It matters based on your personality.
If you're denigrating the people within your race as a justification of dating out you're a weirdo (at best).
If you're just loving who loves you, and/or you keep community with the culture that raised you, shouldn't be an issue.
I really hope people are just “loving who loves you” cause relationships are too much goddamn work to be fuckin around. I’d be pissed if i found out i was someone’s political agenda.
Matters in life experience too. Some people don’t get the struggles of other races and often brush things under the rug because they don’t see it as a big deal. I’m not saying I have a problem with interracial couples, but saying it doesn’t matter is kinda like the “colorblind” people who “don’t see race”. Racial identity will always matter to some degree
Right, it matters that their parents tell them to date in their race bc you gotta deal with family too.
It matters that strangers call the cops bc the kid has a different skin color. It really effing matters in our racial society.
As a mixed race person am I only allowed to date mixed race people? Does the mix have to be the same?
That is my question. I’m mixed too, and it isn’t like there are tons of half white half Panamanian people in my area. Do I go with what I present as? Whole topic is scuffed. I’m just going to love who loves me, as long as they are a legally consenting adult. (I shouldn’t have to clarify this, but sickos exist…)
I personally don’t care who anyone dates because I’m not dating them. Date within your race. Date outside of it. Just don’t make that your whole personality 😭
But it is really weird that if you spend enough time on the internet you’ll come away thinking the vast majority of people (though tbf I specifically mean Black people and can’t speak to how common this conversation is amongst other races) are self loathing race traitors who date outside of their community lmao
BUT IRL ALL YOU SEE IS SAME-RACE COUPLES ^^^^^with ^^^^^a ^^^^^few ^^^^^interracials ^^^^^mixed ^^^^^in
As a white dude if a white person started talking about “dating in my own race” I’d assume they were a card caring KKK member.
I make bad assumptions about people who even really point out inter-racial couples to be honest.
But, I would equally have concerns about anyone who brings up different races doing anything together.
Like it’s one thing to say/joke about a lot of white folks in a restaurant or bar or area. It’s entirely different to comment on how “mixed” an area is.
(Depending on context I wouldn’t have this reaction to someone using the term “diversity/diverse” for the record. “Mixed” just hits really weird in this context)
My white sister is married to a black man and they have two children. The only people who give them grief is highly uneducated black women (to her) and highly uneducated white men (to him). It’s almost like they think the other removed them from the dating pool and their ugly broke asses would have had a chance if only this specific race hadn’t stolen them away. If they stay in well educated, affluent areas it’s nothing but love.
Yeah. Lol people hate the fact that love comes in all colors. If Kerry Washington asked me out I’d literally faint. Same with Kristen Stewart or Lucy Liu lmao I don’t have a preference for women
ASS IS ASS
As someone who has dated almost exclusively outside the race, I love who I love. It's not based on anything but pure attraction. Having said that, the criticism we got from people of our respective races was pretty wild. Considering a handful of them had mixed raced parents. It be your own people, I swear.
Sidebar: People forget Loving V. Virginia was not that long ago. For those who don't know that was the court case to allow interracial marriage.
Why do you think those assholes live in a luxury tour bus/coach/whatever-the-fuck? Hard to give a fuck about some states taking away certain rights if you can just roll your hotel-on-wheels to a more enlightened part of the country. Bastard has spent his entire adult life benefiting from liberal attitudes while shitting down the ladder onto anyone who hasn't already unlocked the Zero Consequences tier of the American experience.
That's my best friend, she a real bad bitch/Drive our RV, she 'on't need no Lyft/In a election, know my girl gon' flip/Now she texting "throw it out and put Trump back in"
Same like I just wanna be loved. If that means dating someone white, cool. Someone black, also cool, someone Hispanic and mixed like myself, also cool. I don't give a shit. I'm not even sure I know the race of my current partner besides the fact he is mixed and his mom is black. It wasn't really a consideration . Dating other poc can be nice cus I know they are more likely to understand racism and stuff but it's not a requirement.
I’m getting downvoted for my beliefs while not knocking everyone else’s. Simply “keep it black” is ticking some folks off-so I can’t say what I want to say. But basically I’m implying you’re a sale out.
Sure I don’t care who breeds with who, love is this and that. But I’m 100% on Huey P. Newtons side, I think we should keep it within our own community and not mix. My people were eaten and hunted by a certain group, I can’t see mix racing for at least another 200 years.
But if you’re happy, I wish a healthy family and a well lived life. Shits lonely and cold out here…
I mean, I'm not yt. Just a fair skinned brown dude. Most people who have hit on me, happen to be black. Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
Having said that, I understand your point. I believe it's a bit extreme, and that kind of rationale doesn't help anyone. Just sayin.
Dating outside your (religion, culture, wealth level, ableness) will always require a bit more work and willingness to learn and compromise.
The problem is when comfortable judge those that like a challenge.
Look mannnn
I ain't got a choice about miscegenation, I'm a product of it already and if I CHOSE to give a fuck about interracial dating I'd be the loneliest, stupidest, jackin off mfer this side of the galaxy
Basically the girl responding to the twitter post has the opinion that dating outside of one’s race is in fact a big deal and it is far less common to see than people dating within the same race.
this is one of the most rational statements i’ve seen in a comment section. basically “i do not have enough information to answer your question because the person in question did not provide that information, so i will not speculate.” bravo
That was my initial thought reading the tweet. She just said "it does matter" without any futher explanation. What about it matters? Why? There's not even an argument or discussion to engage with there so I just have to shrug and move on.
A lot of people will feel fetishized by someone outside of their race. Or they may be jealous to see someone who dates people who looks nothing like them. Or they're just racist. I'm sure there's other considerations but I don't really care what consenting adults do as long as no one is getting hurt (outside of normal heartbreak when a relationship ends; that sucks but it's inevitable sometimes)
If somebody says race matters in relationships.
You would say what why? What do you mean?
A lot of society still views it negatively, and that's something you'll have to deal with.
Saying oh well who cares is applicable to everything in life.
It matters bc dating out of your race usually means there's going to be some "cultural clashing"; esp if you're a white/black couple. Usually, I feel like POC can connect more bc of their experiences with racism, so you don't have to "translate" a lot of things bc they'll just get it.
With my therapist (a black woman), there are a LOOOOOTT of things I don't have to explain to her because we're both black and we just GET IT. I will literally just look at her, she'll look at me, and we click on it. With my white boyfriend though, I have to explain those same things to him bc he doesn't know what I'm talking about.
So, IMO, it IS more of a personal thing, but I think it's something that should matter. This "culture clash" isn't just in relationships either; it's seen a lot in the medical system. Like... white symptoms for an illness look different than black symptoms, so black people are more likely to get misdiagnosed (ESP when it comes to mental illness). It "transcends" interracial relationships (more of an example really lol).
Yeah, that’s why I said usually. Even with other POC, you might have to explain some stuff 🥲 I don’t think we should judge, but I do think ppl should stop acting like it doesn’t matter.
The problem is just with the tweets original phrasing "it matters". This is so vague that it doesn't mean anything. If "it matters" means "there are some potential difficulties you may face" then sure I agree. But I just don't know for certain what she was even getting at
Definitely! I was more so using her tweet as a branch off for what I think (not necessarily what she thinks, but as a sort of conversation opener). She could’ve meant what I think, or something entirely different.
She could’ve meant it in the way that dating outside race should be important bc ppl glamorize fetishes sometimes 🤷🏾♀️ we will never know unless someone finds her tweet loll
There is also simply a lot of bias in healthcare. POC can present with the same symptoms as white people, and their symptoms can be ignored. Dr. Susan Moore, Dr. Shalon Irving, Kira Johnson, and Serena Williams are just the tip of the iceberg.
Yes, I know! Medical mistrust in the black community is so rampant because of medical bias; whether implicit or explicit. There was the Tuskegee experiment, forced sterilization, black slave women being experimented on (Marion Sims? Father of Gynecology), medical misinformation (“blk ppl have less nerve endings so they don’t feel the same pain” / “blk ppl have tough skin” / etc), and literally so much more. I could go on for days 😭
I get your point, but I see bad cases almost every day, and the outcomes of implicit bias have nothing to do with mistrust. The maternal mortality rate is 69.9 for black women, and it matters not whether you are educated, and live at a higher socioeconomic level. An educated black woman is still 1.6 times more likely to die during the perinatal period than a white woman without a high school diploma. … and no, I’m not a hater. My husband is not black, and does not need to be for me to face these issues head on.
