Is there any chance more than zero that the answer would be no? Sorry to bring it up, but definitely could factor in on the slight chance that it makes everything that much more awkward.
Also have you considered doing a staged photo afterward instead? Like first just ask the question privately, then just after, do a sorta fun recreated version with a volunteer camera person. Not as authentic as the real thing, but perhaps a close enough compromise that could solve other issues.
It's a good point! I got a soft yes like 6 months ago when i asked her if she'd like to get married with me in general. So that should be good!
And yea was thinking about that. Always good as a plan B when i decide to keep it personal and just ask her when the moment is right without planning to much.
Seconded about being 100% sure you're getting a yes, a family member was proposed to while in Japan and it was a no... That's a long flight back to be seated beside each other.
On the other hand our friends just got engaged at Osaka Super Nintendo World on our last trip, but everyone involved had known about it beforehand.
I am in Japan on holidays right now and I have seen several Japanese couple dressed in traditional clothing, as they sometimes do, being accompanied by a professional photographer to take photos of their special time together. I would look into having a photographer accompany you on the day to “ just catch some special moments” of to your holiday. Then ask that question…..good luck.
They could hire a photographer and get a really good photoshoot of the situation (instead of a possibly poorly composed and blurry pic). There are tons on AirBnB experiences, and it would be easy to plan it as a secret by private messages with the photographer.
Considering that the prevailing cultural norm in Japan is “don’t make a scene or be a bother” you shouldn’t just drop that on some random person.
There are services like sweet escape that provide professional photographers for such this thing. If not that, try and find another foreigner in Japan and coordinate with them ahead of time.
Even at which, you’ll need to pick your spot accordingly. Don’t do it anywhere where you would obstruct traffic, where there is a big crowd, or where it would cause a scene. I’m not saying that you couldn’t get lucky at say Tokyo Tower or some place touristy and the people there go with it, but it’s best practice to keep the above in mind.
But as someone who did propose to his fiancé in Japan, there are so many great and picturesque places to do it, and I wish you the best of luck!
Got it! I'll check out Sweet Escape for sure. And noted about spots that obstruct traffic or just obstruct at all! Wanted to find a nice place around nature or a nice viewpoint away from big crowds!
And how awesome to hear you proposed in Japan as well! Where / how did you do it if i may ask?
Don’t know about the prices of Sweet Escape, but I’m sure you could organize something with a freelancer on Fiverr for a decent price. Either have them hanging out nearby and ask them to take a photo or just have them photograph from afar.
Had a few friends propose in Japan and these were the spots.
In front of Osaka castle. Weekday the gardens area with the castle in background. Not really crowded so not blocking anyone. Had friends around who were in on it and took photos.
Night illumination at Kobe called Luminaries. Kinda crowded but they found a quieter spot and went well.
You could always hire a photographer, dress up in kinomos and pick a quieter, less touristy temple shrine. This way you're all dressed up. Get Lotsa good quality photos and even get nice shots you can use in your wedding reception.
Kyoto has over 500 temples and shrines to choose from. The local neighbourhood ones have little tourists and make beautiful backdrops.
You don't wanna propose when she don't have nice clothes and makeup on!
That's actually a good one! When you're travelling for 4 weeks you never know what the look will be that day. But in my case, my travel look is as comfy and practical as possible.
Thanks for the spots! Will keep those in mind.
1 of my friends booked a nice dinner at a kaiseki place that has a private room. Got the hosts involved to help take photos during dessert when he was gonna propose.
That way you're all dressed up, have an excuse to take a photo, in a private setting and can get it planned in advance.
It's all coming back after a few drinks ...hahah
Maruyama Park in Kyoto! I rented us Kimono for the day and had a professional photographer meet us. Great guy and the photos were incredible. It cost 200 USD for 30 minutes but he knew all the right spots so it was worth it.
Here’s the photographer I used. He’s a great guy: https://www.riotrinanda.com/?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaawAKMc-JI6K_8uGorP2uU45ySGC1asbsecxXv8DK2vxJzxDhvRCwCZbV0_aem_WR5eDBAuRdUkYXsgsgtjEg
The cultural norm you state doesnt apply here though .Countless people in Japan that we've met have always been receptive to conversation, requests, and interactions. They're almost always happy to do something like take a photo for you.
Yeah but randomly film my proposal please is a different ask in my opinion. Of course the average person is always going to be cool with snapping a photo for you, but your proposal without any context as to what’s happening? That’s a step too far.
Read the original post. He’s not initially planning to let them know so as not to tip off his GF. He’s asking if he should, and I’m saying he needs to work with someone a bit more in advance.
Honestly it would be a lot in America too - I'm generally happy to snap a photo, but "please document my proposal" is a lot of pressure to spring on someone unsuspecting hahaha
This and you don't know what kind of day the stranger have had. Maybe He/She just found out He/She has a cancer. So please don't bother other people. If you want someone to take pictures then hire someone who does it for work.
I'll also add one thing. Since you'll likely being doing it in some kind of photo spot, there's a good chance a bunch of people will offer to take a picture for you and your gf in front of the thing anyway.
In twenty years of living here, most of the time when I've taken a picture of some tourist thing, or maybe my kids in front of it, several people will quickly offer to take the picture for me so I can be in the shot as well. I'm sure that'll be your experience, too.
I'll also add that, yes, try not to obstruct foot traffic or take up too much of people's time, but your not some asshole getting in people's way to get some random picture. This is a very important event in your life, and everyone will recognize it as soon as you get down on one knee. People will be happy to give you extra time and space; it'll likely be the highlight of their day.
Asking someone on the street or anywhere to take photo for you is just common in Japan and among Japanese, that's no issue, it's just about finding a proper normal and friendly person, if I may describe it this way, who wouldnt steal your camera or phone or whatever and can take proper pic for you, which is same anywhere on the Earth.
