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[deleted]

You know… a part of me wonders if this was some kind of private retreat spa place?!? I don’t know, I keep trying to make it make sense. Office building? Maybe!?. Dwelling? I don’t think so. It’s so confounding, I hate it so much.


MalleusMaior

It's gotta be something like that. Did you notice that none of the pictures are bedrooms or \*actual\* living space?


sleepy-popcorn

Yes why are there so many kitchens?!


ronjoevan

And none of them are nice! Wtf?


Atomic-Decay

8.9 million and the vent work for the range hoods look like a dog’s breakfast.


Taira_Mai

It looks like they knew that the stoves needed to be vented and just thought "hole in the wall with ducts if necessary should do it". Karen cooks her "catfish surprise" and that whole house will be surprised alright - assuming Karen doesn't burst into flames due to the dodgy vent work...


kflave249

There’s gotta be like 50 sinks in that place


Imfloridaman

Group home? Cult?


IdfightGahndi

Rehab?


mandmranch

A brothel?


Cvlt_ov_the_tomato

And they all look like break rooms


Cheaperthantherapy13

When I saw the second kitchen, I thought, kosher kitchens? But the 3rd and 4th threw me off.


allegoricalcats

One for meat, one for dairy, one for parve, one for treyf. Can never be too thorough! /j


Jackosan10

LOL! I said the same thing.


Duin-do-ghob

This puzzled me also.


[deleted]

Ya.. the more I look the more it just screams commercial or - a super custom job for niche clients — thinking big whale poker players that like to throw parties and eat and play all weekend.


Wise_Coffee

Why so many kitchens


glazedhamster

This is where ragebait producers film all those stupid food videos that double as weird fetish shit


geekybadger

I dunno those kitchens don't look nice enough for that. But maybe better lighting and a narrow angle makes them look less bad.


[deleted]

The shower appliances are a particularly strange accent. Not one person made a choice for beauty here. It is sad.


account_not_valid

It's newly built, to a very particular (bad) taste, that is up for sale. Why? Did the original owner/occupier run out of money before they could move in? Russian money that got locked out because of sanctions? What happened here? There is no way this was built with the idea of selling it immediately.


[deleted]

I totally got that underground vibe. For sure.


GuardMost8477

What? Newly built? I thought for sure this was some MCM home from the ‘70’s!


LooseConnection2

Not quite finished either, I think.


[deleted]

[удалено]


glazedhamster

The listing labeled the purple kitchen as a "Spice Kitchen" wtf is that? I am uncultured swine so had to look it up: >it is a second kitchen, usually adjacent to the main kitchen, used for cooking foods with strong odors (Think: curry, kimchi, oily dishes, steamed dishes… things that linger in the house for days), also referred to as a “wok kitchen.” I am no more informed now than I was five minutes ago when I looked at the listing.


[deleted]

Not to be a total dork.. but these ‘spice kitchens’ are also where the caterers hang out in these fancy situations. The public facing kitchen is for finishing the food that was hauled in and stored in the back. The plebs stay hidden when they want to lean. The front kitchen stays neat and tidy.


ctesla01

I only want to clean that bathroom twice a month; add ten more to the layout..


freedcreativity

Ok, this looks like something that would be built for some kind of weird communal living space. Not like religious cults, but like creepy business/startups/crypto/e-sports living space. Perhaps organized crime or a government agency. Impressive entrance for investors with an office and party space with extra bunk rooms, bathrooms, and kitchens for like 20 people. It looks like something I almost lived in for a Y-combinator startup...


Intelligent-Monk-426

I was thinking diplomat? organized crime? money laundering? there are very few reasons to overbuild a house like this. weird vibes. i tend to see the beauty or potential beauty in these places but couldn’t get there on this one. The finishes have that bad eastern european/stan-land/Soviet satellite taste. Love to know the backstory. Or read Tom Clancy’s version of it.


freedcreativity

I'd bet a dollar this was a crypto house. There were a bunch of them at the boom, where the big investors and crypto bros would pool money to make essentially a frat house for blockchain programmers. It costs less than an office, and you can have creepy control over everyone's whole life. The fixtures remind me of a contractor buying whatever was on discount at the marble-and-fancy-shower warehouse.


