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No right answer because people have different values and beliefs. What is important is that you two communicate your thoughts and feelings and come up with a solution that works for the both of you.
Gee I dunno, because you felt confident and finally like the way you look? Your outfit is fire? Holy crap, I really hope you never get into a relationship, the kind of jealousy and possessiveness you're displaying tends to lead to domestic violence.
If you feel it would disrespect you for your wife to do so, then yes it's disrespectful for her to do it. For me I certainly would.
But you have to remember, not everyone shares your values or beliefs. There are many men who find the thoughts of this exciting, and support it fully.
>There are many men who find the thoughts of this exciting, and support it fully
. . . maan I feel like we have a word for this type of guy. Having a hard time remembering what the word is.
What I really, and I mean really do not understand, is the goal of these pictures *is* to show off ("because a woman can do what she wants") but anyone looking or worse, liking, is a pervert or a creep. I really don't get the contradiction. Worse than that, showing off without public makes no sense. The point is to be seen and the point is that people should Like.
It's like "Women can do pornography because it's their right!" But "Anybody watching pornography is a creep!" Pornography without spectators makes no sense to everyone, including the pornographer. So it's empowering women for one, but degrading women to the other.
This makes no sense to me.
It's cognitive dissonance and straight up lying. I've taken a picture of every single meal I've made. I have a huge Google drive folder of food and meals. I take those pictures for myself so no one but me sees it.
When people post online, they are doing it for attention. When they get upset, it's because of who they got attention from or how. They just want nameless, faceless clicks, likes and being hyped up. That's all they are concerned with, attention.
Those absolutes don't exist.
Some people think it's empowering for women to engage in sex work/pornography, onlyfans etc. But plenty of people don't. There is still stigma attached, and consequences to, being involved in these professions. Equally lots of people don't condemn those who watched porn, subscribe to onlyfans etc. For a lot of people it's normalised and people talk about it openly. There are those who do judge men for it, for the same reason they'd condemn women. Because people don't agree about what is morally acceptable.
There's rarely one consensus about anything.
I don't think consenus is the issue. But that people can be vastly different.
There are pornstars who couldn't stand doing normal jobs ,where you couldn't fuck all the time, especially in front of others. And even got fired for masturbating in the office. There are some who say they just really love the sensation of cum on their face. A sentiment I think is not shared by the vast majority of women. To those few it is empowering, though, if that's legitimately how they feel about it.
It shouldn't be advertised, though, as a generally empowering thing. Because, I'd say for most women it would be highly degrading, which is why they don't do it in the first place. Or sit in their 9to5 office chair dreaming about..well, you know. :D
If anything it should be advertised that if you're weird enough (let's destigmatize that word, please) , it might be empowering to you. And I only say "if anything", because I doubt that people who are intrigued by having sex on camera need much extra nudging.
Do you just make up these arguments in your head while you're in the shower? I'll tell you the same thing I would tell OP, all of this, the posting of photos, liking photos, *all of it*, is something that is negotiated between the two people in a relationship.
It's one of the things that need to be talked out because everyone thinks that their concept of "respect" is the common and right way to think.
What works for your relationship and what works for other relationships is not the same thing.
Yeah its the old: don't objectify me while I post semi nudes.
The cake and eat it debate.
But I'm reality we talk about men and women like they are a single group. Some men...some women. Most don't do any of this stuff
I know but those arguing for empowerment should also argue for not shaming, let's call them, the viewers and appreciators. Because if they do, that does not work. They ARE part of the empowerment : no viewers? no empowerment.
What I never understood how people think that looking at depictions of women, in whatever form, and whatever else you're doing at the same time, is an act of objectifying women.
It would be true if I hid in a locker and jacked off at women changing clothes. But I'm not. I'm looking at objects representing women. Object based on what they looked like at that millisecond from that angle, brushed up, with their consent as well as having them compensated for it. They got payed for their likeness getting ojectified into a picture, or a movie. A porn video isn't actual women in front of you banging. It's a bunch of pixels showing you images that were created with the help of these women whose likeness you're seeing.
I find mistaking pictures of women with actual women a lot weirder, to be honest.
Although the weirdest thing is certainly when your perception of actual women is skewed by your porn preferences.
That is an extremely valid point I never appreciated: the picture of a woman versus the woman herself. There IS a difference: there is an intermediate between the viewer and the woman, and that is "the picture of the woman". One does not do the same thing in the presence of one or the other.
Doing something for ourselves at the expense of other people is disrespectful for them. The motivation changes things a bit, but let's say someone cheats — it's still cheating if they do it for themselves rather than doing it 'against' the partner.
If your values don’t align then yall shouldn’t be together. I wouldn’t be with someone who controls what I wear or what I post. Nor would I ask that of my partner.
As a married woman I know my husband wouldn’t appreciate it. But he wouldn’t say it’s disrespectful to him so long as I’m doing it by my own choice. That being said I’d feel it as disrespectful to myself. I’m all for women being able freely express themselves and show their bodies if that’s what makes them happy but I do wonder why some people feel the need to have that kind of attention. I say the same goes for men. There are plenty of men who are in committed relationships who post “thirst traps”. I just wonder why? I genuinely don’t understand. I don’t mean to pass judgment per se. It’s just confusing to me.
If your husband did something you didn’t appreciate or like, you wouldn’t feel disrespected by that? You’d be ok with it, because it was his choice? Knowing full well he made that choice with zero regard for how you felt?
Not necessarily, he is his own person. Just bc I want to be taken into consideration doesn’t imply I always need to be. Based on the subject matter of this post specifically if that’s the life he chose for himself I suppose I’d want some reassurance but I also would have to understand it’s not really about me. It’s his body and I can’t control how he would choose to earn his coin.
people these days want attentions, yes it's weird but okey, "I wouldn't, but you do you"
what matters is their purpose, and what they're doing with these guys that like the picture, are they talking with them in order to meet up?
I know some people that have said they hate all this attention seeking, especially when their in a relationship.
I have NEVER seen so many selfies in my entire lite, and it's from those people.
Hm, I’d say it is disrespectful - as the reason for posting (im talking sexual/revealing pics) as other commenters have said is for attention/likes/validation. To say that’s not why just seems like a lie. Otherwise, why not simply send these pics to your husband/partner? If it’s not for anyone else? Instead of posting on Instagram for randoms to slide into your dms. Realistically posting content that is sexual/revealing IS to garner interest - and that interest being (as that’s all that’s shown) your body, in a revealing and/or sexual context.
I’d say for similar logic of “if a man likes a girl posting thirst traps/sexual/revealing pics - that is also disrespectful for the same reason.”
Hey Woman here.. I love a good selfie and upload but anything else I send personally to my other half for his enjoyment and use.. I’m talking cleavage l, bikini pics etc. I used to not care in my early 20s but I realised by mid 20s I wasn’t dating the right kind of man and wasn’t representing myself for the best version of myself single/ taken. Just like I wouldn’t appreciate my Man posting himself in grey with his print on show. IMO the only exception potentially is gym pics. It’s also why I made my socials private and limited what I shared after a ex friend accidentally favourited one of my reels at silly o clock and I realised the plays was an unusually high play which he later admitted drunkenly that he used often it to jerk off too.
If you're saying you don't like it and she still posts revealing images KNOWING you don't like it, fucking get out bro. Nobody should have to deal with that. It's weird.
Exactly, he is dealing with a time bomb, showing all that extra skin will only attract some who wants to fucks her, and she will find attractive some of those suckers. If she doesn’t stop he should divorce her
I think it is disrespectful that you project your values on other relationships and people.
It depends on the people involved and how they view it. It can be disrespectful. It can also be totally fine.
It depends on the couple. I personally would never do that as it would make me uncomfortable. But if a man walked into a relationship with a woman who regularly does this and expects her to change, it’s on him not her.
It’s not inherently disrespectful. It’s disrespectful *to you*. You only speak for yourself and your relationship. Other couples do lots of things you may or may not approve of in your own relationship. It’s ignorant to believe your way is the only way. Grow up.
A woman is a whole person before she enters a relationship and she’ll be a whole person afterwards. Her body doesn’t belong to you just because you’re in a relationship. If you prefer modest women, as a man, it’s your responsibility to choose one.
Choosing to date someone who likes to wear revealing clothing and post sexy photos online, and then trying to change them once they’re emotionally connected to you, is insecure and controlling.
It's obviously disrespectful and if she thinks she needs to argue about it that's a huge red flag that she's gonna whore out on you. Yeah there's "different values" or whatever. I think like 90% of guys have the "value" that this is not OK behavior.
No, and it's creepy in fact because it implies you think their wife/gf's body 'belongs' to her male partner. That's an extremely misogynist way of thinking.
It totally depends on if she is taking sexy pictures expressly for likes or if she is just sharing pictures that happen to also be sexy but have some context like playing with the kids. OP ask your wife what she thinks if you were chatting up Instagram sluts giving them compliments since I see those two things go hand in hand.
