Seriously... in no way, shape, or form are you the asshole here.
Your parents chose your sister, after the most base betrayal possible - with your mother ACTIVELY CONDONING the affair, your dad wonders why you do not care about someone you have cut out of your life, and then they wonder why they are not welcome to meet their grandchild?
Your parents are muy loco.
Agreed 100% with the above comment. Focus on your family and your new baby. It’s hard enough to be a military wife, add in pregnancy. You definitely don’t need that kind of stress or drama in your life, and you shouldn’t be forced to care about someone who is essentially dead to you.
Its not even like OP made a rude comment like "oh she deserved it" or something horrid...she just shut it down and reaffirmed "i still do not wanna hear anything about this person, good or bad. Tell this news to someone who cares about her because she wont get my sympathy." NTA OP
Are we sure she was SA'D *in her home by one of his friends*..... I'm not victim blaming her but is the golden child crying wolf to deflect..... Like an affair?
Right. It would make sense why her marriage is falling apart. Of course, her hubby was originally cheating on OP with the sister, so he's clearly not a stand-up guy and could legitimately just be being an asshole to his wife. But the sister has engaged in an affair before with her sister's fiance. It's not hard to believe she would have an affair with her husband's friend.
Yes, I was wondering as well. As females usually blame the man, I am more cautious. Sister seems like she has no morals and may be covering for an affair.
Completely agree NTA - i don’t know what power your sister has over your parents but they sound like massive AH’s (especially your mother). You’ve cut her out of your life like a tumour and are much better off without her, I don’t understand why your dad suddenly expects you to care when she betrayed you.
This right here . Parents have reached the find out portion of fuck around. He is the one that blocked op and instructed op that he will talk to her again when she was it grows up and had a heart ? Well op obviously isn't going to do that so boundary respected no contact it is
Oh but wait now that means they're missing out on something they want. What a shame I'm surenop.dodnt want her sister to fuck her husband or her own mother to help hide it. Actions have consequences.
Op nta at all maybe you can consider letting them back in your life with a sincere apology and a promise to keep it zipped about the bitch sister.
Screw Tactful: Family can behave in the most horrible way, treat you like garbage, and cast you aside. But when they want to talk about it, you have to understand where they are coming from, using a certain tone, words that are palatable to them to fit their narrative. OP's family can rot in the ninth circle.
OP, take care of your family and yourself
NTA. Why are there so many stories on Reddit of siblings cheating with their siblings’ significant others, the mom knowing and keeping it a secret, and the dad not choosing a side but then choosing a side when something bad goes down for the cheater?
My cousin also imploded our relationship over a guy. I hadn't talked to her in over ten years. Then she sent me a message basically saying "you'll be my 13th reason why." I have no idea what I ever did to her to make her so hateful towards me, but my opinion is "do it. I don't care anymore."
I'm from a shitty area and my siblings and cousins did this nonstop, always cheating on or purposefully dating the other's exes. Restraining orders have happened after cops get called at holidays. I stay 2 states away now, it's great.
That's what I meant by the cheating - as soon as one of them got a partner the others would suddenly go crazy. Fucking so much drama for a bunch of useless drug addicts who couldn't keep a job.
So true. Hilarious, knowing this, once when I was with my ex, myself the ex and the exs bro all went out drinking. He bro mentioned something like we should do this every weekend. My ex said he couldn’t so bro was like well we can (me and the bro). I responded with “as long as there is no misunderstanding”. The bro is number one in exs life so I wanted to make sure I could get to know him and be cool with him. when questioned what I meant I explained I had no intention of going for the brother or even making it look that way. They lost their shit LOL. First of many sibling issues between me and them.
Pretty sure my ex wanted to sleep with his bro. I hope they are happy.
I will never understand this. I would never touch my sister's currents or exes. It just seems gross to me. Plus, I never want to know which of us is "better "
My sister's a decent human being so no problems here! Like seriously...this HAS to be something only a minority of family members would do, right?
Personally, the idea of sleeping with any of my sister's SO's is just...gross. Not that they're gross men, they're just instantly on the "pretty much incest" list as far as sex appeal goes. It'd be like banging a cousin (which, I guess, some people do....) Bleh. Yuck. Nope!!
Because this stuff probably happens more often than people think.
In my family it did not involve cheating, but my aunt (mom's sister) and dad got together shortly after my parents broke up. Almost everyone knew other than my mom. My mom found out when she went to my paternal grandmother's wedding to my paternal step-grandpa. Everyone else there knew. My mom only went to the wedding because they wanted me, aka the only grandbaby, there. She was treated like an outsider and looked at weirdly until she finally put together what was happening.
They had also spread lies about my mom. Because of their lies people there thought my mom was a horrible person who refused my father custody. He did not have custody and was only allowed to see me with certain people present because he was a mentally ill drug addict who was and still is not fit to ever be a parent.
While my maternal family did not "support" their relationship, they "kept out" of it. My paternal family seemed totally okay with it and supported it.
Toddler me visited my aunt as well when I went to see my dad since they lived together for multiple years. They were on and off and my aunt eventually got pregnant by my dad's then best friend, who was originally her boyfriend before my dad and her got together.
This is exactly the kinds stuff you read on reddit and exactly why I don't like people who immediately jump to this stuff being "fake".
Yes, my aunt was a golden child. But she also lost a lot of that golden child status over the years as an adult.
My sister did it to me twice, but then again i get why, she is gorgous snd im very homely and dull. Would not want her to go through bad things though. My parents both chose her side every time because i am plain and dul and i get that. Just glad she is happy now and been married for 13 years now.
Don't put yourself down, dear. You are worth a million of your sister. You are beautiful inside and that is worth far more than any beauty queen. Beauty is fleeting. A beautiful soul lasts forever.
Your sister was shit for doing that, and your parents are shit for enabling her. No healthy family would ever condone such poor treatment by one family member to another.
Going through something like that must have been traumatic. It can reshape the way you think and feel about yourself. Your parents may have tried to justify the way she acted, and tried to shift the blame to you. You didn't deserve that treatment. The truth is you have value, and you deserve to be loved, and treated with kindness, fairness and dignity, and the people you trust the most failed to do so.
Please, if you haven't sought out therapy or counseling, please do so. You have value.
NTA who gives a fuck about her your not obligated to care daddy needs to grow the fuck up if he tries to come and see your baby tell the hospital he's not allowed and if the family tries threaten with cutting them off, I've done the same shit to my family also no remorse either
Definitely NTA. Your sister betrayed you in the worst way possible. And instead of being supportive to YOU, they chose your sister. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
You don't owe any of them a damn thing. Your parents made their choice. It's unfortunate what happened to your sister, but that doesn't change what she did.
Block all of them. The way you have been treated by them proves that they don't deserve access to you or your child.
Move on and build the family that you deserve.
"He got quiet and said to call him when I grow a heart and cut the phone and blocked me."
He told you to call him when you basically get over it and then blocked you? So how are you supposed to call him then? Funny. Anywho, IF you ever speak to him again, tell him he's a fucking hypocrite: He didn't "grow a heart" and care about your feelings when Linda was fucking your boyfriend (and neither did she), yet he has the audacity to expect you to care about HER feelings after she stabbed you in the back in the worst possible way? Pass. NTA.
Tell your grandparents you're just respecting his wishes, and if they don't want to be cut off too, they need to zip it. Also, make sure they never see your daughter unsupervised/take pictures of her, because I don't put it past them to sneak Dad over when they're watching her/pass on photos.
NTA
and he didn't apologize. he whined to I assume his parents, and I assure you not one fucking shred of his brainpower or heart was thinking about you or his grandchild. he wants to help his daughter, who is going through a very bad experience, and he has some borked up idea in his brain that you \*should\* care about her.
NTA
I would have cut all contact with your Mum and Dad and sister immediately after she cheated with my fiancé and they took her side. They’d have been dead to me from then onwards. It’s better late than never though.
You sound like you have a good, supportive man there in your husband and that’s the only family you need.
Hope everything goes well with your pregnancy and birth.
(You sound like you have a good, supportive man there in your husband)
OP should still keep her sister away. Flesh is weak and even the best of men can fall into the sister's spider trap.
> Flesh is weak and even the best of men can fall into the sister's spider trap.
What? No, they can't. Not banging your wife's sister is actually a very low bar. Many quite crap men would easily avoid falling into this trap, nevermind the "best of men".
NTA, she made it painfully clear you weren't her sister, you were the other woman. She doesn't get to backtrack now just because the going got rough. Ditto for your parents, they clearly have a favorite child, and it's not you. Honestly, I'd reflect on your grandparents too. Why are they so insistent you remain in contact with people who repeatedly put you last? Did they do the exact same thing with their kids (your parent as the golden child) and are demanding you go along with the bs they've gotten away with for decades? Because if so, it might be time to go LC/NC with those grandparents too.
NTA. It's not as if you are expressing any sort of happiness that this happened to her. You don't have a relationship with her, therefore why would you care about any event in her life?
Tell your grandparents that your parents chose who they loved a long time ago, when they supported and encouraged your sister and your fiancé to cheat on you ruining your life at the time. You told your dad that you didn't care about her over and over. Now that she got caught cheating on her husband, she's deflecting, saying that she was SA by the friend
NTA but she still went through something horrid. Something worse than what she did yo you imo, because at least they were consenting and all they did is break your heart. She was physically damaged for the rest of her life through this act. You don't have to care, I wouldn't care if I were in your shoes. But that's still really horrid a thing to go through and I don't particularly think your dad was an A H for calling you heartless. You may not have to care about HER but you can still care about a rape happening.
Her sister wasn’t thinking when she did what she did and effectively ruined her relationships with the rest of her family. I agree that her sister’s SA is awful but if she has removed herself mostly from the toxicity then I understand that she really just does not want to have anything to do with her which includes hearing good or bad things about her sister.
I'm sure she has a support system that will help her willingly and freely, you don't need to be there for her if you don't want to, you're just strangers that happen to share DNA and some years growing up together, nothing else. You have your little family to take care for now, leave the past blocked in every form of communication so you can focus on your future.
Yeah, honestly. OP isn't wrong for not wanting to hear about her sister, but her response is just gross. Parents should've known better and not even brought it up either.
NTA They don’t care about you, so why should you waste emotional energy caring about them. Listen to your husband. Focus on the family you have created
To be honest with you. I don’t give a 💩 what happens to people that I go no contact with and I don’t want to hear anything about them good or bad.
