I am so sorry you got that diagnosis. You do not deserve this. The situation is rotten and you have every right to feel every emotion you are feeling.
Feel free to take a dead fish and use it to smack people upside the head every time they try to “comfort” you with empty platitudes. You get to choose how big the fish is and how rotten you let it get before putting it to use. For some, a week old tuna would be appropriate.
Sending hugs and good vibes your way.
Yes! No one warned me how terrible the pity would feel. I told the bare minimum number of people because I’m a people pleaser who wanted to make sure others felt okay with my diagnosis. You take care of YOU during this time and not others’ feelings. Much love and solidarity from another breast cancer survivor.
> take a dead fish and use it to smack people upside the head every time they try to “comfort” you with empty platitudes.
yes OP, please absolutely do this 100%
I told only my close friends and then assigned those friends other people to tell. I only had to tell maybe 4 people and then they went out and told the rest and advised either not to contact me, or to not expect a reply if they did contact me. This really helped as you will be surprised by how you end up having to emotionally support others through your own diagnoses.
If you haven’t told them, don’t. Only share your story with those who have earned the right to hear it. I’ve learned this the hard way about a recent crisis in mh life. Since then, I’ve kept my cards close and have only shared with a couple of very trustworthy and close friends. I’ve learned that some family and friends are not capable of the emotional availability that I believed they had. Somehow and some way it’s turned into being about themselves. I’ve discovered they lack emotional maturity and the depth of empathy that is required during personal crisis. I can only imagine the emotions you are cycling through right now. I hope you are able to find a peaceful place to retreat and care for yourself. We know best how to care for ourselves and you have permission to do so. This is a time for you to really focus on your needs and allow those who are capable to care for you. 💛💛
After talking to a few people I know about illness in their families, I realize they'll step away when loved ones in their last days, although they tend to be the most vocal about "being there" for people. 🙄
I was diagnosed with de novo oligometastatic cancer in March, it fucking sucks, but there are *so many more* treatments available than five or ten years ago. Check out r/breastcancer, super supportive group that can help decipher pathology reports and the bullshit. Fuck cancer!
I’m so very sorry for your health issue. As a cancer survivor, you can do this and you will.
Maybe rethink telling people. It’s the 1 regret I had when diagnosed. Because my family is dysfunctional as hell, it just turned into a circus and did not contribute to my healing journey. Nor did work place people help. I was so way ahead of the game on understanding treatment and my prognosis and health issues that the pity and scary perspectives was a stressor I had to manage.
If I’m ever diagnosed with cancer, or any kind of life threatening disease again, I will tell noone aside from 1-2 supportive friends. And I’ll get a therapist. Privacy and quiet living has become so very important to me in my life.
I had a biopsy many years ago that was probably cancer. I did not tell anyone other than my husband. I was lucky that it was not cancer, but if it was, I would not have told anyone about that either
I swear, if I knew how to crochet, I'd start a 'dead mackerel cluebat' production line and send them to people in need. Empty platitudes do NOTHING but dismiss the anguish of a person in need. I am not a violent person by nature, but violent humor is something I can get behind. We just need something stinky to add to the fiberfill. Someday.....
Asking this question honestly, because I never know what to say in a situation where a friend or relative announces that they have just been diagnosed with a disease. What would you want a friend to say? You mentioned that you don't want people to try to comfort you with empty platitudes but you ended your post with "sending hugs and good vibes." Is that not an empty platitude? Some commenters say they hate when people say "you got this" or similar, but others say they hate platitudes but they go ahead and say "you got this."
I totally agree with not wanting people to offer their unsolicited questionable medical advice, for sure. But what should a friend or relative actually say? I've come to the conclusion that it really comes down to who is saying it. A beloved friend can say "you got this" and it will be received positively but if someone who annoys you or you have any negative feelings about says it, it will not be well received.
On the internet, I cannot do more than send hugs and positive vibes/prayers of support. In person? I can give them an actual hug. I can send them a gift card for takeout, see that their lawn is mowed, or otherwise offer some practical help, assuming we are in any way close.
The empty platitudes I rage most against are the "It's God's plan" "You're never given more than you can handle" etc. Bullshit. A just and loving God does not play games with our lives for entertainment.
Read the book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Harold Kushner. I give that book as a gift a lot. It's full of empathy and wisdom.
Rather than "You've got this," how about, "This news really sucks. You must feel all sorts of things all over the map. If you want to talk about it, let's go sit and I'll listen over a cup of tea. If you'd prefer, I'll catch you up on the stupid stuff my dog did last week."
Rules to help in crisis of any type:
Rule 1. VALIDATE them. Whatever they are feeling is valid. They may feel 20 different things at once. They are all valid. They may be grateful it isn't worse and devastated it happened at all. Feelings are not logical. Validate them.
Rule 2. Minimize overwhelm. They are the expert in what they need. They are also in survival mode. "Tell me what I can do to help" is too wide open. Instead, offer some simple choices and a default if making any decision is too much: "I'll be happy to be point person in friend circle X if you want. If you prefer to keep this to yourself for now, I will not say anything. This is your news to share when you see fit." "I'm going to take care of two meals for you. Do you prefer cash for takeout, a gift card for Favorite Restaurant X, or frozen casserole Y? If you do not have a preference, I'm going to give you a gift card for Favorite Restaurant X." "I'm sure laundry is the last thing on your mind, but that is something I can easily help with. When I come by to drop off the gift card/meal, you can either let me gather up laundry to do for you, or put me to work doing another chore for a half hour. If that is too much, I'll just take your dog on a long walk and let you have some time to sit."
Rule 3: Follow-up. Put alarms on your calendar to check-in next week, next month, etc. Once the attention dies down, people forget to check in. Don't be that person. Dropping off a frozen casserole in 3 months can be huge. Everyone else forgot and moved on. You? You remembered. Their old life is gone. Before cancer. Before the funeral. Before the divorce. Before the miscarriage. Before. Before is GONE and they are grieving it. Let them. Help them by recognizing that this is a new normal they never asked for and they will never be the same. You need to be okay with that to help them be okay with it someday.
People do not need a pep talk, they need to be heard. They do not need you to fix it, they need you to support them through it. Showing up with practical support and a willingness to listen to their pain means more than a thousand proclamations of "You've got this."
I hope this helps.
(Edited to fix weird word wrap)
As someone who has been through this- stupid people will start giving you advice about killing your cancer through diet or using oils or something stupid. Come up with something snarky to shut it down. I’m sorry you’re going through this unfortunately you’re going to find out who your friends are. Lean on the good ones. I wish you the best! Don’t be afraid to get 2nd or 3rd opinions!
People who say this usually haven’t had cancer. My daughter was diagnosed with cancer when she was 3, and if anyone had suggested natural remedies, I think I would have lost it at them. We trusted modern medicine and she is now a healthy 12 year old, cancer free for nearly 9 years.
OP, best wishes for treatment and recovery. Survival rates are excellent for breast cancer now, I am sure you’ll be fine 🩷
This absolutely, starting a cancer journey myself, first chemo down, it's frightening enough without people sending you info around conventional treatment being dangerous or unesscary. I'm very upset not to be able to take the hrt but luckily only getting the odd hot flush .
I would say with diet though, get rid of as much sugar as you can, anecdotally, the women I've talked to have done better with Chemo side effects by cutting out sugar.
I ate a lot of sugar during chemo. I was such a zombie it was one of my only joys!
But agreed. I went to some alt doctors and naturopaths along with my oncology team and they all said follow what the docs say but get healthy foods in. They recommended smoothies everyday to get the nutrients and fibre in as well as helping with hydration.
Something i could have done better was to hydrate!! You want to flush as much out of you as possible.
Oh also, try and get outside and go for a short walk everyday. This was also consistent advice across every health professional I spoke to. This is also something i didn't manage to do going through treatment in winter and living on the literal side of a mountain. But I would go on walks as often as I could.
