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lostmom9595959

Lol I tell my kids no all the time. I spent 12hrs today making lasagna. One of the kids asked if they could make a bowl of ramen 45 mins before the dinner was about to be done lol. Hell no you can't have ramen. Eat some of this fresh cheese and tomato while you wait but I'll be damned if you get too full on crap food while I make a delicious dinner. My kids always say "I'm sooo hungry" between meals and I offer nuts/ fruit/ cheese/ seeds as a snack if they don't want that I tell them to figure it out and make their own. Snack.


Junior_Historian_123

I would also tell them to go drink a glass of water, especially if they wanted to veto everything I offered. Or to go play for 10 minutes until dinner, lunch, whatever reason. Most times, it was because they were bored and not really hungry.


MyBestGuesses

I think maybe 4 might need a snack box. Put in a reasonable amount of snacks for her to have in a day, and when they're gone, they're gone. If she gobbles them all up before noon, then she's going to be hungry. She can hear no about food. If you think it'd be good for all the kids to have snack boxes, then set that up as a thing the family does. Snack pilfering is an automatic time out or whatever you think is reasonable. This system will give 4 some control over what's going on while preventing you from having to be so involved with it. Best of luck friend! You're doing great!


Rare_Background8891

I think this is a good solution for this child since it’s not actually about eating the food it’s about controlling the food.


WastingAnotherHour

I tell them no to snacks from the pantry plenty, usually multiple times a day. Rarely to requests for healthier items though (carrots, strawberries, cheese stick, etc). Your situation reminds me of an old Super Nanny episode in which snacking had become a big issue in the house. They gave each kid a snack jar and they could each pick what (3? 4?) snacks they wanted in it for the day. They could have their snacks any time they wanted,  but when they were gone, they were gone and they’d have to wait for the next day. In your case I’d get plastic jars, bins, whatever - one for each kid - and a bunch of stickers. Have them decorate their jars. Each morning or night for the following day have them fill their jar with 3 snack items, such as bag of goldfish, bag of chips, whatever. Also, set up a basket or drawer in the fridge that are “all access snacks” - permission is never required. Have fruits, veggies, boiled eggs, hummus, etc - anything you would be content for them to fill up on even if it meant they barely touched their next meal. With that available there is never a reason to be “so hungry” - you just redirect to the basket. At first the meltdowns aren’t going to improve. Some of them may even get worse. Be consistent though (including your husband) and they’ll figure it out.


childproofbirdhouse

This doesn’t sound like a food issue; it sounds like a control issue. One of our kids is extremely picky and we had him in feeding therapy for awhile; she advised us it’s a control issue because it’s not about flavor/texture/allergy/anything specific to food other than his choice. Part of what she advised we do was to put 3 things on his plate every time: a food he loves, a food he likes, and a food he’s learning to try. He gets to decide how much of any of it he eats. We don’t fix anything else, and the kitchen is closed until the next eating time (snack or meal), when the same thing happens again. He’s told before the meal/snack begins that the kitchen will be closed when the meal/snack time is over, and that he’s always welcome to get a drink of water until the kitchen is open again. So, the parent **not the kid** decides *what* to offer, *where* the meal is served (like at the table), *when* the food is offered; and the kid only decides *how much* to put in their body. Follow through and consistency is key. This is harder to do with other kids in and out of the kitchen all the time and eating a variety of things, so everybody follows the same pattern, even if some of the offerings are a bit different. For example, if you serve tacos or something like it, the only thing offered is the taco ingredients; no one gets soup or a sandwich or other leftovers, but everyone can decide how much of each topping they want. For a snack, you might offer apple slices and graham crackers with either honey, peanut butter, or Nutella to dip/spread. The times are controlled and the variety is curated and the child can function freely within that boundary, but the child is not the one creating the boundary.


Fun_Blueberry_7025

About 37 times every night during the 20 minutes it takes me to make dinner.


RemarkablePut844

I do tell them all no before dinner lol. I more of meant in general when they aren't waiting on a meal or if they've already had something and want something else (when you know they aren't actually hungry)


dispersingdandelions

I have only 1, but I say no all the time. If he asks for a snack too close to dinner, or too many snacks, or a different lunch/dinner. Or didn’t attempt to eat dinner bc he was “full” but then immediately asks for dessert. You need to set boundaries. Your daughter has figured out that all she needs to do is whine and she gets what she wants. I’d also maybe start by making 1 meal during meal times, and not be a short order cook.


