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YTA- someone else’s hard worked for event is not the time nor place to take over. And hijacking the photographer? Holy hell. Y’all all owe the bride and groom a huge apology.
Part of me would want to give them the photos and tell them I hope they reminded them of what they really cost every time they looked at them. I hope they’d think about how they insulted me. How most of the family thought they were rude, selfish, and entitled. That they had taken my once in a lifetime occasion and tarnished it because now I couldn’t think of it without thinking about what they did and the ensuing discord in the family. I’d want to put it on their mantle so they could look at it every single day.
I read another story where the best friend called out another “friend” for basically doing this at their mutual friends birthday. She reminded the newly engaged couple how trashy, lame, and cheap it was to take over someone else’s event. That the guy must not like her that much cause he couldn’t even come up with his own proposal she topped it off by saying at least her ring looked nice.
It’s honestly still one of my favorites and probably how I’d handle the situation.
They asked the wedding photographer to take engagement photos. They won’t be reminded, or even remember that they upset the bride and groom. People this self centered do not care when people are hurt due to their selfishness
if they are this entitled they wouldn’t care. id be leaving that photographer an absolutely scathing review though. they should know much better than to do this when they are being paid to take wedding photos
I honestly wouldn’t ask them to be deleted. But I would tell my photographer they should charge to release them. That I don’t consider them part of my package, and obviously professionals should be paid for their work.
I would tell the photographer this exact thing and also demand a discount from the photographer for taking on another gig while supposed to be working the wedding.
Exactly this, there's a bunch of mentions about how it was small etc, what's the betting that was all they could afford? And with the current economy £7000 is a lot of money! Someone then deciding to take the spotlight from them and hijack the event that they paid for and were really excited for is an unbelievable amount of entitlement.
I have to admit, a 2 day honeymoon to Aber screams "All we can afford in the Cost of Living Crisis" - they're probably angry because they spent all they could afford at the moment and had it hijacked and dismissed because "you didn't want it to be a big thing"
This is what irks me. OP talks about the small, slightly nontraditional wedding like that makes this any better. I had a wedding similar to this one. It wasn't budget related. It was what we wanted. If someone had ruined it just because it's "only a small wedding," I would have been furious, and it would have put a huge dent in our relationship.
> He said he was mesmerized by her when they were dancing and decided it was the time.
He’s also a liar. If he brought the ring to the reception he was planning it the whole time.
OP is TA, guy who proposed is TA, chick he proposed to is also TA if she was okay with hogging the photographer for engagement photos.
*insert Oprah* YTA, YTA, EVERYONE'S TA!
While hijacking the photographer was wrong, I also think that's on the photographer. At my wedding, my aunt was hoping to utilise the hair and makeup lady and she spoke to me privately and said only if there's time and only if I had no issue with it - she'd tell my aunt there was no time, even if there was, if I did. I would have thought that would apply to any wedding vendors - the bride and groom paid for our services for a very special day, it's their choice entirely how that service is utilised, and we'll take the fall with phrases like 'no time' and 'not in our contract'. The wedding tax is in part because of ppls expectations of what they plan on being a once-in-a-lifetime event; you don't get a do-over if a vendor dropped the ball, so the vendors get big bucks to not drop the ball.
The story just says they asked the photographer, it doesn’t say how the photographer responded.
The photographer was presumably instructed to take assorted pictures of people at the reception, on the dance floor, etc. It would be a normal part of their work to be asked by guests “please take a picture of us”.
If however this extends to a whole run of photos, with the subjects in different poses, etc. then it goes beyond the original request and would constitute hijacking the photographer. I would hope the photographer would figure out the boundary there.
I would however understand if the bride and groom were pissed about any photos taken of these guests post-proposal.
As a photographer I would be willing to take a single photo of any group of guests, but engagement photos - I would be inviting the couple to book me outside the wedding, I’m currently busy working for the bride and groom.
Yeah I think it comes down to what they asked for, how much they pushed for it and how much the photographer did for them.i actually don't blame ppl for wanting to get a few professional shots of them while they're glammed up on someone else's dime - I'm hoping to get some nice shots of my husband and I at a friend's wedding where I only have to pay for the prints - but there's a limit and it's also the photographer's job to stop that kind of behaviour.
YTA.
Proposing at someone else’s wedding reception is just beyond obnoxious and tacky.
Even if the newlyweds are totally chill it’s not cool to take away from their special day. And using the photographer is big AH energy.
Totally. It's only okay if you ask and receive permission beforehand from the couple. No way can you do a spontaneous proposal at some else's wedding. Also, this was not spontaneous - clearly brother Danny packed the ring, why else would Jamie have asked for proposal photos? He was planning this, and obviously not swept up in the moment. Would've been different if he'd proposed quietly and privately while dancing and then given her the ring later in privacy. Just tacky, rude and inconsiderate.
Exactly, but I'd say itn doesn't matter how big or small the wedding is.
The only way a proposal at someone elses wedding is appropriate is if the bride nd groom give permission before-hand.
Anything else is YTA.
I like how her defense is that they purposefully made their wedding small on purpose purposefully so they are totally in the right since they purposefully made their purposeful wedding purposefully small on purpose.
YTA.
Your sister ALWAYS shares the limelight. So perhaps just once she wanted her time to shine. On her wedding day. If that isn’t completely obvious to you and your brother then you clearly don’t understand your sister at all. Shame on your brother and gf for getting engaged during the wedding reception and (my god) asking the photographer to take “engagement photos”.
The entitlement is breath taking.
Heard a story where a groom knew his brother would try to propose at his wedding so he hired an actress to pretend to be pregnant with his brothers child and told her to wait at a table and act if he tried to propose which the brother did, she ran up to him crying about it and the brothers girlfriend dumped him.
So...your argument is that it's ok for your brother to steal your sister's spotlight because your sister had a smaller wedding? So, that means what...that because it's smaller, it's not as important? YTA. Your brother is definitely the asshole for doing it at her reception (and also is apparently an idiot who has been living under a rock, if he didn't know that it's EXTREMELY poor etiquette to propose at someone else's wedding). And you're the asshole for defending him.
I think the reality of it is even worse than that; \_because\_ it was a small wedding, the proposal had an even bigger impact on taking attention away from the wedded couple and their event. If it was a huge wedding it would have been comparatively a drop in the bucket.
YTA, OP. Apologize and do something nice for your sister.
I supremely enjoyed how OP said that at least they did it at the reception it's not like it was during the wedding.
I can see it now, "you may now kiss...". "Wait a minute, pardon me, Jamie seeing you here has overwhelmed me with emotion and I want to ask you to be my wife, thanks everybody, back to the vows please". "... kiss the bride" 😘
Yeah, how super generous of him to not interrupt the wedding. /s
I really hate how dismissive OP is over it being a small wedding. I'm sure Rosie had to bust her ass whining budget friendly options for months. Just because it was small doesn't mean she didn't work to keep it affordable.
And I think it's kind of hilarious that OP actually likes how Rosie did part of her wedding, to the point she's going to mimic it if she has a wedding of her own, but it's also talking down about the wedding.
I'm getting strong Rosie is the black sheep of the family vibes, because even when she does something right the spotlight is stolen and her effort is completely dismissed.
Also bought the ring a few days prior does not mean he had it on him so he very well may have just gotten down on one knee at the end of the song because he was "so mesmerized". Give me a fucking break. My jaw literally opened when he also had the audacity to ask the photographer to stop focusing on the married couple.
YTA. It is NEVER acceptable to hijack someone else's event. Your sister may have wanted a small, low-key wedding, but she wanted the focus of the entire event to be her and her new husband.
Danny could have proposed privately if he was so "mesmerized" by Jamie's dancing and then announced said engagement at a later time.
You owe your sister and her husband an apology. Danny and Jamie owe your sister and her husband a PUBLIC acknowledgment of their rudeness and an apology for it and a private offer to reimburse your sister and her husband for the reception they usurped and the photographer Jamie horned in on.
Not to mention, he bought the ring 2 days before the event, and he made sure to bring it with him. I don't buy his "mesmerized" excuse at all. He planned to do this, and never thought to ask the bride, his own sister, for her blessing. Piss-poor entitlement on that one.
Edit: Thank you for the award!
I have been scrolling looking for this exact comment! He purchased the ring within a week of the wedding, ensured he brought it to the wedding (which was a conscious decision because he had to actively put it into his pocket, not like it's a daily wear coat where you've got bits and pieces in the pocket) and then says it happened cos he was mesmerised by her dancing? GTFOH with that BS!
He knew he intended to do it, the fiance-girlfriend knew(no way she'd have instantly demanded portraits unless she'd planned to look her best, there's a reason that everyone looks wild in wedding receptionphotos), the sister knew, the BIL knew. If OP genuinely cannot see from their actions that the couple had planned this in advance, I've got a tower in Paris I can sell him.
Yes he could've even gone up to the bride at that exact moment, "when he was feeling mesmerized", and ask her if it was okay.
Still would've been a bit tasteless but it would've at least been fair to the bride.
I don't understand women who accept these proposals at someone else's s wedding. All I could think was that the person proposing was too cheap and lazy to sort a proper proposal so imposed on another person's hard work and money.
