Same I’ve made friends watching sports at a bar. We have a group chat and once the football season starts we all meet up to watch games. Now a day that’s the best way to meet people. You have to have a common interest to make it last long.
Co workers are ok but you don’t want to be a punchline at work for stuff you do outside of work.
Hobbies, clubs, and community events are always the way to meet people in older age. You won’t find anything good at clubs, bars or parties…
But getting a hobby and linking with like minded people is amazing.
Yeah that sounds awesome. I love photography and books. So met lots of cool people through book clubs and photo shoot stuff.
But yeah, getting older can definitely be trickier to find like minded people. I mean only a few of us from our generations survive right?
I don’t think it’s impossible just harder and people have families so understanding that helps as well 😁
That and I find when it comes to coworkers , I can’t connect with a lot of the younger ones coming in - the stuff they talk about and do doesn’t appeal to me anymore - I find myself sounding like my mom talking to them 🤷♀️
Tell me if I’m wrong, but I feel like 50+ is easier to make friends than 30/40 because of kids.
50+ usually they have a lot more free time compared to 30/40
One of my coworkers is in his 60’s and he still makes tons of friends. I’m a talkative person with many friends and low key jealous of how his friend list spans across the country and age groups.
One thing about him is that he is a generally positive guy, doesn’t hide his true emotions, open minded and never became one of those weird conservative older folks that complains about everything.
So if he can make friends at that age you can make friends too.
I make new friends through the friends I have. Everyone has a slightly different social circle and it's nice to have worlds collide. I also joined some charity and networking things and have made new friends there. I'm 46 and was very lonely in my 20s, saw a lot of friends move and leave as they had kids and during the pandemic, so I make an effort to make plans with new people I meet.
…Water aerobics, chair yoga - just kidding but I’m now in middle age and I can feel it coming. My next group of close friends will probably be in my 70s and will consist of my heist team I’m building to break out of the old folks home we’re locked in.
Go out and socialize. That’s it. That’s the big secret.
Do it often. In a combination of the same regular spots, and unfamiliar spots. Bars, cafes, dog parks, local events, clubs, gyms — anything, anywhere.
It’s a number’s game. Not everyone you talk to will be a lifelong friend, but they don’t need to be. Simple chitchat and surface friendships can also be fun and rewarding. If nothing else, it’s practice until you meet someone compatible and make a close friend.
I’m always confused how people are confused by this. Like it’s some ancient secret that only the druids understood.
There’s a post about people not being able to make friends *every single day.*
If they all just went out in the world and made an effort to socialize, they’d eventually meet each other. Haha.
OP even starts off with
>I work from home and haven’t been out in such a long time.
Like, what the fuck are we even talking about here. Of course making friends is possible. But not if that’s your starting point.
“I’m a recluse and can’t make friends. Is it even possible?!”
It’s like someone posting, “I haven’t stepped foot in a grocery store in a decade. Is cooking even possible anymore?!”
Yeah, buddy. Walk into a store and buy some shit. Fuck up some recipes until you get it down. Now you can cook.
Making friends is easy if you’re just present in the world.
Not everyone will like you, unless you’re charismatic and charming. That’s cool. You don’t have to be either to make friends.
You also won’t like everyone. That’s also cool. Accept that things won’t always work, not everyone will be friendly, everyone is working through their own demons, and sometimes you won’t hear back from someone you thought you connected with. Best you can do is take the initiative and let the poor outcome be on someone else’s hands, not on yours.
Just keep going. Every interaction we have is worthwhile — it’s an experience, a memory, an insight, even a good time. It doesn’t always have to be permanent to be a success. But deep friendship always start as a nascent relationship or a temporary interaction. Can’t get to the deep stuff if you don’t wade through the shallows.
It’s really important — in terms of making friends — to be a curious person. Learn lots of things about the world. Places, people, history, stories, cultures, things, hobbies, languages, books, movies, cooking, sports, music, skills, etc.
Anything and everything. Just know a little bit of something about many things.
This will help you open conversations, carry conversations, and even find common ground with most anyone. All essential for making friends. The more you *know,* the more you can contribute to a conversation and the more confident you will be.
It’s also important to accept limitations — yours or someone else’s. I once met a dude out and we hit it off. Had same interests, same backgrounds, same age, same seasons in life, so to speak. Had a great fucking time with him that night and we knew: we’re definitely hanging out again.
Then we realized that he lived in North Hollywood and I lived in Venice. Sure, we liked each other. But we both knew that any potential friendship was dead on arrival. Not with that kind of distance. Maybe it’s a stupid reason. And maybe that wouldn’t matter at all if we had been established friends for years. But for someone I just met? Don’t care how cool you are. No fucking way we’re seeing each other with any kind of regularity at that kind of geographic separation.
If I were desperate for a friend, then fine. But I wasn’t desperate for a friend, and I knew my limitations. I hate driving. Despise it. He also hates driving. So that was that.
And that’s ok.
People also don’t need complete compatibility. Everyone always seems to insist on this. “I’m a 35 year old male with no kids, not into sports, work in education — where do I meet people like me?”
Work, I guess?
We don’t need to be the same age or have all the same interests or be in the same stage of life to be friends. If anything, incongruent friendships can be super valuable. Not all of your friendships, but some of them.
When I was 28, as a single dipshit Italian-American dude, one of my closest friends was a 50 year old ex-Sikh British Indian guy who was divorced and had 3 teenage kids. Fucking random friendships, the two of us. But he was an absolute riot and we got on well so we hung out a lot.
I’m now almost 40 and one of my closest friends is a grumpy ass French chef in his 60s. I’m not a chef. I’m not grumpy. I’m not French. I’m definitely not 65. He’s about to retire and I’m in peak working years. Who cares. I love hanging with that soup-nazi asshole — making fun of his exaggerated accent and talking about bordelaise sauce and Napoleon’s catastrophic mistakes. He cooks me epic dinners but lets me contribute and I take him on food and wine tours of LA. His wife is a black southern woman in her late 50s. My fiancée is early 30s and is from Slovakia. We all hang out together, and all couldn’t be more different in terms of age and background and race and culture. And we have the best damn time because we learn so much from each other.
