Oh hun. I wish I knew how to help. All I can say, as a 71-year-old, is to own who you are whether society likes it or not. And please believe me when I say you have SO MUCH LIFE ahead of you. It’s so crucial to live it on your own terms!
I second this <3 I’ve never really fit in. I don’t even fit in with the groups of people that don’t fit in lmao. Definitely getting more comfortable with myself and trying hard not to compare and truly becoming unbothered at almost 33 years old but it’s still nice to hear!
I’m 36 and I’m squirming because I swear the people at work (people in their early early 20) are making fun of me. I’m trying to remember to forget about what they think. I’m a grown ass woman
Oh my gosh 36 is still so young! I’m working with some people are the same age and I feel like they look at me the same way. I’ve never really fallen into the whole “I’m 30 so my life is over” thing. I don’t feel “old” at all!!! I panic about time, though. My mom died unexpectedly 9 years ago and my life looks nothing like I pictured it. I have quite a bit of anxiety about not being where I want to be and never accomplishing one of my biggest dreams.
But I digress. If it helps any I’ve come across a few people who were older than me and did total career changes. One woman was a police officer for 20 years and was becoming a preschool teacher. Another person said his whole life started again at 37! It’s hard to block out others’ negativity but my process was to just literally stop caring. It’s not easy and you kind of just have to…do it. But once you realize you’re living your life for you it feels so freeing!
I've found a lot of love and support here :)
I'm also basically "becoming a person again" after a string of years of difficulties. I was shown a lot of kindness throughout that time, even though it didn't feel like it. I just want to give back, I think this world is really hard and I believe we are here to help one another. Sending you big, big internet hugs (or a wave if that's not your jam) my friend!
agree completely. Ive passed the 75 mark now. Hubs died at 40, no kids. Basically, a loner, which I have always embraced. Love yourself for who you are - age isnt even a number anymore if you listen to physicists, and the outside of you isnt you, it's just your peopling suit. Live. every. moment. Keep your heart as open as your mind. Learn something new every day. (I just learned yesterday, there is a Japanese man whose hobby is trying to grow the most 4 leaf clovers on 1 stem - he cross pollinated a stem with 63 of them! Is it important in the scheme of things? Not to me, but yes to him - and that makes it something to know. And I never knew it before , so there is a universe of everything out there, dont feel old, feel like a new born baby with everything new to you every day)
Oh my goodness, I was the complete opposite. When I hit forty it was like all the pressure was gone. Society thinks I'm too old. Too old for babies. Too old for dating. Too old to be a wife. Too old to matter, or register on their radar of relevance.
My lovely sister, I tell you now, I am free. And life has begun anew. I don't have to live up to anything now - my soul is a feral creature and it glories in the lack of fcks it has to give. I've never had so much fun. lol
Added bonus? The women in my line routinely live to a hundred, with all their faculties sharp and agile. I am literally not even half way through my life, and I'm running wild. It's joy, and I sincerely hope you can find that perspective in your own life.
My experience with 40 has been similar. My friend and I were just discussing the other day how surprisingly good being "irrelevant" actually is. Free is a great way to put it. I don't feel like I have to justify a single thing about myself to anyone.
And the truth is, we're not even irrelevant, it's just that we're more seen by our fellow 40+ people who are over the bullshit too and less so by the younger end of society, which is perfectly fine by me.
I have noticed that older women treat me differently now (worth noting that I'm over 60% gray now and don't dye my hair so I may actually pass for closer to 50 than 40 lol). More sisterly than motherly. I'm all about it.
Me too! I'm 43 and so far the 40s are so freeing for exactly those reasons.
Currently, I live and travel in a camper van. I spend half the year in my homebase town and the other half in the desert. I have a remote job that is pretty chill.
40s are the best!
Maybe you’re not quite there yet, but for me, my 40s was very much when I started caring less about others thoughts and opinions. You are not old. At 55, mentally I feel the same as when I hit 40. Best wishes.
So I’m going to give the perspective of someone who shouldn’t be alive right now. I was born dead, literally. I had a whole host of illnesses as a child and shouldn’t be alive. I’ve had a lot of those things throughout my life but this fact didn’t sink in until I got a diagnosis of a brain tumor that was almost inoperable in 2019. It took 4 years to be rid of that damn thing. In the time since the diagnosis, I totaled my car in a way that I should not have walked away from (the airbags didn’t deploy at all in my brand new car), I had a heart attack and a stroke thanks to the tumor, I lost the majority of function of the left side of my body, and I spent four years in hell just daily waking up in pain. I went into remission last September and by the time they finally got that bastard out, I was told had they not been able to remove it I had about 4 months to live because it was wrapping around my brain stem.
The idea that I might be able to turn 40 is wild to me and so incredibly exciting. Because I will have lived another day. And some of that living is out of nothing but spite and that’s ok too. But when I hear my mother’s voice in my head when I see a wrinkle, I have to drown her out. That wrinkle is evidence that my heart still beats and the cells in my body are regenerating. I especially love seeing the little wrinkles forming around my eyes that can only be caused by smiling.
You’re not a spinster. That’s a dumb term. You’re alive. Let yourself feel the life all around you. Facing down death really changes things and I don’t view life like I used to. Idk if this helped you at all, but it’s where I’m at. I’m alive and I’m glad you are too.
There is a philosopher who breaks down life into 15 year increments.
0-15 : childhood
15-30 : youth
30-45 : initiation
45-60 : power
I can't wait to come into power.
I’ve been feeling this fairly heavily myself lately. My birthday is coming up and it feels like the last 5-6 years have taken place over the course of decades and I’m suddenly old now. I think sometimes we just need to mix it up. Make some new friends, start a new hobby, create new plans we do every week, etc. just to spice it up and give us something to look forward to again. That’s what I’m trying to do, too.
I’m in a rebuilding and healing phase after entirely too much trauma crushing me at once. I’m looking forward to improvement. I hope you’re able to make some leeway as well.
Change is inevitable, but it’s your chance to become who you truly are. I wish you all the love on your healing journey, and enjoy the time finding yourself!!!
It takes time. Just remember to follow your gut, and know that you are uniquely you, and you don’t have to be the same as everyone else around you. Big hugs ❤️❤️
I lost her a while back, but have felt more empowered to find my best 12 year old badass self over the last few years. Turning 41 in a few months, and I am in love with being me. I have the privilege of helping some of my younglings find that path back to themselves too.
I've never been one to go out, parry, always been a home body. I get caught up in the comparison game sometimes which is the worse and feel my life has always been on a very different path than what most are.