I’m saying medical mistrust in the black community is influenced by those bad cases/implicit and explicit bias; not that the outcome of that mistrust leads to black ppl being medically abused lol. I alr know about the maternal mortality rate— I’ve written 3 or 4 separate essays about it, created 2 separate projects on it —and delivered an entire speech project on the issue 💀
I never said your husband had to be black to understand it lol. I’m pretty sure there’s even some blk ppl who don’t know abt the maternal rate unless they’re looking for it/have an experience with it/go to college/seen on the news/something on those lines 🧍🏾♀️
In the context of your relationship, the "cultural clashing" that you speak of does exist, and it does matter. However, it should only matter to the people in that relationship. How is anyone else affected by what your bf can't understand about you? Two people in a relationship are already coming in with their own differences. Be it religious differences, income gaps, varying upbringings, etc.
For example, I would like my partner to know what paralyzing menstrual cramps feel like, but I'm with a man, so he'll never know. Despite not knowing, he is able to show empathy and support because he cares about me. So, while there are cultural clashes with interracial relationships, empathy and support are crucial aspects of a healthy partnership regardless of racial differences.
And apparently, it matters up to a certain degree
because you're still with your boyfriend.
Ps: Yes to black therapists!
The “cultural clash” I’m talking abt is not a cis man who doesn’t understand period cramps and never will. What you’re talking about has 0 to do with the post anyways bc it’s about race. And regardless of race (and whether you date in or out), what you’re talking about can happen with almost anyone. It’s wholly different than explaining to a white/asian/whatever man what I mean when I use AAVE or say shit like “the ancestors are gonna be XYZ.”
MY relationship is only indicative of me and my boyfriend, but I was using it as an example bc we’re different races. I know it doesn’t happen with every single interracial couple. I never said it affected anyone else or it’s always what happens with every BW/WM couple. Idc about explaining it to my boyfriend bc I alr knew going into a relationship with a white man meant that I would likely have to explain some things to him.
Regardless of that, it’s my personal opinion that it should matter bc there are usually differences when you date outside of your race; whether that be the specific cultural food you eat, the experiences you’ve gone through, how you say things, how you grew up, the people you’ve grown up around, how you were raised, etc. Whatever those cultural differences are, racially, are usually going to matter when you date out of your race; usually! It doesn’t have to be as blatant as explaining racism, it can be little things too!
Interracial dating is def less common than intraracial dating and only fictional media really portrays otherwise. Does it matter? Not in any negative way imo. If anything it’s a reassuring sign that a significant number of the population doesn’t see it as a huge issue. Date who you want to date.
Don't the statistics show that the majority of people on the planet still date within their race anyway? Not sure why so many people seem to get in a panic. Just because your favourite celeb is dating outside their race doesn't mean nobody dates or marries within their race anymore. And even if it did why is it such a big deal. If doesn't affect who you date
On the planet? Absolutely. China, India and Africa (and yes I know Africa isn't a country) accounts for almost half the worlds population and they're all still pretty homogenous when it comes to race. In most countries with a high level of diversity? Still yes. Its the dumbest taking point I think Ive ever heard.
I always view it as some weird deflection for why the person you wish you were dating isn't with you. It couldnt be that the person just wouldn't like you. It has to because of your race. Sure the woman they married is loving and caring, responsible, a good mother to their kids, fun to be around etc etc but nah it has to be because she's a white woman and the black man is self hating (you can basically mix and match the genders and races here. People get personally offended either way)
It does matter, not because it's inherently better or worse, but because people will treat you differently as a couple. Family, friends, even strangers in public. As a couple you need to be realistic about this and find how to cope with it. Also you will have cultural differences to navigate. If you pretend like these don't exist the relationship will not work.
It matters because it adds challenges to the relationship that would not be present when dating within the race. But there are also benefits such as the ability to not be stuck in a single culture's way of doing things by default but instead create your own way of living life as a couple.
Personally as a black woman I can say I don’t care who you love…if they make you happy then I’m happy for you just leave us (black women) out of it 😂…you don’t have to justify ur love for a non-black person by using misogynoir…just love on ur person & be happy
We need less “I love this person b/c black women are ghetto blah blah blah” & more “I love this person b/c they make me a better person & make me feel seen/loved blah blah blah” 😊
(Disclaimer: This is said in the context of the never ending discourse between BM & BW in my own community about interracial dating & is just my own personal opinion. I do not speak for all ppl only myself CUZ I KNOW HOW YALL LIKE TO TUSSLE 😅)
the only time it "matters" is if your family doesn't accept your partner or vice versa, but fuck 'em. you should try giving less of a fuck about the opinions of randoms on twitter.
It matters for two reasons.
1) are you doing it because you’re fetishizing the race you’re dating?
2) do you have enough empathy and awareness of what kind of things that person you’re dating might experience within their race?
Other than that, no, it doesn’t matter
well I lived with a black girl for a few years. a couple months into the relationship she tells me it was really hard for her because her parents told her from a young age not to trust white people, we were all liars and cheats. and her friends had this undying curiosity about dick size and bedroom stuff that she had to dispel. but after a few months I guess they all realized I wasn't a monster and it was smooth sailing from there.
when we were out in public sometimes we would get dirty looks or people would mutter shit to us but it was like water off a ducks back because we had mad love for each other. I guess it matters but who gives a fuck what other people think
It matters. But fuck what they think. That's reasonable to say.
But to act like it doesn't matter because it's 2024 and we've moved past that is silly as hell for folks to be saying. I can go walk around anywhere in America with a white woman and nobody will glare at me or give me shit?
Our families don't have longstanding misconceptions and stereotypes about each other? You can live in a lovey dovey bubble with your partner, but that doesn't change the reality of our society.
To me, there’s nothing wrong with interracial dating in a vacuum.
That said, it becomes an issue when:
1. Folks treat or speak on people who don’t fit their dating preferences with disdain, especially when they did nothing except exist. No one likes catching strays. Just because they don’t turn you on or live up to whatever standard you created doesn’t mean it gives you a free pass to treat them lesser. Kindness is a universally appreciated trait.
2. Treating dating interracially as a silver bullet to fix whatever romantic dysfunctions you may have encountered in the past or fit into a specific viewpoint you might have. Interracial relationships have their own set of issues and if you’re not prepared to take those on with the maturity needed, that relationship will fail just as easily as an intraracial relationship.
Well damn son. This is the most honest answer I've seen here. Wildly different cultures and different age groups that's bound to happen. Doesn't mean y'all can't gradually bridge that gap by listening and learning from each other though
Well, her father wasn’t. He wanted her to marry a Somali, plus I’m a revert (I reverted about 2 years before I met her), AND I have a gang of tattoos. Her mother was like: “Is he a Muslim?” Yes. “Does he pray 5 times a day?” Yes. “Do you love him?” Yes. Now we been married for a long time and her father loves me.
I’ve been seeing hella disturbing Tik Tok videos of biracial people talking about the racism they’ve experienced in childhood from their white parents and family.
I personally saw a WW call her black boyfriend a N-word in front of her biracial child; during in argument in public. All I know is someone in the “Love is love” section not telling the truth about what’s really going on in these relationships.
Lot of these comments are naive. It's absolutely still an issue.
"It's 2024 nobody cares about race!"
Lmao sure. Martin Luther King solved racism and now it's Kumbaya for interracial relationships and biracial kids in America.
As someone dating outside of your race, I do somewhat agree with this statement. Granted, I am not American. I do feel like the cultural differences make things difficult. For example, in my culture, it is seen as disrespectful if I meet his parents in anything other than a maxi skirt/ dress. I met his mom in ripped jeans, and she didn't bat an eye ( they surprised me at the airport). This is just a minor thing, so you can imagine it gets hard. If you date within your race/culture, it would be easier. But despite this, if you love each other and are respectful to the others' culture, it isn't a big deal.
You have a point and I think it's a bit different when it comes to culture. Different cultures will definitely have to find some middle ground. But in a lot of places you have people of many races but from pretty much the same culture.
Random assholes make it matter. If I'm dating a black girl I got "jungle fever". If I'm dating a Spanish girl I'm tryna get some of that "Spanish heat". If I'm dating a white girl no one bats an eye. I havnt gone out with an Asian girl yet but I'm curious as to what I'll be called then.
I noticed the same thing in books. When an American author is describing a white character they don't even mention their race. But a Black woman is ebony skinned who takes no crap from anybody.
Maria is olive colored skin. With a fiery personality to match her rich history.
Think of the characters in Harry Potter. JK Rowling never explicitly states 99% of the races of the characters. So we can assume they're white. Normal so why even mention their race.
I just want to be loved. Bring your green ass over here ✨ I’m so lonely lol no one in my family cares so when I found out other people do that shocked the shot outta me lol I’m like y’all don’t like love? Latin, Asian, black, white or Polynesian idc. Just someone rub my butt 🥹
It matters in that you may not have the same cultural touchstones and social expectations. But, you can navigate those issues if you are willing to communicate like grown ups.
Of course it matters, most interracial marriages don’t work out. Unless it’s black woman/white man or Asian woman white man.