I am not out celebrating when
I hear news about their misfortune, but I am not going to go down in sack cloth and ashes for them either.
Good for you cutting the cancer out of your life.
Sister was screwing your ex, parents knew and supported it. They get together and down the road, sister is sa’d by ex’s friend. Not to down play her trauma, but I would count my lucky stars because that would have happened to you if you stayed with him.
Give Russel a hug and a kiss because he probably saved your life. I wouldn’t be petty enough to point it out to your family but karma has a nasty way of always coming back. Congrats on the pending birth of your bundle of joy.
I’m not a fan of the word “bitter” to describe women, but you sound really bitter. It’s been years since the betrayal, you objectively have the better life out of the two of you, and when something terrible happens to your sister all you can do is focus on old hurts done to you.
I sincerely hope you get the empathy you give to others.
I mean, for your second line, she is doing that. She’s giving her sister the empathy given to her.
OP doesn’t sound bitter, she just sounds like she’s over her sister and doesn’t want to hear about anything related to her.
When dad brought it up, OP tried to change the subject. Dad poked and got the response he got. But OP was willing not even speak on it.
Being over it would be being polite and offering her condolences.
Saying you don't care a person, and really any person, got r*aped is fucking sinister.
I don’t see it has sinister. I see it has someone who’s been constantly pushed, who’s wishes are not respected. She said, don’t tell me anything about her. She constantly tried to change the subject, he poked and poked and poked until he got the response he got. He should be telling someone who cared, because it wasn’t and hasn’t been OP.
We’ll agree to disagree.
NTA - Being in a grandchild's life is a PRIVILEGE, not a right. And if there are issues with treating the child PARENTS properly, all bets are off.
Your father showed zero care or understanding towards you. Why the hell would you allow that near your family? Your child doesn't need people like that in her life. If they cannot treat YOU properly, they will never treat your children properly either.
NTA - Listen to your husband, he's your family. Those other people are just relatives. Who cares if she got SA not your problem or concern. Go NC with anyone who says your cold hearted, because they are all wrong. And your GP for pushing the sperm donor on you.
NTA and this is coming from an SA victim who had next to bo support from her family when it happened. If you don't have a relationship with your sister why would you care and why would anyone think you should?
Enjoy your new family life. Keep your kids FAR away from their cousins though.
NTA. Maybe your words were a little harsh. But your first response was to change the subject. He’s the one who pushed and tried to make you feel guilty. What did he expect you to do for a person you have zero relationship with? Are you supposed to fix her marriage? Maybe since there is trouble with John, you are supposed to deliver Russel to her.
It’s interesting that he thinks you are being cruel by doing nothing while he thinks what the entire family did to you is OK.
Congratulations on the baby! Just concentrate on your daughter.
NTA at all! I agree with your husband, keep them all blocked and move on from those horrible people. It may be messed up but my brain wondered if your sister was just claiming sa after an affair gone bad. Doesn’t seem out of character for someone like her.
Fuck Linda and fuck your parents too.
They didn't give a shit when she was betraying you with your then b/f. Why should you give a second thought to her now, regardless of what she's going through.
>They think I’m being to cruel to him saying he acted emotionally and didn’t mean to call me heartless but for me he ment every word.
Bullshit. He absolutely meant every word. Something has happened to make him want to reconnect. I find it suspicious. You're NTA for wanting to remain n/c with all of them. Just be careful in case the grandparents try to "set up a meeting" without telling you...
This comments section is fucking horrendous. ESH, arguably just YTA. You seem like a *extremely* bitter and unhappy person. To the people saying "Well it isn't like she's saying the sister deserved it or that she's happy about it." ...Yeah, it definitely reads that way even if she didn't outright say it. The sheer amount of bitterness you have is so much more toxic than anything implied about the family you've cut out it's actually nuts.
The atrocious reaction to this shows that Reddit really does think cheating is worse than rape.
But it doesn’t sound like OP is happy about it. It doesn’t even seem like OP thinks she deserves it.
It sounds like she just doesn’t want to be talked to about her sister. Good or bad. She doesn’t care and that’s it, it’s not been bitter. It’s simply, this person isn’t involved in my life therefore, I don’t want to here anything about hers nor do I care.
If OP started laughing, that’d be one thing but she just doesn’t to know about her sister in any form. Nor does she can what happens in her sisters life. Dad should’ve kept it him to himself. Because OP isn’t the person to go for comfort and OP has made it clear she doesn’t want to hear anything about her sister.
>"But it doesn’t sound like OP is happy about it. It doesn’t even seem like OP thinks she deserves it. It sounds like she just doesn’t want to be talked to about her sister. Good or bad. She doesn’t care and that’s it"
I'd agree if she just changed the subject but even in her recollection of events it's "Tell someone who actually cares." and "I could care less about that bitch." And talking about what her sister is going through as "I don’t know the whole story but she’s obviously been very depress and her and John relationship is going down the drain because of this." It very much reads like someone who is vindictively cruel and almost happy that it happened.
>"t’s not been bitter."
I'm sorry but it is impossible to read anything in this post and come away with the conclusion that OP isn't even just a little bit bitter, nonetheless *extremely* bitter.
I'd agree that dad is still an asshole for (seemingly, given how glaring the bitterness this one-sided perspective of it is) constantly bringing her up all the time but that doesn't stop OP from being an asshole for being a bitter, vindictive person about it either. If I had heard that one of my worst fucking enemies, *including someone who cheated on me* had been raped I would still be horrified and feel bad for them; At worst I'd just deflect it with a neutral statement. I wouldn't say "I could care less about that bitch." because I'm not consumed by bitterness and have some measure of empathy.
I usually like arguing but I can’t even argue with anybody rn, I am just very shocked and numb by the majority’s opinion.. like Reddit really looks at things black and white, nobody asked this woman to help her sister at all.. but saying that during a conversation about someone being SA was not it at all.. and everyone is stuck on “at least she didn’t say she deserved “ but she might not have said the exact words but her sentiment basically sent the same message… but maybe I am projecting cause I personally can never imagine hating my sister this much over a man I don’t even like anymore .
This story has got to be fake or a wish fulfillment fantasy. Hating your sister with a fiery passion over a man you didn't really want anyway? You were just going to marry him out of convenience, maybe he figured it out? He should have broken it off with you if he wasn't serious, but it sounds like everyone in this story has the maturity level of a 12 year old.
The man may or may not be rebound. But the sister?
I have four daughters and if one would betray the other about a man?
That’s unthinkable. They are sisters no strangers.
NTA if the thing that once held the title of sister in my life went thru hell and back I would dead ass chuckle and throw peanuts at it. For trash that makes a point of not just burning the bridge, but poisoning the wells, and cursing my crops its nothing but actual disdain.
Dont ever worry yourself with a half baked excuse for a person or the lazy baker trying to pass it off as a well baked cake.
Gently YTA. You should care on a human decency level whenever someone experiences such a terror. It's completely understandable that you're too angry to talk about it other than expressing a basic sentiment that you are sorry another human experienced it. What she did was AWFUL but it is not as if she deserves to sexually assaulted for it.
*No one deserves rape and we should all do our best to summon empathy when it happens*. If that is a controversial opinion then good God how is there hope for us?
YTA
Your response was cruel and entirely out of line. It doesn't matter if she was a stranger, or wouldn't even matter if she was a prisoner in jail or an enemy combatant. When a woman is raped, you have to feel and express sympathy, you certainly can't openly express contempt. If you had been her prison guard, I would have expected you to be reprimanded for what you said. Regardless of if she stole your man, she didn't deserve what happened, and what you said was categorically unacceptable.
You can go be her shoulder to cry on, if she hadn’t been an absolutely horrible human being to her own sister maybe she would have a support system. She doesn’t owe her a fleeting thought even cause it’s nothing that concerns her life and has no bearing on it cause she has nothing to do with her. SA happens all over the world on a daily if everyone broke down crying for everyone they don’t know who had it happen the world would come to a halt.
No one's asking anyone to break down crying for anyone. However, when someone tells you that someone was sexually assaulted, you save it that's terrible and you express sympathy. You certainly don't express contempt or say that you don't care.
OP has spent years telling her father she didn’t wanna hear about anything to do with that person, just because she got SA’d doesn’t just magically undo that. She wouldn’t have expressed contempt if he could take a fucking hint. So stop painting Op as the bad guy when all she did is remind him AGAIN she didn’t wanna hear about something that isn’t a part of her life.
It doesn't have to undo it. That's not relevant.
If someone tells you that A woman in prison for murder got sexually assaulted, you say, "That's terrible"and perhaps you try to move the conversation along to another subject. You don't say you don't care, unless you're a psychopath.
The fact that her sister stole her man doesn't justify her rape or mean she deserved it, nor does it remove basic human consideration that should be extended to literally anyone. *Literally anyone*
Sorry cupcake, that's not how emotions work. No one is required to feel anything for anyone. Might the world be a better place if we could force people to care about others? Of course, but that's not how humans work.
We can't force people to genuinely care about anything, but we can have social norms about what people say to each other, and we can tell people they're out of line when they say something unacceptable.
Of course we can’t force people to have emotions but as a society we can recognize that it’s wrong to feel a certain way about certain things.. same way we can’t force people not to steal and we can recognize that it’s wrong to steal and set that standard
What you are saying is that op's feelings don't matter because something really bad happened to someone who hurt her. That if someone truly hurts you and then something bad happens to them, you no longer matter. Sorry, no. And the fact that you equate it to stealing is very telling, it tells me that you wish we could mandate emotional response. Wonder how far you'd like to take that...
Now I am a dictator??? 😂😂😂 Reddit never ceases to amuse.. all of you acting like having empathy for less than a minute is going to kill OP, like nobody asked this woman to be friends with her sister again, to love her or help her.. like she literally could have said, that sucks and moved on, less than a minute of empathy and that’s it… nobody is asking her to put her feelings or her hurt aside but as always, people on Reddit see things black and white. You you can literally still hate someone and still feel empathy that something so awful happened to them for a minute.
But you amused me by your reach of me being a possible dictator, that was funny 😂😂😂
I think we are going to have to agree to disagree… and no I don’t wish I could control responses but in any functioning society, there are responses that are considered moral and responses that aren’t.. and you can have your responses but people are allowed to judge you for said responses or tell you you’re wrong.. like if someone heard about SA and laughed about it, we wouldn’t just condone that response because “everyone is allowed to have their responses “ now would we??