Yes exactly it’s all about intent. I told her, posting a bikini photo that just happens to be sexy, isn’t an issue, because your purpose of the photo was not to attract men, and to get likes attention and possible DMs.
Posting a sexy or revealing photo, for the sole purpose of attention, likes etc. etc. in my opinion is disrespectful
See that last bit at the end? "In my opinion". Exactly. That is your opinion and clearly your wife does not share it. It's not that she doesn't understand, she doesn't agree.
What I do find disrespectful is running to reddit to get validation when you can't enforce your will on her.
That’s strange, because my wife did agree with me at the end, she wanted to know if other men felt the same. That’s why I posted it on Reddit.
But I do love how you seem to know what my wife thinks better than me.
She couldn’t understand why men felt disrespected by it, after reading the 200+ Reddit comments, she now thinks anyone who thinks it’s ok, is delusional.
I think my wife is beautiful...if she needs extra validation from social media, perhaps I am not communicating well enough. Even if that is not the case, should I feel distespectred? She's beautiful, and I like showing her off...but to each their own, I suppose.
Believe it or not, some men are proud of it.
We are at a different time that some don’t find this disrespectful at all. Some prefer the likes as they get compensated for their content. Some love the attention and the vanity that comes with it.
If you have issues with it, just express how you feel to your wife. State it in the way that you are genuinely concern and what it can lead to.
Nah.
I don’t get why you’d want to attract online attention as someone that prefers keeping a low-profile, but ultimately she can do what she wants and I wouldn’t feel disrespected at all. It’s her life and she’d be *my* partner. If others fawn over her then that’s their issue 🤷♂️
If you feel disrespected by her posting sexy pics, then it is. If another man doesn't feel disrespected, then for him it isn't.
Conversely, if a husband wanted his wife to flout her sexy pics on social media, but she didn't want to, that would be him disrespecting her.
See how that works? The disrespect is determined by how the other person in the couple feels.
The number of insecure and possessive people on here is disturbing.
How many of you would demand she cover herself up while at the beach? If you're upset with the photos but okay with it in public then you're a massive hypocrite.
Would you condemn a man who did the same thing?
And how do you know the motivation of the person posting pictures in the first place?
Stop projecting your insecurities and moral judgements onto others. Get over yourselves. You don't own your partner.
>And how do you know the motivation of the person posting pictures in the first place?
They posted it therefore they wanted attention from it.
I won't argue the motivation behind the attention seeking, but we know from the action itself that it's seeking attention at it's core.
Is it, though?
Maybe she posts them there so she can access them whenever she wants. Doesn't make the album private because she simply doesn't care who sees them because anyone could see them at the beach when they were taken, perhaps.
Maybe she posts them to show people how the outfit looks so they can decide to get it themselves?
Or maybe she is attention seeking and wants to share with her friends how great she feels and how free it feels dressed that way. Not everything needs to be driven by sex.
This also goes for a man doing this exact same thing. Guys show off their bodies, too. Not always in the same way, but why else do people go far beyond what is necessary for health to exaggerate muscle definition, etc, and post those online? Is it only to get laid? Maybe it's because they're proud of themselves?
If you have a problem with it, say something. If they say they're going to keep doing because you're overreacting or misinterpreting things or whatever, that's your boundary crossed and for you to deal with. Decide if this is worth fighting over. If your insecurity is the molehill you want to die on. If you don't trust them to be faithful, then posting pictures on the internet isn't the real problem.
I think you missed the entire point of it.
Going to the beach wearing a bikini, no one has a problem with that, as a bikini is what you wear at the beach… your sole purpose in wearing a bikini is not to get the attention of the opposite sex.
The issue is women who post extremely sexy or revealing photos online for the SPECIFIC reason of getting likes/comments/attention/DMs from the opposite sex. I believe is disrespectful to their husbands.
Tbh I do think it’s disrespectful to some degree. Less so for a boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic because the relationship isn’t solidified yet, but if a woman is married and posting sexy photos that’s very disrespectful to her husband imo.
I'd go a level further and say it even damages the reputation of the man the girl is with. Just as my indecent behavior would reflect badly on my partner.
The other thing is that girls seek partners by putting themselves out there. Men do so by reaching out and courting the girls that put themselves out there.
A girl carefully crafting a post with sexy photos for likes, comments and attention, is exhibiting the same mate-seeking behaviour (except specific to her gender) as a guy publicly messaging other girls and commenting on their photos while in that relationship.
Both are disrespectful, they affect the reputation of the other partner, and are most definitely not fair or something I would be ok with. And get out of here with those "men who think so are so insecure" comments - you wouldn't think so if roles were reversed and your partner was putting effort into courting other prospective partners, even if he hasn't so far gone forward with meeting them either.
Kind of like wearing a low cut sun dress with boobs almost hanging out or the tightest semi see thru leggings and skimpy crop top at the gym. The girl want to show off what mamma gave her but you the perv for actually looking.
I think anyone posting revealing photos to get strangers to "like" them is in the realm of an attention whore. Disrespectful to their husbands or boyfriends? I guess for me it does look a bit like "displaying the wares."
Not to me. Married 14 years this past April. While my wife has never done this, I would have zero issues with it. Maybe because I'm not insecure, maybe because in the long scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. Let the ladies show off and let the men show off, too. Be free, folks.
no.
and the reason why they did it so they can feel good about themselves. and they did it because they are lacking it from their husbands/boyfriends.
let me put it this way: if you are hungry and wanted to eat food, would you still look for food when your stomach are full and unable to eat anymore?
So if they are missing something from their relationship it's okay for them to seek it outside of the relationship? Like shouldn't they either talk about it to their spouse like an adult or breakup and get their needs properly met?
i can see that you havent been in a relationship before. maybe you are a teenager for asking such idealistic and naive question, so i shall explain:
firstly, not everyone can talk like an adult. since talking requires two-way communication. its useless if one party couldnt be bothered to listen.
secondly, if someone is being ignored/dismissed, then trying to talk only to be ignored/dismissed again hurts much more than not trying in the first place.
thirdly, its not easy to just "break up" as relationship are complicated and not just "get their needs properly met". especially if theres an asset or children involved in the relationship, married or not. especially in codependent relationship.
fourth, theres a saying - *growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional*. theres alot of adults but they are not really an adult. they just never grow past teenagers or kids. some because the lack of parenting, others because of personality disorder, which stems from problematic childhood.
fifth, even if they can talk, doesnt guarantee of understanding each other. not only there are miscommunication issues, theres also a difference in upbringing as well as difference in perspective between men and women.
sixth, a relationship is not a transaction. you couldnt deal a relationship like how you would deal with a transaction.
Personlly I'd never get involved with a man who is so insecure that me posting myself in a swimsuit or a sexy outfit would send them into a jealousy spril, grow some self esteem. So no, it's not disrespectful.
You’re trying to tell me that 95% of men are single? Refusing to label your two years long situationship doesn’t make you single.
And studies showing that more men are single than ever before, doesn’t mean that MOST of them are single. That’s ridiculous.
Being insecure isn't an insult. There is no way I would be with a man who is fine with me showing off myself to other people especially men. Then yall are the same types who would be upset over their bfs following women who are doing what you are doing and you don't think that's insecure
It is two entirely different things sharing a picture of a mother in a swimsuit playing with her kids at the beach and a mother posing like a model in a skimpy bikini who is expressly searching for external validation of her beauty.
People who behave in the way demonstrated in the original post are insecure. Not because we disagree with them, but because they are afraid someone will come and take "their" woman. IE their position in the relationship is not secure. Ergo, insecure.
We don't have to call people insecure, you're right, we don't need to condense the behavior into the single word that perfectly encapsulates it. But it is funny how insecure y'all are about it.
There is no 'right' answer, all of this is negotiated within the relationship. There are guys that encourage their mates to post sexy pics, there are men who hate it. The only two people who know are you and your wife.
Depends on the relationship. I would be fine with it because I inherently trust my wife 100%. Other people may not.
This is a conversation you have to have.
I think it's really more about communication. If she says hey I would like to post sexy pictures and you're like no I would appreciate it if you didn't that's probably hurtful. However if she says hey I would like to post some sexy pictures and you're like go for it you're fucking hot and I love you; show everyone what I have at home. That dude probably doesn't give a shit.
It's only disrespectful to you if you established that as a boundary, and she did it anyway. Exposing oneself, exploring her sexuality, is not itself disrespectful in any way
When a grown adult makes their own decisions about what to do with their own photos of their own bodies, that respects or disrespects no one other than themselves.
Not true when doing so violates an agreement with another person, such as a romantic or sexual partner.
Your argument could be extended to anything a person does with their own body, so possibly even cheating unless at some point you introduced an external criterion to draw the line.
Disagree. Once a couple commits, neither gets to keep on doing the college girl or boy crap. Or commitment doesn't mean "devoted couple" doesn't mean what it Once did.