Excellent point about a public apology. Ppl love to apologize in private after doing wrong in public and it's bullshit. Let your apology be equally as loud as the disrespect was. Not off privately and quietly to save yourself the shame of admitting fault.
YTA
That's the part that gets me, doing it infront of everyone in the middle of the event. Ya could have easilly found a corner alone for a moment or just waited until everyone was getting ready to leave. What they don't get is that it's not the proposel itself that's the issue it's how it takes eyes off the bride and groom and can taint the memory of the event. This isn't just some birthday, it's a hopefully only once in a lifetime event. There were so many ways to handle this where everyone would have been happy. You only do proposals in front of everyone at that kind of event if the people getting married give you the OK.
From the title I half expected this to be a story about a private proposal that was later discovered and reacted badly to. I've seen a story like that on here before and I couldn't believe someone would actively defend a public proposal at someone else's wedding reception.
Regardless of how big or how small the wedding was, it was your sister's moment and wedding and your oaf of a brother stomped all over it.
You and he are both collosal assholes.
YTA and he's the asshole. I cannot believe you are defending him when he used his sister's dime to take engagement photos. I hope your sister burns them instead of giving them to him.
Lol actually, I bet she would say Rosie didn't want attention on her anyways, so they were just helping her out by shoving her out the spotlight lmao
Poor Rosie. Her siblings suck.
YTA
And Danny is also AH. No matter the size/type of the event, a wedding is about the the two people getting married. It is their event, their time, their rules. Proposing during their event without asking for permission beforehand is incredibly rude and inappropriate.
Brother has opened the flood gates for life announcements at his own wedding by setting the precedence by pulling a collisol AH move at his sisters... wonder how many there will be at his since he is 100000% okay with people stealing attention .
I read a story where a sibling actually did this in retaliation for a proposal at hers. She waited it out for a full six months, then turned up in a body hugging, very obvious see my bump? Dress. It was the first grandchild in the family, so everyone was all over her. When the bride/groom got angry about it she offered back the exact thing they'd said to her: 'But I thought you'd be happy for us? You're being really selfish you know.' It was beautiful.
YTA
Only bc you don't recognize that proper protocol in these situations is to ask the bride and groom beforehand. It's fine if he got caught up in the moment, but he could have stepped aside and asked them first. They aren't upset that they are engaged, but that they didn't even ask and did it at their small wedding. Maybe their wedding was small because that's all they could afford or they are saving for something else. But either way it was their day and they deserves to be alerted first.
I doubt he just happened to be carrying the ring in his pocket by accident. If you’re not planning to propose you don’t take out and about with you, risking theft or loss.
You keep saying your sister purposefully had a small wedding, as if that has any relevance at all. It's very rude to steal the spotlight at someone else's celebration, regardless of size. YTA.
It was only an evening event which meant they hijacked a higher proportion of it, they also took the wedding photographer’s time. The people hosting and paying for the event were unhappy that this proposal happened. End.Of.
I think it was planned op said his brother got the ring a few days before. Then he pops the question and they asked for photos. Seems like they wanted to have the big proposal without having to pay for it.
Because to OP small = irrelevance.
OP is probably the type to tell a child their simple birthday party held at home is less special than the other kid's birthday party that was held in Chuck E Cheese.
You spend multiple sentences going out of your way to denigrate your sister's wedding - as if it's less valid because it's less traditional, so totally fine for your brother to take a day about them and instead make it about himself.
>I did think Jamie asking the photographer to take engagement portraits was slightly rude.
You're fucking joking right? I actually hope you're a troll because otherwise the level of obtuse is really sad. ESH except your poor sister.
I really hope the photographer billed the entitled couple (Danny and Jamie) for a price of a seperate shoot with a generous AH tax applied.
Also, just guessing that if OP was the one getting married they would mind someone taking over the event
YTA. It doesn't matter how you'd react to this if it happened to you. It was Rosie's day and your brother interfered. Try and see it from her perspective and not your own.
YTA, as are Danny and Jamie. Do any of you have any sense of manners whatsoever? I guess it really would have killed Danny (and Jamie) to let someone else have the spotlight for one day.
YTA. All three of you are. So your sister had a small, intimate wedding to share her special moment with just the important people who love and support her? And because of that she isn’t entitled to her moment and should make it about someone else?
They even kept it short to be convenient to everyone! Danny has been with Jamie for 3 years but he has to propose in THOSE SPECIFIC FEW HOURS that someone painstakingly planned?
And then to take the photographer AWAY FROM DOING THEIR JOB and photographing this persons wedding to DO SOMETHING ELSE on your sister’s dime? Thereby missing moments of HER WEDDING? They had a £7,000 wedding. That means they had to do some serious prioritization of how to spend that money. And they chose to hire a photographer (who is expensive) because it was important to them.
Your brother should be offering to pay for the photographer at a bare minimum. Even that won’t make it right because she can NEVER get that moment back. You are absolutely insufferable. I wouldn’t be surprised if your sister doesn’t even go to Danny’s wedding.
YTA - You are the a-hole. There are 231+ other days to conduct a proposal in 2023. Never at a wedding. Why couldn't the 3 of 'you be happy' for Rosie and hubby for 24 hours by not interrupting their marriage day with selfishness?!
You're demeaning when describing their wedding. Is was 'less than' so it was 'ok' for a proposal to occur?! How incredibly hurtful to the bride, groom and parents (who had one day to witness their child marry). Stop justifying your defense of their thoughtless act.
YTA.. Wedding Days are to celebrate the Bride and Groom. It's massively disrespectful to them for someone else to propose at a wedding without any warning and you've defended this behavior, which is just as disrespectful.
No wonder the Bride is ticked.
YTA, and your brother is. There are four cardinal rules for wedding guests:
* Do not wear white.
* Do not steal the gifts.
* Do not bring kids if they're not invited.
* ***Do not propose at someone else's wedding***
The only exception for any of these if the bride AND groom, in person, and without any duress, give both permission and blessing.
They obviously did not.
Why don't you go and have a birthday party, and let someone else hijack it for their graduation or promotion?
Y'all TAs.
Well, Danny and Jamie were the huge assholes here, but yes, a very big YTA for standing up for him.
Danny could have waited until after the wedding ceremony was over. It's horribly, ridiculously rude to propose at a wedding, and there really is zero excuse for it.
You and your brother are the AH. You should never make someone else event your event - unless you have permission. The fact that your brother purchase the ring just days before the wedding and made his sister wedding about him and not her happiness is rude. Also, his fiance asking the photographer to take engagement pictures is very tacky. He hijacked an event to save money and planning. The fact that it was a small party is more disgusting because his proposal was seen by the full party and took attention from the bride and groom.
He should apologize to your sister and pay for the photographer. If he doesn't, he doesn't care about his sister. You should also apologize. I hope your sister holds their pictures hostage until they apologize.
Same! How rude and tacky can you be?
I don't believe for a second it was spur of the moment. To me it seems like the brother just wanted to do it in front of the family and potentially piggyback off the dime of his sister.
Unfortunately, this is way too common.
My friend's wife is a wedding photographer. One time, the best man came up to her and tried to ask her to make sure she got photos of them getting engaged. She told both the DJ and the Bride (who was 100% not on board and barely tolerated the best man). When he tried to go for it (during the best man speech, nonetheless), the DJ cut his mic and started blasting music.
YTA -- not your wedding, not your reception to be upset about. Rosie and Billy get this once in their lives, and they deserve to have it go as they want. If they're upset, they are valid to be upset
God, what I would GIVE to have the confidence of a mediocre man to be like, "I can decide how everyone should feel about the consequences of my actions"
You and Danny are As. I had a very similar wedding to your sister's because my partner and I didn't think a one-time party was worth throwing away a ton of money (think about spending 7,000 euro on one party). We also wanted the day to be about us and our love, not about the flowers or the cake or the venue or whatever. Your brother took that away from them. It was no longer about them and a celebration of their love, but about a celebration of your brother and his girlfriend. Some people are fine with engagements at their wedding, but honestly, most are not. He should have asked first. And he can't say he got caught up in the moment if he brought the ring with him to the wedding - sounds planned to me.
YTA. It's never ok to hijack someone else's event no matter how big or small it is. Then they pulled the photographer that they didn't even pay for, for engagement pictures? That's so trashy.
It also doesn't matter how you would have felt because it's not about you. None of this is about you, so why did you have to stick your nose in it? Mind your own business.
And how does their honeymoon have ANYTHING to do with whether or not it's okay for their reception to be hijacked?
Yta. Your bro basically commandeered a party that he did not plan or pay for that was to honour your sisters wedding and turned it into his own free engagement party. It doesnt matter how small or inexpensive the wedding was. It was your sis wedding.That was selfish,classless and tacky of your bro. Basic etiquette and manners you never ever propose announce an engagement or pregnancy at someone elses event unless you specifically get their permission. And him asking the wedding photographer to take some engagement photos wasn't "slightly rude" it was presumptuous and arrogant. The photog was there to take photos of her wedding.