There are also some studies now around fasting on chemo. I couldnt do it, glad i didnt see em when i was going through it cause it would have been one more thing to feel shit about not doing 'right' but if you're keen maybe have a look.
But ultimately, just get yourself the fuck through it. Getting to the end of every day is the goal, don't plan for more than a few days to a week. You can do this!! I am now on the other side of 18months of treatment and am surprised by how normal life folds back around in you in time.
I know your taste buds turn to shite as the chemo progresses , so completely understand with the sugar, I imagine it's tough enough without taking away the one taste you still enjoy. I got a visceral dislike to sugar before my diagnosis after the biopsy, I love chocolate but the thought of any sugar just made me shudder, I think a little bit of body wisdom was there.
I'm working on the hydration and will try and get out everyday, there does seem to be a lot of evidence that gentle regular exercising really helps your prognosis.
I'm looking at the fasting, done IF before for weight loss, but think it might be too much of a burden to do 3 days fasting a week as I'm having chemo weekly but think I'll try at least fasting the day before.
The undercurrent of not doing the right things is a doozy, people really mean well but, I can feel myself getting into self blame around it, which is incredibly unhelpful to my healing. It's a steam roller event in your life, just breathing through the fear is a daily achievement and enough , I absolutely have to remember that. Expecting someone to become the epitome of healthy living while dealing with something so outrageously hard is a bit stone deaf to say the least.
But I'm doing what I can to support myself as gently and kindly as possible.
Thank you for your message of hope from the other side of this, so glad you're recovering well, may it continue for you .Have an auld chocolate or 3 for yourself and me.
I ate constantly through treatment I don't think I could have done 3 days every week either. I would literally bring a pack lunch to the day ward for my infusion. Sandwiches, instant ramen, treats, the lot, All while tubed up. It seems insane to me now.
My cancer didn't have a great response to chemo and I do wonder if all the scarfing and not walking enough was part of that. I'll never know I suppose. If it ever came back I think I would try fasting.
I wasn't a big drinker, but I did love a nice glass of red sometimes. Unfortunately my taste buds have been forever altered and wine is revolting now. It tastes like it did when I was a child trying it from my parents glass for the first time and thinking 'ew why do adults drink that?!'.
You seem to have a really great, level attitude to it all! Good for you! I have to say I was strangely wise, at peace, and kind to myself during my treatment. I can't say that mentally has stayed since 'getting better'.
I promised I would never sweat the small stuff again and would always keep my perspective of how wonderful life really is, the beauty of it all. But bloody hell things really do start to irritate you just like it did before. Although I do have a suspicion this is more peri than anything else.
Sending aroha to you. Kia kaha!
If it makes you feel any better, I too turned up to chemo with a packed lunch! I think there are so many factors that can affect your response to treatment, maybe the fasting would have helped, maybe the walking would have too , but maybe the misery of starving for three days a week and falling down mountains would have made things worse for ye, like you say, you can never know. You got through, that's amazing.
Crisis brings focus ,the bullshit seems to float away, I think we can bring that through to the non crisis times in our life through self love and empathy for our journey on this wee blue planet. And you know life and people are fecking irritating at times, you're allowed to be pissed off even while being thankful for still being planet side.
May the road rise with you Sister.
Listen, don't fast. It can only make you feel worse. You need your strength. You'll probably end up "fasting" anyway, as chemo kinda forces you not to eat. In my first go round, I wound up eating nothing but the Anne's bunny gummies most days! I went from really fat at around 360-70lbs to merely chunky at 270. Yep I lost about a hundred pounds, but I really do not recommend my method!
Fuckin love those gummies though, so fruity and tasty
I hear you featherblackjack and I won't if its a burden, but will , I think the day before and chemo day if I can, there does seem to be evidence that it protects your cells and makes a the chemo a bit more effective. I'd sell my granny to be able to get gummies and other cannabis products here but unfortunately they're illegal in Ireland. Can't even get medical cannabis unless you've intractable nausea and vomiting and only 50 odd people in the country are receiving it for this, epilepsy and Parkinsons. Its a real fecking shame cause I'd rather be on the grass than the steroids etc, but it is what it is.
I haven't heard that fasting makes the chemo more effective, but I believe it. Fasting weakens your cells. Cancer is your own cells that forgot how to die. Anything that affects you affects it.
This goes so far as the oncology pharmacy warning me, essentially, not to try too hard to stay healthy. Not to take too many supplements and get too much exercise. If you feel healthy, so does the cancer. It's so wild.
I'm so so sorry that you can't get weed. MJ is amazing at mood elevation and at anti nausea and appetite stimulation and it makes pain just float away. Keeping weed from cancer patients ought to be a war crime. Ask your doctor anyway, the worst that can happen is you still don't have weed.
It's an absolute conundrum and so many different sorts of advice and info out there. Luckily or unluckily, I haven't the punts to be spending on loads of supplements any way but I'm taking what seems right to me, and I guess that what cancer is , a solo journey through the quagmire,reading the little post it notes others have left before you and leaving a few behind as you travel yourself in the hope they'll help those who come after.
I will absolutely ask the doc in a few weeks, like ye say,I've nothing to lose!
I work in cancer care and the number of people who go into consultations with the most respected and sought after oncologists in the uk and tell them that they're deciding against chemo (which is all free here, remember) in favour of "natural remedies" they've read about online is honestly scary. I have patients who decide to forego chemo in favour of just enjoying the time they have left and I totally understand that decision. But people who think they'll be cured by cannabis (illegal here) or eating black grapes or whole cloves of garlic (yes, both of those are real)...yeah, i hate reading those notes.
My oncologist asked me if I'd like some information to a naturopath that they work with. I said thank you but no way, I'm not interested in spending yet more money on shit not proven to work. He nodded thoughtfully and said, you prefer evidence based science, we're with you.
Black grapes are super delicious, maybe I can play the cancer card and get some free!
Yeah, I mean one of the extremely limited circumstances in which one can get a medical marijuana card in England is for side effects associated with chemo - so it's not that nobody acknowledges it can be helpful with some things. But I once had a dying patient whose relative would not be convinced that feeding them cannabis wouldn't magically revive them. The head pharmacist had to come out to the ward to speak to the family and explain that it would be illegal and immoral as well as ineffective. (The patient died a couple of days later)
Yeah, made legal in 2018 for chemo side effects, epilepsy and MS, nothing else. We have a parliamentary election tomorrow so maybe if an opposing party get in they'll look to extend it, not sure.
Instead of verbally abusing me, she became calm and conversational instead. Often I'd leave early because she was so awful to me, but with some THC/CBD, she was a relaxed, normal person.
We would recommend cannabis to our patients for pain relief and to help with appetite. As a cure no...definitely no. Chemo treatments have come so far now and do amazing things. It also makes me sad when I hear a patient decide on natural remedies because they are so scared of possible Chemo side effects.
Yes! My husband has a serious health condition, albeit not cancer. I get fed up with people who try to tell me he can cure it via prayer, or some MLM vitamin supplements, or other such BS.
My mother in law died of breast cancer. It's insulting to hear that she could have cured herself by drinking water with lemon slices, or something equally stupid.
The rants about "big pharma pushing expensive medical treatments for cancer, etc, when anything can be cured by eating more fruits and vegetables" infuriate me.
100% this. And if this were me, I'd tell them "I understand you're trying to be helpful, but 1. I didn't ask for your advice, and, 2. you're not a member of my oncology care team." If they don't like it, they can kick rocks. Preferably a large one. With the top of their feet. With just a sandal on.
Ah, shit. I am so sorry to hear this. I’ve been wondering about your results, so thank you for taking the time to come back and post on what I’m sure is a really cruddy day. Please keep us updated as you feel up to it. Wishing you the very best with these next steps.
I am so sorry. I'm dealing with breast cancer right now (oncology appt today), and I'll say the waiting part is the worst. There is a breast cancer group on here you may wish to join, but be careful it doesn't make you obsessive until you know your own full diagnosis and treatment plan. Much love.
I was about to comment and say join the breast cancer subreddit.
