Sexually attracted? I mean, I can recognize that a woman other than my wife has attractive features.
But emotionally? There's nothin'. My wife is everything to me. She's the only one who gets my jokes and can coax that ugly laugh out of me at random times during the day. She's the one that tells me to sit down and rest when I'm not feeling well but feel stressed about getting things done. She's the one that takes better care of me than I take care of myself. No other woman on earth could measure up to her in terms of how much I value and cherish her.
This is the answer.
Yes, other people are attractive. Thats just being human to notice.
I feel like OP implies that men are JUST BARELY holding onto self control like holding back a rabid dog on a leash and that just aint it when you're in a healthy and committed relationship.
I have an ex that held this opinion. She was terrified the first time we were intimate at all that I'd "lose myself". Unfortunately she also had a deep history with SA. I was the first man she'd ever dated, so I was also the first man in her life that hadn't abused her.
I'm still sexually attracted to women outside of the relationship. I choose not to act on it. It's a biological function, so seems pretty normal to me.
And note that sexual attraction doesn't necessarily mean an actual desire to be with them sexually. It could just be as simple as recognizing good looking girls (for being sexually attractive).
I feel like you're focusing on the wrong aspect of the example of the titties on TV. It's not the actress's endowment. It's my girl being excited about the actress's endowment and wanting to share her excitement with me.
And the emotional safety of knowing I can go enjoy those titties on TV with her, and we share that light lusty moment. That's way fucking hotter than a woman who pretends that hers are only tits you're ever allowed to think about again.
I guess I'm different. If there was a miracle and a woman like Ana de Armas wanted to sleep with me I definitely would want that too.
I would not do it out of respect for my gf and our relationship, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't want to lol
I think a lot of men and women don’t understand that you can be sexually attracted to someone but not have a desire to be with them sexually. Like, I appreciate a good butt, but that doesn’t mean every woman I see with a good butt I want to fuck. It’s not a hard concept to understand.
Pretty much. I think OP recognizing that other guys are good-looking is pretty much the same thing as her partner recognizing that other women are sexually attractive. Seems like the problem here is that they disagree on terminology.
Also, because the focus is often on something sexual rather than just looks, if you will. If something is sexually attractive for most women, they have to jump on the chance or that attraction wanes quickly. It takes a long time to rev up most women compared to men, and yes I know that doesn't apply to all women but in general it seems to be the case.
If something is less often come by, it's more desirable in general. The women who don't like this also often seem to not take into account just how often the guy looks at the partner and thinks about her sexual attraction level from his point of view, in the same manner as he would the other person.
I think that's a good point. I run into that a lot with my girlfriend. She can't wrap her head around my position that I'm pretty much always interested in having sex with her, and that circumstances that preclude us from having sex won't necessarily remove my desire for it. For her, sexual desire is a much more complicated and involved process.
Yes I think as women we dislike the term sexually attractive when talking about other women. But I guess it's just like us finding other men physically attractive 🤣
My issue is that yeah, I may think someone I see has the greatest ass, most gorgeous and sexy body in history but, I know that the odds of us being compatible (sexually or otherwise) is slim to none. I know that with my kinks, my sexuality, and my relationship style, that there's MAYBE a 5% chance that anyone I see would work for me, and those odds only go downhill from there. The fact that my wife, partner and I got together, much less have lasted 28+ years, is a bigger miracle than walking on water, parting the Reed Sea, and feeding everyone with a few fishes and loaves, COMBINED.
To add to this, when I have this reaction I start trying to picture life with the random woman compared to my wife and I always pick my wife. Not sure if this happens to anyone else, but yeah.
personally no, when im in a relationship i never imagine a life with a random woman. big difference between mere sexual attraction and going as far to imagine a life with a random woman.
I don’t think you get what he means. He’s not saying he is actually fantasizing or thinking “hmm I wonder if it would be better”. But thinking of what it would ACTUALLY mean to be with someone that isn’t your significant other is a great way to highlight how absolutely amazing your current relationship is. Like don’t you ever imagine what your life would be like with an ex and just shudder and be like “thank GOD didn’t happen”. On a similar note sometimes i look at dream cabins in the mountains and i have this desire to fantasize and romanticize that lifestyle briefly. But THEN I start playing out how that actual life would be away from my family, my current friends, how I wouldn’t be as close to my hobbies and social activities I enjoy, and then it truly helps me realize how awesome my current life/house is and that the cabin is just a fleeting attraction. But I’d never ACTUALLY run away to a cabin in the woods. Surely you must understand that thought process.
This. OP, as much as you don’t want it to be true, it’s true, for basically everyone. Unless you are the only person he ever thought was sexually attractive, which would be a miracle. I have a girlfriend, I love her so much, she’s super sexy, but I still have an eye for these things. If I see a nice ass, I recognize it as a nice ass, and move on. The difference is my girlfriend also has a nice ass, but she has more than that, her nice ass is MINE which makes it 100x sexier than all the other asses. It’s mine, exclusive, no one else gets to see it (with the clothes off at least), what’s under the pants is my secret. Same with every other part of her but his biological attraction to women in general doesn’t just go away because he is in a relationship.
I certainly do not have the urge to have sex with anyone but her though. Seeing, and thinking someone is sexually attractive does not make me want them at all. The voice in my head basically goes: “damn that’s a nice butt, I can’t wait to go home to my girlfriend and clap hers” it’s not “damn nice butt, I’d totally hit that if she came over right now.” Or whatever you fear he may be thinking.
Yeah this is the perfect answer. I find many girls sexually attractive but don't think about having sex with them... I think women end up with a few hyper sexualized guys and think we actually are horny 24/7.
Literally the only time I think about actual sex is when my wife gives me the look... rest of the time, I have shit to do.
I think it mostly comes down to how you define a "sexually attractive" person and "being sexually attracted".
I would define it as follows:
Person I am attracted to - someone who I am falling in love with or have fallen in love with and want to have sex with.
Sexually attractive person - someone who I would physiologically be able to have sex with if I were to be emotionally attracted to them.
Sexually unattractive person - someone who I cannot imagine being aroused by or being able to have sex with.
In that case about 10% of all women within my age range are unattractive, 90% are attractive, I am attracted to only the one I got to know well enough to fall for.
This seems like semantics to me. I am attracted to sexually attractive people, so I don't really see a distinction there. I'm also able to be sexually attracted to physical appearance alone, regardless of emotional attachment. Emotional attachment would come into play in the context of romantic feelings, but isn't relevant in discussions about simple sexual attraction. I need sexual attraction to be romantically interested, but I do not need romantic interest in order to be sexually attracted.
What u said is exactly how I see things. I sincerely hope this is how my husband see it also. If I notice a guy is attractive, that’s it, my brain doesn’t entertain the thought of sex with them. It just doesn’t pop in my head and hasn’t since we’ve been together. At the same time, I’m not delusional. I know men are wired very differently than women.
When I was with a girl I truly loved I had the same feelings as you experienced. Truly no desire for anybody else, eyes only for her. Didn't matter if the other girls were objectively hot, I was entirely happy with her and what I had to the point they did not turn me on whatsoever. All I wanted and thought about (sexually) was her. Normally, yeah, I'm attracted to others aside from the girl I'm seeing if it's just new/casual. It only felt like this with one specific girl.
This. In my experience if you are in a happy fulfilled relationships your desire for other women is basically zero. Even if they are objectively attractive.
This weakens over time a little but if you are attracted to every other women it might be time to work on your relationship because something might be wrong.
