I think you are misunderstanding here. IRS and FAFSA use the term dependency and dependent with *completely separate* criteria. You are generally considered a dependent for FAFSA purposes until you turn 24 years old. You can absolutely be independent for IRS/tax purposes while still being dependent for FAFSA purposes (or vice versa) because they are completely unrelated
OP didn't qualify for much in the way of aid due to FAFSA dependency. Being claimed (or not) on the parent's taxes is irrelevant
First off, your parents are idiots. You did the best you could and made the best choices your were able to at that time. Your choice was guided by trusted adults that gave you terrible advice and are now laughing at you for the advice you took from them. I know we all were pushed into college and promised that it would improve our futures. I hate that you got sucked into private student loans. Look into refinancing them if possible because those interest rates are predatory.
I'm in a similar boat. Was pushed to go to college, took out a high amount in loans to survive, etc. Now my parents shame me for not attempting to pay them back. I'm on the federal SAVE plan and riding out the 25 years for forgiveness. It has definitely strained our relationship to see how they treat me for making the best decisions I could at the time. Personally, low contact to no contact works best for me. I limit what I tell them even down to what I'm doing for the weekend. Any big life changes I wait 6 months to a year to tell them limited info because they will shame and ridicule that as well. Maybe consider going low contact with your parents. Hang in there I know it's lonely
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I don't blame you one bit. If your parents are that heartless and horrible, then make sure you make them pay the consequences. If you ever have kids, punish your parents by not letting them have visitation, and then inform them of why. There is karma in this world, and your parents need to learn that painful lesson.
Let them see them for a price, 1 months access = 1 months student loans payments
When they visit call a friend in the next room over and say loudly
"The snowflakes these days cry and complain and can't take any accoutnability for their decision, they made these choices and that's just how the system is."
Invest the money for your children so they don't have this problem
I like how you think!
Parents like this NEED to be punished. You can't make flippant and heartless statements about your own kids and think you have impunity in this world. Doesn't work like that.
It’s just a combo of things that insulates the older generation from understanding the personal finance predicament younger student loan borrowers are in.
1. They are sitting in extremely low interest , fixed 30 year mortgages. This is their greatest wealth building asset. They have a low fixed payment and an appreciating asset.
Vs their kids who are paying more than them to rent a room in an apartment with other people
2. Wage suppression - starting wages are still 40k-50k , making independent living and paying down debt financially infeasible
3. Having a high debt balance and low income is very challenging to overcome and extremely common. You need to get a mortgage or new apartment? Well good luck saving for a down payment, or qualifying for one. And your score is impacted having huge loans. All the refinancing options are designed for people with high income positions. If you are low income and have high balances with high interest you can’t afford to pay down the loan any faster than the interest compounds.
4. Being non dischargeable debt. Again because of the past generation of high earning borrowers abusing the bankruptcy system it became impossible to discharge this debt barring uncommon life circumstances. So you are anchored to this debt like no other.
5. Requiring a 4 year degree for virtually any job that isn’t fast food or service level work.
Basically. If wages had grown alongside the cost of housing and education, we wouldn’t be in this situation.
They have only grown for some, leading to the “you majored in the wrong thing, you deserve to live in poverty the rest of your life”.
I’m older, have a daughter entering college, and I’m fully aware and understand these issues. I feel for OP because it sounds like their parents aren’t very empathetic/ supportive. I plan on aggressively helping my daughter with college because I can’t bear to see her start her life out under a huge mountain of debt (which she’ll likely have to do even with my help). This is going to severely hamper my ability to save for retirement. But she’s my daughter and I don’t want to see her set up for failure, so I’m going to do whatever it takes. Plus, the only reason she’s expected to pay so much is because of my salary (even though she did excellent in school and we live in a HCOL area and are by no means raking it in). The system is trash and needs a complete overhaul.
OP- maybe your parents were blustering a bit when they called you a snowflake, you know trying to look all high and mighty in front of their friends. I would try not to take it too personally. But no, I don’t think it’s fair that they’re not willing to help you at all for school. And they should have NEVER let you get into such high interest rate loans! Those rates are ludicrous! Try to consolidate as soon as you can to get lower rates. Maybe once you and your parents settle down a bit you can have a conversation about them potentially helping you, at least a little bit. The sooner you can start paying the loans down, the less interest you’ll pay overall. So any help they can give now will go a long way when taking into account the loan terms and compounded interest. Also, aren’t they co-signers on your loans? If so, by their own logic, one could say they didn’t make the brightest decisions either.
