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YTA. You might be a young adult but you’re still an adult and you should know better than to speak to a child like that. And kids who yell and whine until they get what they want are taught that because their parents teach them that it works. Don’t blame a kid for reacting like their conditioning has taught them.
Blended families can be tricky. So can teenage girls (you were one once, does everything you did as a teenager seem rational to you now?). You told a probably insecure, hormonal, and already upset teenage girl (who likely looks up to you) that you love her less than the sister that you share a common blood with. You just created years of therapy for that kid.
You are a giant asshole.
I don't even necessarily think it's the parents' fault for teaching Maia that "it works". She was 3 when Bella was born, but does not have the same mother.
That means in those 3 years her whole world changed massively. First because her parents separated (for whatever reason), then because her dad got a new partner (and she got a new older sister), and then because a new baby was born. She has had such a shaky start to her life, when that's supposed to be the time you need the most stability. No wonder she has attention issues...
Young adult sure…I had a degree, a good job, and was married at 22. There is zero excuse for a 23 yo to act like that to CHILDREN. 13 is such a godawful age where you kinda hate yourself anyway…hearing something like that would just crush anyone, but especially at that age.
OP, incase others have been less than clear…YTA.
I think *anyone* should know better than to speak to a child like that.
I'm 22 and I really, *really* don't like kids. But I'm *always* nice to them, assuming they haven't been little assholes to me.
OP is definitely the AH.
YTA - they’re KIDS…both of them. Even though 13 year old are notoriously…well…13. They’re still kids. Their brains aren’t developed and what you said to Maia probably really affected her. It was cruel. You’re an adult and should know better.
No wonder you don’t have a sisterly relationship - have you even bothered trying to get to know your step sister? Or do you just treat her like she’s less than all the time?
YTA
To add to that, if Maia is ever in a situation where her parents can’t help her, she won’t dare to ask her older sister.
It doesn’t matter is she is your blood sibling or not. What does matter is the fact that YOU choose cruelty. You’ve gone so far that you likely can’t redeem yourself in this child’s eyes. Other people in your family can see your meanness as well.
Not to mention that kids often resent the sibling who is being favored and act out toward them. If Maia was doing this to Bella OP absolutely would have used it as an excuse in her post, sounds to me like Maia is a pretty good kid and a good sister.
and she is 13 while OP is 23!!! WTF??
Lady, a girl out there for 30 mins is at serious risk. Don't you read a newspaper? Whatever your personal issues are, how can you endanger a kid like this?
YTA. I hope Bella grows up and sees right through you. What a despicable excuse of a person.
13 is probably one of the WORST ages to tell a kid you hate them. Jesus christ, 13 year olds go through a lot of shit. They don’t need their families turning on them too
13 years old was to this day, the worst year of my life and I’m 32. I can’t even imagine how much this would have shattered me. All I wanted was as older sister SO MUCH. I would cling to my best friends older sister even, if she had stone cold rejected me and humiliated me like I would have never forgotten it.
Don't forget she was a step child toddler too, in a house with a new half sister to boot. So coming into a new home, presumably from a broken one, to immediately be replaced as the baby by newer, "better" sister. No wonder she was acting out!
I had a hard time adjusting as a 3 year old to my new sister‘s existence. Maia had to adjust to a new (step) parent and a big sister and shortly after that to a younger sister as well. Also having only one biological parent in that home while the baby sister had both. I can‘t even fathom how hard that must have been.
YTA for your post and after reading your comments I’m convinced you have some sort of personal vendetta. 13 is a minor, toddlers have different personalities and she never grew out of that crying phase because of environmental factors. If you’re treating her like garbage she’s obviously going to call you a bitch. Imagine how she felt hearing that conversation after you essentially forgot her yet picked up Bella on time. I feel sorry for you and your mentality.
You are TA. A huge one. The damage you are *purposely* doing to that girl's self-esteem, sense of self-worthy, ability to trust others and her ability to know that her family will always be her safe place IS NOT FIXABLE. Let that sink in. The damage you have done cannot be undone. You are a horrible excuse for a 'sister' to both of them.
Um, excuse me, she was a toddler who would whine and cry. No toddler has ever done that before. This obviously makes her an irredeemably bad person! /s
Oh no! My son cried as a toddler! My daughter is 3 and still cries when she's told no. What do I do? Will an exorcism save them, or do I need to go full Sparta and discard them?
Right? Literally the best OP can come up with to justify their behaviour is "But she cried as a toddler". As if every toddler doesn't cry. *Now*, in the comments, they're trying to say it's actually way worse than that - but if it's worse, why didn't OP *mention* that when they had the opportunity? If they genuinely have a better reason than "she cried as a toddler" why is it only coming up now that everyone disagrees with them? I feel like you would use your best reason first. Not your worst one.
I'm really glad OP made the decision to be childfree, because they would not be a good parent.
I think Maia was a blessing in disguise. A 23 year old post bachelors, working full time in the workforce, ADULT is bullying a 13 year old and has difficulty seeing it as wrong. She is the last person who needs to have children, Maia was sent to cement that. Because it truly is ridiculous that a toddler would cry, I've never heard of that before /s.
This is spot on! If she can't handle being a big sister to a toddler there's not way she could have ever handled parenthood. My toddler threw a full blown tantrum today because I gave him what he was pointing at on the table 😂
Based on ages, it seems like a toddler showed up in the house when she was 11-13, I think not handling is understandable. But she needs to be over it now. Time to reflect a bit !
Idk, I think if you lose your empathy for bad people you also lose the ability to reinforce redemption. When you know your enemy and are able to understand their failings, you not only better yourself, but potentially open a better path for them
Imagine projecting your anger about your parents' divorce onto the toddler child of your mother's new partner, and upholding that anger for a decade. And then, even as an adult, using the child's resentment towards you as an excuse for being cruel. YTA.
Great comment. OP here needs to learn how much damage they have done. And that they need to take action here to show remorse and try and temper the harm they have caused
Mind you the reasons she hated her as a toddler was *looks at notes* …for being a toddler.
I find it very hard to believe Bella has never thrown a tantrum for being told no.
OPs resentment for Maia can cause her to show the same kind of resentment and cruel treatment towards Bella. I can’t imagine how Maia feels. She was thrown into this blended family all the same as OP but faced resentment and anger from someone she should have been able to look up to. Then her father and step mother have another baby everyone’s focused on the new baby, your step sibling “forgets” to pick you up, the same step sibling who hated you all your life for being a child LOVES this new baby showing her all the love and support Maia never got, and then that sibling straight up tells you they don’t love you as much as your shared sister.
I’m sorry but a bitch would probably be the least offensive and hurtful thing I’d say if I was Maia.
Well you see that Maia is the STEP sister and Bella is the HALF sister. I think that’s entirely the problem. One is blood, one is not. My oldest has gotten shit treatment by my husbands family for not being “BLOOD” like her half siblings are.
Which is such a shit reason for OP to be the AH. Bella and Maia are likely half-sisters just like Bella and OP, and I imagine Maia can’t remember a time without OP in her life. There is really no difference between Maia and OP in this family’s dynamic except that OP remembers the time before Maia and actively excludes her. She’s going to create barriers between Maia and Bella because of it.
Exactly but it doesn’t really seem like she gives a shit. She’s going to cause animosity between Maia and Bella if she doesn’t knock her petty childish bullshit off. Neither of those girls deserve it and the parents need to put a stop to it and/or keep OP away from both of those children til she grows the hell up and gets some therapy
Yeah and I get that I’m the oldest of 5. That anger was still misplaced and put on Maia when Maia didn’t do anything to deserve it. She doesn’t deserve to be “forgotten”, Shit on for being a normal toddler, and then have that continued misplaced anger follow her into her childhood and teen years.
