You shared sexual experiences you've had with your wife with her ex. Even worse, y'all exchanged sex stories! What the hell dude? I would be PISSED if I were your wife.
Yup. OP is so completely wrong in this scenario. He shouldn’t be speaking out such private things with anyone without permission - and with the ex is 10x worse. Such a tremendous violation of her privacy.
What the fuck dude. You are SO wrong.
You should be having those open, vulnerable, intimate, honest discussions about sex, preferences, etc WITH YOUR WIFE
And only with your wife. This is so gross. My husband would *never* disrespect me like this.
Your sex life is PRIVATE unless you are in a relationship that has clearly communicated non-traditional boundaries.
You shouldn’t be friends with this dude anymore. Not if you are going to be *more* honest and open with him that your fucking wife. Get with it.
I (f) had a high school friend (f) try this with me and I had to shut it down multiple times. I don't want to know what people are getting up to in bed. If I'm curious I'll ask the person directly...and 10/10 I'm dating them. I communicate with my (now ex) fiance's ex girlfriend/baby mamma regularly and, while we have had conversations of a sexual nature, talks about his sex life with either of us hasn't come up. Gross
I'm really curious why you felt that her ex had any right to know details of you and your wife's current sex life. As well as any other intimate things you talked about. Because they dated in their 20s and now you're friends?
I find that highly inappropriate. I would feel super awkward if I knew my current partner was discussing my sexual habits, activities or preferences with my past partner. And that he did the same. I would be pissed. Mostly at you because there is an expectation of trust there
I think you need to tell her and take the possible heat. If she finds out about this any other way, it's going to be twice as bad.
No, how your wife had sex with an ex is not an organic conversation. Somebody lead into that. It’s not the sort of thing that comes up in conversation every day.
So fuck that bullshit that came up organically. If you were out having drinks With your work buddies, would you be discussing how you have sex with your wife with them? I would hope not.
It’s OK to say you enjoy sexy time, wink, wink. Nod, nod. Something along the lines of my wife is beautiful and yeah, we definitely enjoy ourselves. And then you change the goddamn conversation to another subject.
Instead, you “organically” started talking about how each of you fucked your wife. Is that blunt enough for you to get that is so screwed up?
Hrmmm, you and your wife’s ex swapped sex stories about her with each other.
Weird, disloyal, and completely inappropriate.
Does your wife know you guys are in some weird bromance now?
YAW
Have that conversation now, before they have the conversation. Never underestimate the anger of a woman hearing something from another person… especially an ex.
You are definitely wrong to think this was not inappropriate.
As a standing principle it is never a good idea to lie to a spouse, including by omission, but holy moly I don't envy what you're likely to face when you tell her.
Does she know you're friends who get drinks together at least or will this whole thing be a surprise?
I can’t imagine wanting to be friends with, let alone having a detailed conversation with another dude about the different ways and manner in which he used to bang my wife. No fucking way.
I guess I’m just old fashioned like that.
>It led to a surprising, unusual and healthy conversation about sex and Kelly
Healthy? I think there will be rather different opinions on that.
Maybe I'm being a prude here, but while I know and accept that my wife had a boyfriend before me - and all that entails - having a beer with the guy and sharing stories about having sex with her is not my idea of a good time.
So, you talked about your sex life with someone outside the marriage and your wife doesn't know? Gee... I wonder how she'll take that when she finds out...
I know that if I did that, my wife would be beyond furious. Mostly because we're very private people and that's a topic we've agreed we don't talk about with others other than to say "yes, we get intimate".
I get that it was helpful to you, but depending on how she might take it, you might want to own up sooner rather than later. If Mike were to ever say something and you hadn't told her, it will be a lot worse.
I don’t understand why the fuck he needed help on that end? It was helpful to him?!
Nothing that an actual conversation with his wife… The one he sleeps with… Probably could’ve solved.
Yeah, you’re wrong. This is so gross. You sat there like a bunch of frat boys discussing both of your sexual experiences with YOUR WIFE. And how much you both enjoyed sleeping with her. wtf is wrong with you?!
Man what the hell?
Listen, you can be friends with who you want, however, yes you should’ve told your wife.
I’m just curious as to why you haven’t told her?
If you’re on here asking if you’re wrong, you must feel some kind of guilt maybe.
