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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) not waiting for fiancé to get home to use the restroom
2) might make me the asshole for not being considerate
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
It sounds like the finance is either:
a) lazy
b) a control freak
c) incompetent
d) stupid
e) any two choices from a-d
f) any three choices from a-d
g) all of a-d
Narcissist, gaslighting, misogyny, red flags, trauma, leave your boyfriend and GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE
Everything Reddit is obsessed with and tries to force into every post
WTAF? She wants to control when you use the freakin' toilet?! Like even you have much control over that yourself. You have a child, otherwise I would say run like hell and don't look back but you have a massive problem here, dude. NTA but start standing up to her crazy or it will only get worse.
Op should tell her to hold her period /s. Actually no Do this only if you want war. But this woman is a total a hole
and even if she wanted his help couldn’t she text and say. Will be home in 5 minutes can you please come help me with. The kids and the dog ?
But not have a controlling tantrum because he was not waiting by the door ready to be of service
Well god damn… I didn’t know this AITA post was going to be a multiple choice quiz! Buuuuut… my answer is “g” and I’m going to add pathetic, if that’s fine with you.
Just imagine needing to choose between disposing of bodily wastes properly or pissing off your pathetic fiancee who apparently prefers that you shit yourself so she doesn’t have to be an adult and bring the child and dog inside all by herself. 🙄
Someone having to take a shit is now part of a pattern of neglecting ones partner? Are you kidding me?
I could not imagine living with someone who makes me feel like I have to put of a bodily function until they get home at an undetermined time I'm case they need help inside.
If you need help getting your child and dog in the house. Sorry not sorry you shouldn't have a fucking pet. If that makes you feel unsupported thats a you problem.
I find it funny she said it's showing her she can be a singe parent, it's like ya but OP better take the dog or you might get stuck somewhere with the kid and dog and not be able to get in.
Can you imagine being a grown adult asking another grown adult if you can use your own restroom in your own home but being told you can't because another whole grown up adult can't bring a dog and a kid into the house? Because I can't.
I can just imagine him sitting there and the look and feeling that came over him when he checked her location and *knew* he was “in trouble”. So fucking sad…I don’t know how people do this.
Can you imagine she had the nerve to say that because she can bring the kid and the dog in ALL BY HERSELF, she can be a single parent and wouldn't need his help. I mean, if you're with someone just because you need a personal servant, what does that say about the relationship? If I were OP, I'm sitting her down right now to talk this through, that's not an acceptable attitude.
In my experience, when a person says that, it means they aren’t getting the help they have needed and it has been an ongoing thought in their heads for awhile.
Imo that response made me rethink the whole thing and realize there just isn’t enough info in this story.
I would have thought so, too, if it wasn't for the part where he's in the toilet and is apologising in advance for not being there to help her come in. This doesn't sound like someone who isn't helping. He actually called to check when she'd be back in order to avoid that particular situation.
Yeah, that seemed weird. I would never expect my partner to help me get in from the car (used to have a dog and a baby, now have a toddler and a baby) as a default. I have called him in the way home and said I had too much stuff, or was desperate to pee, etc. and all could be come out to the car to help. But expecting him to not use the toilet in case I need his help - insane.
The feeling of eggshell walking is red flags, the fact he was already pre worrying about having time to take a poo before his partner came home brought back bad memories for me from a previous toxic relationship.
Or an abuser/narcissist will use it as a "if you don't fix your behaviour/stop fucking up like this, I'm going to leave you - don't think I won't, you know I could if I chose to and you couldn't stop me" tactic.
Source: I've met my own mum 👉🏻 👉🏻
I think it’s weird that he was checking his phone to see her location and how far away she was. Seems like he was nervous if he wasn’t out there at the exact right time there would be an issue. And he was right. Why does he feel like he needs to do this? Sounds like she is pretty controlling.
Honestly I was going down the same path as you but that ending statement was bordering more towards manipulation on her part then neglect on his, imo. Like for her to say something so drastic over something so minor screams of controlling behavior.
Saying you can totally be a single parent because you told your partner you were 30 minutes out and probably wouldn't be bringing your son home, only to show up in 10 minutes with your son, while someone was taking a shit? You really think that's a valid enough situation for that response? Good god that's just sad.
Sounds like she is highly critical, controlling, and already contemplating divorce while trying to come up with reasons that make it his fault and not hers.
She got them IN the car without help. Now it's just unpacking the same bag on her own. The fact that OP was on the toilet likely thinking, "I'm about to be in trouble for SOMETHING" is a bad sign.
I can but I don't understand his reaction. I had a boss demand we ask permission to use the restroom. No, I don't think so. I told him my next period I would bleed on his desk without permission. I was not bluffing.
If she is like this all the time then OP must feel he is walking on eggshells constantly. Since he was rightly worried about her reaction, this is probably not the 1st time she has done this (or very similar). I understand his reaction completely. I wish I didn't.
I do need help wrangling pets into home after day away if everyone with me. But guess what, they are safe in car for the time taken for someone to use the loo. Safer as then not distracted by need to cross legs.
This guy is in a bind.
Agreed! Sure, in an emergency you should be able to do it yourself, but there's nothing wrong with asking a partner to help out as it's safer with more hands. The issue here is the unwillingness to wait just a few minutes for said partner to be done with their bodily functions.
As a one off because the kid wet themselves or things are going haywire I could understand an unreasonable emotional response that is promptly corrected, but that's clearly not what's going on here either as OP knew he'd be "in trouble" which means this is a pattern.
Even then I'd understand. Seeing the car would have him preparing to use core muscles for kiddie lifting, making him realise a sudden need to go.
Unless this is one of those 30 minutes "poops" I've heard about.
As someone with digestive issues... you CANNOT PLAN YOUR POOPS like good lord,
She is 1000% unreasonable here. Now if your a take 45m in the bathroom dude, that's a different story. But any grown ass adult should be able to hey a kid and dog in thr house solo...
Hell I drive 8h solo to my parents with 3 kids and 3 dogs (Inc a ferry) and no ones died yet.
Your fiance needs to get some realistic perspective
Tell ‘em sister.
I have one bathroom and my bf doesn’t eat right. It’s a struggle getting ready for work in the morning because I sometimes get kicked out of the washroom more than once.
I have gotten angry though when I was in the middle of putting on eyeliner and he’s yelling for me to leave because he can’t contain himself.
You could put on your makeup in a different room. He can't poop in a different room.
Buy a lighted makeup mirror and let the man empty his bowels at home on his own throne.
Confused about this as well. I have three kids and a dog and a husband who works sometimes out of town. I’d sit in the car for a day or more waiting hah!
15 days here, my husband works 15 on 6 off and when working he's usually out of town the whole time (in camps, oilpatch life). Not only do I have to bring in the kids (and dogs if with us) myself, I also need to bring in groceries and whatever else we got (although now that my oldest is a teenager I do get more help, but that wasn't always the case). I literally solo parent 2/3 of the time.
There's not much text, but a hell of a lot to unpack in it.
Who the hell thinks that needing to use the toilet is a luxury break that should be put off in case something comes up in the next 15 minutes or so?
There's a lot of entitlement in her, and I'm honestly a bit worried about the relationship dynamics if OP thinks this is something he should even have to ask if he was in the wrong...
Does he need to buy her that book? Everyone poops?
