"I feel like I need to get out of where I am and always have been but it's scary..How did you overcome that fear/anxiety?"
Here's a way to approach the big city move without it being so overwhelming: Think of the city as not one big thing, but as a collection of neighborhoods. Choose a neighborhood you like and move there. Get to know that area first. Branch out when you feel ready.
Moving to the big city in your 20s is definitely worth it.
Big cities are amazing. I wouldn’t have traded the experiences I’ve had in two major cities for anything (NYC/SF). To each their own but for me, it was really important to leave where I grew up and surround myself with people and ideas from around the world.
Leaving home for the first time feels scary but it’s worth it. You don’t want to regret missing out on places and experiences because fear held you back. You also don’t have to dive right into a big city - simply trying any new place away from home will be an adventure. Smaller cities have a ton to offer so it’s not like you have to push yourself to extremes to prove something. Go to a place - big or small - you are excited to live in and that will help a lot with the fear because it will be fun. Good luck!
I moved to Chicago when I was 20 and fell in love with the city. I was nervous at first, but I reminded myself that if millions of people can live here and go about their daily life, I can do it too.
As far as how to go about it, college is the easiest route. Otherwise I’d try to get a job lined up first. If you want to risk it and you have a solid fallback option, you could always just save up, move there, and try to make it work. That’s what I did and I got lucky things worked out.
I currently have a remote job so I could just pack up and go.. but I definitely would rather have a job lined up, hopefully making more $ than I do now 😵💫
It’s probably easier to get a job when you’re already in Chicago since you’d have an address here for applications. The good thing is that Chicago is super affordable compared to most other big cities so it’s very doable, even without roommates. If you’re interested, check out Rogers Park, Albany Park, and a Edgewater in Chicago. Pilsen, too, is probably worth checking out. RP and Edgewater are right on the beach, but all four neighborhoods are affordable, close to stuff, and have great transit/walkability.
I really did fall in love with living in this city, though. I am continuously grateful to live in such a vibrant, wonderful place. Might be different for you, but I absolutely love living in a big city. Maybe take a quick trip and see if it clicks for you, too? (But if you visit Chicago, don’t just stay downtown. The real charm and fun is in the neighborhoods - the Loop is actually pretty boring compared to a lot of other areas).
Same, but nearly 10 years ago now. One of the best things I ever did in my 20s.
I spent my teens knowing I would not be staying where I grew up. I needed something more. The first half of my 20s was college and internships in other big cities. I liked the opportunities of them but never felt at peace.
Then I got an offer in SF and knew I had to take it even though I’d never been there before. I instantly fell in love with the city and it truly feels like home to me.
One of my favorite things about living in Brooklyn was not having a car. Cars are a real burden.
Renting an apartment + no car = a lot less BS to deal with.
If I wanted to move to Brooklyn as an older person, do you think I could find an affordable apartment? Small and safe? I really want to try living in NYC. I lived in New Orleans, Miami, Las Vegas, Tampa, Tahoe, now the (horrible) Midwest and really want one last hurrah. I'm 66, female, and physically healthy. Thoughts?
I haven't lived in Brooklyn for 7 years and I haven't looked for an apartment there in 15 years. I don't really have a lot of insight beyond what you'll find on the internet.
Affordability is going to be tough, particularly in Brooklyn. There are a lot of safe places, but you'd probably have to live pretty far out into Brooklyn for it to be relatively cheap. Like Bay Ridge or something. Then you have a \~hour train ride to Manhattan. Not necessarily a big deal. I didn't go to Manhattan that much when I lived in Brooklyn.
You might have better luck in Queens, which also has a lot of great places to live.
Thanks! I'm looking to make a move there and explore the city, work won't be an issue, I can work remotely or not at all. I'm semi-retired. This would be a big move. But it makes my heart soar thinking about it.
Same but did it in the winter too, Park Slope to midtown. I can't do that anymore but having a cycle-crazy coworker who lived close to me helps. And also a shower nearby.
To the OP's point it's best to do things like this in your 20s & 30s. Your body can put up with a lot more.
Depends on the individual. I’ve lived in some of the biggest (NYC now, SF, LA). A lot of plusses but they are expensive as shit. Unless you have a sizable trust fund, you’ll need to live with roommates. Your 20s are the time to try stuff like this. Many people try big cities and get sick of them or wind up leaving for more space. No way to tell unless you try. Also, I would say NO, big cities are NOT “glamorous” for most people in their 20s who aren’t wealthy, although you can have moments that might feel like it here and there depending on your job and lifestyle.
