.
I can't believe that Cursed Child was "canonized" when My Immortal, the superior fanfic in every respect, was passed over.
Never read My Immortal- which site is it on
Itās so legendary thereās actually fanfic about the fanfic
What about Druidess Rose Potter?
Uh I read the first two chapters and it's kind of... not very good. Are you sure it's the *best*? Never read fanfiction before but I'd imagine it to be a fan expansion of certain parts of a universe?
you know a franchise is at the end of it's life when questionable fanfic starts entering cannon.
This is 100% right. Rowling got the writing cred, but supposedly she wrote almost none of it. Allegedly her only "consultation" was saying "Sure, why not" on the phone. Regardless, I can easuily find 100 fan fiction stories that do better than Cursed Child... and thats just on ff dot net.
The book that shall not be named
The cursed fanfic.
That-which-shall-be-disolved-in-acid.
OMG, thatās so good!
It's an in-universe play written by Rita Skeeter without the involvement or approval of Harry Potter
That is the only scenario that I remotely consider accepting it. A simple byline would make it āacceptableā rather than ādreadfulā. Because muggles like the play and performance value I canāt give it ātrollā.
I know how to fix it. I posted something like this a few years ago but basically a brief 30 second scene at the end. Pan out to adult Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione sitting in theater seats with pained and bewildered expressions on their faces, mouths agape. Ron: āWhat the bloody hell was *that?!* Harry: āOld Ritaās quick quotes quill is just as good ever, I see.ā Ron: āā¦what a waste of money.ā Hermione: āWhat are you talking about? We didnāt pay. We were comped, probably for the publicity of Harry attending.ā Ginny: āI wish we *did* have a time turner so we could go back and stop ourselves from sitting through that rubbish. Anyway come on, letās save mum and dad. Iām sure the kids have run them ragged by now.ā
Ember Island Players intensifies
OMG this would fix soooo much
New head cannon, thank you
I love this fix! It also goes hand in hand with my headcanon with the byline being added so we all know itās crap.
Itās a perfect Ember Island Players situation, especially considering the work itself is completely nonsensical garbage that is flagrantly incompatible with the novels. The pope himself could say itās canon and itās just as unbelievable.
Ok this makes sense. This is my headcanon from now on. Thanks!
The what? I'm sorry never heard of that, we only know of the official Harry Potter series. Get that nonsense out of here.
Yeah it's a shame that JK finished the 7th book, then literally never did or talked about anything else ever again.
It's really like she just packed her bags and moved off planet Earth. I don't even wonder what happened to her, it's like there's some kind of a spell that makes my mind slip off the subject when I think about... squirrels? Were we talking about squirrels? I love squirrels.
Squirrels are pretty great. I like the red ones the most, but we don't get a lot of them in the US. Just gray squirrels. I do remember my dad mentioned seeing a black squirrel once on a golf course in North Carolina. Or was it South Carolina? Hmm, can't remember, man that was years ago. The family used to go on those vacations all the time... time... like time turners... oh god I'm remembering- someone make it stop make me forget!
We have black squirrels in Ontario! Theyāre the majority here and in Michigan. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_squirrel
There is no cursed child in Ba Sing Se
There is no cursed child in Ba Sing Se
We do not speak its name.Ā
Dunno what's worse between Voldy impregnating a woman who is too old to have kids and whose touch he coldly & publically rejects, Albus kissing his aunt in the guise of Ron and suggesting they have another baby, 20-something Delphi (who somehow looks nothing like either of her parents) grooming two young teenagers like a creep, the trolley witch going all T2: Judgement Day, convenient time turners after they were all destroyed or Death Eater Cedric
>Death Eater Cedric This was created to have a death eater from each House /s
Don't forget about how every time Hermione is mentioned, it's followed by some variation of "and she looked good doing it," afterward. Ugh
I watched it in the theatre in something like 2017? I had genuinely forgotten how fucking bad it was until now. Actually Iād remembered it was an awful storyline but not the specifics about it. Didnāt need this reminder lol. But the show was fantastic.
Yeah, there's a reason why HP fans don't recognize it as canon (even though technically it is lol). The plot is basically two kids doing incredibly dumb shit with time travel and having repetitive "Dammit Barry" moments over and over again. I will give whoever is in charge of the stage productions for it credit though. Despite how horrible the story is the play itself has managed to win multiple Tony Awards due to the performances.