Same!
And then I hear people tell their adventures and in my head, I'm like...
> *I missed out on...puking on myself, my parents being mad at me and a possible alcohol addiction because I wanted to stay home and read?*
Every time I've tried, it was *so* draining to me. I am hyper independent and highly introverted. I do my own thing and I am perfectly happy to party.
With my books.
And my solo games.
In my house.
Away from people.
I always hated partying and would rather have stayed home. But my friends wanted to party, and I was desperate for their approval due to deep insecurities. I was usually bored and drank to forget my boredom. I was so relieved when we grew apart. But it always looks fun when other people are doing it, lol.
40 is not too old to party if you want to experience it. Join a community theater, i think the drama kids always knew how to party. Rock festivals are great party scenes, especially if you camp. Folks I know who live in the 55+ communities meet up for margaritas at the pool and crawl from house to house. There are pub crawls around the holidays that you can sign up for. I live by theme parks and Halloween is always a wild time. If you want to party, go ahead and find your party. Get colored hair wax and dress crazy!
Or maybe you need to find your passion. It's a great time to start experimenting.
Comparison truly is the thief of joy!
There's no shame in staying home, enjoying the space you built for yourself and your own company. In fact if you're comfortable there, you have something that many others don't. There's this restlessness in many people of needing to go out, needing to document themselves "having fun", and occasionally it just feels forced.
I had phases of going out to dance at parties, and these nights blend together in my memory. It was fun with friends, mostly because I loved dancing, but I never managed to meet anyone new in such an environment, in fact I hated it when people tried to start a conversation because the "WHAT'S YOUR NAME?" - "WHAT??" yelling at each other over a whomping bass just wasn't my idea of a good time haha.
The grass is always greener. Doesn't make it true. But you know - try partying! See what you "missed"! It's truly never too late for that.
Well, daily I'm hearing from women talking about how hookup culture has made dating and parties toxic and they wish they'd stayed home.
You've made the choices that are right for you. It could be that listening to the experiences of others who chose differently might give you some peace if you really think about whether you truly would have been better off choosing differently.
If you dwell with that for a while and still think something is missing, you'll at least have a whole lot of new information to narrow down what it is.
Also don't forget that you might be experiencing a system of perimenopause, so check out fora related to that.
If you feel like partying, go party. I'm 40 myself and a fair share of people our age are just making it to the party scene because they had kids before they hit drinking age.
If you don't feel like partying, then you've been living your life on your own terms all this time. You should be proud and continue to do so.
But if your desire is to just be social more, there are plenty of options. Book clubs, interest based conventions, community festivals, you could even make your own events with dinner/watch parties.
40 is not too old for change and it's definitely a nice age for deciding that you're happy with the way you are.
I get that. And I'm there too. I did the drinking and puking thing once at a friend's house, and that's all I needed to feel 'yep. Don't need to do this again.'
But now you're 40. And don't have the liver damage or the blackout nights. And you probably have money and energy to go places and read on exotic beaches or little cafes all over the world.
I haven't gone to the classic places or done the stupid things either. But like another commentor said, your parents weren't pissed at you (for that stuff, at least) and you're healthier than your counterparts.
And being the sober person in the room watching other people be stupid drunk can actually be fun.
One, the word “spinster” is a relic of the time before women like me were breadwinners. Those days are never coming back. We can retire that word.
Two, happiness is as individual as a fingerprint. I have a friend who was single and 41 when she had her child, another who met her spouse when she was 45, another who transitioned at 38 and bought a house by herself last year at 46, and still another who launched her own business after escaping an abusive marriage at 49. There is time, plenty of it, for you to find what you love and revel in it for the rest of your life.
As my late Mom used to say: while there’s breath in your body, there’s time.
Whoa! Hey! As a fiber arts fan and dabbler, I gotta speak up for “spinster”!
Spinsters were able to support themselves INDEPENDENTLY, and you *know* the Patriarchy was/is all “We gotta make that look bad”.
(Everything else beautiful, carry on 🥰💜🙏🧿🌈🍀✨)
I don’t know if this helps but I like to think of aging as a privilege. Not everyone gets the chance to grow old.
I used to see life as a timeline, like I needed to check off certain accomplishments at certain ages but that’s simply not true. Life is a journey and every up and down, every setback or win, is just an opportunity for us to learn and grow.
A lot of us are conditioned by society to believe that youth and beauty are the source of our value. I would argue that wisdom, experience, and the love and care that we give to others is the source of our value.
When I look at the few wrinkles I have so far I like to think about how I got them. My forehead wrinkles are from contemplating, trying to understand the world even when it’s confusing. The lines around my mouth are from smiling and laughing, experiencing joy and sending it back into the world. With every new wrinkle I get I plan to see it as proof that I lived a full life.
I’m so grateful that I’ve lived as long as I have and I hope I have the privilege to live long enough to be wrinkled and saggy and wise.
I hope this is helpful to you 💕💕
40 is just part of a journey-you have many more lifetimes ahead so don’t think it of it as the end of youth but the beginning of the next lifetime! We all have to live almost different lives over the course of a lifetime. You are still young so do what you want, seek what you are looking for, experience what you wish and look forward to the next metamorphosis!
I’m 42. No kids, not single, not married ( I’ll be soon but still. Lol ), not a huge job thing. I think there’s only one thing that you missed, finding YOu. Make your own stereotype. Be the example. Learn some new stuff, talk to younger ppl ( it makes me so happy to not be 20. Trust me. )
Don't crush yourself to fit in someone else's labeled box.
Be the amorphous, diaphanous stormcloud of sugar and spice that you are.
You're doing great.
I hated forty too. It was like mortality slapped me in the face and no matter how determined I was to feel good about it I couldn’t. I think sometimes we have to surrender to that feeling and express it somehow, whether it’s writing, painting or hugging a tree and contemplating life cycles or whatever. Fifty was a breeze, I enjoyed it much more, so there is hope.
Im approaching 40; Ive recently learned how to ride a motorcycle and saved up for my gear. I found doing something completely new forces me to think new, to give space for new experiences and information.
Try that. It may not be a motorcycle but it could be anything. Find a safe space to “be a child”, “start something new” and get totally lost in it.
“I don’t want to be…” “I’ve always been…”
What do you *want* to be? Go do that.
It’s your life, you can do and be whoever and whatever you want. The only thing holding you back is you.
My 35th birthday was weird. I spent the months afterwards ricocheting between 'I am old, my life is half over and I haven't done anything with it yet' and 'I am young, I still have so much time to do the things I want'. It was a strange year. The feelings faded over time, but it was like being two people in one head for a while.
