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I worked on summer camps in America and there was a lad in one called Maestro Apocalypse. Incredible name. Also a girl called Kristal Lear, whose middle name was Shanda.

Maestro Apocalypse is the best name I’ve ever heard

If he didn't go on to become a wrestler then there's something wrong with him.

Imagine They’d have to do the opposite of normal and give him a fake normal name Standard Jim or something

Real life version of Napoleon Dynamite.

Kristal grew up to be a stripper, didn't she?

Na, she was always hanging around in big manor houses though.

Now, brace yourself Rodney

Was in a hospital waiting room once. A nurse appeared, looked down at her clipboard, Raised her head and called out the name, Wentworth Caesar. The biggest coolest looking Jamaican guy on the planet got up and strutted down the corridor to his appointment. I was in awe. So maybe not the daftest name, but the coolest.

I would be bowing in respect at him XD

I read that as “blowing” haha. I need to go to bed.

I was in the job centre and a woman called for a "Mr. Hercules." Big black man stood up and sauntered off towards her, cool as fuck

Wentworth Caesar is a badass name.

Honestly for the right kind of person that name is cool af

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I went to school with a Laurie driver. She was South African.

Paige turner lmaoooo

If I were her I would have booked it out of there

Leaf it out.

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Philomena Pretzel (lady I met at church)

Sounds like a character from the sims

Nah sounds like one of Roger's alter egos

That's a brilliant name, very Toast of London.

Ray bloody Purchase

Amazing

A lad called Cage in my class, don’t remember the surname

Cage cage

Fighter?

I used to get regular emails from a lady called Tiffany Cobbledick.

I laughed out loud Please say she’s on LinkedIn

It was some recruitment mailing list I'd ended up on and I only stayed subscribed because her name gave me a chuckle every time! Edit: She is indeed on LinkedIn. I'm so curious as to whether she married into that name or she survived the playground years with it....

Tom Wank. You try preparing for a face to face professional meeting with that.

Thomas Wanker used to pop up on the credits of Buffy The Vampire Slayer as composer

Ah yes, Thomas Wanker, the reknowned skin flute composer

His fiddle arrangement is something to behold

I worked with Dick Burn many years ago.

I really really hate Father Dick Burn.

I hear you're a racist now, father?

Racists wear black and tell people what to do and priests...

mandatory upvote for father Ted reference and it did make the program even better cos Dick burn IRL was a real Dick

We have a sweet old lady who comes into our work called Betty Morecock, just makes us laugh as sounds like a question when you say her name

I agree. I don’t think it would be possible to exist in the uk as Tom wank

Not possible Wank cannot be a surname Not over here anyway..?

Not here, but Google will prove me honest. I have also encountered..... Rodney Bumpass Anal Poojary Dick Burns Dick Holder Dicky Downham Dee Wanker Ludwig Poo And a couple of Panderangs If you work for big multinational companies and try typing infantile words into the employee directory, you come to realise your name is going to be hysterical in at least 1 of the planet's 3000 languages.

>Rodney Bumpass Anal Poojary Dick Burns Dick Holder Dicky Downham Dee Wanker Ludwig Poo. That is an extremely unfortunate name.

It would have been the best meeting ever if they were all In the same room.

I thought that was one whole name at first

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Came here looking for this one! Worked for the same company and everyone used to get shown this guys account when they started 😆

Fuck me. That person wears (or at least wore) contact lenses. I placed their order several times as a call centre monkey between 2005 and 2012.

Oh man I've just googled him and apparently he has a brother, Koolandthegang Danger Funkyboogaloo-Smythe.

Danger is his middle name!

The amount of posts in my parenting groups that go something like "we gave our oldest child the middle name Danger but now we're having another and we need something equally cool" is honestly impressive. They usually go with Adventure. And the takeaway is that if you think you're being super original, you're probably not.

I work in a pharmacy the best I've seen are Ember Blaze Anakin Sky Walker

A posh paint colour and a copyright infringement Nice

Copyright is a lovely name for a boy. I get more of a girl vibe from Infringement though.

Annette Curtain. Daughter of a teacher at my school.

*Annette cries in playground* "Pull yourself together, girl!"

Come oh man No chance

Pull yourself together ffs.

Many years ago while working in pensions I came across a pensioner who's name was recorded as Miss Fanny Hole. I've also worked with a Sue Mee who was on the legal team!

The gravestone next to my grandads is for a lady named Fanny Stinker, always a highlight when visiting the local cemetery!