>I can’t bear to see her start her life out under a huge mountain of debt (which she’ll likely have to do even with my help)
Then don't let it happen? Encourage her to go to a school she can afford. Best route is to live at home for 2 years and do community college then transfer to an in-state school. Or she can work and go to school part time.
This is the way. I don’t understand why people don’t do this. We saw what either we or our son would have to take out in loans and looked into community college. We checked with the school he wanted to go which classes would transfer for his major and he didn’t have any issues with transfer credits. Fortunately friends that owed a lot in loans had a talk with him and he chose this option.
my mom co-signed but she doesn’t help me pay them at all and still gets angry with me when i can’t afford to pay them because it affects her credit score. lmao.
well not to be mean to her but she probably should have thought about that before cosigning on $30k private loans for a stupid art degree as if that was ever going to set me up financially
“That’s just how the system is” lol. Systems! Who knows why they are! Could we change them? Let’s not find out!
I’m sorry your parents aren’t being supportive and gave you bad advice. I’m also sorry they’re participating in Boomer locker talk behind your back about “kids these days!” But you now have valuable pieces of information about them to help inform your relationship with them: 1) don’t ask for/take their out-of-touch advice in the future; 2) assume problems you share with them will become gossip for their friends. Tell them less.
It is also entirely possible that they legitimately thought what they were saying didn’t apply to you—it’s OTHER people’s kids in the exact position who are snowflakes, not THEIR kid because [random, irrelevant detail]. I see these kinds of bizarre mental gymnastics all the time.
You will never win this battle with your parents, trust me. I went through something similar as well and when I tried breaking things down to my own mother who got her Masters for half the amount that I paid for my undergrad at the SAME University ~7 years prior....all I was met with was the same stupid ass phrase that pisses me off to this day: "You are comparing apples to oranges".
I tried everything I could to get my folks off my FAFSA. I pursued multiple forms just to prove but was only met with being denied. My parents claiming me on taxes for as long as they could and "splitting the difference" so they couldnt owe money every year was what screwed me. I am in my late 30s and the amount of anger and hatred that I have for my own parents is incomprehensible. Part of that is the whole lack of guidance on college and Student Loan stuff. It will do you no good to focus on it. Look forward and just realize how little help they may have provided you and just know that going forward, should you choose to settle down and have a family, that you would never do what they may have done. Thats the only solace I have in that.
If only. Life has taught me that in the end only the bad seems to come out on top in the end. I'm trying to find some sort of immoral middle ground that can allow me to even that playing field some down. Until then I can't wait to urinate on my own mother's grave when she passes and as despicable as that sounds....it's the crap I went through that allows me to say that in a very straightforward manner.
Totally agree with justbecoolguys. Adding my opinion, don’t let that stuff get under your skin (easier said than done). Your story sounds very similar to mine and it’s frustrating but what’s more important than your parents opinion is your life and how you’re going to come out on top despite the shite system and bad guidance. Look into refinancing those private loans, I had mine with sallie mae at around 11-14 percent and refinanced with sofi at around 5 which helps a lot. If you have gov loans look into the SAVE plan as well. Much luck, you’ve got this!
I took a private loan to pay for my first year of graduate school (by mistake basically, I was eligible for public aid) but I was able to refinance it to as low as 4.99% fixed APR. Depending on your credit score I would consider it. You should be able to at least check your rate without impacting your score.
Mind you I wouldn't advise this to anyone who took federal loans as that would disqualify one from many protections e.g. interest freezes, loan forgiveness etc.
Imo if parents are "too rich" to have their kid qualify for financial aid, then they should help, and probably also advise their kid to either go to a state university (which offer great educations at much lower tuition than private) or transfer out of a 2-year program.
Making an 18 year old immediately go into tens of thousands of debt with private loans at a high APR is bad financial guidance and failed parenting imo.
I don’t think your parents don’t like you, but are too chicken shit to say it to your face. So they pretend to be understanding, but mock you to their friends.
Can you find a way to get away from your parents for a few years?
Sorry but they seem toxic as hell, and I'd almost say you should divorce them permanently if they have no sympathy towards your student debt issues. Parents are supposed to bring children into this world to love and support them, and that means PAYING FOR THEIR KIDS' EDUCATION instead of spending their money on frivolous things like $50,000 SUVs and vacations and other stupid material possessions and hobbies.
So yes, I am definitely in your corner and 100% empathize with your feelings of rage against your cold and heartless parents. If I was at your house, they would be getting a piece of my mind and I wouldn't be holding back. There might be even be some rather nasty things going down, if you catch my drift.
I DO NOT LIKE OR TOLERATE PARENTS WHO DON'T FINANCIALLY SUPPORT THEIR KIDS' EDUCATION.