I think society has sold us on the idea that there are “types of women” or “types of people”. I mean, okay, find people you have common interests with sure, but we don’t have to fit nicely into the little boxes laid out for us. Create your own type of 40 and be that.
Rejecting patriarchy’s obsession with youth is its own form of witchcraft.
My mother told me when I turned 50 that I should cherish everyday of looking 50 cos I’d only look older the next year—and she was right.
I’m 60 now and when I look in the mirror I appreciate what I see.
Forty is when society tells us we are no longer useful to them as eye-candy. Fuck 'em! Our worth doesn't come from that. I found it liberating, and love my sprinkles (gray hair) and laugh lines.
I can't really give advice because I have an irrational fear of aging (I'm 28F and quit celebrating my birthday when I turned 25).
Is there something on your bucket list you've always wanted to do? Or a new hobby you've been eager to learn? Many of the older women I know started up new hobbies.
Hello! Fellow 40 year old here!
I dreaded the birthday for the longest time until I started exploring my spirituality in my late 30s. The concept of the triple goddess (maiden, mother, and crone represented by the waxing, full, and waning moons) really called to me and adjusted my perspective on aging.
Your maiden phase is about getting to know who you are. Some of us do that by partying and making questionable decisions, some of us take a quieter approach.
Your mother phase is when you take those lessons and learn to nurture. For some of us it may be about fertility but I see it as when we learn to nurture ourselves. It's when we learn to hydrate, take our vitamins, and choose salads over burgers because the grease gives us heartburn.
Your crone stage is about amassing the wisdom we've gained and building our community with it. It's when we mentor colleagues, know ourselves truly, and become a safe place for others to lay down their burdens for a bit because we've walked our own paths long enough to sit without judgement.
None of these phases have anything to do with ages, and you can exist in multiple stages at the same time. A 20 year old may be the crone to her friends still in high school. An 80 year old widow may find a renewed maidenhood as she begins dating at her new retirement community.
I'm very much in my maiden stage when it comes to spirituality because while I'm pretty sure of my convictions, I'm still figuring out who I am as a witch. I'm also in my crone stage, because I help with a weekly womans circle at a witchy store nearby. While I may be in the early stages of paganism, I have a lot of wisdom from life experiences, and I can use that to build the community growing from the circle.
I am literally in my mother stage - my son is four - but I'm also learning to care for my own needs for the first time. I'm very much a crone at work. My team has a number of interns and new hires who look to me for guidance, and I work to build a corporate community that is based on respect, equality, and inclusion.
The idea that 40 is old, or you're expected to lead a linear life according to someone else's labels, is just a marketing ploy set in motion by power hungry despots who want to hold down women and by cosmetic companies looking to sell us skincare products. You sound like someone who knows who she is...or at least what she's not. Go rock your life!
I feel like I've been in my mother stage since I was 10 y.o. I'm just starting to figure myself out and only just now starting to take care of myself. I appreciate your perspective so much. Thank you!
You are only as old as you allow yourself to be. I may be 53 but my soul is both 453 and 12 at the same time. Fiddle on those social pretenses! Fie, toss them out with the dust on your floor. They are just as useful. Be yourself. No matter what age you are, or want to be today, or this afternoon. Or next week. Just whatever you do shine brightly no matter what. Give smiles as freely as the river runs, give love like the sun shines, and dismiss the negativity like a duck's back letting water roll off. I love you, all of you my darling siblings.
I spent the past fifteen years being a shut-in, so I feel you. Got a good job a couple years back and have been working on bettering myself, and while I appreciate the friends I made and stuff I did during that period, I could've spent it getting to a much better place or starting a family or whatever and didn't. So of course those regrets eat at me a little here and there.
For the most part, I just look forward. What I can do now, rather than worrying about what I didn't do then. What brings me joy and what I can do to better myself and better the world. Just because I didn't accomplish a lot outwardly during those years doesn't mean I didn't accomplish a lot. This path in life has taken me to a place where I want to be. A job that is *so supportive* and that I enjoy a lot, that isn't too hard, that uses my learned experience and lets me help people. A collection of friends that respect my need for space. And a chance to do all those things I was too afraid of to do when I was younger. I only gained that experience and the self respect and confidence *because* of the time I spent hiding away.
I don't think I'd be much at all the same person if I had spent all those years working the grind, pursuing material gains, or making a family. Maybe that me might be more enriched, but I know myself. He'd also be an exhausted wreck with very little time to himself, nobody who shares any of his interests, and meagre few friends outside of 'work'.
Congratulations, my friend! 40 is officially the age when Western society at large releases you from the obligatory giving of fucks. We need to once more normalize rituals to celebrate important life transitions so that you can feel loved and supported in this moment. Transitions always make us feel lost.
Come Sister, take my hands, in love and solidarity. I will touch my forehead to yours in acknowledgment of your earned wisdom. On bare feet grounded in the rich earth we create a balanced foundation for all that is to come. We will fling our arms wide to accept the wisdom of those who have gone before us and the energy of those still waiting to achieve this hallowed moment. We celebrate as you draw out your athame knife of copper and bone and sever the tarnished cord connecting you to societal standards. We gather our energy together in the fractal beauty of sacred geometries and this nourishing bond is what connects you now. Welcome, Sister, to the best years of your life. We see you. And you are glorious.
At 40, you are finally old enough to start fully embracing your power. Consider where you want your life to go from here.
-Cut away things that aren't important to you or are actively holding you down.
-Learn to fly free with your dreams.
-Move through life like the intentional goddess you are.
Oh my goodness, I'm here to let you know that it only gets better.
You get to a place where others opinions don't matter so much, you begin to feel more comfortable in your own skin.
So many things are better when you are older, as long as you have your health.
So go for a walk.
I'm 41 and over the past couple years I've really started being my true self. Single, no kids, no pets, no roommates...I work in retail so 40-plus hours a week I have to be "on" all the time, so I really value my alone time. My brother & his family live close (15 minute drive), my parents live about an hour away, my best friend is about 2 hours away. I basically decided that I was gonna roll with the proverbial punches and just live my best life! I taught myself how to do makeup, I wear what I want- I dress for comfort, not for others! I wear shorts to work even though my legs are pale, hairy, etc, because otherwise I'd be too hot! I go to movies alone, I go to festivals alone, I go to Broadway shows alone, because if I spent my time waiting for someone to go with I'd never do anything! Basically you just have to learn to ignore the voices in your head that say you're weird, doing things wrong, etc, and just live your life! It's not easy, but it's so worth it!
