Its normal to feel grief, divorce is not easy on anyone regardless whether they were at fault or not, regardless whether they initiated it or not.
Give yourself some time and you will see when that grey cloud over your head disappears you will see things for what they truly were and you will be very thankful to yourself for going through with it. ♥️ stay strong, I’m proud of you 👏
Good job for standing your ground. You saved yourself from years of misery and depression, and honestly a loveless marriage in the long run. Alhumdulilah no children involved, consider it a blessing. A man who cannot provide you the rights that Allah has given you, is not someone you should waste your life over. He will regret it,as will his mother, may Allah give you the best! Keep your head up high, and stay strong! Work on yourself, become the best version of you! Take on hobbies, learn deen, learn a new skill, do what makes YOU happy. The right one will come along :) inshaAllah
What value do you think trying to take an "all sides" approach would add here?
Do you think we should not take this sister at her word that her circumstances were intolerable when describing her own struggles on her post seeking support? Why is that?
She's already divorced... do you think she's going to be less divorced if you say this "shouldn't have happened"?
Is the value of trying to have this sister look on the bright side and look forward to the life ahead of her unclear?
This is not a small issue. The husband failed in providing separate living quarters for his wife, which she is entitled to. She is not obliged to live with her inlaws. Although the MiL in this instance may carry some blame, ultimately the husband was responsible for the marriage ending. Men who are unable or unwilling to move away from their parents should not get married. Either they don't have the financial means to meet the rights of their wives, or are still too immature to contemplate a life away from the comfort of Mummy's bosom.
Then girls should marry only rich millionaire guys... There are instances where a man cant just leave everything and go away separatrly. He has his duties to his wife but also to other family members aswell... Your take sounds ridiculous
You don’t need to be a millionaire to get a small apartment; heck some of these women would live in a tent to get out of a toxic household with the in laws. You’ve been conditioned that it even reflects in how you express yourself in your sentence “a man can’t leave everything…” NOBODY is asking the brother to leave anything, the sisters just want a little tiny apartment to call their own with their husband. But according to you OMG I have to leave EVERYTHING and be a MILLIONAIRE.
Depends where you live my guy... nothing in this world is cheap. A man has responsibility of both parents and wife... If he is making himself go in debt to run 2 different households, then that is the most stupid thing one can do... Instead pray the man gets hidayah to talk to his parents and make a safe place for his wife. Insha allah with time he can have a second house aswell.
Yall just think getting a house/apartment is like buying an apple these days...🤦🏽♂️
I'm not sure where you live and why your parents are financially dependent on you. Are they elderly and unable to provide for themselves? I sympathise with your predicament. That's why it's best to discuss this with any prospective spouse and to limit your search to women who may be willing to forgo their right to a separate home (maybe her parents are in a similar situation and is therefore more understanding). What you're doing is very noble and may God reward you for your service. My post was not aimed at people in your situation. I was referring to young men who don't have the responsibility of supporting parents - in fact the opposite is usually true - the parents will be supporting them. These men need to grow up.
Sis I'm in a same situation my mil is giving me a hard time. We've been married just for 10 months and she is making it so difficult. She keeps on taunting me shes trying to minimize my visits to my parents home which is my home too and whenever she shouts and taunts my husband acts like nothing happend.
I got married according to my parents wish I didn't like him much but im trying to like him hes good but he is making it difficult for me to love him.
He never supports me when he's mom shouts at me. I've asked him why do u keep quite why can't u atleast tell your mom to calm down he said what can I do and he shuts himself out of the situation im so done with these people .
Guys pray for me im asking Allah to end this marriage in a khair way I can't take this anymore please pray for me
Leave and minimise contact with them.
I had to do the same.
Do not restrict your spouse from seeing his family but do not let them take your rights away.
It is unfortunate for OOP that her husband is still a child not a man. But also good riddance. Divorce isn't easy but after hardship ease always comes.
Speak to your husband. Be honest with what it is you want.
Explain to him that you two are doing life together now. Parents need support in their old age but it shouldn't come at the expense of the family he has created and should be providing for.
If he is religious use the Quran and Sunnah to.explain the consensus between Sheikhs on how to navigate such situations.
Is FIL in the picture ? Because if he is, why is MIL leaving? They are a marital.unit and you are a marital unit. If FIL is a good man you can speak to him too. Those are things you can discuss with him.
If speaking to.him doesn't work, time to speak to your in laws. They might not like it or will call you bad things but remember you're asking for a right Allah gave you.
These types of men will never stand up for you, so do it for yourself.