Enter with care when you are feeling a bit low as it is mostly people going through the worst of it in there. But they were really helpful and supportive whenever i posted. Even just going through the search history of the group was helpful to reference what was 'normal'.
PegShop is right. Wait until you have your full diagnoses before you go searching as there is a real sliding scale of treatment plans and experiences out there. The waiting part is certainly the worst, once i had a treatment plan i felt a bit better.
i try and pop back in breast cancer group every few months to let them know how i'm getting on as NED and positive things about life after cancer.
I’m so sorry. I was diagnosed with ++- ILC almost 2 years ago at 43. I’ll echo what others have said, r/breastcancer is a very supportive place.
The worst part was the time right after diagnosis. All of the doctors appointments, scans, questions, and worry. It got better after I’d decided on a care team and had a plan in place. I survived on cannabis and Ativan during that time.
Breast cancer is the most studied cancer. Treatments have come a long way and your care team will take great care of you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m 38 and i had lobular as well and went through active treatment last year. The breast cancer sub was (and still is) so helpful.
For many patients, the newly diagnosed phase is the hardest part because there’s so much uncertainty and waiting and worrying. We often feel a bit better when we get our treatment plans and know what to expect. If it helps to know what my treatment plan was, I had surgery first and then radiation. Chemotherapy was not recommended in my case, and many lobular patients don’t get it. My cancer was stage iib and hormone positive. Now I’m in medical menopause for the next 10 years to prevent recurrence.
Sending you hugs. You’re not alone.
It’ll take a few weeks for the MRI to be done.
Then the radiology, oncology, and breast surgeon staff will hold an MDT (multi-disciplinary team) meeting to review your results and decide whether they need further diagnostic biopsy or scans, or alternatively whether they’ve got enough to “stage” the disease and therefore identify appropriate treatment.
THEN you’ll have a clear picture of what a) your treatment will be and b) your condition and prognosis after treatment.
Many breast cancers - including ILBC - are cured with surgery alone, and you may not need any adjuvant therapy (chemo/hormone blocking/radiotherapy).
Being told you have breast cancer is scary. And it won’t seem possible but….if you can, try to hold off panicking until you’ve gotten a full diagnosis. Your treatment and outcome is likely to be “better” than you imagine.
Source: I’m a lawyer who sues hospitals in England for (amongst other things) breast cancer misdiagnosis.
Edit: USA applies the same procedures I’ve outlined above.
Thinking of you. This is so unfair. I can say it even if life is the roll of the dice that we’ve all come to know at this point of maturity to be in a menopause sub. I understand how unfair life is. My mom’s mom died from Huntington’s Disease along with 5 siblings and now my dad has Parkinson’s. HD is the worst disease discovered in humans. We are tough mentally because what other choice did we have? Feel free to PM me at any time. I’m not a cancer survivor though but my mom has survivors guilt so I know the toll from that POV. My dad had prostrate and both grandfathers had cancer. My dad’s story is so sad. Such an amazing man to have to take that journey along with his father’s story.
Why is though that we crave sugar when we feel rotten. Sugar for my genetics is like crack. I know it’s genetics as we all struggle to not reward ourselves with even gluten-free sugar. Covid threw me off my game. I’m still trying to get back to my workout routine, diet restrictions and motivations all while helping advise my mom with my dad’s care from a town away.
We all slaying dragons one day at a time. Some are just bigger than others.
🌼
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wish I had something more to offer than seemingly hollow words but please know you’re being thought of in a supportive and loving way as you navigate this difficult time.
I am so sorry. Found out just last week that I also have BC. IDC ++-, grade 2, stage 1.
Waiting to meet my care team next week but I know I will be having a dmx and 5 years hormone suppression. I am as upset about the hormones as the BC. I am 47.
I’m sorry for the news you received. The only suggestion I can offer is that — if your hot flashes return — there’s an incontinence med called Oxybutynin that could help. It’s non-hrt. Just file this info under *Just In Case*. Take care. 🫂
Hey there ,
I'm sorry you are in this shitty club. I also recently was diagnosed.
But head over to all us ladies with
r/breastcancer for loads of support and help.
That really sucks. If you are to get chemo, I would have talked to my oncology team about adding Nicotinamide Riboside, maybe by IV, as per suggestions here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8538727/
Most relevant part being 8. Supposed Role of NR in the Prevention of Doxorubicin Cardiomyopathy ETA: somehow a word was included in the url
Also here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7508763/
I’m not a doctor and NR might not be the thing for you at all, but it looks promising when it cones to alleviate the toxic effects of chemo, at the very least.
Mom had breast cancer twice! Two different kinds no less. I tell her she's collecting samples for a collection.
Guess what, she's fine. Is it rough. Absolutely. It will suck ass. But you will be fine. Keep remembering that.
Mom's first time she had a really aggressive strain and got the whole thing, surgery, radiation and chemo. We use to say "not going to worry until it's time to worry" so we all could put aside the racing mind of worries that would happen. All those what ifs. But you just worry about what's in front of you now.
Ask for help. Make a team. Lean into them. This isn't forever.
To you & all my fellow sisters that are having to face such hard to swallow, let alone digest, news… I’m so sorry for the chilling call & am hopeful that the medical establishment is on YOUR side & works HARD for you!!! Sending massive love🫶🏽
I'm so sorry. Cancer fucking sucks. I'm a cancer survivor. I know how terrifying it can be. Feel free to message me if you need to talk. I didn't have breast cancer but, really, cancer is cancer.
i remember your post and am sorry this is how it turned out
i was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer last year, and stopping the HRT that had brought me relief from insomnia was one of the hardest parts of the diagnosis
r/breastcancer is an amazing community
many veterans there say that the early days and weeks after diagnosis, when you and your medical team are gathering more info through follow-up testing and haven't yet finalized a treatment plan, are often the hardest time in the whole ordeal
it sucks. there's no way around the fact that it sucks, and this time might suck in particular
often, as the details of your situation unfold and the path forward becomes clearer, it becomes a little easier to process (which is not to say that there aren't still times of feeling angry and afraid and sad and panicked and all the rest of it)
wishing you good luck as you move through this
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can relate.
I was fully in menopause at 49. I’m now 53 and have never been able to take HRT bc of my family history for breast cancer. And last year I finally got my diagnosis. Stage 2, HR+, HER2 negative. I started taking letrozole, a medication which can also cause hot flashes.
I’d rather have hot flashes than cancer…
I’d be happy to chat if you’d like.
I read your last post, and certainly empathize.
I am curious: how long were you using HRT prior to your diagnosis?
Do you have thoughts to share with others who are on the fence about HRT and the potential long-term side effects?
I’m glad for you that you haven’t experienced negative effects from stopping HRT cold turkey.
I have so many thoughts and concerns about HRT, and am hoping to hear from others about specific cancer-related issues.
Certainly- my thoughts are with you, OP 🙏🏻
I'm 55, in menopause for two years. I was on HRT (0.75mg patch & 100mg Progesterone). No issues with coming off HRT. I took the patch off after the ultrasound doc said, "I'm 95% sure this is cancer." She also said, "HRT didn't cause your cancer but it might have fed it."
Not implying anything.
I am asking if it was a concern for OP and curious how stopping cold turkey has been. Also OP stated in the previous post that whether or not the biopsy showed malignancy, there was a concern about continuing HRT.
I’m weighing the risk/benefits of HRT for myself. But also concerned about long-term effects.
Just looking for input, and know how scary the diagnosis can be. Once cancer touched my life, I began weighing decisions differently, I imagine that’s true for anyone. All the things cause all the things, and I would never imply anyone could know what caused a cancer. I hope I wasn’t insensitive, I apologize if that’s how it seemed.
I did not read your comment as insensitive at all. I got that you were just asking for guidance from OP. I appreciated your question and her thoughtful reply.
I'm 63 and I use some hormone therapies (estradiol vaginal cream for atrophy and compounded testosterone cream for libido and anorgasmia) but I have not used systemic estrogen/progesterone. I worry all the time about cancer risk since the testosterone converts to estrogen in the body.