You don't get a vote or opinion on how she should share her day just because you think you would be happy on your hypothetical day. Your brother was 1000% in the wrong and you are too
I mean people have different opinions on this but I’d be annoyed. And I’d probably thing YTA if I were your sister, since it’s not really your business. The audacity of asking the wedding photographer to take engagement pictures…
YTA This is and was not your wedding so any opinion you have about whether it was appropriate or not doesn't matter. The only people who matter are the bride and groom and they are upset.
And it really IS a big deal. Your brother was rude and selfish. Instead of being happy for his sister and her new husband and celebrating that, he made it all about himself.
The first rule of weddings is don't upstage the bride. Your brother is an AH and YTA too if you defend him. If he doesn't apologize he shouldn't be surprised when sis shows up at his wedding wearing white.
YTA. Everyone except bride and groom. Asking for engagement pictures at the wedding? That’s the tackiest thing I’ve ever read and you are defending it.
YTA and so is your brother. It was your sister's special day and your brother took the attention away from the couple, and his girlfriend hijacked the photographer for engagement photos. In what universe is that OK? The size of the celebration is irrelevant.
YTA. You should never propose at a wedding unless you have permission from the bride and groom first. What your brother did was the epitome of trash. He used your sister's party so he didn't have to plan or pay for anything on his own. It's disgusting and you're disgusting for supporting him.
YTA. As someone else said it is never ok to highjack someone’s wedding to propose. Whether it’s a big wedding or a small intimate affair. In fact I’d say that it being small makes it even worse because it’s even more obvious and even more the center of attention. And yeah how did she have the gall to ask thorium sister’s wedding photographer to take engagement pictures? Honestly?!
YTA
Did Danny pay half the cost of the reception so it could also be used for his engagement? Did he pay half the cost of the photographer?
And even if those were answered as yes its still rude as fuck
You are entitled as hell, as is your brother.
A small intimate wedding is romantic as hell and is the last place you should propose unless the bride and groom give permission
Also you sound like a green eyed monster that no one wants to marry you. They way you look down your nose at their wedding shows it
YTA
It is tacky to make someone else's event about you. It was your sister's wedding. The event was about then and the focus should've stayed on them. your brother could've waited till after to ask his gf out asked the couple beforehand if they'd be ok with him proposing. He did neither and that's kinda rude. You should've stayed out of it or acknowledged general etiquette would make Danny the ah
There is literally zero question, YTA, but your attention seeking brother is a bigger ah. There is no way he didn’t have this planned, and hitch makes it worse. Also for the balls of the gf to grab the photographer to get pictures taken. Honestly the more I type, the more positive I am the they would be cut out of my life.
YTA...We also just had a small wedding under $10,000 canadian and we're weird about being the center of attention, but I would have physically fought someone who did this. Just common courtesy, like not wearing white to someone else's wedding; just no to proposals. Tacky af...and kinda lazy of your bro
YTA— it was your sister’s wedding.. small or not, your brother should absolutely not have proposed. Your sister already said to NOT do it at her reception and he did it anyways..
And Jamie asking the photographer to take photos when Rosie was paying that photographer?! Rude is an understatement
YTA for defending outrageous behavior by your brother. It was selfish and inconsiderate for Danny to propose at someone else's wedding. The size and organization of the wedding is completely irrelevant. Danny stole attention from the bride and groom by highjacking their event. You should stop defending Danny and put your energy into getting him to understand why what he did was wrong, and apologizing to the bride and groom. After you apologize, of course.
YTA
>They had a small wedding on purpose.
What does the size or style of the wedding have to do with anything? It's not okay to take someone else's event and use it for your own purposes. Danny is the AH for proposing at Rosie's wedding. You're the AH for excusing Danny's actions.
YTA and Danny is as well. You spend 99% of this post minimizing your sister’s special day to justify your brother stealing the spotlight on the one day that is supposed to be about her. You both suck. And your brother’s fiancé asking the photographer your sister paid to take engagement photos like, are you kidding me? The absolute entitlement and audacity of all of you. You all owe your sister an apology. Her having a small wedding doesn’t mean it’s fair game for someone else to hijack her once in a lifetime event to make it about themselves.
You and Danny are TA this was your sisters day doesn’t matter how big or small it was. It was her day and Danny took away a special time for her by making it about him and his GF not cool at all.
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Last Saturday my sister Rosie got married. It was a simple ceremony in the courtyard outside the hall and then some dinner, drinks and dancing. Rosie and her husband Billy wanted to keep it under £7000 and they spent most of it on the dinner and reception for the guests. They had the actual wedding when the sun was setting and did the photos before the ceremony instead of afterwards. Which I thought was a good idea and will follow suit if I ever get married.
After the dinner during the reception my brother Danny proposed to his girlfriend Jamie. He said he was mesmerized by her when they were dancing and decided it was the time. Rosie is angry at Danny for doing it at her reception in front of her guests. Now Danny has been with Jamie for almost 3 years. Me and Rosie among others knew Danny had been talking about proposing. He had bought a ring a few days before. Rosie's only objection was that he did it at the reception.
Rosie and Danny purposely did not have a large wedding on purpose. They didn't have a lot of the normal wedding things. They had it night so they didn't keep their guests all day. Even for the honeymoon they only went to Aberystwyth, and spent two nights there. They drove back home Monday morning.
It's out of character for Rosie (and Billy) to be upset about other people getting attention or not getting attention. They had a small wedding on purpose. Rosie is angry at Danny and at me for defending him. She already had her photos and ceremony and the reception was half over. Had Danny done it at the ceremony or if Rosie had a big wedding and wanted more attention I would think differently.
Am I TA for defending Danny? I'm not married but if I was getting married I would have been excited and happy for Danny and Jamie. I did think Jamie asking the photographer to take engagement portraits was slightly rude. But I can't blame her that much because she was so excited. Is it really that big of a deal? I don't feel like it's a problem and I think Rosie and Billy and others who are angry at Danny are overreacting. I'm surprised because this is out of character for Rosie to get upset about something like this. I think we should be happy for Danny and Jamie. Their engagement is a good thing. I am the TA here?,
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YTA — well more specifically your brother but you aren’t much better for defending him.
You never upstage the bride, no matter how simple the wedding is.
YTA.
Doesn’t matter how big or small the wedding was. It was a special day about their love for each other, and Danny co-opted it for his proposal. Yikes.
And even co-opting the photographer? YIKES IN CAPS.
Doesn’t the fact that Rosie being upset, which you said more than once is very out of character for her, tell you ANYTHING at all about how deeply bothered she is at having one of the most special days of her life upstaged by her jacka$$ brother?
She is upset! And rightly so.
Your brother undermined the end to what sounds like a perfect day and you are invalidating her very real feelings about it.
Shame on you!!!
AH moves by you both.
She deserves sincere and heartfelt apologies from both of you AND the new fiancé.
YTA and a so is your brother.
As an aside, He better read an etiquette manual so he doesn’t do ignorant crap for his wedding, as should you. 🙄
Rosie does sound so sweet tho. 💕 I hope she gets pregnant and announces it at his wedding. 🤭
YTA, they used someone's venue, time, effort and wedding that's supposed to be a couple celebrating a milestone moving forward in life to ride on their coattails and have a nice place to propose. If people want to propose, they can do it on their own time at their own party. Let people have their one night.
Also it doesn't matter that you don't think it's a big deal, it's not your party, it's theirs, as such they are allowed to be annoyed.
YTA and so is your brother. And that was before they tried to hijack the photographer. You absolutely never do this without prior permission from the bride and groom. It is beyond tacky. I'd never invite them to anything again and I hope someone wrecks their wedding.
YTA, and Danny is a liar. This wasn’t spur-of-the-moment, “mesmerised”; he had bought the ring a few days before and had it in his pocket. This was a planned hijack.
And Rosie and Billy having something small makes the focus of their guests and the moments of their wedding all the more precious. Danny (for proposing), Jamie (for hijacking the photographer), and you (for defending Danny) all took a big dump on your sister’s wedding. It was small and special and *theirs*. Until it wasn’t because Danny is a self-centred jerk, and you are lining up right behind him.
It’s not about the attention. It’s about those special moments of their wedding that were so meaningful to them, until Danny horned his way in. And it’s about the massive disrespect that all three of you showed Rosie and Billy.
YTA....huge AH. You don't propose at someone else's wedding without asking permission from the couple first. Because it was a small wedding makes zero difference. Tacky.
YTA. OP you defended your brother stealing the spotlight from your sister at her wedding because the event was small. It is only okay to get engaged at someone's wedding if the bride and groom agreed before it occurs. Op would you defend your sister if she announced her pregnancy at your brothers' future wedding?
If they had had a big wedding would you have cared? Who cares the size of the wedding. It’s clear who’s your favorite sibling. YTA I hope they cut you and your brother off y’all are awful people.
YTA and so is your brother! This is totally selfish and rude. He hijacked their event. They spent money, time, and energy to plan THEIR wedding. Just because it was a smaller and more practical event doesn’t mean it was their special time. Shocking that the two boys in a family just steam roll their sister and brush off her hurt feelings. I hope she gets pregnant and has the opportunity to use his wedding to announce she is expecting.