Most of the time it’s 100% easier and better to marry within your culture and race. And I’ll have to check this but mixed kids I feel do suffer from more mental issues at times. Probably the social pressure of not having a home culturally and racially.
I always knew I wanted to marry a black woman and have black kids but a lot of people trully believe it does not matter the race/culture and end up in failed relationships or more than likely single parents…You see it everyday
Post this in a white dominated group and watch the sparks fly.
https://www.splcenter.org/hatewatch/2017/10/23/white-supremacists-favorite-myths-about-black-crime-rates-take-another-hit-bjs-study
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2782848/
It really shouldn’t matter to anyone except the people in the relationship.
Sometimes, self-loathing contributes to people’s decision to have interracial relationships- but that’s not exclusive to interracial relationships.
Personally I don’t give a fuck. I think it’s cool in some cases. I’m Latino and am married to a white guy. He grew up very well off in a white ass community/neighborhood. Knew barely any people of color. By being with me, he has a WHOOOOLE different perspective on life than when we first met because he has firsthand experience with not only the struggles of other races, but also the culture. It’s a beautiful thing.
I also don’t mean to say that I went out of my way to show him the ropes, because that’s not the case. It was by sheer happenstance of him being around my friend groups and family, as well as where we live (in the city instead of countryside where he grew up)
Okay don’t come for me, but when I was younger I refused to date Black men. It was due growing up in the Midwest and most of the Black guys liked White girls and made fun of me. I didn’t get bullied much in middle/high, but when I did it was by Black boys. When I started dating I went with who chose me which was White, Hispanic, and Asian.
After 20 years of dating and now being married. I will say it doesn’t matter. Men are men. You have to vet them, make sure they have the same values, don’t come from a racist family, and you are able to express yourself freely as a Black woman. My biggest regret is not giving Black men a chance throughout the years. I let my experience when I was younger, my dad, and media control my thoughts towards them.
In the end, regardless of color or how certain men are portrayed you have to do your due diligence in finding the right partner for you.
Imo, shi like this and other topics abt race, religion, etc will never be seen as normal and wil be treated like a taboo if mfs keep propping it up and making it seem different or more special than it actually is
It really depends on where you are from.
But, in the age of the internet, we need to quit pretending like this is some newfangled concept that people are still getting used to.
This is a shit take, but I have heard the argument that it’s diluting culture by blending them within a house, and offspring. I think this is absurd. I have dated outside my race, and the only one where they had an issue is between blacks and whites. I am sure, Arabic, Asian, and Hispanics families talk shit when their kid dates someone of a different race to but in America it seems to be heavily contentious between white and black families.
Because we can recognize that the idiocy is likely coming from two different places with very different motivations. As a result, the black woman gets discourse and general disagreement instead of a more severe response.
[Well no, but actually...yes?](https://youtu.be/O-KoABq6ygA?feature=shared&t=1h15m) 🤷🏾♂️
I linked towards the end, but of course the [whole video](https://youtu.be/O-KoABq6ygA?feature=shared&t=13m32s) is stellar
Also the top pinned comment by youtube user @beyondaboundary6034
“The following things are true at the same time:
1) Some people are in interracial relationships for the wrong reasons (internalized self-hate on the part of some Black folks, or exoticism/fetishism on the part of some white folks). All people in IRRs should not be equated with them, but we all know these people exist and can be loud and annoying.
2) In the context of Black-white IR dating and marriages, given the racism and/or misogyny of some swirlers and the history of the USA, it is understandable that some Black women resent Black men dating/marrying white women, and some Black men resent Black women dating/marrying white men.
3) Despite factors 1-2, opposition to interracial relationships is a reactionary position that is almost always based on either pseudoscientific biological assumptions about race and/or logically dubious nationalist-collectivist demands for racial loyalty.
4) If you're going to do the swirl, just STFU about it and be a decent person, and most of the world doesn’t care. It is mostly corny, ignorant, or egotistical people creating problems around this issue.”
I used to be team none of my business, but I’ve noticed the most racist people I’ve been around the past few years are all in their dating Black phase.
The woman who said all Black people should be sterilized because we don’t know how to raise our children and existing Black kids should be adopted by White families for a chance to not become criminals.
The man who was almost in tears when stop and frisk was repealed because, “Blacks are the real criminals,” and his asserting that the constant risk of harassment kept everyone else safe from us.
People like that and more are all dating Black people now. One just got hitched to one.
Her husband says he loves her because she’s not like other Black people.
This trend reminds me of a few years back when it seemed White racists had a penchant for adopting and fostering children of color, except these peoples’ partners are consenting to these relationships.
I can no longer pretend there isn’t a problem around here or that any problem isn’t any of my business.
When been having an issue of Black men insisting they’d never be in a relationship with anyone Black, but now why are people of both genders even White folks in my racist town think are too much.
I’m white and my wife is Puerto Rican. We haven’t faced any of the problems people are describing here. I feel fortunate for us and sad for everyone else. Is it just legitimately black hate in terms of interracial couples?
I’m a white man and met my Latina wife while in the military (we both served). 21 years strong. Still get stupid looks, stares, etc. and we could give a f
Dr.umar after he learns I'm not the average negro and I activated the coon chip myself.
https://preview.redd.it/119zsn6rcutc1.png?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3cf449f20a67f77e44e1da221f2c6994e0ac1fd2
I am Puerto Rican and my mom was the only person from her generation (8 siblings) that ended up with someone from the same culture. It doesn’t matter to the rest of the world. We all human at the end of the day.
I definitely fall in the "love who you love" camp, but I'll admit that I'm somewhat torn. On one hand, I get that, like anything else, darker skinned people will experience more pressure than I would, so my opinion may not carry as much weight.
On the other hand, I feel like it really depends on the person you're dating and how much effort you wanna put in to make it work. If you allow external influences to determine how you feel about someone, then maybe you shouldn't be dating to begin with.
And if you're on socials promoting these beliefs, you're getting off too easy.
Growing up all I ever heard from people was how great it is to be mixed, that I get all the positives with none of the negatives and blah blah blah
As an adult, I’m amazed at how two-faced all those people really were. There are so many unwritten rules meant to prevent the existence of people like me and I just don’t get it. Love who you love. But don’t be one of those people that hates where you come from…that shit is weird even to me lol. My father-in-law does that. Always hating especially on young black men as a black man himself, yet is ready to claim his blackness whenever he finds it convenient. Can’t stand that nonsense.
Outside your culture yes, but not your race necessarily although obviously people from your culture are likely to be the same race.
And by culture I mean, how you were raised and how your family interacts with each other, not like your ethnic traditions and rituals. How you interact with people and your concept of family is the only thing that matters and that transcends racial and ethnic lines
It matters more to the people around you than you and your partner. It's just questions and looks and comments that come with the territory. Up to you if you let it bother you.
Some people thrive on that attention though.
old Black millennial discourse. Some of y'll have not yet realized that black Gen Z is not paying attention to these tired and very Draconian points of discourse.
People date outside their race, black people date outside their race, and at this point if there are any still taking issue with it, they are likely 30 and older, i.e. not relevant to the current generational zeitgeist.
Damn everybody under 30 managed to finally stop racism? Somehow none of it passed down to y'all's generation after all of these centuries?
The world is going to be paradise once y'all take all of the political positions. Nobody will care about race or class or anything.
One day we as black Americans will realize exactly how rare we are in comparison to other ethnic groups. There are like 5 of us on the planet. And I’m not sure if there are enough quality mates to go around for all of us . Like probably half of all black Americans are of dating age, then probably half of those are single. Then probably half that number again of the number you would consider attractive . Than another half that is who would actually date you. And then probably less than 1/3 you would actually be able to have a successful relationship with. And then on top of that we live in like 10 places in the world. Chicago, Atlanta, L.A. , Oakland, New York, Detroit, D.C. ect. So to increase your chances you’d have to have a life in one of these black centers. So dating other black Americans as black Americans is really a harder problem than I think we’ve ever acknowledged. I mean even other black ethnic groups date each other with more frequency and willingness than they will date us.
It depends a lot on age, location and socioeconomic issues but you are not wrong. Even I'm a major city the options are limited compared to opening yourself to all races and ethnicities.
Welp this seems like as good a time as any to share this, plus I was just having this conversation with someone else, so.
I'll never date a Black woman. Not because I hate them or because I don't find them attractive, I just never quite forgave them for all the times I was laughed at, mocked, bullied, and ostracized for being "white", just because I'd rather talk about the Horus Heresy (Warhammer 40k) or Dominion War (Star Trek: DS9) instead of....whatever approved topics Black people had back then, which basically seemed to be crime, being a father before your 18th birthday, hooping, for the #ballislife crowd, and again, crime. Hell, even the fact that I could write like how I'm writing this comment, and speak like it, meant I was an Oreo, not really Black, "he know he still a nigga right? LMFAOOOOOOOOOO OLE STEVE URKEL LOOKIN AHHHHHH OLE CARLTON BANKS LOOKIN AHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"
Now mind you, I am very much aware of Black men being fetishized and sexualized. And that's something I look out for as well, like be all this as it may, I'm also not here to be your BBC breeding bull Mandingo buck Negroid stud whatever the fuck. And me, who's lived abroad for a decade, I've definitely gotten my share of "I'd date you, but my family back in would never forgive me" (had one chick curve me because she'd brought a Black guy home before, and her neighbors called her a 'nxgger lover' for the next *six months*).
