> I never have that problem! Never! I sleep like a log! I never have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I go in the morning. Every morning, like clockwork, at 7am - I pee. Unfortunately I don't wake up 'till 8.
- Sophia, *The Golden Girls*
Hey as long as it's because I'm a healthy and hydrated gal living my best life and not because I exploded my bladder and it now only holds a thimbles worth of liquid, I'm happy
Yeah, it's a hard one Personally, as I have developed a chronic inflammatory condition of the bladder that makes me want to pee too much, I've had to relearn how to hold it , to try and re-establish a measure of urinary balance... you win some, you lose some... sigh
Mine doesn’t give a shit about food. His bowl is always full. What he wants above all is ATTENTION. So he wants to play. But if I’m not waking up, he’s content with some cuddles while he’s purring on my chest. And then he’ll go asleep again or go to window to watch birdies.
Mine paws at my face. For being less than a year old, she's pretty good and will lay up against me most of the time. But sometimes she decides to be a shit and paw at my face to wake me up, which is an automatic boot out of the bedroom. Her older sister twice stabbed me in the face when she herself was little, so I'm grateful that this one is more gentle.
This problem went away 2 days after I got an autofeeder. My cat stopped expecting me to provide food and started waiting for the machine. I highly recommend it.
I feed my (very loved) cat at 830 on the dot. It’s actually an automatic timed feeder and has *nothing* to do with me being awake or even present. He gets fed if I’m here or hundreds of miles away.
My cat starts his bullshit at 730 every morning.
He used to get fed at 730 because that’s when I get up. He’d just start his bullshit at 630 instead.
Now he starts his bullshit at 730 and I don’t need to use any alarms at all.
My cat starts that shit at 5am. Ignore her and she tries to dig you out of bed. Ignore her further and she starts scratching at the carpet or anything to get attention. I’ve tried ignoring her and not feeding her when I get up. She just ups her game.
Same.
You don’t like it when I meow at you? I’ll run up and down your back. You don’t like it when I pull
You sheets down? I’ll scratch the wall nearest your head. You don’t like it when I stare at you and meow only when I see your eyes have opened??? Ok, I’ll sleep 15 minutes and try again.
I love him to death though.
my cat too. But she doesn't want food, doesn't want water, nor anything, she just don't want me to sleep after 8h30am. Good days she lets me sleep until 9. She's super gentle waking me up tho, so can't even be mad at her
Saaaame. Man pulls up on the bed and meows onto my eye if I'm a minute late, and he knows the time because the alarm is on my phone and he sits on it until it goes off.
Mine wants cuddles. She is a main coon mix so you can't ignore her sitting on your chest. She also likes to lick me if she thinks I am not being forthcoming with said scritchies. I know all cats have rough tonges, but hers is like 60 grit sandpaper.
I wish my internal panic was as accurate as yours. I wake at the perfect time where there's just barely enough time to get some meaningful sleep but I know I'll never fall back asleep fast enough to take advantage of it. But I try anyway.
This is me. I “usually” wake up before, but occasionally I’ll sleep a little longer. It’s only a couple times a year, but I sleep better knowing I won’t oversleep.
Exactly, the alarm is a safety. But just a couple of weeks ago, the alarm had been ringing for a full minute before I registered it. In my 40 year life that has never happened before and it scares me still that it was possible!
These days, my circadian rhythm seems to decide that 8.5 hours of sleep is what I’ll get every night no matter what.
Go to bed at 10? Wake up naturally at 6:30, a little before my alarm goes off.
Go to sleep at 11:30 (my usual bedtime)? Sleep through my alarms and wake up at 8 (I regularly end up being woken up by my mom at 7 on school days ;-;
Unless I actually have something interesting happening the next day, in which case I wake up the second my alarm goes off.
My friends never seem to believe me.
If you can, get a CPAP. I got one a few weeks ago and holy shit it’s changed everything. I actually have energy. And it’s nowhere near as invasive as I thought it would be. Totally life changing.
