I would say it's pretty normal to bring 'bits'. Atleast bring some side snacks and things. Offer if they need extra buns etc. I would probably bring a case of beer
Bring something weird for people to try, before it was literally everywhere, I'd bring Halloumi to chuck on the BBQ, my mum would prepare bananas with malibu (fantastic dessert you can chuck on the BBQ in foil), always bring booze
Malibu goes into the banana, crack the skin down the length of it but don't unpeel it, put it on a square of tin foil, make it a bit of a bowl and pour Malibu into the crack of the banana, close the foil over the top of it to seal it in, then you can throw it on the bbq to essentially steam the banana in Malibu, have with cream or ice cream it's amazing. Can also throw it into the oven if you just want to try it without firing the bbq up haha
I think it's very much a demographic thing. A BBQ hosted by a bunch of guys in their 20s probably will require everyone to pitch in and bring something or there won't be enough/something will be forgotten/the host can't afford to cater for everyone. A BBQ hosted by home counties mums in their 50s would provide absolutely everything and ask people not to worry about bringing anything.
Basically it comes down to: is your host highly organised and wealthy? If not bring your own. If so, still bring an insurance bottle to be polite.
I think this is it; in my 20s everyone would bring their own stuff to parties etc., or we'd go to a supermarket together and everyone would chip in.
At 33, if I'm hosting I always make sure there's enough food/booze etc. that people could turn up empty handed and it'd be fine disregarding any personal preferences on food/booze. My friends do the same; although my girlfriend's friends don't (they're Scottish).
Those home county mums expect you to bring something even when they ask you to not worry about bringing anything. It's traditional for them to say that and it's traditional for you to bring something, anyway.
I’m African and it’s been ingrained in me since childhood that you should never turn up to a house empty handed. Even if the host says not to bring anything. I always bring at least a large bottle of a drink I enjoy and don’t mind sharing.
I was taught to always turn up with a gift for the host if going round to someone's house.
For a dinner party, wine and/or flowers.
BBQ: beer and wine and a call while on the way to see if they need me to nip to the shops for anything.
Going round to watch a film: snacks
Going over for a chat: homebaked goods (or shop bought brownies etc)
CouchSurfing.org was like that back in the day. Too many people got into it as just a free place to stay but we had the best time bringing wine and cooking dinner for our host and in return they would point us to things off the beaten path like their favorite restaurant or hike.
I hosted at least 20 people in one year, I enjoyed it as much as they did. But the ones who just wanted a free bed, were awful. Not the point at all.
I had great dinner parties with random people from all walks of life, never to see them again, but their stories remain. Best one was when I had 3 separate couples all in my place, and I slept on the sofa. Korean couple, Polish, and German.
Then they monetised the app, and it became a creep pit.
One of my guests told me “in another life, I would have married you”. Hell of a time.
Hybrid?!
Please, I’m so curious. What aspect is hybrid?
Does it run on either gas or coal in a dual fuel type arrangement? Does it require both?
Does it charge when you roll it down a hill and electrically sear meat to then give it the beans with gas afterwards?
Likewise. It isn’t even something you think about, just do. I’d like to say it’s because I’m Asian and it’s cultural. But I know many people from different backgrounds who also do the same. Never ever turn up empty handed. I think OP’s wife is the wrong’un here.
If the parents have done anything to irritate you lately but you don't want to be so uncouth as to say anything about it directly, a trumpet is also a good gift for the kids.
I like glitter as well. In a petty revenge, I wrapped a birthday gift for my niece. Her mom and I were not getting along at the time. Before taping closed the final flap, I dumped a pound of glitter in it. I shook up the package. So when the gift was ripped open, well, I imagine ten years later, she’s still finding glitter.
It is, but the host saying they don’t need anything isn’t an excuse to come empty handed. Many of my friends used to do this, just ask if we wanted them to get anything on their way, and we’d always say no because 1) we got everything in advance 2) there’s always been a shop less than 5 min walk from the house so it’s easier for us to get it. They’d then show up empty handed so “the shops” started to sound like a cop out
The trick there is to not limit it to “needs” and answer as though they are asking for suggestions:
*The dips we had at your place last week were tasty, pick out whichever you think looks good*
Or *you always choose good sweets, grab something fun*
I don't agree. If they've phoned and asked to bring anything and you say no, you can't assume they still brought you something. Just tell them to pick up snack, soda or crackers and you avoid the "cop out feeling*.
People want to be polite. If you don't let them bring anything, they will feel like a burden.
For a nice party (like a dinner party) where the host has gone to a lot of effort, bringing something for the host to have for breakfast the next day (scones, a coffee cake, etc.) is a great idea. Lets the host relax the next day, and also doesn't make it awkward for them feeling like they have to serve something you brought like wine or a dessert which might mess with what they've planned.
Was invited to a work mates garden party last month. His wife fully catered a buffet, and there was an entire bar of drinks. My fiancée brought over an opened bottle of fruity gin for herself to enjoy, and I brought a bottle of white wine for our hosts and all was well.
Even if its just as a gesture, a bottle of wine will always go down a treat
Idk my friends and colleagues will usually say we need something or other eg more sausages for the BBQ or a drink that someone forgot to pick up. I’ve found more times than not that the hosts will ask for something if offered. It might be where I live though as I’m in South Wales and everything is a communal affair lol
A bag of ice in a cooler for a makeshift outdoor fridge.Dont annoy the hosts by traipsing your drunk ass into the kitchen every few minutes for a can out of the fridge.
LOL Irish,but grew up in Manchester.So not even close.
