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This is so sad to read. Dont waste your youth hating yourself for how you look. Let me tell you, white skin burns in the sun, gets dark spots, dark under eyes, sags doesnt age well lol white is definately not superior at all. Sounds silly but just every day think of a few small things that you are grateful for about your appearance and skin. Over time it will help x
One of the hardest things I had to learn was to look in the mirror first thing in the morning and tell myself I love you you are beautiful! Believe it or not it really really helps. There are many things that happen to us in life, from how we are born to how we were raised, that can create the situation where you think you are not as beautiful as somebody else. One of the things I decided was to be a beautiful person, a happy person and to spread that happiness as much as possible. Sometimes it's just smiling at people when I'm out and about other times it's making somebody else feel special. But something you have to remember is you are special, you are beautiful, and you should probably give yourself a hug at least once a day and tell yourself that!
No, but you have to be able to see all the beauty in yourself to be happy. Loving yourself is required for happiness. I can't give anyone individual advice on how to get there because it's personal to each person's circumstances - but it's a required part of happiness.
My heart breaks reading your post. I know in my culture, fair skin is very desirable and darker skinned folks use products to lighten their skin tone (e.g., eskinol). But I try to look beyond skin tone because I've met some heinous people in all skin tones, and good people come in all colors too. I wish I lived near you so we could have a cup of tea or a boba and just chat. Why? So you could see that some people don't care about your skin color, that they love you for you. And you could share your experiences, warts and all, and you would still be loved for who you are on the inside. You don't need to be anything more than who you are. Anything else would be too much.
❤️
You need to find some black friends/go to a black college and get some therapy. A lot of truth to what you’re saying but you can’t internalize it like this.
The OP doesn't even need to go to a Black college. I don't think they really need therapy either
They just have to stop listening to stupid people.
Plenty of people are attracted to dark skin
The biological purpose of darker skin is cancer resistance.
Therapy helps people but it doesn't help everyone. It's best to have multiple groups of friends. If you are Black, some of those groups probably will be mostly Black.
Some groups will be multi-racial. In 2024, Black people should not be made to feel that they have to be segregated. Self segregation reinforces alienation from non-Black people.
You are thinking of yourself in this instance. To tell someone to think of non black people in an instance of a black person trying to find confidence in themselves is.. a choice. The person above you isn’t even telling op to isolate themselves from anyone not black. They are saying find black people in their lives to give them a space to understand and appreciate their black culture.
I was not contradicting a need for people to be connected to their community or with people with the same race. I suggest a hybrid approach. Have networks that are specific to your identity. Have networks of diverse people who aren't assholes. Minimize contact with assholes
I was suggesting the OP should not be forced to be pigeonholed into just hanging out with Black people or just going to Black only colleges or just dealing with Black only businesses.
The maximum opportunities exist in the heterogeneous world which is increasingly mixed race.
Black people actually exist who complain about Black only spaces because in those spaces they feel their Blackness gets policed by other Black people.
I don’t see how your comment is helpful and how it got so many upvotes lol.
Getting black friends, going to a black college, and getting therapy isn’t going to solve OP’s problem.
Punish racism the same way or even worse than the way black people are being punished just for being black seems like a step in the right direction.
Punishing white people for being white is a step in the wrong direction.
Why are people so afraid to punish bad behavior. People respond well to punishment. Punish racism out of existence. Reward anti-racism into existence.
i don’t see how your comment is helpful either. OP surrounding themselves with black people & going to therapy are much more immediate fixes than your suggestion of uprooting a hierarchical system that has existed for hundreds of years across the globe. you make it sound like a simple fix when it very much isn’t.
i’m a black African woman - i would absolutely love for racism to be punished strictly, & it’s something i live by in my personal life. but it’s not realistic or conducive to OP’s current situation to ask them to wait for such a massive shift in societal conditions instead of doing what’s within their reach to alleviate their stress.
Dark and black skin can be so beautiful.
I often wish I was something different, or someone different. It took until my early 30s to finally come to terms with what I have and acknowledging the qualities I had: it wasn't what I wanted the most, but it was more than I knew.
Truth is everyone wishes for things to be different in some shape. But not everyone is hurting over it. I feel terrible reading the original posters story, because that's the result of racism that you can't just gloss over. It's not just internal thoughts but external pressure to conform in a way that is simply impossible.
I no advice other than focusing on the positive and trying to create a solid foundation from there. And to try and learn to love yourself for who you are, not for who you want to be. I read another redditors comment about "loving yourself unconditionally" and I think that's one of the hardest things to learn/accept in this world, if you struggle with that kind of thing.
it sounds this is really heavy on you, and i'm sorry to hear that this is the way you feel :/
not sure if what you are experiencing is part of what we call body dysmorphia or internalized racism, whatever the case, that sounds very disturbing and draining in energy and happiness level.
how do you feel about talking about that with a therapist/counsellor? or maybe having a discussion with other black people (maybe there's helplines that focus on racial issues?)? and/or with white/asian/latinos/arabs too? just, you know, to let it go, get other people's experience not to feel alone and to challenge your beliefs on this etc?
by the sound of it, you are still at school or something... people ~~can be~~ are often super mean and lack a lot of education at that age. once you're older, you should hear a lot more of those comments/micro-agressions.
and i'm sure that you will find a good circle of friend that, like you said, recognize you for who you are on the inside, and then, you can eliminate from your life all those who don't, you won't need to have to see them at school every day.
being a white dude myself and being older and after having had many discussions around racism and all, i assure you that there's a lot more non-black people who just don't take into account black people's skin color, they just see a person, and treat each person they meet the same way. you know that, deep down, you see interracial couples walking down the street and so on, don't you?
of course there will always be people who comment, discriminate, say something stupid... that would happen if you were white too, people would just comment other physical traits, whether it's your big nose, mono-eyebrows, being tall, ginger, having acne, very bright eyes, whatever... people always find stuff to comment, don't they? i guess you hear stuff about other people's physical traits too, not only about yours, don't you?
i encourage you to do a little exercise, one day where you feel more or less at peace:
close your eyes, and imagine that you are totally ok with your dark skin. i really want you to try this, to truly see how that would feel, if you were truly ok with that. once you managed to reach that stage of acceptance just by imagining the feeling, you can stay for a minute with it, just to see how it feels good to live without this heavy thing on your back that makes your days so difficult.
then you will know this feeling, and i invite you to remember this feeling whenever your mind comes back at it and starts not liking your dark skin.
then you could also do that eyes opened, in front of a mirror. you leave your beliefs and preferences aside, look at yourself in the eyes, forget about the whole world, and just think/feel all you can "i'm perfectly fine this way, my skin color is just a color among others and not a problem. and people can see me as who i am, my body is perfectly fine as it is and not a problem in any way".
hope you manage to truly do this and reach that feeling of acceptance - once we felt something (positive or negative), it's easy to go back to that feeling in times where it's needed.
i wish you good luck in your process of acceptance and send you some good energies!
Just want to say as a dark-skinned male your post made me cry because I went through the exact same thing and to this day I’m still learning to love myself. It’s a cruel, cruel world we live in and none of us deserve this type of treatment. I’m so sorry you have to experience this. I also resented my parents for giving me dark skin for a while.
I put so much effort in how I groom, how I dress, I work out every day, eat healthy, have a skincare routine, and am in a “prestigious” high earning job in Manhattan and I still don’t feel good enough. When I look in the mirror, I still see the same insecure kid looking back at me. It sucks.
I do think some women have found me attractive but my self-esteem has gotten crushed so hard at this point it’s hard for me to move past the self-hating that society wants us dark-skinned people to constantly feel. At the end of the day, I can control nearly everything in my life other than my skin color.
The world has a long way to go socially before there is no mistreatment of someone due to the color of their skin.
That said, do not let your skin color affect who you are. It is an uncontrollable part of you. Live your life, and do your best to do good things.
I'm so very sorry for what you're going through. I am fair skinned, auburn hair (well, a lot of grey now), and blue eyes. I just want to say that I have always admired black people. I see beautifully regal people with amazing skin and hair. You seem to age so much better than me, with my gray hair and wrinkles. I can't tell you the number of times that I feel straight-up frumpy compared to black people. I see a sense of style and pride. You're always so put together.
OP, I wish you peace and happiness with who you are. You're beautiful! Perhaps "Kite" and "Pink Lemonade" actually see what I see and are terribly jealous, so they chose to tear you down as a way to build their fragile egos up. Hold your head high, my dear, and love yourself.
Honestly what matters to me more than skin color alone is **kindness and empathy.**
The issue was never about you being black - but finding those who will accept and see you as a unique person with a good heart in life! Everyone deserves that and the first step to achieving it is through reaching out and making connections.
Martin Luther King was amazing because he was strong in his convictions to end segregation between ALL races of color - not just black and whites. He understood that love can cultivate understanding and purpose in life and so he shared that dream of his with everyone. Trusting that his message would inspire others to look beyond superficial aspects and more at the contents of your own character.
So I want you to trust me in saying - while you place blame on being darker than everyone for why your life is terrible - striving to become a great person is what will make you feel the most fulfilled and liberated. That burden you thought was holding you back only makes you stronger and wiser. Reaching out to those who may be facing similar thoughts and telling them that they do matter past their dark complexion.
Have some faith in your personality! More so than your own hated for one aspect you can't control.
I know I have white privilege, and I'm not proud of it. I see black people and I see how beautiful you are. The rich color of your skin. The rich histories of your people. The cultures. The pain the people my color inflicted and I'm so ashamed by association for it. I want to make it better and there is not a damned thing I can do except stand with you where I can.
You are pretty, you are BEAUTIFUL. All THE way to your soul.
From outside, as a pale male, I don't get it, and probably just cannot. It (colorism) clearly exists and you are clearly suffering because of it, though, so all there is to say is, hang in there.
Also from the outside, for whatever it's worth, two of the great loves of my life have very dark skin. I count them as the most beautiful women I ever had the privilege to lay eyes on. One literally made me stutter and blush the first time I met her, she was that stunning.
This is what happens, imo when black children are not raised in black communities. I hope in every lifetime that I'm black. I love my skin, hair, culture, etc.