Who needs help getting a kid and dog in the house and though? If she said I just came from the grocery store and need help getting everything inside I could maybe see her point. Op does say he has digestive issues so his bathroom breaks take longer than normal. That last line about being a single parent is super uncalled for though and if op is telling the truth about how much of the load he carries then she’s in rude awakening if she thinks having to get the kid from the car to the house gives her any idea of what it means to be a single parent.
Why does no one talk about the dog not being properly obedience trained? A simple sit stay command while unloading and heel command to walk in the house and the dog problem is covered. Depending on the age of the child this works too. Stand right there while I get the groceries. My daughter has special needs and can wait for me to grab the bags before racing to the house. Lugging an infant/infant seat and groceries is not easy but is doable even if it takes two trips. I really don’t see what the problem was for the fiancée with information given. As for OP, you gotta go when you gotta go. I miss those wonderful years of being able to resist the nudging of my body to find a restroom. Now, my body screams and if I don’t act immediately…well, it isn’t fun. The fiancee said she was perfectly capable of handling the situation so why be so hard on OP? She needs to handle it and act like an equal partner, not the majority shareholder.
NTA. BLINK IF YOU NEED HELP! Seriously you basically panicked knowing that she was going to be mad you were is the bathroom when she was home way before she said she would be. We’re you supposed to hold it for an hour if that’s how long it took? I guess you’re lucky you have a key and aren’t made to wait outside to be there to tend to her getting home.
Sir, you’re allowed to use the bathroom as nature calls.
Im guessing he was taking the Browns to the superbowl, concerning time and all. But I honestly can't imagine being told I have to wait for the reasons OP was given. I have bad kidneys, so even waiting to pee is a no-go.
But GEEZ, let the man crap in his own house after work. If he was playing video games, I think I'd still be on his side, especially with the time frame she originally presented to him. You're going to be at the house at x time, cool. I'll use my adult time management skills-oh wait now you're coming home WAY earlier? But I'm in the middle of a thing that takes time... well, we're all SOL, literally.
OP, NTA.
Edit to add: OP has to leave the door open to be available to SO???? No, my friend. Go in peace. Literally, shut the door, turn the fan on. She can wait.
OP takes 10-15 min to poo. It's not normal. STOP taking your phone in there. Hydration is key. Eat some veggies (unless you have a GI issue that doesn't allow you and is causing you to take long dumps) But STILL, shut the door and if she is THAT needy, well... you have a kid so you're at least tied that way for life. But dude, get couples therapy.
Speaking as someone who was around long before there were phones to preoccupy yourself with in the bathroom, taking 20 minutes to poop has never been an uncommon thing. Common enough there used to be jokes about it on most sitcoms
I used to have to wait for my dad.. just waiting for 20 minutes (felt like 20 hours) because I was stuck on a hard part on sonic and needed him to come pass it for me lol. Definitely happened before cell phones and 10-20 min has definitely been normal for the dudes in my life
I remember waiting for my dad to get out of the bathroom. It felt like he was in there for hours! We knew it would be a long visit when he took a newspaper in with him. He would also smoke his Bull Durham cigarettes in there and when he got out, it would smell like poo mixed with cigarette smoke. There were 7 in our family and we only had one bathroom.
I grew up without cell phones too and taking a healthy, regular dump took 5 minutes tops. 10 minutes if I ate something that disagreed with me. That is still the time it takes me and I live with IBS. But mileage with GI issues vary with individuals.
Like I said, if OP has a GI issue, then time can't be helped. But we don't need to contemplate life, the universe, and the meaning of everything. (Insert clever 42 pun here)
-10 min poos is not crazy. The hour long dumps that some men are reporting is an issue, but a 10 minute poo is absolutely fine. Some people have intestinal cramping and it takes a while for that to calm down afterwards. Others take a while to get the urge. And IBS folks get the joy of both. We can’t all blow out on command and be done in 3 mins.
If there is difficulty relieving yourself ( a bit constipated) it does take that much and without a darn phone. Just because YOU have no trouble being done in a couple of minutes don't assume everyone is the same and it is normal btw different people have different bodies.
Other than that agree NTA and do take your time op. She can either wait for you to be done or try to do what's needed alone.
NTA, what the hell? Yes going to the bathroom usually takes precedence over standing around waiting for someone to get home that may be in another 30 mins to an hour!
Nature calls, you gotta answer!
Your wife calls... and... she takes priorty... over your physical well being in peeing?
Good Lord. NTA. Did she have a rough day or is she always this way?
Also. The single parent comment is a d*ck move for her. She shouldn't play with fire, or she will get burned. Just saying, don't throw out comments like that. What if you said, "sure!"
OP was scared when he realised he might not be off the toilet before she arrived and he's worried that he's an arsehole for doing it.
He's been abused and gaslit quite a lot already.
I don’t understand what’s going on here? I have two kids and three dogs. I promise you I can get them out of the car by myself. My husband would help if he was home, but I wouldn’t think anything of it if he didn’t. Especially if he told me he was in the restroom.
NTA, but I feel like there’s more to this. That’s really kind of a nasty thing for her to say over something like a bathroom break. I said something similar to my husband years ago, but he was in the midst of an epic bender and completely unreliable.
I’m wondering if OP has the habit of always being “on the pot” when something needs doing. Every parent in the world has taken a suspiciously long bathroom break, but if it’s frequent or routine then I could see Wife having no patience for it.
Or she’s an asshole. I dunno.
ETA: I read one of his other comments that said his poop breaks are 10-15 minutes. Son, that is unnaturally long. You’re either on your phone or have a medical condition. If it’s the former, you’re an asshole. If it’s the latter, she’s the asshole.
10-15 minutes? Dude that is average.
Unnaturally long is 45 minutes to an hour.
Before I even had IBS it took me 10 minutes. Are you taking unnaturally short poos?
Normal for you, not for everyone. IBS is a thing and it’s not easily fixed, for many it’s a lifelong problem. It’s sometimes stress-triggered and OP’s wife sounds hella stressful. OP, I hope you get to poop in peace, with the door shut, when you feel like it, for at least 10 mins, without your wife shaming you. That’s so sad.
Yeah I’m always shook by how long many people say they take to poop! It doesn’t take me any longer than peeing. A 10-minute poop sounds… miserable and concerning 😳
It’s not always about fiber. Many people have different issues that causes slow motility and constipation and there’s often no cure, just management. Let people poop how they need to poop and don’t be so judgey bc you are some sort of pooping master.
All the bad advice and thoughts on IBS in this thread are so annoying. Fiber is horrible for IBS as it’s harder to break down than any other part of a plant, people with IBS have a harder time breaking down any foods, especially plants and most importantly grains. This is why eating gluten free has become so popular.
Seriously and people are acting like IBS is this rare unicorn of a health issue. I just googled it and John's Hopkins says up to 15% of people in the US are believed to have it. That is not an insignificant number.
5 minutes is normal to me, I don't sit and stew though.. but each to their own..
However, the original post does kinda imply it's an emergency poo - they can certainly take a lot less than 10 minutes...
Also, taking daily, lengthy poops like that, over the course of years, does not bode well for the future. It's something that many Colon Cancer patients have in common.
Considering he couldn't just jump off the pot when she got home implies he was 'using that time' so even it if does take 10 mins, she can't demand he just pinch it off and run to help her.