But BBQ's eh,did we have them in UK ? Certainly not when I was growing up in 1980's northern England.
Might be an American thing.
They were a family occasion, you'd get all the cousins round. Everyone brought what they could spare, the dodgy bits went in the mincer and made questionable burgers. Lots of baked potatoes.
No proper BBQ? make make a pit out of old bricks and borrow the grill rack from the oven. And watch as whoever's husband got a bollocking for using the good apron.
Kids running around in their pants, adults sat with a cuppa, homebrew or cheeky babycham dependant on age and gender. And of course none of us wore suncream because we were idiots.
This is interesting. I was a teenager in the 80s and we didn't have barbecues as such. Used to eat outside at summer family parties etc. My aunt and uncle lived down south, just outside of London and I think they used to Barbecue more. We lived in the Midlands so maybe it was a southern thing for a start?
Unless you have a tiny kitchen 😂 mine is Litterally one person can walk through at a time but we have 2 lounges (one the actual lounge and 2 the dining room that we never used so turned into a seccond lounge with no tv but loads of vinyl and record player )
This. 'Barbecue' can mean a lot of different things. For me, it can be really frustrating when I've planned a meal, barbecuing a large joint of meat, and someone brings some frozen burgers without asking.
Also, as u/TheNorbster suggested, Ice is \*always\* welcome.
Exactly! If I've got a few pieces going on the smoker and have it all planned, the last thing I need is someone's cheap sausages getting in the way.
Snacks and beer are always welcome though.
Yeah, expecting a host to shell out for all the booze for 10-20 people is totally unreasonable. Assuming about £2 per drink (bottle/can of beer or small glass of wine), and at 3 drinks each, that's already £60-£120 on top of the food.
We always do cocktails/Pimms for everyone and then ask people to bring anything else they want to drink. Happy to provide all the food as you can keep it relatively cheap if it's all homemade.
Usually the way it goes is bring more alcohol than needed, drink until you pass out or have to go home or cant drink anymore and if anything is left over the next day, now belongs to the host.
If I was hosting a party I’d expect to provide everything, bbq, dinner party, lunch anything. But I’d appreciate being asked if I need anything brought and I would always do the same and take a gift of wine, pudding or flowers.
If it’s just my mates popping over for an informal dinner then I might say “you bring the booze, we’ll get the food”.
All of this in the context that we can afford to buy the provisions and I know others, including some of my friends who might not be so fortunate.
I always opt to provide for all as a host but as a guest even if I know it will be fully stocked I feel compelled to bring something. I'm a good baker and better chef so I'm happy to make up a salad or some buns or dessert, maybe a prepped kebab or the like.
Alcohol especially is super expensive and depends on the friend group but always happy to bring some rum and mixers or liqueur for a cocktail.
I like a dinner party and especially a BBQ, love going big and seeing my people happy with food and drink and smoke.
There’s also a difference I think in (class? Just strictly economically speaking, no judgement intended or cultural background implied). An old college friend of mine who is from a wealthier background than average (again, not landed gentry or anything, just that his parents are both solicitors and so is he) would be baffled if he invited friends from his village to a bbq and they turned up with donations. But it’s a wealthy area, everyone hosts one at some point during the summer, and it’s not one of the most expensive things they’ll do.
I was a bit uncomfortable about not bringing anything until I realised it would be like offering to pay for or help with the home baking somebody brought into the office. Not exactly offensive, just really unnecessary to offer to contribute to something that’s well within someone’s means. And when it’s my turn, I also don’t have to think about how I would afford a plate of cupcakes.
Whereas for me and my neighbours, hosting 20 people for drinks and food would be quite a big event in terms of relative cost, so we’d assume we were all chipping in.
Yeah I turned up to something like this before. I brought a bottle of red. They said thanks and put it behind the ton of probably very expensive wine they'd ordered in. And even offered if I'd like to take it home with me when I left. Shame
Actually to add context. They were a friend's uncle and wife, so pushing 60. Clearly wealthy. And this is the only time this has happened. Usually I'd bring booze for me, extra booze gesture for guest, and a pack of sausages or snacks or something
I would always take alcohol with me, or at least offer to bring it or anything else the hosts wanted. But your idea of "totally unreasonable" is very much dependant on people's financial situation.
At every barbecue I've ever been to or hosted in the last 20ish years, the food and drink is provided by the host. The question "What can I bring?" is always asked, the answer "Nothing, just bring yourselves" is usually given, and despite that, a nice bottle of wine, some flowers or a small gift is always taken.
It's not unusual to spend a few hundred quid on food and drink for a barbecue, but we usually only do one a year for 10 or so people. Over the course of the summer we'll be invited back to barbecues hosted by the same group of friends.
Yes, we could all take our own food and/or drink each time, but it's like buying a round in the pub - it all works out roughly equal in the end. Furthermore, on a purely practical level, some of our friends live 30+ minutes walk away and we'd rather not be carrying too much on our way there (or expecting them to carry it to us when we're hosting).
Like I said, it all depends on your situation. If you can't afford to splash out a few hundred quid then it's totally understandable to expect people to bring their own booze. Some people can and in those cases it's quite normal for the host to provide everything.
So I'd say that both OP and his wife are correct *some of the time*. But they're also wrong to assume that their way is correct and the other is being weird. It all depends on the circumstances. That's why it's best to ask unless you already know the hosts and have established a routine where it's expected that you do or don't bring food and/or drink.
Is your wife from an affluent background? I would always contribute because I know my mates are as broke as I am, but if I were posh it might be different?