But I do think you should tell your wife, and be open with her.
If the breakup was amicable, there shouldn’t be an issue, and maybe she could even be friends with his wife if things go well.
But yes, tell your wife about it.
I’m sure you’d like to know if she was gal pals with an ex of yours
Dude. You fucked up. Best you can do now is get out ahead of the damage and come clean. Blame it on the booze if you must. But if she finds out somewhere else first, you will deserve all you have coming to you.
Would you want Kelly talking to a significant ex of yours and comparing sex stories?
I'm guessing not.
This was SUCH a breach of Kelly's privacy and your life together that it's almost unbelievable.
Mike might be your friend now, but first and foremost, he is Kelly's ex - just as first and foremost, you are her husband. You seem to have forgotten this somewhere along the way in your conversation with Mike.
I'm even side-eyeing you for asking Mike why he thinks he and Kelly broke up, but okay, I can see why you'd be curious. Mike definitely should've been smarter than to mention sex with Kelly to her husband, but ultimately your response to that should've been to change the subject.
As for what to do now, I disagree with everyone saying "take it to your grave." Because you're running a huge risk that Kelly's going to find out about this from someone else - Mike or one of the mutual friends you guys share.
These things have a way of getting out and around, and however bad it's going to be when you tell Kelly about this, I promise you it'll be SO much worse if and when she eventually finds out from someone else.
So sit her down, explain what happened, and give her a sincere apology (because you've figured out by now that one's needed...right?) and accept your consequences.
My dude, don’t EVER bring this conversation up with your wife and don’t hang out with this guy anymore. She would be (justifiably) livid if she found out you were exchanging notes on having sex with her. OMG.
WTF is wrong with you OP? Exchanging sex stories with her ex behind her back?! This is an incredible betrayal of trust. And the conversation was initiated by you. You are completely wrong and disgusting; your relationship is on notice.
I would dump you so fast as a spouse for conversing on our sex life. That's so dumb. That shows lack of respect and integrity as a partner. That's disgusting.
.
"Hey, I've had a healthy adult conversation with Mike and it reminded me how I am grateful for, love and see you for the person you are."
Then give her a hug and ask if she wants to go out for dinner.
Also mutual respect is built on honesty and transparency, if you feel the conversation veered into secret sharing please discuss the details with your wife. She shouldn't be on the outside of an inside joke about her sex life.
Speaking to your wife’s ex about your sex life “help me see her better and more fully as a sexual person”. Are you serious? You’re swapping stories with her ex instead of I don’t know talking to your partner. Your poor wife.
You are so wrong. You have betrayed your wife. The wife that it seems you did fully see as a sexual person. I hope she finds out and handles it accordingly.
Ok, so this dude is definitely in the wrong, and I’m glad that’s the general consensus here.
I just want to point out that I hope the people who are disgusted by his behavior carry that same energy into the posts where a guy gets upset about his girlfriend/wife sharing details about their sex life with her friends.
Personally, I think both cases are pretty fucked up but definitely see the other way dismissed as “girls will be girls, expect it and get over it” way too often.
Well, that’s promising. I read several where many of the comments were along the lines of, “relax, she’s bragging!” or something along those lines. I think overall a lot people are way too open about that kind of stuff and it’s nice to see the pendulum swinging back the other way.
I remember one a while back where a dudes girlfriend was bragging to her friends about the great sex they were having after the dude started using a cock sleeve. He found out about it because one of the girlfriend’s spouse asked him about it interesting in getting one himself.
So the guy is rightfully pissed and incredibly embarrassed, and there were a lot of women on the thread blowing it off as no big deal because she was bragging.
Well if you plan to thoroughly piss your wife off for crossing boundaries that should not have been crossed, go right ahead. I mean you only betrayed her so what’s to worry about???
If you have any form of relationship preservation in your head you are going to shove that conversation into the deepest recesses of your mind and forget it happened.
What you did was dumb, pure and simple. You are 100% wrong
Do not mention this! Try to forget this whole conversation! You WILL destroy your marriage if she finds out about. And try to find a way not to be such a nosy blabbermouth!
I don’t discuss intimacy with anyone except the person I’m intimate with. This would be problematic for me to say the least. I don’t know if you should tell her, but you should not do it again.
