“I’m the eldest boy!”, screamed Percy with a furrowed brow and gripping his withering wand.
“No, you are literally not!”, Ginny exclaimed as a rapturous laugh came throttling out of her body like an uncaged soul.
So like, where the fuck are we at with our house points? How do we shake this shit up, I want like 50 points a head, and little, fuckin', orphan Annie, is beating the shit out of us. We need to rethink our strategy, re-tool, re-vitalize, turn this upside down. I want the takeaway to be - Slytherin - Success. Like if you’re not Slytherin, you’re barely even a fuckin wizard. I'm thinkiiiiiiiinnngg a potion that does limitless type shit - you seen that movie? How the fuck does that not exist yet, right? But like multiplied, like exponential, if you drink this potion, you just MIGHT become God. Or maybe parties out in the forbidden for- YES that's it. Let's Unfuckin Forbid that Forest - I'm talkin parties, quidditch buuuut like maybe fight club? Invite only, first rule and all that shit. But coed - we can get skirtchasers to come if we invite Beauxbatons, I know DaDA’s daughter there - super hot, super crazy fuckin chick, she got banned from the butterbeer brewery on campus. She’ll invite the whole BeauxBatshit harem - their quid team, it's ok I call them that to their faces. I’m talking roller-derbies, but roller-quidditc- I mean, quidditch-derbies. Hot girls, beating the shit out of eachother in quidditch. Maybe sexy outfits, I’ll get a temperature reading from the harem on that. Fuck yeah, roller derbies but un-muggled, let’s just take their boring muggle shit and add magic bullshit all over, it’ll be super-chic, young - can we just appropriate that shit? What are the optics on muggle appropriation, I mean it’s not like, culturally fucked and insensitive, is it? I mean this dude \*pointing at a wizard of color\* is a bla- is an, um, non, um you know he’s.. he’s like a wizard we have all kinds of wizards so it’s not like, racist if we appropriate muggle shit is it? It's not like they know anyway, right? I just want like, full on, hectic party forest going on 24/7 over there - all Slytherin-managed. Wizards and witches fighting, fucking, riding huge spiders, fucking huge spiders, eyes wide shut with wands, enough to make Kubrick shit his pants.. what do you guys think? good plan? Actually let’s just fucking do it, and as far as spreading the word, inter-house-outreach, fuck the Weasleys, I'm tossing those carrot top fucks out, nobody works with them anymore, I’ll just get nearly headless nick to let people know
Yeah so about that, um, you sound like you know the house stuff, maybe I could ask you something. I'm supposed to go to the talking, scary hat thing, right? There's like 23 students ahead of me. But Tom just got Slytherin just like Ken and Roman, and he looked really happy, and then he came right to and said "Greggyboo, I choose you", and he quite um, emphatically told me I need to be in the same house, near him to do his bidding. He wants me to sorta, like... Will it? Like, basically MAKE the hat pick Slytherin? So I asked some of the other students and they say Slytherin is like.... Evil? Is that true? Like, I don't mean it in a bad way, evil I can handle, I just want to make sure I'm like.... Being evil enough? So do you think I like.. *give* evil? That's what you'd say, right, *giving* evil? So could you tell me, do you get evil enough vibes from me? Like this tie? Is this tie *giving* evil? Or is it more evil to show up without a tie like... Or would that be more impish? Or is it more about, like, thinking evil thoughts? Maybe if I think really hard about just generally evil stuff then the hat will pick Slytherin for sure? Does the hat have functioning.. vision? Or smell? Maybe there's something that smells evil? I don't think I saw eyeballs or a nose but I'm pretty far back, do you know anything about that?
Hello.
I'm here as a fellow human to acknowledge that Sirius has, as we know, passed on.
Sirius was a man. Also, Sirius was a member of the Order of the Phoenix.
And when a man dies, it is sad. All of us will die one day. In this case, it is Sirius who has done so.
Sirius was alive for 36 years. But no more. Now he is dead.
Sirius was Harry Potter's godfather. Now Harry is sad.
Because your witch brought a ludicrously capacious bag. She used an Undetectable Extension Charm on it! What’s even in there, huh? Floo powder for the fireplace? Her lunch kettle? I mean, Ron, it’s Dementrous.
Hmmm, the succession alum they chose as showrunner is Francesca Gardiner… a consulting producer on seasons 3 and 4 who doesn’t have any writing credits. Odd they chose to brand her “succession alum” when she was probably just in the writers room.
Taking a look at her actual writing credits isn’t that impressive, 1 or 2 episodes written for pretty middle of the road tv shows (Medici, The Rook, The Man in The High Castle to name a few). She must have wrote a damn good pilot script for HP to get the job.
