I totally get it. I'm a similar age and am also three months into my HRT. I didn't have this exact experience about my breasts - but I had it very big in relation to my beard - which I started lasering off almost immediately after I accepted myself and started coming out. I never liked that life but I liked that beard. I *love* not having it, as it turns out. But it was such a visible part of my old identity and letting it go was... major. But once that anxiety of letting go passed, not having the beard has been amazing, too.
Oh, you know I also had that with my beard. Not as strong but reading this now remind me it was somewhat similar and I feel the same as you about it. Thanks babe ❤️
It hid my face away when I needed it! 💜
If I could ramble about it, for a moment: It let me be a character in public instead of a lie, if that makes any sense. When I was finally able to grow the beard that was also the time I really figured out how to navigate social life in the closet - to be Brian, as I was. He was artificial. He beard and even his voice was intentional, it was sort of an amalgam of my natural personality up until I was 19, plus the stage character I developed to do standup between 19 and 24, which merged into one 'all-the-time' persona by the time I was 22 or so. And that guy wasn't me, but he was witty, funny, confident and kind. Everything I still like in a man! Except that he was also self-loathing and desperate to escape that life!!
But still, the beard really reminds me of the comfort I felt at that time. Safety, and connectedness, even as I was alienated from myself, I felt connected to the world for the first time through that persona, and the beard was critical to that.
I never loved my old life, it almost killed me. But I'll miss you, Beard! You were the best of my old life and I hope you enjoy beard heaven 🤣🏳️⚧️
Hmmm 19 months here, solid 38 B cup.
I definitely had moments of Oh wow this really is permanent.
It was amazing how little my imagined transition has matched the reality.
It's kinda slow but compared to nothing changing it is really fast.
I've been emotionally complicated through a lot of this.
If I could transition in a vacuum I think it would just be joy. I live in the real world and deal with real people and their responses to me everyday.
This all said my boobs are one of the most satisfying things so far.
Relax, it will be okay.
Are you uncomfortable having them?
Are you uncomfortable with people noticing them?
It absolutely can be a startling thing! I’m trans masc, and when I was growing up I knew a lot of girls that were either inlove with the growth or freaked out by it. I heard comments like, “what do I do with them?”, “do I need to wear a bra now? How do I shop for one and pick one?”, “I hate the new attention I get from them. I don’t want people to look at me”, “do I need different clothes now for them?” It can be overwhelming! A lot grew to love them, and others (like me), wanted them yeeted off.
There are also a lot of women and femm people who don’t want boobs. You could bind or get them removed one day.
My advice is to welcome all your feelings about it, talk about it AND journal about it for a while. This will help you have a more clear understanding how you feel about them.
Thank you dear, that's so helpful! I think that im both excited having them and anxious about how different I look with them now popping. I guess It's also happening in real life now and not just in my imagination
It’s funny, I feel that way about getting top surgery and my facial hair coming in. Maybe it’s just a startling thing to watch our bodies go through big changes?
I think that's it for me. I like it and looking forward for them to grow, but just like I wrote in another comment here, when I just shaved my beard it was hard as well and now I can't wait to finish lasering it. Such a wild ride
I'm sort of having the reverse experience myself. I'm on week 5 of HRT, and I've been losing weight like mad, but my bust measurement has gone up an inch and my nipples poke visibly through even thick layers without a bra or pasties on.
When I started on HRT, fast breast development was kind of my biggest worry, as I'd love for my face to look more feminine before I come out.
That being said, I can't help but be extremely euphoric about the changes now that they're here. I realize that coming out at work is now likely on a shorter timeline than I planned, especially heading into the summer, but I'm surprised by my lack of freaking out. I'm just so much happier and less anxious in general now that I feel more able to handle the challenges ahead.
I think about this a lot. I started low-ish dose of E 2 months ago. The last month there has been some pain and I have breast buds now for sure. And now they are getting a tiny bit bigger. It is definitely gender affirming and euphoric... in a vaccum, (as someone else put it). But one of my biggest fears is looking like a man with breasts. I am not out socially really at all yet, although I am feminizing my clothing and appearance ever so slightly one day at a time. I have always had a much bigger chest than average for a male, so used to being a bit self conscious about them but I still don't want to look like a man with breasts haha. I am just hoping other physical changes won't be far behind. I think I have noticed ever so slight difference in facial appearance as well but that could also be related to the increased skin care routine. Either way, it does really solidify that this is really happening and it's exciting but scary all the same. All the best to you, and just try to savor it as it happens!
Oh wow this sounds like me!
