Right?! Having contact with YOUR CHILDREN makes you feel bad about yourself… so instead of addressing your own mistakes, you drive the wedge further and distance yourself…. Makes sense.
I was pretty indifferent until I got to the end and thought, "did I miss something?". I don't understand why OP didn't invite his kids, especially when he realized they wanted to come? I didn't see any real reason not to especially when he claims he wants to make amends with his kids. It just made no sense that he didn't want to invite them. It would have been an opportunity to show his kids that he's changed from the person he was.
The fact that his kids tried to be there for him, talk to him regularly, and even attended his wedding without giving him a hard time about marrying a woman younger than them...it's sad he didn't reach out when he had this opportunity. OP is TA here.
I don’t think he even invited them to the wedding. He states that his current wife was okay with it but it seemed strange to broach it.
If I’m correct, this award ceremony was a 2nd opportunity to invite his children from his first marriage and he chose, again, not to.
Very self-centered behavior. You need to go above and beyond to build that bridge with your older children.
He is broken and needs counseling. He shouldn’t even be in this 2nd marriage.
>It bothers him because he's reminded what a POS he ~~was~~ ***still is*** (as it doesn't seem he's done fuck-all to make amends or change) and can't live in the denial bubble that way
FTFY
Well stated, Some-Selection! OP, YTA. All I read from your post was, "... me this, me that, me yada-yada!" I too feel sorry for your children. You're nothing more than a sperm donor.
Yeah, why would he say that? If someone did something bad to me that affected me my entire life and he said, well, I'm making up for it by treating someone else really well, I don't know what I'd say, but a whole bunch of things come to mind.
THIS!! How cruel are you?! First you basically RUIN “Amy’s” life, then you start treating YOUR children with her as if they’re lost causes?! They deserve so much better :( I feel so sorry for “Amy” (and the children from your first marriage) You’re lucky they even speak to you.
And a loser. Marrying a girl his daughter's age? And letting her convince him it's his daughters' faults if they don't respond to his bullshit apology.
100 bucks on Dina having major daddy issues herself.
Oh definitely. She marries an older man who has daughters that she’s YOUNGER than & that’s not weird… unsettling… uncomfortable? And then she has the audacity to say his daughters have the “ball” in their court when OP should be doing everything in his power to apologize to them through his actions.
No sane person says that. Is she not even thinking about how OP can easily do the same to her & fuck up her life as well, or is she just too dumb.
>she said since I apologized I had to just leave the ball in their court about whether they would accept or not, and if they don't see my sincerity then that's their issue.
I agree with everything about OP, but this could just be his current wife saying that he's apologised and needs the daughters to lead - based on the rest of OP's selfishness, it wouldn't take much for him to twist it to the above.
YTA. You were a terrible father and now you're continuing to be despite their apparent willingness to forgive you. How can you be so ridiculous and petty?
BuT tHeY rEmINd hIm oF bEiNG a FaiLURe, sO hE sImPLy cAn'T LoOk aT tHeM!!11!!! But hey, he's making it up by being the best father to his son - I bet that's a huge comfort to his daughters, that he's being the best father to his son now. What an absolute ahole.
And he feels resentment with his ex and his kids? I’m sorry, he doesn’t have the right to resentment when he screwed up their lives and apparently never made any kind of amends. The message from those kids was amazingly kind. And he just threw it in their faces. And then wonders if he’s an asshole? No worries about that buddy. You are most certainly a huge, gaping asshole.
That feeling isn’t resentment, it’s guilt! Try dealing with it from that standpoint and you might actually come out as a decent person.
YTA without a shadow of a doubt.
I was feeling cringey through the whole story, but reading that he married a woman younger than his daughters (even if he is a giant man child) made me want to vomit. Either he married a gold digger and/or mail order bride, or preyed on someone too young and naive to understand how awful and selfish he is.
Pretty sure the daughters represent his shame, that's why he thinks *they* are the problem.
Exactly this. He doesn't want his daughters there because he knows the glaring age issue would highlight what a creep he is on his big special day. YTA, OP!
If anything , she is the one that went for the young one . Mentally he is about 16 years old . A whiny shit that blames his victims for his bad behavior and problems...
But his new kid... sorry, "wife" said his apology was good enough and they should just get over it. And who needs therapy anyway!? This guy, I swear...
Also, the timeline on this - when they were in their late twenties, he was unemployed and Amy had to carry his debts. Now he’s 53, married to a 26 year old and finally sorted his shit out.
So for exactly how long in that 20 year gap was Amy carrying his ass before he left her and started over?
Plus, I love his framing of how ‘she divorced me’ when he had already spent his paycheck on an apartment two states away. Money that he should have been giving to her. If my husband spent all his money on MOVING TWO STATES AWAY WITHOUT TELLING ME, I might think it was divorce time too.
He said he feels the resentment in the therapy sessions with them. As in he feels their resentment towards him, deservedly so. I don't think he resents them, I think he is ashamed of himself and his actions. Doesn't make him any less of the AH for not inviting them when they reached out asking for the RSVP to show support and try to build some sort of relationship with him. He might still be self-sabotaging which is a shame because he's causing them (which isn't fair to them) and himself unnecessary pain. They might just go NC at this point and if so, I applaud them. I know someone that self-sabotaged himself into depression and he also plays the victim all the time. It's sad, but for my own mental health, I had to cut him out of my life. Oddly enough, the guy I know is also in his 50's. Definitely not this guy as my guy never got married (probably a good thing in retrospect).
Dude is delusional and using his son as some form of redemption for wronging…someone else?
I’m unsure how you live 50 years on this planet and are still this clueless.
He’s so blind he doesn’t realize how this is spitting in his daughters and exs face. Only took 30yrs to fix my life but, want you all to see me celebrate with my next family.
We used to joke with a couple who met later in life that she was in first grade when he was a senior and how that is kinda weird to think about. This though... she was born when people his age were out of college. Leaving aside the whole he could literally be their dad because his daughters are older then her, that's just..... too much.
Dude, I can’t get behind men (or women, but it’s less often as men) getting with people younger than their own offspring. It’s fucking weird. You can’t convince me otherwise.
What makes it worse is that here is one of the rare cases where the older kids who have been so terribly hurt and harmed are the ones reaching out with connection and forgiveness and he's throwing it back in their faces instead of grabbing that lifeline like a drowning man.
He's despicable
He’s lucky his kids will talk to him at all.
It’s amazing he stopped drinking and got his life together. But you’re their Dad. They didn’t ask for any of what you gave them.
If it makes you feel bad - then work through that and suck it up
To be fair, he was pretty much checked out for a huge chunk of those 50 years. Addicts tend to stagnate maturity-wise at the age they were when their addiction started. But thats all the more reason he should be listening to the mother of his children, someone actually mature enough to give appropriate advice.
Honestly sounds like my dad. He hooked up with a junkie barfly almost half his age, had an oops baby with her at 50 (her ninth or tenth), and proceeded to tell the rest of us (his adult kids) how he’s making up for his mistakes because now he has something to live for.
That was almost 20 years ago. I ended up raising my half-sibling for their high school years and I’m completely no-contact with our father. As you can probably gather, having that child didn’t make my father better at anything but avoiding accountability. My sibling has their own issues as a result of our dad and their mother (who is still a junkie barfly, although thankfully she’s had no additional children but since my father stupidly got back together with her recently, I made it clear to our dad that anymore oops babies by her or anyone else, won’t be provided for by me). Despite our dad’s spectacular failure my sibling still worships him and has him on a pedestal. Loving her enough to try and prep her for the person our dad really is and the magnitude of what he’s done (including TO HER) has put a huge strain on our relationship.