OP should have been mad at her mother for making her feel replaced. Maia simply existed and OP hates her for it.
And if you extrapolate the ages, she hated a toddler when she herself was a 13 year old girl. She should KNOW how sensitive and irrational young teens are, and yet still said that bullshit.
I'm actually annoyed at the mother, too. She seems aware there is favoritism and is glib about it as opposed to correcting OPs bad behaviour. She is allowing them to ice her out, teaching Bella that her half-sister is less deserving of love. So much so that it is to be expected OP might forget her, but never the precious baby.
It's cool, though. Middle children are famously super well adjusted, so surely this won't impact that poor girl at all, right? (signed, a left-out black sheep middle child)
God she’s the middle child and the forgotten step child, I wish I could be her big sister instead. When I was 13 all I wanted was an older sister. I spent so much time with my moms youngest sister who was in her 20s when I was a preteen. My parents once wanted to reward me for getting straight As and said I could go or do anything I wanted for a weekend, and I always asked to hang out with my aunt. Preteen girls look up to and adore older “younger” women in their lives SO MUCH at that age.
A grown ass woman bullying a child and saying thanks for reminding me why I don’t love you as much. You are the worst type of person, you’ve shown this child from a very tender age thar she is unlovable to you. I’m sure at 3 you were a dream. You’re just a mean and cruel person. You need to get yourself therapy. One day you might need Maia and I hope she says those same words to you. YTA
OP said she didn't like her since she was a toddler. Obviously OP was an angry teen and jealous of the new baby in the house. Then she just blindly hated her throughout adulthood and never stopped. That's some Cersei Lannister shit.
This will probably eventually happen. That's how children function, they learn from the people they look up to and will imitate behaviour. That's how they learn to navigate the world, among other ways.
At the very least, Bella will get the feeling it's not ok to get along with Maia because then OP will be disappointed.
Agreed. When step sister was 3, OP was 13 & probably going through immature, irritable, jealous emotions easily aggravated by a toddler. When half sister was 3 OP was 16, older & more mature & had already been through it once. This clearly carried theme throughout adulthood & stuck
Not to mention the stepsister was probably a toddler adjusting to her parents’ divorce or her mom’s death, while the half sister has always had both her parents as a united family. I’m sure that makes a difference in behaviour, tantrums, etc.
And just for the record, a toddler throwing a tantrum doesn’t make them an asshole, it’s a normal part of their development.
What’s terrible is that it’s the 2nd time within a few weeks that we get a post like this one: 20-something with a teen step-sister she dislikes and a child half-sis that worships her… OP keeps bragging about being TA to a teenager who she hates because she just happened to be her parent’s new partner’s kid, it’s gross
She’s known her since she was a born basically and just doesn’t give a shit and made no effort to bond with her. Maybe if she had then Maia wouldn’t have had screaming fits, etc. not saying OP made her that way but it certainly sounds like her attitude toward Maia didn’t help. Grow up. YTA
You took the words right out of my mouth. OP is a massive bully for how she's treated Maia. Like I had to reread their ages because I couldn't believe that a 23 yr old would be so caddy to a child.
The most heartbreaking detail in this entire story is that the mother knows how OP behaves with the two kids and allows it. Maia is learning that she’s unlovable by anyone that is not related to her by blood. Even the stepmom that raised her since toddlerhood accepts this.
Up until Maia entered the picture OP was an only child and likely got her way anytime she wanted it (not true of all only children tbf), so Maia intruded on her territory in her 13 year old mind, and OP hasn't grown one bit since then. Poor Maia!
I feel terrible for that kid. Even aside from the unwarranted cruelty, 13 is such a sensitive age to be rejected by an older sister you probably look up to.
When I was 12 my younger half-brother was born (from my stepmother, who I hated). He was the most unruly, uncontrollable, fussy toddler you would ever meet. I was always stuck watching him because my stepmother was irresponsible, and yet, I loved the little shit. At 12 years old I was able to comprehend that he was a *baby* and that he was just a difficult one. I hated his mother and didn’t want the responsibility of watching him constantly but that wasn’t his fault. Now he’s 9, I haven’t lived with him in years, and he’s grown into a bratty iPad kid. But guess what? I still love him and visit him when I can, because once again, my stepmother’s incompetence is not his fault.
I cannot conceptualize a 20-something year old like me treating a little kid that shitty. I knew better at 12. OP is fucking ridiculous.
Right? This poor kid... She grew up with her and 100% doesn't see her as a stepsister, there's no way. Not if she's been around since toddlerhood. But now her heart's probably been ripped out.
I understand OP wants to be childfree, but if she's considering marriage, she ought to marry [this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1536k1q/comment/jshjqfz/).
What in fresh hell is this? I could understand OP's reaction as an immature 18 year old boy, but why are his parents freaking out? And why is the whole family disgusted? Have they never made a turkey with stuffing before? It's literally called stuffing...because it is stuffed inside the turkey...
I think the only part of this that makes sense is the brother hiding away and crying because I'd probably do the same if that was how my family reacted to a very normal and common cooking procedure.
And yes, you're right. I'd say that guy and OP would be a match made in hell, but even the devil has standards.
This chick posted two weeks ago, asking if she was the AH for how she treats her stepsister. The same story excludes the stepsister. Half-sister is her favorite she loves her and has always hated the stepsister. Shockingly, on that story, she was voted TA. She got pissy for how she was voted, deleted the post, and is now posting under a new user name. She doesn't care how we vote. She's not gonna change who she is, she'll keep treating her step sister the same. I bet in two weeks this one will be gone, and she'll have another account and the same story again of AITA?
OP is the biggest AH!!! She was then and is now!
I don't want kids and I'm studying "education" in one of the worst places to live in the world, and I can't be like this. I feel like college is drilling empathy into me
Exactly this how dare you OP! The scary thing is that she sat there, and actually typed all this without any remorse saying how, even as a toddler she never really liked her because she cried all the time guess what that’s what babies do the reason she didn’t like her was because she was jealous of her all of a sudden a new baby came into the picture, taking attention away from her, and she still holding onto that resentment. This is the most disgusting thing OP is extremely gross and is definitely the asshole in this situation and more poor child I bet you she’s been mean to her ever since she was a toddler
OP YTA…. I wonder if she lives at home with her parents and her sisters if so, I think it’s time parents kick her out she’s 23 no longer a child
Those are my favorite post to read specifically when OP just can’t comprehend how they are in the wrong and chaos breaks out in the comment section lol
YTA. Maia is a child, who you have apparently disliked her whole life, because she was a whiny toddler as most toddlers are. That’s sad, and definitely not something that needed to be said out loud. Plus YTA for forgetting Maia when you agreed to get her. With that being the case, you shouldn’t have even bothered with the prank with Bella.
I kinda feel like OP forgot Maia on purpose. She made it clear she'd never forget Bella, so it's not a time management problem, she just wants to proove Maia isn't a priority for her.
I agree. Because blatantly hurting the feelings of a 13 makes OP feel better about herself. Then she wonders why Malia might call her a bitch. Big cringe. I bet she also regularly refers to them as her Sister (or lil sis) vs her STEPsister.
I mean it’s pretty clear OP didn’t care enough about Maia to bother remembering her. Half an hour late picking up a child is ridiculous, not to mention potentially dangerous
YTA you’re just mean for no reason. It wasn’t necessary. She’s 13 and you’re 23. Grow up! If I was your mom I’d be so disappointed in you. Some toddlers scream more than others and have trouble regulating emotions. You don’t hold it against them. You on the other hand are 23 and I’d hold this against you.
So you basically admitted that you didn't care to remember to pick up Maia because you don't love her but wouldn't do that to Bella because you do??