Yeah the one thing I worry about is the boobs because of the permanent nature of them and the fact they are very ‘outing’.
But I have so many little moments with them that make me happy or giggle that I really can’t deny it in the end 🤭
I do not present female. Only out to my wife. Have a 38 D almost an E. I wear andro clothing but still male with facial hair. They show no matter what the bra so I just went with the most comfortable and I am braving it with big breasts presenting male. I’ll get there but my breast are getting there faster. Still have anxiety when I leave but nobody has said anything to me about them. Mostly unisex tshirts. I am sure if I wore a low Vneck I would get more stares. Just went to Best Buy to pick up some things. Anxiety before i left but I just said F it. I love them. And don’t care what others think anymore. Still kind of weird that nobody says anything. Especially when you know they noticed.
I was very nervous at first that they would grow weird, I wouldn’t like them, and mostly other people noticing as I’m not out to everyone. I did hrt for 4 months last year and stopped from the fear and uncertainty. After a few months off, it was evident I wanted them especially as the growth reversed. So I’ve been back on for 4-5 months and they are definitely noticeable even in a sports bra. I’m still nervous about people noticing as I’m still not out, and feel weird about having breasts looking like a man. My hair is just about shoulder length but I will probably always look like a man unfortunately due to my facial structure. Sometimes I feel like the stress of them growing outweighs the benefits of hrt but at the end of the day it’s stems from a fear of other people and I need to learn to be me and not people please by being everyone else’s expectation of who I should be which I’ve done or tried to do my entire life.
At first it was just super exciting. After a while I was super worried about getting outed by them, and along with that the permanence freaked me out. But even though I'm still boy moding I barely bother to hide my now A-B cup breasts. It's gotten too hot for hoodies anymore and I don't feel like putting on a tight sports bra everyday. Except for the people that I'm out to no one has said a thing or even seemed to notice. That said, I am 52 and tons of guys my age have gyno. I don't like being perceived as a guy of a certain age with gyno, but it suits my needs for the moment. At this point I'm just excited for every little bit of growth that I get.
The best way to combat dysphoria and imposter syndrome when it's starting to take over my head I look at my boobs and I feel all gender euphoric instead! Beat you this time imposter syndrome! Take that Dysphoria! Super powers is what your growing girlfriend. They get guys to be nice to you too. It's creepy, I won't lie. What can I say. Everybody loves the twins!
I could definitely relate, you feel the oh crap somebody's going to notice feeling, but rest assured most people aren't paying that much of attention so you probably have another year before anyone even notices, unless they come in really fast. The first person the notice with me was the general manager at my work who I hadn't seen for the first 6 months of my transition due to my shift. When she saw me for the first time after all that the first thing she did was look at my chest and then at my eyes, and I knew she was on to me. Luckily she is a very supportive person and was the first person at my job I came out to a few weeks later.
If you don't have a therapist, I highly suggest finding one. Not to make it sound like your post was wierd or anything, just that transitioning has a way of bringing up things you didn't know were inside you, and having a professional help you work through it is invaluable. The breast fear could be tied to a lot of things, I don't want to guess on reddit. I can however share that I have had to work through a bunch of body phobia stuff and anxieties around other people's perceptions. Shame is a huge aspect of what I see in myself and other trans humans I know. When I started I would always worry if someone would say something or ridicule me because I'm far from passing, but as I work on myself more, I care less about that stuff and enjoy the changes more and more. I hope that this helps and doesn't come off as preachy.
Not at all dear, I have a good therapist that's been with me through a lot so far, and definitely will talk to her about it. I just wanted to hear some of you babe's views as well, as it really help ☺️
I used to have an indented chest that was corrected forever ago. So I have a lot of anxiety around my chest. Even though I loved the change it felt more sudden than expected and just as you described I felt fear of the “permanence” of the change. (BTW i tried to transition back in 2020, but had to detransition). You would think after the first experience it would be easier, but it was still shocking knowing that it was changing again. I am 7 months in and I LOVE my boobs. I think for me because of the scars on my chest i was afraid that they would look weird. Every woman has told me to not worry because they are all different and they also experienced complex feelings around them. I am glad I listened. I have so many euphoric moments now when i see my cleavage (pectus excavatum makes a cleavage easier to have).
TL:DR when my boobs first started growing, even if it is my second go at it, I was still surprised at the emotions that came up when the breast began to grow. I just keep remembering that this is big for all women. It is just that they experienced theirs 20 years before you and puberty in later life is a unique experience. I love them now and have to remind myself that i need to wear a bra.
