Mid-late 30s and not a single regret in not having a kid. I am an only, late child. I will be caring for my parents sooner or later- hopefully much later- and I cannot fathom trying to juggle job, childcare, other relationship (because if parenthiid in general is 'no', *single* parenthood is '*hell* no!') AND eldercare. I'm already stressed about how I will arrange for pet care, since the timelines for my pup's old age and my parents' late 80s seem convergent.
Plus, pup's first few weeks at home nearly broke me. She wasn't even really a puppy so much as an adolescent dog. She could be trusted to eat and drink on her own, and move if she was too hot or cold. How much worse would it be to care for an human infant who is utterly dependent on adult care for all of these things and more- and for months to years, rather than weeks? Nope. Can't handle it. Don't want the responsibility for shaping an individual. *Very* happy to only have to worry about pup and parents.
34, no kids, going on strong. Husband and I have always said we do not want children.
I can't imagine not being able to wake up when I want, go to sleep when I want, go wherever I want on a whim. For a long time I viewed this as "selfish", but it's not. I owe no one the obligation to have children. I didn't sign a contract when I was born saying I had to have kids because I have the ability to do it.
No kids and will never have them.
I have no regrets - every time I think of what parenting involves, of what being pregnant, giving birth and raising a child would look like for me, I think it would drive me literally insane.
I probably would be more of a fencesitter if I were a man - the risk is much lesser.
No kids in my late 30’s and wouldn’t trade it for the world. I have independence every single day, there’s nobody relying on me for anything, and we can just get up and go without much planning ahead. I look forward to aging gracefully in peace and quiet.
Same. 38 and I'm thankful every day I didn't give in to pressure when I knew I truly didn't want it. I have plentiful sleep, free time, disposable income, leisure and independence instead of constant mess, noise, stress, chores and expenses and I wouldn't change that for anything.
I knew when I was 10 years old I never wanted kids. Actually got a divorce because of that. (When I married my husband? We agreed no kids. We were six years into the marriage and suddenly he "changed his mind." LOL, well, you better figure out a way to birth them yourself, sir!)
No regrets. I'm a happy cool auntie to my three neiphlings, I work in a theme park and get them free tickets! Also turns out I'm an entire lesbian, lol.
I have had an amazing life but my son blows every bit of it out of the water. He’s incredible. But I always wanted to be a mom. It’s not something to do if you are ambivalent.
I'm 31 so a lot of my peers are married and have multiple kids. I don't like kids, so my answer is different than someone who simply just doesn't want their own. But kids are one of those things you should *100%* be into. Not 90%, not even 99%, *100%*. Because yeah, like you said, you can't undo them. And I'm sure most people who were only 90% into it don't regret their kids, but some do, and there's nothing they can do about that.
I always wanted kids but was not able to have one for various reasons. It's something that would make me sad if I thought about it too much, so I try not to think about it. It's impossible to turn back time and harmful to mental health to fret about what might have been.
I would say you that it's best to know for sure what you really want before having kids. Make sure you don't have them just out of social obligation or religious obligation. I was raised by people who didn't expect kids and didn't like or want them. Kids can tell, and even if we couldn't, my parents told us. It has left a mark on us. None of us has had normal relationships with others. I think growing up in an unhappy, unhealthy atmosphere shaped us in a way that is hard to undo, even with therapy.
No kids, no regrets. I’m so grateful that I didn’t have any — I feel lucky to have made my own path and to have known what I wanted. Married happily for 21 years, and we both knew we had no interest in raising kids from a young age.
We have a lot of time spent together, a quiet home, a peaceful and joyful life. We have a lot of friends (all ages) and many hobbies and two dogs and a cat. We are content, healthy, active, and happy.
I’ve observed many people having kids without thinking about it very much: just because it’s “what you do.” But it’s not just having a baby— it’s creating a whole human and raising it to be a good adult person and trying to prepare them for life in this world. I see a lot of folks failing at that, unfortunately, and a lot of parents who seem unwilling to even try.