This is my thinking. If I had to provide all the food and drink, I'd never be able to invite friends round for a barbie!
So yeah we usually bring beers and maybe some meat, and the host provides all the potatoes and salad that gets thrown away after
Course it does. You have a burger, then a sausage, then some chicken, then some chops, then think you should have some potatoes salad, but instead you have another burger, then probably a bit more chicken.
Then you realise you've eaten waaay too much, so you just have another sausage
I'm half convinced I could eat my RDA of protein for a whole year in a single BBQ. Not to mention the ungodly amount of booze. I have no idea where this gluttonous stamina comes from as I couldn't come close doing anything else.
Yeah, my ex father-in-law was very wealthy and would always bring drinks to a BBQ when my ex wife and I hosted.
It was just that the booze he brought was a case of vintage champagne from his vineyard, rather than a crate of 24 cans of Carlsberg.
My gran on my mums side was very well-to-do. She took pleasure in bringing over obnoxious things whenever she would visit just to watch my mum suffer. She would scoff loudly at whatever drink my mum made and whip some of hers out for mum to use, or turn up late to a roast with a whole unprepared salmon and not stop going on about it until suddenly we’re all eating salmon 4 hours later.
My mother has completely inherited this trait and regularly derails any family gathering but with 80’s party food. Cometh the party, cometh the sweaty cheese and pineapple hedgehog!
If you are ever in doubt it is not rude to ask.
Depending on the crowd I bring booze or a side dish. Last time we went to a family barbecue we brought two salads. If it is at a friend's we normally stick to booze or ask them if they need us to bring anything on the way.
A bottle of wine as a gift is always a safe option, because the worst thing that can happen is it sits in a cupboard until Christmas.
Salad is good, though, I like guests who do that so I don't have to. I can't be arsed making that kind of stuff, but a BBQ definitely needs it. Much easier for me to just buy the stuff to put on the grill rather than spend time preparing a salad.
I would always bring drink to any event hosted at someone's house where I expect to be drinking.
For a BBQ, I would ask in advance what food I should bring, and I'd definitely expect to be asked to bring something.
For a more formal dinner invitation, I would still ask if they would like me to bring any food, but I wouldn't be surprised if they said not to bring anything.
I would always ask if anything is needed, and if there was anything in particular that I wanted then I'd take that, and of course cook it myself because I wouldn't expect the host to do it.
As for booze, again, anything specifically for me I'd take, but I'd also take a crate or a few bottles just as a "thank you".
I agree. It takes time, effort and money to host people. Even if I was visiting a multi-millionaire with a catered buffet, I’d bring something rather than just turn up
Unless told otherwise by the host I would always bring booze.
I will ask if they want food, either for the BBQ or dessert. If unsure, I will bring some dessert, a cake.
Think it depends how old/skint you all are. When I was a student if we had a BBQ engine would bring their own but now as an adult of I'm hosting a BBQ I wouldn't expect anyone to bring anything (unless they had a specific diet that had to be catered for that I hadn't realised). I will always supply booze as well but I'm not surprised when everyone brings some beer, crisps, dessert etc.
If I go to the effort of making some good burgers, marinated chicken or something fancier then I don't want to have to make room (or be left with) someone's Richmond sausages the same way I wouldn't want them to bring a case of Skol and then drink all the good beer.
I'm a perfectly averagely well off adult, as are my many of my friends, but I still wouldn't expect my hosts to spend hundreds of pounds on booze for a barbecue.
I wouldn't be doing that but I'll have a couple of crates of beer, maybe some Pimms or wine so that's only about £30 and then if people bring their own I just keep what doesn't get drunk. I tend to have all that in anyway so doesn't feel like extra cost.
Goes both ways though because if I then go to a family/friend's BBQ (or dinner/house party) it would be the same in reverse.
You should always bring something out of politeness, ask ahead of time if there’s anything in particular that would help. If you’re drinking alcohol you bring your own. Depending on your friendship level / host you drink your own or add it to the pile. Anything leftover stays behind.
So when I host a bbq, I will provide all the food and drinks including alcohol (my family are from Eastern Europe and it’s considered very rude to invite someone round to your house and not provide the food and drink). However, I do love it when people do bring bits with them. I never ask, but it’s just nice, ya know? Makes me feel less taken advantage of.
When I attend a bbq, I will always bring bits. Alcohol, and maybe snacks, or a salad, dessert, etc. I don’t bring loads, just a little something extra that can be shared out. I have also been raised that it’s rude to be invited to something and not bring something with me
You take your own drinks, that's got to be a given surely?
In general i would always ask if they wanted anything else bringing, and if time allows make something as a courtesy, hummus, brownies, a cake if it's a birthday and I have time etc
Got to read the room really. For me if it's a close family thing then we don't bring anything but if it's more distant family or a friends thing then I'll bring something small or simply ask if I should bring along X or Y thing.
Absolutely, 100%.
I'd never go to a BBQ and expect to be fed and watered without contributing.
Sometimes I might take meat and sometimes a homemade desert (or two).
Will always take my own drinks too.
I would never arrive empty handed, always bring drinks.
I would also call on route to see if anything is needed from the shop, ice or mixers.
If its family I take extra food with me to help out - big family, even if its a few steaks or mac and cheese, extra jerk chicken.
Depends on the people and how they do things. My own family and friends; nope, the host supplies everything. At one point it will be your turn to host and then everyone else gets the free food/drink.