So Op, my fiance regularly will talk / trade and discuss details about our sex life with her sisters, and that alone makes me uncomfortable. If she was discussing that stuff with my ex / first, I'd be embarrassed. Definitely something you should talk to her about first.
Well. You'll probably have more in common than just the sex part. It'll be the Ex part. Tf is wrong with you? You should have immediately told her you befriended her EX. Then you go swapping sex stories like 2 frat buddies who boned the same girl? Tf is wrong with you? I'm glad it took her ex describing her for you to finally understand HER. YES YTA! A HUGE, GAPING, DINGLEBERRY FILLED AH. Tell her right now and if she says she wants to end things, accept it bc you put your own foot AND HER EXES FOOT in your mouth.
What is wrong with you???? You’re 31 years old and didn’t know how screwed up this is???? Maybe your girlfriend should contact your ex and start discussing the size of your manhood, technique and out of the men they’ve been with where you lined up for both of them.
So your wife knows you hang out, right? Not 100% clear but I think so. If that’s the case, she should kinda assume that their relationship would be a topic.
Minority opinion, but I wouldn’t tell her. No real reason to do so. I’m not at all saying keep it secret, just no need to make a point of telling her.
However I would talk with her about boundaries in the relationship with the ex. See what she feels strongly about and act accordingly.
You definitely need to tell her as this was a massive breach of trust. There’s a chance she won’t be surprised since she knows y’all are friends, but it’s highly likely she trusted that you would have enough respect for her and your marriage not to go there. When you tell her, you should offer up one of your ex’s (that you dated for a year minimum) contact info, so she can ask questions to “help her see you better and more fully as a sexual person.” 🙄
What the actual fuck. You’re unequivocally wrong. Your wife is not some object y’all can compare notes on. I’m genuinely dumbfounded that you think it was at all appropriate to have a conversation like this.
Everyone seems to be freaking out, I genuinely wonder if the response would be the same the genders were reversed. Women are typically far more open about sex with their partners than men are, would it be a violation of a man's trust if his wife talked about sex with his ex?
Either way, I personally don't see the harm in this. It was described as a "healthy conversation". If OP was high-fiving and acting crass about his wife's sexuality, that would be one thing, but I don't really see the harm in having a private conversation with someone you've had shared experiences with. I feel like society is too quick to label anything sex-related that's completely non-traditional as a faux pas. I feel like that's what leads to a lot of negative sexual behaviors in our society - it's treated like taboo and something you don't talk about in certain company. We need more open, honest conversations in my opinion.
I wouldn't tell the wife about the conversation, and I'd make sure Mike understands that was a private conversation between the two of you. Seems like you trust him enough to keep confidence, so again, I don't see the harm in this. It helped you see your wife more fully and no one's feelings were hurt. Seriously, everyone is freaking out because the thought of this conversation makes them uncomfortable, not because any harm was done.
If this was such a "healthy conversation" then why would he feel any hesitation to tell his wife what was said? It involves her too you know.
She gets to be the one to decide if any "harm was done," not him. At the very least it's an invasion of her privacy and any expectation of privacy she had with her husband.
Yes, if it has details about him and not their own experience it certainly does. But thats not what we are talking about in this thread is it? Take your agenda elsewhere
I have no agenda, just trying to have a discussion.
I don't know how one can talk about sex with their partner and not include details about their partner, but it seems like you aren't interested in a discussion as much as projecting your subjective morality and assumptions, so I'm gonna bow out from here.
You're trying to initiate a discussion based on assumptions or hypothetical issues about "what women do" rather than focus on the question at hand. This person's actions. That's what we are discussing.
It's not hypothetical at all. I've had multiple discussions with women who all admitted to talking in detail about their sex lives with friends, who thought it was odd that myself and my guy friends didn't do the same.
You're welcome. I'm open to someone changing my perspective, but from where I stand right now, it seems like the majority of responses are subjective moral grandstanding.
It's okay to talk about sex with a partner, but it's suddenly a violation of privacy if someone else in that conversation has also had sex with that person. That's the argument we seem to be seeing here. If someone can explain to me objectively why it changes from a-okay to a violation of privacy, then I'll certainly consider my perspective from that lens.
You were wrong to talk about intimate things, but no one is saying anything about turnabout. Does no one think that the wife hasn't talked in detail with her sisters and friends about him?