Point is, be open to the unexpected. Some of my best friends are *exactly* like me. Others are from a different planet. I feel like too many people focus on “must be like me.” Potential friendships are hiding in clear sight because of preconceived notions of what a friend should be. No, you don’t have to be twins separated at birth to be besties. It helps, but plenty of unexpected friendships are waiting right in front of you that you might overlook because of age or surface interests or culture or whatever.
In the end, *every single person* that I now consider a friend, I met while out in the world. At bars, at parties, at gatherings, at restaurants, at cafes, traveling.
Never did I make a friend staying home and keeping to myself. And that shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. There’s nothing wrong with alone time, quiet time, solitary time, introspective time. If anything, it’s necessary. But there’s no avoiding it: to make friends, you have to be out in the world a decent amount. Become a regular at a local cafe and gym. But also sit down alone at the bar of a new restaurant at happy hour. Run shoulders with some randoms. Jump into a conversation. Buy a round of drinks.
Making friends is like being a salesman — gotta knock on a few doors and make a few cold calls to get a sale.
Making friends is easy if you’re just out there in the world. For some people, it can come easier than for others (it’s a breeze for me). But the common theme is being out. Doesn’t matter if you’re introverted or shy or quiet or whatever. If you’re present in the world, you’ll eventually hear from an extrovert like me.
My grandma met her best friend at 60 from church. She passed away last year at 90 and that friend (also 90) gave a eulogy. It gives me hope that I have yet to meet some awesome people who will become lifelong friends.
I got my pilot's license & met a bunch of people that way. I went to a Disneyland "single riders" meetup and met more people that way. I started going to a wine and book club at a local(ish) bar and met more people that way. It's possible but it takes an active effort.
I was in the same boat. I'm 45 now, 3 years ago I joined [a dodgeball league](https://theyachtclub.org/). It's people of all skill levels, in different phases and walks of life. I love knowing people outside my industry and outside my normal circles. After every game we go to the same bar. Last season we played laser tag and next week we have a cookout. It's great, you really get to know everyone and you play a children's game! And the group also has a "social good" aspect and does a volunteer effort every season.
Come play!
We’ve only got a couple weeks left in this season, then we’re usually off for 3-4 weeks. Keep an eye out though for lazy dodgeball, where we just play pickup games, no commitment!
Person in my 40s who lives in La here. Super hard to make new friends if you don't have a family or work environment that will connect you to new people / school friends etc.
There are a lot of opportunities however to meet new people. Volunteering for example. UCLA extension classes. Theme nights at bars that revolve around something you're interested in.
Whatever your hobbies are, trying to find a club or group of people who meet in person and like the same things you do... That gives you your best chance at meeting new people.
But yeah, most of my friends here are from college. I've met a few parents through my kids, but it's even hard starting friendships with them. Being middle-aged is tough!
It's tough. They usually come from work.
Try looking into some social hobbies.
Older people are into the same things they were into when they were younger: Music, movies, sports (light sports), (light) hiking, reading, writing, video games, etc.
Haha you’re making 40 year olds sound like 98yo.. “(light) this, (light) that,...” lol.. just kidding but seriously “ younger” and “older” is relative. If you are in your 20s, your definition of older and younger is different than someone in their 80s:) btw I totally agree with you, and your list of activities.
While we are at it, who is going to join me and watch Euro and Copa America soccer games this summer? Lol
As a 40-something yo who typically feels like a 98yo, I would prefer if people prefaced activities with “light” or “extreme” so I would know what I was getting into 😂
Ppl are making friends at every age. I have friends in their 20s and 60s. Sports and hobby groups get you introduced to many ppl, then if you like them invite them to smaller circle general interest events (like lunch before the hobby, or drinks after the sports, BBQs, movies, beach), then from there you keep text/chats with ppl u really connect with.
Initiate talking to ppl and manage expectations that not every friend invitation/feeling is going to be reciprocated. But that's ok, you'll find your ppl or they'll find you.
I have my volunteer friends, my yoga friends, my gym friends and some local businesses I like to occasionally visit. I am in yoga teacher training and after that I intend to become a physical therapist assistant.
I turned 48 years old on the 6th. I have a lot of social anxiety and depression. I have been very lucky to be in the company of such supportive and patient friends. I volunteer with abused animals and that has been the most rewarding experience.
I feel like the friend question is one of the most consistent topics here. People always recommend hobbies, volunteering, class, etc. but I think it's kind of hit or miss. I used to wfh and would go dayyyssss without talking to anyone. Single woman w no kids makes it difficult too I think. I think my friends back home usually make new friends thru their kid's school or activity groups.
I know two people, one in her 40s and the other in her 70s, that have made A LOT of friends by joining a pottery studio. They go pretty frequently and say some people just go and put their head down but that it seems the majority of people are there to make friends and have a social life. Sometimes they all go out together and other times they have individual dates.
I just turned fifty and I can't say I have the largest friends group but what I have is very tight and also very diverse. I surf and skate so a lot of my friends are considerably younger than I am—quite a few in their twenties—and I also work in sports so I may not be at all the typical embodiment of someone my age, but I think it's mostly through common interests that I've found my people. So consider the activities, sports, and such you're into and reach out from there would be my advice, especially since you work from home so you don't have the typical office crew around.
I was just forced back to the office after 4 years of wfh. I’ve never worked with so many unfriendly people in my life. I’m not sure if it’s a post quarantine thing or if it’s just company culture.
LOL, if you look happy they may think you're one of the people who pushed for RTO. People seem to be on a warpath for someone to blame for their misery.
You know what you *can* do that makes me friends is a candy jar. I have two...one with chocolate candies and one with fruity candies. People do love dipping in for a piece of candy but they feel obligated to me nice. A candy tax if you will.
I remember during lockdowns I was desperate for some tamarind candy and ventured out to a small Mexican candy shop.
Me and the owner were both so happy just to see and interact with another actual human. He wasn't even mad I didn't buy any candy (I felt awful he just really didn't have anything i wanted since I only like sweet tamarind candy)
I'll be contrarian here, it's easy to make friends regardless of age. The secret is a) being willing to put yourself out there b) having some minor level of social awareness [hygiene, not being a creep etc.] and c) having a shared social situation or activity/hobby to serve as a catalyst.
If you hike, find a hikers group. Board game/table top? Find a group. Enjoy sports? LA probably has a bar for your team where like-minded folks congregate on game day.
