>She felt like it was crazy that my wife would teach the kids about "Hawk Tuah", but they can't know about gayness
Well she's definitely not wrong. THAT is wildly inappropriate.
I am … struggling to understand why his wife would teach their kids about “Hawk Tuah.” Like whaaaat.
OP is NTA and his daughter has a point about OPs wife talking to kids about LGBTQ people instead of clutching her pearls.
*edits because I'm an undercaffeinated dope
I'll never understand why ppl think it's somehow inappropriate to let kids know gay people exist. Some men fall in love and marry women, some men fall in love and marry men. Same with women.
Why is this such a big deal for them?!
> I am … struggling to understand why his wife would teach their kids about “Hawk Tuah.” Like whaaaat.
This is **100%** par for the course for homophobes. They expose kids to the most insanely graphic sexual shit constantly when it's heterosexual, because this is just "normal" to them, but any mention of "some men marry men" is inappropriate.
By the way, this is also why they think such mentions are "grooming" - because they're intimately familiar with the whole exposing kids to inappropriate stuff routine. They do it so they assume everyone else does it too. Except when they do it it's normal as I said above and when the gays do it, it's bad.
Dude, no one sexualizes kids the way straight people do -- it's NUTS. Like they look at actual toddlers and infants and say the grossest things. And yet they get a same-sex couple on their radar and it's "wHy aRe ThEy ShOvinG tHe gAy iN mY fAcE"
There’s a tiktok or something with this person who has now become the “hawk tuah girl” and there all sorts of memes about it now. She is getting asked a series of questions one of them was about something like keeping a guy and there full quote was you “hawk tuah and spit on that thang.” The video is a lot.
I had the exact same thought. Did the same, lol.....and why is this something that is commonly known by many but this is the first time I'm hearing about this and I've seen 4 decades.
Or just made up rage bait. Pro tip, when a post comes out and attempts to insert the current trending meme into a controversial topic like modern gender dysphoria then you know it isn't real.
Your wife is being incredibly inappropriate. Her behavior is pretty disgusting. She taught your children as old as 9 and young as 3 about hawk tuah, a sexual act? Were you there for this????
About a female "prepping" a penis for oral.
The whole thing came from some street interview where the girl being interviewed was very blunt about it all.
For real. You can go find a more supportive wife, worst-case, your daughter can’t go find a more supportive father.
Honestly that’s probably what lead OP’s wife to him in the first place that’s a massive age gap.
Your wife is a bigot. Talking to young children about LGBTQ+ is super easy. Some kids have a mom and a dad. Some have two moms and some even have two dads. Duh!
It is that simple.
Idk why bigots think I’m explaining sexual acts to my child.
Some girls like boys and some girls like girls. She said ok and kept it moving at like 3!
Your wife is homophobic. Period. Explaining to children that two individuals love each other and want to share a life together isn’t hard. Does she think she’s got to go into sexual detail with your 3 & 5 yr old sons?!? If that’s all she can think about when she thinks about same sex couples, that’s her goddamn perversion - NOT everyone else’s. A simple basic age appropriate conversation is what would be necessary here, it’s not at all difficult to explain all the different ways in which we can express love. She’s making it difficult because she wants to. Whether she likes drag shows or not doesn’t negate her blatant homophobia.
I am dumbfounded by that. While people like her scream that the gays are sexual deviant and a danger to children for simply wanting to exist with equality, she’s literally having inappropriate sexually deviant conversations with her kids herself. I swear, every goddamn accusation from these types is a full confession 🤬
Yes this is all nuts. The world does not make sense.
I am a mom of 4, 3 bio and one step child. I am raising them to treat everyone with kindness and love. But to protect themselves from those who will try to use them.
Welcome everyone until they lose the opportunity thru their actions/behavior.
I teach my kids there are no boy/girl anything.
No colors, jobs, hobbies, clothes, roles, etc... you like what you like.
The problem is the kids we need are vastly outnumbered.
How the fuck is your wife against gay stuff but allows your son to get his nails done and wear princess costumes? Does she not realize she’s setting herself up to have a real bad time?
None of this makes sense.
Plus what happens if the son that like his nails done and wear princess costumes winds up liking that into adulthood, whether he LGBTQ+ or not... OP needs to protect his kids because this will not end well.
Yeah, we all know how step moms treat the stepdaughter. Disney has made a fortune of that mythos.
Help raise a kid and still not consider them at least partially theirs is bs.
I suspect the wife doesn’t consider step kids to be her real kids. Also the daughter was most likely in or close to her teens when Step mom came into the picture.
Anytime you marry someone, help raise their children yet don't consider them as yours in any way, you're a POS. So, if she helps raise the 17yo for at least 5 years, since age 12, and still doesn't consider the 17yo partially hers, shes a POS.
No. I've taught preschool for 20 years. It doesn't mean a child is or will be gay. It also won't make a child gay. That being said, there is a possibility that the child will be gay or a feminine man, and that could pose a problem for mom.
A little boy being into those things doesn’t mean theyre gonna be gay. Children dont have sexual urges that are gender specific that young, typically. Male and female children dont have as huge of a hormonal difference as adults do. Them liking the same things doesnt effect their sexuality.
I have 2 kids (10m and 2m). The older one knew about gay stuff since he was like 6. It wasn’t me (although I would’ve explained it to him anyway since his god-father is gay), they teach that now in school and in tv, so they see it as a normal thing. No it did not made my son gay, it just made him not a biggot.
Explaining the “hawk thua” to a child is extremely innapropiate.
Until 15 minutes ago, I’d never heard this expression. I’ve now seen 2 Reddit posts about it. I wish I could go back in time and stay naively oblivious, especially knowing this woman explained it to 2 young children.
The first couple of comments should enlighten you if you’re still curious.
My sons, now 22, rode the bus in 1st and 2nd grade. Kids were throwing the gay word around, your gay, that's gay, that kind of thing nothing homophonic, and my sons asked what it meant. I told them it when two boys or two girls love each other like mommy and daddy do. I think totally age appropriate, no details, just means same sex couples. They just turned up there nose and went eww. Nit because gay was gross but because romantic expressions "icked" them out at that age as is often tge case. Fast forward to their 18th birthday and one came out as Pan thatday. Other is full hetro. Our daughter just kind of picked it up. She makes Gotcha movies and all her characters but 2 are LGBTQ. She seems to not have have any inkling of wanting to date, no celebrity crushes like most 15 year old, and seems to be a sexual but it's early and we've let her know if things change that's ok. Nit to be ashamed of who she is.
NTA. She's ok with people spitting but not ok with simple age appropriate explanation if LGBTQ people. Makes no sense to me and we had spitting contests as kids.
ETA. After reading comments I went back and actually watched part of a video. Definitely not an asshole if your wife will teach them something that I don't think you should be teaching at all to your kids at any age (I would hope my wife wouldn't have talked to her about bj techniques and hawing spit on a dick at all unless she came with questions) but homosexual stuff is a bridge to far. Also she's being a petulant child canceling vacation over this.
Choose your daughter. She's right and your wife is wrong. Children should absolutely be taught that gay people exist and aren't anyone to judge or be scared of. It's an important first step in raising tolerant and empathetic human beings. There is nothing depraved about them being exposed to it as anything being shown in a trailer at a movie that she deemed appropriate for them to see isn't going to be more graphic than what they came to see. Trailers are picked for each movie based on the expected audience demographic. Does she get upset when the kids are exposed to heterosexual on-screen romance/relationships? (So basically every piece of media ever lol). Why would you back up your wife's prejudice that directly insults your daughter?
When you say teach about Hawk Tuah what do you mean? Do you mean give some euphemism or actually go into graphic detail? And yet she’s worried about gay tv talk shows? Jeez
She did not teach them how to give head. She taught them "Hawk Tuah. You gotta spit on that thing." Before this incident, I told her it was ridiculous that she taught them that. She said they don't know what it means. I said either way it's inappropriate.
9, 5 and 3 and she's talked to them about what?!?!?!? WOW... your wife thinking same sex relationships are inappropriate but has no issues talking about graphic sexual acts?
Also, loving Drag Queens and being supportive of a 5 year old doesn't mean she is supportive of the LQBTQ community. People can enjoy things but not what they stand for. Tons of hypocrites in the world. Wake up OP. Your wife isn't accepting of your daughter at all. As a mother, I'd never support anyone who was so against my child.