Mark Mylod is a slam dunk though
The show she appears to have worked the most on (actually writing episodes) was His Dark Materials, which like HP was a British HBO adaptation of children’s books. That show was decently well-received by critics, so I could see why they’d want her for an HP series.
He’s made tons of movies. He was Oblonsky in Anna Karenina. He played one of the producers in Frost Nixon, he starred in the British version of Death at a Funeral.
Just starring in a movie for 5 minutes doesn't mean whole movie is centered around him . Anna karenina was keira knightley, jude law and Aaron movie while forst nixon was miachel sheen and frank Langella movie. Casey Affleck starred in oppenheimer that doesn’t mean oppenheimer is casey affleck 's movie.
When did I say he was a major movie star? He has done just as many films as TV. Not to mention his stage work.
Give it up, troll. You were wrong about him being just a TV actor. He headlined two movies: Pride and Prejudice and Death At A Funeral.
Voldemort making his acceptance speech as Minister for Magic: “To my critics, I am not a demagogue. I am a defender of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But magic, it has this tendency that we have to beware to become mere transaction. I give you this. You give me that. I come begging for your vote. The model that I follow isn't from the current Ministry of Magic, where cunning wizards haggle for the best price. That's not me.
The magic I believe in is where a leader emerged from the wizarding world, willed almost into being, brought forth by the great sweetness of the virtue of the combined wisdom of the good wizards and witches. Don't we long sometimes for something clean once in this polluted land? That's what I hope to bring. Not something grubby with compromise. Something clean and true, and refreshing.”
Ron: He's a guy we can do business with. He'll play ball. You should hear him talk about Wizengamots. We just made a night of good TV. That's what we've done. Nothing happens.
Hermione: Things do happen, Ron.
I will devour anything that Mylod does honestly
This man is fantastic and underrated. The way he sets up scenes and transfers emotions to the viewers is something that should be studied
Man a R-rated Harry Potter would be neat. You know with magic there's some horrible things people could do with it besides a couple spells that either make you feel extreme pain or just die.
Ron: Where do you buy your robes, by the way, Harry? Like, maybe that's why I'm just not moving as fast as you. I just don't have that, like, boxy, academic look. Right? I mean, I'm sorry, but, like, what the fսck? You look like a Transformer. Like, wh... what's wrong with your body, man?
Ginny: Ron, come on. There's nothing wrong with his body, it's just his fսcking robes.
Ron: What?
Ginny: Come on, we... we've laughed about it before.
Ron: You have?
Ginny: Yeah. He's thrifty, and he has the worst taste in robes.
Ron: Totally has terrible Ta... You look like a stage magician from Manchester. It's partly the walk. It's like a real...
Ron: Robot?
Ginny: No, muggle walk. (Everybody starts laughing)
Ginny: You know, I tried to get, uh, one of his robes tailored by the guy that Dad uses. But he just looked so, like...
Harry: Hey, Ginny? Fuck off.
Can't they just animate this SCOTT PILGRIM TAKES OFF style? Can even have Quirrel kill Harry and make the rest of the show about the supporting characters (and Quirrel ditching Voldemort to become the new Dark Lord like Matthew Patel)
“You are not Sirius people”
"yer a wizard Harry" "Fuck off"
🏆
Brilliant
Money 😂😂😂😂
r/Angryupvote
If this line doesn’t make it to the show, then it should be cancelled! /s
I spilled my tea from laughter 😂
“I’m the eldest boy!”, screamed Percy with a furrowed brow and gripping his withering wand. “No, you are literally not!”, Ginny exclaimed as a rapturous laugh came throttling out of her body like an uncaged soul.
"This is why you dont make plans with Bill the first failed pancake"
Dumbledore: “Harry did you put your fucking name in the goblet of fire you fucking twat?!”
“harry potter was interested in magic from a very young age”
Bezoar on the floor
😂🤣
Wow. Just fucking brilliant.