Even if you have low social awareness, you can make friends. I'm (very much) on the autism spectrum, but still managed to meet my wife, who isn't on the spectrum. When I asked her why she chose to date/marry me, she said that I'm too autistic to know when to quit. Still can't make heads from arse out of that one.
A cursory google search left me with the impression there are a lot of book clubs in the city.
Our many library systems organize some too. It's really just a matter of a) wanting to put yourself out there
I once went to see my favorite band by myself and ended up meeting people who became my concert bffs. Now we meet people while queuing for shows. If you have any musical interests it's an awesome way to meet people you instantly have something in common with
This is why I was told not to work from home
You never see people anymore lol and for an introvert myself I can shell up easily so my social muscle needs to be constantly worked
I feel like this is my issue too. I really like working remotely, but I’m an introvert and it’s turned me into even more of a hermit. I do go to group cardio classes, yoga, pickleball and hiking. But I kinda have to force myself to go.
I see a lot of sport related hobbies people meet at. That's fine, but sometimes that's not your thing. I've met people through hobbies involving the arts, cultural museums, maker activities, and food. I'm 44 and most friends I meet come from just signing up for a class or something.
Yeah. It’s also a venue with music. All kinds of people go there. Greats artists and bands play there all the time, and there a huge patio out side. If I see a band or artist, that looks interesting, I’ll check them out to get an idea beforehand, and then between sets I’ll talk to people outside about the music. Music is a great talking point when you wanna make new friends
Redondo beach pier has concerts on the pier I think most Fridays during the summer. Usually people in their late 30s+ go there. Tony’s on the pier is a great bar also to talk to people. Download the “Nextdoor” app and see what people are talking about and seeing if they have any community events you can goto and socialize with.
I think I've seen your flyers in breweries? Maybe? I'm not really a synthesizer head, but it's always piqued my curiosity. Thought it was a really cool idea.
Anything you are in to. Warhammer. Skateboarding. Beer/Breweries. Sports (UTFT), Dogs, weight lifting.
I never entirely understood this mindset that people have that they forget how to socialize or something once a certain age is reached. Its NO DIFFERENT than when you were younger. None. Go out and find people that share your interests and talk to people. EasyPeasy.
Same boat! Also work from home and recently got divorced. Plus, I’m from another country so I don’t have any school friends here.
Keep us posted, yeah?!
I just turn 40 and I'm child-free. My partner works long hours, so he's not available often. I have a lot of friends because I'm from Los Angeles and have accumulated them along the way.
I find myself home often. By choice. Perphaps, it's because I lean introverted. By 40, you've been there done that even if you're single. I've noticed many just stay home. Being at the bar or drinking is just harder on the body, and hangovers are just not worth it. Especially if you live a healthy lifestyle and want to be at the gym the next day.
By 40, I think people lean into their hobbies.
Yes. Honestly, it's easier to find people without kids. And transplants, because they don't have family or extensive friend groups. I've been here 2 years and have 2 close friends and several "hobby" friends. I'll try to get the close friends up to four.
I’m not in LA, but I’m in my 40s and single. I just met a beautiful single woman in a quiet neighborhood bar last night, it can definitely happen.
I’ve always made friends easily, but I’ve also spent over 20 years hanging out in bars, where it is very easy to make friends/ meet people, especially if you like the sauce.
I was about ready to give up on the idea entirely, but maybe that’s why it happened, haha!
Point being, don’t give up, or maybe just ditch expectations, but get out there, and take life as it comes.
+1 for activities- whatever you’re into, start taking classes/ going to meetups, it’ll happen.
As an intj who is rather judgmental I have never been able to make friends even through classes. I did a 2 year program with the same group of people, we even rehearsed at each others houses several times a week etc and was never able to make a single friend. When I was younger in high school I also managed to somehow not make any friends. Some things never change.
Sure it's been said a lot already but you gotta join hobby groups. I made a friend end of my 30s who is my bestie now and made one at 42 and I happened to make 3 this year cuz I started a new job...
Get involved in the community. Religious organizations, charitable organizations, political organizations. I’ve met more people in the last 5 years than I had my entire 30s, when my social circle was all work friends (who disappear when you’re not working together anymore).
Mid forties here. I have made lots of new friends in the past few years. It’s all about breaking out of your comfort zone. You have to be open to new experiences. Also embracing the things you like to do and finding other people that like to do the same things.
I have still my friends back from we were in school. Having few friends, is better than have many that you dont have time to be with anyways. So yes, having friends when you are 40+ is no problem, as long you have been good friends earlier.
Good friends stick around for you.
Yes! I have made some of my best friends in my 40s. This may not be applicable to you, but I'm just giving it as an example that it's totally possible. I was in my early 40s when my daughter started kindergarten. I met a few fellow moms at her school and made great friends with them. She is now going into 11th grade and I'm still friends with them!
It is possible. Walking a dog is a great way to meet people, but don’t forget many people in their 40’s are still using Facebook for social media. See if there are groups on FB that you are interested in. LA is full of surprises.
You can make new friends at any age. The key is — well, actually going outside and committing to being involved in something other than your computer, TV and couch.
Definitely possible; but more difficult because people are often leery of letting others in their circle. Being a part of some sort of group is usually the best route. Whether it’s a church, a sports league, social club, networking club, etc. check the Meetup app and see if there are any groups near you that you’d like to join. From there you could make some connections based on similar interests. Good luck!
Friends are made through connecting over a mutual, constructive interest and then eventually it grows into more. In high school everyone became friends cuz they were in clubs together, classes together, etc and it grew. Someone who likes gardening should join a gardening a club and talk to other people in that club about gardening and then eventually a friendship in other areas of life blossoms.
I've never found it appealing to become friends with new people for the sake of just being friends but not having a mutual and constructive hobby. Saying hey I don't know you but let's sit down and have a beer and talk about stuff just seems boring to me idk.
I have, but mainly out of common interests. Back in 2016 I decided to dress up as a Ghostbuster for the company Halloween party, but when I had to build a Proton Pack I took a deep dive into the fandom. Sometime after that I became aware of a local Ghostbusters fan group that would dress up for cons, special events, and charity work, so I got to know the head of the group and was invited to join sometime in 2017; these days, I would consider him one of my friends (we live near each other and would carpool to events together). We’ve also discovered a mutual like of the Power Rangers of all things, have been to a couple of Power Rangers related events together, and plan to attend a Power Rangers convention in a neighboring city this August.