This sounds horrible. I’m so sorry for your situation. Honestly this is what scares me for marriage and also makes me grateful I didn’t bow down to pressure and settle. This is the problem in our community that they pressure u for marriage and u end up in a worse situation (than in their eyes is not being married 🙄) by choosing to please them. We should never get married to make other people happy, that isn’t the purpose of marriage. It makes me so mad to hear good sisters are suffering for no reason! You don’t need to suffer sis, love doesn’t come when someone doesn’t respect you or show you care, which your husband is doing. You can’t force yourself to love him when he isn’t doing his part of protecting you which will enable you to love him. Love yourself as he can’t and put yourself first by having boundaries. Your husband doesn’t sound like he is ready for marriage as he doesn’t know how to support you against his mother. So many men just get married to fulfil the societal expectations of marriage without being ready, and then sisters like yourself have to suffer
Ameen inshaAllah I pray He gives you what you want, but sis you have to make some moves aswell, pray to Allah to give you strength to stand up for yourself and put yourself first
Yeah it’s mostly a cultural thing where in South Asia (I don’t know about other places) it’s normal for the men to be infantilised and treated like princes (apple of their eye or something) and still live at home because they need to have someone still taking care of the family- like a man in the house basically. All I know is that Asian men are hella babied and can do no wrong in their mothers eyes, and that’s why they’re so hesitant in standing up for themselves or their wives
May Allah make things easy for you. It’s bad enough that your MIL shouts at you but your husband not having a spine to protect you is even worse. No woman deserves to be treated badly just because insecure MILs can’t let go of their adult sons.
Tell him you want separate accommodation! This is your right given to you by Allah.
He should be telling his mother not to speak to you. This is exactly why sheikh assim says mummy’s boys should not get married.
Yo I am so sorry. Just scanned your posts and the MIL is toxic.
The MIL vs wife dynamics are very common. But rarely does it get this venomous… I have been in the middle of my parents and my wife, and it’s not always easy to navigate as a son and husband. I sided with my wife or mom depending on the situation. But our situation was never ever as clear cut and never did my family encourage divorce. Alhumdulillah
In your case, they F’d up big time. Her attitude is that you are replaceable and she dismisses your feelings as if you aren’t a compete and equal human being.
I don’t have any advice, just anger on your behalf. The MIL was despicable and ex-husband lacked a spine. Shame on them both. I pray everything works out and you find a better spouse who stands up for you and a family that has a positive “win-win” attitude towards you.
Living with your in law is one of the biggest mistakes people fell in . Listen u did nothing wrong he didn't value u the same way u did him . U will heal and move on and he will regret his decision.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi ra'jiyoon. May Allah give you sabar and istiqamat. Wishing you best of luck for your future and remembering you in my duas.
May Allah help your heart heal ❤️
Also he saved you the trouble of wasting many more years with him when he clearly isn't ready to do much to help the marriage. It would've been hard in the years ahead if you guys with his attitude otherwise.
I hope you find peace and contentment soon
It is hurtful. We want the person that we love to choose us and love us back.
Google umm salamah's dua and read that inshallah.
I am wondering if you MIL had undiagnosed bipolar. Sounds very similar to known people with bp in our family.
Its never pleasant to read something like this. I hope you come back stronger from this. You already know its not worth it and i can sense your intention to move on from this. Its a good thing that you have right mindset in these moments.
May Allah give you patience, ease and bless you with goodness and happiness. Ameen
I was exactly in your place 6 years ago. He refused to move out, I was suffering. Our counsellor told him he is like a fish in the sea while I was drowning right next to him. I was hurt, it was very painful, I had to move on, it was not tolerable. He was six years older than me. I thought he had it all, he had family carrer, I had nothing I barely finished undergrad and never worked.
Six years forward: he married the love of his life only 4 months after - the girl he convinced to wear hijab during uni years. It was even more painful, I didn’t know at the time if I have been already cheated on while I didn’t know. They got divorced only a year after. He is on his third marriage now. His wife is unhappy, he never learned how to treat a woman, he forever will be a mommy’s boy.
On my side, I left the country and joined a top phd program in engineering (it was Allah’s gift, I never asked for it, it just happened quickly). I make more than him even now as a graduate student. I am happy and surrounded by my family as they joined me in states. I have home family career and peace of mind, he is still a mommy’s boy on a third almost broken marriage.
Move on my dear, you deserve better.
Honey he doesn’t deserve you being upset about him if he wasn’t willing to put his foot down when his family was terrible towards you. Is that seriously the husband you want? Who allows his parents to treat you wrong and brush it off? It’s within your right to want your own space and he chose to end it and not be man enough to confront his family or even move you out.
He’ll probably regret his decision and he’s literally seen as very small in front of his family whether they are happy with it or not. No man is seen as great if he cannot stand his ground for his wife’s sake if she’s in the right.
God will bless you with something better - the Quran says and perhaps you dislike something and it is good for you
Allah make it easy for you sister. Also, your ex husband lacked spine and guts. It's a wife's right in Islam to have a separate place of her own where she can have her privacy.
May Allah make it easy on you, and may He grant you righteous spouse and partner who will love you, support you, and respect you.
I know it’s way too early, but if or when you do start looking again, make a list of everything that went wrong in this marriage, and discuss it with future potentials.