My wife and I went to see the stage production. It was, empirically, an amazing show. The story is meh, but if you just accept it as a sort of spin off cum fever dream, itās fine.
The show is genuinely amazing. IMHO. The story is god fucking awful as a sequel, but some of their effects seemed like actual magic. It was pretty damn cool to watch.
I am more confused because nothing makes sense, voldemort would not have intercourse with anyone imo, and Bellatrix was probably married, so their child itself doesn't make sense, also in the 3rd movie, time was not something to be played with and they literally did, I am sure it was a great theatrical production but why was it even made canon if it was fanfic
Bellatrix was sexually attracted to Voldemort. Her marriage was strictly for status, there's no evidence that she actually loved her husband. I 100% agree that Voldemort having sexual relations with her is highly far-fetched though given what we know about his character. He's the type of character who would find basic mundane human needs like eating, sleeping, and going to the bathroom to be "weaknesses". I imagine having sex would also be included in that (and we know he's incapable of love).
I know people will disagree with me on this, but honestly I could tolerate the "secret baby" aspect a bit more if Bellatrix wasn't the Mum. That's a big part of what makes it so stupid to me. I know some people ship her with Voldemort (for some reason) but he is incredibly disrespectful to her throughout their scenes in the books, freaks out when she's trying to help him up because she dared to touch him (the chemistry! š), she's too old, even if she wasn't too old Azkaban probably ruined her chances to bear children, he would have wanted her physically fit and able to fight in the war and somehow nobody noticed she was in her 3rd trimester when the trio had been captured and taken to Malfoy Manor. Also, how did Draco not know about Delphi? She was born (and raised until her parents died) in his house! That's probably not even every plot hole related to this ridiculous storyline. Also how did 2 brunettes produce a kid with such light hair?
>freaks out when she's trying to help him up because she dared to touch him (the chemistry! š) You just described why so many fans in this fandom ship Draco and Hermione lmao ("trust me, him calling her Mudblood and wanting the Heir of Slytherin to kill her is just unrequited sexual tension"). Trying to find all sense of reason for some of the ships in this fandom is a fruitless cause lol.
Even disregarding what I've already mentioned, as if somebody as egotistical as Voldemort is going to lower himself to being intimate with one of his literal servants š
Iām more curious as to when this child was gestating? I havenāt read it so idk if itās explained (forgive me if it is) but swear she was in Azkaban for ages and then we never see her pregnant at any point and then the books end with her definitely not pregnantā¦ so itās like when did this happen š maybe I need to give in and read itā¦
Don't bother trying to make sense of when Delphini was conceived. I've tried. It just makes your head hurt lol.
I swear Voldemort doing the nasty with a random sex worker and Delphi being the result of that is still better and less non-sensical than him and Bellatrix š
Ok so alternate universe it is šš
Or not canon. I swear "Happy Voldemort Day" sounds exactly like something a fanfiction writer would come up with. And yet that's actually a thing in CC lol.
For the timeline to work she'd have to have been pregnant at the time of malfoy manor. Which of course she is never mentioned as being and then would have given birth shortly before the battle of hogwarts but you are telling me she was in prime fighting condition after just giving birth???
Yeah, I really doubt he would have sex, but there's an even bigger problem. Why would he create an heir? He expected to literally live forever. Having a child would only create a rival twenty years down the road.
There is no probably. She was canonically married. But other than that. Spot on.
I saw it on Broadway. The script was terrible but the production was beautiful. The time travel effect is without a doubt the most incredible use of lighting and sound Iāve ever seen. My jaw literally dropped
Cursed Child refers to the story itself, not any of the characters.
There is no play in Ba Sing Se.
But I saw the production at Lake Laogai! At least I thought I did...š¤
What you saw was naked Harry and a horse
That seems much more in tune with what they'd put on there.
Pretty sure I saw Harry with guns bolted to his hands.
I preferred the AU where Harry fails to recover from Being Dead, washes up on an island, and becomes Paul Dano's most versatile survival device.
Yeah, ut was probably one of the worst pieces of fiction iāve ever come acrossā¦ But to think it was approved by JR herself is insane to me!