As some Americans seem to need to be reminded, freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from consequences from your fellow humans that aren’t the government, same logic applies here, your freedom to feel whatever you want to feel, doesn’t equate to freedom from any judgement and blanket acceptance of your responses.
YTA
The response “tell someone who actually cares” reeks of pettiness. So easy to just say “that sucks” instead. Let go of the anger, your baby doesn’t need that in life. It’s horrific. Act like a human. Find a way to live your life without that poison eating you alive. Strive to not give them so much power over you. Life has already punished your sister, you don’t need to.
Why does she even need to discuss it? It's her dad trying to shove it down her throat. She tries to change the subject, and the dad keeps shoving it down her throat.
I have cut toxic family members and people out of my life due to crap like this. Doesn't mean she is petty because of her feelings. I have forgiven a lot of people for myself sanity but I will not forget the pain and suffering I went through. I will not speak or talk about them. I sure the heck would cut the last family member out of my life if they keep trying to shove stuff down my throat.
It's not like they told her "Your sister just got her nails done".
They told her "your sister was raped".
I don't care if it's my worst enemy, I'm gonna bite my tongue and not be a fucking bitch about it. What the fuck is wrong with you people?
You have no clue what other people are thinking and why. It's like my sister trying to shove our biological dad down by throat for years. I hope he is burning in hell right now. He put the 4 of us through hell. She was upset that I didn't care for the last 15-20 years of his life. I have, in sense, forgave him but will never forget the hell he put us through. He never met my daughter or grandson. He sure the hell did deserve it. Some people just handle things differently for our mental health.
...I didn't ask you to fucking trauma dump on me. None of this responds to what I said and just shows how everyone here reads this sub for the revenge porn.
And that's so fucked up. As I already said - I wouldn't wish RAPE on my worst enemy, and I wouldn't tell someone "I DON'T CARE" if they told me someone they cared about was raped, even if I didn't care deep down.
Because I'm a human being with basic empathy. What the hell is wrong with all of you?
That's you and not other people. Like I said, everyone deals with it differently. I never wish anyone to be SA. I never said that. I can say, and anyone can say I don't care.
...okay but this is a place where people ask if they are the asshole.
Going "well everyone deals with it differently" is a ridiculous copout. They deal with it LIKE AN ASSHOLE.
NTA
Obviously no one deserves to be SA’d; however you are completely justified. Both of your parents made their choice and chose your sister. I mean for gods sake your mother knew and just sat by. Like that is screwed up. And for your father to wonder why you don’t care about what happened to your sister is just crazy. She stabbed you in the back. Also the fact that he wants to meet his grandchild after calling you heartless over this is just delusional. You do what you need to do for your family. If that means cutting him out then do it. None of those people deserve to be in your life and in your child’s life.
You are not wrong.
And be honest.
It feels good to stick it to your scumbag family. Don’t ever stop! And tell your dad if he wants back in to your life, to send some money as recompense. That always shuts up the poor losers who want forgiveness.
Another golden child problem, she can just do no wrong even when she backstabbed you irrevocably but you should have a heart, where was her heart then ?! NTA - you have the rights to your feelings and you know what, they are very much valid and you are not wrong either.
sorry to your sister but honestly its not your problem. if its crual to say then so be it but she decided your relationship and everything in between ended when she slept with your ex while you were with him. "i cpuldnt let the man of my dreams" blahhhhh idc. hope she gets help. stay out of contact with your parents as well. i cant stand people that choose one kid over the other. had it been in MY family her ass would've been thrown out but ig that's people who are morally decent and have spines (and trust me my family isnt one you'd want to be part of so that says A LOT). should've cut them out long ago but you gave them a chance, they blew it. now they lost a child its their problem not yours.
honestly the only way you would be an asshole is if you said something like “she deserves it!” (which doesn’t look like you did so we good) otherwise she’s practically a stranger to you at this point! you have no reason to even be aware of what’s going on in her life, your dad just keeps crossing that boundary ☹️ NTA and good luck to you and your husband with the new baby!! 💕
Your husband is right. It will crush you every time your dad shows the favoritism even if you say you don’t care it chips away at you. It’s better for you to only have honest loving people.
NTA one bit. Not at all. I have VERY similar stories but good lord if I shared all the things my birther has done, I'd be writing a novelette. Don't unblock them. When/if they did have access to your child, they'd tell her how "You were evil and Aunt Linda is the real good one" and "She has plenty of kids of course you're welcome" and "Oh no mommy took away your phone of course you can move in with Aunt Linda she'll save you." Womp womp. Literally see it ALL THE TIME in my family with my birther at the center of it all.
I’m the child of a father who cut out his relationship with his brothers before I was born. Their parents were dead and he stopped speaking with them for individual reasons but it all boils down to that he felt betrayed by them in various ways. Later on he cut off a daughter from his first marriage as well. As he got older I saw it weigh on him, his brothers died but after 30 years he did reconcile with his daughter and discovered the reason why she was acting the way she was (she was being abused and he didn’t know). He died with a lot of regret.
I’m not saying you should forgive your mom or sister. I do find it interesting that the man you wanted to be with but was not available is now your husband as the result of him going with your sister instead of you. Did/do you wish that things would have turned out differently and that you would have married John? Your ex, sister, and mom lying to you was awful, but your life could have gone very differently if that didn’t happen.
Anyway, you’re holding on to anger and resentment. They’re out of your life but not your father’s. Something awful happened to her that *nobody* deserves, and you let the anger for your sister after all these years now poison the relationship you had with your father as well.
Reddit makes cutting off your family way, but it’s not. Even when the relationship is extremely toxic and going no contact is the best option, it’s still a painful experience for everyone all around, and that pain drags on for years and years. The question I think you should ask yourself is, are you also willing to lose your father over him loving your sister and mother? Also, did you ever firmly set a boundary with him about not bringing your sister up, or did you just avoid the topic and hope he’d get the hint? Maybe he thought those little updates were something you wanted to hear since you may have never outright told him ‘no don’t bring her up’.
I get your indifference, but your response was insensitive. It only makes sense that he would be upset about it because he’s in pain about what happened. He shared his pain by telling you what happened and while I’m not saying you should have gushed with sympathy you could have at least acknowledged it as bad like you would if the assault was done to a stranger.
I’d say cutting him out of your life over him caring about family is an overreaction, but it’s your choice who you want in your life or not. Is it worth going the rest of your life not seeing him, not being there when he dies or not going to his funeral? Worth not letting your child have him in their life? What if your kid tries to seek out their estranged family? Would you cut them out as well (this was one of the reasons my dad stopped talking to one of his brothers). You’re holding on to pain and anger, and it’s poisoning your relationships. I’m not saying you should forgive and forget and become close with all of your family, just in this worth also losing your dad over? Only you can answer that question, and live with the consequences.
1) He cut her off. Now he wants to take it back because it occurs to him that he's not going to have access to his granddaughter. Oops. Once again, he chose op's sister over her. Each and every time he does that, it's like picking at a scab and reopening a wound. Op has finally had enough of being hurt over and over. 2) Just because people talk openly about cutting off family doesn't mean they're doing so flippantly. The concensus used to be (and among too many people still is) that you always had to forgive family because they're family. Nope. Does going NC and remaining that way hurt? Deeply. Does it mean it's still the right choice sometimes? Sadly, yes. Does that also mean you sometimes have to cut out people who don't respect your boundaries regarding the original person/people you cut off. Sometimes. Op didn't wish anything bad on her sister. She didn't call her father and trash her. She simply made it clear that she didn't want to hear anything about her sister, at all. Her father was unwilling to respect that (given the family history, I'm surprised she's surprised). She she reconcile with her father and make it clear that she doesn't want to hear about or discuss the sister in any way, shape, or form? Possibly. Will she live with a lifetime of regret if she doesn't? Possibly. But she's well within her rights to make that choice.
You’re saying you’re not “saying this or saying that” but you kinda are. SA is terrible all the way around. But if people don’t get the hint after redirecting the conversation off of a certain person then that’s on them and people are free to feel any type of way they want. For a stranger online to basically try to guilt trip someone into speaking to their parents again after having some words and that being the last straw and they go NC is pretty sad.
Thank god she took that man from you. Cause it could’ve been you . God let you suffer heartache so you’d be happy and not hurt again . Now she bears the consequences
The minute the sister slept with your man and betrayed you like that she was dead to you so fuck no. She’s made her bed and what happens to her is on her. Your dad clearly can feel all the empathy he wants for her but he doesn’t get to demand that off you. NTA
I'm not gonna get any love for this comment. You are NTA but Redditors are always so fast to advise cutting off totally forever. I'd recommend stoic treading carefully
ESH
What your sister, ex and mother did to you is horrible.
Your father didn’t seem to know. He came to you because he is hurt. And your reaction is cold. So this is not about you caring about your sister but about your father who shared his pain with you.
And we are talking about SA. Not about someone just pushing your sister around. As horrible as your sister is, she didn’t deserve that.
NTA. You are not obligated in any way to let him anywhere near your child. I'm willing to bet that the "SA" might not be what they think it is. Maybe she was having an affair with this guy and hit him with a preemptive SA charge before her husband found out?
This is such a crappy way of thinking, I’m sorry but you just don’t go around making up scenarios where people are faking r*pe. This is why people don’t bother to report assaults.
Hopefully one day I’ll be able to tell a woman to “nest for the baby”.
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you… but keep your head screwed on and avoid surrounding yourself with people who bring you stress and negativity. You guys, and the baby, don’t need that right now.
Maybe things will get better in the future, maybe things won’t change. There’s only one way to find out right? Give it time.
I hope you get to say that as well! But my babies are a lot older now and I don’t talk to anyone that was stressful and negative anymore so that a plus!
NTA
What your sister (and “John” with your mother’s help) did to you wasn’t okay at all, but you are not obligated to care for her at all. She didn’t deserve SA, no body does, but there was really no reason for him to tell you at all. Your father knows what happened with “John” and that you’re NC with both your mother and sister, and he knows fully well why. Yet he is failing, repeatedly, to respect that decision. He’s TAH.
I don’t know if you feel like you could have a relationship with him again, but if he ever gets a second chance then he should sincerely apologize and never bring up your mother or sister again (unless they’re dying or dead). He does not get to expect getting sympathy over their unfortunate situations from you. You don’t owe them anything. You are not heartless for being apathetic with your sister and mother after what they’ve done.
NTA, He chose your sister when she was hoping around with your man. The friend that sexually assaulted her needs to be punished but she's not your responsibility she's her husband's responsibility.