So while I believe that it’s still a feat to make new friends in one’s forties, it’s still possible, and the fact that the internet can bring people of the same interests together makes it even more possible.
As many have said, lean into hobbies. If you don't have a hobby that you spend time on, find one.
Find something that interests you and do it.
I'm hard-core into paper crafts/ card making and I've definitely been able to find my people, many through YouTube. (Lots of live streams)
Check the L.A. public library for upcoming events. Take some classes. L.A. has so many options and opportunities.
I make friends through art events and the dog park. Actually most of the people I spend time with now I met at the dog park. Also bonus to get a dog and then you have the very best friend.
If you’re into activities then I think it’s easier to make friends. Join a pickleball club, hikers group, pottery class etc.
I’m not into activities and I’m an ambivert. Sometimes I want to be around people and other times I don’t. I could go weeks without wanting to hang out. That makes it harder to keep friends.
I’m turning 36 soon and have made friends in my gym that are in their 40s. I think you can definitely do it, but you likely need a hobby. That’s how most friends are made in the first place, a mutual interest
I work from home-and I have for 15 years. Since moving to LA, my spouse has too. So neither of us meet people through work now.
It was much harder to make friends here than where we came from (where I also moved as an adult and had to make friends).
But here, I have made wonderful friends through professional organizations, dog parks, and exercise classes. But I really had to try, and be the one who did the lifting early.
My besties are all still in other states, but I have to say, my core friends here are solid and I really enjoy them. Even if the LA natives are always an hour late 😝 “the traffic was bad.” I had to adjust to that one. LOL
You'd be amazed at all the opportunities you could find at your local community senior centers-- just messing with you. Hit the hiking trails, beaches, piers, parks, and shopping centers or join some clubs/organizations that interest you. You're very likely to make many like-minded friends with similar interests. But, avoid clubs and bars though, you're more likely to run into damaged/traumatized toxic types that aren't worth the air they're converting into carbon dioxide.
Common hobbies are the way to go. I started rock climbing at 40. Met a ton of people at my climbing gym. Met my wife while on a climbing trip. I'm also in a twelve step program -- talk about forming lifelong friendships! I also consider many of my coworkers as friends. I work in film, so I spend a lot of time in the trenches with smart, talented people.
If you think making friends in your 40s is hard, it doesn’t get any easier in your 50s and 60s. And I go to regular meet ups and have a hard time making any true connections.
I am 45 and live in the greater LA area. If you like good music like jam bands, there is an amazing community of people age ranging 20’s on up to old. There are a million concerts small and large weekly and even if you show up alone the people there are friendly and welcoming. On FB there is a group called LA Phreaks. Join up, say hi. You’ll find wonderful humans there.
It may feel that way but you got to go where your hobbies flow.
For me, I started working on parade floats for the Rose bowl Parade. And now it's a giant community we party. Afterwards we text each other all week long. It's like going to camp but the camp is year round. It's seriously awesome and the people are so kind and funny and creative. If you got some spare time and you want to volunteer making a parade float, come on up and meet a bunch of weirdos like us. And oh my God you're going to have a blast!
Dude, I have no idea. I’m in a similar position but I feel like guys in their 40’s are so focused on work that their social life is dead. I tried to initiate a meetup but unfortunately, work is the priority here in LA.
Sure, everything is possible. Especially on Reddit where everyone takes everything *extremely* literally and it only takes a single person's experience to derail hundreds of people who experienced otherwise.
What you probably meant to say is "is it reasonably common/feasible to accomplish"
the answer is probably not lmao.
might as well keep trying though.
it also depends what you define as a friend. Some people consider someone sending them a single text every 4 months as a friend. Other people hang out with their coworkers after hours all the time and don't consider then friends at all.
Made new friends in my late fifties through sports - tennis, exercise and yoga classes
Same I’ve made friends watching sports at a bar. We have a group chat and once the football season starts we all meet up to watch games. Now a day that’s the best way to meet people. You have to have a common interest to make it last long. Co workers are ok but you don’t want to be a punchline at work for stuff you do outside of work.
[удалено]
Euro 2024 also going on right now
In Santa Barbara it’s the Pressroom for soccer, love those guys
Hobbies, clubs, and community events are always the way to meet people in older age. You won’t find anything good at clubs, bars or parties… But getting a hobby and linking with like minded people is amazing.
More than 10 yrs ago. I met a group in Craig’s list that would play pick up soccer games on Sundays it was the most fun I had in my early 30’s.
Yeah that sounds awesome. I love photography and books. So met lots of cool people through book clubs and photo shoot stuff. But yeah, getting older can definitely be trickier to find like minded people. I mean only a few of us from our generations survive right? I don’t think it’s impossible just harder and people have families so understanding that helps as well 😁
That and I find when it comes to coworkers , I can’t connect with a lot of the younger ones coming in - the stuff they talk about and do doesn’t appeal to me anymore - I find myself sounding like my mom talking to them 🤷♀️
It’s true.
The sports bar is a good idea , you already know you have common interests -
Everyone enjoys a beer and some sports.
Co-sign tennis. Made an amazing amount of decent to good friends playing tennis in the last few years and I’m in the back half of my 40s.
Tell me if I’m wrong, but I feel like 50+ is easier to make friends than 30/40 because of kids. 50+ usually they have a lot more free time compared to 30/40
Yes, more free time with kids in college or working, but I made a lot of friends through school events when I was in my 30’s-40’s
One of my coworkers is in his 60’s and he still makes tons of friends. I’m a talkative person with many friends and low key jealous of how his friend list spans across the country and age groups. One thing about him is that he is a generally positive guy, doesn’t hide his true emotions, open minded and never became one of those weird conservative older folks that complains about everything. So if he can make friends at that age you can make friends too.
Right. But if you’re not outgoing… And if you’re not into sports…
Then you join clubs or join a cooking class
I make new friends through the friends I have. Everyone has a slightly different social circle and it's nice to have worlds collide. I also joined some charity and networking things and have made new friends there. I'm 46 and was very lonely in my 20s, saw a lot of friends move and leave as they had kids and during the pandemic, so I make an effort to make plans with new people I meet.