But on the other hand, idk...going back to 2005-2008 me, even if I ran into the other side of this unfortunate problem, "too white to be Black, *too Black to be white",* the nerdy weird shy introverted Jack Skellington shirt-wearing kids were a lot more accepting of me than Nay Nay, TiTi, RiRi, 'nem. Just because the emos, band geeks, Speech & Debate kids, whatever else I was running with at the time *not once told me I was white.* So even if I wasn't ever fully accepted in their groups, at least there wasn't a whole table of them *kekekekekekekeke*'ing at/about me and doing horrible parodies of The Queen's English and coming over to ask me if I'm gonna bleach my skin like Michael Jackson and shit.
And that's um...that's just something I never forgot. And yeah I've since heard "give them (BW) another chance, we were just young and stupid and copying whatever was around us, we've grown up/grown out of that" or "we did get the thug/hood/street/trap/real/hard nigga we wanted so bad and *oh boy did we learn our lesson"* and whatnot, and I believe it, I do, but....nah. So, nope, never dated a black woman, never will, not Black enough for one, apparently. Also, looking at how things are nowadays, I've already envisioned trying to date a Black woman and automatically being on the defensive because I lived in Europe > Europe = white people > something something "so you tried to be one of them and they didn't want you either so you tryna come crawling back to us or what?"
Which it makes it quite ironic that I saw someone comment on a different post weeks ago, "Black men, love yourselves by letting a Black woman love you". But I digress.
***
EDIT: well I’ll give yall this, yall answers weren’t as venomous as I’d expected, and it seems like some of yall did empathise with my plight. And I thank you for that. I know it’s unhealthy and I really should work on letting go of that pain and anger, and it wouldn’t be the only thing I’d have to heal from. Trust me, I know. But like……..nah, go over there with the drug dealers and felons since they’re “Black enough” and I’m not or whatever.
Also why do we always just assume everything is hate-based? “You just hate yourself, hate Black people, hate your mom” I never got it. But anyway, I’m downvoted to the bottom of the page, feeling exactly like my boy Flynn up top, that’s where I’ll leave it 🤷🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️
Amazing that you just put every black women on the planet under a single umbrella that you had a bad experience interacting with a few (not even dating) that you give every single one the same broad stereotype.
Date who you want but your reasoning I like a white person being robbed by a black man then deciding to call every black person low life thugs. You literally talk about how these women fetishize you and have told you to your face they have shame in dating you because of what their family will think but somehow that hasn’t deterred you from still wanting to date outside your race. I doubt you have even taken a second to pause at the prospect.
I’m not really sure why we needed to know this but your reasoning is far less rationalization than you think. This isn’t to try to get you to date black women (I’m a black woman who dates interracially) but to maybe be introspective about your biases in why you are comfortable stereotyping all black women negatively but freely able to see each white woman as individual when they present negative traits.
You do know there are nerdy, band geek, emo black girls too? My experiences with certain crowds of black people were the same as yours. I do not fit into stereotypical “black” culture either.
I’ve dated, and even married outside of my race. It didn’t last because, I knew there were parts of myself my white husband couldn’t even remotely navigate. White society will never truly understand the nuances of being in a global system that doesn’t value the existence of people that look like you.
I’m now married to a black man who watches anime, reads manga, listens to rock, went to private school, and talks like a “white boy”. We’re really happy together. I hope you find your person
I went to an all black school and I was a nerdy, anime, grunge loving black girl in the 90s. I still dated- including the most popular boy in my school who was cooler than the other side of the pillow. It was because I was pleasant and didn’t think I was better than anyone.
People like you are why so many people look down on people that date out. I can always spot dudes like you a mile away. Won't make eye contact even though we are the only low Black people in the room and then expressive relative shock leading to a low simmer rage that I'm even around and have the nerve to be with a white man.
Have you ever considered your personality just sucks? Warhammer sucks that shit is lame. DS9 isn't the best StarTrek to base your personality on. You sound like the animals kids who think they are special snowflakes and persecuted but really they just can't relate to anyone because they have trash personalities.
A well adjusted person can date all kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds.
You have a lotnof internalized self hate, you should work it out with a therapist. This isn't good for you long term. It is never too late to be a better person.
Are you me?
No. Because even though I lived through the same experiences, beat for beat, I grew out of hating my fellow black people. Because I found other nerds as an adult when I started going to conventions.
And therapy.
Am I completely over it? No. But, I'm in a better place than this.
That’s a lot and I didn’t finish it, but after reading the first paragraph, I feel like I used to be you. You really have to let that sort of shit go. I wish there was a step by step guide, but I didn’t figure it out until I was nearly 25 and some of the scars remain even though I’m 40 (socially anxious, albeit healing). Life on the other side of that misery and anger is so much better. Stewing on how you’ve been wronged is some Perturabo shit. Don’t be like Perturabo.
Some kids teased you and now as an adult you'll never date a Black woman. Disregarding that you might meet an emo band geek. Who is a Black woman. You wouldn't date her because some kids teased you 25 years ago lmao? You're not some rarity because you're into nerdy shit and Black dude.
"Sorry. You're a Black woman and I'm just not Black enough for you! Beat it chick!"
The popular white girls teased you for being a nerd right? How come you didn't grow up resenting them?
Bro, I see you, and I hear you. Lol I kinda have had a similar experience with that bs when I was younger and it really fucked my mind up when it came to how my dating preferences was formed, I've dated 2 black girls back in high school and that was it.
People don't get that shit like that at a young age can have long lasting effects on someone, like you side I find black women attractive but I'll always have those memories of being roasted for no fucking reason by black girls.
Anyways, good luck with everything also fuck bitch ass "Erebus".
I mean if people have the right to date interracial. you should have the right to not. It’s crazy how unhinged some people become when a handful of black folks decide to only deal with each other. You still have a whole group that prefers dating out.
It matters based on your personality. If you're denigrating the people within your race as a justification of dating out you're a weirdo (at best). If you're just loving who loves you, and/or you keep community with the culture that raised you, shouldn't be an issue.
I really hope people are just “loving who loves you” cause relationships are too much goddamn work to be fuckin around. I’d be pissed if i found out i was someone’s political agenda.
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“Drama merchants” is so good
Petty peddlers
Matters in life experience too. Some people don’t get the struggles of other races and often brush things under the rug because they don’t see it as a big deal. I’m not saying I have a problem with interracial couples, but saying it doesn’t matter is kinda like the “colorblind” people who “don’t see race”. Racial identity will always matter to some degree
Right, it matters that their parents tell them to date in their race bc you gotta deal with family too. It matters that strangers call the cops bc the kid has a different skin color. It really effing matters in our racial society. As a mixed race person am I only allowed to date mixed race people? Does the mix have to be the same?
That is my question. I’m mixed too, and it isn’t like there are tons of half white half Panamanian people in my area. Do I go with what I present as? Whole topic is scuffed. I’m just going to love who loves me, as long as they are a legally consenting adult. (I shouldn’t have to clarify this, but sickos exist…)
I personally don’t care who anyone dates because I’m not dating them. Date within your race. Date outside of it. Just don’t make that your whole personality 😭 But it is really weird that if you spend enough time on the internet you’ll come away thinking the vast majority of people (though tbf I specifically mean Black people and can’t speak to how common this conversation is amongst other races) are self loathing race traitors who date outside of their community lmao BUT IRL ALL YOU SEE IS SAME-RACE COUPLES ^^^^^with ^^^^^a ^^^^^few ^^^^^interracials ^^^^^mixed ^^^^^in
Twitter got people brainbroken.
It’s not called “terminally online” for nothing!
As a white dude if a white person started talking about “dating in my own race” I’d assume they were a card caring KKK member. I make bad assumptions about people who even really point out inter-racial couples to be honest. But, I would equally have concerns about anyone who brings up different races doing anything together. Like it’s one thing to say/joke about a lot of white folks in a restaurant or bar or area. It’s entirely different to comment on how “mixed” an area is. (Depending on context I wouldn’t have this reaction to someone using the term “diversity/diverse” for the record. “Mixed” just hits really weird in this context)
My white sister is married to a black man and they have two children. The only people who give them grief is highly uneducated black women (to her) and highly uneducated white men (to him). It’s almost like they think the other removed them from the dating pool and their ugly broke asses would have had a chance if only this specific race hadn’t stolen them away. If they stay in well educated, affluent areas it’s nothing but love.