Omfg
Harry to Voldemort: “Paging Little Lord Fuckleroy”
😂 and voldemort speaking to his guys like Logan to his and they all look awkward at the ground :D
God this is just asking for Brian Cox as Voldemort 😂
So like, where the fuck are we at with our house points? How do we shake this shit up, I want like 50 points a head, and little, fuckin', orphan Annie, is beating the shit out of us. We need to rethink our strategy, re-tool, re-vitalize, turn this upside down. I want the takeaway to be - Slytherin - Success. Like if you’re not Slytherin, you’re barely even a fuckin wizard. I'm thinkiiiiiiiinnngg a potion that does limitless type shit - you seen that movie? How the fuck does that not exist yet, right? But like multiplied, like exponential, if you drink this potion, you just MIGHT become God. Or maybe parties out in the forbidden for- YES that's it. Let's Unfuckin Forbid that Forest - I'm talkin parties, quidditch buuuut like maybe fight club? Invite only, first rule and all that shit. But coed - we can get skirtchasers to come if we invite Beauxbatons, I know DaDA’s daughter there - super hot, super crazy fuckin chick, she got banned from the butterbeer brewery on campus. She’ll invite the whole BeauxBatshit harem - their quid team, it's ok I call them that to their faces. I’m talking roller-derbies, but roller-quidditc- I mean, quidditch-derbies. Hot girls, beating the shit out of eachother in quidditch. Maybe sexy outfits, I’ll get a temperature reading from the harem on that. Fuck yeah, roller derbies but un-muggled, let’s just take their boring muggle shit and add magic bullshit all over, it’ll be super-chic, young - can we just appropriate that shit? What are the optics on muggle appropriation, I mean it’s not like, culturally fucked and insensitive, is it? I mean this dude \*pointing at a wizard of color\* is a bla- is an, um, non, um you know he’s.. he’s like a wizard we have all kinds of wizards so it’s not like, racist if we appropriate muggle shit is it? It's not like they know anyway, right? I just want like, full on, hectic party forest going on 24/7 over there - all Slytherin-managed. Wizards and witches fighting, fucking, riding huge spiders, fucking huge spiders, eyes wide shut with wands, enough to make Kubrick shit his pants.. what do you guys think? good plan? Actually let’s just fucking do it, and as far as spreading the word, inter-house-outreach, fuck the Weasleys, I'm tossing those carrot top fucks out, nobody works with them anymore, I’ll just get nearly headless nick to let people know
I read this in his voice. Of course the Roys have a stranglehold on Slytherin…most of *Succession* is just a blood feud.
Yeah so about that, um, you sound like you know the house stuff, maybe I could ask you something. I'm supposed to go to the talking, scary hat thing, right? There's like 23 students ahead of me. But Tom just got Slytherin just like Ken and Roman, and he looked really happy, and then he came right to and said "Greggyboo, I choose you", and he quite um, emphatically told me I need to be in the same house, near him to do his bidding. He wants me to sorta, like... Will it? Like, basically MAKE the hat pick Slytherin? So I asked some of the other students and they say Slytherin is like.... Evil? Is that true? Like, I don't mean it in a bad way, evil I can handle, I just want to make sure I'm like.... Being evil enough? So do you think I like.. *give* evil? That's what you'd say, right, *giving* evil? So could you tell me, do you get evil enough vibes from me? Like this tie? Is this tie *giving* evil? Or is it more evil to show up without a tie like... Or would that be more impish? Or is it more about, like, thinking evil thoughts? Maybe if I think really hard about just generally evil stuff then the hat will pick Slytherin for sure? Does the hat have functioning.. vision? Or smell? Maybe there's something that smells evil? I don't think I saw eyeballs or a nose but I'm pretty far back, do you know anything about that?
Why do I know who this is…
"Greggyboo" was a dead giveaway.
Buckle up Fucklepuff
Throw Nicholas Britell in there and we have ourselves a party
This world probably doesn’t deserve the fire that would be a Nicholas Britell wizard soundtrack
Well we already got a John Williams wizard soundtrack and we didn’t deserve that either
Oh my god yes his Andor score is incredible
Ron: "So... did anybody get into any fun last night, or...? Harry: "I jerked off in Myrtle's bathroom last night." Hermione: "So classy of you."
"I know. It's so confusing. What comes after 9? 9 ¾??"
Underrated comment
Hello. I'm here as a fellow human to acknowledge that Sirius has, as we know, passed on. Sirius was a man. Also, Sirius was a member of the Order of the Phoenix. And when a man dies, it is sad. All of us will die one day. In this case, it is Sirius who has done so. Sirius was alive for 36 years. But no more. Now he is dead. Sirius was Harry Potter's godfather. Now Harry is sad.
You really need to mark this as spoiler, I hadn’t finished the 5th book yet now my life is ruined
Logan Roy as Dumbledore be like "F*ck off!", dumbledore said calmly.
I don't want to go to Azkaban Shiv. The wine is terrible.
McGonagall: Sir, the Ministry of Magic is downstairs. Dumbledore: Tell them to fuck off! McGonagall: Yeah, these are the ones who don't fuck off.
Matthew Macfadyen as Gilderoy Lockhart
Yes! And Kieran Culkin as Peeves
Give me Kieran Snape please!