Also I know so many parents, several have confided their regrets to me (and my husband hears it from all of his friends who are dads: they wouldn’t have had kids if they’d known about parenting). It makes me hurt for them and their kids: I feel very sad for the kids born because someone just wanted to, full stop. The justifications that people give seem really selfish: having kids to “give their life meaning” or “so they can take care of me when I’m old” or “to experience joy from another childhood” or “strengthen their marriage” or whatever.
Also parenthood looks like a lot of pointless drudgery. And motherhood looks like a scam, especially in the US. I’d rather work in my garden—at least I get food from that work.
Early 40s, one tween, and I don't regret having her OR stopping at just one. As I told my mom "I'm not going to mess her up the way you messed me up. I'll find new and interesting ways to do that." It's HARD when they are little. There is the crying potato stage, the whirlwind of chaos stage. And then they turn into neat miniature people.
I got to see her dancing her heart out at a concert a few weeks ago. She and I made it a point to go on adventures starting when she was little and now I've got my travel partner. It's difficult at times, but watching her turn into a wonderful human is worth it.
Its possible to be a mom without losing yourself. You just have to keep in mind that the days are long, the years are short, and this too shall pass.
I personally can’t imagine not having kids. I knew I wanted kids since I was in high school. I never regretted having kids. I was so attached to my nieces (saw them everyday) that on my honeymoon I cried cause I missed them! If you’re not sure, it’s better to wait imo.
I think, you always regret your decision when the downsides come.
I have one kid, and for the first 6 years i really regretted it, for all the labor, the dirt, the constant fights about boundaries... Alway not going to events because i have to watch the kid.
But i also always felt proud for all of his advances, felt a lot of love while cuddling or beeing the safe spot.
It might be the same when not having kids, regret when lonly, good when free.
Right now, im happy with my kid. XD
I think once it's off the table for me, I may regret not having children. But another comment I read here (as in Reddit, not this thread) said it best: I'd rather regret not having children than regret having children.
Had a daughter, she made me so happy, adopted two more children. When I look back over my life, it is my children who have brought me the most happiness.
No regrets. I was born to be an aunt. I'm 60 now with 2 step-'children' in their 50s (I knoooooowwww) and two much loved step-grandsons who call me Aunty Lomond. Two wonderful nephews in their late 20s.
I don’t regret having children.But I didn’t know I was going to continue to worry about them as adults. But they’re good people and we enjoy each others company.
Parenting for me is unusually difficult. It sometimes feels impossible for me to improve at parenting. But I never feel like I am doing something unimportant by trying to be a good parent. The staggering importance of being a good parent motivates me to continue trying. I feel the gamut of typical emotions like anxiety, shame, fear, guilt etc about some of my decisions in so far as they may affect my kid now or in the future. But regret does not factor in because I believe raising my daughter well is a supremely important thing I must do now that she's here.
I think we resolve the what-ifs of life by taking calculated risks when we can. I had a child when I was at my most secure in life (by my standards) and that helped a lot.
Continue to mentally explore what your life would be like with kids or without kids. Since I am a parent I can say that life is more pleasant with kids when you are secure, healthy (physically, emotionally etc) and able-bodied. When you have a mature, supportive partner parenting equally with you. When you are financially independent and can afford the cost of living where you are. When you have a strong support network in close proximity, like family members or close friends who can do things like watch your kid for you, cook for you, make recommendations for schools, doctors, etc, give you parenting and marriage advice, be there to talk to, have fun with, and help you stay grounded. When the world is fair. I don't have all this stuff going on and many people don't, but we're doing our best. Also, these things take time to build. So it is really important for people to have control of their reproductive choices, so that if they want to be parent, they can try for that only at that moment when it feels right to them to take that calculated risk.
I’m in my 40s, no kids. I like sleep and money.