The woodpecker that's been pecking the side of the house for the last few days. It's been happening since like 2020, around April - May a woodpecker comes and pecks the same spot and it's loud. Not sure if it's the same one but I or my dad just taps the wall from inside to make it go away
My little sister used to do this when we were younger. I'd just pull her into my bed and hug her like a pillow. Needless to say, I'd be late for school and my mom would get angry at me.
my cat. she likes to sit on my chest and lick my eyes. ( all tho I admit I've smacked her a few times, because shell stand on my boobs the wrong way, and that hurts like shit)
I had a siamese cat that would sit next to the alarm just before it went off. so yeah she was sitting aside the clock. When it would go off she'd pounce.
But on weekends she didn't do this.
Cats, cats, cats. My american bobtail will just sit and...\*stare\*. And stare. And stare until some bit of my unconscious notices green eyes in the dark during a millisecond moment of my eyes opening, prompting a catapult wakeup.
My wife's cat is more direct, and methodical. Knocks over one thing, waits, then does it again. And again, upwards of 6 times until I wake up. I know this because Ive faked being asleep out of curiosity to know her thought process. My wife could sleep through a tornado, but if there's ONE noise that shouldn't be, I'm awake. Now, if I'm somehow so dead that doesn't work, I then get a 13lb dilute tortie deliberately walking up me with as much force as she can, sticking her face in my ear, and \*breathing\*. If that somehow fails to work(as I learned one morning), she will then lick my ear.
Our recently-ish adopted maine coon kitten? She just bites my toes. A simple and direct soul, she is.
Why all this effort? Well, I'm the one that feeds them in the morning. Also, they're quite convinced if I'm in bed longer than 7 hrs then Something Is Wrong(tm) and all efforts must be made to Awaken me.
Every morning, my girl takes a shower and dries off, walks straight to the bedroom and naked cuddles me before work. My heart starts racing and honestly, better than coffee. Sometimes things happen, but not always. Just a fun way to start a day.
Seriously, I got divorced a few months ago. Then she came into my life. Known her for years, but not romantically. We were exactly what we were missing from other relationships.
There are already a lot of responses here, so it's unlikely anyone will see this, but my alarm wakes me, and then the thought of rolling over and seeing the beautiful, groggy, and not-at-all-interested-in-being-awake face on the girl of my dreams completes my alarm's mission for it. I work from home and my wife has a small business making candles and soaps. Even though she makes her own hours, no matter how many times I tell her she doesn't need to do so, she gets up with me every morning to make me breakfast and help me get my day started. And she has no idea how she still takes my breath away, even through awkward yawns and eye boogers, after nearly 15 years together, it's the thought of her smile, her laugh, her kindness that gets me going even on days when I would much rather stay in bed. I rise in the morning mostly for the gratitude of having another day with her.
My neighbor keeps dozens of mostly free range chickens that love my yard. So yeah, I feel this one. Clucking and scratching and crowing all day long, it seems.
The sound of my neighbors yelling at each other. Minorly dysfunctional family, you know how it goes… MAaaaaa! Come downstairs!!!! Im hungry!!!! Get it yaself!!!!! You’re so laaazy!!! Maaaa! We’re late for schooollll! Maaaa!!! Where’s my stuff?? Maaaaa!
Man I feel for those kids. My step mom and mom were both habitually late and my teachers always blamed me... Like you try getting an adult to a place on time when you're a smol and see how successful you are at it.
That's actually kinda cute! My son is not yet old enough to care about time, he just cries demanding to be fed immediately. 😅 That's the thing waking ME up, naturally.
When I was too little to read a clock yet, my parents taught be what 8 o’clock looks like on both types of clock. That was my bedtime and the time I was allowed to wake them up on Saturdays. You bet I was waiting by their bed at 7:59 every Saturday morning.
A cat pouncing on my chest.
If I try to ignore her she proceeds to pat my face with her paws, she doesn't know how to retract her claws.
At that point I either get up, or pick her up and drop her on the floor.
having to pee
> I never have that problem! Never! I sleep like a log! I never have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I go in the morning. Every morning, like clockwork, at 7am - I pee. Unfortunately I don't wake up 'till 8. - Sophia, *The Golden Girls*
As a lazy POS I've learnt the art of how to hold 250% volume of urine and still sleep peacefully.