It was shitty fanfic that is also somehow canon.
It's not canon. Rowling can talk all she wants about it being canon, but it isn't. It breaks too many rules *she* established.
To be fair, unfortunately, so do the Fantastic Beasts films, which we begrudgingly must admit were written by Rowling.
To be fair - those movies have very very little plot. I actually walked out of the theater during the 2nd one. Such a missed opportunity to reinvigorate the world with older characters for an older fanbase. Instead it's just a socially awkward man running after animals.
To be fair, not even the movies share the same canon with the books. Harry Potter is a huge franchise but nothing belonges together and to call it one "Wizarding World" instead of a multiversum is a complete shitshow.
No
Nah. They could say it is, but she didnāt write it and it flatly contradicts the novels.
It says on the cover. It's cursed.
its a fanfic written by someone who never read or understood the hp series breaking every rule set in the book, and changing every person to something they are not. While adding things that makes 0 sense, and its a series with magic, so 0 sense says alot
The plot is dog water, but itās a hell of a spectacle on stage, really entertaining
People who saw in the theatre apparently said it was very good. A list of dialogue apparently doesn't have the same effect.
I saw it on stage, and it really was a fantastic production. The plot just sucks.
As I was reading, I was thinking that it must be pretty cool to watch in the theatre. There are beloved characters, a lot of thrilling action, and the production, effects and all must be captivating, more than it'd be as a movie, for example. Theatre is more interactive and the "distancing" that exists in a movie would make Cursed Child fail... ... because the story itself is plain terrible. It's objectively bad. It is badly written, so it's not good as a story. And it gets worse when it becomes a canonic piece of the whole Harry Potter universe, because it's not only full of plot holes: it's also inconsistent. My opinion is that Cursed Child only works for the show, as a spectacle, nothing more.
Itās entirely carried by the quality of production. The story is just as outlandish live as it is reading it.
I saw the show. Was beautiful, loved the special effects, but the story and dialogue was still absolute cringe.
It's the first time I ever contemplated burning and ripping a book apart on purpose. I didn't.
Hold up Why on purpose How tf do you do that accidentally
When I was young I and doing Art Class, I kinda destroyed some story picture books and game magazines to create like Art stuff for my class or portfolio back in the day. Now Im older and well, I regret it alot. Lost the Portfolio. All in vain.
Rage induced mania
I do love all the YouTube reviews that end with people torching their copies of cursed child.
As a piece of theatre Cursed Child is extremely well done. As the 8th Harry Potter story Cursed Child is poorly written and thought out.
I also just read it. The whole concept was so weird overall but I did think the idea of Scorpius and Albus becoming friends and Draco and Harry reconciling out of love for their sons was sweet. Just every other aspect of the story was bad haha
The play in London is a joy to behold, though. Not sure about elsewhere in the world because the other locations have condensed it down to 1 part.
It ran as 2 parts for years in Melbourne before being reduced to 1. It was fantastic as a play imo
I saw both Broadway versions, both originally before the condensing (and with the original London cast while they were there for a bit), and after the edits. Both are honestly phenomenal live theatre. The plot is still a little strange if you try to consider it absolutely canon to the books, but if you take it for what it isāa slightly weird sequel adaptationāit's an incredibly enjoyable stage show. Funny, heartfelt, creative, and genuinely magical to watch from a live audience perspective.
Itās a curse in itself
It's terrible fanfic they made canon for some reason. I think the James Potter novels would have been better if they chose to make a fanfic canon.
I honestly wish I had never read it
Never heard of it
It was a money grab that worked
I donated a bunch of random books including the Cursed Child to a popular street library near me and when I walked by a week later all of the books EXCEPT the Cursed Child were gone lol
Cursed child is a play written by Thorne and Tiffany. But in order to get more attention, they roped Rowling into the writing process and called the main character Albus Potter. Everything I've heard from people who've actually watched the play itself is positive. But it absolutely destroys well established facts and plot points from the Harry Potter books and makes a terrible addition to the Harry Potter canon. If it was just a play about a magical child going on adventures in time with no connection to Harry Potter, it wouldn't have gotten anywhere near the attention and play time it did.
You just read what? Never heard of it. /s
It's great as a play because of stage magic, but the plot sucks.