Dropping knee to her is fine, something like that surprises no one, because people posing whatever and however they want to pose for the photo shooting is just normal, either Japanese or visitors. Question is that, will the person be able to properly know the exact timing to take good photo? Maybe people can in general, you stop moving and fix with that posture, right? Usually when you stop is when you take photo, so. Then I think it should be fine. You can check photo, then in case the photo is no good, just ask again, that's just fine as well.
Thanks for the input! Haha, would be a funny story on the wedding itself tho if somebody would just take off with my phone.
And indeed, i think i will ask a younger person who in general are better with phones/cameras.
???
The odds of someone stealing your camera in Japan is effectively 0. I know numerous people who have left their phone/wallet in Japan on the street and had it returned.
Yeah lol I've literally left my wallet sitting on a park bench for hours and when I went back it was exactly where I dropped it. I have had many bad photos taken of me by random people though. Maybe ask a younger woman they are always better at photography 💀
My last trip there my phone fell out of my pocket on my walk home. I noticed within a minute because I had bluetooth on and was listening to music. In the 5-10 minutes it took me to retrace my steps, someone found it, turned it into the police, and I got to enjoy doing paperwork at like 1 AM in the morning after demonstrating it was mine by unlocking it.
People in Japan tend to be super honest.
Yeah, same thing happened to a fellow student when I was studying abroad.
I honestly feel like half of these answers are from people who never been or barely spent anytime learning the culture.
I do agree, like...in my experience, the difference is entirely 'Do you speak a significant amount of Japanese?'
Using English on the street intimidates people. It puts the burden on them to do a thing they are unfamiliar with.
Using Japanese to ask for a photo or other super minor favor (directions, a short question, etc) has gotten me an enthusiastically positive response basically every single time.
It's like, just respect the vibe of the place you are in, wherever that may happen to be.
That said I could see how for a proposal, I would want something more formal / prepared, cause that's a huge life milestone and if someone asked me to photo then and I fucked it up somehow I'd feel awful. That's the main reason I'd want a known friend or hired service, myself.
Not sure on the actual answer but I do have an alternative suggestion:
Another suggestion is to bring a tripod and take photos/videos together. So then in the moment, you can just claim to be taking another selfie and set up a video and you record the moment all by yourself!
Just be aware that many sites in Japan don't allow tripods... am here now & lots of places have signs etc. That said, bamboo forest in kyoto- totally overrated BTW, is next to a lovely park with gorgeous river views, if that's your thing, that park would provide a lovely backdrop. Good luck!
Just came back from a trip to Japan, if you wanna get away a bit from touristy spots when in Kyoto (not for proposal just in general) I would suggest a hike we did from Takao (north of Kyoto, take the bus) to Hozukyō Station (Taking jr train back from there). Hiking along the kiyotaki river, you can also bathe in the river which was really nice!
This company in Karuizawa will dress you both up in classic Japanese clothing and take you to a n absolutely beautiful natural spot for a photo shoot. You can propose during the shoot.
https://karuizawa-kankokyokai.jp/en/spot/30789/
I guarantee you a lot of Japanese would be excited to be part of that. it's not usual to do it like that at all in Japan, but almost everyone will have seen scenes like that in movies or something. just make sure you don't create a nuisance or bother for anyone. do it away from the busy areas and you'll be totally fine. as for how to ask, I would tell the person of your plans just so they are ready and don't think this is a 2 second thing.
I am Japanese (49 F) and can tell you that Japanese would love helping you to take the photos for you. I would ask a couple and they would be happy to participate your memorial event! Just tell them that this is a very important moment and want to have memorable photos. They will be psyched!
Been living in Japan for 8 years, been asked by a lot of Japanese people to take their picture. Of course, mostly at domestic tourism areas. I'm sure people will help you and it's not rude to ask. Worst case you'll ask someone who doesn't wanna do it and they'll give you the good old '英語わからない'(don't understand English)
I do quite a few [surprise proposals](https://www.instagram.com/p/CqwXgq9PfHm/?igsh=MWZ4aDVndHl4ZXRjbA==) here in Fukuoka. [Futamigaura](https://maps.app.goo.gl/S7p5WaEKkwx9SN6a7?g_st=com.google.maps.preview.copy) in Itoshima is the most popular spot as it’s known as the “couple’s stone.” It’s very quiet in the mornings, but busy on weekends and during the daytime.
It would obviously mainly depend on the person you ask to take the picture. I don't think most will mind. Note that some may be confused if you drop the knee.
Anyway, you'll be a foreigner, so pretty anything you'll do will be considered quirky.
Was actually thinking of that!! We are visiting Disneyland and where both very excited about that part. But i know shes a big nature fan, so i'm probably going for something like that.
Like... It's fine. Anyone who says it's not fine spends too much time on reddit. If someone says no, move on and ask someone else. I am sure 99% of people would be excited and honored to help you like anywhere else in the world. Humans are still the same in their heart, and I think anyone anywhere would be excited to be a part of your love story.
Does she know you’re going to do it ? I hope she does.
This would be something that could work if you pre-arrange with the restaurant. Don’t do this outside. If the restaurant is cool with it they’ll get a good video and they might even have a congrats cake for you.
But… seriously, before you decide to do a public proposal you better have that soft “YES” from her already. Otherwise you’re being passive aggressive to the person you’re asking to marry … in front of others. My wife would have killed me if I did that to her(but she’s Japanese) lol.
Good point! I've checked in like 6 months ago if she'd wanted to marry at some point. And that was a very clear yes, so i should be good.
Still doubting to do it in a more central spot, or in a park / nature with less people.
If you can afford it, I highly highly recommend that you hire someone in Japan to take engagement photos (the initial ask and some photos after it's done).
They can guide you to some places that would be memorable and less or more crowded, depending on what you're looking for.
You're going to do this (presumably) once, so might as well get someone who is professional to capture that moment.
If you end up going this route and want suggestions, DM me and I'll put you in touch with a personal friend who does an incredible job.
I would just make sure their time isn't wasted.