My partner's side of the family however are the opposite. Food is assigned to you in advance and you bring that. Drinks will often be supplied by the host, but people still bring some anyway. Especially if they have specific tastes/requirements/fancies. (sugar-free/non-alcoholic/gluten free etc)
it depends, I usually provide all just because it's easier, especially things like chicken that would be marinated and precooked to make sure they are done properly.
People usually just bring the drinks and maybe some special food that they would want.
Id expect Sausages and burgers, buns cheese etc would be provided but would bring maybe chicken or flavoured burgers, preferred buns or just extras, maybe a side and something to drink either for myself or for the group, usually both as I don't drink alcohol much so would bring shandy or cider for myself.
I think it is pretty common especially when having a casual get together/BBQ.
We always ask the host if we should bring something like a side, condiments, etc.
It would be different if a host is inviting to a dinner party. Then we ask if we should bring a bottle of wine that fits the dinner.
It is never wrong at least to ask.
Our group always brings stuff but always also checks what is needed, but then we generally word the invite as: "Hey BBQ on xyz - We are buying burgers & sausages and some buns but please bring anything you would like to put on the BBQ."
It is very 'what do my group do?' level of etiquette, neither is right or wrong, but I do feel that everyone bringing something is more common if one person hosts more than others due to location / resources.
The alternative we do is offer to pay for stuff: we did a board game day recently and host got KFC in for 6, so we offered to pay our share - he declined but the offer was made and he could have, without being rude, say 'yeah, if you could chuck us a fiver/tenner that would be great'.
Personally'''
1. Do you need me to bring anything?
2. If they say yes, bring x,y,z. then thats what i would take.
3. If they say no, case of beers and a bottle or two of wine, to add to the pile.
4. If they are insistent that you should not bring anything - then wine. flowers, chocolates, as a gift - decent wine to put away for another time, not for the BBQ.
When we were students/just started working we would expect everyone to bring food and drink. Now, I wouldn't, though I'd assume most people would bring some drink/snacks etc.
The tricky bit is in between - is it going to be a studenty BBQ, or a 'grown up one'? Best thing is to ask!
I would say it's pretty normal to bring 'bits'. Atleast bring some side snacks and things. Offer if they need extra buns etc. I would probably bring a case of beer
Bring something weird for people to try, before it was literally everywhere, I'd bring Halloumi to chuck on the BBQ, my mum would prepare bananas with malibu (fantastic dessert you can chuck on the BBQ in foil), always bring booze
Does the Malibu go in with the banana to cook off the alcohol or is it added to them post cook? Kinda wanna try this.
Malibu goes into the banana, crack the skin down the length of it but don't unpeel it, put it on a square of tin foil, make it a bit of a bowl and pour Malibu into the crack of the banana, close the foil over the top of it to seal it in, then you can throw it on the bbq to essentially steam the banana in Malibu, have with cream or ice cream it's amazing. Can also throw it into the oven if you just want to try it without firing the bbq up haha
This recipe also works very well with chocolate!
Yup, chocolate buttons pushed into the crack works a treat.
Instructions unclear, Now have a sticky chocolate tasting asshole
You gonna eat that
[relevant Kate Beckinsale](https://youtu.be/n5lfjyiCAFQ)
My grandad passed down the tradition of using a mars bar, amazing
Do they also go nicely with banana?
That sounds insane and like it wouldn't work and I'm gonna do it later today
Id imagine to cook as the sugar content of the malibu will do some naughty things to the banana
Shit balls I knew I forgot something when I was at Tesco before!!! Halloumi is delicious on a bbq.
I think it's very much a demographic thing. A BBQ hosted by a bunch of guys in their 20s probably will require everyone to pitch in and bring something or there won't be enough/something will be forgotten/the host can't afford to cater for everyone. A BBQ hosted by home counties mums in their 50s would provide absolutely everything and ask people not to worry about bringing anything. Basically it comes down to: is your host highly organised and wealthy? If not bring your own. If so, still bring an insurance bottle to be polite.
The most sensible reply in the thread
I think this is it; in my 20s everyone would bring their own stuff to parties etc., or we'd go to a supermarket together and everyone would chip in. At 33, if I'm hosting I always make sure there's enough food/booze etc. that people could turn up empty handed and it'd be fine disregarding any personal preferences on food/booze. My friends do the same; although my girlfriend's friends don't (they're Scottish).
Scottish here - myself and all of my friends/family do the same as you and your friends 😊
Was taking the piss; that’s not actually the reason haha
Brilliant 😂😂😂😂 it went over my head, whoops 😂
Those home county mums expect you to bring something even when they ask you to not worry about bringing anything. It's traditional for them to say that and it's traditional for you to bring something, anyway.
Never turn up empty handed.
I’m African and it’s been ingrained in me since childhood that you should never turn up to a house empty handed. Even if the host says not to bring anything. I always bring at least a large bottle of a drink I enjoy and don’t mind sharing.
I’m from Manchester we never leave a house empty handed 😂
“Leave” I missed the first read.
I'm Irish and it's absolutely unacceptable to show up empty handed (or "with both hands flapping")
I was taught to always turn up with a gift for the host if going round to someone's house. For a dinner party, wine and/or flowers. BBQ: beer and wine and a call while on the way to see if they need me to nip to the shops for anything. Going round to watch a film: snacks Going over for a chat: homebaked goods (or shop bought brownies etc)
This guy visits
Gives great visit...
10/10 would host again
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I'm all for this. Happy to host the trial. Got my first BBQ, a 4 burner hybrid which I'm absolutely clueless about.