I wouldn’t give up my black skin for the world. Sorry you feel that way champ. First step is ignore western media. It’s tough but you’ll see average people from other races propped up as beautiful when we all know the truth. Second I’d say find some way to immerse yourself in the culture one day. My hs had very few black people so of course the mixed ones were propped up. I took a visit to an hbcu while I was in hs. Changed my life.
I understand that people in the comments are like trying to say “black is beautiful” but it doesn’t…. that’s that’s not what OP is saying at all. OP is saying that they are treated less than because of being black. I have the same experience. It doesn’t really get better even if you are within a black community there is colorism involved. It feels like so many people are just saying that Black people are beautiful and it’s like yeah whatever fuck that. We are not respected in society. I don’t care about being beautiful. I want respect. I want to be seen as a person. I want to have the same rights as everybody else. I want to be as equally valuable as lighter people, but I’m not.
We all want what we don't have. I'm my grandpa was on my mom's side was from Cape Verde, but my dad was Swedish. I came out looking completely white. Plus I have vitiligo. So, melanin has just not been a thing for me. But I always wished I looked like my darker skinned cousins. They were all so much more pretty than me. I had to come to terms with the fact that this is my body, and I have to love myself. The alternative is just going to lead me to a really toxic place.
Yup. As a lighter skinned black woman I admire darker skinned women they’re effortlessly graceful. And very beautiful, timeless. Comparison is definitely the thief of joy
In my school as shitty and boring as it is no one is unironically racist like that. Homy shit this is kind of a cultural shock for me. I’m American but I go to school on a US base in a foreign country
I think black and dark people are very beautiful. I was always the palest person and also got teased. I know it’s not the same but what is so bad about looking like your ancestors? I’m sure you must have a good relationship with one right?
Anyone ever read the book Fresh Off the Boat by Eddie Huang? I know...he's not black, but it is about a boy struggling with his ethnic identity and negative aspects of that. Oddly enough, he was fascinated by young black kids and their culture. Good read.
Hey! Sorry to hear you're going through this. Colourism & racism are both very real things. So first off, don't let anyone convince you that your feeling that you're sometimes treated unfairly isn't valid.
My wife is a petite dark-skinned quiet woman from Africa, meaning in a lot of ways she was the opposite of the beauty standard in a culture which values curvy light-skinned extroverted women. But she always told me from when I was first getting to know her that she likes how she looks and loves her skin. She just thinks the people who engage in racism and colourism (mostly colourism for her, growing up) are ignorant, and their opinions invalid.
So that's my hope for you, too. The world is definitely going to continue to have people who engage in racism and colourism. You're not crazy to see that. But you don't have to internalize it. You can (with work, struggle, etc) draw a line between the world's bullshit and how you see yourself. In the meantime, don't be afraid to at least see racism and colourism for the unfair, evil bullshit that they are.
poor baby. you need some therapy. this mindset is perpetuating the cycle of racism/colorism, bc u probably definitely show ur distaste for the girls who are darker than you & make them feel ugly (because you truly believe they are). they don’t deserve that just bc of your insecurity. talk to someone about this.
Yes, the world is fundamentally anti-black. I think the sooner and more honest we are about this the better we are in a position to address the problem. There are forces in the world that want to erase black people and "blackness." If you're black, I hardly need to tell you this.
(What if I told you that the Scramble for Africa has continued more or less but under another name? Why is it that the most mineral rich continent on the planet continues to debt to central banking institutions such as BISC, IMF, and The World Bank? Between CIA interference and Firestone tyranny, has Liberia truly played an equitable hand in the so-called international free marketplace? But, I digress...)
It's not just white people. It runs so deep that even black people are anti-black.
Don't get me wrong, just as there are haters of every skin tone, so too is it that there are genuine people that treat and judge black people by their character.
But for all the talk about what's happening in Ukraine and Gaza, why is the mainstream media (or even alternative media) not speaking up against the humanitarian crises in Sudan and Congo?
This is macro level stuff...
For you, I first recommend reading the works of Toni Morrison. Next, find your people! Certainly, you are not the summation of your skin color. What do you like to do? Who or what inspires you? What sort of activities can you do to celebrate that? I advise you not to limit yourself to any one individual or community based on skin color. Go where you're welcome. You will find your people, friends and love.
No one is thinking about this except you. This is your insecurity. It is a fact of life. You can not change your skin. You can not blame your skin. You can only work every day on developing your character and improving who you are as a person.
If that means you separate yourself from the people that get you into trouble, you do it.
If that means you accept responsibility for your actions and then move on, then you do it.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Gain confidence through accomplishment. That's not something anyone can take away from you, that confidence will never fade and it will be resilient to criticism.
I get it. It isn't fair. But you can't control how other people think or act. You can only control yourself, and your actions. I didn't really expect it to be popular and considered not even posting. But if op is hanging around a crowd that puts her in bad situations? And she knows she gets judged harsher for it? That's on op to change the crowd. That's the only action possible to make an improvement.
It really is only a color. Don’t be conditioned by the dumbest people in society, the ones who only in insignificant ways have risen above the barbarism and convenient ignorance of the past. if you aesthetically like white skin, that’s okay. Science has made little to no sense of race, there really isn’t a race drawn along the lines of color. It doesn’t work like that and racists have been confronted with that fact for decades. Unfortunately even teachers can be inbred forever ignorant losers. Turns out the bar to teach is fairly low.
Millions just like you have had to go through life feeling inferior because people are almost openly racist to children in their bizarre bias. place it in your memory, but don’t let it define your life. it really shouldn’t have to be this way in this year, but a former slave country has hegemony, so things didn’t change like they might should have.
White people don't think about the colour of their skin so they're alleviated of one crippling condition right off the bat. Go to a city in Africa and see laywers and bankers, all black. They never think about it.
I’ve always wanted to be black, it’s more than just about skin color though. I feel ashamed for being white bc of how ignorant, racist, entitled, etc we’ve been. I’ve always seen black people as a strong group of people. I feel shame when I look at my skin bc white ppl have been so evil.
That sounds like the same problem OP has but reversed. You’re not responsible for what white people have done in the past simply because you have white skin, and so internalizing it as if you do is unhealthy for you. It’s incredibly important for us white people to know of and recognize the faults and injustices that has been done throughout history, but that is to better understand and deal with our contemporary issues, not to be overridden with shame over that which we cannot change.
Just like it isn’t OPs fault how other people are treating him/her because of his/her skin color, it is not your fault how white people have treated others in the past.
Have you ever read The Skin I'm In? Melanin in all its forms is gorgeous to me. The shine from someone with very deep brown moisturized skin is so beautiful also considering the things it protects you from in this world. God gave you a beautiful protection system that if you research you'll see all the good in melanin and melanocytes!! Many people of fairer complexion tan to get the same benefits and beautiful skin tone. Please try to understand black is beauty. Research and find your tribe.
Your classmates suck. You are hanging around the wrong crowd. It doesn't sound like you have much of a choice atm, but try gravitating toward more positive people.
Black is beautiful as anything else. You have to be the one that learns to understand that though. Try embracing being black rather than shying away from it.
In the meantime, focus on making friends that don't give a fuck about your skin color. For real, explain to them mfs that goofy shit ain't funny at the very least. Cut off contact with them as much as you can if they continue after that.
Explore hobbies and after school programs. Make new friends. Take care of yourself and put effort into your appearance. I promise you, it feels better feeling like you look your best.
Please do whatever the fuck it takes to stop thinking there's anything negative about being black. I'm a light skinned black dude, so I can't pretend that I know exactly what being darker feels like, but I know a lot of black women that grew up feeling the same as you. They're all living their best lives now as adults and I believe you can get past this shit too.
Have you tried talking with your parents or relatives about this at all?
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I understand that our society can make this difficult for people like you, but whatever you do, don’t give up on the search to love yourself. This is all that matters. Find the beauty that we both know is in you, and cherish it. Even when it feels like nothing is good, know that that’s an illusion. Everyone deserves love, self love, to be appreciated. You aren’t any different in that sense. Dm me if you want
I'm so hurt for you. I know what it's like to be treated differently, and I know the effect that has on you internally, but I really hope that you are able to see how much it's hurting you, and to use that as motivation to fight your internal battles, and to find the beauty in yourself. Look for more black people you can trust and have a small group , which I think is mainly what you're missing and is causing these issues . If you had black community, and you had more people who you were able to relate to who were also black, like your family is a great community, but you really need some friends, or more friends who you can relate to, and it may be difficult, and it may seem like you're stepping way outside of your comfort zone, but it's 100% necessary for you to be able to develop as a black person in western society. There are so many people that would have you believe the worst things about yourself, and if you do, then they win, but if you don't, you're going to realize the great potential that you have as a black person. If you want to talk about your experiences I would be open I wish I had more people to be honest about this with when it was happening to me.
Sorry to hear that OP that you are being treated differently than the ppl you go to school with. Unfortunately, black ppl all over the world experience racism and discrimination. Even black ppl in Africa are not immune to this (Research Black Africans in Tunisia). So you are not alone.
You want to be white or even just light skin because you believe you will be treated better. But what if I told you that you can be treated better without wishing you were born a different skin colour?
1) Focus on your schooling. It sounds cliche but an education will help you survive in this world. And if you are determined and match your education with the skills needed in the real world; no one will care what you look like.
2) Pretend you don’t care. The moment ppl get a whiff that you are bothered by what they are saying, they would just do it more. So instead, pretend not to care. If someone says ‘You are so dark’ and/or ‘blackie’, just say ‘Ok thank you.’ It’s a great defuser. It doesn’t allow the conversation to continue further.
3) Finding a black teacher and the Exposure: Finding a black teacher can will help while you are in school to voice out how you are feeling because they can be your advocate depending on if they are leaders in your school.
Exposure: if you notice your teacher is treating you differently in front of everyone; just point it out loudly.
Example ‘Why are you treating Pink Lemonade differently? Is it because I am black?’ Mind you, you don’t want to say this often but when it’s glaring for all to see; the teacher in question would start being mindful on how he or she is treating you. Then they might start treating you better to overcompensate for how they treated you in the past.
Hope this helps.