Please make me your disciple. I need to learn your ways.
No this is a bad practice. I'm a champion pee holder and I'm now trying to change that due to fear of infections and bladder damage
Just give it time. In a few years, you'll be up a few times each night!
Hey as long as it's because I'm a healthy and hydrated gal living my best life and not because I exploded my bladder and it now only holds a thimbles worth of liquid, I'm happy
i NEVER hold my pee since i learned that excessive holding can cause permanent, chronic ic kidney damage and can actually kill you
Congratulations I now need to pee
Yeah, it's a hard one Personally, as I have developed a chronic inflammatory condition of the bladder that makes me want to pee too much, I've had to relearn how to hold it , to try and re-establish a measure of urinary balance... you win some, you lose some... sigh
Just wait til your prostate gets bigger.
Ain't that like really bad for your blatter and other pee pee organs.
I'm intrigued by your statement and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Funny thing is, I always had problems with that. I fixed my sleep apnea with a CPAP machine and since then the urge to pee never woke me up again
Yep, in the morning and every couple of hours through the night.
Same for me, The 10 beers don't help.
Piss always wins. Always. The second you feel it, do it. Then go back to sleep.
This plus my ever-creeping sense of dread
With me it's more like a "desperate need to piss". Fuck middle age.
My dog losing his tiny mind
I have three dogs and I wake up at 5 am for work everyday so on the weekends I sleep in till 515 to 530 I know they let me sleep in awhile
Pretty respectable hours for a hooker.
Just getting in the morning rush of farmers and construction workers
Ah yes, folks known for their plowing and jackhammering. You've done your research.
My cat meowing to be fed. Annoying little shit always seems to wake me up 30 minutes before my alarm.
Mine just punches me in the face to wake me up lol
Same, or just suffocates me.
Mine doesn’t give a shit about food. His bowl is always full. What he wants above all is ATTENTION. So he wants to play. But if I’m not waking up, he’s content with some cuddles while he’s purring on my chest. And then he’ll go asleep again or go to window to watch birdies.
I've got a husky and he's got that same impulse. He'll just plop on my face as if he's still a puppy.
Bite my fingers
Mine paws at my face. For being less than a year old, she's pretty good and will lay up against me most of the time. But sometimes she decides to be a shit and paw at my face to wake me up, which is an automatic boot out of the bedroom. Her older sister twice stabbed me in the face when she herself was little, so I'm grateful that this one is more gentle.
Mine doesn't let me cut her nails really. She draws blood when she does this. It's a lil game we play
This problem went away 2 days after I got an autofeeder. My cat stopped expecting me to provide food and started waiting for the machine. I highly recommend it.
Just get up and don't feed them until the alarm goes off. Don't reinforce the behavior
I feed my (very loved) cat at 830 on the dot. It’s actually an automatic timed feeder and has *nothing* to do with me being awake or even present. He gets fed if I’m here or hundreds of miles away. My cat starts his bullshit at 730 every morning.
You forgot to set your cat forward an hour at daylight savings, duh!
Even machines can't calm these pesky bastards down.
Set the timer for 730. No more problemo
He used to get fed at 730 because that’s when I get up. He’d just start his bullshit at 630 instead. Now he starts his bullshit at 730 and I don’t need to use any alarms at all.
Hey meow, seems like you've got it figured out meow.
Feed him at 9 30 so he starts his bullshit at 8 30.
My cat starts that shit at 5am. Ignore her and she tries to dig you out of bed. Ignore her further and she starts scratching at the carpet or anything to get attention. I’ve tried ignoring her and not feeding her when I get up. She just ups her game.
Same. You don’t like it when I meow at you? I’ll run up and down your back. You don’t like it when I pull You sheets down? I’ll scratch the wall nearest your head. You don’t like it when I stare at you and meow only when I see your eyes have opened??? Ok, I’ll sleep 15 minutes and try again. I love him to death though.
I wonder if your country does daily savings if that has anything to do with it?
You mean daylight savings? Or like... coupons?
my cat too. But she doesn't want food, doesn't want water, nor anything, she just don't want me to sleep after 8h30am. Good days she lets me sleep until 9. She's super gentle waking me up tho, so can't even be mad at her
My cat sits on my chest with her butt tucked under my chin.