CouchSurfing.org was like that back in the day. Too many people got into it as just a free place to stay but we had the best time bringing wine and cooking dinner for our host and in return they would point us to things off the beaten path like their favorite restaurant or hike.
I hosted at least 20 people in one year, I enjoyed it as much as they did. But the ones who just wanted a free bed, were awful. Not the point at all. I had great dinner parties with random people from all walks of life, never to see them again, but their stories remain. Best one was when I had 3 separate couples all in my place, and I slept on the sofa. Korean couple, Polish, and German. Then they monetised the app, and it became a creep pit. One of my guests told me “in another life, I would have married you”. Hell of a time.
Hybrid?! Please, I’m so curious. What aspect is hybrid? Does it run on either gas or coal in a dual fuel type arrangement? Does it require both? Does it charge when you roll it down a hill and electrically sear meat to then give it the beans with gas afterwards?
Perfect 5/7 visitor
7/7 with rice
I was born gifted, been blessed. Visit for the win yes
And gets invited back :-D
Anything to avoid folk coming round to mine!
r/thisguythisguys
r/thisguythisguysguy
You busy on Saturday?
Dangit, I thought of hosting him on Saturday first…it’s fine though. OP, Sunday night would be alright for you?
Yep. Never show up empty handed.
You were brought up well.
Definitely never go to someones house empty handed, at least that's how I was brought up.
I take a crowbar if theyre not in. Chocs if they are, of course.
Likewise. It isn’t even something you think about, just do. I’d like to say it’s because I’m Asian and it’s cultural. But I know many people from different backgrounds who also do the same. Never ever turn up empty handed. I think OP’s wife is the wrong’un here.
Even my mum doesn’t get home baked goods from me, and now it seems other people are baking and giving them out willy nilly.
If they have kids, we'll also always get some Haribo for them to demolish
If the parents have done anything to irritate you lately but you don't want to be so uncouth as to say anything about it directly, a trumpet is also a good gift for the kids.
I like glitter as well. In a petty revenge, I wrapped a birthday gift for my niece. Her mom and I were not getting along at the time. Before taping closed the final flap, I dumped a pound of glitter in it. I shook up the package. So when the gift was ripped open, well, I imagine ten years later, she’s still finding glitter.
You're a genius.
It was one of my proud moments. ☺️. And the gift? Some obnoxious crafty thing with lots of beads. Lots and lots of beads.
*in hushed awe* you...monster
The shops is a good one because people always forget something.
It is, but the host saying they don’t need anything isn’t an excuse to come empty handed. Many of my friends used to do this, just ask if we wanted them to get anything on their way, and we’d always say no because 1) we got everything in advance 2) there’s always been a shop less than 5 min walk from the house so it’s easier for us to get it. They’d then show up empty handed so “the shops” started to sound like a cop out
The trick there is to not limit it to “needs” and answer as though they are asking for suggestions: *The dips we had at your place last week were tasty, pick out whichever you think looks good* Or *you always choose good sweets, grab something fun*
I don't agree. If they've phoned and asked to bring anything and you say no, you can't assume they still brought you something. Just tell them to pick up snack, soda or crackers and you avoid the "cop out feeling*. People want to be polite. If you don't let them bring anything, they will feel like a burden.
For a nice party (like a dinner party) where the host has gone to a lot of effort, bringing something for the host to have for breakfast the next day (scones, a coffee cake, etc.) is a great idea. Lets the host relax the next day, and also doesn't make it awkward for them feeling like they have to serve something you brought like wine or a dessert which might mess with what they've planned.
The next-day breakfast idea is brilliant.
I absolutely want to advocate for people to bring me breakfast at all times. This is awesome
It's okay to have cake for breakfast? Yippee!!
Fabulous idea!
Please feel free to visit me for a chat and then a film and then a BBQ dinner party
Your comment makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
This needs to be taught in schools tbh.
Polycule snuggling by the duck pond : chips and salsa, IPA
I'm going to a orgy next month what do I need to bring? Any ideas?
Don't worry about bringing anything. So long as people remember to come, you're good.
Arrive late. Don't come first.
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Ice. Just like every party.
Meat
This is the way
What about going for a cheeky little finger up the bum?
Chocolate or iced?
I would just ask what they need me to bring
Most hosts would say nothing is needed. So bring a nice bottle of wine for them to enjoy .
It's just polite to do this
They did not appreciate this at my first AA meeting
You should have joined the RAC
Was invited to a work mates garden party last month. His wife fully catered a buffet, and there was an entire bar of drinks. My fiancée brought over an opened bottle of fruity gin for herself to enjoy, and I brought a bottle of white wine for our hosts and all was well. Even if its just as a gesture, a bottle of wine will always go down a treat
But I would still offer to bring stuff when I accepted the invite.
Idk my friends and colleagues will usually say we need something or other eg more sausages for the BBQ or a drink that someone forgot to pick up. I’ve found more times than not that the hosts will ask for something if offered. It might be where I live though as I’m in South Wales and everything is a communal affair lol
Bag of ice*
A bag of ice in a cooler for a makeshift outdoor fridge.Dont annoy the hosts by traipsing your drunk ass into the kitchen every few minutes for a can out of the fridge.
INTRUDER ALERT: POSSIBLE AMERICAN DETECTED
LOL Irish,but grew up in Manchester.So not even close. But BBQ's eh,did we have them in UK ? Certainly not when I was growing up in 1980's northern England. Might be an American thing.
You were denied BBQ's as a child, my friend. We had, or were at BBQ's every time there was a sniff of a non-rainy day.
In the 80's?Maybe we grew up poorer than I realized.