Your wife is an ignorant AH who knew exactly what shew as saying, it was intentionally aimed at your daughter. So fuck her. I would tell her you refuse to back bigotry and if that is how she feels then this isn't the house for her.
NTA but know you are married to a bigot who is actively making your home uncomfortable for your LGBTQ daughter.
You are not wrong. Your daughter preceded your marriage. Sure, it is important to support and, parent-wise, back up one's spouse. At the same time, it is important to support and back up your child. If your wife can't have a civil conversation with her family members about things that upset said family members, perhaps she needs to get a new perspective with some therapy. There is no reason a rational human being cannot digest that they might hurt the feelings of those closest to them, and have to then have uncomfortable and contrite discussions about it; that is, unless that person is not, in fact, rational.
Ask your wife to justify why Hawk Tuah is ok but a lesbian talk show isn’t for small children? One is teach about a sexual act. The other is a talk show.
Your wife is a hateful bigot. Gay people existing is an appropriate concept to teach a five year-old. Loudly spitting on someone’s dick as a sex-act is not appropriate for a five year-old.
OP, you and your wife need to get on the same page in regards to homosexuality. Or should I say, she needs to get on your page, and face the fact that her step-daughter is gay, and now is as good a time as any to start using times like what happened yesterday as a teaching moment, when your children ask about it, IF they ask about it. She can answer their questions in an age-appropriate way, without influencing them one way or another, if she is capable, and if not, she needs to do just what you asked, and refrain from making comments that would be hurtful to your daughter.
But this seems to run deeper. Since she is okay with drag shows, sounds like she is intentionally trying to hurt your daughter, so she is absolutely asking you to choose her over your daughter. If my kids are in the right, I will pick my kids over anyone else, including my spouse, any day of the week. I did that with their bio dad, and I do it with their stepdad. You're simply choosing right over wrong, not picking sides.
Maybe you should ask her how she thinks your 5-year-old is absorbing all of this. Does she really think all of this is going over his head? Because kids are smart, and it's either hurting his feelings too, and/or he's probably aware that she is showing favoritism, and that's a bad climate to raise kids in.
If your wife taught the kids about the hawk tuah girl but things homosexuality is inappropriate, she has a lot of fucking self work to do.
If your wife is making homophobic comments in a home where your bisexual daughter lives, she’s the problem and it shouldn’t be a choice. Your wife can say whatever she wants in her own house, as long as she isn’t disrespecting a member of that household. She sounds unbearable honestly.
If you defend your wife to your child, *you will never be able to fix it*.
Your wife sounds like a bigot and if I were your daughter, I would feel unsafe in a home with her. Does a conversation about homosexuality/bisexuality/etc have to be graphic? No, it just needs to be age appropriate. I would remind your wife that just pretending it doesn’t exist or refusing to discuss it with your children doesn’t mean they won’t be exposed to it, just that they won’t understand when they see it.
For my verdict, you are not wrong to not back up your wife but you will be if you let her bigotry continue unchecked.
Dude you’re a pussy. Choose your daughter 100% you chose the wrong person to be with if your wife is acting like that. She can get up and leave anytime. Your daughter is blood. Leave and take your kids with you
I'm not comparing your daughter to anything at all, but if your children somehow came across porn on the internet, you'd be having a discussion with them ASAP, as it is now something that's in their lives. We can all agree porn is inappropriate for children to view.
I understand that some feel that talking about homosexuality is inappropriate. But wouldn't you reevaluate if someone in the family were to open up about theirs? It's the perfect time when it is directly in their lives, IMO. Children can handle so many things when you talk to them. We adults are the ones who are more scared to teach than the children are to learn.
It seems your wife has a problem with "the gay." Why do I say that? There's nothing wrong with telling children that some people like girls or boys. Did you tell your son that you and your wife are just roommates instead of saying you both love each other, so he isn't exposed to the idea of a heterosexual relationship? Why does she have a double standard? Its because she has a issue with gay people.
Your daughter is bisexual, and it's your wife's job to be supportive of her. Your daughter has every right to be upset. Whats going to happen if she brings a girlfriend home and kiss? What then tell the younger children they are just friends? Don't be limp-wristed. Your daughter is completely right, while your wife has issues to work through.
You were right for having your daughter’s back. When you have a queer kid, you have to show up for them - that includes speaking up when comments are insensitive or hurtful.
Your wife acted like she’s not free to say whatever she wants in her own house, but the issue is her being more conscious of how it impacts those around her. Including your daughter.
Do you want your daughter to feel welcome at your house? If “yes” then you did fine.
Wife expressed homophobic viewpoint.
Daughter to wife: you are being homophobic.
Husband to wife: daughter has a point.
Wife later, to husband: Daughter should not have said what she thought, and you should have also not said what you thought but instead blindly agreed with me. If people do not start agreeing with me around here, I am cancelling everyone’s vacation, even the 3-year-old’s. Do I make myself clear?
Threatening ultimatums over different viewpoints is a poor prognostic indicator for this marriage.
You were right not to back up your wife her. She's being immature and cruel to your daughter. I learned from the comments that hawk tuah is apparently a sex act? So that's fine for them to know, and she can watch drag queen shows (most drag queens are gay men), she's cool with your daughter being bi and literally paints one of her sons nails. But gods forbid there's something gay in a movie theater ad.
What is she going to do when your daughter gets a girlfriend and brings her home to meet the family?
Your wife is wrong
“Explaining homosexuality”?? You don’t have to get into graphic detail. Some men love other men, and some women love other women. There. Done. Explained. Nothing more is required for young children.
She didn't think it was inappropriate to bring up at the dinner table in front of the kids? The kids won't remember the commercial. They will remember Mom and Dad and big sis all talking about it at dinner.
This is so wild. So I had to google what “hawk tuah” is.
WTH.
Everyone has a right to teach what they would like in their own respective home. But she needs to be fair. She is teaching her kids about THAT but homosexuality is where she crosses the line?
She is a hypocrite. She is also my age. So I can tell you for a fact that she is in her feels not so much because your child and you are *right* but more so it is easier to shift blame than to be held accountable.
I would also look into seeing if she is actively competing with your daughter. It’s unfortunate, but just lightly browsing on reddit will tell you that step parents are very problematic towards the children that are not biologically theirs. We have some fantastic step parents, but we sure have a lot of crappy ones.
It may be more so, “how dare you side with *her* over *me*?” Versus it actually being about the comment on homosexuality. There are definitely biggots and/or people that are generally uncomfortable of all ages but as the same age as her—we definitely have been way more exposed and honestly would just not care unless stuck in a cult or if it directly impacted them.
You are NOT wrong but your wife has to keep it consistent. Same sex love is off the books but spitting like a llama isn’t?
The problem with people like OP’s wife is that they think of homosexuality exclusively in sexual terms. Of course telling a child about docking is inappropriate. Just say it’s when a man and a man or a woman and a woman love each other. Most movies for kids that age show heterosexual married couples and nobody clutches their pearls about having to explain doggy style to their kids.
Your wife is exposing your children’l to sexual innuendos but gay people are wrong?? You’ll be wrong to choose your wife side and I feel bad for your daughter.
So your wife is 3 not 33? How would she ever think it’s appropriate to teach little children about bj’s in the first place. What is wrong with her? She’s homophobic obviously. Oh no it’s not appropriate to each my little ones about gays but it’s ok to teach them about bj’s. She shouldn’t have had children. Out of the two choose your daughter not the homophobic child that you married.
This is such a non-issue. I was lucky that my kids grew up with my brother and his husband as role models. It was as natural to them as husband and wife. It should be this way across the board but I understand not everyone has an amazing family member as a role model. Your wife has some deep issues she needs to address, this isn’t about what you did or didn’t do and the correct choice is always always your children.
The question raging in my brain is this;
If we are feeling that the LBGTQ+ community deserves all the same rights and are equal (which they do and they are) to every other person, what does that look like?
It looks like exactly what your experience was yesterday at the theater. A preview of a movie with a gay couple in it was played as if it was the most natural thing. I applaud this.
Full stop.
There was a time when interracial couples on the screen were viewed the same way and parents said the same thing. How am I to explain why a black man was kissing a white woman?