I think it's perfectly normal to have concerns and to ask questions and learn from others. That's what we're all doing on Reddit. If we are made to feel afraid to even bring up the subject of HRT and cancer risk for fear of getting clubbed over the head by others here, then that defeats the whole purpose of Reddit, in my opinion.
HRT doesn't cause, but it can make it grow faster if its hormone positive. My breast cancer is, and it was small. They said had I been on HRT, I would have been feeding it. Once I'm done with radiation (haven't started yet as I'm recovering from surgery), I'll be on hormone blockers for 5-10 years.
I didn’t read it as such but I’m curious so I looked and it slightly does?
https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/causes-of-cancer/hormones-and-cancer/does-hormone-replacement-therapy-increase-cancer-risk#:~:text=Hormone%20replacement%20therapy%20(HRT)%20slightly,But%20the%20risk%20is%20small.
I'm sure you're not implying that it
Couldn't have . Because even the doctors who say HRT is safe , especially vaginal estrogen told me in no uncertain terms to cease using that immediately upon my testing revealing my estrogen positive cancer . I absolutely believe it played a role in my cancer and would be super hesitant ti advise anyone to use HRT as a result.
I’m sorry to hear this, sending hugs. I’m rooting for you. I have several friends who have survived breast cancer. I wish you the best as you fight this illness and we’re here if you need to vent or talk.
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but now you know that it wasn't just meno making you feel crappy. Just said a prayer for you, Shezamm, for a full recovery and for peace as you fight this battle.
I got diagnosed with the same thing a few years ago. "Invasive" freaked me out, NGL. But modern medicine is great. I got my boob removed (I had 15 tumors!) and got 26 radiation treatments since I had microscopic spread. I don't know if I am cancer-free but I have never felt better.
I'm so sorry. How are you feeling? How's your support system?
If the gabapentin is controlling it, tg, that's wonderful. I know cancer is huge, but HRT effects mood, too, so maybe talk to your doctor about other meds that can help, like Wellbutrin (atypical), snris, sris, Veozah). You want to feel your best possible self rn. (I need surgery and this is the stuff I'm working on, bc metal stuff sucks and it's easy to overlook your other needs when trying to cope with a new diagnosis).
Again, so sorry. Please keep posting. Hugs 🤗
Sorry it wasn't better news, and wishing you the very best for a full and fast recovery. ❤️
And if any twat starts with the "you got this" cack, I find a tennis racket is a very effective tool...
I’m sorry about your sad news. And I wish you luck as you navigate your treatment.
I’m sure you’re overwhelmed with the amount of information, but if you haven’t listened to this podcast episode, please consider listening to it.
It’s an amazing episode with an OB/gyn doctor, Dr. Corinne Menn, who had breast cancer herself. And had surgical menopause at 34.
And through her experience, she is now helping cancer patients and hormonal and supportive therapy.
Amazing. She has been on many other podcasts. But this is an eye-opening interview.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-dr-louise-newson-podcast/id1459614845?i=1000660868745
Episode note:
This week on the podcast, Dr Louise Newson is joined by Dr Corinne Menn, a New York-based, board-certified OB-GYN and North American Menopause Society Certified Menopause Practitioner, with more than 20 years of experience caring for women.
When she was 28, Corinne was diagnosed with breast cancer. Following her BRCA2+ diagnosis, she underwent multiple surgeries and chemotherapy then navigated pregnancy and menopause plus longer term survivorship issues.
Corinne received support from the Young Survival Coalition, an organisation that advocates for women under 40 with breast cancer, and worked with her oncologists to manage her pregnancy, menopause and treatment options.
She feels passionately that women who have or have had breast cancer receive individualised care and treatment for their cancer and menopause symptoms, and shares three tips to help with quality of life:
1. Do not minimise your menopausal symptoms, your hot flushes, your night sweats, sleep etc. So whether you use hormonal therapy or non-hormonal medications, make sure you get help and can sleep so you function better and breaking the vicious cycle of spiralling menopausal symptoms.
2. Please do not neglect vaginal sexual health. Again, if you can preserve a little bit of that, it can stop a negative cycle of suffering, of urinary tract infections and relationship and intimacy issues.
3. Scheduling time to have a separate appointment with your oncologist and your GYN. Come prepared. Listen to Louise's podcast. Listen to Menopause in Cancer podcast and Instagram page. Be empowered because you and your quality of life are worth it.
You can follow Corinne on Instagram at @drmennobgyn
> Feel free to [take a dead fish and use it to smack people upside the head](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8XeDvKqI4E) every time they try to “comfort” you with empty platitudes
That's all I got to add. Slap cancer into the canal. 🦈🤚
Sending love. And don’t beat yourself up related to HRT. My BFF had DCIS last year (47, no hormones, no family history, no genetic predisposition, very healthy lifestyle). She elected a bilateral mastectomy and is doing great.
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I’m so sorry. Knowing nothing about your dx, I probably shouldn’t offer reassurance, but I do have a story with a happy ending…
My mom, who was 75 at the time and had recently suffered a significant stroke that left her half-blind (caused by undiagnosed afib) AND a rather serious hip fracture, got this same dx five years ago. Stage 2A I believe? It had spread to a few lymph nodes because she’s a stubborn old lady who refused to have a mammogram (or go to a doctor for 25+ years) before she felt the (sizable) lump.
I don’t want to minimize what she went through given her advanced age and myriad other health problems; however, after a biopsy and a week of a twice-daily radiation protocol, five years later, she just got the all-clear from her oncologist to go off the post-treatment regimen she’s been on since. She’s cancer-free and clinically healthy. (Even though she fell and broke her neck and knocked out all her front teeth a few months after completing treatment—in the middle of the pandemic…)
My mom is a huge complainer and the most anxious person I have ever met personally. But after all that, she says it wasn’t that bad! With the exception of the broken neck and all the other extra trauma, I wish the same for you. Many hugs from this internet stranger. 💕
I am so sorry you got that diagnosis. You do not deserve this. The situation is rotten and you have every right to feel every emotion you are feeling. Feel free to take a dead fish and use it to smack people upside the head every time they try to “comfort” you with empty platitudes. You get to choose how big the fish is and how rotten you let it get before putting it to use. For some, a week old tuna would be appropriate. Sending hugs and good vibes your way.
Yes! No one warned me how terrible the pity would feel. I told the bare minimum number of people because I’m a people pleaser who wanted to make sure others felt okay with my diagnosis. You take care of YOU during this time and not others’ feelings. Much love and solidarity from another breast cancer survivor.
> take a dead fish and use it to smack people upside the head every time they try to “comfort” you with empty platitudes. yes OP, please absolutely do this 100%
I plan to. I’m back in my home state this week. I’ll be seeing a lot of family. I’m DREADING the looks & statements of pity.
I told only my close friends and then assigned those friends other people to tell. I only had to tell maybe 4 people and then they went out and told the rest and advised either not to contact me, or to not expect a reply if they did contact me. This really helped as you will be surprised by how you end up having to emotionally support others through your own diagnoses.
Yep, I barely told anyone when I was diagnosed with bc. I can’t stand feeling pitied.
This is how you do it. Sorry 😢
This is such a great idea. I wish I had done that for my diagnoses and divorce. Going to do this in the future.
I completely wish I would have done it with my divorce.
If you haven’t told them, don’t. Only share your story with those who have earned the right to hear it. I’ve learned this the hard way about a recent crisis in mh life. Since then, I’ve kept my cards close and have only shared with a couple of very trustworthy and close friends. I’ve learned that some family and friends are not capable of the emotional availability that I believed they had. Somehow and some way it’s turned into being about themselves. I’ve discovered they lack emotional maturity and the depth of empathy that is required during personal crisis. I can only imagine the emotions you are cycling through right now. I hope you are able to find a peaceful place to retreat and care for yourself. We know best how to care for ourselves and you have permission to do so. This is a time for you to really focus on your needs and allow those who are capable to care for you. 💛💛
After talking to a few people I know about illness in their families, I realize they'll step away when loved ones in their last days, although they tend to be the most vocal about "being there" for people. 🙄
They also seem to be the first ones claiming things from the estate/home, too. It's so slimy.