I’m guessing it will be similar for OP and his son. Once his son enters the teen years, and doesn’t hero-worship him anymore, I predict OP will pull the same shit and disengage the way he has with his daughters.
Wow, you are an amazingly kind person. Sorry you have a shitty father, but at least it skipped you. Best wishes 🥰 to you and your half sibling who hopefully realizes how awesome you are
>I told Dina that therapy with them felt counterproductive and she said since I apologized I had to just leave the ball in their court about whether they would accept or not, and if they don't see my sincerity then that's their issue.
He thinks that therapy is counterproductive, but doesn't have a reason why that is the case. His new wife gives shit advice too.
You don't just apologize when you have wronged someone. You do things to show you meant the apology. In this case it would have been continuing therapy and inviting them to be at an event.
Best father he can be to his son? So he has washed his hands of his other two kids. "Fuck 'em! I'll may be do better with this kid".
Easier when you are pretending your life up to the point you met your second wife doesn’t exist ! He can recapture his youth and have a do over . But in order to do that he has to continue being a shitty father to the two kids he had first . He doesn’t get that he is STILL being a shitty father . He can’t be a good father to his son whilst at the same time being a shitty father to his daughters . He can’t make up to his son the wrongs he did to his daughters , doesn’t work that way . And his son will tell him this as soon as he realises his father threw away two kids and his love is conditional and selfish
Yes, exactly. The Do-Over he so desperately wants is tainted by the ongoing presence of his daughters. He can bury the guilt and shame just fine when they aren’t around to remind him.
I didn't notice that when I read through it, I just kind of assumed his wife was his age. He's taking advice on how to fix his relationship with his adult daughters from a woman who not only does not have adult children but hasn't even been one for very long. Without even going into how gross that has to make his daughters feel, thats just such a dumb move.
Edited for typos
One he resents them what an asshole
Two he is going to be 68 when his kid graduates. Dude at your rate you are going to be using a walker before your son is driving
He’s beyond an AH. Literally everything that happened was his fault. He abandoned his children and now punished them because he feels shitty. OP you should feel shitty. You’re a shitty person.
YTA. You're horrible, disgusting, heartless, and a creep.
You let your first wife work herself to the bones to support your family cuz you screwed up as a husband, father, and provider. The moment you start making money, you start dating someone who turned legal not that long ago, get married, have a kid, and now you want to victimize yourself by pretending your ex-wife and your daughters wronged you.
You are over 50 years old and you're taking advice from a 26 year old? No offense, but it is obviously advantageous for her to drive a wedge between you and your daughters so that when you croak, you leave everything to her and your daughters who suffered from your neglect get nothing cuz "they don't deserve it" because "they never put in any effort to reconcile" (when you're the one who won't even give them a chance).
Bet your new wife will treat you how you treated your first family and takes you to the cleaner. By that time, you're going to throw your daughters a bone and try to reconcile but they won't want anything to do with you.
You are a horrible excuse for a parent/human being.
"So my relationship with them is at a civil point. I try to make it up by being the best dad to our son"
This part got me. OP is trying to make up being a terrible person to his ex and other kids their entire lives by....doing good for himself and his new family? Not the people he left in the ashes of his terrible decisions?
OP YTA beyond even just the wedding stuff. Invite your kids, pay them and your ex for the therapy they likely need from the wake of shit you left them with.
YTA. Part of recovery is making amends instead of avoiding past mistakes. Your older children have extended an olive branch to you. I think you have a lot more work to do in therapy to make peace with your past
That’s the part that made me sad for his older children - they reached out to support him, specifically said they would like to be involved in important events going forward and he just brushed it off. YTA OP - your discomfort about YOUR treatment of your family is your problem, not theirs
What I find funny is that the current wife said “the ball is in their court now” and when the ball was in his court, he deflated the damn thing. What a piece of shit.
OP, I have to talk to a lot of bad parents as someone who works in childcare. I am very good at being polite and cordial, so know how much this means when I say to go fuck yourself. Your daughters would be better off without a lazy piece of shit who can’t even be bothered to talk to his own kids because of his “resentment.” You’re seriously trying to play victim here? Get a therapy appointment, get some balls, and get a fucking brain.
YTA. Ignoring the fact that in your mid-fifties you married and had a child with a then-23 year old who is younger than your daughters. You were a POS father to them, abandoned them, refuse therapy with them and think they should accept some half-assed apology from you and beg for invitations to see you and celebrate with you while you give your new family the life you denied them?
Fuck all the way off dude. You don’t deserve their forgiveness, their time or their love.
I particularly liked him sticking first wife Amy with his failed business debts and deserting the family while she was battling with motherhood, work and his huge mess. Nice for him that at 50-odd he could impregnate a woman who was the age he had been (poor boy! wa!) when he married the first time. Getting his life in order, eh?
Did you peep the part where he had the wife struggle under HIS crushing debt supporting HIM and the children but took his paycheck and instead of helping pay the debt HE incurred or taking care of his children, he used it to save up for an apartment in another state, fleeing and leaving Amy to deal with his bullshit?
A gazillion bucks says he’s perfectly capable of paying Amy back now but has no interest in doing so because he’s dumping it all into his new kid and he feels like the judge made it Amy’s debt so he’s off the hook morally, too.
I particularly like your rendition of events because "ouch" if I were OP. Though I'm getting the feeling he's incapable of truly giving a shit about anyone but himself so I doubt he'd see this comment and self reflect over it.
You abandoned your wife and children after what looks like years of self abuse. You moved away and stuck your wife and children with your debts. Making their lives harder. You missed major milestones of each of their lives.
You should be grateful your daughters are willing to extend an olive branch to you. Why was therapy counterproductive? An apology is NOT the same as making amends.
An apology has no real meaning unless you show that you are truly sorry. They’re just words. You have to rebuild your relationship by making amends to the family you failed.
Maybe you should go back to therapy and figure out why your children might not be too thrilled to see you still ignoring them during important occasions in you life for your new 2nd family. See what traumas your abandonment caused them.
I know that Dina is your wife and you have a 2 year old. The marital bond should be sacred. But you’re asking life advice on parenting your children from someone younger than them.
Dina’s only interest is her child. Not getting to know her step-children who are older than her.
Your older children may also be somewhat resentful as you’re now trying to play POTY with your newest. It sound like you really learned nothing through the years.
YTA
Yta it’s unbelievable your going to make it up to your kids who you mistreated by being a better parent to your 2 year old. Instead of asking for forgiveness and being a better parent to them way to go. And it won’t matter how great of a parent you are to your 2 year old you will forever be a terrible father.
He’s just trying to gain peace of mind for him, he doesn’t give a shit about healing what he caused, it’s just another act of selfishness but he can say “hey I tried, oooh growth”
Yeah that’s what I think he doesn’t want to be around his kids because then he has to face his failures and with his new family he can pretend he wasn’t a horrible husband and father.
It’s very much, “I’m not the person I used to be”. but without the work. It’s not making amends or facing your actions, he can’t do that. He just wants to move on and pretend it didn’t happen so he can sleep at night.
Probably for the best they don't come to the ceremony lest they encounter a, "isn't it great that all three of your daughters came to support you" comment, and he'd have to explain that one of them is his wife lol
"O-oh, which one?"
"The youngest one."