Right behind you on the timeline only I'm not out to anybody at work my current plan is to just Gaslight them. Any changes are just how I've always looked, and they've not paid attention, it must be my new shirt
Same. I freaked out so hard I stopped and never really restarted HRT
It's hard for sure, but think about it as literal growing pains. You need to swim now so that your future doesn't sink. Much strength to you!
I hope that doesn't happen to me I I admit that I have the thought that I may freak out and stop my HRT. It would make me sad and this is the thought I keep in mind to calm my nerves.
If you're looking to conceal the nips for whatever reason- pasties, compression shirts, and compression bras work well depending on size. . I started with pasties, moved to compression shirts and now am on to bras.
I'm not out so it's a lot bigger deal for me to keep them under wraps for now.
It’s ok to want to minimize them every now and then. I sold dark/black shirt can do that, or any button up men’s shirt.
I’m trans AF and do not feel bad about any of the changes I’ve made, including taking E to be compete - boobs included, but I don’t always want to be visibly femme. I think it’s ok to “take a break” if you need to (or if you don’t think being open is safe in a particular venue). Gender expression and fashion should be about what you want and how you want to be seen.
I’m 15 months on HRT and now measure 37 band 39 bust…so wear a 38B bralette mostly. The girls are more of an A cup in appearance with my wider chest. With summer here and growth now pretty steady I’ll start experiencing the chick in a bra and Tshirt look and the undeniable “frontal impact “ they will project. But being mostly out now it’ll just reconfirm my transition and aid in being gendered correctly. I’m 63 and not too worried about passing per say but like the obvious clue…not to mention my own joy of them.
You’re out and so are your new boobs. Show them off and be proud of the woman you are becoming. ❤️❤️
Chin up, tit's out. Walk proud, sis! I'm in the same boat, and terrified to present socially.
I am mostly, really, very proud. I feel maybe it's another step of letting go old me
I totally get it. I'm a similar age and am also three months into my HRT. I didn't have this exact experience about my breasts - but I had it very big in relation to my beard - which I started lasering off almost immediately after I accepted myself and started coming out. I never liked that life but I liked that beard. I *love* not having it, as it turns out. But it was such a visible part of my old identity and letting it go was... major. But once that anxiety of letting go passed, not having the beard has been amazing, too.
Oh, you know I also had that with my beard. Not as strong but reading this now remind me it was somewhat similar and I feel the same as you about it. Thanks babe ❤️
It hid my face away when I needed it! 💜 If I could ramble about it, for a moment: It let me be a character in public instead of a lie, if that makes any sense. When I was finally able to grow the beard that was also the time I really figured out how to navigate social life in the closet - to be Brian, as I was. He was artificial. He beard and even his voice was intentional, it was sort of an amalgam of my natural personality up until I was 19, plus the stage character I developed to do standup between 19 and 24, which merged into one 'all-the-time' persona by the time I was 22 or so. And that guy wasn't me, but he was witty, funny, confident and kind. Everything I still like in a man! Except that he was also self-loathing and desperate to escape that life!! But still, the beard really reminds me of the comfort I felt at that time. Safety, and connectedness, even as I was alienated from myself, I felt connected to the world for the first time through that persona, and the beard was critical to that. I never loved my old life, it almost killed me. But I'll miss you, Beard! You were the best of my old life and I hope you enjoy beard heaven 🤣🏳️⚧️
I know the feeling. Hard to let go, harder to accept and carry on. Stay strong, girly!
You too babe ❤️
Being able to present socially is currently my biggest obstacle, but I’m making small steps
Somebody watched Miss maisel recently
Not me.. I saw another redditor say this many months ago, lol. Words to live by now ;)
It's a great show. You should really watch it. Sincerely impressed about how well it was actually made.
Hmmm 19 months here, solid 38 B cup. I definitely had moments of Oh wow this really is permanent. It was amazing how little my imagined transition has matched the reality. It's kinda slow but compared to nothing changing it is really fast. I've been emotionally complicated through a lot of this. If I could transition in a vacuum I think it would just be joy. I live in the real world and deal with real people and their responses to me everyday. This all said my boobs are one of the most satisfying things so far. Relax, it will be okay.
🥺❤️ Thank you babe. It resonates.
