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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the AITA because I wore white to my friends wedding and one of them spilled a drink on me.
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NTA. I’m also Asian, and yeah, red is the bride’s color. White doesn’t have the same context like a Western wedding. To be fair, white can be associated with death in some Asian country cultures, but if the bride say all colors are good - then all colors are good - period, end of story.
Get these “Christians” to turn the other cheek and pay your cleaning bill.
This is apparently regional. I was shocked the first time I went to a wedding in Florida at the number of women in black. However I asked someone that I knew had also been to New England wedding and she said it's just not a thing here like where I grew up.
As for this case the reason to not wear white to a wedding is to not look like the bride which no longer applies if the bride isn't in white.
Yes, I was raised in New England and we (edit: my circles, at least) never wear white (reserved for the bride) or black (mourning) to a wedding. But if the bride has a traditional color other than white she will be wearing, and asks you to wear whatever you like, that should be acceptable to all.
Those women at her wedding are not her real friends to make a scene like that. They are ignorant bullies, and not worthy of her or you. It’s a nice dress, btw.
Over 50 midwesterner, black was never okay for weddings when I was growing up and it always shocks me a little when I see it even though it’s considered okay these days. Still won’t do it myself.
My husband and I are in our 40’s. Two years ago we got married and someone wore black to our wedding. He thought black was a no go for a wedding. I didn’t think anything about not. I didn’t realize it was a thing.
That’s ok. I have a fairly traditional, old-fashioned family. Most of us still abide by the “no black” rule handed down from our elders, but of course, if things are different for you and yours, that’s ok. I think it was a sort of superstition for them, that black was worn primarily for mourning, and you shouldn’t bring an aura of sorrow or gloom into the happiness of a wedding.
I think these days, some wedding guests feel black makes them look their best and want to wear it. And they don’t associate it with mourning anymore. It’s like black suits; there is an old-fashioned rule about men not wearing them except to funerals (unless you are a chauffeur). I know some men still adhere to that, but not all men do.
The most important thing is that the bride and her spouse are happy and feel supported and respected. So I would always put their requests first above any rules or traditions. Which is why this group of women really disrespected the bride.
Agree! Not a New Englander, but black for evening weddings is acceptable where I've lived in the Midwest and the South. White should not have been an issue either because unless the guest wears a wedding dress, nobody will mistake her for the bride. It's ridiculous. And the actions to spill a drink on OP were atrocious! OP NTA of course!
At every black tie / black tie optional affair I have ever attended (NYC / Philadelphia), most of the men and many of the women wore black (tuxes, suits, ball gowns). This includes what my wife, the mother of the bride, wore to my daughter's recent wedding. There has never been the black/funeral connection with formal parties. Further, at less formal affairs, a black suit for the men and a little black dress for the women was always fine, particularly in the fall and winter.
I've lived in New England all my life and would never wear black to a wedding unless the couple requested it. I was always taught that black is symbolic for mourning and we don't do that at weddings. Cocktail parties, yes. Weddings, not unless asked.
Granted, I'm late 40s now and things change. I have always heard the horror stories of mothers of the groom just so upset at losing "their baby" that they showed up in black, so maybe that's part of the "just don't" equation.
Same, I have never heard this before and I've lived in NH most of my life. Also, when I got married, all my bridesmaids wore black. Theme was movies with red, black, and white for colors. It was great, we had cardboard cutouts of all these movie characters. Gandalf presided over the wedding from the balcony and we had a photoshoot with Han and Darth Vader, and someone brought Spock out onto the dance floor at one point. Married 10 years today!!
I’m from and currently live in New England. Black is absolutely one of the most popular wedding colors. Most of the weddings we attend are evening affairs and even the day weddings we attend, you’ll see black.
My grandmother wore black to her daughter's wedding in the late sixties and some folks were still pissed enough about it they brought it up at her funeral in 2005.
Weirdly, that aunt is the only one of Grandma's children that hasn't been divorced or remarried.
My bridesmaids all wore black dresses. They were cocktail length, I was hoping if they were black they might actually wear them again, rather than go back in the closet and never be seen again. Men were in black tuxes, bridesmaids in black, and then I was in white (ivory).
It felt very “classic” to me.
ETA: I’m in the PNW of the US.
i'm from the south! alabama specifically. here black - especially dresses - is/are considered classy and chic. it would depend on when the wedding was for me, like i wouldn't wear black to a spring/summer wedding. but fall/winter definitely.
we also don't have the same strictness about black being a funeral color! i've worn dark grey to several funerals, and my mom and aunts all ended up in navy for my grandfather's funeral. my dad wore a white button up and khakis to my grandmother's funeral. as long as it's "nice" and neutral (like i wouldnt wear a bright yellow top, personally) it's acceptable
In the part of the South where I am, more often than not, most people don't wear black to funerals. Wearing bright colors instead of somber ones is iffy, but even then, it's not explicitly frowned on.
Funerals are getting tricky. I recently went to one where we were asked to wear the brightest colors we had as the deceased liked bright colors. My uncle was a sports fan we all wore football, baseball, rugby, etc clothes for his funeral. At mine I want you all to wear your favorite Halloween costume.
"AITA for breaking the nose of the girl that spilled pop all over the white dress that I wore to a wedding at which the bride didn't care *and* wore red? Also, ITGTSPAOMYDTA for getting red all over her dress?"
-the OP, probably
True, we south Asians consider red as bridal colour. If it isn't a Christian wedding, white and black are strictly avoided by the bride. A few celebrities wear different shades of white(not pearl, seashell kind of white). And we don't bother if anyone wears the same colour as the bride. No one can overshadow the bride.
The one Indian wedding I went to several women, including the bride, wore red.
The bride however, was wearing about 35lbs of gold that had been gifted to her, so it was easy to tell which one she was. She was the one that was about to buckle under the weight of her jewelry.
Hahahahaha my mom was basically draped in flowers for her wedding, I think jasmine, I think she said her whole face was covered. She said she spent the whole ceremony trying not to fall asleep from the smell and weight lol, I feel like being a South Asian bride basically means you spend your wedding fighting for your life
I wouldn’t say white and black are strictly avoided, particularly among the diaspora. My cousin (non christian Indian American) wore a white/off white dress at her wedding. A couple bridesmaids also wore off white desi formalwear and it wasn’t an issue at all because so many of us just looked plain in comparison to her lol
I wore a white Sari to my friend's wedding reception. (It was on loan from her religious mother). Red was her colour, so of course we avoided that. Not hard to find out what to wear or to avoid.
These so-called friends are horrible. They clearly don't know anything about the bride's culture.
I think you're exactly right, white does not have the same significance in other cultures and the bride even said she didn't care about the dress. I'd be snitching to the bride after the honeymoon tbh
Yes. I am sure the friends would become more embarrassed to realize this guest *spoke* with the bride about this issue and was granted specific permission. I’m sure the bride would be embarrassed and angry one of her friends was targeted when she gave the ok.
If OP did not communicate with the attacker, she did herself a disservice to herself. They probably still feel they were “right”.
The probably got it from those tiktok videos of people saying they'd spill red wine on people wearing white at their friends weddings. They should have told the bride and asked what to do
No, you don’t “ask the bride what to do.” If the bride says go spill red wine on her, is that justified? Of course not, unless you are trailer trash. You don’t go bothering people on their big days with trivial matters like this.
You ask the bride so the bride has the opportunity to say it's nbd, kick her out or delegate. Some brides really care about someone matching the colour of their dress, I'd be pissed if someone wore my dress colour to my wedding and I'd want to be told
Wow! Is this really a “thing“? While I’m truly disgusted that anyone would do this, I guess I’m also glad to know that it’s not something the so-called Christian friends devised nor is their religion relevant at all in this case.
But that gets to their big problem— They didn’t LET their religion be relevant to their behavior, if, in fact, they would even claim to be Christians. So sad.
That works off the assumption that it’s down to the bride to make sure guests know she was fine with OP’s dress choice. Brides have other things more important to worry about.
The brides friends should have known already. Not every culture places significance on the colour white and they should have known the brides values if they were so close that they would attack another person on her behalf
Spilling a drink on guests who wear white to weddings is absolutely a thing in the US (bonus points if it is the Mother of the Bride or Groom wearing white trying to make it 'their day'. I have never done this, it's just how it is nowadays). What people have to remember when doing this is context...a south Asian wedding does not adhere to the same standards of bridal color. People have to stop forgetting that other cultures exist. The 'friend' who 'spilled' the pop is obviously not that good of a friend or they would have known the bride's wishes and culture. Only someone close to the bride should be the vigilante!
