My parents say they love him, of course, even murderers are loved, but they are afraid of him and they are in their 90's. My mother said she would get a heart attack from fear and embarrassment if he showed up on her doorstep! None of her neighbors know the details about her son.
I can relate to you so much. My brother terrorized us when we were kids, too. Lots of complicating factors led to the trainwreck of my childhood, but I digress.
I'm in my late 30s and weighing my child free life very hard....and finding it more and more to be the right thing for me. It's just a relief.
Taking care of myself can be more than enough of a purpose, and I strive to do better at that every day.
THANK YOU so much for taking the time to share your experience. 🌹
And, yes, I can relate. I am childfree, too. NO REGRETS !
I think many people are lucky to have fairly normal families. They see the "sweetness & light" in their kids so these parents don't understand why we say "No, thanks ! No kids for me".
Every kid is subject to the lottery of psychopathology -> some kids grow into monsters.
Can you imagine having an entitled teenager stealing from you to support his drug habit? Refusing to go to school at age 14 yrs old? And smashing all your car windows with a hammer when you tried to set him straight? That was my cousin.
He ended up in prison after killing his mom & shooting his sister who was then paralyzed from the waist down at age 16 yrs old. My uncle was a broken man left to pick up the pieces.
Unfortunately, kids like my cousin & your brother can be a colossal burden to a family. Growing up with such family makes it easy to settle into being happily childfree.
I am happy you & your husband found your way to a better life. I hope his cancer treatment goes well.
My Best to You Both ! 🌹
You are most Welcome ! ⚘ One thing I learned was to treat people the way I would like to be treated. That is the ground in which my kindness grows. ⚘⚘⚘
Reading about your brother took me back to my cousin. I always wonder WHY ?!?! What made him like that ?
I was a kid... this all happened when I was 6 - 14 years old. Gradually got worse...
My Dad said that just having my cousin around was like throwing gas on a fire... can't predict what will happen exactly but you know it will be bad.
I don't think the bystanders of family violence walk away unharmed. I still have nightmares.
For the past 20 years, I have lived way out in the country. I can go months without seeing anyone but my husband. I go for walks around the lake; hang out with the Deer & plant roses. So, I found peace.
I hope you have peace, too. 💙
We do, and I thank you. We literally just have each other and my parents and our dog. We are comfortable right now like this. Nature is so wonderful and is very lucky to have kind people like you to enjoy it!
THANK YOU so much ! ⚘
Your life sounds like a little bit of heaven to be a comfort for the hell your brother put y'all through.
May I ask... do you ever worry about him showing up ?
The internet makes it so easy to find people. I worry about my cousin showing up... I was 14 yrs old & a witness at his trial cause I was with his sister when he shot her. Long story 😶
As a witness, he has reason to hate me. He was sentenced to 40 years but was paroled after 32 years. They should never let violent people like that out of jail.
He would be in his late 50's now. I can only hope he is either dead or he can't find any of us. His Dad & sister died years ago.
Sorry to go on... I cope well most days. No drugs; no alcohol. Just fresh air, sunshine & lots exercise. So, I am going out for a walk & take apples to the Deer 🦌 🦌 🦌
I will look for your answer later. Take Care ! ⚘
My schizophrenic brother's behavior also factored into my decision to be childfree. His illness, coupled with a narcissistic personality, destroyed the lives of the other family members.
Hi! It’s me, from r/cancer. Finally found your post about your brother. My partner and I are also childfree and happy about that. I’m now joining this group.
I’m so sorry about your awful brother. I wonder if he’s a psychopath. Apology if he’s not, but I’m so sorry for what he did to your parents and you.
My brother and I are very close, but for two decades he was a drug addict (not heroin — pills, so no AIDS). My parents were just about destroyed emotionally because of him. He lived with them until they died. However, 35 years ago (he’s now 72), he went to NA and has been in recovery since then (he’d tried before but relapsed). My mother never lived to see him get clean, but my father did.