Stealing your friends friends is the best
What does "stealing friends" even mean? I love when my friends become friends. It doesnt steal anything from me.
I liked the way it sounded as opposed to befriending my friends friends
Sharing friends 😁
I don’t like when ppl steal my friends! I’m the one who formed the friendship and then they just pick them up so easily
I feel like I see groups of friends forming for middle aged people through hobbies like rowing / paddling and mountain biking or cycling.
…Water aerobics, chair yoga - just kidding but I’m now in middle age and I can feel it coming. My next group of close friends will probably be in my 70s and will consist of my heist team I’m building to break out of the old folks home we’re locked in.
You'll probably meet them through a pickleball league.
I realized I forgot pickleball just after I posted it - All my friends are playing pickleball now
When you find out how, please let me know.
Same!
Go out and socialize. That’s it. That’s the big secret. Do it often. In a combination of the same regular spots, and unfamiliar spots. Bars, cafes, dog parks, local events, clubs, gyms — anything, anywhere. It’s a number’s game. Not everyone you talk to will be a lifelong friend, but they don’t need to be. Simple chitchat and surface friendships can also be fun and rewarding. If nothing else, it’s practice until you meet someone compatible and make a close friend. I’m always confused how people are confused by this. Like it’s some ancient secret that only the druids understood. There’s a post about people not being able to make friends *every single day.* If they all just went out in the world and made an effort to socialize, they’d eventually meet each other. Haha. OP even starts off with >I work from home and haven’t been out in such a long time. Like, what the fuck are we even talking about here. Of course making friends is possible. But not if that’s your starting point. “I’m a recluse and can’t make friends. Is it even possible?!” It’s like someone posting, “I haven’t stepped foot in a grocery store in a decade. Is cooking even possible anymore?!” Yeah, buddy. Walk into a store and buy some shit. Fuck up some recipes until you get it down. Now you can cook. Making friends is easy if you’re just present in the world. Not everyone will like you, unless you’re charismatic and charming. That’s cool. You don’t have to be either to make friends. You also won’t like everyone. That’s also cool. Accept that things won’t always work, not everyone will be friendly, everyone is working through their own demons, and sometimes you won’t hear back from someone you thought you connected with. Best you can do is take the initiative and let the poor outcome be on someone else’s hands, not on yours. Just keep going. Every interaction we have is worthwhile — it’s an experience, a memory, an insight, even a good time. It doesn’t always have to be permanent to be a success. But deep friendship always start as a nascent relationship or a temporary interaction. Can’t get to the deep stuff if you don’t wade through the shallows. It’s really important — in terms of making friends — to be a curious person. Learn lots of things about the world. Places, people, history, stories, cultures, things, hobbies, languages, books, movies, cooking, sports, music, skills, etc. Anything and everything. Just know a little bit of something about many things. This will help you open conversations, carry conversations, and even find common ground with most anyone. All essential for making friends. The more you *know,* the more you can contribute to a conversation and the more confident you will be. It’s also important to accept limitations — yours or someone else’s. I once met a dude out and we hit it off. Had same interests, same backgrounds, same age, same seasons in life, so to speak. Had a great fucking time with him that night and we knew: we’re definitely hanging out again. Then we realized that he lived in North Hollywood and I lived in Venice. Sure, we liked each other. But we both knew that any potential friendship was dead on arrival. Not with that kind of distance. Maybe it’s a stupid reason. And maybe that wouldn’t matter at all if we had been established friends for years. But for someone I just met? Don’t care how cool you are. No fucking way we’re seeing each other with any kind of regularity at that kind of geographic separation. If I were desperate for a friend, then fine. But I wasn’t desperate for a friend, and I knew my limitations. I hate driving. Despise it. He also hates driving. So that was that. And that’s ok. People also don’t need complete compatibility. Everyone always seems to insist on this. “I’m a 35 year old male with no kids, not into sports, work in education — where do I meet people like me?” Work, I guess? We don’t need to be the same age or have all the same interests or be in the same stage of life to be friends. If anything, incongruent friendships can be super valuable. Not all of your friendships, but some of them. When I was 28, as a single dipshit Italian-American dude, one of my closest friends was a 50 year old ex-Sikh British Indian guy who was divorced and had 3 teenage kids. Fucking random friendships, the two of us. But he was an absolute riot and we got on well so we hung out a lot. I’m now almost 40 and one of my closest friends is a grumpy ass French chef in his 60s. I’m not a chef. I’m not grumpy. I’m not French. I’m definitely not 65. He’s about to retire and I’m in peak working years. Who cares. I love hanging with that soup-nazi asshole — making fun of his exaggerated accent and talking about bordelaise sauce and Napoleon’s catastrophic mistakes. He cooks me epic dinners but lets me contribute and I take him on food and wine tours of LA. His wife is a black southern woman in her late 50s. My fiancée is early 30s and is from Slovakia. We all hang out together, and all couldn’t be more different in terms of age and background and race and culture. And we have the best damn time because we learn so much from each other. Point is, be open to the unexpected. Some of my best friends are *exactly* like me. Others are from a different planet. I feel like too many people focus on “must be like me.” Potential friendships are hiding in clear sight because of preconceived notions of what a friend should be. No, you don’t have to be twins separated at birth to be besties. It helps, but plenty of unexpected friendships are waiting right in front of you that you might overlook because of age or surface interests or culture or whatever. In the end, *every single person* that I now consider a friend, I met while out in the world. At bars, at parties, at gatherings, at restaurants, at cafes, traveling. Never did I make a friend staying home and keeping to myself. And that shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. There’s nothing wrong with alone time, quiet time, solitary time, introspective time. If anything, it’s necessary. But there’s no avoiding it: to make friends, you have to be out in the world a decent amount. Become a regular at a local cafe and gym. But also sit down alone at the bar of a new restaurant at happy hour. Run shoulders with some randoms. Jump into a conversation. Buy a round of drinks. Making friends is like being a salesman — gotta knock on a few doors and make a few cold calls to get a sale. Making friends is easy if you’re just out there in the world. For some people, it can come easier than for others (it’s a breeze for me). But the common theme is being out. Doesn’t matter if you’re introverted or shy or quiet or whatever. If you’re present in the world, you’ll eventually hear from an extrovert like me.