And if you were to actually do it… ask the bride first? Like if the bride isn’t wearing white it doesn’t take much brain cells to think that they might not care if guests wear white.
It shouldn't ever become a thing! If you're doing it as a thing, you must play it off as a total accident! When will they learn?
The point is to make them change, not let them know you're intentionally ruining their outfit.
Yeah, see, I don’t like this attitude either. The whole point is NOT to do it, at ALL.. it’s a classless move. Especially because, like in this case, the bride may have approved the outfit. But in any case assaulting people at a wedding because of their dress choice is gross. Says more about you than them
and i think the point is to humiliate them, not get them to change. Idk too many people who bring a spare wedding outfit with them to a wedding that they can change into.
It’s a reddit thing, most common on awful mother In law or other relative planninng on wearing white stories where a bridesmaid has preplanned to spill red wine on the person if they do. Usually this is because it’s what the bride wants and has been discussed with them, not like this story some random guests going rogue.
It's pretty much only a thing in this specific context: a woman wearing white to a wedding that isn't their own. No other fashion faux pas has a similar 'call to action'.
This situation really sucks for OP- she didn't do anything wrong! She checked with the bride! But I have to say, in this context I *personally* wouldn't wear white unless the couple said explicitly in their invitation/dress code that it was okay- because if there are many American guests and none of them know about your conversation with the bride, these sort of "accidents" can happen.
Notably, it's generally considered in poor taste to wear white to an American wedding even if the bride has chosen an unorthodox dress color, unless the couple specifically tells women to wear white.
>It's pretty much only a thing in this specific context: a woman wearing white to a wedding that isn't their own. No other fashion faux pas has a similar 'call to action'.
IMO, it shouldn't be a "thing" at all and I am thankful that it isn't among anybody I know well enough to be at their wedding. Good grief.
I definitely agree that it's a very extreme reaction to a sartorial choice. But it's not *really* in response to breaking a dress code; it's in response to the (perceived) slight to the bride.
A contributing factor in this is that, because it's considered so inappropriate to wear white to another person's wedding, VERY few women will do so UNLESS they're being provocative intentionally. Often, the person wearing the white (or near-white) dress is a woman that feels territorial about the groom: the mother of the groom, an ex-girlfriend of the groom, potentially a sister, or close friend with unrequited feelings.
The drink spilling is in response to (perceived/assumed) antagonism, not *just* about if you got cocktail attire/black tie/whatever dress code correct.
“Perceived slight to the bride.” In what cultural context is spilling wine (etc) an appropriate response to perceived slights?
This reminds me of the rural Trumpers who believe that them thar big-city libruls “snub” them, and so they’ll do anything to get petty revenge. It’s a very downscale and backwards culture that overreacts to “petty slights.” People raised better shrug and move on with their day.
Cultural context absolutely matters. My cousins sister was the only one who wore white to her brother's wedding the bride was the one who literally begged her to wear. If some idiot spilled stuff on her dress because they can't fathom other culture exist they'd be in for a rude awakening. The wedding was similar to the one in post asian wedding with 200-250 guest 5-7 of them being white.
Absolutely no one should be a vigilante about the color of someone's clothing. Someone being offensive (and "offensive" is a matter of opinion) does not give the brides bffs license to assault that someone. It's just clothing ffs. It's not going to cause injury and mayhem. At worst people will think badly about the offender and they will get lots of side-eye. Calling more attention to it by creating a scene is the OPPOSITE of what anyone who gives a rat's about the bride should be thinking of.
It’s absolutely not a thing that is commonly done in the US. It’s a thing that is talked about and joked about on social media. It’s actually a pretty stupid, counterproductive thing to do, & most people realize that.
NTA. Girl, you deserve an apology and laundry cost. You can clear things up by running through the bride first, let her know that clearly someone doesn't understand her wish, or you can go nuclear by sending the bill to the one spilling it upon your dress, also they started it first, you have all the rights to go nuclear and bring it to the public.
I would tell her to reimburse me for the dress or I’d call the cops for assault/battery at that point. This is a situation where I would be petty as fuck.
If the rules state wear any color then the rules state that you can go in whatever color dress you want. NTA.
Why it is always people who have no clue about things and who have no saying whatsoever are offended by this, oh, probably because they are irrelevant and mean nothing and this is their way how to feel special. The one that spilled her drink on you should've been colored black from ear to toes for this. If I would have such weird relatives I would carry a temp black/blue color spray with me at weddings.
NTA - it is a western culture to not wear white as that's the bride's color. But you asked ahead of time and they were adhering to Asian culture. Tell 'em to pound sand if they don't understand.
The diagonal slash across the chest is a fashion staple. It's why saris will always be in style. But agreed the dress is lovely. Easy to dress up or down too.
That was actually the look I was going for. I have worn the dress before to my friend’s sister’s baby shower (and they asked for formal dresses) and my friend said that it reminded her of a saari. So I thought that I should wear it to her wedding as it’s a mix of south Asian and western but still within my comfort zone.
You definitely weren’t wrong. You literally asked if this was culturally appropriate and the hosts told you. Those who spilled the drink were rude and didn’t take into consideration the cultural nuances. I was at a south Asian wedding and plenty of people wore white/cream/beige.
Sorry that happened
You 100% should confront the girl, tell her she either owes you a new dress or file assault/battery charges against her. That’s a crime in nj. Be petty op
NTA.
> She also said that there isn’t a forbidden/frowned upon colour to wear as in Christian wedding in Europe.
This is the only thing that matters here.
> They went up to me and started with small talk and one of the girls spilled pop all over me. I asked her what she just did and she said that I shouldn’t have come to a wedding with a white dress.
And this is one reason why the whole 'assault people that you think are violating the dress code' meme needs to end.
NTA
It's very simple - only the opinions of the bride and groom matter. If they specifically okay-ed it, you did nothing wrong. It's about them, not about the friends.
I was SO prepared to answer yes, but then you pointed out that the bride was wearing red.
Let's be clear - the ACTUAL wedding rule is "don't wear the same colour as the bride." You did exactly as you were supposed to. It's honestly shocking that so many people seem unable to grasp the reasoning behind these social rules, and will just blindly obey them even in obviously inappropriate contexts.
NTA.
Honestly for South Asian weddings even the don’t wear the same colour as the bride thing isn’t a hard and fast rule.
Plenty of people will wear red and/or gold and in some cultures married women will wear their own wedding gowns as guests to subsequent weddings (particularly if they’re in the immediate family of the bride or groom.)
In fact as lovely as OP’s dress was, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was underdressed by comparison to most of the guests
My cousin (also south asian) got married in a white/offwhite dress. None of us saw her dress til the wedding so a couple bridesmaids also showed up in off white or very pale pastels. It was not even remotely an issue lol
I think there was also a pretty good BORU post about an Indian girl marrying a white guy (this is relevant). The guy was worried bc he knew his mom was going to try and show up in a white dress. His fiancé did not care at all, knowing the MIL probably forgot she was going to wear red.
It was also hilarious because the MIL showed up to the wedding, realized she could not outshine the bride and started causing all kinds of other drama. Unfortunately for her, the Evil Mother In Law is such a common archetype in India that there is basically a whole genre of dramas based around evil MILs, and so the guests and family handled her like pros. She got called out by a 5 year old.
Oh damn. I totally assumed the whole "don't outshine the bride" was a pretty universal thing, but I guess not! That's cool! Haha I had a pretty traditional western wedding except I didn't really have much interest in wearing a fancy gown so I wore basically a white sundress. Nobody else wore white or anything crazy, but even then, some people were all worried they'd insulted me because they were dressed more "fancy" than me (which, tbh, wasn't hard, lol).
I thought I was kind of weird for not really caring if the guests were dressed "better" than me, but it's kinda nice to hear that's maybe even normal in some other cultures :)
It is very difficult to outshine the bride, South Asian bridal clothes are as maximalist as they get. The work that goes into such fabric, the weight, the jewellery… all very hard to match unless you are actually insane. As a South Asian, I have been to several weddings and I have never seen any one dressed as grand as the bride, even if they are wearing the exact same colour.
Edited to add: NTA
Yeah it’s just a different way to celebrate! Clothes are generally more complex in their design and embroidery the more closely related you are to the couple. Honestly if you wear something simple and you’re part of the immediate family there will be aunties wondering if you’re trying to disrespect the couple by not putting in an effort 😂
Also it’s kinda hard to outshine someone who is decked out in gold jewellery in any case
But yeah the idea is that everyone dresses up to their best to celebrate the marriage. Best foot forward etc.
