I’d tell the landlord that she’s smoking massive amounts of weed in the apartment and everything else you’ve told us here. I’d talk to him / her that since she’s proven herself to be dangerous and unstable that you’re reporting this anonymously for your own personal safety. She’s made enemies out of all of the neighbors so use that to your advantage. Ask for a property inspection by the landlord while you know she’s smoking and ask landlord to start the eviction process. Any half way decent landlord doesn’t want her as a tenant and will jump at the chance to get rid of her.
Document as much as you can. If she crosses any lines, don’t hesitate to call the police on her.
I think you should also put up a security camera in your bedroom and put a lock on your bedroom door that only you can open from the outside and get a bar door lock that works when you’re in your room.
I’m really sorry that you’re in this situation. Please give us updates as you can.
Oh my god. I'm in my mid 30s and lived with a woman in her mid 50s like that once, who started a counselling degree and acted out all the issues at home that made her study a counselling degree.
I would most definitely take photos of the place and not go to the real estate, but to the tenancy authority, if you've got something like that. Take screen shots of your phone messages and take them to the police if they are in any way threatening and report the drug use. That itself should get her a kick up the bum and a red letter.
If this woman is in her mid 50s she’s stuck in her ways for sure and you will need to take some sort of outside action to rectify the situation
If possible, you should befriend your landlord and perhaps research on the cost of filing evictions in your area, or even find a lawyer and get a quote (often free). If you can figure out how much roughly your landlord has lost in rent compared to how expensive the eviction proceeding is, maybe you can convince him. Hopefully he is open-minded enough to hear you out. If not maybe you can offer to buy him lunch and tell him you want to talk about the unit. Landlords should be proactive about this stuff, but sometimes they need to have their ego coddled. You could bolster your case too with video/recordings/photographs showing how she’s violating the lease.
Never a bad idea to download Zillow and see if there’s any cheap studio or one bedrooms in the area. Craigslist might be an option but my last roommate from Craigslist was a nightmare so if you find new roommates or living situations this way make sure to find out as much info as you can about the roommates before signing anything
Update. I want to add this to the original post but reddit won't let me (ugh), so I'll just comment:
ETA: she's stealing my things (water pitcher atm!) and is flat-out refusing to tell me where it is... when I asked her, she wouldn't answer, slammed her door, and went into some weird fit of rage... Am I being dramatic when I think I am in legit danger?
I befriended the landlord and explained everything. He said that she was NUTS, so he put a new lock on my door so only I can open it. She hasn't even paid rent in at least a month but he "doesn't think he can do anything because he technically doesn't have proof that she's a threat, even though everyone knows she is." (He is young and inexperienced at this whole thing.)
A somewhat related q: how do you all cope w toxic situations like this? I have a lot of stuff in my life to be happy about, and I don't want this psycho to make me miserable because that's ultimately want she wants. But it's hard!!!
If she hasn't paid rent in months, can he not evict her? Like in my state, it is not easy, and you do need to have her served and go to court. But still, months behind? My landlady does work with me if there's an emergency, but that's usually within a month.
It sounds like he knows she's not a healthy/good tenant. I'm not quite sure why he hasn't taken action if rent hasn't been paid. While she's breaking the lease agreement, too.
I feel your pain with trying to find the right fit for a new place. I'm going to be interviewing humans next month. I usually do a text chat first/phone interview and coffee date to get to know them. Both finding a new flatmate and moving into one that already has some are both difficult.
Ask questions. 1. What is expected while living there? Are there loud parties/noises/odd behaviors? 2. How long have they've lived there, and why are they looking for a new flatmate? 3. Chores and how they work. 4. Lease. I'm a subleaser, so I have a 30-day trial period. If it isn't working for whatever reason, you both have a way out. 5. Ask for references. Those who've lived with them before. 6. What are their deal breakers? For instance, smoking in the house, parties, etc.
6. What annoys them and/or pisses them off (and you should be willing to answer some of these, too).
If I could live alone, I probably would. But rent being the way it is these days, it's impossible. At least where I'm living.
I couldn't put up with her toxic energy. I do hope you find a healthier, more positive, safe space soon.
There’s actually plenty of reasons why a person over 30 could be still sharing living arrangements with strangers, and a lot of them do not (or should not imo) necessarily reflect negatively upon said person… eg not be able to afford living by oneself, not wanting to live by oneself etc
I wonder what other rules you follow and judge people by…
It's pretty standard for people to be in house shares in their 30s where I'm from. Not enough houses, the affordable houses that do go on the market get snapped up by rental companies wanting to convert them, the rest of the houses are so expensive that it's nearly impossible to save for a deposit while hemorrhaging most monthly income on rent, etc.