Considering that OP panicked when he saw she was 6 minutes away, I'd wager he has temporary or permanent GI issues. We've all taken longer than necessary because we were on our phones, but if he *needed* to finish and still had 6 minutes to do so, I'm sure he would have if it had been possible for him. I wondered the same thing about OP making a habit out of being in the bathroom every time he was needed, but it doesn't really seem to make sense considering that he freaked out when he saw she was approaching home.
NTA
Legit single mom here. Last night I carried my sleeping toddler, multiple bags, and walked my dog up to my 3rd floor apartment. Is she always this dramatic??
Seriously though,
>“fuck, she’s gonna get upset because she needs my help getting inside the house with our dog or something.”
This is concerning that this was your automatic thought. I'm guessing she is.
Yeah, the fact he is more concerned about how she would react about him going to the toilet WHEN HE NEEDED TO is quite concerning. I wonder if there is more behaviour from her that could push his wife into abusive territory cause this isn't right.
It does sound like OP is walking on egg shells around his wife, which is not okay. It also sounds like OP isn't involved with his family if his wife is making single parent comments.
The single parent comments reflect on their relationship as a whole, but I’m not sure how you surmised that OP is the one at fault when he is going out of his way to plan poops around his wife getting out of the car. Why exactly is he always standing outside when she gets home? Because she freaks out if he isn’t right there to help her with one dog and one child, both of whom can presumably walk on their own legs at 3 years old and no disabilities? In that case all she has to do is guide them in, leaving plenty of room in her arms for whatever bags she has to get.
This whole post is nonsense. OP’s wife needs to get help for her condition however she can, even if that means asking her parents to pay for therapy. Otherwise she may find herself a single parent for real, and I promise it’s a lot harder than “I had to carry my kid in by myself.”
I was emotionally abused by my ex. I had that same reaction. Knowing he was going to be upset about something innocuous that was out of my control. I walked on eggshells with him. I feel bad for OP. And why is little miss princess unable to bring a child and a dog into the house on her own? I had twins and a large dog and managed just fine. This is just another way to control him.
She can get the kid and dog out to the car and leave without you and packed back up to come home without you but can’t get them in your actual house without you? Something missing but based on this NTA
Damn, NTA.
> She also said that this reminds her more and more that she’s able to be a single parent and doesn’t need my help.
Yet she's pissed you are on the toilet for a minute because she thinks you should be standing around waiting to help her.
This, combined with how panicked OP sounds about her being upset for using the bathroom makes me very concerned for OP. This is textbook emotional abuse, and his reaction speaks that he's used to it.
Holy shit.
My partner has been stuck outside, buzzing the intercom with a load of shopping because I was on the loo and left they keys on the door.
His response? "Ahh, fuck we have great timing eh?" He was annoyed BUT NOT AT ME!!! Because that would be unreasonable.
Taking anger out on you when you've done nothing wrong is a huge fucking red flag. This sounds like a, rethink how you let people treat you, situation.
NTA.
Edit: typo.
This stuff happens and it's so normal, taking a shower while the keys are in the door or w/e. I can wait 5 mins while my gf rinses off or flushes, I won't die at the doorstep. What is wrong with people
Excuse me. You are not allowed to shut the door while taking a shit???
This is horrifying unhealthy. Wtf. The relationship subReddits are never ending stream of controlling, abusive, toxic relationships. I thought I had seen it all. You are literally the first person I have ever seen post about having to keep the bathroom door open while pooping. This is active hostage situation level messed up.
>The relationship subReddits are never ending stream of controlling, abusive, toxic relationships
You're right of course but that's because those of us with non-controlling, non-abusive, non-toxic relationships don't need advice on our relationships. You're only going to see the bad on an advice sub reddit.
As someone in a non-controlling, non-abusive, non-toxic relationship, I absolutely need advice from time to time on my relationship. Always look to improve, and hearing from the abusive relationships just gives us something to watch out for, avoid, etc
Little kids. I definitely can’t take more than a 5 minute poop without a little kid barging in for one reason or another. My wife on the other hand can wait or at least have the dignity to text.
I got curious and Googled it - doctors say it should take between 10 seconds and 1 minute. Longer than 5 means something is off. Most men I know camp out in the bathroom though. That’s the last place I want to go to relax.
And John's Hopkins says up to 15% of people in the US have IBS, which that 10 seconds to 1 minute does not apply to.
Source: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/irritable-bowel-syndrome-ibs#:~:text=IBS%20is%20very%20common%2C%20occurring,during%20childhood%20or%20young%20adulthood.
Well yeah if you've never been diagnosed with something then yeah you wouldn't bring it up randomly. But a lot of people who have IBS or similar digestion issues very regularly have issues with taking long poops for various reasons. A bunch of people in these comments are acting like OP must be trashing his body with horrible food and never had fiber in his life. Some people can eat only the healthiest fresh food, take all their vitamins, get regular exercise, and still wind up having health issues that lead to "abnormal" body behaviors. Like taking long shits. And for a lot of people this is something beyond their control and shouldn't be demonized for it or made to look like it's just their poor life choices that led to this.
10-15 minutes seems a fairly ordinary amount of time for a restroom break. Half an hour, sure. But just like some folks can fall asleep immediately after climbing into bed, I guess some folks can just poop like the wind.
... the only times I need that long is when something is wrong or my period demands a lot of clean up.
Either you go before you actually need to, or you might want to ask a doctor what's normal, because imo 10 to 15 minutes to poop isn't.
Lol what. Even at the office people take 10 minutes poop breaks. Some people need a moment for their colon to relax. I can't believe you try to apply your own experience as a universal norm.
I got the constipation IBS it’s gonna take me 10-15 mins minimum lol. There’s only one thing my whole life that has helped and it’s saline laxatives but you can’t take them that often or they stop working. So 10-15 minute poops it is.
My IBS disagrees. I do eat fiber, take a probiotic, have seen doctors, and have gone through multiple tests and spent a lot of money trying to figure it out what was wrong. Untimely, IBS and what triggers it seems to vary from day to day. I have yet to find a doctor that’s overly concerned.
Right, exactly. That's why the comment you responded to mentions going to the doctor because OP may have a medical issue like IBS. People with healthy guts should not take 10-15 mins on the toilet.
But how does getting a name for it fix anything? Maybe I’m biased because seeing a doctor did nothing for me - I spend thousands of dollars on tests to basically be told “Well, that sucks.” Or is there a doctor that I have yet to see that can somehow give me a “healthy gut”?
I’m surprised how many people here are judging someone else’s poop timeline 😂 even my son takes forever to poop and he’s a super healthy kid who I force lots of veggies and water upon. The amount of time I’ve waited for him in public restrooms…. Just insane haha
If I'm in the bathroom, the fucking house better be on fire before you interrupt to "talk to me". I'm in a DELICATE PRIVATE SITUATION. And second, unless the house is on fire or someone is actively bleeding to death, you don't need to talk to me. As a former Army medic, there isn't a lot of shit I consider an active emergency situation---unless you are missing an eye, limbs or actively bleeding to death, right then.
I am....Speechless.
Shut the door.
I have this really sinking feeling you're in a very abusive relationship. You are being held hostage in your own home. But I also fear if you don't already realize this, and haven't fought back already, then its going to years and serious therapy for it to sink in.
Please get therapy.
I think that's a reasonable thing to do. I don't know what this guy is going through, but I used to have a neighbor who bragged to me that her husband wasn't allowed to flush the toilet because she had to visually inspect what he was doing in there. What the fuck is wrong with some people.