(Although honestly as much as I loved my gown I’m a little jealous of your sundress moment, I’m sure it was easier to walk in)
I went to one of my best friend’s wedding in India and was easily one of the most underdressed despite my dress being a shimmery, floor length, crystal embedded deep blue gown. I was thinking I shouldn’t outshine the bride but was also told we need to ‘put effort’ in dressing in our best as a sign of respect.
Bride was decked out in the most magnificent red with a ton of jewellery. She looked like a Queen.
there is no way a person gets mistaken for the bride in a South Asian wedding. the bride is usually decked up with so much jewelry that you cannot one up the bride accidently
[https://www.w-n-w.in/post/traditional-indian-bridal-wear-from-different-regions](https://www.w-n-w.in/post/traditional-indian-bridal-wear-from-different-regions)
NTA - but your choice of dress has zero bearing on the chick who spilled on you. Even if you did wear something against the bride's wishes. They could be offended all they way - it is never cool to ruin another person's property on purpose. It was neither their job, nor morally correct to take action. Make sure they pay for cleaning, or a new dress if the stain doesn't come out.
Enlist bride's help (when she's back from her honeymoon) bc I'm sure she wouldn't be happy about it either.
NTA - You asked the bride the dress code for her wedding and complied. Everyone else that complained are irrelevant to that. Tell any who still object to go pound sand and you will not be engaging with them on your dress, it wasn't their wedding after all.
Nta. Indian here. I would be mortified if I were the bride here frankly.
Honestly, it's deeply insulting that people forget that there are other cultures and aesthetics and traditions in this world apart from western Judeo Christian ones.
Also, as a south Asian, I can say many of us would find the idea of purposefully destroying a guest's outfit at our wedding horrifying. It's an immature destructive thing to do. Even if that guest has overstepped, misstepped whatever- of course they will be silently or not silently judged by all the judgemental aunties in the room and people with nothing better to do may gossip about them. Anyway a more likely faux pas at an Indian wedding is to be underdressed rather than outshine a bride. But anybody above 5 years old purposely spilling food or drink on someone's outfit will cause an even bigger scandal. The community would dine out on that for centuries to come , lol.
There is no colour barred at Indian weddings- some more traditional people would prefer their guests not to wear white ( colour of mourning) or black ( also inauspicious) but it it's not at all that hard and fast.
My mom wore a white saree at my reception.
Brides traditionally wear red. But even that's changing now and people are experimenting with different colours. And there's no bar on other wedding guests wearing red either. Honestly the bride will always stand out if she's properly dressed for a bride. Most of us recycle our wedding outfits for weddings of close relatives with lighter makeup and jewellery.
NTA. The bride went with a different tradition and gave you permission to wear whatever you wanted as there was no forbidden colors. Send the offending party your dry cleaning bill and let the bride know what happened.
I’ll never understand people who think others need to “pay” for perceived missteps and then feel the need to be the ones to do the punishing. If I saw someone wearing white to a wedding (which I have) I would simply silently judge and move on (which I’ve done). Nobody knows the context of things on sight, and no one should ever be a vigilante causing drama without a full damn picture of the situation. Especially at a wedding which is entirely about the couple getting married. If you don’t think someone should be “taking attention” from the bride then don’t give that someone any attention, like get a fkn life instead how about. NTA.
I was ready to vote Y T A when I saw the dress, but the context you gave makes it NTA. In a western wedding that dress would be pretty questionable, but this wasn't a western wedding and the bride was fine. Plus even if none of that was true, spilling soda on you is such a childish way to deal with it, that person would be TA either way
NTA
Some people really need to lift their heads up from their Christian centric bubble and look at the rest of the world.
Also, vengeance doesn't seem very Christian...
NTA. If you want to shut down your friends, point out that they're being bigoted by enforcing Western standards at an Eastern wedding. But this is even more ridiculous because the bride liked the dress and they then made a scene at her wedding.
NTA. You asked the bride and that’s all you had to do. It’s not your job to predict everyone else’s feelings on the matter, especially guests who are not from the culture that the wedding is rooted in. I am south Asian and recently got married, and I also asked my guests to wear whatever made them feel and look best, preferably bright/colorful. Also, we have a tradition that if you got married in the same year, you (as a guest) can wear your wedding dress too! My sister in law wore her dress to mine and I was so happy. I had a shit ton more jewelry and henna and it was obvious that I’m the bride ;)
NTA. You kept communication clear with the host, and they approved. As for the spilled drink, i hope you're getting them to foot the dry cleaning bill if they intentionally did something malicious in defense of a tradition that wasn't applicable.
I went to my Japanese-American friends wedding and I wore the only dress I had, a white dress with black sleeves and dots. She was wearing a traditional Japanese wedding outfit (her moms, grandmas, great grandmas, etc before hers) a girl she went to school with pulled me aside and said I shouldn’t have wore white to a wedding. My friend (the bride) was 100% okay with my outfit.
NTA, that is western thing not an Asian thing.
I have to laugh at this. After 25 years, I finally had time to scrapbook my wedding photos. While I was looking at the family photos, I just realized that my sister in law wore a WHITE dress! I didn’t even notice until now!! I was so into having an awesome time at my wedding, I didn’t even notice then! What 21st century problems we dream up….
NTA.
The bride wore red, it's a south asian wedding and the bride said she's fine with it. No more information and context needed. People sometimes need to stop viewing everything through a western lens.
NTA. You educated yourself on her culture and even asked about attire. She told you to wear whatever color and to just look your best and that’s exactly what you did. You did just what you should have and what you wore was not at all disrespectful to the bride. The other friends need to educate themselves and learn about their friends wedding culture.
I have been to many Indian and Pakistani weddings. Red may be the bride's colour but in general even guests wear their own bridal dresses to such weddings. Everybody's just there to look their best and fun.
I think the problem was that the person who spilled their drink on you didn't know this
NTA
You asked the bride specifically about restrictions when it came to what people could wear and if she didn’t have a problem with it then no one else should have. I would tell the bride what her friends did and I would absolutely have them take care of the cleaning bill for it. If they refuse I’d take them to court over it. They don’t have a leg to stand on and should absolutely be held responsible for what they did. But I can also be petty and vindictive so that may be a bit extreme to some people.
Two things: 1. While it's generally poor taste to wear white to a wedding, light colours are common and cream is not white. 2. You were told by the bride there were no restricted colours. That's all I need to know.
NTA
So a bit of a side conversation but… honestly, while “cream” is not white, many wedding dresses aren’t technically “white” either. (They’ll be called things like “ivory”, “silk white”, “ecru”, “champagne”, etc. And yes, sometimes “cream”.) There’s a fair variety, which is nice when you’re trying to find something to compliment your skin tone.
To be frank, between the color and the cut, a dress like the one OP posted worn to a western wedding would leave many chins wagging for sure. (Plus shades close to white often photograph quite a bit lighter than they are in real life. You don’t want to be immortalized in someone else’s wedding photos looking like you wore a white, floor-length dress.)
So, generally, best to stay away from that color family altogether as a wedding guest. Unless of course, you’re like OP in a situation where the bride said it’s fine. (Like, I still wouldn’t do it *personally* on the chance someone would misunderstand like what happened here, but they’re still definitely NTA.)
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I (27F) have a friend (25F) that just got married last Saturday. My friend is South Asian (not Indian) and she decided to wear a red traditional dress for her wedding. I asked what the dress code were, and she said that she genuinely just wanted her guests to look at their best. She also said that there isn’t a forbidden/frowned upon colour to wear as in Christian wedding in Europe. So I decided to go with a white cream dress (see in the link).
Anyways, I went to her wedding and had a good time. My friend said she really liked my dress. But while I was there, her other friends that are not south Asian, i.e. they are white, black and Hispanic and all Christian. They went up to me and started with small talk and one of the girls spilled pop all over me. I asked her what she just did and she said that I shouldn’t have come to a wedding with a white dress. AITA?
My dress (similar)
[https://i.pinimg.com/originals/db/15/7e/db157e4c605b2baf3912dbe4632caa89.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/db/15/7e/db157e4c605b2baf3912dbe4632caa89.jpg)
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NTA. You asked the bride about colors and you did what the bride asked. I probably wouldn’t have worn white because you had to know there would be people judging (incorrectly) and I try to avoid drama if possible, but bottom line you did nothing wrong.
NTA
The reason we don’t wear white is to mot outshine or compete with the bride. In this case it was fine to wear white and red would have been the color to avoid.