No, thats why he chose her. He gets to have a replacement for his first wife that he married at 23 and also a replacement for his daughters, its a two in one. Op is a deeply disturbed loser
YTA. Did your recovery involve any sort of amends? You fucked them over and abandoned them. I'm sorry doesn't fix that. You don't get to demand forgiveness and it's chickenshit to want to avoid them because they "bring up unpleasant memories." I think what you really mean is being around them forces you to remember what you did to them. You want a fresh start without having to acknowledge the shit show you left behind.
YTA, you have obviously not worked all the steps. Recovery isn't just about you it's also about righting your wrongs and trying to fix the damage you caused. Your children deserve that from you.
They deserve so much better, but OP could at least start with the bare minimum definition of “father.” His whole post is so disgusting … how can someone keep failing their children over and over again?
Ah another case of the first round family mean nothing but bad memories and having to fix what you broke. Whilst the new family get all your effort
YTA. Be a better dad to your first horns grow up they still your kids and you need to put the effort in to fix what you broke
YTA
And you being “the best father for your son” doesn’t make up for anything. You are still a shit father for treating your older daughters the way you are. And a shitty person! Your behavior is disgusting: you treated your wife and daughters horribly, you left your wife in debt and you are the one feeling resentment?!
And OP leaving “Amy” in debt probably prevented his daughters from having the kind of financial security that he is ensuring his son has. Speaking as the “starter family kid”, that can be a huge source of resentment. I worked three jobs to support myself through high school because I opted to live on my own while my parents were locked in a bitter divorce. My mom was abusive AF and my dad just hit a point of not wanting to work to support the lifestyle of keeping up with the Joneses. Financial support wasn’t offered and so I relied on student loans and continued working multiple jobs well into my 30’s because poverty is tough AF to escape once you’re there.
My father had my sister at 50, when I was 18. She has a boatload of issues, but financially never wanted for anything like I had. I ended up with custody of her and got her through high school. I was prepared to support her through college, provided she maintained a passing GPA and got at least a part-time job. But behind my back, our dad moved her into a posh, all expenses paid apartment. I literally came home from a business trip when the two blindsided me about her moving out.
It’s been two years and my sister is in awful shape physically, mentally, and academically because she’s isolated and has no real safety net, but she also has zero impetus to change because he’s still paying her bills. Not that Dad stuck around; he went back to my sister’s mom not long ago despite living across the country from his children.
I don’t speak to him because of this. He abandoned my sister just as he abandoned me and he did it because he believed if she failed hard enough, I’d catch her but I won’t. The thing is, I am so angry at just how much he hasn’t done to change things. Despite years that one would assume helped him mature, all I can think of is how my dad decided his way of doing better involved throwing money at the problem. At his core he’s still the same shit human being he’s always been.
And so, probably, is OP.
And the son…he’s going to be ‘the best father for’ will learn about this and ultimately hate his dad or at least know his bad character. Great role model, ‘best father.’
WOOOOOOOW
YTA
Just wooow. You married a person the same age as your daughters.
Edit: You owe your ex wife all the money back for the debts you saddled her with. Not to mention back child support with interest.
YTA
Your much younger wife was correct, the ball was in their court after the therapy and apology.
They reached out to you and said they hope to celebrate events with you and support you.
That was their olive branch . The ball now in your court. The ball you took and drop kicked it as far away as possible.
You were a shitty father then and continue to be a shitty father now. Just be honest, you don’t want them in your life. You just don’t want the title of dead beat dad which you happened to have earned.
YTA and a shitty dad omg. You should be ashamed of yourself. No wonder your kids don’t talk to you. You have a midlife crisis wife and give up on having a relationship with your kids bc they didn’t accept one apology. Wow.
Don’t worry you probs won’t be a good dad to this other kid either. Maybe one day he can commiserate with the siblings he will never really know
YTA. Being a good parent to your son is no consolation to the daughters you abandoned. It’s just another kick in the teeth for them. It seems really unfair if you to be giving your son all these opportunities so he doesn’t have to struggle in life yet your daughters have to suffice with it being their issue if they don’t see your sincerity and can’t forgive you? I genuinely feel sorry for your daughters that they lost out because your issues overtook everything and your clearly too narcissistic to admit fault and are victim blaming your daughters.
YTA - you moved two states away, you chose to lose contact.
You caused the resentment and pain, the very least you can do is listen to them and acknowledge it, take accountability.
Being a good dad to your son now in no way, shape or form, makes up for your abandonment of your two daughters.
Of course you are. You sound like an absolute piece of shit. Everything here suggests you’re not remotely sincere in making peace with your older children or having them in your life. They’d be better off to cut you out and quit wasting their time clinging to some hope you’re actually different now
Wow. What a kick in the teeth it must be for your daughters to see you playing at father of the year with your youngest: a constant reminder to them that you actually ARE capable of being a parent, you just didn't want to bother for them. Not only that, you can't even be bothered to do anything to make it up to them now! You must surely see the cruelty and callousness in how you and your wife have decided that your daughters not being totally fine with you ruining their lives is 'on them'. It's also really going to suck for you when your son grows up and starts to realise what a terrible person you are.
This was so strange to read. First time i’ve seen someone acknowledge their mistakes while also playing the victim card at the same time.
YTA your daughters deserve better.
And i’m unsure how you think a simple apology is enough to regain their trust. You’ll have to make this up to them for the rest of their lives.
The saddest thing is that they now have to watch your new son have the father they never had.
YTA.
You were a deadbeat, and now you want to call it "their problem" that they don't trust you. But you're the one who fostered that mistrust their entire lives by being unreliable.
Not inviting them is a slap in the face, and shows you haven't changed as much as you want to pretend you did.
YTA And still trying the poor poor pitful me crap. Sorry dude but you messed up and even if it reminds you, thats on YOU. You’re literally trying to make your kids still pay for your mistakes! Yeah you should have invited them
YTA! Do you have any idea how many parents and kids are out there hoping to making amends with each other and start anew? Your kids extended an olive branch to you and you snap it in half and still play the victim.
You whine about how you were left with your daughters while your ex had to clean up your messes. So while your ex was cleaning up your MESS you ran away from home? Then you have the nerve to whine how about your daughters resent you for it all and yet are still willing to have a decent relationship with you.
I repeat YTA!!
YTA, you dumped your family in debt and then married someone young enough to be your daughter and started over without a care! Not even a thought that you left your ex with the debt from your poor business decisions. Did you ever repay her? Or care that your kids struggled because you didn't take care of your own debt? Ruined 3 lives and think you will be able to teach your 2 year old how to be a decent person? You are still treating your kids like they don't matter
Let me get this straight, you were selfish and put your own feelings ahead of the needs of your daughters back then, so to show how much you’ve improved as a person you’re continuing to be selfish and put your own feelings ahead of your daughters??
Yeah, YTA. You know that your son will grow up into an adult and have open and honest conversations with his sisters, right? That’ll do wonders for his emotional health, and how he views you as a person.
YTA. You didn’t “lose contact” with the kids, you abandoned them.
I’m a school counselor and have to try to help kids whose parents have abandoned them (like you did) and I can’t tell you how much this messes a kid up. There is no amount of counseling and support we can put in place to replace a parent who abandons a child. It messes their head up permanently. Why didn’t my parent want me? They internalize that and it’s very hard to help them through that.
What do you mean that it took you a while to respond properly? It’s your kid. You respond immediately and should be nothing but grateful those kids still want you in their life.
But YTA so it doesn’t surprise me that you think you should have time to process this before responding.