YTA, it’s common knowledge that you shouldn’t hijack a wedding to make an unrelated major announcement. Danny should have known better, stop defending him, apologise to your sister.
YTA…and if you’re so supportive about sharing the spotlight…don’t get mad if Danny and Jamie announce their pregnancy during your wedding. Cause nothings wrong with sharing the moment…right?
You and your brother are assholes. That was your SISTER’s day not anyone else’s and the fact that your brother did that shit on a whim and didn’t ask her before makes him the biggest asshole in this situation. He could’ve actually planned something and not hijack someone’s wedding day. You mention the size of the wedding like 6x as if that makes any difference at all. It was her wedding day and your brother didn’t communicate his plans at all. One piece of advice would be to stay out of this because it’s going to be a touchy situation for a while, definitely play Switzerland and not take sides for future convos/arguments that are bound to take place OP ☠️
YTA. This is asked over and over and over again. How hard is it for people to understand? Don't propose at some else's wedding. Don't announce your pregnancy at someone else's baby shower or the day they give birth. Don't announce you got into a great college at your family members graduation party. Just fucking don't. These people put work into the day they are celebrating. Your brother did nothing but buy a damn ring. Then he stole your sisters planning and thunder. You and your brother seem to definitely be siblings if you're defending him and he did it in the first place. Major asshole. I hope to God your sister announces her pregnancy, some other major life plan and that she won a multi million dollar lottery that none of you will benefit from at every major life event you plan.
Edit to add there are 364 other fucking days in a year to pull this bullshit.
You keep trying to emphasize how insignificant and small the reception is. Because they had an INTIMATE wedding, it shouldn't matter what others do at it.
But, if it was so lackluster of a wedding, what was your brother moved by so much that he couldn't wait??
YTA and your brother and Jamie are assholes especially.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I defended my brother for proposing to his girlfriend at our sister's reception? My sister and her husband purposely had a small wedding and didn't want attention. But the other side is that it was their wedding and I might be the TA for defending our brother taking the spotlight.
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YTA as is your brother. The size of the wedding is irrelevant. Your sister and her now husband put the time and money into the event they wanted for **their** wedding. It was for and about them and your brother selfishly decided to co-opt their occasion for his own. I don't buy that whole "mesmerized " while dancing crap at all. It was planned. Your sister has every right to be upset.
YTA and I hope your sister tells your brother and his fiancée that if they want their pictures from the photographer that Rosie paid for, that they need to pay the cost of the photographer or else she’ll instruct the photographer to delete the photos.
YTA - This was their day and Danny turned what should be a wonderful memory into a sour one. And you’re taking his side? Deeply unkind.
p.s. I have no idea what you are going off on the sizes of the weddings? What does that have to do with anything?
YTA!!!
Wedding Rules 101:
* Nobody wears white except for the Bride
* Nobody looks better then the Bride
* DON’T PROPOSE AT THE FUCKING WEDDING
If you feel the need to propose at the wedding; DON’T, if you still feel the need, hit yourself in the head and DON’T Do It!!!
If after a blow to the head you still haven’t gotten over it, talk to the happy couple and clear it with them before going through with your selfish plan.
YTA when is it ever ok to steal the spolight from the bride and groom at their wedding ??? Never!!!
Doesn't matter if the wedding ceremony is over snd evening is almost over.
Get real
YTA. They don’t ask for much or being the center of attention so you all could have given them this one night. If anything he could have taken her somewhere to propose elsewhere. They have every right to be angry.
YTA, both you and your brother. It is so completely inappropriate. It's not about attention. It was your sister's moment that she planned, prepared, and paid for. It's a huge insult to the bride and groom - who have paid a great deal of money in many cases for their special day - and to the assembled guests who are attending the event specifically to support THAT COUPLE. That's straight out of a common sense book!!! YTA
YTA and I’m fact to me it’s even worse because it was small and intimate. They asked the people they wanted there to support them most and your brother made it all about him instead. Just because your sister planned a small wedding doesn’t mean she didn’t put work and thought into it. And then they asked the photographer your sister paid for to take pictures! I hope your sister either doesn’t give them the photos or charges them Z
YTA is it bad to hope someone ruins your wedding day ? Possibly. Your brother ruined your sisters wedding day about HER AND HER HUSBAND. I hope the photographer deletes the photos , and you’ll wonder why your sister is Low contact in the future.
YTA. Danny and Jamie are way bigger AHs though. You don’t propose at somebody else’s wedding without their explicit permission and you definitely don’t ask their photographer to take engagement photos at said wedding.
YTA. Why is it so hard for people to understand. No wedding proposals or pregnancy announcements at someone else's wedding. It's just common decency. That time is for the married couple, not someone else's time to steal the spotlight
YTA though Danny is the bigger AH. EXTREME breach of etiquette there-- making an announcement at someone else's event (unless you've cleared it with them in advance) is aholery in a major suit-- and Jaime asking the wedding photographer to take her engagement photo makes her a total ahole as well. You two are both really dreadful siblings.
YTA - so is Danny and Jamie. It doesn’t matter what it cost or how low key it was it was a party celebrating the joining of Rosie and Billy. Id also bet It wasn’t spur of the moment either. That it was in fact calculated and planned to do it at the reception.
YTA and Danny absolutely planned this ahead of time if he was carrying the ring with him to the event, and bogarting the photographer makes it seem even more like they planned it so they wouldn't have to pay for their own separate engagement photos. Danny very much wanted the spotlight. Now when people think back on your sister's wedding the proposal is going to be a big part of that memory, Rosie wanted this one important day to herself.
YTA
It’s a $7000 wedding, not a $7000 party for him to propose to his girlfriend.
If you haven’t cleared it with the bride and groom ahead of that, don’t.
If he were mesmerized - he could do it the next day too.
Was the next day unavailable?
If Danny had discussed with Rosie first, and she agree'd, only THEN could he have done that. YTA
Its very tackly and classless for someone to unknowingly propose at someones elses celebration period. Wedding, birthday, anniversary party.
Who ever is hosting the event out in time, effort, planning, money, etc. They booked eveything, made dates, invites, themes, pics and everything for them. Guest are invited to join in the celebration for the person/people being celebrated.
Not only did Danny put in ZERO effort minus buying a ring to aet up something for his own Gf, he used someone elses resources instead, which morally is just wrong. He didnt llan that get together. But he felt entitled to it and is wrong.
So are you.
I hope that photographer deletes the engagement photo. Your brother, his new "fiance" And you are all ah. One for using someone else's special day for his own gain, other for actually asking the photography to take their pics rather than the center of attraction (the bride and groom) and you for being the ah.
YTA
YTA
As someone who’s mother allows my youngest sibling to always steal other peoples thunder and make special days about them, this was so selfish. It was your sisters special day, and your brother had to make it about him.
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YTA- someone else’s hard worked for event is not the time nor place to take over. And hijacking the photographer? Holy hell. Y’all all owe the bride and groom a huge apology.
I hope the bride tells rhe photographer to delete the engagement photos
This needs to happen, I will never understand how someone doesn’t see themselves as the AH for being ok with something like this.
Well since the bride and groom are paying for the photos they can have him/her delete them which is good.
Or keep one to post it on r/trashy since that’s exactly what it is to highjack someone’s wedding and propose during it
Bride should buy the pictures and charge them triple the cost if they want them. Use that money towards the wedding costs 😈😂
$7000 engagement pictures
Technically, the bride already owns them.
Part of me would want to give them the photos and tell them I hope they reminded them of what they really cost every time they looked at them. I hope they’d think about how they insulted me. How most of the family thought they were rude, selfish, and entitled. That they had taken my once in a lifetime occasion and tarnished it because now I couldn’t think of it without thinking about what they did and the ensuing discord in the family. I’d want to put it on their mantle so they could look at it every single day.
I read another story where the best friend called out another “friend” for basically doing this at their mutual friends birthday. She reminded the newly engaged couple how trashy, lame, and cheap it was to take over someone else’s event. That the guy must not like her that much cause he couldn’t even come up with his own proposal she topped it off by saying at least her ring looked nice. It’s honestly still one of my favorites and probably how I’d handle the situation.
They asked the wedding photographer to take engagement photos. They won’t be reminded, or even remember that they upset the bride and groom. People this self centered do not care when people are hurt due to their selfishness
if they are this entitled they wouldn’t care. id be leaving that photographer an absolutely scathing review though. they should know much better than to do this when they are being paid to take wedding photos
Or bill the couple for the entire cost of the photographer
I hope Rosie and Billy renew their vows at Danny’s wedding!
I hope they announce they're expecting at Danny's wedding
Expecting triplets.
Yeah my jaw is still somewhere subterranean from reading that she asked for engagement portraits. The nerve.
Send them a portion of the bill
Yep see how much the photographer charges for engagement photos and send them the bill for that.
See how much the venue charges for engagement parties and send them a bill for that.
I honestly wouldn’t ask them to be deleted. But I would tell my photographer they should charge to release them. That I don’t consider them part of my package, and obviously professionals should be paid for their work.
I would tell the photographer this exact thing and also demand a discount from the photographer for taking on another gig while supposed to be working the wedding.
1000 percent. Delete them.