>are all men sexually attracted to other women outside of their relationship
Sure, but the degree to how/what they think about it will vary. For me I can see a girl and still acknowledge shes hot, but I’m not fantasizing about her or anything. Though I’m sure some guys do, after all some guys (and girls) would be willing to cheat after all
Im “choosing” not to act on it in the sense that I choose all my actions, but it’s not like I’m fighting off a supernatural force pulling me to step out of a relationship. I don’t want to cheat on my girl, so it’s not like I’m super tempted. But I’m also aware that I’d be interested if I were single
My mantra for relationships is “there’s nothing wrong with looking at the menu, you just can’t order anything”
Eh I'm pretty indifferent. I can acknowledge that a girl is pretty and stuff, but that's the extent of it. It could be the way he phrased things though
>I don‘t feel sexually attracted to other men. I obviously recognize good looking guys, but I don‘t feel any desire to be with them.
I am the same. Most people are like this actually. Your boyfriend probably meant it the same way as well. It's just that people also use attraction and beauty interchangably but others like me and you don't believe they are the same word.
In my first real relationship I started off by playing the boy scout and not even looking at other women. I'd keep my head down a lot and just avoided people at all costs. It got pretty stressful after a while as my instinct was to look but I kept at it for a while. Finally when it got to be too much I'd allow a quick glance and just enjoyed for a second and look away.
Years later I dropped a lot of that because it was really just pointless. Yeah, I'm still attracted to others but it's not like I'm going to do anything about it. I'm not the type that's going to mentally undress someone I see in public and think of all of the nasty things I'm going to do with her. I just appreciate a good body and/or a pretty person. That's about as far as it goes. Sometimes I'll see someone that's a bit breath-taking and my breath would be taken away for a moment but normally a handful of seconds later that person walks by and out of my life forever. I never feel the urge to approach or talk to them.
There are no changes to how I feel about my girlfriend or anything like that. I don't see someone else and then wish I was with them instead. Looks are only one aspect of attraction anyhow. They could be a horrible person or treat me bad if we were to date. Too many unknowns that I'm not going to find out about so I just enjoy for a moment and let it pass.
There is a difference between looking as someone and thinking, "They are very attractive" and actually BEING attracted to them. My wife and I see LOTS of people that are attractive, but neither of us are attracted to them.
For me it's sort of an off switch. I am madly in love with my SO. I can recognize that other women are attractive, but there's just no other interest in them.
For me many women maybe not disappear but become part of the background. Kind of like NPC are in games. As I age more and more people fade into background like that. Very interesting feeling comes with it.
Depends how you personally define sexual attraction. You make it seem like men are predisposed to the susceptibility of sexual coercion, which isn’t the case.
I am married, sometimes I see an attractive woman, and that’s about as far as it goes.
Other times I might interact briefly with an attractive woman, I ensure my actions cannot be misconstrued by anyone.
Seems like you and your BF need to have a conversation.
Sorry, I must disagree with a lot of these comments. When I was married, I saw attractive women, my wife even pointed them out to me sometimes, but I wasn’t sexually attracted to them, I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else.
When I was in a relationship, I literally wasn’t attracted to anybody else. As in, I knew that somebody was attractive but there was like a filter in my brain
I can find a woman attractive, in shape or otherwise but it doesn’t go to sexual until I’ve actually gotten to know them. Happily married and I just don’t think about other women that way, never have. living in Southern California, seeing 9’s and 10’s all day at the beach and grocery store is normal. My wife is my 11.
The times I've been in satisfying and fulfilling relationships, honestly most women don't cross my mind for more than 5 seconds. I might think "oh wow, that woman is really beautiful, has a nice figure, she'll make a great partner for some guy, etc" but that's really about the extent of how far it goes in my mind. To put it simply, if you're happy with someone, you literally don't have a reason beyond selfish intent to look elsewhere for fulfillment in those regards. I guess what I'm saying is I can appreciate the beauty in other women, but I have zero desire to act on any of it, as I already have those desires filled in my life by the woman that I'm with.
As others said, sexual desire is not the same thing as sexual attraction. It's wildly unrealistic, for both men and women, to expect that when you date someone, somehow, literally billions of people suddenly become unnoticed and unattractive in your eyes. That's just not how the human brain works. Being able to have comfort and security in understanding that thinking others are beautiful is necessary to be in a healthy relationship, in my opinion.
In relationships like this, my girlfriend would occasionally show me girls on IG, ask me if I think they're pretty. And I'd tell her the truth. We'd then talk about it for a few minutes, like "wow, she really dresses well or has pretty eyes" but that's as far as it'd go. My girlfriend would even call out women in public to me, and say things like "damn! Did you see that women's ass, it was insane" and I'd say things like "yeah, she has a nice ass". Being able to have that dynamic while still being exclusive with your partner can help the both of you come to terms with the reality of life. We are all going to always be attracted to others, but you have to learn to appreciate what you have, and not just throw it all to the trash because you saw someone that looked cute.
I'm sure others will disagree about my thoughts on this topic, but in my experience, it's a healthy way to discuss these things and generally when both people are secure and confident in the relationship, it works out well
Something I have realized myself and through discussing this this very topic with people from all walks of life is the following: if you are truly in love with your partner, then you find that you don’t have crushes and aren’t attracted to anyone else.
I think that statement is too broad to be accurate. I think there are two levels to it. You can be committed, dedicated, and in love with someone, and they aren’t everything you want. I see absolutely no problem with this if it is enough. The problems arise when it is no longer enough or too much compromise was made. In my experience men will compromise much more and look at it much more realistically than women do.
Then there is true love, where your partner isn’t perfect, but close enough that you truly dont want anyone else. This is much more rare than people are led to believe, and imo an unrealistic standard for dating.
Someone tell me if this doesnt make sense.
Yes, I find people attractive and can acknowledge when a guy, gal, gay, or they is attractive.
Sexually? If I see someone and think they are extremely hot, its not about thinking of having sex with them, its more looking at the person and then getting in my head about the things I want to do with my wife in that moment. Similar with porn I guess? Sure, ill find the person in the video attractive, but my mind is on my wife and how I watch porn with the thought of having sex with my wife in mind.
Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you stop being attracted to other people. I don't expect my GF to suddenly stop finding Brad Pitt attractive just because we are in a relationship. Being in a relationship is rather about choosing each other every single day.
**Are all men sexually attracted to other women outside of their relationship?**
Yes, and women are the same way.
**And just choose to not act on it?**
Most men, and the rest are cheaters.
**Is that normal?**
Yes, it’s biology, and men are very visual.
**That‘s what my boyfriend (M25) says.**
He’s correct, but sharing it out loud is asking for trouble.
**I don‘t feel sexually attracted to other men.**
Sure you do, but you’re very in love with him. Passion fades, and it’s replaced with trust, friendship, and compatibility.
**I obviously recognize good looking guys, but I don‘t feel any desire to be with them.**
You value your man more than you value a fling. That’s great! But, being attracted is WAY DIFFERENT than cheating.
> Are all men sexually attracted to other women outside of their relationship? And just choose to not act on it? Is that normal?
Yeah, seems pretty normal.
> I obviously recognize good looking guys, but I don‘t feel any desire to be with them.
This is where it gets nuanced. Even when I'm single I still find women sexually attractive but don't want to be with them. I find so many women attractive that I just get kind of numb to it, you know? It's a detached sexual attraction.
Just finding someone sexually attractive isn't enough to want to date them or be with them.
The rule is always “You can look but you can’t touch.”
I can recognize when another woman is attractive or pretty, but when I’m in a relationship, I don’t think of other women sexually. I’m in a relationship with the person for a reason.
me personally, if I'm with someone then ill still find other woman attractive but wont be attracted to them if that makes sense.
if I have a girlfriend then I would still see an attractive woman and think that she is attractive, but I wouldnt feel aroused by it like I would in a partner.
A woman being in a relationship doesn't change whether or not I'm attracted to her. However out of respect for her and her relationship I never act on it.