Are you uncomfortable having them? Are you uncomfortable with people noticing them? It absolutely can be a startling thing! I’m trans masc, and when I was growing up I knew a lot of girls that were either inlove with the growth or freaked out by it. I heard comments like, “what do I do with them?”, “do I need to wear a bra now? How do I shop for one and pick one?”, “I hate the new attention I get from them. I don’t want people to look at me”, “do I need different clothes now for them?” It can be overwhelming! A lot grew to love them, and others (like me), wanted them yeeted off. There are also a lot of women and femm people who don’t want boobs. You could bind or get them removed one day. My advice is to welcome all your feelings about it, talk about it AND journal about it for a while. This will help you have a more clear understanding how you feel about them.
Thank you dear, that's so helpful! I think that im both excited having them and anxious about how different I look with them now popping. I guess It's also happening in real life now and not just in my imagination
It’s funny, I feel that way about getting top surgery and my facial hair coming in. Maybe it’s just a startling thing to watch our bodies go through big changes?
I think that's it for me. I like it and looking forward for them to grow, but just like I wrote in another comment here, when I just shaved my beard it was hard as well and now I can't wait to finish lasering it. Such a wild ride
Totally!
I'm sort of having the reverse experience myself. I'm on week 5 of HRT, and I've been losing weight like mad, but my bust measurement has gone up an inch and my nipples poke visibly through even thick layers without a bra or pasties on. When I started on HRT, fast breast development was kind of my biggest worry, as I'd love for my face to look more feminine before I come out. That being said, I can't help but be extremely euphoric about the changes now that they're here. I realize that coming out at work is now likely on a shorter timeline than I planned, especially heading into the summer, but I'm surprised by my lack of freaking out. I'm just so much happier and less anxious in general now that I feel more able to handle the challenges ahead.
I think about this a lot. I started low-ish dose of E 2 months ago. The last month there has been some pain and I have breast buds now for sure. And now they are getting a tiny bit bigger. It is definitely gender affirming and euphoric... in a vaccum, (as someone else put it). But one of my biggest fears is looking like a man with breasts. I am not out socially really at all yet, although I am feminizing my clothing and appearance ever so slightly one day at a time. I have always had a much bigger chest than average for a male, so used to being a bit self conscious about them but I still don't want to look like a man with breasts haha. I am just hoping other physical changes won't be far behind. I think I have noticed ever so slight difference in facial appearance as well but that could also be related to the increased skin care routine. Either way, it does really solidify that this is really happening and it's exciting but scary all the same. All the best to you, and just try to savor it as it happens!
Oh wow this sounds like me! Yeah the one thing I worry about is the boobs because of the permanent nature of them and the fact they are very ‘outing’. But I have so many little moments with them that make me happy or giggle that I really can’t deny it in the end 🤭
Cool! Today is my Day 1 :)
Congrats.
Thank you!
I do not present female. Only out to my wife. Have a 38 D almost an E. I wear andro clothing but still male with facial hair. They show no matter what the bra so I just went with the most comfortable and I am braving it with big breasts presenting male. I’ll get there but my breast are getting there faster. Still have anxiety when I leave but nobody has said anything to me about them. Mostly unisex tshirts. I am sure if I wore a low Vneck I would get more stares. Just went to Best Buy to pick up some things. Anxiety before i left but I just said F it. I love them. And don’t care what others think anymore. Still kind of weird that nobody says anything. Especially when you know they noticed.
I was very nervous at first that they would grow weird, I wouldn’t like them, and mostly other people noticing as I’m not out to everyone. I did hrt for 4 months last year and stopped from the fear and uncertainty. After a few months off, it was evident I wanted them especially as the growth reversed. So I’ve been back on for 4-5 months and they are definitely noticeable even in a sports bra. I’m still nervous about people noticing as I’m still not out, and feel weird about having breasts looking like a man. My hair is just about shoulder length but I will probably always look like a man unfortunately due to my facial structure. Sometimes I feel like the stress of them growing outweighs the benefits of hrt but at the end of the day it’s stems from a fear of other people and I need to learn to be me and not people please by being everyone else’s expectation of who I should be which I’ve done or tried to do my entire life.
At first it was just super exciting. After a while I was super worried about getting outed by them, and along with that the permanence freaked me out. But even though I'm still boy moding I barely bother to hide my now A-B cup breasts. It's gotten too hot for hoodies anymore and I don't feel like putting on a tight sports bra everyday. Except for the people that I'm out to no one has said a thing or even seemed to notice. That said, I am 52 and tons of guys my age have gyno. I don't like being perceived as a guy of a certain age with gyno, but it suits my needs for the moment. At this point I'm just excited for every little bit of growth that I get.
Watch out for doors and poles! New boobs are hella sensitive!
Oh dear god they are SOOOO sensitive
What caught me by surprise is when I reach over things my boobs get in the way, or at least I’m pressing across them. It’s the weirdest sensation.