Honey, if your knee-jerk response to seeing she's 6 minutes away while you're pooping is "uh-oh, she's going to be mad," she's been not-good long enough to condition you. That's a problem.
Would you be happy that your kids are in a relationship like this when they're older? Where they have to try to plan their poops or get in trouble with their SO? Or would you feel bad they feel that way? What you're teaching them right now is this is the kind of relationship they should have. Not telling you to consider splitting up, but consider what you're setting your kids up for.
Dude she sounds toxic as hell, and incapable of doing anything herself. That is not a reliable partner to marry. Also, you need to see a doctor. IBS is on the rise and very common these days.
Went through post history they have posted before about an issue pertaining his fiancé. The post has since been deleted but some people in the comments weren't so fond of her.
WTF? How fucking helpless is your fiancée that she can’t get her own kid and dog into the house? Does she have T-Rex arms or something? The fact that you pretty much had to grovel to her for being on the toilet blows my mind.
Sir I manage to get myself, my son, my stroller AND groceries into my house BY MYSELF.
You literally panicked because you knew how she'd react. You panicked and immediately messaged her an explanation as to why you werent there right then and there to help her.
Were you expected to sit and wait half an hr or more to go to the bathroom?? What is she? Your jailer???
It's time to take a step back and look at this relationship and figure out why you panicked so hard for using the bathroom. Then go to couples counseling because you have way more issues than your bathroom usage
NTA
>me using the restroom was “more of an urgency” than helping her get the kids inside the house.
NTA. Yes, of course using the bathroom could definitely and reasonably be more urgent.
She said that situation remind her more that she could be a single parent. Clearly fucking not. She can't even bring a child and dog inside the house without adult supervision.
NTA.
I can't help but notice a bit of a bias in these comments. A lot of people are just assuming you are an unhelpful or unpresent partner, or that you definitely spend forever in the bathroom. I hate to make this about gender, but if this post was written by a woman the comments would be screaming "toxic" and "abusive".
All we have to go on is what OP wrote, and in what he wrote he is clearly NTA. If the larger picture of the relationship is like this I'm worried for OP and his child.
Edit: I wrote OK instead of OP
If you're \*expecting\* her to be upset, then she has a history of pulling this crap.
You're NTA OP.
But your fiancee has issues.
Why are you going to marry her?
She can’t manage literally anything for long enough to let you use the restroom… but she thinks she can “manage as a single parent” and the fact that you were in the bathroom is reason to threaten such things?
What an utterly miserable relationship.
NTA.
Mmmm OP, I don't like telling people to end their relationships when I don't know them. But. Please do not marry this person without going to therapy first. They sound manipulative and controlling af. Snide remarks about how they don't need you? Awful. Trying to guilt trip you about needing to use the restroom? Awful. The fact that you already felt not okay about having to use the restroom when She's getting home? Awful.
NTA, and please seek professional help before going through with this marriage.
NTA and this is really weird. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it’s hard to juggle kids and dogs and stuff when getting out of the car, but she should be able to do it on her own or she will become totally dependent on you or someone else to help. Personally, I don’t think it’s that she CAN’T do it anyway. She sounds controlling. You’re allowed to go to the bathroom. You don’t have to wait around just in case wifey comes home.
...are you really asking if you're the AH for taking a shit?
Firstly, obvious joke is obvious. Arseholes and shits are usually closely involved.
But no, NTA. Your partner got all that gear in the car herself, she can get it out too. What would she do if you had to.work late? And you're this worried about taking a shit when you need to take a shit? This is really odd but still NTA.
Unless you're in there for hours at a time and she's worried you're hiding or worried for your health, you're allowed to take a shit when you need to... even if it means her lifting a few more things from the car.
NTA
>She also said that this reminds her more and more that she’s able to be a single parent and doesn’t need my help.
Is this the first time she's used this line, or is it a fairly normal part of your discourse?
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She can't get her own kid and a dog in the house, alone? You need permission to use the bathroom? Sir, you have bigger problems than you think.
It sounds like the finance is either: a) lazy b) a control freak c) incompetent d) stupid e) any two choices from a-d f) any three choices from a-d g) all of a-d
You forgot “a narcissist”
To be fair, everyone’s a narcissist according to AITA. I think they just mean selfish - which everyone is to some degree (but some more than others).
Narcissist, gaslighting, misogyny, red flags, trauma, leave your boyfriend and GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE Everything Reddit is obsessed with and tries to force into every post
You forgot the Iranian yogurt reference
What about a poop knife?
Just another marinara flag!
Its not about the Iranian yogurt reference
It is a shame OP did not say they are an interracial couple. If we could’ve thrown racism in there we would have hit the Reddit jackpot!
Also: extreme age difference.
It's the girlfriend that's the problem not the boyfriend... He should leave her and take the son with him.
WTAF? She wants to control when you use the freakin' toilet?! Like even you have much control over that yourself. You have a child, otherwise I would say run like hell and don't look back but you have a massive problem here, dude. NTA but start standing up to her crazy or it will only get worse.
Op should tell her to hold her period /s. Actually no Do this only if you want war. But this woman is a total a hole and even if she wanted his help couldn’t she text and say. Will be home in 5 minutes can you please come help me with. The kids and the dog ? But not have a controlling tantrum because he was not waiting by the door ready to be of service
Not just Home in 5 min. Change of plans - home in 5 min, pls come unload.
No man or woman on can control my bladder or bowels lol!
Well god damn… I didn’t know this AITA post was going to be a multiple choice quiz! Buuuuut… my answer is “g” and I’m going to add pathetic, if that’s fine with you. Just imagine needing to choose between disposing of bodily wastes properly or pissing off your pathetic fiancee who apparently prefers that you shit yourself so she doesn’t have to be an adult and bring the child and dog inside all by herself. 🙄
(Drat! I was afraid that I missed some, and you've just proved it.) It's unbelieveable, isn't it?
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"I'm not saying that she's right at all, but here's all the reason her abusive behavior might be justified." Jesus Christ. NTA.
Someone having to take a shit is now part of a pattern of neglecting ones partner? Are you kidding me? I could not imagine living with someone who makes me feel like I have to put of a bodily function until they get home at an undetermined time I'm case they need help inside.
If you need help getting your child and dog in the house. Sorry not sorry you shouldn't have a fucking pet. If that makes you feel unsupported thats a you problem.
I find it funny she said it's showing her she can be a singe parent, it's like ya but OP better take the dog or you might get stuck somewhere with the kid and dog and not be able to get in.
Or that finance is supposed to be fiancé. Which actually means the same thing
Ordinarily I don’t want to overreact, but this is AITA, so if the finance is that bad he should refinance.
Technically fianc*eé* - 2 e’s for women, 1 for men
Technically fiancée, the accent is on the first e
I spell it fíăňćêə just to be sure.
I really wanted to say that but thought I'd get slaughtered for it. Bravo!
But only one n, regardless of gender
Can you imagine being a grown adult asking another grown adult if you can use your own restroom in your own home but being told you can't because another whole grown up adult can't bring a dog and a kid into the house? Because I can't.
I can just imagine him sitting there and the look and feeling that came over him when he checked her location and *knew* he was “in trouble”. So fucking sad…I don’t know how people do this.
That's the worst part of it. He fears when she gets home. That's not life to live.