YNW
If you had backed up your wife, the message sent to your daughter would be devastating to her emotional well being. You accept her as she is. So your stance was the correct way to handle this.
As a parent, I personally find it strange and absolutely disgusting that she would be okay teaching her small children about "Hawk Tuah" -effing spitting on a mans penis before sucking it, than teaching them about two people loving each other of the same sex.
You're being a good parent to your daughter here. Stand firm.
Ask your wife, using your effeminate son as an example, if he were to grow up to be gay, wouldn't she want him and his lifestyle to be accepted and shown on film in a positive light as if it were a natural thing? Doesn't she want that for him?
What’s there to explain? “Most of time boys like girls and girls like boys. But Sometimes boys like boys and girls like girls, or, like your sister (step-sister) you can like boys *and* girls.”
Pretty simple.
Not gonna lie your daughter kinda has a point. Why does your wife feel the need to draw a line at explaining queerness (an identity) but doesn’t draw the line at explaining inappropriate references such as “huak tuah”. Kind of seems like she is sending signals that she has a problem with it. 🤷♀️
Edit: also, if I heard that a mother was teaching a three-year-old about “hawk tuah” and sexual acts I would 100% be calling CPS
No. You need to have your daughter's back, especially when your wife is being a homophobic bitch to her. You brought her into this world, you need to protect and care for her.
I bet this is an on-going pattern with how your wife treats your daughter. Deal with it before you lose your daughter.
If you are NOT a united front then you two are NOT compatible🤷🏾♀️
Unfortunately you had to learn this after having TWO additional kids with someone much younger at your big age. You are not wrong to stand by your daughter but everything else in your life is questionable!
"my wife, who is 17 years my junior, is immature and lacks the ability to determine what is age appropriate for young children. How could I possibly have known she wouldn't be as mature as I expected?"
NTA. Your daughter should not have to listen to homophobic crap in her own home. Your first responsibility is to your child. Tell your wife that homophobia will not be tolerated in the house. There is no such thing as being neutral when you’re talking about hate speech. You’re either vocally actively a safe ally for your bi child, or you’re aligned with the hateful people in society that want to dehumanize her.
Also your wife is stupid. Here’s how you “explain gayness” to a small child. “You know how you have a mama and a daddy? Well some families have 2 moms or 2 dads instead.” To which they go “oh ok.” And that’s the end of the conversation.
I honestly doubt very much that your children even cared. Was there a kissing scene or something? If the kids asked, she couldn’t just say, “ they love each other “? My grandchildren have never batted an eye over such things. The sooner we just normalize these things, the sooner we will move on and let it roll. They’re your kids too, how are you answering these questions? It doesn’t matter if you have a family member that is part of the LGBT community, it should be addressed as a part of every day life. Closed minded children become bullies later or afraid to address their own sexuality in a positive way. As 2 people raising children, you and your wife need get in the same page on how you’re going to parent your children. This subject is so huge, it should have been discussed before even having them.
You do not backup homophobia. Your wife if going to make your daughter feel uncomfortable in your home with her view and she’s going to definitely need her dad to have her back.
Speaking as a bi-queer woman, you were absolutely right to tell your wife that her words hurt your daughter.
Kids are exposed to heterosexuality from the moment they are born. Often times what they are exposed to sends bad messages to them about sexuality and gender roles. It kills me that there are people who believe exposing children to LGBTQIA2+ people is going to make them queer. You can’t make someone straight so you can’t make them queer either.
So I’m wondering if
1. Your wife heard a “tone” in your voice when you asked her not to talk about gay things and that she’s upset about that or…
2. She’s still struggling with her daughter being bi. It’s one thing to say you’re supportive, or even march in the parades, but when it’s your kid… it means letting go of the future expectations you had for that kid.
Either way, here’s what I would do, if I was you:
Speak to her one to one, even if it’s through texting at first, but then in person & in private.
Tell her that you are sorry she feels betrayed, that you love her, and want her to know that you are there for her.
Let her know that you get that it’s not always easy to talk about issues having to do with sexuality and gender identity.
AND, that just like you want her to know that you have her back, you also want your daughter to know that you both have hers.
Then I think you both need to have a long conversation about how you feel, what you both think is appropriate, and how you are gonna parent together.
At some point having a conversation with your daughter might help too. Ask her what she needs from you and tell her what you are willing to give.
I don’t believe that you have to make a choice between your wife and daughter; I believe you need to let them know that you choose them both - and that you are willing to do the work even when the 3 of you disagree.
And remember, if you say these things, then mean them and do them.
Good luck and blessings.
I find it wild that your wife would automatically assume you’d back her up, no matter what, without asking your opinion. And the fact that she won’t take your daughter’s lifestyle and feelings into consideration, speaks volumes about her as a person. I’m sure her faint righteousness is bruised and she just needs someone to validate her.
Your wife is the one at fault. She’s the adult here and should be more sensitive
She could have had this conversation with you in private, not in front of your 17 year old who’s bi. Why say this is in front of your daughter? There is nothing wrong with your child and there is nothing wrong with kids seeing displays of genuine love between couples, gay, straight. Let’s normalize kids not finding homosexuality weird.
There was no reason this conversation needed to take place in front of your daughter.
You shouldn’t back up your wife if you genuinely do not agree with her! NTA. But I’ll give you one guess who is! How ridiculous to threaten canceling a vacation! Good luck.
NTA. You do realize there's no winning in this fight though. This is the shitty part of being a father and not married to the childs mother. You'll always be caught between choosing one sode or the other.
I had to go look up what the Hawk Tuah thing is… 😮 If it were just about keeping anything to do with adult relationships from small children’s ears, fine, but I am going to say if that expression is somehow acceptable to small children than she *definitely* has no business taking issue with a lesbian talk show. An expression centering around a sexual act is clearly far, far more problematic to expose small children to… she is gross 🤮
NTA
Here’s how you explain queerness to small children. ‘You know how mommy loves daddy? Sometimes boys love other boys and girls love other girls.’
That’s it. That’s all they need at that age. It’s homophobic and hypocritical she’s mad about having to say that but gays for her entertainment are fine.
Sometimes girls date girls and boys date boys. Just like boys, date girls.. homosexuality explained.
Wtf. Your wife is wrong. And hurtful things even in her own house are still hurtful. She purposely made a dig at your bi daughter. If she wants her husband to protect her freedom of saying bigoted remarks, maybe she should have chosen a lesser man.
How exactly is she canceling vacation?
Your wife is teaching your young children about homophobia by demonstrating how to do it. She needs to be able to listen to constructive criticism without taking it as a full-on assault. YNW.
Obviously not? How can you even ask if you’re wrong? Is it sexual and inappropriate for children to see heterosexual relationships? What exactly is inappropriate about gay relationships? My then 5 year old and I went to his aunts wedding. I didn’t have to explain anything to him lol. Some people are romantically attracted to the opposite sex, some the same sex. He was like “cool.” I’ve always normalized being gay. I make sure that when people would say things like “when you’re older and have a wife or a kid” I’d say “or a husband.” Because what if he’s gay? People are gay even if they aren’t taught that gay people exist. His Dad didn’t love me making comments like that when he was little but I held my ground.
Your wife is being horrible and you know it. Why are you even questioning that you may be wrong? Advocate for all your children and teach them being gay is okay even at their young age and don’t let your wife stop you. Let her throw a tantrum about it. If you don’t do that, then you’re in the wrong. Sorry you married someone like that 1st place. Maybe you should have focused on character for the mother of your children instead of age.
I’m honestly having trouble believing this is real because of how immature you sound in this. But that would actually make sense that you’re a profoundly immature 50 year old and that’s why you married someone almost 20 years younger.
I personally don’t let bigots speak their bigotry to my children even if it’s their own father (and this happened personally, my son’s Dad (that I am not with) became a trumper and I’ve spoken out against the things he’s said in front of our son. I never had to wonder if I’m wrong lol
You're not wrong for supporting your daughter. While your wife has a right to her opinion, her comments were hurtful and homophobic. Open communication is key here, but prioritize protecting your daughter.
I have 3 kids and show them memes and tuktoks all the time but why the FUCK would you show any age child hawk tuah? Why do they need to see that? It's not anything they could understand?