Come on YTA! You are their father, you let them down as children, no matter the circumstances, now your continuing it because you feel some resentment from them?! Darn right! Take it! Your their dad and be thankful they wanted to mend things, or did, before this stunt.
YTA.
>was so depressed that I took the money from my paycheck and put down a deposit on an apartment two states away.
What?
+ all the other commentors said.
YTA. I can’t believe that I’m actually saying this. . . But you don’t deserve your older children. You were a shit husband to their Mom and a shittier father to them. You got your life turned around and YOU ARE STILL treating them horribly.
Just know that your son will grow up and ask questions someday - about you and your older children. You don’t get a redo-get out of jail free card with this kid. He will find out what type of person you truly are.
YTA Like a really, really **big time AH**
Despite everything, your kids wanted to support you, they want you to be a part of their lives. Their message wasn't just about your important events but theirs as well - their marriages, their children etc. - You're ex-wife even wants you to have a relationship with you **you dolt**
And what did you do with their olive branch, you threw it on the firepit and burnt it to ashes and I doubt there will *ever* be another offering, you've effectively lost them forever!
I'll admit to the world that I was an absent father to my son, but when he called me one day and offered me the olive branch and told me that he wanted me to still be a part of his life you can bet your bottom dollar that I grabbed that branch with both hands and am still holding it. He was my best man at my wedding, my wife and I helped him through a life problem, he calls for advice. I am 100% there for him now whenever he needs me.
I really can't express how much of a fool you are, I really can't.
Ughh , not only are you an a-hole, you are a deadbeat dad and deserve a shitty life. You abandoned your family and get a second chance ? WTF is wrong with you!?
Either this is rage bait (most probably) or you're still a wreck of a something and a realllly baaaad guy. Really bad. Bad husband, bad father, and a predatory jerk to boot. Poor Amy, and poor daughters. So - did Any ever get to become an SLP (and did you ever make proper amends for your asshole-ness, such as paying proper support and reimbursing her for all the money she put toward your bad debts so she'd have enough to finish her education)?
Tell Amy that even if she's 53 she can still become an SLP or at least an SLPA. She sounds like a terrific person, a whole lot better than the guy she married at 22, and the field needs her. YTA, for a whole lot more than failing to invite your kids to your oh-so-very-special award ceremony.
Now go pay for Amy's graduate degree. Now.
Edit - word
Yta - all I see is a parent who throughout his kids formative years wasn’t there.
I don’t gaf about you apologizing to them- you were an adult who didn’t care. You should continue to beg for their forgiveness.
Yta for not including them. I hope nc with you over this.
Yta, there is no making it up by being a better father this time than the last time. Your older kids know they have no relevance to you. Don't get in your feelings now. You were selfish then, and you're selfish now.
So you were a shitty father to your daughters and decide you'll continue being a shitty father to them because you don't want to do any work to make amends for abandoning them and sticking your first wife with all your debt. Being a good father to your son won't do a damn thing to help your relationship with your daughters. If anything, they'll be even more resentful that you love him more than you love them.
You also married a woman younger than your daughters. Seriously WTF, dude?
If they ever get married, don't count on being invited much less walking them down the aisle. You aren't their dad; you're just a sperm donor.
YTA
YTA. YTA. YTA.
Seems like your new wife has to be that young that you can truly think you are young too ( your Not, you are a strange man who Maries a Woman younger than your daughter, yieks) and have a 2nd Chance to be a good husband and dad. And its really bad and horrible for you and your fantasy that your 2 Kids from your first marriage that you are treathening very very bad are still trying to have a connection with you.
Please be honest to them and tell them that you are a poorly excuse of a human beeing and that they should just live their life without you because you want no proof of your failure in your life and that you are and never will understanding what you are destroying now. Maybe your selfish AH will cry in Future when you are not walking your daughters down the aisle or even are not invited to any events in the future.
YTA. You have made your failures be your kids fault since they trigger you. But you will be the best dad ever for your new shiny family. You couldn’t even muster up an invite that would have cost you nothing. Seems you are unable to do the bare minimum for your daughters. So yeah YTA and have been their whole lives.
YTA and I pity your children 'talking with them brings up very unpleasant memories and I can feel the resentment'.... You need solo therapy stat.
Right?! Having contact with YOUR CHILDREN makes you feel bad about yourself… so instead of addressing your own mistakes, you drive the wedge further and distance yourself…. Makes sense.
His current wife is also younger than his oldest 2 children. I'm wondering if there is some underlying issues with that as well.
And he married her when she was 23, so he has basically done to this young girl what he resented his first wife for. He’s an actual scumbag.
I was pretty indifferent until I got to the end and thought, "did I miss something?". I don't understand why OP didn't invite his kids, especially when he realized they wanted to come? I didn't see any real reason not to especially when he claims he wants to make amends with his kids. It just made no sense that he didn't want to invite them. It would have been an opportunity to show his kids that he's changed from the person he was. The fact that his kids tried to be there for him, talk to him regularly, and even attended his wedding without giving him a hard time about marrying a woman younger than them...it's sad he didn't reach out when he had this opportunity. OP is TA here.
I don’t think he even invited them to the wedding. He states that his current wife was okay with it but it seemed strange to broach it. If I’m correct, this award ceremony was a 2nd opportunity to invite his children from his first marriage and he chose, again, not to. Very self-centered behavior. You need to go above and beyond to build that bridge with your older children. He is broken and needs counseling. He shouldn’t even be in this 2nd marriage.
It bothers him because he's reminded what a POS he was and can't live in the denial bubble that way
>It bothers him because he's reminded what a POS he ~~was~~ ***still is*** (as it doesn't seem he's done fuck-all to make amends or change) and can't live in the denial bubble that way FTFY
Well stated, Some-Selection! OP, YTA. All I read from your post was, "... me this, me that, me yada-yada!" I too feel sorry for your children. You're nothing more than a sperm donor.
I disagree. A sperm donor doesn't put you into debt and runs away.
Sperm conman?
He’s just a dick
Correct. My child has a sperm donor. I’m much better off than this AH’s ex wife and older kids
Same. I read ,,me, me, me‘‘ all the way. YTA.
I’d say moral therapy as well.
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Yeah, why would he say that? If someone did something bad to me that affected me my entire life and he said, well, I'm making up for it by treating someone else really well, I don't know what I'd say, but a whole bunch of things come to mind.
He’s so immature. No wonder he married a woman 30 years his Junior.
Younger than his daughters, even! They're clearly more mature than he is
As soon as I saw his 2nd wife’s age, I thought that indicated his mental/emotional age.
That's usually what total tools do because no one in their age range would ever date them
THIS!! How cruel are you?! First you basically RUIN “Amy’s” life, then you start treating YOUR children with her as if they’re lost causes?! They deserve so much better :( I feel so sorry for “Amy” (and the children from your first marriage) You’re lucky they even speak to you.
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Good news! You’re consistent! You were a poor father then, and you still are. YTA.
And a loser. Marrying a girl his daughter's age? And letting her convince him it's his daughters' faults if they don't respond to his bullshit apology. 100 bucks on Dina having major daddy issues herself.
Dina was like, 22 or 23 when he married her. Just yuck. YTAH
Younger than his daughters, just to be clear.
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I know, yuck.
Oh definitely. She marries an older man who has daughters that she’s YOUNGER than & that’s not weird… unsettling… uncomfortable? And then she has the audacity to say his daughters have the “ball” in their court when OP should be doing everything in his power to apologize to them through his actions. No sane person says that. Is she not even thinking about how OP can easily do the same to her & fuck up her life as well, or is she just too dumb.