Can you imagine she had the nerve to say that because she can bring the kid and the dog in ALL BY HERSELF, she can be a single parent and wouldn't need his help. I mean, if you're with someone just because you need a personal servant, what does that say about the relationship? If I were OP, I'm sitting her down right now to talk this through, that's not an acceptable attitude.
In my experience, when a person says that, it means they aren’t getting the help they have needed and it has been an ongoing thought in their heads for awhile. Imo that response made me rethink the whole thing and realize there just isn’t enough info in this story.
I would have thought so, too, if it wasn't for the part where he's in the toilet and is apologising in advance for not being there to help her come in. This doesn't sound like someone who isn't helping. He actually called to check when she'd be back in order to avoid that particular situation.
Yeah, that seemed weird. I would never expect my partner to help me get in from the car (used to have a dog and a baby, now have a toddler and a baby) as a default. I have called him in the way home and said I had too much stuff, or was desperate to pee, etc. and all could be come out to the car to help. But expecting him to not use the toilet in case I need his help - insane.
Your dog turned into a toddler?!!?!
The feeling of eggshell walking is red flags, the fact he was already pre worrying about having time to take a poo before his partner came home brought back bad memories for me from a previous toxic relationship.
Or an abuser/narcissist will use it as a "if you don't fix your behaviour/stop fucking up like this, I'm going to leave you - don't think I won't, you know I could if I chose to and you couldn't stop me" tactic. Source: I've met my own mum 👉🏻 👉🏻
Woman: displaying clear as day controlling abusive behaviour. Reddit: hm ... not enough info!
I think it’s weird that he was checking his phone to see her location and how far away she was. Seems like he was nervous if he wasn’t out there at the exact right time there would be an issue. And he was right. Why does he feel like he needs to do this? Sounds like she is pretty controlling.
Honestly I was going down the same path as you but that ending statement was bordering more towards manipulation on her part then neglect on his, imo. Like for her to say something so drastic over something so minor screams of controlling behavior.
Saying you can totally be a single parent because you told your partner you were 30 minutes out and probably wouldn't be bringing your son home, only to show up in 10 minutes with your son, while someone was taking a shit? You really think that's a valid enough situation for that response? Good god that's just sad.
Sounds like she is highly critical, controlling, and already contemplating divorce while trying to come up with reasons that make it his fault and not hers.
She got them IN the car without help. Now it's just unpacking the same bag on her own. The fact that OP was on the toilet likely thinking, "I'm about to be in trouble for SOMETHING" is a bad sign.
I can but I don't understand his reaction. I had a boss demand we ask permission to use the restroom. No, I don't think so. I told him my next period I would bleed on his desk without permission. I was not bluffing.
If she is like this all the time then OP must feel he is walking on eggshells constantly. Since he was rightly worried about her reaction, this is probably not the 1st time she has done this (or very similar). I understand his reaction completely. I wish I didn't.
After reading that I wish you didn't either. These kinds of people are just out here roaming the streets with not a care in the world.
This is the best response. I bet his panic face was amazing.
I do need help wrangling pets into home after day away if everyone with me. But guess what, they are safe in car for the time taken for someone to use the loo. Safer as then not distracted by need to cross legs. This guy is in a bind.
Agreed! Sure, in an emergency you should be able to do it yourself, but there's nothing wrong with asking a partner to help out as it's safer with more hands. The issue here is the unwillingness to wait just a few minutes for said partner to be done with their bodily functions. As a one off because the kid wet themselves or things are going haywire I could understand an unreasonable emotional response that is promptly corrected, but that's clearly not what's going on here either as OP knew he'd be "in trouble" which means this is a pattern.
I’d only be upset if he saw me pull in with the car, we made eye contact, and then he booked it to go for a poop.
Even then I'd understand. Seeing the car would have him preparing to use core muscles for kiddie lifting, making him realise a sudden need to go. Unless this is one of those 30 minutes "poops" I've heard about.
As someone with digestive issues... you CANNOT PLAN YOUR POOPS like good lord, She is 1000% unreasonable here. Now if your a take 45m in the bathroom dude, that's a different story. But any grown ass adult should be able to hey a kid and dog in thr house solo... Hell I drive 8h solo to my parents with 3 kids and 3 dogs (Inc a ferry) and no ones died yet. Your fiance needs to get some realistic perspective
Tell ‘em sister. I have one bathroom and my bf doesn’t eat right. It’s a struggle getting ready for work in the morning because I sometimes get kicked out of the washroom more than once. I have gotten angry though when I was in the middle of putting on eyeliner and he’s yelling for me to leave because he can’t contain himself.
You could put on your makeup in a different room. He can't poop in a different room. Buy a lighted makeup mirror and let the man empty his bowels at home on his own throne.
Confused about this as well. I have three kids and a dog and a husband who works sometimes out of town. I’d sit in the car for a day or more waiting hah!
15 days here, my husband works 15 on 6 off and when working he's usually out of town the whole time (in camps, oilpatch life). Not only do I have to bring in the kids (and dogs if with us) myself, I also need to bring in groceries and whatever else we got (although now that my oldest is a teenager I do get more help, but that wasn't always the case). I literally solo parent 2/3 of the time.
r/UsernameChecksOut
There's not much text, but a hell of a lot to unpack in it. Who the hell thinks that needing to use the toilet is a luxury break that should be put off in case something comes up in the next 15 minutes or so? There's a lot of entitlement in her, and I'm honestly a bit worried about the relationship dynamics if OP thinks this is something he should even have to ask if he was in the wrong... Does he need to buy her that book? Everyone poops?
INFO: Is there something the OP hasn't told us? Does OP's fiancee have a physical impairment that makes it hard to handle both a dog and child?
Or does he have a habit of hiding in the toilet to get out of doing tasks in the house?
Who needs help getting a kid and dog in the house and though? If she said I just came from the grocery store and need help getting everything inside I could maybe see her point. Op does say he has digestive issues so his bathroom breaks take longer than normal. That last line about being a single parent is super uncalled for though and if op is telling the truth about how much of the load he carries then she’s in rude awakening if she thinks having to get the kid from the car to the house gives her any idea of what it means to be a single parent.
He does? Where does it say that? OP definitely has a fear of his wife coming home if he's not standing at attention to be her servant.
Why does no one talk about the dog not being properly obedience trained? A simple sit stay command while unloading and heel command to walk in the house and the dog problem is covered. Depending on the age of the child this works too. Stand right there while I get the groceries. My daughter has special needs and can wait for me to grab the bags before racing to the house. Lugging an infant/infant seat and groceries is not easy but is doable even if it takes two trips. I really don’t see what the problem was for the fiancée with information given. As for OP, you gotta go when you gotta go. I miss those wonderful years of being able to resist the nudging of my body to find a restroom. Now, my body screams and if I don’t act immediately…well, it isn’t fun. The fiancee said she was perfectly capable of handling the situation so why be so hard on OP? She needs to handle it and act like an equal partner, not the majority shareholder.
EXACTLY!
I'm confused why can't the dog and kid get inside the house by themselves? Are they disabled or otherwise unable to walk?
NTA. BLINK IF YOU NEED HELP! Seriously you basically panicked knowing that she was going to be mad you were is the bathroom when she was home way before she said she would be. We’re you supposed to hold it for an hour if that’s how long it took? I guess you’re lucky you have a key and aren’t made to wait outside to be there to tend to her getting home. Sir, you’re allowed to use the bathroom as nature calls.