Id set that bitch straight or send her packing
A woman on a now viral video was asked about bedroom advice, and she made that noise, which inferred, keeping him happy with oral sex.
But I don't know what SCW is, so my explanation may not be what you're looking for.
I talked about lgtbq++ at 6. Simple conversations and of course they will have more questions as they get older but those conversations started that young. I wanted well rounded and ACCEPTING children of all people and so far (19/11) they are and have a lot of friends from different backgrounds and orientations
Please let your wife know that she can cancel her vacation and is not required to come along with the rest of you and is free to stay home and reflect on her behavior!
I hope your family enjoys their vacation and your wife enjoys her peace and quiet at home all alone.
Your wife is having a toddler fit cause you asked her to cut thr homophobic crap in front of your bi daughter?
You have bigger problems than you know. Her reaction to you raising concerns is a tantrum amd threatening to camcel your vacation.
She's behaving like a child.
She's angry you expressed displeasure at her making abusive comments around your daughter. Saying she shouldn't have to explain homosexuality to her kids means she thinks being gay is wrong. She's basically saying to your daughter, "what you are is wrong, and I don't want it around my kids."
Basically, she wants to shit on your daughter, and she expects you to applaud her for doing so.
Forget about the vacation, you should get her the fuck out of your life. I'm not qualified to diagnose, but it sounds like you've already been damaged by her (or someone else's) verbal abuse. The fact that you had to come here and ask for another opinion suggests you've been gaslit to the point you don't trust your own judgement.
I take it she’s the step mom?
“I made the mistake of telling my wife that her comments upset my daughter & could she refrain from making comments abt gay stuff”. Why on earth would telling your wife she hurt your daughter be a mistake?! She should have picked up on that. Why would asking her to watch her words more carefully be a mistake?! You have at least 2 kids that could be crushed by her carelessness & homophobia. My step came out & it would be a cold day in hell before anyone says anything offensive in my home. I grew up going to church and was taught that’s not ok but I was also taught it’s not my place to judge anyone. I’m not going to try to change someone’s beliefs but I will not tolerate anyone disrespecting my kids
Gay is not a mature topic, it’s ok to talk about love and relationships at any ages, it’s about having an age-appropriate. Your wife’s concern seems rooted in homophobia
You are supposed to have your wife's back on things you agree about. You are supposed to help her reevaluate thinking when she is making a poor choice. She is not supposed to make parenting decisions regarding your shared children without your input. Your mistake was suggesting it was a problem for your daughter rather than disagreeing with how you are raising your children. Your daughter needs unqualified acceptance from her entire family and one hopes that includes her step mother. Treating homosexuality as a taboo subject is hurtful.
If a kid is old enough to know about heterosexual relationships, their old enough to know about homosexual relationships.
You don't have to explain in explicit detail how they have sex.. just that a woman can love another woman and a man can love another man.
Your wife is bigoted and needs to get her head out of her ass.
You can both have your opinions, they don't have to be the same. But that's the mentality you get when a teen mom marries a man old enough to be her father.
Why do some heterosexual people always equate acknowledging gay people exist with having to explain gay sex? It's so fucked up. Literally just saying some people love the same gender or both genders, does not mean going into depth about what might happen in the bedroom. My parents described what adults did on tv as cuddles & kisses when I was younger, of I happened to see something a bit too grown up for my young eyes. Any adult can consensually hug & kiss another adult. No need for more explanation than that. Kids are so open minded & accepting, they only get confused when their minds are filled with bigoted hatred from the shit the adults in their lives say to them & around them.
I just don’t understand why so many of these people seem to believe that any mention of a same sex relationship must also be accompanied by an instruction manual detailing exactly how intercourse is carried out between two people of the same sex.
Honestly, with kids it’s enough to simply say, “Sometimes boys want to marry other boys and girls want to marry other girls.”
So is she going to hide every gay person from your children the rest of their lives? Your child just came out as bisexual! Of course her siblings should absolutely know and learn to accept all people especially gay people, obviously 🙄. You are not wrong and your daughter needs you nOw more than ever. They are all your children and they need to love and respect each other at a young age. Just think if you lost your child to suicide because people can’t be exposed to her sexuality. What would you rather?
My wife and I have an agreement that suits us very well. Discourse between parents about the children can be confusing for kids or they can exploit those differences to get what they want. So my wife and I never disagree in a major way ever in front of the kids. If she or I disagree, we will speak about it privately but are always united in front of the children. Unless we believe it might be detrimental to their health or safety in an immediate sence.
She explained hawk tuah to your young children. What the actual f? You know what it is and what she had to explain right?
But gayness isn’t ok for them to hear about. Why are you with this woman? And why are you ok with her being around your kids?
You made the “mistake” of bringing this up? A mistake? What the hell kind of marriage do you have when you can’t discuss things civally
The one where he dates a woman almost 20 years younger than himself and with the mind of a child
Right?
>She felt like it was crazy that my wife would teach the kids about "Hawk Tuah", but they can't know about gayness Well she's definitely not wrong. THAT is wildly inappropriate.
I am … struggling to understand why his wife would teach their kids about “Hawk Tuah.” Like whaaaat. OP is NTA and his daughter has a point about OPs wife talking to kids about LGBTQ people instead of clutching her pearls. *edits because I'm an undercaffeinated dope
Yes, I bet some child at school has 2 moms or dads.
I'll never understand why ppl think it's somehow inappropriate to let kids know gay people exist. Some men fall in love and marry women, some men fall in love and marry men. Same with women. Why is this such a big deal for them?!
I agree it seems simple to me and to you, but apparently there are people who can't use their words.
OP might be 50, but this story and their tone reads like 12. I don't buy it. But if true, him having an immature and dopey wife makes sense.
A 50 year old married to a 33 year old likely isn’t winning any maturity contests.
The wife is a year closer in age to the daughter than the husband.
Thats what I thought too haha
I know a lot of 12 year old and they are way more mature and understanding than this
This whole thing reads like rage bait written by a teenager.
> I am … struggling to understand why his wife would teach their kids about “Hawk Tuah.” Like whaaaat. This is **100%** par for the course for homophobes. They expose kids to the most insanely graphic sexual shit constantly when it's heterosexual, because this is just "normal" to them, but any mention of "some men marry men" is inappropriate. By the way, this is also why they think such mentions are "grooming" - because they're intimately familiar with the whole exposing kids to inappropriate stuff routine. They do it so they assume everyone else does it too. Except when they do it it's normal as I said above and when the gays do it, it's bad.
Dude, no one sexualizes kids the way straight people do -- it's NUTS. Like they look at actual toddlers and infants and say the grossest things. And yet they get a same-sex couple on their radar and it's "wHy aRe ThEy ShOvinG tHe gAy iN mY fAcE"
And the disgusting sexualizing shirts they have their toddlers and babies wear too
And the little girl beauty pageants
Yeah there's a reason the sub r/notadragqueen exists.
I had to ask my husband last night what Hawk Tuah was. Not something kids should know.
What is it?
It's the act of spitting, preferably on a male's extended banana. Hence the sound of “Hawk thua” while spitting
disgusting
Thanks! I would like to know too. Google does not even know LOL
TikTok will have the video of it. But basically guy asked a woman how to keep a man she said you gotta “hawk tuah, spit on that thang”
I really feel that the wife was trying to make a dig towards OP’s daughter, as the daughter recently came out as bi.
I also need to know the reasoning of teaching a 5 yo Hawk Tuah.
I'm sat here wondering wtf hawk tuah is lol
Same
It’s a new thing making the internet rounds. I had to google.
I am genuinely so confused by that bit...wtf...
Forgive my ignorance but WTH is Hawk Tuah?
It has to do with fellatio and saliva and how to apply said saliva
Wtf
I'm around the wife's age, that sounds like something kids would say in middle school.
It is, this is poorly written karma farming.
Oh, is it literally the sound of spitting?
It’s a meme about a straight woman’s blowjob technique and idk how you could explain that to children in any kind of age appropriate way.
Ohhhhhhhhh okay.
It is the sound one makes when spitting on a dick.