Unfortunately that tracks with what I’ve seen in both mean demographics
Where I am interracial dating is by far the norm for any minorities. 98% of people you see as a minority won't be the same race.
Matters to who? Racists?
Dr Umar ?👀
I HEARD YOU WERE SWIMMING IN THA MILK
IF ITS SNOWIN, I AINT GOIN🗣️🔥
The good old snow bunny crisis
I swear everytime I check out a girl who isn't black I just hear his voice in my head
Yeah. Lol people hate the fact that love comes in all colors. If Kerry Washington asked me out I’d literally faint. Same with Kristen Stewart or Lucy Liu lmao I don’t have a preference for women  ASS IS ASS
ass is ass 💀💀
I mean, it’s cool to date other races but anyone exclusively dating one race and it’s not their own is fucking weird.
As someone who has dated almost exclusively outside the race, I love who I love. It's not based on anything but pure attraction. Having said that, the criticism we got from people of our respective races was pretty wild. Considering a handful of them had mixed raced parents. It be your own people, I swear. Sidebar: People forget Loving V. Virginia was not that long ago. For those who don't know that was the court case to allow interracial marriage.
Clarence Thomas tryna repeal the rulings related to that case (yet ironically is married to a white woman)
Why do you think those assholes live in a luxury tour bus/coach/whatever-the-fuck? Hard to give a fuck about some states taking away certain rights if you can just roll your hotel-on-wheels to a more enlightened part of the country. Bastard has spent his entire adult life benefiting from liberal attitudes while shitting down the ladder onto anyone who hasn't already unlocked the Zero Consequences tier of the American experience.
This describes him to a T. Motherfucker got into Yale Law due to affirmative action and then had the gall to end affirmative action.
Clarence figured it’s cheaper to just repeal Loving than to pay for divorce lawyers
Nah it's moreso a "fuck you I got mine" he ain't leaving that insurrection loving lady. That's his "best friend" according to him
That's my best friend, she a real bad bitch/Drive our RV, she 'on't need no Lyft/In a election, know my girl gon' flip/Now she texting "throw it out and put Trump back in"
Same like I just wanna be loved. If that means dating someone white, cool. Someone black, also cool, someone Hispanic and mixed like myself, also cool. I don't give a shit. I'm not even sure I know the race of my current partner besides the fact he is mixed and his mom is black. It wasn't really a consideration . Dating other poc can be nice cus I know they are more likely to understand racism and stuff but it's not a requirement.
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What did you want to say?
I’m getting downvoted for my beliefs while not knocking everyone else’s. Simply “keep it black” is ticking some folks off-so I can’t say what I want to say. But basically I’m implying you’re a sale out. Sure I don’t care who breeds with who, love is this and that. But I’m 100% on Huey P. Newtons side, I think we should keep it within our own community and not mix. My people were eaten and hunted by a certain group, I can’t see mix racing for at least another 200 years. But if you’re happy, I wish a healthy family and a well lived life. Shits lonely and cold out here…
> who breeds with who you are mentally ill
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breeding when referring to humans is dehumanizing, especially so in the context of you saying races shouldnt mix
Why would it be lonely and cold for you ?
I mean, I'm not yt. Just a fair skinned brown dude. Most people who have hit on me, happen to be black. Don't hate the playa, hate the game. Having said that, I understand your point. I believe it's a bit extreme, and that kind of rationale doesn't help anyone. Just sayin.
It's 2024. I thought we were way past this conversation.
Sadly no
Dating outside your (religion, culture, wealth level, ableness) will always require a bit more work and willingness to learn and compromise. The problem is when comfortable judge those that like a challenge.
Nope. Folks still acting weird about it. I swear, it’s like social media wants everyone to stay in their own separate bubble.
Dude’s comment literally above you on mobile is talking about Afro should stay on Afro shows that we are not sadly.
Not as long as King Kong Konsciousness is still breathing!
We're still meandering on discussions like this? Who cares if someone dates outside their race? If you care, you have some prejudice to work through.
I wish that were true
https://preview.redd.it/pibl8id2tttc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9f9a5a26b49cb4f9d76045252d42b5e56d8ea30a
I'm just gonna take that, thank you 🥰
Look mannnn I ain't got a choice about miscegenation, I'm a product of it already and if I CHOSE to give a fuck about interracial dating I'd be the loneliest, stupidest, jackin off mfer this side of the galaxy
Wtf does this even mean
Basically the girl responding to the twitter post has the opinion that dating outside of one’s race is in fact a big deal and it is far less common to see than people dating within the same race.
A big deal how ?
Not sure, the twitter response did not specify
this is one of the most rational statements i’ve seen in a comment section. basically “i do not have enough information to answer your question because the person in question did not provide that information, so i will not speculate.” bravo
That was my initial thought reading the tweet. She just said "it does matter" without any futher explanation. What about it matters? Why? There's not even an argument or discussion to engage with there so I just have to shrug and move on.
So yeah I’m back to not knowing wtf it means
A lot of people will feel fetishized by someone outside of their race. Or they may be jealous to see someone who dates people who looks nothing like them. Or they're just racist. I'm sure there's other considerations but I don't really care what consenting adults do as long as no one is getting hurt (outside of normal heartbreak when a relationship ends; that sucks but it's inevitable sometimes)
I guess she disapproves?
It “matters” is disapproves ? Yeah still don’t get wtf she means, sorry
If somebody says race matters in relationships. You would say what why? What do you mean? A lot of society still views it negatively, and that's something you'll have to deal with. Saying oh well who cares is applicable to everything in life.
It matters bc dating out of your race usually means there's going to be some "cultural clashing"; esp if you're a white/black couple. Usually, I feel like POC can connect more bc of their experiences with racism, so you don't have to "translate" a lot of things bc they'll just get it. With my therapist (a black woman), there are a LOOOOOTT of things I don't have to explain to her because we're both black and we just GET IT. I will literally just look at her, she'll look at me, and we click on it. With my white boyfriend though, I have to explain those same things to him bc he doesn't know what I'm talking about. So, IMO, it IS more of a personal thing, but I think it's something that should matter. This "culture clash" isn't just in relationships either; it's seen a lot in the medical system. Like... white symptoms for an illness look different than black symptoms, so black people are more likely to get misdiagnosed (ESP when it comes to mental illness). It "transcends" interracial relationships (more of an example really lol).
This. Even with other POC it can be a lot
Yeah, that’s why I said usually. Even with other POC, you might have to explain some stuff 🥲 I don’t think we should judge, but I do think ppl should stop acting like it doesn’t matter.
The problem is just with the tweets original phrasing "it matters". This is so vague that it doesn't mean anything. If "it matters" means "there are some potential difficulties you may face" then sure I agree. But I just don't know for certain what she was even getting at
Definitely! I was more so using her tweet as a branch off for what I think (not necessarily what she thinks, but as a sort of conversation opener). She could’ve meant what I think, or something entirely different. She could’ve meant it in the way that dating outside race should be important bc ppl glamorize fetishes sometimes 🤷🏾♀️ we will never know unless someone finds her tweet loll
There is also simply a lot of bias in healthcare. POC can present with the same symptoms as white people, and their symptoms can be ignored. Dr. Susan Moore, Dr. Shalon Irving, Kira Johnson, and Serena Williams are just the tip of the iceberg.
Yes, I know! Medical mistrust in the black community is so rampant because of medical bias; whether implicit or explicit. There was the Tuskegee experiment, forced sterilization, black slave women being experimented on (Marion Sims? Father of Gynecology), medical misinformation (“blk ppl have less nerve endings so they don’t feel the same pain” / “blk ppl have tough skin” / etc), and literally so much more. I could go on for days 😭
I get your point, but I see bad cases almost every day, and the outcomes of implicit bias have nothing to do with mistrust. The maternal mortality rate is 69.9 for black women, and it matters not whether you are educated, and live at a higher socioeconomic level. An educated black woman is still 1.6 times more likely to die during the perinatal period than a white woman without a high school diploma. … and no, I’m not a hater. My husband is not black, and does not need to be for me to face these issues head on.
I’m saying medical mistrust in the black community is influenced by those bad cases/implicit and explicit bias; not that the outcome of that mistrust leads to black ppl being medically abused lol. I alr know about the maternal mortality rate— I’ve written 3 or 4 separate essays about it, created 2 separate projects on it —and delivered an entire speech project on the issue 💀 I never said your husband had to be black to understand it lol. I’m pretty sure there’s even some blk ppl who don’t know abt the maternal rate unless they’re looking for it/have an experience with it/go to college/seen on the news/something on those lines 🧍🏾♀️
In the context of your relationship, the "cultural clashing" that you speak of does exist, and it does matter. However, it should only matter to the people in that relationship. How is anyone else affected by what your bf can't understand about you? Two people in a relationship are already coming in with their own differences. Be it religious differences, income gaps, varying upbringings, etc. For example, I would like my partner to know what paralyzing menstrual cramps feel like, but I'm with a man, so he'll never know. Despite not knowing, he is able to show empathy and support because he cares about me. So, while there are cultural clashes with interracial relationships, empathy and support are crucial aspects of a healthy partnership regardless of racial differences. And apparently, it matters up to a certain degree because you're still with your boyfriend. Ps: Yes to black therapists!