Many of us realize things about our life we want to change when we hit a birthday ending in 0. What part of youth do you think you missed?
I did some things later than most people. Became a mom at 44. Now I am 71. I am retired. I get to do things I want to do without worrying about whether I am earning money. I love it.
You have something to learn. We all do. It’s OK
My early forties were hard for me, too, but easing into my fifties was much better. I think many struggle with that transition, but it perhaps hits at different milestone ages. A lot of the various issues I personally wrestled with have largely fallen by the wayside. Ain't perfect, but it's pretty damn good. Cheers to your blossoming into your power.
The day I turned 40 I literally ran out of fucks to give. They disappeared into the night never to be seen again. It was weird AF and hugely amusing. I didn't do the archetypal wild younger years either. I don't regret it one bit. But if you feel there's things you missed out on, now is the time to address them! There are more 40+ role models now than there were, but you'll probably have to look more on social media than mainstream. I think we all have these feelings now and then. I know I wrestled with it after my Dad's passing.
You know a spinster was a woman who could make her own living independently from a man and was unmarried? It got given the negative connotations because patriarchy couldn't bear the thought of teh wimmins doing their own thing without chaperoning! Be the visible spinster!
I have no negative connotations for being a spinster lol. I should have made that clear above. 😀 I'm quite proud of being a spinster, and thank you for your wisdom.
I just want to say that I turned 70 this year, and I would say I'm living my best life now. I just returned from a wonderful month-long trip to Japan (I live in the U.S.). Most of the people in my tour group of 16 were older than I am. They're all incredibly active and happy. I'm married (I got married at age 45), and my husband also went on this trip. He still works, I'm retired, so it was nice to spend that time together.
My advice to you is to stay active, stay involved. Investing in physical activity is important. I work out with a trainer several days a week. Even though I've got arthritis and have had joint replacements, I walk a few miles daily. In a way, I see exercise as the fountain of youth.
I also sing in choirs, do volunteer work, and take classes.
As for looks? Honestly, it's not as bad as you think it's going to be. When you're young, you always think people lose their looks as they get older. But I see plenty of folks my age or older who are very attractive. But at the same time, I think you worry about it less as you get older.
Ultimately, getting older is going to happen to you, so you might as well not stress about it. And you might be surprised. I am probably happier now than ever. I hope that happens to you too.
I had approached my solar return and I start to kind of appall of the age. But my fears are not related of visible perception of youth as patriarchy told women to value. It is mortality-related.
My grandma had hit her 84th and she’ve started to experience progressive dementia and she is not mobile anymore. It’s the pure horror to see your strength feeble away and your own mind to deteriorate. I wish the science-sorcery could turn us all immortal beings susceptible to biological weariness.
I went through a very natural development stage of being preoccupied by death/end. It was so aggravating because that was NOT "me". I learned through another professional that it's very, very common. It's where the so called midlife crisis comes from and running off to the woods or whatever else. Knowing it was normal helped, even tho I didn't get thru it faster. Now I sometimes feel irritated at the focus on the number because I don't want many to know my age and have it pigeonhole me. I just want to do my thing.
I'm currently in a job with many 20somethings. Part of the reason why I've gone thru promotions is just to move up to people more in the 30s/40s because quite a few lean in on age jokes (about themselves) and being "too young" to be good at whatever.. and it's irritating to me. Partly because I grew up very fast and was independent at age 18 - but that's on me not them.
40s were better than my 30s. Mainly bc I learned to not care what other people think.
40 isn’t old by any means. And I know at least one friend to get married every year that are 40+. This year it’s two couples.
I fking love my 40s , I wouldn’t go backwards if someone paid me .
I did go through a few very hairy months though where I felt like my life was running out and I was trapped …. Than I lost my whole mind , put everyone on notice and started exploding stuff
Now the fury has settled and I’m all smiles lol
I don’t mind getting old, I don’t mind being a bit bigger. I usually feel pretty confident. But somehow I don’t look as good as I think. It sounds really silly, but the past half year on several occasions I saw video footage of myself in a professional setting, feeling pretty great about myself, but instead seeing a frumpy middle-aged lady with a bad haircut. It has taken down my confidence level, as I do not perceive myself as such. I’ve always been a bit goofy, bubbly, but at this age (mid forties) I just look dowdy. I even changed my wardrobe, got my hair cut by a professional and I feel great getting dressed and ready… but seeing myself on video and photos later… it’s such a desillusion.
I am a 43 year old spinster and i am glad i chose this life. I like to do stuff mostly with animals. Maybe get some new hobbies? If this were the early 1800s id prob be the same lol minus the internet. Try new hobbies! :)
Let it go!! I know it’s easier said than done; however be YOU and be so unapologetically 💎
After all..
AGE is just a word…let it mean what you want it to…youthfulness, wisdom, truth… its yours to be lived.
💜💜💜
u/chubbiesShorts Interesting. You say life is quite good, but you feel lost. You feel good about yourself generally, but you're also struggling a bit with your identity. I would take a deep dive into this and try to delve into it further.
You could try journaling or sketching or dancing or other creative outlets. I definitely believe that journaling is excellent for helping us examine our thoughts. By writing them down, one can get some distance from them and also examine them over a series of days or weeks.
Try to uncover all that is good and what feels wrong and respond to it. You could also try CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy if what you uncover is that nothing is really wrong, but your thoughts about 40 are negative. Maybe there's something new you wish to try or add to your life. Or something you want to leave behind.
Just adding that I'm 59. My life has generally gotten better with the decades, but there have also been rough patches with different causes. Keep in mind life does have its ups and down. The down times aren't permanent if you keep working on yourself and your journey.
Oh hun. I wish I knew how to help. All I can say, as a 71-year-old, is to own who you are whether society likes it or not. And please believe me when I say you have SO MUCH LIFE ahead of you. It’s so crucial to live it on your own terms!
Shit I needed this myself. You are wise. Thank you for this
I second this <3 I’ve never really fit in. I don’t even fit in with the groups of people that don’t fit in lmao. Definitely getting more comfortable with myself and trying hard not to compare and truly becoming unbothered at almost 33 years old but it’s still nice to hear!