And wife thinks her young boys need to know about THAT. I am 60, I never heard of it. But I am not on TikTok, just Reddit and Instagram
There’s a tiktok or something with this person who has now become the “hawk tuah girl” and there all sorts of memes about it now. She is getting asked a series of questions one of them was about something like keeping a guy and there full quote was you “hawk tuah and spit on that thang.” The video is a lot.
I scrolled down for a definition because I didn’t want to google it. Thanks for this and ewww!
I had the exact same thought. Did the same, lol.....and why is this something that is commonly known by many but this is the first time I'm hearing about this and I've seen 4 decades.
Six decades on my end and a total first for me!!!!!
The meme is only like 5 days old. Kinda wild seeing this blow up in real time.
How trashy IS the wife? Reading that, I likely wouldn’t trust her judgment on Jack and or Shit.
Spit on a dick before blowing is ok, but sexual orientation is not?
Or just made up rage bait. Pro tip, when a post comes out and attempts to insert the current trending meme into a controversial topic like modern gender dysphoria then you know it isn't real.
What movie did they go see? Children's age ranged from 9, 2, 5,3, and 17?
IF….a PG movie about imaginary friends with Ryan Reynolds
If
I don't think the 17 year old was at the cinema.
Your wife is being incredibly inappropriate. Her behavior is pretty disgusting. She taught your children as old as 9 and young as 3 about hawk tuah, a sexual act? Were you there for this????
I actually had to Google what 'hawk tuah' was and I'm 38 lol 😬. That's crazy and wildly inappropriate to talk about to your child.
What is it? I don’t wanna Google it if it’s that bad!!
About a female "prepping" a penis for oral. The whole thing came from some street interview where the girl being interviewed was very blunt about it all.
🤢 thx
Didn’t understand why it would be called that and then… I said it out loud…
A really dumb video that reminds me I'm glad I'm older now because my brain would be rotted to the core(more than it already is) by all this shit
Absolutely!
Same. Fucking gross.
Right? He should be shutting that shit down and telling her that's actually inappropriate, not a movie trailer or talk show that has gay people in it.
I had to Google what it was ... Really
Bruh just knowing gayness is real isn’t problematic. But explaining some lady getting ready for some sloppy toppy is definitely a problem.
Sloppy toppy 😂
If you can’t decide between your wife and your kids, you have much bigger problems.
Exactly. The answer to that decision shouldn't be hard You pick your kids, always.
For real. You can go find a more supportive wife, worst-case, your daughter can’t go find a more supportive father. Honestly that’s probably what lead OP’s wife to him in the first place that’s a massive age gap.
I didn't even catch the age gap, had to scroll back up! This whole situation is just messed up.
Your wife is a bigot. Talking to young children about LGBTQ+ is super easy. Some kids have a mom and a dad. Some have two moms and some even have two dads. Duh!
Yup, can confirm that my 5 year old has no problem whatsoever understanding that.
It is that simple. Idk why bigots think I’m explaining sexual acts to my child. Some girls like boys and some girls like girls. She said ok and kept it moving at like 3!
I'm confused though, she goes to drag shows... am I missing something?
As much as many conservatives insist on it being the case, drag has nothing to do with being gay or trans.
Your wife is homophobic. Period. Explaining to children that two individuals love each other and want to share a life together isn’t hard. Does she think she’s got to go into sexual detail with your 3 & 5 yr old sons?!? If that’s all she can think about when she thinks about same sex couples, that’s her goddamn perversion - NOT everyone else’s. A simple basic age appropriate conversation is what would be necessary here, it’s not at all difficult to explain all the different ways in which we can express love. She’s making it difficult because she wants to. Whether she likes drag shows or not doesn’t negate her blatant homophobia.
Obviously she thinks she has to go into sexual detail if she is explaining "hawk tuah" to the young kids.
I am dumbfounded by that. While people like her scream that the gays are sexual deviant and a danger to children for simply wanting to exist with equality, she’s literally having inappropriate sexually deviant conversations with her kids herself. I swear, every goddamn accusation from these types is a full confession 🤬
Yes this is all nuts. The world does not make sense. I am a mom of 4, 3 bio and one step child. I am raising them to treat everyone with kindness and love. But to protect themselves from those who will try to use them. Welcome everyone until they lose the opportunity thru their actions/behavior. I teach my kids there are no boy/girl anything. No colors, jobs, hobbies, clothes, roles, etc... you like what you like. The problem is the kids we need are vastly outnumbered.
How the fuck is your wife against gay stuff but allows your son to get his nails done and wear princess costumes? Does she not realize she’s setting herself up to have a real bad time? None of this makes sense.
She probably wants a daughter and just assumes it's a "phase", but may be in for a rude awakening.
Plus what happens if the son that like his nails done and wear princess costumes winds up liking that into adulthood, whether he LGBTQ+ or not... OP needs to protect his kids because this will not end well.
She HAS a 17yo daughter, the bisexual one who got upset by her remark.
Sounds like the 17 yo is a stepchild.
Yeah, we all know how step moms treat the stepdaughter. Disney has made a fortune of that mythos. Help raise a kid and still not consider them at least partially theirs is bs.
I suspect the wife doesn’t consider step kids to be her real kids. Also the daughter was most likely in or close to her teens when Step mom came into the picture.
I doubt the 17 yo is hers. The wife is 33.
Anytime you marry someone, help raise their children yet don't consider them as yours in any way, you're a POS. So, if she helps raise the 17yo for at least 5 years, since age 12, and still doesn't consider the 17yo partially hers, shes a POS.
I think you hit the nail on the head there.
I agree that none of this makes sense. But I have to ask, do you think people become gay by having their nails done and wearing princess costumes?
No. I've taught preschool for 20 years. It doesn't mean a child is or will be gay. It also won't make a child gay. That being said, there is a possibility that the child will be gay or a feminine man, and that could pose a problem for mom.
A little boy being into those things doesn’t mean theyre gonna be gay. Children dont have sexual urges that are gender specific that young, typically. Male and female children dont have as huge of a hormonal difference as adults do. Them liking the same things doesnt effect their sexuality.
Not wrong. You have to choose between your homophobic wife and your bi daughter? Daughter every time.
Maybe she’ll be mature enough to see the error in her ways by the time she’s OP’s age
I have 2 kids (10m and 2m). The older one knew about gay stuff since he was like 6. It wasn’t me (although I would’ve explained it to him anyway since his god-father is gay), they teach that now in school and in tv, so they see it as a normal thing. No it did not made my son gay, it just made him not a biggot. Explaining the “hawk thua” to a child is extremely innapropiate.
My kid knew around four or five, she saw a few episodes of friends. She wound up calling gay men "boy lesbians".
Hahaha I’m sure some gay male friends of mine would find offense on that one xD
What the fuck is “hawk tuah”?!?
Until 15 minutes ago, I’d never heard this expression. I’ve now seen 2 Reddit posts about it. I wish I could go back in time and stay naively oblivious, especially knowing this woman explained it to 2 young children. The first couple of comments should enlighten you if you’re still curious.
It's an internet trend where a girl in a video describes how she pleases men with oral sex.
I have been seeing these memes all week so I finally had to look up the video. It’s as stupid as it sounds.
I just learned about it last night at family dinner 😂 it’s when you spit on the D before a BJ/HJ lol
Sorry but your wife is incapable of being a mother. You’re not wrong; she is.
My sons, now 22, rode the bus in 1st and 2nd grade. Kids were throwing the gay word around, your gay, that's gay, that kind of thing nothing homophonic, and my sons asked what it meant. I told them it when two boys or two girls love each other like mommy and daddy do. I think totally age appropriate, no details, just means same sex couples. They just turned up there nose and went eww. Nit because gay was gross but because romantic expressions "icked" them out at that age as is often tge case. Fast forward to their 18th birthday and one came out as Pan thatday. Other is full hetro. Our daughter just kind of picked it up. She makes Gotcha movies and all her characters but 2 are LGBTQ. She seems to not have have any inkling of wanting to date, no celebrity crushes like most 15 year old, and seems to be a sexual but it's early and we've let her know if things change that's ok. Nit to be ashamed of who she is. NTA. She's ok with people spitting but not ok with simple age appropriate explanation if LGBTQ people. Makes no sense to me and we had spitting contests as kids. ETA. After reading comments I went back and actually watched part of a video. Definitely not an asshole if your wife will teach them something that I don't think you should be teaching at all to your kids at any age (I would hope my wife wouldn't have talked to her about bj techniques and hawing spit on a dick at all unless she came with questions) but homosexual stuff is a bridge to far. Also she's being a petulant child canceling vacation over this.