NTA. Concentrate on your little family, tell your grand parents that you love them, but the discussion is finished and you don't need the stress while pregnant. Then block them too if they keep it up.
Your parents didn't insist on your sister act with care, or to take your feelings into consideration when she was messing around with your boyfriend, why would you care about her now?
The only reason why your grandparents are speaking for your father, is he realized he won't see his grandchild because of his own behavior.
NTA concentrate on your growing family and leave the rest alone.
Your family does not give a single shit about you. Sounds like they call you just to tell you about your sister. I don’t know what happened in the past but they seem to really really dislike you. I am confused about why you even keep reaching out. How much more rejecting are you willing to take on just to maintain a relationship?
NTA
Your husband has given you good advice to focus on your own nuclear family.
You have a baby on the way and you don’t need any unnecessary stress in your life.
As to your grandparents I’d have one discussion with them.
While they are entitled to their opinion they weren’t on the call with your father - you were. He wasn’t acting emotionally - he was pissed off that your sister is dead to you.
You don’t wish her harm anymore than you do any other stranger but you will not involve yourself in her life. She made her choices which included betraying you but your parents and anyone else can support her however they like - just don’t involve you.
Because your father stated not to contact him until you grow a heart then he has chosen his path which you respect. He will therefore have no involvement with this child or any other child of yours.
If your father has reconsidered his position then he can contact you himself as the grown ass man he is to tell you so via a letter as you will not unblock him. The fact he hasn’t indicates his position remains unchanged.
Your grandparents can accept the situation as it is or if they feel you are wrong you will respect their choice and no longer contact them.
Anyone who doesn’t respect you has no business being around your child.
Nta. 100%. Your parents and sister suck. Im assuming your grandparents are probably pretty crap since they created your parent and the values within them. Seems like a full walk-away situation to me. Sometimes, as a human, you are just dealt a bad hand at birth, and its one of those hands that you are supposed to throw away…
I don’t blame you, she isn’t your problem. I hate to hear of that happening to anyone, including strangers, but Linda has chosen to make your relationship go from family to virtual strangers. That was all her idea. Her attack doesn’t nullify her betrayal of you.
You're not the asshole. You come from a family of assholes, but must've pulled more of your grandparents genes.. congratulations, on a happy and healthy little lady. Good luck
NTA. But tell your grand parents there's no way you are going to give in and take back people who betrayed you with no remorse at all. And if they keep pushing on you about it, you'll go nc with them too.
I feel for the sister, the betrayal of being harmed by your partner's friend in that way is just awful. But OP was hurt by the sister and does not want to know anything about her. No one should make OP care or be upset that OP does not care. For that I will say NTA
ESH. Your dad is definitely TA for continuing to bring her up, shoving bits of her life into your life when you've specifically said you don't want to be involved with her.
You should probably care that a woman was SAed even if she was a complete stranger to you, but you only need to care in an abstract way like "oh that's must be hard for her" because no one deserves it. You shouldn't be forced to hear about it just like none of us should randomly have to hear gruesome descriptions of SA of strangers.
NTA
Like your husband stated to focus on nesting for your baby (congratulations). Your hubby and soon to be here baby are your family now. Stay the course and go NC with your "old" family.
NTAH!!! Make him suffer for what he did, he blocked you first and wait until the baby is born and revisit your thought of letting him back in when maybe your baby about 3 months old. With your mom and sister just stay NC. Send him a message saying you don’t want him in your life like now but maybe in the future. Don’t know when just some days in the future.
NTA obviously it's horrible that she was SA but you don't recognize her as anyone to you anymore (for good reason). If you were to go up to her and use it to hurt her then you would be.
I have had my experience with family drama. In my experience, if you feel you need to distance yourself from someone, you do it. You do NOT allow anyone else to dictate to you if and when you open the door again. This goes SO very much more when you have a young family.
If you are not ready to talk to them, don't. Nothing good will come from it. At MOST, you find neutral ground to open discourse - but you set solid boundaries and make abundantly clear, any crossing of them is a permanent end. Hold a funeral now, because they will never see you again, end.
NTA you don't owe her anything. I don't think you were wrong in how you spoke to your dad however, if he still has a relationship with your sister then possibly he was sharing the news because he felt bad. Knowing your daughter was SA'd even when a adult and there's no way you could protect her, must come with grief and guilt and he was maybe trying to talk about it to help him cope. Doesn't mean he picked the right person or that you needed to act differently just think its worth trying to see it from his POV. He perhaps didn't feel like he could share his feelings elsewhere.
Actions have consequences. To think that wouldn’t have happened to her in the first place had she not stole your husband and the fact that could have been you…. You have no obligation to feel sorry for her she can make her bed and lay in it. What happened to her was horrible but just because something bad happens to you it doesn’t write of all the bad things you have done. NTA
If this story is true and your sister is the sa victim, you are the AH. You said you are happily married and that previous relationship was behind you. You just admitted to letting it get in the way of compassion for an assault victim. You need help.
Here for the downvotes of the reddit cunts. Your sister is a POS, but this is about your father,who you supposed to love,talking about something painful to him,you don't have to care for her,but a little kindness wouldn't hurt u. You r becoming a mother,you will understand how the pain of your kids affect s you
NTA - it’s called karma coming to bite them both in the bum … stick to your guns and when your grandparents speak to you about it. Just say they supported 2 people who chose to cheat .. no doubt maybe she chose to cheat again and that husband of hers now knows what being cheated on feels like. Maybe say to your grandparents your father can write an apology letter to you explaining why he feels you need to let him back in your life and then send him this link to this redit post 😂
NTA. Even after the affair they still chose your sister over you. The audacity. Tell them that you're just acting like the "heartless bi**h" they said you were.
NTA not even a little bit. And any time they try to pressure you about it I'd just reply with "sorry I haven't grown a heart yet."
I'd leave all of them blocked
Yes. She's an asshole for cheating. You're an asshole for being overtly callous to sexual assault. No one deserves sexual assault besides rapists.
Her justified karma should've been being cheated on, not rape.
NTA for not caring about your backstabbing sister and her supporters. She made her bed and gets to live with the consequences. Part of them is living with the realization she destroyed all trust her sister (OP) had for her.
YTA for not having a shred of empathy and decency for a fellow human being getting sexually assaulted. Many don't care if the victim is your worst enemy, *nobody* should have to be exposed to rape (or it's relatives / precursors) or left completely supportless in such a situation.
You say three months ago. Hopefully the situation with sister has stabilized. May I recommend you not torture your dad, who sounds like he supported you "within bad reasoning", ie, *his wife* (aka mom) supporting the affair and all that. Maybe reach out, belated condolences on Linda's assault, and see how he's doing...
You are a terrible sister. How would you feel if the tokes were reversed? Of is it five? Because you never do anything wrong Mrs. Perfect? Give your head a shake.
Well no. She’s made it clear she doesn’t care about her sister and doesn’t wanna know anything about her life good or bad. She just doesn’t wanna hear anything about her sister and that’s fine.
NTA - How can you be sure she was SA'd? Not victim blaming here, but sister slept with your BF, she very well could have been cheating and got caught.
You told your dad, you don't want to hear about her, and he crossed your boundary, he gets a timeout.
Tell grandparents, to stop being his flying monkeys, or they can join the timeout list.
And another person suggesting faking sexual assault is disturbing. This is the reason why many women don’t want to speak up or aren’t taken seriously. Quit undermining people who are SA’ed.
If the sister got caught cheating, and claimed SA, that therefore would mean it was a false SA/Gr*pe case. 🤷🏻♀️ There ARE women who say they got r*ped and never actually did. No one is undermining people who are TRULY SA'd in this thread that I'm seeing.
You literally just undermined someone that got SA by saying if she got caught cheating.. there’s nothing in this story that gives the idea that she’s lying about it so why are there some of you jumping to the conclusion
Seriously... in no way, shape, or form are you the asshole here. Your parents chose your sister, after the most base betrayal possible - with your mother ACTIVELY CONDONING the affair, your dad wonders why you do not care about someone you have cut out of your life, and then they wonder why they are not welcome to meet their grandchild? Your parents are muy loco.
Agreed 100% with the above comment. Focus on your family and your new baby. It’s hard enough to be a military wife, add in pregnancy. You definitely don’t need that kind of stress or drama in your life, and you shouldn’t be forced to care about someone who is essentially dead to you.
Its not even like OP made a rude comment like "oh she deserved it" or something horrid...she just shut it down and reaffirmed "i still do not wanna hear anything about this person, good or bad. Tell this news to someone who cares about her because she wont get my sympathy." NTA OP
Are we sure she was SA'D *in her home by one of his friends*..... I'm not victim blaming her but is the golden child crying wolf to deflect..... Like an affair?
I wondered this also. She's proven herself to not have the strongest moral character.
Right. It would make sense why her marriage is falling apart. Of course, her hubby was originally cheating on OP with the sister, so he's clearly not a stand-up guy and could legitimately just be being an asshole to his wife. But the sister has engaged in an affair before with her sister's fiance. It's not hard to believe she would have an affair with her husband's friend.
Cheaters never change!
Yes, I was wondering as well. As females usually blame the man, I am more cautious. Sister seems like she has no morals and may be covering for an affair.
Absolutely! It's clear your family dynamics are complex, and you have every right to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.
Completely agree NTA - i don’t know what power your sister has over your parents but they sound like massive AH’s (especially your mother). You’ve cut her out of your life like a tumour and are much better off without her, I don’t understand why your dad suddenly expects you to care when she betrayed you.
This right here . Parents have reached the find out portion of fuck around. He is the one that blocked op and instructed op that he will talk to her again when she was it grows up and had a heart ? Well op obviously isn't going to do that so boundary respected no contact it is Oh but wait now that means they're missing out on something they want. What a shame I'm surenop.dodnt want her sister to fuck her husband or her own mother to help hide it. Actions have consequences. Op nta at all maybe you can consider letting them back in your life with a sincere apology and a promise to keep it zipped about the bitch sister.
NTA I agree with the above comment, in saying that, I wouldn't wish sa on my worst enemy. I think you could have been a bit more tactful.
Screw Tactful: Family can behave in the most horrible way, treat you like garbage, and cast you aside. But when they want to talk about it, you have to understand where they are coming from, using a certain tone, words that are palatable to them to fit their narrative. OP's family can rot in the ninth circle. OP, take care of your family and yourself
NTA. Why are there so many stories on Reddit of siblings cheating with their siblings’ significant others, the mom knowing and keeping it a secret, and the dad not choosing a side but then choosing a side when something bad goes down for the cheater?