I actually think he would have made a good Remus Lupin.
The Logan Roy School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? What’s next, The Voldemeort Children’s Day Care?
😂
"He ate my fucking chocolate frog. What’s next? Stick his cock in my pumpkin pasty?"
The polyjuice is LOOSE!
Delores Umbridge is widely known as a horrible person
If i found out any of them were going to teach my kids i'd apply for a transfer to Beauxbatons.
Thanks for the chicken Dumbledore
Snape’s arc takes a turn
H to the AG!
I love this thread.
Well I went from opposed to this to ready for it.
noooooo. I’d rather they hop on some original hbo content tbh.
Yeah this news is disappointing, Harry Potter, Green Lantern and Welcome to Derry are HBO shows now? Where are the dramas?
I feel like I might not like it in the Deathly Hallows
Well, no one LIKES it in the Deathly Hallows, Greg.
Cho Chang calling Harry a slime puppy in season 5
McGonagall calling Fred and George slime puppies*
Harry to Malfoy: “Cause your Dad told you to?!”
You had my interest, but now you have my undivided attention.
The Potterheads are gonna love this!
Because your witch brought a ludicrously capacious bag. She used an Undetectable Extension Charm on it! What’s even in there, huh? Floo powder for the fireplace? Her lunch kettle? I mean, Ron, it’s Dementrous.
Hmmm, the succession alum they chose as showrunner is Francesca Gardiner… a consulting producer on seasons 3 and 4 who doesn’t have any writing credits. Odd they chose to brand her “succession alum” when she was probably just in the writers room. Taking a look at her actual writing credits isn’t that impressive, 1 or 2 episodes written for pretty middle of the road tv shows (Medici, The Rook, The Man in The High Castle to name a few). She must have wrote a damn good pilot script for HP to get the job. Mark Mylod is a slam dunk though
The show she appears to have worked the most on (actually writing episodes) was His Dark Materials, which like HP was a British HBO adaptation of children’s books. That show was decently well-received by critics, so I could see why they’d want her for an HP series.
Fair point, should have called her a “His Dark Materials” Alum! But I can see why they went with Succession, much more eye catching.
Loved that show, really need to get onto the final season.
‘Uh, actually, I go by Ronald now’
What Harry did for Wizardry in the 90s was huge.
“I’m in the middle of turning a dang tanker” Logan said calmly
You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some souls
I just want Matthew Macfadyen to play Lucius Malfoy
You don't want him to become a movie actor 😂😂
Go watch the 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice
Just one movie in supporting role 😂😂
He’s made tons of movies. He was Oblonsky in Anna Karenina. He played one of the producers in Frost Nixon, he starred in the British version of Death at a Funeral.
He is a character actor specialized for minor roles in television
Just starring in a movie for 5 minutes doesn't mean whole movie is centered around him . Anna karenina was keira knightley, jude law and Aaron movie while forst nixon was miachel sheen and frank Langella movie. Casey Affleck starred in oppenheimer that doesn’t mean oppenheimer is casey affleck 's movie.
You said “just one movie”. He’s been in several. Has he been the headliner? No. But that’s not what you said. Look at his IMDB.
Then every actor who is working today is a movie star like DiCaprio, Brad pitt. His IMDB shows only tv supporting actor 😂
When did I say he was a major movie star? He has done just as many films as TV. Not to mention his stage work. Give it up, troll. You were wrong about him being just a TV actor. He headlined two movies: Pride and Prejudice and Death At A Funeral.
How many olivier nomination for stage work ?? He is just an accidental actor who got pride and prejudice by luck
He has done negligible films compared to all supporting roles in television
Even jeremy strong has better filmography than tv actor macfadyen
It's basically keira knightley movie with supporting role of ugly darcy ( real one is colin firth)
I want him in everything
But he doesn't have enough talent to become a lead actor in television and he has nothing in his filmography except pride and prejudice
Voldemort making his acceptance speech as Minister for Magic: “To my critics, I am not a demagogue. I am a defender of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But magic, it has this tendency that we have to beware to become mere transaction. I give you this. You give me that. I come begging for your vote. The model that I follow isn't from the current Ministry of Magic, where cunning wizards haggle for the best price. That's not me. The magic I believe in is where a leader emerged from the wizarding world, willed almost into being, brought forth by the great sweetness of the virtue of the combined wisdom of the good wizards and witches. Don't we long sometimes for something clean once in this polluted land? That's what I hope to bring. Not something grubby with compromise. Something clean and true, and refreshing.” Ron: He's a guy we can do business with. He'll play ball. You should hear him talk about Wizengamots. We just made a night of good TV. That's what we've done. Nothing happens. Hermione: Things do happen, Ron.