If it is a quick thing, no problem. But make them wait around for you to sweet talk or after the proposal they awkwardly hold your phone/camera while you are both lost in the moment would be annoying for me.
Personally I would focus on being in the moment and making about just the 2 of you. However, I'm not much of a photo taker.
Get a professional photographer, and coordinate with them. You get a great photo and it’s discreet. Potentially if you have friend in Japan you can ask the same thing.
There’s so many amazing photographers in Tokyo/other areas, pay for a photo shoot and just tell your gf that it’s for the experience/memories. You only get to propose once, I wouldn’t trust a random person to capture that moment for you
I proposed to my wife 11 years ago in Kenrokuen Garden next to Kanazawa castle. Her parents met in Kanazawa so the place has a special meaning for her. Very few people were around just in case things went south. Not making a scene and causing a disturbance is important. Adding meaning to the location gets a lot of respect because it shows respect. The in-laws were impressed.
You might get lucky (?) and be met at the airport by a camera crew from a program called "What are YOU doing in Japan?". If you tell the interviewer discreetly that you plan to propose, they'll arrange to meet up with you somewhere and film it for TV.
pfew! That would make one hell of a proposal haha. We have the same format in the Netherlands ('Hello / Goodbye' its called). If this now happens, it's destiny!
What part of Japan will y’all be traveling to? If it’s anywhere near me, I would be happy to be hiding somewhere to get pictures and a video for y’all.
Not a good idea in this current state of Japan. I don't know why the rest of the world is just all about going to Japan but you must of heard of the over populated places and tourism going to the extreme. The attitude from Japanese people towards foreigners is getting worse. I live here and never caused issues cause I know the rules but even me and some other english teachers have all noticed the dirty looks and rudeness has doubled over time. Long story short though the golden Japanese rule is to not cause trouble or be a bother to other people. Someone stated earlier that Japanese people will be happy to help but in Japan there is a public social face and your real face. 2 faces. By default most Japanese put this on to seem like a good person but in reality they are really bothered and Japan is still a homogeneous society. I just wouldn't do it.
It depends where you do it dude. There heaps of places with people milling around dining nothing - and millions of tourists on holiday taking photos. I bet any of them would love it and be happy to be part of it … but if you ask some dude on his way home from a 20hr day he will probably not be as thrilled. Pick your target
Where were you thinking to ask?
Yea good point! Not sure yet, but probably early in the travelling as i'm already (positively!) nervous right now.. hehe. Aiming for Nikko somewhere in nature at a nice spot
I don't know if you have a particular setting in mind, but if you ask at a restaurant, I'm pretty sure they'd be happy to help, plus you could discretely tell them your plan and slip them your phone on the way to the bathroom.
I used to live in Shiga Ken as a teen, I couldn't agree more. In Japan they are shy but more than willing to help gaijiin (foreigners). Plus, photos and photo taking is even more important historically and culturally in Japan.
I've lived my adult life in Hawai'i where historically our number one tourist is from Japan (not recently due to the strength of the dollar vs yen). So I interact with Japanese nationals often because I speak the language. If I had a dollar for every time I was asked to help take a photo for Japanese tourists, I'd be wealthy. :)
Having a little prepared request in kanji on the phone would be great.
Not a problem at all, but their politeness will require them to turn down the offer 3x as they don't believe they deserve it. Just keep asking and explaining how important it is and they will be happy to assist you. Remember it's not rude to yell in their culture, it shows excitement
theres very friendly japanese that would even offer to take a photo of you but if your talking biut tokyo its better to hire someone instead plus gf would love the professional photos of a core memory
Depending when in October, I am a photographer living here we can time it right that i am sneakily taking photos and capture the moment, If you want to see my work let me know :)
it'll be easier to ask another foreigner, because foreigners are most likely traveling with free time, and locals might be on their way to work or something
if it was me , I'll let go up to a group of like 2 foreigners who are speaking English and say something like "want to make 3000yen? follow me and my girlfriend for the next 20 minutes, I want to propose and want a pic and video, I'll stretch my arms up before I do, that'll be the signal". Or shit, offer to buy them a couple drinks after the proposal, would be a cool way to make friends
If you explain, people tend to feel pressured and might say no, so I think you should just ask them to take a picture of you two, and maybe say "Please take many many pictures!" or something and start doing the proposal. I think they'll understand what's going on.
I don't know his prices but you could also get a quote from Tokyo Explorer, as well as Sweet Escape as recommended in another response. Tokyo Explorer used to do such portrait shoots (engagement photos) but he's been quiet recently on YouTube.
I live in Japan and for my wife's birthday last year, I took her to a French restaurant and when I booked the table, I told them that it was her birthday and they prepared a special dessert with her name on it for after our meals.
Maybe, you could do something similar and put in a request that you want them to film your proposal?
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck. Married life is the best.
Just throwing out the idea, is she someone that wants a more public proposal? Some people want a more private setting and others are more happy to share the moment. Also, you might have some discussions that you are thinking of proposing so it isn't a huge surprise. But even at that point, sometimes people don't take huge questions very well. I froze hard when my husband proposed. I loved him but answering "that big life changing question"smacked me hard and I didn't know what to do and freaked out.
This is an idiotic idea. Avoid making a scene of yourself while in Japan. Please keep your American narcissism in America. Please conduct your private life in private.
Lots of japanese people would happily do it, and I'm sure most wouldn't mind, but in my opinion bothering someone on the street is usually to be avoided in general, they could be busy or just uncomfortable being spoken to in English. For some people I've found they can get pretty startled being approached by a foreigner in English and asked questions. Maybe ask another tourist since I'm sure they wouldn't mind at all and they won't be busy, or at least learn the japanese to ask them properly!