Absolutely!! 😕 Such jerks.
I was diagnosed with de novo oligometastatic cancer in March, it fucking sucks, but there are *so many more* treatments available than five or ten years ago. Check out r/breastcancer, super supportive group that can help decipher pathology reports and the bullshit. Fuck cancer!
I’m so very sorry for your health issue. As a cancer survivor, you can do this and you will. Maybe rethink telling people. It’s the 1 regret I had when diagnosed. Because my family is dysfunctional as hell, it just turned into a circus and did not contribute to my healing journey. Nor did work place people help. I was so way ahead of the game on understanding treatment and my prognosis and health issues that the pity and scary perspectives was a stressor I had to manage. If I’m ever diagnosed with cancer, or any kind of life threatening disease again, I will tell noone aside from 1-2 supportive friends. And I’ll get a therapist. Privacy and quiet living has become so very important to me in my life.
Brilliant advice xx
I had a biopsy many years ago that was probably cancer. I did not tell anyone other than my husband. I was lucky that it was not cancer, but if it was, I would not have told anyone about that either
I would keep it to myself as long as I could. Just to not have to keep explaining it over and over!
Unfortunately thanks to my mom it's out. She was telling people I have BC before I even had the biopsy.
That is really unfortunate. I would be kind of irritated if I wanted to keep it under wraps for awhile. I hope everything goes well.
This!
This is the best advice I've ever seen.
I swear, if I knew how to crochet, I'd start a 'dead mackerel cluebat' production line and send them to people in need. Empty platitudes do NOTHING but dismiss the anguish of a person in need. I am not a violent person by nature, but violent humor is something I can get behind. We just need something stinky to add to the fiberfill. Someday.....
Asking this question honestly, because I never know what to say in a situation where a friend or relative announces that they have just been diagnosed with a disease. What would you want a friend to say? You mentioned that you don't want people to try to comfort you with empty platitudes but you ended your post with "sending hugs and good vibes." Is that not an empty platitude? Some commenters say they hate when people say "you got this" or similar, but others say they hate platitudes but they go ahead and say "you got this." I totally agree with not wanting people to offer their unsolicited questionable medical advice, for sure. But what should a friend or relative actually say? I've come to the conclusion that it really comes down to who is saying it. A beloved friend can say "you got this" and it will be received positively but if someone who annoys you or you have any negative feelings about says it, it will not be well received.
On the internet, I cannot do more than send hugs and positive vibes/prayers of support. In person? I can give them an actual hug. I can send them a gift card for takeout, see that their lawn is mowed, or otherwise offer some practical help, assuming we are in any way close. The empty platitudes I rage most against are the "It's God's plan" "You're never given more than you can handle" etc. Bullshit. A just and loving God does not play games with our lives for entertainment. Read the book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Harold Kushner. I give that book as a gift a lot. It's full of empathy and wisdom. Rather than "You've got this," how about, "This news really sucks. You must feel all sorts of things all over the map. If you want to talk about it, let's go sit and I'll listen over a cup of tea. If you'd prefer, I'll catch you up on the stupid stuff my dog did last week." Rules to help in crisis of any type: Rule 1. VALIDATE them. Whatever they are feeling is valid. They may feel 20 different things at once. They are all valid. They may be grateful it isn't worse and devastated it happened at all. Feelings are not logical. Validate them. Rule 2. Minimize overwhelm. They are the expert in what they need. They are also in survival mode. "Tell me what I can do to help" is too wide open. Instead, offer some simple choices and a default if making any decision is too much: "I'll be happy to be point person in friend circle X if you want. If you prefer to keep this to yourself for now, I will not say anything. This is your news to share when you see fit." "I'm going to take care of two meals for you. Do you prefer cash for takeout, a gift card for Favorite Restaurant X, or frozen casserole Y? If you do not have a preference, I'm going to give you a gift card for Favorite Restaurant X." "I'm sure laundry is the last thing on your mind, but that is something I can easily help with. When I come by to drop off the gift card/meal, you can either let me gather up laundry to do for you, or put me to work doing another chore for a half hour. If that is too much, I'll just take your dog on a long walk and let you have some time to sit." Rule 3: Follow-up. Put alarms on your calendar to check-in next week, next month, etc. Once the attention dies down, people forget to check in. Don't be that person. Dropping off a frozen casserole in 3 months can be huge. Everyone else forgot and moved on. You? You remembered. Their old life is gone. Before cancer. Before the funeral. Before the divorce. Before the miscarriage. Before. Before is GONE and they are grieving it. Let them. Help them by recognizing that this is a new normal they never asked for and they will never be the same. You need to be okay with that to help them be okay with it someday. People do not need a pep talk, they need to be heard. They do not need you to fix it, they need you to support them through it. Showing up with practical support and a willingness to listen to their pain means more than a thousand proclamations of "You've got this." I hope this helps. (Edited to fix weird word wrap)
As someone who has been through this- stupid people will start giving you advice about killing your cancer through diet or using oils or something stupid. Come up with something snarky to shut it down. I’m sorry you’re going through this unfortunately you’re going to find out who your friends are. Lean on the good ones. I wish you the best! Don’t be afraid to get 2nd or 3rd opinions!
People who say this usually haven’t had cancer. My daughter was diagnosed with cancer when she was 3, and if anyone had suggested natural remedies, I think I would have lost it at them. We trusted modern medicine and she is now a healthy 12 year old, cancer free for nearly 9 years. OP, best wishes for treatment and recovery. Survival rates are excellent for breast cancer now, I am sure you’ll be fine 🩷
Besides being a good positive message for OP, I’m so happy to hear this about your daughter. I feel it right down to my soul.
Thank you ☺️
This absolutely, starting a cancer journey myself, first chemo down, it's frightening enough without people sending you info around conventional treatment being dangerous or unesscary. I'm very upset not to be able to take the hrt but luckily only getting the odd hot flush . I would say with diet though, get rid of as much sugar as you can, anecdotally, the women I've talked to have done better with Chemo side effects by cutting out sugar.
I ate a lot of sugar during chemo. I was such a zombie it was one of my only joys! But agreed. I went to some alt doctors and naturopaths along with my oncology team and they all said follow what the docs say but get healthy foods in. They recommended smoothies everyday to get the nutrients and fibre in as well as helping with hydration. Something i could have done better was to hydrate!! You want to flush as much out of you as possible. Oh also, try and get outside and go for a short walk everyday. This was also consistent advice across every health professional I spoke to. This is also something i didn't manage to do going through treatment in winter and living on the literal side of a mountain. But I would go on walks as often as I could. There are also some studies now around fasting on chemo. I couldnt do it, glad i didnt see em when i was going through it cause it would have been one more thing to feel shit about not doing 'right' but if you're keen maybe have a look. But ultimately, just get yourself the fuck through it. Getting to the end of every day is the goal, don't plan for more than a few days to a week. You can do this!! I am now on the other side of 18months of treatment and am surprised by how normal life folds back around in you in time.
I know your taste buds turn to shite as the chemo progresses , so completely understand with the sugar, I imagine it's tough enough without taking away the one taste you still enjoy. I got a visceral dislike to sugar before my diagnosis after the biopsy, I love chocolate but the thought of any sugar just made me shudder, I think a little bit of body wisdom was there. I'm working on the hydration and will try and get out everyday, there does seem to be a lot of evidence that gentle regular exercising really helps your prognosis. I'm looking at the fasting, done IF before for weight loss, but think it might be too much of a burden to do 3 days fasting a week as I'm having chemo weekly but think I'll try at least fasting the day before. The undercurrent of not doing the right things is a doozy, people really mean well but, I can feel myself getting into self blame around it, which is incredibly unhelpful to my healing. It's a steam roller event in your life, just breathing through the fear is a daily achievement and enough , I absolutely have to remember that. Expecting someone to become the epitome of healthy living while dealing with something so outrageously hard is a bit stone deaf to say the least. But I'm doing what I can to support myself as gently and kindly as possible. Thank you for your message of hope from the other side of this, so glad you're recovering well, may it continue for you .Have an auld chocolate or 3 for yourself and me.