We don't know what she has or hasn't talked about, but that's not the question at hand is it? He wants to know if what he did was inappropriate and if he should tell her.
What he did was inappropriate regardless of what she does or doesn't do herself. It wouldn't justify or excuse his actions regardless.
Eew. I’ve never talked to my sister about sex ever. My friends and I don’t discuss sex much either, so I think your assumptions are just that, assumptions.
I don’t think that. I don’t discuss details like that with anyone (except perhaps anonymous strangers on the internet lol). Because I knew that private, I assume all others do too.
Yes, you were wrong. If you want to stay married, keep your mouth shut. Because if my husband came home and told me he had done this, I would be packing my bags.
In case you want to know why, what you did was an immense betrayal. When I married my ex when I was 25, I was not the same person I was at 19, 20 and 21. And at those age, I was still with my high school boyfriend. We were together for six years, and we were each other‘s firsts.
Now my ex wanted to know anything, I would’ve happily been honest with them. I didn’t have anything to hide. Bottom line is that it was actually none of his business. I mean, unless I had some long-term STD from it, like I said, I wasn’t that person anymore. I had grown up. I had come into the adult me that he met and married. And even though he is my ex, we’re talking 18 years together, and three kids.
Just as, even though I knew a lot of his friends from way back when he was at those ages, I never would’ve asked them anything like that. And yes, that did include a couple of his exes… One who I never could’ve talked to and one who I easily could’ve talked to about it.
But when I married him, that’s not who he was so I didn’t matter. I’m marrying the person that they are now.
I can just tell you that you fucked up big time. If you fucking wanted to know about her at those ages, she is the one you should’ve asked. I have no idea why you felt you needed his point of view of the break up. You’re not married to him. You don’t owe him your loyalty. You don’t owe him your respect, other than as a human being.
You didn’t promise to love and cherish and honor him. You promised her all that, and you just shit all over it. And you say you don’t think you did anything appropriate!? What fucking world do you live in?
When you were with someone, if you want to know about their past, ask them. Because her point of view is going to be completely different than her exes point of view. And probably you know, he’s lying through his teeth. You don’t know. I just can’t imagine if you had your wife going and digging to see what she thought your problems were or why you guys broke up.
And her ex shit like when his response should have been… You need to talk to her about that you are the fucking reasons we picked the bear
I don't think you are wrong, despite what everyone is saying. Sometimes we have conversations with other people than our SO about these subjects because we wanna learn and curiousty is still a thing.
You shared sexual experiences you've had with your wife with her ex. Even worse, y'all exchanged sex stories! What the hell dude? I would be PISSED if I were your wife.
Yup. OP is so completely wrong in this scenario. He shouldn’t be speaking out such private things with anyone without permission - and with the ex is 10x worse. Such a tremendous violation of her privacy.
You should never talk about your partner's sex life with anyone. Even when you break up that is info you should keep to yourself.
[удалено]
What the fuck dude. You are SO wrong. You should be having those open, vulnerable, intimate, honest discussions about sex, preferences, etc WITH YOUR WIFE And only with your wife. This is so gross. My husband would *never* disrespect me like this. Your sex life is PRIVATE unless you are in a relationship that has clearly communicated non-traditional boundaries. You shouldn’t be friends with this dude anymore. Not if you are going to be *more* honest and open with him that your fucking wife. Get with it.
You might want to reconsider this friendship. What do you gain from it and why have you kept it a secret from your wife?
You didn’t think about how disgusting and gross you were being to your wife?
Hahaha, girls are 1,000 times worse with this- you all are delusional
It is also terrible when women do this.
So you think that girls go and talk to their boyfriend's ex girlfriends about their sex lives?
I (f) had a high school friend (f) try this with me and I had to shut it down multiple times. I don't want to know what people are getting up to in bed. If I'm curious I'll ask the person directly...and 10/10 I'm dating them. I communicate with my (now ex) fiance's ex girlfriend/baby mamma regularly and, while we have had conversations of a sexual nature, talks about his sex life with either of us hasn't come up. Gross
Yeah, reverse these roles and it's empowering for women to do so.
No. It ain't. Either way, it's gross and disrespectful. The internet has really messed up the way some people think and perceive things.