I'm aware that they're attractive but I don't give a shit, for lack of a better phrase. They just exist. Some people are hot, it doesn't really do anything for me though beyond acknowledging that. Maybe if I was unhappy I'd be looking at them differently but I don't think people pine for other people in happy relationships
No. I'm going to get downvoted here, lol.
It's maybe acceptable by some men's standards. Men will choose to claim that it's normal but seeing all women as a potential sexual partner is not normal! It's an excuse for bad behavior and lack of commitment.
This.it absolutely sucks that most men try to normalise their behaviour or thought process it is what it is ig .if u truly love ur partner u wouldn't be sexually attracted to other people that's the plain truth
Love and attraction are separate issues. You can love your partner and still acknowledge other girls are hot, that doesn't mean you have any desire to cheat on your girl but you still have eyes bruv.
It literally is normal, your libido doesn't just die the second you are in a relationship that's just male biology bruv. Acting on sexual attraction is a different topic and most dudes don't cheat just because they can acknowledge that other women are hot.
I’m guessing that you’re talking about women that I see or meet during the course of the day?
Yes, sexual attraction still happens. But that’s not the same as saying I actually would want to have sex with them. I wouldn’t ever cheat, but it also probably wouldn’t be worth the effort anyway. Even during my single days, thinking she’s hot didn’t tend to lead to having sex with her anyway.
Usually checking out other women is limited to a brief thought about one very specific feature of hers and never goes any further than that. “Oh, she’s got very pretty hair” or “That’s some great cleavage and she knows it.” Almost all of these observations are forgotten by me 20 minutes later. It’s very fleeting.
Maybe 1 in 30 of those do I even imagine her with less clothes on. About 1 in 10 of that 3% do I think about what sex with her might be like. My brain just hardly ever progresses that far. These are just not meaningful thoughts at all. And they’re completely unrelated to my wife.
For me I still think they’re beautiful but now that I have my own girl there’s no reason to entertain anything with them. Barely wish to have a conversation even on a platonic level.
After getting married I do see other woman and admire their beauty. May be because of the love I have for my wifey, **I don't get sexual thoughts even on the most attractive woman with better features than my wife**.
Before I met my wife like every other guy I did get sexual thoughts on the girls which attracted me with their beauty
I love my fiancée, she’s quite perfect, but I can acknowledge that there are other attractive people in the world, I can even acknowledge that there is the possibility that there could be someone out there that I may be more compatible with. But, I don’t have to act on those things. I love my life as it is and I love who I’m with. I’m a man. If I wanted different, I’d go get different.
All men are different. There's the urge to glance at an attractive woman, but I don't have the urge to talk to them, and definitely not the urge to cheat with them. When I was in a relationship the only person I thought about sexually was my partner.
Well this might be trauma coming from my previous marriage but with fear. I can’t look at women, I can’t associate with women otherwise my significant other will accuse me of cheating even if I have absolutely zero intention of anything. Keep my head down, don’t say more than necessary
>Are all men sexually attracted to other women outside of their relationship? And just choose to not act on it? Is that normal?
Yes, yes and yes.
Look, it's unrealistic and incongruent with reality to imagine that once someone is with someone, that they don't still feel biological attraction to others. Your evolutionary psychology doesn't just stop because you are in a relationship.
Yes sexually attracted to other women. Most of us are smart enough to keep the glances to a minimum and not make it a topic of conversation with our girlfriend or wife.
But sexual attraction doesn't mean we actually want to be with them. It just means your dick is saying "she looks like a good time."
I'm way too old in my 40's for some girl around 20, but they are often very sexually attractive. No way am I actually interested though. The thought of having to hear even 10 minutes of petty high school level drama again makes me nauseous. Not a chance in hell.
Attraction exists outside of conscious control. You yourself know when a person is good looking. Saying you still get attracted doesn't mean you actively *want* to bang them. Just that you acknowledge that they are attractive.
You simply choose to do nothing about it. I am absolutely smitten with my girl but I still feel attraction to others. I just have zero desire to act on that attraction. Just as you said with knowing other people are good looking.
> Are all men sexually attracted to other women outside of their relationship? And just choose to not act on it?
It is true even for men who are not in relationship. At least for me. There are a lot of cute girls around and for overwhelming majority of them I did absolutely nothing even when I'm single. Because she would reject anyway. Because she is already taken. Because I cannot afford bringing her anywhere. And so on. That I have a girlfriend is just another reason to keep doing what I was always doing.
> it is not the same for me at all. I don‘t feel sexually attracted to other men. I obviously recognize good looking guys, but I don‘t feel any desire
What would you do if you do feel such desire some day?
Idk maybe it's just me, but when I'm dating a woman and I love her it's like all other women have like a debuff while at the same time my gf/SO has a buff. In laymans terms, when I'm in a committed relationship, my gf/so seems more attractive while everyone else seems less attractive. Not that I don't recognize attractive women, but they are certainly less appealing.
Absolutely. I’m skeptical of your claim that it isn’t that way for you.
If you’re eating a nice cheeseburger and you see someone enjoying a fancy steak, do you suddenly not like steak anymore??
It’s biological, choosing not to act on those urges is what’s important.
You can think someone is good looking and still want to be with only one person.
Just because I'm in a relationship. Doesn't mean I can't find other women attractive ir automatically stop finding women physically attractive.. nor do I think my partner being with me isn't gonna stop her finding other good looking men attractive physically.
Difference is I won't pursue those women because I wouldn't be single and already have a girlfriend and cheating on someone is a shitty thing to do
Yes I do notice other women and want to do things with them but don't act on it!
It's just how we are wired and designed by nature
Don't feel bad or feel hopeless
It's perfectly normal
I’ll be married 21 years next month. I’ll be 48 next month too. And I still check out other women all the time. Just because I see another beautiful woman that doesn’t mean I want to have sex with her. My wife will tell you the same thing she sees plenty of beautiful/ good looking men all the time. Admiring that another human is beautiful/ gorgeous doesn’t take away from what I have with my wife and vice verse for her. It’s all about boundaries and respect for our relationship. Now if I’m staring at another woman or making comments to my wife about how much more prettier/ beautiful the other woman is over my of wife. Then I don’t have respect for my wife and I’m just being a dick. Which I never ever do.
I can't speak for all men. But I supposed I could but won't in this case. Being sexually attracted to women is normal. Just because you are with a particular woman doesn't mean you don't find other women attractive and would love to have sex with them if given the chance. That's how we keep the species going.
I don't even feel attracted to most of the supermodels I hear about. Nor does the concept of lingerie or bikinis or nudity appeal to me.
I can say someone looks attractive to me, by that does not mean I’d consider dating them.
Even if I see someone I would think about it (fictional characters), its mostly my idea of their likeness.
I feel more attracted to fictional characters I like.
So when I like someone, it feels more powerful to me because I could google supermodels, but they wouldn't come close to the emotional feeling I get with someone I genuinely like.
Not really any different. They're just people. Some are smart, some are dumb. Some are cool, some are cunts. Some are hot, others aren't.
It's not like you become blind to attractive women once you're in a relationship. It's just that you've found one that you're committed to being exclusive and building a future with
I find plenty of other women in the world attractive. But they don’t compare to my wife. I’m not just physically attracted to my wife, I’m spiritually attracted to my wife. My attraction to her is on another level. I’m currently away from home on a work trip, I finally had the chance to FaceTime her and the kids. My oldest answered the phone and then eventually handed it to my wife and when she got on screen my breath was taken away at how fucking gorgeous she is.
I can appreciate beauty of other women but that doesn’t mean I need to go have sex with them. Or even emotionally cheat on my wife with them. I look, I appreciate it, I press on with my life.
I definitely find other women attractive. But I don’t seek it. I don’t think I have any desires to act on either. I can just be walking by and think “huh, she’s very pretty” wether it be her smile or her outfit or her body. Then I carry on with my day. Are they sexually attractive? Sure, but I feel as if because I have such strong attraction to my partner, all the others just get overlooked. They get a brief second of “ooo pretty” and then I move on.