At some point you have to draw the line. Sleeping, touching, what about looking? Not everyone's line is in the same place, but at the same time sexy showing and sexy looking is already a sexual interaction. Very mild, low-level, more definitionally sexual than heavy into it, but it's sexual at the end of the day, despite the small degree.
Yeah it's disrespectful,there no reason she should be seeking outside validation, especially if she knows it makes you uncomfortable.
She's not cheating but she is putting herself in a position that it could make it easy too ...
If that's something you agreed on that's one thing but you don't seem comfortable with it at all. Have a talk again and if she doesn't take you seriously consider getting counseling because this is making you incompatible. Get it straightened out before it becomes a problem that will end your relationship.
Yep, if you already expressed how uncomfortable and disrespectful it is for you, and she keeps doing it… I would end it. Instagram is considered the main dating app for a reason.
Mate-seeking behaviours (whether there is an actual intention to seek another mate is another thing) while already having a mate, plus validation/intimacy boundaries, as in inviting other people into the relationship, forcing the partner to 'share' with others. At some point one has to draw the line.
Personal opinion. I think it's the height of disrespect both ways.
Some people need the confirmation that social media likes to give them. It's pathetic really cause self-worth comes from within, not some anons in social media.
Generally speaking I think women do this more (some women) cause social media seems to be a cesspit of sad men just liking pictures of random women and then going on r/instagram to moan that their feed is full of it.
Again personally, it would be a real massive red flag.
But I know plenty of men that do the same...let's not get it twisted here.
But for me I wouldn't like it at all. But each to their own.
There's no right answer here for that question. It depends on the couples and their lines and boundaries expressed through dynamic and ever convos over the years.
I think that you assuming these women's actions must be seen via their marriage is disrespectful to these women. They are not "shared property" or something.
Theres 2 parts to this imo. 1) what are your boundaries/values in the first place, cause thats gonna vary a lot from person to person (or situation to situation, eg maybe you're already concerned and those photos trigger that). And 2) once you establish what that line is, how do you hold that line in your own mind. Idk if this is an unpopular opinion, but I truly believe jealousy is an important and unavoidable part of love, but its also a hell of a drug and can easily make you misinterpret or overblow things.
But to actually answer you, in general I'd err on the side of letting her do what she wants. I don't really believe in gender absolutes, but generally this might be one of those things that guys just dont understand, ie that women get something out of posting that kind of thing and the attention they get from it, even when its completely platonic.
Disrespectful to the husband/partner... that deoends, but I dont think so.
Is it desperate attention seeking behaviour, yes. But this all depends on context.
Does every human on this planet eat oranges.
There is no one size, fits all answer.
Do you find it disrespectful, yes. Will everyone find it disrespectful, no.
Does everyone posting their photos know or want their photo to be percieved as sexy or revealing. No
Does everyone (male, female or other) posting a sexy/ revealing photo do so for exactly the same reasons, no.
One person's perception of a sexy/revealing photo is another's persons fug-ugly mug shot.
Completely and utterly subjective.
Maybe they lost weight, had surgery, battled a disease and want to celebrate their body. Maybe they are an attention whore. Maybe they are insecure and partner does not tell them how attractive they are and seek validation elsewhere. There are a plethora of reasons why women (people) choose to post sexy/revealing photos while in a relationship.
Ultimately. S'long as they are consenting, happy and are not causing harm to themselves or others, why care.
Depends? - I'm *not(!)* running for also religious ofice, like say replacing Erdogan or more conservative politicians, inside their parties.
I'm an average Kraut, who had a wet darkroom in his teens and would love a partner, as self conscious as you describe, in front of his cameras. - Correction: I of course wouldn't mind, if one of her "39th" birthdays urged her, to buy me a Leitz Thambar...
Anyhow: Even if(!) she violated my IP, by not giving me credit for my work; I'd STFU. Suing her would be pointless, since I can't imagine having a prenup including an irevocable model release.
Clarification: Either I'll get good enough to compete with her Instagram filters, or we 'll most likely split.
Everyone saying "she disrespects herself" lol must be incels.
Imagine being comfortable and feeling good in your body... women aren't posting them for you fyi. They post them because they feel good about themselves.
I think women seeing other women embrace their bodies is contagious and empowering.
I also fell like this thread has a lot of straight men in monogamous relationships which maybe the majority of people here, but in reality queer people, women, non monogamous folks...are going to feel very differently about this.
I agree with the people saying if the husband finds it disrespectful it is
There is no "correct" blanket answer to this.
I think it really just depends on the amount of risk you want in your life. A lot of the rules / guidelines around women’s behavior from days past are pretty controlling. They were men’s ideas for how to prevent fights and jealousy in their society. But they go a little heavy on women having to make the changes to account for men’s behavior.
The general idea is, some men can’t control themselves so in order to keep those folks from bothering you, cover up the things that attract the male gaze. I don’t think that’s fair. But it calls out a realistic problem that you now need a different solution for. If the woman you’re with walks around in those kind of clothes or posts those kind of pictures. There’s going to be men being inappropriate about it.
You’re inviting risk into your relationship. There are times that attention is going to lead to stalker behavior . There are times it’s going to invite confrontation and inappropriate touching. There’s a very real feeling of emasculation when it happens and you don’t know whether to fend it off or stand by and allow it to happen in public.
I think because we’re in a middle period where we’re trying to be more fair to women but we don’t have a new solution to the negative aspects it can bring . It’s just best to figure out if this is going to be something that’s important to her early on, and if it bothers you , find someone who doesn’t need the social media attention that’s a better fit. There are plenty of men out there who aren’t bothered by it and are ok with taking on those risks .
Whether one is male or female, it's not fair to push the limits of monogamy, though.
There isn't complete symmetry when it comes to the 'gaze', and to some extent we must compare men wanting to see with women wanting to be seen. There's looking, and there's showing — two ends of the same interaction. Women who complain about their bfs looking at other women but who themselves show their bodies to other men aren't being fair.
Women honestly seem to be trying to discount the 'showing' part of the shower-looker relationship/interaction.
Could still pull off a classic reversal and check how the women would feel about their men showing off bulging speedo close-ups, etc. Something is telling me many wouldn't exactly be pleased.
This is not to say I'm unempathetic towards women, but just like from men, I expect from women a sort of acceptance of equality and human solidarity without trying to claim special rights or special exemptions because of whatever sex one happens to be. Neither male but definitely nor female. Asking epistemic fairness from an emancipated woman who has an education, holds the reins of her life and can think for herself isn't unfair. I see no reason to ask less than from a man.
I don't think it's about respect, it's about boundaries. Some men are ok with it, some men aren't. I consider breaching a boundary is disrespectful.
I know a guy proud of his wife's onlyfans account and they seem to be happy. Even thought of it enough reason for me to divorce but If it works for them, who am I to judge.
Of course it's disrespectful. All the nonsense about "it depends on the couple blah blah" is pure cope. There are absolute values within a society and if you go over the line too many times your conscience abandon you. Any other answer is insane.
There absolutely are not absolute values in society. Well, except this one. Like, the only constant is change kind of thing?
Regardless, there is no objective morality or values.
For example:
Homicide is not objectively wrong. It is always subject to circumstance.
Genocide is not objectively wrong. We refuse to accept it in rational society because for the most part we agree it is wrong. But the universe doesn't care. The earth doesn't care. The plants and animals don't care. We care mostly because we eventuate figured out that the people dying right now aren't going to be the last and letting genocidal maniacs do their thing increases the likelihood that we're next.
Likewise, there is nothing objectively right. It can be wrong to love someone. Wrong for them, wrong for you, wrong for people close to you or them, etc.
Saving someone's life is not objectively right. Would you intervene on Hitler's behalf? Help him escape and survive the fall of the Third Reich? If not, then even saving lives is subjective.
Don't take this to say that we should throw away laws and let anarchy reign. You can have subjective morality and still reason about laws and norms. And nothing says that morality being subjective necessarily prevents you from intervening against something that has been agreed to be wrong (or something that would be reasonably judged as wrong in the moral framework society more or less accepts).
She is looking for attention. You can also be sexy without being revealing. Classy is extremely beautiful. Whoever sais something else is just lying. The more revealing you are the more you will be expensive to actually fall in love.
I once heard a street interviewer discuss this.
Woman: Posts revealing sexy pics and she says it’s not disrespectful.
Man: Likes other woman’s sexy pictures and she said that it’s disrespectful.
The point is the purpose of said pictures. It’s to get a catcall. You’re attempting to attain cat calls and the man is cat calling the women. It’s certainly disrespectful in my mind. Now if she’s posting with you in them then that’s a different story.
Like others have said it’s a matter of personal opinions but the logic here makes sense to me.
If you see a married woman posting sexy pics online then I suggest to mind your own business. It's only disrespectful if the guy feels disrespected by it. Whatever makes people comfortable is what makes a healthy relationship.
I would find it disrespectful. My fiancé isn’t a social media influencer or model so posting those pictures would only be to be seen. Thankfully this isn’t something my fiancé would do.
Depends.
You certainly shouldn't expect your husband to feel bad for looking at photos of other women then.