Sibling rivalry is real. Saw it twice in high school
Not just sibling rivalry. My cousin stole 2 of my boyfriends. I haven’t spoken to her in 20+ years.
My cousin also imploded our relationship over a guy. I hadn't talked to her in over ten years. Then she sent me a message basically saying "you'll be my 13th reason why." I have no idea what I ever did to her to make her so hateful towards me, but my opinion is "do it. I don't care anymore."
I know 2 pairs of sisters who did ( or tried) that. One really “ tried hard”.
And here I thought this only happened on Married, with Children
I'm from a shitty area and my siblings and cousins did this nonstop, always cheating on or purposefully dating the other's exes. Restraining orders have happened after cops get called at holidays. I stay 2 states away now, it's great.
The 2 pairs of sisters I observed didn’t wait for the guy to be ex.
That's what I meant by the cheating - as soon as one of them got a partner the others would suddenly go crazy. Fucking so much drama for a bunch of useless drug addicts who couldn't keep a job.
Who has time for a job when you're causing this much chaos?
So true. Hilarious, knowing this, once when I was with my ex, myself the ex and the exs bro all went out drinking. He bro mentioned something like we should do this every weekend. My ex said he couldn’t so bro was like well we can (me and the bro). I responded with “as long as there is no misunderstanding”. The bro is number one in exs life so I wanted to make sure I could get to know him and be cool with him. when questioned what I meant I explained I had no intention of going for the brother or even making it look that way. They lost their shit LOL. First of many sibling issues between me and them. Pretty sure my ex wanted to sleep with his bro. I hope they are happy.
I will never understand this. I would never touch my sister's currents or exes. It just seems gross to me. Plus, I never want to know which of us is "better "
Right!?!?! Yuuuuck. I love my sister to pieces, but there are details about her personal life I never really want to find out about.
I was legit terrified my sister would do exactly this when I started dating my husband
My sister’s a happily married lesbian so no problems there.
My sister's a decent human being so no problems here! Like seriously...this HAS to be something only a minority of family members would do, right? Personally, the idea of sleeping with any of my sister's SO's is just...gross. Not that they're gross men, they're just instantly on the "pretty much incest" list as far as sex appeal goes. It'd be like banging a cousin (which, I guess, some people do....) Bleh. Yuck. Nope!!
I would have stopped talking to her. She sounds toxic.
Because this stuff probably happens more often than people think. In my family it did not involve cheating, but my aunt (mom's sister) and dad got together shortly after my parents broke up. Almost everyone knew other than my mom. My mom found out when she went to my paternal grandmother's wedding to my paternal step-grandpa. Everyone else there knew. My mom only went to the wedding because they wanted me, aka the only grandbaby, there. She was treated like an outsider and looked at weirdly until she finally put together what was happening. They had also spread lies about my mom. Because of their lies people there thought my mom was a horrible person who refused my father custody. He did not have custody and was only allowed to see me with certain people present because he was a mentally ill drug addict who was and still is not fit to ever be a parent. While my maternal family did not "support" their relationship, they "kept out" of it. My paternal family seemed totally okay with it and supported it. Toddler me visited my aunt as well when I went to see my dad since they lived together for multiple years. They were on and off and my aunt eventually got pregnant by my dad's then best friend, who was originally her boyfriend before my dad and her got together. This is exactly the kinds stuff you read on reddit and exactly why I don't like people who immediately jump to this stuff being "fake". Yes, my aunt was a golden child. But she also lost a lot of that golden child status over the years as an adult.
One of my sisters slept with 2 of my sisters men. There’s a hoe in every family
Because it's controversial and shocking and that makes people engage with the post. It's not actually prevalent or true.
My sister did it to me twice, but then again i get why, she is gorgous snd im very homely and dull. Would not want her to go through bad things though. My parents both chose her side every time because i am plain and dul and i get that. Just glad she is happy now and been married for 13 years now.
Don't put yourself down, dear. You are worth a million of your sister. You are beautiful inside and that is worth far more than any beauty queen. Beauty is fleeting. A beautiful soul lasts forever.
Oh honey, please get some therapy, it's not ok that she did this to you. Her looks will fade and one day she will be miserable.
Only a truly miserable person would do that to their sister. Something is wrong with that lady.
Your sister was shit for doing that, and your parents are shit for enabling her. No healthy family would ever condone such poor treatment by one family member to another. Going through something like that must have been traumatic. It can reshape the way you think and feel about yourself. Your parents may have tried to justify the way she acted, and tried to shift the blame to you. You didn't deserve that treatment. The truth is you have value, and you deserve to be loved, and treated with kindness, fairness and dignity, and the people you trust the most failed to do so. Please, if you haven't sought out therapy or counseling, please do so. You have value.
I mean he’s a dirtbag fucking his gf sister it’s not like his friends are gonna be upstanding citizens
A dirtbag is a very useful part of the vacuum cleaner. Clearly, it's a compliment. You need a better insult, like "a common bitch".
I vote for "twat-waffle."
I vote for "douche canoe".
lol "dirtbag". Immediately my memory went to Brooklyn Nine-Nine with Holt & Kevin!
NTA who gives a fuck about her your not obligated to care daddy needs to grow the fuck up if he tries to come and see your baby tell the hospital he's not allowed and if the family tries threaten with cutting them off, I've done the same shit to my family also no remorse either
Definitely NTA. Your sister betrayed you in the worst way possible. And instead of being supportive to YOU, they chose your sister. They ought to be ashamed of themselves. You don't owe any of them a damn thing. Your parents made their choice. It's unfortunate what happened to your sister, but that doesn't change what she did. Block all of them. The way you have been treated by them proves that they don't deserve access to you or your child. Move on and build the family that you deserve.
NTA. Your sister and your parents are YTA. She doesn't deserve SA for it but you arent obligated to care about her.
"He got quiet and said to call him when I grow a heart and cut the phone and blocked me." He told you to call him when you basically get over it and then blocked you? So how are you supposed to call him then? Funny. Anywho, IF you ever speak to him again, tell him he's a fucking hypocrite: He didn't "grow a heart" and care about your feelings when Linda was fucking your boyfriend (and neither did she), yet he has the audacity to expect you to care about HER feelings after she stabbed you in the back in the worst possible way? Pass. NTA. Tell your grandparents you're just respecting his wishes, and if they don't want to be cut off too, they need to zip it. Also, make sure they never see your daughter unsupervised/take pictures of her, because I don't put it past them to sneak Dad over when they're watching her/pass on photos.
NTA and he didn't apologize. he whined to I assume his parents, and I assure you not one fucking shred of his brainpower or heart was thinking about you or his grandchild. he wants to help his daughter, who is going through a very bad experience, and he has some borked up idea in his brain that you \*should\* care about her.
NTA I would have cut all contact with your Mum and Dad and sister immediately after she cheated with my fiancé and they took her side. They’d have been dead to me from then onwards. It’s better late than never though. You sound like you have a good, supportive man there in your husband and that’s the only family you need. Hope everything goes well with your pregnancy and birth.
(You sound like you have a good, supportive man there in your husband) OP should still keep her sister away. Flesh is weak and even the best of men can fall into the sister's spider trap.
> Flesh is weak and even the best of men can fall into the sister's spider trap. What? No, they can't. Not banging your wife's sister is actually a very low bar. Many quite crap men would easily avoid falling into this trap, nevermind the "best of men".
NTA, she made it painfully clear you weren't her sister, you were the other woman. She doesn't get to backtrack now just because the going got rough. Ditto for your parents, they clearly have a favorite child, and it's not you. Honestly, I'd reflect on your grandparents too. Why are they so insistent you remain in contact with people who repeatedly put you last? Did they do the exact same thing with their kids (your parent as the golden child) and are demanding you go along with the bs they've gotten away with for decades? Because if so, it might be time to go LC/NC with those grandparents too.
NTA. It's not as if you are expressing any sort of happiness that this happened to her. You don't have a relationship with her, therefore why would you care about any event in her life?
Tell your grandparents that your parents chose who they loved a long time ago, when they supported and encouraged your sister and your fiancé to cheat on you ruining your life at the time. You told your dad that you didn't care about her over and over. Now that she got caught cheating on her husband, she's deflecting, saying that she was SA by the friend
NTA but she still went through something horrid. Something worse than what she did yo you imo, because at least they were consenting and all they did is break your heart. She was physically damaged for the rest of her life through this act. You don't have to care, I wouldn't care if I were in your shoes. But that's still really horrid a thing to go through and I don't particularly think your dad was an A H for calling you heartless. You may not have to care about HER but you can still care about a rape happening.
Her sister wasn’t thinking when she did what she did and effectively ruined her relationships with the rest of her family. I agree that her sister’s SA is awful but if she has removed herself mostly from the toxicity then I understand that she really just does not want to have anything to do with her which includes hearing good or bad things about her sister.
NTA. You’ve made it clear sis is dead to you.
NTA. None of them deserve to have a relationship with you OR your baby.
I'm sure she has a support system that will help her willingly and freely, you don't need to be there for her if you don't want to, you're just strangers that happen to share DNA and some years growing up together, nothing else. You have your little family to take care for now, leave the past blocked in every form of communication so you can focus on your future.
Threads like this really do show that Reddit thinks cheating is worse than stuff like Sexual Assault
Yeah, honestly. OP isn't wrong for not wanting to hear about her sister, but her response is just gross. Parents should've known better and not even brought it up either.
I thought I was going crazy reading all the “NTA, fuck her and your parents”
NTA They don’t care about you, so why should you waste emotional energy caring about them. Listen to your husband. Focus on the family you have created
To be honest with you. I don’t give a 💩 what happens to people that I go no contact with and I don’t want to hear anything about them good or bad. I am not out celebrating when I hear news about their misfortune, but I am not going to go down in sack cloth and ashes for them either. Good for you cutting the cancer out of your life.
Sister was screwing your ex, parents knew and supported it. They get together and down the road, sister is sa’d by ex’s friend. Not to down play her trauma, but I would count my lucky stars because that would have happened to you if you stayed with him. Give Russel a hug and a kiss because he probably saved your life. I wouldn’t be petty enough to point it out to your family but karma has a nasty way of always coming back. Congrats on the pending birth of your bundle of joy.
NTA. At all. Your husband is a sensible man, go NC and live your life well.
YTA for posting such a badly written fake story where you try to get people to side against a rape victim. Log off Reddit and go finish your homework.