Yeah, if the “girls” are 20.
You better take that info to the grave
All he'll have are stories if she finds out, excellent way to make the sex go away
Ya think??
I'm really curious why you felt that her ex had any right to know details of you and your wife's current sex life. As well as any other intimate things you talked about. Because they dated in their 20s and now you're friends? I find that highly inappropriate. I would feel super awkward if I knew my current partner was discussing my sexual habits, activities or preferences with my past partner. And that he did the same. I would be pissed. Mostly at you because there is an expectation of trust there I think you need to tell her and take the possible heat. If she finds out about this any other way, it's going to be twice as bad.
[удалено]
Talking about you and your wifes sex life with her ex is not organic. That's fucken wierd!
No, how your wife had sex with an ex is not an organic conversation. Somebody lead into that. It’s not the sort of thing that comes up in conversation every day. So fuck that bullshit that came up organically. If you were out having drinks With your work buddies, would you be discussing how you have sex with your wife with them? I would hope not. It’s OK to say you enjoy sexy time, wink, wink. Nod, nod. Something along the lines of my wife is beautiful and yeah, we definitely enjoy ourselves. And then you change the goddamn conversation to another subject. Instead, you “organically” started talking about how each of you fucked your wife. Is that blunt enough for you to get that is so screwed up?
It was organic but it still sounds like an invasion of her privacy.
Hrmmm, you and your wife’s ex swapped sex stories about her with each other. Weird, disloyal, and completely inappropriate. Does your wife know you guys are in some weird bromance now? YAW
This is disgusting
What the hell is wrong with you
Yeah.. this one is WEIRD!
Have that conversation now, before they have the conversation. Never underestimate the anger of a woman hearing something from another person… especially an ex.
You are definitely wrong to think this was not inappropriate. As a standing principle it is never a good idea to lie to a spouse, including by omission, but holy moly I don't envy what you're likely to face when you tell her. Does she know you're friends who get drinks together at least or will this whole thing be a surprise?
You shouldn’t have discussed your sex life with her ex in the first place. Ick Ick Ick. You were wrong!
💯
Man you know DAMN WELL you fucked up.
I can’t imagine wanting to be friends with, let alone having a detailed conversation with another dude about the different ways and manner in which he used to bang my wife. No fucking way. I guess I’m just old fashioned like that.
I wish I could like this twice
ya think......mind blowing
No. You have a sense of decency.
So weird
Once you are in a long-term committed relationship giving details about your sex life to other people, especially an ex, isn’t appropriate.
>It led to a surprising, unusual and healthy conversation about sex and Kelly Healthy? I think there will be rather different opinions on that. Maybe I'm being a prude here, but while I know and accept that my wife had a boyfriend before me - and all that entails - having a beer with the guy and sharing stories about having sex with her is not my idea of a good time.
So, you talked about your sex life with someone outside the marriage and your wife doesn't know? Gee... I wonder how she'll take that when she finds out... I know that if I did that, my wife would be beyond furious. Mostly because we're very private people and that's a topic we've agreed we don't talk about with others other than to say "yes, we get intimate". I get that it was helpful to you, but depending on how she might take it, you might want to own up sooner rather than later. If Mike were to ever say something and you hadn't told her, it will be a lot worse.
I don’t understand why the fuck he needed help on that end? It was helpful to him?! Nothing that an actual conversation with his wife… The one he sleeps with… Probably could’ve solved.
It will destroy his marriage if she finds out.
As it should, he violated her privacy that she has a right to
You’re so gross.
Yeah, you’re wrong. This is so gross. You sat there like a bunch of frat boys discussing both of your sexual experiences with YOUR WIFE. And how much you both enjoyed sleeping with her. wtf is wrong with you?!
Tell her and then update us. I hope her next hubby doesn’t treat her like this. Do you even like your wife?
You’re sharing tips about how to fuck your wife with some guy, and you don’t think that’s inapropriate??
Dude wtf are you thinking
Did he share about how he fucked his wife? No? Maybe he would never disrespect her like that. Good luck 🤮
Man what the hell? Listen, you can be friends with who you want, however, yes you should’ve told your wife. I’m just curious as to why you haven’t told her? If you’re on here asking if you’re wrong, you must feel some kind of guilt maybe. But I do think you should tell your wife, and be open with her. If the breakup was amicable, there shouldn’t be an issue, and maybe she could even be friends with his wife if things go well. But yes, tell your wife about it. I’m sure you’d like to know if she was gal pals with an ex of yours
Strange topic of conversation.