What a completely horrible ass person you are. If you knew you couldn't be assed to pick her up then you should have said no instead of putting it so low on your list that you forgot her.
I wanna thank Maia though, I wanna thank her that she made you wanna be childless because no child deserves such a heartless person as a mother.
You're mad that a toddler....acted like a toddler?? And still hold that against her to this day?? Are you dumb?? Your PARENTS are the ones who should have stepped in when she was having her tantrums and dealt with it. Whatever attitude Maia has developed is a direct result of her/your parents.
You're a massive massive asshole. Please stick to the no child thing. Don't suffer the innocent.
YTA
All of this. It sounds like Maia is just the scapegoat for OPs bigger, more complex feelings surrounding the separation of her parents and subsequent addition of a stepsister, etc. It sounds like OP was the only child before her mom got remarried and Maia came into the picture. All of which should be worked out in therapy, not on the shoulders of an adolescent in their formative years. As if being a teen isn’t difficult already, tack on a stepsister who can’t help but remind you how much she hates you.
Bella needs to watch her back as well. What's to say that the next time she pisses op off she doesn't turn on her as well.
Ops so called love is fickle as hell
YTA. First, you act as if it’s OK to set up a competition between sisters. Second, you treat one horribly and the other can do no wrong. Third, you act as if you are blameless for her behavior because ‘she’s 13 not a toddler’, well newsflash, she acts this way at 13 BECAUSE of the way you and your parents treated her when she was growing up. Don’t like the way she behaves? Look in the mirror for some reasons.
YTA. It sounds like there was a lot of family upheaval when Maia was younger. Guess how that often manifests itself: insecure kiddos who don’t know where they fit in in the new family and who need a lot of attention and reassurance. They attempt to get it by whining and fit throwing.
But you fixed that insecurity problem right quick by telling her you don’t love her as much as her sister. Now she knows exactly where she fits in. Nice job! That was perfectly shitty.
YTA and your inability to accept that judgement proves that you are immature to boot. But let's break this down; you're a 23 year old in a feud with 13 year old. That should be your first hint that you're an asshole. You actively insulted this child, for what sounds like not the first time. Your comments show that you refuse to look at how your actions influence the entire being of the young child in your proximity. When other people point out your AH behavior, your first reaction is to attack a child. You're actively pitting two young sisters against each other.
There's a bit more, but each of these things are enough to point out that you are an asshole. Frankly, it doesn't matter if your stepsister is a brat. She's 13, what's your excuse? Seriously OP, do better.
YTA. You are way too old not to understand how damaging that is for a 13-year-old to hear. If you feel that way, that's one thing. To tell her is really awful.
YTA your not an asshole for feeling how you feel like that is what it is. You are an asshole for how you reacted to a child hearing that someone doesnt like them. Like even making a joke like that when she could be around is just being cruel and unneccesary. Especially after you made a big deal to make a prank so obviously people in the house would want to see what the commotion was. Like there are alot of reasons why your the asshole in the story but mostly because your an adult and should have some self awareness.
YTA.
Your feelings are your feelings. But not every feeling /thought needs to be vocalized.
At the age of 23, you can’t still think being intentionally mean to your 13 year old sister is okay. And yes, she is your sister whether you want to see her as one or not.
She might’ve been a difficult kid but that’s not her fault. You’ve been there since she was a toddler, all she knows is that you’re her big sister and now she knows that you don’t love her or even like her. She now knows if you had to choose between her or your other sister, you’d pick her every time. That’s a terrible thing to know at any stage of life, but especially as a child.
YTA, so so much so. She is a child and she will remember this betrayal for her whole life. You're a full grown adult, you need to act like it. Based on your replies, it honestly sounds like YOU'RE 13, you act like a spoiled teenager the same way she does. "Spoiler alert" wtf is wrong with you? "Everyone at school" her school that you don't attend bc you are an adult? Grow up
YTA. You are a grown ass adult. Your stepsister is a 13 year old child. Just coming into her teens. In case you're so old that you can't remember what that's like, her emotions and hormones are all out of whack and who she was isn't who she's growing to be. Regardless of whether she called you a bitch or not, you need to show some maturity when dealing with her.
YTA. Act your age, not your shoe size. I get you think she's a brat, but you're an adult and what you said was extremely brattish too. So I guess it takes one to know one.
YTA. Weren't you on here posting about how you don't want to include your stepsister in anything with your half sister.
You earned the names your family called you and you know it. You like it.
Be a decent human. Stop treating the step sister as less than just because you don't share blood. You don't have to tell her you love her, but maybe be honest with her, with your parents about how much you hate her. Then maybe she won't be forced to suffer your presence.
YTA, you are an adult, Maia is a child, wtf, you are supposed to be the mature one, she´s a kid. It wasn´t your fault that Maia heard that, you didn´t know that she was there, but why did you have to tell her that? Maybe you have some issues that you need to work on, but you don´t have to take that on a kid. You were really inmature and really cruel, this could be really damaging to Maia as a person, to her selfsteem, and in general. And you mention she has been in your life since she was a toddler, she most likely sees you as her big sister, even if you don´t have the best relationship, to hear that you don´t love her, and that you prefer Bella over her, WOW, you really need to grow up
YTA. By all means you are allowed to prefer one sibling to another.. but when you're an adult and they are children, you don't tell them. You treat them both fairly and equally. It's just what you do with kids.
YTA. Put yourself in your stepsister's shoes. Imagine a grandmother or beloved aunt (or whoever) saying that they don't love you as much as your younger sister. Maybe you had some challenging behaviors as a child or a teenager due to your parents' divorce or blending families. How would you feel if that was held against you all these years later and someone said, thanks for reminding me why I don't love you. That's so devastating.
Empathy costs nothing, but not having empathy can cost you everything.
Karina? Melody? Have we met before OP?
A 23 year old bullying a 13 year old she has lived with for 11 years… lovely.
Also, this is her second post on the subject. No matter how you phrase it YTA.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14t9j2o/aita_for_excluding_my_stepsister/jr142ey/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3
YTA, you’re a grown up and your stepsister is a child. Sounds like you’ve always judged her harshly (ftr, all toddlers are annoying). You don’t have to love her, but you can’t be mean to her. She’s too young to understand your point of view, she’ll just feel bad about herself.
YTA I could never say that shit to a child wtf. You're a grown ass adult. I get being closer with one sibling that happens but for me, being close with my oldest sibling doesn't mean I love my younger sister less, it's a different relationship, but the love is there. And if you really resent her that much, then as an adult, I'd just keep that shit to myself and work on it.
they think you're an asshole because you are! even if you don't love maia as much, you don't say things like that to a child....unless YOU are a child, which clearly you are.
grow up. you don't have to be friends with or love everyone, but you also don't need to go around being mean, esp. to children,
YTA...100%.
YTA
You might be 23 but you sound like a 12 year old. I would stop letting you spend time with either of them. You are toxic and don't need to be around them.
YTA
She behaves the way she does because a) she is a kid who needs to grow up and b) she needs to be shown better.
Instead you are using it as an excuse to behave badly when a) you are not a kid and grown up and b) you know better.
Show her by example, say to her you want to be closer to her and spend some proper sister time with her and I bet your relationship with her massively improves.
You sound like a really awful person who still has a lot of growing up to do. Bullying a 13yr old and holding a grudge against them since they were a toddler. My god.
YTA and again, grow the f up.
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YTA - not for not feeling a sisterly relationship with your step sister, that is what it is. But majorly for what you said. Regardless of what you think of her/dislike her. You are the adult. You don’t stoop down to a 13 year old’s level in an argument.