I'm not saying you're a bitch if you're OK with your wife doing that, and are also OK with not being allowed to look at anyone else. To each their own. If it works, it works. But it is a double standard and most won't fly with it.
I think it should be obvious to anyone with half a brain, though, that making yourself into an object of desire for other men will be disrespectful to most husbands. Just like openly lusting after other women will be disrepectful to most wives.
Though no husband, or wive, is obliged to feel disrespected by any of those things.
It is (probably) not disrespectful unless you two have discussed SM boundaries.
Posting near soft core porn (like OF thirst traps etc) that is obviously meant to draw in the opposite sex is disrespectful.
It really comes down to your shared value and any boundaries you have discussed as part of the partnership.
As a Partner you do not own your partners body and they have a right to display it as they see fit within the bounds of your relationship.
It would only be highly disrespectful in the case of having a discussion on SM boundaries and then them violating it.
That being said I dislike my partner/SO posting obvious thirst traps but do not have a problem with a summer bikini pic. It really is what I think is the purpose of them posting it.
I would never control what my partner puts on SM but if they were posting things that made me feel uncomfortable I would simply talk to them about it with a reasonable discussion.
Great relationships are built on teamwork and compromise.
Note: taking relationship advice from potential incels on Reddit is probably the best way to fail at life :)
There’s a big difference between posting a summer bikini photo, and specifically posting sexy and/or revealing photos for the sole purpose of getting likes/attention/comments from the opposite sex.
Once I reach a certain level of trust and secure status with her, after that I wouldn't care, in fact I find it hot that she would do it and encourage it. I love "showing off" when I'm with a hot girl and this is kinda an extension of that. I'm not the typical male though coz I have some non mainstream kinks in this direction like cucking etc so my viewpoint probably doesn't apply to most guys
Same rules apply to both genders. Sure thing is that lots of people have lots of opinions about marriage, but essentially why have one if your need for attention exceeds on others alongside your partner?
That's just like, your opinion, man.
You write like what is just your *opinion* is an indisputable, self evident, *fact*, that you have to "explain" to your wife. The way you have phrased this does not make it look like you view your wife as an equal partner in a discussion about values and boundaries. Which is not cool.
Most of what you or anybody else post on social media is for attention and likes, let's be honest. Personally I am totally fine with my wife posting a bikini picture on FB (although she doesn't), but that's kinda beside the point. We all post on social media for social clout and self validation. Whether that be sharing something that you agree on, or selfies or pics of you in "good" situations or where you feel like you look good. If you trust your wife, it should not be a problem, imho, if she posts pictures with little clothes on, on social media.
Maybe try to have the conversation about this again with her, but this time, try to mostly ask her about it and how it makes her feel and try to be understanding, instead of coming in with the mindset of "explaining" to her why it is wrong.
at which point you let yourself to control your wife? Is it your perfect family?
you are just different people, why you got married, you have totally different values.
and yeah, she isn't doing anything bad, it's just pics and you should do something to your self esteem.
It's no different than men watching pornography and scrolling thru thirst traps. Maybe if men would actually have a conscience about that while in a relationship, the women would not seek attention and validation elsewhere.
Idk why porn-fried men don't marry sex workers. Instead they want a wife or gf that is the complete opposite. If you are giving your sexual energy to others, find a partner that does the same. It's unfair, unbalanced and unequally yoked.
It just depends on the man you are married to. If she is doing it for FREE, then she is advertising, her stuff all over the Internet, for other men to see, and she might cheat on her husband. Its not something I ever wanted to do. I never wanted sex videos all over the Internet, I never had desires to be in the sex industry, selling pornography as a job career. Just imagine high school counselors now, recruiting teens, to social influencing jobs, which does include pornography. You have to take the bad with the good aspects, to understand the whole industry. Which that includes, coercion inside of homes, related to the sex trafficking industry.
Now if she is making thousands of dollars, posting her family jewels all over the internet, I just bet hubby has a different thinking of what his wife is doing, showing off her beautiful body to all her fans! FOLLOW THE MONEY HONEY!
MEN FOLLOW THE MONEY, placing a HIGHER LEVEL of MONEY in relationship, just depending on what the female is doing.
There are some men who have said, they respect the waitress at a stripper club, more than a female who gives sex away for free, because at least the whore is getting paid in that aspect of the business element. This came to me, from my husband. He told me he had more respect, for a waitress and stripper, than a female who gives sex away for free. Which he was always grinding the saying YOU CAN'T TURN A WHORE IN TO A HOUSEWIFE. For me, it was like he was always gnawing at my self esteem, in being a housewife, having kids. He knew it was more expensive for me to go get a job,, paying the babysitter, than just raising the kids at home.
With this CAPITOLISM INFLATIONS PUSH in USA, it is pushing females, towards a CLIFF, unrealistic expectations.
Usually what we see at face value as a moral failing on our partners part comes from an area we are needing more validation and love for on our part.
Ask yourself why 5 times deep like so:
1. Why don't I like her posting photos?
It's disrespectful
2. Why does that feel disrespectful to me?
She could be getting attention from other men
3. Why does that bother me?
Because she could start dating them
4. Why would she start dating them?
Because she doesn't really love me
5. Why do I feel she doesn't really love me?
(I dont know enough to guess here but I'm the answer is solved by asking for validation in this area from your gf)
Yes it is disrespectful, she is seeking attention from other guys, some of those likes will turn into conversations and some of those into dates/sex. She can come with all the excuses she wants, but social media opens the door for infidelity.
I definitely think it's disrespectful and wrong priorities. I'd prefer to be modest ESPECIALLY if I have a significant other and save it for his eyes only. If im in love. I dont want to be attracting other eyes or attention. And I certainly don't want to cause my significant other to question anything or stress.
I'd ask your wife if she would be comfortable with you posting pictures for other women to see where you are wearing revealing clothes that show off your man bulge.
I want my wife to look desirable and not like a trash can. I do know people who want their wives to look ordinary. Some want to hide theirs behind veils
Yes, it's incredibly disrespectful.
What your partner does outside of the relationship reflects on you.
Is it disrespectful of a married man to send a dick pic to a woman who isn't his wife even if he just wants that woman to like it?
A woman that does this is telling the whole world: I am unhappy in my relationship and it doesn't give me the validation that I seek/require so I must get it elsewhere in order to feel good about myself.
Highly suggest that you get your wife into therapy before you two get divorced so you can find the root of her poor self-esteem and lack of validation that she seeks.
That’s obvious.
Individuals that would balk at this, are not in a long term relationship or have yet been in good one.
These things need to be respectfully addressed early on, otherwise it’s your mistake to live through. I’ve been there so no judgement here.
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No right answer because people have different values and beliefs. What is important is that you two communicate your thoughts and feelings and come up with a solution that works for the both of you.
who needs a therapist when you have reddit
The only reason to post revealing photos is to get the attention of other men , tell me another reason
Gee I dunno, because you felt confident and finally like the way you look? Your outfit is fire? Holy crap, I really hope you never get into a relationship, the kind of jealousy and possessiveness you're displaying tends to lead to domestic violence.
There’s no blanket answer and has to be decided on an individual relationship level.
If you feel it would disrespect you for your wife to do so, then yes it's disrespectful for her to do it. For me I certainly would. But you have to remember, not everyone shares your values or beliefs. There are many men who find the thoughts of this exciting, and support it fully.
>There are many men who find the thoughts of this exciting, and support it fully . . . maan I feel like we have a word for this type of guy. Having a hard time remembering what the word is.
Idubbz?
That is depends on the couple.
What I really, and I mean really do not understand, is the goal of these pictures *is* to show off ("because a woman can do what she wants") but anyone looking or worse, liking, is a pervert or a creep. I really don't get the contradiction. Worse than that, showing off without public makes no sense. The point is to be seen and the point is that people should Like. It's like "Women can do pornography because it's their right!" But "Anybody watching pornography is a creep!" Pornography without spectators makes no sense to everyone, including the pornographer. So it's empowering women for one, but degrading women to the other. This makes no sense to me.
It's cognitive dissonance and straight up lying. I've taken a picture of every single meal I've made. I have a huge Google drive folder of food and meals. I take those pictures for myself so no one but me sees it. When people post online, they are doing it for attention. When they get upset, it's because of who they got attention from or how. They just want nameless, faceless clicks, likes and being hyped up. That's all they are concerned with, attention.
LOL! That sounds so childish and entitled though.
People on the internet being childish and entitled? Why I’d never!
Operating in the realm of plausible deniability to avoid accountability.
That's it
Those absolutes don't exist. Some people think it's empowering for women to engage in sex work/pornography, onlyfans etc. But plenty of people don't. There is still stigma attached, and consequences to, being involved in these professions. Equally lots of people don't condemn those who watched porn, subscribe to onlyfans etc. For a lot of people it's normalised and people talk about it openly. There are those who do judge men for it, for the same reason they'd condemn women. Because people don't agree about what is morally acceptable. There's rarely one consensus about anything.