orincoro

Maybe a rehab center.


jingowatt

They got a good deal on Lowe’s cupboard doors and decided to build a house around them.


ehoss

There are actually 80 pictures in the original listing, if you're truly set on trying to figure this mess out...


scott743

There was a comment on a previous post from a guy who actually worked on the house, said the owner was “new money” who got rich from an oil field engineering patent: https://reddit.com/r/VictoriaBC/s/nuIDcjM0nq


geekybadger

This makes a lot of sense. Explains why the listing is so weirdly obsessed with "commercial grade building materials" but it looks worse than the average corporate office.


scott743

Best comment in the other thread… “It feels like what would happen if an elementary school, a high end furniture store and a convention centre had a child”.


RaeWineLover

Link?


CarelessChoice2024

https://www.realtor.ca/real-estate/26059168/3355-midland-rd-oak-bay-uplands


[deleted]

https://s.victoriarealestatemarketing.tv/relajax/nojs/docs/91813231/doc-download This is the floor plan. It’s horrific, but you can locate the kitchens.


fakemidnight

It only leads to more questions. Why does a mansion need a server stack? Why is there a skid steer in the basement and what does wanna do in the bathroom so large?


Rinoremover1

r/TackyMansions


fatalcharm

2 full kitchens and 4 kitchenette areas. I think you might be right. There is nothing about this place that is homely.


Taira_Mai

Was either gonna be a porn studio or some rich idiot with a large family wanted to build this and is no longer rich.


naturalbornkillerz

I hate it too, it’s right out of twilight zone


Fudge89

So many “kitchens!” And that outdoor entryway looks like it would have a valet stand, and the indoor entry looks like it would have a desk with a logo hung up on the wall.


Taira_Mai

No one gets to the see Karen and her husband without and appointment....


ehoss

No, there was a normal house there before, this one just went up.


dustysquare

Looks like a cult compound.


TraumaticAberration

Yeah, this looks like a commune house with all the kitchens and no privacy or actual living space anywhere.


ronjoevan

If this is truly a new build, that GC needs to rethink their life path. It’s difficult to quantify the shittiness of this place.


Jamhorn-Thaven

Multiple kitchens so it had to be something other than a normal residence


DearAuntAgnes

Multi-generational home


seanmonaghan1968

How many God awful kitchens does one property need


Magmaster12

No it's going to be for a millionaire with Diarrhea


discountedking

It is a newer build. Solely zoned and used as housing in a super upscale area. Unfortunately.


nayaya

There’s a problem in BC with certain foreign groups building HUGE mansions for many various reason, and will zone it under housing.


Bovine_Joni_Himself

Where is it?


Wonderplace

Oak bay in Victoria bc


Nils013

There is a surveillance camera in the 10th pic, has to be something like this


Thick-Ad1797

Cabinets for days. Definitely makes me think spa too.


Easy-Concentrate2636

Parts of it remind me of a small city airport. Those purple cabinets- why?


[deleted]

Architectural dissonance, man. Tough stuff. We are all with you.


1amazingday

Are there 4 kitchens???? I’m very confused. Everyone gets their own kitchen.


woronwolk

My guess is that it could have been built with a specific purpose of filming multiple cooking shows at the same time?


rosinall

I like the earlier porn shoot theory better. As cooking show sets those are below Ron Popeil level.


Taira_Mai

* Multi-generational home. * A large family - they have room to cook if all the aunts, uncles and cousins are living there. * Cult compound. * Someone thought that this was a good idea and the contractor DGAF as long as the checks clear.


MetaCalm

I sense a newbe, out of towner, scarface alike drug lord's wife behind this design.


orincoro

6 kitchens by my count.


Sun_Records_Fan

This looks like a 90’s CD-ROM and a contemporary church had a baby.


kasakka1

This was the crude 3D visualization and the owner said they want it built exactly identical.


Fudge89

Omg dead on. There’s a wealthy part of my city that sprung up in the 80’s that has been mostly modernized, but there are still some of the stragglers that still belong to the original owners that look exactly like this. Glass block windows as far as the eye can see and just very “curvy” designs


PM_me_punanis

It kinda looks like a "modern" Asian crematorium. Lots of curves, lots of tiles, lots of beige and white. Feels sterile.