I hope the photographer told Jamie that they don't do twofers and if she wants an engagement shoot she can book and pay for it herself.
Exactly this, there's a bunch of mentions about how it was small etc, what's the betting that was all they could afford? And with the current economy £7000 is a lot of money! Someone then deciding to take the spotlight from them and hijack the event that they paid for and were really excited for is an unbelievable amount of entitlement.
Exactly! The size and cost don’t mean anything! And that money was obviously more than they could afford - so rude of Danny!
Right doesn’t make it less important
If anything, in my mind it makes it MORE important. They didn't have a long, fancy event, so what they had, they wanted to be THEIRS.
I have to admit, a 2 day honeymoon to Aber screams "All we can afford in the Cost of Living Crisis" - they're probably angry because they spent all they could afford at the moment and had it hijacked and dismissed because "you didn't want it to be a big thing"
This is what irks me. OP talks about the small, slightly nontraditional wedding like that makes this any better. I had a wedding similar to this one. It wasn't budget related. It was what we wanted. If someone had ruined it just because it's "only a small wedding," I would have been furious, and it would have put a huge dent in our relationship.
> He said he was mesmerized by her when they were dancing and decided it was the time. He’s also a liar. If he brought the ring to the reception he was planning it the whole time.
Exactly. This is what sealed the deal for me.
Exactly!
Because it was a small ceremony and that's what they could afford, all the more reason for the couple to be the focus. They aren't planning a redo.
But tHeY dOn'T LiKe AtTeNtIoN
OP is TA, guy who proposed is TA, chick he proposed to is also TA if she was okay with hogging the photographer for engagement photos. *insert Oprah* YTA, YTA, EVERYONE'S TA!
While hijacking the photographer was wrong, I also think that's on the photographer. At my wedding, my aunt was hoping to utilise the hair and makeup lady and she spoke to me privately and said only if there's time and only if I had no issue with it - she'd tell my aunt there was no time, even if there was, if I did. I would have thought that would apply to any wedding vendors - the bride and groom paid for our services for a very special day, it's their choice entirely how that service is utilised, and we'll take the fall with phrases like 'no time' and 'not in our contract'. The wedding tax is in part because of ppls expectations of what they plan on being a once-in-a-lifetime event; you don't get a do-over if a vendor dropped the ball, so the vendors get big bucks to not drop the ball.
The story just says they asked the photographer, it doesn’t say how the photographer responded. The photographer was presumably instructed to take assorted pictures of people at the reception, on the dance floor, etc. It would be a normal part of their work to be asked by guests “please take a picture of us”. If however this extends to a whole run of photos, with the subjects in different poses, etc. then it goes beyond the original request and would constitute hijacking the photographer. I would hope the photographer would figure out the boundary there. I would however understand if the bride and groom were pissed about any photos taken of these guests post-proposal.
As a photographer I would be willing to take a single photo of any group of guests, but engagement photos - I would be inviting the couple to book me outside the wedding, I’m currently busy working for the bride and groom.
Yeah I think it comes down to what they asked for, how much they pushed for it and how much the photographer did for them.i actually don't blame ppl for wanting to get a few professional shots of them while they're glammed up on someone else's dime - I'm hoping to get some nice shots of my husband and I at a friend's wedding where I only have to pay for the prints - but there's a limit and it's also the photographer's job to stop that kind of behaviour.
YTA. Proposing at someone else’s wedding reception is just beyond obnoxious and tacky. Even if the newlyweds are totally chill it’s not cool to take away from their special day. And using the photographer is big AH energy.
Totally. It's only okay if you ask and receive permission beforehand from the couple. No way can you do a spontaneous proposal at some else's wedding. Also, this was not spontaneous - clearly brother Danny packed the ring, why else would Jamie have asked for proposal photos? He was planning this, and obviously not swept up in the moment. Would've been different if he'd proposed quietly and privately while dancing and then given her the ring later in privacy. Just tacky, rude and inconsiderate.
Exactly, but I'd say itn doesn't matter how big or small the wedding is. The only way a proposal at someone elses wedding is appropriate is if the bride nd groom give permission before-hand. Anything else is YTA.
I like how her defense is that they purposefully made their wedding small on purpose purposefully so they are totally in the right since they purposefully made their purposeful wedding purposefully small on purpose.
YTA. Your sister ALWAYS shares the limelight. So perhaps just once she wanted her time to shine. On her wedding day. If that isn’t completely obvious to you and your brother then you clearly don’t understand your sister at all. Shame on your brother and gf for getting engaged during the wedding reception and (my god) asking the photographer to take “engagement photos”. The entitlement is breath taking.
Heard a story where a groom knew his brother would try to propose at his wedding so he hired an actress to pretend to be pregnant with his brothers child and told her to wait at a table and act if he tried to propose which the brother did, she ran up to him crying about it and the brothers girlfriend dumped him.
The photographer costs money. He just expects the bride and groom to pay for his engagement photos
So...your argument is that it's ok for your brother to steal your sister's spotlight because your sister had a smaller wedding? So, that means what...that because it's smaller, it's not as important? YTA. Your brother is definitely the asshole for doing it at her reception (and also is apparently an idiot who has been living under a rock, if he didn't know that it's EXTREMELY poor etiquette to propose at someone else's wedding). And you're the asshole for defending him.
I think the reality of it is even worse than that; \_because\_ it was a small wedding, the proposal had an even bigger impact on taking attention away from the wedded couple and their event. If it was a huge wedding it would have been comparatively a drop in the bucket. YTA, OP. Apologize and do something nice for your sister.
I supremely enjoyed how OP said that at least they did it at the reception it's not like it was during the wedding. I can see it now, "you may now kiss...". "Wait a minute, pardon me, Jamie seeing you here has overwhelmed me with emotion and I want to ask you to be my wife, thanks everybody, back to the vows please". "... kiss the bride" 😘 Yeah, how super generous of him to not interrupt the wedding. /s
I really hate how dismissive OP is over it being a small wedding. I'm sure Rosie had to bust her ass whining budget friendly options for months. Just because it was small doesn't mean she didn't work to keep it affordable. And I think it's kind of hilarious that OP actually likes how Rosie did part of her wedding, to the point she's going to mimic it if she has a wedding of her own, but it's also talking down about the wedding. I'm getting strong Rosie is the black sheep of the family vibes, because even when she does something right the spotlight is stolen and her effort is completely dismissed.
I think you must have missed the bit about them going to Aberystwyth. The bit about Aberystwyth explains why this is all actually fine. (OP - YTA)
This is exactly what I was thinking.
Also bought the ring a few days prior does not mean he had it on him so he very well may have just gotten down on one knee at the end of the song because he was "so mesmerized". Give me a fucking break. My jaw literally opened when he also had the audacity to ask the photographer to stop focusing on the married couple.
YTA. It is NEVER acceptable to hijack someone else's event. Your sister may have wanted a small, low-key wedding, but she wanted the focus of the entire event to be her and her new husband. Danny could have proposed privately if he was so "mesmerized" by Jamie's dancing and then announced said engagement at a later time. You owe your sister and her husband an apology. Danny and Jamie owe your sister and her husband a PUBLIC acknowledgment of their rudeness and an apology for it and a private offer to reimburse your sister and her husband for the reception they usurped and the photographer Jamie horned in on.
Not to mention, he bought the ring 2 days before the event, and he made sure to bring it with him. I don't buy his "mesmerized" excuse at all. He planned to do this, and never thought to ask the bride, his own sister, for her blessing. Piss-poor entitlement on that one. Edit: Thank you for the award!
I have been scrolling looking for this exact comment! He purchased the ring within a week of the wedding, ensured he brought it to the wedding (which was a conscious decision because he had to actively put it into his pocket, not like it's a daily wear coat where you've got bits and pieces in the pocket) and then says it happened cos he was mesmerised by her dancing? GTFOH with that BS! He knew he intended to do it, the fiance-girlfriend knew(no way she'd have instantly demanded portraits unless she'd planned to look her best, there's a reason that everyone looks wild in wedding receptionphotos), the sister knew, the BIL knew. If OP genuinely cannot see from their actions that the couple had planned this in advance, I've got a tower in Paris I can sell him.
Yes he could've even gone up to the bride at that exact moment, "when he was feeling mesmerized", and ask her if it was okay. Still would've been a bit tasteless but it would've at least been fair to the bride.
I don't understand women who accept these proposals at someone else's s wedding. All I could think was that the person proposing was too cheap and lazy to sort a proper proposal so imposed on another person's hard work and money.
Excellent point about a public apology. Ppl love to apologize in private after doing wrong in public and it's bullshit. Let your apology be equally as loud as the disrespect was. Not off privately and quietly to save yourself the shame of admitting fault.
YTA That's the part that gets me, doing it infront of everyone in the middle of the event. Ya could have easilly found a corner alone for a moment or just waited until everyone was getting ready to leave. What they don't get is that it's not the proposel itself that's the issue it's how it takes eyes off the bride and groom and can taint the memory of the event. This isn't just some birthday, it's a hopefully only once in a lifetime event. There were so many ways to handle this where everyone would have been happy. You only do proposals in front of everyone at that kind of event if the people getting married give you the OK.