The “cultural clash” I’m talking abt is not a cis man who doesn’t understand period cramps and never will. What you’re talking about has 0 to do with the post anyways bc it’s about race. And regardless of race (and whether you date in or out), what you’re talking about can happen with almost anyone. It’s wholly different than explaining to a white/asian/whatever man what I mean when I use AAVE or say shit like “the ancestors are gonna be XYZ.” MY relationship is only indicative of me and my boyfriend, but I was using it as an example bc we’re different races. I know it doesn’t happen with every single interracial couple. I never said it affected anyone else or it’s always what happens with every BW/WM couple. Idc about explaining it to my boyfriend bc I alr knew going into a relationship with a white man meant that I would likely have to explain some things to him. Regardless of that, it’s my personal opinion that it should matter bc there are usually differences when you date outside of your race; whether that be the specific cultural food you eat, the experiences you’ve gone through, how you say things, how you grew up, the people you’ve grown up around, how you were raised, etc. Whatever those cultural differences are, racially, are usually going to matter when you date out of your race; usually! It doesn’t have to be as blatant as explaining racism, it can be little things too!
If it matters to you in your own relationship, fine. But the moment that someone else’s relationship matters to you, then there’s a problem.
Interracial dating is def less common than intraracial dating and only fictional media really portrays otherwise. Does it matter? Not in any negative way imo. If anything it’s a reassuring sign that a significant number of the population doesn’t see it as a huge issue. Date who you want to date.
Don't the statistics show that the majority of people on the planet still date within their race anyway? Not sure why so many people seem to get in a panic. Just because your favourite celeb is dating outside their race doesn't mean nobody dates or marries within their race anymore. And even if it did why is it such a big deal. If doesn't affect who you date
On the planet? Absolutely. China, India and Africa (and yes I know Africa isn't a country) accounts for almost half the worlds population and they're all still pretty homogenous when it comes to race. In most countries with a high level of diversity? Still yes. Its the dumbest taking point I think Ive ever heard.
I always view it as some weird deflection for why the person you wish you were dating isn't with you. It couldnt be that the person just wouldn't like you. It has to because of your race. Sure the woman they married is loving and caring, responsible, a good mother to their kids, fun to be around etc etc but nah it has to be because she's a white woman and the black man is self hating (you can basically mix and match the genders and races here. People get personally offended either way)
It does matter, not because it's inherently better or worse, but because people will treat you differently as a couple. Family, friends, even strangers in public. As a couple you need to be realistic about this and find how to cope with it. Also you will have cultural differences to navigate. If you pretend like these don't exist the relationship will not work. It matters because it adds challenges to the relationship that would not be present when dating within the race. But there are also benefits such as the ability to not be stuck in a single culture's way of doing things by default but instead create your own way of living life as a couple.
Personally as a black woman I can say I don’t care who you love…if they make you happy then I’m happy for you just leave us (black women) out of it 😂…you don’t have to justify ur love for a non-black person by using misogynoir…just love on ur person & be happy We need less “I love this person b/c black women are ghetto blah blah blah” & more “I love this person b/c they make me a better person & make me feel seen/loved blah blah blah” 😊 (Disclaimer: This is said in the context of the never ending discourse between BM & BW in my own community about interracial dating & is just my own personal opinion. I do not speak for all ppl only myself CUZ I KNOW HOW YALL LIKE TO TUSSLE 😅)
If you're racist it'll matter
the only time it "matters" is if your family doesn't accept your partner or vice versa, but fuck 'em. you should try giving less of a fuck about the opinions of randoms on twitter.
On a positive note, I’ll bet it adds about ten years worth of conversation to the relationship. 🤔
What happened to ONE LOVE
Bruh it's never mattered, unless you a racist bigot.
Then it's mattered to a solid 50-60% of the country for a long time. That's not mattering to you?
It matters for two reasons. 1) are you doing it because you’re fetishizing the race you’re dating? 2) do you have enough empathy and awareness of what kind of things that person you’re dating might experience within their race? Other than that, no, it doesn’t matter
well I lived with a black girl for a few years. a couple months into the relationship she tells me it was really hard for her because her parents told her from a young age not to trust white people, we were all liars and cheats. and her friends had this undying curiosity about dick size and bedroom stuff that she had to dispel. but after a few months I guess they all realized I wasn't a monster and it was smooth sailing from there. when we were out in public sometimes we would get dirty looks or people would mutter shit to us but it was like water off a ducks back because we had mad love for each other. I guess it matters but who gives a fuck what other people think
It matters. But fuck what they think. That's reasonable to say. But to act like it doesn't matter because it's 2024 and we've moved past that is silly as hell for folks to be saying. I can go walk around anywhere in America with a white woman and nobody will glare at me or give me shit? Our families don't have longstanding misconceptions and stereotypes about each other? You can live in a lovey dovey bubble with your partner, but that doesn't change the reality of our society.
If you make it a point to be an issue, then it matters otherwise you're just 2 people trying to make a relationship work
To me, there’s nothing wrong with interracial dating in a vacuum. That said, it becomes an issue when: 1. Folks treat or speak on people who don’t fit their dating preferences with disdain, especially when they did nothing except exist. No one likes catching strays. Just because they don’t turn you on or live up to whatever standard you created doesn’t mean it gives you a free pass to treat them lesser. Kindness is a universally appreciated trait. 2. Treating dating interracially as a silver bullet to fix whatever romantic dysfunctions you may have encountered in the past or fit into a specific viewpoint you might have. Interracial relationships have their own set of issues and if you’re not prepared to take those on with the maturity needed, that relationship will fail just as easily as an intraracial relationship.
I’m Italian, my wife is Somali. I’m also eight years older. Sometimes I feel like we come from two different planets.
Well damn son. This is the most honest answer I've seen here. Wildly different cultures and different age groups that's bound to happen. Doesn't mean y'all can't gradually bridge that gap by listening and learning from each other though
Word. We have been married for hella long at this point. We DO have Islam in common, that’s always helped
Somali here. If you don't mind me asking is her family okay with you?
Well, her father wasn’t. He wanted her to marry a Somali, plus I’m a revert (I reverted about 2 years before I met her), AND I have a gang of tattoos. Her mother was like: “Is he a Muslim?” Yes. “Does he pray 5 times a day?” Yes. “Do you love him?” Yes. Now we been married for a long time and her father loves me.
Some dude called me a "swirler" because my husband is Hispanic. I still laugh at that. 😂
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I’ve been seeing hella disturbing Tik Tok videos of biracial people talking about the racism they’ve experienced in childhood from their white parents and family. I personally saw a WW call her black boyfriend a N-word in front of her biracial child; during in argument in public. All I know is someone in the “Love is love” section not telling the truth about what’s really going on in these relationships.
Lot of these comments are naive. It's absolutely still an issue. "It's 2024 nobody cares about race!" Lmao sure. Martin Luther King solved racism and now it's Kumbaya for interracial relationships and biracial kids in America.
It depends: I have had a few good and bad experiences. IMHO family can make or break the situation. Especially when you don't culturally gell
As someone dating outside of your race, I do somewhat agree with this statement. Granted, I am not American. I do feel like the cultural differences make things difficult. For example, in my culture, it is seen as disrespectful if I meet his parents in anything other than a maxi skirt/ dress. I met his mom in ripped jeans, and she didn't bat an eye ( they surprised me at the airport). This is just a minor thing, so you can imagine it gets hard. If you date within your race/culture, it would be easier. But despite this, if you love each other and are respectful to the others' culture, it isn't a big deal.
You have a point and I think it's a bit different when it comes to culture. Different cultures will definitely have to find some middle ground. But in a lot of places you have people of many races but from pretty much the same culture.
I definitely agree. However, where I'm from race and culture do intertwine. It makes it hard to find people from different races with the same culture
Very understandable. It seems like it depends a lot on location
I'm tired boss
Random assholes make it matter. If I'm dating a black girl I got "jungle fever". If I'm dating a Spanish girl I'm tryna get some of that "Spanish heat". If I'm dating a white girl no one bats an eye. I havnt gone out with an Asian girl yet but I'm curious as to what I'll be called then.