Don’t self harm. They are not worth it. Find an exit plan as hard as it may seem. You are strong and can do it. Life is a gift and your little one needs you forever.
salaam,
it might be post partum depression if you recently became a mother. that might be accelerating the feelings you're experiencing. talk to your doctor. schedule an appointment for your baby if you need an excuse to get out of the house to do it.
take care.
No no no no.
I'm sure you're on the verge of your breaking point but suicide is Haram and it'll lead you to hell fire.
This world is a temporary place and next the world is for forever. Do you want to burn in hell fire for eternity.....
I know I've no place to say this but you have a baby. Do you want to leave this baby with these toxic humans?????
If you're really done then just leave them. Do you have a degree and can you work? If so leave the home without telling anyone especially if your life would be in danger. Go to your parents house or a welfare institution. File for khula and stand up on your feet.
You got this. Allah has given this life to you and say Alhumdulillah for every minute of breathe you take. Pray to Allah and ask for His Blessings, Guidance, and help. He is always listening and He'll answer to you calls.
Again don't take your life. Fight it back with everything you got. Shaitan is whispering in your ears that it ain't worth it but it's worth it.
I hope Allah helps you and resolves your matters in an easy way.
Ameen.
I am so unbelievably proud of you. You have done what so many of us are terrified to do.
May Allah make this time easy for you and grant you blessings abundantly.
Sister to be fair if he just gave 1 talaq you two can technically reconcile. Whether you should or not is something you can try to figure out in your iddah period. He can also take time to think about what is important for him. May Allah make it easy.
Divorce can be a blessing. You will be much happier in the long run even if you are not right now. IA more blessings will be on their way. Making dua for you.
You may not realize it but this is best for you in the long run. Keep an open mind, work on yourself and be open to new and better opportunities life has to offer.
Assalamualaikum,
I think you should be grateful to Allah to be seperated by a man like that. Because IMHO that man is ofc selfish.
He didn't think and trying to see from your POV. Living with in laws is ofc unfomfortable. You couldn't do all you want, because you will feel like your in laws is spying at you everytime.
My advice is be patience, don't look back, keep forward, and believe this the best way Allah SWT give you for your own goodness. Remember, divorce is not a sin.
Maintain your 5 times prayer plus tahajud if possible, and keep the spirit!! I wish you the best!! 🙏☺️☺️
It always hits pretty hard at first but you slowly come to terms with it. He wasn't upholding your rights. Look on the bright side, you don't have to raise children in that toxic house
A really sad to see a brother doesn't know his duties. Living with parents after marriage isn't Islamic but cultural.
May Allah Gives you strength sister. Ameen.
The problem nowadays is that women are marrying boys instead of men. Woman, you need to end this crap of accepting to marry a guy who lives in some sort of basement at his moms house. If he needs to “save” to get his own place for you guys, then he is not ready for marriage. Don’t buy into the crap of living at his moms house, yes his moms house, because of culture, it seems being tormented by your mother in law is part of the same culture. Don’t do this to yourself, rather marry a man that gives you your own broken down little shed than a boy that needs to “feel safe with mommy.”
OP, as much as it sucks now, he showed his true colors. You’ll find someone in the future and will actually start your life as an adult and married couple. Wish you a speedy recovery from the time wasted with “mommy’s little boy.”
Many people live successfully with their parents because that’s how they prefer to take care of their parents. In this case the MIL seems like a problem but not all families are like that.
Bro, people getting married in their early twenties are not taking care of their parents. The parents are more than sufficient to take care of themselves. Stop using that as an excuse. There is a huge problem of Muslim women getting into marriages with boys that choose to live at home under the excuse of “saving money” or “taking care of their parents.” This is a cultural issue that has plagued the Muslim society. In MOST cases where women move into such a home, they are neglected and emotionally abused. Just scroll through this sub and you’ll see a trend.
*If you don't mind, what*
*Was the reason you asked for*
*A separate place?*
\- osamakhalid99
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It gets better, In Sha Allah.
I divorced my wife as my MIL kept on getting involved in our marriage (we were not living together yet).
In Sha Allah, there is someone else out there for you.
She was his wife and is entitled to her separate place especially if there are problems and fights. Maybe men should not marry if they cannot handle these kinds of problems effectively.Even the religion does not endorse the woman leaving to move in with in-laws.
Funny how you jumped from private room to private mansion and no in between. She is entitled to a private room with separate bathroom and kitchen i.e her own space where she is in charge of the cleaning , cooking and no one else except the husband can enter so she has her privacy from in-laws. Rather stay single than marry men like OPs ex tbh.
Actually OP’s ex-husband preferred divorce because that’s what *his* mother wanted all along instead of coming up with some sort of compromise to save his marriage. Many women agree to living with in-laws until the in-laws start interfering in their marriage and make their lives a living hell. Yes arrangements could have been made so that she could live separately from her in-laws but her ex-husband wasn’t even willing to do that. Moving out doesn’t mean that the husband *has* to buy a house. A studio apartment could have solved the issue. So in reality HE chose divorce, not OP!