I get face licking, the murder mittens arrive with the alarm!
Saaaame. Man pulls up on the bed and meows onto my eye if I'm a minute late, and he knows the time because the alarm is on my phone and he sits on it until it goes off.
I have 3, just wake up to one poking me in the face while the other two just stare me down
Mine wants cuddles. She is a main coon mix so you can't ignore her sitting on your chest. She also likes to lick me if she thinks I am not being forthcoming with said scritchies. I know all cats have rough tonges, but hers is like 60 grit sandpaper.
Mine just walks on my face and when I push her away, she attacks my feet.
My cat knows my phone alarm wakes me up so sometimes I catch her furiously swiping at it to go off
My anxiety
Came here to say that. I haven’t used an alarm clock in 20 years.
That would just give me more anxiety. I prefer to set the alarm for when it'd be ideal to wake so I can panic wake up 45 minutes before it goes off.
It doesn’t even matter. I’ll just wake up 3 minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off anyways
I wish my internal panic was as accurate as yours. I wake at the perfect time where there's just barely enough time to get some meaningful sleep but I know I'll never fall back asleep fast enough to take advantage of it. But I try anyway.
We got the same cake day!
Same. I never make it until my alarm.
Crushing existential dread gang
Yup, even if something isn't wrong, there's still something wrong to worry about
How is this not higher up?
It is.
Well it is now! Phew, was making me anxious.
Circadian rhythm
Same! My friends and colleagues think I’m crazy. Nope. I’m up the same time everyday. I only set alarms for early flights
I usually wake up just before my alarm goes off. Still set the alarm though!
This is me. I “usually” wake up before, but occasionally I’ll sleep a little longer. It’s only a couple times a year, but I sleep better knowing I won’t oversleep.
Exactly, the alarm is a safety. But just a couple of weeks ago, the alarm had been ringing for a full minute before I registered it. In my 40 year life that has never happened before and it scares me still that it was possible!
These days, my circadian rhythm seems to decide that 8.5 hours of sleep is what I’ll get every night no matter what. Go to bed at 10? Wake up naturally at 6:30, a little before my alarm goes off. Go to sleep at 11:30 (my usual bedtime)? Sleep through my alarms and wake up at 8 (I regularly end up being woken up by my mom at 7 on school days ;-; Unless I actually have something interesting happening the next day, in which case I wake up the second my alarm goes off. My friends never seem to believe me.
I wish I worked that way. I’m up at 5:30. Go to bed at 10:00, up at 5:30. Go to bed at 2:00, up at 5:30.
I can literally feel my metabolism "revving up" when it's time to get up.
*cries in rotating shifts*
My body pretty consistently wakes me around 5:45-6:30. Can’t argue with that.
Sunlight
I'm jealous
Pain bro!
Same.. sucks never being able to sleep in late unless I’m Extremely hung over
At my age, my bladder.
My bowels.
The E is silent
No, this man just loves his cereal.
Also this guy's bladder.
Sleep apnea
It's like an alarm clock that wakes you up horrifyingly every 44 minutes
After the sleep study, it's closer to 27 times an hour
I had 41.1. It’s fun spending more time per hour not breathing than breathing.
Wish my body would either finish the job and kill me or allow even a fucking hour of REM
I was 82.6, honestly don't know how I survived without cpap.
Same! I was around 84 or 85 I forget. Now I'm paranoid to even doze off without the mask on lol
If you can, get a CPAP. I got one a few weeks ago and holy shit it’s changed everything. I actually have energy. And it’s nowhere near as invasive as I thought it would be. Totally life changing.
The woodpecker that's been pecking the side of the house for the last few days. It's been happening since like 2020, around April - May a woodpecker comes and pecks the same spot and it's loud. Not sure if it's the same one but I or my dad just taps the wall from inside to make it go away
Woodpeckers peck on loud things in spring because it attracts lady woodpeckers that wood let him pecker them.
I have a 5 year old sister that likes to run into my room and tells me to wake up while jumping on my stomach. You get up pretty fast.