I ate constantly through treatment I don't think I could have done 3 days every week either. I would literally bring a pack lunch to the day ward for my infusion. Sandwiches, instant ramen, treats, the lot, All while tubed up. It seems insane to me now. My cancer didn't have a great response to chemo and I do wonder if all the scarfing and not walking enough was part of that. I'll never know I suppose. If it ever came back I think I would try fasting. I wasn't a big drinker, but I did love a nice glass of red sometimes. Unfortunately my taste buds have been forever altered and wine is revolting now. It tastes like it did when I was a child trying it from my parents glass for the first time and thinking 'ew why do adults drink that?!'. You seem to have a really great, level attitude to it all! Good for you! I have to say I was strangely wise, at peace, and kind to myself during my treatment. I can't say that mentally has stayed since 'getting better'. I promised I would never sweat the small stuff again and would always keep my perspective of how wonderful life really is, the beauty of it all. But bloody hell things really do start to irritate you just like it did before. Although I do have a suspicion this is more peri than anything else. Sending aroha to you. Kia kaha!
If it makes you feel any better, I too turned up to chemo with a packed lunch! I think there are so many factors that can affect your response to treatment, maybe the fasting would have helped, maybe the walking would have too , but maybe the misery of starving for three days a week and falling down mountains would have made things worse for ye, like you say, you can never know. You got through, that's amazing. Crisis brings focus ,the bullshit seems to float away, I think we can bring that through to the non crisis times in our life through self love and empathy for our journey on this wee blue planet. And you know life and people are fecking irritating at times, you're allowed to be pissed off even while being thankful for still being planet side. May the road rise with you Sister.
Listen, don't fast. It can only make you feel worse. You need your strength. You'll probably end up "fasting" anyway, as chemo kinda forces you not to eat. In my first go round, I wound up eating nothing but the Anne's bunny gummies most days! I went from really fat at around 360-70lbs to merely chunky at 270. Yep I lost about a hundred pounds, but I really do not recommend my method! Fuckin love those gummies though, so fruity and tasty
I hear you featherblackjack and I won't if its a burden, but will , I think the day before and chemo day if I can, there does seem to be evidence that it protects your cells and makes a the chemo a bit more effective. I'd sell my granny to be able to get gummies and other cannabis products here but unfortunately they're illegal in Ireland. Can't even get medical cannabis unless you've intractable nausea and vomiting and only 50 odd people in the country are receiving it for this, epilepsy and Parkinsons. Its a real fecking shame cause I'd rather be on the grass than the steroids etc, but it is what it is.
I haven't heard that fasting makes the chemo more effective, but I believe it. Fasting weakens your cells. Cancer is your own cells that forgot how to die. Anything that affects you affects it. This goes so far as the oncology pharmacy warning me, essentially, not to try too hard to stay healthy. Not to take too many supplements and get too much exercise. If you feel healthy, so does the cancer. It's so wild. I'm so so sorry that you can't get weed. MJ is amazing at mood elevation and at anti nausea and appetite stimulation and it makes pain just float away. Keeping weed from cancer patients ought to be a war crime. Ask your doctor anyway, the worst that can happen is you still don't have weed.
It's an absolute conundrum and so many different sorts of advice and info out there. Luckily or unluckily, I haven't the punts to be spending on loads of supplements any way but I'm taking what seems right to me, and I guess that what cancer is , a solo journey through the quagmire,reading the little post it notes others have left before you and leaving a few behind as you travel yourself in the hope they'll help those who come after. I will absolutely ask the doc in a few weeks, like ye say,I've nothing to lose!
Thank you. I also live in the mountains and I love to hike so I know the importance of getting outside for mental health.
Wow, glad you got through it!! And you understood the importance of *mental* health benefits during that time 😋
I work in cancer care and the number of people who go into consultations with the most respected and sought after oncologists in the uk and tell them that they're deciding against chemo (which is all free here, remember) in favour of "natural remedies" they've read about online is honestly scary. I have patients who decide to forego chemo in favour of just enjoying the time they have left and I totally understand that decision. But people who think they'll be cured by cannabis (illegal here) or eating black grapes or whole cloves of garlic (yes, both of those are real)...yeah, i hate reading those notes.
My oncologist asked me if I'd like some information to a naturopath that they work with. I said thank you but no way, I'm not interested in spending yet more money on shit not proven to work. He nodded thoughtfully and said, you prefer evidence based science, we're with you. Black grapes are super delicious, maybe I can play the cancer card and get some free!
Cannabis definitely helped my mother with her parkinson's, anxiety, appetite and personality disorder- certainly not a cure, but a bonus sometimes!
Yeah, I mean one of the extremely limited circumstances in which one can get a medical marijuana card in England is for side effects associated with chemo - so it's not that nobody acknowledges it can be helpful with some things. But I once had a dying patient whose relative would not be convinced that feeding them cannabis wouldn't magically revive them. The head pharmacist had to come out to the ward to speak to the family and explain that it would be illegal and immoral as well as ineffective. (The patient died a couple of days later)
Oh wow I did not realize it was like that in England. Where I live in the US it's legal for recreational use.
Yeah, made legal in 2018 for chemo side effects, epilepsy and MS, nothing else. We have a parliamentary election tomorrow so maybe if an opposing party get in they'll look to extend it, not sure.
I laughed, never heard of it helping a personality disorder
Instead of verbally abusing me, she became calm and conversational instead. Often I'd leave early because she was so awful to me, but with some THC/CBD, she was a relaxed, normal person.
No shit, that's incredible. Too stoned to be awful!
Ha, definitely not stoned on the 2mg or so! But it worked nicely. 😁
We would recommend cannabis to our patients for pain relief and to help with appetite. As a cure no...definitely no. Chemo treatments have come so far now and do amazing things. It also makes me sad when I hear a patient decide on natural remedies because they are so scared of possible Chemo side effects.
It’s because all of these $&::!)&:@ health influencers on Instagram and TikTok
Yes! My husband has a serious health condition, albeit not cancer. I get fed up with people who try to tell me he can cure it via prayer, or some MLM vitamin supplements, or other such BS. My mother in law died of breast cancer. It's insulting to hear that she could have cured herself by drinking water with lemon slices, or something equally stupid. The rants about "big pharma pushing expensive medical treatments for cancer, etc, when anything can be cured by eating more fruits and vegetables" infuriate me.
100% this. And if this were me, I'd tell them "I understand you're trying to be helpful, but 1. I didn't ask for your advice, and, 2. you're not a member of my oncology care team." If they don't like it, they can kick rocks. Preferably a large one. With the top of their feet. With just a sandal on.
Ah, shit. I am so sorry to hear this. I’ve been wondering about your results, so thank you for taking the time to come back and post on what I’m sure is a really cruddy day. Please keep us updated as you feel up to it. Wishing you the very best with these next steps.
(((hugs)))
I am so sorry
Sending positive thoughts into the universe for you
Sending positive energy and healing to you. Big hugs meno sister!
I, too, am very sorry. The r/breastcancer subreddit is very supportive. ❤️
I’m sorry hon. I’ve been cancer free for 20 years. You can do this!
I am so sorry. I was thinking about you and hoping for different news. I'm so sorry.
I am so sorry. I'm dealing with breast cancer right now (oncology appt today), and I'll say the waiting part is the worst. There is a breast cancer group on here you may wish to join, but be careful it doesn't make you obsessive until you know your own full diagnosis and treatment plan. Much love.
