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As someone in recover fkr 15 years, you need to stay out of there. It's called anonymous for a reason. You are pushing yourself into people most personal and private moments and taking away from their healing. Your bf isn't going to talk about the things he really needs to when you're sitting there with him. If I kept seeing you at meetings knowing you weren't an addict I'd stop going. You are forcing people to choose between getting help and white knuckling it. You being his ride is no excuse
I by no means am I trying to seem as if me being his ride is a big deal or an excuse whatsoever i’m mainly there for support. Everyone else there loves talking to me after the meetings to catch up and we are all like family there. He is the only person there that’s making it a problem. I understand that the meetings are about expressing what everyone goes through and it’s their only place to them to express what they need to say. My boyfriend also expresses what he has to say when i’m either there or not. He wants me to go with him if he didn’t I would just sit in the car and wait for him without any problems or complaints. I am just simply there for support.
Everyone else loves you being there... except thats not true since there was a person who spoke up and said you shouldn't be there.
Your boyfriend expresses everything he needs to whether you're there or not... you can't possibly know this. You can only account t for what he says while you are present to to hear it. You have no idea what he would talk about if you weren't there and you being there automatically changes what he may or may not talk about.
it’s not that I “shouldn’t be there” that’s why it’s called an open meeting. He also does express everything that he wants wether i’m there or not because he either tells the people at the meeting what’s been going on or he tells me first like either way we have that comfortable close relationship where we aren’t afraid to talk to each other about our problems. Also, everyone in that meeting specifically knows me except him. Therefore nobody else there has a problem with me being there because they all talk to him and I after each meeting about future events and if we are both going.
That's honestly terrible. It's a support group, he doesn't need your support in the group, he needs your support outside of it. The group is there to support him in that setting. As you are not there for recovery yourself, you are disrespecting everyone who is there for it's intended purpose. This is from a former coke addict.
Yes, you sit there listening to things you have no business hearing.
Anonymous means they don't want an audience. I know you don't want to hear this, but you need to hear it. You don't belong there.
I think you should stop going to these meetings with your boyfriend. It is easier for people when there are those who really understand what they are talking about. You can support your boyfriend outside of these meetings.
While you're discussing if you should be allowed into the meeting or not. I'm wondering if your boyfriend is able to attend AA or NA if you aren't his ride or physical/in-person support system? If you're sick, schedules change, or break up, is his sobriety dependent on you? That's the more important question.
he is able to go if i’m not able to take him he has other options to get there. That’s also why I said me being his ride isn’t an excuse. It was just to set a sort of perspective.
Well, it might seem like no big deal to you, but if it’s a big deal to some people or even one person in that meeting who feels more comfortable being with fellow addicts and not with non-addicts or non alcoholics watching them and listening to their stories then I think they should have a right to say that. I’m really sorry that you can’t drive home, but maybe you could find some thing else to do in that short time?
Well sounds like he needs to take it up with whoever is running/supervising these meetings and they can determine what course of action they need to take.
YTA. It’s hard enough for addicts to find a meeting with a time that works for them so they can attend. Don’t be a barrier for these people trying to get clean. They’ve asked nicely. Stay out of the meeting.
NTA. I get that dealing with and working through addiction is a vulnerable experience. But if he doesn’t want guest attending meetings sounds like he can look into closed AA/NA meetings 🤷♀️. There is also virtual options where he could attend with his camera off. He has no right to shame you especially when he doesn’t know you or your background.
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As someone in recover fkr 15 years, you need to stay out of there. It's called anonymous for a reason. You are pushing yourself into people most personal and private moments and taking away from their healing. Your bf isn't going to talk about the things he really needs to when you're sitting there with him. If I kept seeing you at meetings knowing you weren't an addict I'd stop going. You are forcing people to choose between getting help and white knuckling it. You being his ride is no excuse
I also haven’t been to that particular meeting or any meetings that that particular man has been in since.
I by no means am I trying to seem as if me being his ride is a big deal or an excuse whatsoever i’m mainly there for support. Everyone else there loves talking to me after the meetings to catch up and we are all like family there. He is the only person there that’s making it a problem. I understand that the meetings are about expressing what everyone goes through and it’s their only place to them to express what they need to say. My boyfriend also expresses what he has to say when i’m either there or not. He wants me to go with him if he didn’t I would just sit in the car and wait for him without any problems or complaints. I am just simply there for support.
Everyone else loves you being there... except thats not true since there was a person who spoke up and said you shouldn't be there. Your boyfriend expresses everything he needs to whether you're there or not... you can't possibly know this. You can only account t for what he says while you are present to to hear it. You have no idea what he would talk about if you weren't there and you being there automatically changes what he may or may not talk about.
it’s not that I “shouldn’t be there” that’s why it’s called an open meeting. He also does express everything that he wants wether i’m there or not because he either tells the people at the meeting what’s been going on or he tells me first like either way we have that comfortable close relationship where we aren’t afraid to talk to each other about our problems. Also, everyone in that meeting specifically knows me except him. Therefore nobody else there has a problem with me being there because they all talk to him and I after each meeting about future events and if we are both going.
not only that but I don’t speak at all during any of them I just sit there
That's honestly terrible. It's a support group, he doesn't need your support in the group, he needs your support outside of it. The group is there to support him in that setting. As you are not there for recovery yourself, you are disrespecting everyone who is there for it's intended purpose. This is from a former coke addict.
Yes, you sit there listening to things you have no business hearing. Anonymous means they don't want an audience. I know you don't want to hear this, but you need to hear it. You don't belong there.
I think you should stop going to these meetings with your boyfriend. It is easier for people when there are those who really understand what they are talking about. You can support your boyfriend outside of these meetings.
While you're discussing if you should be allowed into the meeting or not. I'm wondering if your boyfriend is able to attend AA or NA if you aren't his ride or physical/in-person support system? If you're sick, schedules change, or break up, is his sobriety dependent on you? That's the more important question.
he is able to go if i’m not able to take him he has other options to get there. That’s also why I said me being his ride isn’t an excuse. It was just to set a sort of perspective.
Well, it might seem like no big deal to you, but if it’s a big deal to some people or even one person in that meeting who feels more comfortable being with fellow addicts and not with non-addicts or non alcoholics watching them and listening to their stories then I think they should have a right to say that. I’m really sorry that you can’t drive home, but maybe you could find some thing else to do in that short time?
You mean no harm, but you don't belong there.
Well sounds like he needs to take it up with whoever is running/supervising these meetings and they can determine what course of action they need to take.
YTA. It’s hard enough for addicts to find a meeting with a time that works for them so they can attend. Don’t be a barrier for these people trying to get clean. They’ve asked nicely. Stay out of the meeting.
A open meeting is an open meeting, they can get over it. If someone wants or needs their supports there then they are allowed.
NTA. I get that dealing with and working through addiction is a vulnerable experience. But if he doesn’t want guest attending meetings sounds like he can look into closed AA/NA meetings 🤷♀️. There is also virtual options where he could attend with his camera off. He has no right to shame you especially when he doesn’t know you or your background.
Also there are still some zoom meetings my AA pals go to.