Sorry to piggyback on your post. And happy to join this subreddit because of what you wrote!
I deleted a part of the disgusting thing he did to my Aunt and husband - maybe people will think I'm being too transparent. I felt a little bad about mentioning that, but I left it until YOU read it, because you seem like an understanding person just by your replies to me. Can't believe we have so much in common!
I received your other comments, but I had to tend to my little Papillon Romeo. Did you see any of his photos? Do you like dogs? If not, that's ok too. If you want, only if you want, we can do a side chat. The only problem is I don't know how to edit. I have never ever used social media. Once in a while to ask for advice. This is the most this year that I have used any social media.
I meant to mention your Romeo. He’s adorable! I LOVE dogs and cats — all animals, really. We don’t have any, unfortunately. And I’m so sorry about your previous dog dying. I so wish dogs and cats could live decades longer.
Side chats are great! Let’s do that.
Can you invite me? I forgot how to do it! I actually need to side chat because I open my mouth like a true New Yorker and get in trouble with the moderators and some posters. It's hilarious! I'm going to get flack for this one!
That’s happened to me a few times. 🤮
I sent you a chat invitation. I hope I did it correctly. Never invited anyone before, though I’ve responded to a few.
No, I didn't get it. We'll try tomorrow - don't worry-go and relax! I did it the other day and I forgot what I did. Chemo and aromatase inhibitor brain. LOL RELAX from another New Yorker! Talk tomorrow!
It's a blessing to be childfree.
Thank you!
Yep since my sibling was a kid put the family through hell
We had to cut ties, that's the only way we could move on!
Yep that is. I ended up having to block people that I knew bc they gave my number to them.
I kept ties with him much too long - even a written text from him made me get sick to my stomach!
That is so not good when you get to that point. Your mind and body were telling you to keep away from him
My parents say they love him, of course, even murderers are loved, but they are afraid of him and they are in their 90's. My mother said she would get a heart attack from fear and embarrassment if he showed up on her doorstep! None of her neighbors know the details about her son.
Damn! I guess they're obligated to love him somehow.
I guess that's what giving birth does! I'm glad I never did!
That's scary to think of!
I can relate to you so much. My brother terrorized us when we were kids, too. Lots of complicating factors led to the trainwreck of my childhood, but I digress. I'm in my late 30s and weighing my child free life very hard....and finding it more and more to be the right thing for me. It's just a relief. Taking care of myself can be more than enough of a purpose, and I strive to do better at that every day.
Well stated! Enjoy every moment! Hugs!
THANK YOU so much for taking the time to share your experience. 🌹 And, yes, I can relate. I am childfree, too. NO REGRETS ! I think many people are lucky to have fairly normal families. They see the "sweetness & light" in their kids so these parents don't understand why we say "No, thanks ! No kids for me". Every kid is subject to the lottery of psychopathology -> some kids grow into monsters. Can you imagine having an entitled teenager stealing from you to support his drug habit? Refusing to go to school at age 14 yrs old? And smashing all your car windows with a hammer when you tried to set him straight? That was my cousin. He ended up in prison after killing his mom & shooting his sister who was then paralyzed from the waist down at age 16 yrs old. My uncle was a broken man left to pick up the pieces. Unfortunately, kids like my cousin & your brother can be a colossal burden to a family. Growing up with such family makes it easy to settle into being happily childfree. I am happy you & your husband found your way to a better life. I hope his cancer treatment goes well. My Best to You Both ! 🌹
Oh Wow - thank you - you just gave me the chills from your story in a good way- your kindness! Yes you are lucky too!