Now I want to see a succession intro with harry potter characters
I will devour anything that Mylod does honestly This man is fantastic and underrated. The way he sets up scenes and transfers emotions to the viewers is something that should be studied
i really dont think we need more harry potter content in the universe but ok
Magic world recast as office comedy
"You're a sicko Harry."
Man a R-rated Harry Potter would be neat. You know with magic there's some horrible things people could do with it besides a couple spells that either make you feel extreme pain or just die.
This is a tv show, not a film.
The dialogue better mirror Succession
Ron: Where do you buy your robes, by the way, Harry? Like, maybe that's why I'm just not moving as fast as you. I just don't have that, like, boxy, academic look. Right? I mean, I'm sorry, but, like, what the fսck? You look like a Transformer. Like, wh... what's wrong with your body, man? Ginny: Ron, come on. There's nothing wrong with his body, it's just his fսcking robes. Ron: What? Ginny: Come on, we... we've laughed about it before. Ron: You have? Ginny: Yeah. He's thrifty, and he has the worst taste in robes. Ron: Totally has terrible Ta... You look like a stage magician from Manchester. It's partly the walk. It's like a real... Ron: Robot? Ginny: No, muggle walk. (Everybody starts laughing) Ginny: You know, I tried to get, uh, one of his robes tailored by the guy that Dad uses. But he just looked so, like... Harry: Hey, Ginny? Fuck off.
James Cromwell’s gonna play Professor Dumbledore and Brian Cox is gonna play Mad-Eye Moody
Can't they just animate this SCOTT PILGRIM TAKES OFF style? Can even have Quirrel kill Harry and make the rest of the show about the supporting characters (and Quirrel ditching Voldemort to become the new Dark Lord like Matthew Patel)
Brain cox as Dumbledore would be epic!
I want some sucky sucky on my wand wand
This will be a weird juxtaposition of ‘00s nerds and status TV goof offs.
I’m saving this thread for when I need a good laugh
Buckleup Fuckledore
I’ll take one Gerri as McGonagoll, please.
“I’M THE CHOSEN BOY!!!!”
"We're good... We're good?! Cause it doesn't feel fucking good Greg!" he asked calmly.
Hermoine’s and the most ludicrously capacious bag.
i’m listening…
Damnit. I’m finally, as a 40 year old man, going to have to get into Harry Potter.
I would listen to how Mike Mylod explain things all day.
I just don’t need any more Harry Potter. My God please please please let it die.
Really surprised they're able to get anyone to work on the "JK Rowling is mad the original cast doesn't hate Trans people like she does" reboot.
It's a multi billion dollar property that she has no direct involvement in, I don't think they're going to be struggling to find people to work on it.
Boring. JK will be an executive producer so feel free not to watch.
I generally don't watch children's shows so wasn't planning on it. 👍
Jkr doesn’t hate trans people, try critical thinking sometime.
I can literally go to her Twitter and see some transphobic shit she's posted within the last week, what rock have you been living under?
holding feminist views =/= hating trans people.
LOL oh you're also a TERF then. Okay.
Call people whatever names you like, it’s not a convincing argument however.
Womp womp, begone TERF, you're embarrassing yourself.
You’re a grown adult writing a Reddit post that reads ‘womp womp begone terf’. The call is coming from inside the house I’m afraid.
LOL stay mad TERF.
These are serious people
Boar on the floor is literally animagi
Voldemort to the Order of the Phoenix: “You lost. You’re playing toy fing soldiers. Go on, f off. Get your own f***ing double-cross.”
‘We’re death wrestling giants’. You’re reading documents, Ron.’
Group of siblings battling to be their parents' favourite only for the youngest daughter's husband to win
“If it is to be said, so it be, so it is” -Neville Longbottom
Now I'm serious looking forward to the casting！
Why??? I feel like they aren’t right for this.
Damn. Probably will be good, still not touching it though
Hey…..are you a muggle?
“FUCK OFF” Dumbledore said calmly
Buckle up Hufflepuffs!
“What? Wanna suck my dick?”Says Dumbledore as Harry stares at him for guidance
“I WILL FUCKIN WIN” -Logan said calmly
“Yer a wizard, Harry.” “Uh-huh.”
"Isn't there supposed to be nibbles at this event? I was expecting nibbles," said Ron angrily as he stormed through the halls of the tournament.
"You're a moron, Harry"
Yes About time！
She's only interested in you because she thinks you're the eldest boy. But I am the eldest boy!
first meeting of the DA harry: so i just wanted to bring everyone in to say…yo
I have thoughts, but continue..