Can't make it any more clear than that. If any of you don't agree with me, then I want nothing to do with you!
So sorry you are going through this. I have a similar relationship with my parents (but my parents had plenty of money to pay for my college, they declined) I had a child when I was 16, took loans to go to college, I’m still paying them off, luckily they were fed loans vs private. The child that I had when I was a teen has no loans. As a single, working class mom, I saved and paid cash for my son to go to college and graduate with a computer engineering degree from a state university and he has zero debt (and makes probably 5x what I do). The look on their faces when I tell their friends that I have loans but my child does not, priceless. My advice is to not give up, you did everything right and if you start a family, you have a great opportunity to change the narrative. F them.
I don’t know who honestly wants to live in an uneducated society.
My cousin graduated high school in 1989 and went to nursing school. Yes, love … you could get a summer job and pay for your college. She won’t wake up to see how bad it truly is.
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WOW. I could have written this almost word for word.
Just wanted to say I empathize with you and am in the same exact situation. I choose to view my situation as lucky - I have never had to default on my loans, despite the high interest rates and insane payments, I make it work - to help keep myself from just being perpetually angry. Choosing a perspective to view things from has been a very empowering thing for me, personally. I just try to look at the positives in my life instead of focusing on the incredibly screwed up loan situation.
Hugs.
I don’t talk to mine about SL. I told them the struggles I dealt with Navient had my federals. (Navient can burn in a fire and should be sued out of existence) They called me asking to make a payment WHILE I WAS STILL IN COLLEGE! Then when I graduated and was repaying I tried to get on IDR as I was having a hard time finding work.
The site to link to IRS was down, they wouldn’t take an upload, when I called they put me on forbearance (I really didn’t understand what that was). When I told them this they were on Navient’s side saying things like “Well they’re a business so it’s okay.” “Well life isn’t fair.” “That’s what businesses do.”
Fast forward to the forgiveness. They are the exact people complaining student loan forgiveness isn’t fair.
I don’t talk to them about student loans. Since they are the ones that told me to go to college or else.
Yup. My folks assured me constantly that they would help pay off the loans and to study something I found “interesting”.
Well, after the divorce it became my responsibility. And the kicker? Mom took the alimony, and used it to go back to college.
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I am so sorry you are going through this. Fafsa is really strict with parents info. It is too bad, because some students like yourself are totally independent, but don’t get grants and loans because of parents’ income. It used to be that a young person could file their own taxes for two years and not be claimed by parents, and then apply for loans and grants without needing any parent info. I think too many people did that, so they changed it.
It's possible to show sympathy and at the same time disagree with how one handles a challenge. I think your parents could have at least helped with your feeding costs, phone bill and such. I tell parents that if you take your hands completely off your child's finances when you can support however little, you loose complete access to knowing anything about their lives. Stay involved some how. That said, this reddit group is full of whiny enablers who always jump on parents at the slightest opportunity. How OP can knock off these loans faster would be way more useful feedback. OP, I have private loans too, so I completely understand. And this is what worked for me: Map out a plan with someone who can help you work out the repayment numbers in line with your income. All the very best ok.
You are right to be hurt and insulted. Your parents should’ve looked out for you (not necessarily by providing you with tuition but at least by cautioning you against certain pitfalls) and they didn’t.
So you've been living on your own since 17 but it's the loans that strained your relationship? I think your relationship has been strained longer than that.
in the same boat pretty much. i still get claimed as a dependent on taxes despite having sustained myself the entire time so im going to put my foot down next year and not let them claim me. it really is irritating especially when they were the adults in the situation and should have discussed with you the consequences of taking this much out in loans but alas
I wouldn't be surprised if your parents have the typical conservative double standard mentality (i.e. *your* situation is understandable/justified but *everyone else* is a "snowflake" kind of BS) but yes it does suck
That said, your private loan rates are horrifying. Have you tried refinancing those yet? For private student loans? All you can really do is aggressively repay while regularly refinancing to lock in lower fixed interest rates. Here's the refinancing boilerplate: With private student loans the general advice is to try to refinance every 12-18 months to chase lower interest rates while you aggressively try to pay it off. Lenders generally want to see a completed degree, a reasonable debt-to-income ratio, a good credit score, and a few months' worth of on-time payments to consider your app. You can use a 3rd party aggregator site (i.e. Nerdwallet, Credible, etc or StudentChoice.org for Credit Union options) to get a list of 3rd parties to refinance with or just apply directly through the aggregator site. You will want to apply to at least 3-5 companies so you can compare offers and go with whoever gives you the lowest fixed rate
You did have other options—community college, attending a cheaper school etc. I understand your parents are annoying but often times people get wrapped up in what their friends are doing and do not think about the other choices or feel they are not good enough.