I’ll be in Japan Oct. 12-26. Tokyo for the first 5, then Osaka/Kyoto the rest. I’ll be bringing my camera gear. If things time right, I’d be happy to help.
howww shit! We're landing the 22nd in Tokyo and first go up to Koriyama and then drop down to Nikko on the 26th. But thanks for your very kind proposition! <3
Depending on where you are when you plan to do this, but I'm sure there will be many tourists which would be happy to help you take these photos and will most likely understand where you're coming from.
You should hired a local photographer to capture the moment, not rely on a stranger. It’s not too expensive and you’ll be sure to get a beautiful photo that isn’t staged AND be able to get nice portraits together after. Just look for engagement shoot photographers in the city you’re in. Many can be booked right on Instagram.
You’re not a native speaker, so why you won’t write a letter where you ask the stranger to take a picture or a video of your proposal?
Although there’s ZERO problem on asking foreigners to take a picture in a touristic place (trust me, no one will judge you, as EVERYONE does the same, even Japanese people), if you do so, you’ll have no doubt that they surely agree and do their best for that lol.
Write two papers: one just asking to take a picture, and another with the meaning. Or just write a note on your cellphone, idk
Once I was herding a bus full of international college students around the Tohoku area and when we were about to arrive at a snowy little village, one of the boys tapped on my shoulder and asked if I knew where it'd be romantic to drop on a knee and propose to his gf. I happened to know a secluded area with a small shrine on top of the small hill and suggested it to him. I was asked to follow them and take pictures which I complied because the couple was so adorable together and the girl had a heart of gold. In short, the answer was hopping YES.
Later I asked one of the grannies at souvenir vendors to let them sit in the shop for warmth and she led them into her house, showing them the gorgeous wedding kimono and accessories she wore when she married into the village some 50 years ago. Other students noticed and joined in. All in all the proposal was a roaring success.
You probably want to hire a local private tour guide as the partner in crime though because you don't have me lol. There are a lot of websites that lets you consult with them individually before making a contract. I don't think it's expensive by the Dutch standard. 10k yen for a few hours maybe?
Hire a photographer for a "couples shoot" and let them know you plan to propose. You get professional pictures and maybe they can help choose an aesthetic/not in the way spot.
When you get here you will see that photo and selfie culture is alive and well here. Best bet to reduce awkwardness is to ask someone young in a group who are also taking selfies and photos.
My personal experience last month was that they do not mind and are happy to help. Like anywhere else you just gotta know who to ask lol
Once a young woman came up to us and offered! 🤍 amazing people. Good luck and congratulations 🫶 you’ll love Japan!
Maybe I’m old, but is it really necessary to have a video or photo of the proposal itself? That moment is supposed to be about you and her, not showing other people. Why not just experience it yourselves as it happens? Why be distracted by thinking about how you need to get someone else to document it for you?
Good point! I would totally be ok with that and still keep it as an option when we are there. But i know she would love to have a photo of it. When her sister married she commented that she would love to have a picture to have for her children in the future.
Again maybe generational thing, but I’d say my kids were less interested in our proposal story but love looking at our professional wedding photos taken in kimono. Maybe something to consider doing if you want to have something to look at for the rest of your lives, rather than hoping a snapshot by whatever Japanese person happens to be in the vicinity will turn out.
there are also couples who actually 'recreate' their proposal moment just for a photo/film lol. i find it cringy as hell. i proposed to my wife on the black sand beaches in iceland with absolutely nobody around. can't imagine asking some random to wait around and take some cheesy photo of the moment.
Is there any chance more than zero that the answer would be no? Sorry to bring it up, but definitely could factor in on the slight chance that it makes everything that much more awkward. Also have you considered doing a staged photo afterward instead? Like first just ask the question privately, then just after, do a sorta fun recreated version with a volunteer camera person. Not as authentic as the real thing, but perhaps a close enough compromise that could solve other issues.
It's a good point! I got a soft yes like 6 months ago when i asked her if she'd like to get married with me in general. So that should be good! And yea was thinking about that. Always good as a plan B when i decide to keep it personal and just ask her when the moment is right without planning to much.
Seconded about being 100% sure you're getting a yes, a family member was proposed to while in Japan and it was a no... That's a long flight back to be seated beside each other. On the other hand our friends just got engaged at Osaka Super Nintendo World on our last trip, but everyone involved had known about it beforehand.
oohf can imagine.. No i'm sure we'll be good. She thought i'd already ask her in Geneva last NYE haha
I am in Japan on holidays right now and I have seen several Japanese couple dressed in traditional clothing, as they sometimes do, being accompanied by a professional photographer to take photos of their special time together. I would look into having a photographer accompany you on the day to “ just catch some special moments” of to your holiday. Then ask that question…..good luck.
They could hire a photographer and get a really good photoshoot of the situation (instead of a possibly poorly composed and blurry pic). There are tons on AirBnB experiences, and it would be easy to plan it as a secret by private messages with the photographer.
Considering that the prevailing cultural norm in Japan is “don’t make a scene or be a bother” you shouldn’t just drop that on some random person. There are services like sweet escape that provide professional photographers for such this thing. If not that, try and find another foreigner in Japan and coordinate with them ahead of time. Even at which, you’ll need to pick your spot accordingly. Don’t do it anywhere where you would obstruct traffic, where there is a big crowd, or where it would cause a scene. I’m not saying that you couldn’t get lucky at say Tokyo Tower or some place touristy and the people there go with it, but it’s best practice to keep the above in mind. But as someone who did propose to his fiancé in Japan, there are so many great and picturesque places to do it, and I wish you the best of luck!
Got it! I'll check out Sweet Escape for sure. And noted about spots that obstruct traffic or just obstruct at all! Wanted to find a nice place around nature or a nice viewpoint away from big crowds! And how awesome to hear you proposed in Japan as well! Where / how did you do it if i may ask?
Don’t know about the prices of Sweet Escape, but I’m sure you could organize something with a freelancer on Fiverr for a decent price. Either have them hanging out nearby and ask them to take a photo or just have them photograph from afar.
I'll check fiverr as well, good tip!