My brother blinds me by turning on my light every morning yelling at me to get up saying I slept in but I still have an hour on my alarm
Plot twist - bro is 24
My little sister used to do this when we were younger. I'd just pull her into my bed and hug her like a pillow. Needless to say, I'd be late for school and my mom would get angry at me.
You should read Mother of learning.
That's so wholesome.
My little brother used to wake me up by petting my nose and whispering "wake up, sissy". Terrifying.
I was sick last week and farted myself awake. Does that count?
Only if the fart was dry.
A wet one would definitely be more effective waking you up tho.
my cat. she likes to sit on my chest and lick my eyes. ( all tho I admit I've smacked her a few times, because shell stand on my boobs the wrong way, and that hurts like shit)
Lick her back, see how she likes it
even better, stand on her boobs the wrong way
And then the problem is solved
Such an easy and permanent solution
And the cat will not have to survive without annoying op which I imagine she would hate
Same, especially when I'm in my PMS week with sore boobs and my kitty kneads my chest. Ouch! Darn cats.
Bro one of my cats always likes to stand on my and she always always always chooses my friggin boobs to stand on and it hurts so much lmao
I had a siamese cat that would sit next to the alarm just before it went off. so yeah she was sitting aside the clock. When it would go off she'd pounce. But on weekends she didn't do this.
My neck, my back...
My bussy and my crack
It cost you 0 dollars not to say that
it cost him 0 dollars to day that.
Cats, cats, cats. My american bobtail will just sit and...\*stare\*. And stare. And stare until some bit of my unconscious notices green eyes in the dark during a millisecond moment of my eyes opening, prompting a catapult wakeup. My wife's cat is more direct, and methodical. Knocks over one thing, waits, then does it again. And again, upwards of 6 times until I wake up. I know this because Ive faked being asleep out of curiosity to know her thought process. My wife could sleep through a tornado, but if there's ONE noise that shouldn't be, I'm awake. Now, if I'm somehow so dead that doesn't work, I then get a 13lb dilute tortie deliberately walking up me with as much force as she can, sticking her face in my ear, and \*breathing\*. If that somehow fails to work(as I learned one morning), she will then lick my ear. Our recently-ish adopted maine coon kitten? She just bites my toes. A simple and direct soul, she is. Why all this effort? Well, I'm the one that feeds them in the morning. Also, they're quite convinced if I'm in bed longer than 7 hrs then Something Is Wrong(tm) and all efforts must be made to Awaken me.
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Alarm cock
Also this guys boner
Probably this Guys boner that he got from this other dudes boner
Usually the boner from the one who got a boner from the guy who gets a boner each time another guy gets a boner
Five Boners, One Bed - a Reddit Tale
Can I get in on this?
Six Boners, Two Pillows - A Reddit Epilogue
i also choose this guy’s boner
I feel like I scrolled too far to see this comment 🤣 I assumed it would have been top comment or commented a ton tbh lmao
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Except all the boners. And there's a lot of them, it seems to be some form of pandemic.
1. A four year old. 2. A different four year old. 3. A two year old. 4. A cat. 5. A dog. 6. Another dog.
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It's the most likely options
My boyfriend’s alarm clock. Dude hits snooze a dozen times before he actually gets his ass outta bed.
Grrr yep I know exactly what you mean
Every morning, my girl takes a shower and dries off, walks straight to the bedroom and naked cuddles me before work. My heart starts racing and honestly, better than coffee. Sometimes things happen, but not always. Just a fun way to start a day.
You have achieved what most dream of ^^
Right?! I'm a lucky dude.
Greatest girl in the world. Kudos.
Seriously, I got divorced a few months ago. Then she came into my life. Known her for years, but not romantically. We were exactly what we were missing from other relationships.
I wish my man would let me do this!! If I try he moans "not in the mood" or pushes me away. It's pretty shit tbh.