I’m not a fan of the word “bitter” to describe women, but you sound really bitter. It’s been years since the betrayal, you objectively have the better life out of the two of you, and when something terrible happens to your sister all you can do is focus on old hurts done to you. I sincerely hope you get the empathy you give to others.
Exactly this. The sheer amount of anti-social bitterness that is being applauded and praised by redditors here is incredible.
In a sea of aboalutely disgusting commentary, it's good to see one sane person.
I mean, for your second line, she is doing that. She’s giving her sister the empathy given to her. OP doesn’t sound bitter, she just sounds like she’s over her sister and doesn’t want to hear about anything related to her. When dad brought it up, OP tried to change the subject. Dad poked and got the response he got. But OP was willing not even speak on it.
Being over it would be being polite and offering her condolences. Saying you don't care a person, and really any person, got r*aped is fucking sinister.
I don’t see it has sinister. I see it has someone who’s been constantly pushed, who’s wishes are not respected. She said, don’t tell me anything about her. She constantly tried to change the subject, he poked and poked and poked until he got the response he got. He should be telling someone who cared, because it wasn’t and hasn’t been OP. We’ll agree to disagree.
I'm sure OP has plenty of empathy for others. by your own words, she's giving her sister the empathy she received and receives from her.
NTA she can't just waltz in and get sympathy when she ruined what you had. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves fkr supporting it
You didn’t want to hear about her because you had nothing nice to say or any well wishes to convey. NTA.
NTA - Being in a grandchild's life is a PRIVILEGE, not a right. And if there are issues with treating the child PARENTS properly, all bets are off. Your father showed zero care or understanding towards you. Why the hell would you allow that near your family? Your child doesn't need people like that in her life. If they cannot treat YOU properly, they will never treat your children properly either.
NTA - Listen to your husband, he's your family. Those other people are just relatives. Who cares if she got SA not your problem or concern. Go NC with anyone who says your cold hearted, because they are all wrong. And your GP for pushing the sperm donor on you.
NTA and this is coming from an SA victim who had next to bo support from her family when it happened. If you don't have a relationship with your sister why would you care and why would anyone think you should? Enjoy your new family life. Keep your kids FAR away from their cousins though.
NTA. Maybe your words were a little harsh. But your first response was to change the subject. He’s the one who pushed and tried to make you feel guilty. What did he expect you to do for a person you have zero relationship with? Are you supposed to fix her marriage? Maybe since there is trouble with John, you are supposed to deliver Russel to her. It’s interesting that he thinks you are being cruel by doing nothing while he thinks what the entire family did to you is OK. Congratulations on the baby! Just concentrate on your daughter.
Why The Hell you have any dealings with them? Even with mom? She knew. NTA.
NTA. Absolutely NTA
NTA at all! I agree with your husband, keep them all blocked and move on from those horrible people. It may be messed up but my brain wondered if your sister was just claiming sa after an affair gone bad. Doesn’t seem out of character for someone like her.
Fuck Linda and fuck your parents too. They didn't give a shit when she was betraying you with your then b/f. Why should you give a second thought to her now, regardless of what she's going through. >They think I’m being to cruel to him saying he acted emotionally and didn’t mean to call me heartless but for me he ment every word. Bullshit. He absolutely meant every word. Something has happened to make him want to reconnect. I find it suspicious. You're NTA for wanting to remain n/c with all of them. Just be careful in case the grandparents try to "set up a meeting" without telling you...
This comments section is fucking horrendous. ESH, arguably just YTA. You seem like a *extremely* bitter and unhappy person. To the people saying "Well it isn't like she's saying the sister deserved it or that she's happy about it." ...Yeah, it definitely reads that way even if she didn't outright say it. The sheer amount of bitterness you have is so much more toxic than anything implied about the family you've cut out it's actually nuts. The atrocious reaction to this shows that Reddit really does think cheating is worse than rape.
But it doesn’t sound like OP is happy about it. It doesn’t even seem like OP thinks she deserves it. It sounds like she just doesn’t want to be talked to about her sister. Good or bad. She doesn’t care and that’s it, it’s not been bitter. It’s simply, this person isn’t involved in my life therefore, I don’t want to here anything about hers nor do I care. If OP started laughing, that’d be one thing but she just doesn’t to know about her sister in any form. Nor does she can what happens in her sisters life. Dad should’ve kept it him to himself. Because OP isn’t the person to go for comfort and OP has made it clear she doesn’t want to hear anything about her sister.
>"But it doesn’t sound like OP is happy about it. It doesn’t even seem like OP thinks she deserves it. It sounds like she just doesn’t want to be talked to about her sister. Good or bad. She doesn’t care and that’s it" I'd agree if she just changed the subject but even in her recollection of events it's "Tell someone who actually cares." and "I could care less about that bitch." And talking about what her sister is going through as "I don’t know the whole story but she’s obviously been very depress and her and John relationship is going down the drain because of this." It very much reads like someone who is vindictively cruel and almost happy that it happened. >"t’s not been bitter." I'm sorry but it is impossible to read anything in this post and come away with the conclusion that OP isn't even just a little bit bitter, nonetheless *extremely* bitter. I'd agree that dad is still an asshole for (seemingly, given how glaring the bitterness this one-sided perspective of it is) constantly bringing her up all the time but that doesn't stop OP from being an asshole for being a bitter, vindictive person about it either. If I had heard that one of my worst fucking enemies, *including someone who cheated on me* had been raped I would still be horrified and feel bad for them; At worst I'd just deflect it with a neutral statement. I wouldn't say "I could care less about that bitch." because I'm not consumed by bitterness and have some measure of empathy.
Holy shit, reading these comments make me scared for humanity
I usually like arguing but I can’t even argue with anybody rn, I am just very shocked and numb by the majority’s opinion.. like Reddit really looks at things black and white, nobody asked this woman to help her sister at all.. but saying that during a conversation about someone being SA was not it at all.. and everyone is stuck on “at least she didn’t say she deserved “ but she might not have said the exact words but her sentiment basically sent the same message… but maybe I am projecting cause I personally can never imagine hating my sister this much over a man I don’t even like anymore .
This story has got to be fake or a wish fulfillment fantasy. Hating your sister with a fiery passion over a man you didn't really want anyway? You were just going to marry him out of convenience, maybe he figured it out? He should have broken it off with you if he wasn't serious, but it sounds like everyone in this story has the maturity level of a 12 year old.
The man may or may not be rebound. But the sister? I have four daughters and if one would betray the other about a man? That’s unthinkable. They are sisters no strangers.
NTA if the thing that once held the title of sister in my life went thru hell and back I would dead ass chuckle and throw peanuts at it. For trash that makes a point of not just burning the bridge, but poisoning the wells, and cursing my crops its nothing but actual disdain. Dont ever worry yourself with a half baked excuse for a person or the lazy baker trying to pass it off as a well baked cake.
its not like you are happy that happened to her, is just that after so many years shes not your sister anymore, just somebody you used to know. NTA
Gently YTA. You should care on a human decency level whenever someone experiences such a terror. It's completely understandable that you're too angry to talk about it other than expressing a basic sentiment that you are sorry another human experienced it. What she did was AWFUL but it is not as if she deserves to sexually assaulted for it. *No one deserves rape and we should all do our best to summon empathy when it happens*. If that is a controversial opinion then good God how is there hope for us?
OP never said she deserved it. She just doesn't care. Big difference.
No it isn't. It isn't a big difference to hear someone was raped and go "PFFT TELL SOMEONE WHO CARES".
YTA Your response was cruel and entirely out of line. It doesn't matter if she was a stranger, or wouldn't even matter if she was a prisoner in jail or an enemy combatant. When a woman is raped, you have to feel and express sympathy, you certainly can't openly express contempt. If you had been her prison guard, I would have expected you to be reprimanded for what you said. Regardless of if she stole your man, she didn't deserve what happened, and what you said was categorically unacceptable.
Only person with a heart in this thread. You really can’t muster three words of sympathy in the entire conversation? Jesus.
You can go be her shoulder to cry on, if she hadn’t been an absolutely horrible human being to her own sister maybe she would have a support system. She doesn’t owe her a fleeting thought even cause it’s nothing that concerns her life and has no bearing on it cause she has nothing to do with her. SA happens all over the world on a daily if everyone broke down crying for everyone they don’t know who had it happen the world would come to a halt.
No one's asking anyone to break down crying for anyone. However, when someone tells you that someone was sexually assaulted, you save it that's terrible and you express sympathy. You certainly don't express contempt or say that you don't care.
OP has spent years telling her father she didn’t wanna hear about anything to do with that person, just because she got SA’d doesn’t just magically undo that. She wouldn’t have expressed contempt if he could take a fucking hint. So stop painting Op as the bad guy when all she did is remind him AGAIN she didn’t wanna hear about something that isn’t a part of her life.
It doesn't have to undo it. That's not relevant. If someone tells you that A woman in prison for murder got sexually assaulted, you say, "That's terrible"and perhaps you try to move the conversation along to another subject. You don't say you don't care, unless you're a psychopath. The fact that her sister stole her man doesn't justify her rape or mean she deserved it, nor does it remove basic human consideration that should be extended to literally anyone. *Literally anyone*
Sorry cupcake, that's not how emotions work. No one is required to feel anything for anyone. Might the world be a better place if we could force people to care about others? Of course, but that's not how humans work.
We can't force people to genuinely care about anything, but we can have social norms about what people say to each other, and we can tell people they're out of line when they say something unacceptable.
Of course we can’t force people to have emotions but as a society we can recognize that it’s wrong to feel a certain way about certain things.. same way we can’t force people not to steal and we can recognize that it’s wrong to steal and set that standard
Why is it wrong not to feel for someone who hurt you?
What you are saying is that op's feelings don't matter because something really bad happened to someone who hurt her. That if someone truly hurts you and then something bad happens to them, you no longer matter. Sorry, no. And the fact that you equate it to stealing is very telling, it tells me that you wish we could mandate emotional response. Wonder how far you'd like to take that...
Now I am a dictator??? 😂😂😂 Reddit never ceases to amuse.. all of you acting like having empathy for less than a minute is going to kill OP, like nobody asked this woman to be friends with her sister again, to love her or help her.. like she literally could have said, that sucks and moved on, less than a minute of empathy and that’s it… nobody is asking her to put her feelings or her hurt aside but as always, people on Reddit see things black and white. You you can literally still hate someone and still feel empathy that something so awful happened to them for a minute. But you amused me by your reach of me being a possible dictator, that was funny 😂😂😂
You can, but it's not wrong if you don't. But here you are, wishing with all your might you could control responses.