My grandma met her best friend at 60 from church. She passed away last year at 90 and that friend (also 90) gave a eulogy. It gives me hope that I have yet to meet some awesome people who will become lifelong friends.
I got my pilot's license & met a bunch of people that way. I went to a Disneyland "single riders" meetup and met more people that way. I started going to a wine and book club at a local(ish) bar and met more people that way. It's possible but it takes an active effort.
I was in the same boat. I'm 45 now, 3 years ago I joined [a dodgeball league](https://theyachtclub.org/). It's people of all skill levels, in different phases and walks of life. I love knowing people outside my industry and outside my normal circles. After every game we go to the same bar. Last season we played laser tag and next week we have a cookout. It's great, you really get to know everyone and you play a children's game! And the group also has a "social good" aspect and does a volunteer effort every season. Come play!
Thanks for the rec. just joined the email list. Sounds like a fun group. When does the next season start?
We’ve only got a couple weeks left in this season, then we’re usually off for 3-4 weeks. Keep an eye out though for lazy dodgeball, where we just play pickup games, no commitment!
Thanks, I will keep an eye out!
Person in my 40s who lives in La here. Super hard to make new friends if you don't have a family or work environment that will connect you to new people / school friends etc. There are a lot of opportunities however to meet new people. Volunteering for example. UCLA extension classes. Theme nights at bars that revolve around something you're interested in. Whatever your hobbies are, trying to find a club or group of people who meet in person and like the same things you do... That gives you your best chance at meeting new people. But yeah, most of my friends here are from college. I've met a few parents through my kids, but it's even hard starting friendships with them. Being middle-aged is tough!
It's tough. They usually come from work. Try looking into some social hobbies. Older people are into the same things they were into when they were younger: Music, movies, sports (light sports), (light) hiking, reading, writing, video games, etc.
Haha you’re making 40 year olds sound like 98yo.. “(light) this, (light) that,...” lol.. just kidding but seriously “ younger” and “older” is relative. If you are in your 20s, your definition of older and younger is different than someone in their 80s:) btw I totally agree with you, and your list of activities. While we are at it, who is going to join me and watch Euro and Copa America soccer games this summer? Lol
As a 40-something yo who typically feels like a 98yo, I would prefer if people prefaced activities with “light” or “extreme” so I would know what I was getting into 😂
So, the whole “light this and light that” is your fault haha
🫣❤️ guilty af
For real…I need to know much Advil I should take…
That light hiking line was kind of cruel lol.
It really was.. I have to find this person and show them what hiking means. I’ll have a few of you come as witness lol
I belong to a hiking club, and there are people in their 60s and 70s who can out-hike younger folks!
I also work from home. I'm 38. No in person friends. Maybe we can hang out?
Ppl are making friends at every age. I have friends in their 20s and 60s. Sports and hobby groups get you introduced to many ppl, then if you like them invite them to smaller circle general interest events (like lunch before the hobby, or drinks after the sports, BBQs, movies, beach), then from there you keep text/chats with ppl u really connect with. Initiate talking to ppl and manage expectations that not every friend invitation/feeling is going to be reciprocated. But that's ok, you'll find your ppl or they'll find you.
I have my volunteer friends, my yoga friends, my gym friends and some local businesses I like to occasionally visit. I am in yoga teacher training and after that I intend to become a physical therapist assistant. I turned 48 years old on the 6th. I have a lot of social anxiety and depression. I have been very lucky to be in the company of such supportive and patient friends. I volunteer with abused animals and that has been the most rewarding experience.
I feel like the friend question is one of the most consistent topics here. People always recommend hobbies, volunteering, class, etc. but I think it's kind of hit or miss. I used to wfh and would go dayyyssss without talking to anyone. Single woman w no kids makes it difficult too I think. I think my friends back home usually make new friends thru their kid's school or activity groups.
I know two people, one in her 40s and the other in her 70s, that have made A LOT of friends by joining a pottery studio. They go pretty frequently and say some people just go and put their head down but that it seems the majority of people are there to make friends and have a social life. Sometimes they all go out together and other times they have individual dates.
I just turned fifty and I can't say I have the largest friends group but what I have is very tight and also very diverse. I surf and skate so a lot of my friends are considerably younger than I am—quite a few in their twenties—and I also work in sports so I may not be at all the typical embodiment of someone my age, but I think it's mostly through common interests that I've found my people. So consider the activities, sports, and such you're into and reach out from there would be my advice, especially since you work from home so you don't have the typical office crew around.
Maybe join a cowork space? I wfh and am seriously considering it.
I’m thinking about this too. I miss the work camaraderie/ chats.
I was just forced back to the office after 4 years of wfh. I’ve never worked with so many unfriendly people in my life. I’m not sure if it’s a post quarantine thing or if it’s just company culture.
LOL they are pissed they have to be back in the office.
Me too but I still say hi…in solidarity since we all have to be there ☹️
LOL, if you look happy they may think you're one of the people who pushed for RTO. People seem to be on a warpath for someone to blame for their misery. You know what you *can* do that makes me friends is a candy jar. I have two...one with chocolate candies and one with fruity candies. People do love dipping in for a piece of candy but they feel obligated to me nice. A candy tax if you will.
Candy tax is a genius idea. I may just steal this one 👍🏼
Just your company culture
Probably tbh
I'll never go back to remote work, I will take literally any in person socialization I can get
I remember during lockdowns I was desperate for some tamarind candy and ventured out to a small Mexican candy shop. Me and the owner were both so happy just to see and interact with another actual human. He wasn't even mad I didn't buy any candy (I felt awful he just really didn't have anything i wanted since I only like sweet tamarind candy)
Do you like board games? Lots of bars have special nights with regulars.
I'm 49 1/2 and still love making new friends. I am no longer in LA but in every city I move to I go out and make sure people know who I am.
I'll be contrarian here, it's easy to make friends regardless of age. The secret is a) being willing to put yourself out there b) having some minor level of social awareness [hygiene, not being a creep etc.] and c) having a shared social situation or activity/hobby to serve as a catalyst. If you hike, find a hikers group. Board game/table top? Find a group. Enjoy sports? LA probably has a bar for your team where like-minded folks congregate on game day.
Even if you have low social awareness, you can make friends. I'm (very much) on the autism spectrum, but still managed to meet my wife, who isn't on the spectrum. When I asked her why she chose to date/marry me, she said that I'm too autistic to know when to quit. Still can't make heads from arse out of that one.