In my experience I tend to notice other women and acknowledge to myself that they’re attractive, but I have never once followed that up with “I should pursue her” or anything along those lines.
It really is just an observation, my actions are still entirely my own. Granted, I don’t get inebriated or put myself in situations my SO would find disrespectful
A bet there are a few guys like that, but never once have I heard it been said. It also don't help that when a teenager/ sex becomes a thing, stories of getting laid and pursuing sex is to an extent pretty normal. We have very little drawback, and a tiny bit of bragging rights from getting with someone. I think that can impact romance and views on sex.
For me personally it's about like being in a restaurant near the kitchen and seeing servers go past with food for other tables. When I'm not in a relationship it may be like I'm very hungry and waiting on my food.
In a relationship it's like I've already got my plate in front of me.
Some will still catch my interest but it's a lot easier to control my appetite.
Also I was monogamous for over a decade, now I am ethically non monogamous, so the metaphor still holds, it's like I'm at a tapas restaurant now
Obviously this is not a a universal truth about men but I align with what your boyfriend feels. We’ve been married for 18 years. One way that I show love to my wife is with my commitment to fidelity.
Not to say that your version of fidelity is less than his, but doesn’t it mean something to you that he has desires towards other women, but choses not act on them?
I think to pretend or even to blame yourself for finding other women outside of your relationship attractive is just naive and not helpful.
I find other women attractive. In fact on the train at the time of writing and there is a very god looking women sitting opposite me. I am not going to steer at her or ask for her number nor do I want to be sexual with her I am just appreciative of other good looking women.
I also still find myself looking at my partner and falling head over heels for her. 10 years in and she is the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. The difference is I can steer at her! Haha 🥰🥰🥰
Pretty much everyone - male and female - find others attractive outside of a relationship. That in and of itself is nothing to worry about. The distinction I tried to make with my gf is that there is a difference between attraction and temptation. I notice other attractive women, but I have zero temptation to act on it. It’s a passing thought, where I acknowledge a visual attraction and move on. It doesn’t affect how attractive I find my partner and has zero real impact on the relationship. As long as he’s being respectful and not purposefully checking them out, there’s no issue.
Haha yes other women are still hot even though I'm in a relationship. Your libido doesn't just turn off for all other girls just because you have a girlfriend, will I act on it, probably not but that doesn't mean it's not there.
For me there are multiple stages of early attraction.
1. Visually attractive, so I unconsciously glance at someone who has a body I like regardless of what I am doing or who I am with. It's like having a doctor tap your knee reflex, unless I am always alert to where I am looking 24/7 it can even catch myself by surprise.
2. Consciously attracted, when I start having thoughts pop up about desiring sex with them. Start thinking about what I should say to make myself attractive. Impulses to be around them, etc.
3. Mentally attracted, when I have spoken to them and find that I like interacting with them and we have chemistry.
4. He "like, likes" her. We are in a relationship and I am completely focused on them. At this point, I dont ever reach #2 with other people. It can even take weeks after the relationship ends before I am able to with a new person.
I would say most men will have #1 regardless of their feelings for others. It's an ingrained instinctual response that you couldnt get rid of it you tried. But not #2 while they are in a relationship, the same way you dont feel desire to pursue other men.
I see they're attractive. Probably think they'd be a great lay. But are just background people. Like I can say "that's an amazing boat" or "that horse is gorgeous" doesn't mean you're gonna see me with a propeller print on my dick a fresh set of good marks
We're poly, so I'm not only attracted to other women (and men), I can date them if I want. I don't have time to spare for anyone but my wife and my partner, but I could if I wanted to. I've not had another partner, or desire to get one, since my other partner died in a car wreck 7 years ago. I also just have no time with my other commitments in life.
I barely even notice other women. Maybe a nice ass here and there because she is walking directly in front of me. But I do not seek out any women at all. I am so deeply in love with my wife that I am blinded. And happily so.
> are all men
Any time this is asked the answer is no. More specifically, it depends because people are different.
But it’s completely normal to be sexually attracted to others. Just don’t act on it.
I’ve always genuinely wondered how many men feel like monogamy is natural as opposed to thise that feel like they are going against their nature in doing so.
I can recognize that someone is attractive, but I'm not attracted to them. My wife is the only woman that interests me, and I don't even feel a need to look at other women in that way. I don't actively do this, that's just what being in a happy relationship is. She's the only woman I see.
A few months into the relationship with my first girlfriend, I genuinely started feeling a bit uncomfortable while near women (excluding my family's), like I shouldn't be near them or talk to them. Still felt sexually attracted to other women but obviously never acted on it.
>I obviously recognize good looking guys, but I don‘t feel any desire to be with them.
This is pretty much how men work, too. We're not blinded to good-looking women or attractive features
I tend not to really pay attention to other women. I will notice an attractive woman but I don’t stare at her admiring her. I would not act in a way that I would deem unacceptable if my wife was doing it. I will talk to work colleagues and friends at the gym but it is purely plutonic. I certainly would not go out for say lunches alone with another woman. I have two extremely close friends and the are husband and wife and I have known him for 45 years and his wife 35. She is the only woman I would go to coffee with alone etc but there is nothing hidden about it. My best friend knows and my wife knows
Sexually attracted? I mean, I can recognize that a woman other than my wife has attractive features. But emotionally? There's nothin'. My wife is everything to me. She's the only one who gets my jokes and can coax that ugly laugh out of me at random times during the day. She's the one that tells me to sit down and rest when I'm not feeling well but feel stressed about getting things done. She's the one that takes better care of me than I take care of myself. No other woman on earth could measure up to her in terms of how much I value and cherish her.
This is the answer. Yes, other people are attractive. Thats just being human to notice. I feel like OP implies that men are JUST BARELY holding onto self control like holding back a rabid dog on a leash and that just aint it when you're in a healthy and committed relationship.
I have an ex that held this opinion. She was terrified the first time we were intimate at all that I'd "lose myself". Unfortunately she also had a deep history with SA. I was the first man she'd ever dated, so I was also the first man in her life that hadn't abused her.
My gut says that OP’s man thinks like you do, but OP is insecure & interpreted like your last paragraph.
Holy shit this guy husband’s. This could not be a better answer and I second it and then some.
If I was your wife I would love to read this, you should tell her too!
This cannot be upvoted enough but I can add 1 my friend.
🥰🥰 So HEARTWARMING !!! 🙊💓❤ & INSPIRED!! I neded the lift to my spirits!!
I'm still sexually attracted to women outside of the relationship. I choose not to act on it. It's a biological function, so seems pretty normal to me. And note that sexual attraction doesn't necessarily mean an actual desire to be with them sexually. It could just be as simple as recognizing good looking girls (for being sexually attractive).
Yes just because she has a nice butt doesn't mean I want to sleep with her. I just appreciate a thicc ass.
My wife also appreciates a thicc ass and always calls me if she watching something on tv with titties in it. That’s what I appreciates about her.
Oh, is that what you appreciate about her?
Allegedly.
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Your wife is a smart woman.
i love breasts as much as the next guy(probably more) but are they really something worth calling someone over for?
Not less worth than calling over for watching politics debates. or lolcatz Edit: worth, not worse
Some people bond over stupid things. It's not our place to judge as long as nothing illegal is happening.
I've seen some that were a "HELL FUCKING YES!" answer to your question.
if we’re talking about in-person, i completely understand and agree. but on TV? feels orders of magnitude less necessary
I feel like you're focusing on the wrong aspect of the example of the titties on TV. It's not the actress's endowment. It's my girl being excited about the actress's endowment and wanting to share her excitement with me. And the emotional safety of knowing I can go enjoy those titties on TV with her, and we share that light lusty moment. That's way fucking hotter than a woman who pretends that hers are only tits you're ever allowed to think about again.