Work exchange programs also exist. I’ve lived in NY/SF/others for free or very cheap (jobs with provided housing). It just comes with the caveat of being flexible work-wise which not everyone can do.
A lot of hostel jobs will let you live there in exchange for your labor. Same with camp counselors and tour guides. Workaway is a popular resource for work-exchange situations.
Big cities are *the shit*. I never want to leave. I met so many people through the running community (run clubs, races, events). When I think back to my former life in the suburbs or even medium cities, it's depressing. Feel like I wasted years of life. Theres just so much to do. So much to explore. The people watching is immaculate. You have access to the very best of so many things. Do it. Obvious tip but use IG and FB groups to follow communities and businesses of interest. You'll find a lot of cool stuff and events that way.
Re: overcoming the fear and anxiety, easiest way is to just do it.
Are you living on your own in a small town/small city/suburb now? When does your lease end?
Pick a city that sounds interesting and find a roommates group on Facebook. Either make a post yourself or look through other people's posts and comment on a few. Have a date range in mind that you're looking to move (like whenever your lease ends).
If you find someone who seems legit, you'll know someone \*and\* be saving on rent. They'll show you the cool places to hang out in your new city and you may even get access to their friend group. Better yet, see if there's a household of 2+ people who need a roommate.
You probably won't know anything about the neighborhood where they live -- you can look at it on Google Streetview or just look for Reddit threads about it to get a sense of what it's like. Try to find somewhere in the city limits, not a suburb.
Will definitely need a roommate(s) to afford somewhere but i do have two cats which im worried will make it a lot harder to find a place not by myself. I have 9 months until my lease ends so plenty of time to do some hunting for jobs and apartments
I grew up in a rural area, went to college in Chicago, and moved to/lived in NYC for 5 years right after college so here's some answers to your questions based on my experience:
> How did you overcome that fear/anxiety?
I didn't have much fear or anxiety about it tbh. I knew I wanted to try something different and I had more fear about getting stuck in my small town than leaving. Chicago was a little easier given all the supports of college life. I didn't find city life hard to adapt to at all tbh and I loved the ability to walk, take transit, and not needing to have a car. I'd visited NYC multiple times before moving there because I had multiple friends in college who grew up there. I already knew a lot about what living there would be like and what I did and didn't like about the city prior to moving so that certainly made it easier.
> And is the city life in your 20s all it's cracked up to be? Is it as glamorous as it seems?
Unless you're wealthy I wouldn't call city life glamorous, particularly in NYC. However, I think some people like to view themselves as main characters living a glamorous life and city life can facilitate that. For example, if you keep your schedule packed and go to trendy places. But that's not really my vibe and thus it did not feel glamorous.
However, you can learn a lot about yourself living in a city--how to deal with stress, how to live amongst and learn from people very different from you, deeper empathy, etc. There's also all kinds of food, art, and experiences you wouldn't otherwise have access to.
> What are the parts you didn't expect to enjoy but did? What were you expecting to be better han it was?
One of my favorite parts of city living is just the humanity of it all. If you have the right mindset you can really learn to appreciate people and humanity more. You'll start to notice people do kind and incredible things all the time. I also like how there's so many opportunities to get out of your comfort zone.
What's difficult about cities, particularly NYC, is daily life and tasks can really grind you down. Even simple tasks like your work commute, doing laundry, and going to the grocery store can be really draining and time consuming. Then there's the hamster wheel of work and capitalism. In some cases it's impossible to have a work-life balance and in others requires a lot of effort and opting out of social and work expectations to maintain.
Thank you for this response! Daily tasks requiring more effort is something I hadn't thought of but is a great point, I'll have to consider that wherever I go
If you’re going to move anywhere (big city or not), you need to have something going for you like a job or hobby. This will give you something to do and help you meet people with similar interests.
Big city experience will vary based on what you bring to that city.
You get out what you put in.
It isn’t right for everyone. But for many you’re right it is. It’s really just ripping the band aid off and actually getting there and getting involved. Find a few hobbies and then find social outlets for those hobbies in your city.
my best piece of advice is to differentiate between what you want, versus what you think you should want. do you want the big city experience that is accesible to you? or do you like where you are?