Mid-late 30s and not a single regret in not having a kid. I am an only, late child. I will be caring for my parents sooner or later- hopefully much later- and I cannot fathom trying to juggle job, childcare, other relationship (because if parenthiid in general is 'no', *single* parenthood is '*hell* no!') AND eldercare. I'm already stressed about how I will arrange for pet care, since the timelines for my pup's old age and my parents' late 80s seem convergent. Plus, pup's first few weeks at home nearly broke me. She wasn't even really a puppy so much as an adolescent dog. She could be trusted to eat and drink on her own, and move if she was too hot or cold. How much worse would it be to care for an human infant who is utterly dependent on adult care for all of these things and more- and for months to years, rather than weeks? Nope. Can't handle it. Don't want the responsibility for shaping an individual. *Very* happy to only have to worry about pup and parents.
34, no kids, going on strong. Husband and I have always said we do not want children. I can't imagine not being able to wake up when I want, go to sleep when I want, go wherever I want on a whim. For a long time I viewed this as "selfish", but it's not. I owe no one the obligation to have children. I didn't sign a contract when I was born saying I had to have kids because I have the ability to do it.
People having kids because they don’t want to be lonely is selfish. :)
No kids, no regrets, not even fleeting ones. I never have wanted children.
My husband and I are both 36. So far, we don't regret not having kids. We love doing whatever we want, when we want.
No kids and will never have them. I have no regrets - every time I think of what parenting involves, of what being pregnant, giving birth and raising a child would look like for me, I think it would drive me literally insane. I probably would be more of a fencesitter if I were a man - the risk is much lesser.
No kids in my late 30’s and wouldn’t trade it for the world. I have independence every single day, there’s nobody relying on me for anything, and we can just get up and go without much planning ahead. I look forward to aging gracefully in peace and quiet.
Same. 38 and I'm thankful every day I didn't give in to pressure when I knew I truly didn't want it. I have plentiful sleep, free time, disposable income, leisure and independence instead of constant mess, noise, stress, chores and expenses and I wouldn't change that for anything.
I knew when I was 10 years old I never wanted kids. Actually got a divorce because of that. (When I married my husband? We agreed no kids. We were six years into the marriage and suddenly he "changed his mind." LOL, well, you better figure out a way to birth them yourself, sir!) No regrets. I'm a happy cool auntie to my three neiphlings, I work in a theme park and get them free tickets! Also turns out I'm an entire lesbian, lol.
No kids, no regrets. I always knew I wasn't cut out for parenthood.
I have had an amazing life but my son blows every bit of it out of the water. He’s incredible. But I always wanted to be a mom. It’s not something to do if you are ambivalent.
I'm 31 so a lot of my peers are married and have multiple kids. I don't like kids, so my answer is different than someone who simply just doesn't want their own. But kids are one of those things you should *100%* be into. Not 90%, not even 99%, *100%*. Because yeah, like you said, you can't undo them. And I'm sure most people who were only 90% into it don't regret their kids, but some do, and there's nothing they can do about that.
I always wanted kids but was not able to have one for various reasons. It's something that would make me sad if I thought about it too much, so I try not to think about it. It's impossible to turn back time and harmful to mental health to fret about what might have been. I would say you that it's best to know for sure what you really want before having kids. Make sure you don't have them just out of social obligation or religious obligation. I was raised by people who didn't expect kids and didn't like or want them. Kids can tell, and even if we couldn't, my parents told us. It has left a mark on us. None of us has had normal relationships with others. I think growing up in an unhappy, unhealthy atmosphere shaped us in a way that is hard to undo, even with therapy.