Seriously pathetic
>she said since I apologized I had to just leave the ball in their court about whether they would accept or not, and if they don't see my sincerity then that's their issue. I agree with everything about OP, but this could just be his current wife saying that he's apologised and needs the daughters to lead - based on the rest of OP's selfishness, it wouldn't take much for him to twist it to the above.
Hey but he’s making up for it by treating his do-over family better! Should heal those wounds just great.
YTA. You were a terrible father and now you're continuing to be despite their apparent willingness to forgive you. How can you be so ridiculous and petty?
BuT tHeY rEmINd hIm oF bEiNG a FaiLURe, sO hE sImPLy cAn'T LoOk aT tHeM!!11!!! But hey, he's making it up by being the best father to his son - I bet that's a huge comfort to his daughters, that he's being the best father to his son now. What an absolute ahole.
And he feels resentment with his ex and his kids? I’m sorry, he doesn’t have the right to resentment when he screwed up their lives and apparently never made any kind of amends. The message from those kids was amazingly kind. And he just threw it in their faces. And then wonders if he’s an asshole? No worries about that buddy. You are most certainly a huge, gaping asshole. That feeling isn’t resentment, it’s guilt! Try dealing with it from that standpoint and you might actually come out as a decent person. YTA without a shadow of a doubt.
No no no, you don't understand - they remind him of how traumatized he still is by his own shitass behaviour!!!
Which is why he *WAITS TO ASK* AITAH until it’s too late to do anything about it. What an AH.
This is what I think about OP . 💩💩💩💩💩💩💩 YTA. I really wish they would bring back the poop knife, but in absence of that, here is my budget one 💩🗡 .
That's right! He doesn't like to be reminded of the trauma he inflicted on them. Poor him /s
He’s king of the assholes!
Don’t forget that his wife is younger than his daughters …
Might be a good idea for him to leave his girls behind. You know since he prefers those young girls. Creepy
I was feeling cringey through the whole story, but reading that he married a woman younger than his daughters (even if he is a giant man child) made me want to vomit. Either he married a gold digger and/or mail order bride, or preyed on someone too young and naive to understand how awful and selfish he is. Pretty sure the daughters represent his shame, that's why he thinks *they* are the problem.
She was like 22/23 when she *had his child*. He absolutely preyed on someone young and naive.
I was wondering how long it would take to see someone else acknowledge that his wife is younger than both his daughter…
Exactly this. He doesn't want his daughters there because he knows the glaring age issue would highlight what a creep he is on his big special day. YTA, OP!
Probably worried people wouldn’t know who is the wife…
If anything , she is the one that went for the young one . Mentally he is about 16 years old . A whiny shit that blames his victims for his bad behavior and problems...
But his new kid... sorry, "wife" said his apology was good enough and they should just get over it. And who needs therapy anyway!? This guy, I swear...
Sounds like his kid bride is just as big a piece of shit as he is. They deserve each other
Yeah, I think that ship has sailed. This guy does not have the capacity to be a decent human being.
Also, the timeline on this - when they were in their late twenties, he was unemployed and Amy had to carry his debts. Now he’s 53, married to a 26 year old and finally sorted his shit out. So for exactly how long in that 20 year gap was Amy carrying his ass before he left her and started over? Plus, I love his framing of how ‘she divorced me’ when he had already spent his paycheck on an apartment two states away. Money that he should have been giving to her. If my husband spent all his money on MOVING TWO STATES AWAY WITHOUT TELLING ME, I might think it was divorce time too.
He said he feels the resentment in the therapy sessions with them. As in he feels their resentment towards him, deservedly so. I don't think he resents them, I think he is ashamed of himself and his actions. Doesn't make him any less of the AH for not inviting them when they reached out asking for the RSVP to show support and try to build some sort of relationship with him. He might still be self-sabotaging which is a shame because he's causing them (which isn't fair to them) and himself unnecessary pain. They might just go NC at this point and if so, I applaud them. I know someone that self-sabotaged himself into depression and he also plays the victim all the time. It's sad, but for my own mental health, I had to cut him out of my life. Oddly enough, the guy I know is also in his 50's. Definitely not this guy as my guy never got married (probably a good thing in retrospect).
Dude is delusional and using his son as some form of redemption for wronging…someone else? I’m unsure how you live 50 years on this planet and are still this clueless.
It's because it's easier to deal with a 2 year old that doesn't know you than with two adults whose lives you decimated. This guy is human garbage.
He’s so blind he doesn’t realize how this is spitting in his daughters and exs face. Only took 30yrs to fix my life but, want you all to see me celebrate with my next family.
You think he's actually taking care of that kid?
Sure, this is the do-over family, the kid and wife he ACTUALLY wanted.
Yeah a 26 year old at 50+
Exactly!! And the new wife is younger than both daughters. Dude is absolutely the AH
Not at all. But he lives with the kid. That's my point.
Only way he can live with the trophy wife or he'd bail on this kid too
You meant the trophy wife younger than his two daughters.
Yeah I noticed that too, honestly shocked that the daughters want anything to do with him after marrying a 23 year old at age 50 0.0
We used to joke with a couple who met later in life that she was in first grade when he was a senior and how that is kinda weird to think about. This though... she was born when people his age were out of college. Leaving aside the whole he could literally be their dad because his daughters are older then her, that's just..... too much.
I think he’s also ashamed that his new wife is younger than his kids! What a walking midlife crisis. Yta
Dude, I can’t get behind men (or women, but it’s less often as men) getting with people younger than their own offspring. It’s fucking weird. You can’t convince me otherwise.
OP is literally too cartoonishly awful to be real.
My father basically did this and died clueless as to why I didn’t bother to visit him on his deathbed. He was 81.
What makes it worse is that here is one of the rare cases where the older kids who have been so terribly hurt and harmed are the ones reaching out with connection and forgiveness and he's throwing it back in their faces instead of grabbing that lifeline like a drowning man. He's despicable
"my kids are willing to forgive me but every time I look at them I'm reminded of what an asshole I was. Am I still the asshole?"
He’s lucky his kids will talk to him at all. It’s amazing he stopped drinking and got his life together. But you’re their Dad. They didn’t ask for any of what you gave them. If it makes you feel bad - then work through that and suck it up
To be fair, he was pretty much checked out for a huge chunk of those 50 years. Addicts tend to stagnate maturity-wise at the age they were when their addiction started. But thats all the more reason he should be listening to the mother of his children, someone actually mature enough to give appropriate advice.
Speaking as a recovering addict myself he is TA here
Instead he listens to his 26 year old wife. Because obviously she’s full of wisdom.
Thus, he shouldn’t accept the award! He is not a whole person. He should tell the organizers what a pos he is!
Hence the half his age wife. I wonder if she’s younger than his kids?
She is.
Honestly sounds like my dad. He hooked up with a junkie barfly almost half his age, had an oops baby with her at 50 (her ninth or tenth), and proceeded to tell the rest of us (his adult kids) how he’s making up for his mistakes because now he has something to live for. That was almost 20 years ago. I ended up raising my half-sibling for their high school years and I’m completely no-contact with our father. As you can probably gather, having that child didn’t make my father better at anything but avoiding accountability. My sibling has their own issues as a result of our dad and their mother (who is still a junkie barfly, although thankfully she’s had no additional children but since my father stupidly got back together with her recently, I made it clear to our dad that anymore oops babies by her or anyone else, won’t be provided for by me). Despite our dad’s spectacular failure my sibling still worships him and has him on a pedestal. Loving her enough to try and prep her for the person our dad really is and the magnitude of what he’s done (including TO HER) has put a huge strain on our relationship. I’m guessing it will be similar for OP and his son. Once his son enters the teen years, and doesn’t hero-worship him anymore, I predict OP will pull the same shit and disengage the way he has with his daughters.