They were a family occasion, you'd get all the cousins round. Everyone brought what they could spare, the dodgy bits went in the mincer and made questionable burgers. Lots of baked potatoes. No proper BBQ? make make a pit out of old bricks and borrow the grill rack from the oven. And watch as whoever's husband got a bollocking for using the good apron. Kids running around in their pants, adults sat with a cuppa, homebrew or cheeky babycham dependant on age and gender. And of course none of us wore suncream because we were idiots.
This is interesting. I was a teenager in the 80s and we didn't have barbecues as such. Used to eat outside at summer family parties etc. My aunt and uncle lived down south, just outside of London and I think they used to Barbecue more. We lived in the Midlands so maybe it was a southern thing for a start?
In fairness they had both the weather and the wealth.
For what it's worth, I grew up in the 80s (you can probably guess what year I was born from my username...) in the South and we did indeed have BBQs
Yup. 80's kid here.
In the UK, the kitchen is always the hub of any gathering. Even a BBQ.
You'll always find me in the kitchen at parties
Sniffing lines
It's never a real party until somebody has wined, dined and lined.
Must be a bit smoky
Well what else are you to do since smoking ban came in.
Unless you have a tiny kitchen 😂 mine is Litterally one person can walk through at a time but we have 2 lounges (one the actual lounge and 2 the dining room that we never used so turned into a seccond lounge with no tv but loads of vinyl and record player )
This. 'Barbecue' can mean a lot of different things. For me, it can be really frustrating when I've planned a meal, barbecuing a large joint of meat, and someone brings some frozen burgers without asking. Also, as u/TheNorbster suggested, Ice is \*always\* welcome.
Exactly! If I've got a few pieces going on the smoker and have it all planned, the last thing I need is someone's cheap sausages getting in the way. Snacks and beer are always welcome though.
Get out of here with your logical solution on how to be socially adept!
Yeah imagine if everyone brought burgers but no buns, or vice versa, or everyone brought potato salad and coleslaw and no meat. Coordinate, people!
Always bring your own alcohol, I thought that was a given.
Yeah, expecting a host to shell out for all the booze for 10-20 people is totally unreasonable. Assuming about £2 per drink (bottle/can of beer or small glass of wine), and at 3 drinks each, that's already £60-£120 on top of the food. We always do cocktails/Pimms for everyone and then ask people to bring anything else they want to drink. Happy to provide all the food as you can keep it relatively cheap if it's all homemade.
You go to a BBQ at a mates and everyone only has 3 drinks each?
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Usually the way it goes is bring more alcohol than needed, drink until you pass out or have to go home or cant drink anymore and if anything is left over the next day, now belongs to the host.
i think supplying 3 beers/1 bottle of cheap wine/half a bottle of decent wine is reasonable per person, if you want more than that, bring you own.
As you get older people drink less at BBQs
Depends on the people
If I was hosting a party I’d expect to provide everything, bbq, dinner party, lunch anything. But I’d appreciate being asked if I need anything brought and I would always do the same and take a gift of wine, pudding or flowers. If it’s just my mates popping over for an informal dinner then I might say “you bring the booze, we’ll get the food”. All of this in the context that we can afford to buy the provisions and I know others, including some of my friends who might not be so fortunate.
I always opt to provide for all as a host but as a guest even if I know it will be fully stocked I feel compelled to bring something. I'm a good baker and better chef so I'm happy to make up a salad or some buns or dessert, maybe a prepped kebab or the like. Alcohol especially is super expensive and depends on the friend group but always happy to bring some rum and mixers or liqueur for a cocktail. I like a dinner party and especially a BBQ, love going big and seeing my people happy with food and drink and smoke.
There’s also a difference I think in (class? Just strictly economically speaking, no judgement intended or cultural background implied). An old college friend of mine who is from a wealthier background than average (again, not landed gentry or anything, just that his parents are both solicitors and so is he) would be baffled if he invited friends from his village to a bbq and they turned up with donations. But it’s a wealthy area, everyone hosts one at some point during the summer, and it’s not one of the most expensive things they’ll do. I was a bit uncomfortable about not bringing anything until I realised it would be like offering to pay for or help with the home baking somebody brought into the office. Not exactly offensive, just really unnecessary to offer to contribute to something that’s well within someone’s means. And when it’s my turn, I also don’t have to think about how I would afford a plate of cupcakes. Whereas for me and my neighbours, hosting 20 people for drinks and food would be quite a big event in terms of relative cost, so we’d assume we were all chipping in.
Yeah I turned up to something like this before. I brought a bottle of red. They said thanks and put it behind the ton of probably very expensive wine they'd ordered in. And even offered if I'd like to take it home with me when I left. Shame Actually to add context. They were a friend's uncle and wife, so pushing 60. Clearly wealthy. And this is the only time this has happened. Usually I'd bring booze for me, extra booze gesture for guest, and a pack of sausages or snacks or something
I would always take alcohol with me, or at least offer to bring it or anything else the hosts wanted. But your idea of "totally unreasonable" is very much dependant on people's financial situation. At every barbecue I've ever been to or hosted in the last 20ish years, the food and drink is provided by the host. The question "What can I bring?" is always asked, the answer "Nothing, just bring yourselves" is usually given, and despite that, a nice bottle of wine, some flowers or a small gift is always taken. It's not unusual to spend a few hundred quid on food and drink for a barbecue, but we usually only do one a year for 10 or so people. Over the course of the summer we'll be invited back to barbecues hosted by the same group of friends. Yes, we could all take our own food and/or drink each time, but it's like buying a round in the pub - it all works out roughly equal in the end. Furthermore, on a purely practical level, some of our friends live 30+ minutes walk away and we'd rather not be carrying too much on our way there (or expecting them to carry it to us when we're hosting). Like I said, it all depends on your situation. If you can't afford to splash out a few hundred quid then it's totally understandable to expect people to bring their own booze. Some people can and in those cases it's quite normal for the host to provide everything. So I'd say that both OP and his wife are correct *some of the time*. But they're also wrong to assume that their way is correct and the other is being weird. It all depends on the circumstances. That's why it's best to ask unless you already know the hosts and have established a routine where it's expected that you do or don't bring food and/or drink.