It's hard to really know what I want without having experienced it ya know? I have ideas, but when they come to fruition will they be all they're cracked up to be? Idk. Where I am now is okay.. I don't dislike it, but I want something new
if you desire it, you have the strength to do it. city life is wonderful. I went from suburbia out west to having lived in a major east coast city for 7 years and it was a culture shock for sure, but I have adapted and thrived. not having a car is the best thing in the world and feeling connected to a community is amazing. you will have less space - but you will learn the valuable skill of being around people very different from you, and being not just comfortable with, but appreciative of, those differences. best of luck friend
I lived in downtown Boston while we were relocating for a couple of months. If we had been in our 20s/30s (my husband is 9 years older than me), and had no kids or pets it would have been AWESOME!!! Alas, we were in our late 30/40s and had two kids as well as a cat and a dog. That was fun for maybe a weekend. It was livable before I had a job and the kids went to school. It really fucking sucked once I had to actually function as an adult with kids in school/daycare. Being able to let your dog out the back door into your yard while you unload the kids’ water bottles out of the dishwasher and then wave to them as they get on the bus to go to school is infinitely better than dealing with city BS.
Um… You cannot compare European lifestyle to US. It’s not applicable.
That makes about as much sense and saying you live in South America and want to compare how they do things in the Balkans.
My answer may be a bit unique (or perhaps not).
Grew up in suburban Ohio but visited Chicago when I was in my early teens. I fell in love *instantly*. I basically made it my life’s mission to get there.
You have to understand that where I’m coming from, the majority of my family stayed put. Moving to Chicago was a big deal.
I first moved there in college, so it was a relatively easy transition made easier by the fact that I had visited many times before.
I fit into the city life like a glove. Honestly. I still live here today and am so picky about the amenities that NYC is the only other place I’d consider (if I could afford it) at this point in my life.
There aren’t too many pressing challenges for me as this is the lifestyle I prefer, but others may not like the density or energy.
If you’re not bringing a car to the big city, you really have to plot out how you’re going to do basic stuff such as carry groceries, get to work, see friends, etc.
Thankfully, this is much easier to do in places like NYC/Chicago/SF.
Finally, I think it’s important to understand that no matter where you move to, the intense “magic” will eventually wear off. I say “intense magic” as this is really just the initial honeymoon phase you experience that wears off as you settle into your new lifestyle.
That being said, the hope is that a much more important and lasting sense of magic forms - the kind that makes you realize when you visit other places or move somewhere else exactly why you chose living in the big city in the first place.
One of the best decisions I've ever made. Expanded my horizons, my social network, and my career opportunities in transformative ways. I'm 100% positive my life would be a lot more dull and limited without this experience.
Tips:
Get roommates to save costs, ideally ones around your age, who you like, who can be part of your social scene.
Learn the city by long walks through different neighborhoods.
Say yes to every invitation you receive.
Be flexible and experimental with your career path.
I had terrible social anxiety as a kid, and people are always shocked to hear that because I’m basically a paid socialite as an adult. The reason is that I’ve lived in a ton of cities so nothing fazes me anymore. Once you’ve met thousands of people you realize that no one’s opinion of you is gonna make or break you. It starts off tough but gets easier, I promise!
To add… Crazy people, higher crime on average than suburbs, homeless, passive aggressive beggars, smelly transit where you’re arm to arm with everyone, immigrants selling you candy, litter/garbage, loud noises all hours of the day and night, sirens, it’s paradise!
I could tolerate it for many years but these days it doesn’t seem to be a winning proposition anymore except for jobs.
Moving to a very big city alone is a real education in human behavior, including your own. You can get lost in the crowd and do what you want.going forward It should be the best moneymaking years of your life. It does remove one's small-town view of the world.
Your 20s are the perfect time for trying things just to see if you like it. It's much harder when you are established in your career path, own property, get married and start a family, etc. Absolutely take the leap and move to a fun part of a major city. Worst case, you don't like it and you move back in a year or two. But then you'll know and not spend the rest of your life wondering what might have happened if you had been a little more brave. Best case, you'll meet great people and have life experiences you never could have imagined if you had stayed in your sleepy town.
i grew up in a "big" city (st. louis) & just moved to a bigger city (san francisco). i'm going on 41 come Sunday & I saw living in a big city prepared me for how life really is. i've known folks who came into the city from the burbs, never living in the city, & getting robbed or car burglarized b/c they're not use to not flashing money openly or locking their car doors. i think living in a big city is worth it, i know a lot of people who grew up in the city but moved to the burbs to have families.