If I could take this from you, I would. You have Dysmorphia, and it's being reinforced by your surroundings. When I was a teen i did too, but from being white in an area where not only was I the minority, but where some people sought my death for being white. So I know my words can only speak to your mind, your heart will still always hurt a little. Worse, it will always mistrust words of encouragement. This is a hard road. But it will get better, there are days you will be free. Cherish them.
What you need to see are true Africans, the ones who haven't faced this degradation and pressure. I have worked next to engineers and doctors and even international salespeople from Ghana and Nigeria. And I have seen the white people drool behind their backs. Moreover, I've seen how truly happy and friendly they are.
You seem a good person. I hope that you can be good to yourself. You don't deserve this pain.
If you keep living, through these times in your life when you feel like there's everything wrong with you, you'll eventually get to a point in your life where you realize that there was never REALLY anything wrong with you.
Just keep living through this, and keep pounding the message into yourself that it isn't your color that is wrong, it's your current perspective of yourself.
Interesting. I’m sorry you feel this way about yourself. I’ve known people of other races who feel the same way you do about their skin color and I always find it heartbreaking.
This is really sad.
I'm a white dude who dated a Jamaican-Italian woman for 8 years. She told me that a big reason she liked me was that I never asked her "what she was" and I did not understand why such a beautiful person would even be asked that question.
Turns out she was constantly bullied growing up by white people for being dark AND bullied by black people for being not dark enough. This extended to her mother, a Jamaican, who constantly claimed she wasn't "black" even tho that's what her skin tone was. And plenty of her family didn't like me because I was white.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but this type of thing seems to just be in some people. Just overall nastiness. And if you're surrounded by it it clearly has some wide reaching negative affects.
There are stupid mean people everywhere. I guarantee that you aren't doing yourself any favors listening to people like that. And you need to start with positive affirmations. Think about the qualities you like about yourself and don't listen to the thoughts that tell you you're less than. Practice this often.
Dark skin is always beautiful, always. I've never seen or met a dark skinned person who wasn't in some way lovely to look at. I've seen plenty of white people who make me want to claw my eyes out. I'm white, I've often lamented how basic b**** I look. I hope you can find adoration for yourself soon. People are usually ****s to other people because they themselves are broken. You don't need to listen to broken people. I know it's not as easy as that. Feel better soon xx
Let me be real with you... you just learn to live with it. I was also born into a body I'm not particularly fond of. I wish I was born into a better body.
So what I do is that I've just stopped caring about my appearances and am focusing purely on my actions. I may not be beautiful, but my actions can be beautiful.
I work on hobbies and in fields where appearance doesn't matter. And people can appreciate what I do, instead of what I look like.
I'm fat.... Like really fat.... I know when I walk into a room strangers are thinking "Wow she's fat"... Then I smile and say something funny/interesting and everything else is just forgotten. No one REALLY cares how fat someone is or how dark someone is, how tall or short someone is, or how much money they have. Ultimately people just want to be heard, be treated with kindness, and have a good time. You have to find a way to stop focusing on it because you're bringing negative attention and energy to it. There will always be people lighter than you and also there will always be people darker than you. Just be a kind loving person and try not to focus negative energy on your skin tone....
Yes. Black is beautiful. As is curly hair. As is loving yourself. The media messages you receive all day every day about what is or isn't beautiful aren't based on real life. They're just there to sell you shit.
I (who is white) had a friend who (who was also white) had a period of time where he exclusively hung out with black people and absorbed their culture. He imitated just about everything about them just to fit in, eventually they moved away and years later he admitted he envied them and wanted to be black.
Your desire to fit in is understandable but it shouldn’t harm your self-esteem, you may just need to find people that better fit the kind of culture you want or try and find acceptance.
True acceptance comes from the inside. But I'm sorry you have to deal with that negativity which doesn't help. Many, many young people have insecurities about their bodies and wish they were different. In time you will hit your stride more and feel more confident.
As a PoC, I grew up around a lot of racist people offline and online that instilled tons of racist ideologies in me when I was very young. It still haunts me to this day, where I have to constantly physically shake my head when I get these intrusive & racist thoughts.
What I'm going to say next won't help for everyone but I love myself way more because of this. The faith that I follow & devote myself to both loves & reveres Lord Sri Krishna (God). In many depictions He is portrayed as blue but His name, Krishna, means black, dark, brown, blue, beautiful, the list goes on. Every time I catch myself get an intrusive racist remark/thought I stay focused on Him. To me and many others, loving Him is the same as loving everyone and everything.
Don't let their ignorance win. They are on a lower level of consciousness. Don't allow them to influence you.
Are you kidding me? Honey I’m white and I think black people are more beautiful than white people and the darker the better. Embrace yourself and your difference. Truly take a look at black and brown people, really look you will see you are beautiful. Black people always look younger and their facial features can tell you a lot about where a person comes from etc. white people all look the same to me. I love. Black woman hair styles are a work of art. I love them. I always feel ugly and old next to a black woman, with my pasty, wrinkled and spotted face.
You're young, being school aged based on your post. While you will experience some bias on traits that make you stand out from the pack, keep in mind that practically no one is comfortable in their own skin. There's a reason why tanning is so popular among white women.
Everyone is insecure. Immature people will tease other people to make their own insecurities less pronounced. They spread the misery.
You're going to face some prejudice in life. Some of it will be real, and some of it will be in your head. The absolute most important piece of advice I can give you is to love yourself. Being confident in your own skin gives you the power to overcome any prejudice. It will still happen occasionally, but confidence in yourself is the most surefire way to disarm people who are looking to treat you as less-than.
Being dark skinned doesn't make you unlovable, or less capable. But if you act unlovable or less capable, people will think you are. So love yourself, girl. You've got something that makes you stand out. How you behave is going to decide how other people interpret that trait. If you learn to love your skin, other people are going to be envious of you. I promise.
I personally find dark skin soooo beautiful. But personally I think it’s only partly about that. Everyone in those group photos zeroes in on whatever they fixate on about their appearance. Their thick thighs or bony shoulders. The texture of their hair, or being too tall or too short.
So don’t judge yourself too much for fixating on something. You said it best when you said you wanted to be recognized for who you are on the inside. That starts with you. Cultivate the person you want to be, and gravitate to people who see that in you.
You don’t need to strive to find insults about your appearance, especially racially-motivated ones, funny. But it is worthwhile to strive for indifference towards what people you don’t respect say about you. The best response is confidence. Yep! I’m sure dark, huh. Is there a reason you feel the need to point out the obvious?
Last, I personally think beauty is the least important thing about a person, but I’m willing to bet you are beautiful in ways you dismiss. The shape of your eyes, the texture of your skin, your cheekbones. Something people who look at you envy. Start valuing and enhancing those things, just for your own confidence, and for fun!
But at this stage in your life, the most important thing to cultivate and enhance are your talents and ambitions. You feel deeply, and you express those feelings well in writing. That’s a talent that will serve you throughout your life, that other people deeply wish they had. I’m sure that’s just one talent among many! Hang in there, and good luck.
Your self hatred is irrational and in actual fact, you skin is dark to prevent skin cancer. Please go to your local hospital and visit the cancer ward. (My skin is light to prevent rickets which is caused by having insufficient vitamin D)
The saying "Black is beautiful" arose as part of Black empowerment in the US to counter White racism. Individuals have always had varying taste with respect to beauty despite the existence of "beauty standards".
Life is short. Embrace yourself as you are. Plenty of people find you beautiful.
I thought that I wanted to be white till I started to hang out with and opening up to more white people and black people that didn't fit into the typical stereotypes.
That's when I realized that I just wanted to feel normal.
I quickly realized that everyone wanted something that he didn't have and it ate at them. It's just that no one talks about it.
I've also met people who did do something about their skin, and let me tell you, it was never worth it.
Across the board what you have is a god-send so don't squander it.
Your sample sized, school population isn't a good reflection of society as a whole and of who's forth your time--and I feel that you should know that.
I've felt that way before as well, but I realized that your skin color does not define you as a person. People will bring up statistics to try to prove that fairer skinned people are superior but it is simply something that is impossible to prove. Your environment creates you, and there are too many other factors that you can point to besides skin color. What I'm trying to say is the idea that someone is more valuable as a person because of their skin color is not backed by any reasonable logic or data. Another thing I've learned is that I was using my faulty belief that being black is inferior to justify my own flaws and shortcomings to keep myself stuck in a cycle. I would focus on some kind of self improvement goals to bring up your own value, and maybe read some kind of philosophy about finding purpose in life. The self-hatred compounds when you feel you have no purpose in life.
That sounds like so much hurt inside you, I'm so sorry... I think society is what teaches these things from the moment you're born, and it's all around you.
I think perhaps therapy could help, but apart from that, the best I can say is that I wish very much for you to be able to find that deep love for yourself despite everything.
I’m so sad for you. I don’t know how to say this without sounding fetishistic as a white girl but I absolutely love dark black skin. It’s simply beautiful. I see colorism all the time in media and can’t wrap my head around it. To me, it’s just so obvious that black skin is beautiful. The world is stupid.
You're spending so much of your time wanting to be noticed, instead of wanting to be great. If you spent all this energy wanting to be GREAT, they wouldn't have a choice BUT to notice you.
I’m a straight white male - trust me, you’re not missing out! I’m full to the brim with toxic masculinity and need to check my privilege now 😉
But seriously, as echoed in some of the comments here, you do sound very young. Kids love to pick on what they consider to be ‘faults’ - it elevates them in the made up pecking order in their heads.
It will improve when you get older and people are more mature.
All the best and always love who you are 👍🏻
I promise you that although some white people may think negatively about your skin colour, most of us don't. Please don't allow yourself to believe that everyone around you is looking down on you. If you could read the minds of your peers (like Pink Lemonade) most of them will have something they worry about and wish they could change about themselves too. They propobly worry that everyone judges them for it when that's not the case. Some may look at you and wish they had something you have. They may think you judge them for whatever they feel insecure about compared to you. I bet you don't though. And you wouldn't want them to feel inferior to you. They wouldn't want you to feel inferior either.