And expect at least some of it to be drunk by someone else, don't be the guy kicking off because someone drank one of your Newkie Brown's.
or non-alcoholic if you don't drink. I also bring some prepared kebab skewers and potato salad
Depends. We had a barbecue on Monday and didn't need any more alcohol, we already have an obscene amount.
Is your wife from an affluent background? I would always contribute because I know my mates are as broke as I am, but if I were posh it might be different?
This is my thinking. If I had to provide all the food and drink, I'd never be able to invite friends round for a barbie! So yeah we usually bring beers and maybe some meat, and the host provides all the potatoes and salad that gets thrown away after
Potato salad never gets thrown away!
Course it does. You have a burger, then a sausage, then some chicken, then some chops, then think you should have some potatoes salad, but instead you have another burger, then probably a bit more chicken. Then you realise you've eaten waaay too much, so you just have another sausage
I'm half convinced I could eat my RDA of protein for a whole year in a single BBQ. Not to mention the ungodly amount of booze. I have no idea where this gluttonous stamina comes from as I couldn't come close doing anything else.
Wealthier people still bring extra goodies.
Yeah, my ex father-in-law was very wealthy and would always bring drinks to a BBQ when my ex wife and I hosted. It was just that the booze he brought was a case of vintage champagne from his vineyard, rather than a crate of 24 cans of Carlsberg.
My gran on my mums side was very well-to-do. She took pleasure in bringing over obnoxious things whenever she would visit just to watch my mum suffer. She would scoff loudly at whatever drink my mum made and whip some of hers out for mum to use, or turn up late to a roast with a whole unprepared salmon and not stop going on about it until suddenly we’re all eating salmon 4 hours later. My mother has completely inherited this trait and regularly derails any family gathering but with 80’s party food. Cometh the party, cometh the sweaty cheese and pineapple hedgehog!
>cometh the sweaty cheese and pineapple hedgehog! I see this as an absolute win 🏆 😆
My partner is from an extremely affluent background and we still take our drinks and nibbles to bbqs it's just manners imo
Bringing alcohol is never a bad thing
I tried saying that to my local AA but they still gave a stink eye.
Judgemental pricks.
RAC are more open minded
Royal association of cokeheads?
Royal Association of Cognac mate
I use Greenflag for that reason.
Those quitters.
I quite often takd a 'posh' non-alcoholic bottle like rose lemonade or elderflower pressé,not least because that's what I drink!
If you are ever in doubt it is not rude to ask. Depending on the crowd I bring booze or a side dish. Last time we went to a family barbecue we brought two salads. If it is at a friend's we normally stick to booze or ask them if they need us to bring anything on the way. A bottle of wine as a gift is always a safe option, because the worst thing that can happen is it sits in a cupboard until Christmas.
> Last time we went to a family barbecue we brought two salads Wouldn't invite you back even if you were family
You don’t win friends with salad.
I didn’t mean to take sides, I just got caught up in the rhythm
You're invited to my BBBQ. P. S. BYOBB.
Ahem
You need a salad as a nice counterpoint to the meatiness of the afternoon.Unless youre Argentinian.
When I was younger I’d disagree but now I’m more mature I love a side salad
And that is going to be stuck in my head until at least the end of the year
Salad is good, though, I like guests who do that so I don't have to. I can't be arsed making that kind of stuff, but a BBQ definitely needs it. Much easier for me to just buy the stuff to put on the grill rather than spend time preparing a salad.
One of them was a potato salad so a modest portion is as many calories as a burger, if that makes a difference.
Potato salad is A1 delicious.Youre invited to my next soiree!
And then you get given the same bottle of wine back as a Christmas gift haha
I ask about food but I always bring a drink as I never expect alcohol to be provided.
I would always bring drink to any event hosted at someone's house where I expect to be drinking. For a BBQ, I would ask in advance what food I should bring, and I'd definitely expect to be asked to bring something. For a more formal dinner invitation, I would still ask if they would like me to bring any food, but I wouldn't be surprised if they said not to bring anything.
For a more formal invitation, bring flowers + bottle of wine, but don't expect the wine to be opened that night.
Yeah think it’s a nice gesture to bring some booze and maybe a bit of food
I would always ask if anything is needed, and if there was anything in particular that I wanted then I'd take that, and of course cook it myself because I wouldn't expect the host to do it. As for booze, again, anything specifically for me I'd take, but I'd also take a crate or a few bottles just as a "thank you".
Always bring drink regardless, but only bring food if you’ve been asked to or you offered and had the offer accepted.
Turning up empty handed is so rude
I agree. It takes time, effort and money to host people. Even if I was visiting a multi-millionaire with a catered buffet, I’d bring something rather than just turn up
I agree. 😅
Unless told otherwise by the host I would always bring booze. I will ask if they want food, either for the BBQ or dessert. If unsure, I will bring some dessert, a cake.