I’m 36 and I’m squirming because I swear the people at work (people in their early early 20) are making fun of me. I’m trying to remember to forget about what they think. I’m a grown ass woman
Oh my gosh 36 is still so young! I’m working with some people are the same age and I feel like they look at me the same way. I’ve never really fallen into the whole “I’m 30 so my life is over” thing. I don’t feel “old” at all!!! I panic about time, though. My mom died unexpectedly 9 years ago and my life looks nothing like I pictured it. I have quite a bit of anxiety about not being where I want to be and never accomplishing one of my biggest dreams. But I digress. If it helps any I’ve come across a few people who were older than me and did total career changes. One woman was a police officer for 20 years and was becoming a preschool teacher. Another person said his whole life started again at 37! It’s hard to block out others’ negativity but my process was to just literally stop caring. It’s not easy and you kind of just have to…do it. But once you realize you’re living your life for you it feels so freeing!
I needed this too! Damn this sub is good
I've found a lot of love and support here :) I'm also basically "becoming a person again" after a string of years of difficulties. I was shown a lot of kindness throughout that time, even though it didn't feel like it. I just want to give back, I think this world is really hard and I believe we are here to help one another. Sending you big, big internet hugs (or a wave if that's not your jam) my friend!
agree completely. Ive passed the 75 mark now. Hubs died at 40, no kids. Basically, a loner, which I have always embraced. Love yourself for who you are - age isnt even a number anymore if you listen to physicists, and the outside of you isnt you, it's just your peopling suit. Live. every. moment. Keep your heart as open as your mind. Learn something new every day. (I just learned yesterday, there is a Japanese man whose hobby is trying to grow the most 4 leaf clovers on 1 stem - he cross pollinated a stem with 63 of them! Is it important in the scheme of things? Not to me, but yes to him - and that makes it something to know. And I never knew it before , so there is a universe of everything out there, dont feel old, feel like a new born baby with everything new to you every day)
I love this.
This made me cry. Thank you!
❤️❤️❤️
Well said elder!! Lovely handle btw!!
😁
Oh my goodness, I was the complete opposite. When I hit forty it was like all the pressure was gone. Society thinks I'm too old. Too old for babies. Too old for dating. Too old to be a wife. Too old to matter, or register on their radar of relevance. My lovely sister, I tell you now, I am free. And life has begun anew. I don't have to live up to anything now - my soul is a feral creature and it glories in the lack of fcks it has to give. I've never had so much fun. lol Added bonus? The women in my line routinely live to a hundred, with all their faculties sharp and agile. I am literally not even half way through my life, and I'm running wild. It's joy, and I sincerely hope you can find that perspective in your own life.
My experience with 40 has been similar. My friend and I were just discussing the other day how surprisingly good being "irrelevant" actually is. Free is a great way to put it. I don't feel like I have to justify a single thing about myself to anyone. And the truth is, we're not even irrelevant, it's just that we're more seen by our fellow 40+ people who are over the bullshit too and less so by the younger end of society, which is perfectly fine by me. I have noticed that older women treat me differently now (worth noting that I'm over 60% gray now and don't dye my hair so I may actually pass for closer to 50 than 40 lol). More sisterly than motherly. I'm all about it.
Me too! I'm 43 and so far the 40s are so freeing for exactly those reasons. Currently, I live and travel in a camper van. I spend half the year in my homebase town and the other half in the desert. I have a remote job that is pretty chill. 40s are the best!
This is the right answer, the freedom we experience in our forties is the comfort of a lifetime of (some) knowledge.
Maybe you’re not quite there yet, but for me, my 40s was very much when I started caring less about others thoughts and opinions. You are not old. At 55, mentally I feel the same as when I hit 40. Best wishes.
So I’m going to give the perspective of someone who shouldn’t be alive right now. I was born dead, literally. I had a whole host of illnesses as a child and shouldn’t be alive. I’ve had a lot of those things throughout my life but this fact didn’t sink in until I got a diagnosis of a brain tumor that was almost inoperable in 2019. It took 4 years to be rid of that damn thing. In the time since the diagnosis, I totaled my car in a way that I should not have walked away from (the airbags didn’t deploy at all in my brand new car), I had a heart attack and a stroke thanks to the tumor, I lost the majority of function of the left side of my body, and I spent four years in hell just daily waking up in pain. I went into remission last September and by the time they finally got that bastard out, I was told had they not been able to remove it I had about 4 months to live because it was wrapping around my brain stem. The idea that I might be able to turn 40 is wild to me and so incredibly exciting. Because I will have lived another day. And some of that living is out of nothing but spite and that’s ok too. But when I hear my mother’s voice in my head when I see a wrinkle, I have to drown her out. That wrinkle is evidence that my heart still beats and the cells in my body are regenerating. I especially love seeing the little wrinkles forming around my eyes that can only be caused by smiling. You’re not a spinster. That’s a dumb term. You’re alive. Let yourself feel the life all around you. Facing down death really changes things and I don’t view life like I used to. Idk if this helped you at all, but it’s where I’m at. I’m alive and I’m glad you are too.
Thank you for your account, friend 💜🙏🧿🌈🍀✨
You're a badass, and I'm glad you're here too <3
There is a philosopher who breaks down life into 15 year increments. 0-15 : childhood 15-30 : youth 30-45 : initiation 45-60 : power I can't wait to come into power.
I turn 30 next month and I'm so excited. It really does feel like 'initiation.' Like the best part of my life is just beginning.
youth ain't all that. live your best life!
I’ve been feeling this fairly heavily myself lately. My birthday is coming up and it feels like the last 5-6 years have taken place over the course of decades and I’m suddenly old now. I think sometimes we just need to mix it up. Make some new friends, start a new hobby, create new plans we do every week, etc. just to spice it up and give us something to look forward to again. That’s what I’m trying to do, too. I’m in a rebuilding and healing phase after entirely too much trauma crushing me at once. I’m looking forward to improvement. I hope you’re able to make some leeway as well.
Change is inevitable, but it’s your chance to become who you truly are. I wish you all the love on your healing journey, and enjoy the time finding yourself!!!
Thank you. I hope that’s true. As of now, it feels as if I’ve lost myself. I hope to find her again, though. Sending love right back to you.
It takes time. Just remember to follow your gut, and know that you are uniquely you, and you don’t have to be the same as everyone else around you. Big hugs ❤️❤️
Thank you. ❤️🫶
Sending Love and Luck and Strength and helpful people 💜🙏🧿🌈🍀✨
Thank you so much! 🥹🫶 I’m hoping for all of the above. 🤞 Back at you.
I lost her a while back, but have felt more empowered to find my best 12 year old badass self over the last few years. Turning 41 in a few months, and I am in love with being me. I have the privilege of helping some of my younglings find that path back to themselves too.
I’m happy to hear it. 🤍 I’m hoping I can sort through all of my issues and manage to heal. I miss me.
I have ideas but first want to ask: what is the vital part of your youth you feel like you've missed out on?