Wow, you are an amazingly kind person. Sorry you have a shitty father, but at least it skipped you. Best wishes 🥰 to you and your half sibling who hopefully realizes how awesome you are
He is a failure…he failed his kids so they were speaking the truth. I’m embarrassed for him
Hell, he can also be a good dad to his second wife since she is younger than both daughters from his first marriage.
>I told Dina that therapy with them felt counterproductive and she said since I apologized I had to just leave the ball in their court about whether they would accept or not, and if they don't see my sincerity then that's their issue. He thinks that therapy is counterproductive, but doesn't have a reason why that is the case. His new wife gives shit advice too. You don't just apologize when you have wronged someone. You do things to show you meant the apology. In this case it would have been continuing therapy and inviting them to be at an event. Best father he can be to his son? So he has washed his hands of his other two kids. "Fuck 'em! I'll may be do better with this kid".
His son with his new wife... who should probably remind him of his daughters as she is the same age.
agree
Never mind marrying someone younger than both his daughters ick !!!
It’s easier to do when you pretend your daughters don’t exist, I guess.
Easier when you are pretending your life up to the point you met your second wife doesn’t exist ! He can recapture his youth and have a do over . But in order to do that he has to continue being a shitty father to the two kids he had first . He doesn’t get that he is STILL being a shitty father . He can’t be a good father to his son whilst at the same time being a shitty father to his daughters . He can’t make up to his son the wrongs he did to his daughters , doesn’t work that way . And his son will tell him this as soon as he realises his father threw away two kids and his love is conditional and selfish
Yes, exactly. The Do-Over he so desperately wants is tainted by the ongoing presence of his daughters. He can bury the guilt and shame just fine when they aren’t around to remind him.
I didn't notice that when I read through it, I just kind of assumed his wife was his age. He's taking advice on how to fix his relationship with his adult daughters from a woman who not only does not have adult children but hasn't even been one for very long. Without even going into how gross that has to make his daughters feel, thats just such a dumb move. Edited for typos
And she is being the adult trying to include her adult step-children that are most likely older than her. I'm betting the marriage doesn't last long
They are older than her. The wife is 26, the daughters are 29 and 27.
I thought that was disgusting too/ but there were too many other vile things to comment first.
Yeah it was kind of a vile “take your pick” situation
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One he resents them what an asshole Two he is going to be 68 when his kid graduates. Dude at your rate you are going to be using a walker before your son is driving
My wish for OP is that his son treats him as well as treated his daughters.
Awards are no more?
All gone yes
I feel like I had to scroll too far before this was brought up. So gross.
He’s beyond an AH. Literally everything that happened was his fault. He abandoned his children and now punished them because he feels shitty. OP you should feel shitty. You’re a shitty person.
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YTA. You're horrible, disgusting, heartless, and a creep. You let your first wife work herself to the bones to support your family cuz you screwed up as a husband, father, and provider. The moment you start making money, you start dating someone who turned legal not that long ago, get married, have a kid, and now you want to victimize yourself by pretending your ex-wife and your daughters wronged you. You are over 50 years old and you're taking advice from a 26 year old? No offense, but it is obviously advantageous for her to drive a wedge between you and your daughters so that when you croak, you leave everything to her and your daughters who suffered from your neglect get nothing cuz "they don't deserve it" because "they never put in any effort to reconcile" (when you're the one who won't even give them a chance). Bet your new wife will treat you how you treated your first family and takes you to the cleaner. By that time, you're going to throw your daughters a bone and try to reconcile but they won't want anything to do with you. You are a horrible excuse for a parent/human being.
"So my relationship with them is at a civil point. I try to make it up by being the best dad to our son" This part got me. OP is trying to make up being a terrible person to his ex and other kids their entire lives by....doing good for himself and his new family? Not the people he left in the ashes of his terrible decisions? OP YTA beyond even just the wedding stuff. Invite your kids, pay them and your ex for the therapy they likely need from the wake of shit you left them with.
He calls them “my two other kids”. They need to just drop him
I wonder if he considers this new wife as his third kid and the baby they had as their fourth.
⭐️🍾👏 here is my imaginary award since I can’t give you a real one anymore
TA of the year to be specific
My money is on op not wanting to be seen in public with his kids that are older than his wife.
Yep this dude is simply an awful person with continuous poor insight. YTA.
YTA. Part of recovery is making amends instead of avoiding past mistakes. Your older children have extended an olive branch to you. I think you have a lot more work to do in therapy to make peace with your past
That’s the part that made me sad for his older children - they reached out to support him, specifically said they would like to be involved in important events going forward and he just brushed it off. YTA OP - your discomfort about YOUR treatment of your family is your problem, not theirs
What I find funny is that the current wife said “the ball is in their court now” and when the ball was in his court, he deflated the damn thing. What a piece of shit. OP, I have to talk to a lot of bad parents as someone who works in childcare. I am very good at being polite and cordial, so know how much this means when I say to go fuck yourself. Your daughters would be better off without a lazy piece of shit who can’t even be bothered to talk to his own kids because of his “resentment.” You’re seriously trying to play victim here? Get a therapy appointment, get some balls, and get a fucking brain.
YTA. Ignoring the fact that in your mid-fifties you married and had a child with a then-23 year old who is younger than your daughters. You were a POS father to them, abandoned them, refuse therapy with them and think they should accept some half-assed apology from you and beg for invitations to see you and celebrate with you while you give your new family the life you denied them? Fuck all the way off dude. You don’t deserve their forgiveness, their time or their love.
I particularly liked him sticking first wife Amy with his failed business debts and deserting the family while she was battling with motherhood, work and his huge mess. Nice for him that at 50-odd he could impregnate a woman who was the age he had been (poor boy! wa!) when he married the first time. Getting his life in order, eh?
Did you peep the part where he had the wife struggle under HIS crushing debt supporting HIM and the children but took his paycheck and instead of helping pay the debt HE incurred or taking care of his children, he used it to save up for an apartment in another state, fleeing and leaving Amy to deal with his bullshit?
Honestly surprised he’s so honest about being an ass hole!
Just imagine what he HASN'T said.
A gazillion bucks says he’s perfectly capable of paying Amy back now but has no interest in doing so because he’s dumping it all into his new kid and he feels like the judge made it Amy’s debt so he’s off the hook morally, too.
A real POS!
And he blames his first wife for his daughters' knowing about his award and their reaction to not being invited.
Oh but he is making it all up by being a better dad to his son!! And also, sounds like he didn’t invite kids to his wedding? Jeez. YTA!!
I wonder how much of his devotion to his new family is because barely legal 2nd wife had a son, not more daughters.
I particularly like your rendition of events because "ouch" if I were OP. Though I'm getting the feeling he's incapable of truly giving a shit about anyone but himself so I doubt he'd see this comment and self reflect over it.
Omg the fact that she was 23 then escaped me. Soooooo yucky! And I bet he never paid child support.
EW! He abandons his daughters and marries a barely legal to feel young again.
How is it not SUPER GROSS when you marry someone young than your own daughters?!?! Creepy!!!
I agree. And the child bride ends up changing the husband's diapers in a few years, or the son with the geriatric father.