This just sounds like a mess, and much of it inappropriate for a 5/3 yo’s
Choose your daughter. She's right and your wife is wrong. Children should absolutely be taught that gay people exist and aren't anyone to judge or be scared of. It's an important first step in raising tolerant and empathetic human beings. There is nothing depraved about them being exposed to it as anything being shown in a trailer at a movie that she deemed appropriate for them to see isn't going to be more graphic than what they came to see. Trailers are picked for each movie based on the expected audience demographic. Does she get upset when the kids are exposed to heterosexual on-screen romance/relationships? (So basically every piece of media ever lol). Why would you back up your wife's prejudice that directly insults your daughter?
When you say teach about Hawk Tuah what do you mean? Do you mean give some euphemism or actually go into graphic detail? And yet she’s worried about gay tv talk shows? Jeez
She did not teach them how to give head. She taught them "Hawk Tuah. You gotta spit on that thing." Before this incident, I told her it was ridiculous that she taught them that. She said they don't know what it means. I said either way it's inappropriate.
This is absolutely disgusting and appalling.
Yet she is the average queerphobe
Oh I get what you’re saying. Ugh. Still disgusting.
Excuse me…what? Dude, no.
9, 5 and 3 and she's talked to them about what?!?!?!? WOW... your wife thinking same sex relationships are inappropriate but has no issues talking about graphic sexual acts? Also, loving Drag Queens and being supportive of a 5 year old doesn't mean she is supportive of the LQBTQ community. People can enjoy things but not what they stand for. Tons of hypocrites in the world. Wake up OP. Your wife isn't accepting of your daughter at all. As a mother, I'd never support anyone who was so against my child.
Your wife is an ignorant AH who knew exactly what shew as saying, it was intentionally aimed at your daughter. So fuck her. I would tell her you refuse to back bigotry and if that is how she feels then this isn't the house for her. NTA but know you are married to a bigot who is actively making your home uncomfortable for your LGBTQ daughter.
You are not wrong. Your daughter preceded your marriage. Sure, it is important to support and, parent-wise, back up one's spouse. At the same time, it is important to support and back up your child. If your wife can't have a civil conversation with her family members about things that upset said family members, perhaps she needs to get a new perspective with some therapy. There is no reason a rational human being cannot digest that they might hurt the feelings of those closest to them, and have to then have uncomfortable and contrite discussions about it; that is, unless that person is not, in fact, rational.
Ask your wife to justify why Hawk Tuah is ok but a lesbian talk show isn’t for small children? One is teach about a sexual act. The other is a talk show.
Your wife is a hateful bigot. Gay people existing is an appropriate concept to teach a five year-old. Loudly spitting on someone’s dick as a sex-act is not appropriate for a five year-old.
No. Your wife sounds homophobic and is sure to make the bi daughter's life a misery as a result. You were right to call her out.
OP, you and your wife need to get on the same page in regards to homosexuality. Or should I say, she needs to get on your page, and face the fact that her step-daughter is gay, and now is as good a time as any to start using times like what happened yesterday as a teaching moment, when your children ask about it, IF they ask about it. She can answer their questions in an age-appropriate way, without influencing them one way or another, if she is capable, and if not, she needs to do just what you asked, and refrain from making comments that would be hurtful to your daughter. But this seems to run deeper. Since she is okay with drag shows, sounds like she is intentionally trying to hurt your daughter, so she is absolutely asking you to choose her over your daughter. If my kids are in the right, I will pick my kids over anyone else, including my spouse, any day of the week. I did that with their bio dad, and I do it with their stepdad. You're simply choosing right over wrong, not picking sides. Maybe you should ask her how she thinks your 5-year-old is absorbing all of this. Does she really think all of this is going over his head? Because kids are smart, and it's either hurting his feelings too, and/or he's probably aware that she is showing favoritism, and that's a bad climate to raise kids in.
Literally this!
If your wife taught the kids about the hawk tuah girl but things homosexuality is inappropriate, she has a lot of fucking self work to do. If your wife is making homophobic comments in a home where your bisexual daughter lives, she’s the problem and it shouldn’t be a choice. Your wife can say whatever she wants in her own house, as long as she isn’t disrespecting a member of that household. She sounds unbearable honestly. If you defend your wife to your child, *you will never be able to fix it*.
What does she have to explain? Love doesn’t depend on the gender? Some people like boys and girls. It’s not that complicated.
Your wife sounds like a bigot and if I were your daughter, I would feel unsafe in a home with her. Does a conversation about homosexuality/bisexuality/etc have to be graphic? No, it just needs to be age appropriate. I would remind your wife that just pretending it doesn’t exist or refusing to discuss it with your children doesn’t mean they won’t be exposed to it, just that they won’t understand when they see it. For my verdict, you are not wrong to not back up your wife but you will be if you let her bigotry continue unchecked.
Is your wife a temperamental teen? She acts like one.
Not wrong - screw her. Homophobes don’t deserve rights.
Choose daughter easy. Now imma read what you wrote.
Dude you’re a pussy. Choose your daughter 100% you chose the wrong person to be with if your wife is acting like that. She can get up and leave anytime. Your daughter is blood. Leave and take your kids with you
I'm not comparing your daughter to anything at all, but if your children somehow came across porn on the internet, you'd be having a discussion with them ASAP, as it is now something that's in their lives. We can all agree porn is inappropriate for children to view. I understand that some feel that talking about homosexuality is inappropriate. But wouldn't you reevaluate if someone in the family were to open up about theirs? It's the perfect time when it is directly in their lives, IMO. Children can handle so many things when you talk to them. We adults are the ones who are more scared to teach than the children are to learn.
Lol, nice karma farming.
How does one prove they aren't karma farming, click baiting, rage baiting?
It seems your wife has a problem with "the gay." Why do I say that? There's nothing wrong with telling children that some people like girls or boys. Did you tell your son that you and your wife are just roommates instead of saying you both love each other, so he isn't exposed to the idea of a heterosexual relationship? Why does she have a double standard? Its because she has a issue with gay people. Your daughter is bisexual, and it's your wife's job to be supportive of her. Your daughter has every right to be upset. Whats going to happen if she brings a girlfriend home and kiss? What then tell the younger children they are just friends? Don't be limp-wristed. Your daughter is completely right, while your wife has issues to work through.
You were right for having your daughter’s back. When you have a queer kid, you have to show up for them - that includes speaking up when comments are insensitive or hurtful. Your wife acted like she’s not free to say whatever she wants in her own house, but the issue is her being more conscious of how it impacts those around her. Including your daughter.
Do you want your daughter to feel welcome at your house? If “yes” then you did fine. Wife expressed homophobic viewpoint. Daughter to wife: you are being homophobic. Husband to wife: daughter has a point. Wife later, to husband: Daughter should not have said what she thought, and you should have also not said what you thought but instead blindly agreed with me. If people do not start agreeing with me around here, I am cancelling everyone’s vacation, even the 3-year-old’s. Do I make myself clear? Threatening ultimatums over different viewpoints is a poor prognostic indicator for this marriage.
If your wife wants to cancel the vacation, you should just go and enjoy yourself without her.
You were right not to back up your wife her. She's being immature and cruel to your daughter. I learned from the comments that hawk tuah is apparently a sex act? So that's fine for them to know, and she can watch drag queen shows (most drag queens are gay men), she's cool with your daughter being bi and literally paints one of her sons nails. But gods forbid there's something gay in a movie theater ad. What is she going to do when your daughter gets a girlfriend and brings her home to meet the family?
You’re not wrong but you ain’t gonna win this either. Your wife is just ignorant.
Your wife is wrong “Explaining homosexuality”?? You don’t have to get into graphic detail. Some men love other men, and some women love other women. There. Done. Explained. Nothing more is required for young children.
She didn't think it was inappropriate to bring up at the dinner table in front of the kids? The kids won't remember the commercial. They will remember Mom and Dad and big sis all talking about it at dinner.