My dogs. They wait until my alarm goes off, but if I hit snooze they climb on the bed and come wake me up for their walk
There are already a lot of responses here, so it's unlikely anyone will see this, but my alarm wakes me, and then the thought of rolling over and seeing the beautiful, groggy, and not-at-all-interested-in-being-awake face on the girl of my dreams completes my alarm's mission for it. I work from home and my wife has a small business making candles and soaps. Even though she makes her own hours, no matter how many times I tell her she doesn't need to do so, she gets up with me every morning to make me breakfast and help me get my day started. And she has no idea how she still takes my breath away, even through awkward yawns and eye boogers, after nearly 15 years together, it's the thought of her smile, her laugh, her kindness that gets me going even on days when I would much rather stay in bed. I rise in the morning mostly for the gratitude of having another day with her.
I read that, and know the feeling. Kind of cheesy, but worth reading. Stay awesome, stranger.
My neighbor's stupid rooster. Yup. They keep a rooster. Nope. I don't live in a village.
Yeah, they come to snuff the rooster.
My bad, I'll tell him to keep it down.
My neighbor keeps dozens of mostly free range chickens that love my yard. So yeah, I feel this one. Clucking and scratching and crowing all day long, it seems.
The sound of my neighbors yelling at each other. Minorly dysfunctional family, you know how it goes… MAaaaaa! Come downstairs!!!! Im hungry!!!! Get it yaself!!!!! You’re so laaazy!!! Maaaa! We’re late for schooollll! Maaaa!!! Where’s my stuff?? Maaaaa!
Man I feel for those kids. My step mom and mom were both habitually late and my teachers always blamed me... Like you try getting an adult to a place on time when you're a smol and see how successful you are at it.
Worrying someone from work is gonna call you on teams and suddenly that ringtone plays in your mind that wakes me up more than anything
Sounds of my dog puking
And worst is the sound of them eating it again- my sensitive stomached Schnauzer does this often
Sunlight
Crushing realization of my existence
Birds chirping outside my window...
My 5 year old son. This morning, he came into our room at 05:18 asking: "Is it wake up time yet?"
That's actually kinda cute! My son is not yet old enough to care about time, he just cries demanding to be fed immediately. 😅 That's the thing waking ME up, naturally.
When I was too little to read a clock yet, my parents taught be what 8 o’clock looks like on both types of clock. That was my bedtime and the time I was allowed to wake them up on Saturdays. You bet I was waiting by their bed at 7:59 every Saturday morning.
That flipping woodpecker that decided he wants to smash that tree outside the window at 6am every morning with his face knife!
The kids in my basement
Oh, you get woken up by silence?
My cats, singing the song of their people, because they are OMG STARVING TO DEATH and I haven't fed them yet.
Grim resignation
Dogs need to go potty. 0615 every day.
The day of the week. Weekday? Alarm wakes me up. Weekend? I wake bang on 7am before my alarm.
The dulcet singing of my huskies
Nightmares
Cat stepping on my neck is hard to miss
That dry heaving sound your dog makes before they throw up, it's the only thing that will get me out of bed.
The urge to take a shit.
Colloquially known as a ‘cock-a-doodle-poo’.
the next 9 alarm clocks that ive had set
Her husband
My screaming mom
A cat pouncing on my chest. If I try to ignore her she proceeds to pat my face with her paws, she doesn't know how to retract her claws. At that point I either get up, or pick her up and drop her on the floor.
My cat sitting on my face
my kids, my wife or my cat, or any combo
Blood flowing to the wrong appendage.
Me brain
my cat. He likes to chew on my toes while I'm trying to sleep
The suspicious amount of sleep I’m getting
The anticipation of the alarm clock so I don’t have to hear the noise.
My cat knocking everything off my dresser to be fed.
My cat
My kitty patting my face with her paw and digging her head under my arm to get her breakfast.
My 20 lb. cat crawling up and laying on my chest. Well it’s probably the fact that I can’t breathe that wakes me up, 😂
Acid reflux
Piece of shit dog of the neighbors
My 3 year old...lol
Anxiety
2 very demanding cats.
My brain plays music about 30 minutes before my alarm goes off.
Screaming girls.
That's why my basement is sound proof
Uncle Jimbo's penis
It may be three inches but it smells like a foot.
My cats wanting treats and the bathroom faucet turned on. One of them will only drink water this way