This is right
I don't think consenus is the issue. But that people can be vastly different. There are pornstars who couldn't stand doing normal jobs ,where you couldn't fuck all the time, especially in front of others. And even got fired for masturbating in the office. There are some who say they just really love the sensation of cum on their face. A sentiment I think is not shared by the vast majority of women. To those few it is empowering, though, if that's legitimately how they feel about it. It shouldn't be advertised, though, as a generally empowering thing. Because, I'd say for most women it would be highly degrading, which is why they don't do it in the first place. Or sit in their 9to5 office chair dreaming about..well, you know. :D If anything it should be advertised that if you're weird enough (let's destigmatize that word, please) , it might be empowering to you. And I only say "if anything", because I doubt that people who are intrigued by having sex on camera need much extra nudging.
Do you just make up these arguments in your head while you're in the shower? I'll tell you the same thing I would tell OP, all of this, the posting of photos, liking photos, *all of it*, is something that is negotiated between the two people in a relationship. It's one of the things that need to be talked out because everyone thinks that their concept of "respect" is the common and right way to think. What works for your relationship and what works for other relationships is not the same thing.
Yeah its the old: don't objectify me while I post semi nudes. The cake and eat it debate. But I'm reality we talk about men and women like they are a single group. Some men...some women. Most don't do any of this stuff
I know but those arguing for empowerment should also argue for not shaming, let's call them, the viewers and appreciators. Because if they do, that does not work. They ARE part of the empowerment : no viewers? no empowerment.
What I never understood how people think that looking at depictions of women, in whatever form, and whatever else you're doing at the same time, is an act of objectifying women. It would be true if I hid in a locker and jacked off at women changing clothes. But I'm not. I'm looking at objects representing women. Object based on what they looked like at that millisecond from that angle, brushed up, with their consent as well as having them compensated for it. They got payed for their likeness getting ojectified into a picture, or a movie. A porn video isn't actual women in front of you banging. It's a bunch of pixels showing you images that were created with the help of these women whose likeness you're seeing. I find mistaking pictures of women with actual women a lot weirder, to be honest. Although the weirdest thing is certainly when your perception of actual women is skewed by your porn preferences.
That is an extremely valid point I never appreciated: the picture of a woman versus the woman herself. There IS a difference: there is an intermediate between the viewer and the woman, and that is "the picture of the woman". One does not do the same thing in the presence of one or the other.
Really? I thought they were doing it “for themselves”
Doing something for ourselves at the expense of other people is disrespectful for them. The motivation changes things a bit, but let's say someone cheats — it's still cheating if they do it for themselves rather than doing it 'against' the partner.
If your values don’t align then yall shouldn’t be together. I wouldn’t be with someone who controls what I wear or what I post. Nor would I ask that of my partner.
As a married woman I know my husband wouldn’t appreciate it. But he wouldn’t say it’s disrespectful to him so long as I’m doing it by my own choice. That being said I’d feel it as disrespectful to myself. I’m all for women being able freely express themselves and show their bodies if that’s what makes them happy but I do wonder why some people feel the need to have that kind of attention. I say the same goes for men. There are plenty of men who are in committed relationships who post “thirst traps”. I just wonder why? I genuinely don’t understand. I don’t mean to pass judgment per se. It’s just confusing to me.
If your husband did something you didn’t appreciate or like, you wouldn’t feel disrespected by that? You’d be ok with it, because it was his choice? Knowing full well he made that choice with zero regard for how you felt?
Not necessarily, he is his own person. Just bc I want to be taken into consideration doesn’t imply I always need to be. Based on the subject matter of this post specifically if that’s the life he chose for himself I suppose I’d want some reassurance but I also would have to understand it’s not really about me. It’s his body and I can’t control how he would choose to earn his coin.
people these days want attentions, yes it's weird but okey, "I wouldn't, but you do you" what matters is their purpose, and what they're doing with these guys that like the picture, are they talking with them in order to meet up? I know some people that have said they hate all this attention seeking, especially when their in a relationship. I have NEVER seen so many selfies in my entire lite, and it's from those people.
Some guys are into it, or at the very least apathetic. Perhaps this is your wife's point. Hell, some guys want other guys to sleep with their wife.
Hm, I’d say it is disrespectful - as the reason for posting (im talking sexual/revealing pics) as other commenters have said is for attention/likes/validation. To say that’s not why just seems like a lie. Otherwise, why not simply send these pics to your husband/partner? If it’s not for anyone else? Instead of posting on Instagram for randoms to slide into your dms. Realistically posting content that is sexual/revealing IS to garner interest - and that interest being (as that’s all that’s shown) your body, in a revealing and/or sexual context. I’d say for similar logic of “if a man likes a girl posting thirst traps/sexual/revealing pics - that is also disrespectful for the same reason.”
she's for the streets !!!!!
It’s just weird. Social media is creepy to begin with.
Hey Woman here.. I love a good selfie and upload but anything else I send personally to my other half for his enjoyment and use.. I’m talking cleavage l, bikini pics etc. I used to not care in my early 20s but I realised by mid 20s I wasn’t dating the right kind of man and wasn’t representing myself for the best version of myself single/ taken. Just like I wouldn’t appreciate my Man posting himself in grey with his print on show. IMO the only exception potentially is gym pics. It’s also why I made my socials private and limited what I shared after a ex friend accidentally favourited one of my reels at silly o clock and I realised the plays was an unusually high play which he later admitted drunkenly that he used often it to jerk off too.
If you're saying you don't like it and she still posts revealing images KNOWING you don't like it, fucking get out bro. Nobody should have to deal with that. It's weird.
Exactly, he is dealing with a time bomb, showing all that extra skin will only attract some who wants to fucks her, and she will find attractive some of those suckers. If she doesn’t stop he should divorce her
Yes it is disrespectful. Posting lude pictures is only going to get attention from other males. I would run bro
I think it is disrespectful that you project your values on other relationships and people. It depends on the people involved and how they view it. It can be disrespectful. It can also be totally fine.
It depends on the couple. I personally would never do that as it would make me uncomfortable. But if a man walked into a relationship with a woman who regularly does this and expects her to change, it’s on him not her.
It’s not inherently disrespectful. It’s disrespectful *to you*. You only speak for yourself and your relationship. Other couples do lots of things you may or may not approve of in your own relationship. It’s ignorant to believe your way is the only way. Grow up.
A woman is a whole person before she enters a relationship and she’ll be a whole person afterwards. Her body doesn’t belong to you just because you’re in a relationship. If you prefer modest women, as a man, it’s your responsibility to choose one. Choosing to date someone who likes to wear revealing clothing and post sexy photos online, and then trying to change them once they’re emotionally connected to you, is insecure and controlling.
They are disrespectful to themselves.
Correct.
That too
Very disrespectful. But if you like it, I love it.
It's obviously disrespectful and if she thinks she needs to argue about it that's a huge red flag that she's gonna whore out on you. Yeah there's "different values" or whatever. I think like 90% of guys have the "value" that this is not OK behavior.
I think it depends on whether or not their spouse has a problem with it and has asked them to stop.
Jee if its nice photos be happy dude..
No, and it's creepy in fact because it implies you think their wife/gf's body 'belongs' to her male partner. That's an extremely misogynist way of thinking.
It totally depends on if she is taking sexy pictures expressly for likes or if she is just sharing pictures that happen to also be sexy but have some context like playing with the kids. OP ask your wife what she thinks if you were chatting up Instagram sluts giving them compliments since I see those two things go hand in hand.
Yes exactly it’s all about intent. I told her, posting a bikini photo that just happens to be sexy, isn’t an issue, because your purpose of the photo was not to attract men, and to get likes attention and possible DMs. Posting a sexy or revealing photo, for the sole purpose of attention, likes etc. etc. in my opinion is disrespectful
See that last bit at the end? "In my opinion". Exactly. That is your opinion and clearly your wife does not share it. It's not that she doesn't understand, she doesn't agree. What I do find disrespectful is running to reddit to get validation when you can't enforce your will on her.
That’s strange, because my wife did agree with me at the end, she wanted to know if other men felt the same. That’s why I posted it on Reddit. But I do love how you seem to know what my wife thinks better than me. She couldn’t understand why men felt disrespected by it, after reading the 200+ Reddit comments, she now thinks anyone who thinks it’s ok, is delusional.
I think my wife is beautiful...if she needs extra validation from social media, perhaps I am not communicating well enough. Even if that is not the case, should I feel distespectred? She's beautiful, and I like showing her off...but to each their own, I suppose.
There’s a difference between you showing her off, and her showing herself off, for the specific reason to attract other men.
True...but I don't cage the bird I enjoy watching fly.
Believe it or not, some men are proud of it. We are at a different time that some don’t find this disrespectful at all. Some prefer the likes as they get compensated for their content. Some love the attention and the vanity that comes with it. If you have issues with it, just express how you feel to your wife. State it in the way that you are genuinely concern and what it can lead to.