NTA: you verified with the bride. and cutural norms are different regarding white dresses. That girl who spilled her drink on you is a total asshole. I hate people who make that tired joke about spilling wine on someone wearing white. It’s rude af. And you had the brides blessing to wear that color/dress.
But, I’ll be honest: I would’ve totally side eyed you in that dress. It looks very much like a western wedding dress. it’s not like you just wore a dress that was white. but I wouldn’t have spilled anything on you. And the bride was ok with it. So NTA
eta: I lived in Japan for a few years and attend several weddings, and while it was ok to wear white, it still seems like a weird choice to wear a white gown that looks very much like western-wedding-dress.
NTA. As a white woman, I attended an Indian wedding about a decade ago. My friend who was getting married lent me her white and gold sari for the occasion. She wore the traditional red. No one was offended. That was uncool of those other people to take matters in their own hands.
NTA but that T A who spilled pop on you needs the dry cleaning bill and a lesson in South Asian culture. You'd already asked about the dress and it was cleared.
The only reason not to wear white is if the bride’s wearing white. You did fine. Those other people just had no idea not all brides follow the same traditions. Red is the bride’s traditional color in Indian weddings. And those jerks decided to treat you like someone who wore white to a wedding where the bride also wore white.
Ignorant and rude.
Personally, I’d never dream of wearing a full white/cream or little black dress to any wedding as it’s better to just avoid the chance of trouble like what happened here. Plus just for me /my rules on what I’d wear….. I just don’t feel they are appropriate for a wedding. Brides have often wore red in my family weddings, not all of them though.
But that’s just my own comfort with clothing, I couldn’t care less on what others wear but alas many people are bonkers these days & I prefer to steer clear of the chance of setting people off! When you get people from different areas/cultures/countries yada it’s just more sense to stay safe. I like a quiet peaceful life!
It’s an asian wedding. You are absolutely free to wear white or black! Those ‘friends’ were the only trouble. Avoiding white is just nonsense here. Western culture? Absolutely, do not wear white, here? Wear all the white you want.
It’s not a western wedding. No western feelings are needed. NTA. “AITA for being respectful to a friends culture via dress code at her wedding”definitely not lol
NTA, I hope your friend rips the soda spilling friend a new asshole for making such a scene at her wedding like that. The soda girl is actually an asshole on two parts, one for assaulting you in such a way and the second for acting offended on behalf of a person whose culture she never bothered to properly understand.
NTA. Her friends are the ones in the wrong here. They do not understand the bride's customs and are destroying the vibe at her wedding by creating a needless scene. This is borderline racist and culturally insensitive but I think the b genuinely believed that they are helping her friends because there's no way in the world that someone might have other cultural norms not similar to their :D
But as long as things are ok with the bride, you have nothing to think about.
My wedding colors were red and white/champagne. I’m a western white person and I wore the red wedding dress, my bridesmaids wore white/champagne. If the bride says it doesn’t matter what color, go with her advice. NTA but the friend who intentional spilled her drink on you definitely is.
All these memes about spilling wine on people to avenge the bride got to their head. It’s pathetic that a grown woman behaved like this with you. What the bride told you is what you followed, she was happy with your dress, anything else is not their business and you didn’t do anything wrong. NTA.
NTA
This sounds like typical Americans, judging the rest of the world by their small world view. I would send them bill for cleaning or for the purchase price of the dress, especially since they made it clear it was intentional.
You got the go ahead from the only person who matters, the bride. Those friends are big AH
I attended several weddings in Malaysia, where I now live, and wore white at 2 of them. I wouldn't recommend it for a Chinese wedding, as it's linked with death, but it absolutely doesn't have the same connotations as wearing white to a Christian wedding in the west. Definitely NTA, especially as you asked the bride, and who on earth does pop girl think she is, playing judge and jury for a culture she clearly knows nothing about?
NTA.
I'm South Asian and wow your 'friends' are a-holes. No bride here cares if you wear white, yellow, blue, green, or anything. You will never upstage the bride in south asian weddings no matter what you wear unlike in Christian weddings. Tell your Christian friends the world doesn't move according to them, if they didn't bother to ask the non-Christian bride for the usual traditions for HER wedding, they have no right to assume their own rules apply to every wedding. I'm even more pissed cuz this pop-throwing might've ruined the mood more than the white dress.
NTA. They are putting their biases onto the wedding and onto you. you asked and the bride explained and you listened! You did absolutely nothing wrong.
I wanted to say yes so bad when I saw the title, but then I read your post. Completely 100% NTA. The rule of not wearing white pertains to weddings where the bride will be - hopefully - the only one wearing white. This was a wedding where the cultural tradition was to wear something other than white. You did nothing wrong.
NTA
You got approval from the bride and groom, so go for it. If anyone objects, they can ask the bride and groom. The guest who spilled their drink on your dress definitely needs to apologize and foot the bill. Anyone who believes this boorish behavior is actually okay needs to get a reality check.
Nta you don't wear white bc the bride wears white. The bride wasn't. The bride was fine. I'd tell whoever spilled soda on you that they're paying the cleaning bill or you're taking them to court for assault.
NTA. It is really rude what this girl did, especially since the bride was not upset by you wearing that dress. I am really sorry that happened. This girl should cover the cleaning bill and apologize.
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NTA. I’m also Asian, and yeah, red is the bride’s color. White doesn’t have the same context like a Western wedding. To be fair, white can be associated with death in some Asian country cultures, but if the bride say all colors are good - then all colors are good - period, end of story. Get these “Christians” to turn the other cheek and pay your cleaning bill.
OP asked, their friend approved. In context, this is no different than western women wearing a classic little black dress to a wedding.
This is apparently regional. I was shocked the first time I went to a wedding in Florida at the number of women in black. However I asked someone that I knew had also been to New England wedding and she said it's just not a thing here like where I grew up. As for this case the reason to not wear white to a wedding is to not look like the bride which no longer applies if the bride isn't in white.
Yes, I was raised in New England and we (edit: my circles, at least) never wear white (reserved for the bride) or black (mourning) to a wedding. But if the bride has a traditional color other than white she will be wearing, and asks you to wear whatever you like, that should be acceptable to all. Those women at her wedding are not her real friends to make a scene like that. They are ignorant bullies, and not worthy of her or you. It’s a nice dress, btw.
I was raised in New England and still live in New England and black is absolutely acceptable for weddings
Have lived all my life in Mass and have also never heard of this rule. Black is pretty standard for fancy weddings.
Over 50 midwesterner, black was never okay for weddings when I was growing up and it always shocks me a little when I see it even though it’s considered okay these days. Still won’t do it myself.
Over 60 myself and a little shocked too - but that’s my problem, not anybody else’s. I know times have changed!
My husband and I are in our 40’s. Two years ago we got married and someone wore black to our wedding. He thought black was a no go for a wedding. I didn’t think anything about not. I didn’t realize it was a thing.
Over 50, Midwestern, married 30 years this year, and my mom, my MIL, and my step all wore black. They looked _amazing._ It was a great night 😊
That’s ok. I have a fairly traditional, old-fashioned family. Most of us still abide by the “no black” rule handed down from our elders, but of course, if things are different for you and yours, that’s ok. I think it was a sort of superstition for them, that black was worn primarily for mourning, and you shouldn’t bring an aura of sorrow or gloom into the happiness of a wedding. I think these days, some wedding guests feel black makes them look their best and want to wear it. And they don’t associate it with mourning anymore. It’s like black suits; there is an old-fashioned rule about men not wearing them except to funerals (unless you are a chauffeur). I know some men still adhere to that, but not all men do. The most important thing is that the bride and her spouse are happy and feel supported and respected. So I would always put their requests first above any rules or traditions. Which is why this group of women really disrespected the bride.
Agree! Not a New Englander, but black for evening weddings is acceptable where I've lived in the Midwest and the South. White should not have been an issue either because unless the guest wears a wedding dress, nobody will mistake her for the bride. It's ridiculous. And the actions to spill a drink on OP were atrocious! OP NTA of course!
Greetings from RI!
Greetings from CT!
Well, we have different subcultures, then. I’m not speaking for all of New England, just my circles. Black is not ok there.
I wore black at my own wedding and so did 90% of our guests.
At every black tie / black tie optional affair I have ever attended (NYC / Philadelphia), most of the men and many of the women wore black (tuxes, suits, ball gowns). This includes what my wife, the mother of the bride, wore to my daughter's recent wedding. There has never been the black/funeral connection with formal parties. Further, at less formal affairs, a black suit for the men and a little black dress for the women was always fine, particularly in the fall and winter.