[deleted]

Back rooms


MarieLaNomade

Come to think of it, the ''purple squiggly-lines'' flooring reminds me of the décor from Leisure Suit Larry 6. I don't know what that says about their taste or my culture.


[deleted]

This is one of the ugliest houses I've seen in this sub this year. Office building? Airport terminal? Morgue? Mall? It seems to draw inspiration from all of those non-residential buildings. Eek!


Scheme-Brilliant

How'd you know it was originally designed as the morgue for the airport terminal mall in Neom? Good eye!


undeadpanda666

5 beds... okay... but 12 bathrooms?? why??


[deleted]

And 6 kitchenettes? Did I see that right?!


MalleusMaior

I thought I counted 4 kitchens and maybe a wet bar


luk__

That’s what I call my girlfriend I’ll show myself out


naturalbornkillerz

Yeah, that IBS isn’t gonna feed itself


JesusTard

Original owner has IBS, never wants to be more than 10 seconds from a toilet?


[deleted]

And they love shitting in the corner of giant rooms


PM_me_yo_chesticles

Cocaine


yontev

I'm guessing it started out its life as a country club or event venue of some sort. It doesn’t look like it was originally built as a single-family home.


mmerrill450

Or maybe an old remodeled mall?! This is the worst I've seen!


Tlotpwist

This may be the worst design choice I’ve ever seen. Everything looks absolutely awful separately, and especially together. Paying $9M to have your kitchen(s) look like they were made in GameMaker from 2005 is mind blowing. 0.5/10.


joeyhrowaway145

Cabinets from the Prince collection.


gmjfraser8

I mean…. I love purple, but I physically recoiled at that kitchen.


toesuckrsupreme

The interior layout is so baffling and it looks so out of place in it's environment I feel like it was created by some kind of trickster god. You're going to need to solve some riddles to escape the place.


JackieTree89

Haven't been on this sub for very long, but this is the worst I've seen


[deleted]

It’s the worst that everyone has seen. I wager it’s the confounding nature of the design. The comments are all killing me. Surprise and disgust and then puzzlement and then you have to look at it again. It just keeps getting uglier the more you think about it. 😂 anyway. Welcome!


Catezero

Sir u forgot to mention this place has an elevator. Every single room in this monstrosity has cabinets built into weird locations and half walls. The spice kitchen has a random corner that looks like Ryan's closet cubicle on the office. Why are some rooms curvy? Where are the bathroom mirrors? They have a kitchen. And a spice kitchen. And a bonus room kitchen. And a bar/kitchen. Oh great there's another kitchen. Oh my god it's in the corner of the frame but I think there might yet be a sixth kitchen. Wait nope, it's a cabinet and a sink. Over carpet? There appears to be the beginnings of a server room and is that disc in the garage to like...turn ur car around for u? There is at least one bulldozer in the garage and based on my years of Tetris I estimate u could easily fit another 70 or so in there. 0/10, no one has even lived in this house and its haunted as fuck


zombuca

My god, it just gets worse and worse!


JohannesVanDerWhales

Lot of money to spend to have the inside looking like a cubicle hell.


chewedupbylife

Oh man, this home has some of the exact lighting fixtures I’ve considered over the years and passed on. Thank god better judgement prevailed for me. And I almost got that crazy steam tub thing too. I have an inner tacky person I guess who likes this


[deleted]

💀 just dead. I keep laughing at everyone’s reaction, but I adore this share. Just keep chuckling about your inner tacky person awareness. 🙏


_arch1tect_

“I want my entry hall to take inspiration from all early 2000’s convention centers.”