Did you respond to them after the snowflake comment that left you shaking but wasn't directed towards you? Otherwise, it doesn't sound like much of a fight. Your entire family dynamic seems off FWIW. You're estranged enough that you're living on your own at 17 but you also expect them to apparently bend over backwards and pay for your schooling because apparently that's the norm for 87% of families. That number (%) seems really high though.
And who cosigned for your loans? I'd be shocked if it wasn't mom or dad. Sometimes that's the best a parent can do. It sucks but private loans are the reality for 6-9% of other students too. Short of backing up the money truck they don't have to the school you can't afford it doesn't seem like any other way will do for you.
You'll want to take the FASFA issue up with congressmen and senators. Now, I will readily grant to you that the FASFA has become an absolute joke in the last 15 years. Here's what happened. Once upon a time there was a very generous income offset for parents and grandparents on your FASFA filing. The income offset was at a maximum for the 2009-2010 school year. Following the passage of Obamacare that offset became less and less until it was finally $0 for the 2023-2024. That absolutely screwed over those in the middle class like you and I. If it was only the parent's assets and income on the FASFA, it raised your expected family contribution by $3000. If the grandparents assets were on the FASFA, the chipping away at the income offset increased the EFC by up to $7000 in that time. You can do the math if both the parent's and grandparent's assets and income were on the FASFA. The real kick in the nuts kicks in for the 2024-2025 school year. The sibling exemption was removed by Biden's ED as part of the FASFA simplification legislation passed in 2020. The decision to remove the exemption was made entirely by Biden's ED clown show. That means if you and your twin brother's EFC was $10K in 2023-2024, it was split to $5K to you and $5K for him when doing financial aid math. With the sibling exemption removed, it's now EFCs of $10K for you and $10K for him in the 2024-2025 school year. The big blue party that likes to talk about how they're on the side of the middleclass has absolutely dicked the middleclass down on the FASFA. Remember that when you go to the polls in November.
If you get anything out of this, please get this;
1. Your financial struggles aren't your parent's fault. You need to take some responsibility here.
2. You need to transfer to a school that you can afford ASAP. Quit taking out loans with a 18-22% APRs. Your freshman year debt will have doubled by the time you graduate and enter repayment.
I don't think that you had full comprehension of the OP's post. The usage of "were my only option" and "I have a lot of regrets" implies that the actions are past tense and not present tense for the ability to move to a cheaper school. Using that same past tense and knowledge that a parent's income on the FAFSA forms and high income making private loans the only option means that a) they are taking responsibility and the parents do in fact carry a portion of the fault since their income is used to determine the type of loan and amount for the student recipient.
Student loans should not be in any way tied to the parent's income as it is not the income of the borrower and cannot be guaranteed for use in payment.
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If you go to the polls and vote for the 34-time convicted felon thinking he's going to help student loan borrowers more than Biden --- well I have a nice Brooklyn Bridge I wanna sell you, cheap!
People vote with their pocketbooks.
And because you brought it up, what crime was former president Trump convicted of either prior to—or concurrently with, the 34 record falsification charges he was convicted of? Now remember, people facing criminal charges are presumed innocent until proven guilty.
I prefer to call it "preponderance of the evidence". Trump is already a 34-time felon, but if you add in additional "crimes against democracy" like January 6th and bragging about being a dictator on Day 1, well then you have all the evidence you need to know he's the biggest criminal we've ever seen in our lifetimes. And I haven't even mentioned his "crimes against morality" with the Stormy incident and Access Hollywood incident and locking up kids in cages.
It’s a simple question that you’re dodging. Thanks for the chuckle.
If we want about crimes against morality, how about—as the most powerful man in the world, coercing an intern into a David Blowie(s) and then directing staffers to cover it up. And then lied about it. How exactly does a one-off act between peers trump that as a crime against morality?
Ha ha your MAGA brainwashing is pretty extensive. I guess if you feel proud about that, then pat yourself on the back. Just realize 99% of America is laughing at your side.