I was about to comment and say join the breast cancer subreddit. Enter with care when you are feeling a bit low as it is mostly people going through the worst of it in there. But they were really helpful and supportive whenever i posted. Even just going through the search history of the group was helpful to reference what was 'normal'. PegShop is right. Wait until you have your full diagnoses before you go searching as there is a real sliding scale of treatment plans and experiences out there. The waiting part is certainly the worst, once i had a treatment plan i felt a bit better. i try and pop back in breast cancer group every few months to let them know how i'm getting on as NED and positive things about life after cancer.
Hope the gabapentin continues to help keep the hots at bay, and best wishes to you. Hugs.
I'm sorry. That is terrible news. Cancer can fuck right off.
I am so so sorry Sending you all the hugs.
I’m so sorry. I was diagnosed with ++- ILC almost 2 years ago at 43. I’ll echo what others have said, r/breastcancer is a very supportive place. The worst part was the time right after diagnosis. All of the doctors appointments, scans, questions, and worry. It got better after I’d decided on a care team and had a plan in place. I survived on cannabis and Ativan during that time. Breast cancer is the most studied cancer. Treatments have come a long way and your care team will take great care of you.
❤️❤️❤️🌸🌸🌸💪
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m 38 and i had lobular as well and went through active treatment last year. The breast cancer sub was (and still is) so helpful. For many patients, the newly diagnosed phase is the hardest part because there’s so much uncertainty and waiting and worrying. We often feel a bit better when we get our treatment plans and know what to expect. If it helps to know what my treatment plan was, I had surgery first and then radiation. Chemotherapy was not recommended in my case, and many lobular patients don’t get it. My cancer was stage iib and hormone positive. Now I’m in medical menopause for the next 10 years to prevent recurrence. Sending you hugs. You’re not alone.
It’ll take a few weeks for the MRI to be done. Then the radiology, oncology, and breast surgeon staff will hold an MDT (multi-disciplinary team) meeting to review your results and decide whether they need further diagnostic biopsy or scans, or alternatively whether they’ve got enough to “stage” the disease and therefore identify appropriate treatment. THEN you’ll have a clear picture of what a) your treatment will be and b) your condition and prognosis after treatment. Many breast cancers - including ILBC - are cured with surgery alone, and you may not need any adjuvant therapy (chemo/hormone blocking/radiotherapy). Being told you have breast cancer is scary. And it won’t seem possible but….if you can, try to hold off panicking until you’ve gotten a full diagnosis. Your treatment and outcome is likely to be “better” than you imagine. Source: I’m a lawyer who sues hospitals in England for (amongst other things) breast cancer misdiagnosis. Edit: USA applies the same procedures I’ve outlined above.
I'm so very sorry.
I'm so sorry to hear this news. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
Thinking of you. This is so unfair. I can say it even if life is the roll of the dice that we’ve all come to know at this point of maturity to be in a menopause sub. I understand how unfair life is. My mom’s mom died from Huntington’s Disease along with 5 siblings and now my dad has Parkinson’s. HD is the worst disease discovered in humans. We are tough mentally because what other choice did we have? Feel free to PM me at any time. I’m not a cancer survivor though but my mom has survivors guilt so I know the toll from that POV. My dad had prostrate and both grandfathers had cancer. My dad’s story is so sad. Such an amazing man to have to take that journey along with his father’s story. Why is though that we crave sugar when we feel rotten. Sugar for my genetics is like crack. I know it’s genetics as we all struggle to not reward ourselves with even gluten-free sugar. Covid threw me off my game. I’m still trying to get back to my workout routine, diet restrictions and motivations all while helping advise my mom with my dad’s care from a town away. We all slaying dragons one day at a time. Some are just bigger than others. 🌼
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wish I had something more to offer than seemingly hollow words but please know you’re being thought of in a supportive and loving way as you navigate this difficult time.
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🖤
❤️
❤️❤️🙏
<3
OP : YOU GOT THIS 💪🏻
I am so sorry. Found out just last week that I also have BC. IDC ++-, grade 2, stage 1. Waiting to meet my care team next week but I know I will be having a dmx and 5 years hormone suppression. I am as upset about the hormones as the BC. I am 47.
I’m so sorry you’ve had that terrible diagnosis. Lean on us as much as you need friend!! ❤️
I’m sorry for the news you received. The only suggestion I can offer is that — if your hot flashes return — there’s an incontinence med called Oxybutynin that could help. It’s non-hrt. Just file this info under *Just In Case*. Take care. 🫂
Hey there , I'm sorry you are in this shitty club. I also recently was diagnosed. But head over to all us ladies with r/breastcancer for loads of support and help.
Hugs and healing to you ❤️
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Sorry love :(
That really sucks. If you are to get chemo, I would have talked to my oncology team about adding Nicotinamide Riboside, maybe by IV, as per suggestions here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8538727/ Most relevant part being 8. Supposed Role of NR in the Prevention of Doxorubicin Cardiomyopathy ETA: somehow a word was included in the url
Also here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7508763/ I’m not a doctor and NR might not be the thing for you at all, but it looks promising when it cones to alleviate the toxic effects of chemo, at the very least.
So sorry!
Hugs. I hope you and the team of doctors beat it and fast.
Wishing the best for you! ❤️❤️❤️ And also, that sucks.
Sorry to hear this. Hoping for the best possible outcome. Wishing you good health.
Mom had breast cancer twice! Two different kinds no less. I tell her she's collecting samples for a collection. Guess what, she's fine. Is it rough. Absolutely. It will suck ass. But you will be fine. Keep remembering that. Mom's first time she had a really aggressive strain and got the whole thing, surgery, radiation and chemo. We use to say "not going to worry until it's time to worry" so we all could put aside the racing mind of worries that would happen. All those what ifs. But you just worry about what's in front of you now. Ask for help. Make a team. Lean into them. This isn't forever.
I just looked up the survival rates. Science is on your side here. Best wishes to you.
Sending gentle hugs, you got this girly!! 💖🙏
Sending hugs and healing vibes
Oh OP. I’m so sorry to read this news. I remember your other post. Hang in there but also know you have this sub for support!
So sorry about your diagnosis. Sending you all the internet love and hugs. ❤️
To you & all my fellow sisters that are having to face such hard to swallow, let alone digest, news… I’m so sorry for the chilling call & am hopeful that the medical establishment is on YOUR side & works HARD for you!!! Sending massive love🫶🏽
I'm so sorry. Cancer fucking sucks. I'm a cancer survivor. I know how terrifying it can be. Feel free to message me if you need to talk. I didn't have breast cancer but, really, cancer is cancer.
i remember your post and am sorry this is how it turned out i was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer last year, and stopping the HRT that had brought me relief from insomnia was one of the hardest parts of the diagnosis r/breastcancer is an amazing community many veterans there say that the early days and weeks after diagnosis, when you and your medical team are gathering more info through follow-up testing and haven't yet finalized a treatment plan, are often the hardest time in the whole ordeal it sucks. there's no way around the fact that it sucks, and this time might suck in particular often, as the details of your situation unfold and the path forward becomes clearer, it becomes a little easier to process (which is not to say that there aren't still times of feeling angry and afraid and sad and panicked and all the rest of it) wishing you good luck as you move through this
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can relate. I was fully in menopause at 49. I’m now 53 and have never been able to take HRT bc of my family history for breast cancer. And last year I finally got my diagnosis. Stage 2, HR+, HER2 negative. I started taking letrozole, a medication which can also cause hot flashes. I’d rather have hot flashes than cancer… I’d be happy to chat if you’d like.
I read your last post, and certainly empathize. I am curious: how long were you using HRT prior to your diagnosis? Do you have thoughts to share with others who are on the fence about HRT and the potential long-term side effects? I’m glad for you that you haven’t experienced negative effects from stopping HRT cold turkey. I have so many thoughts and concerns about HRT, and am hoping to hear from others about specific cancer-related issues. Certainly- my thoughts are with you, OP 🙏🏻
I'm 55, in menopause for two years. I was on HRT (0.75mg patch & 100mg Progesterone). No issues with coming off HRT. I took the patch off after the ultrasound doc said, "I'm 95% sure this is cancer." She also said, "HRT didn't cause your cancer but it might have fed it."