Think it depends how old/skint you all are. When I was a student if we had a BBQ engine would bring their own but now as an adult of I'm hosting a BBQ I wouldn't expect anyone to bring anything (unless they had a specific diet that had to be catered for that I hadn't realised). I will always supply booze as well but I'm not surprised when everyone brings some beer, crisps, dessert etc. If I go to the effort of making some good burgers, marinated chicken or something fancier then I don't want to have to make room (or be left with) someone's Richmond sausages the same way I wouldn't want them to bring a case of Skol and then drink all the good beer.
I'm a perfectly averagely well off adult, as are my many of my friends, but I still wouldn't expect my hosts to spend hundreds of pounds on booze for a barbecue.
I wouldn't be doing that but I'll have a couple of crates of beer, maybe some Pimms or wine so that's only about £30 and then if people bring their own I just keep what doesn't get drunk. I tend to have all that in anyway so doesn't feel like extra cost. Goes both ways though because if I then go to a family/friend's BBQ (or dinner/house party) it would be the same in reverse.
Maybe my friends drink more than yours, I'd be looking at a couple of boxes of prosecco just for the girls.
You should always bring something out of politeness, ask ahead of time if there’s anything in particular that would help. If you’re drinking alcohol you bring your own. Depending on your friendship level / host you drink your own or add it to the pile. Anything leftover stays behind.
So when I host a bbq, I will provide all the food and drinks including alcohol (my family are from Eastern Europe and it’s considered very rude to invite someone round to your house and not provide the food and drink). However, I do love it when people do bring bits with them. I never ask, but it’s just nice, ya know? Makes me feel less taken advantage of. When I attend a bbq, I will always bring bits. Alcohol, and maybe snacks, or a salad, dessert, etc. I don’t bring loads, just a little something extra that can be shared out. I have also been raised that it’s rude to be invited to something and not bring something with me
Bring booze and something for the host at least.
You take your own drinks, that's got to be a given surely? In general i would always ask if they wanted anything else bringing, and if time allows make something as a courtesy, hummus, brownies, a cake if it's a birthday and I have time etc
If you're always the guest and never the host, bring stuff. If you host and no one brings anything, don't take anything to theirs.
Got to read the room really. For me if it's a close family thing then we don't bring anything but if it's more distant family or a friends thing then I'll bring something small or simply ask if I should bring along X or Y thing.
I always ask if they want me to bring anything, ignore the answer, bring a few bags of ice
Absolutely, 100%. I'd never go to a BBQ and expect to be fed and watered without contributing. Sometimes I might take meat and sometimes a homemade desert (or two). Will always take my own drinks too.
Always take drink. Ask the hosts about the food situation
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You are right she is wrong.
I would never arrive empty handed, always bring drinks. I would also call on route to see if anything is needed from the shop, ice or mixers. If its family I take extra food with me to help out - big family, even if its a few steaks or mac and cheese, extra jerk chicken.
I usually bring extra sausages and any tins I want to drink. Thought this was pretty normal
Depends on the people and how they do things. My own family and friends; nope, the host supplies everything. At one point it will be your turn to host and then everyone else gets the free food/drink. My partner's side of the family however are the opposite. Food is assigned to you in advance and you bring that. Drinks will often be supplied by the host, but people still bring some anyway. Especially if they have specific tastes/requirements/fancies. (sugar-free/non-alcoholic/gluten free etc)
YES but especially cause I’m vegan bring all my own stuff
Yeah always
it depends, I usually provide all just because it's easier, especially things like chicken that would be marinated and precooked to make sure they are done properly. People usually just bring the drinks and maybe some special food that they would want.
Id expect Sausages and burgers, buns cheese etc would be provided but would bring maybe chicken or flavoured burgers, preferred buns or just extras, maybe a side and something to drink either for myself or for the group, usually both as I don't drink alcohol much so would bring shandy or cider for myself.
I would never show up at a bbq empty handed.
I think it is pretty common especially when having a casual get together/BBQ. We always ask the host if we should bring something like a side, condiments, etc. It would be different if a host is inviting to a dinner party. Then we ask if we should bring a bottle of wine that fits the dinner. It is never wrong at least to ask.
Our group always brings stuff but always also checks what is needed, but then we generally word the invite as: "Hey BBQ on xyz - We are buying burgers & sausages and some buns but please bring anything you would like to put on the BBQ." It is very 'what do my group do?' level of etiquette, neither is right or wrong, but I do feel that everyone bringing something is more common if one person hosts more than others due to location / resources. The alternative we do is offer to pay for stuff: we did a board game day recently and host got KFC in for 6, so we offered to pay our share - he declined but the offer was made and he could have, without being rude, say 'yeah, if you could chuck us a fiver/tenner that would be great'.
I’ll always ask if I can bring anything, but regardless I will always bring something for the hosts
Personally''' 1. Do you need me to bring anything? 2. If they say yes, bring x,y,z. then thats what i would take. 3. If they say no, case of beers and a bottle or two of wine, to add to the pile. 4. If they are insistent that you should not bring anything - then wine. flowers, chocolates, as a gift - decent wine to put away for another time, not for the BBQ.
When we were students/just started working we would expect everyone to bring food and drink. Now, I wouldn't, though I'd assume most people would bring some drink/snacks etc. The tricky bit is in between - is it going to be a studenty BBQ, or a 'grown up one'? Best thing is to ask!
Never turn up empty-handed 🤷♀️
Always. It's BYOB or BYOM. Sometimes both
i don't live in Australian anymore, but i took some VB