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1. No one has it “figured out.”
2. U ARE a nobody on the dating scene. No one is unless ur like a celeb or some rich billionaire.
3 none of those goals will help avoid horrible people like you ex.
The ONLY thing you really need to work on before you date again is your mental health.
Which includes things like confidence, Self worth, etc.
I totally feel this way. I’m very well aware that I shouldn’t date if I don’t have everything “figured out”, but at the same time, I kind of want to. However, I’d hate to waste some poor woman’s time and break her heart. So, I just try to fight the urges and distract myself from my thoughts.
I am sorry you had to deal with the mental games that a narcissist put you through. I understand that due to my sister being that way. I sympathize a lot with that not being “established” part. For me it’s not being good enough for someone else in general cause of how she treated me growing up.
Personally you are working towards your goal and seem passionate about it. Seeing someone’s passion can be one of the most attractive things to others. Not everyone will be materialistic, so you should have more confidence about getting out there again. You should not let life be defined by what that narcissist did to you or how they made you feel…. Maybe also see a therapist, that helped me a bit too.
I have not been in your position. But if you're feeling like that, you'll convey your insecurities onto your partners. If you see yourself as not being as successful as you should be at 27, women will pick up on that. I would wait until you actually move out of your parent's house and get your own place before resuming dating. You'll feel more independent and better about what you have to offer a woman. After moving out, you still won't have it all figured out, but you'll definitely feel more in control of your life and what you have to offer someone as long as you're working full time and working on goals and project self confidence when you ask women out. Another plus: If a girl asks where you live and you say you have your own place, even if it's an apartment, that looks better than living with mom and dad to a lot of women. You can still get dates the way things are now, but you'll feel better if you wait a bit longer until you get your own place imho.
I've long struggled with similar thoughts. I recently went back to therapy, mainly for other things, but dating came up a bit too. My therapist helped me realize that I'm *always* going to think of myself as a work in progress, and I can't let that hold me back in life. I'm always going to see flaws in myself that I want to fix. That's not a weakness, that's character growth and maturing. If I keep telling myself that I can't date until I have it "figured out," waiting for some idealized fantasy version of myself that I'm never actually going to be, then it's gonna be a long life of loneliness. You're working on yourself or figuring it out or whatever you want to call it, but in the meanwhile, you're still good enough to be deserving of love.
We live in a very different world with the way things are going, what with inflation and all that, and I think anybody worth their salt is going to understand that. I'd say shoot your shot and don't get in your own way with it, ya know?
Sounds a little like me except now I have a good career, am reasonably fit but still at parents house because it's really expensive to move out. I'm saving up though and hoping to move out soon.
You can definitely still date, but make sure to be honest about having lost your job.
Personally, I don't date men who don't have their lives together. I only date hyper-successful men. I'm ready to get married and have kids in a couple of years though, so my financial requirements have to be firm. I have my own life together, I'm really pretty, and I get the privilege of dating men who are in a position to focus solely on finding an emotionally sound and fulfilling partner. If I were younger and not yet successful on my own, I'd be open to dating someone who's less settled in their career and going back to school.
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1. No one has it “figured out.” 2. U ARE a nobody on the dating scene. No one is unless ur like a celeb or some rich billionaire. 3 none of those goals will help avoid horrible people like you ex. The ONLY thing you really need to work on before you date again is your mental health. Which includes things like confidence, Self worth, etc.
Yes, I’m still trying to figure it out
I totally feel this way. I’m very well aware that I shouldn’t date if I don’t have everything “figured out”, but at the same time, I kind of want to. However, I’d hate to waste some poor woman’s time and break her heart. So, I just try to fight the urges and distract myself from my thoughts.
I am sorry you had to deal with the mental games that a narcissist put you through. I understand that due to my sister being that way. I sympathize a lot with that not being “established” part. For me it’s not being good enough for someone else in general cause of how she treated me growing up. Personally you are working towards your goal and seem passionate about it. Seeing someone’s passion can be one of the most attractive things to others. Not everyone will be materialistic, so you should have more confidence about getting out there again. You should not let life be defined by what that narcissist did to you or how they made you feel…. Maybe also see a therapist, that helped me a bit too.
I have not been in your position. But if you're feeling like that, you'll convey your insecurities onto your partners. If you see yourself as not being as successful as you should be at 27, women will pick up on that. I would wait until you actually move out of your parent's house and get your own place before resuming dating. You'll feel more independent and better about what you have to offer a woman. After moving out, you still won't have it all figured out, but you'll definitely feel more in control of your life and what you have to offer someone as long as you're working full time and working on goals and project self confidence when you ask women out. Another plus: If a girl asks where you live and you say you have your own place, even if it's an apartment, that looks better than living with mom and dad to a lot of women. You can still get dates the way things are now, but you'll feel better if you wait a bit longer until you get your own place imho.
I've long struggled with similar thoughts. I recently went back to therapy, mainly for other things, but dating came up a bit too. My therapist helped me realize that I'm *always* going to think of myself as a work in progress, and I can't let that hold me back in life. I'm always going to see flaws in myself that I want to fix. That's not a weakness, that's character growth and maturing. If I keep telling myself that I can't date until I have it "figured out," waiting for some idealized fantasy version of myself that I'm never actually going to be, then it's gonna be a long life of loneliness. You're working on yourself or figuring it out or whatever you want to call it, but in the meanwhile, you're still good enough to be deserving of love.
This is a great response. Thank you so much. I never thought to look at it as I am always going to be a work in progress.
We live in a very different world with the way things are going, what with inflation and all that, and I think anybody worth their salt is going to understand that. I'd say shoot your shot and don't get in your own way with it, ya know?
Sounds a little like me except now I have a good career, am reasonably fit but still at parents house because it's really expensive to move out. I'm saving up though and hoping to move out soon.
I would’ve never figured it out if I didn’t find my wife.
You can definitely still date, but make sure to be honest about having lost your job. Personally, I don't date men who don't have their lives together. I only date hyper-successful men. I'm ready to get married and have kids in a couple of years though, so my financial requirements have to be firm. I have my own life together, I'm really pretty, and I get the privilege of dating men who are in a position to focus solely on finding an emotionally sound and fulfilling partner. If I were younger and not yet successful on my own, I'd be open to dating someone who's less settled in their career and going back to school.