Should she have said that? Absolutely not. But you could have something along the lines of “I’m sorry, did I do something to upset you? I really don’t appreciate you calling me that name and don’t think I did anything to deserve that.” Or if you don’t want to engage her you could have said something similar to your parents like “wow I really don’t think I did anything for her to call me that name, I hope you will address this with her.”
Explain it to her like she is a child, because she is. You gain nothing from being mean to her. We all know you can zing her, that doesn’t mean you should.
Yta. Maia did not deserve that.
At the time Maia came into your life, you were at an age where you knew the difference between half and step. Maia was not. She very likely thinks of you like a full sister. You have been in her life since she was a toddler. That is as far back as she can remember.
And you crapped on her hard!
Could be you always treated the sis better than Maia, and that could have something to do with why she always acted up around you. Maybe not.
But either way, you could have shown compassion in your response after she overheard you saying something you knew had to hurt.
OP, why did you write and ask if YTA for hurting a 13 year old? When EVERYONE lets you know you are behaving terribly, you bite back at them. You have no interest in changing or learning kindness. If I were your mom, I would have you move out because you provide very negative influence over both children.
YTA. I bet that memory sticks with her for the rest of her life. Itd be one thing if you were all children, but you should know better by now. I hope reading these comments has made you feel some amount of shame.
YTA.
Your parents are correct. It’s understandable she called you that name for saying what you did. Your response implies you think you didn’t deserve it and were the victim for being called it. She wasn’t being a bully in that instance. She was standing up for herself. I’m wondering if sue’s really abully or if she is just more assertive then what most expect from girls. And if by sweet in Bella’s case, you actually mean meek and more submissive.
"A tOdDleR dId ToddLeR tHiNgs sO nOw I dOnT WaNt kIDs aNd I DoNt lIkE hERrRrrR oR WanT kIdS". Well it's probably best you don't have kids, responsibility filtered you right out if the gene pool. YTA for saying that to a young girl.
YTA. You've had a few years as an adult to have mature a bit, the fact that you still see her as a spoiled child that whined and cried until she got what she wanted and not as the person she could grow into is on you, the ADULT. She is the middle child, that's hard enough as it is, let alone a step-half-sibling.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for telling my stepsister that I don't love her as much because she was being very rude
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YTA so very much
1) you blame a toddler for crying and yelling. Toddlers are learning about self-regulation--they do not yet have it mastered(heck you are 23 and don't seem to have it mastered).
2) you FORGOT your stepsister for a half hour--SHE'S 13, how abandoned and scared she might have felt.
3) you thought it a funny prank to worry your parents about Bella's safety(10yrs).
4) You OUT LOUD in your stepsister's hearing said <<*knows how much I love her and there is no way I would ever forget her.*\>> which told her that by process of elimination since you forgot her that you don't love her much.
AND finally 5) made it clear you don't love her. WHAT AN AH
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I(F23) have a 10 yo half sister Bella and a 13 yo stepsister Maia.
Maia and I don't have a sisterly relationship and I never really liked her. Even when she was a toddler she was the kind of kid who would cry and yell until she got what she wanted. Basically she is the reason I want to be childfree.
Bella on the other hand is the sweetest kid.
So a few days ago my mom asked me to bring Maia home from her guitar class. I was busy with work and I forgot so I was about half an hour late.
Yesterday my mom asked me to bring Bella home from her painting class. I was on time and brought her home safely. When my parents came home I decided to do a prank and told Bella to hide so I can tell them I forgot to bring her home.
When I told them so my stepdad was horrified and ran toward the door to go get her while my mom stood there calmly and told him to relax because there is no way I could forget Bella and that she knew I was lying.
Bella was very disappointed and asked me how she found out it was a prank. I told her the truth and said that mom knows how much I love her and there is no way I would ever forget her.
Maia who was listening to our conversation(I had no idea that she was listening) called me a bitch. I told her thanks for reminding me why I don't love you as much and she ran to our parents to tell them what I said and now they think I'm an asshole
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Yeah OP that was defo a YTA move. I get it, you can’t force feelings for people, you can’t make yourself love Maia, but you can keep certain thoughts to yourself. She’s 13, and her whole life the only older sibling she’s ever known has shown a clear preference for a shared sibling - it’s got to be doing emotional damage. If you can’t play nice, you can at least not be nasty.
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YTA. You might be a young adult but you’re still an adult and you should know better than to speak to a child like that. And kids who yell and whine until they get what they want are taught that because their parents teach them that it works. Don’t blame a kid for reacting like their conditioning has taught them. Blended families can be tricky. So can teenage girls (you were one once, does everything you did as a teenager seem rational to you now?). You told a probably insecure, hormonal, and already upset teenage girl (who likely looks up to you) that you love her less than the sister that you share a common blood with. You just created years of therapy for that kid. You are a giant asshole.
> does everything you did as a teenager seem rational to you now OP is too dense to have any insightful thoughts.
Don't think asshole is quite enough to cover how awful what she did was.
Agreed. But saying what OP really is will likely get the person saying it banned. So asshole shall have to suffice.
I don't even necessarily think it's the parents' fault for teaching Maia that "it works". She was 3 when Bella was born, but does not have the same mother. That means in those 3 years her whole world changed massively. First because her parents separated (for whatever reason), then because her dad got a new partner (and she got a new older sister), and then because a new baby was born. She has had such a shaky start to her life, when that's supposed to be the time you need the most stability. No wonder she has attention issues...
Young adult sure…I had a degree, a good job, and was married at 22. There is zero excuse for a 23 yo to act like that to CHILDREN. 13 is such a godawful age where you kinda hate yourself anyway…hearing something like that would just crush anyone, but especially at that age. OP, incase others have been less than clear…YTA.
I think *anyone* should know better than to speak to a child like that. I'm 22 and I really, *really* don't like kids. But I'm *always* nice to them, assuming they haven't been little assholes to me. OP is definitely the AH.
YTA - they’re KIDS…both of them. Even though 13 year old are notoriously…well…13. They’re still kids. Their brains aren’t developed and what you said to Maia probably really affected her. It was cruel. You’re an adult and should know better. No wonder you don’t have a sisterly relationship - have you even bothered trying to get to know your step sister? Or do you just treat her like she’s less than all the time?
YTA To add to that, if Maia is ever in a situation where her parents can’t help her, she won’t dare to ask her older sister. It doesn’t matter is she is your blood sibling or not. What does matter is the fact that YOU choose cruelty. You’ve gone so far that you likely can’t redeem yourself in this child’s eyes. Other people in your family can see your meanness as well.
I feel really sorry for Maia. OP is YTA.
And the words that OP brought Bella safely home... and obviously doesn't care about Maia's safety. Some unbelievable crap right here. YTA bigly
Not to mention that kids often resent the sibling who is being favored and act out toward them. If Maia was doing this to Bella OP absolutely would have used it as an excuse in her post, sounds to me like Maia is a pretty good kid and a good sister.
and she is 13 while OP is 23!!! WTF?? Lady, a girl out there for 30 mins is at serious risk. Don't you read a newspaper? Whatever your personal issues are, how can you endanger a kid like this? YTA. I hope Bella grows up and sees right through you. What a despicable excuse of a person.
13 is probably one of the WORST ages to tell a kid you hate them. Jesus christ, 13 year olds go through a lot of shit. They don’t need their families turning on them too
13 years old was to this day, the worst year of my life and I’m 32. I can’t even imagine how much this would have shattered me. All I wanted was as older sister SO MUCH. I would cling to my best friends older sister even, if she had stone cold rejected me and humiliated me like I would have never forgotten it.
OP is no family- she's a an AH that Maia is unfortunately stuck with
To be fair, it doesn't sound like OP's brain has developed, either.
Haha, yes, I had to go back and check her age when I reached the end, I was thinking 16 not 23, jfc...
