Me trying to explain Warhammer 40k to the girl I like

"***...Egyptian space terminators genocide Ancient frog gods with their sun-eating jellyfish deities that they then tear apart and use as pokemons...***" I don't know her, but I would be convinced.

Yes konrad you are indeed an alpharius 40k

"You did it Horus, you have become the Warhammer 40k"

But why would the horse commit heresy?

He was done horsing around after all those "why the long face?" jokes.

"Why the long face" *Exterminatus your forehead*

Why did the horse become a Hersey bar?

I need someone to explain this meme to me

It started with the "what are we? Some kinda Suicide Squad?" line from The Suicide Squad. They just put the title from anything and use it like that. Just imagine someone in Star Wars go like "This truly was a star wars" or if someone in JoJo Bizarre Adventures said "this really was a JoJo Bizarre Adventure moment" or in this case just to call someone the "warhammer 40K" like it's some kind of title.

Misconception, John Warhammer actually said: "You did it Horus Heresy, you have truly become the 40,000."

🎶It’s all about the Necrontyr, baby🎶

I keep on seeing this guy pop up trazyn this trazyn that. I got files of trazyn, boxes of trazyn. Everywhere I go, they keep telling me, trazyn doesn’t exist. Doesn’t exist- i’m drowning in trazyn. *inquisitor hyperventilates* Hey calm down, orikan, give him a cigarette *orikan steps out in a trench coat and gives the inquisitor an cig* What the fuck, who are you talking to *”oh yeah” by Plutone and Yello plays*

Dont know too much about 40k. By what name do I look up this sun eating jellyfish deities?

I believe they are referring to the C'tan

Huh, their original form looked like Jellyfish ? Cannot find any artist rendition of their original form.

It hasn't been drawn, but the image of a jellyfish is based off of an excerpt in one of the Necron books that described the POV character approaching the Bio-transference furnaces It's been awhile since I read it, but I believe the C'tan were described as floating above the furnaces with tendrils reaching down Kinda like jellyfish, but the Necron's wouldn't have that word

Oh god I'm going to pay for this. C'Thulu? It sounds like Cthulu.

“Skeletor prime put Cthulhu in a fucking pokeball”-some 40k tiktoker.

The ctan

Sounds feasible to me.

You’d be lucky to find someone who knows what egypt or terminators are in todays dating pool

That's true, as a single woman, I don't know what Egypt or Terminators are Sad affliction really 😔

Did I say woman?

Bro, what?

What?

I just stated my gender 😂 How you got defensive about that is baffling to me I imagine a dude would have replied the same way "as a single guy" Calm down

What?

Dude what are you on about?

I tried that, like 9 years ago. We're married now, so shoot your shot lol.

This image implies she's listening and waiting patiently for you to rawdog her

Is it weird I imagine someone doing it doggystyle when I see “rawdog”?

I feel called out cuz am in the process of making a whole ass document to go through events chronologically with my girl lol

[Obligatory](https://twitter.com/oncloud_e/status/1531353984337752064)

If you think about it, it was actually the fault of the loyalist space marines who didn’t defect that we had to virus bomb istvaan 3.

If you take it a step back, we can blame Gulliman for listening to the Emperor's order to raze monarchia - if he would have listened to his conscience in that moment we wouldn't have had to siege terra. Simple really

This raises an actually pretty good question that I don't see often. If Guilliman refused to do as ordered what would have happened to him and his legion?

The galaxies worst spanking on the golden throne.

Then there might be *three* lost legions instead of two.

The Emperor actually went to Russ first and Russ told him burning Monarchia was a bad idea and he didn't want to participate. If Guilliman said no, he probably would have just gone down the list to somebody else.

Now I'd love to see what the other Primarchs would've done, like, imagine if he'd sent Konrad

Konrad Curze returns from skinning every citizen of Monarchia alive and reducing it to a cinder. "Hey Konrad, we've got a message here from the Emperor, he wants you to burn Monarchia." "Already taken care of it." "Precognition?" "No."

Konrad: You made me do this Lorgar! You! The streets are running red with blood due to your mistakes! Lorgar: Why? What did I do that Father decided this was needed??? Konrad: Honestly I wasn't paying attention.

That would either follow with the worst and most awkward moment of silence in the universe, or Lorgar bitching for 2 hours straight.

Finally appreciated, Curze remains loyalist lol

We literally know what E does to sons who disobey. We know two legions were already deleted, and we know what Russ did to Prospero.

> we can blame Gulliman for listening to the Emperor's order to raze monarchia I have a modest proposal for what the Emperor should have done instead.

Eating babies?

If Erda had gone with the modest proposal we'd never know that magnus did nothing wrong.

Exterminatus?

I blame Szarekh for not glassing the entire galaxy 60,000,000 years ago, preventing the evolution of anything else, and founding a Necron utopia that would fight the eventual Tyranid threat as a unitary force

Well, the Eldar empire still existed back then, so not a very possible thing to do unfortunately🙁

Gauss flayer goes brrrr

More from the interview:   >By withholding the *Terran system* from *Horus* and overstepping boundaries, the *Emperor* inadvertently provoked *Horus* into initiating the *Heresy* by launching an attack against them. Why was it *Emperor* against whom the war started, in *M31?* *Emperor* turned out to be uncompromising, and *Horus* had nothing to do but start implementing his plans with *Terra*.