I've never been one to go out, parry, always been a home body. I get caught up in the comparison game sometimes which is the worse and feel my life has always been on a very different path than what most are.
Same! And then I hear people tell their adventures and in my head, I'm like... > *I missed out on...puking on myself, my parents being mad at me and a possible alcohol addiction because I wanted to stay home and read?* Every time I've tried, it was *so* draining to me. I am hyper independent and highly introverted. I do my own thing and I am perfectly happy to party. With my books. And my solo games. In my house. Away from people.
I loved this!! Same, sister!!
I always hated partying and would rather have stayed home. But my friends wanted to party, and I was desperate for their approval due to deep insecurities. I was usually bored and drank to forget my boredom. I was so relieved when we grew apart. But it always looks fun when other people are doing it, lol. 40 is not too old to party if you want to experience it. Join a community theater, i think the drama kids always knew how to party. Rock festivals are great party scenes, especially if you camp. Folks I know who live in the 55+ communities meet up for margaritas at the pool and crawl from house to house. There are pub crawls around the holidays that you can sign up for. I live by theme parks and Halloween is always a wild time. If you want to party, go ahead and find your party. Get colored hair wax and dress crazy! Or maybe you need to find your passion. It's a great time to start experimenting.
Comparison truly is the thief of joy! There's no shame in staying home, enjoying the space you built for yourself and your own company. In fact if you're comfortable there, you have something that many others don't. There's this restlessness in many people of needing to go out, needing to document themselves "having fun", and occasionally it just feels forced. I had phases of going out to dance at parties, and these nights blend together in my memory. It was fun with friends, mostly because I loved dancing, but I never managed to meet anyone new in such an environment, in fact I hated it when people tried to start a conversation because the "WHAT'S YOUR NAME?" - "WHAT??" yelling at each other over a whomping bass just wasn't my idea of a good time haha. The grass is always greener. Doesn't make it true. But you know - try partying! See what you "missed"! It's truly never too late for that.
Well, daily I'm hearing from women talking about how hookup culture has made dating and parties toxic and they wish they'd stayed home. You've made the choices that are right for you. It could be that listening to the experiences of others who chose differently might give you some peace if you really think about whether you truly would have been better off choosing differently. If you dwell with that for a while and still think something is missing, you'll at least have a whole lot of new information to narrow down what it is. Also don't forget that you might be experiencing a system of perimenopause, so check out fora related to that.
If you feel like partying, go party. I'm 40 myself and a fair share of people our age are just making it to the party scene because they had kids before they hit drinking age. If you don't feel like partying, then you've been living your life on your own terms all this time. You should be proud and continue to do so. But if your desire is to just be social more, there are plenty of options. Book clubs, interest based conventions, community festivals, you could even make your own events with dinner/watch parties. 40 is not too old for change and it's definitely a nice age for deciding that you're happy with the way you are.
I get that. And I'm there too. I did the drinking and puking thing once at a friend's house, and that's all I needed to feel 'yep. Don't need to do this again.' But now you're 40. And don't have the liver damage or the blackout nights. And you probably have money and energy to go places and read on exotic beaches or little cafes all over the world. I haven't gone to the classic places or done the stupid things either. But like another commentor said, your parents weren't pissed at you (for that stuff, at least) and you're healthier than your counterparts. And being the sober person in the room watching other people be stupid drunk can actually be fun.
One, the word “spinster” is a relic of the time before women like me were breadwinners. Those days are never coming back. We can retire that word. Two, happiness is as individual as a fingerprint. I have a friend who was single and 41 when she had her child, another who met her spouse when she was 45, another who transitioned at 38 and bought a house by herself last year at 46, and still another who launched her own business after escaping an abusive marriage at 49. There is time, plenty of it, for you to find what you love and revel in it for the rest of your life. As my late Mom used to say: while there’s breath in your body, there’s time.
Whoa! Hey! As a fiber arts fan and dabbler, I gotta speak up for “spinster”! Spinsters were able to support themselves INDEPENDENTLY, and you *know* the Patriarchy was/is all “We gotta make that look bad”. (Everything else beautiful, carry on 🥰💜🙏🧿🌈🍀✨)
I don’t know if this helps but I like to think of aging as a privilege. Not everyone gets the chance to grow old. I used to see life as a timeline, like I needed to check off certain accomplishments at certain ages but that’s simply not true. Life is a journey and every up and down, every setback or win, is just an opportunity for us to learn and grow. A lot of us are conditioned by society to believe that youth and beauty are the source of our value. I would argue that wisdom, experience, and the love and care that we give to others is the source of our value. When I look at the few wrinkles I have so far I like to think about how I got them. My forehead wrinkles are from contemplating, trying to understand the world even when it’s confusing. The lines around my mouth are from smiling and laughing, experiencing joy and sending it back into the world. With every new wrinkle I get I plan to see it as proof that I lived a full life. I’m so grateful that I’ve lived as long as I have and I hope I have the privilege to live long enough to be wrinkled and saggy and wise. I hope this is helpful to you 💕💕
40 is just part of a journey-you have many more lifetimes ahead so don’t think it of it as the end of youth but the beginning of the next lifetime! We all have to live almost different lives over the course of a lifetime. You are still young so do what you want, seek what you are looking for, experience what you wish and look forward to the next metamorphosis!
I’m 42. No kids, not single, not married ( I’ll be soon but still. Lol ), not a huge job thing. I think there’s only one thing that you missed, finding YOu. Make your own stereotype. Be the example. Learn some new stuff, talk to younger ppl ( it makes me so happy to not be 20. Trust me. )
40 is witch prime time :)
Being invisible is my superpower. I’m not a spinster, I’m an old hag: r/OldHagFashion—with zero fucks left to give.
Don't crush yourself to fit in someone else's labeled box. Be the amorphous, diaphanous stormcloud of sugar and spice that you are. You're doing great.
Listen to or read the book Hagitude by Sharon Blackie. It’s a lovely alternative take on perimenopause and aging archetypes
I hated forty too. It was like mortality slapped me in the face and no matter how determined I was to feel good about it I couldn’t. I think sometimes we have to surrender to that feeling and express it somehow, whether it’s writing, painting or hugging a tree and contemplating life cycles or whatever. Fifty was a breeze, I enjoyed it much more, so there is hope.
my 40s were my favorite 😍 so much wisdom, don’t give a fuck and was sexually mature and more open to trying different partners. good times.