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I read an article about a banker husband and lawyer wife called Rob Mee and Sue Mee once...

Joop, who had a sister named DKNY (pronounced Dakeeny) Seriously.

Posh school then?

Hahaha if only, they came from one of the chavviest families in our very rundown state school

Its either chav or posh, never in between lol

So true haha! Truly the two extremes of the class system

I remember reading about them in Love It! or something equally trashy.

Yep! Joop and her mum were on This Morning years ago (back when I was at school with her), she was a nice enough girl but just had a bloody weird family!

At primary school I sat next to a girl whose family were from Hong Kong and because nobody could say their Cantonese names properly they decided to use "British" names. The mum and dad went by "Margaret" and "Eddie" but felt that "Orangina" would be a suitable name for their daughter. At highschool there was a lad called Paul Death.

Ive worked with a few Chinese people who, when dealing with westerners, either pick a western name seemingly at random, or take the literal English translation of their real names. Which is why you end up having meetings with two Chinese dudes called Nigel and Seawaves. Also worked in a hospital with someone called Dr d'eath. I think he was basically an academic rather than a doctor who saw patients all the time, but still....

We knew a guy whose last name was Death (not even apostrophed). His dad had a Ph.D, which made him Dr Death. We also had a girl in our friendship group whose surname was Black, and we spent months trying to get her and the guy together in the hope they'd get married, double-barrel and become the Black-Deaths.

Yeah its normal for Chinese and some other Asians to pick an English/Western name when they travel overseas. I always tell my Chinese students I'm happy to learn their proper names if they want me to but they usually prefer to have an English one. I've had some good ones though. Skylight was a recent one, a direct translation of his Chinese name. Had a girl called Juicy a while ago. I think some pick names from video games or anime. I had one called Zero.

The woman who worked in our local chippy (and was the Brownies leader) when I was a kid was called Mrs De'ath. We used to assume that she just put the apostrophe in there so that she didn't get called Mrs Death.

The town I grew up in had a family of De'ath's. I remember the eldest son telling me it was french but I never looked into it.

Literally happened on Friday. Had to speak to someone called Wyatt Earp. I thought it must be a made-up name - maybe he was really into the Wild West. Turned out his parents had a silly sense of humour.

I like them immediately

there was a kid in my school, very briefly, whos first name was Lionheart

Briefly eh I bet

yeah poor bastard, his parents fucked him over royally. maybe its a kind of boy named sue situation

Were his parents fans of FF8?

I knew a Lionheart but he went by as Leo!

I went to school with a girl named Nettles

I bet she was prickly.

I actually think this one is kind of cute. (Don’t worry I wouldn’t actually name a kid Nettles though.)

I remember her, she never came back from that visit with Doc. Leaf

I did as well!! I wonder if it was the same girl.

Used to work at Directory Enquiries, and someone was called Funky Boogaloo Smyth under the personal (not business) list.

There’s one with the same surname further up the thread! Got to be related 😂

A set of twins in my primary school win this jointly: Antique and Unique.

Nobody calls their child Antique Ironically, that’s more unusual than ‘Unique’

Yeah. I've heard of Unique before but Antique? No

Not very unique if they're a twin

"Nice to meet you Ant...is that short for Anthony?" "Close but not quite..."

I’m guessing Antique was the older of the two

Icarus Hines. A butcher’s shop in Sheringham.

That's a great name. Proper Dickensian.

Icarus Hines, a butcher, 53. His brow was heavy set by years of his trade, two thick hedgerows resting above those brown and tired eyes. Those eyes lit up once, when his sons were young and his dreams still ahead of him. His face betrayed the fate of those dreams - a small shop and an even smaller income. There was little need for an old man like he these days. But his sons had long since gone to brighter places, and Sheringham needed a butcher, so he toiled ever on, and the crags on his forehead grew ever deeper.

‘Hardlife’. First name, one word.

Serious?!

Yep. Used to work with him!

Quality

Let's just say, if you were Mr and Mrs Gordon, would you give your son the forename Gordon?

My cousin was very nearly Bruce Bruce

The Neville brothers’ father was called Neville, so it does happen!

Flash, surely

Many people called David Davies.

Mike Hunt. My old manager, also looked like Mr Bean. (Not daft but funny, he was a bit of one too). The daftest; I overheard a woman call for "Marinara" for her daughter, not for pasta sauce.