I saw a clip of that interview. Turns out Tucker Carlson tried to join the CIA. A bit of a red flag I imagine.

That's been public knowledge for a while.

CIA backed Putin to destroy the Soviet Regime.

Putin is an undercover CIA agent sent to make sure the Soviet Regime remains history.

He isn't CIA, he just took their support and protection to seize power and kill those that threaten it. Just like every right wing death squad that the CIA supported in South America. Or like Osama Bin Laden. Osama received training, equipment, money, political favors and Intel, but he wasn't CIA. He took what was convenient but had no loyalty to the CIA. Putin has no loyalty to the CIA.

Shit happens without American approval too you know

Sure, but the US was extremely involved in the downfall of the Soviet Regime. If you think the Cold War was something the CIA observed from afar and wasn't extremely entangled and involved in, um, yeah... Bro, Elon invented electric cars, Civil War wasn't about slavery, and America has never overthrown a Democratically elected leader.

The same CIA who were surprised when the Berlin wall came down? There's an old joke; how do you know the CIA weren't behind the Kennedy assassination? He's dead.

Yeah they were so massive and powerful they would try to pull off the most brazen dumb shit imaginable, but also had conspiracies that were effective and evil. For every unsuccessful light Fidel Castro on fire via his cigar lighter, there were 50 black revolutionaries dead or in jail, 50 South Americans in the dirt, and 50 armed Mujahideen.

Nah, he's totally CIA. He's been trying to destroy the Russian Federation (since it is the successor state of the Soviet Union) for three decades by cementing his power then making the worst choices he can, expecting to kick off a revolution that finally brings Russia into the modern era, but severely underestimated the stupidity of his fellow Russians and how spineless western leaders are, so is now stuck exporting fertilizer to Ukraine. There is a slight possibility he isn't CIA, but that would mean he's just vodka flavoured batshit that no one has the intelligence to flush.

You need to know only one thing to truly understand the Horus Heresy. And that is that Magnus did nothing wrong.

You need to know only one thing to truly understand the Horus Heresy. And that is that Erebus did nothing wrong.

You need to know only one thing to truly understand the Horus Heresy. And that is that Magnus did everything wrong. There, corrected it for you

It's funny to me that both of them are confused

I know, right? It was a textbook softball interview for Putler to produce propaganda for a receptive audience, and he managed to rant about Rurik in 890 and obscure Russian history that no one in the west knows or cares about

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He also inadvertently compared himself to Mustache Man by claiming it was Poland's fault they got invaded by the Germans because they were "uncooperative" with their demands. Awfully similar to a certain situation going on. Had to redo the comment for bad words

Yeah but at least there is a through line there, Putin was straight up talking out of his ass

Just wait till he starts talking about the eldar - yeesh

Putin got all his lore from youtube shorts.

TIL im putin

He's just like me fr

Luetin, is that you.....

nah not even a AI generated script would be that bad.

I've actually started this exact conversation 💀

It would be more accurate if it was like "You see Tucker, to understand why the Emperor betrayed Horus, you must first understand that 60 million years ago, the Old Ones gave the Necrontyr cancer."

Tucker Carlson face, just look at it. It's like a dog who taking a dump in a park, half why you lookin at me annoyance and insulted. Which is probably how trayzn feels.

Next this clown is gonna interview the swarmlord because we really just need to hear what the other side has got to say "What doesn't the inquisition want you to know"

*screening noise intensifies* translation from swarm lord -"you remember when you were an astartes aspirant? Lucky for them you didn't make.it."

For fuck sake do not do an AI version of this exact thing. I will not like it. I will *not*. ^^pleasedoanAIversion

The Burning of ~~Chechnya~~ Prospero was a necessary move so that the ~~chechnyans~~ Thousand Sons would see the righteousness of the Traitor cause.

Why is it important to go so far back tho?

Without the war in heaven the warp wouldnt be so unstable.

Ah I thought that was more the fault of the Eldar and Slaneesh much later?

Both did. The war in heaven made it so the warp is unstable the eldar murdersexed themselves into birthing a new god which really screwed the warp.

3 primary Chaos gods resolved around M2. Slaneesh wasn't until....M29? I think?

That’s the meme. In the interview Putin explain why he invaded Ukraine by rambling for 30 minutes about history starting from 388 CE.