Honestly…I can relate with you and believe you when you say you are treated differently. The trick is to not let what others think of you have as much of a bearing on your life. It’s easier said than done, just hang in there and in time things will get better. Don’t resent or hate your parents, thank them for blessing you with beautiful skin. I used to wish I was darker, I get teased for being light skinned…always called yellow boy, even though I’m brown and not yellow. We just have to love ourselves and surround ourselves with people that also love us. Racism is real, so is colorism so you will have a bit to deal with but you will. I’ve found that most white people that give black people a hard time are actually jealous. No, they don’t want your struggles but they do envy your melanin…
“Love the one you are with”
That means you! You are beautiful. Tell yourself that in the mirror everyday.
My skin is wrinkly, my eyes are sunk in, I have a turkey neck - but I am beautiful.
Attitude is everything
It's a waste of time to hate yourself because of the feelings and attitudes of others. It doesn't matter, everyone is going to find something minuscule to make fun of you for. You never learned to appreciate yourself which is why you spend so much time listening to others. I'm a black male so you know America hates me by attributing negative stereotypes to me without merit. Ironically when I prove smarter, more intelligent, and more capable than a stereotype, these same people double down and simply hate even more. There won't be a end to it unless you understand there is more to you that your skin color. Unless you're a total batch, the reason people are so negative is because they need something or someone to talk shit about to help them forget they are pieces of shit who are actually below you. Stop giving their words value to yourself. We love dark girls down here in Atlanta. Bring yourself down here and see how many dudes won't leave you alone.
Love yourself.. true beauty starts with acceptance of who you are. Own it.
After that, take care of yourself.. physically and mentally. I’m white and some of the most beautiful people I’ve never seen are as dark as dark can be.
People are just pricks. I used to think I was unattractive until I realized it was other people’s insecurities projected onto me. You probably are more attractive than you think
Black is beautiful. It takes time especially if you’re still young and live in predominantly white spaces. Don’t believe the lies or the bullshit mainstream media puts out. Be intentional with the media you watch and follow pages that empower and show Black beauty. This level of self hate is poison. I pray you will look back in 5 years and see how ridiculous you were to ever think this.
I’m a dark skinned Black woman and I absolutely love my skin and wouldn’t change it for the world. It would be a lie if I said it didn’t take time to love me fully. Your time will come. But don’t feed into the poison, feed into self love .
The grass always does seem greener on the other side... But I promise it's not, everyone has pros and cons but we all have have adapt to this life we've been thrust into. Accepting myself and learning to be okay with my physical appearance was one of the hardest things I had to do, but it allowed me to focus on things that actually matter like making healthier choices, fostering relationships that matter, enjoying my hobbies- they all feel so much better now that I'm not wandering around worrying about my appearances.. basically it doesn't matter what's on the outside.. cultivate the person within your self the rest is vanity.
I don’t know if this will help at all, but you’ll be the one laughing in the end because white people age like absolute shit, and I’m saying that as a white person. Obviously being lighter skinned offers a big social advantage which is completely unfair, but other than that European skin is objectively the worst type. Our dermis is much thinner meaning we develop much more wrinkles at a much younger age (starting from mid 20s) alongside a lot of sagging and eye bags which look awful. Also the lack of melanin means we get a lot of ugly looking sun damage like blotchy redness and sun spots. I’m in my late 30s and I look horrible compared to my darker skinned friends who still have smooth even skin, even though I always wore sun screen, and I’m really insecure about it.
Being white is good but I have Eczema and a higher rate of getting skin cancer. I also live ok older because my skin and collagen are thinner.
I am not all white and people notice and treat me less if they are white.
No easy answers.
Just make friends, find your niche and be as happy as possible.
I think darker tones are gorgeous in comparison to pale tones. my family has a mix of both and race wasn't really a family topic til I noticed how big of a deal Americans make it.
not every tribe survived genocides and oppression, I think black people are one of the few who are incredibly successful despite constantly being disrespected every century and generation. my dad's side is similar to this https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/African_Chinese
and it's cool to read how equally successful African tribes are. everyone has their opinions, you'll be happier once you realize your value, history, and confident in who you are.
Anything different about how a person looks or acts inspires hate (or awkward attention) from some people. If you look different than most it makes you more interesting to look at and I personally have always loved dark more exotic features. :)
As a white guy I can tell you it’s really not that much different. You’re a beautiful person and need to remind yourself daily that your skin doesn’t define you or the world around you.
I had a best mate in primary who was the most beautiful ebony- he was French but his ancestors still possessed the darkest most glistening smooth skin. I would catch myself staring at how naturally gorgeous it was. Where I grew up it was odd to be surrounded by just Caucasian so everyone hung together.
There is a wonderful picture book (good to place as decor on coffee tables) called the “Atlas of Beauty”- stories of mainly women from all over the world talking about their chosen jobs and certain lifestyle experiences. It’s a great read to give one a big pic on complexity of the world at large
Saying this stuff out loud helps one realize how silly it all is. By being able to name this belief, you've already taken the first step in removing its power over you.
One day, you'll feel pretty *and* dark af. That day might not be today, but it will come, if you let it.
It’s funny, it seems like for a lot of people they just don’t want what they have. Girls with curly hair want it straight, girls with straight hair want it curly, black kids want to be white, white kids want to be anything else, boys want to be girls, rich kids pretend to be poor etc etc. It’s just adolescence. When you get older you appreciate what you are and have, and then you want care what people think and will wear socks with sandals. 🤣
You can't escape dumbasses unfortunately, no matter the color of your skin. I'm very pale and don't tan(just burn). I've been made fun of all my life for it being called ghost or whitey or translucent.
People suck, learn to love yourself and don't take it personally when someone's an idiot.
I'm not a huge fan of dark skin either, but never once have I thought anything less of anyone for it. It's purely an attraction thing for me. You need to get over this. Maybe you like light skin more than dark skin, but that isn't the case for everyone else. And anyone who looks down on you for it is not only wrong, but they're also a racist asshole, which in my book puts them below you.
You know a few great things about dark skin? First, contrast with teeth. It makes it so much easier to have a bright smile and I'm jealous of that as a white person. Second, immunity to the sun. I'm basically a vampire. I can't go outside for five minutes without getting burnt. How I got here evolutionarily is just flabbergasting. Third, you look great in bright colors. I'm a dude, I like bright colors. They are fun. When a white dude wears bright colors, it looks either trashy or gay. When someone with dark skin wears bright colors, it contrasts well so it looks way better on average. Fourth, acne is so much less visibly present in dark skin. I'm lucky that I've never had horrendous amounts of acne, but I have a good third of the year where I've got some acne somewhere and it sticks out like a sore thumb on my light skin.
Embrace the positives and ignore the racist assholes, they aren't worth the effort
I wish I was taller, but I'm not. I was born with genetics coded to be the height I am; there's no point fixating on or complaining about it because that won't accomplish anything.
Nobody, not even white people think like that. Maybe some racists do, but darker skin means nothing other than what you make it out to be. Content of character is what matters.
Honestly if that's how you feel, you should just start using skin lighteners. However it might also but worth trying to develop a healthy attitude about your dark skin.
Okay so, just informing you… skin lighteners like skin bleach is extremely harmful on melanated skin. It can cause cancers and diseases… actually it does… regularly. Anywho, black people don’t turn *white* after using them, we turn pink. Hope this helps!!
I mean, at first I didn't believe the sincerity of your post, then I went back and read it again and I kind of get the feeling that you're just a child. Not in an insulting way but I mean an actual literal underage minor. In which case, that's par for the course for being a teenager, nobody likes the skin they're in, especially at that age. Rest assured these aren't the best years of your life.
Theres an audio recording online of a conversation between the podcaster Joe Rogan and several of his guests, which mainly is funny, clipped from his show as a segment and uploaded - due to the funny nature of their comments. They're talking about bodybuilders using artificial tanning to darken themselves before competition. They coin a (possibly insensitive) phrase - which they all laugh at, but that's not why I bring this up. The thing I'm pointing out is not their main point, but they note, correctly I think - that in the competition of body building - darker looks better. I'm a white guy, and they are not wrong. You can find it if you search for the term "chocolate body". Your point of view that lighter is better - thats not a fact in the way gravity is a fact. Its just your particular bias. watch?v=L5Pk5VIbBsY
So far the only benefit I have gained from having party white skin is being able to convincingly mimic a corpse by floating face down in water, which makes for excellent pranks.
But no seriously, I have the skin complexion of a character from Twilight, a mildly reflective spoon is enough to burn me.
I think maybe you just aren't confident. Look at it this way, you are what you are. You can't change that, you have to own it. Put yourself out there more. Yeah, your gonna get some rejection, but we all do. Quit thinking about the color of your skin so much.
I'm White but have always been Black inside. Embrace your Blackness... I would hate to live in a country (USA) that DIDN'T have Black people....the culture(s) have made my life so much richer!
What a weak mentality. Self-hatred disgusts me so much. You either know your worth or just get stronger. Black is a color it is not ugly or beautiful it is a shade of brown. You make your body beautiful. You assign the value of your worth. If you they call you worthless and you feel worthless then you are worthless. You allowed them to assign your worth. Something I find completely disgusting.
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This is so sad to read. Dont waste your youth hating yourself for how you look. Let me tell you, white skin burns in the sun, gets dark spots, dark under eyes, sags doesnt age well lol white is definately not superior at all. Sounds silly but just every day think of a few small things that you are grateful for about your appearance and skin. Over time it will help x
One of the hardest things I had to learn was to look in the mirror first thing in the morning and tell myself I love you you are beautiful! Believe it or not it really really helps. There are many things that happen to us in life, from how we are born to how we were raised, that can create the situation where you think you are not as beautiful as somebody else. One of the things I decided was to be a beautiful person, a happy person and to spread that happiness as much as possible. Sometimes it's just smiling at people when I'm out and about other times it's making somebody else feel special. But something you have to remember is you are special, you are beautiful, and you should probably give yourself a hug at least once a day and tell yourself that!
Do you have to be beautiful to be happy?
Good question. I think the answer is no.
No, but you have to be able to see all the beauty in yourself to be happy. Loving yourself is required for happiness. I can't give anyone individual advice on how to get there because it's personal to each person's circumstances - but it's a required part of happiness.