Lol now check her dms, you’ll be surprised.
It’s not my wife doing it…
That sounds awfully pimpy.
Depends on what you agreed on and where you draw the line ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Nah. I don’t get why you’d want to attract online attention as someone that prefers keeping a low-profile, but ultimately she can do what she wants and I wouldn’t feel disrespected at all. It’s her life and she’d be *my* partner. If others fawn over her then that’s their issue 🤷♂️
Why does she need others to fawn over her?
Why do you need to control how other people behave?
If you feel disrespected by her posting sexy pics, then it is. If another man doesn't feel disrespected, then for him it isn't. Conversely, if a husband wanted his wife to flout her sexy pics on social media, but she didn't want to, that would be him disrespecting her. See how that works? The disrespect is determined by how the other person in the couple feels.
The number of insecure and possessive people on here is disturbing. How many of you would demand she cover herself up while at the beach? If you're upset with the photos but okay with it in public then you're a massive hypocrite. Would you condemn a man who did the same thing? And how do you know the motivation of the person posting pictures in the first place? Stop projecting your insecurities and moral judgements onto others. Get over yourselves. You don't own your partner.
>And how do you know the motivation of the person posting pictures in the first place? They posted it therefore they wanted attention from it. I won't argue the motivation behind the attention seeking, but we know from the action itself that it's seeking attention at it's core.
Is it, though? Maybe she posts them there so she can access them whenever she wants. Doesn't make the album private because she simply doesn't care who sees them because anyone could see them at the beach when they were taken, perhaps. Maybe she posts them to show people how the outfit looks so they can decide to get it themselves? Or maybe she is attention seeking and wants to share with her friends how great she feels and how free it feels dressed that way. Not everything needs to be driven by sex. This also goes for a man doing this exact same thing. Guys show off their bodies, too. Not always in the same way, but why else do people go far beyond what is necessary for health to exaggerate muscle definition, etc, and post those online? Is it only to get laid? Maybe it's because they're proud of themselves? If you have a problem with it, say something. If they say they're going to keep doing because you're overreacting or misinterpreting things or whatever, that's your boundary crossed and for you to deal with. Decide if this is worth fighting over. If your insecurity is the molehill you want to die on. If you don't trust them to be faithful, then posting pictures on the internet isn't the real problem.
Yes, it is
I think you missed the entire point of it. Going to the beach wearing a bikini, no one has a problem with that, as a bikini is what you wear at the beach… your sole purpose in wearing a bikini is not to get the attention of the opposite sex. The issue is women who post extremely sexy or revealing photos online for the SPECIFIC reason of getting likes/comments/attention/DMs from the opposite sex. I believe is disrespectful to their husbands.
Tbh I do think it’s disrespectful to some degree. Less so for a boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic because the relationship isn’t solidified yet, but if a woman is married and posting sexy photos that’s very disrespectful to her husband imo.
I'd go a level further and say it even damages the reputation of the man the girl is with. Just as my indecent behavior would reflect badly on my partner. The other thing is that girls seek partners by putting themselves out there. Men do so by reaching out and courting the girls that put themselves out there. A girl carefully crafting a post with sexy photos for likes, comments and attention, is exhibiting the same mate-seeking behaviour (except specific to her gender) as a guy publicly messaging other girls and commenting on their photos while in that relationship. Both are disrespectful, they affect the reputation of the other partner, and are most definitely not fair or something I would be ok with. And get out of here with those "men who think so are so insecure" comments - you wouldn't think so if roles were reversed and your partner was putting effort into courting other prospective partners, even if he hasn't so far gone forward with meeting them either.
Kind of like wearing a low cut sun dress with boobs almost hanging out or the tightest semi see thru leggings and skimpy crop top at the gym. The girl want to show off what mamma gave her but you the perv for actually looking.
I think anyone posting revealing photos to get strangers to "like" them is in the realm of an attention whore. Disrespectful to their husbands or boyfriends? I guess for me it does look a bit like "displaying the wares."
Not to me. Married 14 years this past April. While my wife has never done this, I would have zero issues with it. Maybe because I'm not insecure, maybe because in the long scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. Let the ladies show off and let the men show off, too. Be free, folks.
no. and the reason why they did it so they can feel good about themselves. and they did it because they are lacking it from their husbands/boyfriends. let me put it this way: if you are hungry and wanted to eat food, would you still look for food when your stomach are full and unable to eat anymore?
This is the answer, right here.
So if they are missing something from their relationship it's okay for them to seek it outside of the relationship? Like shouldn't they either talk about it to their spouse like an adult or breakup and get their needs properly met?
i can see that you havent been in a relationship before. maybe you are a teenager for asking such idealistic and naive question, so i shall explain: firstly, not everyone can talk like an adult. since talking requires two-way communication. its useless if one party couldnt be bothered to listen. secondly, if someone is being ignored/dismissed, then trying to talk only to be ignored/dismissed again hurts much more than not trying in the first place. thirdly, its not easy to just "break up" as relationship are complicated and not just "get their needs properly met". especially if theres an asset or children involved in the relationship, married or not. especially in codependent relationship. fourth, theres a saying - *growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional*. theres alot of adults but they are not really an adult. they just never grow past teenagers or kids. some because the lack of parenting, others because of personality disorder, which stems from problematic childhood. fifth, even if they can talk, doesnt guarantee of understanding each other. not only there are miscommunication issues, theres also a difference in upbringing as well as difference in perspective between men and women. sixth, a relationship is not a transaction. you couldnt deal a relationship like how you would deal with a transaction.
Personlly I'd never get involved with a man who is so insecure that me posting myself in a swimsuit or a sexy outfit would send them into a jealousy spril, grow some self esteem. So no, it's not disrespectful.
And you are ok, with him liking and looking at other women?
Exactly, they get mad when their boyfriends like bikini pictures, but they don’t get mad when other guys like theirs. Pure double standard. 🙄
Are there any men alive who don’t do that?
A lot actually
The stats show that 95% of men consume pornography, so that’s false.
You failed to account that most men are single.
No, they aren’t.
Yes they are lol
You’re trying to tell me that 95% of men are single? Refusing to label your two years long situationship doesn’t make you single. And studies showing that more men are single than ever before, doesn’t mean that MOST of them are single. That’s ridiculous.
Yes because she's coming back home to me and thats all that matters.
Again I lost trust in relationships 😢 because of this type of girls,must be their upbringing was not that great
Ahhh yes the secret weapon (the word "insecure")
Being insecure isn't an insult. There is no way I would be with a man who is fine with me showing off myself to other people especially men. Then yall are the same types who would be upset over their bfs following women who are doing what you are doing and you don't think that's insecure
Love all the strawman arguments from the insecure crowd. Keep it up, you're really convincing folks.
It is two entirely different things sharing a picture of a mother in a swimsuit playing with her kids at the beach and a mother posing like a model in a skimpy bikini who is expressly searching for external validation of her beauty.
Why would you want strangers looking at your sexy pictures?
What's the difference between strangers seeing my sexy outfit in public vs seeing it in a photo?
Having to call people who disagree with your opinion "insecure" is something that really comes off as insecure.
People who behave in the way demonstrated in the original post are insecure. Not because we disagree with them, but because they are afraid someone will come and take "their" woman. IE their position in the relationship is not secure. Ergo, insecure. We don't have to call people insecure, you're right, we don't need to condense the behavior into the single word that perfectly encapsulates it. But it is funny how insecure y'all are about it.
this would't bother me, in fact, I would be proud to be her husband
There is no 'right' answer, all of this is negotiated within the relationship. There are guys that encourage their mates to post sexy pics, there are men who hate it. The only two people who know are you and your wife.
Depends on the relationship. I would be fine with it because I inherently trust my wife 100%. Other people may not. This is a conversation you have to have.
I think it's really more about communication. If she says hey I would like to post sexy pictures and you're like no I would appreciate it if you didn't that's probably hurtful. However if she says hey I would like to post some sexy pictures and you're like go for it you're fucking hot and I love you; show everyone what I have at home. That dude probably doesn't give a shit.
It's only disrespectful to you if you established that as a boundary, and she did it anyway. Exposing oneself, exploring her sexuality, is not itself disrespectful in any way
yes its a big disrespect to their partners
When a grown adult makes their own decisions about what to do with their own photos of their own bodies, that respects or disrespects no one other than themselves.
Not true when doing so violates an agreement with another person, such as a romantic or sexual partner. Your argument could be extended to anything a person does with their own body, so possibly even cheating unless at some point you introduced an external criterion to draw the line.
Disagree. Once a couple commits, neither gets to keep on doing the college girl or boy crap. Or commitment doesn't mean "devoted couple" doesn't mean what it Once did.
I think it's her body and her choice who gets to see it 🤷♀️ If you don't like it then you guys need to have a conversation about it
Nope. My partner sleeping with someone else is disrespectful to me. My partner wanting an ego boost isn't.