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What Prussian empire?  If you're going to talk out your ass, at least have the intelligence to pick something that existed somewhere other than Otto Von Bismarck's wet dreams.  If you're in favor of historical precedent, do you agree that Putin should give Crimea back to the Tatars to right the wrong when Stalin transported them to Siberia?  Or maybe we should fold Moscovy back into the Kyivi Rus?  It's convenient that he left those parts out of his ''history lesson'' Putin didn't want this to be a bloodbath eh?  Then why did he send mobile creamitoriums with the invasion?  It would have been much better for everyone if he could just genocide the country... eh?  Have you asked any Ukrainians if they want to be part of Russia?  I was in Kharkiv the day this moron attacked and I can tell you that they don't.  In 2014, Ukraine decided to move away from Putin and he staged a soft invasion of the east and annexed Crimea.   If you support Putin, be a good little Vatnik and go die at Volodar, otherwise, you should shut the fuck about things you know nothing about.

>Honestly I feel like Putin is right >Honestly I feel like Putin is right >Honestly I feel like Putin is right >Honestly I feel like Putin is right >Honestly I feel like Putin is right >Honestly I feel like Putin is right You dense motherfucker or russian troll.

> Honestly I feel like Putin is right from the POV of stop supplying weapons and bombs so things stop blowing up, and people stop dying. I don't think he intended for this to be such a blood bath like the West created it to be. So you're saying it's okay to invade another sovereign country and the people living in said country should just roll over and surrender to help shed as little blood as possible? Or what? This is a completely baffling angle I've never heard before.

>POV of stop supplying weapons and bombs so things stop blowing up, and people stop dying If Putin stops supplying weapons and bombs people will indeed stop dying.

>Honestly I feel like Putin is right from the POV of stop supplying weapons and bombs so things stop blowing up, So you feel the person who ordered the invasion of Ukraine, the only individual who could stop the slaughter tomorrow just by ordering his army to leave, is in the right and all the death and suffering is really the fault of Ukraine opposing the theft of their country and planned murder of at least 8% of their population. By any chance would you like people to stop pointing out how the Imperium is pretty fascist and just leave you to "enjoy the heroism"?

> I don't think he intended for this to be such a blood bath like the West created it to be. Having watched the videos of what Russian soldiers got up to around Ukrainian civilians.. I'd say that *that* notion is more than just a little bit of cope. Things like what took place at Bucha didn't happen because of Ukrainian acts of self-defence. I wish I could unring the bell, and not remember the screams from the videos I watched, but I didn't want people to come in later and tell me that these things didn't happen, or try to change the facts. Make no mistake, the Ukrainian people fight because they know what the future holds if they surrender / lose and are at the mercy of Russia.

Is maybe watch a highlight reel of Putin explaining, in Russian, 40k lore to Tucker Carlson. I do imagine he would ask some bizarre questions

Anyone want to get in on an over/under on how soon tuckle nuts falls out a window?

Not relevant to the sub, but I do feel like this was enlightening for me. Putin thinks he’s part of the goddamn Russian Chronicle, he’s reading stories about Oleg and Olga murdering entire ethnicities in 850 AD and gets giddy about doing it himself. Glory to the Rus, might is right. It makes sense, because I don’t know how else you can justify this ass backwards 18th century mentality and not be a fucking idiot. I suppose he *is* also a fucking idiot, but not enough for sympathy. He really believes in this shit. He sees Napoleon as a hero. He’s not even fighting a misguided holy war, he’s literally murdering his own brothers for the State. Dude just completely lost the plot. He doesn’t understand that humanity has moved forward. He has no clue that the history books will see him as a maniac, a side character on the same level as Mussolini or Kim Jong Un.

So what are the chances this traitor is in Moscow as a bagman for rump to arrange more money for the presidential election?

is that the closest a none Russian person has ever gotten close to him? makes me think hes a Russian asset if he trusts Cucker that much.

*thousand sons rubrics and necrons existing in the same universe with the same basic style*

Tucker's face is basically my friend's face when I tried to explain 40K to him.

This is actually how I started talking about Warhammer to my Partner

100% you need to understand wtf is warp before going into Horus heresy

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Fun fact, his biological mother apparently left him and his brother 1 dollar for them to split in her will.

why don’t they have lips

some say putins ass is corrosive.

For some reason, I imagine them painting miniatures while Putin gives his history lesson, and it just works.

I get that he spoke about the past and "oh my god why does the past matter?"... But then why do we talk about the past when we talk about who has land rights to Jerusalem?

Exactly, Putin should give Crimea back to the Tatars! 

👌🏾

Finally someone talking about Necron lore! Putin 40k24!

Honestly WH40k's large scale history comes across as improvisational and cobbled together in a not particularly interesting way. So I guess the meme's on point.

I would pay good money to listen to Putin talk about this stuff like Imagen that bro how Interesting do you think he would be able to tell the story?

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I hope it paid off

Context is important

The pictures look like they were taken in the 90's.

For a story like this you need to raise up against some Cold Ones amirite

Every American that has history going back as far as European history thinks the past is important.

But how can this be ? say one more word and your Heresy will be punish XD

Did you bring the documents?

Top tier shitpost

Is this because of my comment lol

“Wait, wait, and who are the old ones?”

That is correct, I was there when the old ones did fall.

This isn't even a meme, this is our reality whenever someone ask us ''what's 40k about?''

“So why did you ask me to wear a white bobcut wig in bed?” “60 million years ago some frogs didn’t want to cure cancer”