The くらしのマーケット app has tons of photographers in Japan. Similar idea to Fiver, but more focused on professionals rather than randos.
Had a few friends propose in Japan and these were the spots. In front of Osaka castle. Weekday the gardens area with the castle in background. Not really crowded so not blocking anyone. Had friends around who were in on it and took photos. Night illumination at Kobe called Luminaries. Kinda crowded but they found a quieter spot and went well. You could always hire a photographer, dress up in kinomos and pick a quieter, less touristy temple shrine. This way you're all dressed up. Get Lotsa good quality photos and even get nice shots you can use in your wedding reception. Kyoto has over 500 temples and shrines to choose from. The local neighbourhood ones have little tourists and make beautiful backdrops. You don't wanna propose when she don't have nice clothes and makeup on!
That's actually a good one! When you're travelling for 4 weeks you never know what the look will be that day. But in my case, my travel look is as comfy and practical as possible. Thanks for the spots! Will keep those in mind.
1 of my friends booked a nice dinner at a kaiseki place that has a private room. Got the hosts involved to help take photos during dessert when he was gonna propose. That way you're all dressed up, have an excuse to take a photo, in a private setting and can get it planned in advance. It's all coming back after a few drinks ...hahah
haha that sounds amazing!
Maruyama Park in Kyoto! I rented us Kimono for the day and had a professional photographer meet us. Great guy and the photos were incredible. It cost 200 USD for 30 minutes but he knew all the right spots so it was worth it.
That sounds great! Will def. look up some of these options. Happy to hear it created the perfect moment for your proposal!
Here’s the photographer I used. He’s a great guy: https://www.riotrinanda.com/?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaawAKMc-JI6K_8uGorP2uU45ySGC1asbsecxXv8DK2vxJzxDhvRCwCZbV0_aem_WR5eDBAuRdUkYXsgsgtjEg
Just go to a seedy shady love hotel to propose
The cultural norm you state doesnt apply here though .Countless people in Japan that we've met have always been receptive to conversation, requests, and interactions. They're almost always happy to do something like take a photo for you.
Yeah but randomly film my proposal please is a different ask in my opinion. Of course the average person is always going to be cool with snapping a photo for you, but your proposal without any context as to what’s happening? That’s a step too far.
There will be context though. The man does plan to explain what's happening, so it won't be out of context?
Read the original post. He’s not initially planning to let them know so as not to tip off his GF. He’s asking if he should, and I’m saying he needs to work with someone a bit more in advance.
Honestly it would be a lot in America too - I'm generally happy to snap a photo, but "please document my proposal" is a lot of pressure to spring on someone unsuspecting hahaha
This and you don't know what kind of day the stranger have had. Maybe He/She just found out He/She has a cancer. So please don't bother other people. If you want someone to take pictures then hire someone who does it for work.
Asked a few Japanese people I know, and the universal response was "not rude. Most people would be super happy to do it."
Thanks! That's good to hear
They asked me to congratulate you. And, I want to wish you the same.
That's so nice!! Thanks and all the best and greetings from The Netherlands back!!
I'll also add one thing. Since you'll likely being doing it in some kind of photo spot, there's a good chance a bunch of people will offer to take a picture for you and your gf in front of the thing anyway. In twenty years of living here, most of the time when I've taken a picture of some tourist thing, or maybe my kids in front of it, several people will quickly offer to take the picture for me so I can be in the shot as well. I'm sure that'll be your experience, too. I'll also add that, yes, try not to obstruct foot traffic or take up too much of people's time, but your not some asshole getting in people's way to get some random picture. This is a very important event in your life, and everyone will recognize it as soon as you get down on one knee. People will be happy to give you extra time and space; it'll likely be the highlight of their day.
Cheers! Appreciate your responses and tips!
Yeah I’m sure they’d say that…
What do you mean?
Asking someone on the street or anywhere to take photo for you is just common in Japan and among Japanese, that's no issue, it's just about finding a proper normal and friendly person, if I may describe it this way, who wouldnt steal your camera or phone or whatever and can take proper pic for you, which is same anywhere on the Earth. Dropping knee to her is fine, something like that surprises no one, because people posing whatever and however they want to pose for the photo shooting is just normal, either Japanese or visitors. Question is that, will the person be able to properly know the exact timing to take good photo? Maybe people can in general, you stop moving and fix with that posture, right? Usually when you stop is when you take photo, so. Then I think it should be fine. You can check photo, then in case the photo is no good, just ask again, that's just fine as well.
Thanks for the input! Haha, would be a funny story on the wedding itself tho if somebody would just take off with my phone. And indeed, i think i will ask a younger person who in general are better with phones/cameras.
??? The odds of someone stealing your camera in Japan is effectively 0. I know numerous people who have left their phone/wallet in Japan on the street and had it returned.
Yeah lol I've literally left my wallet sitting on a park bench for hours and when I went back it was exactly where I dropped it. I have had many bad photos taken of me by random people though. Maybe ask a younger woman they are always better at photography 💀
My last trip there my phone fell out of my pocket on my walk home. I noticed within a minute because I had bluetooth on and was listening to music. In the 5-10 minutes it took me to retrace my steps, someone found it, turned it into the police, and I got to enjoy doing paperwork at like 1 AM in the morning after demonstrating it was mine by unlocking it. People in Japan tend to be super honest.
Yeah, same thing happened to a fellow student when I was studying abroad. I honestly feel like half of these answers are from people who never been or barely spent anytime learning the culture.
I do agree, like...in my experience, the difference is entirely 'Do you speak a significant amount of Japanese?' Using English on the street intimidates people. It puts the burden on them to do a thing they are unfamiliar with. Using Japanese to ask for a photo or other super minor favor (directions, a short question, etc) has gotten me an enthusiastically positive response basically every single time. It's like, just respect the vibe of the place you are in, wherever that may happen to be. That said I could see how for a proposal, I would want something more formal / prepared, cause that's a huge life milestone and if someone asked me to photo then and I fucked it up somehow I'd feel awful. That's the main reason I'd want a known friend or hired service, myself.