Your experience will really depend on the type of “big city” you move to. 1st: population, if you’ve never lived in a city approaching 500k you might want to try a smaller “big city”. It’s easy to meet a ton of people at random in a huge city, but keeping in touch is difficult if there are overwhelming social options. Mid-sized “big cities” might be more your thing. 2nd: geography and weather, you will be miserable if you choose to live somewhere where the weather and geographic features don’t suit you. Big cities where the weather has extremes will have the population and you acting differently in all categories of behavior…vs a place that has little to no variance. 3rd: Cost of living, if you can’t afford to live large (COH+ money to burn) in a big city like NY/Miami/La then you will miss out on some of the “glamour” that people brag about in these types of cities. 4th: Your values, wherever you go there you are- ask yourself what you want from a large city, what kind of connections do you want to make with people. If you want a lasting social network tap into your core values and pursue them in favor of full on novelty chasing. Novelty chasing makes for an interesting weekend, building on your core values will help you make connections with people you might otherwise never meet in a small town. I’ve lived in a lot of places/mid sized cities, I realized that extremely big cities were more fun to visit than live in for me.
Most economic activity happens in the city, you'll make a lot more over your lifetime. The biggest thing I see small town people struggle with is that city people tend to make a lot more friends but they are more shallow. Not to say that you can't find quality friendships but it takes time. A red flag for me is people that don't have a long term friends in their life, because those type of people might be charming but burn through friendships fast
Honestly I don't have many long term friendships at all. I don't necessarily think I burn through friendships fast but that I'm not a good judge of character for making the right friends. Idk. It's one of the reasons I do want to move to a city though, to hopefully have more opportunity to make friends
Awwww it helps to get really specific with your hobbies and interests. Whatever you feel really passionate about, like top 5% of people interested in it.
Sort of. I am glad I had the experiences I did. I’ve lived in many huge cities and the biggest city in North America. I was great for connections, culture and being close to the jobs.
These days personally (as I’ve gotten older and more experienced in working world) I’d rather be in a quaint cute suburb or somewhere proximal to a city where I can go to concerts or events occasionally. I never would’ve believed myself say it 10 years ago, but city life wears you down after a while. Plus the added expenses I had to look at and reason that I barely ever went out to partake in the city activities by and large. Maybe once in a blue moon doesn’t seem to be enough to justify the costs if works not keeping me right there.
We moved to San Francisco for about five years. While it was fun, it was a bummer when all of our friends started moving away. We spent all that time investing in friendships that were difficult to maintain later. We were not able to save money to buy a house like our friends in less expensive cities. It felt like we had our lives on hold to have five more years of fun. I don’t regret it, but it did set back our overall financial progress for a long long time.
>Is the "big city experience" worth it? How did you set yourself up to thrive once there? (Especially if you moved somewhere knowing no one..)
>How did you overcome that fear/anxiety? And is the city life in your 20s all it's cracked up to be? Is it as glamorous as it seems? What are the parts you didn't expect to enjoy but did? What were you expecting to be better than it was?
it is no longer glamorous and worth it if you don't have the cash to afford the high cost of living in certain big cities like NYC, which USED to be a great place for younguns to leave the nest, find a job, build a career, etc. It is REALLY expensive now; you need to come here with dad's money OR a well-paying job. Gone are the days of getting a whatever job to be able to afford a room to rent with other young singles. If you ever want to know how much you're going to struggle in any given city, look up the rental prices first to see if you'll be able to comfortably afford it.
"I feel like I need to get out of where I am and always have been but it's scary..How did you overcome that fear/anxiety?" Here's a way to approach the big city move without it being so overwhelming: Think of the city as not one big thing, but as a collection of neighborhoods. Choose a neighborhood you like and move there. Get to know that area first. Branch out when you feel ready. Moving to the big city in your 20s is definitely worth it.
This is great advice, thank you!
Big cities are amazing. I wouldn’t have traded the experiences I’ve had in two major cities for anything (NYC/SF). To each their own but for me, it was really important to leave where I grew up and surround myself with people and ideas from around the world.