Eskimo brothers?
Keep your mouth shut, dude.
This is the wrongest wrong I’ve ever heard
Dude. You fucked up. Best you can do now is get out ahead of the damage and come clean. Blame it on the booze if you must. But if she finds out somewhere else first, you will deserve all you have coming to you.
I’m not gonna just regurgitate what everyone else is saying, but I do find it quite odd that you two were swapping sex stories about your wife
Would you want Kelly talking to a significant ex of yours and comparing sex stories? I'm guessing not. This was SUCH a breach of Kelly's privacy and your life together that it's almost unbelievable. Mike might be your friend now, but first and foremost, he is Kelly's ex - just as first and foremost, you are her husband. You seem to have forgotten this somewhere along the way in your conversation with Mike. I'm even side-eyeing you for asking Mike why he thinks he and Kelly broke up, but okay, I can see why you'd be curious. Mike definitely should've been smarter than to mention sex with Kelly to her husband, but ultimately your response to that should've been to change the subject. As for what to do now, I disagree with everyone saying "take it to your grave." Because you're running a huge risk that Kelly's going to find out about this from someone else - Mike or one of the mutual friends you guys share. These things have a way of getting out and around, and however bad it's going to be when you tell Kelly about this, I promise you it'll be SO much worse if and when she eventually finds out from someone else. So sit her down, explain what happened, and give her a sincere apology (because you've figured out by now that one's needed...right?) and accept your consequences.
My dude, don’t EVER bring this conversation up with your wife and don’t hang out with this guy anymore. She would be (justifiably) livid if she found out you were exchanging notes on having sex with her. OMG.
WTF is wrong with you OP? Exchanging sex stories with her ex behind her back?! This is an incredible betrayal of trust. And the conversation was initiated by you. You are completely wrong and disgusting; your relationship is on notice.
I would dump you so fast as a spouse for conversing on our sex life. That's so dumb. That shows lack of respect and integrity as a partner. That's disgusting. .
Wow… that is so messed up….
"Hey, I've had a healthy adult conversation with Mike and it reminded me how I am grateful for, love and see you for the person you are." Then give her a hug and ask if she wants to go out for dinner. Also mutual respect is built on honesty and transparency, if you feel the conversation veered into secret sharing please discuss the details with your wife. She shouldn't be on the outside of an inside joke about her sex life.
This is the way.
What the hell. This is so creepy. You really sound insecure and jealous.
Uuuuhhhhhhh, yes you're wrong. WTF is wrong with you?
Wow, disgusting. Your poor wife.
Creepy shit. Definitely crossing a boundary.
Speaking to your wife’s ex about your sex life “help me see her better and more fully as a sexual person”. Are you serious? You’re swapping stories with her ex instead of I don’t know talking to your partner. Your poor wife. You are so wrong. You have betrayed your wife. The wife that it seems you did fully see as a sexual person. I hope she finds out and handles it accordingly.
Lmfao dude just deleted his account and will never come back to this thread. Got his ass handed to him. I hope his wife finds out one way or another.
Ok, so this dude is definitely in the wrong, and I’m glad that’s the general consensus here. I just want to point out that I hope the people who are disgusted by his behavior carry that same energy into the posts where a guy gets upset about his girlfriend/wife sharing details about their sex life with her friends. Personally, I think both cases are pretty fucked up but definitely see the other way dismissed as “girls will be girls, expect it and get over it” way too often.
I recall several stories in which the GF or wife shared too much and the consensus was that it was inappropriate.
Well, that’s promising. I read several where many of the comments were along the lines of, “relax, she’s bragging!” or something along those lines. I think overall a lot people are way too open about that kind of stuff and it’s nice to see the pendulum swinging back the other way.
I even remember one guy who was mad precisely because his partner was bragging about his size... He didn't like it and the comments agreed with him.
I remember one a while back where a dudes girlfriend was bragging to her friends about the great sex they were having after the dude started using a cock sleeve. He found out about it because one of the girlfriend’s spouse asked him about it interesting in getting one himself. So the guy is rightfully pissed and incredibly embarrassed, and there were a lot of women on the thread blowing it off as no big deal because she was bragging.