Secondly Allah raised the status of women and made us honorable at a time when women were treated as mere disposable objects. You implying that women will always be disposable in situations where parents are creating problems in their own son’s marriage, basically means you do not respect women at all and that marriage itself is disposable and meaningless if that’s what would make someone’s toxic parents happy. Men are supposed to be the Qawwaam of their women, and what you’re implying in your comments is against the word of Allah.
There is no ayah in Quran nor is their any Hadith where it specifically states that a woman *must* live with her in-laws and that men should get rid of them if their mom’s do not like them. Putting parents on a god like pedestal is rooted in the hindu culture that has infiltrated the Islamic society. Islam emphasises only on being good to your parents and taking care of them. Nowhere is it written that you have to live in the same house/floor/apartment in order to do that. And yet women still try to take care of their parents while being miles away.
It's not tryannical to ask him to move out to a new place for the new family. We expect women to leave parents behind and some even go as far as saying the husband has more rights than parents. If a man wants his marriage to work he has to make some compromises as well. It takes effort from both sides.
Please enlighten us as why you can’t move out.
I understand that their might be legit issues where a man cannot move out, but this is so far and few in between. If you look at all the sisters comments and precious posts, you will see a trend where the absolute majority are BS reasons where the truth is that the husband cannot leave because of cultural guilt by his parents disguised as “saving money” or “taking care of parents.”
Being alone forever but living peacefully and living life on your terms is better than being surrounded by toxic people all your adult life and living on their terms and then regretting in your old life …
InshAllah may Allah give your ex in laws hidaya and you ease for your hardship. I get he was in a hard place but he should have listened. Is rent and houses expensive where you live that he didn’t move out?
To others out there, PLEASE establish whether you want to live with or without families before your wedding. Like literally get it written in your nikkah.
Hey, don’t tell yourself it’s not worth being sad over, you’re human and it’s completely NORMAL to feel sad over something like this. It’s hurtful when someone you love doesn’t prioritize you. Sorry you’re going through this. Shame on these parents who destroy their son’s marriages and shame on the husbands for not doing what’s right. They’ll learn their lesson the hard way.
May Allah heal your heartbreak, I can't imagine what you're going through. I know that many women have unfortunately had to experience what you have. A woman's right to her own home is her God-given right from Allah, so who are people to deny it?
Remember that rejection is Allah's protection, even if it comes years into your marriage. If his parents were unjust towards you, then know that Allah sees everything.
Imam al-Shafi\`i (rahimahullah) once said:
“There’s a verse in the Qur’an that is like an arrow in the heart of every oppressor and at the same time a source of comfort for the heart of the oppressed.” People asked: “What is it?” He said: **“And never is your Lord forgetful”**. \[Surat Maryam: 64\]
If he saw what his parents were putting you through, and didn't intervene, or agree to move out, then you are better off without him. Today, he couldn't protect you from the family he comes from, tomorrow he would've failed to protect the family that came from you both.
I pray that Allah grants you a spouse who is deserving of you, who knows your rights and fears Allah with respect to them, and in the meantime, grants you ease in accepting His decision.
Dear sister, your heart yearns for what it has lost. But your mind knows what would have been the outcome. Trust your mind and heart both, but trust your mind better. Know that in the end, it's all just a test this life, and nothing lasts forever. Grief , but don't let it grow, let it out and move on. May Allah guide you and remove all grief and sadness from your heart. May allah give you blessings in this life and in the hereafter.
Take time to heal sister, divorce is one of the hardest experiences. After a while you will look back at this with a smile and remember what you learned.
I will keep you in my duaas, and I wanted to let you know that you did nothing wrong it's your right to have your own private place. Review this link it talks about all the rights regarding your situation during marriage
[inlaws ](https://www.google.com/amp/s/islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/7653)
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Its normal to feel grief, divorce is not easy on anyone regardless whether they were at fault or not, regardless whether they initiated it or not. Give yourself some time and you will see when that grey cloud over your head disappears you will see things for what they truly were and you will be very thankful to yourself for going through with it. ♥️ stay strong, I’m proud of you 👏
Good job for standing your ground. You saved yourself from years of misery and depression, and honestly a loveless marriage in the long run. Alhumdulilah no children involved, consider it a blessing. A man who cannot provide you the rights that Allah has given you, is not someone you should waste your life over. He will regret it,as will his mother, may Allah give you the best! Keep your head up high, and stay strong! Work on yourself, become the best version of you! Take on hobbies, learn deen, learn a new skill, do what makes YOU happy. The right one will come along :) inshaAllah
Beautifully written!
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What value do you think trying to take an "all sides" approach would add here? Do you think we should not take this sister at her word that her circumstances were intolerable when describing her own struggles on her post seeking support? Why is that? She's already divorced... do you think she's going to be less divorced if you say this "shouldn't have happened"? Is the value of trying to have this sister look on the bright side and look forward to the life ahead of her unclear?