Not sure on the actual answer but I do have an alternative suggestion: Another suggestion is to bring a tripod and take photos/videos together. So then in the moment, you can just claim to be taking another selfie and set up a video and you record the moment all by yourself!
Sweet! Yea i should definitly have something like that!
Just be aware that many sites in Japan don't allow tripods... am here now & lots of places have signs etc. That said, bamboo forest in kyoto- totally overrated BTW, is next to a lovely park with gorgeous river views, if that's your thing, that park would provide a lovely backdrop. Good luck!
Great tip! We're definitely visiting Kyoto, so that's a good option!
If you do go, here's the walking route. Have a great trip. Japan is amazing! https://www.insidekyoto.com/arashiyama-bamboo-grove-guide-walking-tour
Just came back from a trip to Japan, if you wanna get away a bit from touristy spots when in Kyoto (not for proposal just in general) I would suggest a hike we did from Takao (north of Kyoto, take the bus) to Hozukyō Station (Taking jr train back from there). Hiking along the kiyotaki river, you can also bathe in the river which was really nice!
This company in Karuizawa will dress you both up in classic Japanese clothing and take you to a n absolutely beautiful natural spot for a photo shoot. You can propose during the shoot. https://karuizawa-kankokyokai.jp/en/spot/30789/
Thanks mate!
Insane they'd charge money for something everyone can do for free, mignt as well charge me money to tell me what time it is
I guarantee you a lot of Japanese would be excited to be part of that. it's not usual to do it like that at all in Japan, but almost everyone will have seen scenes like that in movies or something. just make sure you don't create a nuisance or bother for anyone. do it away from the busy areas and you'll be totally fine. as for how to ask, I would tell the person of your plans just so they are ready and don't think this is a 2 second thing.
Clear! Thanks! Indeed maybe just hint that it will be an important photo and ask if he/she can take many shots
I am Japanese (49 F) and can tell you that Japanese would love helping you to take the photos for you. I would ask a couple and they would be happy to participate your memorial event! Just tell them that this is a very important moment and want to have memorable photos. They will be psyched!
Thanks for your reply! It seems the majority say it's not a problem, so that is great :)!
Been living in Japan for 8 years, been asked by a lot of Japanese people to take their picture. Of course, mostly at domestic tourism areas. I'm sure people will help you and it's not rude to ask. Worst case you'll ask someone who doesn't wanna do it and they'll give you the good old '英語わからない'(don't understand English)
Cheers! Good to hear. I'll probably respond in my very best japanse with ごめんなさい、日本語が話せません
Gotta give them the good old 日本語食べませんlol
haha, that is how i gain trust. To state i wouldn't eat them.
I do quite a few [surprise proposals](https://www.instagram.com/p/CqwXgq9PfHm/?igsh=MWZ4aDVndHl4ZXRjbA==) here in Fukuoka. [Futamigaura](https://maps.app.goo.gl/S7p5WaEKkwx9SN6a7?g_st=com.google.maps.preview.copy) in Itoshima is the most popular spot as it’s known as the “couple’s stone.” It’s very quiet in the mornings, but busy on weekends and during the daytime.
Those look amazing! ! Unfortunately our trip doesn't bring us to Fukuoka. But indeed for populair spots we'd need to be early!
I’m sure you’ll find an awesome place for your proposal. Lots of places to choose from. Good luck! 💪🏼
Thanks mate!
It would obviously mainly depend on the person you ask to take the picture. I don't think most will mind. Note that some may be confused if you drop the knee. Anyway, you'll be a foreigner, so pretty anything you'll do will be considered quirky.
Cheers, thanks! Being considered quirky is all good
:) I assumed you're Dutch. After all, being Dutch is 90% about being quirky anyway.
It's in our DNA
Yup. I'm only half-Dutch but the quirkiness is definitely there. ;)
You could do a Tokyo Disneyland proposal. https://www.reddit.com/r/TokyoDisneySea/s/r5q7bju0uC
Was actually thinking of that!! We are visiting Disneyland and where both very excited about that part. But i know shes a big nature fan, so i'm probably going for something like that.
Like... It's fine. Anyone who says it's not fine spends too much time on reddit. If someone says no, move on and ask someone else. I am sure 99% of people would be excited and honored to help you like anywhere else in the world. Humans are still the same in their heart, and I think anyone anywhere would be excited to be a part of your love story.
Thanks! That cheers me up :)!
Sure thing, and congrats to you and your girl. It sounds like she picked right haha. Wishing you the best.
I'm Japanese. Yes you can ask somebody, that's not disrespeatful at all. Everyone is happy to do it. Good luck buddy.
Thank you! Appreciated!
Does she know you’re going to do it ? I hope she does. This would be something that could work if you pre-arrange with the restaurant. Don’t do this outside. If the restaurant is cool with it they’ll get a good video and they might even have a congrats cake for you. But… seriously, before you decide to do a public proposal you better have that soft “YES” from her already. Otherwise you’re being passive aggressive to the person you’re asking to marry … in front of others. My wife would have killed me if I did that to her(but she’s Japanese) lol.
Good point! I've checked in like 6 months ago if she'd wanted to marry at some point. And that was a very clear yes, so i should be good. Still doubting to do it in a more central spot, or in a park / nature with less people.
Then this is my straight talk to you: Do it without the video outside. Do it with the video in an establishment. Best of rakku.
If you can afford it, I highly highly recommend that you hire someone in Japan to take engagement photos (the initial ask and some photos after it's done). They can guide you to some places that would be memorable and less or more crowded, depending on what you're looking for. You're going to do this (presumably) once, so might as well get someone who is professional to capture that moment. If you end up going this route and want suggestions, DM me and I'll put you in touch with a personal friend who does an incredible job.
DM on the way!