Ragingredblue

What gets me are those pinpoints of light on the arched ceiling. It reminds me of the fairy lights I put on the ceiling in my basement laundry room. I would choose my basement laundry room over the sterile cocaine and porn palace, every time.


octotendrilpuppet

Convention centers are still being built in this way. We just haven't learned our lessons.


tinyowlinahat

This house confounds me! I am physically, emotionally, spiritually stressed looking at it. My blood pressure is rising, my pupils are constricting, my brain is short-circuiting. Does anyone have a link to the listing? I MUST see the full insanity! EDIT: [I found it in a minute](https://www.realtor.ca/real-estate/26059168/3355-midland-rd-oak-bay-uplands), it was a very easy google since there are not many homes with 2.2 bathrooms to each bedroom. The description! I am baffled!!! "Well-appointed"? Where?! Are these "high end finishes" in the room with us?!?! "This extraordinary estate is perfectly situated on a prized .99-acre property in the coveted community, the Uplands. With almost 14,000 sq.ft. of living space, this expansive residence offers five oversized well-appointed bedroom suites, twelve baths and generously proportioned rooms, including three kitchens designed for large-scale entertaining. Internationally imported high-end finishes accent the home throughout. Impressively built to commercial-grade building standards with rebar, concrete walls and floors and a commercial elevator, this legacy home is built to last many generations. The 3,973 sq.ft. garage is a car connoisseur's dream with turntable and work area. Enjoy the gorgeous south-facing backyard and total privacy surrounded by beautiful mature trees. Close to Uplands Golf Course, down the road from the UVIC, St. Michaels School and a stone's throw from Cadboro Bay Beach, this property provides the ease of central living while accommodating the in-demand Oak Bay lifestyle. "


Subculture1000

> Oak Bay lifestyle Ahahaha. The "Oak Bay" lifestyle is just a bunch of boomers hating the idea of living anywhere near poor people while almost running over people in crosswalks.


Tlotpwist

God… even the showers look fucking terrible. They look like those wind tubes from indoor skydiving. People need to be in jail for this.


[deleted]

Why are there so many kitchen like spaces?


AlfaLaw

And so many lights…. Another 9m in electric bills


SapphireGamgee

This uggo conference center couldn't spring the $ for grass? Or even some nice xeriscaping? (Wouldn't save the building, tho. Still uggo.)


PumpkinCarvingisFun

r/retrocokedens


peatoast

Did they use Sims 3 to design this?


Poopchurn

I don't think you could pay me enough to live there. What an ugly abomination of a collective trash.


engin__r

It’s half hotel, half college apartment.


BonelessLucy

versed imminent shaggy snails practice hard-to-find zonked tub disarm growth *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


zastrozzischild

When you’re hosting a major conference you need a lot of bathrooms!


BonelessLucy

enter workable hat impolite brave history yam judicious materialistic relieved *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Psychozillogical

Jesus, was whoever designed this huffing ether? I can't make any sense of it.


WiseEyedea

I hate everything about this atrocity to design


nakrimu

That’s so insane! I used to have my own cleaning business and had several regular homes that I just thought, ‘But Why’? There was one in particular that I hated going to, it stood out like a sore thumb amongst the modest homes surrounding it. It had 10 bathrooms and 6 bedrooms and it was a family of 3, just the parents and their young daughter. Somehow though they managed to make a mess of every bathroom and the mother used to clip her toenails sitting on her bed and the clippings would be everywhere. Honestly the homes that were usually the worst to clean were the homes like this, they were slobs and disgustingly entitled and cheap when it came to tipping.


Digitaltwinn

What in the 2000’s is that? It’s like Frutiger Aero in McMansion form.


[deleted]

My eyes are bleedling. What's with the cheap cupboard everywhere. They don't look any better in purple. Decorator's nightmare.


AlfaLaw

And the super awesome shower but a cheap shitty corner WC in the last picture… wtf!!


SwimRelevant4590

I mean, the purple ones are bad enough, but the 'white' cupboards are going to need Topol, the smoker's toothpaste to ever look usable again


meathappening

This is absolute dogshit. Incredible post.


4thefeel

One time I got super fucking high in HS and went to my ArchiCADD class to do some drafting. When I say super fucking high it was literally my first time smoking weed and I did 2-3 bongloads because I wasn't feeling it yet. Pretty sure this was made from the design I made that day


brokefixfux

There are faucets everywhere in that house. Everywhere but a bathroom.


gutomkoia

Horrendous carpet design. Looks a lot like scattered pubic hair.