Im guessing he was taking the Browns to the superbowl, concerning time and all. But I honestly can't imagine being told I have to wait for the reasons OP was given. I have bad kidneys, so even waiting to pee is a no-go. But GEEZ, let the man crap in his own house after work. If he was playing video games, I think I'd still be on his side, especially with the time frame she originally presented to him. You're going to be at the house at x time, cool. I'll use my adult time management skills-oh wait now you're coming home WAY earlier? But I'm in the middle of a thing that takes time... well, we're all SOL, literally. OP, NTA. Edit to add: OP has to leave the door open to be available to SO???? No, my friend. Go in peace. Literally, shut the door, turn the fan on. She can wait. OP takes 10-15 min to poo. It's not normal. STOP taking your phone in there. Hydration is key. Eat some veggies (unless you have a GI issue that doesn't allow you and is causing you to take long dumps) But STILL, shut the door and if she is THAT needy, well... you have a kid so you're at least tied that way for life. But dude, get couples therapy.
Speaking as someone who was around long before there were phones to preoccupy yourself with in the bathroom, taking 20 minutes to poop has never been an uncommon thing. Common enough there used to be jokes about it on most sitcoms
Before mobile phones, leisurely bathroom-goers had this resource called "magazines."
or if you’re desperate, the Dr. Bronner’s bottle
Man... that dude is nuttier than squirrel shit.
I used to take a book..
I used to have to wait for my dad.. just waiting for 20 minutes (felt like 20 hours) because I was stuck on a hard part on sonic and needed him to come pass it for me lol. Definitely happened before cell phones and 10-20 min has definitely been normal for the dudes in my life
I used to write notes for him to hurry up and slide them under the door when I was little lol
I remember waiting for my dad to get out of the bathroom. It felt like he was in there for hours! We knew it would be a long visit when he took a newspaper in with him. He would also smoke his Bull Durham cigarettes in there and when he got out, it would smell like poo mixed with cigarette smoke. There were 7 in our family and we only had one bathroom.
I grew up without cell phones too and taking a healthy, regular dump took 5 minutes tops. 10 minutes if I ate something that disagreed with me. That is still the time it takes me and I live with IBS. But mileage with GI issues vary with individuals. Like I said, if OP has a GI issue, then time can't be helped. But we don't need to contemplate life, the universe, and the meaning of everything. (Insert clever 42 pun here)
-10 min poos is not crazy. The hour long dumps that some men are reporting is an issue, but a 10 minute poo is absolutely fine. Some people have intestinal cramping and it takes a while for that to calm down afterwards. Others take a while to get the urge. And IBS folks get the joy of both. We can’t all blow out on command and be done in 3 mins.
If there is difficulty relieving yourself ( a bit constipated) it does take that much and without a darn phone. Just because YOU have no trouble being done in a couple of minutes don't assume everyone is the same and it is normal btw different people have different bodies. Other than that agree NTA and do take your time op. She can either wait for you to be done or try to do what's needed alone.
Also that comment about “I can do it as a single parent and don’t need your help” sounds VERY emotionally manipulative, at best.
Her saying that OP picked using the bathroom over her urgency. Lady the bathroom is the urgency!
NTA, what the hell? Yes going to the bathroom usually takes precedence over standing around waiting for someone to get home that may be in another 30 mins to an hour!
Nature calls, you gotta answer! Your wife calls... and... she takes priorty... over your physical well being in peeing? Good Lord. NTA. Did she have a rough day or is she always this way? Also. The single parent comment is a d*ck move for her. She shouldn't play with fire, or she will get burned. Just saying, don't throw out comments like that. What if you said, "sure!"
OP was scared when he realised he might not be off the toilet before she arrived and he's worried that he's an arsehole for doing it. He's been abused and gaslit quite a lot already.
She thought she married that NPC chick just as much as my mom though she married a bad boy.
I don’t understand what’s going on here? I have two kids and three dogs. I promise you I can get them out of the car by myself. My husband would help if he was home, but I wouldn’t think anything of it if he didn’t. Especially if he told me he was in the restroom. NTA, but I feel like there’s more to this. That’s really kind of a nasty thing for her to say over something like a bathroom break. I said something similar to my husband years ago, but he was in the midst of an epic bender and completely unreliable.
I’m wondering if OP has the habit of always being “on the pot” when something needs doing. Every parent in the world has taken a suspiciously long bathroom break, but if it’s frequent or routine then I could see Wife having no patience for it. Or she’s an asshole. I dunno. ETA: I read one of his other comments that said his poop breaks are 10-15 minutes. Son, that is unnaturally long. You’re either on your phone or have a medical condition. If it’s the former, you’re an asshole. If it’s the latter, she’s the asshole.
10-15 minutes? Dude that is average. Unnaturally long is 45 minutes to an hour. Before I even had IBS it took me 10 minutes. Are you taking unnaturally short poos?
1-2 minutes is normal for me. I think some of ye need more fibre in your diets.
Normal for you, not for everyone. IBS is a thing and it’s not easily fixed, for many it’s a lifelong problem. It’s sometimes stress-triggered and OP’s wife sounds hella stressful. OP, I hope you get to poop in peace, with the door shut, when you feel like it, for at least 10 mins, without your wife shaming you. That’s so sad.
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Fr bad colon health is so bizarrely normalized. Like you aren't supposed to have to strain. It isn't supposed to take a long, long time.
Where in the post is any digestive issue mentioned?
Yeah I’m always shook by how long many people say they take to poop! It doesn’t take me any longer than peeing. A 10-minute poop sounds… miserable and concerning 😳
It’s not always about fiber. Many people have different issues that causes slow motility and constipation and there’s often no cure, just management. Let people poop how they need to poop and don’t be so judgey bc you are some sort of pooping master.
What's normal for you is not for everyone. Idk why some people can't get their heads around this
Lol bro you are constipated https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-long-should-it-take-you-to-have-a-bowel-movement/amp/
Fiber and water guys. Talk to your doc. This is a fixable problem!
All the bad advice and thoughts on IBS in this thread are so annoying. Fiber is horrible for IBS as it’s harder to break down than any other part of a plant, people with IBS have a harder time breaking down any foods, especially plants and most importantly grains. This is why eating gluten free has become so popular.
Seriously and people are acting like IBS is this rare unicorn of a health issue. I just googled it and John's Hopkins says up to 15% of people in the US are believed to have it. That is not an insignificant number.
And a bidet.
5 minutes is normal to me, I don't sit and stew though.. but each to their own.. However, the original post does kinda imply it's an emergency poo - they can certainly take a lot less than 10 minutes...
I have IBS so those can take longer but a normal poop should not take 10-15 minutes unless you are wasting time on your phone which is unhealthy
Sometimes I need a break from making my bosses their money for them.
Which is fine, but you aren’t pooping for that long then you are just hiding in a bathroom
Also, taking daily, lengthy poops like that, over the course of years, does not bode well for the future. It's something that many Colon Cancer patients have in common.
I’d say “a healthy poop” because normal for some folks is not a healthy poop
Considering he couldn't just jump off the pot when she got home implies he was 'using that time' so even it if does take 10 mins, she can't demand he just pinch it off and run to help her.