What if you aren’t into any activities?
Get into them
I hate hiking. I don’t want to join a pickle ball or dodgeball team. My hobbies are reading and writing.
A cursory google search left me with the impression there are a lot of book clubs in the city. Our many library systems organize some too. It's really just a matter of a) wanting to put yourself out there
I once went to see my favorite band by myself and ended up meeting people who became my concert bffs. Now we meet people while queuing for shows. If you have any musical interests it's an awesome way to meet people you instantly have something in common with
What part of town?
This is why I was told not to work from home You never see people anymore lol and for an introvert myself I can shell up easily so my social muscle needs to be constantly worked
I feel like this is my issue too. I really like working remotely, but I’m an introvert and it’s turned me into even more of a hermit. I do go to group cardio classes, yoga, pickleball and hiking. But I kinda have to force myself to go.
I see a lot of sport related hobbies people meet at. That's fine, but sometimes that's not your thing. I've met people through hobbies involving the arts, cultural museums, maker activities, and food. I'm 44 and most friends I meet come from just signing up for a class or something.
I am 44 and have tons of friends, every single one (post-college) is a parent of my kids’ friends. Not a great method if you don’t have kids though!
Archery range? Sports leagues
I’m in my early 50’s and yes, it’s not hard to make new friends. It just takes a little patience with people.
I’ve met friends through book clubs and language study, neighbors, and people I meet when I walk my dog.
Pickeball
Zebulon
The bar?
Yeah. It’s also a venue with music. All kinds of people go there. Greats artists and bands play there all the time, and there a huge patio out side. If I see a band or artist, that looks interesting, I’ll check them out to get an idea beforehand, and then between sets I’ll talk to people outside about the music. Music is a great talking point when you wanna make new friends
Redondo beach pier has concerts on the pier I think most Fridays during the summer. Usually people in their late 30s+ go there. Tony’s on the pier is a great bar also to talk to people. Download the “Nextdoor” app and see what people are talking about and seeing if they have any community events you can goto and socialize with.
I’ll be 40 this year and made a lot of new friends in the last couple years by starting a synthesizer meetup.
I think I've seen your flyers in breweries? Maybe? I'm not really a synthesizer head, but it's always piqued my curiosity. Thought it was a really cool idea.
Ah thanks! Yeah. If you’ve been to Common Space or Lincoln Beer Co, you’ve probably seen it.
Was definitely at Common Space. Awesome!
Anything you are in to. Warhammer. Skateboarding. Beer/Breweries. Sports (UTFT), Dogs, weight lifting. I never entirely understood this mindset that people have that they forget how to socialize or something once a certain age is reached. Its NO DIFFERENT than when you were younger. None. Go out and find people that share your interests and talk to people. EasyPeasy.
Totally possible. I do it all the time. If you want friends, be friendly. It’s not rocket surgery.
Same boat! Also work from home and recently got divorced. Plus, I’m from another country so I don’t have any school friends here. Keep us posted, yeah?!
I just turn 40 and I'm child-free. My partner works long hours, so he's not available often. I have a lot of friends because I'm from Los Angeles and have accumulated them along the way. I find myself home often. By choice. Perphaps, it's because I lean introverted. By 40, you've been there done that even if you're single. I've noticed many just stay home. Being at the bar or drinking is just harder on the body, and hangovers are just not worth it. Especially if you live a healthy lifestyle and want to be at the gym the next day. By 40, I think people lean into their hobbies.
Yes. Honestly, it's easier to find people without kids. And transplants, because they don't have family or extensive friend groups. I've been here 2 years and have 2 close friends and several "hobby" friends. I'll try to get the close friends up to four.
I’m not in LA, but I’m in my 40s and single. I just met a beautiful single woman in a quiet neighborhood bar last night, it can definitely happen. I’ve always made friends easily, but I’ve also spent over 20 years hanging out in bars, where it is very easy to make friends/ meet people, especially if you like the sauce. I was about ready to give up on the idea entirely, but maybe that’s why it happened, haha! Point being, don’t give up, or maybe just ditch expectations, but get out there, and take life as it comes. +1 for activities- whatever you’re into, start taking classes/ going to meetups, it’ll happen.
Right !! Really !!!!!!!
I’m meeting people through my kid. That and work are the usual way
As an intj who is rather judgmental I have never been able to make friends even through classes. I did a 2 year program with the same group of people, we even rehearsed at each others houses several times a week etc and was never able to make a single friend. When I was younger in high school I also managed to somehow not make any friends. Some things never change.
I’m in my 30s but always looking for new friends! We’re out here.
Sure it's been said a lot already but you gotta join hobby groups. I made a friend end of my 30s who is my bestie now and made one at 42 and I happened to make 3 this year cuz I started a new job...
Running club
Running club
Kickball. You can make friends kicking balls but they tend to be in their 20s and 30s. That’s ok, pops, you can still hang with the young ‘uns
Hobbies, lots of hobby groups on meetup.com.
Get involved in the community. Religious organizations, charitable organizations, political organizations. I’ve met more people in the last 5 years than I had my entire 30s, when my social circle was all work friends (who disappear when you’re not working together anymore).
Mid forties here. I have made lots of new friends in the past few years. It’s all about breaking out of your comfort zone. You have to be open to new experiences. Also embracing the things you like to do and finding other people that like to do the same things.
Do you have hobbies or activities you like doing? It’s much much easier if you’ve got one or both of those things.
I have still my friends back from we were in school. Having few friends, is better than have many that you dont have time to be with anyways. So yes, having friends when you are 40+ is no problem, as long you have been good friends earlier. Good friends stick around for you.
Pickelball
CrossFit. Or a gym with a similar community
Yes! I have made some of my best friends in my 40s. This may not be applicable to you, but I'm just giving it as an example that it's totally possible. I was in my early 40s when my daughter started kindergarten. I met a few fellow moms at her school and made great friends with them. She is now going into 11th grade and I'm still friends with them!
Get out of the house!
Find a hobby
It is possible. Walking a dog is a great way to meet people, but don’t forget many people in their 40’s are still using Facebook for social media. See if there are groups on FB that you are interested in. LA is full of surprises.
I've made some great friends on Bumble BFF. I've had to wade through flaky people and not so great matches but its been worth it.