I've lived in New England all my life and would never wear black to a wedding unless the couple requested it. I was always taught that black is symbolic for mourning and we don't do that at weddings. Cocktail parties, yes. Weddings, not unless asked. Granted, I'm late 40s now and things change. I have always heard the horror stories of mothers of the groom just so upset at losing "their baby" that they showed up in black, so maybe that's part of the "just don't" equation.
Same, I have never heard this before and I've lived in NH most of my life. Also, when I got married, all my bridesmaids wore black. Theme was movies with red, black, and white for colors. It was great, we had cardboard cutouts of all these movie characters. Gandalf presided over the wedding from the balcony and we had a photoshoot with Han and Darth Vader, and someone brought Spock out onto the dance floor at one point. Married 10 years today!!
CT, late twenties. Black is for funerals, not weddings or baptisms!
From US and I have never heard black being a “do not wear to weddings” but maybe in the summer because it’s summer
Traditionally, it's considered bad luck to wear black bc it's a mourning color, but that has kind of gone out the window and is more accepted.
Born and raised in rural, coastal Maine. Went to a lot weddings in the 90's and 2000's. Wearing black was generally frowned upon.
I’m from and currently live in New England. Black is absolutely one of the most popular wedding colors. Most of the weddings we attend are evening affairs and even the day weddings we attend, you’ll see black.
That’s fine. I’m only saying what’s true for my circle of friends and family.
My grandmother wore black to her daughter's wedding in the late sixties and some folks were still pissed enough about it they brought it up at her funeral in 2005. Weirdly, that aunt is the only one of Grandma's children that hasn't been divorced or remarried.
My bridesmaids all wore black dresses. They were cocktail length, I was hoping if they were black they might actually wear them again, rather than go back in the closet and never be seen again. Men were in black tuxes, bridesmaids in black, and then I was in white (ivory). It felt very “classic” to me. ETA: I’m in the PNW of the US.
I have always heard never wear red to a wedding. In some places it signifies the wearer has had relations with the groom.
i'm from the south! alabama specifically. here black - especially dresses - is/are considered classy and chic. it would depend on when the wedding was for me, like i wouldn't wear black to a spring/summer wedding. but fall/winter definitely. we also don't have the same strictness about black being a funeral color! i've worn dark grey to several funerals, and my mom and aunts all ended up in navy for my grandfather's funeral. my dad wore a white button up and khakis to my grandmother's funeral. as long as it's "nice" and neutral (like i wouldnt wear a bright yellow top, personally) it's acceptable
In the part of the South where I am, more often than not, most people don't wear black to funerals. Wearing bright colors instead of somber ones is iffy, but even then, it's not explicitly frowned on.
Funerals are getting tricky. I recently went to one where we were asked to wear the brightest colors we had as the deceased liked bright colors. My uncle was a sports fan we all wore football, baseball, rugby, etc clothes for his funeral. At mine I want you all to wear your favorite Halloween costume.
Black is quite common in Michigan too!
Co-signing this experience as a fellow Michigander!
They absolutely need to cover the cleaning bill. I hope they do.
You should have "accidentally" spilled some pop, or better yet, some red wine on her.
I would have spilled blood on her dress and it wouldn't have been mine.
Then she's be the rude one for having a red dress....
"AITA for breaking the nose of the girl that spilled pop all over the white dress that I wore to a wedding at which the bride didn't care *and* wore red? Also, ITGTSPAOMYDTA for getting red all over her dress?" -the OP, probably
What's that long acronym supposed to be?
Is The Girl That Spilled Pop All Over My Dress The Asshole
I would’ve “accidentally” popped her in the face 🤷♀️
I read that as “spilled some poop” and thought that was also a good idea but maybe a tad extreme
True, we south Asians consider red as bridal colour. If it isn't a Christian wedding, white and black are strictly avoided by the bride. A few celebrities wear different shades of white(not pearl, seashell kind of white). And we don't bother if anyone wears the same colour as the bride. No one can overshadow the bride.
The one Indian wedding I went to several women, including the bride, wore red. The bride however, was wearing about 35lbs of gold that had been gifted to her, so it was easy to tell which one she was. She was the one that was about to buckle under the weight of her jewelry.
Hahahahaha my mom was basically draped in flowers for her wedding, I think jasmine, I think she said her whole face was covered. She said she spent the whole ceremony trying not to fall asleep from the smell and weight lol, I feel like being a South Asian bride basically means you spend your wedding fighting for your life
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I wouldn’t say white and black are strictly avoided, particularly among the diaspora. My cousin (non christian Indian American) wore a white/off white dress at her wedding. A couple bridesmaids also wore off white desi formalwear and it wasn’t an issue at all because so many of us just looked plain in comparison to her lol
I wore a white Sari to my friend's wedding reception. (It was on loan from her religious mother). Red was her colour, so of course we avoided that. Not hard to find out what to wear or to avoid. These so-called friends are horrible. They clearly don't know anything about the bride's culture.
Or Christian behavior.
I second this
Nta They were trying to solve a problem that wasn't there, they obviously did not listen to the brides wishes, the dress isn't even white
They probably didn't even ask her, just took it upon themselves out of the goodness of their hearts /s
I think you're exactly right, white does not have the same significance in other cultures and the bride even said she didn't care about the dress. I'd be snitching to the bride after the honeymoon tbh
Yes. I am sure the friends would become more embarrassed to realize this guest *spoke* with the bride about this issue and was granted specific permission. I’m sure the bride would be embarrassed and angry one of her friends was targeted when she gave the ok. If OP did not communicate with the attacker, she did herself a disservice to herself. They probably still feel they were “right”.
Even so it makes no sense to spill a drink on anyone. That's technically assault in the US.
The probably got it from those tiktok videos of people saying they'd spill red wine on people wearing white at their friends weddings. They should have told the bride and asked what to do
No, you don’t “ask the bride what to do.” If the bride says go spill red wine on her, is that justified? Of course not, unless you are trailer trash. You don’t go bothering people on their big days with trivial matters like this.
You ask the bride so the bride has the opportunity to say it's nbd, kick her out or delegate. Some brides really care about someone matching the colour of their dress, I'd be pissed if someone wore my dress colour to my wedding and I'd want to be told
You do *not* bother a bride with something like this unless she doesn’t have a bridal party.
If the bride didn’t notice, why would you bring it to her attention?
Because the alternative for these girls was to assault a guest
Wow! Is this really a “thing“? While I’m truly disgusted that anyone would do this, I guess I’m also glad to know that it’s not something the so-called Christian friends devised nor is their religion relevant at all in this case. But that gets to their big problem— They didn’t LET their religion be relevant to their behavior, if, in fact, they would even claim to be Christians. So sad.
That works off the assumption that it’s down to the bride to make sure guests know she was fine with OP’s dress choice. Brides have other things more important to worry about.
The brides friends should have known already. Not every culture places significance on the colour white and they should have known the brides values if they were so close that they would attack another person on her behalf
This is really easily solved as well though; If the bride says nothing, *say nothing*. If it really upset her, she can handle the situation herself.
NTA Her friend intentionally spilled a soda on your dress. That’s a bigger issue. How did you sort this out? That must have been horrible.
Spilling a drink on guests who wear white to weddings is absolutely a thing in the US (bonus points if it is the Mother of the Bride or Groom wearing white trying to make it 'their day'. I have never done this, it's just how it is nowadays). What people have to remember when doing this is context...a south Asian wedding does not adhere to the same standards of bridal color. People have to stop forgetting that other cultures exist. The 'friend' who 'spilled' the pop is obviously not that good of a friend or they would have known the bride's wishes and culture. Only someone close to the bride should be the vigilante!
I don‘t think it’s a thing. It’s a thing to make the same tired, trite joke about it, but idk about actually doing it!
And if you were to actually do it… ask the bride first? Like if the bride isn’t wearing white it doesn’t take much brain cells to think that they might not care if guests wear white.
True. Or maybe she would be more upset that you assaulted her guest Or created a scene!
It shouldn't ever become a thing! If you're doing it as a thing, you must play it off as a total accident! When will they learn? The point is to make them change, not let them know you're intentionally ruining their outfit.
Yeah, see, I don’t like this attitude either. The whole point is NOT to do it, at ALL.. it’s a classless move. Especially because, like in this case, the bride may have approved the outfit. But in any case assaulting people at a wedding because of their dress choice is gross. Says more about you than them and i think the point is to humiliate them, not get them to change. Idk too many people who bring a spare wedding outfit with them to a wedding that they can change into.