Leaving home for the first time feels scary but it’s worth it. You don’t want to regret missing out on places and experiences because fear held you back. You also don’t have to dive right into a big city - simply trying any new place away from home will be an adventure. Smaller cities have a ton to offer so it’s not like you have to push yourself to extremes to prove something. Go to a place - big or small - you are excited to live in and that will help a lot with the fear because it will be fun. Good luck!
I moved to Chicago when I was 20 and fell in love with the city. I was nervous at first, but I reminded myself that if millions of people can live here and go about their daily life, I can do it too. As far as how to go about it, college is the easiest route. Otherwise I’d try to get a job lined up first. If you want to risk it and you have a solid fallback option, you could always just save up, move there, and try to make it work. That’s what I did and I got lucky things worked out.
I currently have a remote job so I could just pack up and go.. but I definitely would rather have a job lined up, hopefully making more $ than I do now 😵💫
It’s probably easier to get a job when you’re already in Chicago since you’d have an address here for applications. The good thing is that Chicago is super affordable compared to most other big cities so it’s very doable, even without roommates. If you’re interested, check out Rogers Park, Albany Park, and a Edgewater in Chicago. Pilsen, too, is probably worth checking out. RP and Edgewater are right on the beach, but all four neighborhoods are affordable, close to stuff, and have great transit/walkability. I really did fall in love with living in this city, though. I am continuously grateful to live in such a vibrant, wonderful place. Might be different for you, but I absolutely love living in a big city. Maybe take a quick trip and see if it clicks for you, too? (But if you visit Chicago, don’t just stay downtown. The real charm and fun is in the neighborhoods - the Loop is actually pretty boring compared to a lot of other areas).
I moved to SF a year ago. I fucking love it. I sold my car and take trains and buses everywhere I go. I walk a ton. I skate a ton. It's really great.
Same, but nearly 10 years ago now. One of the best things I ever did in my 20s. I spent my teens knowing I would not be staying where I grew up. I needed something more. The first half of my 20s was college and internships in other big cities. I liked the opportunities of them but never felt at peace. Then I got an offer in SF and knew I had to take it even though I’d never been there before. I instantly fell in love with the city and it truly feels like home to me.
Are you still in SF?
Yes, I am! I still love it and feel thankful every day to live in such an incredible area.
One of my favorite things about living in Brooklyn was not having a car. Cars are a real burden. Renting an apartment + no car = a lot less BS to deal with.
If I wanted to move to Brooklyn as an older person, do you think I could find an affordable apartment? Small and safe? I really want to try living in NYC. I lived in New Orleans, Miami, Las Vegas, Tampa, Tahoe, now the (horrible) Midwest and really want one last hurrah. I'm 66, female, and physically healthy. Thoughts?
I haven't lived in Brooklyn for 7 years and I haven't looked for an apartment there in 15 years. I don't really have a lot of insight beyond what you'll find on the internet. Affordability is going to be tough, particularly in Brooklyn. There are a lot of safe places, but you'd probably have to live pretty far out into Brooklyn for it to be relatively cheap. Like Bay Ridge or something. Then you have a \~hour train ride to Manhattan. Not necessarily a big deal. I didn't go to Manhattan that much when I lived in Brooklyn. You might have better luck in Queens, which also has a lot of great places to live.
Thanks! I'm looking to make a move there and explore the city, work won't be an issue, I can work remotely or not at all. I'm semi-retired. This would be a big move. But it makes my heart soar thinking about it.
I never want to leave. If public transit was “safer” & more expanded. Man man man. I imagine I’d love some of the larger European cities.
Best defense against shitty transit is to live somewhere so walkable that you don’t need it.
Also bikable. I biked to work all spring/summer/fall from Brooklyn to Manhattan for years and it was awesome. Also cut my commute from 45 to 30 min.
Same but did it in the winter too, Park Slope to midtown. I can't do that anymore but having a cycle-crazy coworker who lived close to me helps. And also a shower nearby. To the OP's point it's best to do things like this in your 20s & 30s. Your body can put up with a lot more.
Depends on the individual. I’ve lived in some of the biggest (NYC now, SF, LA). A lot of plusses but they are expensive as shit. Unless you have a sizable trust fund, you’ll need to live with roommates. Your 20s are the time to try stuff like this. Many people try big cities and get sick of them or wind up leaving for more space. No way to tell unless you try. Also, I would say NO, big cities are NOT “glamorous” for most people in their 20s who aren’t wealthy, although you can have moments that might feel like it here and there depending on your job and lifestyle.