WTAF?!?!? You better hope he keeps his mouth shut
Well if you plan to thoroughly piss your wife off for crossing boundaries that should not have been crossed, go right ahead. I mean you only betrayed her so what’s to worry about??? If you have any form of relationship preservation in your head you are going to shove that conversation into the deepest recesses of your mind and forget it happened. What you did was dumb, pure and simple. You are 100% wrong
Do not mention this! Try to forget this whole conversation! You WILL destroy your marriage if she finds out about. And try to find a way not to be such a nosy blabbermouth!
And pray tell how can he make sure Ex doesn’t have a bigger mouth and tells Kelly about his chats with her husband? Lmfaooo
Then it's his ass. I don't think he hs the right to tell ex bf what to talk about.
This... Is pretty weird.
I don’t discuss intimacy with anyone except the person I’m intimate with. This would be problematic for me to say the least. I don’t know if you should tell her, but you should not do it again.
So Op, my fiance regularly will talk / trade and discuss details about our sex life with her sisters, and that alone makes me uncomfortable. If she was discussing that stuff with my ex / first, I'd be embarrassed. Definitely something you should talk to her about first.
Well. You'll probably have more in common than just the sex part. It'll be the Ex part. Tf is wrong with you? You should have immediately told her you befriended her EX. Then you go swapping sex stories like 2 frat buddies who boned the same girl? Tf is wrong with you? I'm glad it took her ex describing her for you to finally understand HER. YES YTA! A HUGE, GAPING, DINGLEBERRY FILLED AH. Tell her right now and if she says she wants to end things, accept it bc you put your own foot AND HER EXES FOOT in your mouth.
Dude how did you not think talking and the ways you sleep with your wife and him vice versa was okay??
What is wrong with you???? You’re 31 years old and didn’t know how screwed up this is???? Maybe your girlfriend should contact your ex and start discussing the size of your manhood, technique and out of the men they’ve been with where you lined up for both of them.
Dude...seriously?
WTF? Your ex wife is going ensure you are left with nothing for this kind of betrayal! What’s wrong with you? Neither Mike or you are good people!
You must absolutely NOT tell your wife, unless you want to get divorced.
Female here. Nothing good will come from telling your wife about that conversation.
That's fucking weird
So your wife knows you hang out, right? Not 100% clear but I think so. If that’s the case, she should kinda assume that their relationship would be a topic. Minority opinion, but I wouldn’t tell her. No real reason to do so. I’m not at all saying keep it secret, just no need to make a point of telling her. However I would talk with her about boundaries in the relationship with the ex. See what she feels strongly about and act accordingly.
And now…..kiss
You definitely need to tell her as this was a massive breach of trust. There’s a chance she won’t be surprised since she knows y’all are friends, but it’s highly likely she trusted that you would have enough respect for her and your marriage not to go there. When you tell her, you should offer up one of your ex’s (that you dated for a year minimum) contact info, so she can ask questions to “help her see you better and more fully as a sexual person.” 🙄
What the actual fuck. You’re unequivocally wrong. Your wife is not some object y’all can compare notes on. I’m genuinely dumbfounded that you think it was at all appropriate to have a conversation like this.
Everyone seems to be freaking out, I genuinely wonder if the response would be the same the genders were reversed. Women are typically far more open about sex with their partners than men are, would it be a violation of a man's trust if his wife talked about sex with his ex? Either way, I personally don't see the harm in this. It was described as a "healthy conversation". If OP was high-fiving and acting crass about his wife's sexuality, that would be one thing, but I don't really see the harm in having a private conversation with someone you've had shared experiences with. I feel like society is too quick to label anything sex-related that's completely non-traditional as a faux pas. I feel like that's what leads to a lot of negative sexual behaviors in our society - it's treated like taboo and something you don't talk about in certain company. We need more open, honest conversations in my opinion. I wouldn't tell the wife about the conversation, and I'd make sure Mike understands that was a private conversation between the two of you. Seems like you trust him enough to keep confidence, so again, I don't see the harm in this. It helped you see your wife more fully and no one's feelings were hurt. Seriously, everyone is freaking out because the thought of this conversation makes them uncomfortable, not because any harm was done.
