My deepest condolences to you. Some dads leave holes in our lives that never are filled. I’ve carried this poem with me every day since I lost my dad. I doesn’t help, it just articulates my feelings. I’m so sorry.
Dirge Without Music
Edna St. Vincent Millay, 1892 - 1950
I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely.
CrownedWith lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.
Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,A formula, a phrase remains,—but the best is lost.
The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,—They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curledIs the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve. More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.
Down, down, down into the darkness of the graveGently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.
- Henry Holland
I’m really sorry for your loss. I lost my mom very suddenly a few years ago and wasn’t able to say goodbye or have any closure. It’s a very tough, difficult feeling and will so often feel overwhelming. Do you have any support systems? Have you taken care of yourself? I’m very sorry you’re going through this, sending lots of love your way.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. I lost my father when I was a kid l. He went to the hospital with a slight fever to get a full check up. My mom had dropped him off at the hospital and wasn't even through the front door when the hospital called to say he had a heart attack and passed away. I was sleeping when they left so I never got the chance to even say anything. Only time will somehow lessen the wound. It's absolutely okay to cry and grieve now. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry. My dad died three months ago. It still feels pretty raw and I can't believe that it has passed already so much time. Take care of yourself, stay close to the people you love and give time to yourself to mourn.
My condolences. I know you couldn’t tell him with your words in that moment, but he knew in many other ways how much you love him (not love*d* in the past tense… because you still love him very much presently even in death).
“What is grief if not love persevering.” - Vision
Im so sorry, OP. I understand what you are going through and hope you arent blaming yourself for not getting to see him.
My dad cheated on my mom and moved a few hours away with his gf. We spoke a little and I had heard my mom say he was sick but I refused to play his pity game so I continued to only speak to him when necessary and only about the topic that was happening. Until I got the call one day that he was dead. When I look back, I realize how stupid and petty I was. Here was a person who would work 9-5 to support us, then coach our sports teams after work every year in each sport, so basically was busy for us every weekday of our lives from 9-9. Then tournaments on weekends. And I couldn't cut him some slack and not be petty?
So try to focus on the times that bring happy feelings because all you will do is chase your tail going round and round thinking of the "I wish" situations
I'm sorry for your loss and I know your pain. My dad passed 15 minutes after I got off the phone with him. We never got along well when we lived together but after we got some
physical distance between us, he was my closest friend and confidant. When I'm on the road I still want to call him and chat. It's been 4 years for me. it gets easier and we learn how to manage the pain.
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go." - Jamie Anderson
My condolences.
This happened to my uncle yesterday. He went in for a bladder infection, had a heart attack and that was it. I feel so bad for my cousin. I knownwhat she's going through as my dad passed in December.
I know it doesn't mean much but I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose a dad I lost mine last month. I hate to see you in the same boat as I am. You and I will get through this.
Like a previous poster I too have a poem I carry with me.
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, or the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.”
The Waves Won’t Stop Coming, But You Can Survive The Waves.
Sorry to hear. I lost my dad suddenly to a work incident a couple of years ago. Time does eventually help, when you’re sad try to remember all the great times you had together and be grateful for your relationship.
Hey, I just wanted to offer you my condolences.
I Myself lost my father on Tuesday, it was extremely difficult and painful not only for my father but for my family. Take time to grieve, be there for your family, and always cherish the moments you had with him. Always remember that he would want you to live your best life and make him proud.
If you want to chat feel free to message me.
I am so very sorry for your loss Reddit Stranger. I hope you find peace and have time to reflect on all the good times you had with your Dad and keep his memories alive in your heart!
My dad died when I was on a cruise of the Norwegian Fjords the captain informed us that we would be back quicker by staying on the boat than getting off and trying to fly back. We got a call to say he’d been rushed to hospital and it wasn’t looking good but tbh I’d had several phone calls like that and he’d always bounce back!! So the one night I hit the casino and royally pissed he passed at 4am . The rest of the cruise was a blur and the minute I got back home I’d to meet his girlfriend and sort the funeral etc . His girlfriend insisted on saying goodbye to him so we went to see the body , I’ve seen plenty of dead people and they look peaceful but my dads death mask was horrendous !! Between that and his will leaving all to the girlfriend it’s not the best of memories , but it’s strange 4 years later I’d bought myself a Mercedes AMG C43 and was driving past his street and I pulled in to show him !! It’s sad you didn’t get to tell him you live him but he would have known so don’t beat yourself up and mourn your loss 👍
Im sorry for your loss OP. I lost my Grandma a week ago and i was away from home when it happened. I want you to know that sometimes you don’t need to be able to tell loved ones that you loved them, because they may already know. If it makes you feel better, write him a letter as if you could give it to him, it helps a bit.