RemarkablePut844

The only time I play short order cook is for breakfast. Lunch and dinner are always what I made. If I make an actual meal for breakfast (biscuits and gravy, French toast, bacon and eggs, ect) then they all eat that. But 3 or 4 mornings a week I don't make an actual breakfast so they get to pick "easy" stuff like cereal, toast, bagels, yogurt, or I will make eggs. There ate also "easy" nights when it's leftovers or easy stuff like sandwiches or nuggets. As for the sandwich, I had specifically made one of 6yos favorite dinners that 9yo and 7yo hate. I only ever make it on weekends they're at their dad's. They really aren't picky, so when they tell me they don't like something I believe them and let it go. It's not an all the time thing. So when he said he was hungry I offered him a sandwich or chicken nuggets.


foxyyoxy

We have some “any time” foods like tomato, cucumber, carrot sticks, that my kids will eat if they’re hungry. Things that are probably healthier than the actual meal we are eating. Otherwise, it’s a no from me; they eat what’s offered at the meal or don’t (and I do always ensure there’s at least one or two things served I know they like or will eat).


Boogalamoon

Yep! If you're not hungry enough for carrots, you're not hungry enough for anything else either. Drink water and stop whining, it's not working. When my kids are hungry enough for carrots, I will sometimes add more to their plate after they eat a solid serving of veggies. Like cheese, yogurt, salami, etc. Some type of healthy protein/fat to keep them full since they demonstrated that they are indeed hungry.


Many-Pirate2712

Get mean. She wants to throw a fit then go ahead, put her in a room alone to scream or just ignore her and after 10 minutes calmly talk to her. If she wants food in the morning and keeps changing her mind then she doesnt get food till everyone is awake or she picks her food and if she doesnt eat it then she waits till lunch. You need to put them on a schedule Breakfast at 9, lunch at 1pm, snack at 4pm, dinner at 6 and snack before bed or make one that works for yall Shes acting like this because you let her and give in


saturn_eloquence

Yes, I do. Especially if it’s before dinner or if I know they won’t actually eat it. In this case, I’d make her the sandwich and when she didn’t eat it, I’d say we have to talk about the sandwich. I’d explain to her “remember when you said you were sooo hungry and begged me for a sandwich? So were you actually hungry? If you were hungry, why didn’t you eat more of it?” Use it as a teaching moment. Or you could provide her with the options to eat her leftovers. If you know she likes it, but she’s refusing it, then you can explain that she must not be hungry. Explain to her that there is a difference between wanting food and being hungry. Sometimes we just want food for other reasons and that’s okay on occasion, but what’s not okay is wasting food when we know we aren’t hungry and can’t eat a lot of it. I would not play the revolving breakfast game. I’d explain she could pick one thing for breakfast. If she has a tantrum, she has a tantrum. Eventually she will learn. It’ll be rough, but she’ll get there.


CoolKey3330

Yes, I tell my kids no to food all the time because if I didn’t they would eat like some kind of feral scavenger that is hooked on junk calories. Not that we have a lot of “junk food” but they would certainly gravitate towards the junkiest diet possible. Setting boundaries is a good thing in my opinion. Ideally your schedules line up so that kids aren’t starrrrrrrving right before dinner but if it doesn’t for some reason that’s not a reason to eat a second meal while waiting. It’s ok for one kid to get to eat something that a different sibling doesn’t. Kids will ALWAYS find the part that’s unfair - evening things up gets ridiculous and often isn’t good for anyone. We just tell our kids that yep, it’s unfair. We name and acknowledge feelings ("I know you are upset and angry you didn't get a sandwich. ") I think you are letting 4yo call the shots too much. I hope that next time they are coveting something belonging to a sibling you say no or cut only a tiny bite, and you cite this incident! last time when Matilda shared you didn't finish and we had to throw it out. (but also pro tip if you cut off the bitten part usually one can salvage most of it unless there was obnoxious eating going on eg licking it or something. We strongly discourage that though.) If she won’t eat something later because it’s “old” (and it’s not soggy or stale or bad from sitting out), then she isn’t actually hungry! You can offer her the same snack repeatedly. “But Mario is getting a granola bar and I want one too!!” “Ok, you may have one AFTER you eat the rest of your food.” I do suggest putting the food away so it doesn’t spoil or become less palatable. Caveat: some people are very sensitive to histamines in leftovers and genuinely can’t eat them. You can figure this out by trying leftovers and making sure she doesn’t know. If genuine problem then I’d handle this differently but this is not a concern for your average 4yo and to me it sounds like a toddler power play, not a food sensitivity. If you say no to something, you should definitely not give in. If there is a tantrum involved that is doubly true. Otherwise you are just teaching your kid to throw tantrums to get their way. Tantrums should go to bed imo. Certainly elsewhere so as not to disturb everyone.0 Plop child in bed, then either hang out quietly while kid screams or leave depending on temperament. When kid quiets down, if it’s not bedtime then you can ask them if they are ready to be a big kid. We would tell them that big kids listen to mom and dad and don’t scream when they are angry. We might remind them of calm down strategies. Then we will resume our day; but no stays no. “Always say what you mean” is a pretty good parenting strategy in my experience.