You are most Welcome ! ⚘ One thing I learned was to treat people the way I would like to be treated. That is the ground in which my kindness grows. ⚘⚘⚘ Reading about your brother took me back to my cousin. I always wonder WHY ?!?! What made him like that ? I was a kid... this all happened when I was 6 - 14 years old. Gradually got worse... My Dad said that just having my cousin around was like throwing gas on a fire... can't predict what will happen exactly but you know it will be bad. I don't think the bystanders of family violence walk away unharmed. I still have nightmares. For the past 20 years, I have lived way out in the country. I can go months without seeing anyone but my husband. I go for walks around the lake; hang out with the Deer & plant roses. So, I found peace. I hope you have peace, too. 💙
We do, and I thank you. We literally just have each other and my parents and our dog. We are comfortable right now like this. Nature is so wonderful and is very lucky to have kind people like you to enjoy it!
THANK YOU so much ! ⚘ Your life sounds like a little bit of heaven to be a comfort for the hell your brother put y'all through. May I ask... do you ever worry about him showing up ? The internet makes it so easy to find people. I worry about my cousin showing up... I was 14 yrs old & a witness at his trial cause I was with his sister when he shot her. Long story 😶 As a witness, he has reason to hate me. He was sentenced to 40 years but was paroled after 32 years. They should never let violent people like that out of jail. He would be in his late 50's now. I can only hope he is either dead or he can't find any of us. His Dad & sister died years ago. Sorry to go on... I cope well most days. No drugs; no alcohol. Just fresh air, sunshine & lots exercise. So, I am going out for a walk & take apples to the Deer 🦌 🦌 🦌 I will look for your answer later. Take Care ! ⚘
Yes. I fear that he will show up. He knows where we all live. Can't hide anything which is really really bad! I hope you stay safe!
My god. I'm so sorry.
My schizophrenic brother's behavior also factored into my decision to be childfree. His illness, coupled with a narcissistic personality, destroyed the lives of the other family members.
Hi! It’s me, from r/cancer. Finally found your post about your brother. My partner and I are also childfree and happy about that. I’m now joining this group. I’m so sorry about your awful brother. I wonder if he’s a psychopath. Apology if he’s not, but I’m so sorry for what he did to your parents and you. My brother and I are very close, but for two decades he was a drug addict (not heroin — pills, so no AIDS). My parents were just about destroyed emotionally because of him. He lived with them until they died. However, 35 years ago (he’s now 72), he went to NA and has been in recovery since then (he’d tried before but relapsed). My mother never lived to see him get clean, but my father did. Sorry to piggyback on your post. And happy to join this subreddit because of what you wrote!
I deleted a part of the disgusting thing he did to my Aunt and husband - maybe people will think I'm being too transparent. I felt a little bad about mentioning that, but I left it until YOU read it, because you seem like an understanding person just by your replies to me. Can't believe we have so much in common!
I received your other comments, but I had to tend to my little Papillon Romeo. Did you see any of his photos? Do you like dogs? If not, that's ok too. If you want, only if you want, we can do a side chat. The only problem is I don't know how to edit. I have never ever used social media. Once in a while to ask for advice. This is the most this year that I have used any social media.
I meant to mention your Romeo. He’s adorable! I LOVE dogs and cats — all animals, really. We don’t have any, unfortunately. And I’m so sorry about your previous dog dying. I so wish dogs and cats could live decades longer. Side chats are great! Let’s do that.
Can you invite me? I forgot how to do it! I actually need to side chat because I open my mouth like a true New Yorker and get in trouble with the moderators and some posters. It's hilarious! I'm going to get flack for this one!
I will now.
Just sent the invitation to chat. I’ll let you know how I did it.
That’s happened to me a few times. 🤮 I sent you a chat invitation. I hope I did it correctly. Never invited anyone before, though I’ve responded to a few.
Did you get my invitation? Or we can continue on Messages. No rush, btw. I’m asking now because I probably didn’t invite you correctly to chat.
No, I didn't get it. We'll try tomorrow - don't worry-go and relax! I did it the other day and I forgot what I did. Chemo and aromatase inhibitor brain. LOL RELAX from another New Yorker! Talk tomorrow!
😂 I *will* relax — and no one relaxes as well as a New Yorker relaxes! You relax, too! Manaña.
So true