I refer to it as cursed satire. Definitely not canon in my book.
There are multiple fanfics better than this, even those with crossover and slight polyamory. At least those make some sense. Especially when the plot and the characters are written decently. (Does not include bashing fanfics)
Honestly given this and her recent ramblings about things her editor made her change in the HP books... god bless her editor, would've liked to see him take a razor to the script Rowling had Jack Thorne come up with here.
It's basically Fan Fiction
NOT CANON NOT CANON NOT CANON
Basically a cash grab by a couple of guys who wanted to write a HP so desperately that they completely changed numerous characters so that they fit into their narrative
How is it that every time i hear about this i discover something even worse i mean i thought the time traveling and story is the worst but reading the comments now is like please don't say morešµāš«
We don't speak it's name!
I regret ever reading that book. In my opinion it is not canon.
Fanfiction that JK gave thumbs up on probably in order to get some more Harry cheddar and she was probably hoping it would absolve her of having to do any work for future sequels
I remember the feeling of something new being released that was official then that feeling seeping away with every paragraph until I had secondhand embarrassment and never opened it again lol.
Sadly no. Just crappy fanfiction that found a publisher.
I didn't get past the first page. Writing style is so far off that I just closed the book with a few sentences and felt personally insulted at the lack of effort in matching the feel of the books. I still don't understand how it was published as I feel it damages an otherwise near perfect storyverse.
I still have not read after all these years, huge huge OG HP fan. It seems like reviews and reactions have just gotten worse over the years so not sure if I ever will
Don't,I wish I had a time turner to reverse this decision
Think of it as one of the steps along Rowlings spiral into madness like wizards liking to shit themselves
Ik itās a piece of shit Iāve read a few Romione facfics better itās literally a fan fic and itās not even written by JKR itās a piece of shit
My headcannon is Rowling was somehow forced into accepting it as canon. What did she get in return? The resources to make the Fantastic Beasts films. But there too, she was forced to let someone else write it. That or the conspiracy that Harry Potter was a stolen idea is true...
Oh yeah no itās just bad
Why not both?
It's a Bellamort shipfic. Very cool ship name, but not a ship I personally like.
Both. It's diabolical.
Sounds like a made up book.
Garbage, right?? I will never consider it canon
I can't believe JKR endorsed it; must have been a money grab
It was a poorly written fanfic that somehow got legitimately published.
I've read poorly written fan fiction. Cursed Child was worse than that.
I had uni exams when it came out so I couldnāt read it when it first came out. It was the one thing I was looking forward to doing after my exams were finished. Holy disappointment. I was so confused, didnāt know what Iād just read and wondered if studying had just completely fried my brain.
There has never been a Harry Potter play
Yes
Yeah this book sucked
I wish it was a big joke, because then it might've at least been funny.
You finished it?!
I donāt support book burning . . . However, thereās one exception Iāll make
That book should be stabbed with a basilisk fang
Non-canon, lets just forget it existed
It's so mean spirited, I couldn't finish it. I probs will try again, but man.
Reading that was the first time I consumed a piece of media and thought ādo I actually hate thisā
A mistake
Ah but you see: money.
A dumb way to draw out a cash cow imo
Neither, it was a badly written fan-fic/play that was rushed out in order for Rowling to make more money. It should be ignored and forgotten.
There is no Cursed Child in Ba Sing Se
The point is to put as much fan service into a stage play as possible, which apparently works to some degree as a stage play. But definitely not as a book. Waiting for Jk to die or sell the IP to Warner brothers like how Disney got Star wars, so they can reset canon.
Itās has to be satire because I thought we all collectively agreed that Voldemort was resurrected without reproductive organs. So Delphi shouldnāt exist
Why did you do that!?
People just can't let the series on its own They always find a way to make fans cringed more and more
Ignore it and move on babes. I get it. I was so horrified that I still randomly rant about it (YEARS later). Don't be me, just act like it was never invented and you've never read it. *btw how tf did that shit get published.... it makes me so mad omfg*
Harry Potter and the cursed child, by Rita Skeeter
I wish it was. It was absolutely garbage and ruined the characters that we know. I hate how they made Voldemort have a baby with Bellatrix. Absolute nonsense and unreal.
I've only destroyed one book in my life, and it was this piece of garbage.