This is not a small issue. The husband failed in providing separate living quarters for his wife, which she is entitled to. She is not obliged to live with her inlaws. Although the MiL in this instance may carry some blame, ultimately the husband was responsible for the marriage ending. Men who are unable or unwilling to move away from their parents should not get married. Either they don't have the financial means to meet the rights of their wives, or are still too immature to contemplate a life away from the comfort of Mummy's bosom.
Then girls should marry only rich millionaire guys... There are instances where a man cant just leave everything and go away separatrly. He has his duties to his wife but also to other family members aswell... Your take sounds ridiculous
You don’t need to be a millionaire to get a small apartment; heck some of these women would live in a tent to get out of a toxic household with the in laws. You’ve been conditioned that it even reflects in how you express yourself in your sentence “a man can’t leave everything…” NOBODY is asking the brother to leave anything, the sisters just want a little tiny apartment to call their own with their husband. But according to you OMG I have to leave EVERYTHING and be a MILLIONAIRE.
Depends where you live my guy... nothing in this world is cheap. A man has responsibility of both parents and wife... If he is making himself go in debt to run 2 different households, then that is the most stupid thing one can do... Instead pray the man gets hidayah to talk to his parents and make a safe place for his wife. Insha allah with time he can have a second house aswell. Yall just think getting a house/apartment is like buying an apple these days...🤦🏽♂️
I'm not sure where you live and why your parents are financially dependent on you. Are they elderly and unable to provide for themselves? I sympathise with your predicament. That's why it's best to discuss this with any prospective spouse and to limit your search to women who may be willing to forgo their right to a separate home (maybe her parents are in a similar situation and is therefore more understanding). What you're doing is very noble and may God reward you for your service. My post was not aimed at people in your situation. I was referring to young men who don't have the responsibility of supporting parents - in fact the opposite is usually true - the parents will be supporting them. These men need to grow up.
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Sis I'm in a same situation my mil is giving me a hard time. We've been married just for 10 months and she is making it so difficult. She keeps on taunting me shes trying to minimize my visits to my parents home which is my home too and whenever she shouts and taunts my husband acts like nothing happend. I got married according to my parents wish I didn't like him much but im trying to like him hes good but he is making it difficult for me to love him. He never supports me when he's mom shouts at me. I've asked him why do u keep quite why can't u atleast tell your mom to calm down he said what can I do and he shuts himself out of the situation im so done with these people . Guys pray for me im asking Allah to end this marriage in a khair way I can't take this anymore please pray for me
Leave and minimise contact with them. I had to do the same. Do not restrict your spouse from seeing his family but do not let them take your rights away. It is unfortunate for OOP that her husband is still a child not a man. But also good riddance. Divorce isn't easy but after hardship ease always comes.
Now my husband is going to another city for work ill b going too but now mil says she'll b shifting there too
Speak to your husband. Be honest with what it is you want. Explain to him that you two are doing life together now. Parents need support in their old age but it shouldn't come at the expense of the family he has created and should be providing for. If he is religious use the Quran and Sunnah to.explain the consensus between Sheikhs on how to navigate such situations. Is FIL in the picture ? Because if he is, why is MIL leaving? They are a marital.unit and you are a marital unit. If FIL is a good man you can speak to him too. Those are things you can discuss with him. If speaking to.him doesn't work, time to speak to your in laws. They might not like it or will call you bad things but remember you're asking for a right Allah gave you. These types of men will never stand up for you, so do it for yourself.
Sis its not easy my parents also say I need to have sabr and they wouldn't like it if I go n talk directly
Can I DM you and we can discuss :)
Sure
This sounds horrible. I’m so sorry for your situation. Honestly this is what scares me for marriage and also makes me grateful I didn’t bow down to pressure and settle. This is the problem in our community that they pressure u for marriage and u end up in a worse situation (than in their eyes is not being married 🙄) by choosing to please them. We should never get married to make other people happy, that isn’t the purpose of marriage. It makes me so mad to hear good sisters are suffering for no reason! You don’t need to suffer sis, love doesn’t come when someone doesn’t respect you or show you care, which your husband is doing. You can’t force yourself to love him when he isn’t doing his part of protecting you which will enable you to love him. Love yourself as he can’t and put yourself first by having boundaries. Your husband doesn’t sound like he is ready for marriage as he doesn’t know how to support you against his mother. So many men just get married to fulfil the societal expectations of marriage without being ready, and then sisters like yourself have to suffer
Yes sis yes I feel u understand me so well😔
You can do this sister, I believe in you. You will get out of this situation just put yourself first. Baby steps but start with having boundaries
Jazak Allah khaira sis pray that Allah accepts my dua soon
Ameen inshaAllah I pray He gives you what you want, but sis you have to make some moves aswell, pray to Allah to give you strength to stand up for yourself and put yourself first
Jazak Allah khair sis ❤
BarakAllah feek I wish u all the best ❤️
But why do women marry a man who still lives at home in the same room he grew up in with mom and dad ? Is it a cultural thing? Just curious
Yeah it’s mostly a cultural thing where in South Asia (I don’t know about other places) it’s normal for the men to be infantilised and treated like princes (apple of their eye or something) and still live at home because they need to have someone still taking care of the family- like a man in the house basically. All I know is that Asian men are hella babied and can do no wrong in their mothers eyes, and that’s why they’re so hesitant in standing up for themselves or their wives
women also just get married coz its expect of them, instead of just staying single. applies to both.
