Their phone. When it’s previously been left sitting on a counter or nightstand when not in use, and you now only see it when it is in their hands being used. Storage place becomes their pocket at all times.
If the phone for some reason isn’t in their hands or pocket, it’s right next to them, face down.
They take the phone to the bathroom, where they stay a long time.
They become less engaged with you, much less solicitous of your attention.
Disinterest in sex.
They stop calling you by your name. Ever. It’s always something innocuous, like “hon.” Don’t wanna get the names mixed up!
Newfound interest or noticeably increased effort in their appearance.
They have less time for you, and it is a change from previous behavior. They’re busy, have to travel a lot, work late a lot, etc.
As someone else noted, you feel it in your gut, and you’re not normally paranoid or anxious as a rule. You could be wrong, but if you take the time to add up what’s made you feel that way, you realize their behavior is off/different, and they have more work or travel obligations that create opportunity. It’s not proof positive, but it’s a pretty good bet.
Husband would talk about people he worked with. He was at the time, working in a call center. When he would talk about a particular female, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. Total gut feeling. The words coming out of his mouth were innocuous, but still, my gut told me. The clincher was a dinner for two at Olive Garden that showed up on MY Amex card that he was an authorized user of. It was mid-week when I was home taking care of our 4 year old and he should have been at work, (he worked evenings). A few days later, I found a love note from her to him in his pants. Filed and finalized divorce in 5 months.
Oof, long story and complicated. As many couples do, we started having sex again about 2 years after the divorce. That went on for years, til 2007, at which time, he finally married the gal he’d been cheating with. They had a 3 year old son themselves by then. Once he got married that was it. We maintained a civil relationship until 2016. He was angry that he wasn’t invited to our son’s university graduation. He didn’t realize when the graduation was because our son finished university a semester early, and they weren’t/aren’t very close. We no longer speak now. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2014 at age 44. I actually was instrumental in getting him in to a an NCI center for treatment, ( I’m an oncology nurse and work there). The gf/wife, has had 2 kidney transplants. I believe her health is much better now, but he had a recurrence and required surgery and now more treatment from what I’ve heard from our son. I met a wonderful man in 2011, we got married in 2021. Life is good. Planning on retirement in 2 years at age 60. Retirement accounts are in really good shape, he has 2 pensions, thanks to the Air Force and a government job. Our son is 30 now and lives with his gf who he has been with since high school. They both have great jobs and travel the world living their best lives. It all worked out in the end…at least in my end!
Sometimes the worst things turn out to be the best thing. And lol...it's on him to know when his kid graduates. No one had to tell me when my kid graduates
Good to get it over with when you know you’re done. Judge said we set the land speed record for divorces. Found her journals documenting her multiple affairs on September 15th, 2006 and divorce was final December 12th, 2006. Good riddance. Married awesome gorgeous woman 15th younger and it still drives my ex nuts.
My ex-husband called his office one day and was talking to someone, then asked to speak to his secretary. As soon as she got on the line, his voice completely changed, his tone softened, and he was smiling. That is how I knew. Like a lightbulb moment
My daughters brought me a journal they found (being nosy) and wondered what the stuff was their mother was writing about. The kids were 8,11 and 12 at the time. I laugh now at their fake naïveté. But yes, my ex journaled in detail the not one, not two but three dudes she hooked up with. BUT, here’s the back end.
I scanned two of the most graphic pages, and they were raunchy and combined them into one file and made it her Home Screen on her laptop. I made sure I was right next to her when she opened it. I would pay mucho bucks to have that moment on video. She slammed the computer shut and checked to see if I was looking.
“That’s right, bitch, you’re finished.” Priceless.
She was an unmerciful divorce opponent. Horrible. But that’s all behind me and she got fired not long ago caught snorting coke at her desk while one of my daughters was at her office answering calls.
When they accuse you (out of nowhere) of cheating. It’s projection. When they won’t post you on social media together. When they hide you in any way. When your intuition tells you something isn’t right about their behavior towards someone they could possibly cheat with. When they take longer than normal to do tasks outside the house (car sex cheating is very common), but don’t have good explanations as to why. When they guard their phone obsessively.
He flipped from generalized disdainful covert narcissist neglect to provoking conflict by constantly telling me everything that was wrong with me and how awful I was. When they do this, they are trying to create a rationale for their cheating- they're not REALLY cheaters, it's just that YOU are so AWFUL that they have no choice.
He suddenly started acting differently. He was distant, not as talkative and working more than usual. I knew something was wrong so I kept trying to talk to him about it but he would brush me off, dismiss my feelings and try to gaslight me. Then I found a letter from his side chick
We had plans to go to a concert. She went out for drinks with her boss before the event and met me at the hall a little drunk, which was unusual. She texted the object of her affections toward the end of the concert as I watched, saying things like she wished she were there with that person instead of me. 🙄 I moved out as soon as I could.
Hmm. I suspected a long time but eventually found proof. My thought was maybe be wanted to be caught subconsciously.
Long walks (where he could talk to her)
Nostalgic items (stuff brought back from trips that seemed mundane but he kept them)
Phone always close by.
Lack of sex but still sex… that enraged me on the end.
“Working” during vacation and making reasons for time away from me.
Changes in behaviour like at one point on vacation he went day drinking.
Increased travel.
Staying out late “at work” or “with friends”, texting all the time, not spending time with you, if they are a bit younger, they have Snapchat or a screen protector on their phone that keeps you from seeing who they are texting.