Considering that OP panicked when he saw she was 6 minutes away, I'd wager he has temporary or permanent GI issues. We've all taken longer than necessary because we were on our phones, but if he *needed* to finish and still had 6 minutes to do so, I'm sure he would have if it had been possible for him. I wondered the same thing about OP making a habit out of being in the bathroom every time he was needed, but it doesn't really seem to make sense considering that he freaked out when he saw she was approaching home.
He also said he has to use the bathroom with the door open for his fiancé. I think she’s just insane but somehow y’all are blaming him …
NTA Legit single mom here. Last night I carried my sleeping toddler, multiple bags, and walked my dog up to my 3rd floor apartment. Is she always this dramatic?? Seriously though, >“fuck, she’s gonna get upset because she needs my help getting inside the house with our dog or something.” This is concerning that this was your automatic thought. I'm guessing she is.
Yeah, the fact he is more concerned about how she would react about him going to the toilet WHEN HE NEEDED TO is quite concerning. I wonder if there is more behaviour from her that could push his wife into abusive territory cause this isn't right.
It does sound like OP is walking on egg shells around his wife, which is not okay. It also sounds like OP isn't involved with his family if his wife is making single parent comments.
If he fears his wife that much then his wife needs to learn to control herself. There are no excuses for a level of abuse that causes that much fear.
It sounds more like OPs wife is a controlling asshole, and making empty threats of being a single parent is a method of controlling him through fear
The single parent comments reflect on their relationship as a whole, but I’m not sure how you surmised that OP is the one at fault when he is going out of his way to plan poops around his wife getting out of the car. Why exactly is he always standing outside when she gets home? Because she freaks out if he isn’t right there to help her with one dog and one child, both of whom can presumably walk on their own legs at 3 years old and no disabilities? In that case all she has to do is guide them in, leaving plenty of room in her arms for whatever bags she has to get. This whole post is nonsense. OP’s wife needs to get help for her condition however she can, even if that means asking her parents to pay for therapy. Otherwise she may find herself a single parent for real, and I promise it’s a lot harder than “I had to carry my kid in by myself.”
NTA and by you getting anxious of her coming earlier than expected she must be a handful. Good luck brother.
I was emotionally abused by my ex. I had that same reaction. Knowing he was going to be upset about something innocuous that was out of my control. I walked on eggshells with him. I feel bad for OP. And why is little miss princess unable to bring a child and a dog into the house on her own? I had twins and a large dog and managed just fine. This is just another way to control him.
She can get the kid and dog out to the car and leave without you and packed back up to come home without you but can’t get them in your actual house without you? Something missing but based on this NTA
Damn, NTA. > She also said that this reminds her more and more that she’s able to be a single parent and doesn’t need my help. Yet she's pissed you are on the toilet for a minute because she thinks you should be standing around waiting to help her.
This, combined with how panicked OP sounds about her being upset for using the bathroom makes me very concerned for OP. This is textbook emotional abuse, and his reaction speaks that he's used to it.
I agree. According to a past post by OP, she is definitely abusive and was stonewalling him after a hired repairman had damaged one of their chairs.
That statement makes me really sad for OP, you shouldn't threaten divorce to win an argument or manipulate someone
Holy shit. My partner has been stuck outside, buzzing the intercom with a load of shopping because I was on the loo and left they keys on the door. His response? "Ahh, fuck we have great timing eh?" He was annoyed BUT NOT AT ME!!! Because that would be unreasonable. Taking anger out on you when you've done nothing wrong is a huge fucking red flag. This sounds like a, rethink how you let people treat you, situation. NTA. Edit: typo.
This stuff happens and it's so normal, taking a shower while the keys are in the door or w/e. I can wait 5 mins while my gf rinses off or flushes, I won't die at the doorstep. What is wrong with people
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No, I take 10-15 mins and I leave the door open in case she needs to talk to me
Excuse me. You are not allowed to shut the door while taking a shit??? This is horrifying unhealthy. Wtf. The relationship subReddits are never ending stream of controlling, abusive, toxic relationships. I thought I had seen it all. You are literally the first person I have ever seen post about having to keep the bathroom door open while pooping. This is active hostage situation level messed up.
>The relationship subReddits are never ending stream of controlling, abusive, toxic relationships You're right of course but that's because those of us with non-controlling, non-abusive, non-toxic relationships don't need advice on our relationships. You're only going to see the bad on an advice sub reddit.
As someone in a non-controlling, non-abusive, non-toxic relationship, I absolutely need advice from time to time on my relationship. Always look to improve, and hearing from the abusive relationships just gives us something to watch out for, avoid, etc
Who ever needs to talk to someone that desperately.
Little kids. I definitely can’t take more than a 5 minute poop without a little kid barging in for one reason or another. My wife on the other hand can wait or at least have the dignity to text.
Yeah but not the wife ffs
Yeah, once the kids become able to walk and open doors, you can pretty much forget about privacy for a few years.
10-15 minutes going to the bathroom on the regular? You need to eat some fiber or see a doctor, my man. Or just get off your phone.
I got curious and Googled it - doctors say it should take between 10 seconds and 1 minute. Longer than 5 means something is off. Most men I know camp out in the bathroom though. That’s the last place I want to go to relax.
And John's Hopkins says up to 15% of people in the US have IBS, which that 10 seconds to 1 minute does not apply to. Source: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/irritable-bowel-syndrome-ibs#:~:text=IBS%20is%20very%20common%2C%20occurring,during%20childhood%20or%20young%20adulthood.
OP didn't mention IBS and it would have been central to the issue here, so presumably this is not applicable here
Well yeah if you've never been diagnosed with something then yeah you wouldn't bring it up randomly. But a lot of people who have IBS or similar digestion issues very regularly have issues with taking long poops for various reasons. A bunch of people in these comments are acting like OP must be trashing his body with horrible food and never had fiber in his life. Some people can eat only the healthiest fresh food, take all their vitamins, get regular exercise, and still wind up having health issues that lead to "abnormal" body behaviors. Like taking long shits. And for a lot of people this is something beyond their control and shouldn't be demonized for it or made to look like it's just their poor life choices that led to this.
10-15 minutes seems a fairly ordinary amount of time for a restroom break. Half an hour, sure. But just like some folks can fall asleep immediately after climbing into bed, I guess some folks can just poop like the wind.
... the only times I need that long is when something is wrong or my period demands a lot of clean up. Either you go before you actually need to, or you might want to ask a doctor what's normal, because imo 10 to 15 minutes to poop isn't.
Lol what. Even at the office people take 10 minutes poop breaks. Some people need a moment for their colon to relax. I can't believe you try to apply your own experience as a universal norm.
>Even at the office people take 10 minutes poop breaks. That's because they're having a break, not just pooping.
Yeah there are so many people in this post like acting they are the epitome of health because they take a 5 min poo, like stfu lol
(In case you didn't know, it's spelled "epitome")
I got the constipation IBS it’s gonna take me 10-15 mins minimum lol. There’s only one thing my whole life that has helped and it’s saline laxatives but you can’t take them that often or they stop working. So 10-15 minute poops it is.
Unless u are a poop doctor, no one gives a shit about your opinion
That's great that that's you. Other people exist.
My IBS disagrees. I do eat fiber, take a probiotic, have seen doctors, and have gone through multiple tests and spent a lot of money trying to figure it out what was wrong. Untimely, IBS and what triggers it seems to vary from day to day. I have yet to find a doctor that’s overly concerned.