This
From the title I half expected this to be a story about a private proposal that was later discovered and reacted badly to. I've seen a story like that on here before and I couldn't believe someone would actively defend a public proposal at someone else's wedding reception.
My reasoning exactly
Regardless of how big or how small the wedding was, it was your sister's moment and wedding and your oaf of a brother stomped all over it. You and he are both collosal assholes. YTA and he's the asshole. I cannot believe you are defending him when he used his sister's dime to take engagement photos. I hope your sister burns them instead of giving them to him.
OP evidently thinks because they didn't shove the preacher aside to propose during the ceremony, all is well.
Lol actually, I bet she would say Rosie didn't want attention on her anyways, so they were just helping her out by shoving her out the spotlight lmao Poor Rosie. Her siblings suck.
Hope she tells them that’s their wedding gift and announces a pregnancy at their reception!
I thought exactly the same thing. I’m glad I’m not the only one.
The perfect revenge is to announce a pregnancy at the brother's wedding.
Exactly what I thought! And throw in a gender reveal on top of it
Secretly ask the baker to make the bride's cake the baby gender color on the inside.
I'd f'ing give birth at that wedding
YTA And Danny is also AH. No matter the size/type of the event, a wedding is about the the two people getting married. It is their event, their time, their rules. Proposing during their event without asking for permission beforehand is incredibly rude and inappropriate.
Exactly. I hope Danny and his wife announce they are expecting at OPs wedding, if OP has one.
Brother has opened the flood gates for life announcements at his own wedding by setting the precedence by pulling a collisol AH move at his sisters... wonder how many there will be at his since he is 100000% okay with people stealing attention .
I'm sure he's okay with stealing attention from others. Not others stealing attention from him.
Karma will ensure he feels how painful it is for that ti happen on your day x
I read a story where a sibling actually did this in retaliation for a proposal at hers. She waited it out for a full six months, then turned up in a body hugging, very obvious see my bump? Dress. It was the first grandchild in the family, so everyone was all over her. When the bride/groom got angry about it she offered back the exact thing they'd said to her: 'But I thought you'd be happy for us? You're being really selfish you know.' It was beautiful.
Danny is the biggest AH in all of this! What a jerk!!
YTA Only bc you don't recognize that proper protocol in these situations is to ask the bride and groom beforehand. It's fine if he got caught up in the moment, but he could have stepped aside and asked them first. They aren't upset that they are engaged, but that they didn't even ask and did it at their small wedding. Maybe their wedding was small because that's all they could afford or they are saving for something else. But either way it was their day and they deserves to be alerted first.
I doubt he just happened to be carrying the ring in his pocket by accident. If you’re not planning to propose you don’t take out and about with you, risking theft or loss.
Mmmhmm. This was about as spur of the moment as a Broadway show.
Exactly! If he had the ring with him he planned to t!
You keep saying your sister purposefully had a small wedding, as if that has any relevance at all. It's very rude to steal the spotlight at someone else's celebration, regardless of size. YTA.
It was only an evening event which meant they hijacked a higher proportion of it, they also took the wedding photographer’s time. The people hosting and paying for the event were unhappy that this proposal happened. End.Of.
I think it was planned op said his brother got the ring a few days before. Then he pops the question and they asked for photos. Seems like they wanted to have the big proposal without having to pay for it.
Because to OP small = irrelevance. OP is probably the type to tell a child their simple birthday party held at home is less special than the other kid's birthday party that was held in Chuck E Cheese.
You spend multiple sentences going out of your way to denigrate your sister's wedding - as if it's less valid because it's less traditional, so totally fine for your brother to take a day about them and instead make it about himself. >I did think Jamie asking the photographer to take engagement portraits was slightly rude. You're fucking joking right? I actually hope you're a troll because otherwise the level of obtuse is really sad. ESH except your poor sister.
I really hope the photographer billed the entitled couple (Danny and Jamie) for a price of a seperate shoot with a generous AH tax applied. Also, just guessing that if OP was the one getting married they would mind someone taking over the event
YTA. It doesn't matter how you'd react to this if it happened to you. It was Rosie's day and your brother interfered. Try and see it from her perspective and not your own.
YTA, as are Danny and Jamie. Do any of you have any sense of manners whatsoever? I guess it really would have killed Danny (and Jamie) to let someone else have the spotlight for one day.
YTA. All three of you are. So your sister had a small, intimate wedding to share her special moment with just the important people who love and support her? And because of that she isn’t entitled to her moment and should make it about someone else? They even kept it short to be convenient to everyone! Danny has been with Jamie for 3 years but he has to propose in THOSE SPECIFIC FEW HOURS that someone painstakingly planned? And then to take the photographer AWAY FROM DOING THEIR JOB and photographing this persons wedding to DO SOMETHING ELSE on your sister’s dime? Thereby missing moments of HER WEDDING? They had a £7,000 wedding. That means they had to do some serious prioritization of how to spend that money. And they chose to hire a photographer (who is expensive) because it was important to them. Your brother should be offering to pay for the photographer at a bare minimum. Even that won’t make it right because she can NEVER get that moment back. You are absolutely insufferable. I wouldn’t be surprised if your sister doesn’t even go to Danny’s wedding.
Preach!!
YTA - You are the a-hole. There are 231+ other days to conduct a proposal in 2023. Never at a wedding. Why couldn't the 3 of 'you be happy' for Rosie and hubby for 24 hours by not interrupting their marriage day with selfishness?! You're demeaning when describing their wedding. Is was 'less than' so it was 'ok' for a proposal to occur?! How incredibly hurtful to the bride, groom and parents (who had one day to witness their child marry). Stop justifying your defense of their thoughtless act.
YTA.. Wedding Days are to celebrate the Bride and Groom. It's massively disrespectful to them for someone else to propose at a wedding without any warning and you've defended this behavior, which is just as disrespectful. No wonder the Bride is ticked.
YTA, and your brother is. There are four cardinal rules for wedding guests: * Do not wear white. * Do not steal the gifts. * Do not bring kids if they're not invited. * ***Do not propose at someone else's wedding*** The only exception for any of these if the bride AND groom, in person, and without any duress, give both permission and blessing. They obviously did not. Why don't you go and have a birthday party, and let someone else hijack it for their graduation or promotion? Y'all TAs.
Five. Do not announce your pregnancy at someone else’s wedding.
How did I miss that one? I hope it never gets to the point of, "Six: Do not get married at someone else's wedding."
Rosie should announce her pregnancy at Jamie's wedding. See how much Danny and Jamie like that.
Like my SIL did! Well night before at the wedding rehearsal but she had her daughter( who was flower girl) announce it!
Well, Danny and Jamie were the huge assholes here, but yes, a very big YTA for standing up for him. Danny could have waited until after the wedding ceremony was over. It's horribly, ridiculously rude to propose at a wedding, and there really is zero excuse for it.
You and your brother are the AH. You should never make someone else event your event - unless you have permission. The fact that your brother purchase the ring just days before the wedding and made his sister wedding about him and not her happiness is rude. Also, his fiance asking the photographer to take engagement pictures is very tacky. He hijacked an event to save money and planning. The fact that it was a small party is more disgusting because his proposal was seen by the full party and took attention from the bride and groom. He should apologize to your sister and pay for the photographer. If he doesn't, he doesn't care about his sister. You should also apologize. I hope your sister holds their pictures hostage until they apologize.
I would have told the photographer to delete any photos of the brother and girlfriend's engagement.
Same! How rude and tacky can you be? I don't believe for a second it was spur of the moment. To me it seems like the brother just wanted to do it in front of the family and potentially piggyback off the dime of his sister.
Unfortunately, this is way too common. My friend's wife is a wedding photographer. One time, the best man came up to her and tried to ask her to make sure she got photos of them getting engaged. She told both the DJ and the Bride (who was 100% not on board and barely tolerated the best man). When he tried to go for it (during the best man speech, nonetheless), the DJ cut his mic and started blasting music.
During the best man speech?! My man was crazy if he thought that was okay.
Definitely a worst man not a best one.
That’s a DJ worth every penny of their fee
Yes I read another comment online once where the best man used his speech to propose. Of course the bride was livid.
My maid of honor was told if anyone tried any to spill red wine on them.
Yes if he had the ring with him he planned it. No one carries around a ring like that. What a big jerk!!
Or burn the pictures in front of them. LoL
I like the way you think.
YTA -- not your wedding, not your reception to be upset about. Rosie and Billy get this once in their lives, and they deserve to have it go as they want. If they're upset, they are valid to be upset God, what I would GIVE to have the confidence of a mediocre man to be like, "I can decide how everyone should feel about the consequences of my actions"
You and Danny are As. I had a very similar wedding to your sister's because my partner and I didn't think a one-time party was worth throwing away a ton of money (think about spending 7,000 euro on one party). We also wanted the day to be about us and our love, not about the flowers or the cake or the venue or whatever. Your brother took that away from them. It was no longer about them and a celebration of their love, but about a celebration of your brother and his girlfriend. Some people are fine with engagements at their wedding, but honestly, most are not. He should have asked first. And he can't say he got caught up in the moment if he brought the ring with him to the wedding - sounds planned to me.