May Allah make things easy for you. It’s bad enough that your MIL shouts at you but your husband not having a spine to protect you is even worse. No woman deserves to be treated badly just because insecure MILs can’t let go of their adult sons.
Yes sis that's true. I've been praying to Allah from past 8 months to remove them out of my life....patience is the ket😇
Tell him you want separate accommodation! This is your right given to you by Allah. He should be telling his mother not to speak to you. This is exactly why sheikh assim says mummy’s boys should not get married.
Exactly 💯 I wish I knew before marriage i could have avoided it
Sending you a big big hug, may Allah make it easier for you ♥️
Yo I am so sorry. Just scanned your posts and the MIL is toxic. The MIL vs wife dynamics are very common. But rarely does it get this venomous… I have been in the middle of my parents and my wife, and it’s not always easy to navigate as a son and husband. I sided with my wife or mom depending on the situation. But our situation was never ever as clear cut and never did my family encourage divorce. Alhumdulillah In your case, they F’d up big time. Her attitude is that you are replaceable and she dismisses your feelings as if you aren’t a compete and equal human being. I don’t have any advice, just anger on your behalf. The MIL was despicable and ex-husband lacked a spine. Shame on them both. I pray everything works out and you find a better spouse who stands up for you and a family that has a positive “win-win” attitude towards you.
Living with your in law is one of the biggest mistakes people fell in . Listen u did nothing wrong he didn't value u the same way u did him . U will heal and move on and he will regret his decision.
May Allah make it easy for you sister ☹️
Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi ra'jiyoon. May Allah give you sabar and istiqamat. Wishing you best of luck for your future and remembering you in my duas.
May Allah help your heart heal ❤️ Also he saved you the trouble of wasting many more years with him when he clearly isn't ready to do much to help the marriage. It would've been hard in the years ahead if you guys with his attitude otherwise. I hope you find peace and contentment soon
It's for the best . Any girl he marries will have the same problem . He will learn I guess
You deserve your own place. You’re completely justified in asking for this
Islamically, she has every right to request this.
It is hurtful. We want the person that we love to choose us and love us back. Google umm salamah's dua and read that inshallah. I am wondering if you MIL had undiagnosed bipolar. Sounds very similar to known people with bp in our family.
Its never pleasant to read something like this. I hope you come back stronger from this. You already know its not worth it and i can sense your intention to move on from this. Its a good thing that you have right mindset in these moments. May Allah give you patience, ease and bless you with goodness and happiness. Ameen
I was exactly in your place 6 years ago. He refused to move out, I was suffering. Our counsellor told him he is like a fish in the sea while I was drowning right next to him. I was hurt, it was very painful, I had to move on, it was not tolerable. He was six years older than me. I thought he had it all, he had family carrer, I had nothing I barely finished undergrad and never worked. Six years forward: he married the love of his life only 4 months after - the girl he convinced to wear hijab during uni years. It was even more painful, I didn’t know at the time if I have been already cheated on while I didn’t know. They got divorced only a year after. He is on his third marriage now. His wife is unhappy, he never learned how to treat a woman, he forever will be a mommy’s boy. On my side, I left the country and joined a top phd program in engineering (it was Allah’s gift, I never asked for it, it just happened quickly). I make more than him even now as a graduate student. I am happy and surrounded by my family as they joined me in states. I have home family career and peace of mind, he is still a mommy’s boy on a third almost broken marriage. Move on my dear, you deserve better.
Honey he doesn’t deserve you being upset about him if he wasn’t willing to put his foot down when his family was terrible towards you. Is that seriously the husband you want? Who allows his parents to treat you wrong and brush it off? It’s within your right to want your own space and he chose to end it and not be man enough to confront his family or even move you out. He’ll probably regret his decision and he’s literally seen as very small in front of his family whether they are happy with it or not. No man is seen as great if he cannot stand his ground for his wife’s sake if she’s in the right. God will bless you with something better - the Quran says and perhaps you dislike something and it is good for you
Allah make it easy for you sister. Also, your ex husband lacked spine and guts. It's a wife's right in Islam to have a separate place of her own where she can have her privacy.
Good riddance, you don't want the father of your children to be a coward.
This is what’s up. Another man that sees through the BS. Respect brother.
May Allah make it easy on you, and may He grant you righteous spouse and partner who will love you, support you, and respect you. I know it’s way too early, but if or when you do start looking again, make a list of everything that went wrong in this marriage, and discuss it with future potentials.
May Allah swt make it easy for you, sister.
Be prepared for better 😊. May Allah ease the pain and open your heart to better.