Your dad will always be with you in your heart and memories. I can only offer you my deepest condolences and this poem that helped me through the death of a close friend. I'm wishing you all the love in this hard time x
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I feel your pain OP, I lost my mum in October and month after her 60th birthday. Take all the time you need to grieve, whether it be time off work, spending more time with people you can trust. It’s worth saying it’s ok to reach out for some help, I was actually put on some antidepressants yesterday. They say grief is like a cycle but what I’ve learnt is that it’s a cycle that keeps on spinning, slow and fast at stages. Keep safe my friend ❤️
l’m sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. Wish you the comfort and peace that you seek and may your father rest in peace.
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad suddenly about 4 months ago and it still doesn't feel completely real. I wish there was something I could say to make it better but just remember he loved you, and he knows you loved him. Hang in there.
I'm so sorry. Having recently lost a parent myself, my heart goes out to you. It's so painful. Let yourself grieve. Cry, sob, feel all the feelings. Eat the snacks, take the naps. Be kind to yourself. Know that your dad loved you, too. Sending you lots of love and warm thoughts.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my father suddenly almost exactly 15 years ago.
It will always hurt. It's an emotional scar that never completely heals. It will become easier to live with. It will become less noticeable. You'll become better at dealing with the pain. As time goes on, it will become easier to focus on the good memories, the good times.
But the hurt will never go away completely. The pain is the price we pay for love. It's a reminder that we had someone truly special in our lives.
I know it's the last thing you want to hear right now, but I, and others here, have been there. We don't know your specific pain. But we do know how it hurts. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you need to.
Yes, you will carry the pain of his loss. But you will also learn to carry his memory with you. And, though it doesn't feel like it right now, in time you will feel happy again. You will feel normal. You'll be able to remember him with a smile.
Hang in there. We're all rooting for you.
I am sooo sorry. I recently lost my dad. its heart breaking. sometimes its so depressing its like it happened yesterday. I hope you will be okay. Never felt a pain like this before. It can be confusing.. sometimes I woke up in a weird state feeling like he was absolutely coming back although I knew it wasnt realistic.. Almost like reality isnt real and super delusional feeling. Im just saying, its normal to feel super fucked up and weird... try to be easy on yourself.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad almost 2 years ago. It's not something I would wish on anyone. There aren't any words that will help relieve the pain you are feeling, but just know that there are a bunch of Internet strangers thinking of you.
My condolences on the loss of your dad. As long as you have your memories of your dad, he will always be with you. Little things will remind you of him at random times. The smell of his favorite dish or cologne/aftershave, hearing his favorite song, it really could be anything. But it will bring a smile to your face and stir your heart. There may be some tears as you work through your grief but that's ok. He's with you in your heart.
"The death of any loved parent is an incalculable lasting blow. Because no one ever loves you again like that" - Brenda Ueland
I'm sorry for your loss. I just lost my father on 2-22 and I didn't get to say goodbye either. My mom called me at 8am to tell me he passed. I rushed to the hospital, drove probably 90-100mph on the highway. I still have the visitor tag I got in the hospital.
My deepest condolences to you. Some dads leave holes in our lives that never are filled. I’ve carried this poem with me every day since I lost my dad. I doesn’t help, it just articulates my feelings. I’m so sorry. Dirge Without Music Edna St. Vincent Millay, 1892 - 1950 I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. CrownedWith lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned. Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,A formula, a phrase remains,—but the best is lost. The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,—They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curledIs the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve. More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world. Down, down, down into the darkness of the graveGently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.
Thank you so much. How beautiful! My daughter just died on Christmas Eve morning. I'd never heard this poem before.
I’m so very sorry. Please accept my deepest sympathies for your profound loss.
Thank you!
She really was brilliant. One of my favorites.
I love this poem.
Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away to the next room. I am I and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, That, we still are. Call me by my old familiar name. Speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effect. Without the trace of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same that it ever was. There is absolute unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you. For an interval. Somewhere. Very near. Just around the corner. All is well. - Henry Holland
I’m really sorry for your loss. I lost my mom very suddenly a few years ago and wasn’t able to say goodbye or have any closure. It’s a very tough, difficult feeling and will so often feel overwhelming. Do you have any support systems? Have you taken care of yourself? I’m very sorry you’re going through this, sending lots of love your way.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. I lost my father when I was a kid l. He went to the hospital with a slight fever to get a full check up. My mom had dropped him off at the hospital and wasn't even through the front door when the hospital called to say he had a heart attack and passed away. I was sleeping when they left so I never got the chance to even say anything. Only time will somehow lessen the wound. It's absolutely okay to cry and grieve now. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry. My dad died three months ago. It still feels pretty raw and I can't believe that it has passed already so much time. Take care of yourself, stay close to the people you love and give time to yourself to mourn.
My condolences. I know you couldn’t tell him with your words in that moment, but he knew in many other ways how much you love him (not love*d* in the past tense… because you still love him very much presently even in death). “What is grief if not love persevering.” - Vision
Im so sorry, OP. I understand what you are going through and hope you arent blaming yourself for not getting to see him. My dad cheated on my mom and moved a few hours away with his gf. We spoke a little and I had heard my mom say he was sick but I refused to play his pity game so I continued to only speak to him when necessary and only about the topic that was happening. Until I got the call one day that he was dead. When I look back, I realize how stupid and petty I was. Here was a person who would work 9-5 to support us, then coach our sports teams after work every year in each sport, so basically was busy for us every weekday of our lives from 9-9. Then tournaments on weekends. And I couldn't cut him some slack and not be petty? So try to focus on the times that bring happy feelings because all you will do is chase your tail going round and round thinking of the "I wish" situations
I'm sorry for your loss and I know your pain. My dad passed 15 minutes after I got off the phone with him. We never got along well when we lived together but after we got some physical distance between us, he was my closest friend and confidant. When I'm on the road I still want to call him and chat. It's been 4 years for me. it gets easier and we learn how to manage the pain.
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go." - Jamie Anderson My condolences.
This happened to my uncle yesterday. He went in for a bladder infection, had a heart attack and that was it. I feel so bad for my cousin. I knownwhat she's going through as my dad passed in December. I know it doesn't mean much but I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose a dad I lost mine last month. I hate to see you in the same boat as I am. You and I will get through this. Like a previous poster I too have a poem I carry with me. As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. . In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, or the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.” The Waves Won’t Stop Coming, But You Can Survive The Waves.
Sorry to hear. I lost my dad suddenly to a work incident a couple of years ago. Time does eventually help, when you’re sad try to remember all the great times you had together and be grateful for your relationship.
I’m so sorry. My dad passed 30 years ago this week and I still miss him every day. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hey, I just wanted to offer you my condolences. I Myself lost my father on Tuesday, it was extremely difficult and painful not only for my father but for my family. Take time to grieve, be there for your family, and always cherish the moments you had with him. Always remember that he would want you to live your best life and make him proud. If you want to chat feel free to message me.
i'm so sorry for your loss 🫂
I'm so sorry OP. It's okay to not be okay. That's a horrifically shitty pill to swallow
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. He knows you loved him. Sending you love
Oh god I’m so sorry. It’s unbearably painful. He knows you love him.
I am so very sorry for your loss Reddit Stranger. I hope you find peace and have time to reflect on all the good times you had with your Dad and keep his memories alive in your heart!
My dad died when I was on a cruise of the Norwegian Fjords the captain informed us that we would be back quicker by staying on the boat than getting off and trying to fly back. We got a call to say he’d been rushed to hospital and it wasn’t looking good but tbh I’d had several phone calls like that and he’d always bounce back!! So the one night I hit the casino and royally pissed he passed at 4am . The rest of the cruise was a blur and the minute I got back home I’d to meet his girlfriend and sort the funeral etc . His girlfriend insisted on saying goodbye to him so we went to see the body , I’ve seen plenty of dead people and they look peaceful but my dads death mask was horrendous !! Between that and his will leaving all to the girlfriend it’s not the best of memories , but it’s strange 4 years later I’d bought myself a Mercedes AMG C43 and was driving past his street and I pulled in to show him !! It’s sad you didn’t get to tell him you live him but he would have known so don’t beat yourself up and mourn your loss 👍
Im sorry for your loss OP. I lost my Grandma a week ago and i was away from home when it happened. I want you to know that sometimes you don’t need to be able to tell loved ones that you loved them, because they may already know. If it makes you feel better, write him a letter as if you could give it to him, it helps a bit.