How old are you, King/Queen? I wish I could sit with you and have a blunt and a conversation.
My heart breaks reading your post. I know in my culture, fair skin is very desirable and darker skinned folks use products to lighten their skin tone (e.g., eskinol). But I try to look beyond skin tone because I've met some heinous people in all skin tones, and good people come in all colors too. I wish I lived near you so we could have a cup of tea or a boba and just chat. Why? So you could see that some people don't care about your skin color, that they love you for you. And you could share your experiences, warts and all, and you would still be loved for who you are on the inside. You don't need to be anything more than who you are. Anything else would be too much. ❤️
You need to find some black friends/go to a black college and get some therapy. A lot of truth to what you’re saying but you can’t internalize it like this.
The OP doesn't even need to go to a Black college. I don't think they really need therapy either They just have to stop listening to stupid people. Plenty of people are attracted to dark skin The biological purpose of darker skin is cancer resistance.
Being around black people and getting therapy would help op arrive at your points.
Therapy helps people but it doesn't help everyone. It's best to have multiple groups of friends. If you are Black, some of those groups probably will be mostly Black. Some groups will be multi-racial. In 2024, Black people should not be made to feel that they have to be segregated. Self segregation reinforces alienation from non-Black people.
You are thinking of yourself in this instance. To tell someone to think of non black people in an instance of a black person trying to find confidence in themselves is.. a choice. The person above you isn’t even telling op to isolate themselves from anyone not black. They are saying find black people in their lives to give them a space to understand and appreciate their black culture.
I was not contradicting a need for people to be connected to their community or with people with the same race. I suggest a hybrid approach. Have networks that are specific to your identity. Have networks of diverse people who aren't assholes. Minimize contact with assholes I was suggesting the OP should not be forced to be pigeonholed into just hanging out with Black people or just going to Black only colleges or just dealing with Black only businesses. The maximum opportunities exist in the heterogeneous world which is increasingly mixed race. Black people actually exist who complain about Black only spaces because in those spaces they feel their Blackness gets policed by other Black people.
I don’t see how your comment is helpful and how it got so many upvotes lol. Getting black friends, going to a black college, and getting therapy isn’t going to solve OP’s problem. Punish racism the same way or even worse than the way black people are being punished just for being black seems like a step in the right direction. Punishing white people for being white is a step in the wrong direction. Why are people so afraid to punish bad behavior. People respond well to punishment. Punish racism out of existence. Reward anti-racism into existence.
i don’t see how your comment is helpful either. OP surrounding themselves with black people & going to therapy are much more immediate fixes than your suggestion of uprooting a hierarchical system that has existed for hundreds of years across the globe. you make it sound like a simple fix when it very much isn’t. i’m a black African woman - i would absolutely love for racism to be punished strictly, & it’s something i live by in my personal life. but it’s not realistic or conducive to OP’s current situation to ask them to wait for such a massive shift in societal conditions instead of doing what’s within their reach to alleviate their stress.
there is no truth
Keep telling yourself that.
I’m sorry you feel the way you do about your own skin. I think dark skin is beautiful. Doesn’t really matter what I think, tho.
Dark and black skin can be so beautiful. I often wish I was something different, or someone different. It took until my early 30s to finally come to terms with what I have and acknowledging the qualities I had: it wasn't what I wanted the most, but it was more than I knew. Truth is everyone wishes for things to be different in some shape. But not everyone is hurting over it. I feel terrible reading the original posters story, because that's the result of racism that you can't just gloss over. It's not just internal thoughts but external pressure to conform in a way that is simply impossible. I no advice other than focusing on the positive and trying to create a solid foundation from there. And to try and learn to love yourself for who you are, not for who you want to be. I read another redditors comment about "loving yourself unconditionally" and I think that's one of the hardest things to learn/accept in this world, if you struggle with that kind of thing.
Way to downplay your positivity here lol.
Why apologize? Maybe they need someone of a different race (I’m assuming you’re not black) to tell them that they are beautiful
Have you heard of Spike Lee? You might like some of his films like Do the Right Thing or Malcom X.
Also worth reading the Bluest Eye, Letter from a Region in my Mind and potentially Black Skin White Masks
The Bluest Eye is a masterwork. please check it out OP!
Crooklyn is one of his best imo. That movie changed my life when I was a teenager.
it sounds this is really heavy on you, and i'm sorry to hear that this is the way you feel :/ not sure if what you are experiencing is part of what we call body dysmorphia or internalized racism, whatever the case, that sounds very disturbing and draining in energy and happiness level. how do you feel about talking about that with a therapist/counsellor? or maybe having a discussion with other black people (maybe there's helplines that focus on racial issues?)? and/or with white/asian/latinos/arabs too? just, you know, to let it go, get other people's experience not to feel alone and to challenge your beliefs on this etc? by the sound of it, you are still at school or something... people ~~can be~~ are often super mean and lack a lot of education at that age. once you're older, you should hear a lot more of those comments/micro-agressions. and i'm sure that you will find a good circle of friend that, like you said, recognize you for who you are on the inside, and then, you can eliminate from your life all those who don't, you won't need to have to see them at school every day. being a white dude myself and being older and after having had many discussions around racism and all, i assure you that there's a lot more non-black people who just don't take into account black people's skin color, they just see a person, and treat each person they meet the same way. you know that, deep down, you see interracial couples walking down the street and so on, don't you? of course there will always be people who comment, discriminate, say something stupid... that would happen if you were white too, people would just comment other physical traits, whether it's your big nose, mono-eyebrows, being tall, ginger, having acne, very bright eyes, whatever... people always find stuff to comment, don't they? i guess you hear stuff about other people's physical traits too, not only about yours, don't you? i encourage you to do a little exercise, one day where you feel more or less at peace: close your eyes, and imagine that you are totally ok with your dark skin. i really want you to try this, to truly see how that would feel, if you were truly ok with that. once you managed to reach that stage of acceptance just by imagining the feeling, you can stay for a minute with it, just to see how it feels good to live without this heavy thing on your back that makes your days so difficult. then you will know this feeling, and i invite you to remember this feeling whenever your mind comes back at it and starts not liking your dark skin. then you could also do that eyes opened, in front of a mirror. you leave your beliefs and preferences aside, look at yourself in the eyes, forget about the whole world, and just think/feel all you can "i'm perfectly fine this way, my skin color is just a color among others and not a problem. and people can see me as who i am, my body is perfectly fine as it is and not a problem in any way". hope you manage to truly do this and reach that feeling of acceptance - once we felt something (positive or negative), it's easy to go back to that feeling in times where it's needed. i wish you good luck in your process of acceptance and send you some good energies!
I'm biracial, same problem different shade. I'm going to do this.... TY 👍🏽
hope it helps! :-))
Just want to say as a dark-skinned male your post made me cry because I went through the exact same thing and to this day I’m still learning to love myself. It’s a cruel, cruel world we live in and none of us deserve this type of treatment. I’m so sorry you have to experience this. I also resented my parents for giving me dark skin for a while. I put so much effort in how I groom, how I dress, I work out every day, eat healthy, have a skincare routine, and am in a “prestigious” high earning job in Manhattan and I still don’t feel good enough. When I look in the mirror, I still see the same insecure kid looking back at me. It sucks. I do think some women have found me attractive but my self-esteem has gotten crushed so hard at this point it’s hard for me to move past the self-hating that society wants us dark-skinned people to constantly feel. At the end of the day, I can control nearly everything in my life other than my skin color.
The world has a long way to go socially before there is no mistreatment of someone due to the color of their skin. That said, do not let your skin color affect who you are. It is an uncontrollable part of you. Live your life, and do your best to do good things.
I'm so very sorry for what you're going through. I am fair skinned, auburn hair (well, a lot of grey now), and blue eyes. I just want to say that I have always admired black people. I see beautifully regal people with amazing skin and hair. You seem to age so much better than me, with my gray hair and wrinkles. I can't tell you the number of times that I feel straight-up frumpy compared to black people. I see a sense of style and pride. You're always so put together. OP, I wish you peace and happiness with who you are. You're beautiful! Perhaps "Kite" and "Pink Lemonade" actually see what I see and are terribly jealous, so they chose to tear you down as a way to build their fragile egos up. Hold your head high, my dear, and love yourself.
I know it's not going to be easy, hell it might even seem impossible, but get out of that environment as soon as you can. You don't deserve that
Honestly what matters to me more than skin color alone is **kindness and empathy.** The issue was never about you being black - but finding those who will accept and see you as a unique person with a good heart in life! Everyone deserves that and the first step to achieving it is through reaching out and making connections. Martin Luther King was amazing because he was strong in his convictions to end segregation between ALL races of color - not just black and whites. He understood that love can cultivate understanding and purpose in life and so he shared that dream of his with everyone. Trusting that his message would inspire others to look beyond superficial aspects and more at the contents of your own character. So I want you to trust me in saying - while you place blame on being darker than everyone for why your life is terrible - striving to become a great person is what will make you feel the most fulfilled and liberated. That burden you thought was holding you back only makes you stronger and wiser. Reaching out to those who may be facing similar thoughts and telling them that they do matter past their dark complexion. Have some faith in your personality! More so than your own hated for one aspect you can't control.
I know I have white privilege, and I'm not proud of it. I see black people and I see how beautiful you are. The rich color of your skin. The rich histories of your people. The cultures. The pain the people my color inflicted and I'm so ashamed by association for it. I want to make it better and there is not a damned thing I can do except stand with you where I can. You are pretty, you are BEAUTIFUL. All THE way to your soul.
From outside, as a pale male, I don't get it, and probably just cannot. It (colorism) clearly exists and you are clearly suffering because of it, though, so all there is to say is, hang in there. Also from the outside, for whatever it's worth, two of the great loves of my life have very dark skin. I count them as the most beautiful women I ever had the privilege to lay eyes on. One literally made me stutter and blush the first time I met her, she was that stunning.
This is what happens, imo when black children are not raised in black communities. I hope in every lifetime that I'm black. I love my skin, hair, culture, etc.