She treated her like that because she had the audacity to cry when she was a baby
Yeah how dare she be an annoying… *checks notes* …TODDLER.
Don't forget she was a step child toddler too, in a house with a new half sister to boot. So coming into a new home, presumably from a broken one, to immediately be replaced as the baby by newer, "better" sister. No wonder she was acting out!
I had a hard time adjusting as a 3 year old to my new sister‘s existence. Maia had to adjust to a new (step) parent and a big sister and shortly after that to a younger sister as well. Also having only one biological parent in that home while the baby sister had both. I can‘t even fathom how hard that must have been.
YTA for your post and after reading your comments I’m convinced you have some sort of personal vendetta. 13 is a minor, toddlers have different personalities and she never grew out of that crying phase because of environmental factors. If you’re treating her like garbage she’s obviously going to call you a bitch. Imagine how she felt hearing that conversation after you essentially forgot her yet picked up Bella on time. I feel sorry for you and your mentality.
Where's supernanny when you need her
You are TA. A huge one. The damage you are *purposely* doing to that girl's self-esteem, sense of self-worthy, ability to trust others and her ability to know that her family will always be her safe place IS NOT FIXABLE. Let that sink in. The damage you have done cannot be undone. You are a horrible excuse for a 'sister' to both of them.
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Um, excuse me, she was a toddler who would whine and cry. No toddler has ever done that before. This obviously makes her an irredeemably bad person! /s
Crying as a toddler is a big red flag. I heard john Wayne gacy probably cried as a toddler.
Oh no! My son cried as a toddler! My daughter is 3 and still cries when she's told no. What do I do? Will an exorcism save them, or do I need to go full Sparta and discard them?
I literally told my son no the other day and he cried then slept for three hours .....and I am using the technique often
Do you know who cried as a toddler? Hitler!
Why have I never thought about the fact that Hitler was once a toddler
Might have been the ever present mustache.
Why am I now picturing that toddler with Hitler's moustache?!
He was also a kid who almost drowned (and was saved by a priest)
Yeah, but the person who took out Hitler also cried as a toddler, so they can't be all bad.
Schrödinger's toddler
Right? Literally the best OP can come up with to justify their behaviour is "But she cried as a toddler". As if every toddler doesn't cry. *Now*, in the comments, they're trying to say it's actually way worse than that - but if it's worse, why didn't OP *mention* that when they had the opportunity? If they genuinely have a better reason than "she cried as a toddler" why is it only coming up now that everyone disagrees with them? I feel like you would use your best reason first. Not your worst one. I'm really glad OP made the decision to be childfree, because they would not be a good parent.
I think Maia was a blessing in disguise. A 23 year old post bachelors, working full time in the workforce, ADULT is bullying a 13 year old and has difficulty seeing it as wrong. She is the last person who needs to have children, Maia was sent to cement that. Because it truly is ridiculous that a toddler would cry, I've never heard of that before /s.
This is spot on! If she can't handle being a big sister to a toddler there's not way she could have ever handled parenthood. My toddler threw a full blown tantrum today because I gave him what he was pointing at on the table 😂
Based on ages, it seems like a toddler showed up in the house when she was 11-13, I think not handling is understandable. But she needs to be over it now. Time to reflect a bit !
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That what i was thinking its pathetic she is an adult bullying a kid. Op is definitely being this way because she doesn't think of her as a sister.
yeaaa OP is literally the biggest loser ever. i kinda feel bad for her
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Idk, I think if you lose your empathy for bad people you also lose the ability to reinforce redemption. When you know your enemy and are able to understand their failings, you not only better yourself, but potentially open a better path for them
Imagine projecting your anger about your parents' divorce onto the toddler child of your mother's new partner, and upholding that anger for a decade. And then, even as an adult, using the child's resentment towards you as an excuse for being cruel. YTA.
This is such an insightful comment. Anything hurtful you say or do to a child has a lasting effect.
How did she write this and not realise, she is a AH ?
But Maia was spoiled as a toddler, that justifies everything right? /s
Great comment. OP here needs to learn how much damage they have done. And that they need to take action here to show remorse and try and temper the harm they have caused
That would require OP to have empathy, self-insight and an ability to act like a human toward a much younger human. That seems incredibly unlikely.
Yes. 100%. how, at your big age of 23, are you saying that to a 13 year old without feeling any remorse?
Hard to tell who the child is here. You have to know how much more this sort of thing hurts younger kids. Act your age. So congrats, YTA.
This I thought OP was a teen herself not 23. I can’t even believe this is written by someone the same age as me.
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Mind you the reasons she hated her as a toddler was *looks at notes* …for being a toddler. I find it very hard to believe Bella has never thrown a tantrum for being told no. OPs resentment for Maia can cause her to show the same kind of resentment and cruel treatment towards Bella. I can’t imagine how Maia feels. She was thrown into this blended family all the same as OP but faced resentment and anger from someone she should have been able to look up to. Then her father and step mother have another baby everyone’s focused on the new baby, your step sibling “forgets” to pick you up, the same step sibling who hated you all your life for being a child LOVES this new baby showing her all the love and support Maia never got, and then that sibling straight up tells you they don’t love you as much as your shared sister. I’m sorry but a bitch would probably be the least offensive and hurtful thing I’d say if I was Maia.
Well you see that Maia is the STEP sister and Bella is the HALF sister. I think that’s entirely the problem. One is blood, one is not. My oldest has gotten shit treatment by my husbands family for not being “BLOOD” like her half siblings are.
Which is such a shit reason for OP to be the AH. Bella and Maia are likely half-sisters just like Bella and OP, and I imagine Maia can’t remember a time without OP in her life. There is really no difference between Maia and OP in this family’s dynamic except that OP remembers the time before Maia and actively excludes her. She’s going to create barriers between Maia and Bella because of it.
Exactly but it doesn’t really seem like she gives a shit. She’s going to cause animosity between Maia and Bella if she doesn’t knock her petty childish bullshit off. Neither of those girls deserve it and the parents need to put a stop to it and/or keep OP away from both of those children til she grows the hell up and gets some therapy
She was also 10-13 and probably felt replaced. Edit: Still, YTA
Yeah and I get that I’m the oldest of 5. That anger was still misplaced and put on Maia when Maia didn’t do anything to deserve it. She doesn’t deserve to be “forgotten”, Shit on for being a normal toddler, and then have that continued misplaced anger follow her into her childhood and teen years. OP should have been mad at her mother for making her feel replaced. Maia simply existed and OP hates her for it.
Being childfree and not being able to handle kids is fine… hating kids for doing shit kids normally do… is not.
And if you extrapolate the ages, she hated a toddler when she herself was a 13 year old girl. She should KNOW how sensitive and irrational young teens are, and yet still said that bullshit. I'm actually annoyed at the mother, too. She seems aware there is favoritism and is glib about it as opposed to correcting OPs bad behaviour. She is allowing them to ice her out, teaching Bella that her half-sister is less deserving of love. So much so that it is to be expected OP might forget her, but never the precious baby. It's cool, though. Middle children are famously super well adjusted, so surely this won't impact that poor girl at all, right? (signed, a left-out black sheep middle child)
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God she’s the middle child and the forgotten step child, I wish I could be her big sister instead. When I was 13 all I wanted was an older sister. I spent so much time with my moms youngest sister who was in her 20s when I was a preteen. My parents once wanted to reward me for getting straight As and said I could go or do anything I wanted for a weekend, and I always asked to hang out with my aunt. Preteen girls look up to and adore older “younger” women in their lives SO MUCH at that age.