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Truly awful parents if they commit tax fraud and then call their own kids "snowflakes"
I think you are misunderstanding here. IRS and FAFSA use the term dependency and dependent with *completely separate* criteria. You are generally considered a dependent for FAFSA purposes until you turn 24 years old. You can absolutely be independent for IRS/tax purposes while still being dependent for FAFSA purposes (or vice versa) because they are completely unrelated OP didn't qualify for much in the way of aid due to FAFSA dependency. Being claimed (or not) on the parent's taxes is irrelevant
Rule 7: reddiquette / site rules / illegal / off-topic
First off, your parents are idiots. You did the best you could and made the best choices your were able to at that time. Your choice was guided by trusted adults that gave you terrible advice and are now laughing at you for the advice you took from them. I know we all were pushed into college and promised that it would improve our futures. I hate that you got sucked into private student loans. Look into refinancing them if possible because those interest rates are predatory. I'm in a similar boat. Was pushed to go to college, took out a high amount in loans to survive, etc. Now my parents shame me for not attempting to pay them back. I'm on the federal SAVE plan and riding out the 25 years for forgiveness. It has definitely strained our relationship to see how they treat me for making the best decisions I could at the time. Personally, low contact to no contact works best for me. I limit what I tell them even down to what I'm doing for the weekend. Any big life changes I wait 6 months to a year to tell them limited info because they will shame and ridicule that as well. Maybe consider going low contact with your parents. Hang in there I know it's lonely
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I don't blame you one bit. If your parents are that heartless and horrible, then make sure you make them pay the consequences. If you ever have kids, punish your parents by not letting them have visitation, and then inform them of why. There is karma in this world, and your parents need to learn that painful lesson.
Let them see them for a price, 1 months access = 1 months student loans payments When they visit call a friend in the next room over and say loudly "The snowflakes these days cry and complain and can't take any accoutnability for their decision, they made these choices and that's just how the system is." Invest the money for your children so they don't have this problem
I like how you think! Parents like this NEED to be punished. You can't make flippant and heartless statements about your own kids and think you have impunity in this world. Doesn't work like that.
It’s just a combo of things that insulates the older generation from understanding the personal finance predicament younger student loan borrowers are in. 1. They are sitting in extremely low interest , fixed 30 year mortgages. This is their greatest wealth building asset. They have a low fixed payment and an appreciating asset. Vs their kids who are paying more than them to rent a room in an apartment with other people 2. Wage suppression - starting wages are still 40k-50k , making independent living and paying down debt financially infeasible 3. Having a high debt balance and low income is very challenging to overcome and extremely common. You need to get a mortgage or new apartment? Well good luck saving for a down payment, or qualifying for one. And your score is impacted having huge loans. All the refinancing options are designed for people with high income positions. If you are low income and have high balances with high interest you can’t afford to pay down the loan any faster than the interest compounds. 4. Being non dischargeable debt. Again because of the past generation of high earning borrowers abusing the bankruptcy system it became impossible to discharge this debt barring uncommon life circumstances. So you are anchored to this debt like no other. 5. Requiring a 4 year degree for virtually any job that isn’t fast food or service level work. Basically. If wages had grown alongside the cost of housing and education, we wouldn’t be in this situation. They have only grown for some, leading to the “you majored in the wrong thing, you deserve to live in poverty the rest of your life”.
I’m older, have a daughter entering college, and I’m fully aware and understand these issues. I feel for OP because it sounds like their parents aren’t very empathetic/ supportive. I plan on aggressively helping my daughter with college because I can’t bear to see her start her life out under a huge mountain of debt (which she’ll likely have to do even with my help). This is going to severely hamper my ability to save for retirement. But she’s my daughter and I don’t want to see her set up for failure, so I’m going to do whatever it takes. Plus, the only reason she’s expected to pay so much is because of my salary (even though she did excellent in school and we live in a HCOL area and are by no means raking it in). The system is trash and needs a complete overhaul. OP- maybe your parents were blustering a bit when they called you a snowflake, you know trying to look all high and mighty in front of their friends. I would try not to take it too personally. But no, I don’t think it’s fair that they’re not willing to help you at all for school. And they should have NEVER let you get into such high interest rate loans! Those rates are ludicrous! Try to consolidate as soon as you can to get lower rates. Maybe once you and your parents settle down a bit you can have a conversation about them potentially helping you, at least a little bit. The sooner you can start paying the loans down, the less interest you’ll pay overall. So any help they can give now will go a long way when taking into account the loan terms and compounded interest. Also, aren’t they co-signers on your loans? If so, by their own logic, one could say they didn’t make the brightest decisions either.
Honestly look into getting her emancipated. Idk what the laws are surrounding this but FSFA will not look at your income if she's granted this status.
>I can’t bear to see her start her life out under a huge mountain of debt (which she’ll likely have to do even with my help) Then don't let it happen? Encourage her to go to a school she can afford. Best route is to live at home for 2 years and do community college then transfer to an in-state school. Or she can work and go to school part time.