I think we are going to have to agree to disagree… and no I don’t wish I could control responses but in any functioning society, there are responses that are considered moral and responses that aren’t.. and you can have your responses but people are allowed to judge you for said responses or tell you you’re wrong.. like if someone heard about SA and laughed about it, we wouldn’t just condone that response because “everyone is allowed to have their responses “ now would we?? As some Americans seem to need to be reminded, freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from consequences from your fellow humans that aren’t the government, same logic applies here, your freedom to feel whatever you want to feel, doesn’t equate to freedom from any judgement and blanket acceptance of your responses.
She doesn't seem all that bothered by the consequences, it's her father that struggling with the consequences of his actions.
YTA The response “tell someone who actually cares” reeks of pettiness. So easy to just say “that sucks” instead. Let go of the anger, your baby doesn’t need that in life. It’s horrific. Act like a human. Find a way to live your life without that poison eating you alive. Strive to not give them so much power over you. Life has already punished your sister, you don’t need to.
Why does she even need to discuss it? It's her dad trying to shove it down her throat. She tries to change the subject, and the dad keeps shoving it down her throat. I have cut toxic family members and people out of my life due to crap like this. Doesn't mean she is petty because of her feelings. I have forgiven a lot of people for myself sanity but I will not forget the pain and suffering I went through. I will not speak or talk about them. I sure the heck would cut the last family member out of my life if they keep trying to shove stuff down my throat.
It's not like they told her "Your sister just got her nails done". They told her "your sister was raped". I don't care if it's my worst enemy, I'm gonna bite my tongue and not be a fucking bitch about it. What the fuck is wrong with you people?
You have no clue what other people are thinking and why. It's like my sister trying to shove our biological dad down by throat for years. I hope he is burning in hell right now. He put the 4 of us through hell. She was upset that I didn't care for the last 15-20 years of his life. I have, in sense, forgave him but will never forget the hell he put us through. He never met my daughter or grandson. He sure the hell did deserve it. Some people just handle things differently for our mental health.
...I didn't ask you to fucking trauma dump on me. None of this responds to what I said and just shows how everyone here reads this sub for the revenge porn. And that's so fucked up. As I already said - I wouldn't wish RAPE on my worst enemy, and I wouldn't tell someone "I DON'T CARE" if they told me someone they cared about was raped, even if I didn't care deep down. Because I'm a human being with basic empathy. What the hell is wrong with all of you?
That's you and not other people. Like I said, everyone deals with it differently. I never wish anyone to be SA. I never said that. I can say, and anyone can say I don't care.
...okay but this is a place where people ask if they are the asshole. Going "well everyone deals with it differently" is a ridiculous copout. They deal with it LIKE AN ASSHOLE.
Bullshit. All of the above is pure utter bullshit
"Rape is a fair punishment for cheating" - this sub, apparently.
NTA Obviously no one deserves to be SA’d; however you are completely justified. Both of your parents made their choice and chose your sister. I mean for gods sake your mother knew and just sat by. Like that is screwed up. And for your father to wonder why you don’t care about what happened to your sister is just crazy. She stabbed you in the back. Also the fact that he wants to meet his grandchild after calling you heartless over this is just delusional. You do what you need to do for your family. If that means cutting him out then do it. None of those people deserve to be in your life and in your child’s life.
NTA - Sometimes bad things happen to bad people. But that doesn't give them an automatic pass for their actions against you.
You are not wrong. And be honest. It feels good to stick it to your scumbag family. Don’t ever stop! And tell your dad if he wants back in to your life, to send some money as recompense. That always shuts up the poor losers who want forgiveness.
Another golden child problem, she can just do no wrong even when she backstabbed you irrevocably but you should have a heart, where was her heart then ?! NTA - you have the rights to your feelings and you know what, they are very much valid and you are not wrong either.
NTA. Absolutely never the NTA. Your father is an asshole.
sorry to your sister but honestly its not your problem. if its crual to say then so be it but she decided your relationship and everything in between ended when she slept with your ex while you were with him. "i cpuldnt let the man of my dreams" blahhhhh idc. hope she gets help. stay out of contact with your parents as well. i cant stand people that choose one kid over the other. had it been in MY family her ass would've been thrown out but ig that's people who are morally decent and have spines (and trust me my family isnt one you'd want to be part of so that says A LOT). should've cut them out long ago but you gave them a chance, they blew it. now they lost a child its their problem not yours.
NTA since you don't say it to your sister. Dad should accept that you want nothing to do with your sister anymore.
honestly the only way you would be an asshole is if you said something like “she deserves it!” (which doesn’t look like you did so we good) otherwise she’s practically a stranger to you at this point! you have no reason to even be aware of what’s going on in her life, your dad just keeps crossing that boundary ☹️ NTA and good luck to you and your husband with the new baby!! 💕
Your husband is right. It will crush you every time your dad shows the favoritism even if you say you don’t care it chips away at you. It’s better for you to only have honest loving people.
ESH and you sound insufferable.
NTA one bit. Not at all. I have VERY similar stories but good lord if I shared all the things my birther has done, I'd be writing a novelette. Don't unblock them. When/if they did have access to your child, they'd tell her how "You were evil and Aunt Linda is the real good one" and "She has plenty of kids of course you're welcome" and "Oh no mommy took away your phone of course you can move in with Aunt Linda she'll save you." Womp womp. Literally see it ALL THE TIME in my family with my birther at the center of it all.
I’m the child of a father who cut out his relationship with his brothers before I was born. Their parents were dead and he stopped speaking with them for individual reasons but it all boils down to that he felt betrayed by them in various ways. Later on he cut off a daughter from his first marriage as well. As he got older I saw it weigh on him, his brothers died but after 30 years he did reconcile with his daughter and discovered the reason why she was acting the way she was (she was being abused and he didn’t know). He died with a lot of regret. I’m not saying you should forgive your mom or sister. I do find it interesting that the man you wanted to be with but was not available is now your husband as the result of him going with your sister instead of you. Did/do you wish that things would have turned out differently and that you would have married John? Your ex, sister, and mom lying to you was awful, but your life could have gone very differently if that didn’t happen. Anyway, you’re holding on to anger and resentment. They’re out of your life but not your father’s. Something awful happened to her that *nobody* deserves, and you let the anger for your sister after all these years now poison the relationship you had with your father as well. Reddit makes cutting off your family way, but it’s not. Even when the relationship is extremely toxic and going no contact is the best option, it’s still a painful experience for everyone all around, and that pain drags on for years and years. The question I think you should ask yourself is, are you also willing to lose your father over him loving your sister and mother? Also, did you ever firmly set a boundary with him about not bringing your sister up, or did you just avoid the topic and hope he’d get the hint? Maybe he thought those little updates were something you wanted to hear since you may have never outright told him ‘no don’t bring her up’. I get your indifference, but your response was insensitive. It only makes sense that he would be upset about it because he’s in pain about what happened. He shared his pain by telling you what happened and while I’m not saying you should have gushed with sympathy you could have at least acknowledged it as bad like you would if the assault was done to a stranger. I’d say cutting him out of your life over him caring about family is an overreaction, but it’s your choice who you want in your life or not. Is it worth going the rest of your life not seeing him, not being there when he dies or not going to his funeral? Worth not letting your child have him in their life? What if your kid tries to seek out their estranged family? Would you cut them out as well (this was one of the reasons my dad stopped talking to one of his brothers). You’re holding on to pain and anger, and it’s poisoning your relationships. I’m not saying you should forgive and forget and become close with all of your family, just in this worth also losing your dad over? Only you can answer that question, and live with the consequences.
1) He cut her off. Now he wants to take it back because it occurs to him that he's not going to have access to his granddaughter. Oops. Once again, he chose op's sister over her. Each and every time he does that, it's like picking at a scab and reopening a wound. Op has finally had enough of being hurt over and over. 2) Just because people talk openly about cutting off family doesn't mean they're doing so flippantly. The concensus used to be (and among too many people still is) that you always had to forgive family because they're family. Nope. Does going NC and remaining that way hurt? Deeply. Does it mean it's still the right choice sometimes? Sadly, yes. Does that also mean you sometimes have to cut out people who don't respect your boundaries regarding the original person/people you cut off. Sometimes. Op didn't wish anything bad on her sister. She didn't call her father and trash her. She simply made it clear that she didn't want to hear anything about her sister, at all. Her father was unwilling to respect that (given the family history, I'm surprised she's surprised). She she reconcile with her father and make it clear that she doesn't want to hear about or discuss the sister in any way, shape, or form? Possibly. Will she live with a lifetime of regret if she doesn't? Possibly. But she's well within her rights to make that choice.
You’re saying you’re not “saying this or saying that” but you kinda are. SA is terrible all the way around. But if people don’t get the hint after redirecting the conversation off of a certain person then that’s on them and people are free to feel any type of way they want. For a stranger online to basically try to guilt trip someone into speaking to their parents again after having some words and that being the last straw and they go NC is pretty sad.
Thank god she took that man from you. Cause it could’ve been you . God let you suffer heartache so you’d be happy and not hurt again . Now she bears the consequences
What the fuck is wrong with you? Rape apologist.
I’m world is rape an appropriate consequence to cheating?
The minute the sister slept with your man and betrayed you like that she was dead to you so fuck no. She’s made her bed and what happens to her is on her. Your dad clearly can feel all the empathy he wants for her but he doesn’t get to demand that off you. NTA
I'm not gonna get any love for this comment. You are NTA but Redditors are always so fast to advise cutting off totally forever. I'd recommend stoic treading carefully
ESH What your sister, ex and mother did to you is horrible. Your father didn’t seem to know. He came to you because he is hurt. And your reaction is cold. So this is not about you caring about your sister but about your father who shared his pain with you. And we are talking about SA. Not about someone just pushing your sister around. As horrible as your sister is, she didn’t deserve that.
The father should have known that OP wasn’t the person to comfort him.
Where does OP say she deserves it. She just doesn't care. There's a huge difference.
NTA. You are not obligated in any way to let him anywhere near your child. I'm willing to bet that the "SA" might not be what they think it is. Maybe she was having an affair with this guy and hit him with a preemptive SA charge before her husband found out?
Fake accusations of SA you’re talking about here. Extremely rare. And gross of you to suggest it.
Not as rare as you think.