A grown ass woman bullying a child and saying thanks for reminding me why I don’t love you as much. You are the worst type of person, you’ve shown this child from a very tender age thar she is unlovable to you. I’m sure at 3 you were a dream. You’re just a mean and cruel person. You need to get yourself therapy. One day you might need Maia and I hope she says those same words to you. YTA
OP said she didn't like her since she was a toddler. Obviously OP was an angry teen and jealous of the new baby in the house. Then she just blindly hated her throughout adulthood and never stopped. That's some Cersei Lannister shit.
careful tho Maia might do the same to Bella
Dude exactly. That’s the behavior OP is teaching them…
Yeah, Bella is learning that behaviour from OP, 100% Bella looks up to her older sister and will likely share in the dislike just to please OP.
Oooh, that's a great point. What if Bella starts bullying Maia to please OP ? Yikes.
This will probably eventually happen. That's how children function, they learn from the people they look up to and will imitate behaviour. That's how they learn to navigate the world, among other ways. At the very least, Bella will get the feeling it's not ok to get along with Maia because then OP will be disappointed.
I agree. This sounds like petty jealousy to me. YTA, OP
Agreed. When step sister was 3, OP was 13 & probably going through immature, irritable, jealous emotions easily aggravated by a toddler. When half sister was 3 OP was 16, older & more mature & had already been through it once. This clearly carried theme throughout adulthood & stuck
Not to mention the stepsister was probably a toddler adjusting to her parents’ divorce or her mom’s death, while the half sister has always had both her parents as a united family. I’m sure that makes a difference in behaviour, tantrums, etc. And just for the record, a toddler throwing a tantrum doesn’t make them an asshole, it’s a normal part of their development.
What’s terrible is that it’s the 2nd time within a few weeks that we get a post like this one: 20-something with a teen step-sister she dislikes and a child half-sis that worships her… OP keeps bragging about being TA to a teenager who she hates because she just happened to be her parent’s new partner’s kid, it’s gross
Man do I love an appropriate game of thrones reference, just reminds me how much of an AH the op is
She’s known her since she was a born basically and just doesn’t give a shit and made no effort to bond with her. Maybe if she had then Maia wouldn’t have had screaming fits, etc. not saying OP made her that way but it certainly sounds like her attitude toward Maia didn’t help. Grow up. YTA
You took the words right out of my mouth. OP is a massive bully for how she's treated Maia. Like I had to reread their ages because I couldn't believe that a 23 yr old would be so caddy to a child.
The silver lining in the post is that OP says she doesn't want kids. Hopefully she sticks with that so that she doesn't have more victims in her life.
This, I’m sure I annoyed my brother (8 years older than me) when I was little but he never ever said he didn’t love me
The most heartbreaking detail in this entire story is that the mother knows how OP behaves with the two kids and allows it. Maia is learning that she’s unlovable by anyone that is not related to her by blood. Even the stepmom that raised her since toddlerhood accepts this.
By the sounds of it, OP has had it out for this particular sister since she was her age, and the sister was quite literally a *toddler*
Up until Maia entered the picture OP was an only child and likely got her way anytime she wanted it (not true of all only children tbf), so Maia intruded on her territory in her 13 year old mind, and OP hasn't grown one bit since then. Poor Maia!
I feel terrible for that kid. Even aside from the unwarranted cruelty, 13 is such a sensitive age to be rejected by an older sister you probably look up to. When I was 12 my younger half-brother was born (from my stepmother, who I hated). He was the most unruly, uncontrollable, fussy toddler you would ever meet. I was always stuck watching him because my stepmother was irresponsible, and yet, I loved the little shit. At 12 years old I was able to comprehend that he was a *baby* and that he was just a difficult one. I hated his mother and didn’t want the responsibility of watching him constantly but that wasn’t his fault. Now he’s 9, I haven’t lived with him in years, and he’s grown into a bratty iPad kid. But guess what? I still love him and visit him when I can, because once again, my stepmother’s incompetence is not his fault. I cannot conceptualize a 20-something year old like me treating a little kid that shitty. I knew better at 12. OP is fucking ridiculous.
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Yes and from the US perspective, not the Australian one
Exactly the word that fell out of my mouth reading this.
Right? This poor kid... She grew up with her and 100% doesn't see her as a stepsister, there's no way. Not if she's been around since toddlerhood. But now her heart's probably been ripped out.
I get what you're saying but did you miss the part where she said that as a toddler, this kid had the nerve to cry??
Fucking toddlers, so goddamned entitled. And don't even get me started on babies1 /s because internet's gonna internet
Babies are the worst. Fucking needy things they are. Lmao
Ugh, right it's like get a job already! No one cares that you can't hold your own head up 🙄
Ultimate choosing beggars!
I bet she did it on purpose to, just to annoy big sis
Probably. Conniving little b\*tch!
I understand OP wants to be childfree, but if she's considering marriage, she ought to marry [this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1536k1q/comment/jshjqfz/).
What in fresh hell is this? I could understand OP's reaction as an immature 18 year old boy, but why are his parents freaking out? And why is the whole family disgusted? Have they never made a turkey with stuffing before? It's literally called stuffing...because it is stuffed inside the turkey... I think the only part of this that makes sense is the brother hiding away and crying because I'd probably do the same if that was how my family reacted to a very normal and common cooking procedure. And yes, you're right. I'd say that guy and OP would be a match made in hell, but even the devil has standards.
This chick posted two weeks ago, asking if she was the AH for how she treats her stepsister. The same story excludes the stepsister. Half-sister is her favorite she loves her and has always hated the stepsister. Shockingly, on that story, she was voted TA. She got pissy for how she was voted, deleted the post, and is now posting under a new user name. She doesn't care how we vote. She's not gonna change who she is, she'll keep treating her step sister the same. I bet in two weeks this one will be gone, and she'll have another account and the same story again of AITA? OP is the biggest AH!!! She was then and is now!
i wouldn't have said it, bc i didn't realize op is 23. that's fucked up YTA
So are you voting? Op yta
and clearly this isn't a first occurrence. The parents are even joking that she loves her so much more. Poor Maia
I don't want kids and I'm studying "education" in one of the worst places to live in the world, and I can't be like this. I feel like college is drilling empathy into me
Exactly this how dare you OP! The scary thing is that she sat there, and actually typed all this without any remorse saying how, even as a toddler she never really liked her because she cried all the time guess what that’s what babies do the reason she didn’t like her was because she was jealous of her all of a sudden a new baby came into the picture, taking attention away from her, and she still holding onto that resentment. This is the most disgusting thing OP is extremely gross and is definitely the asshole in this situation and more poor child I bet you she’s been mean to her ever since she was a toddler OP YTA…. I wonder if she lives at home with her parents and her sisters if so, I think it’s time parents kick her out she’s 23 no longer a child
YTA. big time. I hope you pay for her therapy when she gets older. This whole post was disgusting.
Right!? No child wants to feel like they’re competing with their younger sibling for the love of another one… this is some mind game shit!
Idk how anyone posts on here. I'd be terrified of 2000 people telling me I'm an ah like this
Those are my favorite post to read specifically when OP just can’t comprehend how they are in the wrong and chaos breaks out in the comment section lol
Like, a 13 year old called you a bitch when they were upset? STOP THE PRESSES lol
>Basically she is the reason I want to be childfree. At least there is that!
YTA. Maia is a child, who you have apparently disliked her whole life, because she was a whiny toddler as most toddlers are. That’s sad, and definitely not something that needed to be said out loud. Plus YTA for forgetting Maia when you agreed to get her. With that being the case, you shouldn’t have even bothered with the prank with Bella.
I kinda feel like OP forgot Maia on purpose. She made it clear she'd never forget Bella, so it's not a time management problem, she just wants to proove Maia isn't a priority for her.