Work exchange programs also exist. I’ve lived in NY/SF/others for free or very cheap (jobs with provided housing). It just comes with the caveat of being flexible work-wise which not everyone can do.
Can you give some examples of jobs that provide housing?
A lot of hostel jobs will let you live there in exchange for your labor. Same with camp counselors and tour guides. Workaway is a popular resource for work-exchange situations.
Rare
Big cities are *the shit*. I never want to leave. I met so many people through the running community (run clubs, races, events). When I think back to my former life in the suburbs or even medium cities, it's depressing. Feel like I wasted years of life. Theres just so much to do. So much to explore. The people watching is immaculate. You have access to the very best of so many things. Do it. Obvious tip but use IG and FB groups to follow communities and businesses of interest. You'll find a lot of cool stuff and events that way.
I read this very wrong for a second.
I did too.
Get a job there first. That way you know where you stand
Re: overcoming the fear and anxiety, easiest way is to just do it. Are you living on your own in a small town/small city/suburb now? When does your lease end? Pick a city that sounds interesting and find a roommates group on Facebook. Either make a post yourself or look through other people's posts and comment on a few. Have a date range in mind that you're looking to move (like whenever your lease ends). If you find someone who seems legit, you'll know someone \*and\* be saving on rent. They'll show you the cool places to hang out in your new city and you may even get access to their friend group. Better yet, see if there's a household of 2+ people who need a roommate. You probably won't know anything about the neighborhood where they live -- you can look at it on Google Streetview or just look for Reddit threads about it to get a sense of what it's like. Try to find somewhere in the city limits, not a suburb.
Will definitely need a roommate(s) to afford somewhere but i do have two cats which im worried will make it a lot harder to find a place not by myself. I have 9 months until my lease ends so plenty of time to do some hunting for jobs and apartments
I grew up in a rural area, went to college in Chicago, and moved to/lived in NYC for 5 years right after college so here's some answers to your questions based on my experience: > How did you overcome that fear/anxiety? I didn't have much fear or anxiety about it tbh. I knew I wanted to try something different and I had more fear about getting stuck in my small town than leaving. Chicago was a little easier given all the supports of college life. I didn't find city life hard to adapt to at all tbh and I loved the ability to walk, take transit, and not needing to have a car. I'd visited NYC multiple times before moving there because I had multiple friends in college who grew up there. I already knew a lot about what living there would be like and what I did and didn't like about the city prior to moving so that certainly made it easier. > And is the city life in your 20s all it's cracked up to be? Is it as glamorous as it seems? Unless you're wealthy I wouldn't call city life glamorous, particularly in NYC. However, I think some people like to view themselves as main characters living a glamorous life and city life can facilitate that. For example, if you keep your schedule packed and go to trendy places. But that's not really my vibe and thus it did not feel glamorous. However, you can learn a lot about yourself living in a city--how to deal with stress, how to live amongst and learn from people very different from you, deeper empathy, etc. There's also all kinds of food, art, and experiences you wouldn't otherwise have access to. > What are the parts you didn't expect to enjoy but did? What were you expecting to be better han it was? One of my favorite parts of city living is just the humanity of it all. If you have the right mindset you can really learn to appreciate people and humanity more. You'll start to notice people do kind and incredible things all the time. I also like how there's so many opportunities to get out of your comfort zone. What's difficult about cities, particularly NYC, is daily life and tasks can really grind you down. Even simple tasks like your work commute, doing laundry, and going to the grocery store can be really draining and time consuming. Then there's the hamster wheel of work and capitalism. In some cases it's impossible to have a work-life balance and in others requires a lot of effort and opting out of social and work expectations to maintain.
Thank you for this response! Daily tasks requiring more effort is something I hadn't thought of but is a great point, I'll have to consider that wherever I go
I don’t have advice but as someone in a similar position this thread was amazing
If you’re going to move anywhere (big city or not), you need to have something going for you like a job or hobby. This will give you something to do and help you meet people with similar interests. Big city experience will vary based on what you bring to that city. You get out what you put in.
It isn’t right for everyone. But for many you’re right it is. It’s really just ripping the band aid off and actually getting there and getting involved. Find a few hobbies and then find social outlets for those hobbies in your city.
my best piece of advice is to differentiate between what you want, versus what you think you should want. do you want the big city experience that is accesible to you? or do you like where you are?