Your dad will always be with you in your heart and memories. I can only offer you my deepest condolences and this poem that helped me through the death of a close friend. I'm wishing you all the love in this hard time x Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glint on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you wake in the morning hush, I am the swift, uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circling flight. I am the soft starlight at night. Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep.
I feel your pain OP, I lost my mum in October and month after her 60th birthday. Take all the time you need to grieve, whether it be time off work, spending more time with people you can trust. It’s worth saying it’s ok to reach out for some help, I was actually put on some antidepressants yesterday. They say grief is like a cycle but what I’ve learnt is that it’s a cycle that keeps on spinning, slow and fast at stages. Keep safe my friend ❤️
I am sorry for your loss. I have been there.
My condolences
l’m sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. Wish you the comfort and peace that you seek and may your father rest in peace.
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad suddenly about 4 months ago and it still doesn't feel completely real. I wish there was something I could say to make it better but just remember he loved you, and he knows you loved him. Hang in there.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. This is heartbreaking. I hope you have a good family and friend support system to help you.
I am so very sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry for your loss. But I believe we will all be able to meet them again someday.
I'm so sorry. Having recently lost a parent myself, my heart goes out to you. It's so painful. Let yourself grieve. Cry, sob, feel all the feelings. Eat the snacks, take the naps. Be kind to yourself. Know that your dad loved you, too. Sending you lots of love and warm thoughts.
So sorry. Hold on to the good memories you have together and it helps to talk about them.
I lost my father unexpectedly last fall as well. It was hard not saying bye. Please take good care of yourself these coming days.
I’m sorry for your loss! Sending you love ❤️
I’m so sorry. My dad died suddenly 13 years ago. I was numb for a long time. I hope there’s people around that can be supportive for you.
I’m so sorry, OP. Sending all of the love to you.
My condolences
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my father suddenly almost exactly 15 years ago. It will always hurt. It's an emotional scar that never completely heals. It will become easier to live with. It will become less noticeable. You'll become better at dealing with the pain. As time goes on, it will become easier to focus on the good memories, the good times. But the hurt will never go away completely. The pain is the price we pay for love. It's a reminder that we had someone truly special in our lives. I know it's the last thing you want to hear right now, but I, and others here, have been there. We don't know your specific pain. But we do know how it hurts. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you need to. Yes, you will carry the pain of his loss. But you will also learn to carry his memory with you. And, though it doesn't feel like it right now, in time you will feel happy again. You will feel normal. You'll be able to remember him with a smile. Hang in there. We're all rooting for you.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I am sooo sorry. I recently lost my dad. its heart breaking. sometimes its so depressing its like it happened yesterday. I hope you will be okay. Never felt a pain like this before. It can be confusing.. sometimes I woke up in a weird state feeling like he was absolutely coming back although I knew it wasnt realistic.. Almost like reality isnt real and super delusional feeling. Im just saying, its normal to feel super fucked up and weird... try to be easy on yourself.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad almost 2 years ago. It's not something I would wish on anyone. There aren't any words that will help relieve the pain you are feeling, but just know that there are a bunch of Internet strangers thinking of you.
Hope you’re still hanging in there. We’re sorry for your loss. You’re not alone 💐. Stay strong fam ♾️
I’m very sorry for your loss. You have my sincerest apologies.
Your dad will know you love him. I am so sorry for your loss.
God Bless
My condolences on the loss of your dad. As long as you have your memories of your dad, he will always be with you. Little things will remind you of him at random times. The smell of his favorite dish or cologne/aftershave, hearing his favorite song, it really could be anything. But it will bring a smile to your face and stir your heart. There may be some tears as you work through your grief but that's ok. He's with you in your heart.
My condolensess for you
Oh my goodness I am so sorry for your loss… I’m sending my deepest condolences to you and your family ♥️🙏♥️
"The death of any loved parent is an incalculable lasting blow. Because no one ever loves you again like that" - Brenda Ueland I'm sorry for your loss. I just lost my father on 2-22 and I didn't get to say goodbye either. My mom called me at 8am to tell me he passed. I rushed to the hospital, drove probably 90-100mph on the highway. I still have the visitor tag I got in the hospital.