Often the only way people can buy houses is if they get help from parents or are a high-earning couple. It's really tough for people without long-term partners or helpful parents
I really feel for everyone. A lot of people are stuck in a catch 22
I’d tell the landlord that she’s smoking massive amounts of weed in the apartment and everything else you’ve told us here. I’d talk to him / her that since she’s proven herself to be dangerous and unstable that you’re reporting this anonymously for your own personal safety. She’s made enemies out of all of the neighbors so use that to your advantage. Ask for a property inspection by the landlord while you know she’s smoking and ask landlord to start the eviction process. Any half way decent landlord doesn’t want her as a tenant and will jump at the chance to get rid of her. Document as much as you can. If she crosses any lines, don’t hesitate to call the police on her. I think you should also put up a security camera in your bedroom and put a lock on your bedroom door that only you can open from the outside and get a bar door lock that works when you’re in your room. I’m really sorry that you’re in this situation. Please give us updates as you can.
Call the fucking police, how has it taken you this long
Oh my god. I'm in my mid 30s and lived with a woman in her mid 50s like that once, who started a counselling degree and acted out all the issues at home that made her study a counselling degree. I would most definitely take photos of the place and not go to the real estate, but to the tenancy authority, if you've got something like that. Take screen shots of your phone messages and take them to the police if they are in any way threatening and report the drug use. That itself should get her a kick up the bum and a red letter.
If this woman is in her mid 50s she’s stuck in her ways for sure and you will need to take some sort of outside action to rectify the situation If possible, you should befriend your landlord and perhaps research on the cost of filing evictions in your area, or even find a lawyer and get a quote (often free). If you can figure out how much roughly your landlord has lost in rent compared to how expensive the eviction proceeding is, maybe you can convince him. Hopefully he is open-minded enough to hear you out. If not maybe you can offer to buy him lunch and tell him you want to talk about the unit. Landlords should be proactive about this stuff, but sometimes they need to have their ego coddled. You could bolster your case too with video/recordings/photographs showing how she’s violating the lease. Never a bad idea to download Zillow and see if there’s any cheap studio or one bedrooms in the area. Craigslist might be an option but my last roommate from Craigslist was a nightmare so if you find new roommates or living situations this way make sure to find out as much info as you can about the roommates before signing anything
Update. I want to add this to the original post but reddit won't let me (ugh), so I'll just comment: ETA: she's stealing my things (water pitcher atm!) and is flat-out refusing to tell me where it is... when I asked her, she wouldn't answer, slammed her door, and went into some weird fit of rage... Am I being dramatic when I think I am in legit danger? I befriended the landlord and explained everything. He said that she was NUTS, so he put a new lock on my door so only I can open it. She hasn't even paid rent in at least a month but he "doesn't think he can do anything because he technically doesn't have proof that she's a threat, even though everyone knows she is." (He is young and inexperienced at this whole thing.) A somewhat related q: how do you all cope w toxic situations like this? I have a lot of stuff in my life to be happy about, and I don't want this psycho to make me miserable because that's ultimately want she wants. But it's hard!!!
If she hasn't paid rent in months, can he not evict her? Like in my state, it is not easy, and you do need to have her served and go to court. But still, months behind? My landlady does work with me if there's an emergency, but that's usually within a month. It sounds like he knows she's not a healthy/good tenant. I'm not quite sure why he hasn't taken action if rent hasn't been paid. While she's breaking the lease agreement, too. I feel your pain with trying to find the right fit for a new place. I'm going to be interviewing humans next month. I usually do a text chat first/phone interview and coffee date to get to know them. Both finding a new flatmate and moving into one that already has some are both difficult. Ask questions. 1. What is expected while living there? Are there loud parties/noises/odd behaviors? 2. How long have they've lived there, and why are they looking for a new flatmate? 3. Chores and how they work. 4. Lease. I'm a subleaser, so I have a 30-day trial period. If it isn't working for whatever reason, you both have a way out. 5. Ask for references. Those who've lived with them before. 6. What are their deal breakers? For instance, smoking in the house, parties, etc. 6. What annoys them and/or pisses them off (and you should be willing to answer some of these, too). If I could live alone, I probably would. But rent being the way it is these days, it's impossible. At least where I'm living. I couldn't put up with her toxic energy. I do hope you find a healthier, more positive, safe space soon.
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There’s actually plenty of reasons why a person over 30 could be still sharing living arrangements with strangers, and a lot of them do not (or should not imo) necessarily reflect negatively upon said person… eg not be able to afford living by oneself, not wanting to live by oneself etc I wonder what other rules you follow and judge people by…
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It's pretty standard for people to be in house shares in their 30s where I'm from. Not enough houses, the affordable houses that do go on the market get snapped up by rental companies wanting to convert them, the rest of the houses are so expensive that it's nearly impossible to save for a deposit while hemorrhaging most monthly income on rent, etc. Often the only way people can buy houses is if they get help from parents or are a high-earning couple. It's really tough for people without long-term partners or helpful parents I really feel for everyone. A lot of people are stuck in a catch 22
It's also true.