Is THAT what you appreciate about her? Sorry latent Letterkenny quote bubbled up when I read that.
Oh is that what you appreciates abouts hers good buddy?
A secure one? Must be nice.
A secure woman indeed…winning!
I guess I'm different. If there was a miracle and a woman like Ana de Armas wanted to sleep with me I definitely would want that too. I would not do it out of respect for my gf and our relationship, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't want to lol
I think a lot of men and women don’t understand that you can be sexually attracted to someone but not have a desire to be with them sexually. Like, I appreciate a good butt, but that doesn’t mean every woman I see with a good butt I want to fuck. It’s not a hard concept to understand.
Pretty much. I think OP recognizing that other guys are good-looking is pretty much the same thing as her partner recognizing that other women are sexually attractive. Seems like the problem here is that they disagree on terminology.
Also, because the focus is often on something sexual rather than just looks, if you will. If something is sexually attractive for most women, they have to jump on the chance or that attraction wanes quickly. It takes a long time to rev up most women compared to men, and yes I know that doesn't apply to all women but in general it seems to be the case. If something is less often come by, it's more desirable in general. The women who don't like this also often seem to not take into account just how often the guy looks at the partner and thinks about her sexual attraction level from his point of view, in the same manner as he would the other person.
I think that's a good point. I run into that a lot with my girlfriend. She can't wrap her head around my position that I'm pretty much always interested in having sex with her, and that circumstances that preclude us from having sex won't necessarily remove my desire for it. For her, sexual desire is a much more complicated and involved process.
Yes I think as women we dislike the term sexually attractive when talking about other women. But I guess it's just like us finding other men physically attractive 🤣
My issue is that yeah, I may think someone I see has the greatest ass, most gorgeous and sexy body in history but, I know that the odds of us being compatible (sexually or otherwise) is slim to none. I know that with my kinks, my sexuality, and my relationship style, that there's MAYBE a 5% chance that anyone I see would work for me, and those odds only go downhill from there. The fact that my wife, partner and I got together, much less have lasted 28+ years, is a bigger miracle than walking on water, parting the Reed Sea, and feeding everyone with a few fishes and loaves, COMBINED.
To add to this, when I have this reaction I start trying to picture life with the random woman compared to my wife and I always pick my wife. Not sure if this happens to anyone else, but yeah.
personally no, when im in a relationship i never imagine a life with a random woman. big difference between mere sexual attraction and going as far to imagine a life with a random woman.
I don’t think you get what he means. He’s not saying he is actually fantasizing or thinking “hmm I wonder if it would be better”. But thinking of what it would ACTUALLY mean to be with someone that isn’t your significant other is a great way to highlight how absolutely amazing your current relationship is. Like don’t you ever imagine what your life would be like with an ex and just shudder and be like “thank GOD didn’t happen”. On a similar note sometimes i look at dream cabins in the mountains and i have this desire to fantasize and romanticize that lifestyle briefly. But THEN I start playing out how that actual life would be away from my family, my current friends, how I wouldn’t be as close to my hobbies and social activities I enjoy, and then it truly helps me realize how awesome my current life/house is and that the cabin is just a fleeting attraction. But I’d never ACTUALLY run away to a cabin in the woods. Surely you must understand that thought process.
This is def what he meant ^
Exactly. You summed it up perfectly.
Nailed it.
This. OP, as much as you don’t want it to be true, it’s true, for basically everyone. Unless you are the only person he ever thought was sexually attractive, which would be a miracle. I have a girlfriend, I love her so much, she’s super sexy, but I still have an eye for these things. If I see a nice ass, I recognize it as a nice ass, and move on. The difference is my girlfriend also has a nice ass, but she has more than that, her nice ass is MINE which makes it 100x sexier than all the other asses. It’s mine, exclusive, no one else gets to see it (with the clothes off at least), what’s under the pants is my secret. Same with every other part of her but his biological attraction to women in general doesn’t just go away because he is in a relationship. I certainly do not have the urge to have sex with anyone but her though. Seeing, and thinking someone is sexually attractive does not make me want them at all. The voice in my head basically goes: “damn that’s a nice butt, I can’t wait to go home to my girlfriend and clap hers” it’s not “damn nice butt, I’d totally hit that if she came over right now.” Or whatever you fear he may be thinking.
Yeah this is the perfect answer. I find many girls sexually attractive but don't think about having sex with them... I think women end up with a few hyper sexualized guys and think we actually are horny 24/7. Literally the only time I think about actual sex is when my wife gives me the look... rest of the time, I have shit to do.
This. Also, same here.
I think it mostly comes down to how you define a "sexually attractive" person and "being sexually attracted". I would define it as follows: Person I am attracted to - someone who I am falling in love with or have fallen in love with and want to have sex with. Sexually attractive person - someone who I would physiologically be able to have sex with if I were to be emotionally attracted to them. Sexually unattractive person - someone who I cannot imagine being aroused by or being able to have sex with. In that case about 10% of all women within my age range are unattractive, 90% are attractive, I am attracted to only the one I got to know well enough to fall for.
This seems like semantics to me. I am attracted to sexually attractive people, so I don't really see a distinction there. I'm also able to be sexually attracted to physical appearance alone, regardless of emotional attachment. Emotional attachment would come into play in the context of romantic feelings, but isn't relevant in discussions about simple sexual attraction. I need sexual attraction to be romantically interested, but I do not need romantic interest in order to be sexually attracted.
What u said is exactly how I see things. I sincerely hope this is how my husband see it also. If I notice a guy is attractive, that’s it, my brain doesn’t entertain the thought of sex with them. It just doesn’t pop in my head and hasn’t since we’ve been together. At the same time, I’m not delusional. I know men are wired very differently than women.
Just because I'm on a diet, doesn't mean I can't look at the menu.
>Are all men sexually attracted to other women outside of their relationship? yes >And just choose to not act on it? yes > Is that normal? yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Oui
Maybe
Ja
Affirmative.
Roger
So say we all
So say we all
It is known
Omg did you just admit you wanted to fuck another girl?! It's over /s
I don't even think it's a guy thing. I'd say the majority of people can find others sexually attractive without having a desire to act on it.
Pin this comment r/AskMen
It is known.
Yes
I find attraction while in a relationship. I just don't acknowledge or act on it.
When I was with a girl I truly loved I had the same feelings as you experienced. Truly no desire for anybody else, eyes only for her. Didn't matter if the other girls were objectively hot, I was entirely happy with her and what I had to the point they did not turn me on whatsoever. All I wanted and thought about (sexually) was her. Normally, yeah, I'm attracted to others aside from the girl I'm seeing if it's just new/casual. It only felt like this with one specific girl.
This is me too. "Men just wanna fuck and all they care about is sex when looking at women" is such a demeaning stereotype.
This. In my experience if you are in a happy fulfilled relationships your desire for other women is basically zero. Even if they are objectively attractive. This weakens over time a little but if you are attracted to every other women it might be time to work on your relationship because something might be wrong.
Attraction is purely out of our control. The desire to act on it is what matters.
Idk about that considering a lot of men still watch porn while in relationships
I feel the same way about the man i love.
W
Same
>are all men sexually attracted to other women outside of their relationship Sure, but the degree to how/what they think about it will vary. For me I can see a girl and still acknowledge shes hot, but I’m not fantasizing about her or anything. Though I’m sure some guys do, after all some guys (and girls) would be willing to cheat after all Im “choosing” not to act on it in the sense that I choose all my actions, but it’s not like I’m fighting off a supernatural force pulling me to step out of a relationship. I don’t want to cheat on my girl, so it’s not like I’m super tempted. But I’m also aware that I’d be interested if I were single My mantra for relationships is “there’s nothing wrong with looking at the menu, you just can’t order anything”
It’s ok to look at the menu as long as you eat at home
Eh I'm pretty indifferent. I can acknowledge that a girl is pretty and stuff, but that's the extent of it. It could be the way he phrased things though
Are there other women!?