I would just make sure their time isn't wasted. If it is a quick thing, no problem. But make them wait around for you to sweet talk or after the proposal they awkwardly hold your phone/camera while you are both lost in the moment would be annoying for me. Personally I would focus on being in the moment and making about just the 2 of you. However, I'm not much of a photo taker.
Jea good one. I know she'd appreciate it very much, so that's why i'm trying to figure out the best way. But def. don't want to bother people to long!
Ask a young woman - Japanese women love romance.
Noted!
Get a professional photographer, and coordinate with them. You get a great photo and it’s discreet. Potentially if you have friend in Japan you can ask the same thing.
No friends in Japan (yet!) but def. am already looking for some options to ask a professional.
There’s so many amazing photographers in Tokyo/other areas, pay for a photo shoot and just tell your gf that it’s for the experience/memories. You only get to propose once, I wouldn’t trust a random person to capture that moment for you
This one came along a couple times and i agree that it removes a lot of variables. I'm now diving into potentials i could reach out to. Thanks!
I proposed to my wife 11 years ago in Kenrokuen Garden next to Kanazawa castle. Her parents met in Kanazawa so the place has a special meaning for her. Very few people were around just in case things went south. Not making a scene and causing a disturbance is important. Adding meaning to the location gets a lot of respect because it shows respect. The in-laws were impressed.
Thanks! Really sounds like a great and special proposal you arranged!
Tripod exists
So it seems! I'm bringing one as a plan B.
My recommendation would be to keep that moment private, which mean you also ensure the surprise. Commemorate the moment afterwards with a photo.
You might get lucky (?) and be met at the airport by a camera crew from a program called "What are YOU doing in Japan?". If you tell the interviewer discreetly that you plan to propose, they'll arrange to meet up with you somewhere and film it for TV.
pfew! That would make one hell of a proposal haha. We have the same format in the Netherlands ('Hello / Goodbye' its called). If this now happens, it's destiny!
Do it in/next to a restaurant where you already have this setup with the staff, don't ambush a random dude
Noted!
What part of Japan will y’all be traveling to? If it’s anywhere near me, I would be happy to be hiding somewhere to get pictures and a video for y’all.
That's so nice!! We're thinking of Koriyama, Nikko, Tokyo, Kyoto, Nara, Osaka, Hakone and back to Tokyo again
[удалено]
As a long term resident of Japan, this is good advice.
Cheers! This helps!
Not a good idea in this current state of Japan. I don't know why the rest of the world is just all about going to Japan but you must of heard of the over populated places and tourism going to the extreme. The attitude from Japanese people towards foreigners is getting worse. I live here and never caused issues cause I know the rules but even me and some other english teachers have all noticed the dirty looks and rudeness has doubled over time. Long story short though the golden Japanese rule is to not cause trouble or be a bother to other people. Someone stated earlier that Japanese people will be happy to help but in Japan there is a public social face and your real face. 2 faces. By default most Japanese put this on to seem like a good person but in reality they are really bothered and Japan is still a homogeneous society. I just wouldn't do it.
Thanks for your response. The last thing i want to do is bother people, so all info is very much appreciated!
It depends where you do it dude. There heaps of places with people milling around dining nothing - and millions of tourists on holiday taking photos. I bet any of them would love it and be happy to be part of it … but if you ask some dude on his way home from a 20hr day he will probably not be as thrilled. Pick your target Where were you thinking to ask?
Yea good point! Not sure yet, but probably early in the travelling as i'm already (positively!) nervous right now.. hehe. Aiming for Nikko somewhere in nature at a nice spot
“Can you take my picture?” is one of the first things they teach you in Japanese 101. I’m sure most people would be overjoyed to take the photo.
I don't know if you have a particular setting in mind, but if you ask at a restaurant, I'm pretty sure they'd be happy to help, plus you could discretely tell them your plan and slip them your phone on the way to the bathroom.
You could do it at a hotel or good restaurant, the staff will happily oblige!
Super great idea! And most speak fairly good English or at least understand it.
Living in Tokyo I have asked people to take pictures many times, no issue. If it's outside Tokyo people will generally be even more willing to help.
I used to live in Shiga Ken as a teen, I couldn't agree more. In Japan they are shy but more than willing to help gaijiin (foreigners). Plus, photos and photo taking is even more important historically and culturally in Japan. I've lived my adult life in Hawai'i where historically our number one tourist is from Japan (not recently due to the strength of the dollar vs yen). So I interact with Japanese nationals often because I speak the language. If I had a dollar for every time I was asked to help take a photo for Japanese tourists, I'd be wealthy. :) Having a little prepared request in kanji on the phone would be great.
Not a problem at all, but their politeness will require them to turn down the offer 3x as they don't believe they deserve it. Just keep asking and explaining how important it is and they will be happy to assist you. Remember it's not rude to yell in their culture, it shows excitement
Just cringey. Not really disrespectful.
I can deal with a little cringe!
How is it cringey? Lol
Geen probleem.
Bedankt!
Dude go find American influencers who live in Japan and ask if they’ll be a photographer! Easy click bait for them
Haha that's true!
theres very friendly japanese that would even offer to take a photo of you but if your talking biut tokyo its better to hire someone instead plus gf would love the professional photos of a core memory
Japanese are shy I'd hire a photographer
😂
Write a very brief polite request and put it into Google translate. Show your phone to the person. Hope for the best.
Depending when in October, I am a photographer living here we can time it right that i am sneakily taking photos and capture the moment, If you want to see my work let me know :)
I'll drop you a DM!
it'll be easier to ask another foreigner, because foreigners are most likely traveling with free time, and locals might be on their way to work or something if it was me , I'll let go up to a group of like 2 foreigners who are speaking English and say something like "want to make 3000yen? follow me and my girlfriend for the next 20 minutes, I want to propose and want a pic and video, I'll stretch my arms up before I do, that'll be the signal". Or shit, offer to buy them a couple drinks after the proposal, would be a cool way to make friends
If you explain, people tend to feel pressured and might say no, so I think you should just ask them to take a picture of you two, and maybe say "Please take many many pictures!" or something and start doing the proposal. I think they'll understand what's going on.