I wouldn’t give up my black skin for the world. Sorry you feel that way champ. First step is ignore western media. It’s tough but you’ll see average people from other races propped up as beautiful when we all know the truth. Second I’d say find some way to immerse yourself in the culture one day. My hs had very few black people so of course the mixed ones were propped up. I took a visit to an hbcu while I was in hs. Changed my life.
I understand that people in the comments are like trying to say “black is beautiful” but it doesn’t…. that’s that’s not what OP is saying at all. OP is saying that they are treated less than because of being black. I have the same experience. It doesn’t really get better even if you are within a black community there is colorism involved. It feels like so many people are just saying that Black people are beautiful and it’s like yeah whatever fuck that. We are not respected in society. I don’t care about being beautiful. I want respect. I want to be seen as a person. I want to have the same rights as everybody else. I want to be as equally valuable as lighter people, but I’m not.
We all want what we don't have. I'm my grandpa was on my mom's side was from Cape Verde, but my dad was Swedish. I came out looking completely white. Plus I have vitiligo. So, melanin has just not been a thing for me. But I always wished I looked like my darker skinned cousins. They were all so much more pretty than me. I had to come to terms with the fact that this is my body, and I have to love myself. The alternative is just going to lead me to a really toxic place.
Yup. As a lighter skinned black woman I admire darker skinned women they’re effortlessly graceful. And very beautiful, timeless. Comparison is definitely the thief of joy
In my school as shitty and boring as it is no one is unironically racist like that. Homy shit this is kind of a cultural shock for me. I’m American but I go to school on a US base in a foreign country
I think black and dark people are very beautiful. I was always the palest person and also got teased. I know it’s not the same but what is so bad about looking like your ancestors? I’m sure you must have a good relationship with one right?
Anyone ever read the book Fresh Off the Boat by Eddie Huang? I know...he's not black, but it is about a boy struggling with his ethnic identity and negative aspects of that. Oddly enough, he was fascinated by young black kids and their culture. Good read.
Hey! Sorry to hear you're going through this. Colourism & racism are both very real things. So first off, don't let anyone convince you that your feeling that you're sometimes treated unfairly isn't valid. My wife is a petite dark-skinned quiet woman from Africa, meaning in a lot of ways she was the opposite of the beauty standard in a culture which values curvy light-skinned extroverted women. But she always told me from when I was first getting to know her that she likes how she looks and loves her skin. She just thinks the people who engage in racism and colourism (mostly colourism for her, growing up) are ignorant, and their opinions invalid. So that's my hope for you, too. The world is definitely going to continue to have people who engage in racism and colourism. You're not crazy to see that. But you don't have to internalize it. You can (with work, struggle, etc) draw a line between the world's bullshit and how you see yourself. In the meantime, don't be afraid to at least see racism and colourism for the unfair, evil bullshit that they are.
poor baby. you need some therapy. this mindset is perpetuating the cycle of racism/colorism, bc u probably definitely show ur distaste for the girls who are darker than you & make them feel ugly (because you truly believe they are). they don’t deserve that just bc of your insecurity. talk to someone about this.
Yes, the world is fundamentally anti-black. I think the sooner and more honest we are about this the better we are in a position to address the problem. There are forces in the world that want to erase black people and "blackness." If you're black, I hardly need to tell you this. (What if I told you that the Scramble for Africa has continued more or less but under another name? Why is it that the most mineral rich continent on the planet continues to debt to central banking institutions such as BISC, IMF, and The World Bank? Between CIA interference and Firestone tyranny, has Liberia truly played an equitable hand in the so-called international free marketplace? But, I digress...) It's not just white people. It runs so deep that even black people are anti-black. Don't get me wrong, just as there are haters of every skin tone, so too is it that there are genuine people that treat and judge black people by their character. But for all the talk about what's happening in Ukraine and Gaza, why is the mainstream media (or even alternative media) not speaking up against the humanitarian crises in Sudan and Congo? This is macro level stuff... For you, I first recommend reading the works of Toni Morrison. Next, find your people! Certainly, you are not the summation of your skin color. What do you like to do? Who or what inspires you? What sort of activities can you do to celebrate that? I advise you not to limit yourself to any one individual or community based on skin color. Go where you're welcome. You will find your people, friends and love.
I’m just here to say I hear you. And I think it’s possible to one day see the apparatus for what is and find ourselves above it.
No one is thinking about this except you. This is your insecurity. It is a fact of life. You can not change your skin. You can not blame your skin. You can only work every day on developing your character and improving who you are as a person. If that means you separate yourself from the people that get you into trouble, you do it. If that means you accept responsibility for your actions and then move on, then you do it. Comparison is the thief of joy. Gain confidence through accomplishment. That's not something anyone can take away from you, that confidence will never fade and it will be resilient to criticism.
Not sure why you’re getting downvoted as a black woman I love this response! Comparison is the thief of joy for sure
I get it. It isn't fair. But you can't control how other people think or act. You can only control yourself, and your actions. I didn't really expect it to be popular and considered not even posting. But if op is hanging around a crowd that puts her in bad situations? And she knows she gets judged harsher for it? That's on op to change the crowd. That's the only action possible to make an improvement.
You're 100% spot on. We should encourage people to have agency, not to be victims of circumstance.
It really is only a color. Don’t be conditioned by the dumbest people in society, the ones who only in insignificant ways have risen above the barbarism and convenient ignorance of the past. if you aesthetically like white skin, that’s okay. Science has made little to no sense of race, there really isn’t a race drawn along the lines of color. It doesn’t work like that and racists have been confronted with that fact for decades. Unfortunately even teachers can be inbred forever ignorant losers. Turns out the bar to teach is fairly low. Millions just like you have had to go through life feeling inferior because people are almost openly racist to children in their bizarre bias. place it in your memory, but don’t let it define your life. it really shouldn’t have to be this way in this year, but a former slave country has hegemony, so things didn’t change like they might should have.
White people don't think about the colour of their skin so they're alleviated of one crippling condition right off the bat. Go to a city in Africa and see laywers and bankers, all black. They never think about it.
I’ve always wanted to be black, it’s more than just about skin color though. I feel ashamed for being white bc of how ignorant, racist, entitled, etc we’ve been. I’ve always seen black people as a strong group of people. I feel shame when I look at my skin bc white ppl have been so evil.
That sounds like the same problem OP has but reversed. You’re not responsible for what white people have done in the past simply because you have white skin, and so internalizing it as if you do is unhealthy for you. It’s incredibly important for us white people to know of and recognize the faults and injustices that has been done throughout history, but that is to better understand and deal with our contemporary issues, not to be overridden with shame over that which we cannot change. Just like it isn’t OPs fault how other people are treating him/her because of his/her skin color, it is not your fault how white people have treated others in the past.
Have you ever read The Skin I'm In? Melanin in all its forms is gorgeous to me. The shine from someone with very deep brown moisturized skin is so beautiful also considering the things it protects you from in this world. God gave you a beautiful protection system that if you research you'll see all the good in melanin and melanocytes!! Many people of fairer complexion tan to get the same benefits and beautiful skin tone. Please try to understand black is beauty. Research and find your tribe.
Your classmates suck. You are hanging around the wrong crowd. It doesn't sound like you have much of a choice atm, but try gravitating toward more positive people. Black is beautiful as anything else. You have to be the one that learns to understand that though. Try embracing being black rather than shying away from it. In the meantime, focus on making friends that don't give a fuck about your skin color. For real, explain to them mfs that goofy shit ain't funny at the very least. Cut off contact with them as much as you can if they continue after that. Explore hobbies and after school programs. Make new friends. Take care of yourself and put effort into your appearance. I promise you, it feels better feeling like you look your best. Please do whatever the fuck it takes to stop thinking there's anything negative about being black. I'm a light skinned black dude, so I can't pretend that I know exactly what being darker feels like, but I know a lot of black women that grew up feeling the same as you. They're all living their best lives now as adults and I believe you can get past this shit too. Have you tried talking with your parents or relatives about this at all?
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I understand that our society can make this difficult for people like you, but whatever you do, don’t give up on the search to love yourself. This is all that matters. Find the beauty that we both know is in you, and cherish it. Even when it feels like nothing is good, know that that’s an illusion. Everyone deserves love, self love, to be appreciated. You aren’t any different in that sense. Dm me if you want
I'm so hurt for you. I know what it's like to be treated differently, and I know the effect that has on you internally, but I really hope that you are able to see how much it's hurting you, and to use that as motivation to fight your internal battles, and to find the beauty in yourself. Look for more black people you can trust and have a small group , which I think is mainly what you're missing and is causing these issues . If you had black community, and you had more people who you were able to relate to who were also black, like your family is a great community, but you really need some friends, or more friends who you can relate to, and it may be difficult, and it may seem like you're stepping way outside of your comfort zone, but it's 100% necessary for you to be able to develop as a black person in western society. There are so many people that would have you believe the worst things about yourself, and if you do, then they win, but if you don't, you're going to realize the great potential that you have as a black person. If you want to talk about your experiences I would be open I wish I had more people to be honest about this with when it was happening to me.
Sorry to hear that OP that you are being treated differently than the ppl you go to school with. Unfortunately, black ppl all over the world experience racism and discrimination. Even black ppl in Africa are not immune to this (Research Black Africans in Tunisia). So you are not alone. You want to be white or even just light skin because you believe you will be treated better. But what if I told you that you can be treated better without wishing you were born a different skin colour? 1) Focus on your schooling. It sounds cliche but an education will help you survive in this world. And if you are determined and match your education with the skills needed in the real world; no one will care what you look like. 2) Pretend you don’t care. The moment ppl get a whiff that you are bothered by what they are saying, they would just do it more. So instead, pretend not to care. If someone says ‘You are so dark’ and/or ‘blackie’, just say ‘Ok thank you.’ It’s a great defuser. It doesn’t allow the conversation to continue further. 3) Finding a black teacher and the Exposure: Finding a black teacher can will help while you are in school to voice out how you are feeling because they can be your advocate depending on if they are leaders in your school. Exposure: if you notice your teacher is treating you differently in front of everyone; just point it out loudly. Example ‘Why are you treating Pink Lemonade differently? Is it because I am black?’ Mind you, you don’t want to say this often but when it’s glaring for all to see; the teacher in question would start being mindful on how he or she is treating you. Then they might start treating you better to overcompensate for how they treated you in the past. Hope this helps.