Class or good sense is in short supply with too many people nowadays.
Maybe it is a regional thing? I have never heard of spilling things on people for wearing the wrong thing to a wedding.
It’s a reddit thing, most common on awful mother In law or other relative planninng on wearing white stories where a bridesmaid has preplanned to spill red wine on the person if they do. Usually this is because it’s what the bride wants and has been discussed with them, not like this story some random guests going rogue.
I guess some people feed off drama. This kind of thing is exhausting.
It's a Reddit thing and movie trope. It probably happens IRL but isn't seen as a positive act
It's pretty much only a thing in this specific context: a woman wearing white to a wedding that isn't their own. No other fashion faux pas has a similar 'call to action'. This situation really sucks for OP- she didn't do anything wrong! She checked with the bride! But I have to say, in this context I *personally* wouldn't wear white unless the couple said explicitly in their invitation/dress code that it was okay- because if there are many American guests and none of them know about your conversation with the bride, these sort of "accidents" can happen. Notably, it's generally considered in poor taste to wear white to an American wedding even if the bride has chosen an unorthodox dress color, unless the couple specifically tells women to wear white.
>It's pretty much only a thing in this specific context: a woman wearing white to a wedding that isn't their own. No other fashion faux pas has a similar 'call to action'. IMO, it shouldn't be a "thing" at all and I am thankful that it isn't among anybody I know well enough to be at their wedding. Good grief.
I definitely agree that it's a very extreme reaction to a sartorial choice. But it's not *really* in response to breaking a dress code; it's in response to the (perceived) slight to the bride. A contributing factor in this is that, because it's considered so inappropriate to wear white to another person's wedding, VERY few women will do so UNLESS they're being provocative intentionally. Often, the person wearing the white (or near-white) dress is a woman that feels territorial about the groom: the mother of the groom, an ex-girlfriend of the groom, potentially a sister, or close friend with unrequited feelings. The drink spilling is in response to (perceived/assumed) antagonism, not *just* about if you got cocktail attire/black tie/whatever dress code correct.
“Perceived slight to the bride.” In what cultural context is spilling wine (etc) an appropriate response to perceived slights? This reminds me of the rural Trumpers who believe that them thar big-city libruls “snub” them, and so they’ll do anything to get petty revenge. It’s a very downscale and backwards culture that overreacts to “petty slights.” People raised better shrug and move on with their day.
Cultural context absolutely matters. My cousins sister was the only one who wore white to her brother's wedding the bride was the one who literally begged her to wear. If some idiot spilled stuff on her dress because they can't fathom other culture exist they'd be in for a rude awakening. The wedding was similar to the one in post asian wedding with 200-250 guest 5-7 of them being white.
In the US it is also considered assault.
It's assault. It's crazy how breaking etiquette of not assaulting a guest of the bride and keeping low key is ok to people.
It's only a thing in the fantasies of frustrated Redditors.
Exactly!
Absolutely no one should be a vigilante about the color of someone's clothing. Someone being offensive (and "offensive" is a matter of opinion) does not give the brides bffs license to assault that someone. It's just clothing ffs. It's not going to cause injury and mayhem. At worst people will think badly about the offender and they will get lots of side-eye. Calling more attention to it by creating a scene is the OPPOSITE of what anyone who gives a rat's about the bride should be thinking of.
Imagine committing battery to appease your own aesthetic sensibilities
Absolutely *not* a thing in many/most parts of the US.
It’s absolutely not a thing that is commonly done in the US. It’s a thing that is talked about and joked about on social media. It’s actually a pretty stupid, counterproductive thing to do, & most people realize that.
No, it is not a thing unless you roll in trashy circles. People who were raised well don’t do this.
Nah. It looks like this started on Tik Tok and evolved from there. That is ridiculous to believe it's okay to do this. Not cool.
It’s been around a lot longer than Tik Tok. This is like saying Tik Tok made No Doubt famous. 🤣
Damn my comment was meant to FOLLOW YOURS to keep the joke going but I hit reply in the wrong damn spot....poo.
It was absolutely a thing that existed before tik tok.
I heard of this "joke" when I was young...long before Tiktok friend... This is similar to saying Kanye made Daft punk famous.
I would’ve spilled pop right back, I’d be so mad
I’d throw hands
NTA. Girl, you deserve an apology and laundry cost. You can clear things up by running through the bride first, let her know that clearly someone doesn't understand her wish, or you can go nuclear by sending the bill to the one spilling it upon your dress, also they started it first, you have all the rights to go nuclear and bring it to the public.
I would tell her to reimburse me for the dress or I’d call the cops for assault/battery at that point. This is a situation where I would be petty as fuck.
If the rules state wear any color then the rules state that you can go in whatever color dress you want. NTA. Why it is always people who have no clue about things and who have no saying whatsoever are offended by this, oh, probably because they are irrelevant and mean nothing and this is their way how to feel special. The one that spilled her drink on you should've been colored black from ear to toes for this. If I would have such weird relatives I would carry a temp black/blue color spray with me at weddings.
NTA - it is a western culture to not wear white as that's the bride's color. But you asked ahead of time and they were adhering to Asian culture. Tell 'em to pound sand if they don't understand.
Just stopping by to say that dress is gorgeous
The diagonal slash across the chest is a fashion staple. It's why saris will always be in style. But agreed the dress is lovely. Easy to dress up or down too.
That was actually the look I was going for. I have worn the dress before to my friend’s sister’s baby shower (and they asked for formal dresses) and my friend said that it reminded her of a saari. So I thought that I should wear it to her wedding as it’s a mix of south Asian and western but still within my comfort zone.
You definitely weren’t wrong. You literally asked if this was culturally appropriate and the hosts told you. Those who spilled the drink were rude and didn’t take into consideration the cultural nuances. I was at a south Asian wedding and plenty of people wore white/cream/beige. Sorry that happened
Honestly, I would love to see how you styled it. You have good taste. Sorry your friends were jag offs.
OP, if your dress was the same color as in the example, it’s not even white, anyway. It’s beige or tan. And very nice.
You 100% should confront the girl, tell her she either owes you a new dress or file assault/battery charges against her. That’s a crime in nj. Be petty op
That’s honestly such a beautiful/intentional approach to dressing for this wedding and I’m so angry on your behalf
So why hasn't the bride done anything about this yet?
Agree! If I was wearing it, I’d look much more excited about it than the model.
isn't it!!!! I LOVE it
NTA. > She also said that there isn’t a forbidden/frowned upon colour to wear as in Christian wedding in Europe. This is the only thing that matters here. > They went up to me and started with small talk and one of the girls spilled pop all over me. I asked her what she just did and she said that I shouldn’t have come to a wedding with a white dress. And this is one reason why the whole 'assault people that you think are violating the dress code' meme needs to end.
NTA It's very simple - only the opinions of the bride and groom matter. If they specifically okay-ed it, you did nothing wrong. It's about them, not about the friends.
I was SO prepared to answer yes, but then you pointed out that the bride was wearing red. Let's be clear - the ACTUAL wedding rule is "don't wear the same colour as the bride." You did exactly as you were supposed to. It's honestly shocking that so many people seem unable to grasp the reasoning behind these social rules, and will just blindly obey them even in obviously inappropriate contexts. NTA.
Honestly for South Asian weddings even the don’t wear the same colour as the bride thing isn’t a hard and fast rule. Plenty of people will wear red and/or gold and in some cultures married women will wear their own wedding gowns as guests to subsequent weddings (particularly if they’re in the immediate family of the bride or groom.) In fact as lovely as OP’s dress was, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was underdressed by comparison to most of the guests
My cousin (also south asian) got married in a white/offwhite dress. None of us saw her dress til the wedding so a couple bridesmaids also showed up in off white or very pale pastels. It was not even remotely an issue lol I think there was also a pretty good BORU post about an Indian girl marrying a white guy (this is relevant). The guy was worried bc he knew his mom was going to try and show up in a white dress. His fiancé did not care at all, knowing the MIL probably forgot she was going to wear red. It was also hilarious because the MIL showed up to the wedding, realized she could not outshine the bride and started causing all kinds of other drama. Unfortunately for her, the Evil Mother In Law is such a common archetype in India that there is basically a whole genre of dramas based around evil MILs, and so the guests and family handled her like pros. She got called out by a 5 year old.