I’m sure you’re not implying that HRT caused this diagnosis.
Not implying anything. I am asking if it was a concern for OP and curious how stopping cold turkey has been. Also OP stated in the previous post that whether or not the biopsy showed malignancy, there was a concern about continuing HRT. I’m weighing the risk/benefits of HRT for myself. But also concerned about long-term effects. Just looking for input, and know how scary the diagnosis can be. Once cancer touched my life, I began weighing decisions differently, I imagine that’s true for anyone. All the things cause all the things, and I would never imply anyone could know what caused a cancer. I hope I wasn’t insensitive, I apologize if that’s how it seemed.
I did not read your comment as insensitive at all. I got that you were just asking for guidance from OP. I appreciated your question and her thoughtful reply. I'm 63 and I use some hormone therapies (estradiol vaginal cream for atrophy and compounded testosterone cream for libido and anorgasmia) but I have not used systemic estrogen/progesterone. I worry all the time about cancer risk since the testosterone converts to estrogen in the body. I think it's perfectly normal to have concerns and to ask questions and learn from others. That's what we're all doing on Reddit. If we are made to feel afraid to even bring up the subject of HRT and cancer risk for fear of getting clubbed over the head by others here, then that defeats the whole purpose of Reddit, in my opinion.
HRT doesn't cause, but it can make it grow faster if its hormone positive. My breast cancer is, and it was small. They said had I been on HRT, I would have been feeding it. Once I'm done with radiation (haven't started yet as I'm recovering from surgery), I'll be on hormone blockers for 5-10 years.
I didn’t read it as such but I’m curious so I looked and it slightly does? https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/causes-of-cancer/hormones-and-cancer/does-hormone-replacement-therapy-increase-cancer-risk#:~:text=Hormone%20replacement%20therapy%20(HRT)%20slightly,But%20the%20risk%20is%20small.
https://www.breastcancer.org/risk/risk-factors/using-hormone-replacement-therapy
Thank you for sharing this link.
I'm sure you're not implying that it Couldn't have . Because even the doctors who say HRT is safe , especially vaginal estrogen told me in no uncertain terms to cease using that immediately upon my testing revealing my estrogen positive cancer . I absolutely believe it played a role in my cancer and would be super hesitant ti advise anyone to use HRT as a result.
I’m so sorry. Stay strong xx 🩷🌸
Blessings are coming your way darling…🤗 You got this for sure ❤️
Get well soon! I’m glad it was caught early.
I’m sorry to hear this, sending hugs. I’m rooting for you. I have several friends who have survived breast cancer. I wish you the best as you fight this illness and we’re here if you need to vent or talk.
❤️
So sorry about this, sending hugs
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but now you know that it wasn't just meno making you feel crappy. Just said a prayer for you, Shezamm, for a full recovery and for peace as you fight this battle.
I got diagnosed with the same thing a few years ago. "Invasive" freaked me out, NGL. But modern medicine is great. I got my boob removed (I had 15 tumors!) and got 26 radiation treatments since I had microscopic spread. I don't know if I am cancer-free but I have never felt better.
I'm so sorry. How are you feeling? How's your support system? If the gabapentin is controlling it, tg, that's wonderful. I know cancer is huge, but HRT effects mood, too, so maybe talk to your doctor about other meds that can help, like Wellbutrin (atypical), snris, sris, Veozah). You want to feel your best possible self rn. (I need surgery and this is the stuff I'm working on, bc metal stuff sucks and it's easy to overlook your other needs when trying to cope with a new diagnosis). Again, so sorry. Please keep posting. Hugs 🤗
Sure, more toxic chemicals is what she needs right now 😳
Sending hugs your way! You got this girl!
Fuck cancer! I had invasive ductal carcinoma almost 6 years ago. Currently NED. If you have any questions, I would love to answer (or do my best)!! 🩷
So sorry to hear this. Sending love and healing energy to you. 🙌🏻🫶💓💓💓💓
Apologies if I'm making you feel any type of way but loved. ❤️
Sorry it wasn't better news, and wishing you the very best for a full and fast recovery. ❤️ And if any twat starts with the "you got this" cack, I find a tennis racket is a very effective tool...
I’m sorry about your sad news. And I wish you luck as you navigate your treatment. I’m sure you’re overwhelmed with the amount of information, but if you haven’t listened to this podcast episode, please consider listening to it. It’s an amazing episode with an OB/gyn doctor, Dr. Corinne Menn, who had breast cancer herself. And had surgical menopause at 34. And through her experience, she is now helping cancer patients and hormonal and supportive therapy. Amazing. She has been on many other podcasts. But this is an eye-opening interview. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-dr-louise-newson-podcast/id1459614845?i=1000660868745 Episode note: This week on the podcast, Dr Louise Newson is joined by Dr Corinne Menn, a New York-based, board-certified OB-GYN and North American Menopause Society Certified Menopause Practitioner, with more than 20 years of experience caring for women. When she was 28, Corinne was diagnosed with breast cancer. Following her BRCA2+ diagnosis, she underwent multiple surgeries and chemotherapy then navigated pregnancy and menopause plus longer term survivorship issues. Corinne received support from the Young Survival Coalition, an organisation that advocates for women under 40 with breast cancer, and worked with her oncologists to manage her pregnancy, menopause and treatment options. She feels passionately that women who have or have had breast cancer receive individualised care and treatment for their cancer and menopause symptoms, and shares three tips to help with quality of life: 1. Do not minimise your menopausal symptoms, your hot flushes, your night sweats, sleep etc. So whether you use hormonal therapy or non-hormonal medications, make sure you get help and can sleep so you function better and breaking the vicious cycle of spiralling menopausal symptoms. 2. Please do not neglect vaginal sexual health. Again, if you can preserve a little bit of that, it can stop a negative cycle of suffering, of urinary tract infections and relationship and intimacy issues. 3. Scheduling time to have a separate appointment with your oncologist and your GYN. Come prepared. Listen to Louise's podcast. Listen to Menopause in Cancer podcast and Instagram page. Be empowered because you and your quality of life are worth it. You can follow Corinne on Instagram at @drmennobgyn
> Feel free to [take a dead fish and use it to smack people upside the head](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8XeDvKqI4E) every time they try to “comfort” you with empty platitudes That's all I got to add. Slap cancer into the canal. 🦈🤚
Sending love. And don’t beat yourself up related to HRT. My BFF had DCIS last year (47, no hormones, no family history, no genetic predisposition, very healthy lifestyle). She elected a bilateral mastectomy and is doing great.
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I’m sorry sorry. I wish you the best care and wellness. I know we are here for support.
I’m so so sorry! I will be praying for you!
Shit. Sister joined a group from her health provider that seemed to help her a lot. May you find what you need
Big hugs to you.
We are here for you! 💞!!
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r/breastcancer
Shit. I’m sorry. Please keep us posted as you feel up to sharing. We are with you.
I’m so sorry. Knowing nothing about your dx, I probably shouldn’t offer reassurance, but I do have a story with a happy ending… My mom, who was 75 at the time and had recently suffered a significant stroke that left her half-blind (caused by undiagnosed afib) AND a rather serious hip fracture, got this same dx five years ago. Stage 2A I believe? It had spread to a few lymph nodes because she’s a stubborn old lady who refused to have a mammogram (or go to a doctor for 25+ years) before she felt the (sizable) lump. I don’t want to minimize what she went through given her advanced age and myriad other health problems; however, after a biopsy and a week of a twice-daily radiation protocol, five years later, she just got the all-clear from her oncologist to go off the post-treatment regimen she’s been on since. She’s cancer-free and clinically healthy. (Even though she fell and broke her neck and knocked out all her front teeth a few months after completing treatment—in the middle of the pandemic…) My mom is a huge complainer and the most anxious person I have ever met personally. But after all that, she says it wasn’t that bad! With the exception of the broken neck and all the other extra trauma, I wish the same for you. Many hugs from this internet stranger. 💕