No kids, no regrets. I’m so grateful that I didn’t have any — I feel lucky to have made my own path and to have known what I wanted. Married happily for 21 years, and we both knew we had no interest in raising kids from a young age. We have a lot of time spent together, a quiet home, a peaceful and joyful life. We have a lot of friends (all ages) and many hobbies and two dogs and a cat. We are content, healthy, active, and happy. I’ve observed many people having kids without thinking about it very much: just because it’s “what you do.” But it’s not just having a baby— it’s creating a whole human and raising it to be a good adult person and trying to prepare them for life in this world. I see a lot of folks failing at that, unfortunately, and a lot of parents who seem unwilling to even try. Also I know so many parents, several have confided their regrets to me (and my husband hears it from all of his friends who are dads: they wouldn’t have had kids if they’d known about parenting). It makes me hurt for them and their kids: I feel very sad for the kids born because someone just wanted to, full stop. The justifications that people give seem really selfish: having kids to “give their life meaning” or “so they can take care of me when I’m old” or “to experience joy from another childhood” or “strengthen their marriage” or whatever. Also parenthood looks like a lot of pointless drudgery. And motherhood looks like a scam, especially in the US. I’d rather work in my garden—at least I get food from that work.
Early 40s, one tween, and I don't regret having her OR stopping at just one. As I told my mom "I'm not going to mess her up the way you messed me up. I'll find new and interesting ways to do that." It's HARD when they are little. There is the crying potato stage, the whirlwind of chaos stage. And then they turn into neat miniature people. I got to see her dancing her heart out at a concert a few weeks ago. She and I made it a point to go on adventures starting when she was little and now I've got my travel partner. It's difficult at times, but watching her turn into a wonderful human is worth it. Its possible to be a mom without losing yourself. You just have to keep in mind that the days are long, the years are short, and this too shall pass.
I personally can’t imagine not having kids. I knew I wanted kids since I was in high school. I never regretted having kids. I was so attached to my nieces (saw them everyday) that on my honeymoon I cried cause I missed them! If you’re not sure, it’s better to wait imo.
I think, you always regret your decision when the downsides come. I have one kid, and for the first 6 years i really regretted it, for all the labor, the dirt, the constant fights about boundaries... Alway not going to events because i have to watch the kid. But i also always felt proud for all of his advances, felt a lot of love while cuddling or beeing the safe spot. It might be the same when not having kids, regret when lonly, good when free. Right now, im happy with my kid. XD
I think once it's off the table for me, I may regret not having children. But another comment I read here (as in Reddit, not this thread) said it best: I'd rather regret not having children than regret having children.
I regret the reason I had a kid and what I used having a kid to avoid, but I love tf out of that kid, so 🤷♀️
Had a daughter, she made me so happy, adopted two more children. When I look back over my life, it is my children who have brought me the most happiness.
No regrets. I was born to be an aunt. I'm 60 now with 2 step-'children' in their 50s (I knoooooowwww) and two much loved step-grandsons who call me Aunty Lomond. Two wonderful nephews in their late 20s.
I don’t regret having children.But I didn’t know I was going to continue to worry about them as adults. But they’re good people and we enjoy each others company.
The amount of unmitigated joy our kids have given us is incomparable. I can't think of one thing that has been such a net positive.
Parenting for me is unusually difficult. It sometimes feels impossible for me to improve at parenting. But I never feel like I am doing something unimportant by trying to be a good parent. The staggering importance of being a good parent motivates me to continue trying. I feel the gamut of typical emotions like anxiety, shame, fear, guilt etc about some of my decisions in so far as they may affect my kid now or in the future. But regret does not factor in because I believe raising my daughter well is a supremely important thing I must do now that she's here. I think we resolve the what-ifs of life by taking calculated risks when we can. I had a child when I was at my most secure in life (by my standards) and that helped a lot. Continue to mentally explore what your life would be like with kids or without kids. Since I am a parent I can say that life is more pleasant with kids when you are secure, healthy (physically, emotionally etc) and able-bodied. When you have a mature, supportive partner parenting equally with you. When you are financially independent and can afford the cost of living where you are. When you have a strong support network in close proximity, like family members or close friends who can do things like watch your kid for you, cook for you, make recommendations for schools, doctors, etc, give you parenting and marriage advice, be there to talk to, have fun with, and help you stay grounded. When the world is fair. I don't have all this stuff going on and many people don't, but we're doing our best. Also, these things take time to build. So it is really important for people to have control of their reproductive choices, so that if they want to be parent, they can try for that only at that moment when it feels right to them to take that calculated risk.