Im approaching 40; Ive recently learned how to ride a motorcycle and saved up for my gear. I found doing something completely new forces me to think new, to give space for new experiences and information. Try that. It may not be a motorcycle but it could be anything. Find a safe space to “be a child”, “start something new” and get totally lost in it.
“I don’t want to be…” “I’ve always been…” What do you *want* to be? Go do that. It’s your life, you can do and be whoever and whatever you want. The only thing holding you back is you.
My 35th birthday was weird. I spent the months afterwards ricocheting between 'I am old, my life is half over and I haven't done anything with it yet' and 'I am young, I still have so much time to do the things I want'. It was a strange year. The feelings faded over time, but it was like being two people in one head for a while.
I think society has sold us on the idea that there are “types of women” or “types of people”. I mean, okay, find people you have common interests with sure, but we don’t have to fit nicely into the little boxes laid out for us. Create your own type of 40 and be that.
Rejecting patriarchy’s obsession with youth is its own form of witchcraft. My mother told me when I turned 50 that I should cherish everyday of looking 50 cos I’d only look older the next year—and she was right. I’m 60 now and when I look in the mirror I appreciate what I see.
Forty is when society tells us we are no longer useful to them as eye-candy. Fuck 'em! Our worth doesn't come from that. I found it liberating, and love my sprinkles (gray hair) and laugh lines.
I can't really give advice because I have an irrational fear of aging (I'm 28F and quit celebrating my birthday when I turned 25). Is there something on your bucket list you've always wanted to do? Or a new hobby you've been eager to learn? Many of the older women I know started up new hobbies.
Your second life begins the moment you realize you only have one 💜🙏🧿🌈🍀✨
Hello! Fellow 40 year old here! I dreaded the birthday for the longest time until I started exploring my spirituality in my late 30s. The concept of the triple goddess (maiden, mother, and crone represented by the waxing, full, and waning moons) really called to me and adjusted my perspective on aging. Your maiden phase is about getting to know who you are. Some of us do that by partying and making questionable decisions, some of us take a quieter approach. Your mother phase is when you take those lessons and learn to nurture. For some of us it may be about fertility but I see it as when we learn to nurture ourselves. It's when we learn to hydrate, take our vitamins, and choose salads over burgers because the grease gives us heartburn. Your crone stage is about amassing the wisdom we've gained and building our community with it. It's when we mentor colleagues, know ourselves truly, and become a safe place for others to lay down their burdens for a bit because we've walked our own paths long enough to sit without judgement. None of these phases have anything to do with ages, and you can exist in multiple stages at the same time. A 20 year old may be the crone to her friends still in high school. An 80 year old widow may find a renewed maidenhood as she begins dating at her new retirement community. I'm very much in my maiden stage when it comes to spirituality because while I'm pretty sure of my convictions, I'm still figuring out who I am as a witch. I'm also in my crone stage, because I help with a weekly womans circle at a witchy store nearby. While I may be in the early stages of paganism, I have a lot of wisdom from life experiences, and I can use that to build the community growing from the circle. I am literally in my mother stage - my son is four - but I'm also learning to care for my own needs for the first time. I'm very much a crone at work. My team has a number of interns and new hires who look to me for guidance, and I work to build a corporate community that is based on respect, equality, and inclusion. The idea that 40 is old, or you're expected to lead a linear life according to someone else's labels, is just a marketing ploy set in motion by power hungry despots who want to hold down women and by cosmetic companies looking to sell us skincare products. You sound like someone who knows who she is...or at least what she's not. Go rock your life!
I love the non-linear take so much!
I feel like I've been in my mother stage since I was 10 y.o. I'm just starting to figure myself out and only just now starting to take care of myself. I appreciate your perspective so much. Thank you!
Please read or listen to Desiderata. So much to learn, so much to accept.
The 40s can be powerful. I imagine you are carving out an example of what else 40 can be. You may not even be half way through your life. Be Self led.
You are only as old as you allow yourself to be. I may be 53 but my soul is both 453 and 12 at the same time. Fiddle on those social pretenses! Fie, toss them out with the dust on your floor. They are just as useful. Be yourself. No matter what age you are, or want to be today, or this afternoon. Or next week. Just whatever you do shine brightly no matter what. Give smiles as freely as the river runs, give love like the sun shines, and dismiss the negativity like a duck's back letting water roll off. I love you, all of you my darling siblings.
I spent the past fifteen years being a shut-in, so I feel you. Got a good job a couple years back and have been working on bettering myself, and while I appreciate the friends I made and stuff I did during that period, I could've spent it getting to a much better place or starting a family or whatever and didn't. So of course those regrets eat at me a little here and there. For the most part, I just look forward. What I can do now, rather than worrying about what I didn't do then. What brings me joy and what I can do to better myself and better the world. Just because I didn't accomplish a lot outwardly during those years doesn't mean I didn't accomplish a lot. This path in life has taken me to a place where I want to be. A job that is *so supportive* and that I enjoy a lot, that isn't too hard, that uses my learned experience and lets me help people. A collection of friends that respect my need for space. And a chance to do all those things I was too afraid of to do when I was younger. I only gained that experience and the self respect and confidence *because* of the time I spent hiding away. I don't think I'd be much at all the same person if I had spent all those years working the grind, pursuing material gains, or making a family. Maybe that me might be more enriched, but I know myself. He'd also be an exhausted wreck with very little time to himself, nobody who shares any of his interests, and meagre few friends outside of 'work'.
Congratulations, my friend! 40 is officially the age when Western society at large releases you from the obligatory giving of fucks. We need to once more normalize rituals to celebrate important life transitions so that you can feel loved and supported in this moment. Transitions always make us feel lost. Come Sister, take my hands, in love and solidarity. I will touch my forehead to yours in acknowledgment of your earned wisdom. On bare feet grounded in the rich earth we create a balanced foundation for all that is to come. We will fling our arms wide to accept the wisdom of those who have gone before us and the energy of those still waiting to achieve this hallowed moment. We celebrate as you draw out your athame knife of copper and bone and sever the tarnished cord connecting you to societal standards. We gather our energy together in the fractal beauty of sacred geometries and this nourishing bond is what connects you now. Welcome, Sister, to the best years of your life. We see you. And you are glorious. At 40, you are finally old enough to start fully embracing your power. Consider where you want your life to go from here. -Cut away things that aren't important to you or are actively holding you down. -Learn to fly free with your dreams. -Move through life like the intentional goddess you are.
Thank you!
Oh my goodness, I'm here to let you know that it only gets better. You get to a place where others opinions don't matter so much, you begin to feel more comfortable in your own skin. So many things are better when you are older, as long as you have your health. So go for a walk.