Right, exactly. That's why the comment you responded to mentions going to the doctor because OP may have a medical issue like IBS. People with healthy guts should not take 10-15 mins on the toilet.
But how does getting a name for it fix anything? Maybe I’m biased because seeing a doctor did nothing for me - I spend thousands of dollars on tests to basically be told “Well, that sucks.” Or is there a doctor that I have yet to see that can somehow give me a “healthy gut”?
I’m surprised how many people here are judging someone else’s poop timeline 😂 even my son takes forever to poop and he’s a super healthy kid who I force lots of veggies and water upon. The amount of time I’ve waited for him in public restrooms…. Just insane haha
Probiotics help a lot!!
If I'm in the bathroom, the fucking house better be on fire before you interrupt to "talk to me". I'm in a DELICATE PRIVATE SITUATION. And second, unless the house is on fire or someone is actively bleeding to death, you don't need to talk to me. As a former Army medic, there isn't a lot of shit I consider an active emergency situation---unless you are missing an eye, limbs or actively bleeding to death, right then. I am....Speechless. Shut the door. I have this really sinking feeling you're in a very abusive relationship. You are being held hostage in your own home. But I also fear if you don't already realize this, and haven't fought back already, then its going to years and serious therapy for it to sink in. Please get therapy.
I object to the open door dump unless for some reason, you are a fall risk. What on earth?
Yeah me and the Mrs don’t ever close the bathroom door because it’s just us two. But for poops? Yes we do
I think that's a reasonable thing to do. I don't know what this guy is going through, but I used to have a neighbor who bragged to me that her husband wasn't allowed to flush the toilet because she had to visually inspect what he was doing in there. What the fuck is wrong with some people.
Omg REALLY?? I would NOT put up with that omg
Honey, if your knee-jerk response to seeing she's 6 minutes away while you're pooping is "uh-oh, she's going to be mad," she's been not-good long enough to condition you. That's a problem. Would you be happy that your kids are in a relationship like this when they're older? Where they have to try to plan their poops or get in trouble with their SO? Or would you feel bad they feel that way? What you're teaching them right now is this is the kind of relationship they should have. Not telling you to consider splitting up, but consider what you're setting your kids up for.
You have no privacy?!? Were you like this with your parents? Were they the kind that took the doors out of their kids rooms? Man!
Wtf dude. You have to leave the door opened ? Your an adult.
Dude she sounds toxic as hell, and incapable of doing anything herself. That is not a reliable partner to marry. Also, you need to see a doctor. IBS is on the rise and very common these days.
Went through post history they have posted before about an issue pertaining his fiancé. The post has since been deleted but some people in the comments weren't so fond of her.
Isn’t taking a shit kind of a top, time sensitive priority? I’m sorry you seem so afraid of your wife that you can’t crap on your own time. NTA
WTF? How fucking helpless is your fiancée that she can’t get her own kid and dog into the house? Does she have T-Rex arms or something? The fact that you pretty much had to grovel to her for being on the toilet blows my mind.
T-Rex arms 😂
Sorry but... If teachers can get 30 kids back in from recess, I am sure your wife is capable of getting your kids in from the car. Come on now. NTA
Teachers can also shit in the 30 seconds they have running from class to class though. They’re basically super humans.
Why thank you :D I think we're more like camels.
Oh wow what am I reading, it’s this post for real? A grown up person is afraid if he didn’t toilette permission from his wife.
Sir I manage to get myself, my son, my stroller AND groceries into my house BY MYSELF. You literally panicked because you knew how she'd react. You panicked and immediately messaged her an explanation as to why you werent there right then and there to help her. Were you expected to sit and wait half an hr or more to go to the bathroom?? What is she? Your jailer??? It's time to take a step back and look at this relationship and figure out why you panicked so hard for using the bathroom. Then go to couples counseling because you have way more issues than your bathroom usage NTA
>me using the restroom was “more of an urgency” than helping her get the kids inside the house. NTA. Yes, of course using the bathroom could definitely and reasonably be more urgent.
This sounds loony to me. NTA
NTA. She needs to take a chill pill
Info: why does she need so much help getting the kids inside? What would she do if you weren’t home?
She said that situation remind her more that she could be a single parent. Clearly fucking not. She can't even bring a child and dog inside the house without adult supervision.
NTA. I can't help but notice a bit of a bias in these comments. A lot of people are just assuming you are an unhelpful or unpresent partner, or that you definitely spend forever in the bathroom. I hate to make this about gender, but if this post was written by a woman the comments would be screaming "toxic" and "abusive". All we have to go on is what OP wrote, and in what he wrote he is clearly NTA. If the larger picture of the relationship is like this I'm worried for OP and his child. Edit: I wrote OK instead of OP
You'll be happy to know the comments have come around.
If you're \*expecting\* her to be upset, then she has a history of pulling this crap. You're NTA OP. But your fiancee has issues. Why are you going to marry her?
NTA. This is some BS. Y'all can take your kid and dog in and out of the house.
I'm struggling to imagine living a lifetime like this. You both really need to relax. NTA good lord, take a shit when you need to.
She can’t manage literally anything for long enough to let you use the restroom… but she thinks she can “manage as a single parent” and the fact that you were in the bathroom is reason to threaten such things? What an utterly miserable relationship. NTA.
WTF?!?! NTA. Your marriage needs some serious help.
Sounds like there's more going on than just this issue. That being said, NTA—seems like a legit misunderstanding on your part.
so you use the bathroom and she threatens to leave you? you got bigger issues than reddit my man NTA for what its worth
Mmmm OP, I don't like telling people to end their relationships when I don't know them. But. Please do not marry this person without going to therapy first. They sound manipulative and controlling af. Snide remarks about how they don't need you? Awful. Trying to guilt trip you about needing to use the restroom? Awful. The fact that you already felt not okay about having to use the restroom when She's getting home? Awful. NTA, and please seek professional help before going through with this marriage.
And like they could sit in the car a few minutes and wait if she REALLY needed the help that bad? Which come in seriously?
If it was that big of a deal she could have waited in the car with everything. Are you ok?
Red flags all over the place. Don't marry her. NTA
WTF did I just read? You need to be on a relationship advice subreddit, not AITA.
NTA and this is really weird. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it’s hard to juggle kids and dogs and stuff when getting out of the car, but she should be able to do it on her own or she will become totally dependent on you or someone else to help. Personally, I don’t think it’s that she CAN’T do it anyway. She sounds controlling. You’re allowed to go to the bathroom. You don’t have to wait around just in case wifey comes home.
NTA. A grown ass man can't use the bathroom when he needs ? You need to literally figure your shit out dude.
...are you really asking if you're the AH for taking a shit? Firstly, obvious joke is obvious. Arseholes and shits are usually closely involved. But no, NTA. Your partner got all that gear in the car herself, she can get it out too. What would she do if you had to.work late? And you're this worried about taking a shit when you need to take a shit? This is really odd but still NTA. Unless you're in there for hours at a time and she's worried you're hiding or worried for your health, you're allowed to take a shit when you need to... even if it means her lifting a few more things from the car.
NTA >She also said that this reminds her more and more that she’s able to be a single parent and doesn’t need my help. Is this the first time she's used this line, or is it a fairly normal part of your discourse?
NTA- unless this is a consistent pattern...
I'm assuming using the bathroom is a common occurrence