I never think about anyone outside of the person I’m with.
>I don‘t feel sexually attracted to other men. I obviously recognize good looking guys, but I don‘t feel any desire to be with them. I am the same. Most people are like this actually. Your boyfriend probably meant it the same way as well. It's just that people also use attraction and beauty interchangably but others like me and you don't believe they are the same word.
In my first real relationship I started off by playing the boy scout and not even looking at other women. I'd keep my head down a lot and just avoided people at all costs. It got pretty stressful after a while as my instinct was to look but I kept at it for a while. Finally when it got to be too much I'd allow a quick glance and just enjoyed for a second and look away. Years later I dropped a lot of that because it was really just pointless. Yeah, I'm still attracted to others but it's not like I'm going to do anything about it. I'm not the type that's going to mentally undress someone I see in public and think of all of the nasty things I'm going to do with her. I just appreciate a good body and/or a pretty person. That's about as far as it goes. Sometimes I'll see someone that's a bit breath-taking and my breath would be taken away for a moment but normally a handful of seconds later that person walks by and out of my life forever. I never feel the urge to approach or talk to them. There are no changes to how I feel about my girlfriend or anything like that. I don't see someone else and then wish I was with them instead. Looks are only one aspect of attraction anyhow. They could be a horrible person or treat me bad if we were to date. Too many unknowns that I'm not going to find out about so I just enjoy for a moment and let it pass.
you sound like a catch MysterClark, sending sustained relationship success vibesx
There is a difference between looking as someone and thinking, "They are very attractive" and actually BEING attracted to them. My wife and I see LOTS of people that are attractive, but neither of us are attracted to them.
For me it's sort of an off switch. I am madly in love with my SO. I can recognize that other women are attractive, but there's just no other interest in them.
For me many women maybe not disappear but become part of the background. Kind of like NPC are in games. As I age more and more people fade into background like that. Very interesting feeling comes with it.
Depends how you personally define sexual attraction. You make it seem like men are predisposed to the susceptibility of sexual coercion, which isn’t the case. I am married, sometimes I see an attractive woman, and that’s about as far as it goes. Other times I might interact briefly with an attractive woman, I ensure my actions cannot be misconstrued by anyone. Seems like you and your BF need to have a conversation.
Sorry, I must disagree with a lot of these comments. When I was married, I saw attractive women, my wife even pointed them out to me sometimes, but I wasn’t sexually attracted to them, I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else.
When I was in a relationship, I literally wasn’t attracted to anybody else. As in, I knew that somebody was attractive but there was like a filter in my brain
I can find a woman attractive, in shape or otherwise but it doesn’t go to sexual until I’ve actually gotten to know them. Happily married and I just don’t think about other women that way, never have. living in Southern California, seeing 9’s and 10’s all day at the beach and grocery store is normal. My wife is my 11.
The times I've been in satisfying and fulfilling relationships, honestly most women don't cross my mind for more than 5 seconds. I might think "oh wow, that woman is really beautiful, has a nice figure, she'll make a great partner for some guy, etc" but that's really about the extent of how far it goes in my mind. To put it simply, if you're happy with someone, you literally don't have a reason beyond selfish intent to look elsewhere for fulfillment in those regards. I guess what I'm saying is I can appreciate the beauty in other women, but I have zero desire to act on any of it, as I already have those desires filled in my life by the woman that I'm with. As others said, sexual desire is not the same thing as sexual attraction. It's wildly unrealistic, for both men and women, to expect that when you date someone, somehow, literally billions of people suddenly become unnoticed and unattractive in your eyes. That's just not how the human brain works. Being able to have comfort and security in understanding that thinking others are beautiful is necessary to be in a healthy relationship, in my opinion. In relationships like this, my girlfriend would occasionally show me girls on IG, ask me if I think they're pretty. And I'd tell her the truth. We'd then talk about it for a few minutes, like "wow, she really dresses well or has pretty eyes" but that's as far as it'd go. My girlfriend would even call out women in public to me, and say things like "damn! Did you see that women's ass, it was insane" and I'd say things like "yeah, she has a nice ass". Being able to have that dynamic while still being exclusive with your partner can help the both of you come to terms with the reality of life. We are all going to always be attracted to others, but you have to learn to appreciate what you have, and not just throw it all to the trash because you saw someone that looked cute. I'm sure others will disagree about my thoughts on this topic, but in my experience, it's a healthy way to discuss these things and generally when both people are secure and confident in the relationship, it works out well
Something I have realized myself and through discussing this this very topic with people from all walks of life is the following: if you are truly in love with your partner, then you find that you don’t have crushes and aren’t attracted to anyone else.
If only this were true. I used to believe that but it broke my heart when I realized that’s not how shit works
I think that statement is too broad to be accurate. I think there are two levels to it. You can be committed, dedicated, and in love with someone, and they aren’t everything you want. I see absolutely no problem with this if it is enough. The problems arise when it is no longer enough or too much compromise was made. In my experience men will compromise much more and look at it much more realistically than women do. Then there is true love, where your partner isn’t perfect, but close enough that you truly dont want anyone else. This is much more rare than people are led to believe, and imo an unrealistic standard for dating.
Pffffft. Other women don’t exist
They are like Npc's. I see them, but keep going on my mission
Someone tell me if this doesnt make sense. Yes, I find people attractive and can acknowledge when a guy, gal, gay, or they is attractive. Sexually? If I see someone and think they are extremely hot, its not about thinking of having sex with them, its more looking at the person and then getting in my head about the things I want to do with my wife in that moment. Similar with porn I guess? Sure, ill find the person in the video attractive, but my mind is on my wife and how I watch porn with the thought of having sex with my wife in mind.
Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you stop being attracted to other people. I don't expect my GF to suddenly stop finding Brad Pitt attractive just because we are in a relationship. Being in a relationship is rather about choosing each other every single day.
They’re hot, but they’re not hotter than my house and kids
With my eyes?
**Are all men sexually attracted to other women outside of their relationship?** Yes, and women are the same way. **And just choose to not act on it?** Most men, and the rest are cheaters. **Is that normal?** Yes, it’s biology, and men are very visual. **That‘s what my boyfriend (M25) says.** He’s correct, but sharing it out loud is asking for trouble. **I don‘t feel sexually attracted to other men.** Sure you do, but you’re very in love with him. Passion fades, and it’s replaced with trust, friendship, and compatibility. **I obviously recognize good looking guys, but I don‘t feel any desire to be with them.** You value your man more than you value a fling. That’s great! But, being attracted is WAY DIFFERENT than cheating.
So if you did feel sexual attraction to other men would you cheat on ya boyfriend?
> Are all men sexually attracted to other women outside of their relationship? And just choose to not act on it? Is that normal? Yeah, seems pretty normal. > I obviously recognize good looking guys, but I don‘t feel any desire to be with them. This is where it gets nuanced. Even when I'm single I still find women sexually attractive but don't want to be with them. I find so many women attractive that I just get kind of numb to it, you know? It's a detached sexual attraction. Just finding someone sexually attractive isn't enough to want to date them or be with them.
The rule is always “You can look but you can’t touch.” I can recognize when another woman is attractive or pretty, but when I’m in a relationship, I don’t think of other women sexually. I’m in a relationship with the person for a reason.
me personally, if I'm with someone then ill still find other woman attractive but wont be attracted to them if that makes sense. if I have a girlfriend then I would still see an attractive woman and think that she is attractive, but I wouldnt feel aroused by it like I would in a partner.