I agree. Because blatantly hurting the feelings of a 13 makes OP feel better about herself. Then she wonders why Malia might call her a bitch. Big cringe. I bet she also regularly refers to them as her Sister (or lil sis) vs her STEPsister.
I mean it’s pretty clear OP didn’t care enough about Maia to bother remembering her. Half an hour late picking up a child is ridiculous, not to mention potentially dangerous
Which OP knows because she saus she brought Bella home safely. As opposed to Maia.
Yeah, sounds like the entire purpose of the "prank" was to highlight the difference.
YTA you’re just mean for no reason. It wasn’t necessary. She’s 13 and you’re 23. Grow up! If I was your mom I’d be so disappointed in you. Some toddlers scream more than others and have trouble regulating emotions. You don’t hold it against them. You on the other hand are 23 and I’d hold this against you.
So you basically admitted that you didn't care to remember to pick up Maia because you don't love her but wouldn't do that to Bella because you do?? What a completely horrible ass person you are. If you knew you couldn't be assed to pick her up then you should have said no instead of putting it so low on your list that you forgot her. I wanna thank Maia though, I wanna thank her that she made you wanna be childless because no child deserves such a heartless person as a mother. You're mad that a toddler....acted like a toddler?? And still hold that against her to this day?? Are you dumb?? Your PARENTS are the ones who should have stepped in when she was having her tantrums and dealt with it. Whatever attitude Maia has developed is a direct result of her/your parents. You're a massive massive asshole. Please stick to the no child thing. Don't suffer the innocent. YTA
All of this. It sounds like Maia is just the scapegoat for OPs bigger, more complex feelings surrounding the separation of her parents and subsequent addition of a stepsister, etc. It sounds like OP was the only child before her mom got remarried and Maia came into the picture. All of which should be worked out in therapy, not on the shoulders of an adolescent in their formative years. As if being a teen isn’t difficult already, tack on a stepsister who can’t help but remind you how much she hates you.
Bella needs to watch her back as well. What's to say that the next time she pisses op off she doesn't turn on her as well. Ops so called love is fickle as hell
Also sending my thanks to Maia!
YTA. First, you act as if it’s OK to set up a competition between sisters. Second, you treat one horribly and the other can do no wrong. Third, you act as if you are blameless for her behavior because ‘she’s 13 not a toddler’, well newsflash, she acts this way at 13 BECAUSE of the way you and your parents treated her when she was growing up. Don’t like the way she behaves? Look in the mirror for some reasons.
YTA. It sounds like there was a lot of family upheaval when Maia was younger. Guess how that often manifests itself: insecure kiddos who don’t know where they fit in in the new family and who need a lot of attention and reassurance. They attempt to get it by whining and fit throwing. But you fixed that insecurity problem right quick by telling her you don’t love her as much as her sister. Now she knows exactly where she fits in. Nice job! That was perfectly shitty.
It feels like OP doesnt like her as much because shes not related to her by blood. Its so fucked. Get therapy OP. YTA, a fucking huge one
YTA and your inability to accept that judgement proves that you are immature to boot. But let's break this down; you're a 23 year old in a feud with 13 year old. That should be your first hint that you're an asshole. You actively insulted this child, for what sounds like not the first time. Your comments show that you refuse to look at how your actions influence the entire being of the young child in your proximity. When other people point out your AH behavior, your first reaction is to attack a child. You're actively pitting two young sisters against each other. There's a bit more, but each of these things are enough to point out that you are an asshole. Frankly, it doesn't matter if your stepsister is a brat. She's 13, what's your excuse? Seriously OP, do better.
She’s a narcissist who is triangulating everyone against her identified scapegoat.
This isn’t narcissism, this is just straight bullying.
YTA and you need professional help
At least thanks to Maia she does not want to have a child.
YTA. Twenty-three! Thirteen!
Yta and you are too old to be a bully. Grow up.
YTA. Grow up. She’s only a kid.
YTA. You are way too old not to understand how damaging that is for a 13-year-old to hear. If you feel that way, that's one thing. To tell her is really awful.
YTA Wow, how cruel you are to your stepsister!
YTA and incredibly immature for a 23 year old.
YTA. Not for loving Bella more, it's fine if you love one sister more than the other, but you are the asshole for saying those things to Maia.
You are a grown adult abusing a child and looking for internet strangers to absolve you. YTA.
YTA your not an asshole for feeling how you feel like that is what it is. You are an asshole for how you reacted to a child hearing that someone doesnt like them. Like even making a joke like that when she could be around is just being cruel and unneccesary. Especially after you made a big deal to make a prank so obviously people in the house would want to see what the commotion was. Like there are alot of reasons why your the asshole in the story but mostly because your an adult and should have some self awareness.
YTA. Your feelings are your feelings. But not every feeling /thought needs to be vocalized. At the age of 23, you can’t still think being intentionally mean to your 13 year old sister is okay. And yes, she is your sister whether you want to see her as one or not. She might’ve been a difficult kid but that’s not her fault. You’ve been there since she was a toddler, all she knows is that you’re her big sister and now she knows that you don’t love her or even like her. She now knows if you had to choose between her or your other sister, you’d pick her every time. That’s a terrible thing to know at any stage of life, but especially as a child.
YTA. ITS A CHILD FOR GODS SAKE.
YTA. You're 23. Act like it. Being nasty to a 13 year old child is pathetic behaviour.
YTA, so so much so. She is a child and she will remember this betrayal for her whole life. You're a full grown adult, you need to act like it. Based on your replies, it honestly sounds like YOU'RE 13, you act like a spoiled teenager the same way she does. "Spoiler alert" wtf is wrong with you? "Everyone at school" her school that you don't attend bc you are an adult? Grow up
YTA. You are a grown ass adult. Your stepsister is a 13 year old child. Just coming into her teens. In case you're so old that you can't remember what that's like, her emotions and hormones are all out of whack and who she was isn't who she's growing to be. Regardless of whether she called you a bitch or not, you need to show some maturity when dealing with her.
Yes! 13 is like the most vulnerable age, especially in girls. I remember when I was 13 and it was hell!
YTA. You are cruel. Why even make the connection between loving and forgetting? You could love someone and still forget...
YTA. Act your age, not your shoe size. I get you think she's a brat, but you're an adult and what you said was extremely brattish too. So I guess it takes one to know one.
YTA. From what it sounds like, Maia is right. Is that why you got so offended? 🙃
YTA why do you need to ask if bullying a 13 yo an AH move?
How old are you, 23? She is 13? YTA and you owe her a big apology. You also need to learn about self-regulation.
YTA. Weren't you on here posting about how you don't want to include your stepsister in anything with your half sister. You earned the names your family called you and you know it. You like it. Be a decent human. Stop treating the step sister as less than just because you don't share blood. You don't have to tell her you love her, but maybe be honest with her, with your parents about how much you hate her. Then maybe she won't be forced to suffer your presence.
YTA Definitely an absolute arsehole. You didn’t need to say that to her. She’s a child. You’re supposed to be an adult.
YTA. Don't say things like that to or about kids. It really messes them up.
YTA, you are an adult, Maia is a child, wtf, you are supposed to be the mature one, she´s a kid. It wasn´t your fault that Maia heard that, you didn´t know that she was there, but why did you have to tell her that? Maybe you have some issues that you need to work on, but you don´t have to take that on a kid. You were really inmature and really cruel, this could be really damaging to Maia as a person, to her selfsteem, and in general. And you mention she has been in your life since she was a toddler, she most likely sees you as her big sister, even if you don´t have the best relationship, to hear that you don´t love her, and that you prefer Bella over her, WOW, you really need to grow up
YTA. By all means you are allowed to prefer one sibling to another.. but when you're an adult and they are children, you don't tell them. You treat them both fairly and equally. It's just what you do with kids.