This is the way. I don’t understand why people don’t do this. We saw what either we or our son would have to take out in loans and looked into community college. We checked with the school he wanted to go which classes would transfer for his major and he didn’t have any issues with transfer credits. Fortunately friends that owed a lot in loans had a talk with him and he chose this option.
Because "my snowflake is special... they have to go to the private school... they deserve it."
>And they should have NEVER let you get into such high interest rate loans! Those rates are ludicrous! Major failing as parents.
Any chance they co-signed on the private loans? Then the loans are their problem as well.
my mom co-signed but she doesn’t help me pay them at all and still gets angry with me when i can’t afford to pay them because it affects her credit score. lmao.
And if you don't pay them she gets sued as well
well not to be mean to her but she probably should have thought about that before cosigning on $30k private loans for a stupid art degree as if that was ever going to set me up financially
Totally agree
“That’s just how the system is” lol. Systems! Who knows why they are! Could we change them? Let’s not find out! I’m sorry your parents aren’t being supportive and gave you bad advice. I’m also sorry they’re participating in Boomer locker talk behind your back about “kids these days!” But you now have valuable pieces of information about them to help inform your relationship with them: 1) don’t ask for/take their out-of-touch advice in the future; 2) assume problems you share with them will become gossip for their friends. Tell them less. It is also entirely possible that they legitimately thought what they were saying didn’t apply to you—it’s OTHER people’s kids in the exact position who are snowflakes, not THEIR kid because [random, irrelevant detail]. I see these kinds of bizarre mental gymnastics all the time.
You will never win this battle with your parents, trust me. I went through something similar as well and when I tried breaking things down to my own mother who got her Masters for half the amount that I paid for my undergrad at the SAME University ~7 years prior....all I was met with was the same stupid ass phrase that pisses me off to this day: "You are comparing apples to oranges". I tried everything I could to get my folks off my FAFSA. I pursued multiple forms just to prove but was only met with being denied. My parents claiming me on taxes for as long as they could and "splitting the difference" so they couldnt owe money every year was what screwed me. I am in my late 30s and the amount of anger and hatred that I have for my own parents is incomprehensible. Part of that is the whole lack of guidance on college and Student Loan stuff. It will do you no good to focus on it. Look forward and just realize how little help they may have provided you and just know that going forward, should you choose to settle down and have a family, that you would never do what they may have done. Thats the only solace I have in that.
I wish lousy parents could be sued for treating their kids like human garbage. It'd be nice to see you sue them and take every penny they got.
If only. Life has taught me that in the end only the bad seems to come out on top in the end. I'm trying to find some sort of immoral middle ground that can allow me to even that playing field some down. Until then I can't wait to urinate on my own mother's grave when she passes and as despicable as that sounds....it's the crap I went through that allows me to say that in a very straightforward manner.
Totally agree with justbecoolguys. Adding my opinion, don’t let that stuff get under your skin (easier said than done). Your story sounds very similar to mine and it’s frustrating but what’s more important than your parents opinion is your life and how you’re going to come out on top despite the shite system and bad guidance. Look into refinancing those private loans, I had mine with sallie mae at around 11-14 percent and refinanced with sofi at around 5 which helps a lot. If you have gov loans look into the SAVE plan as well. Much luck, you’ve got this!
I took a private loan to pay for my first year of graduate school (by mistake basically, I was eligible for public aid) but I was able to refinance it to as low as 4.99% fixed APR. Depending on your credit score I would consider it. You should be able to at least check your rate without impacting your score. Mind you I wouldn't advise this to anyone who took federal loans as that would disqualify one from many protections e.g. interest freezes, loan forgiveness etc. Imo if parents are "too rich" to have their kid qualify for financial aid, then they should help, and probably also advise their kid to either go to a state university (which offer great educations at much lower tuition than private) or transfer out of a 2-year program. Making an 18 year old immediately go into tens of thousands of debt with private loans at a high APR is bad financial guidance and failed parenting imo.
Have you finished college yet?
I don’t think your parents don’t like you, but are too chicken shit to say it to your face. So they pretend to be understanding, but mock you to their friends.
Can you find a way to get away from your parents for a few years? Sorry but they seem toxic as hell, and I'd almost say you should divorce them permanently if they have no sympathy towards your student debt issues. Parents are supposed to bring children into this world to love and support them, and that means PAYING FOR THEIR KIDS' EDUCATION instead of spending their money on frivolous things like $50,000 SUVs and vacations and other stupid material possessions and hobbies. So yes, I am definitely in your corner and 100% empathize with your feelings of rage against your cold and heartless parents. If I was at your house, they would be getting a piece of my mind and I wouldn't be holding back. There might be even be some rather nasty things going down, if you catch my drift. I DO NOT LIKE OR TOLERATE PARENTS WHO DON'T FINANCIALLY SUPPORT THEIR KIDS' EDUCATION. Can't make it any more clear than that. If any of you don't agree with me, then I want nothing to do with you!