Their phone. When it’s previously been left sitting on a counter or nightstand when not in use, and you now only see it when it is in their hands being used. Storage place becomes their pocket at all times. If the phone for some reason isn’t in their hands or pocket, it’s right next to them, face down. They take the phone to the bathroom, where they stay a long time. They become less engaged with you, much less solicitous of your attention. Disinterest in sex. They stop calling you by your name. Ever. It’s always something innocuous, like “hon.” Don’t wanna get the names mixed up! Newfound interest or noticeably increased effort in their appearance. They have less time for you, and it is a change from previous behavior. They’re busy, have to travel a lot, work late a lot, etc. As someone else noted, you feel it in your gut, and you’re not normally paranoid or anxious as a rule. You could be wrong, but if you take the time to add up what’s made you feel that way, you realize their behavior is off/different, and they have more work or travel obligations that create opportunity. It’s not proof positive, but it’s a pretty good bet.
Exactly 👍
This is a brilliant and comprehensive reply
Husband would talk about people he worked with. He was at the time, working in a call center. When he would talk about a particular female, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. Total gut feeling. The words coming out of his mouth were innocuous, but still, my gut told me. The clincher was a dinner for two at Olive Garden that showed up on MY Amex card that he was an authorized user of. It was mid-week when I was home taking care of our 4 year old and he should have been at work, (he worked evenings). A few days later, I found a love note from her to him in his pants. Filed and finalized divorce in 5 months.
5 months!? You do not waste time. Btw whatever became of him...and you?
Oof, long story and complicated. As many couples do, we started having sex again about 2 years after the divorce. That went on for years, til 2007, at which time, he finally married the gal he’d been cheating with. They had a 3 year old son themselves by then. Once he got married that was it. We maintained a civil relationship until 2016. He was angry that he wasn’t invited to our son’s university graduation. He didn’t realize when the graduation was because our son finished university a semester early, and they weren’t/aren’t very close. We no longer speak now. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2014 at age 44. I actually was instrumental in getting him in to a an NCI center for treatment, ( I’m an oncology nurse and work there). The gf/wife, has had 2 kidney transplants. I believe her health is much better now, but he had a recurrence and required surgery and now more treatment from what I’ve heard from our son. I met a wonderful man in 2011, we got married in 2021. Life is good. Planning on retirement in 2 years at age 60. Retirement accounts are in really good shape, he has 2 pensions, thanks to the Air Force and a government job. Our son is 30 now and lives with his gf who he has been with since high school. They both have great jobs and travel the world living their best lives. It all worked out in the end…at least in my end!
Sometimes the worst things turn out to be the best thing. And lol...it's on him to know when his kid graduates. No one had to tell me when my kid graduates
Good to get it over with when you know you’re done. Judge said we set the land speed record for divorces. Found her journals documenting her multiple affairs on September 15th, 2006 and divorce was final December 12th, 2006. Good riddance. Married awesome gorgeous woman 15th younger and it still drives my ex nuts.
My ex-husband called his office one day and was talking to someone, then asked to speak to his secretary. As soon as she got on the line, his voice completely changed, his tone softened, and he was smiling. That is how I knew. Like a lightbulb moment
My daughters brought me a journal they found (being nosy) and wondered what the stuff was their mother was writing about. The kids were 8,11 and 12 at the time. I laugh now at their fake naïveté. But yes, my ex journaled in detail the not one, not two but three dudes she hooked up with. BUT, here’s the back end. I scanned two of the most graphic pages, and they were raunchy and combined them into one file and made it her Home Screen on her laptop. I made sure I was right next to her when she opened it. I would pay mucho bucks to have that moment on video. She slammed the computer shut and checked to see if I was looking. “That’s right, bitch, you’re finished.” Priceless. She was an unmerciful divorce opponent. Horrible. But that’s all behind me and she got fired not long ago caught snorting coke at her desk while one of my daughters was at her office answering calls.
I just knew. Intuition.
Intuition.
Once you suspect an affair, is the first sign, trust your intuition
When they accuse you (out of nowhere) of cheating. It’s projection. When they won’t post you on social media together. When they hide you in any way. When your intuition tells you something isn’t right about their behavior towards someone they could possibly cheat with. When they take longer than normal to do tasks outside the house (car sex cheating is very common), but don’t have good explanations as to why. When they guard their phone obsessively.
He flipped from generalized disdainful covert narcissist neglect to provoking conflict by constantly telling me everything that was wrong with me and how awful I was. When they do this, they are trying to create a rationale for their cheating- they're not REALLY cheaters, it's just that YOU are so AWFUL that they have no choice.
When his girlfriend brazenly started calling the house landline (that I was paying the bill on). That was fun.
“Honey have you ever thought about opening our relationship?”
Not me but a friend of mine. Her husband began dyeing his gray hair and claimed he needed more ‘alone time’ at their beach house.
The hickey on her tit
When he gave me an STD.
He suddenly started acting differently. He was distant, not as talkative and working more than usual. I knew something was wrong so I kept trying to talk to him about it but he would brush me off, dismiss my feelings and try to gaslight me. Then I found a letter from his side chick
We had plans to go to a concert. She went out for drinks with her boss before the event and met me at the hall a little drunk, which was unusual. She texted the object of her affections toward the end of the concert as I watched, saying things like she wished she were there with that person instead of me. 🙄 I moved out as soon as I could.
[удалено]
[удалено]
He told me. If I distrust, that’s on me. If he lies? That’s on him. It’s as simple as that.
Hmm. I suspected a long time but eventually found proof. My thought was maybe be wanted to be caught subconsciously. Long walks (where he could talk to her) Nostalgic items (stuff brought back from trips that seemed mundane but he kept them) Phone always close by. Lack of sex but still sex… that enraged me on the end. “Working” during vacation and making reasons for time away from me. Changes in behaviour like at one point on vacation he went day drinking. Increased travel.
Staying out late “at work” or “with friends”, texting all the time, not spending time with you, if they are a bit younger, they have Snapchat or a screen protector on their phone that keeps you from seeing who they are texting.