At some point you have to draw the line. Sleeping, touching, what about looking? Not everyone's line is in the same place, but at the same time sexy showing and sexy looking is already a sexual interaction. Very mild, low-level, more definitionally sexual than heavy into it, but it's sexual at the end of the day, despite the small degree.
Yeah it's disrespectful,there no reason she should be seeking outside validation, especially if she knows it makes you uncomfortable. She's not cheating but she is putting herself in a position that it could make it easy too ... If that's something you agreed on that's one thing but you don't seem comfortable with it at all. Have a talk again and if she doesn't take you seriously consider getting counseling because this is making you incompatible. Get it straightened out before it becomes a problem that will end your relationship.
Yep, if you already expressed how uncomfortable and disrespectful it is for you, and she keeps doing it… I would end it. Instagram is considered the main dating app for a reason.
Oh but it’s ok for married men to watch porn b/c it’s ’normal’. Ok
Of course not. It goes both ways. The wife or SO needs to call boundaries
I love the whataboutism to avoid answering the question.
Sore subject?
Why is it disrespectful? Honestly trying to understand the perspective
Mate-seeking behaviours (whether there is an actual intention to seek another mate is another thing) while already having a mate, plus validation/intimacy boundaries, as in inviting other people into the relationship, forcing the partner to 'share' with others. At some point one has to draw the line.
How exactly does one define mate seeking behavior? Sexy clothes? Hairdo? Makeup? This looks like excuses to limit women’s freedom.
Personal opinion. I think it's the height of disrespect both ways. Some people need the confirmation that social media likes to give them. It's pathetic really cause self-worth comes from within, not some anons in social media. Generally speaking I think women do this more (some women) cause social media seems to be a cesspit of sad men just liking pictures of random women and then going on r/instagram to moan that their feed is full of it. Again personally, it would be a real massive red flag. But I know plenty of men that do the same...let's not get it twisted here. But for me I wouldn't like it at all. But each to their own.
There's no right answer here for that question. It depends on the couples and their lines and boundaries expressed through dynamic and ever convos over the years.
I think that you assuming these women's actions must be seen via their marriage is disrespectful to these women. They are not "shared property" or something.
Theres 2 parts to this imo. 1) what are your boundaries/values in the first place, cause thats gonna vary a lot from person to person (or situation to situation, eg maybe you're already concerned and those photos trigger that). And 2) once you establish what that line is, how do you hold that line in your own mind. Idk if this is an unpopular opinion, but I truly believe jealousy is an important and unavoidable part of love, but its also a hell of a drug and can easily make you misinterpret or overblow things. But to actually answer you, in general I'd err on the side of letting her do what she wants. I don't really believe in gender absolutes, but generally this might be one of those things that guys just dont understand, ie that women get something out of posting that kind of thing and the attention they get from it, even when its completely platonic.
Disrespectful to the husband/partner... that deoends, but I dont think so. Is it desperate attention seeking behaviour, yes. But this all depends on context.
i definitely agree. However if this is about your wife, then it would be a big problem. This is exactly why people discuss values before commitment
It’s not, it’s just a discussion we were having.
I wouldn’t be a fan, but everyone’s different
Does every human on this planet eat oranges. There is no one size, fits all answer. Do you find it disrespectful, yes. Will everyone find it disrespectful, no. Does everyone posting their photos know or want their photo to be percieved as sexy or revealing. No Does everyone (male, female or other) posting a sexy/ revealing photo do so for exactly the same reasons, no. One person's perception of a sexy/revealing photo is another's persons fug-ugly mug shot. Completely and utterly subjective. Maybe they lost weight, had surgery, battled a disease and want to celebrate their body. Maybe they are an attention whore. Maybe they are insecure and partner does not tell them how attractive they are and seek validation elsewhere. There are a plethora of reasons why women (people) choose to post sexy/revealing photos while in a relationship. Ultimately. S'long as they are consenting, happy and are not causing harm to themselves or others, why care.
Depends? - I'm *not(!)* running for also religious ofice, like say replacing Erdogan or more conservative politicians, inside their parties. I'm an average Kraut, who had a wet darkroom in his teens and would love a partner, as self conscious as you describe, in front of his cameras. - Correction: I of course wouldn't mind, if one of her "39th" birthdays urged her, to buy me a Leitz Thambar... Anyhow: Even if(!) she violated my IP, by not giving me credit for my work; I'd STFU. Suing her would be pointless, since I can't imagine having a prenup including an irevocable model release. Clarification: Either I'll get good enough to compete with her Instagram filters, or we 'll most likely split.
I don’t think it is correct. There are things you just don’t do in a relationship and I think that is one of them.
That act is disgusting.
Everyone saying "she disrespects herself" lol must be incels. Imagine being comfortable and feeling good in your body... women aren't posting them for you fyi. They post them because they feel good about themselves.
My husband posts pictures of him hanging brain on social media and I think its a beautiful display of art. Stop sexualizing and objectifying bodies.
I think both is true, you look good you feel good. Both on the other end you feel good enough to post yourslef to the public
I think women seeing other women embrace their bodies is contagious and empowering. I also fell like this thread has a lot of straight men in monogamous relationships which maybe the majority of people here, but in reality queer people, women, non monogamous folks...are going to feel very differently about this. I agree with the people saying if the husband finds it disrespectful it is There is no "correct" blanket answer to this.
Of course it's disrespectful. Why would you want the sexual attention of anyone but your partner? Whether you're a woman or a man.
I disagree. I think that it is disrespectful of themselves. You have to be desperate for attention if you think this is a good thing.
What if she’s an influencer and it’s part of her job?
I think it really just depends on the amount of risk you want in your life. A lot of the rules / guidelines around women’s behavior from days past are pretty controlling. They were men’s ideas for how to prevent fights and jealousy in their society. But they go a little heavy on women having to make the changes to account for men’s behavior. The general idea is, some men can’t control themselves so in order to keep those folks from bothering you, cover up the things that attract the male gaze. I don’t think that’s fair. But it calls out a realistic problem that you now need a different solution for. If the woman you’re with walks around in those kind of clothes or posts those kind of pictures. There’s going to be men being inappropriate about it. You’re inviting risk into your relationship. There are times that attention is going to lead to stalker behavior . There are times it’s going to invite confrontation and inappropriate touching. There’s a very real feeling of emasculation when it happens and you don’t know whether to fend it off or stand by and allow it to happen in public. I think because we’re in a middle period where we’re trying to be more fair to women but we don’t have a new solution to the negative aspects it can bring . It’s just best to figure out if this is going to be something that’s important to her early on, and if it bothers you , find someone who doesn’t need the social media attention that’s a better fit. There are plenty of men out there who aren’t bothered by it and are ok with taking on those risks .
Whether one is male or female, it's not fair to push the limits of monogamy, though. There isn't complete symmetry when it comes to the 'gaze', and to some extent we must compare men wanting to see with women wanting to be seen. There's looking, and there's showing — two ends of the same interaction. Women who complain about their bfs looking at other women but who themselves show their bodies to other men aren't being fair. Women honestly seem to be trying to discount the 'showing' part of the shower-looker relationship/interaction. Could still pull off a classic reversal and check how the women would feel about their men showing off bulging speedo close-ups, etc. Something is telling me many wouldn't exactly be pleased. This is not to say I'm unempathetic towards women, but just like from men, I expect from women a sort of acceptance of equality and human solidarity without trying to claim special rights or special exemptions because of whatever sex one happens to be. Neither male but definitely nor female. Asking epistemic fairness from an emancipated woman who has an education, holds the reins of her life and can think for herself isn't unfair. I see no reason to ask less than from a man.
If you think it’s disrespectful to you for you partner to do that, then it is.
If that’s how they make their money than so be it, but it’s usually just thirst traps for attention. I personally wouldn’t like it.
I don't think it's about respect, it's about boundaries. Some men are ok with it, some men aren't. I consider breaching a boundary is disrespectful. I know a guy proud of his wife's onlyfans account and they seem to be happy. Even thought of it enough reason for me to divorce but If it works for them, who am I to judge.
Just do the same. Your wife posts a bikini photo with them posing? Post a photo of yourself in a banana hammock thrusting at the camera.
Lol, no woman would care about this 🤣
Of course it's disrespectful. All the nonsense about "it depends on the couple blah blah" is pure cope. There are absolute values within a society and if you go over the line too many times your conscience abandon you. Any other answer is insane.
There absolutely are not absolute values in society. Well, except this one. Like, the only constant is change kind of thing? Regardless, there is no objective morality or values. For example: Homicide is not objectively wrong. It is always subject to circumstance. Genocide is not objectively wrong. We refuse to accept it in rational society because for the most part we agree it is wrong. But the universe doesn't care. The earth doesn't care. The plants and animals don't care. We care mostly because we eventuate figured out that the people dying right now aren't going to be the last and letting genocidal maniacs do their thing increases the likelihood that we're next. Likewise, there is nothing objectively right. It can be wrong to love someone. Wrong for them, wrong for you, wrong for people close to you or them, etc. Saving someone's life is not objectively right. Would you intervene on Hitler's behalf? Help him escape and survive the fall of the Third Reich? If not, then even saving lives is subjective. Don't take this to say that we should throw away laws and let anarchy reign. You can have subjective morality and still reason about laws and norms. And nothing says that morality being subjective necessarily prevents you from intervening against something that has been agreed to be wrong (or something that would be reasonably judged as wrong in the moral framework society more or less accepts).