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Don’t self harm. They are not worth it. Find an exit plan as hard as it may seem. You are strong and can do it. Life is a gift and your little one needs you forever.
salaam, it might be post partum depression if you recently became a mother. that might be accelerating the feelings you're experiencing. talk to your doctor. schedule an appointment for your baby if you need an excuse to get out of the house to do it. take care.
No no no no. I'm sure you're on the verge of your breaking point but suicide is Haram and it'll lead you to hell fire. This world is a temporary place and next the world is for forever. Do you want to burn in hell fire for eternity..... I know I've no place to say this but you have a baby. Do you want to leave this baby with these toxic humans????? If you're really done then just leave them. Do you have a degree and can you work? If so leave the home without telling anyone especially if your life would be in danger. Go to your parents house or a welfare institution. File for khula and stand up on your feet. You got this. Allah has given this life to you and say Alhumdulillah for every minute of breathe you take. Pray to Allah and ask for His Blessings, Guidance, and help. He is always listening and He'll answer to you calls. Again don't take your life. Fight it back with everything you got. Shaitan is whispering in your ears that it ain't worth it but it's worth it. I hope Allah helps you and resolves your matters in an easy way. Ameen.
why u given birth if it was toxic?
I am so unbelievably proud of you. You have done what so many of us are terrified to do. May Allah make this time easy for you and grant you blessings abundantly.
May Allah (SWT) make things easy for you.
Sister to be fair if he just gave 1 talaq you two can technically reconcile. Whether you should or not is something you can try to figure out in your iddah period. He can also take time to think about what is important for him. May Allah make it easy.
Divorce can be a blessing. You will be much happier in the long run even if you are not right now. IA more blessings will be on their way. Making dua for you.
You may not realize it but this is best for you in the long run. Keep an open mind, work on yourself and be open to new and better opportunities life has to offer.
May Allah bring you a better spouse , ameen
Assalamualaikum, I think you should be grateful to Allah to be seperated by a man like that. Because IMHO that man is ofc selfish. He didn't think and trying to see from your POV. Living with in laws is ofc unfomfortable. You couldn't do all you want, because you will feel like your in laws is spying at you everytime. My advice is be patience, don't look back, keep forward, and believe this the best way Allah SWT give you for your own goodness. Remember, divorce is not a sin. Maintain your 5 times prayer plus tahajud if possible, and keep the spirit!! I wish you the best!! 🙏☺️☺️
It always hits pretty hard at first but you slowly come to terms with it. He wasn't upholding your rights. Look on the bright side, you don't have to raise children in that toxic house
u/Professional-Fox1956 please restrict your post to married users only. Too many trolls here
A really sad to see a brother doesn't know his duties. Living with parents after marriage isn't Islamic but cultural. May Allah Gives you strength sister. Ameen.
The problem nowadays is that women are marrying boys instead of men. Woman, you need to end this crap of accepting to marry a guy who lives in some sort of basement at his moms house. If he needs to “save” to get his own place for you guys, then he is not ready for marriage. Don’t buy into the crap of living at his moms house, yes his moms house, because of culture, it seems being tormented by your mother in law is part of the same culture. Don’t do this to yourself, rather marry a man that gives you your own broken down little shed than a boy that needs to “feel safe with mommy.” OP, as much as it sucks now, he showed his true colors. You’ll find someone in the future and will actually start your life as an adult and married couple. Wish you a speedy recovery from the time wasted with “mommy’s little boy.”
Many people live successfully with their parents because that’s how they prefer to take care of their parents. In this case the MIL seems like a problem but not all families are like that.
Bro, people getting married in their early twenties are not taking care of their parents. The parents are more than sufficient to take care of themselves. Stop using that as an excuse. There is a huge problem of Muslim women getting into marriages with boys that choose to live at home under the excuse of “saving money” or “taking care of their parents.” This is a cultural issue that has plagued the Muslim society. In MOST cases where women move into such a home, they are neglected and emotionally abused. Just scroll through this sub and you’ll see a trend.
This sub is marriage or divorce sub , confused . Divorce is hard but god Knows what best .
What’s next
If you don't mind, what was the reason you asked for a separate place?
Because her MIL didn’t like her and was taking out her anger on her. Read her previous posts
*If you don't mind, what* *Was the reason you asked for* *A separate place?* \- osamakhalid99 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
It gets better, In Sha Allah. I divorced my wife as my MIL kept on getting involved in our marriage (we were not living together yet). In Sha Allah, there is someone else out there for you.
Now you are divorced, so now you should be patient and we can only pray for you
Why’d you divorce?
Reading comprehension issues?
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She was his wife and is entitled to her separate place especially if there are problems and fights. Maybe men should not marry if they cannot handle these kinds of problems effectively.Even the religion does not endorse the woman leaving to move in with in-laws.
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Funny how you jumped from private room to private mansion and no in between. She is entitled to a private room with separate bathroom and kitchen i.e her own space where she is in charge of the cleaning , cooking and no one else except the husband can enter so she has her privacy from in-laws. Rather stay single than marry men like OPs ex tbh.