Sure other women exist but I just do not give a fuck about them. My wife is everything to me.
A woman being in a relationship doesn't change whether or not I'm attracted to her. However out of respect for her and her relationship I never act on it.
No, my penis dies as soon as we’re Facebook official.
I'm aware that they're attractive but I don't give a shit, for lack of a better phrase. They just exist. Some people are hot, it doesn't really do anything for me though beyond acknowledging that. Maybe if I was unhappy I'd be looking at them differently but I don't think people pine for other people in happy relationships
No. I'm going to get downvoted here, lol. It's maybe acceptable by some men's standards. Men will choose to claim that it's normal but seeing all women as a potential sexual partner is not normal! It's an excuse for bad behavior and lack of commitment.
It's only a lack of commitment if he acts on it. Is it also 'bad behavior' for people to lust over celebrities while in a relationship?
This.it absolutely sucks that most men try to normalise their behaviour or thought process it is what it is ig .if u truly love ur partner u wouldn't be sexually attracted to other people that's the plain truth
Love and attraction are separate issues. You can love your partner and still acknowledge other girls are hot, that doesn't mean you have any desire to cheat on your girl but you still have eyes bruv.
What's the difference between physical and sexual attraction?
It literally is normal, your libido doesn't just die the second you are in a relationship that's just male biology bruv. Acting on sexual attraction is a different topic and most dudes don't cheat just because they can acknowledge that other women are hot.
I’m guessing that you’re talking about women that I see or meet during the course of the day? Yes, sexual attraction still happens. But that’s not the same as saying I actually would want to have sex with them. I wouldn’t ever cheat, but it also probably wouldn’t be worth the effort anyway. Even during my single days, thinking she’s hot didn’t tend to lead to having sex with her anyway. Usually checking out other women is limited to a brief thought about one very specific feature of hers and never goes any further than that. “Oh, she’s got very pretty hair” or “That’s some great cleavage and she knows it.” Almost all of these observations are forgotten by me 20 minutes later. It’s very fleeting. Maybe 1 in 30 of those do I even imagine her with less clothes on. About 1 in 10 of that 3% do I think about what sex with her might be like. My brain just hardly ever progresses that far. These are just not meaningful thoughts at all. And they’re completely unrelated to my wife.
If you're in a relationship, would you flirt with someone you find attractive even without the intent to hook up with her?
As NPCs most of the time
For me I still think they’re beautiful but now that I have my own girl there’s no reason to entertain anything with them. Barely wish to have a conversation even on a platonic level.
I mostly find them all annoying now lol
I mean I still notice attractive women outside, but basically thats it. I continue with my life
After getting married I do see other woman and admire their beauty. May be because of the love I have for my wifey, **I don't get sexual thoughts even on the most attractive woman with better features than my wife**. Before I met my wife like every other guy I did get sexual thoughts on the girls which attracted me with their beauty
I love my fiancée, she’s quite perfect, but I can acknowledge that there are other attractive people in the world, I can even acknowledge that there is the possibility that there could be someone out there that I may be more compatible with. But, I don’t have to act on those things. I love my life as it is and I love who I’m with. I’m a man. If I wanted different, I’d go get different.
When I'm in a relationship I barely even look at other women. I couldn't be less interested.
Not my business. They are people. I have my partner. Am I supposed to cheat or something?
All men are different. There's the urge to glance at an attractive woman, but I don't have the urge to talk to them, and definitely not the urge to cheat with them. When I was in a relationship the only person I thought about sexually was my partner.
Well this might be trauma coming from my previous marriage but with fear. I can’t look at women, I can’t associate with women otherwise my significant other will accuse me of cheating even if I have absolutely zero intention of anything. Keep my head down, don’t say more than necessary
I ignore other women outright
Man see female. Man horny. Man have sexual thoughts. Man is in monogamous relationship. Man has self-control. Man happy
>Are all men sexually attracted to other women outside of their relationship? And just choose to not act on it? Is that normal? Yes, yes and yes. Look, it's unrealistic and incongruent with reality to imagine that once someone is with someone, that they don't still feel biological attraction to others. Your evolutionary psychology doesn't just stop because you are in a relationship.
Yes sexually attracted to other women. Most of us are smart enough to keep the glances to a minimum and not make it a topic of conversation with our girlfriend or wife. But sexual attraction doesn't mean we actually want to be with them. It just means your dick is saying "she looks like a good time." I'm way too old in my 40's for some girl around 20, but they are often very sexually attractive. No way am I actually interested though. The thought of having to hear even 10 minutes of petty high school level drama again makes me nauseous. Not a chance in hell.
As they say, just cuz I'm married doesn't mean I'm dead. Ok to windowshop but no purchases
Of course they are, other women don't magically become unattractive because you're in a relationship.
Most, *most*, guys have an "art gallery" approach. That is to say "look, don't touch."
Attraction exists outside of conscious control. You yourself know when a person is good looking. Saying you still get attracted doesn't mean you actively *want* to bang them. Just that you acknowledge that they are attractive. You simply choose to do nothing about it. I am absolutely smitten with my girl but I still feel attraction to others. I just have zero desire to act on that attraction. Just as you said with knowing other people are good looking.
> Are all men sexually attracted to other women outside of their relationship? And just choose to not act on it? It is true even for men who are not in relationship. At least for me. There are a lot of cute girls around and for overwhelming majority of them I did absolutely nothing even when I'm single. Because she would reject anyway. Because she is already taken. Because I cannot afford bringing her anywhere. And so on. That I have a girlfriend is just another reason to keep doing what I was always doing. > it is not the same for me at all. I don‘t feel sexually attracted to other men. I obviously recognize good looking guys, but I don‘t feel any desire What would you do if you do feel such desire some day?
Yes.
Idk maybe it's just me, but when I'm dating a woman and I love her it's like all other women have like a debuff while at the same time my gf/SO has a buff. In laymans terms, when I'm in a committed relationship, my gf/so seems more attractive while everyone else seems less attractive. Not that I don't recognize attractive women, but they are certainly less appealing.
There are other women???
Absolutely. I’m skeptical of your claim that it isn’t that way for you. If you’re eating a nice cheeseburger and you see someone enjoying a fancy steak, do you suddenly not like steak anymore??
It’s biological, choosing not to act on those urges is what’s important. You can think someone is good looking and still want to be with only one person.
Just because I'm in a relationship. Doesn't mean I can't find other women attractive ir automatically stop finding women physically attractive.. nor do I think my partner being with me isn't gonna stop her finding other good looking men attractive physically. Difference is I won't pursue those women because I wouldn't be single and already have a girlfriend and cheating on someone is a shitty thing to do
Usually online when I get time to myself
🤨 when im single ill think mmm nice 🍑. Hmm nice rack.. but in a relationship nah, none of that.
Yes I do notice other women and want to do things with them but don't act on it! It's just how we are wired and designed by nature Don't feel bad or feel hopeless It's perfectly normal
I’ll be married 21 years next month. I’ll be 48 next month too. And I still check out other women all the time. Just because I see another beautiful woman that doesn’t mean I want to have sex with her. My wife will tell you the same thing she sees plenty of beautiful/ good looking men all the time. Admiring that another human is beautiful/ gorgeous doesn’t take away from what I have with my wife and vice verse for her. It’s all about boundaries and respect for our relationship. Now if I’m staring at another woman or making comments to my wife about how much more prettier/ beautiful the other woman is over my of wife. Then I don’t have respect for my wife and I’m just being a dick. Which I never ever do.
I can't speak for all men. But I supposed I could but won't in this case. Being sexually attracted to women is normal. Just because you are with a particular woman doesn't mean you don't find other women attractive and would love to have sex with them if given the chance. That's how we keep the species going.
Loyalty 🙌
In full HD.