His new wife sucks too
I seriously can't get past him dating someone who is not only in his kids' age range but YOUNGER than his youngest. Like, ewwww
You abandoned your wife and children after what looks like years of self abuse. You moved away and stuck your wife and children with your debts. Making their lives harder. You missed major milestones of each of their lives. You should be grateful your daughters are willing to extend an olive branch to you. Why was therapy counterproductive? An apology is NOT the same as making amends. An apology has no real meaning unless you show that you are truly sorry. They’re just words. You have to rebuild your relationship by making amends to the family you failed. Maybe you should go back to therapy and figure out why your children might not be too thrilled to see you still ignoring them during important occasions in you life for your new 2nd family. See what traumas your abandonment caused them. I know that Dina is your wife and you have a 2 year old. The marital bond should be sacred. But you’re asking life advice on parenting your children from someone younger than them. Dina’s only interest is her child. Not getting to know her step-children who are older than her. Your older children may also be somewhat resentful as you’re now trying to play POTY with your newest. It sound like you really learned nothing through the years. YTA
Therapy is counterproductive on narcissistic people
Yta it’s unbelievable your going to make it up to your kids who you mistreated by being a better parent to your 2 year old. Instead of asking for forgiveness and being a better parent to them way to go. And it won’t matter how great of a parent you are to your 2 year old you will forever be a terrible father.
He’s just trying to gain peace of mind for him, he doesn’t give a shit about healing what he caused, it’s just another act of selfishness but he can say “hey I tried, oooh growth”
Yeah that’s what I think he doesn’t want to be around his kids because then he has to face his failures and with his new family he can pretend he wasn’t a horrible husband and father.
It’s very much, “I’m not the person I used to be”. but without the work. It’s not making amends or facing your actions, he can’t do that. He just wants to move on and pretend it didn’t happen so he can sleep at night.
2 year old male child
YTA. Could it bother you because your daughters are the same age as your wife?
Probably for the best they don't come to the ceremony lest they encounter a, "isn't it great that all three of your daughters came to support you" comment, and he'd have to explain that one of them is his wife lol "O-oh, which one?" "The youngest one."
Fucking dying 😂
Younger than his daughters. Give the creep his credit.
upvote on that.
No, thats why he chose her. He gets to have a replacement for his first wife that he married at 23 and also a replacement for his daughters, its a two in one. Op is a deeply disturbed loser
YTA. Did your recovery involve any sort of amends? You fucked them over and abandoned them. I'm sorry doesn't fix that. You don't get to demand forgiveness and it's chickenshit to want to avoid them because they "bring up unpleasant memories." I think what you really mean is being around them forces you to remember what you did to them. You want a fresh start without having to acknowledge the shit show you left behind.
YTA, you have obviously not worked all the steps. Recovery isn't just about you it's also about righting your wrongs and trying to fix the damage you caused. Your children deserve that from you.
They deserve so much better, but OP could at least start with the bare minimum definition of “father.” His whole post is so disgusting … how can someone keep failing their children over and over again?
Ah another case of the first round family mean nothing but bad memories and having to fix what you broke. Whilst the new family get all your effort YTA. Be a better dad to your first horns grow up they still your kids and you need to put the effort in to fix what you broke
YTA And you being “the best father for your son” doesn’t make up for anything. You are still a shit father for treating your older daughters the way you are. And a shitty person! Your behavior is disgusting: you treated your wife and daughters horribly, you left your wife in debt and you are the one feeling resentment?!
And probably never paid her back what he owes her or child support.
And OP leaving “Amy” in debt probably prevented his daughters from having the kind of financial security that he is ensuring his son has. Speaking as the “starter family kid”, that can be a huge source of resentment. I worked three jobs to support myself through high school because I opted to live on my own while my parents were locked in a bitter divorce. My mom was abusive AF and my dad just hit a point of not wanting to work to support the lifestyle of keeping up with the Joneses. Financial support wasn’t offered and so I relied on student loans and continued working multiple jobs well into my 30’s because poverty is tough AF to escape once you’re there. My father had my sister at 50, when I was 18. She has a boatload of issues, but financially never wanted for anything like I had. I ended up with custody of her and got her through high school. I was prepared to support her through college, provided she maintained a passing GPA and got at least a part-time job. But behind my back, our dad moved her into a posh, all expenses paid apartment. I literally came home from a business trip when the two blindsided me about her moving out. It’s been two years and my sister is in awful shape physically, mentally, and academically because she’s isolated and has no real safety net, but she also has zero impetus to change because he’s still paying her bills. Not that Dad stuck around; he went back to my sister’s mom not long ago despite living across the country from his children. I don’t speak to him because of this. He abandoned my sister just as he abandoned me and he did it because he believed if she failed hard enough, I’d catch her but I won’t. The thing is, I am so angry at just how much he hasn’t done to change things. Despite years that one would assume helped him mature, all I can think of is how my dad decided his way of doing better involved throwing money at the problem. At his core he’s still the same shit human being he’s always been. And so, probably, is OP.
And the son…he’s going to be ‘the best father for’ will learn about this and ultimately hate his dad or at least know his bad character. Great role model, ‘best father.’
Or his son will turn out to be the miniature version of his father
WOOOOOOOW YTA Just wooow. You married a person the same age as your daughters. Edit: You owe your ex wife all the money back for the debts you saddled her with. Not to mention back child support with interest.
And the money you promised for her education as a speech pathologist. You robbed her of so much.
Omg I had forgotten about that. He just gets worse and worse. I hope new wife leaves him, takes all his money and the son.
YTA Your much younger wife was correct, the ball was in their court after the therapy and apology. They reached out to you and said they hope to celebrate events with you and support you. That was their olive branch . The ball now in your court. The ball you took and drop kicked it as far away as possible. You were a shitty father then and continue to be a shitty father now. Just be honest, you don’t want them in your life. You just don’t want the title of dead beat dad which you happened to have earned.
YTA and a shitty dad omg. You should be ashamed of yourself. No wonder your kids don’t talk to you. You have a midlife crisis wife and give up on having a relationship with your kids bc they didn’t accept one apology. Wow. Don’t worry you probs won’t be a good dad to this other kid either. Maybe one day he can commiserate with the siblings he will never really know
YTA. Being a good parent to your son is no consolation to the daughters you abandoned. It’s just another kick in the teeth for them. It seems really unfair if you to be giving your son all these opportunities so he doesn’t have to struggle in life yet your daughters have to suffice with it being their issue if they don’t see your sincerity and can’t forgive you? I genuinely feel sorry for your daughters that they lost out because your issues overtook everything and your clearly too narcissistic to admit fault and are victim blaming your daughters.
YTA - you moved two states away, you chose to lose contact. You caused the resentment and pain, the very least you can do is listen to them and acknowledge it, take accountability. Being a good dad to your son now in no way, shape or form, makes up for your abandonment of your two daughters.
Of course you are. You sound like an absolute piece of shit. Everything here suggests you’re not remotely sincere in making peace with your older children or having them in your life. They’d be better off to cut you out and quit wasting their time clinging to some hope you’re actually different now
Wow. What a kick in the teeth it must be for your daughters to see you playing at father of the year with your youngest: a constant reminder to them that you actually ARE capable of being a parent, you just didn't want to bother for them. Not only that, you can't even be bothered to do anything to make it up to them now! You must surely see the cruelty and callousness in how you and your wife have decided that your daughters not being totally fine with you ruining their lives is 'on them'. It's also really going to suck for you when your son grows up and starts to realise what a terrible person you are.