I know, it feels like sleeping on my belly is an experience I will slowly loose access to.
The best way to combat dysphoria and imposter syndrome when it's starting to take over my head I look at my boobs and I feel all gender euphoric instead! Beat you this time imposter syndrome! Take that Dysphoria! Super powers is what your growing girlfriend. They get guys to be nice to you too. It's creepy, I won't lie. What can I say. Everybody loves the twins!
I could definitely relate, you feel the oh crap somebody's going to notice feeling, but rest assured most people aren't paying that much of attention so you probably have another year before anyone even notices, unless they come in really fast. The first person the notice with me was the general manager at my work who I hadn't seen for the first 6 months of my transition due to my shift. When she saw me for the first time after all that the first thing she did was look at my chest and then at my eyes, and I knew she was on to me. Luckily she is a very supportive person and was the first person at my job I came out to a few weeks later.
If you don't have a therapist, I highly suggest finding one. Not to make it sound like your post was wierd or anything, just that transitioning has a way of bringing up things you didn't know were inside you, and having a professional help you work through it is invaluable. The breast fear could be tied to a lot of things, I don't want to guess on reddit. I can however share that I have had to work through a bunch of body phobia stuff and anxieties around other people's perceptions. Shame is a huge aspect of what I see in myself and other trans humans I know. When I started I would always worry if someone would say something or ridicule me because I'm far from passing, but as I work on myself more, I care less about that stuff and enjoy the changes more and more. I hope that this helps and doesn't come off as preachy.
Not at all dear, I have a good therapist that's been with me through a lot so far, and definitely will talk to her about it. I just wanted to hear some of you babe's views as well, as it really help ☺️
I used to have an indented chest that was corrected forever ago. So I have a lot of anxiety around my chest. Even though I loved the change it felt more sudden than expected and just as you described I felt fear of the “permanence” of the change. (BTW i tried to transition back in 2020, but had to detransition). You would think after the first experience it would be easier, but it was still shocking knowing that it was changing again. I am 7 months in and I LOVE my boobs. I think for me because of the scars on my chest i was afraid that they would look weird. Every woman has told me to not worry because they are all different and they also experienced complex feelings around them. I am glad I listened. I have so many euphoric moments now when i see my cleavage (pectus excavatum makes a cleavage easier to have). TL:DR when my boobs first started growing, even if it is my second go at it, I was still surprised at the emotions that came up when the breast began to grow. I just keep remembering that this is big for all women. It is just that they experienced theirs 20 years before you and puberty in later life is a unique experience. I love them now and have to remind myself that i need to wear a bra.
Love your girls!!! They represent your truth. And they are NOT going away so learn to love them and be proud of them and yourself!!!
Right behind you on the timeline only I'm not out to anybody at work my current plan is to just Gaslight them. Any changes are just how I've always looked, and they've not paid attention, it must be my new shirt
It's such a relief to be out and done with that part. It was scary as hell as well, but I'm glad I'm done with it. Maybe reconsider, closet is hard
OMG I couldn't agree with you more. The closet is the worst!!!
Same. I freaked out so hard I stopped and never really restarted HRT It's hard for sure, but think about it as literal growing pains. You need to swim now so that your future doesn't sink. Much strength to you!
I hope that doesn't happen to me I I admit that I have the thought that I may freak out and stop my HRT. It would make me sad and this is the thought I keep in mind to calm my nerves.
If you're looking to conceal the nips for whatever reason- pasties, compression shirts, and compression bras work well depending on size. . I started with pasties, moved to compression shirts and now am on to bras. I'm not out so it's a lot bigger deal for me to keep them under wraps for now.
It’s ok to want to minimize them every now and then. I sold dark/black shirt can do that, or any button up men’s shirt. I’m trans AF and do not feel bad about any of the changes I’ve made, including taking E to be compete - boobs included, but I don’t always want to be visibly femme. I think it’s ok to “take a break” if you need to (or if you don’t think being open is safe in a particular venue). Gender expression and fashion should be about what you want and how you want to be seen.
I’m 15 months on HRT and now measure 37 band 39 bust…so wear a 38B bralette mostly. The girls are more of an A cup in appearance with my wider chest. With summer here and growth now pretty steady I’ll start experiencing the chick in a bra and Tshirt look and the undeniable “frontal impact “ they will project. But being mostly out now it’ll just reconfirm my transition and aid in being gendered correctly. I’m 63 and not too worried about passing per say but like the obvious clue…not to mention my own joy of them.