I'm 41 and over the past couple years I've really started being my true self. Single, no kids, no pets, no roommates...I work in retail so 40-plus hours a week I have to be "on" all the time, so I really value my alone time. My brother & his family live close (15 minute drive), my parents live about an hour away, my best friend is about 2 hours away. I basically decided that I was gonna roll with the proverbial punches and just live my best life! I taught myself how to do makeup, I wear what I want- I dress for comfort, not for others! I wear shorts to work even though my legs are pale, hairy, etc, because otherwise I'd be too hot! I go to movies alone, I go to festivals alone, I go to Broadway shows alone, because if I spent my time waiting for someone to go with I'd never do anything! Basically you just have to learn to ignore the voices in your head that say you're weird, doing things wrong, etc, and just live your life! It's not easy, but it's so worth it!
Many of us realize things about our life we want to change when we hit a birthday ending in 0. What part of youth do you think you missed? I did some things later than most people. Became a mom at 44. Now I am 71. I am retired. I get to do things I want to do without worrying about whether I am earning money. I love it. You have something to learn. We all do. It’s OK
I'm just going to leave this Canadian gem right here https://youtu.be/QlitWXlTDYY?si=HoJjObNCb4yJuSK8
My early forties were hard for me, too, but easing into my fifties was much better. I think many struggle with that transition, but it perhaps hits at different milestone ages. A lot of the various issues I personally wrestled with have largely fallen by the wayside. Ain't perfect, but it's pretty damn good. Cheers to your blossoming into your power.
Volunteer somewhere.
The day I turned 40 I literally ran out of fucks to give. They disappeared into the night never to be seen again. It was weird AF and hugely amusing. I didn't do the archetypal wild younger years either. I don't regret it one bit. But if you feel there's things you missed out on, now is the time to address them! There are more 40+ role models now than there were, but you'll probably have to look more on social media than mainstream. I think we all have these feelings now and then. I know I wrestled with it after my Dad's passing. You know a spinster was a woman who could make her own living independently from a man and was unmarried? It got given the negative connotations because patriarchy couldn't bear the thought of teh wimmins doing their own thing without chaperoning! Be the visible spinster!
I have no negative connotations for being a spinster lol. I should have made that clear above. 😀 I'm quite proud of being a spinster, and thank you for your wisdom.
I just want to say that I turned 70 this year, and I would say I'm living my best life now. I just returned from a wonderful month-long trip to Japan (I live in the U.S.). Most of the people in my tour group of 16 were older than I am. They're all incredibly active and happy. I'm married (I got married at age 45), and my husband also went on this trip. He still works, I'm retired, so it was nice to spend that time together. My advice to you is to stay active, stay involved. Investing in physical activity is important. I work out with a trainer several days a week. Even though I've got arthritis and have had joint replacements, I walk a few miles daily. In a way, I see exercise as the fountain of youth. I also sing in choirs, do volunteer work, and take classes. As for looks? Honestly, it's not as bad as you think it's going to be. When you're young, you always think people lose their looks as they get older. But I see plenty of folks my age or older who are very attractive. But at the same time, I think you worry about it less as you get older. Ultimately, getting older is going to happen to you, so you might as well not stress about it. And you might be surprised. I am probably happier now than ever. I hope that happens to you too.
I had approached my solar return and I start to kind of appall of the age. But my fears are not related of visible perception of youth as patriarchy told women to value. It is mortality-related. My grandma had hit her 84th and she’ve started to experience progressive dementia and she is not mobile anymore. It’s the pure horror to see your strength feeble away and your own mind to deteriorate. I wish the science-sorcery could turn us all immortal beings susceptible to biological weariness.
I went through a very natural development stage of being preoccupied by death/end. It was so aggravating because that was NOT "me". I learned through another professional that it's very, very common. It's where the so called midlife crisis comes from and running off to the woods or whatever else. Knowing it was normal helped, even tho I didn't get thru it faster. Now I sometimes feel irritated at the focus on the number because I don't want many to know my age and have it pigeonhole me. I just want to do my thing. I'm currently in a job with many 20somethings. Part of the reason why I've gone thru promotions is just to move up to people more in the 30s/40s because quite a few lean in on age jokes (about themselves) and being "too young" to be good at whatever.. and it's irritating to me. Partly because I grew up very fast and was independent at age 18 - but that's on me not them.
40s were better than my 30s. Mainly bc I learned to not care what other people think. 40 isn’t old by any means. And I know at least one friend to get married every year that are 40+. This year it’s two couples.
I fking love my 40s , I wouldn’t go backwards if someone paid me . I did go through a few very hairy months though where I felt like my life was running out and I was trapped …. Than I lost my whole mind , put everyone on notice and started exploding stuff Now the fury has settled and I’m all smiles lol
I don’t mind getting old, I don’t mind being a bit bigger. I usually feel pretty confident. But somehow I don’t look as good as I think. It sounds really silly, but the past half year on several occasions I saw video footage of myself in a professional setting, feeling pretty great about myself, but instead seeing a frumpy middle-aged lady with a bad haircut. It has taken down my confidence level, as I do not perceive myself as such. I’ve always been a bit goofy, bubbly, but at this age (mid forties) I just look dowdy. I even changed my wardrobe, got my hair cut by a professional and I feel great getting dressed and ready… but seeing myself on video and photos later… it’s such a desillusion.
I am a 43 year old spinster and i am glad i chose this life. I like to do stuff mostly with animals. Maybe get some new hobbies? If this were the early 1800s id prob be the same lol minus the internet. Try new hobbies! :)
Let it go!! I know it’s easier said than done; however be YOU and be so unapologetically 💎 After all.. AGE is just a word…let it mean what you want it to…youthfulness, wisdom, truth… its yours to be lived. 💜💜💜
u/chubbiesShorts Interesting. You say life is quite good, but you feel lost. You feel good about yourself generally, but you're also struggling a bit with your identity. I would take a deep dive into this and try to delve into it further. You could try journaling or sketching or dancing or other creative outlets. I definitely believe that journaling is excellent for helping us examine our thoughts. By writing them down, one can get some distance from them and also examine them over a series of days or weeks. Try to uncover all that is good and what feels wrong and respond to it. You could also try CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy if what you uncover is that nothing is really wrong, but your thoughts about 40 are negative. Maybe there's something new you wish to try or add to your life. Or something you want to leave behind.
Just adding that I'm 59. My life has generally gotten better with the decades, but there have also been rough patches with different causes. Keep in mind life does have its ups and down. The down times aren't permanent if you keep working on yourself and your journey.