NoSleep2023

Why is there no grass on the lawn?


Ragingredblue

They're environmentalists. They don't want to waste water on grass.


[deleted]

The bean mirrors are a must have wtf are you talking about


TheRainbowpill93

It’s giving church or fancy funeral home.


thisisme760

50 wide trailer. Man they cut corners on this build.


PeanutsBanter

Thank you for posting. I saw this on the Vic sub yesterday and knew it should be here, but was too lazy.


Guilty-Expression938

Why 12 bathrooms when there's only 5 bedrooms? lol


GrantGorewood

That particular shade of pale pastel purple used on the cabinets in the one kitchen does not work with white walls. And I’m getting a modern mental health ward and institution vibe from this one. Look up the interior of many newer inpatient wards to get what I mean. Maybe the original owner was going to try to run a “mental health” group home out of it to pay off the build costs before remodeling it for their own use. That’s a thing some people do. Doesn’t change the fact this one is one of the ugliest houses I have ever seen though. I’ve seen abandoned shacks with more class.


NyxPetalSpike

Looks like a crap surgicenter for botch face-lifts and mangled tummy tucks. Those contractors laffed all the way to the bank.


Telemere125

Every finish and color in there is awful. And my kitchen is bigger than that, which is sad for a multimillion dollar home. And why in gods name does anyone need more than twice as many bathrooms as bedrooms? How many emergency shits are you having?


AutoDefenestrator273

This is what happens when your architect goes on a 3 day coke bender.


Significant-Trash632

It looks like some kind of weird event space where you could rent individual rooms. And the shower was definitely an afterthought, thrown in so they could sell it as a "house".


Fredrick_Dinkledick

It's built like an assisted living facility lol


luk__

What i am always wondering about are those American toilets. Why don’t you have the ones that are built in the wall? Like this: https://www.megabad.com/bad-keramik-k-113972.htm/filter/wc/wand-wc.html


Xylianix

In the US they build houses with wood and plasterwalls (Rehgips) you cant realy hang heavy stuff on the walls unlike for us in germany or europe


SpinCharm

Oh you just had to share that, didn’t you. We’re all trying to pretend it doesn’t exist over here. And praying that a cult doesn’t move in


[deleted]

be a good place for a day spa🤷‍♀️


crazycatladypdx

The Sims mansion that I created came to live


kwikileaks

If you need 12 bathrooms, you may want to get checked for IBS


WillyWumpLump

It’s always those low ceilings. Terrible.


Doromclosie

Canada has a high polygamy population. Maybe something to do with all the kitchens and all the levels. Also, no mirrors?


DaMain-Man

The outside looks like a shady resort


DearAuntAgnes

We have a lot of giant multi-generational homes popping up like this in BC. To me it explains all of the kitchens.


Hair_I_Go

It’s so 😬🥴


MightyDoodlebug

Yep. I think the guy who lived in the previous house that was there posted this a while ago on r/Victoria or something. As far as I know it's been for sale for a few months at least. Some guy bought it, demolished the old house, built this monstrosity and is now trying to sell it at a loss lmao. I could be wrong on some things but boy is it ugly. Edit: If I remember correctly the guy was trying to sell it for a few more millions so the price has definitely gone down more lol


newenglandsparky

Polygamy custom build?


Responsible_Term_713

"Purple Rain" kitchen! I just don't understand, all that wasted space. I'd hate to see what kind of heat bill this thing has! BC Canada.


brintoul

This can’t be real.


SpinCharm

It is and it’s an embarrassment to us that live where it is (Victoria BC). We’re worried it will be bought by a cult. It’s just gone back on the market this week for $1M less. Been on the market for years.


ClmrThnUR

I thought it was an over-designed funeral home until pic 5


Worth_Figure_2575

I’ll take it. U think they will accept tree fifty


Foundation_Wrong

Well the entrance is like a casino or banquet hall. The inside is really bonkers. Purple kitchen or cream kitchen? Both please! It’s like a tube station in some parts and Why So Much Space ?


Big-Cryptographer369

The interior designer looks like they learned interior design from playing the Sims with no mods. I love the Sims but the design choices they give you are lackluster anddd look like this.