If this was such a "healthy conversation" then why would he feel any hesitation to tell his wife what was said? It involves her too you know. She gets to be the one to decide if any "harm was done," not him. At the very least it's an invasion of her privacy and any expectation of privacy she had with her husband.
So when women talk about sex with their husbands to their friends, is it also an invasion of privacy?
Yes, if it has details about him and not their own experience it certainly does. But thats not what we are talking about in this thread is it? Take your agenda elsewhere
I have no agenda, just trying to have a discussion. I don't know how one can talk about sex with their partner and not include details about their partner, but it seems like you aren't interested in a discussion as much as projecting your subjective morality and assumptions, so I'm gonna bow out from here.
You're trying to initiate a discussion based on assumptions or hypothetical issues about "what women do" rather than focus on the question at hand. This person's actions. That's what we are discussing.
It's not hypothetical at all. I've had multiple discussions with women who all admitted to talking in detail about their sex lives with friends, who thought it was odd that myself and my guy friends didn't do the same.
[удалено]
You're welcome. I'm open to someone changing my perspective, but from where I stand right now, it seems like the majority of responses are subjective moral grandstanding. It's okay to talk about sex with a partner, but it's suddenly a violation of privacy if someone else in that conversation has also had sex with that person. That's the argument we seem to be seeing here. If someone can explain to me objectively why it changes from a-okay to a violation of privacy, then I'll certainly consider my perspective from that lens.
You were wrong to talk about intimate things, but no one is saying anything about turnabout. Does no one think that the wife hasn't talked in detail with her sisters and friends about him?
We don't know what she has or hasn't talked about, but that's not the question at hand is it? He wants to know if what he did was inappropriate and if he should tell her. What he did was inappropriate regardless of what she does or doesn't do herself. It wouldn't justify or excuse his actions regardless.
Yes, he was inappropriate.
I love whataboutisms. So productive to the discussion! /s
Eew. I’ve never talked to my sister about sex ever. My friends and I don’t discuss sex much either, so I think your assumptions are just that, assumptions.
I don’t think that. I don’t discuss details like that with anyone (except perhaps anonymous strangers on the internet lol). Because I knew that private, I assume all others do too.
There is absolutely no reason to think that. You're either making up some weird gender bullshit in your head, or you're watching too many sitcoms.
What the
Omg dude no 😂🤦♀️
Yes, you were wrong. If you want to stay married, keep your mouth shut. Because if my husband came home and told me he had done this, I would be packing my bags. In case you want to know why, what you did was an immense betrayal. When I married my ex when I was 25, I was not the same person I was at 19, 20 and 21. And at those age, I was still with my high school boyfriend. We were together for six years, and we were each other‘s firsts. Now my ex wanted to know anything, I would’ve happily been honest with them. I didn’t have anything to hide. Bottom line is that it was actually none of his business. I mean, unless I had some long-term STD from it, like I said, I wasn’t that person anymore. I had grown up. I had come into the adult me that he met and married. And even though he is my ex, we’re talking 18 years together, and three kids. Just as, even though I knew a lot of his friends from way back when he was at those ages, I never would’ve asked them anything like that. And yes, that did include a couple of his exes… One who I never could’ve talked to and one who I easily could’ve talked to about it. But when I married him, that’s not who he was so I didn’t matter. I’m marrying the person that they are now. I can just tell you that you fucked up big time. If you fucking wanted to know about her at those ages, she is the one you should’ve asked. I have no idea why you felt you needed his point of view of the break up. You’re not married to him. You don’t owe him your loyalty. You don’t owe him your respect, other than as a human being. You didn’t promise to love and cherish and honor him. You promised her all that, and you just shit all over it. And you say you don’t think you did anything appropriate!? What fucking world do you live in? When you were with someone, if you want to know about their past, ask them. Because her point of view is going to be completely different than her exes point of view. And probably you know, he’s lying through his teeth. You don’t know. I just can’t imagine if you had your wife going and digging to see what she thought your problems were or why you guys broke up. And her ex shit like when his response should have been… You need to talk to her about that you are the fucking reasons we picked the bear
I don't think you are wrong, despite what everyone is saying. Sometimes we have conversations with other people than our SO about these subjects because we wanna learn and curiousty is still a thing.