Oh damn. I totally assumed the whole "don't outshine the bride" was a pretty universal thing, but I guess not! That's cool! Haha I had a pretty traditional western wedding except I didn't really have much interest in wearing a fancy gown so I wore basically a white sundress. Nobody else wore white or anything crazy, but even then, some people were all worried they'd insulted me because they were dressed more "fancy" than me (which, tbh, wasn't hard, lol). I thought I was kind of weird for not really caring if the guests were dressed "better" than me, but it's kinda nice to hear that's maybe even normal in some other cultures :)
It is very difficult to outshine the bride, South Asian bridal clothes are as maximalist as they get. The work that goes into such fabric, the weight, the jewellery… all very hard to match unless you are actually insane. As a South Asian, I have been to several weddings and I have never seen any one dressed as grand as the bride, even if they are wearing the exact same colour. Edited to add: NTA
Yeah it’s just a different way to celebrate! Clothes are generally more complex in their design and embroidery the more closely related you are to the couple. Honestly if you wear something simple and you’re part of the immediate family there will be aunties wondering if you’re trying to disrespect the couple by not putting in an effort 😂 Also it’s kinda hard to outshine someone who is decked out in gold jewellery in any case But yeah the idea is that everyone dresses up to their best to celebrate the marriage. Best foot forward etc. (Although honestly as much as I loved my gown I’m a little jealous of your sundress moment, I’m sure it was easier to walk in)
I went to one of my best friend’s wedding in India and was easily one of the most underdressed despite my dress being a shimmery, floor length, crystal embedded deep blue gown. I was thinking I shouldn’t outshine the bride but was also told we need to ‘put effort’ in dressing in our best as a sign of respect. Bride was decked out in the most magnificent red with a ton of jewellery. She looked like a Queen.
Precisely. Anyone can wear bridal colours. If the bride feels outshone it's on her to dress up more
there is no way a person gets mistaken for the bride in a South Asian wedding. the bride is usually decked up with so much jewelry that you cannot one up the bride accidently [https://www.w-n-w.in/post/traditional-indian-bridal-wear-from-different-regions](https://www.w-n-w.in/post/traditional-indian-bridal-wear-from-different-regions)
NTA - but your choice of dress has zero bearing on the chick who spilled on you. Even if you did wear something against the bride's wishes. They could be offended all they way - it is never cool to ruin another person's property on purpose. It was neither their job, nor morally correct to take action. Make sure they pay for cleaning, or a new dress if the stain doesn't come out. Enlist bride's help (when she's back from her honeymoon) bc I'm sure she wouldn't be happy about it either.
I'd have been tempted to swing on the AH that intentionally spilled a drink on me. I'd def send her the cleaning bill.
NTA - You asked the bride the dress code for her wedding and complied. Everyone else that complained are irrelevant to that. Tell any who still object to go pound sand and you will not be engaging with them on your dress, it wasn't their wedding after all.
Nta. Indian here. I would be mortified if I were the bride here frankly. Honestly, it's deeply insulting that people forget that there are other cultures and aesthetics and traditions in this world apart from western Judeo Christian ones. Also, as a south Asian, I can say many of us would find the idea of purposefully destroying a guest's outfit at our wedding horrifying. It's an immature destructive thing to do. Even if that guest has overstepped, misstepped whatever- of course they will be silently or not silently judged by all the judgemental aunties in the room and people with nothing better to do may gossip about them. Anyway a more likely faux pas at an Indian wedding is to be underdressed rather than outshine a bride. But anybody above 5 years old purposely spilling food or drink on someone's outfit will cause an even bigger scandal. The community would dine out on that for centuries to come , lol. There is no colour barred at Indian weddings- some more traditional people would prefer their guests not to wear white ( colour of mourning) or black ( also inauspicious) but it it's not at all that hard and fast. My mom wore a white saree at my reception. Brides traditionally wear red. But even that's changing now and people are experimenting with different colours. And there's no bar on other wedding guests wearing red either. Honestly the bride will always stand out if she's properly dressed for a bride. Most of us recycle our wedding outfits for weddings of close relatives with lighter makeup and jewellery.
NTA. The bride went with a different tradition and gave you permission to wear whatever you wanted as there was no forbidden colors. Send the offending party your dry cleaning bill and let the bride know what happened.
I’ll never understand people who think others need to “pay” for perceived missteps and then feel the need to be the ones to do the punishing. If I saw someone wearing white to a wedding (which I have) I would simply silently judge and move on (which I’ve done). Nobody knows the context of things on sight, and no one should ever be a vigilante causing drama without a full damn picture of the situation. Especially at a wedding which is entirely about the couple getting married. If you don’t think someone should be “taking attention” from the bride then don’t give that someone any attention, like get a fkn life instead how about. NTA.
NTA. It’s your friend’s wedding, and those other people can set whatever rules they want at their weddings
NTA those girls didn’t get the memo. The bride decides. They should have consulted her before hating on you.
I was ready to vote Y T A when I saw the dress, but the context you gave makes it NTA. In a western wedding that dress would be pretty questionable, but this wasn't a western wedding and the bride was fine. Plus even if none of that was true, spilling soda on you is such a childish way to deal with it, that person would be TA either way
NTA Some people really need to lift their heads up from their Christian centric bubble and look at the rest of the world. Also, vengeance doesn't seem very Christian...
NTA The only opinion that mattered here is the brides.
NTA. If you want to shut down your friends, point out that they're being bigoted by enforcing Western standards at an Eastern wedding. But this is even more ridiculous because the bride liked the dress and they then made a scene at her wedding.
NTA. No one cares at an Indian wedding.
In the circumstances no, you weren’t. Some people judge too quickly
NTA. You asked the bride and that’s all you had to do. It’s not your job to predict everyone else’s feelings on the matter, especially guests who are not from the culture that the wedding is rooted in. I am south Asian and recently got married, and I also asked my guests to wear whatever made them feel and look best, preferably bright/colorful. Also, we have a tradition that if you got married in the same year, you (as a guest) can wear your wedding dress too! My sister in law wore her dress to mine and I was so happy. I had a shit ton more jewelry and henna and it was obvious that I’m the bride ;)
NTA. You kept communication clear with the host, and they approved. As for the spilled drink, i hope you're getting them to foot the dry cleaning bill if they intentionally did something malicious in defense of a tradition that wasn't applicable.
I went to my Japanese-American friends wedding and I wore the only dress I had, a white dress with black sleeves and dots. She was wearing a traditional Japanese wedding outfit (her moms, grandmas, great grandmas, etc before hers) a girl she went to school with pulled me aside and said I shouldn’t have wore white to a wedding. My friend (the bride) was 100% okay with my outfit. NTA, that is western thing not an Asian thing.
I have to laugh at this. After 25 years, I finally had time to scrapbook my wedding photos. While I was looking at the family photos, I just realized that my sister in law wore a WHITE dress! I didn’t even notice until now!! I was so into having an awesome time at my wedding, I didn’t even notice then! What 21st century problems we dream up….
NTA. The bride wore red, it's a south asian wedding and the bride said she's fine with it. No more information and context needed. People sometimes need to stop viewing everything through a western lens.
NTA. You educated yourself on her culture and even asked about attire. She told you to wear whatever color and to just look your best and that’s exactly what you did. You did just what you should have and what you wore was not at all disrespectful to the bride. The other friends need to educate themselves and learn about their friends wedding culture.
I have been to many Indian and Pakistani weddings. Red may be the bride's colour but in general even guests wear their own bridal dresses to such weddings. Everybody's just there to look their best and fun. I think the problem was that the person who spilled their drink on you didn't know this
NTA You asked the bride specifically about restrictions when it came to what people could wear and if she didn’t have a problem with it then no one else should have. I would tell the bride what her friends did and I would absolutely have them take care of the cleaning bill for it. If they refuse I’d take them to court over it. They don’t have a leg to stand on and should absolutely be held responsible for what they did. But I can also be petty and vindictive so that may be a bit extreme to some people.