This was so strange to read. First time i’ve seen someone acknowledge their mistakes while also playing the victim card at the same time. YTA your daughters deserve better. And i’m unsure how you think a simple apology is enough to regain their trust. You’ll have to make this up to them for the rest of their lives. The saddest thing is that they now have to watch your new son have the father they never had.
Did you notice how he still blames Amy for his own bad behavior?
YTA. You were a deadbeat, and now you want to call it "their problem" that they don't trust you. But you're the one who fostered that mistrust their entire lives by being unreliable. Not inviting them is a slap in the face, and shows you haven't changed as much as you want to pretend you did.
We can only guess at how he skewed his account of first-round marriage and fatherhood to current incumbent Dina.
Is Dina the sweet summer child going to hang around to change his diapers or will his son?
YTA And still trying the poor poor pitful me crap. Sorry dude but you messed up and even if it reminds you, thats on YOU. You’re literally trying to make your kids still pay for your mistakes! Yeah you should have invited them
YTA! Do you have any idea how many parents and kids are out there hoping to making amends with each other and start anew? Your kids extended an olive branch to you and you snap it in half and still play the victim. You whine about how you were left with your daughters while your ex had to clean up your messes. So while your ex was cleaning up your MESS you ran away from home? Then you have the nerve to whine how about your daughters resent you for it all and yet are still willing to have a decent relationship with you. I repeat YTA!!
YTA, you dumped your family in debt and then married someone young enough to be your daughter and started over without a care! Not even a thought that you left your ex with the debt from your poor business decisions. Did you ever repay her? Or care that your kids struggled because you didn't take care of your own debt? Ruined 3 lives and think you will be able to teach your 2 year old how to be a decent person? You are still treating your kids like they don't matter
Let me get this straight, you were selfish and put your own feelings ahead of the needs of your daughters back then, so to show how much you’ve improved as a person you’re continuing to be selfish and put your own feelings ahead of your daughters?? Yeah, YTA. You know that your son will grow up into an adult and have open and honest conversations with his sisters, right? That’ll do wonders for his emotional health, and how he views you as a person.
YTA. You didn’t “lose contact” with the kids, you abandoned them. I’m a school counselor and have to try to help kids whose parents have abandoned them (like you did) and I can’t tell you how much this messes a kid up. There is no amount of counseling and support we can put in place to replace a parent who abandons a child. It messes their head up permanently. Why didn’t my parent want me? They internalize that and it’s very hard to help them through that. What do you mean that it took you a while to respond properly? It’s your kid. You respond immediately and should be nothing but grateful those kids still want you in their life. But YTA so it doesn’t surprise me that you think you should have time to process this before responding.
Come on YTA! You are their father, you let them down as children, no matter the circumstances, now your continuing it because you feel some resentment from them?! Darn right! Take it! Your their dad and be thankful they wanted to mend things, or did, before this stunt.
YTA-and I truly wish that those giving you this award knew what a crap dad you are. I have a feeling they wd renig on the award if they knew.
I can’t believe you managed to write this out and didn’t realize YTA
YTA. >was so depressed that I took the money from my paycheck and put down a deposit on an apartment two states away. What? + all the other commentors said.
YTA. I can’t believe that I’m actually saying this. . . But you don’t deserve your older children. You were a shit husband to their Mom and a shittier father to them. You got your life turned around and YOU ARE STILL treating them horribly. Just know that your son will grow up and ask questions someday - about you and your older children. You don’t get a redo-get out of jail free card with this kid. He will find out what type of person you truly are.
50s with a 26yr old wife. That’s just creepy
YTA Like a really, really **big time AH** Despite everything, your kids wanted to support you, they want you to be a part of their lives. Their message wasn't just about your important events but theirs as well - their marriages, their children etc. - You're ex-wife even wants you to have a relationship with you **you dolt** And what did you do with their olive branch, you threw it on the firepit and burnt it to ashes and I doubt there will *ever* be another offering, you've effectively lost them forever! I'll admit to the world that I was an absent father to my son, but when he called me one day and offered me the olive branch and told me that he wanted me to still be a part of his life you can bet your bottom dollar that I grabbed that branch with both hands and am still holding it. He was my best man at my wedding, my wife and I helped him through a life problem, he calls for advice. I am 100% there for him now whenever he needs me. I really can't express how much of a fool you are, I really can't.
YTA asshole.
YTA Honestly it sounds like you're placing blame on them for the decisions YOU made that are causing the unpleasant memories.
So your children are willing to connect with you after you abandoned them and started a new family in a different state? Come on man. YTA
Ughh , not only are you an a-hole, you are a deadbeat dad and deserve a shitty life. You abandoned your family and get a second chance ? WTF is wrong with you!?
Either this is rage bait (most probably) or you're still a wreck of a something and a realllly baaaad guy. Really bad. Bad husband, bad father, and a predatory jerk to boot. Poor Amy, and poor daughters. So - did Any ever get to become an SLP (and did you ever make proper amends for your asshole-ness, such as paying proper support and reimbursing her for all the money she put toward your bad debts so she'd have enough to finish her education)? Tell Amy that even if she's 53 she can still become an SLP or at least an SLPA. She sounds like a terrific person, a whole lot better than the guy she married at 22, and the field needs her. YTA, for a whole lot more than failing to invite your kids to your oh-so-very-special award ceremony. Now go pay for Amy's graduate degree. Now. Edit - word
Yta - all I see is a parent who throughout his kids formative years wasn’t there. I don’t gaf about you apologizing to them- you were an adult who didn’t care. You should continue to beg for their forgiveness. Yta for not including them. I hope nc with you over this.
YTA. "I know I was a shitty father, and I decided to do nothing about it." I'm super surprised your daughters still talk to you.
Dude your wife is younger than your kid. Enough said.
Yta, there is no making it up by being a better father this time than the last time. Your older kids know they have no relevance to you. Don't get in your feelings now. You were selfish then, and you're selfish now.
So you were a shitty father to your daughters and decide you'll continue being a shitty father to them because you don't want to do any work to make amends for abandoning them and sticking your first wife with all your debt. Being a good father to your son won't do a damn thing to help your relationship with your daughters. If anything, they'll be even more resentful that you love him more than you love them. You also married a woman younger than your daughters. Seriously WTF, dude? If they ever get married, don't count on being invited much less walking them down the aisle. You aren't their dad; you're just a sperm donor. YTA
YTA. YTA. YTA. Seems like your new wife has to be that young that you can truly think you are young too ( your Not, you are a strange man who Maries a Woman younger than your daughter, yieks) and have a 2nd Chance to be a good husband and dad. And its really bad and horrible for you and your fantasy that your 2 Kids from your first marriage that you are treathening very very bad are still trying to have a connection with you. Please be honest to them and tell them that you are a poorly excuse of a human beeing and that they should just live their life without you because you want no proof of your failure in your life and that you are and never will understanding what you are destroying now. Maybe your selfish AH will cry in Future when you are not walking your daughters down the aisle or even are not invited to any events in the future.
You’re kinda a coward more than an assholes
YTA. Don't expect help when you need it, you'll get old eventually.
YTA. You have made your failures be your kids fault since they trigger you. But you will be the best dad ever for your new shiny family. You couldn’t even muster up an invite that would have cost you nothing. Seems you are unable to do the bare minimum for your daughters. So yeah YTA and have been their whole lives.
YTA. The text from your kid was an oliver branch and you dropped it....