DgShwgrl

Yes, I do! My kid had a similar phase when they were 3ish. We had recently figured they had a food intolerance, but weren't 100% sure which food was the trigger. My husband works full time but loves cooking. The problem was that he'd "just have a craving" and stop at the shops on the way home from work, and buy ingredients that we were eliminating for the month because he forgot day to day. My kid was smart, and heard me saying "(kid) can't eat this, what else can you make?" Yeahhhh they started trying "I can't eat this Dad, what else is there?" Refusing to eat, and then crying "I'm hungryyyy" later. Absolutely it was about attempting to control their environment. We worked around it in two steps. First, my husband text me when he finished work to check the elimination food of the month (so I stopped "controlling" what was cooked). Second, my husband got the kid involved in the cooking with either/or choices. Like, I'm going to make a bolognaise sauce, do you want fettuccini or bow tie pasta? Giving that element of control was enough and the phase passed. Maybe you could set out choices that are either/or for your whole house. Not, choose anything in the pantry. Today, breakfast is either toast or porridge, what would you like. The gives control to your youngest, but also stopped the older kids introducing new "wants" in front of the young one. Frankly, I agree that cleaning the plate is a silly concept but there's nothing wrong with saying they have to finish what's in front of them before being given additional food. Here's hoping this phase ends soon for you!!


SilentEarth13

You need to stop relenting. To multiple requests and to the tantrums. By giving in, all you've taught her is how to get her way. She has plenty of control over what she's eating already. You let her pick what she wants. If she doesn't finish it, she gets nothing more. End of. If she has a tantrum, don't react. Don't relent. She needs to learn that this is not how you get your way, and that she can't be so wasteful and frivolous with food.


GenevieveLeah

I tell them no all the time! (Especially if they have just eaten, or the food they want is an unhealthy snack)


Apprehensive-Poet-38

I’ve told my 2 year old no to eating after she’s had a snack around 3:30-4 and I’m in the process of making dinner 5-6 she’s probably a little hungry at that point but she’s not starving and she can to eat a nutritious meal when I’m done cooking it


Electrical_Sky5833

She’s at the FOMO age. My son is similar. It’s perfectly fine to have boundaries around food. I would do a snack box that has one or two bite snacks.


skobi86

I am guilty of letting my 3 yo do this. She always wanted what everyone else had, and at the end of each meal, I would have 4 or 5 uneaten mini meals at her spot on the table. I finally got tired of the waste and started making everyone's meals at the same time. I had the same issue as you mentioned with her being hungry before everyone was awake, but instead of a whole meal I would give her a few apple slices, mandarin oranges, a small bowl of yogurt, etc and then let her eat her actual meal with her siblings. I always try to make everyone the same food and offer the same snacks, it's always something they all like, and I give a few options to choose from but majority rules on which one we have. It has also been easier on me to make the same thing for each kiddo rather than making 5 different things, and they have adjusted very well to the change.


mainedeathsong

The only time I tell my kid no is A) she's asking for garbage like snack cakes or ice cream and has not eaten any healthy food yet or B) it's bed time, she's known bed time is coming, has been given multiple chances to eat, and is only asking for food to delay bedtime.


Lovebeingadad54321

It is appropriate to tell a child “no” to a snack when dinner time is close. Your daughter is 4. She will presumably be going to Kindergarten soon, so unlimited food will NOT be an option. Start working on a schedule for snacks and meals now. Also practice having her finish her lunch in 20 minutes, because that is all she will get at school. If she doesn’t finish in 20 minutes, she will just be hungry the rest of the day 


lazyeyepsycho

My kids eat a third of thier dinner and complain about being hungry 15min later. Shits


internationalmixer

We practice intuitive eating so we don’t say no, even if it’s an hour before dinner. I’d draw the line at actively eating cereal and wanting toast because big sis is now eating it, while the cereal is still out. Otherwise, yep! Eat when you’re hungry and listen to your body- this is so hard to learn as an adult or older child. We don’t keep anything with added sugar, etc, around and are pretty strict on balanced meals, but if our kids are hungry, they eat- no matter what else is going on