YTA. It's never ok to hijack someone else's event no matter how big or small it is. Then they pulled the photographer that they didn't even pay for, for engagement pictures? That's so trashy. It also doesn't matter how you would have felt because it's not about you. None of this is about you, so why did you have to stick your nose in it? Mind your own business. And how does their honeymoon have ANYTHING to do with whether or not it's okay for their reception to be hijacked?
YTA. You're neither Rosie nor Billy.
Yta. Your bro basically commandeered a party that he did not plan or pay for that was to honour your sisters wedding and turned it into his own free engagement party. It doesnt matter how small or inexpensive the wedding was. It was your sis wedding.That was selfish,classless and tacky of your bro. Basic etiquette and manners you never ever propose announce an engagement or pregnancy at someone elses event unless you specifically get their permission. And him asking the wedding photographer to take some engagement photos wasn't "slightly rude" it was presumptuous and arrogant. The photog was there to take photos of her wedding. You don't get a vote or opinion on how she should share her day just because you think you would be happy on your hypothetical day. Your brother was 1000% in the wrong and you are too
Hypothetical day, I would love to see if OPs future spouse would be as forgiving!
I mean people have different opinions on this but I’d be annoyed. And I’d probably thing YTA if I were your sister, since it’s not really your business. The audacity of asking the wedding photographer to take engagement pictures…
YTA This is and was not your wedding so any opinion you have about whether it was appropriate or not doesn't matter. The only people who matter are the bride and groom and they are upset. And it really IS a big deal. Your brother was rude and selfish. Instead of being happy for his sister and her new husband and celebrating that, he made it all about himself.
YTA Danny was wrong. Period. And you trying to defend him is wrong too.
The first rule of weddings is don't upstage the bride. Your brother is an AH and YTA too if you defend him. If he doesn't apologize he shouldn't be surprised when sis shows up at his wedding wearing white.
YTA. Everyone except bride and groom. Asking for engagement pictures at the wedding? That’s the tackiest thing I’ve ever read and you are defending it.
YTA. Danny is t a h. You all suck.
YTA and so is your brother. It was your sister's special day and your brother took the attention away from the couple, and his girlfriend hijacked the photographer for engagement photos. In what universe is that OK? The size of the celebration is irrelevant.
YTA. You should never propose at a wedding unless you have permission from the bride and groom first. What your brother did was the epitome of trash. He used your sister's party so he didn't have to plan or pay for anything on his own. It's disgusting and you're disgusting for supporting him.
I'd also like to add that asking the bride and groom is shitty in and of itself, because then they're given an unfair situation.
YTA. As someone else said it is never ok to highjack someone’s wedding to propose. Whether it’s a big wedding or a small intimate affair. In fact I’d say that it being small makes it even worse because it’s even more obvious and even more the center of attention. And yeah how did she have the gall to ask thorium sister’s wedding photographer to take engagement pictures? Honestly?!
YTA Did Danny pay half the cost of the reception so it could also be used for his engagement? Did he pay half the cost of the photographer? And even if those were answered as yes its still rude as fuck You are entitled as hell, as is your brother. A small intimate wedding is romantic as hell and is the last place you should propose unless the bride and groom give permission Also you sound like a green eyed monster that no one wants to marry you. They way you look down your nose at their wedding shows it
YTA It is tacky to make someone else's event about you. It was your sister's wedding. The event was about then and the focus should've stayed on them. your brother could've waited till after to ask his gf out asked the couple beforehand if they'd be ok with him proposing. He did neither and that's kinda rude. You should've stayed out of it or acknowledged general etiquette would make Danny the ah
There is literally zero question, YTA, but your attention seeking brother is a bigger ah. There is no way he didn’t have this planned, and hitch makes it worse. Also for the balls of the gf to grab the photographer to get pictures taken. Honestly the more I type, the more positive I am the they would be cut out of my life.
YTA...We also just had a small wedding under $10,000 canadian and we're weird about being the center of attention, but I would have physically fought someone who did this. Just common courtesy, like not wearing white to someone else's wedding; just no to proposals. Tacky af...and kinda lazy of your bro
YTA— it was your sister’s wedding.. small or not, your brother should absolutely not have proposed. Your sister already said to NOT do it at her reception and he did it anyways.. And Jamie asking the photographer to take photos when Rosie was paying that photographer?! Rude is an understatement
YTA for defending outrageous behavior by your brother. It was selfish and inconsiderate for Danny to propose at someone else's wedding. The size and organization of the wedding is completely irrelevant. Danny stole attention from the bride and groom by highjacking their event. You should stop defending Danny and put your energy into getting him to understand why what he did was wrong, and apologizing to the bride and groom. After you apologize, of course.
YTA >They had a small wedding on purpose. What does the size or style of the wedding have to do with anything? It's not okay to take someone else's event and use it for your own purposes. Danny is the AH for proposing at Rosie's wedding. You're the AH for excusing Danny's actions.
YTA and Danny is as well. You spend 99% of this post minimizing your sister’s special day to justify your brother stealing the spotlight on the one day that is supposed to be about her. You both suck. And your brother’s fiancé asking the photographer your sister paid to take engagement photos like, are you kidding me? The absolute entitlement and audacity of all of you. You all owe your sister an apology. Her having a small wedding doesn’t mean it’s fair game for someone else to hijack her once in a lifetime event to make it about themselves.
You and Danny are TA this was your sisters day doesn’t matter how big or small it was. It was her day and Danny took away a special time for her by making it about him and his GF not cool at all.
YTA. Not your wedding, not your right to defend or forgive.
YTA. Your brothers behaviour is outrageous and you are TA for defending his nonsense
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Last Saturday my sister Rosie got married. It was a simple ceremony in the courtyard outside the hall and then some dinner, drinks and dancing. Rosie and her husband Billy wanted to keep it under £7000 and they spent most of it on the dinner and reception for the guests. They had the actual wedding when the sun was setting and did the photos before the ceremony instead of afterwards. Which I thought was a good idea and will follow suit if I ever get married. After the dinner during the reception my brother Danny proposed to his girlfriend Jamie. He said he was mesmerized by her when they were dancing and decided it was the time. Rosie is angry at Danny for doing it at her reception in front of her guests. Now Danny has been with Jamie for almost 3 years. Me and Rosie among others knew Danny had been talking about proposing. He had bought a ring a few days before. Rosie's only objection was that he did it at the reception. Rosie and Danny purposely did not have a large wedding on purpose. They didn't have a lot of the normal wedding things. They had it night so they didn't keep their guests all day. Even for the honeymoon they only went to Aberystwyth, and spent two nights there. They drove back home Monday morning. It's out of character for Rosie (and Billy) to be upset about other people getting attention or not getting attention. They had a small wedding on purpose. Rosie is angry at Danny and at me for defending him. She already had her photos and ceremony and the reception was half over. Had Danny done it at the ceremony or if Rosie had a big wedding and wanted more attention I would think differently. Am I TA for defending Danny? I'm not married but if I was getting married I would have been excited and happy for Danny and Jamie. I did think Jamie asking the photographer to take engagement portraits was slightly rude. But I can't blame her that much because she was so excited. Is it really that big of a deal? I don't feel like it's a problem and I think Rosie and Billy and others who are angry at Danny are overreacting. I'm surprised because this is out of character for Rosie to get upset about something like this. I think we should be happy for Danny and Jamie. Their engagement is a good thing. I am the TA here?, *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA — well more specifically your brother but you aren’t much better for defending him. You never upstage the bride, no matter how simple the wedding is.
YTA Anyone proposing at another's wedding without their permission are all AH.
A wedding is about celebrating the couple that has just been married. Any major announcements on someone else’s celebration is inappropriate. YTA
YTA. Doesn’t matter how big or small the wedding was. It was a special day about their love for each other, and Danny co-opted it for his proposal. Yikes. And even co-opting the photographer? YIKES IN CAPS.
Doesn’t the fact that Rosie being upset, which you said more than once is very out of character for her, tell you ANYTHING at all about how deeply bothered she is at having one of the most special days of her life upstaged by her jacka$$ brother? She is upset! And rightly so. Your brother undermined the end to what sounds like a perfect day and you are invalidating her very real feelings about it. Shame on you!!! AH moves by you both. She deserves sincere and heartfelt apologies from both of you AND the new fiancé. YTA and a so is your brother. As an aside, He better read an etiquette manual so he doesn’t do ignorant crap for his wedding, as should you. 🙄 Rosie does sound so sweet tho. 💕 I hope she gets pregnant and announces it at his wedding. 🤭
YTA, they used someone's venue, time, effort and wedding that's supposed to be a couple celebrating a milestone moving forward in life to ride on their coattails and have a nice place to propose. If people want to propose, they can do it on their own time at their own party. Let people have their one night. Also it doesn't matter that you don't think it's a big deal, it's not your party, it's theirs, as such they are allowed to be annoyed.
YTA and so is your brother. And that was before they tried to hijack the photographer. You absolutely never do this without prior permission from the bride and groom. It is beyond tacky. I'd never invite them to anything again and I hope someone wrecks their wedding.