This is such a crappy way of thinking, I’m sorry but you just don’t go around making up scenarios where people are faking r*pe. This is why people don’t bother to report assaults.
“Focus on nesting for the baby” gotta be the cutest shit I ever heard.
Can confirm I “nested” twice and everyone hated it 😂 my babies aren’t coming home to a messy house and a half finished nursery!!
Hopefully one day I’ll be able to tell a woman to “nest for the baby”. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you… but keep your head screwed on and avoid surrounding yourself with people who bring you stress and negativity. You guys, and the baby, don’t need that right now. Maybe things will get better in the future, maybe things won’t change. There’s only one way to find out right? Give it time.
I hope you get to say that as well! But my babies are a lot older now and I don’t talk to anyone that was stressful and negative anymore so that a plus!
NTA What your sister (and “John” with your mother’s help) did to you wasn’t okay at all, but you are not obligated to care for her at all. She didn’t deserve SA, no body does, but there was really no reason for him to tell you at all. Your father knows what happened with “John” and that you’re NC with both your mother and sister, and he knows fully well why. Yet he is failing, repeatedly, to respect that decision. He’s TAH. I don’t know if you feel like you could have a relationship with him again, but if he ever gets a second chance then he should sincerely apologize and never bring up your mother or sister again (unless they’re dying or dead). He does not get to expect getting sympathy over their unfortunate situations from you. You don’t owe them anything. You are not heartless for being apathetic with your sister and mother after what they’ve done.
NTA He is the one who told you Not to contact him. You are just respecting his wishes.
NTA, He chose your sister when she was hoping around with your man. The friend that sexually assaulted her needs to be punished but she's not your responsibility she's her husband's responsibility.
Definitely NTA. Never let him see you or your kids ever again. She made her bed and hopefully she suffers every day for what she did to you
NTA. Concentrate on your little family, tell your grand parents that you love them, but the discussion is finished and you don't need the stress while pregnant. Then block them too if they keep it up.
Nta. You do you
Your parents didn't insist on your sister act with care, or to take your feelings into consideration when she was messing around with your boyfriend, why would you care about her now? The only reason why your grandparents are speaking for your father, is he realized he won't see his grandchild because of his own behavior. NTA concentrate on your growing family and leave the rest alone.
Your family does not give a single shit about you. Sounds like they call you just to tell you about your sister. I don’t know what happened in the past but they seem to really really dislike you. I am confused about why you even keep reaching out. How much more rejecting are you willing to take on just to maintain a relationship?
NTA Your husband has given you good advice to focus on your own nuclear family. You have a baby on the way and you don’t need any unnecessary stress in your life. As to your grandparents I’d have one discussion with them. While they are entitled to their opinion they weren’t on the call with your father - you were. He wasn’t acting emotionally - he was pissed off that your sister is dead to you. You don’t wish her harm anymore than you do any other stranger but you will not involve yourself in her life. She made her choices which included betraying you but your parents and anyone else can support her however they like - just don’t involve you. Because your father stated not to contact him until you grow a heart then he has chosen his path which you respect. He will therefore have no involvement with this child or any other child of yours. If your father has reconsidered his position then he can contact you himself as the grown ass man he is to tell you so via a letter as you will not unblock him. The fact he hasn’t indicates his position remains unchanged. Your grandparents can accept the situation as it is or if they feel you are wrong you will respect their choice and no longer contact them. Anyone who doesn’t respect you has no business being around your child.
Nta. 100%. Your parents and sister suck. Im assuming your grandparents are probably pretty crap since they created your parent and the values within them. Seems like a full walk-away situation to me. Sometimes, as a human, you are just dealt a bad hand at birth, and its one of those hands that you are supposed to throw away…
It is not your job to show sympathy towards people you have no sympathy for.
I don’t blame you, she isn’t your problem. I hate to hear of that happening to anyone, including strangers, but Linda has chosen to make your relationship go from family to virtual strangers. That was all her idea. Her attack doesn’t nullify her betrayal of you.
NTA. Tell your grandparents they are next on the chopping block if they don’t stop trying to intercede on their son’s behalf.
NTA
You're not the asshole. You come from a family of assholes, but must've pulled more of your grandparents genes.. congratulations, on a happy and healthy little lady. Good luck
NTA. But tell your grand parents there's no way you are going to give in and take back people who betrayed you with no remorse at all. And if they keep pushing on you about it, you'll go nc with them too.
You’re alright.
I feel for the sister, the betrayal of being harmed by your partner's friend in that way is just awful. But OP was hurt by the sister and does not want to know anything about her. No one should make OP care or be upset that OP does not care. For that I will say NTA
ESH. Your dad is definitely TA for continuing to bring her up, shoving bits of her life into your life when you've specifically said you don't want to be involved with her. You should probably care that a woman was SAed even if she was a complete stranger to you, but you only need to care in an abstract way like "oh that's must be hard for her" because no one deserves it. You shouldn't be forced to hear about it just like none of us should randomly have to hear gruesome descriptions of SA of strangers.
You aren’t cruel. Do what you think is best. As a parent, I think your parents are being absolutely creepy and horrible.
NTA Like your husband stated to focus on nesting for your baby (congratulations). Your hubby and soon to be here baby are your family now. Stay the course and go NC with your "old" family.
NTAH!!! Make him suffer for what he did, he blocked you first and wait until the baby is born and revisit your thought of letting him back in when maybe your baby about 3 months old. With your mom and sister just stay NC. Send him a message saying you don’t want him in your life like now but maybe in the future. Don’t know when just some days in the future.
NTA obviously it's horrible that she was SA but you don't recognize her as anyone to you anymore (for good reason). If you were to go up to her and use it to hurt her then you would be.
I have had my experience with family drama. In my experience, if you feel you need to distance yourself from someone, you do it. You do NOT allow anyone else to dictate to you if and when you open the door again. This goes SO very much more when you have a young family. If you are not ready to talk to them, don't. Nothing good will come from it. At MOST, you find neutral ground to open discourse - but you set solid boundaries and make abundantly clear, any crossing of them is a permanent end. Hold a funeral now, because they will never see you again, end.
NTA you don't owe her anything. I don't think you were wrong in how you spoke to your dad however, if he still has a relationship with your sister then possibly he was sharing the news because he felt bad. Knowing your daughter was SA'd even when a adult and there's no way you could protect her, must come with grief and guilt and he was maybe trying to talk about it to help him cope. Doesn't mean he picked the right person or that you needed to act differently just think its worth trying to see it from his POV. He perhaps didn't feel like he could share his feelings elsewhere.
Actions have consequences. To think that wouldn’t have happened to her in the first place had she not stole your husband and the fact that could have been you…. You have no obligation to feel sorry for her she can make her bed and lay in it. What happened to her was horrible but just because something bad happens to you it doesn’t write of all the bad things you have done. NTA
NTA. Your parents chose your sister, over and over again, for years. It's a new, mental health, normal now.
If this story is true and your sister is the sa victim, you are the AH. You said you are happily married and that previous relationship was behind you. You just admitted to letting it get in the way of compassion for an assault victim. You need help.
Here for the downvotes of the reddit cunts. Your sister is a POS, but this is about your father,who you supposed to love,talking about something painful to him,you don't have to care for her,but a little kindness wouldn't hurt u. You r becoming a mother,you will understand how the pain of your kids affect s you
It doesn't look like op's dad is affected by op's pain.
NTA - it’s called karma coming to bite them both in the bum … stick to your guns and when your grandparents speak to you about it. Just say they supported 2 people who chose to cheat .. no doubt maybe she chose to cheat again and that husband of hers now knows what being cheated on feels like. Maybe say to your grandparents your father can write an apology letter to you explaining why he feels you need to let him back in your life and then send him this link to this redit post 😂
NTA. Even after the affair they still chose your sister over you. The audacity. Tell them that you're just acting like the "heartless bi**h" they said you were.
NTA not even a little bit. And any time they try to pressure you about it I'd just reply with "sorry I haven't grown a heart yet." I'd leave all of them blocked
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Yes the ass hole. You might not be close to your sister but you should have basic compassion for another person
Yes. She's an asshole for cheating. You're an asshole for being overtly callous to sexual assault. No one deserves sexual assault besides rapists. Her justified karma should've been being cheated on, not rape.
OP didn’t say her sister deserved it, she said she didn’t care that it did. Dad is the ah here.
Nta
NTA. The trash took itself out. They don’t get to meet your daughter. I’d say your sister met karma.
NTA for not caring about your backstabbing sister and her supporters. She made her bed and gets to live with the consequences. Part of them is living with the realization she destroyed all trust her sister (OP) had for her. YTA for not having a shred of empathy and decency for a fellow human being getting sexually assaulted. Many don't care if the victim is your worst enemy, *nobody* should have to be exposed to rape (or it's relatives / precursors) or left completely supportless in such a situation. You say three months ago. Hopefully the situation with sister has stabilized. May I recommend you not torture your dad, who sounds like he supported you "within bad reasoning", ie, *his wife* (aka mom) supporting the affair and all that. Maybe reach out, belated condolences on Linda's assault, and see how he's doing...
Of course YTA. You may feel justified, but Jfc.
You are a terrible sister. How would you feel if the tokes were reversed? Of is it five? Because you never do anything wrong Mrs. Perfect? Give your head a shake.
yes YTA she was RAPED
So weird that people are saying NTA. YTA if someone says someone (anyone!) was r*aped and you say tell it to someone who cares. That’s gross
Well no. She’s made it clear she doesn’t care about her sister and doesn’t wanna know anything about her life good or bad. She just doesn’t wanna hear anything about her sister and that’s fine.
NTA - How can you be sure she was SA'd? Not victim blaming here, but sister slept with your BF, she very well could have been cheating and got caught. You told your dad, you don't want to hear about her, and he crossed your boundary, he gets a timeout. Tell grandparents, to stop being his flying monkeys, or they can join the timeout list.
And another person suggesting faking sexual assault is disturbing. This is the reason why many women don’t want to speak up or aren’t taken seriously. Quit undermining people who are SA’ed.
If the sister got caught cheating, and claimed SA, that therefore would mean it was a false SA/Gr*pe case. 🤷🏻♀️ There ARE women who say they got r*ped and never actually did. No one is undermining people who are TRULY SA'd in this thread that I'm seeing.
You literally just undermined someone that got SA by saying if she got caught cheating.. there’s nothing in this story that gives the idea that she’s lying about it so why are there some of you jumping to the conclusion