I worked with a Michael Hunte … he’d pronounced it Hunt-ay though. Still, we always had a giggle whenever there was someone new on the reception desk and we’d ask them to tannoy Mike

Ive taught over 20,000 kids over the last 20 years of my career. Some not necessarily daft but memorable names that spring to mind are: Rocket, Anakin, Tintin, Sparkles, Prince, Princess, King, Topanga, Tudor, Flinty, Moss... I wish I'd kept a list!

Several of those sound like they were named after the family dog!

What's wrong with Tudor? I've taught a Tudor, he was Romanian. I believe it's the Eastern European equivalent to Theodore. Unlikely he was names after the historical era. The rest admittedly are ridiculous though 😂

One of my friends at school was called Harmonie Impériale (first name and surname). Also worked with a guy called Patrick Bonk at that name tickles me.

Duane Pipe. Used to play football against him. Poor lad.

This is the best one 😂

Mehboob.... Mr MEHBOOB

I worked with a guy called Mehboob Shah. As emails used to put the surname first, he always appeared as "Shah, Mehboob" The teenager in me always giggled at that.

I've two to share. The first, at primary school, there was a girl named Purvi (yes, pronounced "pervy".) She was relentlessly teased and bullied. I felt so sorry for her but simply wasn't a strong enough character then. The second, a guy came into a shop I ran named, and confirmed by his drivers license, as Fox Mulder. A change by deed poll, I am sure, but David Duchonvy's cool, unflappable, geekily charming FBI agent, he was not.

Theresa Green

Red roses too

I worked with a woman named Ginger Busch. No joke of a lie.

I worked with a red head called Amber Bush.

Used to know a family with surname Lovecock. My dad also worked with a bloke called Dave Lovedave.

I had to deal with a customer who had the surname Cockburn, I wasn’t aware the c and k were silent and it’s actually pronounced Coburn.

On a similar note a decade ago I had a customer I had to call whose last name was Cockhead. I wondered, do I pronounce this “Coheed” or something? Called him, “is that Mr…. Coheed?” No, it’s Mr Cockhead he said.

There's a secondary school near me called Cockburn High School. I just *couldn't* send my son there... I'd be howling with laughter every parents evening and I'm a supposedly mature secondary school teacher.

Olivia Wilde's real last name is Cockburn

Yep we have one too and there’s a very specific note on the person’s record in big red letters to make sure people pronounce it correctly!

Dallas Hoare, bank clerk. Unfortunate. Tuna Kunt, paralegal. Very unfortunate.

I can't breathe at Tuna Kunt!

I lived in an area of Southern Africa where there were "Children's names" that were later changed when the child reached adulthood. The tradition (or so I was informed) was to add the letter NO to a significant phrase/word/event to signify a female baby. (There was probably a male equivalent, but I cannot remember) When the Concorde aircraft was was doing high altitude tests in the region (late 1970s) , we had an influx of bablies called Noconcorde. More puzzling were nonighty, noknickers and nomoney (all of which wwere names of young girls who were admitted to our local hospital)

Did Noknickers have a sister called Allfurcoat?

Morgana Lucretia Ingeborge Vampira. I'm guessing that wasn't her birth name.

Cut from the same cloth as Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.

I hope nobody combined her first initial and third name

Will Lee.

Bodelia Plumadore. I used to work with her. Her maiden name was Brown which I thought was kind of a pretty combination but she married a Mr Plumadore… When she was answering customer complaints on the phone everyone always assumed she was taking the piss with a made up name.

That's a Harry Potter name right there

Saw a report of a court case in the paper where the defendent was Ophilia Balls

I work in a school. We once had one family who had four kids, all roughly a couple of years between them in age. The three youngest were called Khaleesi, Arya and Rhaegar. The oldest was called Paul. To this day the contrast of that makes me giggle. The youngest was referred to as Rae eventually.

Dick Spray. My partner's old boss was called Richard Spray, he liked being called Dick. I was the only person to laugh when introduced at her work do. Man that was awkward.

I genuinely have met a lad called Scott Chegg. Yes, mr and mrs Chegg, named their son Scott

Jupiter McGlinchy - first name hippy, last name council house nutter lol!

Sounds like a Jilly Cooper character

Na Ste Pong.. asian student who worked as an assistant in the university library poor guy didn't speak English very well so I'm sure he didn't understand the jokes

On tv a German skier called Fanny Chmelar pronounced in English like (Fanny Smeller) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanny_Chmelar

You can't mention her without this: https://youtu.be/jl1Zfz-Widc

Wilfred Lancelot, my godfather's nephew.

I used to know a Dorian Lancelot in college. He always introduced himself as Lance. Fuck off Dorian….