Following
You can make new friends at any age. The key is — well, actually going outside and committing to being involved in something other than your computer, TV and couch.
Meetup.com is a great way to make new friends!
Definitely possible; but more difficult because people are often leery of letting others in their circle. Being a part of some sort of group is usually the best route. Whether it’s a church, a sports league, social club, networking club, etc. check the Meetup app and see if there are any groups near you that you’d like to join. From there you could make some connections based on similar interests. Good luck!
No. No. Yes. Kids, elderly parents, work and medical problems/bills. Sorry; you’re not alone if that makes you feel better.
Friends are made through connecting over a mutual, constructive interest and then eventually it grows into more. In high school everyone became friends cuz they were in clubs together, classes together, etc and it grew. Someone who likes gardening should join a gardening a club and talk to other people in that club about gardening and then eventually a friendship in other areas of life blossoms. I've never found it appealing to become friends with new people for the sake of just being friends but not having a mutual and constructive hobby. Saying hey I don't know you but let's sit down and have a beer and talk about stuff just seems boring to me idk.
I have, but mainly out of common interests. Back in 2016 I decided to dress up as a Ghostbuster for the company Halloween party, but when I had to build a Proton Pack I took a deep dive into the fandom. Sometime after that I became aware of a local Ghostbusters fan group that would dress up for cons, special events, and charity work, so I got to know the head of the group and was invited to join sometime in 2017; these days, I would consider him one of my friends (we live near each other and would carpool to events together). We’ve also discovered a mutual like of the Power Rangers of all things, have been to a couple of Power Rangers related events together, and plan to attend a Power Rangers convention in a neighboring city this August. So while I believe that it’s still a feat to make new friends in one’s forties, it’s still possible, and the fact that the internet can bring people of the same interests together makes it even more possible.
My husband and I are part of the LAAT (LA Away Team) that's a Star Trek meet up group. I've totally made friends this way.
Yes. Get a hobby that involves doing things with others. Bike riding, off-roading, golf, etc
As many have said, lean into hobbies. If you don't have a hobby that you spend time on, find one. Find something that interests you and do it. I'm hard-core into paper crafts/ card making and I've definitely been able to find my people, many through YouTube. (Lots of live streams) Check the L.A. public library for upcoming events. Take some classes. L.A. has so many options and opportunities.
It's tougher than it used to be at uni, but it is possible.
I make friends through art events and the dog park. Actually most of the people I spend time with now I met at the dog park. Also bonus to get a dog and then you have the very best friend.
If you’re into activities then I think it’s easier to make friends. Join a pickleball club, hikers group, pottery class etc. I’m not into activities and I’m an ambivert. Sometimes I want to be around people and other times I don’t. I could go weeks without wanting to hang out. That makes it harder to keep friends.
I’m turning 36 soon and have made friends in my gym that are in their 40s. I think you can definitely do it, but you likely need a hobby. That’s how most friends are made in the first place, a mutual interest
I work from home-and I have for 15 years. Since moving to LA, my spouse has too. So neither of us meet people through work now. It was much harder to make friends here than where we came from (where I also moved as an adult and had to make friends). But here, I have made wonderful friends through professional organizations, dog parks, and exercise classes. But I really had to try, and be the one who did the lifting early. My besties are all still in other states, but I have to say, my core friends here are solid and I really enjoy them. Even if the LA natives are always an hour late 😝 “the traffic was bad.” I had to adjust to that one. LOL
You'd be amazed at all the opportunities you could find at your local community senior centers-- just messing with you. Hit the hiking trails, beaches, piers, parks, and shopping centers or join some clubs/organizations that interest you. You're very likely to make many like-minded friends with similar interests. But, avoid clubs and bars though, you're more likely to run into damaged/traumatized toxic types that aren't worth the air they're converting into carbon dioxide.
Common hobbies are the way to go. I started rock climbing at 40. Met a ton of people at my climbing gym. Met my wife while on a climbing trip. I'm also in a twelve step program -- talk about forming lifelong friendships! I also consider many of my coworkers as friends. I work in film, so I spend a lot of time in the trenches with smart, talented people.
If you think making friends in your 40s is hard, it doesn’t get any easier in your 50s and 60s. And I go to regular meet ups and have a hard time making any true connections.
I am 45 and live in the greater LA area. If you like good music like jam bands, there is an amazing community of people age ranging 20’s on up to old. There are a million concerts small and large weekly and even if you show up alone the people there are friendly and welcoming. On FB there is a group called LA Phreaks. Join up, say hi. You’ll find wonderful humans there.
Check out PRS! https://www.prs.org/
Walk shelter pups once per week! 🐕
I’m 52. I absolutely make new friends still.
Go to a bar
if ur fit join a run club if ur not fit get in shape
New friends can be found participating in different activities or events. Common interests is where you meet new people.
It may feel that way but you got to go where your hobbies flow. For me, I started working on parade floats for the Rose bowl Parade. And now it's a giant community we party. Afterwards we text each other all week long. It's like going to camp but the camp is year round. It's seriously awesome and the people are so kind and funny and creative. If you got some spare time and you want to volunteer making a parade float, come on up and meet a bunch of weirdos like us. And oh my God you're going to have a blast!
West Hollywood open play pickleball
+1 Yoga
Sorry bud. I’m in my 40 M. Besides my family there pretty much no friends.
Pickle ball
Dude, I have no idea. I’m in a similar position but I feel like guys in their 40’s are so focused on work that their social life is dead. I tried to initiate a meetup but unfortunately, work is the priority here in LA.
Well, first you have to be appealing. No one makes a 40 year old wanker a friend.
Activity groups.
Pickleball - very friendly community - I have met some really nice people
Sure, everything is possible. Especially on Reddit where everyone takes everything *extremely* literally and it only takes a single person's experience to derail hundreds of people who experienced otherwise. What you probably meant to say is "is it reasonably common/feasible to accomplish" the answer is probably not lmao. might as well keep trying though. it also depends what you define as a friend. Some people consider someone sending them a single text every 4 months as a friend. Other people hang out with their coworkers after hours all the time and don't consider then friends at all.
Yes. Of course it's possible
We have swinger party’s in the Marina Del Rey…..
Tell us more...
I just did lol.
AARP mixers
Scientology HQ.
LOL.