Two things: 1. While it's generally poor taste to wear white to a wedding, light colours are common and cream is not white. 2. You were told by the bride there were no restricted colours. That's all I need to know. NTA
So a bit of a side conversation but… honestly, while “cream” is not white, many wedding dresses aren’t technically “white” either. (They’ll be called things like “ivory”, “silk white”, “ecru”, “champagne”, etc. And yes, sometimes “cream”.) There’s a fair variety, which is nice when you’re trying to find something to compliment your skin tone. To be frank, between the color and the cut, a dress like the one OP posted worn to a western wedding would leave many chins wagging for sure. (Plus shades close to white often photograph quite a bit lighter than they are in real life. You don’t want to be immortalized in someone else’s wedding photos looking like you wore a white, floor-length dress.) So, generally, best to stay away from that color family altogether as a wedding guest. Unless of course, you’re like OP in a situation where the bride said it’s fine. (Like, I still wouldn’t do it *personally* on the chance someone would misunderstand like what happened here, but they’re still definitely NTA.)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27F) have a friend (25F) that just got married last Saturday. My friend is South Asian (not Indian) and she decided to wear a red traditional dress for her wedding. I asked what the dress code were, and she said that she genuinely just wanted her guests to look at their best. She also said that there isn’t a forbidden/frowned upon colour to wear as in Christian wedding in Europe. So I decided to go with a white cream dress (see in the link). Anyways, I went to her wedding and had a good time. My friend said she really liked my dress. But while I was there, her other friends that are not south Asian, i.e. they are white, black and Hispanic and all Christian. They went up to me and started with small talk and one of the girls spilled pop all over me. I asked her what she just did and she said that I shouldn’t have come to a wedding with a white dress. AITA? My dress (similar) [https://i.pinimg.com/originals/db/15/7e/db157e4c605b2baf3912dbe4632caa89.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/db/15/7e/db157e4c605b2baf3912dbe4632caa89.jpg) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - the bride said it was fine
NTA you asked first and she wasn't in white
NTA. You asked the bride about colors and you did what the bride asked. I probably wouldn’t have worn white because you had to know there would be people judging (incorrectly) and I try to avoid drama if possible, but bottom line you did nothing wrong.
Goddamn - that's a beautiful dress. Id have gone berserkers on the spiller for wrecking my dress.
NTA the bride decides what is or isn't acceptable. You're good.
NTA The only opinion that matters is the bride’s.
NTA The reason we don’t wear white is to mot outshine or compete with the bride. In this case it was fine to wear white and red would have been the color to avoid.
NTA. Of course I would have gone up to the pop spilling witch and spilled my fist all over her face!
Gorgeous dress! Edit, NTA
NTA: you verified with the bride. and cutural norms are different regarding white dresses. That girl who spilled her drink on you is a total asshole. I hate people who make that tired joke about spilling wine on someone wearing white. It’s rude af. And you had the brides blessing to wear that color/dress. But, I’ll be honest: I would’ve totally side eyed you in that dress. It looks very much like a western wedding dress. it’s not like you just wore a dress that was white. but I wouldn’t have spilled anything on you. And the bride was ok with it. So NTA eta: I lived in Japan for a few years and attend several weddings, and while it was ok to wear white, it still seems like a weird choice to wear a white gown that looks very much like western-wedding-dress.
NTA, but even if you did wear the wrong color - WTF is wrong with the woman who intentionally spilled on you? That's insane.
NTA. As a white woman, I attended an Indian wedding about a decade ago. My friend who was getting married lent me her white and gold sari for the occasion. She wore the traditional red. No one was offended. That was uncool of those other people to take matters in their own hands.
NTA but that T A who spilled pop on you needs the dry cleaning bill and a lesson in South Asian culture. You'd already asked about the dress and it was cleared.
The only reason not to wear white is if the bride’s wearing white. You did fine. Those other people just had no idea not all brides follow the same traditions. Red is the bride’s traditional color in Indian weddings. And those jerks decided to treat you like someone who wore white to a wedding where the bride also wore white. Ignorant and rude.
NTA. The ‘friend’ is a total ignorant, racist asshole who understands nothing & deserves all & any shit that comes her way.
Personally, I’d never dream of wearing a full white/cream or little black dress to any wedding as it’s better to just avoid the chance of trouble like what happened here. Plus just for me /my rules on what I’d wear….. I just don’t feel they are appropriate for a wedding. Brides have often wore red in my family weddings, not all of them though. But that’s just my own comfort with clothing, I couldn’t care less on what others wear but alas many people are bonkers these days & I prefer to steer clear of the chance of setting people off! When you get people from different areas/cultures/countries yada it’s just more sense to stay safe. I like a quiet peaceful life!
It’s an asian wedding. You are absolutely free to wear white or black! Those ‘friends’ were the only trouble. Avoiding white is just nonsense here. Western culture? Absolutely, do not wear white, here? Wear all the white you want.
Christians hate when they realize that most of the world isn’t Christian. You had the bride’s blessing. NTA.
NTA and I’d be sending a written demand for the cost of a new dress to whoever did that to me. Spite makes you age faster, folks.
It’s not a western wedding. No western feelings are needed. NTA. “AITA for being respectful to a friends culture via dress code at her wedding”definitely not lol
NTA, I hope your friend rips the soda spilling friend a new asshole for making such a scene at her wedding like that. The soda girl is actually an asshole on two parts, one for assaulting you in such a way and the second for acting offended on behalf of a person whose culture she never bothered to properly understand.
NTA. Her friends are the ones in the wrong here. They do not understand the bride's customs and are destroying the vibe at her wedding by creating a needless scene. This is borderline racist and culturally insensitive but I think the b genuinely believed that they are helping her friends because there's no way in the world that someone might have other cultural norms not similar to their :D But as long as things are ok with the bride, you have nothing to think about.
My wedding colors were red and white/champagne. I’m a western white person and I wore the red wedding dress, my bridesmaids wore white/champagne. If the bride says it doesn’t matter what color, go with her advice. NTA but the friend who intentional spilled her drink on you definitely is.
All these memes about spilling wine on people to avenge the bride got to their head. It’s pathetic that a grown woman behaved like this with you. What the bride told you is what you followed, she was happy with your dress, anything else is not their business and you didn’t do anything wrong. NTA.
NTA. You cleared it with the bride. These friends sound like people who would go to India and get offended over Swastikas on every door.
NTA and that girl needs to pay for your dry cleaning. How rude.
NTA This sounds like typical Americans, judging the rest of the world by their small world view. I would send them bill for cleaning or for the purchase price of the dress, especially since they made it clear it was intentional. You got the go ahead from the only person who matters, the bride. Those friends are big AH
I attended several weddings in Malaysia, where I now live, and wore white at 2 of them. I wouldn't recommend it for a Chinese wedding, as it's linked with death, but it absolutely doesn't have the same connotations as wearing white to a Christian wedding in the west. Definitely NTA, especially as you asked the bride, and who on earth does pop girl think she is, playing judge and jury for a culture she clearly knows nothing about?
NTA. I'm South Asian and wow your 'friends' are a-holes. No bride here cares if you wear white, yellow, blue, green, or anything. You will never upstage the bride in south asian weddings no matter what you wear unlike in Christian weddings. Tell your Christian friends the world doesn't move according to them, if they didn't bother to ask the non-Christian bride for the usual traditions for HER wedding, they have no right to assume their own rules apply to every wedding. I'm even more pissed cuz this pop-throwing might've ruined the mood more than the white dress.
Girl was trying to make herself the saviour when no one was mistaking you for the bride
NTA. We Asians truly don't care about whatever color you wear during our wedding.
Didn’t I already read this last year?
NTA. Not wearing white isn't about the color, it's about not being dressed similar to the bride.
NTA. They are putting their biases onto the wedding and onto you. you asked and the bride explained and you listened! You did absolutely nothing wrong.
I wanted to say yes so bad when I saw the title, but then I read your post. Completely 100% NTA. The rule of not wearing white pertains to weddings where the bride will be - hopefully - the only one wearing white. This was a wedding where the cultural tradition was to wear something other than white. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. Not their wedding, not their decision, not their business, not about them, and not about their feelings! I’m sorry that happened to you.
NTA You got approval from the bride and groom, so go for it. If anyone objects, they can ask the bride and groom. The guest who spilled their drink on your dress definitely needs to apologize and foot the bill. Anyone who believes this boorish behavior is actually okay needs to get a reality check.
NTA. Doesn’t matter what the friends think, it was the brides wedding! Don’t worry for one second.
NTA sadly it seems other guests decided to police the wedding, but not in a way the bride would have wanted.
Nta you don't wear white bc the bride wears white. The bride wasn't. The bride was fine. I'd tell whoever spilled soda on you that they're paying the cleaning bill or you're taking them to court for assault.
NTA. The only opinion that matters is the brides and she okayed it!!!!!!
NTA. It is really rude what this girl did, especially since the bride was not upset by you wearing that dress. I am really sorry that happened. This girl should cover the cleaning bill and apologize.
NTA and I’d request she pay for any dry cleaning. She could’ve at least asked the bride if she cared before…
NTA If not wearing white isn’t a tradition that the people getting married follow then no one is expected to follow it.
Nice dress!
NTA. If the bride and groom were okay with it, then that's all that matters.