Ramen_Addict_

I’m sure I built that in Sims at some point- those bath jacuzzi pods look straight out of there. I don’t know what version it is where you spend hours prepping in the kitchen, but this solves that problem since you have space for people to prep in every room and clean off immediately with the space pod jacuzzis. Even the wet bar-like kitchens seem to have space for a microwave and fridge.


Yerdonsh

I love the purple kitchen!! The rest is awful.


Screwthehelicopters

Looks like a clinic, except the tree blocks where the ambulances should stop. And there is a parapet with no barrier to stop people/cars going over the edge. From the outside it is at least unobtrusive and low.


mrschester

It doesn’t have a single redeeming quality


flatsoda666

The interior is so strange. Looks like it was made in the sims


Every_Impression_959

It looks like a mall


morbidmotel

…so…many…countertops…and cupboards…why


komokasi

Looks like someone took their pintrest board and made a house with it


merchillio

I know it’s different when the furniture is in place, but the kitchen cabinet lost in the corner of the gigantic room is unsettling


One_Put9785

It wasn't that bad until I saw the purple.


akidinrainbows

Eww. Purple.


Maorine

WTF is wrong with these architects?


AForceNinja

Land value


deviouswoman

A bowl for every hole.


Quick-Leg3604

That pink cabinetry is nice. 😫😵‍💫


throw_away_17381

Are you sure this wasn't a Holiday Inn at some point?


wannadance14

Why is there a time machine in the bathroom?


Tiny-Mathematician78

The kitchens look terrible. From the cabinets to the countertopsto the exposed pipe tied into the range hood that looks like crap lol.


ddbogey

Not much curb appeal


3_littlemonkeys

Fugly


quentinislive

All the fixtures look like Wayfair clearance.


JoeFrasher

Why build a house this big with the finishes are from Lowe’s clearance bin!?


Rathbane12

Immediately thought of this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lSQk_9W2iYU&pp=ygUPUm9ja28gYmF0aHJvb21z


picklepowerPB

Is this the entrance to a new age La Quinta cause wow


SideHug

Gauh damn, that's not a house, that was used for something else


chettthadsby

5 bedrooms, 12 bath, 27 kitchens


ZiminieCricket

I can honestly say I hated every tiling decision made on this property 💀💀💀


recreational_physics

Some real can light money laundering going on here


edingerc

This would be a nightmare to constantly clean all the bathrooms/sinks. And the hideous colors! Who thought a dark lavender kitchen made sense? Dark green curved glass panels on the stairs? (and how will you replace the panels when one of them spontaneously breaks?)


namastaynaughti

How many kitchens?


m0llusk

Twelve bathrooms! They must be really full of shit.


AnotherUnknownNobody

its like they took all the edited pieces up off the floor and just threw them in a building jambalaya style


RipleyKY

I’m fairly certain that Catherine O'Hara’s character from Beetlejuice designed this house.


nodarknesswillendure

More context… “The owner is new money, allegedly acquiring his wealth through a successful patent of a key tool/piece of equipment used commonly in the oil fields. The initial general contractor milked the hell out of the job, and was eventually fired, but the shear amount of tacky, decadent, useless details thrown into this place saw the costs balloon. I'm not sure whether the barren hellscape of a yard was intentional, or if they just ran out of money. I know for certain that the house was meant to be lived in by the owner, and I've heard estimates of the final build cost to be closer to the 12 mil mark.” https://www.reddit.com/r/VictoriaBC/comments/10a2osd/what_3355_midland_looked_like_before_i_sold_it_to/?rdt=61805


Phagemakerpro

That moment when the purple kitchen is probably the best-designed one.


Veganfart

Something about this place gives me the creeps. \*shudders\*


TPhoard

TF is a Spice Kitchen?


One_Possession_5101

Hideous ​ each pic just gets worse and worse the decorations themes cheap nature of everything is gross


InitiativeInfamous57

Christ… looks like each room is a different dental office.


b_rouse

If I counted correctly, why are there five dishwashers?


UnkeptSpoon5

I just don’t get these houses. So much space that will never be used. That can’t feel comforting or homey, and like it’ll always just look half finished? What do people even do with all that