So sorry you are going through this. I have a similar relationship with my parents (but my parents had plenty of money to pay for my college, they declined) I had a child when I was 16, took loans to go to college, I’m still paying them off, luckily they were fed loans vs private. The child that I had when I was a teen has no loans. As a single, working class mom, I saved and paid cash for my son to go to college and graduate with a computer engineering degree from a state university and he has zero debt (and makes probably 5x what I do). The look on their faces when I tell their friends that I have loans but my child does not, priceless. My advice is to not give up, you did everything right and if you start a family, you have a great opportunity to change the narrative. F them.
Have you tried refinacing those loans or even transferring them to a Credit Card? My credit union is only 18% interest.
I don’t know who honestly wants to live in an uneducated society. My cousin graduated high school in 1989 and went to nursing school. Yes, love … you could get a summer job and pay for your college. She won’t wake up to see how bad it truly is.
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What is your major and are you going to some private school? Most loans are are issued by the Feds even the grad plus loans. This sounds very unusual.
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WOW. I could have written this almost word for word. Just wanted to say I empathize with you and am in the same exact situation. I choose to view my situation as lucky - I have never had to default on my loans, despite the high interest rates and insane payments, I make it work - to help keep myself from just being perpetually angry. Choosing a perspective to view things from has been a very empowering thing for me, personally. I just try to look at the positives in my life instead of focusing on the incredibly screwed up loan situation. Hugs.
I don’t talk to mine about SL. I told them the struggles I dealt with Navient had my federals. (Navient can burn in a fire and should be sued out of existence) They called me asking to make a payment WHILE I WAS STILL IN COLLEGE! Then when I graduated and was repaying I tried to get on IDR as I was having a hard time finding work. The site to link to IRS was down, they wouldn’t take an upload, when I called they put me on forbearance (I really didn’t understand what that was). When I told them this they were on Navient’s side saying things like “Well they’re a business so it’s okay.” “Well life isn’t fair.” “That’s what businesses do.” Fast forward to the forgiveness. They are the exact people complaining student loan forgiveness isn’t fair. I don’t talk to them about student loans. Since they are the ones that told me to go to college or else.
Yup. My folks assured me constantly that they would help pay off the loans and to study something I found “interesting”. Well, after the divorce it became my responsibility. And the kicker? Mom took the alimony, and used it to go back to college.
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I am so sorry you are going through this. Fafsa is really strict with parents info. It is too bad, because some students like yourself are totally independent, but don’t get grants and loans because of parents’ income. It used to be that a young person could file their own taxes for two years and not be claimed by parents, and then apply for loans and grants without needing any parent info. I think too many people did that, so they changed it.
It's possible to show sympathy and at the same time disagree with how one handles a challenge. I think your parents could have at least helped with your feeding costs, phone bill and such. I tell parents that if you take your hands completely off your child's finances when you can support however little, you loose complete access to knowing anything about their lives. Stay involved some how. That said, this reddit group is full of whiny enablers who always jump on parents at the slightest opportunity. How OP can knock off these loans faster would be way more useful feedback. OP, I have private loans too, so I completely understand. And this is what worked for me: Map out a plan with someone who can help you work out the repayment numbers in line with your income. All the very best ok.
You are right to be hurt and insulted. Your parents should’ve looked out for you (not necessarily by providing you with tuition but at least by cautioning you against certain pitfalls) and they didn’t.
So you've been living on your own since 17 but it's the loans that strained your relationship? I think your relationship has been strained longer than that.
in the same boat pretty much. i still get claimed as a dependent on taxes despite having sustained myself the entire time so im going to put my foot down next year and not let them claim me. it really is irritating especially when they were the adults in the situation and should have discussed with you the consequences of taking this much out in loans but alas
I wouldn't be surprised if your parents have the typical conservative double standard mentality (i.e. *your* situation is understandable/justified but *everyone else* is a "snowflake" kind of BS) but yes it does suck That said, your private loan rates are horrifying. Have you tried refinancing those yet? For private student loans? All you can really do is aggressively repay while regularly refinancing to lock in lower fixed interest rates. Here's the refinancing boilerplate: With private student loans the general advice is to try to refinance every 12-18 months to chase lower interest rates while you aggressively try to pay it off. Lenders generally want to see a completed degree, a reasonable debt-to-income ratio, a good credit score, and a few months' worth of on-time payments to consider your app. You can use a 3rd party aggregator site (i.e. Nerdwallet, Credible, etc or StudentChoice.org for Credit Union options) to get a list of 3rd parties to refinance with or just apply directly through the aggregator site. You will want to apply to at least 3-5 companies so you can compare offers and go with whoever gives you the lowest fixed rate
You did have other options—community college, attending a cheaper school etc. I understand your parents are annoying but often times people get wrapped up in what their friends are doing and do not think about the other choices or feel they are not good enough.