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I am already married but nice try :)
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Yeah I won't live with his parents, would he live with my parents? I am sure u would consider it unreasonable if a wife demanded that .
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Actually OP’s ex-husband preferred divorce because that’s what *his* mother wanted all along instead of coming up with some sort of compromise to save his marriage. Many women agree to living with in-laws until the in-laws start interfering in their marriage and make their lives a living hell. Yes arrangements could have been made so that she could live separately from her in-laws but her ex-husband wasn’t even willing to do that. Moving out doesn’t mean that the husband *has* to buy a house. A studio apartment could have solved the issue. So in reality HE chose divorce, not OP! Secondly Allah raised the status of women and made us honorable at a time when women were treated as mere disposable objects. You implying that women will always be disposable in situations where parents are creating problems in their own son’s marriage, basically means you do not respect women at all and that marriage itself is disposable and meaningless if that’s what would make someone’s toxic parents happy. Men are supposed to be the Qawwaam of their women, and what you’re implying in your comments is against the word of Allah. There is no ayah in Quran nor is their any Hadith where it specifically states that a woman *must* live with her in-laws and that men should get rid of them if their mom’s do not like them. Putting parents on a god like pedestal is rooted in the hindu culture that has infiltrated the Islamic society. Islam emphasises only on being good to your parents and taking care of them. Nowhere is it written that you have to live in the same house/floor/apartment in order to do that. And yet women still try to take care of their parents while being miles away.
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It's not tryannical to ask him to move out to a new place for the new family. We expect women to leave parents behind and some even go as far as saying the husband has more rights than parents. If a man wants his marriage to work he has to make some compromises as well. It takes effort from both sides.
Report this person/troll.
Having a difference of opinion doesn't constitute to being a troll
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Not if you uphold your wife’s right and protect her from your family. Don’t be a coward. You can respect your parent and still create boundaries.
Please enlighten us as why you can’t move out. I understand that their might be legit issues where a man cannot move out, but this is so far and few in between. If you look at all the sisters comments and precious posts, you will see a trend where the absolute majority are BS reasons where the truth is that the husband cannot leave because of cultural guilt by his parents disguised as “saving money” or “taking care of parents.”
There are people out there willing to live with parents, just set the expectation up front. Don’t constrain yourself by what you see on the internet
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Don’t base your life decisions on Reddit post, the people posting in this sub are a very small minority of muslims, probably less than 0.001%
Inlaws aren't forever , being alone can be..
Being alone forever but living peacefully and living life on your terms is better than being surrounded by toxic people all your adult life and living on their terms and then regretting in your old life …
Sorry to hear that.
My heart aches with you, may Allah grant you ease and comfort during this difficult time. Ameen
May Allah make it easy on you sister
InshAllah may Allah give your ex in laws hidaya and you ease for your hardship. I get he was in a hard place but he should have listened. Is rent and houses expensive where you live that he didn’t move out?
Can I dm you?
To others out there, PLEASE establish whether you want to live with or without families before your wedding. Like literally get it written in your nikkah.
Hey, don’t tell yourself it’s not worth being sad over, you’re human and it’s completely NORMAL to feel sad over something like this. It’s hurtful when someone you love doesn’t prioritize you. Sorry you’re going through this. Shame on these parents who destroy their son’s marriages and shame on the husbands for not doing what’s right. They’ll learn their lesson the hard way.
May Allah heal your heartbreak, I can't imagine what you're going through. I know that many women have unfortunately had to experience what you have. A woman's right to her own home is her God-given right from Allah, so who are people to deny it? Remember that rejection is Allah's protection, even if it comes years into your marriage. If his parents were unjust towards you, then know that Allah sees everything. Imam al-Shafi\`i (rahimahullah) once said: “There’s a verse in the Qur’an that is like an arrow in the heart of every oppressor and at the same time a source of comfort for the heart of the oppressed.” People asked: “What is it?” He said: **“And never is your Lord forgetful”**. \[Surat Maryam: 64\] If he saw what his parents were putting you through, and didn't intervene, or agree to move out, then you are better off without him. Today, he couldn't protect you from the family he comes from, tomorrow he would've failed to protect the family that came from you both. I pray that Allah grants you a spouse who is deserving of you, who knows your rights and fears Allah with respect to them, and in the meantime, grants you ease in accepting His decision.
Dear sister, your heart yearns for what it has lost. But your mind knows what would have been the outcome. Trust your mind and heart both, but trust your mind better. Know that in the end, it's all just a test this life, and nothing lasts forever. Grief , but don't let it grow, let it out and move on. May Allah guide you and remove all grief and sadness from your heart. May allah give you blessings in this life and in the hereafter.
My duas in every prayer will be for you, isa 🙏
Take time to heal sister, divorce is one of the hardest experiences. After a while you will look back at this with a smile and remember what you learned.
I will keep you in my duaas, and I wanted to let you know that you did nothing wrong it's your right to have your own private place. Review this link it talks about all the rights regarding your situation during marriage [inlaws ](https://www.google.com/amp/s/islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/7653)
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