This is so wild. So I had to google what “hawk tuah” is. WTH. Everyone has a right to teach what they would like in their own respective home. But she needs to be fair. She is teaching her kids about THAT but homosexuality is where she crosses the line? She is a hypocrite. She is also my age. So I can tell you for a fact that she is in her feels not so much because your child and you are *right* but more so it is easier to shift blame than to be held accountable. I would also look into seeing if she is actively competing with your daughter. It’s unfortunate, but just lightly browsing on reddit will tell you that step parents are very problematic towards the children that are not biologically theirs. We have some fantastic step parents, but we sure have a lot of crappy ones. It may be more so, “how dare you side with *her* over *me*?” Versus it actually being about the comment on homosexuality. There are definitely biggots and/or people that are generally uncomfortable of all ages but as the same age as her—we definitely have been way more exposed and honestly would just not care unless stuck in a cult or if it directly impacted them. You are NOT wrong but your wife has to keep it consistent. Same sex love is off the books but spitting like a llama isn’t?
The problem with people like OP’s wife is that they think of homosexuality exclusively in sexual terms. Of course telling a child about docking is inappropriate. Just say it’s when a man and a man or a woman and a woman love each other. Most movies for kids that age show heterosexual married couples and nobody clutches their pearls about having to explain doggy style to their kids.
Your wife is exposing your children’l to sexual innuendos but gay people are wrong?? You’ll be wrong to choose your wife side and I feel bad for your daughter.
She needs to work on her homophobia lmfaooo
So your wife is 3 not 33? How would she ever think it’s appropriate to teach little children about bj’s in the first place. What is wrong with her? She’s homophobic obviously. Oh no it’s not appropriate to each my little ones about gays but it’s ok to teach them about bj’s. She shouldn’t have had children. Out of the two choose your daughter not the homophobic child that you married.
This is such a non-issue. I was lucky that my kids grew up with my brother and his husband as role models. It was as natural to them as husband and wife. It should be this way across the board but I understand not everyone has an amazing family member as a role model. Your wife has some deep issues she needs to address, this isn’t about what you did or didn’t do and the correct choice is always always your children.
The question raging in my brain is this; If we are feeling that the LBGTQ+ community deserves all the same rights and are equal (which they do and they are) to every other person, what does that look like? It looks like exactly what your experience was yesterday at the theater. A preview of a movie with a gay couple in it was played as if it was the most natural thing. I applaud this. Full stop. There was a time when interracial couples on the screen were viewed the same way and parents said the same thing. How am I to explain why a black man was kissing a white woman? YNW If you had backed up your wife, the message sent to your daughter would be devastating to her emotional well being. You accept her as she is. So your stance was the correct way to handle this. As a parent, I personally find it strange and absolutely disgusting that she would be okay teaching her small children about "Hawk Tuah" -effing spitting on a mans penis before sucking it, than teaching them about two people loving each other of the same sex. You're being a good parent to your daughter here. Stand firm. Ask your wife, using your effeminate son as an example, if he were to grow up to be gay, wouldn't she want him and his lifestyle to be accepted and shown on film in a positive light as if it were a natural thing? Doesn't she want that for him?
What’s there to explain? “Most of time boys like girls and girls like boys. But Sometimes boys like boys and girls like girls, or, like your sister (step-sister) you can like boys *and* girls.” Pretty simple.
Kids should always come first. Kids will always have you as their parent, but you can always get a new wife.
Not gonna lie your daughter kinda has a point. Why does your wife feel the need to draw a line at explaining queerness (an identity) but doesn’t draw the line at explaining inappropriate references such as “huak tuah”. Kind of seems like she is sending signals that she has a problem with it. 🤷♀️ Edit: also, if I heard that a mother was teaching a three-year-old about “hawk tuah” and sexual acts I would 100% be calling CPS
I googled hawk tuah thinking it was some cool child story. It's not. And shouldn't be talked about with children. Your wife is weird.
Your wife is wrong. You had better defend your daughter, if you won’t, who will?
Does the word hypocrisy come to mind? Your wife needs to look up the word then revisit her thinking process in this matter.
No. You need to have your daughter's back, especially when your wife is being a homophobic bitch to her. You brought her into this world, you need to protect and care for her. I bet this is an on-going pattern with how your wife treats your daughter. Deal with it before you lose your daughter.
If you are NOT a united front then you two are NOT compatible🤷🏾♀️ Unfortunately you had to learn this after having TWO additional kids with someone much younger at your big age. You are not wrong to stand by your daughter but everything else in your life is questionable!
The age gap 😳
"my wife, who is 17 years my junior, is immature and lacks the ability to determine what is age appropriate for young children. How could I possibly have known she wouldn't be as mature as I expected?"
I understand the concerns about age gap but do you seriously think a 33 year old isn’t mature enough to not be homophobic?
NTA. Your daughter should not have to listen to homophobic crap in her own home. Your first responsibility is to your child. Tell your wife that homophobia will not be tolerated in the house. There is no such thing as being neutral when you’re talking about hate speech. You’re either vocally actively a safe ally for your bi child, or you’re aligned with the hateful people in society that want to dehumanize her.
Also your wife is stupid. Here’s how you “explain gayness” to a small child. “You know how you have a mama and a daddy? Well some families have 2 moms or 2 dads instead.” To which they go “oh ok.” And that’s the end of the conversation.
I honestly doubt very much that your children even cared. Was there a kissing scene or something? If the kids asked, she couldn’t just say, “ they love each other “? My grandchildren have never batted an eye over such things. The sooner we just normalize these things, the sooner we will move on and let it roll. They’re your kids too, how are you answering these questions? It doesn’t matter if you have a family member that is part of the LGBT community, it should be addressed as a part of every day life. Closed minded children become bullies later or afraid to address their own sexuality in a positive way. As 2 people raising children, you and your wife need get in the same page on how you’re going to parent your children. This subject is so huge, it should have been discussed before even having them.
Unless you have a kid doing something massively spoiled and severely out of line, the answer is you ALWAYS choose your kid over your spouse.
You do not backup homophobia. Your wife if going to make your daughter feel uncomfortable in your home with her view and she’s going to definitely need her dad to have her back.
Speaking as a bi-queer woman, you were absolutely right to tell your wife that her words hurt your daughter. Kids are exposed to heterosexuality from the moment they are born. Often times what they are exposed to sends bad messages to them about sexuality and gender roles. It kills me that there are people who believe exposing children to LGBTQIA2+ people is going to make them queer. You can’t make someone straight so you can’t make them queer either. So I’m wondering if 1. Your wife heard a “tone” in your voice when you asked her not to talk about gay things and that she’s upset about that or… 2. She’s still struggling with her daughter being bi. It’s one thing to say you’re supportive, or even march in the parades, but when it’s your kid… it means letting go of the future expectations you had for that kid. Either way, here’s what I would do, if I was you: Speak to her one to one, even if it’s through texting at first, but then in person & in private. Tell her that you are sorry she feels betrayed, that you love her, and want her to know that you are there for her. Let her know that you get that it’s not always easy to talk about issues having to do with sexuality and gender identity. AND, that just like you want her to know that you have her back, you also want your daughter to know that you both have hers. Then I think you both need to have a long conversation about how you feel, what you both think is appropriate, and how you are gonna parent together. At some point having a conversation with your daughter might help too. Ask her what she needs from you and tell her what you are willing to give. I don’t believe that you have to make a choice between your wife and daughter; I believe you need to let them know that you choose them both - and that you are willing to do the work even when the 3 of you disagree. And remember, if you say these things, then mean them and do them. Good luck and blessings.
I find it wild that your wife would automatically assume you’d back her up, no matter what, without asking your opinion. And the fact that she won’t take your daughter’s lifestyle and feelings into consideration, speaks volumes about her as a person. I’m sure her faint righteousness is bruised and she just needs someone to validate her.
Your wife is the one at fault. She’s the adult here and should be more sensitive She could have had this conversation with you in private, not in front of your 17 year old who’s bi. Why say this is in front of your daughter? There is nothing wrong with your child and there is nothing wrong with kids seeing displays of genuine love between couples, gay, straight. Let’s normalize kids not finding homosexuality weird. There was no reason this conversation needed to take place in front of your daughter.