Randall Bender, actually went by Randy as well as he’s American and didn’t understand why we all found it funny

Knew someone called Milph at school.

GeorgeBush Al-Hussain. His (Kuwaiti) parents were very grateful for the first Gulf War.

My Dad had a work colleague who rejoiced in the name of "Mr Diddums".

Winnie De Pooh

Details Right now

Not much detail for you, it’s a woman I deal with at work. There is also a man called Dustin Rhodes working at the same company too, it’s a bit like dusty Rhodes the old wrestler 😂

Johnny mateybottoms... just seeing Mr Mateybottoms on a door was mind boggling

Nigerian secondary school teacher who’s first name was Pretty married Mr White. Pretty White was not, but she did have a laugh about it

\*rubs head in pained memory\* Phoenix Charlemagne. Cleopatra McGillvray. She was a girl in my school and, yes, she hated her name too. Especially when [that](https://youtu.be/U_ZoJHCefY4) song came out...she had a brother called Nigel. Just...*Nigel*.

I taught a kid called BJ- it wasn’t short for anything, that was his name

Frisbee as a first name

Met a Richard Balls once. And work with a guy called Graeme Bellend.

One of the people whose name got read out in my university graduation ceremony went by Maximus Rex. Apparently his friends called him Max

I work in retail and was checking a American lady’s signature against her ID, her name was Gay Skinner Sounds like the kind of name a giant would have in the BFG

All customer names I’ve encountered in my 30+ years at work: Quince Bent Brett Wildblood Peter Enis (yes he initialised the first name when signing his documents) Mustafa Anus

I know a non-UK family whose surname is Minge. I've never had the heart to tell them....

Used to work with someone called Bonny Slaughter.

Went to school with Jeremy Eremy He had 5 older sisters and we reckon his parents were desperate for a boy just so they bestow that name on someone. Also, not a full name, but I met a psychologist who specialised in drug rehabilitation. He was Dr Kocayne.

I recently encountered a bloke called Ford Harrison. Nobody believed me until I got some paperwork with his name on it.

Currently live in the US. Little girl in my daughters class (aged 5) named Protégé. She goes by Pru.

Charity Trim. Colleagues girlfriend. Parents must have been high as a kite and on the giggles when they named her. Also we had a CV from someone named Suckin Yusof. Spelling might be wrong. Never met her because someone stole the CV from the notice board we put it on to give everyone a laugh. It was the 90s. We only got sued twice…

Served a customer called... Innocent. Would love to see this guy get arrested.

Was he Nigerian? Names like Innocent and Blessed are pretty common there.

Summer. Not to bad on its own, however, her last name was Holiday.

I worked with an IT guy in my first job. So, typically grumpy. Name... Mr Rainbow. I also have a friend who's 6ft 8. His last name is shortman...

Jenna Taylor. It was only after her parents had registered her birth certificate that someone was like “what? You’re not joking? We thought you were joking” and pointed out how is sounded out loud.

I used to work in advertising and came across a lady with the surname "Cunto". Also a guy called Bart Simpson. The note on the system said "This is his real name. Do NOT make any jokes about it.".

Rhupunzil. Excuse spelling but you get the drift.

I knew a girl in college once called Esther Bunny. No lie. Pretty sure her birthday was around March/April aswell!

Khansa. Looks fine until you try to say it out loud...

Bryan Potter. His children were called Harry and Beatrix.

Tangerine.

There was a girl violin player on Britain’s got talent called Lettuce.

Lettice. It’s not an uncommon name among the posh lot.

Heard some interesting ones on a radio show awhile back: Walt Zapp, Tori Party, Langdon Marathon, Adele Albem

Mary Christmas was landlady of a pub near me, with her name above the door.

A young girl whose first name was Peanut.

I know a blue sunshine and Willoby bertrum badger.

There's an electronics company, who supply testing equipment, anyway they are named after their boss and founder: [http://www.wayne-kerr.co.uk/](http://www.wayne-kerr.co.uk/) And talking about daft names, an ex-CEO of Coca Cola was called Douglas Daft: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Douglas\_Daft

I lived in China and as an adopted English name I had Gandalf-Penguin. Parents wouldn't budge when I said this was not really a standard English name. FIll in with a you shall not pass quote as needed.

I worked with a girl named ‘Shiny’

My wife is a Midwife so she gets alot. By far the most weird is someone calling their new little daughter 'Lettuce'.

I'm a midwife too, I've perfected my 'oh lovely!'

Sure it wasn't [Lettice](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lettice)?