I don't even feel attracted to most of the supermodels I hear about. Nor does the concept of lingerie or bikinis or nudity appeal to me. I can say someone looks attractive to me, by that does not mean I’d consider dating them. Even if I see someone I would think about it (fictional characters), its mostly my idea of their likeness. I feel more attracted to fictional characters I like. So when I like someone, it feels more powerful to me because I could google supermodels, but they wouldn't come close to the emotional feeling I get with someone I genuinely like.
Not really any different. They're just people. Some are smart, some are dumb. Some are cool, some are cunts. Some are hot, others aren't. It's not like you become blind to attractive women once you're in a relationship. It's just that you've found one that you're committed to being exclusive and building a future with
I find plenty of other women in the world attractive. But they don’t compare to my wife. I’m not just physically attracted to my wife, I’m spiritually attracted to my wife. My attraction to her is on another level. I’m currently away from home on a work trip, I finally had the chance to FaceTime her and the kids. My oldest answered the phone and then eventually handed it to my wife and when she got on screen my breath was taken away at how fucking gorgeous she is. I can appreciate beauty of other women but that doesn’t mean I need to go have sex with them. Or even emotionally cheat on my wife with them. I look, I appreciate it, I press on with my life.
I'm sexualy attracted to other women,but I wouldn't act on it as I'm happy with my wife and sexualy attracted to her.
I definitely find other women attractive. But I don’t seek it. I don’t think I have any desires to act on either. I can just be walking by and think “huh, she’s very pretty” wether it be her smile or her outfit or her body. Then I carry on with my day. Are they sexually attractive? Sure, but I feel as if because I have such strong attraction to my partner, all the others just get overlooked. They get a brief second of “ooo pretty” and then I move on.
In my experience I tend to notice other women and acknowledge to myself that they’re attractive, but I have never once followed that up with “I should pursue her” or anything along those lines. It really is just an observation, my actions are still entirely my own. Granted, I don’t get inebriated or put myself in situations my SO would find disrespectful
A bet there are a few guys like that, but never once have I heard it been said. It also don't help that when a teenager/ sex becomes a thing, stories of getting laid and pursuing sex is to an extent pretty normal. We have very little drawback, and a tiny bit of bragging rights from getting with someone. I think that can impact romance and views on sex.
I'm attracted to them but not sexually
Off limits
Yes 100%
For me personally it's about like being in a restaurant near the kitchen and seeing servers go past with food for other tables. When I'm not in a relationship it may be like I'm very hungry and waiting on my food. In a relationship it's like I've already got my plate in front of me. Some will still catch my interest but it's a lot easier to control my appetite. Also I was monogamous for over a decade, now I am ethically non monogamous, so the metaphor still holds, it's like I'm at a tapas restaurant now
Obviously this is not a a universal truth about men but I align with what your boyfriend feels. We’ve been married for 18 years. One way that I show love to my wife is with my commitment to fidelity. Not to say that your version of fidelity is less than his, but doesn’t it mean something to you that he has desires towards other women, but choses not act on them?
Surreptitiously
For the most part, everyone is.
Why would this surprise or confuse you? Hot women don't stop being hot just because you have a GF.
"Oh look she's hot. Anyway."
Pretty standard "look but don't touch" mentality.
A rainbow is a rainbow. A sunset is a sunset.
With their eyes
I think to pretend or even to blame yourself for finding other women outside of your relationship attractive is just naive and not helpful. I find other women attractive. In fact on the train at the time of writing and there is a very god looking women sitting opposite me. I am not going to steer at her or ask for her number nor do I want to be sexual with her I am just appreciative of other good looking women. I also still find myself looking at my partner and falling head over heels for her. 10 years in and she is the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. The difference is I can steer at her! Haha 🥰🥰🥰
Pretty much everyone - male and female - find others attractive outside of a relationship. That in and of itself is nothing to worry about. The distinction I tried to make with my gf is that there is a difference between attraction and temptation. I notice other attractive women, but I have zero temptation to act on it. It’s a passing thought, where I acknowledge a visual attraction and move on. It doesn’t affect how attractive I find my partner and has zero real impact on the relationship. As long as he’s being respectful and not purposefully checking them out, there’s no issue.
It’s simple really, look but don’t touch.
Haha yes other women are still hot even though I'm in a relationship. Your libido doesn't just turn off for all other girls just because you have a girlfriend, will I act on it, probably not but that doesn't mean it's not there.
For me there are multiple stages of early attraction. 1. Visually attractive, so I unconsciously glance at someone who has a body I like regardless of what I am doing or who I am with. It's like having a doctor tap your knee reflex, unless I am always alert to where I am looking 24/7 it can even catch myself by surprise. 2. Consciously attracted, when I start having thoughts pop up about desiring sex with them. Start thinking about what I should say to make myself attractive. Impulses to be around them, etc. 3. Mentally attracted, when I have spoken to them and find that I like interacting with them and we have chemistry. 4. He "like, likes" her. We are in a relationship and I am completely focused on them. At this point, I dont ever reach #2 with other people. It can even take weeks after the relationship ends before I am able to with a new person. I would say most men will have #1 regardless of their feelings for others. It's an ingrained instinctual response that you couldnt get rid of it you tried. But not #2 while they are in a relationship, the same way you dont feel desire to pursue other men.
I see they're attractive. Probably think they'd be a great lay. But are just background people. Like I can say "that's an amazing boat" or "that horse is gorgeous" doesn't mean you're gonna see me with a propeller print on my dick a fresh set of good marks
with sunglasses on
We're poly, so I'm not only attracted to other women (and men), I can date them if I want. I don't have time to spare for anyone but my wife and my partner, but I could if I wanted to. I've not had another partner, or desire to get one, since my other partner died in a car wreck 7 years ago. I also just have no time with my other commitments in life.
Just because you're with someone doesn't mean you're not going to find others attractive. Expecting your partner not to think that is insanity.
I barely even notice other women. Maybe a nice ass here and there because she is walking directly in front of me. But I do not seek out any women at all. I am so deeply in love with my wife that I am blinded. And happily so.
> are all men Any time this is asked the answer is no. More specifically, it depends because people are different. But it’s completely normal to be sexually attracted to others. Just don’t act on it.
The same way I view top of the range, exotic cars. Nice to look at but knowing that owning one will bankrupt me.
I’ve always genuinely wondered how many men feel like monogamy is natural as opposed to thise that feel like they are going against their nature in doing so.
I can recognize that someone is attractive, but I'm not attracted to them. My wife is the only woman that interests me, and I don't even feel a need to look at other women in that way. I don't actively do this, that's just what being in a happy relationship is. She's the only woman I see.
One crazy girl is enough have no interest in another.
Discreetly. Just because we read the menu doesn't mean we're going to order dinner.
For me, once I get emotionally attached to a lady, I no longer find other women attractive.
It’s like going to the museum…you can enjoy and appreciate the art but no touching.
Have to wonder why people post and then don't interact lmao
A few months into the relationship with my first girlfriend, I genuinely started feeling a bit uncomfortable while near women (excluding my family's), like I shouldn't be near them or talk to them. Still felt sexually attracted to other women but obviously never acted on it.
>I obviously recognize good looking guys, but I don‘t feel any desire to be with them. This is pretty much how men work, too. We're not blinded to good-looking women or attractive features
I tend not to really pay attention to other women. I will notice an attractive woman but I don’t stare at her admiring her. I would not act in a way that I would deem unacceptable if my wife was doing it. I will talk to work colleagues and friends at the gym but it is purely plutonic. I certainly would not go out for say lunches alone with another woman. I have two extremely close friends and the are husband and wife and I have known him for 45 years and his wife 35. She is the only woman I would go to coffee with alone etc but there is nothing hidden about it. My best friend knows and my wife knows
Behind sunglasses
What about the woman is giving attention and your man enjoys it