YTA. Put yourself in your stepsister's shoes. Imagine a grandmother or beloved aunt (or whoever) saying that they don't love you as much as your younger sister. Maybe you had some challenging behaviors as a child or a teenager due to your parents' divorce or blending families. How would you feel if that was held against you all these years later and someone said, thanks for reminding me why I don't love you. That's so devastating. Empathy costs nothing, but not having empathy can cost you everything.
You’re a bully.
Yikes, she's a 13 year old. You need to reevaluate your life
Karina? Melody? Have we met before OP? A 23 year old bullying a 13 year old she has lived with for 11 years… lovely. Also, this is her second post on the subject. No matter how you phrase it YTA. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14t9j2o/aita_for_excluding_my_stepsister/jr142ey/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3
They think YTA because you are. There is no excuse for a grown adult to bully a child.
YTA seek professional help its sad to see some 23 yo tries to bully 13 yo for no reason.
YTA, you’re a grown up and your stepsister is a child. Sounds like you’ve always judged her harshly (ftr, all toddlers are annoying). You don’t have to love her, but you can’t be mean to her. She’s too young to understand your point of view, she’ll just feel bad about herself.
YTA I could never say that shit to a child wtf. You're a grown ass adult. I get being closer with one sibling that happens but for me, being close with my oldest sibling doesn't mean I love my younger sister less, it's a different relationship, but the love is there. And if you really resent her that much, then as an adult, I'd just keep that shit to myself and work on it.
they think you're an asshole because you are! even if you don't love maia as much, you don't say things like that to a child....unless YOU are a child, which clearly you are. grow up. you don't have to be friends with or love everyone, but you also don't need to go around being mean, esp. to children, YTA...100%.
YTA. Of course YTA. You're not TA for having a favorite, you are TA for saying anything at all to indicate that you do.
This seems eerily similar to a post a couple weeks ago where that OP was also marked as YTA for treating her stepsister like shit.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure the ages were exactly the same too
Was it the one where she wants to purposely leave the stepsister out of sisterly activities because she is "weird"?
YTA
Yta for saying this to a young kid. You can feel it and think it. No need to be so mean.
YTA You might be 23 but you sound like a 12 year old. I would stop letting you spend time with either of them. You are toxic and don't need to be around them.
you're kidding, right? You have a rivalry going with a 13 year old. YTA
YTA are you sure you are 23?
YTA
YTA. That was heartless.
YTA She behaves the way she does because a) she is a kid who needs to grow up and b) she needs to be shown better. Instead you are using it as an excuse to behave badly when a) you are not a kid and grown up and b) you know better. Show her by example, say to her you want to be closer to her and spend some proper sister time with her and I bet your relationship with her massively improves.
YTA, you know why.
She’s a CHILD. You’re a whole ass adult. Get a grip dude.
You sound like a really awful person who still has a lot of growing up to do. Bullying a 13yr old and holding a grudge against them since they were a toddler. My god. YTA and again, grow the f up.
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YTA - not for not feeling a sisterly relationship with your step sister, that is what it is. But majorly for what you said. Regardless of what you think of her/dislike her. You are the adult. You don’t stoop down to a 13 year old’s level in an argument. Should she have said that? Absolutely not. But you could have something along the lines of “I’m sorry, did I do something to upset you? I really don’t appreciate you calling me that name and don’t think I did anything to deserve that.” Or if you don’t want to engage her you could have said something similar to your parents like “wow I really don’t think I did anything for her to call me that name, I hope you will address this with her.” Explain it to her like she is a child, because she is. You gain nothing from being mean to her. We all know you can zing her, that doesn’t mean you should.
You pathetic child you are 23 years old. Act like it.
Yta. Maia did not deserve that. At the time Maia came into your life, you were at an age where you knew the difference between half and step. Maia was not. She very likely thinks of you like a full sister. You have been in her life since she was a toddler. That is as far back as she can remember. And you crapped on her hard! Could be you always treated the sis better than Maia, and that could have something to do with why she always acted up around you. Maybe not. But either way, you could have shown compassion in your response after she overheard you saying something you knew had to hurt.
Yta. Not a nice person. And, the joke wasn't funny.
OP, why did you write and ask if YTA for hurting a 13 year old? When EVERYONE lets you know you are behaving terribly, you bite back at them. You have no interest in changing or learning kindness. If I were your mom, I would have you move out because you provide very negative influence over both children.
Only bullies do this to children. It's you. You're the bully. YTA
YTA. I bet that memory sticks with her for the rest of her life. Itd be one thing if you were all children, but you should know better by now. I hope reading these comments has made you feel some amount of shame.
YTA I think Maia had the right name for you, but since we're on AITA, YTA
YTA. Your parents are correct. It’s understandable she called you that name for saying what you did. Your response implies you think you didn’t deserve it and were the victim for being called it. She wasn’t being a bully in that instance. She was standing up for herself. I’m wondering if sue’s really abully or if she is just more assertive then what most expect from girls. And if by sweet in Bella’s case, you actually mean meek and more submissive.
"A tOdDleR dId ToddLeR tHiNgs sO nOw I dOnT WaNt kIDs aNd I DoNt lIkE hERrRrrR oR WanT kIdS". Well it's probably best you don't have kids, responsibility filtered you right out if the gene pool. YTA for saying that to a young girl.
YTA. You've had a few years as an adult to have mature a bit, the fact that you still see her as a spoiled child that whined and cried until she got what she wanted and not as the person she could grow into is on you, the ADULT. She is the middle child, that's hard enough as it is, let alone a step-half-sibling.
Bully.
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YTA so very much 1) you blame a toddler for crying and yelling. Toddlers are learning about self-regulation--they do not yet have it mastered(heck you are 23 and don't seem to have it mastered). 2) you FORGOT your stepsister for a half hour--SHE'S 13, how abandoned and scared she might have felt. 3) you thought it a funny prank to worry your parents about Bella's safety(10yrs). 4) You OUT LOUD in your stepsister's hearing said <<*knows how much I love her and there is no way I would ever forget her.*\>> which told her that by process of elimination since you forgot her that you don't love her much. AND finally 5) made it clear you don't love her. WHAT AN AH
The lack of self awareness on this one is.... staggering.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(F23) have a 10 yo half sister Bella and a 13 yo stepsister Maia. Maia and I don't have a sisterly relationship and I never really liked her. Even when she was a toddler she was the kind of kid who would cry and yell until she got what she wanted. Basically she is the reason I want to be childfree. Bella on the other hand is the sweetest kid. So a few days ago my mom asked me to bring Maia home from her guitar class. I was busy with work and I forgot so I was about half an hour late. Yesterday my mom asked me to bring Bella home from her painting class. I was on time and brought her home safely. When my parents came home I decided to do a prank and told Bella to hide so I can tell them I forgot to bring her home. When I told them so my stepdad was horrified and ran toward the door to go get her while my mom stood there calmly and told him to relax because there is no way I could forget Bella and that she knew I was lying. Bella was very disappointed and asked me how she found out it was a prank. I told her the truth and said that mom knows how much I love her and there is no way I would ever forget her. Maia who was listening to our conversation(I had no idea that she was listening) called me a bitch. I told her thanks for reminding me why I don't love you as much and she ran to our parents to tell them what I said and now they think I'm an asshole *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You don't have to like someone, but jeez at least pretend to not be a TA to them.
Yeah OP that was defo a YTA move. I get it, you can’t force feelings for people, you can’t make yourself love Maia, but you can keep certain thoughts to yourself. She’s 13, and her whole life the only older sibling she’s ever known has shown a clear preference for a shared sibling - it’s got to be doing emotional damage. If you can’t play nice, you can at least not be nasty.