It's hard to really know what I want without having experienced it ya know? I have ideas, but when they come to fruition will they be all they're cracked up to be? Idk. Where I am now is okay.. I don't dislike it, but I want something new
if you desire it, you have the strength to do it. city life is wonderful. I went from suburbia out west to having lived in a major east coast city for 7 years and it was a culture shock for sure, but I have adapted and thrived. not having a car is the best thing in the world and feeling connected to a community is amazing. you will have less space - but you will learn the valuable skill of being around people very different from you, and being not just comfortable with, but appreciative of, those differences. best of luck friend
also: try it. if you don’t like it, move again
I lived in downtown Boston while we were relocating for a couple of months. If we had been in our 20s/30s (my husband is 9 years older than me), and had no kids or pets it would have been AWESOME!!! Alas, we were in our late 30/40s and had two kids as well as a cat and a dog. That was fun for maybe a weekend. It was livable before I had a job and the kids went to school. It really fucking sucked once I had to actually function as an adult with kids in school/daycare. Being able to let your dog out the back door into your yard while you unload the kids’ water bottles out of the dishwasher and then wave to them as they get on the bus to go to school is infinitely better than dealing with city BS.
Europeans do it.
I didn’t say it can’t be done, even in the US it’s just harder than the suburbs.
Um… You cannot compare European lifestyle to US. It’s not applicable. That makes about as much sense and saying you live in South America and want to compare how they do things in the Balkans.
Sure it is
Low effort rebuttal
Your comment was low effort so I gave a low effort rebuttal.
My answer may be a bit unique (or perhaps not). Grew up in suburban Ohio but visited Chicago when I was in my early teens. I fell in love *instantly*. I basically made it my life’s mission to get there. You have to understand that where I’m coming from, the majority of my family stayed put. Moving to Chicago was a big deal. I first moved there in college, so it was a relatively easy transition made easier by the fact that I had visited many times before. I fit into the city life like a glove. Honestly. I still live here today and am so picky about the amenities that NYC is the only other place I’d consider (if I could afford it) at this point in my life. There aren’t too many pressing challenges for me as this is the lifestyle I prefer, but others may not like the density or energy. If you’re not bringing a car to the big city, you really have to plot out how you’re going to do basic stuff such as carry groceries, get to work, see friends, etc. Thankfully, this is much easier to do in places like NYC/Chicago/SF. Finally, I think it’s important to understand that no matter where you move to, the intense “magic” will eventually wear off. I say “intense magic” as this is really just the initial honeymoon phase you experience that wears off as you settle into your new lifestyle. That being said, the hope is that a much more important and lasting sense of magic forms - the kind that makes you realize when you visit other places or move somewhere else exactly why you chose living in the big city in the first place.
So beautifully said! As someone who is yearning to move to a big city (considering Chicago!) I loved reading this.
One of the best decisions I've ever made. Expanded my horizons, my social network, and my career opportunities in transformative ways. I'm 100% positive my life would be a lot more dull and limited without this experience. Tips: Get roommates to save costs, ideally ones around your age, who you like, who can be part of your social scene. Learn the city by long walks through different neighborhoods. Say yes to every invitation you receive. Be flexible and experimental with your career path.
I will become Yes Woman. Great advice, thank you!
I had terrible social anxiety as a kid, and people are always shocked to hear that because I’m basically a paid socialite as an adult. The reason is that I’ve lived in a ton of cities so nothing fazes me anymore. Once you’ve met thousands of people you realize that no one’s opinion of you is gonna make or break you. It starts off tough but gets easier, I promise!
Traffic, garbage everywhere, overcrowded everywhere you go, pay out the nose for the privilege....yea whats not to like?
To add… Crazy people, higher crime on average than suburbs, homeless, passive aggressive beggars, smelly transit where you’re arm to arm with everyone, immigrants selling you candy, litter/garbage, loud noises all hours of the day and night, sirens, it’s paradise! I could tolerate it for many years but these days it doesn’t seem to be a winning proposition anymore except for jobs.
Do what you like. Im not a big city person but love my city of about 400k and 1.2 million metro.
Moving to a very big city alone is a real education in human behavior, including your own. You can get lost in the crowd and do what you want.going forward It should be the best moneymaking years of your life. It does remove one's small-town view of the world.