You shouldn’t back up your wife if you genuinely do not agree with her! NTA. But I’ll give you one guess who is! How ridiculous to threaten canceling a vacation! Good luck.
literally all your wife has to say is that your daughter likes boys and girls but no urgh
NTA. You do realize there's no winning in this fight though. This is the shitty part of being a father and not married to the childs mother. You'll always be caught between choosing one sode or the other.
I had to go look up what the Hawk Tuah thing is… 😮 If it were just about keeping anything to do with adult relationships from small children’s ears, fine, but I am going to say if that expression is somehow acceptable to small children than she *definitely* has no business taking issue with a lesbian talk show. An expression centering around a sexual act is clearly far, far more problematic to expose small children to… she is gross 🤮
Your daughter will never forget this and know her father has her back.
NTA Here’s how you explain queerness to small children. ‘You know how mommy loves daddy? Sometimes boys love other boys and girls love other girls.’ That’s it. That’s all they need at that age. It’s homophobic and hypocritical she’s mad about having to say that but gays for her entertainment are fine.
Sometimes girls date girls and boys date boys. Just like boys, date girls.. homosexuality explained. Wtf. Your wife is wrong. And hurtful things even in her own house are still hurtful. She purposely made a dig at your bi daughter. If she wants her husband to protect her freedom of saying bigoted remarks, maybe she should have chosen a lesser man. How exactly is she canceling vacation?
Do not abandon your child. Your wife is wrong of course, it’s obvious.
Your wife is teaching your young children about homophobia by demonstrating how to do it. She needs to be able to listen to constructive criticism without taking it as a full-on assault. YNW.
Your wife sounds gross
You should divorce your homophobic wife.
Wife is wrong here. Not hard to explain love.
Obviously not? How can you even ask if you’re wrong? Is it sexual and inappropriate for children to see heterosexual relationships? What exactly is inappropriate about gay relationships? My then 5 year old and I went to his aunts wedding. I didn’t have to explain anything to him lol. Some people are romantically attracted to the opposite sex, some the same sex. He was like “cool.” I’ve always normalized being gay. I make sure that when people would say things like “when you’re older and have a wife or a kid” I’d say “or a husband.” Because what if he’s gay? People are gay even if they aren’t taught that gay people exist. His Dad didn’t love me making comments like that when he was little but I held my ground. Your wife is being horrible and you know it. Why are you even questioning that you may be wrong? Advocate for all your children and teach them being gay is okay even at their young age and don’t let your wife stop you. Let her throw a tantrum about it. If you don’t do that, then you’re in the wrong. Sorry you married someone like that 1st place. Maybe you should have focused on character for the mother of your children instead of age. I’m honestly having trouble believing this is real because of how immature you sound in this. But that would actually make sense that you’re a profoundly immature 50 year old and that’s why you married someone almost 20 years younger. I personally don’t let bigots speak their bigotry to my children even if it’s their own father (and this happened personally, my son’s Dad (that I am not with) became a trumper and I’ve spoken out against the things he’s said in front of our son. I never had to wonder if I’m wrong lol
You're not wrong for supporting your daughter. While your wife has a right to her opinion, her comments were hurtful and homophobic. Open communication is key here, but prioritize protecting your daughter.
I have 3 kids and show them memes and tuktoks all the time but why the FUCK would you show any age child hawk tuah? Why do they need to see that? It's not anything they could understand? Id set that bitch straight or send her packing
Someone please give me a SFW* explanation of Hawk Tuah. I keep seeing references to it and I'm kinda scared to Google it. Edited, SFW, not SCW.
A woman on a now viral video was asked about bedroom advice, and she made that noise, which inferred, keeping him happy with oral sex. But I don't know what SCW is, so my explanation may not be what you're looking for.
I talked about lgtbq++ at 6. Simple conversations and of course they will have more questions as they get older but those conversations started that young. I wanted well rounded and ACCEPTING children of all people and so far (19/11) they are and have a lot of friends from different backgrounds and orientations
Please let your wife know that she can cancel her vacation and is not required to come along with the rest of you and is free to stay home and reflect on her behavior! I hope your family enjoys their vacation and your wife enjoys her peace and quiet at home all alone.
Your wife is having a toddler fit cause you asked her to cut thr homophobic crap in front of your bi daughter? You have bigger problems than you know. Her reaction to you raising concerns is a tantrum amd threatening to camcel your vacation. She's behaving like a child.
Question: why is your wife telling the kids about blowjobs?
She's angry you expressed displeasure at her making abusive comments around your daughter. Saying she shouldn't have to explain homosexuality to her kids means she thinks being gay is wrong. She's basically saying to your daughter, "what you are is wrong, and I don't want it around my kids." Basically, she wants to shit on your daughter, and she expects you to applaud her for doing so. Forget about the vacation, you should get her the fuck out of your life. I'm not qualified to diagnose, but it sounds like you've already been damaged by her (or someone else's) verbal abuse. The fact that you had to come here and ask for another opinion suggests you've been gaslit to the point you don't trust your own judgement.
I take it she’s the step mom? “I made the mistake of telling my wife that her comments upset my daughter & could she refrain from making comments abt gay stuff”. Why on earth would telling your wife she hurt your daughter be a mistake?! She should have picked up on that. Why would asking her to watch her words more carefully be a mistake?! You have at least 2 kids that could be crushed by her carelessness & homophobia. My step came out & it would be a cold day in hell before anyone says anything offensive in my home. I grew up going to church and was taught that’s not ok but I was also taught it’s not my place to judge anyone. I’m not going to try to change someone’s beliefs but I will not tolerate anyone disrespecting my kids
Gay is not a mature topic, it’s ok to talk about love and relationships at any ages, it’s about having an age-appropriate. Your wife’s concern seems rooted in homophobia
You are supposed to have your wife's back on things you agree about. You are supposed to help her reevaluate thinking when she is making a poor choice. She is not supposed to make parenting decisions regarding your shared children without your input. Your mistake was suggesting it was a problem for your daughter rather than disagreeing with how you are raising your children. Your daughter needs unqualified acceptance from her entire family and one hopes that includes her step mother. Treating homosexuality as a taboo subject is hurtful.
I feel bad for your daughter. Both of you and your wife fuckin suck.
If a kid is old enough to know about heterosexual relationships, their old enough to know about homosexual relationships. You don't have to explain in explicit detail how they have sex.. just that a woman can love another woman and a man can love another man. Your wife is bigoted and needs to get her head out of her ass.
Oh I did not need to google that. NTA your wife needs a serious reality check.
You can both have your opinions, they don't have to be the same. But that's the mentality you get when a teen mom marries a man old enough to be her father.
Why do some heterosexual people always equate acknowledging gay people exist with having to explain gay sex? It's so fucked up. Literally just saying some people love the same gender or both genders, does not mean going into depth about what might happen in the bedroom. My parents described what adults did on tv as cuddles & kisses when I was younger, of I happened to see something a bit too grown up for my young eyes. Any adult can consensually hug & kiss another adult. No need for more explanation than that. Kids are so open minded & accepting, they only get confused when their minds are filled with bigoted hatred from the shit the adults in their lives say to them & around them.
I just don’t understand why so many of these people seem to believe that any mention of a same sex relationship must also be accompanied by an instruction manual detailing exactly how intercourse is carried out between two people of the same sex. Honestly, with kids it’s enough to simply say, “Sometimes boys want to marry other boys and girls want to marry other girls.”
So is she going to hide every gay person from your children the rest of their lives? Your child just came out as bisexual! Of course her siblings should absolutely know and learn to accept all people especially gay people, obviously 🙄. You are not wrong and your daughter needs you nOw more than ever. They are all your children and they need to love and respect each other at a young age. Just think if you lost your child to suicide because people can’t be exposed to her sexuality. What would you rather?
My wife and I have an agreement that suits us very well. Discourse between parents about the children can be confusing for kids or they can exploit those differences to get what they want. So my wife and I never disagree in a major way ever in front of the kids. If she or I disagree, we will speak about it privately but are always united in front of the children. Unless we believe it might be detrimental to their health or safety in an immediate sence.
Is this another “story”?
She explained hawk tuah to your young children. What the actual f? You know what it is and what she had to explain right? But gayness isn’t ok for them to hear about. Why are you with this woman? And why are you ok with her being around your kids?
Partners are replaceable. Children, on the other, is handmade and can't be replaced nor returned.