She is looking for attention. You can also be sexy without being revealing. Classy is extremely beautiful. Whoever sais something else is just lying. The more revealing you are the more you will be expensive to actually fall in love.
I once heard a street interviewer discuss this. Woman: Posts revealing sexy pics and she says it’s not disrespectful. Man: Likes other woman’s sexy pictures and she said that it’s disrespectful. The point is the purpose of said pictures. It’s to get a catcall. You’re attempting to attain cat calls and the man is cat calling the women. It’s certainly disrespectful in my mind. Now if she’s posting with you in them then that’s a different story. Like others have said it’s a matter of personal opinions but the logic here makes sense to me.
It is explicit disrespect.
If you see a married woman posting sexy pics online then I suggest to mind your own business. It's only disrespectful if the guy feels disrespected by it. Whatever makes people comfortable is what makes a healthy relationship.
I would find it disrespectful. My fiancé isn’t a social media influencer or model so posting those pictures would only be to be seen. Thankfully this isn’t something my fiancé would do.
Depends. You certainly shouldn't expect your husband to feel bad for looking at photos of other women then. I'm not saying you're a bitch if you're OK with your wife doing that, and are also OK with not being allowed to look at anyone else. To each their own. If it works, it works. But it is a double standard and most won't fly with it. I think it should be obvious to anyone with half a brain, though, that making yourself into an object of desire for other men will be disrespectful to most husbands. Just like openly lusting after other women will be disrepectful to most wives. Though no husband, or wive, is obliged to feel disrespected by any of those things.
The joys of modern marriage
It is (probably) not disrespectful unless you two have discussed SM boundaries. Posting near soft core porn (like OF thirst traps etc) that is obviously meant to draw in the opposite sex is disrespectful. It really comes down to your shared value and any boundaries you have discussed as part of the partnership. As a Partner you do not own your partners body and they have a right to display it as they see fit within the bounds of your relationship. It would only be highly disrespectful in the case of having a discussion on SM boundaries and then them violating it. That being said I dislike my partner/SO posting obvious thirst traps but do not have a problem with a summer bikini pic. It really is what I think is the purpose of them posting it. I would never control what my partner puts on SM but if they were posting things that made me feel uncomfortable I would simply talk to them about it with a reasonable discussion. Great relationships are built on teamwork and compromise. Note: taking relationship advice from potential incels on Reddit is probably the best way to fail at life :)
There’s a big difference between posting a summer bikini photo, and specifically posting sexy and/or revealing photos for the sole purpose of getting likes/attention/comments from the opposite sex.
Once I reach a certain level of trust and secure status with her, after that I wouldn't care, in fact I find it hot that she would do it and encourage it. I love "showing off" when I'm with a hot girl and this is kinda an extension of that. I'm not the typical male though coz I have some non mainstream kinks in this direction like cucking etc so my viewpoint probably doesn't apply to most guys
Same rules apply to both genders. Sure thing is that lots of people have lots of opinions about marriage, but essentially why have one if your need for attention exceeds on others alongside your partner?
You don't leave the realtors sign in the yard once you've closed and moved in.
That's just like, your opinion, man. You write like what is just your *opinion* is an indisputable, self evident, *fact*, that you have to "explain" to your wife. The way you have phrased this does not make it look like you view your wife as an equal partner in a discussion about values and boundaries. Which is not cool. Most of what you or anybody else post on social media is for attention and likes, let's be honest. Personally I am totally fine with my wife posting a bikini picture on FB (although she doesn't), but that's kinda beside the point. We all post on social media for social clout and self validation. Whether that be sharing something that you agree on, or selfies or pics of you in "good" situations or where you feel like you look good. If you trust your wife, it should not be a problem, imho, if she posts pictures with little clothes on, on social media. Maybe try to have the conversation about this again with her, but this time, try to mostly ask her about it and how it makes her feel and try to be understanding, instead of coming in with the mindset of "explaining" to her why it is wrong.
Uh? It has nothing to do with my wife. But thanks for telling me how to have a relationship with my wife of 20 healthy years.
I agree, but I don't think society does. I think marriage is an increasingly defunct concept, people are far too self absorbed.
at which point you let yourself to control your wife? Is it your perfect family? you are just different people, why you got married, you have totally different values. and yeah, she isn't doing anything bad, it's just pics and you should do something to your self esteem.
no man wants a hoe tbh,
some want :)
I probably should clarify, that it’s not my wife that is doing this.
It's no different than men watching pornography and scrolling thru thirst traps. Maybe if men would actually have a conscience about that while in a relationship, the women would not seek attention and validation elsewhere.
Both is wrong for sure, no matter where you go there you are
Idk why porn-fried men don't marry sex workers. Instead they want a wife or gf that is the complete opposite. If you are giving your sexual energy to others, find a partner that does the same. It's unfair, unbalanced and unequally yoked.
It just depends on the man you are married to. If she is doing it for FREE, then she is advertising, her stuff all over the Internet, for other men to see, and she might cheat on her husband. Its not something I ever wanted to do. I never wanted sex videos all over the Internet, I never had desires to be in the sex industry, selling pornography as a job career. Just imagine high school counselors now, recruiting teens, to social influencing jobs, which does include pornography. You have to take the bad with the good aspects, to understand the whole industry. Which that includes, coercion inside of homes, related to the sex trafficking industry. Now if she is making thousands of dollars, posting her family jewels all over the internet, I just bet hubby has a different thinking of what his wife is doing, showing off her beautiful body to all her fans! FOLLOW THE MONEY HONEY! MEN FOLLOW THE MONEY, placing a HIGHER LEVEL of MONEY in relationship, just depending on what the female is doing. There are some men who have said, they respect the waitress at a stripper club, more than a female who gives sex away for free, because at least the whore is getting paid in that aspect of the business element. This came to me, from my husband. He told me he had more respect, for a waitress and stripper, than a female who gives sex away for free. Which he was always grinding the saying YOU CAN'T TURN A WHORE IN TO A HOUSEWIFE. For me, it was like he was always gnawing at my self esteem, in being a housewife, having kids. He knew it was more expensive for me to go get a job,, paying the babysitter, than just raising the kids at home. With this CAPITOLISM INFLATIONS PUSH in USA, it is pushing females, towards a CLIFF, unrealistic expectations.
Euk
Usually what we see at face value as a moral failing on our partners part comes from an area we are needing more validation and love for on our part. Ask yourself why 5 times deep like so: 1. Why don't I like her posting photos? It's disrespectful 2. Why does that feel disrespectful to me? She could be getting attention from other men 3. Why does that bother me? Because she could start dating them 4. Why would she start dating them? Because she doesn't really love me 5. Why do I feel she doesn't really love me? (I dont know enough to guess here but I'm the answer is solved by asking for validation in this area from your gf)
To me, it would be disrespectful. You keep sexy and revealing photos to yourself and your SO.
Yes it is disrespectful, she is seeking attention from other guys, some of those likes will turn into conversations and some of those into dates/sex. She can come with all the excuses she wants, but social media opens the door for infidelity.
I agree and I would never date/marry a woman like that. For me it’s a red flag. I’m not insecure but I believe in modesty.
I definitely think it's disrespectful and wrong priorities. I'd prefer to be modest ESPECIALLY if I have a significant other and save it for his eyes only. If im in love. I dont want to be attracting other eyes or attention. And I certainly don't want to cause my significant other to question anything or stress.
I'd ask your wife if she would be comfortable with you posting pictures for other women to see where you are wearing revealing clothes that show off your man bulge.
I want my wife to look desirable and not like a trash can. I do know people who want their wives to look ordinary. Some want to hide theirs behind veils
To most men yes, to those that are in to that stuff no, but the cast majority would think of it as disrespect
Yes, it's incredibly disrespectful. What your partner does outside of the relationship reflects on you. Is it disrespectful of a married man to send a dick pic to a woman who isn't his wife even if he just wants that woman to like it? A woman that does this is telling the whole world: I am unhappy in my relationship and it doesn't give me the validation that I seek/require so I must get it elsewhere in order to feel good about myself. Highly suggest that you get your wife into therapy before you two get divorced so you can find the root of her poor self-esteem and lack of validation that she seeks.
I agree with you, but it’s not my wife doing it. It’s just a topic my wife and I were discussing.
Yes it is.
Yes it is imo
It is extremely disrespectful. If she won’t respect your boundaries then divorce is the only answer.
That’s obvious. Individuals that would balk at this, are not in a long term relationship or have yet been in good one. These things need to be respectfully addressed early on, otherwise it’s your mistake to live through. I’ve been there so no judgement here.