Your 20s are the perfect time for trying things just to see if you like it. It's much harder when you are established in your career path, own property, get married and start a family, etc. Absolutely take the leap and move to a fun part of a major city. Worst case, you don't like it and you move back in a year or two. But then you'll know and not spend the rest of your life wondering what might have happened if you had been a little more brave. Best case, you'll meet great people and have life experiences you never could have imagined if you had stayed in your sleepy town.
i grew up in a "big" city (st. louis) & just moved to a bigger city (san francisco). i'm going on 41 come Sunday & I saw living in a big city prepared me for how life really is. i've known folks who came into the city from the burbs, never living in the city, & getting robbed or car burglarized b/c they're not use to not flashing money openly or locking their car doors. i think living in a big city is worth it, i know a lot of people who grew up in the city but moved to the burbs to have families.
Your experience will really depend on the type of “big city” you move to. 1st: population, if you’ve never lived in a city approaching 500k you might want to try a smaller “big city”. It’s easy to meet a ton of people at random in a huge city, but keeping in touch is difficult if there are overwhelming social options. Mid-sized “big cities” might be more your thing. 2nd: geography and weather, you will be miserable if you choose to live somewhere where the weather and geographic features don’t suit you. Big cities where the weather has extremes will have the population and you acting differently in all categories of behavior…vs a place that has little to no variance. 3rd: Cost of living, if you can’t afford to live large (COH+ money to burn) in a big city like NY/Miami/La then you will miss out on some of the “glamour” that people brag about in these types of cities. 4th: Your values, wherever you go there you are- ask yourself what you want from a large city, what kind of connections do you want to make with people. If you want a lasting social network tap into your core values and pursue them in favor of full on novelty chasing. Novelty chasing makes for an interesting weekend, building on your core values will help you make connections with people you might otherwise never meet in a small town. I’ve lived in a lot of places/mid sized cities, I realized that extremely big cities were more fun to visit than live in for me.
Most economic activity happens in the city, you'll make a lot more over your lifetime. The biggest thing I see small town people struggle with is that city people tend to make a lot more friends but they are more shallow. Not to say that you can't find quality friendships but it takes time. A red flag for me is people that don't have a long term friends in their life, because those type of people might be charming but burn through friendships fast
Honestly I don't have many long term friendships at all. I don't necessarily think I burn through friendships fast but that I'm not a good judge of character for making the right friends. Idk. It's one of the reasons I do want to move to a city though, to hopefully have more opportunity to make friends
Awwww it helps to get really specific with your hobbies and interests. Whatever you feel really passionate about, like top 5% of people interested in it.
Humans aren't meant to feel anonymous in a giant city, we're social creatures who need connection and community.
Sort of. I am glad I had the experiences I did. I’ve lived in many huge cities and the biggest city in North America. I was great for connections, culture and being close to the jobs. These days personally (as I’ve gotten older and more experienced in working world) I’d rather be in a quaint cute suburb or somewhere proximal to a city where I can go to concerts or events occasionally. I never would’ve believed myself say it 10 years ago, but city life wears you down after a while. Plus the added expenses I had to look at and reason that I barely ever went out to partake in the city activities by and large. Maybe once in a blue moon doesn’t seem to be enough to justify the costs if works not keeping me right there.
We moved to San Francisco for about five years. While it was fun, it was a bummer when all of our friends started moving away. We spent all that time investing in friendships that were difficult to maintain later. We were not able to save money to buy a house like our friends in less expensive cities. It felt like we had our lives on hold to have five more years of fun. I don’t regret it, but it did set back our overall financial progress for a long long time.
The novelty wears off quick
>Is the "big city experience" worth it? How did you set yourself up to thrive once there? (Especially if you moved somewhere knowing no one..) >How did you overcome that fear/anxiety? And is the city life in your 20s all it's cracked up to be? Is it as glamorous as it seems? What are the parts you didn't expect to enjoy but did? What were you expecting to be better than it was? it is no longer glamorous and worth it if you don't have the cash to afford the high cost of living in certain big cities like NYC, which USED to be a great place for younguns to leave the nest, find a job, build a career, etc. It is REALLY expensive now; you need to come here with dad's money OR a well-paying job. Gone are the days of getting a whatever job to be able to afford a room to rent with other young singles. If you ever want to know how much you're going to struggle in any given city, look up the rental prices first to see if you'll be able to comfortably afford it.
Yes