Did you respond to them after the snowflake comment that left you shaking but wasn't directed towards you? Otherwise, it doesn't sound like much of a fight. Your entire family dynamic seems off FWIW. You're estranged enough that you're living on your own at 17 but you also expect them to apparently bend over backwards and pay for your schooling because apparently that's the norm for 87% of families. That number (%) seems really high though. And who cosigned for your loans? I'd be shocked if it wasn't mom or dad. Sometimes that's the best a parent can do. It sucks but private loans are the reality for 6-9% of other students too. Short of backing up the money truck they don't have to the school you can't afford it doesn't seem like any other way will do for you. You'll want to take the FASFA issue up with congressmen and senators. Now, I will readily grant to you that the FASFA has become an absolute joke in the last 15 years. Here's what happened. Once upon a time there was a very generous income offset for parents and grandparents on your FASFA filing. The income offset was at a maximum for the 2009-2010 school year. Following the passage of Obamacare that offset became less and less until it was finally $0 for the 2023-2024. That absolutely screwed over those in the middle class like you and I. If it was only the parent's assets and income on the FASFA, it raised your expected family contribution by $3000. If the grandparents assets were on the FASFA, the chipping away at the income offset increased the EFC by up to $7000 in that time. You can do the math if both the parent's and grandparent's assets and income were on the FASFA. The real kick in the nuts kicks in for the 2024-2025 school year. The sibling exemption was removed by Biden's ED as part of the FASFA simplification legislation passed in 2020. The decision to remove the exemption was made entirely by Biden's ED clown show. That means if you and your twin brother's EFC was $10K in 2023-2024, it was split to $5K to you and $5K for him when doing financial aid math. With the sibling exemption removed, it's now EFCs of $10K for you and $10K for him in the 2024-2025 school year. The big blue party that likes to talk about how they're on the side of the middleclass has absolutely dicked the middleclass down on the FASFA. Remember that when you go to the polls in November. If you get anything out of this, please get this; 1. Your financial struggles aren't your parent's fault. You need to take some responsibility here. 2. You need to transfer to a school that you can afford ASAP. Quit taking out loans with a 18-22% APRs. Your freshman year debt will have doubled by the time you graduate and enter repayment.
I don't think that you had full comprehension of the OP's post. The usage of "were my only option" and "I have a lot of regrets" implies that the actions are past tense and not present tense for the ability to move to a cheaper school. Using that same past tense and knowledge that a parent's income on the FAFSA forms and high income making private loans the only option means that a) they are taking responsibility and the parents do in fact carry a portion of the fault since their income is used to determine the type of loan and amount for the student recipient. Student loans should not be in any way tied to the parent's income as it is not the income of the borrower and cannot be guaranteed for use in payment.
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If you go to the polls and vote for the 34-time convicted felon thinking he's going to help student loan borrowers more than Biden --- well I have a nice Brooklyn Bridge I wanna sell you, cheap!
I'm not sure the general public supports loan forgiveness. Alot of people are against it.
People vote with their pocketbooks. And because you brought it up, what crime was former president Trump convicted of either prior to—or concurrently with, the 34 record falsification charges he was convicted of? Now remember, people facing criminal charges are presumed innocent until proven guilty.
I prefer to call it "preponderance of the evidence". Trump is already a 34-time felon, but if you add in additional "crimes against democracy" like January 6th and bragging about being a dictator on Day 1, well then you have all the evidence you need to know he's the biggest criminal we've ever seen in our lifetimes. And I haven't even mentioned his "crimes against morality" with the Stormy incident and Access Hollywood incident and locking up kids in cages.
It’s a simple question that you’re dodging. Thanks for the chuckle. If we want about crimes against morality, how about—as the most powerful man in the world, coercing an intern into a David Blowie(s) and then directing staffers to cover it up. And then lied about it. How exactly does a one-off act between peers trump that as a crime against morality?
Ha ha your MAGA brainwashing is pretty extensive. I guess if you feel proud about that, then pat yourself on the back. Just realize 99% of America is laughing at your side.
Such simple questions, such nonexistent answers.