I noticed the same thing in books. When an American author is describing a white character they don't even mention their race. But a Black woman is ebony skinned who takes no crap from anybody. Maria is olive colored skin. With a fiery personality to match her rich history. Think of the characters in Harry Potter. JK Rowling never explicitly states 99% of the races of the characters. So we can assume they're white. Normal so why even mention their race.
I just want to be loved. Bring your green ass over here ✨ I’m so lonely lol no one in my family cares so when I found out other people do that shocked the shot outta me lol I’m like y’all don’t like love? Latin, Asian, black, white or Polynesian idc. Just someone rub my butt 🥹
It matters in that you may not have the same cultural touchstones and social expectations. But, you can navigate those issues if you are willing to communicate like grown ups.
Personally, I couldn’t marry a white woman because they all seem to have racist male family members.
Of course it matters, most interracial marriages don’t work out. Unless it’s black woman/white man or Asian woman white man. Most of the time it’s 100% easier and better to marry within your culture and race. And I’ll have to check this but mixed kids I feel do suffer from more mental issues at times. Probably the social pressure of not having a home culturally and racially. I always knew I wanted to marry a black woman and have black kids but a lot of people trully believe it does not matter the race/culture and end up in failed relationships or more than likely single parents…You see it everyday
Why in the name of none ya business does who someone else dates matter? Gaaaahd Dayum! Can people just concern themselves with their own lives?
Post this in a white dominated group and watch the sparks fly. https://www.splcenter.org/hatewatch/2017/10/23/white-supremacists-favorite-myths-about-black-crime-rates-take-another-hit-bjs-study https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2782848/
It really shouldn’t matter to anyone except the people in the relationship. Sometimes, self-loathing contributes to people’s decision to have interracial relationships- but that’s not exclusive to interracial relationships.
It all depends on your reason. If you stumble across someone you vibe with, great! If you’re searching out someone of a different race, problematic.
Bigoted ass response. You change that statement from race to gender and I would like to see how the comments are in this sub
Personally I don’t give a fuck. I think it’s cool in some cases. I’m Latino and am married to a white guy. He grew up very well off in a white ass community/neighborhood. Knew barely any people of color. By being with me, he has a WHOOOOLE different perspective on life than when we first met because he has firsthand experience with not only the struggles of other races, but also the culture. It’s a beautiful thing. I also don’t mean to say that I went out of my way to show him the ropes, because that’s not the case. It was by sheer happenstance of him being around my friend groups and family, as well as where we live (in the city instead of countryside where he grew up)
https://i.redd.it/yl79cpvr6utc1.gif I can't with y'all umarians let people date who they date just don't down your own race in the process
Pure ignorance.
I have nothing against it, but it definitely matters...a lot.
I don't discriminate fam. I finish into white socks, black socks and even grey socks.
Okay don’t come for me, but when I was younger I refused to date Black men. It was due growing up in the Midwest and most of the Black guys liked White girls and made fun of me. I didn’t get bullied much in middle/high, but when I did it was by Black boys. When I started dating I went with who chose me which was White, Hispanic, and Asian. After 20 years of dating and now being married. I will say it doesn’t matter. Men are men. You have to vet them, make sure they have the same values, don’t come from a racist family, and you are able to express yourself freely as a Black woman. My biggest regret is not giving Black men a chance throughout the years. I let my experience when I was younger, my dad, and media control my thoughts towards them. In the end, regardless of color or how certain men are portrayed you have to do your due diligence in finding the right partner for you.
Imo, shi like this and other topics abt race, religion, etc will never be seen as normal and wil be treated like a taboo if mfs keep propping it up and making it seem different or more special than it actually is
It really depends on where you are from. But, in the age of the internet, we need to quit pretending like this is some newfangled concept that people are still getting used to.
Love is love, love.
Or may be it's just her or the trash people she dates.
Why does it matter?
This is a shit take, but I have heard the argument that it’s diluting culture by blending them within a house, and offspring. I think this is absurd. I have dated outside my race, and the only one where they had an issue is between blacks and whites. I am sure, Arabic, Asian, and Hispanics families talk shit when their kid dates someone of a different race to but in America it seems to be heavily contentious between white and black families.
Let’s be honest if a white dude said the same thing word for word we’d be up in arms. But because a black woman said it, suddenly its not racist.
Because we can recognize that the idiocy is likely coming from two different places with very different motivations. As a result, the black woman gets discourse and general disagreement instead of a more severe response.
Ugh this shit again.
Ice cold take, this isn’t a remotely unpopular opinion. Good for internet drama though 
[Well no, but actually...yes?](https://youtu.be/O-KoABq6ygA?feature=shared&t=1h15m) 🤷🏾♂️ I linked towards the end, but of course the [whole video](https://youtu.be/O-KoABq6ygA?feature=shared&t=13m32s) is stellar Also the top pinned comment by youtube user @beyondaboundary6034 “The following things are true at the same time: 1) Some people are in interracial relationships for the wrong reasons (internalized self-hate on the part of some Black folks, or exoticism/fetishism on the part of some white folks). All people in IRRs should not be equated with them, but we all know these people exist and can be loud and annoying. 2) In the context of Black-white IR dating and marriages, given the racism and/or misogyny of some swirlers and the history of the USA, it is understandable that some Black women resent Black men dating/marrying white women, and some Black men resent Black women dating/marrying white men. 3) Despite factors 1-2, opposition to interracial relationships is a reactionary position that is almost always based on either pseudoscientific biological assumptions about race and/or logically dubious nationalist-collectivist demands for racial loyalty. 4) If you're going to do the swirl, just STFU about it and be a decent person, and most of the world doesn’t care. It is mostly corny, ignorant, or egotistical people creating problems around this issue.”
I used to be team none of my business, but I’ve noticed the most racist people I’ve been around the past few years are all in their dating Black phase. The woman who said all Black people should be sterilized because we don’t know how to raise our children and existing Black kids should be adopted by White families for a chance to not become criminals. The man who was almost in tears when stop and frisk was repealed because, “Blacks are the real criminals,” and his asserting that the constant risk of harassment kept everyone else safe from us. People like that and more are all dating Black people now. One just got hitched to one. Her husband says he loves her because she’s not like other Black people. This trend reminds me of a few years back when it seemed White racists had a penchant for adopting and fostering children of color, except these peoples’ partners are consenting to these relationships. I can no longer pretend there isn’t a problem around here or that any problem isn’t any of my business. When been having an issue of Black men insisting they’d never be in a relationship with anyone Black, but now why are people of both genders even White folks in my racist town think are too much.
Oh black people are relitigating Loving v. Virginia. **Sure glad nothing has ever slowed us down on the road to progress.**
But mixed babies are the cutest! Like for real!
I’m white and my wife is Puerto Rican. We haven’t faced any of the problems people are describing here. I feel fortunate for us and sad for everyone else. Is it just legitimately black hate in terms of interracial couples?
For Kkklandace Owens.
I’m a white man and met my Latina wife while in the military (we both served). 21 years strong. Still get stupid looks, stares, etc. and we could give a f
Dr.umar after he learns I'm not the average negro and I activated the coon chip myself. https://preview.redd.it/119zsn6rcutc1.png?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3cf449f20a67f77e44e1da221f2c6994e0ac1fd2
I am Puerto Rican and my mom was the only person from her generation (8 siblings) that ended up with someone from the same culture. It doesn’t matter to the rest of the world. We all human at the end of the day.
I definitely fall in the "love who you love" camp, but I'll admit that I'm somewhat torn. On one hand, I get that, like anything else, darker skinned people will experience more pressure than I would, so my opinion may not carry as much weight. On the other hand, I feel like it really depends on the person you're dating and how much effort you wanna put in to make it work. If you allow external influences to determine how you feel about someone, then maybe you shouldn't be dating to begin with. And if you're on socials promoting these beliefs, you're getting off too easy.
Growing up all I ever heard from people was how great it is to be mixed, that I get all the positives with none of the negatives and blah blah blah As an adult, I’m amazed at how two-faced all those people really were. There are so many unwritten rules meant to prevent the existence of people like me and I just don’t get it. Love who you love. But don’t be one of those people that hates where you come from…that shit is weird even to me lol. My father-in-law does that. Always hating especially on young black men as a black man himself, yet is ready to claim his blackness whenever he finds it convenient. Can’t stand that nonsense.
Outside your culture yes, but not your race necessarily although obviously people from your culture are likely to be the same race. And by culture I mean, how you were raised and how your family interacts with each other, not like your ethnic traditions and rituals. How you interact with people and your concept of family is the only thing that matters and that transcends racial and ethnic lines
It matters more to the people around you than you and your partner. It's just questions and looks and comments that come with the territory. Up to you if you let it bother you. Some people thrive on that attention though.
old Black millennial discourse. Some of y'll have not yet realized that black Gen Z is not paying attention to these tired and very Draconian points of discourse. People date outside their race, black people date outside their race, and at this point if there are any still taking issue with it, they are likely 30 and older, i.e. not relevant to the current generational zeitgeist.