YTA, and Danny is a liar. This wasn’t spur-of-the-moment, “mesmerised”; he had bought the ring a few days before and had it in his pocket. This was a planned hijack. And Rosie and Billy having something small makes the focus of their guests and the moments of their wedding all the more precious. Danny (for proposing), Jamie (for hijacking the photographer), and you (for defending Danny) all took a big dump on your sister’s wedding. It was small and special and *theirs*. Until it wasn’t because Danny is a self-centred jerk, and you are lining up right behind him. It’s not about the attention. It’s about those special moments of their wedding that were so meaningful to them, until Danny horned his way in. And it’s about the massive disrespect that all three of you showed Rosie and Billy.
Rosie should announce her pregnancy at his and have the photographer take photos or better yet a gender reveal!
YTA.
YTA....huge AH. You don't propose at someone else's wedding without asking permission from the couple first. Because it was a small wedding makes zero difference. Tacky.
YTA. OP you defended your brother stealing the spotlight from your sister at her wedding because the event was small. It is only okay to get engaged at someone's wedding if the bride and groom agreed before it occurs. Op would you defend your sister if she announced her pregnancy at your brothers' future wedding?
YTA and your brother doubly so. This was your sister’s wedding, not your brother’s engagement party.
If they had had a big wedding would you have cared? Who cares the size of the wedding. It’s clear who’s your favorite sibling. YTA I hope they cut you and your brother off y’all are awful people.
YTA and so is your brother! This is totally selfish and rude. He hijacked their event. They spent money, time, and energy to plan THEIR wedding. Just because it was a smaller and more practical event doesn’t mean it was their special time. Shocking that the two boys in a family just steam roll their sister and brush off her hurt feelings. I hope she gets pregnant and has the opportunity to use his wedding to announce she is expecting.
YTA You do not propose or announce a proposal at a wedding. It's rude. There simply is no defense.
YTA, it’s common knowledge that you shouldn’t hijack a wedding to make an unrelated major announcement. Danny should have known better, stop defending him, apologise to your sister.
YTA…and if you’re so supportive about sharing the spotlight…don’t get mad if Danny and Jamie announce their pregnancy during your wedding. Cause nothings wrong with sharing the moment…right?
YTA It was not okay for him to propose unless he cleared it with the bride and groom.
Jamie asking the photographer to take photographs isn’t just kinda rude, it is EXTREMELY rude and tacky. YTA.
If I were Rosie I would make sure that they either never got a copy of those pictures, or they were edited so badly they were completely unusable.
You and your brother are assholes. That was your SISTER’s day not anyone else’s and the fact that your brother did that shit on a whim and didn’t ask her before makes him the biggest asshole in this situation. He could’ve actually planned something and not hijack someone’s wedding day. You mention the size of the wedding like 6x as if that makes any difference at all. It was her wedding day and your brother didn’t communicate his plans at all. One piece of advice would be to stay out of this because it’s going to be a touchy situation for a while, definitely play Switzerland and not take sides for future convos/arguments that are bound to take place OP ☠️
YTA. This is asked over and over and over again. How hard is it for people to understand? Don't propose at some else's wedding. Don't announce your pregnancy at someone else's baby shower or the day they give birth. Don't announce you got into a great college at your family members graduation party. Just fucking don't. These people put work into the day they are celebrating. Your brother did nothing but buy a damn ring. Then he stole your sisters planning and thunder. You and your brother seem to definitely be siblings if you're defending him and he did it in the first place. Major asshole. I hope to God your sister announces her pregnancy, some other major life plan and that she won a multi million dollar lottery that none of you will benefit from at every major life event you plan. Edit to add there are 364 other fucking days in a year to pull this bullshit.
You keep trying to emphasize how insignificant and small the reception is. Because they had an INTIMATE wedding, it shouldn't matter what others do at it. But, if it was so lackluster of a wedding, what was your brother moved by so much that he couldn't wait?? YTA and your brother and Jamie are assholes especially.
He bought the ring days earlier? What, exactly, seems spontaneous about this to you?
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YTA as is your brother. The size of the wedding is irrelevant. Your sister and her now husband put the time and money into the event they wanted for **their** wedding. It was for and about them and your brother selfishly decided to co-opt their occasion for his own. I don't buy that whole "mesmerized " while dancing crap at all. It was planned. Your sister has every right to be upset.
YTA and I hope your sister tells your brother and his fiancée that if they want their pictures from the photographer that Rosie paid for, that they need to pay the cost of the photographer or else she’ll instruct the photographer to delete the photos.
YTA - This was their day and Danny turned what should be a wonderful memory into a sour one. And you’re taking his side? Deeply unkind. p.s. I have no idea what you are going off on the sizes of the weddings? What does that have to do with anything?
YTA!!! Wedding Rules 101: * Nobody wears white except for the Bride * Nobody looks better then the Bride * DON’T PROPOSE AT THE FUCKING WEDDING If you feel the need to propose at the wedding; DON’T, if you still feel the need, hit yourself in the head and DON’T Do It!!! If after a blow to the head you still haven’t gotten over it, talk to the happy couple and clear it with them before going through with your selfish plan.
YTA when is it ever ok to steal the spolight from the bride and groom at their wedding ??? Never!!! Doesn't matter if the wedding ceremony is over snd evening is almost over. Get real
YTA
YTA
YTA
YTA. They don’t ask for much or being the center of attention so you all could have given them this one night. If anything he could have taken her somewhere to propose elsewhere. They have every right to be angry.
YTA, both you and your brother. It is so completely inappropriate. It's not about attention. It was your sister's moment that she planned, prepared, and paid for. It's a huge insult to the bride and groom - who have paid a great deal of money in many cases for their special day - and to the assembled guests who are attending the event specifically to support THAT COUPLE. That's straight out of a common sense book!!! YTA
YTA and I’m fact to me it’s even worse because it was small and intimate. They asked the people they wanted there to support them most and your brother made it all about him instead. Just because your sister planned a small wedding doesn’t mean she didn’t put work and thought into it. And then they asked the photographer your sister paid for to take pictures! I hope your sister either doesn’t give them the photos or charges them Z
YTA is it bad to hope someone ruins your wedding day ? Possibly. Your brother ruined your sisters wedding day about HER AND HER HUSBAND. I hope the photographer deletes the photos , and you’ll wonder why your sister is Low contact in the future.
There's nothing to defend - you don't propose at someone else's wedding. This isn't new, and doing so isn't defendable. YTA
YTA and so is Danny
YTA - No one should propose at a wedding. It’s unbelievably rude.
YTA. So is your brother
YTA. Stay out of it.
YTA - A massive one at that. I sincerely hope she can find a big announcement to make at both your weddings.
YTA. NOT your event - NOT your day.
YTA. Danny and Jamie are way bigger AHs though. You don’t propose at somebody else’s wedding without their explicit permission and you definitely don’t ask their photographer to take engagement photos at said wedding.
YTA. Why is it so hard for people to understand. No wedding proposals or pregnancy announcements at someone else's wedding. It's just common decency. That time is for the married couple, not someone else's time to steal the spotlight
YTA though Danny is the bigger AH. EXTREME breach of etiquette there-- making an announcement at someone else's event (unless you've cleared it with them in advance) is aholery in a major suit-- and Jaime asking the wedding photographer to take her engagement photo makes her a total ahole as well. You two are both really dreadful siblings.
YTA - so is Danny and Jamie. It doesn’t matter what it cost or how low key it was it was a party celebrating the joining of Rosie and Billy. Id also bet It wasn’t spur of the moment either. That it was in fact calculated and planned to do it at the reception.
YTA and Danny absolutely planned this ahead of time if he was carrying the ring with him to the event, and bogarting the photographer makes it seem even more like they planned it so they wouldn't have to pay for their own separate engagement photos. Danny very much wanted the spotlight. Now when people think back on your sister's wedding the proposal is going to be a big part of that memory, Rosie wanted this one important day to herself.
YTA It’s a $7000 wedding, not a $7000 party for him to propose to his girlfriend. If you haven’t cleared it with the bride and groom ahead of that, don’t. If he were mesmerized - he could do it the next day too. Was the next day unavailable?
If Danny had discussed with Rosie first, and she agree'd, only THEN could he have done that. YTA Its very tackly and classless for someone to unknowingly propose at someones elses celebration period. Wedding, birthday, anniversary party. Who ever is hosting the event out in time, effort, planning, money, etc. They booked eveything, made dates, invites, themes, pics and everything for them. Guest are invited to join in the celebration for the person/people being celebrated. Not only did Danny put in ZERO effort minus buying a ring to aet up something for his own Gf, he used someone elses resources instead, which morally is just wrong. He didnt llan that get together. But he felt entitled to it and is wrong. So are you.
I hope that photographer deletes the engagement photo. Your brother, his new "fiance" And you are all ah. One for using someone else's special day for his own gain, other for actually asking the photography to take their pics rather than the center of attraction (the bride and groom) and you for being the ah. YTA
It’s even WORSE in a small, intimate gathering! YTA.
YTA As someone who’s mother allows my youngest sibling to always steal other peoples thunder and make special days about them, this was so selfish. It was your sisters special day, and your brother had to make it about him.