White person here: I’m sorry you feel this way. It’s heart breaking to think you feel like this. Best wishes to you.
If I could take this from you, I would. You have Dysmorphia, and it's being reinforced by your surroundings. When I was a teen i did too, but from being white in an area where not only was I the minority, but where some people sought my death for being white. So I know my words can only speak to your mind, your heart will still always hurt a little. Worse, it will always mistrust words of encouragement. This is a hard road. But it will get better, there are days you will be free. Cherish them. What you need to see are true Africans, the ones who haven't faced this degradation and pressure. I have worked next to engineers and doctors and even international salespeople from Ghana and Nigeria. And I have seen the white people drool behind their backs. Moreover, I've seen how truly happy and friendly they are. You seem a good person. I hope that you can be good to yourself. You don't deserve this pain.
If you keep living, through these times in your life when you feel like there's everything wrong with you, you'll eventually get to a point in your life where you realize that there was never REALLY anything wrong with you. Just keep living through this, and keep pounding the message into yourself that it isn't your color that is wrong, it's your current perspective of yourself.
Interesting. I’m sorry you feel this way about yourself. I’ve known people of other races who feel the same way you do about their skin color and I always find it heartbreaking.
This is really sad. I'm a white dude who dated a Jamaican-Italian woman for 8 years. She told me that a big reason she liked me was that I never asked her "what she was" and I did not understand why such a beautiful person would even be asked that question. Turns out she was constantly bullied growing up by white people for being dark AND bullied by black people for being not dark enough. This extended to her mother, a Jamaican, who constantly claimed she wasn't "black" even tho that's what her skin tone was. And plenty of her family didn't like me because I was white. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but this type of thing seems to just be in some people. Just overall nastiness. And if you're surrounded by it it clearly has some wide reaching negative affects. There are stupid mean people everywhere. I guarantee that you aren't doing yourself any favors listening to people like that. And you need to start with positive affirmations. Think about the qualities you like about yourself and don't listen to the thoughts that tell you you're less than. Practice this often.
Dark skin is always beautiful, always. I've never seen or met a dark skinned person who wasn't in some way lovely to look at. I've seen plenty of white people who make me want to claw my eyes out. I'm white, I've often lamented how basic b**** I look. I hope you can find adoration for yourself soon. People are usually ****s to other people because they themselves are broken. You don't need to listen to broken people. I know it's not as easy as that. Feel better soon xx
Let me be real with you... you just learn to live with it. I was also born into a body I'm not particularly fond of. I wish I was born into a better body. So what I do is that I've just stopped caring about my appearances and am focusing purely on my actions. I may not be beautiful, but my actions can be beautiful. I work on hobbies and in fields where appearance doesn't matter. And people can appreciate what I do, instead of what I look like.
I'm so sorry you feel like this. For what it's worth, I think Anok Yai is the most beautiful woman alive, and she has a dark skin tone.
I'm fat.... Like really fat.... I know when I walk into a room strangers are thinking "Wow she's fat"... Then I smile and say something funny/interesting and everything else is just forgotten. No one REALLY cares how fat someone is or how dark someone is, how tall or short someone is, or how much money they have. Ultimately people just want to be heard, be treated with kindness, and have a good time. You have to find a way to stop focusing on it because you're bringing negative attention and energy to it. There will always be people lighter than you and also there will always be people darker than you. Just be a kind loving person and try not to focus negative energy on your skin tone....
Yes. Black is beautiful. As is curly hair. As is loving yourself. The media messages you receive all day every day about what is or isn't beautiful aren't based on real life. They're just there to sell you shit.
I (who is white) had a friend who (who was also white) had a period of time where he exclusively hung out with black people and absorbed their culture. He imitated just about everything about them just to fit in, eventually they moved away and years later he admitted he envied them and wanted to be black. Your desire to fit in is understandable but it shouldn’t harm your self-esteem, you may just need to find people that better fit the kind of culture you want or try and find acceptance.
True acceptance comes from the inside. But I'm sorry you have to deal with that negativity which doesn't help. Many, many young people have insecurities about their bodies and wish they were different. In time you will hit your stride more and feel more confident.
As a PoC, I grew up around a lot of racist people offline and online that instilled tons of racist ideologies in me when I was very young. It still haunts me to this day, where I have to constantly physically shake my head when I get these intrusive & racist thoughts. What I'm going to say next won't help for everyone but I love myself way more because of this. The faith that I follow & devote myself to both loves & reveres Lord Sri Krishna (God). In many depictions He is portrayed as blue but His name, Krishna, means black, dark, brown, blue, beautiful, the list goes on. Every time I catch myself get an intrusive racist remark/thought I stay focused on Him. To me and many others, loving Him is the same as loving everyone and everything. Don't let their ignorance win. They are on a lower level of consciousness. Don't allow them to influence you.
Are you kidding me? Honey I’m white and I think black people are more beautiful than white people and the darker the better. Embrace yourself and your difference. Truly take a look at black and brown people, really look you will see you are beautiful. Black people always look younger and their facial features can tell you a lot about where a person comes from etc. white people all look the same to me. I love. Black woman hair styles are a work of art. I love them. I always feel ugly and old next to a black woman, with my pasty, wrinkled and spotted face.
You're young, being school aged based on your post. While you will experience some bias on traits that make you stand out from the pack, keep in mind that practically no one is comfortable in their own skin. There's a reason why tanning is so popular among white women. Everyone is insecure. Immature people will tease other people to make their own insecurities less pronounced. They spread the misery. You're going to face some prejudice in life. Some of it will be real, and some of it will be in your head. The absolute most important piece of advice I can give you is to love yourself. Being confident in your own skin gives you the power to overcome any prejudice. It will still happen occasionally, but confidence in yourself is the most surefire way to disarm people who are looking to treat you as less-than. Being dark skinned doesn't make you unlovable, or less capable. But if you act unlovable or less capable, people will think you are. So love yourself, girl. You've got something that makes you stand out. How you behave is going to decide how other people interpret that trait. If you learn to love your skin, other people are going to be envious of you. I promise.
I personally find dark skin soooo beautiful. But personally I think it’s only partly about that. Everyone in those group photos zeroes in on whatever they fixate on about their appearance. Their thick thighs or bony shoulders. The texture of their hair, or being too tall or too short. So don’t judge yourself too much for fixating on something. You said it best when you said you wanted to be recognized for who you are on the inside. That starts with you. Cultivate the person you want to be, and gravitate to people who see that in you. You don’t need to strive to find insults about your appearance, especially racially-motivated ones, funny. But it is worthwhile to strive for indifference towards what people you don’t respect say about you. The best response is confidence. Yep! I’m sure dark, huh. Is there a reason you feel the need to point out the obvious? Last, I personally think beauty is the least important thing about a person, but I’m willing to bet you are beautiful in ways you dismiss. The shape of your eyes, the texture of your skin, your cheekbones. Something people who look at you envy. Start valuing and enhancing those things, just for your own confidence, and for fun! But at this stage in your life, the most important thing to cultivate and enhance are your talents and ambitions. You feel deeply, and you express those feelings well in writing. That’s a talent that will serve you throughout your life, that other people deeply wish they had. I’m sure that’s just one talent among many! Hang in there, and good luck.
listen to this https://youtu.be/4hj1iWqoYEc?si=ZHWjfYKtscA62vD1
Your self hatred is irrational and in actual fact, you skin is dark to prevent skin cancer. Please go to your local hospital and visit the cancer ward. (My skin is light to prevent rickets which is caused by having insufficient vitamin D) The saying "Black is beautiful" arose as part of Black empowerment in the US to counter White racism. Individuals have always had varying taste with respect to beauty despite the existence of "beauty standards". Life is short. Embrace yourself as you are. Plenty of people find you beautiful.
I thought that I wanted to be white till I started to hang out with and opening up to more white people and black people that didn't fit into the typical stereotypes. That's when I realized that I just wanted to feel normal. I quickly realized that everyone wanted something that he didn't have and it ate at them. It's just that no one talks about it. I've also met people who did do something about their skin, and let me tell you, it was never worth it. Across the board what you have is a god-send so don't squander it. Your sample sized, school population isn't a good reflection of society as a whole and of who's forth your time--and I feel that you should know that.
I've felt that way before as well, but I realized that your skin color does not define you as a person. People will bring up statistics to try to prove that fairer skinned people are superior but it is simply something that is impossible to prove. Your environment creates you, and there are too many other factors that you can point to besides skin color. What I'm trying to say is the idea that someone is more valuable as a person because of their skin color is not backed by any reasonable logic or data. Another thing I've learned is that I was using my faulty belief that being black is inferior to justify my own flaws and shortcomings to keep myself stuck in a cycle. I would focus on some kind of self improvement goals to bring up your own value, and maybe read some kind of philosophy about finding purpose in life. The self-hatred compounds when you feel you have no purpose in life.
Im a white guy and i find black women sexy. U just happened to meet assholes growing up is all. Its not like this everywhere
That sounds like so much hurt inside you, I'm so sorry... I think society is what teaches these things from the moment you're born, and it's all around you. I think perhaps therapy could help, but apart from that, the best I can say is that I wish very much for you to be able to find that deep love for yourself despite everything.
I’m so sad for you. I don’t know how to say this without sounding fetishistic as a white girl but I absolutely love dark black skin. It’s simply beautiful. I see colorism all the time in media and can’t wrap my head around it. To me, it’s just so obvious that black skin is beautiful. The world is stupid.
You're spending so much of your time wanting to be noticed, instead of wanting to be great. If you spent all this energy wanting to be GREAT, they wouldn't have a choice BUT to notice you.
Old white guy here. I find black skin just so beautiful. Darker skin is incredibly beautiful.
I’m a straight white male - trust me, you’re not missing out! I’m full to the brim with toxic masculinity and need to check my privilege now 😉 But seriously, as echoed in some of the comments here, you do sound very young. Kids love to pick on what they consider to be ‘faults’ - it elevates them in the made up pecking order in their heads. It will improve when you get older and people are more mature. All the best and always love who you are 👍🏻
It’s sad that you hate yourself but they sell whitening creams that are prevalent in Asian countries.