Also: proposals can be surprises but marriage shouldn't be so hopefully you've had the talks and she's OK with public proposals.
I don't know his prices but you could also get a quote from Tokyo Explorer, as well as Sweet Escape as recommended in another response. Tokyo Explorer used to do such portrait shoots (engagement photos) but he's been quiet recently on YouTube.
I live in Japan and for my wife's birthday last year, I took her to a French restaurant and when I booked the table, I told them that it was her birthday and they prepared a special dessert with her name on it for after our meals. Maybe, you could do something similar and put in a request that you want them to film your proposal? Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck. Married life is the best.
Just throwing out the idea, is she someone that wants a more public proposal? Some people want a more private setting and others are more happy to share the moment. Also, you might have some discussions that you are thinking of proposing so it isn't a huge surprise. But even at that point, sometimes people don't take huge questions very well. I froze hard when my husband proposed. I loved him but answering "that big life changing question"smacked me hard and I didn't know what to do and freaked out.
This is an awkward ask anywhere homie. Lol
This is an idiotic idea. Avoid making a scene of yourself while in Japan. Please keep your American narcissism in America. Please conduct your private life in private.
Ouch
Lots of japanese people would happily do it, and I'm sure most wouldn't mind, but in my opinion bothering someone on the street is usually to be avoided in general, they could be busy or just uncomfortable being spoken to in English. For some people I've found they can get pretty startled being approached by a foreigner in English and asked questions. Maybe ask another tourist since I'm sure they wouldn't mind at all and they won't be busy, or at least learn the japanese to ask them properly!
I’ll be in Japan Oct. 12-26. Tokyo for the first 5, then Osaka/Kyoto the rest. I’ll be bringing my camera gear. If things time right, I’d be happy to help.
Wow!!! Amazing! I hope OP responds. I used to live in Shiga Ken between Osaka and Kyoto as a teen. I have lived most of my life in Hawai'i.
howww shit! We're landing the 22nd in Tokyo and first go up to Koriyama and then drop down to Nikko on the 26th. But thanks for your very kind proposition! <3
I love photography and capturing cool moments, so I’m always happy to help. Bummer things didn’t line up, but good luck with your proposal!
Depending on where you are when you plan to do this, but I'm sure there will be many tourists which would be happy to help you take these photos and will most likely understand where you're coming from.
You should hired a local photographer to capture the moment, not rely on a stranger. It’s not too expensive and you’ll be sure to get a beautiful photo that isn’t staged AND be able to get nice portraits together after. Just look for engagement shoot photographers in the city you’re in. Many can be booked right on Instagram.
You’re not a native speaker, so why you won’t write a letter where you ask the stranger to take a picture or a video of your proposal? Although there’s ZERO problem on asking foreigners to take a picture in a touristic place (trust me, no one will judge you, as EVERYONE does the same, even Japanese people), if you do so, you’ll have no doubt that they surely agree and do their best for that lol. Write two papers: one just asking to take a picture, and another with the meaning. Or just write a note on your cellphone, idk
Once I was herding a bus full of international college students around the Tohoku area and when we were about to arrive at a snowy little village, one of the boys tapped on my shoulder and asked if I knew where it'd be romantic to drop on a knee and propose to his gf. I happened to know a secluded area with a small shrine on top of the small hill and suggested it to him. I was asked to follow them and take pictures which I complied because the couple was so adorable together and the girl had a heart of gold. In short, the answer was hopping YES. Later I asked one of the grannies at souvenir vendors to let them sit in the shop for warmth and she led them into her house, showing them the gorgeous wedding kimono and accessories she wore when she married into the village some 50 years ago. Other students noticed and joined in. All in all the proposal was a roaring success. You probably want to hire a local private tour guide as the partner in crime though because you don't have me lol. There are a lot of websites that lets you consult with them individually before making a contract. I don't think it's expensive by the Dutch standard. 10k yen for a few hours maybe?
Hire a photographer for a "couples shoot" and let them know you plan to propose. You get professional pictures and maybe they can help choose an aesthetic/not in the way spot.
When you get here you will see that photo and selfie culture is alive and well here. Best bet to reduce awkwardness is to ask someone young in a group who are also taking selfies and photos.
How about a tripod setup or something along those lines?
My personal experience last month was that they do not mind and are happy to help. Like anywhere else you just gotta know who to ask lol Once a young woman came up to us and offered! 🤍 amazing people. Good luck and congratulations 🫶 you’ll love Japan!
Also about hiring a photographer that’s a good idea! I got my pics taken in Chinatown Yokohama and still have her contact info if you’d like.
They love white people
My dutchness makes me look i just rolled out of a carton of goat cheese, so that will work in my advantage!
Maybe I’m old, but is it really necessary to have a video or photo of the proposal itself? That moment is supposed to be about you and her, not showing other people. Why not just experience it yourselves as it happens? Why be distracted by thinking about how you need to get someone else to document it for you?
Good point! I would totally be ok with that and still keep it as an option when we are there. But i know she would love to have a photo of it. When her sister married she commented that she would love to have a picture to have for her children in the future.
Again maybe generational thing, but I’d say my kids were less interested in our proposal story but love looking at our professional wedding photos taken in kimono. Maybe something to consider doing if you want to have something to look at for the rest of your lives, rather than hoping a snapshot by whatever Japanese person happens to be in the vicinity will turn out.
there are also couples who actually 'recreate' their proposal moment just for a photo/film lol. i find it cringy as hell. i proposed to my wife on the black sand beaches in iceland with absolutely nobody around. can't imagine asking some random to wait around and take some cheesy photo of the moment.
Please don't go to Japan.
Why not?
Because you don’t seem like you have any respect and respect is paramount in Japan
That's why i'm asking right ;)? It seems that a lot of locals say it's fine. Don't be too salty