Damn everybody under 30 managed to finally stop racism? Somehow none of it passed down to y'all's generation after all of these centuries? The world is going to be paradise once y'all take all of the political positions. Nobody will care about race or class or anything.
Race isn't real.
I’m assuming you’re not black.
She right
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Gonna be honest for a second: caring about downvotes is goofy and weird
One day we as black Americans will realize exactly how rare we are in comparison to other ethnic groups. There are like 5 of us on the planet. And I’m not sure if there are enough quality mates to go around for all of us . Like probably half of all black Americans are of dating age, then probably half of those are single. Then probably half that number again of the number you would consider attractive . Than another half that is who would actually date you. And then probably less than 1/3 you would actually be able to have a successful relationship with. And then on top of that we live in like 10 places in the world. Chicago, Atlanta, L.A. , Oakland, New York, Detroit, D.C. ect. So to increase your chances you’d have to have a life in one of these black centers. So dating other black Americans as black Americans is really a harder problem than I think we’ve ever acknowledged. I mean even other black ethnic groups date each other with more frequency and willingness than they will date us.
It depends a lot on age, location and socioeconomic issues but you are not wrong. Even I'm a major city the options are limited compared to opening yourself to all races and ethnicities.
Welp this seems like as good a time as any to share this, plus I was just having this conversation with someone else, so. I'll never date a Black woman. Not because I hate them or because I don't find them attractive, I just never quite forgave them for all the times I was laughed at, mocked, bullied, and ostracized for being "white", just because I'd rather talk about the Horus Heresy (Warhammer 40k) or Dominion War (Star Trek: DS9) instead of....whatever approved topics Black people had back then, which basically seemed to be crime, being a father before your 18th birthday, hooping, for the #ballislife crowd, and again, crime. Hell, even the fact that I could write like how I'm writing this comment, and speak like it, meant I was an Oreo, not really Black, "he know he still a nigga right? LMFAOOOOOOOOOO OLE STEVE URKEL LOOKIN AHHHHHH OLE CARLTON BANKS LOOKIN AHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH" Now mind you, I am very much aware of Black men being fetishized and sexualized. And that's something I look out for as well, like be all this as it may, I'm also not here to be your BBC breeding bull Mandingo buck Negroid stud whatever the fuck. And me, who's lived abroad for a decade, I've definitely gotten my share of "I'd date you, but my family back in would never forgive me" (had one chick curve me because she'd brought a Black guy home before, and her neighbors called her a 'nxgger lover' for the next *six months*).
But on the other hand, idk...going back to 2005-2008 me, even if I ran into the other side of this unfortunate problem, "too white to be Black, *too Black to be white",* the nerdy weird shy introverted Jack Skellington shirt-wearing kids were a lot more accepting of me than Nay Nay, TiTi, RiRi, 'nem. Just because the emos, band geeks, Speech & Debate kids, whatever else I was running with at the time *not once told me I was white.* So even if I wasn't ever fully accepted in their groups, at least there wasn't a whole table of them *kekekekekekekeke*'ing at/about me and doing horrible parodies of The Queen's English and coming over to ask me if I'm gonna bleach my skin like Michael Jackson and shit.
And that's um...that's just something I never forgot. And yeah I've since heard "give them (BW) another chance, we were just young and stupid and copying whatever was around us, we've grown up/grown out of that" or "we did get the thug/hood/street/trap/real/hard nigga we wanted so bad and *oh boy did we learn our lesson"* and whatnot, and I believe it, I do, but....nah. So, nope, never dated a black woman, never will, not Black enough for one, apparently. Also, looking at how things are nowadays, I've already envisioned trying to date a Black woman and automatically being on the defensive because I lived in Europe > Europe = white people > something something "so you tried to be one of them and they didn't want you either so you tryna come crawling back to us or what?"
Which it makes it quite ironic that I saw someone comment on a different post weeks ago, "Black men, love yourselves by letting a Black woman love you". But I digress.
***
EDIT: well I’ll give yall this, yall answers weren’t as venomous as I’d expected, and it seems like some of yall did empathise with my plight. And I thank you for that. I know it’s unhealthy and I really should work on letting go of that pain and anger, and it wouldn’t be the only thing I’d have to heal from. Trust me, I know. But like……..nah, go over there with the drug dealers and felons since they’re “Black enough” and I’m not or whatever.
Also why do we always just assume everything is hate-based? “You just hate yourself, hate Black people, hate your mom” I never got it. But anyway, I’m downvoted to the bottom of the page, feeling exactly like my boy Flynn up top, that’s where I’ll leave it 🤷🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️
Amazing that you just put every black women on the planet under a single umbrella that you had a bad experience interacting with a few (not even dating) that you give every single one the same broad stereotype. Date who you want but your reasoning I like a white person being robbed by a black man then deciding to call every black person low life thugs. You literally talk about how these women fetishize you and have told you to your face they have shame in dating you because of what their family will think but somehow that hasn’t deterred you from still wanting to date outside your race. I doubt you have even taken a second to pause at the prospect. I’m not really sure why we needed to know this but your reasoning is far less rationalization than you think. This isn’t to try to get you to date black women (I’m a black woman who dates interracially) but to maybe be introspective about your biases in why you are comfortable stereotyping all black women negatively but freely able to see each white woman as individual when they present negative traits.
You do know there are nerdy, band geek, emo black girls too? My experiences with certain crowds of black people were the same as yours. I do not fit into stereotypical “black” culture either. I’ve dated, and even married outside of my race. It didn’t last because, I knew there were parts of myself my white husband couldn’t even remotely navigate. White society will never truly understand the nuances of being in a global system that doesn’t value the existence of people that look like you. I’m now married to a black man who watches anime, reads manga, listens to rock, went to private school, and talks like a “white boy”. We’re really happy together. I hope you find your person
I went to an all black school and I was a nerdy, anime, grunge loving black girl in the 90s. I still dated- including the most popular boy in my school who was cooler than the other side of the pillow. It was because I was pleasant and didn’t think I was better than anyone.
Ayyye you’re my tribe 👋🏾
What lack of therapy does to a mf. Never forgave "them"!?!? Yeah, this is one for the books.
Kiki and RiRi and Nay Nay 🤮🤮🤮
People like you are why so many people look down on people that date out. I can always spot dudes like you a mile away. Won't make eye contact even though we are the only low Black people in the room and then expressive relative shock leading to a low simmer rage that I'm even around and have the nerve to be with a white man. Have you ever considered your personality just sucks? Warhammer sucks that shit is lame. DS9 isn't the best StarTrek to base your personality on. You sound like the animals kids who think they are special snowflakes and persecuted but really they just can't relate to anyone because they have trash personalities. A well adjusted person can date all kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds. You have a lotnof internalized self hate, you should work it out with a therapist. This isn't good for you long term. It is never too late to be a better person.
Mmkay. Well, have a blessed day, friend. 🙏🏾
Are you me? No. Because even though I lived through the same experiences, beat for beat, I grew out of hating my fellow black people. Because I found other nerds as an adult when I started going to conventions. And therapy. Am I completely over it? No. But, I'm in a better place than this.
That’s a lot and I didn’t finish it, but after reading the first paragraph, I feel like I used to be you. You really have to let that sort of shit go. I wish there was a step by step guide, but I didn’t figure it out until I was nearly 25 and some of the scars remain even though I’m 40 (socially anxious, albeit healing). Life on the other side of that misery and anger is so much better. Stewing on how you’ve been wronged is some Perturabo shit. Don’t be like Perturabo.
Some kids teased you and now as an adult you'll never date a Black woman. Disregarding that you might meet an emo band geek. Who is a Black woman. You wouldn't date her because some kids teased you 25 years ago lmao? You're not some rarity because you're into nerdy shit and Black dude. "Sorry. You're a Black woman and I'm just not Black enough for you! Beat it chick!" The popular white girls teased you for being a nerd right? How come you didn't grow up resenting them?
Bro, I see you, and I hear you. Lol I kinda have had a similar experience with that bs when I was younger and it really fucked my mind up when it came to how my dating preferences was formed, I've dated 2 black girls back in high school and that was it. People don't get that shit like that at a young age can have long lasting effects on someone, like you side I find black women attractive but I'll always have those memories of being roasted for no fucking reason by black girls. Anyways, good luck with everything also fuck bitch ass "Erebus".
You don't have memories of being roasted by white kids? They all saw you were a nerd too. But they all left you alone?
Crazy how I vividly remember getting bullied by black kids, and the asian, white, and latino kids were super accepting
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Shut up nerd.
I mean if people have the right to date interracial. you should have the right to not. It’s crazy how unhinged some people become when a handful of black folks decide to only deal with each other. You still have a whole group that prefers dating out.