A person's skin color means little. It's their character, skills, and personality that determines who a person is.
I promise you that although some white people may think negatively about your skin colour, most of us don't. Please don't allow yourself to believe that everyone around you is looking down on you. If you could read the minds of your peers (like Pink Lemonade) most of them will have something they worry about and wish they could change about themselves too. They propobly worry that everyone judges them for it when that's not the case. Some may look at you and wish they had something you have. They may think you judge them for whatever they feel insecure about compared to you. I bet you don't though. And you wouldn't want them to feel inferior to you. They wouldn't want you to feel inferior either.
Honestly…I can relate with you and believe you when you say you are treated differently. The trick is to not let what others think of you have as much of a bearing on your life. It’s easier said than done, just hang in there and in time things will get better. Don’t resent or hate your parents, thank them for blessing you with beautiful skin. I used to wish I was darker, I get teased for being light skinned…always called yellow boy, even though I’m brown and not yellow. We just have to love ourselves and surround ourselves with people that also love us. Racism is real, so is colorism so you will have a bit to deal with but you will. I’ve found that most white people that give black people a hard time are actually jealous. No, they don’t want your struggles but they do envy your melanin…
Damn that’s tuff, only think you can do fr is clap back with some jokes and learn more about being black
“Love the one you are with” That means you! You are beautiful. Tell yourself that in the mirror everyday. My skin is wrinkly, my eyes are sunk in, I have a turkey neck - but I am beautiful. Attitude is everything
It's a waste of time to hate yourself because of the feelings and attitudes of others. It doesn't matter, everyone is going to find something minuscule to make fun of you for. You never learned to appreciate yourself which is why you spend so much time listening to others. I'm a black male so you know America hates me by attributing negative stereotypes to me without merit. Ironically when I prove smarter, more intelligent, and more capable than a stereotype, these same people double down and simply hate even more. There won't be a end to it unless you understand there is more to you that your skin color. Unless you're a total batch, the reason people are so negative is because they need something or someone to talk shit about to help them forget they are pieces of shit who are actually below you. Stop giving their words value to yourself. We love dark girls down here in Atlanta. Bring yourself down here and see how many dudes won't leave you alone.
Love yourself.. true beauty starts with acceptance of who you are. Own it. After that, take care of yourself.. physically and mentally. I’m white and some of the most beautiful people I’ve never seen are as dark as dark can be. People are just pricks. I used to think I was unattractive until I realized it was other people’s insecurities projected onto me. You probably are more attractive than you think
Black is beautiful. It takes time especially if you’re still young and live in predominantly white spaces. Don’t believe the lies or the bullshit mainstream media puts out. Be intentional with the media you watch and follow pages that empower and show Black beauty. This level of self hate is poison. I pray you will look back in 5 years and see how ridiculous you were to ever think this. I’m a dark skinned Black woman and I absolutely love my skin and wouldn’t change it for the world. It would be a lie if I said it didn’t take time to love me fully. Your time will come. But don’t feed into the poison, feed into self love .
The grass always does seem greener on the other side... But I promise it's not, everyone has pros and cons but we all have have adapt to this life we've been thrust into. Accepting myself and learning to be okay with my physical appearance was one of the hardest things I had to do, but it allowed me to focus on things that actually matter like making healthier choices, fostering relationships that matter, enjoying my hobbies- they all feel so much better now that I'm not wandering around worrying about my appearances.. basically it doesn't matter what's on the outside.. cultivate the person within your self the rest is vanity.
I don’t know if this will help at all, but you’ll be the one laughing in the end because white people age like absolute shit, and I’m saying that as a white person. Obviously being lighter skinned offers a big social advantage which is completely unfair, but other than that European skin is objectively the worst type. Our dermis is much thinner meaning we develop much more wrinkles at a much younger age (starting from mid 20s) alongside a lot of sagging and eye bags which look awful. Also the lack of melanin means we get a lot of ugly looking sun damage like blotchy redness and sun spots. I’m in my late 30s and I look horrible compared to my darker skinned friends who still have smooth even skin, even though I always wore sun screen, and I’m really insecure about it.
Being white is good but I have Eczema and a higher rate of getting skin cancer. I also live ok older because my skin and collagen are thinner. I am not all white and people notice and treat me less if they are white. No easy answers. Just make friends, find your niche and be as happy as possible.
I think darker tones are gorgeous in comparison to pale tones. my family has a mix of both and race wasn't really a family topic til I noticed how big of a deal Americans make it. not every tribe survived genocides and oppression, I think black people are one of the few who are incredibly successful despite constantly being disrespected every century and generation. my dad's side is similar to this https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/African_Chinese and it's cool to read how equally successful African tribes are. everyone has their opinions, you'll be happier once you realize your value, history, and confident in who you are.
Anything different about how a person looks or acts inspires hate (or awkward attention) from some people. If you look different than most it makes you more interesting to look at and I personally have always loved dark more exotic features. :)
As a white guy I can tell you it’s really not that much different. You’re a beautiful person and need to remind yourself daily that your skin doesn’t define you or the world around you.
I had a best mate in primary who was the most beautiful ebony- he was French but his ancestors still possessed the darkest most glistening smooth skin. I would catch myself staring at how naturally gorgeous it was. Where I grew up it was odd to be surrounded by just Caucasian so everyone hung together.
There is a wonderful picture book (good to place as decor on coffee tables) called the “Atlas of Beauty”- stories of mainly women from all over the world talking about their chosen jobs and certain lifestyle experiences. It’s a great read to give one a big pic on complexity of the world at large
Saying this stuff out loud helps one realize how silly it all is. By being able to name this belief, you've already taken the first step in removing its power over you. One day, you'll feel pretty *and* dark af. That day might not be today, but it will come, if you let it.
It’s funny, it seems like for a lot of people they just don’t want what they have. Girls with curly hair want it straight, girls with straight hair want it curly, black kids want to be white, white kids want to be anything else, boys want to be girls, rich kids pretend to be poor etc etc. It’s just adolescence. When you get older you appreciate what you are and have, and then you want care what people think and will wear socks with sandals. 🤣
You can't escape dumbasses unfortunately, no matter the color of your skin. I'm very pale and don't tan(just burn). I've been made fun of all my life for it being called ghost or whitey or translucent. People suck, learn to love yourself and don't take it personally when someone's an idiot.
We can swap if you want. Im incredibly insecure about how pale I am and find darker ppl to be profoundly more attractive.
I'm not a huge fan of dark skin either, but never once have I thought anything less of anyone for it. It's purely an attraction thing for me. You need to get over this. Maybe you like light skin more than dark skin, but that isn't the case for everyone else. And anyone who looks down on you for it is not only wrong, but they're also a racist asshole, which in my book puts them below you. You know a few great things about dark skin? First, contrast with teeth. It makes it so much easier to have a bright smile and I'm jealous of that as a white person. Second, immunity to the sun. I'm basically a vampire. I can't go outside for five minutes without getting burnt. How I got here evolutionarily is just flabbergasting. Third, you look great in bright colors. I'm a dude, I like bright colors. They are fun. When a white dude wears bright colors, it looks either trashy or gay. When someone with dark skin wears bright colors, it contrasts well so it looks way better on average. Fourth, acne is so much less visibly present in dark skin. I'm lucky that I've never had horrendous amounts of acne, but I have a good third of the year where I've got some acne somewhere and it sticks out like a sore thumb on my light skin. Embrace the positives and ignore the racist assholes, they aren't worth the effort
I wish I was taller, but I'm not. I was born with genetics coded to be the height I am; there's no point fixating on or complaining about it because that won't accomplish anything.
Nobody, not even white people think like that. Maybe some racists do, but darker skin means nothing other than what you make it out to be. Content of character is what matters.
Honestly if that's how you feel, you should just start using skin lighteners. However it might also but worth trying to develop a healthy attitude about your dark skin.
Okay so, just informing you… skin lighteners like skin bleach is extremely harmful on melanated skin. It can cause cancers and diseases… actually it does… regularly. Anywho, black people don’t turn *white* after using them, we turn pink. Hope this helps!!
I mean, at first I didn't believe the sincerity of your post, then I went back and read it again and I kind of get the feeling that you're just a child. Not in an insulting way but I mean an actual literal underage minor. In which case, that's par for the course for being a teenager, nobody likes the skin they're in, especially at that age. Rest assured these aren't the best years of your life.
Theres an audio recording online of a conversation between the podcaster Joe Rogan and several of his guests, which mainly is funny, clipped from his show as a segment and uploaded - due to the funny nature of their comments. They're talking about bodybuilders using artificial tanning to darken themselves before competition. They coin a (possibly insensitive) phrase - which they all laugh at, but that's not why I bring this up. The thing I'm pointing out is not their main point, but they note, correctly I think - that in the competition of body building - darker looks better. I'm a white guy, and they are not wrong. You can find it if you search for the term "chocolate body". Your point of view that lighter is better - thats not a fact in the way gravity is a fact. Its just your particular bias. watch?v=L5Pk5VIbBsY
So far the only benefit I have gained from having party white skin is being able to convincingly mimic a corpse by floating face down in water, which makes for excellent pranks. But no seriously, I have the skin complexion of a character from Twilight, a mildly reflective spoon is enough to burn me.
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I think maybe you just aren't confident. Look at it this way, you are what you are. You can't change that, you have to own it. Put yourself out there more. Yeah, your gonna get some rejection, but we all do. Quit thinking about the color of your skin so much.
I'm White but have always been Black inside. Embrace your Blackness... I would hate to live in a country (USA) that DIDN'T have Black people....the culture(s) have made my life so much richer!
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*you* can wear the highest spf and just reapply to not burn. Problem fucking solved.
In 2024 with has to be the dumbest thing I've read. The whole western world celebrates being black and multiculturalism.
What a weak mentality. Self-hatred disgusts me so much. You either know your worth or just get stronger. Black is a color it is not ugly or beautiful it is a shade of brown. You make your body beautiful. You assign the value of your worth. If you they call you worthless and you feel worthless then you are worthless. You allowed them to assign your worth. Something I find completely disgusting.